Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)

29:49But like, like me, like me not letting him pay for meals, that makes him uncomfortable. Like, that's who he's been. and he's been the leader of our family. And I'm not saying he's not still our leader. He is. By every stretch of the means, he is. However, I think not having all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident in his decision made him very uncomfortable. I think. I don't know. But you never, it didn't seem like you were searching for his approval at any point. I was, oh my God. That's all I've been doing. My whole life. My whole life. He didn't like my long hair.

30:21Got a flat top. Came into his office and he was like, you look like an idiot. it. And I was like, God dang it. Like all I've ever wanted is that man's approval. That's it. That's it. I entirely, without a doubt, I just like when he says, and he says very often how proud he is of me, it doesn't, it doesn't miss me. I, it hits me in the chest and it makes me feel great. And the fact that he'll call up and it'll be like, buddy, we went to the macaroni grill. You know, I say my, I say my last name and they go, are you related to Burt Kreischer? They knew who you were buddy i got a table right away they gave me they you know they do the bacon there you know the big bacon my dad's like that he uh he loves it and i he and i think he kind of loves my whatever celebrity i have because it trickles to him and now like when he goes to like when he goes to like he went to my special him and my mom sat backstage they didn't go in the they sat on chairs on side stage and he's deaf and like not deaf but he's losing his hearing so i'm doing the show and I hear him say, what did he say?

31:19I'm like, Jesus, dad. He said he saw her suck his dick. What? She lost weight, Albert. He saw her give her a, Leanne gave him a blow job. And I'm like, you two shut up. But yeah, they, yeah, I'm constantly seeking his approval. I think it probably could be said for my career. I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval. I want people to like me. I do. I want people to have a good time and I want people to go, you were fun. I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time and like me. When was the first time you felt like you got his approval?

31:59Will Smith. Yeah, Will Smith. Well, I got a deal at like 26 years old. I've been doing stand-up. On my 26th birthday, I was in New York and I was just partying. I wasn't doing stand-up. I'd been there for a couple months and I got hammered the night before and it was my birthday. And my phone rang at like 8 o 'clock in the morning, 9 o 'clock in the morning. And I saw it was my dad, caller ID. And I said, you know, I'll answer it. Let him say happy birthday. And I'll go back to sleep. I answer it. And he says, you are a tremendous piece of shit. And I'm like, I go, dad? And he goes, yeah, yeah, it's your dad.

32:32And he goes, you are worthless. You have no humility. You're doing nothing. He goes, I just perjured myself in court because of you. The judge said, Al, how's your son doing? And I said, great. that is a lie you are not doing great and you never will do great I have failed you as a father I gave you no humility I taught you no life lessons you never had to work for anything things came easy to you and and I'm telling you and I said to him I go it's my birthday and he goes I know what day it is he goes I gave birth to you we were there when you got born and he goes I'm telling you and I was like dad I go well okay so what do I do with this he was nothing He goes, I'll foot the bill.

33:10Be a party boy. And I was like, well, I don't want you to feel this way about me. And he goes, no, you should not want to feel this way about yourself. And I said to him, what can I do? He said, well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight, and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage. You'll go to that man, and you'll say, my name is Burt Kreischer. I'd like to be a stand-up. I'll clean up. I'll mop up. I'll flip burgers. I'll stand out. I'll do whatever you need. But I need an opportunity. And I said, I remember saying to him, I go, I can't do it tonight, tonight because I have a party planned.

33:40He was silent. He just goes, you have a party? He goes, you don't deserve a party. What are you throwing a party for? You're a failure. You go to that club tonight. You take yourself to dinner. I want you to write down some goals. And then you, after that dinner, you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to, you'll do whatever you can and you'll do it for free. And I said, that's not how it works. I remember him very clearly saying, hey, for some young black kid in Harlem, that's how it works for him. Do you know why? Because he has humility and he knows how to get what he wants that's how it works for him it doesn't work for you because you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you and i went okay so i said all right i'll do it so i didn't i took myself to a restaurant on seventh and bleaker and then i wrote down 26 goals that i had planned for that year so i was turning 26 i went to the boston comedy club i met a guy named lewis schaefer and i told him exactly what my dad said my name is bird i want to do this any advice anything you do get me on stage and lewis shabber said you should move back to tampa and i went what he goes you're not gonna be a comedian in new york you don't have what it takes and i went home almost like victorious i was like so dad this is how it works i told you i was right i called him the next morning he goes how did it go i said not good this is exactly what he said and he goes perfect this is what i want you to do you go back tonight and you say the same sentence as if he damn never said it to you and i said okay so i said well what do i do if he says the same thing he goes you're gonna do that every single night until there's a point where you're going to break him and he's going to go fine i'll give you a job so i went back that night and i went hey lewis my name's burke kreischer i i want to be a stand-up comedian i'm from florida he goes didn't i tell you to move back to florida i go listen here's the deal my dad called me a piece of shit yesterday i feel like a piece of shit i need an opportunity i go i'm going to be doing this every night for the next year as long as you keep saying this and he went fine if you can bring in 20 people i'll put you on at the end of the night nice i was like for real and he goes yeah you can go on after right before godfrey and i was like okay and man i brought in 25 people someone got heckled karen bergerine got heckled by four puerto rican guys i brought in because one was going to jail the next day and i was like i said i and lewis shaper comes out he's like where's a comic and i was like no one's here and he's like you're on let's go put me on stage and frat boy burt came out and i lit these four puerto rican guys up so hard and because i knew that guy was going to jail and i i mean i was like hey man have fun tomorrow don't drop the soap the place is going nuts and i was like i was like i give you advice about jail i was like suck it before you and i mean that day it was so great they walked out of the room the place went nuts and i was like and i got a job louis shaver's like you can do this every night six months later will smith discovered me will smith discovered me and my dad was floored he was floored we watched the fresh prince on monday night every monday night it was a six figure development deal.

36:25And I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer. And I said, uh, I said, what do I do with this money? He goes, I don't know. I've never gotten a paycheck like that. He goes, buddy, I, I remember him stuttering. Like, I can't tell you, I don't know. He goes, let me hook you up with Bob Kazarian. I still remember the guy's name over at Merrill Lynch and we'll, we'll figure it out. And that was when my dad was like, he's like you met Will Smith Will Smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch TV shows and he was like a blessing of my life yeah that's beautiful I didn't realize we had Will in common either I mean look I love Will yeah one of my favorite people he's one of my family to me he is the sweetest guy in the world he was so good to me he gave me great advice we're about to pitch ABC Jamie Tarsus God rest her soul and I drove over from the valley with him and JL yeah yeah JL and uh james less and i and i had to piss and will came in and he goes i'll go to the bathroom with you so he sat at the stall right next to me at abc and all any guy knows that the sound of a man's urine hitting a a toilet sometimes indicates how big their their their dick is and he had a fire hose i mean it was like and i got i couldn't pee i started i got i got gun shy and will says to me.

37:46Can I tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood? But I'm so in my head going pee, pee, pee. I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear one word. And then he goes, and then he stops peeing. I realized if I can't pee next to Will Smith, I can't sell a show next to Will Smith. I start peeing and all I hear him say is be yourself. That's it. That's the only thing I heard. And then I went into the room and, uh, Will was like, Bert used to party hard or something. I was like, yeah, you guys ever try to knock yourself out? And they're like, huh? And we used to do that in college and you had to do it on the side of a like put your head against something because if you just hit your head it's not gonna happen and I knocked myself out and Will's just like and we sold a sitcom that day I love that yeah he's the best yeah he's the best dude it's like as I'm listening to you I'm just like there's it's so interesting because I feel like that moment that you told me about baseball with you know you and your dad and your dad telling you like on your birthday just go play and then we'll sort it out later what was the power of that?

38:43Like what was the good thing about that and then what was the hard thing about that? Like there was good obviously that came from it this work ethic this ability to turn up the ability to push through pain but there must have been some pain that stayed which searched for that approval but what was the good and the bad because it sounds like you've been able to process both. You know he had a mentality he shouldn't cash checks and when I was at Tribal Channel at the very tail end I was just hoping to get renewed and I knew they were changing presidents and I I had lasted like three or four presidents but every time you went to a new president you were and and it was money and I needed money had a family I was ignoring stand-up I was ignoring the podcast all the stuff I do now I was ignoring all of it and I was at the beach with my dad we're having a cigar and a glass of wine and he goes so what's the deal what's our plan I was I think I was 42 years old 43 years old looking for my dad's approval and this is so my dad i go you know buddy eat shit cash checks thinking he go that's my guy and my dad started crying he goes oh i think i fucked you up he goes eat shit cash checks means is for guys like me with no talent guys like you need to you need to go after your talent wow and he was he was crying and you know rogan had just said that to me too he had just had that conversation with me and my dad's like if you don't go for it now you're going to regret it he's like do it because i had this long-standing offer from showtime gary garfinkel god rest his soul to do a special and i kept pushing it to do travel channel stuff and he goes buddy you should do it you should hey follow your dreams so i i did the showtime special no one watched it because i took my shirt off it's like i remember i remember them saying you know if you take your shirt off you're giving them the reason to change the channel but what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change the channel back in the day where you were caesar and you'd be like, no, no, is the exact opposite for the internet.

40:31You see a guy with no shirt on on the internet, you're like, what's this? And you click it. And I posted the machine story and it went viral. And it was, I remember my, but my dad gave me this like insane thing of, even if you're sick, you show up. Even if you're, even if you're hurt, you show up. I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that if I'm hung over, I work out extra hard. I was hungover. I flew all drank all day yesterday in New York, flew here last night. This morning, I got up at eight, got in the sauna for 30 minutes, got in the gym. We did abs. Who the wants to do abs? Ran, lifted weights and sweated out.

41:07But that's my dad's mentality is like, you get up, you do your work, no matter what. That was the lesson. I mean, I, and my takeaway from being 11 and getting hurt, my dad going, you finish in, you don't let anyone down. you don't you get you finish the game you know i i had a showcase for icm one time this is just my dad's mentality and there was a guy that went opened it and the next guy went on was a guy named earthquake do you know earthquake yeah unfollowable black dude who destroys destroys his name's earthquake i mean just and he's earthquake because he leaves you the room in an earthquake and i watched all my friends i won't say their names but all my all my white friend comedians panic no one wanted to follow earthquake and they just came to me they're like you want to go up after earthquake and i just my dad would be like yeah that's your job do your job and i went up after earthquake and he had a joke his last joke was about his name earthquake i forget the joke but i knew my first joke was about my name bert so the joke was uh was my name is bert i know what you're thinking hot sexy name do you do porn no i said birth's the last name you want to hear during sex just someone chick on top of you in the dark going uh and then i go shh call me earthquake and the place exploded but you know here's the thing and this is my dad's my dad's mentality is if you don't get on stage if you don't show up to work all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears and that's been my mentality this whole career is you show up no matter what you show up you got an audition you show up you get they want to meet you want a general meeting you still don't think it's right for you you show up and i that's definitely the way i've taken the road dude let's do the road make sun make hey while the sun shines get out there and grind yeah yeah and that's what it takes i mean i feel like comedy is like there's a new comedian every month that's taking off you've had like a long-standing career it's hard to do that to keep reinventing yourself keep coming back special after special success after a success, it's hard to do that.

43:15It feels like it came from that. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer at the age of 45. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health.

43:58Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered, and start listening. So, your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive, right? But if they aren't connected to other agents, or your data, or your existing workflows, how productive can they really make your teams? Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business, IBM.

44:37i i a hundred percent yeah i mean a lot of my friends like just like the pandemic hit and my my brain was like that doesn't mean we can't do stand up and they're like no the country shut down and i went i'll figure it out and i so i came up with a type of touring outdoor comedy festivals where i took drive and movie theaters and i plugged into their system we showed it up on the big screen we shot it with four cameras all the feeds went into the car so everyone could stay socially distant and i did i think i did 30 cities i think i maybe did 30 cities 60 shows 62 shows i did i toured all through the pandemic that's just the way my brain works is like just because you say no that doesn't mean look you got to do it you got to work yeah don't just take the foot off the gas what i love about the earthquake story too it's like what your dad said if you didn't put yourself under that pressure you wouldn't have found that great new take if If you're a dad right now and you're listening, this is the only takeaway you need.

45:32My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me you love pressure. Buddy, when all the chips are on the table, you perform your best. I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure. You just love it. And I'll tell you my whole baseball career, if we were down, man on first and second, we're down by two runs, that's when I performed. When we faced the fastest pitcher we ever faced, that's the guy I hit the best off of. And I, and I'll tell you is in standup, I've always done best when the most pressure is on me. I need to do secret time. First show. I bomb. I'm only doing two shows.

46:07I bomb. I bomb. I hadn't bombed with this hour ever. And I bombed the crowded, had to wait in the rain. We had a power shortage. It just, it was horrible. And I'm nervous. I got one more show. This is my first Netflix special. I got one more show and I'm sitting in the green room and Leanne just echoes my dad. She goes, well, you know, you love pressure. this is when he's gonna perform the best sit back everybody and man that show i mean best stand-up show i've ever had in my entire career was that one show it was that was murderous wow people say with comedians obviously there's such a defense mechanism with humor and comedy to mask pain and challenges and all that kind of stuff i wonder and you've said before as well like i usually you know laugh through pain it's like what what's a pain that you couldn't laugh through i hesitate to even say this but i've been very lucky i've been very lucky i haven't had a lot of tragedy in my life and i can laugh at just about anything i i laughed at my grandmother's funeral i laughed twice at my grandmother's funeral tell us was i'm i started crying my dad had a rule like don't cry in front of your kids and i started crying and this is before we put priscilla down i started crying he goes whoa whoa hey stand up it's him and my uncle jerry and my dad goes buddy pull together I was like I'm upset and he goes why I go you because your mom is in a box up there and he's like yeah she had a great life you celebrate her life you don't cry can't let your girl see you cry then they're gonna be freaked out I was like dad it's just it's just hard looking at her and he goes no no no no you're fine I go well she they have her she's not smiling and he goes are you an idiot he goes do you want her smiling in that box do you have any idea how creepy that is and i started laughing and then he goes there you go all right you're out of it good let's go so then at the end of that funeral everyone leaves my dad and my uncle jerry oh i mean this makes they go hey come on i said what they go let's go let's go say goodbye to grandma and this was them saying it's okay to cry oh my god i've never seen two uglier cries in my life.

48:14This, these men let go of years of trauma. I'll tell you, I'll tell you right before she died, this is the hardest I've ever watched these two men laugh. We go to the hospital. My grandmother's in congenitive heart failure or whatever. So we go to the hospital. Grandma's in the bed. Uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner and they're hiding their faces because they're crying. They're hiding their faces behind the curtains. Okay. And they're really emotional. and I'm not, for whatever reason, I'm not in that moment. And I go, hey, grandma, how you doing? And she goes, ugh, my back hurts. That's heart failures when your back hurts.

48:49And I go, well, do you want me to rub your back? And she goes, I would love that. Birdie boy, rub my back. So I start rubbing her back. I go, I love you so much, grandma. I go, I think you're going to make it out of this. And then I go, wait, I think you might have dropped a tissue behind your bed because I can feel, I think there's tissue falling off. And she goes, that's my skin. And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically. And my dad's going, he's kicking my uncle, he's rubbing skin off her back. He's rubbing skin off her back. And my uncle Jerry's just, and I'm watching these two curtains shake.

49:25And I'm just rubbing skin off her back going, I love you, grandma. Yeah. I laughed. I can laugh through just about anything. Oh, God. that's when was the first time you let your daughter see you cry i i start okay uh i i i came home i was on the treadmill leanna's in the room with the girls and this is this is in priscilla's third knee surgery priscilla had five knee surgeries on her second knee surgery they realized the other knee was bad too they were gonna have to do another one and the guy goes listen you're 15 grand into this dog i think it's just i think we need to put her down and i went what he goes I can't promise that these are gonna last but like I'm telling you the one that we already fixed that's Pat again we got to do that again so she's asleep I can put her down right now if you'd like and I went well hold on and I went oh my god give me a can you give me a second and he goes yeah yeah give me like go talk to your wife but call me soon so I start crying and I and I'm trying to hold it together and I walk in the room and the girls see me crying and they start laughing and they go oh mom dad's crying and leanne goes girls if dad's crying we're all about to be crying in a matter of seconds she's like this isn't funny and i go they want to put priscilla down and george are like what and then pulled it together and we didn't put her down we got two more we got those two knee surgeries then two more knee surgeries and uh yeah but they've seen me cry a lot now.

50:54Once the floodgates open, dude, I cried at the Avengers movie when Spider-Man died. I was sobbing, crying, and Isla's mocking me. I cry at movies real quick. I do too. And you just watch them. They don't even watch the movie. They just watch me and stare at me and giggle. Yeah. Well, that's why I find you to be such an interesting, fascinating person because you've got this larger-than-life personality. You've got this partier background. And then like, you've got like this soft heart. Oh, I'm like the biggest. Yeah. And it's like, and even when I met you, I could just tell immediately. I was like, you know, this guy's got the softest heart.

51:32And at the same time, if I saw you, I wouldn't necessarily have that, you know, perception. I think that's accurate. I don't think anyone, I think people think I'm a one thing. And then when they find out, like the one that always shocks everyone is I've only had sex with six women. And they're like, what? And I was like, yeah, I'm just, I wasn't that guy. Like the time I lost my virginity, that changed my life. And that moment I went from, okay, I'm not cool guy that can just bang chicks. I'm super sensitive guy that needs you to get me because I'm not sure I do this right. Like my wife goes, my wife takes those phone calls and she knows I'm never going to cheat.

52:06She knows I am a wreck. I am a wreck. But yeah. And so everyone's like, really? You've only had sex with six? I go, yeah. Because in college, I'd go to a bar and I'm just hoping someone would get me. Like I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night. How did, how does she get about obviously all of the exposure of her life and her sex life as well? What's like allowed, what do you need permission for? What do you get away with without any? She says, as long as it's funny. Oh, wow. She goes, as long as it's not mean and it's funny, I'm in. I remember the time I realized she was game for anything.

52:40She farted during oral sex. And I, and I made a joke and she started crying. And I said, what are you crying about? I'm the one in the fire hole. What are you, I'm going to shit my mouth. What are you, you're crying? And she said to me, you're definitely telling this on stage. And I wait, I said, what, can I? And she goes, well, yeah, obviously if I did this, someone else has done this. I'm not the only one that ever did it. And it's funny. You should talk about this on stage. And I did. And man, it was, it was like a killer bit for a while. But like, yeah, she, she watched this hour and her note was, I'm cool with everything you're saying.

53:15I need to know the way you're saying it has love in it. Like it has to have a smile in it. Because I was doing, when you do material a lot, you get bored of it. And sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you did when you wrote it. And with this material, I mean, making fun of a woman because she's getting older and she's going through menopause and she's aging. And if you don't say it with love or a smile, that was her exact word. There needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal in your voice. Like you need to say. And so she was really adamant about that. I love that. She's like a comedy coach.

53:46Oh, she's, I mean, look, she's not funny. Let's be very clear. I take offense when she tells the people at the party, I'm the funny one at home. I go, hang on, my comedy bought the house. Let's be real, okay? She's a gangster. She's awesome. And same with our girls. She kind of monitors the material and runs it by them with her and talks to them about it and, you know, yeah. Do they think dad's really cool or dad's human? Oh, human. They don't think I'm cool at all. They do not. When did that, when did it go from cool to human? Or was it ever cool in the first place? I don't think it was ever cool.

54:22I don't think it's, no, it's, you know, I had a period of where Georgia, I could tell thought I was kind of cool. Yeah. Like Georgia had this, like, we took her on Fully Loaded one year, her and her friend Daisy. I got this great picture. At the end of the night, I'd tell the machine, and then I'd bring all the comics on stage, and I'd have them bring me a beer, and I'd kill a beer and I'd spit it in the air. And it was a fun moment way to close the show. And it was always a really cool picture. And one year, I call all the comics out. And then everyone starts walking off. And I'm saying goodbye.

54:55And Georgia comes out. I got this great picture. And she throws her arm in the air like she just did a stand up. Like she didn't stand up. And I was like, what are you doing? And she goes, I just wanted to see what it felt like. But I think they think I'm OK. I don't think they think I'm cool. like in all honesty if i didn't ever go to their college ever again they'd be very comfortable with that well why do you turn up to their college you mean to drop them no like parents weekend yeah parents weekend or you know we went and looked at colleges i wanted georgia to go to boulder and uh so we went to boulder and this kid yells out the window the machine and then all of a sudden word got out on campus and kids started running and finding me and I watched this kid, my child, lose interest in a school very quick.

55:41A great school. One of the best schools in the universe. I love that school. And she was like, yeah, I'm not going here. I was like, what? She goes, I'm not going to a place where you have fans. I was like, baby, I think that's going to be tough. And then she was like, I won't go to Florida State. I won't go to Florida. I'm not going here. I'm not going to Georgia. I'm going to find my place. And so I didn't go look at schools with her. And the next two schools she looked at, she loved. She got into both of them and she chose one. Wow. And same with Isla. Isla would, they hate when I get recognized.

56:11Last night we flew in and paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport. And Georgia was just like, like she walked in and like stood by a wall and was like, she was like, can we just, mom, can we make this stop? And I was like, I don't, I'm not rude. So I'm like, I'm going to talk to them. If they want to talk to me, I'll say something to them. I'm not going to be there forever. But yeah, they, I think they would be cool if I wasn't famous. How do you deal with that? Like when you're raising kids, you've been doing this for a long time. They've probably been exposed to it since they were kids. Like how have you had that conversation with them?

56:44Because obviously it's still not easy for them. We had a moment. We were skiing. It was a very luxurious thing to do. It's not lost on my kids because we didn't always have money, but we were skiing and Georgia was having a rough time. There was something going on with Georgia. By the way, we didn't know this, but we all had COVID at the time. and so so george is having a rough time and she has a meltdown and she's you know you know what a junior in college high school at the time she's having a meltdown and i'm talking to her in front of where we're staying right by the lifts and we're both in our ski outfits i'm holding my snowboard she's got her snowboard and she's crying and i'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing she's going through and these two dudes are like oh shit the machine i just look at her And she's like, and i was like what's up guys and like can we get a picture i go i'm kind of doing a thing like real quick real quick and i'm like it's easier just to take the picture than to and so i take the picture she goes i understand that this allows us to do this she goes it would be nice just to have my dad sometimes and and i was like i know and it's sharing your your time with with fans is what is difficult for them and i'm not a good guy at like saying no like i i don't i've seen my friends do that before and it always rubs me wrong i'm like just take a picture with it doesn't Yeah, I feel the same way.

58:10Yeah, it's almost like this is the reason why you get to do what you love every day. The least you can do is. The least you can do is take a second and listen to someone. Yeah, and I'm assuming with you as well, people have great stories. That's how I feel. I get to talk to people who just have amazing stories to share and life-changing moments. And I'm like, I feel like if I didn't sit there and listen to that, it almost gives me fuel to keep going and keep moving because I hear amazing things. I'm sure you do too. Oh, I mean, you know, you forget, you know, a little bit of what we do is talk.

58:39We talk, you know, there's someone right now that probably has a weird relationship with their dad and is hearing this and is going, you know, there's things that we hope is funny too. But, you know, like doing the biggest one I always got was you got me through the pandemic because, you know, we put out content for them to distract themselves with. A lot of people didn't have big houses to stay in during the pandemic. They were in an apartment and they're just like, this is miserable. And I get that a lot. I get, you know, right now the one I'm getting is, you know, we just put our dog down. You, I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time.

59:10Thank you for letting us process. But, you know, the least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, I mean, that's something that you do quite uniquely, I feel. Like the ability to make someone laugh and cry. Even like as we've been talking today, I'm like having like a really emotional moment with you. And then you're like making me crack up at the other end with like grandma's funeral, like being at the hospital. And there's a real beauty in that. Like, have you ever sat and thought about like, was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to cry?

59:46Was this like one of the first times or? Yeah, I've never done this before. I mean, I don't mean this like cocky, but I don't think there's a lot of comics. That's what I'm saying, yeah. That are doing that. And I didn't know if I should do it. what made you do it why did you go there it was ready i did that story before razzle dazzle i was going to do it at the end of razzle dazzle and i just thought i don't know it just it felt weird to me for that material that material it felt weird and i and then and i was and georgia called me one time on stage i was on stage and right before i released razzle dazzle she goes what are you doing i said i'm doing stand-up she goes oh are you telling the escape room story and i was like no why should i she goes absolutely dad you remember you almost shit in papa's mouth and i went oh yeah and then she kind of broke down the story on stage told it i went that's my closer and i was like good i'll get made fun of if i do this dog story everyone's gonna make fun of me and and and say i i just i can i'm thinking of it too much and then i do this special and uh everyone i was working with was like are you seeing what's happening in the room and i was like no because you can't really see anything it's an arena and they're like yo we're out there and they're like Grown men are sobbing, crying.

1:00:54Like people are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time. They're like, this is different. Like I remember a dude I really respect. I brought with me on the road. He's like, that has to be your closer. He's like that. He goes, I don't know one comic making people cry, but making them happy cry. Like they're crying for something they love. And then they're laughing and you end on a laugh. He's like, you have to do it. I just didn't know if it was work. It was like what you said about writing a book. You sit with it for four years. and then and i shot this in july and it just came out this march so i've been sitting on this special and i just was like i am gonna get destroyed like i i just started in my head going like no one's gonna like this everyone's gonna make fun of this last story they're gonna go oh bird always cries that's all he does and um and i put it out like the first day it was trending at number two and I went, which I'd never tried it over six.

1:01:47And I was like, whoa, that's weird. And I went into my stories where people like mention you and it just looked like a straight line. And I was like, whoa. And I was like, I only got one story. I only got one person mentioning me and I hit it and I hit it. And I was like, oh my God, I couldn't get the line to go away. And I was like, and it was all about this story. Everyone was just sobbing, crying. People were sending me pictures of their dogs. They were holding their dogs. They were filming their husbands crying. They were, I mean, it was so cathartic for me. And I'll be very real. So you get on Netflix on a Tuesday.

1:02:26You find out if you trend on Wednesday. I did press all Wednesday morning from six in the morning till nine o 'clock. I don't know if anyone's liked the special. I don't know if it's trending. I don't know any of that. I go and take a nap and I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me. Like I figured, I said to myself, if it just trends in the top 10, I'm going to be happy. Look, I'm 52. There's guys doing it better than me, younger than me. I expect them to just blow my doors off. Just please tell me I have another year of doing stand-up. That's the way your head's thinking. And I took a nap.

1:02:57I woke up, and I got a text from a younger comic I really, really like, Ricky Velez. And he just said, yo, man, you're killing it. This is a great special. I've been a fan of yours for a while. I'd love to hang out next time I'm in LA. Not do a podcast, hang out. I was like, that's cool. And I like this guy. This guy's doing what I was trying to do at his age. he's doing it way better than I'm doing it. So I was like, Oh, nice. I was like, you liked the special. Cool. I was like, nice. A young kid liked special. And then my texts blow up. And that's when I went into my stories and I saw it. And as I'm watching the stories, people are saying, I started sobbing, crying just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like, Oh, the thing I did is good.

1:03:36It's not horrible. It's not horrible. People don't hate me. Oh, I was just sobbing, crying in my bed. I was like, And then Leanne comes in from her workout class. She's like, what's wrong with you? She just walks in. She goes, you're training at number two. And I was like, what? I didn't even look at Netflix. And then I was like, and so I was like, whatever. I'm good. My first day was good. And then it's been like that every day. The response has been crazy. People really are connecting with that last story. Yeah. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block.

1:04:10Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer at the age of 45. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered, and start listening.

1:04:53So your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive, right? But if they aren't connected to other agents or your data or your existing workflows, how productive can they really make your teams? Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business. IBM.

1:05:22Talk to me about what you just said now, that inevitable embracing of insignificance and irrelevance that everyone goes through. Like that idea that one day, no one's going to care about me. no one's going to care about you no one's going to care about 99.9 % of everyone who's relevant current whatever trending we want to call it and there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding on to their last bit of relevance and significance and it's painful to watch but you understand it because you go well wait a minute I really liked no matter how much we say like you know Ellen said something that I love she goes I used to always say I didn't care what people thought that's when everyone thought I was amazing like you know it's like it's really easy to say i don't care what anyone thinks when i'm the number one person in the world but then when you actually are not number one number two number three number four you you start getting down on that list you'll be on number 10 now you do start caring what people think especially like what you said the new god like and especially when the new god has respect that's a beautiful thing yeah but when the new god's kind of like you know living how you were when you were the new god who has that overconfidence that arrogance how do you think about that like how have you reflected have you thought about that at all i thought that's all i think you gotta remember i didn't i was like i didn't i was just gonna be a journeyman comic like i wasn't supposed to be successful i i you know i did travel channel and i thought that was gonna be my life and then when i got let go from travel channel and my special didn't do well never the machine didn't do well and i'm getting fat shamed by tommy i was like okay i i remember saying, are we cool with this?

1:07:03Can we do this like this at this level? Like I was the guy at the store when people would talk to me, more successful comics would talk to me. They'd look over my shoulder waiting for someone better to talk to. I was a nice guy. People liked me, but I wasn't relevant to them. And so they were like, Ooh, that guy's, Oh, that guy's 28 and he's killing it. Give me one second, Bert. I want to go talk to him. And I was like, am I cool with that? I remember one time coming off stage, not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans and seeing a a young comic murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen in, we had looked at that brand car and then he had the car they had in the showroom.

1:07:40I had a car was like$220 ,000 and I was like, Oh, how did, how can you afford that? So I wasn't supposed to be successful and I was cool with it. I was definitely cool with it. I was like, I can just do comedy at funny bones. I love comedy. I'll keep putting out specials. Maybe you never know. Look, Rogan's a good friend. I can always do his podcast. You know, that's how my brain worked. I had my podcast, but no one cared. And then I had a conversation with my dad. I got let go from Travel Channel. I had the conversation with Rogan. And him and Tommy, I remember they're both saying, like, don't worry, we can help you get ad sales.

1:08:12And I was like, okay. And then I posted the machine story. And then all of a sudden, it went, like, crazy. I mean, I had never experienced that before. Like, genuinely viral. And then all of a sudden, I started selling tickets. And I was like, whoa. Holy crap. This is crazy. just selling out, not looking at ticket counts, just going in and knowing everything's clean. And so I, I really honestly had kind of already let go of all of it, but there's a part of me that remembers, oh, it was cool. And like, I remember, I remember getting right before I got let go into a travel channel, I got into a town car.

1:08:45They got me a town car for something. And I remember getting in and going, this is the last town car I'll ride in. I was like, I should really enjoy this. So I kept always saying that every time I went to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again. man, you only do theaters once really. I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this. This is the Chicago theater. Let's go for a jog tonight and watch the sunset. And then, yo, this is crazy. I'm doing the Beacon. I probably, I'm not going to sell two shows at the Beacon ever again. So let's really enjoy this. And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up to the, out to my bus and we hung out.

1:09:18And then when I started doing arena, I didn't even know I was going to do arenas. I didn't know I was doing an arena. I was in Green Bay and I was like, I'm doing an arena? And they're like, yeah. and I was like whoa I gotta really enjoy this and so I every step of the way have been like I gotta enjoy this but then you know I take nine months off wait for the special to be released and I did it again am I cool with not being relevant am I cool with not being the thing the shiny object and maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters I texted my manager today I go hey guys I don't need to do arenas anymore I can do, I love theaters.

1:09:59So Kevin Hart did a theater. I go, there's no shame in doing a theater. A lot of them, you can see a lot of me make more money than an arena. And then special came out and I was like, it was just like a relief. I was like, I was like, I can breathe. I can breathe. That, oh my God, that is like, and, uh, and then we were on a call today and they're like, yo, you know, doing arenas again in the fall, starting in September. And I told them, I said, and I said to them, I said, you know, Hey, when we book out 2026, I don't have to do arena tours. Like I don't have to be holding on to something. I'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some, some theaters and, and, and doing some outdoor venues.

1:10:37I'd like to do the gorge again, but like, I go, let's shake it up, you know? And they were all like, really? I was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't care. Like it's, but that it's, I've watched it go away for people. It sucks. You're right. Or I've seen someone hold too tightly. that's why that song hold on loosely by 38 special so great hold on loosely and don't let go because if you hold too tight girl you're gonna lose control you're gonna you're gonna that's a great song it's a great song hold on loosely no i love that yeah that's a great name for a special yeah yeah it is a good yeah it is a good name i love what you're saying though that i was i was driving to one of my clients homes the other day and this is someone i grew up watching huge fan of someone that i coach and work with and i was driving to his house and i walked in and you know it's like it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house yeah and i was just like i have to live in the moment that i cannot believe and now we i've been i've been working with him for seven years so i've driven to this house like every day for years yeah but i was like it loses its value when i stop being grateful for it as soon as it becomes familiar like what you're saying i love what you just said i love love love what you just said because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value.

1:11:59And then when you lose it, you don't, you never got to experience it. So you realize you never had it in the first place because you were just running after it. Like you were chasing the whole time. You never held it. And what you just said is you held it for that moment. I still hold it. Yeah, you still hold it. I just signed up. When I did the machine, my producer, Kale Boyder, he's one of the greatest guys, like guys, happens to be a great movie producer. And I was like, yeah, I'm going to not drink and not, I'm going to be clean. I'm going to work out. I'm going to eat clean. I'm going to look good.

1:12:32And he just kind of looked at me and was like, hey man, that's not who I hired. He's like, look, if I know who you are, like if you're not having fun, you're not going to, it's going to show up on screen. But if you're having fun. And he goes, I can't tell you the movie is going to be a hit. I can't tell if it's going to be a flop that you never know. But what I can tell you is you probably only going to get to make one movie. So enjoy this process, have fun. And man, I had so much fun making the machine. It was the experience of a lifetime. Cause every day I was like, I will never make another movie.

1:13:04I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines. Cause I say whatever I want to say like it was like the greatest life experience of my life but yeah that's how I look at every project this is probably the last one I'll do you know I thought I I know I have one more special with Netflix like I owe them one and I go that might be my last one but that only makes it better though so the cool thing about a special and you don't you don't get to experience this and and I don't think some comics think about this but I think about this so I take this material that I create about 18, 24 months out.

1:13:37And I take this and I work it and I play with it. And at a certain point, I get bored of it and I reinvent it and I come back to it. But I play with this. For two years, I work on this same stuff. And when I do my last taping, I did six shows. And on my last taping, I was present and I said, this is the last time I'll say these words. Oh, it's like, I give them the universe. They'll never get them again. and I get so emotional saying that but you know you're so your material is who you are and I can't and I go this is the last time I'll say this word this wording in this cadence and it's just so it's but with a band you never do that yeah and then sometimes you tell a story like a machine and you've been telling it now for 15 years I don't still tell it I'll still tell it listen I was that story you changed my I sat listen I sat in the Ryman theater there's a woman named Angela Johnson, brilliant comic.

1:14:31She's got a great nail salon bit. I was with Arsh Fear and Nate Bargatze. None of us were working very well. None of us were making money. She had sold out the Ryman, and they were chanting for this nail salon bit. And I said to the Lord, I said, Lord, give me one bit that people give a shit about. I'll tell it until the day I die. And he was definitely listening. He was like, I got you. I'll one-up it. I'll make it a 12-minute bit. You're going to make a movie out of this bit. I'll tell you. I got you. and that's my nail salon bit. You've always been so open about mental health and I talk about anxiety.

1:15:06And that's a big priority for us here as well because I find that so many people in their journey never get to share that. People don't get to see that. Within people, you've talked about anxiety, intrusive thoughts. Why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are going to pick at that, look at that weird, your peers kind of, where did that get you that courage and confidence? I think it was stupidity. I think, I mean, I just was like, you know, when I got into the business, I was like 100 % transparency. I was watching comics as a character, and I was like, that doesn't seem fun.

1:15:39So you're going to pick a character, and then you're going to stay a character your whole life. I was like, I'm going to be Burt, and I'm just going to be Burt, and anything I think I say, and I'm going to live by the sword, die by the sword. This is my thing. And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, I have anxiety. Like, I have anxiety. I have really bad anxiety. I have OCD. I have intrusive thought. I have struggled with thought. I don't know. I don't think I have depression only because I just, I can't, I can't, I can't. I think people that have real, real depression think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression.

1:16:13I know what it's like to have anxiety. I had an anxiety attack driving in college, and I didn't know what it was. I thought I had a brain tumor. And then the first time I was explaining it to someone, and this is probably 27 years old, 28 years old. I was explaining it to someone, and they were like, oh, you get anxiety attacks. I went to a therapist, and she said, I have a fear of flying. I don't know if you noticed, but I have a fear of flying. Rituals I do when I fly. She said, well, yeah, you have anxiety. Let me give you Xanax. Then I took Xanax, and I was like, oh, my God. Is this what regular people feel like?

1:16:48I was like, are you kidding me? and then i i developed a problem with xanax as as many people with anxiety do and my wife went right when we had georgia she said yo you're done taking xanax like i'd taken i'd been using it you know on and off for like a year and she maybe a little more in georgia in the end's like you're done with xanax it's you can have one if you need one but it can't be your go-to every night it can't be the way you put yourself to sleep and then when i said we started doing podcasts i just was like i don't know i was like i just be open and honest you know i have ruminating thoughts where i just chew a thought over and over again what's been the most recent this morning you went with the one this morning uh i i'm a great great comic uh nick thune was telling me about when he quit drinking and he said he was having a liver failure and his back was hurting and this morning i woke up on my side and my back hurt and i went that does it you party too much your liver's failing your liver's failing and I started going through thoughts I could not stop and I have a saying when I go when I start having anxiety or OCD I go be like a shark get out of bed and start moving second you start moving things start helping and I go get in the gym get in the sauna let's get in the sauna let's get in the sauna let's sweat some stuff out it's just back pain you're trust me you would have other symptoms and I but I can't connect with it and it just it goes on and on and on and And I just obsess about it.

1:18:11And I bring it up to almost everyone. I've brought it up to everyone I've seen today. And then I go, no booze, no booze anymore. I'm done for a month. I'm going to cut off for a month. That does it. And then I come up here and I see your house. I go, all right, bottle of champagne. What's it going to hurt, right? But I have a saying with life, whether you're dealing with anxiety, OCD, eating, drinking, masturbating, masturbating, whatever your little thing is, my saying is, and it kind of calms me down, let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday. That's all we got to do. Just a baby step, a little better than yesterday.

1:18:49And if we have a bad day today, realize tomorrow we're going to have, we're going to do better. We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow. And so I've been stuck in that mindset today. And I said, let's just get, let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday. And so that's where my head's at. But yeah, they've got, I've had really, and you know, my daughters have anxiety and Leanne doesn't. They have sleep anxiety. They both had sleep anxiety when they were young. So Georgia would wake up and think she was dying. And I remember I was so glad I had anxiety then because I could help her.

1:19:24Leanne's like, just go count sheep. I go, uh-uh, let's not count. We're not counting. That's the worst way to deal with this. Just because if you, it's shutting your brain off is the thing you need to do. If your brain's just going after it, you're, you're screwed. Yeah. And so, uh, but Leanne's also gangster. She got both of them into therapy immediately. Uh, and this therapist helped them immensely, but now Georgia and I can text about anxiety and talk about it. And, and you know, it's the best thing about it is when you know other people have it, it's, you're like, Oh, so I'm not broken. I'm not crazy.

1:19:58Definitely not. Yeah, and that's the greatest feeling. And it's, you know, look, my family's seen me. When I get ready for a flight, it's like I get physically ill. I start feeling my head getting tight. I feel this. And they're like, hey, you're just having anxiety. And then to recognize it sometimes, it doesn't help 100%, but you can breathe. That's another one thing I always say, like, wait, I'm breathing. I'm still breathing. And I just take deep breaths and I'm still breathing. Crazy anxiety scuba diving. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block.

1:20:33Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer at the age of 45. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered and start listening.

1:21:17So, your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive, right? But if they aren't connected to other agents, or your data, or your existing workflows, how productive can they really make your teams? Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business, IBM.

1:21:45oh yeah i mean definitely trying to breathe and scuba dive is hot enough i mean probably one of the biggest panic attacks panic attacks i ever had were scuba diving in a thunderstorm in fiji at 90 yeah that would do it and i'm and we're in a tin boat and i'm just like i get in the water and we start sinking and i realize very quick nothing i like is down at the bottom of this ocean and i start kicking up to the top and my dive instructor just grabs me grabs my bc grabs my thing puts in my mouth like just holds it there and just going like this and i sunk with this phygean woman who looked like junior seo she was a big woman and she took me to the bottom of the ocean and i was like and then but you know i got through it you get through it yeah you always get through it no one dies from anxiety you've developed enough coping mechanisms i don't know if i have and i don't know if they're healthy i know alcohol has been a big coping mechanism of mine yeah when i the first time i learned i could sleep without drinking like you know because you do it from 22 to like you know 30 and then one day you're like i gotta try to go to sleep without a cocktail or a glass of wine first time i did that i was like whoa i can fall asleep shut up my oh my god i've got enough tools to shut my brain off yeah and that relationship feels healthier now with alcohol oh yeah i mean look let's be real alcohol is poison everyone knows that it's not good you shouldn't do it but i'm also not a mormon i like to have a good time i like to get loose it's for alcohol for me it's not even the buzz i gotta be honest with you it's the letting loose it's the celebration it's the hey do you want to do a shot and you go oh i definitely want to do like like the it's the permission to party.

1:23:31Like it literally is. I mean, I named that tour this because when someone's like, Hey man, when someone likes a joint, you're like, you want that? That's, that's like, yo, let's do it. Let's get after it. I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, Hey, you want one? It's, it's the funnest thing in the world. When, when flight attendants say to me, can I get you something to drink? I love that. Cause they don't always say that, but when they do, I go, it's going to be a good flight. I said, I have a speech that i've i've people passed around but it is like a first kiss when we got married leanne goes i says it bummed you out you'll never have sex with anyone she goes no absolutely not i said me either i said i think i'm good just having sex with you she goes what really bums me out is i'll never get a first kiss i know for us that's the worst because we got to do the kiss all the anxieties on us we got to wait the whole night does she want to kiss me is she gonna kiss me should i take her to should i do it in the car should i do it when we walk to the car when should should I do it?

1:24:25Oh, no, that was the wrong time. That was wrong time. For a woman, it's just this excitement of like, when's it going to happen? Is he doing it now? When's my present show up? And that's how I feel about shots. Well, what's the whoop telling you? I see you're the whoop on. So I'm crazy. I'm crazy neurotic. Okay. Okay. So I check all of it. My favorite day in the year is what, December 30th when they post our scores. I love Whoop. And I have found that if I am overly hydrated, my heart rate is lower. So every night before I go to bed, I drink four liquid desks, 19 ounce liquid desks. I drink four of them.

1:25:10I pee in the middle of the night, but I drink four of them. My heart rate's around 56 beats per minute. And that's after having a bottle of wine or some porosos. And so I'm wildly hydrated. And that is my key for my Whoop. It also, you know, for me, it also tells you how hard to work out. I love that. I love a goal because, you know, when we did the first Sober October, we were all trying to set goals of how hard we can work out. And that when you see the top of the mountain, you know where you have to go. And so you go, all right, I'm not done. I'm getting back on the treadmill. I'm going to get on the assault bike.

1:25:41Okay, here we're going to do the ski org for, we'll do, and like, I love that. Like right now I've already hit my goal. My goal was like, I slept horrible last night. My goal was, I think, a 10, and I'm at 9.6. But if it wasn't, go to the gym, hit the SkiErg. 10 calories, 10 times. And we'll just get there. And get a minute break. Yeah, I like that shit. I love it. I love Whoop, too. I love that. It's great to measure. You need it. And then they measure your steps. And you're like, yo, Whoop, how long have you been doing that? Because I didn't send this in. You just turned something on. Give me my old steps.

1:26:13I want to know what my old steps were. Yeah, yeah. When I started measuring steps, it was the very first. I got a Fitbit, the little one you put in your pocket. And bro, that changed the game for me. I was like, I'm into fitness tracking. And then when they sent these to us for the first, second Sober October, buddy, I've been, this thing does not come off my wrist. Unless I do a special, I take it off. You're going to need to pay me for that whoop. Yeah, we should figure that out. Yeah, they used to, they still do. They're pretty good to us. Yeah, I love that. But it has been, I mean, you are literally the best time.

1:26:45Buddy, you're the best interviewer I've ever done. you're so good at this i feel so present um it's crazy you're but you're so much fun you gotta realize this is like there's good chemistry what we should do is we should do a double date your wife and my wife i'd love that and then my wife's gonna go shut the f**k up or let him talk i can't wait to be here no honestly we have to hang outside of this like i'd love that i've got your number you're such a good time and we end every episode with a final five these questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum okay but i may ask you to elaborate because i think you're going to give me some awesome answers so question number one is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received uh don't take anyone's advice it's the best advice but sometimes everyone's advice is so built up with their bullshit i remember posting a dance video and everyone's like why would you do that sold out my tour in seconds i'm so glad i didn't listen to anybody don't take that's a good story don't take anyone's advice i love that uh i fully agree the amount of publishers that told me not to call my book think like a monk that was my first book and they were like don't call it that no one wants to think like a monk they're telling they're giving you advice based on their failures totally and you're not them totally and then data which is which is already in the past yeah right having said that joe rogan gave me the best advice ever and he just said he just said to me just you know a little high a little drunk in the back of the store he's like you need a netflix special and i was like yeah he's like no you need one i was like i don't know how to get that joe and he goes be undeniable and he just walked away i was like the fuck does that mean i wrote in my joke book and i just tried to figure it out and then when you are undeniable you're like oh that was great advice i love that uh question number two what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received worst advice i ever had got was uh you should start wearing a shirt if i had worn a shirt who told you that i won't say her name but someone that worked at showtime she said hey you should wear a shirt for this trust me no one does it without a shirt for a reason you should wear a shirt and i was and i almost did and then she said how about this you do one with a shirt one without a shirt okay and i said well then we can't cut them between them she goes yeah we'll use the one with the shirt do not do it without a shirt and i was like i don't know i can't remember thinking i'm a little different like i want to do it my way like i i know that and a lot of people were like why would you not wear a shirt my dad why would you buddy put on a brooks brothers coat a tie look sharp and i was like nah i'm gonna do it shirtless and thank god i mean it like i think that's been my i mean that's how some people times people just go oh i didn't recognize you with the shirt on that's so good i you know what when you came in today and i buzzed you in and I saw you without your shirt on.

1:29:33I was like, he's going to do it without his shirt. I love it. I love it. I was like, he's going to do it without his shirt. I told the team. I was like, he's coming without his shirt. He's going to do it. And then you came out of the car and then your team had your shirt. And I was like, oh, okay. People would turn off. My breasts are just too meaty. I'm at the point now where my breasts hit my stomach. You don't know what that's like. It's sad. I look good standing up shirtless, but sitting down shirtless, I like a melted candle. dude it's great i love it i was so i was like guys he's gonna do it with this i can answer these last ones shirtless just just to really be brand friendly god this is a nice shirt too it's a really nice shirt i really like it i don't know you look great bro you look great oh thank you yeah it's like wow we're getting oh there we go okay we're getting the full experience i love it now i'm like okay what's our next question you're amazing i love this uh question number three is, what's different and similar about the way you parent your kids and the way your dad parented you?

1:30:35Oh, I'll tell you what's similar. Okay. I parented my kids the exact way my dad parented me. What's different is my kids are smarter than I was. And they told me I was doing it wrong. Dude, I was a raise your voice, raise your voice kind of dad. Girls didn't, I remember the biggest fight we ever gotten with girls. They took the collars. They like when our dogs are naked and we have bull masters. I go, girls, the second you take the collars off, I can't control that dog. And they let both the dogs out and they chased a woman and I couldn't get them to the collars. And I came in and I started yelling at my girls and Georgia goes, just so you know, when you get to here, we know there's nowhere else you're going.

1:31:19And I was like, what? She goes, the threat's over. This is as bad as it gets. And I was like, what? She goes, you're not going to hit us. So it's not working. All right. And I was like, oh shit. And I realized, oh, it's not working. You can't just go like that does it. Cause this is as bad as it gets. I go, okay, where does it go from here? And then, then Georgia took the car with her friends and you're not allowed to do that and she was like here we go again Leanne caught her and I said yo come home right now she drops her friends off she comes home she sits and she's like all right do it like like that I go hey it's just unsafe can you do me a favor just write like write like a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this and she started crying and she goes wait you're not gonna yell at me i went no i go it doesn't work you said that it doesn't work and it doesn't work you're still you're still doing bad things so like just write a thousand words and then give it to me and she started sobbing crying and she was like she goes i think you're you're turning into like a really great dad and i was like really and she goes dad you you understand me like your dad it didn't work and then she wrote a thousand words and it was all a thousand words why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down.

1:32:34And I went, oh, shit. Yeah, I love my dad, but he didn't do that. Wow. Do you think having the daughters changed you? Oh, those two kids. Those two kids are just incredible kids. Really incredible kids who get it and get me. And perfect. Trying to plan a trip to Hawaii, and both of them want to get jobs this summer. I'm like, what are we talking about? My dad said Hawaii. I'd be like, yeah, I'll quit my job tomorrow, dad. Yeah. I love that. Question number four. You're such an open book. What's something people don't know about you that they'd be surprised to hear? I think if people heard my inner dialogue sometimes.

1:33:16Interesting. I think people would be bummed out for me. Oh, interesting. You know how you say like, you say like the things sometimes you say to yourself, you go, I forget the quote, but it's like, you know, what would you say if someone was saying that about your daughter. Yeah. And you go, oh, I beat that person up. Why would you let them do it to you? Sometimes my inner dialogue can be really punitive. And I think if people heard it, it would break their heart a little bit. And that's the one thing I tried better to change about myself is my inner dialogue, to be more positive about myself.

1:33:53But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit where I go, don't let them, if they think that about you, you change. You do better. you get that does it let's get in the gym let's write let's read that script let's let's do that movie let's challenge ourselves to do that let's go back on tour let's take time off like i think that inner dialogue as unhealthy as it may be i bet if most people heard that inner dialogue they'd give me a hug and go i do the same shit yeah definitely yeah i think we all do it i do it we all do it just look in the mirror and then you you should be happy like look at these crystal blue electric eyes.

1:34:29Oh, man. I think there's so many. I think you're spot on. There's so many. And by the way, it is that. You're somewhat trained to be driven. And you know that that level of setting that standard high is what lets you rise and keep going. Otherwise, we would have sat here for 10 minutes and walked off, right? Like, there's no need. Yeah. So there's that. And then there's the compassion. And that's why I've seen the best performers in the world, they have high standards, but then they have high grace. And it's like, if you have one or the other, it doesn't work. If you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't actually keep to those high standards.

1:35:04And if you have low standards and high grace, well, then you'll never get anywhere. I'm always blown away by guys with crazy confidence. And I'm like, is that real? I go like, people just talk wild shit. I'm like, yo, I'm actually a good comic. I'm better than, I'm like legit. But like, you believe that about yourself? I'm always blown away by that. Yeah, but you have to. You have to. There was this great, Federer gave this, Roger Federer, the tennis player, gave this amazing commencement speech last year. And he was saying that he's only won something like 60 % of his points in his lifetime. And he was saying, the best thing I have to do is lose a point and then forget about that point.

1:35:45Like I've got to move on because otherwise I'm going to lose the next point. Lose the next point. If I keep thinking about that last loss. But he goes, I've lost a ton of points in my life. He goes, my skill is not to not lose points. My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background and go win the next point. And I feel like that's that compassion. That's that grace of like, just move on. Next one. Like you did with your next special. The first one didn't work out. Next one. Like, let's see what can go. Yeah. It's crazy. I think that's, yeah, I don't know who I'd be with.

1:36:13Like I sometimes toy with the idea of getting on Prozac or something. And then I go, but wait, I don't want to get rid of the, maybe that's my mom. I told her I was going to get on Prozac. She goes, oh honey, those are your nooks and crannies. I was like, what? My mom has zero anxiety. zero anxiety wow i love that my dad called one time he was calling me on facetime he goes hey buddy i want to just tell you that i love you i'm going into surgery tomorrow i go okay i said was it a crazy surgery he goes no but you know you know just one little you know i love you and i hear from my mom in the background go sometimes they don't wake up i was like wait mom what she said sometimes they don't wake up so your dad may not wake up he may die and i'm like I look at my dad's eyes and he's like I live with this woman oh god last two questions all right um where am I let's do okay yeah so has there ever been a joke or something you said in a roast or something like that on stage where you're like yeah I went too far but yeah yeah oh wow yeah every podcast I do you're sensitive too that's the thing oh I never I never want to joke to hurt someone yeah I remember I told a joke one time about uh uh about black women it was a good joke I would have stood by it had a fan not come up to me as a black woman she was really pretty and she said hey man I uh I'm a fan and I was like cool she goes I just want you to know that that joke kind of hurt a little bit and she goes and I know that wasn't your intention but it didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team I felt like I was now an outsider and I went, Ooh, she goes, yeah, I know.

1:37:50She goes, I didn't, I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that. And then when you said it, I realized I was like, I'm the only black woman in there. And I went, Oh, that's not my intention. And she goes, I know. That's why I'm telling you. Wow. And I was like, yeah. And I remember, and, but you don't realize that when you do comedy, you're just trying to get laughs. Right. And the one time I didn't believe a guy was blind and he was blind. I really regret that. I didn't, Tommy told me he wasn't blind. he was lying and i tested him and then he got up and he was really blind and i was like wow he he's really blind and they're like he got blind two days ago and i was like oh god so he wasn't it was yeah that was hey i could we could do a podcast on regrets i've been doing this 25 years i regret a lot oh my god what about what about when you said your daughter's CEO special and they're like dad stop being a misogynist like they were like they told me they go yeah dad's just a misogynist and i went no i'm not and they went have you ever watched your stand-up and i was like yeah and they're like do you hear the way you talk about mom and i was like yeah but that's mom and they're like dude dad dude you're a wild misogynist and then isla was like could you just write a joke for women like to make the women feel like better than the men and i was like i can do that and then i wrote it and they didn't like it they definitely didn't like it but but But maybe that's coming.

1:39:10Maybe you're moving in that direction. Maybe. I don't know. I don't know what my direction is. Now that I have this crying joke at the end, I feel like everyone's going to be like, what are you going to make us cry about next? And I'll be like, oh God. I hope my dad dies. So I buried my dad. They're like, here we go.

1:39:27Final question. We ask this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? The law I would make, like i really dig like uh siesta in spain but not everyone's a napper but i like that concept that there's like i would do like i would do state mandated happy hours like state mandated happy hours we're like we're like you you had at five o 'clock when you got off work you couldn't go home you had to go to everyone have court-appointed bars and you had to go to these bars and you don't have to drink but you got to spend time and talk to people in community.

1:40:06Like you got to go there and people can drink and it's only an hour. It's one hour, but everyone goes and you, and everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to the, that's what I think is so cool about London. We were talking about that is the pub energy. You guys got that. And I think that in America, if we knew, like, I was like, Oh, we got to wrap this up. We got to go to Chili's real quick. And you're like, Oh, you go to Chili's too. I go, well this week I'm going to Chili's. And then we went to Chili's and you're like, we should get a drink. I think that would be awesome. And I would definitely do comedy at those shows.

1:40:34I would love that court appointed mandated happy hour comedy shows oh there we go no first time ever we've heard that on the show so it's a good answer as well i love it boat crusher lucky specials out i'm the luckiest dude this is so much fun you're you're the best and and thank you for thank you for listening to me tell you how important i was on that plane I'm so glad I said that. In the best way possible. I was like, I was like, he is, I already know he's funny. Cause I was like, no, normally if someone said that you just, it wouldn't land. But you said it in the most sweet, endearing way.

1:41:13I wish I had recorded that. I know that. I wish I recorded that. Cause I would love to hear what I sound like talking about myself. Cause I know what it is. I know it comes from a good place, but especially like I can't, if I see someone I recognize, I get overwhelmed. You were amazing. You're so nice. And then you mentioned Tom Segura. And I was like, oh yeah, I know Tom because my videographer works with Tom. And so I was aware. And then, yeah, and I knew what two bears was. But it was one of those weird situations where like, but we hit it off, man. Dude, what's crazy is I had you, I had videos of you saved in my YouTube.

1:41:45You sent them to me. And I was like, I watch you. I relax. I sit back and listen to your interviews. You're too kind, man. Dude, you're the best. I want to come to your next special, next live I'm there in the audience. Done. Double date first. I'd love that first. I'd love it. I'm in. Jay, thank you. I love it. Thank you, bro. If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation. Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now. Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week.

1:42:20That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50%, and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. Hey, this is Steve Covino from Covino & Rich. Toyota is moving toward a more sustainable future by giving you the freedom to choose from an incredible lineup of trucks now available in both gas and hybrid models, including the legendary Tacoma and the powerful Tundra, both available with the iForce Max Hybrid powertrain and backed by Toyota's legendary reputation for reliability.

1:43:04More choices, less compromise. Visit buyatoyota.com for a great deal on an efficient Toyota today. Toyota, let's go places. This is Amy Brown from Feeling Things with Amy and Kat. IsoPure Protein helps you focus on more of what matters, like feeling your best every day with great tasting nutrition that's high protein and low carb, it's never been simpler. I use IZipier unflavored protein every day and I have already restocked three times since first trying it. Actually, I think I've bought it four times now because my daughter took a bag of it to her dad's house. With 25 grams of ultra filtered protein, you can add it to things like guacamole, pasta sauce, and more.

1:43:43It tastes great on everything. Enjoy more of what matters today at isipyourprotein.com and get 20 % off your order when you use code MINDS20 at checkout. This is an iHeart Podcast.