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23:24So I always knew I had to figure it out before. And Ozemba came to me at like the perfect time. Yeah. I think the first thing you mentioned, I relate to that as well. Obviously me and my wife don't have kids yet and we'd love to one day. But I think a big thing for me also was I was very clear on who I was when we met and things were kind of going in the right direction for me. And then my wife, I was like really patient and I really wanted her to find her purpose before we had kids because I wanted her to know who she was and know her identity and have clarity on her worth and her value and everything before we have a child, because I just felt, I was like, I want her to also live a life.

24:03And what that looks like in, you know, in the past couple of years, she's just like blossom and grown. It's been so fun to watch. And it's like, now I'm like, yeah, now, now, you know, from when we're lucky to have children. It's more, you can conceive it, right? Totally. Yeah. And, and that you're coming at it from a point of like, I know who I am without anything. yes and I think that was so important to me for her I already had it myself and also the career thing right like as as a woman it's not like you give birth and then you go back to work it's like a two-year thing from conception to the like till you really start to feel like yourself again especially when your job is like being public and people have so much to say about your body like I don't necessarily didn't want to put myself through that like I really wasn't ready for it so I cannot recommend enough waiting till you're really ready and I know that that's a privilege but like I am so pleased with how it's worked out so far.

24:52And I'm really, really glad that I waited because I remember I always used to say like I wanted to have kids when I was 25. And I remember sitting on my friend's couch and I was like drunk. And he was like, by the way, like, when do you want to have kids? I'm like, when I'm 25. And he was like, how old are you? I'm like, 25. So maybe when I'm 26. And I don't know, I've always, always known I love kids. Like my niece and my nephews are my whole life. Like I've always known that I wanted to be a mom. And then I started to get a little worried because I didn't feel it. I'm like, oh, crap. Like, I was so annoyed at the biological clock.

25:22And I was so annoyed at COVID. It like took two years for me that like, maybe if COVID hadn't happened, I would have been living my life those two years and been ready when I was 28. But I was like, crap, no. And I got a little worried that I was never going to be ready. Because I know it's something that I want. And that's why I feel so grateful that I very naturally came to the conclusion that I'm ready. And my husband was amazing about like, if I had said to him five years ago, let's have a kid, he'd say, okay, if I said to him this, like he was really let me lead, which I so appreciate. He never put pressure on me to like either wait longer or hurry up.

25:52Same with our families. Like nobody really tortured us about it. And I know a lot of girls get like endless harassment from their parents and their in-laws. I'm like, I didn't get that. And I'm so grateful because I really came to the conclusion on my own. So no, I don't, I don't like look around and I don't look at social media and see people like, you know, on trips and flying out of planes and think, oh, I wish that was me. I'm like, you know what? I did my time. Honestly, that video makes me tired. I want to go take a nap. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut.

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27:35Walk me through that internal dialogue of like, how do you get to that place of feeling ready? I think so many of us are waiting to feel ready in life, whether it's waiting to feel ready to start a podcast, whether it's waiting to write your book, whether it's waiting to have a kid, whether it's waiting to get married and you're, we're just waiting. Yeah. But we never feel ready for most of us. I know. Walk me through what you feel being ready means. I feel like jealousy is a really powerful emotion. and I started to feel like I might be ready to start a family when like I would hear about other girls that I knew, friends, people telling me.

28:07And up until that point, when people would tell me, I would be so happy for them. Like I would cry, like really genuine. And I remember the first time, it was like December of 2023, one of Ben's friends who his fiance, excuse me, wife is one of my good friends. They told us that they were pregnant and I was so happy for it, but like I was a little jealous. And then I was like, oh, that's interesting. And that's why I feel like it's so important to like listen to yourself and be able to identify emotions. Because I was like, okay, let's jot that down. I told Ben, I'm like, by the way, I'm a little jealous of Natalie.

28:34He was like, oh, that's great. And that was in December. That was actually when I decided to get off of Zempick. And I was like, okay, good to know. And then I just started like listening to my feelings. And when other people would tell me, I'd be like, damn, now I'm starting to feel a little left behind. And so really it was my own emotions that told me I was ready. And I've always been very good at like identifying my own emotions and like thinking, how does this make me feel? Am I pissed? Am I happy? and that's really, I would say, how I knew. Yeah. But it was a struggle. It feels like you're someone that always knows you're ready though because you got what, married at 23?

29:06Yes, I got married very young. I got engaged, me and Ben met when I was 18. We got engaged when I was 21. So we dated all throughout college and then 23, yeah, when I got married. How did you know Ben was the one and you were ready to get married then? It just wasn't even a question. Honestly, I would have gotten married sooner. I know it sounds so crazy and it is, but we met when I was 18. So I was a freshman in college. and then when I was a senior, I wasn't allowed to get engaged in college. It was like, girl, get a degree and then we could talk. So I graduated in May and then Ben and I got engaged in June.

29:34It was, I know it sounds, but it was four years. I was like, bitch, I'm ready. Like, let's go. Like, I knew like from day one that Ben was love of my life. It took him, I want to say like three months to know that I was the love of his life, but it's okay. Some people, you know, we're all on our different journeys. We all have our own promises. I'm you and my wife's Ben. Yeah, no, I try not to like hold resentment. I'm like, oh yeah, no, I remember that time. didn't think I was so cute. I don't know. I just knew. And it's so crazy because we met when I'm 18. I'm 30 now. So there is a huge part of my life where Ben isn't a factor, but I don't even remember.

30:06It's like before Ben and after Ben. Like I don't remember. It's weird if I'll like tell him a story and he wasn't there. I'm like, ew, where were you? I actually feel like we're related and we might be, but like whatever. It's the craziest thing. I can't really explain how I knew. But I think when I when we first met, I was like, so excited to have a boyfriend because I loved watching movies growing up. I'm like, Oh, my God, I'm literally share from clueless. I finally have a boyfriend. And I was so obsessed with the idea of having a boyfriend and like the fact that there was this person who wanted to spend time with me.

30:34And I was so excited about it. And then like, I feel like a relationship, we really grew up together. So the longer we were together and the more time we would spend, it was like becoming abundantly clear, like we really had the same values. And we really are the same person. And it's so funny, because Ben is so funny. But he's married to me. So it's like, good luck. Um, and I would say if he had married anyone else, he would be the funniest guy in every room. But people say to me, people have known Ben for like three years. Like, by the way, Ben's funny. I'm like, no, I know, but he can't get a word in with me.

31:04Um, he's just the best. And I, I honestly, I know it sounds so crazy to have gotten married so young. Um, and when we were getting married, I grew up in a modern Orthodox Jewish community. So it really wasn't that crazy. Most of my friends have been married around the same age as me. but when I would meet like people you know regular secular folk they would think it was so crazy and I remember like being offended when people would say that I'm like you don't know me and Ben you don't know but let me tell you something the older I've gotten the more I learned like we were crazy we've changed so much you know and when people say like not to get married young like they're right for that they're saying it for a reason I think that the way it worked out for me and Ben is really not how it works out for most people because I'm so different oh my god I used to be so annoying, if you can imagine it.

31:48Like, I was just such a different person. And so was Ben, you know, I was like, very insecure. And I don't know, I just was weird. And I and I grew up, I think, into a person that's amazing. But I grew up to be somebody a little different. And it's possible that I had grown that I would have grown into somebody that Ben didn't like. And it's possible that Ben would have grown into he was 21, that he would have grown into somebody that I wasn't particularly into. But we really made a conscious choice to like grow up together. so I understand why people said that and they were probably right for that but we're different sorry we just are we are no I I think that's really fair point and I think even Radhi was 25 when we got married I was 28 and even that is somewhat it's still you know it's still younger and it's like it's it's the same for us like we were sure you know it worked out for us but I would say I knew myself very well Radhi knew herself enough at the time she's definitely grown I've kind of stayed the same.

32:43And so there is a sense of like, sometimes you get lucky and you're fortunate and you're blessed and it's beautiful. And sometimes it can be really hard and crazy. And I think what I'm hearing from you is just like, it's not an issue if whether you're the rule or the exception or whichever one you think you are. The point is just be thoughtful about it. Like because you don't want to rush into something too young. Yeah. I also think Ben's a really patient person and I definitely did not know who I was literally until I would say a year or two ago. And I think I led with that like sort of insecurity.

33:16And he was very patient with me. And he was still like dealing and growing with his own thing. But I don't know if in those early years, if I was like the best version of myself. And I think that he really saw in me who like my potential and was very measured and really patient. So it takes two people to tango. And he definitely is like the kinder patient one in the relationship. And I'm a little bit more like rough around the edges, if you can imagine. And he, I would attribute a lot of our marital success to him. I love how much you love Ben. He's the best. Yeah, it's amazing. I can't wait to meet him.

33:49Oh my God, you've never met him. He's downstairs, obviously on a call. Like, let me tell you, my husband is always on a call. I don't know who the hell he's talking to. Literally this morning, he doesn't answer the phone for 40 minutes. I'm like, where are you? He's like, I'm walking the dog. I'm on a call. Who the hell are you talking to? I can't. No, it's lovely to see how much you love him. Like, it's really beautiful. Thank you. I will say, like, one other reason why you shouldn't get married young is I have oddly made so many lifelong friends much later in life. And these people weren't even at my wedding.

34:14It's the weirdest thing. Like, and some of these bitches at my wedding, like, girl, I don't know you. Get out of here. And they're like in my pictures and shit. Also, I wish I had waited because like if I had been on Ozempic at my wedding photos, I would have been a lot happier with the end results of the pictures. But that's my fault. That's my fault. No, I can so relate to that. I'm at that stage where I've got a lot of friends who are older than me and they all are renewing their vows right now. And they literally were like, Like, Jay, you went at my wedding, but I love that you're here. How weird.

34:41Because friends change so much from when you get married to - So much. And I feel like there's a point in your life where like you have made all of your friends. And 21 was not that for me at all. Yeah, because you haven't worked enough. You haven't lived enough. And so many of my best lifelong friends are people I've met through work. How does that work? Some of my best friends, like Brian and Taylor, I met, they were guests on our show. So you meet a lot of people and like, you know, the reputation of podcasters, content creators, influencers, like is what it is for a reason. Like some of them are insufferable, but some of them are just like the most fabulous people you'll ever meet in your entire life.

35:18And that's my friends, Brian and Taylor. And they were not at my wedding. And sometimes I'll think about that and I'll be like, oh, I shouldn't have waited. Yeah. I should have listened to everybody. Well, you can renew your vows. I know, but you know, they do say that's a curse. I don't know if that's just for the Real Housewives, but every Real Housewife who has ever renewed her vows ended up divorced. Really? Just a fun fact. That's a fact? Yeah. Wow. I don't know if it's a fact, but it's a fun fact. You don't plan on? I don't plan on renewing my vows. Also, I feel like vow renewal is like an inherently non-Jewish thing.

35:47Like Jewish people don't renew their vows. I don't know a single Jewish person that's renewed her vows. Oh, interesting. Yeah. I don't know if it's like in the Bible or anything. I just feel like it's not culturally Jewish. Interesting. Got it. Okay. Understood. Understood. Yeah. I guess, yeah, I'm always trying to convince Radhi that I want to do it. And she's like, yeah, of course you want another wedding because you didn't plan the last one. I'm so with her on that. Although the only reason I would do it would be to get new pictures because I was so ugly at my wedding. It's kind of like one of my biggest regrets.

36:14I think Riley would do it for new pictures because even though she looked absolutely gorgeous, she's still... She's evolved. Yeah, yeah, she wants to change it up. But I guess they are. It's a time capsule. It's a moment in time. Not a moment I want to remember. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.

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37:35So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. How do you decide what parts of your life to share publicly and what parts to keep private? I generally just lead with what I'm comfortable with. Like if I wouldn't be ashamed to tell the person next to me on the train, and I don't really feel shame about a lot of things. I feel like maybe that's something I could and should work on. But no, I would say the Ozempic thing is like the one thing I really had to push myself to share.

38:11But for the most part, I share what's comfortable. And I'm just, I'm an open person. I think that some people find that inconceivable, but I just am. So it's easy for you. But you were saying earlier that there's times when you're like, oh, this could be judged, this could be misconstrued. And I think that's a really valid point. I appreciate you being so honest about it. That's why I'm raising it. Because I think at one point we were in this phase where we're like, vulnerability means you share everything with everyone. And I don't subscribe to that definition of vulnerability. I think vulnerability is actually, I know why I'm sharing it with this person and I feel safe to share it there.

38:46And so I think that societies had to evolve. And then you also see performative vulnerability where people are like literally telling a vulnerable story only because they - Because you think you get rewarded for it. Totally, exactly. Which then ruins the purpose of vulnerability because then it's not vulnerable. So it's like this messy space where I'm trying to, I'm constantly reflecting on like what's truly vulnerable. How comfortable do I feel about it? What does that mean? Yeah, I guess then like I wouldn't categorize myself as a particularly vulnerable person because when I share things, even things that are deeply personal, I don't feel like it's a big deal.

39:22Do you know what I mean? I'm just an open, that's just how I am. So I would feel weirder not telling people things. Like even when I was trying to conceive with Ben, I do a podcast every day and I'm always talking about what's going on in my life and my marriage. And it was this huge part that I wasn't sharing and it felt so deceitful. It was so foreign to me because I'm so used to saying, yeah, last night I did X, Y, and Z and my color and my underwear is purple. Like I'm such a sharer that actually not sharing is what makes me uncomfortable. Yeah. And why did you not share that? What was that?

39:50You know what? It's like a Jewish superstition thing. Got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same in our culture. Indian culture has that. It felt private. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah. No, no. I think Indian culture and Jewish culture are very similar. Yes. Has a lot in common. And yeah, there's definitely, there are definitely certain things that you don't share and you don't want to open up too much about. You wait till they're real and taken care of. Exactly. Yeah. No, no. I respect that. And I get that. And I think it's healthy for people to, you know, find— I just want to encourage people to think about, you know, whether they're a public figure or not, who you share what with is so important.

40:25Yes. And just don't fall into the trap of, oh, everyone's being vulnerable. That's what it means to, you know, do their own thing. Yeah, well, I think that's like a byproduct of the internet is like nobody really keeps anything to themselves anymore. And I think what started out as like a genuinely like good initiative to like open up about things is now like we're all sharing— we all know a little too much about each other. You know, let's pull back. Yeah. Sometimes I'll watch something like, we shouldn't tell us that. Like, I don't think there was a need for myself. Like today on the podcast, I was like, I got to go, I got to poop.

40:51And it's like, why would I say that? And just say it again. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And also one thing's really interesting to me. I had a friend, I was at a friend's birthday last month and he said to me, he was like, Jay, like, I know it's like you never post what we're doing personally and privately. And I said to him, I said, it's because I'm really lucky. I think my public life's amazing, but my private life's better than my public life. And I imagine a world in which I'm sitting in an old rocking chair, talking to my grandkids and talking to family and sharing these stories that no one knows anything about.

41:26And there's something about that feels really sacred and special to me. And I really want that because I remember years ago sitting with someone and I'm not even family or close with him, but I remember sitting on a beach with him and he was an older man. I was in my late twenties. He was probably in his late sixties and he just had so many life stories to share. He wasn't famous. He wasn't well known. And he just had all these cool stories that I was like, no one's going to know these, but he gets to live them every day. And there was something about that. I was like, I want to have memories that are only mine.

41:54That was important to me. I think that that's something I learn as I get older, but it also makes it complicated when sharing is your life. And I feel like there used to be a time when I would literally be sharing a piece of content every 30 minutes. I would have a cocktail and post, which is like so dangerous and stupid. But now - What was the craziest? Oh my God. I used to be like blackout in a drive-thru at Whataburger in Texas, like blackout ordering, like a crispy chicken biscuit, like whatever. Like, and it was just, I looked so scary and I had ketchup all over my face. Like, and I think that's why people, you know, that's why I have a lot of the following that I do.

42:29They loved that life, but that's not my life anymore. And it occurred to me like several years ago that I didn't have to share every thought that I have. One, it was getting me in trouble. And two, like, yeah, some things can just be like thoughts or memories or things that you keep to yourself. And so I do feel like my strategy has shifted, but it's tough when that's also how you make a living. Yeah. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, yeah. So how do you balance that? I'm working on it. Yeah, it's hard. It is hard. I think that I've gotten much better and I look at it a lot like this is my job.

42:58We're putting out content like for the job, but it doesn't have to be like the most authentic 100%, 360 degree view of my life. Like I can have things for myself. It's good to know you're working on it. That's the point, right? It's like none of us have figured it out. No, if I went back and watched like an Instagram story from 2019, I would die. I would die. I was out of control. Like I just used to say so many things like, stop talking. Okay, stop. Like not everything needs to be shared. One thing I want to dive into with you, we've talked about a Zen pic. We've talked about pregnancy. We've talked about marriage.

43:29And of course, we can keep talking about those. But I think what often happens with someone like yourself, and I'm projecting because I feel this happens to me sometimes. But I'm projecting this idea that people don't see the hard work from a business perspective, the strategy perspective, the sleepless nights, the growth. Like you've built something incredible. Thank you. And it's shadowed, not in a bad way, but it's overshadowed by this amazing persona that you have and your charisma and your aura and everything else, right? It's like, that's what we're watching and that's what we're captivated by.

44:06but there's a really thoughtful business person behind it who's and I don't mean that from a oh you're just figuring out how to build a business no I know what you mean yeah I mean it from like a you've you've figured out how to turn a tumblr right page into you know a business yeah exactly which which is really amazing and I think so many people today want to do that right so I wanted to kind of go back to the start and ask you like what did you want to be before girl with no job that's a great question I almost like didn't have time to figure it out so I started this Tumblr in freshman year of college, which is when people figure out what they want to do.

44:40And it very slowly, but also quickly became something I was making money off of. So much so by the time I graduated, I was making like sponsored Instagram posts for a fee that would have been my salary if I ended up with like a job in media. And at the time, like content creation was not a job. So when I made the decision, it just made no sense like to sit at a desk and earn a living that was comparatively small to what I was pulling from my Instagram. But people were just like, they couldn't believe it. And they're like, it's not going to last forever. And I'm like, maybe, but maybe what if I just ran with it?

45:16And it was really like inconceivable to people that I was not getting a job post-grad and that I would be like on my phone. And I understand why, because right after that, I was making a really good living, but I was doing nothing. Like I was home all day and I was watching a lot of TV and I was like recapping it and writing funny blog posts and I was making money, but I was not doing anything. Like I had no structure to my day. I did not set an alarm and it was lovely, but it was not fulfilling. And I knew that it wasn't a sustainable way. Um, and that's why when we started the podcast, I loved it so much for a million different reasons, but it gave me structure.

45:50It gave me a day. Like, and now even to this day, I very much operate like a Monday to Friday, nine to five. I work 40 hours a week, like every other American. Like, and I think some people run from that sort of convention, but when you didn't have it, it was like kind of horrible. So I crave that sort of structured stability. Like seriously, if you're looking to answer an email for me after five o 'clock, I'm not answering. Like I have boundaries and I love that my life kind of mirrors that conventional work life. But that was a goal that Jackie and I like set because this line of work, well, yes, it can be very lucrative.

46:17It is kind of nuts and it can be a little unstable. You have a month where you get a ton of work and a month where you don't get. So it was fun for a girl who was 21, but I knew it wasn't going to be like a sustainable way to live. But the funny thing is that I think there's like a large, you know, misconception that like I work an hour a day. People are always saying that to me. Like, it's like when you say someone from SNL works an hour a week, like, well, no, you see them an hour a week. You see me one hour a day on the show. But there's so much that goes into running a show of that size. And also it's not the only thing that I do.

46:46I'm not bothered so much that people think I don't work like whatever, you know, like, sorry, you're dumb. You don't know how the industry works. Like, bitch, I work hard. Okay. Have you ever had a real job? Oh my God. Okay. So yes, like in the sense that throughout high school and like summers in high school, I was a camp counselor. I worked at a toy store when I went to college. All through four years of college, I worked. I had an internship, like a paid five-day-a-week internship at a media company. It was an internship, but it was structured like a corporate job. So yes, I did work in a corporate office for four years, never like full, full-time because I was a part-time student.

47:22and I probably would have worked at that media company post-grad if I didn't decide to become a full-time content creator. So like, yes and no. Yeah. What did you learn from the toy store, the internship that you applied? That working at a toy store was not for fucking me. Like seriously, gift wrapping is hell on earth. I still can't do it. And honestly, when anybody asked me to wrap a gift, I actually have trauma from that fucking store. Really? Yeah, it was horrible. Like that stupid gift wrapping section. Like no matter how many times somebody showed me how to do it, like I could not fucking do it.

47:52Here I am trying to make this amazing point that you had all these amazing, yeah. Yeah, sorry, continue your point. Just know, like, it was not for me. I was trying to put forward this idea that maybe you picked up all these really cool skills that help you in your career today, but. Actually, I will say, like, working at a toy store, like, having to talk to strangers, like, who you don't know and, like, pretend like you know what you're talking about, that builds character. That builds actually, like, a great personable vibe. In the corporate space, I don't feel like I learned much, honestly.

48:18I liked the free lunch. Like, it was amazing. It was one of those big companies that gives you free lunch. And there were snacks everywhere, like free snacks. I was always eating goldfish and M &Ms. And I liked, I don't know, actually, my sisters worked at the same company. It was this huge company with like different media companies within it. So they all worked at different companies. So we all would have lunch together. I have very fond memories of that time. And I think it's a good corporate like media, especially that's like a lot of women. It's a good environment to learn how to talk to people, learn how to deal with like workplace antics and people's personalities.

48:48and sometimes I do miss, like I think there's a lot of stability that comes with a corporate job, especially when you're thinking about like motherhood. I mean, some of these bitches over here with their six months paid maternity leave, like that is a joy and their corporate health insurance. There are a lot of things about like what people consider a boring corporate life that actually as somebody without a lot of, like without a lot of that, I'm very envious of, especially when I'm like entering this phase of my life. Like me and my husband both have our own companies. Like we don't have maternity leave.

49:14We leave and the company suffers. Do you know what I mean? there's no built-in we have our own two-person health insurance it's expensive and it sucks okay like people there is a little bit of that privilege from the corporate life and I know people who are in corporate would look at someone like me and be like oh I always wanted to be my own boss and it's great but you know there's no insurance yeah there's pros and cons either way there is 100 % and I feel like I'm only as I get older appreciating the pros of that sort of what people would say more stereotypically boring life yeah and I think that stigma needs to go as well totally I think that there was this whole cultural shift towards entrepreneurship, quit your job, build your passion, da, da, da, da.

49:50And it's like, I don't think either is for everyone. And I think we've kind of made like, I think we've put more value on the ladder, the entrepreneurship. Correct. But to be clear, I feel like we did people a disservice when we did that because there is something lovely about a boring job that doesn't keep you up all night, that you can set boundaries with that pays, that makes, that pays your bills. And you don't owe any, you don't overrun the company. If things are going out that's literally not my problem like yeah there is a piece in that yeah now you don't have as much creative control who cares yeah and also just like i i think about this very often like i couldn't do anything without my team my team are all employed right like and it's like i couldn't last without them so is that like one of the best parts though it's amazing being a business owner it's like other people making their living from you i love it it's the best feeling in the world it's the craziest feeling yeah it's the most fulfilling feeling i and i know i couldn't do anything without them, which is why I value them.

50:42Like, are we going to push entrepreneurship, you know, to the hill? Right. But it's like, what would we do without our amazing team members? Like, I know I wouldn't survive. My chief of staff was like unwell for like a week. And I was just like, I was like, I don't know what to do. Right. No, that toxic, like hustle culture, entrepreneurship, I'm not a fan of. Yeah. And, but was there ever a time you had to do it? Was there ever a time you did have to work 24 seven? Before when, when things started to really blow up for me, but it wasn't this like standardized economy like it is now. Like there's a formula.

51:09You blow up on Instagram, you get an agent, you get a manager, you get a rate card, you get a media kit. Like, no, that was like not the case for me. So when things started to work really quickly, I was doing all my own deals. I did not have a publicist. I did not have a manager. I did not have an agent. I didn't have an assistant. It was literally just me. And it was manageable because it was my full-time job. But I don't know shit about fuck. Like I'm literally 17, like somebody help. So I was just kind of making it up as I went. And I think people really underestimated me because I was advocating on my own behalf.

51:36I was 18. I'm much better now, but I used to have like a really thick Long Island accent. And I was just like, every other word out of my mouth is like and totally, and it's not necessarily giving you, you know, business woman. So I would get underestimated a lot. And it was a unique time. Now the girlies and boys, but mostly girlies who end up doing what I do now, it's kind of all set up for them. But at the time it wasn't a thing. People like a brand would reach out and based on like, if it was a brand I heard of, like one of the first brands I ever worked with was Burger King. And they're like, how much would you want to?

52:08And I was like, a thousand dollars. And they were like, okay. And I was like, bitch, a thousand dollars. I bought a purse. I was like, and then I forgot, like I had to pay taxes, but whatever. Um, and that's another thing, by the way, when you do this line of work and nobody teaches you how to do your taxes, not me getting a bill from the government, like in 2018 for like a hundred thousand dollars and pay taxes. Yeah. And my biggest fear is going to jail, but yeah, that's another thing they don't tell you. And nobody teaches you. You kind of just have to learn along the way. Now I feel like it's pretty set up where if you join this line of work, there are certain business managers and accounts who know how to do this.

52:39But at the time when I was getting started, it was like, girl, you're on your own. Good luck. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer at the age of 45. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence.

53:18In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered, and start listening. If you're waiting for your AI to turn into ROI, and wondering how long you have to wait, maybe you need to do more than wait. Any business can use AI. IBM helps you use AI to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business, IBM.

54:06Have you ever been close to going to jail? No. No. If only I was that interesting. Like when I was a senior in high school, I went to go visit my sister Jackie at college and it was a flight. So I packed up my things. I didn't have a, so I grew up in Manhattan. So I didn't have a license at the time, which used to make traveling really hard because I didn't have any form of identification. I used to give them my high school ID. They're like, this is not legally admissible. So I'd be like, I don't have a license. Sorry, I'm literally 17 and I don't have a driver. I don't have a driver's license.

54:31and for some reason they pulled my bag and they were going through my wallet and they found my fake ID and they were like, I thought you didn't have. Now I realize they were like doing this to scare me but at the time I thought I was really going to jail. They brought a cop out. She wants to call my parents. Oh my gosh. She's swiping my hands. You know when you ever get like that and they're like, you tested positive for explosives. I'm like, bitch, what are you talking about? I'm literally a high school student. Wait, how do you test positive for explosives? I don't know. I mean, I had gotten a manicure so I imagine there was like some chemicals on my hands but it was so, they were really trying to scare me and this police officer was like, listen, I think you're a good kid.

55:03I'm going to let you go and I ran for my fucking life. I was so afraid but I was never, I didn't break the law. I didn't say that this was my ID. It could have been my cousin, Sandra. Like it was the scared, most scared I've ever been in my life and probably the closest I've ever gotten to going to jail which is like not that close. Still, it was scary. It was scary and let it be a lesson to any of the minors listening. Like put your fake ID in your checked bag. Got it. Yeah. Put your fake ID in your checked bag. Don't say I never taught you anything. What advice would you have? Like you were saying like it seems like, and I agree with you, there is more set up.

55:35We kind of, I think our careers actually, we didn't know each other then, but they took off around the same time. Mine was 2016 as well. I was a lot older. I was 28. Okay, yeah. So 27, 28. So you had like a pretty good idea of the world. To some degree, for sure. I mean, I'd never knew a person, I'd never known anyone who'd worked in entertainment, anyone who'd worked in media, anyone who'd done anything outside of London. so it was a whole new world for me completely but you're right there are more systems today than there were then what advice would you have for people who are at the age you were when you first blew up like 17 18 years old because that's happening more and more now like you were more of an anomaly yes that's become now i'm old in the space yeah i have two a really hardcore piece yeah i mean you're ancient sorry um i have two extremely important pieces of advice if you find yourself wanting to get into this line of work.

56:26Like, I don't care who you are, where you're from, what you've done, delete all your old social media posts. Like none of it is going to age well. It's going to come back to bite you in the ass and it's going to ruin your life. Like if I had to go through what I went through, like everybody found my old tweets and they were like, oh my God, she's fucking crazy. Delete your tweets. I can't believe people are still having their tweets. Girl, delete your tweets. Like stop. That's the first. Second of all is every dollar you make, put 50 cents in a savings account for your taxes because that's depending on where you live, like that's what it is.

56:51It's half. And the good thing is sometimes you save too much and then you get a little leftover, but just know if somebody pays you a hundred dollars, you got 50. Yeah. Very pragmatic advice. Well, the taxes have ruined my life. Like when, when before I had a business manager trying to do my own taxes with like an old school accountant who like, I think I got from like a family member, they had no idea what I did for a living. And so I was underpaying. I was under reporting. I was not getting any like 1099s from the brands that I work with. It was such a mess. It was the wild, wild west. So much so that years later I got that huge bill and it was like the worst thing to ever happen to me.

57:23I almost had to go on a payment plan with the government. Like it was so crazy. And I think that happens a lot in entertainment, especially this like new wave of social media entertainers. So finding an accountant, a business manager or teaching yourself, that's fine. But as long as you're putting away half of what you make for taxes, like you're safe. Yeah, don't you think it's incredible how much you've learned in the last eight years? Yes, sometimes I go back and like read my old emails of like me like talking to people and I'm like, girl, that's the worst email ever. But it's like so cool to see how different I speak now and how I'm, I think, a lot smarter and able to advocate on my own behalf.

57:59And the little girl sending those emails from her couch, like, that's who I am. Yeah. That's big. Did you ever pretend to be your own manager? A thousand percent. What was the name? Rebecca. I was always pretending to be my own assistant, like trying to get dinner reservations, trying to set up calls. Yeah, Claudia's available. Meanwhile, it's like literally me. And it worked? A hundred percent. It worked. Did they negotiate on your behalf sometimes? Well, I actually was always negotiating on my own behalf. And I, cause I always found that like so many of the girls who worked at media companies, worked at agencies, these account managers were followers of mine, were listeners to the toast.

58:29And that's always worked on my own behalf. Actually, I think like a huge demographic of my following is media girls, girls who, who work at brands, who work at agencies. And so it's always kind of benefited me to lead with me because they're excited to work and they want to make it work. And look, it's turning on the other line. If someone wants to be the next you and start the toast and, you know, start their version. Don't, don't. Everybody's set. The toast is enough. No kidding. What advice would you have for someone who's listening to you, watching you going, I want to build that. I want to create that.

58:59Where should they start? What should they think about? Well, I would just get started. I think a lot of people are always talking about, they're like making strategy plans and outlines for projects. Just get the project up and running. You can record a podcast on your phone. The Voice Memo app actually is very high quality audio. It's good enough for a starting podcast, then you can start to make money, invest in the sure microphones that everybody has. But before then, like just get started. People are always like throwing launch parties for things that don't exist yet. Like just get to work, do it.

59:23Yeah. Don't, don't overthink it. No. And it's also like, it's a podcast. Okay. It's not like the nuclear program. It's just, just talk. What's the nuclear program? I don't know. I don't know. I was trying to sound smart. I couldn't think of anything. No, I love it. I couldn't agree with you more as well. I think there's just such a, I feel like we're all stifling ourselves by procrastinating. No, we're afraid of being judged, right? We want to put something out that's perfect. But it's like, you don't get far without people making fun of you. Like, I'm sure my old post used to get sent around my high school.

59:53Like, oh my God, look what Claudia's doing. Cringe, cringe, cringe. Well, it's not so cringe anymore. Like, girl, because I'm successful and you're not. But that's just part. If you can't take being mocked, like, I wish that weren't the case because people are cruel and it is what it is. And think about how you talk to your friends about people on social media. Someone's going to talk about you like that. And you have to be okay with that. Yeah. Did you lose any friends along the way? No, actually. I've always been really good. I've never been that girl with like a thousand friends. I've always had like five really good friends and they're the same friends.

1:00:19I love that. I love that too. They're, I've like the best friends. But you know, you do notice people treating you differently, like peripherally. And whenever anybody like started being extra nice or whatever, I always accepted it. Like, sure, you want me to come to your Hamptons house? I'll be there. But you know, you got to keep note of people who only started acting that way at a certain time in your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there is definitely that switch. And yeah, I'm the same as you. I have all my same friends from back in the day. I can't wait. I literally fly to London tonight to see everyone.

1:00:49It's the best. Looking forward to just, yeah, just catching up, kicking it. And it's one of those things that I feel so fortunate that I had such a good group of friends before everything took off. You must feel that with Ben too, because it was around the same time. So I was like, yeah, I guess I met Ben freshman year. And freshman year is also when I started my blog. I don't think it really took off till a year later, but he's been there since the very beginning. Yeah. How, how, how much do you think that? That's a good question. Well, I often like thank the Lord that I don't have to date at all period.

1:01:20Cause I think dating in this day and age is horrible, but also like with my weird job, like I think it would just, I wouldn't even know how to explain it to people. And like, I would just feel so like awkward and embarrassed. So I'm like grateful for that. Um, but again, I think having this really stable force in my life and Ben, when it came to, when it came to like, you know, how I felt about myself, how I felt about my job, like I think stability is so beneficial when you're trying to build a business and like having someone to come home to and having a very stable personal life. I think it allowed me to be a little nutty in different areas of my life, like my job.

1:01:47Cause I didn't have to worry that I was going to come home and it would be chaos. Like Ben was always there. Just how was your day? Yeah. I think that's what it is. You just hit the nail on the head. I think there's certain stages in life where you go, if I decide this, it now no longer takes up any space. I felt that way about getting married. I felt that way about deciding which city we're going to live in because when we first moved to the States, we lived in New York for two years. Then we moved to LA. We've been there for six years. When we decided we were living in LA and we got our place, it was like another thing.

1:02:14There was a settled that freed up space. And I think we're currently living at a time where we struggle to make decisions because we don't want to kind of, you know, put our roots down, but actually that creates more chaos in our lives. A thousand percent. And I think we also live in a culture that values that sort of like wonderless so I live in my car and I don't care I don't have a job well I like a little bit structure a little bit boring a little bit settled I think that's me getting older but I also think it's just like there's value in also leading a very sort of ordinary that's one of my sister's favorite quotes I forget it's like you know being Audio正 없는 replay ordinary in your personal life so you can be violent in your creative or artistic life because it's like you can't have a million balls in the air at one time but so to have a very um i don't want to say regular because i feel like that has a negative connotation but like a very peaceful very settled private life it really does allow you to you know for me it's my work for anyone it could be something else just to like i don't know fuck shit up you know what's what's the hardest part about working with family and what's there isn't one really yeah i know and i'm unique in that.

1:03:22I think some people have different family issues. I could never, I mean, look at how many female podcasting duos that, it's every day we're talking about another one breaking them up. Me and Jackie will be podcasting till the day that we die. Like, we are bound by blood. She's the only person I can really talk to, honestly. Like, I think a lot of people think I'm very confrontational because I'm loud and, like, a little aggressive. But actually, like, if I have a problem with you, I'll just start crying. Like, I cannot talk to people. Except my sister. I could say whatever I want. And it just, like, I don't have a single complaint about working with family.

1:03:51That's amazing. Yeah, I know. I know. I love that. Me too. To some people, they're like, so confused by it. For me, I wouldn't have it any other way. Yeah, no, I love that for you. I'm glad. I mean, it's, it's the best thing when it works. Yes, yes. And I know I'm special and lucky that it does work. How has your relationship had to change? Like, what's it meant to keep that up? Like, what have you had to do in order to have a sister relationship and a business partner a relationship because or are all your conversations always about the podcast? Yeah, I mean, it's so intertwined. But interestingly enough, when Jackie and I were growing up, we're four sisters total from top to bottom, like there's six years between us.

1:04:29And we're all really tight. And we were all really tight growing up. You know, there were different dynamics as we got older, like in the beginning, it was always the two older sisters and the two younger sisters, me and Margo, like we were just sort of divided by age. And Olivia and Jackie would like leave us out. And me and Margo were just like sharing a room. So we were like, Okay, whatever, I guess it's just us. And then as we got older, my interests started to align a lot more with Olivia's. And then Jackie and Margo became like really similar and really close to the dynamics of what we shifted.

1:04:51But the dynamics when we were kids were never Jackie and I. We actually probably got along the least. We didn't fight. We didn't hate each other. We just were not drawn to one another. So I would say we were probably the least close out of all four. Not that we had issues, but we were just not, I don't think we understood each other. Jackie's very reserved. Jackie's very quiet, but not shy, Quiet. Me, I'm spreading my legs for everybody. I'm like, what's up? Who do you want to talk to? Let's go here. Let's go there. So I think that I thought she was like, you know, weird. And she thought I was weird.

1:05:22We didn't understand one another. And then when we started to work together, our differences ended up, you know, working in our favor. It made the conversations on the podcast more dynamic. And we just very naturally became so close through work. But also we were talking all the time, you know? So wait, when you're putting out an episode, How much of it have you talked about before? Literally zero. Zero. Every single episode is completely off the cuff. Everything about it. We have like five topics that we need to hit every day, whatever the news of the day is, but everything else is completely off the cuff.

1:05:54Like we've never once had a conversation. Sometimes we used to sit on FaceTime for like an hour before we would start recording to get set up and we would just end up talking and we actually felt like it was ruining the show. She calls me at 10.30 and we start recording at 10.31. Like we do not, because we don't want to waste any of the, we'll never recreate a conversation. That's so fake. Like we just go for it. That's amazing. So that way you're really catching up in that time too. Exactly. Because you're avoiding talking the night before. Exactly. And you saying what you did. And she lives in a different state.

1:06:21So we have a lot to catch up on. When did she move? And when did you guys? She moved, I think 2021. And I was like, okay, it's the end of the show. Like, we'll do remote, but who the hell wants to listen to remote podcasters? Like, it's so COVID-y and it sucks. And I knew that it was the beginning of the end. And I was freaking a little bit. And let me tell you, it's the best thing to ever happen to us. One, because of COVID, we were forced to really invest in the tech. So there's actually no delay. There's no lag. A lot of people don't know that we live in separate states. So I think a lot of times people are shocked to find out that Jackie doesn't live in New York anymore, which makes me so happy.

1:07:00And two, a little bit of the distance physically has benefited us greatly because we're no longer on top of each other. And we get to, like you say, have these natural catch-up conversations that – we might not be having if she lived down the block from me, which she did for many years. So it's actually been the best thing to happen to the show, and I thought it was going to be, like, the beginning of the end. What makes you feel like when you've recorded a great episode? How do you know? Oh, my God, when we just laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. Like, sometimes we are just so silly that I don't even think we're speaking English anymore.

1:07:29Like, it's just that sisterly thing where you can really only act so nuts with your sister. Those are the best episodes, like, true belly laughs. Yeah, and that is something you can only do with someone you know very, very well. And you guys call each other afterwards and like, oh my God, you are so funny. That's a good question. No, actually. It's so routine to us now. Yeah, it's become, yeah. That's kind of sad. We should be like, listen, that was so funny. No, we don't do that. But it kind of protects why that hour is so good. Yes. Right? Like, that's the point. And we're not trying so hard.

1:07:59Like, we're just talking. Yeah, yeah. It's such a special skill. It's actually such a special talent and skill. I agree that podcasting is a skill and it's a talent. Because I think, I mean, the running joke is like, you know, everybody has a podcast, not everybody should. But there are a lot of failed podcasts. And I think that a lot of people think like, yeah, I could talk for an hour a week. Well, I actually don't think you could. It is an art, especially with a co-host, especially as an interviewer, when to talk, when to listen, when to stop. And so a lot of people don't possess that skill.

1:08:26And I appreciate you saying that because it's definitely a skill the same way, like, you know, any other job is a skill. Like if you're a mathematician, you know, you need a certain set of skills and podcasting definitely requires that too. Yeah, no, I just like to point it out because I think we just, it is that I have so many friends who just like, I remember when I first started creating content and my friends were like, oh, we can do that. And then it was like this whole journey where everyone realizes that it's different. And I think with you, because it's so natural and because it's so off the cuff, it can often be, you can kind of be like, oh yeah, well that's whatever.

1:08:59But it's like, no, no, no, there's a real talent. There's a skill there. How much have you practiced over the years or was this who you were at school with your friends? Like, is this just who you've been? Where was the training? Where were the reps? This is always who I've been. Like very, like leading with, like I've always loved attention. I've always loved to talk. I've always loved to make people laugh. But I do think that I have practiced and rehearsed a little bit in recent years, just knowing when to listen. That's always been my, that's the biggest critique people have of me on the show and they're totally valid in that.

1:09:30I never let my sister talk. I talk over people. I'm sure I've done it too. I'm so sorry. And I'm really trying. It's one of my worst skills, personally and professionally. I do it at a dinner party. It's so annoying. And when other people do it, I'm like, oh my God, she didn't shut up. And people are like, bitch, that's you. So I am working on that. I used to be much worse. So it's a work in progress. But it's important to know your skills. But it's also important to know what you're not good at. And I know that I'm not good at knowing when it's my time to listen. Like right now. Have you ever measured how fast you took?

1:10:02No, but I know it's insane. And if you can believe it, I used to talk so much faster. And it's funny because me and you, I'm at the opposite end. Like I usually talk so slowly. Yeah, you're very measured. Yeah, no, no. So it's so funny because when we're together, I'm just like, I'm speeding up slightly. Jay, I need you to listen to episodes of The Toast from like 2019. I used to swallow full paragraphs. Like I don't even know what I was saying. You think it's fast now? To me, this is me being so much better. It's amazing. It used to be really bad. It's amazing. Have you, you talked about that like wanting attention.

1:10:32And I think anyone who's doing something publicly, naturally, there is a part of them that enjoys the attention, enjoys. I always say like, I love when people come up to me on the street and say hello. I tell people in the podcast to say, hey, if you see me, come and say hello. I want to say hello to you. I really appreciate the feedback and the energy I get. I had a, I was walking a few years ago now, quite a while ago with one of my clients who's a well-known actor. He gets recognized a hundred times for every one time I get recognized. So super well-known and successful. And like, he'd get stopped.

1:11:03I'd get stopped once. He'd get stopped multiple times. I'd get stopped once. And I asked him like, how does that feel? And he said, you know what? He goes, Jay, you're really lucky. And I was like, why? And he said, you're lucky because people stop me for who I pretend to be. And people stop you for who you are. And I was like, wow, like that really stayed with me. Yeah, it really stayed with me. It was one of those moments. And you're not going to tell us who it was? No, I can't. You are no fun. But that's my private part. Of course, of course. You'll tell me after we stop recording. Yeah, but that was one of my favorite moments.

1:11:32It stayed with me ever since that. And I'm like, wait a minute. And same with you. Like people, when they're coming up to you and saying the toast is amazing, or when I keep hearing, Jay, we heard you on the toast. It was so fun. You know, when I get that feedback from people, I'm thinking, oh, wow, like you're doing that. How have you been careful about your relationship with attention so that it doesn't get unhealthy? How have you thought about that? You know, it's so funny. The more attention you get, the less you want it. And so I think as somebody who was an attention whore, I was an attention seeking whore growing up my whole life, to end up in a line of work where you get a lot of it, it's fulfilling for a second.

1:12:06And then it's like enough. And I actually feel like I say I'm an attention whore. I'm actually really not so much anymore. I got the attention that I wanted and it felt good, but it didn't solve all my problems like I thought it was going to. So not that anybody who's an attention seeker should get the attention because then it's kind of a problem that fixes itself. But I'm really not, I think when people meet me like on the street, sometimes they're a little taken aback. How actually I'm not like a dancing monkey. Like I'm not so crazy all the time, like making jokes. I actually, and definitely as I've gotten older, like a little bit more pulled back.

1:12:41You know, I'm still a little nuts, more than the average person, but not I think as much as people would expect. What part of your confidence are you still working on? I'm really not, honestly. like I feel very confident in all aspects of my life like I know that I'm great at my job I know I'm a great wife I know I'm literally gorgeous like I don't feel like I'm lacking confidence in any area honestly wow I have a lot of other problems though but not that like oh girl where do I begin okay um what would I say is my biggest problem I actually would say my biggest problem is sometimes my humor can be mean and I think That's like the worst type of humor.

1:13:19And I'm actually really working on it. Like when you poke fun at someone, sometimes I feel like I really take it too far. Like it's okay to like think something and not say it because I've noticed that a lot that I sometimes border on mean and I don't like being mean. That's not funny to me. I think some people feel like they have to be mean in order to be funny. And that's not true. I can be funny without being mean. Yeah. And that's something you're working on. Yes. Like sometimes I'll say something and I'll be like, damn, that was rough, you know? Like, and so I'm aware of it and I'm really trying to stop.

1:13:46Yeah. Who knows if I will? At least I'm aware of it. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead. Save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter. Park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer on my birthday at the age of 45. Found out my cancer has spread to my pelvic bone. And from there, life just changed.

1:14:30About one in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during their lifetime. And the risk increases with age. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. And the only thing I could think about was, who's going to take care of my family? You have to go out there and build your support system. You got to build your team. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered and start listening.

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1:15:42you love the uh one percent evil it's fun yeah yeah yeah it's uh no that's so beautiful to hear i mean to hear you say hey you know what i'm actually really confident i love hearing that i love it when someone says that because it's a journey yeah no but but i mean you've not that you've arrived because there is no arrival but the idea that you feel that way i mean that doesn't mean that like i don't see a picture of myself and like literally want to die but i don't try not to place too much value on that because there are other parts of me that are worthy, probably more worthy than how I look.

1:16:13But I am a shallow person. I do place a lot of emphasis and value on my physical appearance. Yeah. Is that something you've ever tried to change or shift or you've just accepted? It's actually like a new thing. I think since losing weight, I've kind of become obsessed with it. And that's like one thing that I've gained during my weight loss journey that I don't like. The obsession with how I look. Because before, like I knew I it look great. So like whatever, you know, I worked on other things, but then I started to really like the way that I looked on the Ozempic journey and I kind of became obsessed with it.

1:16:41Like I used to weigh myself and be like, I mean, it's not great, but whatever. Then I would lose weight. And when I would weigh myself and it wasn't exactly what I wanted, I would be so hard on myself. And I used to not care about that. So that's actually something I'm working on. But with a pregnancy, like it's a problem for later me. Yeah, of course. I can't fix everything all at once. Okay. I'm not Jay Shetty. No, no, no. Trust me. I can't either. But no, but it's interesting how sometimes the things we work on more become our greatest stresses. Yes. Yeah. That's definitely how I feel with my weight.

1:17:08Yeah. And, and it's one of those things that it's, but the great thing is you're aware. And I think that's what I always think about. I remember when Kevin Hart came on the podcast, he was talking about how in a very different context, but he was talking about how, like some of the mistakes he made and not comparing at all, but he was talking about some of the mistakes he made and they came from a place of him feeling like this was never going to go away. And then he was like, now I need to deal with the fact that one day I may not be as famous or successful as whatever. And it was just really interesting him saying that when I still think he's crushing it and killing it.

1:17:40And he's like, you know, how we perceive people versus how they perceive themselves is so interesting. Correct. Yeah. And that's what I find is always fascinating because you think someone's peaking. Living the best life. Yeah. And in their head, they're like, oh, I'm insignificant right now. Yeah. But it does not that you want people to feel poorly about themselves, but seeing someone whom you perceive to be on top of the world, talk about how they perceive themselves and it's not necessarily like the best. There is like solace in that. Like even people who are killing it and rich and famous, like even they hate themselves.

1:18:08So who cares if I do? You know? I wanted to end with talking about, you know, you talked a lot about last year losing your dog, which I think. No one prepares you for it. Yeah, I had so many friends who sadly went through the same thing in the last 12 months. I don't know what it was about the last 12 months and maybe it's sadly always the case, but at least in my life, I had so many people telling me that. I had my business manager, a really close friend, like just so many people in life. We had Taylor Hill who came on the podcast and talked about the loss of her dog Tate and just how hard that was for her.

1:18:41What has been your greatest lesson for grief in that journey? So funny because, you know, I lost my dad when I was in the eighth grade, or excuse me, the ninth grade, like literally the first month of high school, worst time ever. And it was extremely hard. And I actually feel like being younger, I was able to bounce back a little bit more. I remember going through that and really, I had just transferred schools and then my dad passed and I really didn't want to be known as like the girl with the dead dad. So I remember making an active effort to get back to my life and I leaned so heavily into my sisters and that's really why my sisters and I are so close.

1:19:12And my friends and extra school, and I really, and that's just being a kid, right? You're more susceptible. You're more adaptable. Like you just bounce back. And I've found like when, you know, friends of mine now are losing parents, like it's so much harder. Like you're an adult, you understand the importance of life, you have kids of your own. And so not that it's the same at all, but like losing my dog at 29 was like the first experience with grief as an adult. And let me tell you, it is so much harder. And this was, you know, a dog, not a human being. The difference was, and I have long wondered, my dad passed away overnight, like he was not sick, he had a heart attack, and he died before he even got to the hospital, like completely kind of freak accident.

1:19:51And people always talk about like, is it better, you know, for someone to die like that or to get a chance to say goodbye to somebody who has like a terminal illness, but you have to watch them suffer for months. And I feel like there's no right answer. Just everybody thinks their own. And I never really knew what the answer was. But with Theo, he had terminal cancer and we ended up putting him down. But so we lived with the cancer, I want to say, for like two or three weeks, like really not a long time. It was the worst time of my life. Like it was worse than when he actually had died. Like seeing something you someone you love so much be in such pain.

1:20:20it's not worth being able to say goodbye, honestly. So oddly, that experience brought me peace with my dad. Like, yeah, I didn't get to say goodbye, but like I didn't have to watch him suffer. Like that's, it's definitely worse. And so the older I get, the actually the harder grief is, you know? Like I remember getting married and being like so angry that my dad wasn't gonna be there and feeling like this was so unfair, but I hadn't really felt that anger up until that point. Like the older you get, the more important life moments, marriage, kids, you realize like how much you need a parent. And so as a kid, like, yeah, okay, he's not at my soccer game, but like, you just are, you're more resilient as a kid.

1:20:58You really are. And so going through grief as an adult is 45 times harder. And that was just with my dog, you know, whom I loved more than anything, but a dog is not a person. And it was the most challenging thing. I actually don't even remember it. I blacked out that part of my life. It's coming up on a year, actually, like this week. It was the hardest thing I'd ever been through in my life. Like, seriously, I like, I, I can't believe I don't even think about that time because it was so it was traumatizing. That's so profound, though, the connection between the two. I know. Well, it was they were so polar opposite.

1:21:29It's like, what I've I think I actually would have preferred just like to take Theo to the doctor and have him die. Like the three weeks of diapers of medic. Oh, my God, it was horrible. And I felt like I was doing the wrong thing because, you know, it's cruel to keep a dog like that alive for your own. They're so clearly in pain. It's the right thing to do to put them down. And if you're selfishly keeping them, and I said, I'm not going to do that. And so when we woke up one morning, it was so clear that he was suffering. We were like, listen, this is cruel. We're keeping him alive for us. Like we knew we had to do that.

1:22:03And with my dad, like I had always felt like, oh my God, I never got to say goodbye. It was, you know, hi one day, bye the next. But what Theo, the passing of Theo really taught me is like, honestly, it's better. It is. I think. What did girl with the dead dad like mean to you? Like, what did that kind of like, what did that symbolize for you that you didn't want to be? You know, I just remember in middle school, there was a girl whose dad had died and her, she was in my grade and then her brother was in my sister's grade. And it was just kind of like the thing people said. Do you know what I mean?

1:22:33Like pointing and saying, no, not pointing, but like if you overheard like another parent talking, oh, did you hear? It was just kind of what, what, you know, they were led with. And I didn't want that. I wanted to be a girl who was funny, a girl who was good at soccer, a girl who was beautiful, like literally anything. I did not want to have that to be the thing. Like, oh, did you hear about that Astrid girl? Her father died. Like, I didn't want that to be the first thing people said about me. So I remember making a conscious effort to just like bounce back. And it did work for, for a period of time.

1:23:01I can't imagine how challenging it is to, you know, be going, be giving birth having lost and then let me tell you it sucks like and i see ben who has both parents i'm so happy for him but i'm jealous yeah naturally yeah yeah i don't think that's bad no no of course not and it's definitely not bad and they're the best ben's parents like his dad is like always inviting me out on father's day like but you know a parent is a parent yeah for sure thank you for sharing thank you thank you for being open it's uh i'm hoping that yeah i'm hoping that people who've been through similar things or, you know, I know plenty of people in my life who lost a parent early.

1:23:40And it's something that's not talked about enough online. Like, you don't really hear about it. It's kind of like something you talk about in therapy and nowhere else. Yeah. It's just like hard to talk about. Nobody wants to be crying all the time. And I think that no matter what stage of your grief that you're at, like, you can't talk about it without crying. That doesn't mean that you're not healed. It's just sad. And I don't want to be sad. Like that's my whole thing. Like I love being happy. I love making people laugh. I love laughing. Like if I'm laughing, I'm so happy. So I hate to like sit around.

1:24:08And that's why like, I know when I talk about this on the podcast, people don't like it, but I don't do therapy, not for any reason. I'm not like against it. I know it's really powerful for a lot of people, but I've never really had a hard time communicating. And I'm very blessed that like, I have a lot of people in my life who I feel completely open and comfortable opening up to. and I know that's a privilege that not a lot of people have. But I also like, I don't know, I just don't want to spend my life being sad. Like the world is sad enough. Like I wake up every day with the goal of like making people laugh.

1:24:37Like I like to be joyous and spread joy. And I don't know, sitting in a therapist's office for an hour a week, like crying, like, oh my God, like seriously, I can't. Yeah, no, and I think that everyone has their different coping mechanisms, like you said. And for some people, that is the only place they have a safe space and a space where they don't feel judged in a space where they don't feel, you know, looked at in a certain way because their family friends may be that way. And, and, and it's beautiful that you don't have that. I was going to ask you, what's been your, have you thought a lot about like your energy, baby's energy?

1:25:10Like what, like walk me through that? Yes, I have a lot because, you know, people tell me that I'm kind of like a baby whisperer because I love to sing and I love to dance and I love to like, I'm obsessed with babies and that's what babies love. And that's what babies need. Like their first couple of months are always looking for somebody to sing and dance to them. And so that's the type of mom I want to be. Like super joyous, super like always singing. I don't know if you follow Jessie J, the singer on Instagram. I know Jessie, yeah. Okay, so she had a baby and like she's always singing to her baby on Instagram.

1:25:40Now I know she has like one of the best voices in the world and I don't. But like I'm going to be Jessie J. Like I'm going to be singing to my baby and my baby's going to think I have the most amazing voice because my baby's going to be my number one fan. It's going to be so funny if they don't. Oh my God, stop. I'll be so upset if like every time I sing, the baby cries. Yeah, well, they'll love it till they're like four. Oh, of course. No, I'm talking about year one. Yeah, year one. Year one. One fan for one year is good enough. I love that. I love that. And have you thought about whether you're going to be sharing baby journey online?

1:26:06I have thought about it. I definitely want to share my journey. I'm pretty against, you know, putting your kids on social media. I don't judge other people who do, but I'm not going to. And I feel like I see a trend of people sharing less and actually pulling their kids off social media because the dangers of it are like so obvious. Yeah, I know. That's something me and Riley talk about a lot. Like it's, it's one of our discussion. If the internet wasn't such a disgusting place, I would love to like have fun, but no, we can't have nice things. People are disgusting and absolutely not. Yeah. It's challenging.

1:26:34It's, it's such a, yeah, that's, that's the hard part, right? That's the hard part that it's like in the same way as you wouldn't just put your kid up somewhere physically in that way that they're exposed to anyone and everyone. Yeah, and they just actually passed that law in California about like family channels. And Demi Lovato was a big part of it of like just child actors, but also child like family channels, like basically exploiting your kids on social media for money. They're all still actively happening. But I feel like in 10, 15 years, like we are going to be hearing like the most craziest stories about kids who were forced to be on like YouTube family channels.

1:27:07It's disgraceful. But it's also a slippery slope. Like, you know, like you start posting your kids and that's the most engaging content. So you post more and more and more and then you rely on it to pay your bills. So you're yelling at your kids to smile for the thumbnail. and I never want, I never want to be that. Yeah. Yeah. It's great that you guys have said, because I haven't even talked to Ben about it, but I don't care what he says. Like, I'm sure he'll agree with me, but we haven't had like a full conversation about it. Okay. Good to know. Good to know. So he'll be hearing about this on the Jay Shetty podcast.

1:27:33Is this usually how it goes? No, actually certain things I feel really strongly about. And I say, Ben, like, this is what we're doing. Certain things he feels super strongly about. I'm like, okay. Sometimes we both don't know how to feel. And there are people in our life whose opinions we like respect and we'll call them and ask and and get their opinions then we'll come to a decision together it just depends on what the topic is you know yeah i think that makes a lot of sense yeah that's fair if you feel strongly enough it's a rule and yeah and it's important to know like as a half of a part like a half of a marriage like if there are certain things you don't have like strong feelings about but your partner does like so let them have that one and then when you have strong feelings about something and they don't they will let you have it like that's the whole you know shtick with compromise but also um knowing when you don't know like some all of this is new to me, motherhood, pregnancy.

1:28:16And so knowing that I have no experience and talking to people who do, and if I trust them and I think that like their values align with mine, taking their advice. Um, but like, it's important to know like when you don't know enough. Claudia, you are, you're one of the most fascinating people I've ever met. You are hilarious. You're smart, profound today at times. I really didn't want to cry, but it is what it is. no I appreciate you being so honest and vulnerable with us and showing that soft side yeah no you know like for people to be able to see you can't put turning in a box like she is going to surprise you I love it I love it well Claudia it's been such a joy talking to you thank you for having me we end every episode with a final five okay these have to be answered in one word to one sentence oh I love a game not a Claudia sentence okay oh I promise I will do one word yes yeah one word or one sentence oh okay but not a sentence at 100 miles per hour where you squeezed in 79 words oh but not Jay calling me out okay All right.

1:29:13Okay. Yeah. I'm not judging you. No, no, of course not. Okay. So question number one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? This isn't like, you know, a curated sentence. So I'm just going to like speak. And I think it's something I've realized as I've gotten older, especially as like a woman in the industry, you feel really competitive with like other people. I feel now like I like to work to live and not live to work. Like I just would like to make a living. I don't need to be the biggest podcaster. I don't need to be the number one selling comedian. I just would like to provide for my family.

1:29:41I think when you get really caught up in like the hustle culture, it's good to have ambition, of course. But what used to be important to me is actually really not important to me anymore. Now, like just a job is a job. It's to provide. And that's it. Great sentence. Thanks. Oh, God, I forgot about the sentence. Okay, sorry. I'm good. No, no, no, it's well explained. I would have asked you to expand. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Oh my God, there is a, okay, sorry, it's going to be more than one sentence. There is a phrase that I hate. It's called, like, being realistic is the quickest path to mediocrity.

1:30:11Like, I so disagree with that. I think being realistic is so important. Like, so important. Yeah, good answer. Question number three, what excites you most about motherhood? I'm such an affectionate person. Like, I love all my nieces and nephews who are growing older now. They're, like, starting to hate it, but, like, I cover them in kisses. Like, I just am obsessed with kisses and hugs. And, like, this baby, like, is gonna, this baby's gonna love me more than anyone. I'll probably end up liking Ben more. But this baby like is mine, you know, and I could kiss it as much as I want. I love it. Question number four, what are you most excited to see about Ben becoming a dad?

1:30:43Oh my God. Like I just know Ben is going to be the best, the best, like most affectionate. The kids are going to love him. They're going to like him so much more. They're going to go to him. Like I don't know what exactly I'm most looking forward to, but I feel a lot of peace and knowing that I'm bringing a baby into the world with like someone who's seriously going to be the best dad on the planet. Fifth and final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? It should be absolute law that everybody listens to The Toast every single morning.

1:31:16And then on purpose. Yeah. Of course, of course. Yeah. Actually, no, this is my answer. Not on purpose. Sorry. Just The Toast. Oh, thanks. All right, Claudia. No, it should be law. Like, it should be NPR. It should be public radio. I love it. Yeah. That's a great law. Thanks. I love it. Thank you. And then I ultimately, you know, that affects my bottom line. Claudia, thank you so much. Thank you. I loved every moment of this. Me too. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.

1:31:47You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter? Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. Hey guys, it's Erin Andrews from Calm Down with Erin and Carissa. So when the pressure's on, you remember the people who helped you get this far, whose knowledge guided you and whose care kept you grounded.

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