Ed Mylett ON: How to Break Down Your Goals Into Achievable Steps & Simple Ways to Create Positive Daily Habits

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1:30Trust me. Discover more at chase.com forward slash sapphire reserve. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank, NA. Member FDIC. Subject to credit approval. Terms apply. Radhi, we're always talking about being intentional with our time and energy, right? What about gifting with intention? Apple Gift Card is perfect. they can use it for meditation apps on the App Store or audiobooks from Apple Books, whatever nourishes their mind best. Exactly. It's a gift of possibilities aligned with their personal growth journey. Visit applegiftcard.apple.com to learn more and gift with purpose today. You know, I think most people think, Jay, everyone else is going to die.

2:14I'll get around to being happy. I'll get around to my dreams. And then it's another day and another day. And they keep it in the distance. You only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another one. The best-selling author and host. The number one health and wellness podcast. On Purpose with Jay Shetty. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every one of you that come back every week to become happier, healthier, and more healed. And actually, I need to start saying every day because I know so many of you listen to episodes every single day.

2:48So thank you so much for our daily, weekly, monthly, yearly listeners. And I'm so excited to be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book, Eight Rules of Love, is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so, so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audio book. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to 8rulesoflove.com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book. And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour, Love Rules.

3:30Go to jshedytour.com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. And today, I am so excited for this because last time he was on the show, you guys went nuts. Like the response was unbelievable. And I had so much phenomenal feedback from this conversation. And today I'm going to be talking to you about his new book, which I want you to go and grab. It's already sold a million copies. So it's tried and tested. This book is called The Power of One More, The Ultimate Guide to Happiness and Success by the one and only Ed Milet, the host of Max Out.

4:10Make sure you go and read that book as well if you haven't already and listen to the podcast. And before we dive in, I just want to say about Ed that Ed is one of the strongest, toughest, and kindest people I know. And I think that balance is just so unique. If you saw him, you'd be like, this guy's going to beat me up. But then you get to know his heart and you're just like, wow I didn't know you could have both and you have both so I'm so you have a strong heart too but I appreciate I'm so excited to talk about this and I'll tell you why because as I was looking through this this resonates so deeply with someone who's always had to do the power of one more.

4:55And I don't know many people who know this. So when I first started, I had a video series idea that I was pitching to lots of top execs and top companies. And they all said, no one cares about meditation, mindfulness-based content. So rejected. Then I ended up pitching to editors-in-chief. And I started meeting all these people and networking at events, trying to get them to notice me and see what I could do. And they all said, you're too old or you're too young. You're too overqualified or you're too underqualified. There were all of these statements. So then I was out there, that didn't work.

5:33I then ended up at an ethnic minority TV training day in the UK and they were training. I walked into this room, it was just six brown and black people and they were teaching us how to be TV presenters. And I went there to just check whether I even had good skills to present because I was starting to doubt myself. Turns out you did. At the end of it, at the end of it, they were like, Jay, you've got some really good skills. I was like, awesome. Like, give me a job. Like, give me anything. I'll start at like 15 ,000 pounds a year. Like, I don't care. They said, Jay, there's no jobs in media. And so I was like, well, what do you want me to do?

6:06And they were like, start a YouTube channel. And I was like, well, that works for Justin Bieber. Like, that's like for one in a billion people. It's not going to work for me. And it's really interesting. I read a Thomas Edison quote, And this is why this book is just, this book is this quote I'm about to share with you, but with every tactic, with every skill, with every tip. Quotes are beautiful, books are life-changing, right? This quote by Thomas Edison said, when you feel you've exhausted all options, remember this, you haven't. Ha ha ha, I love that. That's the power of one more. That is the power of one more.

6:39And so I have lived this book in my life. Like I have lived this mindset and it has changed my life because I've always been just one step away, one habit away, one mindset away from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live. Well, that's the truth, right? You're right. And I think the great lie in life is that some scriptures say, well, where there's no vision, the people will perish. Whatever your scriptures are. Really? Do you have no vision? If you ask the average person, do you want to be happy or sad? What's your vision? They'd say, I want to be happy. Do you want to be rich or poor?

7:09Most people say, I'd like to be rich. Do you want to contribute or make no difference in the world? I want to contribute. Do you want beautiful memories or no memories? I want memories. So there's a vision. Our issue is depth perception. We think it's further away than it is. And because we think it's so far away, Jay, we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually keep it there. And that's what we do in our life. But what if that's the great lie of life? And what if the truth is that you're one relationship away, one meeting away, one conversation, one podcast, one interview, one new thought, one new emotion, one new tactic or strategy away from completely changing the trajectory of your life?

7:50And everyone that you and I know that we both work with that we're blessed to work with in our lives. The truth is it was one decision, one meeting, one extra rep, one more phone call, one thing they did that changed their trajectory. Then the question then becomes, how do I do it? And so the strategies are in the book, but conceptually, that's 100 % how you change your life. Yeah, and you're so right. I was thinking about this this morning. Last year, I had a double hernia surgery on the front. So I couldn't walk for about a month. And when I say I couldn't walk, I mean like I literally couldn't move.

8:26Oh my gosh. It was like, I felt like I was teaching myself to walk again. That's how it felt. it's really interesting what you just said about how we perpetually push it far away I would wake up every morning and my mind or my initial mindset was like it will be gone today yeah it must have gone today like today it will be fully healed I'll be fine today and I would wake up and I wouldn't be and I would feel like healing was so far away yes it would be like 80 percent away that I was missing out on the one percent change since yesterday. You got it. Since yesterday I made one percent change. I wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves.

9:06I was able to be flexible by one percent more. And I was missing out on all of that because I was so obsessed with how far I was. That's the journey. And what happens is when you live with an expectation that these one more's exist, the reticular activating system in your mind filters them into your awareness. I call it the matrix in the second chapter of the book. When you wake up believing, hey, I'm one decision away, I'm one meeting away, one relationship away, that's not hokey. Your mind begins to filter the people, places, and things into your awareness. You develop something called sensory acuity.

9:39You hear conversations you weren't hearing. We've all had that experience where we're on an airplane, I can't stop hearing these people over here. Or you walk in a loud room, but you can hear your own name auditorily over all the other names in the room. That's because it's important to you and it matters. You see things. And so when something becomes important to you and you believe it to be true, the RAS goes to proving it for you. And where I learned this, ironically, I talk about it in the book, is my father was an alcoholic and had tried to get sober many, many times. And I'll never forget it, Jay.

10:11We were driving to a baseball game of mine. My dad started crying. I'd never seen my dad cry before. And he pulls the car over and he still isn't looking at me, but he's crying. And he says, Eddie. And then he turns to me and he goes, I'm going to try to get sober. And I'll never forget this, brother. He goes, one more time. And I said, really, Daddy? He goes, I'm going to give it one more try. And I said to him, I said, why would this be any different this time? And he said, never said this to me before. He goes, because I love you and you deserve a father you can be proud of. And you can't be proud of me right now.

10:47And I think every great thing we do in life is one away, but it's also born from love. To talk about your book, when you love people or you love something so deeply, if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be, now you got a shot to do it. Then my dad gets sober. He comes home from rehab. I say, Daddy, are you never going to drink again? And he said, I can't promise you that. I can promise you I'm not going to drink for one more day at a time. And he lasted the rest of his life, stacking those one more days up. So I know the power of one more. The other thing, I also know humans can change.

11:21I watched my hero do it. I watched my dad live my first 15 years. Saw him in a lot of fights. Wow. A lot of lying, a lot of difficult times. And then I saw this man transform. And in life, we're most qualified to help the person we used to be. And what we think in life, and I hope everybody gets this, we think the things we're most ashamed of, embarrassed by, our divorce, our bankruptcy, or maybe we've just always been average and ordinary. This disqualifies me from being successful and happy. What if that's not true? What if the hardest things of your life are the very things that qualify you?

11:55I'll give you an example. You know, my dad got sober. Somebody helped him. My dad was going to take his life or lose his family. And I didn't know who it was until months ago. Some precious human being whom I didn't know. In my dad's darkest hour of his life, Jay, said, I'll help you. I'll help you. Little did that person know I'd be his son. And I'd help millions of people. and I'd be on Jay Shetty's show and we both helped millions of people. And the more ironic thing that this person helped my dad is what qualified them to help my dad. They were a drunk. They were an alcoholic. They at one time were a drug addict.

12:29They at one time were lying and stealing and living in the shadows. The very thing that person probably figured, that disqualifies me from having a successful life, was the one thing that did qualify them to help my dad. So if you're listening to this and you've had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback, you're most qualified to help the people you used to be. And that person, that alcoholism they suffered with their drug addiction helped my dad live those one more days forever. That is the best explanation I've heard of how pain turns into purpose. The thing that brought you down, that broke you down, that made you feel like you were losing everything, gave you back everything when you used that to serve the people that were struggling with it.

13:12And then there's a purpose. And if you can survive the temporary pain in your life, and all pain is temporary. I watched my father pass away last year. He was in tremendous pain. Even our bodies are temporary. Only our souls are permanent. If you can survive the temporary, on the other side of temporary pain, you meet another version of yourself, another insight about yourself. And that's why it's so important to grow as a person. Because the more we grow and become a new person, we can help those that used to be like us. And that's why you and I are so addicted to growing and learning. and we're curious because if you used to be a broken person and you no longer are quite as broken, you can help broken people.

13:47If you used to be broke financially and you no longer are, you can help people. Whatever you do for a living, at one time you didn't know about it and now you do. You can help those who need to know about it. And so you're immensely qualified if you understand the power of doing one more. Oh, I love it. I love it. Tell me about, so let's say, and you probably come up against this all the time. A lot of the people say, okay, I'm going to practice that. I'm with you, Ed. I love you and Jay. I'm listening and I go, yes, I'm going to practice the power of one more. Now what I find, and this is why you're so great at teaching this, because you're not teaching it as a gimmick, a glitch, you're like a little affirmation.

14:26This is like real. It makes sense. Like it works. People get so tied to the result that when they try it the next day and the sales meeting doesn't go their way or the pitch doesn't go their way, They go, ah, it doesn't work. It doesn't work. Why didn't it work? And how should we respond when we fail or get rejected? Well, it didn't work because you're so attached to the outcome. I coach a lot of athletes. I know you do as well. And one of the things that's a really nuanced thing in life, it's great to have goals. You should have goals. I want to do this or that. But in the moment of execution, you have to separate from outcome in the moment that you're executing and just be present and exist.

15:03I talk about this in the book. Here's what I would say. if you're going to win long-term, 95 % of people have an operating system in their mind where they operate out of history and memory. Oh, I like that. And about 5 % of humans operate out of vision and imagination. So the reason we're so much happier, I believe when we're children, is we have no history and memory. So we operate out of imagination and dreams and vision. But at some age, some people, it's five years old, some it's eight, some it's 18, some it's 28. they create a history and that history then becomes the operating system so even if they take on a new behavior or tactic they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief that's historic and memory based and so the number one thing i would say is begin to operate out of your imagination again out of your vision again create from that place if you create from that place now you're not tied to the result in that moment you're giving yourself space to imagine and create something new in your life.

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18:51And for you right now, as a listener of On Purpose, you can use the code J20 to get 20 % off your first order. Simply visit vitacost.com forward slash J and start saving today. Vitacost.com. Experience the power of wellness for everyone. I've never heard that in that language, man. That is so powerful. Thank you. You're so right about as kids that we don't have any memory or history, so we don't have any blocks, we don't have any limits. We don't. And begin to listen to the people around you. People say, hey, you're the product of who you hang around. How do I know if they serve me or not? Here's one way to just deduce this, because they could be beautiful people who care about you, and they might even support you.

19:34But when you're with them, what are you... You ever have those friends, you're with them, you're like, you remember when, you remember, you remember, remember that party, remember that thing? And if your friends are constantly bringing you to the filtration system of memory and history all the time, think this through. How often are those friends saying, hey, what are you working on now? Where are you going? What's your vision? What do you want to create? And maybe that sounds hokey, but you and I have some of our, both our friends have the most amazing histories and you can't get them to talk about them.

20:03No. You have to work because what are they still doing? They're talking about now and where they're going. Their viewpoint in their life is being present and having a vision for the future. A formula for misery, a formula for lack of creativity, lack of productivity, is constantly being history and memory. Even if it's good, it doesn't serve us. And for most of us, it's not good. And we keep living from it or trying to move away from it. Create a new future. Don't move away from the past. Create a brilliant, imaginative, curious, vibrant vision for your life. Oh, I love that. Yeah, we're always trying to create the same past as opposed to a new future.

20:43A new future. And I find that what's really interesting about that, all the studies show that nostalgia makes us believe that the past was more phenomenal than it actually was. If you remember that party you went to at college, it's better in your memory than it actually was. If you actually could have gone back and remembered how you felt hungover and what you broke a bone or whatever happened. But now in your memory, it's beautiful. Beautiful. So our memory also is slightly warped of the past. No question. It can make things feel much better or much worse sometimes. No question. But what's really coming out for me right now is this idea that it's something you said a couple of moments ago, and it sparked a thought for me.

21:22I remember the story that Vanessa Bryant told about Kobe Bryant after he passed away. I was fortunate enough to interview him about three months before his tragic passing. and she told this story and she said that Kobe would play through every injury. He would play through every pain. He would play through everything, even when the doctors and his coaches would say, stop playing. And she asked him, she said once, why he still plays, right? Again, going back to our curiosity, not assuming you know your partner. She asked him, why do you still play? And this is just her and him. There's no cameras.

22:01There's no, she's telling this story, but at the time it was just them two. He said it's because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today. They saved up. And this is the only time they're ever going to be able to come. Maybe a son's, maybe a dad's brought his kid. Maybe someone's come to the game. They're a lifelong fan. And they came today and today's the only day they're going to get to see me. And if I say I'm injured, they won't get to see me. So I'm going to play so that that person. That one person. Gets to see me play. And then he goes and wins. Yes. And it's like, that's love. That's love.

22:36That's what you were saying. Love for something is in the present moment also, right? Love is not just for the past. And it's funny how important one day is, man. When my dad got sick, my dad got cancer. When he first got sick, he goes, hey, my dad was a dude. He goes, look, I'll fight this one time, okay? I'll do your little chemo and your surgery, but I'm not going to pour poison into my body. I'm not going to lose my hair. I'm not going to deteriorate. I'll give this thing a shot once. If it doesn't work, I'm out. That led to eight years of him fighting it. Wow. Chemo, radiation, proton therapy, surgery, surgery, chemo, experimental chemo.

23:10And he did lose his hair, and he was in pain. And I'd say to my dad, I'd say, Dad, you're suffering so much. He said you wouldn't suffer. He said, No, Eddie, I'm in pain, but I'm not suffering. I choose not to suffer. And I'm not suffering because I get to see my grandkids again. And I said, Dad, why are you doing this? And he said, you only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another one. I'll do anything for one more day. Get to be with you one more time. Give your mom a kiss one more time. Maybe I'll see one of my granddaughters get married. And he goes, I'll do anything for one more day.

23:46The beautiful thing is I was actually with Kobe a week before he passed away. We were in the same gym. Our daughters played volleyball. and ironically that day, I watched Kobe walk out of the gym. There was only a couple dads left. It was late at night. He stayed and I stayed and he had his youngest daughter in his arm and he was rubbing his other daughter's back and I remember taking note of it because I was with Bella at the other end of the gym and I remember thinking, I don't hug Bella enough. I need to hug, no joke bro, it's in the book. I went, I gotta hug Bella one more time every day, not just once a day plus one more time every day my daughter's gonna get extra hugs because Kobe does that what if I could have said to Kobe when he got in his car Kobe you have one more week brother tell those that you love you love them get it right whoever matters to you make it right call your dad make it right call your mom call your family what if the day before you could have said, Colby, I have one day left.

24:50And my dad, same thing. I was with my dad when he had one day left. I was with my dad when he had one hour left. I was with my dad when he had one breath left. And when we begin to think of our life that way, the power of right now and having one more moment and one more minute is so beautiful. It's so blessed. It's so big. It's so amazing. Why would we spend that minute in history? Why would we spend that minute in the past when we could be fully present in creating the future. And so, you know, I think most people think, Jay, everyone else is going to die. I think they just, I'm never, I'm not going to die.