Ed Mylett: #1 Habit to Become an Expert at Time and Energy Management

23:45Malcolm Gladwell here. I recently recorded the first episode of Smart Talks with IBM, where I learned how AI agents are joining AI assistants as a major productivity tool. Let's start with AI agents. AI agents can reason, plan, and collaborate with other AI tools to autonomously perform tasks for a user. Brian Bissell, an expert from IBM, gave me an example of how a college freshman might use an AI agent. As a new student, you may not know, how do I do with my health and wellness issue? How many credits am I going to get for this given class? You could talk to someone and find out some of that, but maybe it's a little bit sensitive and you don't want to do that.

24:26Bissell told me, you could build an AI agent, a resource for new students that helps them navigate a new campus, register for classes, access the services they need, and even schedule appointments on their behalf, which in turn buys them more time to focus on their actual schoolwork. We can see patterns of how agents and assistants can help employees and customers and end users be more productive, automate workflows so they're not doing certain types of repetitive work over and over again, and streamlining their lives and making data more accessible to them 24 hours a day. To learn more about IBM's AI agents and how they can help your business, visit ibm.com slash agents.

25:13Yeah, I find that there's almost a mental plucking and extraction process. And it starts with an awareness of why am I making this decision or what is driving me towards this? And if the intention is not love, service, joy, growth, then chances are if it's ego, revenge, jealousy, envy, greed, if it's all those, I know those are weeds. But that requires me to sit still and sit quietly in order to really be honest with myself when it's uncomfortable to say, oh, Jay, you're just doing that because you're envious. and being able to say that to myself and not hate myself for that, but to realize it's just a weed in a garden.

26:01If you see a weed in your garden and you start hating the whole garden, that doesn't make any sense. You just go and pluck that weed out. And so I feel for me it requires that awareness, that stillness and then extraction. That's really good. And I think that's probably why I think we get along so well because of that intention. But I want to ask you, how do you develop and build and help people choose an intention that lives off the page? Because I think we're all used to now, like my intention today is, right? But that's not what we're talking about. How does your intention come off the page and come into your day?

26:34That's a great question. I tell them all, you validate your intention with your action. So I like to, I call it validating it. And so I like to give myself evidence that it's true. I'll give you an example. One of the things right now that I'm really working on in my life, and it's not easy for me because I've lived another way. I love to just share the things that are negative about me because I think it gives people hope. If this guy is screwed up as he is, can win. Maybe I got some hope. And one of the things that I've lived with a lot in my life is I think I have judged people too much and not extended enough grace.

27:05But the last 10 years of my life, man, I'm really proud of myself. I've extended grace to people. I feel better about me, brother, when I extend grace to another person. I just feel good about me, particularly maybe when they don't deserve it in the moment. I'll give you an example. I'll give you a quick story. Please. The stories are great. Keep them coming. I love them. About three weeks ago, my kids were home for the holidays. And so we were at dinner. And this is treasured time with my kids because they're both away at college. And so we walk into a restaurant, a great restaurant, not like an amazing place, but a good restaurant.

27:38We walk in and from the lobby, I can hear these kids screaming. And I'm an introvert. So I like quiet meals. I like to actually be able to hear the people I'm talking with. I like quiet restaurants. This was normally a very quiet place is why I picked it. This night, it was not quiet in there. And I can hear these children screaming. And, you know, when you're a parent like I am, sometimes you're like, what is, why don't you, I would never let my kids act like that. It's easy to judge. And I didn't. So anyway, we walk into this restaurant and guess who we sit next to? The table I could hear from the lobby.

28:08There's five kids at this table with two parents and the kids are yelling and screaming. And one of them's running a circle out there. One of them threw some food. And the mother had kind of had her head down the whole time. And she really, my tendency would be to judge that family. This is an extreme story, but it gives you an example of why I work on the validating. So it's good enough to say my intention is to give people grace, but I need to validate it. And so my kids were kind of looking at me because they know their dad, you know, and I went, I'm going to extend grace to that family right now.

28:37And I actually told my family, I said, you guys, okay, it's going to sound crazy. Can we just say a quick prayer for them over there? they were like very close to us and the rest of the restaurant had noticed them too and so I said let's say a quick prayer and they go Max say the prayer I say it to my son so my son says a quick blessing for that family and my daughter says daddy let's buy them dinner I'm like now you're pushing me but okay but okay we'll get their dinner too but we're not going to tell them anyway so we extended grace and the entire meal they were noisy and chaotic anyway the end of the meal they left before we did and so they left and it got very quiet in there and it's Like, ah.

29:10But the whole time I had extended grace. I didn't judge them, which would be a tendency I would normally maybe do in my past. But now I'm validating this new intention of mine. Anyway, we pay the bill and we leave. And two days later, I'm hitting a couple golf balls at the golf course. And the server that night was hitting balls next to me. And he said, oh, Mr. Mylett, that was so kind of you to buy the meal for that night for that family in light of the funeral. And I said, what? He goes, that family that night. He goes, you know, they had come there to celebrate. They had just left the funeral of their grandmother.

29:42I said, you're kidding me? And he said, no. And the grandmother would come in here with them. They're a very close family. The kids don't normally behave like that. And the mother that night was so down. It's her mom. The kids are extra close to her because their husband, when he was deployed in Iraq, the grandmother lived with them and sort of raised them. And so they had just left the funeral that night and were having the dinner. And I went, there you go. You never know what someone's carrying. You don't know the burden they're carrying. It hurt people, hurt people. People in pain typically will create pain for other people.

30:12And I was like, what a blessing that I've got to this point in my life that I do extend grace, even when it doesn't seem like somebody deserves it, because you don't know what they're carrying. So I validated that intention with my behavior. And thank God I did, not knowing what they were going through. So it was a really beautiful culmination of the story that you just don't know what someone's carrying. Extend grace. Give people kindness. Do everything you can not to judge. Yeah. Wow. That's powerful, man. That's a crazy story. Yeah, that's crazy. But it's, and sometimes we don't always get the reward of that loop.

30:46True. But we have to recognize, as we know in our own lives, that we know we're always going through something. That's right. We know our friends are going through something. Our family is going through something. Everyone on your team is going through something. That's right. How we can't extend that is crazy. But I wanted to ask you something. Yeah. There's a lot of people who I know will be listening. And I know that our community and our audience are good-hearted, loving, wanting to be better people. We all want to improve, as do I. I've got so much more healing left to do, and I know our community does.

31:19But they often feel like even though they lead with love, everyone around them is causing them pain, is negative, is toxic. They don't feel that around them. and they almost get exhausted trying to be this bigger, graceful kind of person. And I'm sure you felt that. I know you're the right person to ask this question to. What do you do when you feel everyone around you is bringing you toxicity, negativity, and poor energy? How do you operate? I reduce proximity to them in those moments, and sometimes they are the weeds that need to be weeded out of your garden. That's the most difficult decision.

31:56But sometimes it's not weeding them out. It's reducing proximity. And then I've created some havens that I can go to, to sort of escape that for a few minutes. And so some of those are actually people. I've got two or three people in my life that when these other people are losing it and acting in a toxic way or acting out or antagonistic towards me or other people, I've got another person or two that I can go to that shifts my state, that is my rock, that is someone that I can express myself to. For some people, that might be therapy. But in my case, I've got two or three just great friends that I can go to.

32:29They set me straight. They give me perspective. Yes. What great friends give me is they give me perspective. This will pass. They're going through something. Rise above this. And see, when some people walk into a room, they adapt to the energy in the room. Greatness is walking into a room and shifting the energy. And so I believe I'm built for those moments that over time I'm built to shift the energy in the room, shift it. And the way that you do it is to me, it's just really speaking truth to people. And sometimes in a kind way, speaking truth to them about their behavior and their conduct and letting them know that you're better than this.

33:07You are better than the way you're conducting yourself. You're better than this. And here's why I do that. Truth, I think vibrates at the highest frequency. And so if you want to influence somebody, you have to be vibrating at a high frequency. That's telling someone the truth in the moment. You can tell the truth to somebody in a kind and gentle and generous way. But when you don't address someone's behavior, that's toxic towards you, you're not operating in truth. And what happens is you reduce your own vibrational frequency and that can get worse. So the way you rise above and shift the energy in the room is actually by operating in truth with somebody saying, look, I love you.

33:42I believe in you. And that's why I'm going to tell you the truth right now. And here's the truth. This thing you're doing right now, this way you're handling yourself is so much. It's so beneath who you really are. You're capable of so much greater. And I want you to know, I love you and believe in you enough that I'm going to share with you the truth. And by the way, there comes these intentions too. If someone, if you've sown enough seeds into someone, they know your intention. I think you can challenge people. I think great people are good at challenging other people. And the only way that you can challenge somebody is they have to know you love and believe in them first.

34:16Like even in your companies, you're just, listen, Jay's life is just exploding, right? everything about that he's got going. So a lot of people depend on you. A lot of people work with you and you've got to be able to challenge them to raise their standard. You can't do that first. You have to make deposits into people before you can make withdrawals. Because anytime you're challenging someone to saying, I need you to step up. That's a form of a withdrawal. It just is. You have to have made the deposits in someone of belief and love first. And then if you operate in truth, man, your frequency is vibrating real high.

34:47You can shift an environment and shift to the energy. Oh, I love that. I love that. I love that. And it's, and, and it's not a technique. No, it's, it's real. It's real. Like, it's not like, I always find like, it's not like you'd be nice to someone so you can ask for something back. And that's where you, the way you're saying it, it doesn't come that way. And I, I love that idea of raising and shifting frequency. And I actually want to give more people the encouragement and courage to be able to do that. Because I think we all do feel I can't shift it. I can't do anything. I'm not in control.

35:20My reminder would be truth is what shifts the room. And when you come from a loving place and a truth telling place, here's the other thing. I said this to you one other time. I don't know if it was on the show or not, but I think a lot of people feel inadequate about that. Like I'm not qualified. I've not, there's nothing great about me. Like what I've never, I've not achieved something or, or the other thing they do is they hold their sins or mistakes of their life as like weapons against themselves. Like, you don't know about my divorce. You don't know that I did this thing I'm not proud of.

35:47You don't know I had this business failure. I didn't, I, you know, I've gained some weight. And so I made a commitment to get fit and I'm not anymore. I'm not qualified to shift the energy or change other people. And one of the best examples of that ever, I've shared this with you before, is my dad. When my dad got sober, it changed our entire family's life. I mean, it just changed everything, that one decision my dad made. And after I wrote my book and after my dad passed away, I woke up one night, it's like 3 a.m. And I was crying and kind of startled my wife. And she's like, what's going on, babe?

36:19I said, babe, I just realized something. Here I am, 52 years old. My dad had been sober for 35 years. This never dawned on me. I went, someone helped my dad. I've told you this before. And she goes, what, honey? I said, someone helped dad. And that person changed my entire life. Like that act of helping one person. The ripple effect is I'm his son and I've been blessed to reach millions of people around the world. That person doesn't know that helping my dad changed millions of lives. And she goes, my gosh, that's incredible. I said, that's not the most incredible thing. The most incredible thing is what qualified that man to help my dad, who I didn't know who he was at the time.

36:59She goes, I don't know. I said, not how perfect he was, not how stupendous, not his amazing achievements, what qualified him to help my dad was that he was also an alcoholic at one time. He was a drug addict. He lied. He lived in the shadows. And so actually in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. And so in life, it's not that you're better than these people. It's that you can help people that used to be like you, that you used to operate in a way that didn't serve you. Maybe you behaved in a way that wasn't conducive with your character because of that, you're qualified to help people that are operating that way.

37:35So you're immensely qualified in life to shift other people. If you're willing to be vulnerable and reveal your imperfect, you don't connect with anybody but going, I'm amazing. Like imagine the podcast. I'm like, brother, do you honest with you? I have no problems. There's no healing left. I'm just kicking butt everywhere I go. And you're like, well, me too, man. We're just troaring the globe in Dubai together. You know, that's not the truth. The truth is the way you connect is by going, here's all the things that are, which is what we did in that car with each other, right? So like that you're revealing your imperfections that connects you with people.

38:03And just for everybody to remember, you were born to do something great with your life. And when you were a little boy or a little girl, there was probably one person who made you feel that way. And you want to give yourself the gifts right now of who is that person? When you're a little girl or a little boy, they made you feel special. And there's probably only one, maybe two, maybe it was your parents or your grandmother or grandfather, a coach, a religious figure. There's someone that was in your life and you felt something about you because of the way they looked at you or spoke to you. And the amazing thing about that is they were right about you.

38:41They were right. For me, it was my papa, my dad's dad. I'm named after him. And he used to drive. He'd pick me up on Sundays. We'd go get donuts, Jay, to get for my cousins before church. And he'd drive me. I'd look up at big papa. Everyone, when you think about that person, you'll get emotional. For you, it's your mom, right? and he would look down at me and he'd go, Eddie, you're my favorite. He had all these great kids. You're my favorite. You're amazing. You're going to do something great with your life. You're the special. I go, I am big Papa. I am. And this little boy, I just could feel his belief and his love.

39:13He was the only person who ever treated me that way. The rest of the world's never treated me that way, but big Papa did. And then when other grandkids were born, I remember my cousin Peter was born. Jay, you'll laugh at this. And he called me, he goes, Hey, your cousin Peter was born today. he's amazing six pounds seven ounces he's got our blue eyes eddie i go that's awesome big papa and he go but you're my favorite you're my favorite and all my life i've carried that feeling from big papa with me yeah and the truth is if you've had that person in your life they were right about you yes you're supposed to do something great with your life and the reason it makes you emotional when you think about it now is because it's true and truth vibrates at the highest frequency so if you're listening to this or watching it, it's like, have that reminder, give yourself the gift.

40:01Maybe your big papa's gone now and not even here anymore. Honor them with who you become. Honor them with the life you build. Honor them with the choices you make and take that belief. Imagine what God believes in you. If that person believed in you, take that belief and use it as fuel in your life to have some strength and confidence to shift other people's lives. And for me, that was big papa yeah no you've you've i was going back with you when you were saying it and there's something known as a loving kindness meditation it's very popular in buddhism in hinduism there's a similar practice and i led this meditation when i was on tour with every audience across the whole world and what you have to do in this meditation is you You have to close your eyes and you have to allow yourself to re-experience a moment you felt the most love.

40:54For some people, it's their wedding day. For some people, it's their car with their grandpa. For some person, it's their mother, whatever it may be. And you have to relive it, feel it through the five things you can see, the four things you can touch, the three things you can hear, the two things you can smell, and the one thing you can taste. Really immerse yourself in it. And then feel it in your heart. And then feel it cascade from your heart all across your body. And then if you try and give it out to your friends and family, to the stranger at the restaurant, to the rest of the world, it's so possible because you're feeling, as you're saying, that will never run out.

41:34Amen. Your memory of your grandpa saying that to you, that will never, ever expire. It will always be there. And the amount that can be recycled into giving love to others into feeling loved always. Whereas what we do is we try and search for the next person to love us. We're searching for that next person to say something amazing about us. And with that, you're always running out. You're right. Because it comes once and it goes and it comes and it goes. Whereas that one person, you're so right, that loved you. Jay, this is an all-time great conversation right now. It's because we just went deep.

42:06We did. I think there's a validity to what you just said too, a truth that's just so profound. It's very difficult in life to transfer to somebody that which you're not experiencing. So in order to transfer true love and true belief in somebody, you have to be experiencing it so that you can give it to somebody. And so giving yourself that gift allows you to give it in abundance to other people. That's really good. That's awesome meditation. I think one of the reasons, again, why we get along, but why we're having this conversation is that we both believe in this paradox. So we both talking about currently, at the beginning of this conversation, I've talked about very like spiritual, emotional, universal ideas of existence but at the same time we're both good at getting stuff done yeah just yes not all philosophy correct right and i think that's something that i've always tried to do in my work where it's like i don't want anyone in the world to just think that oh if i change my mindset everything's just because i don't want to fool people and i don't want to mislead people because i know in my life that spirituality and strategy have had to go together yes that sincerity and structure have had to go together.

43:15And I find that that combination is what's allowed me to live a fulfilling and successful life and continue to create it. You ever made a decision unless you've taken an action to validate it? Yes, exactly. And that's the thing that you're exactly right. People that come to our events or may just hear this conversation go, oh, I just really need to sit around and really vibrate high and think about things. No, you don't. You have to put your feet on the ground and you've got to go to work The real truth is if you've made a decision and it's real, you'll validate it with your work. You'll validate it with your effort and the choices that you make.

43:46And the truth is this. Here's the other thing a lot of my confidence comes from. I'll be candid with you, and I know this about you. I'm going to outwork you. Here's the truth. I'm going to outwork you. The one thing I learned from my dad is that, listen, a lot of my confidence comes from the fact that I deserve to win. And I deserve to win because I'm working my tail off. And I don't think enough people give themselves the gift of just super hard work. I mean, I know your schedule, you know, mine, we were talking about that, but the truth, I've just, this is just something I'm saying. If I don't validate it with an action, it's like you said with, with your books, like I love you.

44:17No, that's a verb. There's an action that's taken to validate that I love you. There's things I can do to give evidence of the fact that I love you. And so, no, you can't just sit around and think about these things. You've got to get to work. You've got to implement them. And then by the way, when you do that, all, listen, the reason I can speak with such clarity on this stuff is I've done them. I've been in situations where this stuff has been tested and tried and true. So I'm a huge, huge advocate of work, of taking the steps necessary to do it. And I know that that's something with you. Like when I met you, I had a notion about you that wasn't accurate, which was that you were more of just this, listen, we're just going to get quiet and meditate and empty our minds here and everything we want is going to come our way.

44:56Then I met you and I said this to you off camera, there's a fire and an intensity and a work ethic to Jay that I think would surprise most people. You're this very unique combination of this very tranquil, peaceful, loving, kind being who's also wound tight and wants to win and is intense and is going to make things happen and wants to max out his life and isn't just sitting around waiting for it to come his way. He's going to get a lot of it. And that's one of the things I admire about you. Absolutely. Walk me through how you've translated that grace, that love, that kindness into a plan for like 2024?

45:34Like, how do you translate that? Like, what does your day look like? What does a quarter look like? You've built businesses that are successful. I want to know that part because I love that connection that I'm trying to make here between this sincere heart with a strategic mind. This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given. And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations. Every time I travel, I find a part of myself I didn't know was missing. I remember being in this small town, completely unplugged, and for the first time in a while, I felt still.

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47:20Malcolm Gladwell here. I recently recorded the first episode of Smart Talks with IBM, where I learned how AI agents are joining AI assistants as a major productivity tool. Let's start with AI agents. AI agents can reason, plan, and collaborate with other AI tools to autonomously perform tasks for a user. Brian Bissell, an expert from IBM, gave me an example of how a college freshman might use an AI agent. As a new student, you may not know, how do I do with my health and wellness issue? How many credits am I going to get for this given class? You could talk to someone and find out some of that, but maybe it's a little bit sensitive and you don't want to do that.

48:00Bissell told me, you could build an AI agent, a resource for new students that helps them navigate a new campus, register for classes, access the services they need, and even schedule appointments on their behalf, which in turn buys them more time to focus on their actual schoolwork. We can see patterns of how agents and assistants can help employees and customers and end users be more productive, automate workflows so they're not doing certain types of repetitive work over and over again, and streamlining their lives and making data more accessible to them 24 hours a day. To learn more about IBM's AI agents and how they can help your business, visit ibm.com slash agents.

48:48it is my perception of time. And so I have, um, I believe you can bend and manipulate time. And, and so here's what that looks like. I don't buy into a 24 hour day. That's an archaic timeframe. See you and I live in an age where think about it a hundred years ago, if I wanted to get something done, I'd have to write it down somewhere, stick a stamp on it, or put it on the back of a horse a few hundred years ago. And you'd get it in a month and then and you'd translate to get it back to me in a month. Now I can text you in three seconds, but we're both going to manage time in 24 hours. When I was in school, I had to go to a library to research something in a thing called an encyclopedia, right?

49:27And then write it all down, type it on a typewriter. If you make one key mistake, you got to redo it. Now I can Google it, print it out, and it's done. Yet the same timeframes are managed. And so that's insane, right? I can email, I can text. I have got all these things on my phone. So we're still operating the same time construct as people did 50 years ago, 100 years ago, 200 years ago. That is insane. So I have a huge advantage in my life that my days are many days. And so I have three eight-hour days in a day. I get 21 days in a week, 21 days in a week. And so my first day is 6 a.m. to noon.

50:03And in that day, we've all had that day where we go, man, I've got more by 8 a.m. done than I've done in a week. That should be every day if you want it to be. it's your expectation of time here's the thing when something is scarce it's more valuable okay so that's why a diamond is worth more than a piece of paper because it's more scarce when your time becomes more scarce it becomes more valuable and other people treat you with more value so that's one benefit but my first day 6 a.m to noon and in there i'm trying to get in there the amount of productivity joy business fitness whatever it might be that i would get in a 24 four hour day compressed and manipulated that time into the eight hour window.

50:41Why? Because of all the technology at my advantage. Now there may be some days that's a Netflix and chill day for me. I'm not saying you have to be hyperproductive. That's okay. That may be on Sundays. A lot of people have that. I'll have a day like that, but it's not every day. And so the second day starts at noon and it runs all the way. Usually I sometimes even shrink them to six hours. Sometimes sometimes I'll go 6am to noon. So that's a six hour window. I give myself a two hour buffer. The second day starts from noon to 6 p.m. And in that second day, I'm trying to get the same amount of stuff I would get in, in a 24 hour day in my six to eight hour window.

51:13This year, there's six hour days. There's 6 a.m. to noon, noon to 6 p.m. and 6 p.m. to midnight. Now I'm going to sleep in there. I'm going to get rest. I'm going to have laughter. I'm going to have faith. I'm going to have cooling at time. But now what happens is at about noon every day, this thing goes off in my head and I evaluate. What did I get done? What do I need to double my efforts on? What can I celebrate? What did I learn? So when an average person does it at the end of their day, I'm doing it at noon and it now automatically goes off. It's weird. My, my mind knows when noon is and it knows when 6 PM is and the same thing happens at 6 PM and then I'll run it again.

51:47And so I'm getting 21 days a week. You stack that timeframe up over a year when you get seven days and I'm managing time this way, I've compressed and bent time. I'm probably going to win. You stack that up over a year, five years, 10 years. And all of a sudden I've had all these more days. And here's the other thing. I just get a longer life. I'm getting multiple lives in one life simply because I've taken control of what time looks like. So they used to be eight hour days. You asked about 2024. They're now six hour days. And so I've get more done oftentimes by 10 AM than most people will get done in a 24 hour day.

52:21And here's what that, here's what that looks like really quickly. Too many people schedule one hour long meetings. If we're going to be tactical, Most meetings don't need to be an hour, but we schedule them an hour because everybody's always done that. So my team knows, is this a 28 minute meeting? Is this a five minute meeting? Very rarely are they hour long meetings because when you have an hour long meeting, now you're pacing yourself to fill the hour in, but I've only got a six hour day here. So there's a lot of 28 minute long meetings that other people are taking an hour to do. We're just that much more productive, that much more efficient in our time.

52:50And so that's how you actually get the day done is because this one hour concept is that You say, I'll meet you at nine o 'clock. I got nine to 10 blocked off. Well, why? Most meetings don't need to be an hour long. Most business meetings don't. Most conversations don't. And that, by the way, will give me more time. Maybe my lunch is now an hour and a half with a friend because I've bent and manipulated time in my, I call them mini days. That's so, I'm so happy you shared that because I just, just even that concept of us understanding how we're using time in an archaic way and thinking about how many hours in a day in an archaic way.

53:23It's bananas to me. That concept in itself is mind-blowing. And you can create your own version of a mini day. Maybe you're going to have two. Maybe you're going to break your day into two. You know, me, it was eight hours, and I've moved it to six, and I felt no difference. But I love that time clock. There's not enough time. Most people evaluate their goals. Like, really productive people, they'll do it at the end of a day. In the middle, maybe the end of a month. How did my January go? And you know this, most people. It's the end of the year. So most people's a year. Some will do it a month.

53:49Really productive people, maybe the end of the day. I'm doing that three times in a 24-hour day now? the breakthroughs, the learning, the course correction, the strategic moves I make that get me back on track when I'm off track. And my bad days are only six hours long. Right. So that gives me permission to shift at noon. Okay. This is a new day. I get, I get a do over. I get to start again. So it's just a matter of using a time construct that fits with technology in these times. Yeah. It's almost like saying, yeah, we're driving cars now, but it would take me a month to get to it. Yeah. It doesn't make any sense to have a 24 hour day.

54:22Wow. what's been the habit because you also said you shifted from eight hour days to six hour days why first of all why did you do that what what was the benefit of that the shift for me was that it was the one hours i'm like why am i taking these one hour long meetings if i move into 28 minutes and and by the way it's awesome yeah and and even you and i even when we communicate it's oftentimes it's like you and i have these beautiful quick conversations but they by the way there are sometimes my friends i need to go deep and we need three or four or five hours but i also i know there's a lot of times in life, like you ever have that friend that doesn't know when the text exchange is done, you know, that person you're like, all right, man, we've got, okay, it's over now.

54:57Like we're both going to go now text other people or do other things. I've just gotten a little bit better at buttoning things up, you know, so to speak to I phraseology and terminology. I was in a meeting a long time ago with Alex Rodriguez. I'll never forget this. It was a really great meeting. And I know you know them as well. And so I was meeting with Alex and I'll never forget. He said he's a gracious dude. He's a good dude. But our meeting was supposed to end at one o 'clock in the afternoon. And I remember we were in the middle of something and I was at his house and we were actually, we were actually, it was back then it was actually a JLo's house, but Alex was there anyway.

55:30And I remember at about 1258, he looked at his watch and that gave me a cue. And at one o 'clock, he just stood up kind of in the middle of the meeting. And that signified the meeting was over and it wasn't rude. His team just knows when the meeting time's up, we're done we're done and what that is that set a context and a tone that when we have a meeting that's this long that's how long it is and setting up those kind of disciplines and kind of barriers around your life guardrails around your life protects your time and it's uncomfortable to do that because we feel as people pleases which a lot of us are we're scared to do that because we're thinking oh god if i stand up is everyone going to think like i'm like stuck up like you You know, there's going to be that sense.

56:13How do you deal with that discomfort and that awkwardness of I'm setting a boundary to protect myself, but I'm scared how people are going to perceive me. It's just being gracious when you do it. And it's also eventually what I've found is, like I said earlier, people now respect my time a little bit more. I become more, listen, there's a pace and a rhythm to success. Here's something no one talks about when it comes to success and being productive. And you know this. there's a rhythm and a cadence to it. It's an invisible thing that the people that are winning somehow have found themselves, you know, this with the actors you've worked with or entertainers, it's hard to express, but they found a rhythm and a cadence to their life that creates momentum in their life.

56:55Momentum's a major magnifier in life when you get momentum, but there's a rhythm to it. And when you sort of aren't disciplined with your time and a meeting runs over 10 minutes or 20 minutes, you are not in the rhythm of success. There's a pace. It's not hurried. It's not hurried or rushed, but it's a little quicker than most people know. Successful people walk a little faster. They're in a little bit more of a hurry. They talk a little faster. There's a rhythm and a pace and a intensity, a passion to the dialogue and the conversation. You know exactly what I mean. And it's invisible. Maybe you can express it well right now too.

57:32Have you seen it? And until you find that you're not really in the rhythm of hyper productivity or bliss or success. And when you're around people that possess that rhythm, you feel it. And it isn't demeaning when they do it. There's a graciousness to it and a respect you have that they respect themselves and you enough in that moment to be organized enough and disciplined enough not to let it bleed into a place that it doesn't need to go. You know what I mean, right? Yeah. It's actually, it's actually looping back. I'm so glad you raised that because it's such a subtle point. And to me, it comes back down to something I raised earlier of this energy and time balance, because the question I asked myself is the time that I set the meeting is based on when I think my energy will be best.

58:18And the amount of time I give a meeting is the amount of time I can give intense a hundred percent energy. So I'm not, for example, when I'm recording a podcast, we do two podcasts a day maximum. The reason for that is I know if I did a third one, I have the time to do a third one, but my energy is not there. My presence is not there. I'm not at a hundred percent intensity, which means the quality drops. So it's also not just doing more as you're saying, it's not just doing more because I can squeeze more in a day. I just know the third podcast is going to be the worst one that I record. And so we don't do it.

58:50By the way, you should have told me that about two years ago. No, seriously, that you're a hundred 100 % right. And I make that mistake sometimes of doing four in a day. And it's not fair to the third and fourth person. It's not. I can't do it. You might be able to do it. We all have different capacities. No, you're right. And the other thing I do on my schedule, since we're being tactical, is I like to load up my Mondays and Tuesdays with heavy things early in my week. And I like the later part of my week to be a little bit more peaceful and joyous, so that I'm sort of building toward it. It's almost like my Super Bowl, almost my Mondays and Tuesdays, those are going to be heavy days.

59:20The other thing I do is my most important meetings. I kind of know me. I'm not particularly a great early morning person, nor am I great late at night. I'm really in a good space about when we're recording this right now, that's sort of noon to 3 PM window for me. I don't know if I'm the most hydrated I've already worked out. So my really important meetings, I try to schedule in my highest energy state when I know I'm peaking in my given day. So you're a hundred percent right about that. And I think these are the mechanics of how you connect energy and the real world, because you can't just say, I worked out this morning.

59:53I feel good. Everything's going to go all right now. And I think we have that kind of, we have this checklist mentality of if I've done these three things, then everything else will go okay. But actually all the other stuff needs to be managed and intentionally designed. I think I've been talking a lot about this recently with people that I think often we think if people are casual or relaxed or laid back, then things will work out better. But actually you find, as you're saying, most success, productivity, and joyfulness is intentionally designed in order to create an experience. And I wanted to get your thoughts on that.

1:00:29Like you're a billion percent, right? The higher you climb, there's all this other stimulus happening in your life, right? So if you don't create those constructs now, when you get to a point where like you get the things you want in your life, the demands on your energy and time only increase and your ability to manage that and create structures around you that keep you productive, that is a huge thing you've just shared. I've watched a lot of people climb to a point. And when they get to that point, they didn't create new structures around them to support the next level. Every level you climb requires a different type of energy and structure.

1:01:06And so some things, even that I'm doing right now, I know maybe four or five years from now, I'm going to have to reevaluate those that'll change with the conditions of my life. For me right now, as busy as I am, it requires more intent to structure than ever in my life. And if I didn't create them when things weren't quite this busy, I don't think I would have continued to float into the next state. and I've watched a lot of people get to a place and then they can't navigate that next level because of the structure maybe the lack of a team around them quality people management of those things and so I'm always trying to be ahead structurally to my results yeah what most people think is I'm going to produce this thing and then when I get there I'll figure it out from there that stagnates your growth you've got to be preparing and expecting that growth and creating the structures around you to facilitate it so it continues to flow so good so good and i think we get sentimental and we get sentimental like it's so good i can't let go of this habit or this structure or this thing because it got me here and i feel like you have to get really non-sentimental like what you're saying about is preparing well mine's my morning routine i used to have a very long morning routine, cold plunge, meditate, pray, gratitude, ritual, stretch, you know, and the thing got so long that I'm like, my gosh, I'm two hours into a routine here.

1:02:28I got to get to work. I got to get some stuff done. And so you kind of be, and what it was is I started to accumulate these sentimental things that man, that day I cold plunged, I had a big speech that day. So I better keep cold plunging every day. And I better keep, I started stacking up this closet full. And I had to come in. It's like an old closet full of clothes. I had to go, which of these don't I wear anymore? And I'm going to take this one and give it away. And so you're right. It's the sentimental holding on to things that got you where you are, won't get you where you're going. And so I have to constantly kind of audit my closet, so to speak.

1:03:04And so my morning routine now is nowhere nearly as sophisticated as it used to be. It's much more brief, but it serves me now. it serves who i am now it serves my ambitions and goals now and so you're a thousand percent right about that yeah a lot of people i speak to as well they struggle with and i've struggled with this in the past where you know what you need to do you know how much time you have but then you procrastinate you overthink and i'm sure you get asked this question all the time like but i still see it again and again and again in the same people where they tell me jay i'm gonna have this done.

1:03:39I'm going to, I'm accountable. I'm going to commit, but then somehow it still doesn't happen for them. What have you found is really useful insight for someone who finds themselves constantly getting stuck. They know what they need to do. They know how much time they have, but they keep procrastinating and overthinking. One, you're, you're trying to get your life back to your identity. You and I've talked about this analogy before, so I'll be quick with it, but your identity, your personal belief in yourself, your identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and concepts you hold to be most true about you.

1:04:06It's a thermostat setting on your life. We talked about this before. I'll give you two things. So like this studio we're in, I don't know, 72 degrees in here right now, something like that. The external conditions, that's a cold, rainy day here in LA. The external conditions, it's pretty 50 degrees outside. That does not affect the internal thermostat in this room. It is 72 degrees. If it was 90 degrees outside, the air conditioners will come on and cool this room back to 72 degrees. You procrastinate because your results are about to exceed your identity and you're turning the air conditioner on.

1:04:34So if right now you're getting 72 degrees of, you believe in yourself at 72 degrees of wealth or abundance or productivity, and you've started to heat it up to 85, 90, 100 degrees, you subconsciously turn the air conditioner on of your life to cool it back down to what you really believe you're worthy of and you deserve. So the deep work is you've got to raise that identity of what you believe you're worth to 85, 90, 100 degrees. How do you do that? Typically proximity to people who live at that thermostat setting. They will heat you up to theirs. So that's a huge one. That is a huge, I just want to make that, you made that sound so simple and you made it really easy.

1:05:09That is the huge one. That is it. It is at that gut level. I watch it. That's why you'll see somebody who, for example, their love thermostat is 72 degrees and you, you go on, you double date and they're with their dream person. You're like, oh my gosh, they're in love. It's blissful. They're at 90, a hundred degrees of love in their life. And a year later you run into them and you're like, so how is Steve or how's Janice? Oh, it didn't work out. what happened was they turned the air conditioner on and cooled it back to what they believe they deserve off the times or wealth we've all had these friends that they're 72 degrees of wealth and all of a sudden man their business is kicking 85 90 100 and what happens is it seems coincidental all supply chain oh this or that um a customer broke off a car broke down i had to loan money to a friend no those were circumstances what really happened was you turned the air conditioners on and you cooled your life back financially to believe what you believe you're worth same in your body someone's 72 degrees of fitness, they're getting in shape.

1:06:02They've lost the 10 pounds. They look great. And you see them in a year and they've come all the way back and gained it back. And you're like, what happened? They turned the air conditioner on of their life and got back to what they believe they're worth. You got to change that thermostat setting. And it's typically like in my faith life. If I was a 72 degrees in my faith, I started to surround myself with some men in my faith life who, man, they live in their faith at 95 and a hundred. They heated me up by proximity. Now my thermostat setting is different. So that's a biggie. The second one with procrastination is you've developed a false belief system in yourself of what you need to know to take action.

1:06:39And so successful people are willing to step into the unknown and the unprepared more than people who are unsuccessful. I'm not saying I don't like to research like, you're super prepared for today. So am I. But there are just situations in my life of what I think I need to know is much lower than most people to step into the space and perform. So procrastination is really saying, I got to know a little more. I got to prepare a little bit more. I got to get a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready, a little bit more ready. And you keep raising the readiness quota to a point where you never take action.

1:07:09And so you got to get to this point where you're like, I'm going to get into the room. I'm going to start to write that paper. I'm going to start the book. I'm going to get into that and I'll figure it out when I get there. And most people that are successful have this internal belief system that I don't need to know everything to take action. I just need to know enough to get in the room and I'll figure it out from there. And you've known this with all the successful people you've coached. That is something they possess in droves is the ability to get into a space and step into a room and figure it out from there and not have to know everything.

1:07:39And that's how most of them discovered their passion. They even discovered it because they were just pushed into it. I remember the first presentation I ever gave, the speaker had canceled. And my friend said to me, well, there's no speaker. You've got to give the tour. And I was just like what do you mean i've got to give the talk like the speaker was really like well known and like in the community and all the rest of it and they're like no no no but we haven't got a backup and we can't invite someone last minute because it would look bad on them but because you're a nobody basically you can give the talk wow and i was just like so i started preparing and i had three days so i started preparing i started doing it i went up there and i just did it yeah and i loved it and i was like oh this is my this is this feels right for me and i would never have discussed that if I didn't get pushed into it it would never have happened that's a beautiful story never have happened and so I think so many times that you're so right and I love that you addressed the first part about belief of what we deserve I just want that to sit with people because Ed the way you like just put that out there like I'm like that is exactly it that there is some part of us that just doesn't believe yes we deserve yes the level of success we're striving That's right.

1:08:52And those, those, those subtle subconscious air conditioners of our lives that cool down show up as coincidences, you know, but really they're not, they're by design because you're going to cool your life back to what you believe you deserve every day. When I work with athletes, they're like, what do you do with the pro athletes you work with? I'm mainly, you know, this even, what do most people want? When someone's really successful, what are you working on? I go, usually their identity or their confidence, usually those two things. And their identity is the more important thing. Now, the other thing that happens is for a lot of people with their identity is they'll attach their identity to the external to their beauty to their performance to their career and then when they lose that career or they lose that the nfl football career they've got then they don't know who they are without it so this identity should be deeply rooted in who you are not just what you do that's a long term let's talk about that because i've been i've been playing around with that a lot myself lately and in in trying to articulate that because i think the world has convinced us that what we do is our value.

1:09:49So even people's introductions to themselves is, oh yeah, I'm an accountant. I'm a lawyer. I'm an author. I'm a coach. I'm a podcaster, whatever it is. We're describing I am followed by a doing word, not a being word. And so even our value in society is, oh, so-and-so went to that college or so-and-so has that job. Like we see value. And even in the past, the way you had value was someone was a blacksmith and someone was a baker and that was their value. And then even before that, we used to barter because of what we did and then we could trade that. So so much of our identity for hundreds of years has been tied up in what we do.

1:10:28By the way, it's a, you're so brilliant, bro. I love our conversations. It's a very dangerous way to live your life. When your identity is tied up in what you do as a rouser than who you are, as you say, being, you're in a very dangerous place. Because if it's tied to those things, and they then they don't exist, you're completely lost without them. And it is a very shallow, and I don't mean like shallow in the sense that, like, you know, shallow, like a graduate. I mean, it's not a very, there's not a lot of depth to that identity that is long lasting when it's attached to what we do, or what we look like, or what we've achieved.

1:11:00You know, you'll say that you're right, I just, I just met someone the other day who I knew immediately they lacked a strong identity because they can, they immediately just resume me. I did this. I did that. I've achieved this. I was written here. I was that. And I went, I actually stopped them. And, um, cause I really liked them and I won't say who she was, but I said, you know, I really like you. I like you. What impresses me is you, who you are, your kindness. She's brilliant, by the way, this woman too. You're so brilliant. You're so kind. That's your identity. Your identity isn't your MBA.

1:11:38Your identity isn't your career. That's not your identity, but they've linked it to that. And it is a dangerous way to live your life, and it's not a deep way to live your life. A deep way to live your life where you can make impact in multiple areas is to root your identity in who you are, those intentions, the things that you believe to be true your character the way you conduct yourself your value in life your value you're valuable that's where identity is deeply rooted not in the external it's okay to be proud of your degree or your achievement or your career or your company that's different being proud of something and and having a sense of you know gratitude for what you've achieved that's great but when you link your identity to it you're in a dangerous and shallow place.

1:12:23Absolutely. Uh, last question, Ed, we've talked about peace. We've talked about productivity. How does it not lead to burnout when you're trying to do all this, right? You're working on the internal self, you're working on the productivity. It's like, gosh, Jay, I'm, I'm exhausted trying to do all this and exhausted trying to manage. Like I want to be successful, but I want to be spiritual. I'm trying to do it. I want to be everything and do everything. Like Like, how do you, how have you managed and what have been your reflections on burnout, exhaustion, and then of course, ruining relationships in the process?

1:12:56Well, I've done all those. So I have experience in burnout and ruining relationships and messing things up. And, and here's what I've learned. I want all the things I want, but I don't have to have them right now. And it's the right now of life. I got to be in a hurry. I got to do it. I got to do it. I got to do it now, now, now, now. There's a power of now. Some people lack the ability to operate in the now. But for me, it's I have built into my life rest. Last night I slept 12 hours. Wow. And the reason was is I've been getting to the point right now where I'm tinkering on the edge of too much now, too much now, too much now.

1:13:32And so I reflect back on my faith. I reflect back on I love I mean, there's basic things I know you do, but I'm a big person on earthing and grounding. I love to get outdoors. I love to put my bare feet in the ground and let that recharge me. I'm real big on my recharge stuff now. And sometimes that means lots of sleep, believe it or not. I used to brag that I got five or six hours of sleep and I could operate on that. And I've learned over time, maybe there's a season for that that's great. But there's also a season where I listen to my body. You're the best at this, but I've gotten better at listening to my spirit and my body.

1:14:05And when my spirit is screaming at me, you need to rest. You need to recharge. I listen to my body, especially at 52 years old. My body will speak to me even more now than sometimes it ever has in my life. And I listened to it and I've given myself the gift. I'm not afraid anymore. You and I have talked about this privately. I'm not afraid anymore that I'm going to lose momentum. I can say no to something. I can rest. I can recharge. I can reflect. And it doesn't mean I'm going to lose momentum. I used to believe if I don't keep going, I'm going to lose the momentum I've got. And the truth is that's an insecurity in me.

1:14:38That's my lack of identity screaming at me. And there's really three things, whether you believe in whatever your spiritual beliefs are. but if I was the adversary or the devil, what would I do to try to get you off track? What would I do? There's really three things. The first thing I would do is I get you to doubt. Three Ds. I'll get you to doubt. Can I get Jay Shetty doubting himself, doubting that it matters, doubting his ability, doubting he can go to the next level? I'm going to get him to doubt. Well, that's been happening. Yeah. Me too. Me too. I can see it on your face right now. Me too.

1:15:09Doubting me. The second thing is I'll get them discouraged. I'll have a real critic. I'll have some hits. I'll have them have a miss or two, swing and a miss, right? If I can get them discouraged, then I got them. And the third thing, if I can't do that or I'll do both, I'll get them a bit delusional. Delusion is believing something's worse than it is or better than it is. And you thought stack and you start to stack it. What about this? What about this? What about this? What about this? And I get you magnifying something to believe that it's a far bigger problem than it is, far more dramatic than it is or far better than it is.

1:15:43You just explained my last 12 months. Oh my God. Wow. And so those are the three D's. And so it's, it's doubt, discouragement and delusion. And what I try to do is when I see them showing up and they do, I go, I know exactly what this is. This is, this is the negative coming to get me. This is, this is trying to get me off course in my dreams and my vision and my contribution. And I am not going to let other people be cheated because I doubt and I'm discouraged and I'm delusional. And so I really focus when those things come up and I identify them when they're there and I root them out because I know where they're coming from and they're not coming from good.

1:16:22They're not coming from God. They're not coming from high vibrational frequency. They're coming from the worst of the worst. And so I absolutely rid them out when they show up. And that is a huge gift to me. You have no idea. you have no idea okay brother well genuinely you have no idea that you're a gift to me every time that is no that's a real gift ed my let everyone uh follow ed on instagram if you don't already go and listen to his podcast max out and books i mean no no no new books right now just the power one more yeah my book was the book we discussed last time power one more to help anybody any way i can man always see ed you're the best uh thank you so much for coming back love you love these conversations honestly they're so healing and therapeutic to me i feel like i'm that 72 spending time with the 95 it's like it really does heat me up honestly genuinely like these these are such life-giving conversations for me so i'm so glad we recorded i'm so glad we got to share it and thank you grateful man genuinely grateful so my brother you're a blessing in my life your blessing yeah thank you if you love this episode you'll enjoy my interview with dr daniel layman on how to change your life by changing your brain.

1:17:27If we want a healthy mind, it actually starts with a healthy brain. You know, I've had the blessing or the curse to scan over a thousand convicted felons and over a hundred murderers and their brains are very damaged. This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given. And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations. When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel and even access to one-of-a-kind experiences, experiences like music festivals and sporting events.

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