Hannah Berner: Why Getting Fired Was the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me

29:27Yeah, what's really great is that it sounds like you evaluate things as how you feel about them. And so I wonder what's your relationship like with wanting to be liked? I'm a people pleaser. I mean, I think to be a comedian, like you want everyone to have like the best time ever. And that brings me joy. I think I have to thank reality tv because my reality tv my biggest fear was to be perceived not who I was but when you're 26 you don't know who you are like I remember I'd go into social situations and I put a lot of pressure on myself to be like I want everyone to think I'm really funny and I'm really nice and I'm and I care about them and I'm smart and it's like putting so much pressure on myself every time I'd interact I wanted to be control of everything I was like a type a student and achiever and reality tv you give up control my first two seasons were good my third season I experienced what people like tell you could happen which is like you lose the narrative and they're not showing your perspective anymore they're showing it through like other lenses and it was my biggest fear to be misunderstood like there's one thing for tennis or comedy for people to be like I don't like how she played I don't like her jokes but to be perceived based on like things that didn't actually happen was very painful for me and I think I realized I also didn't have the heart for it like I was too sensitive to be in a show that was about kind of like who's good who's bad who we're rooting for like WWE type stuff where I was like it really is like sports for women of being like let's who we're gonna root for this season who actually sucks that we didn't know.

31:06And that energy was, I was not good with it. And I got fired. And at the time I was like, I got a talk show from it. And I was like, you just f***ed up your chance. And also I was confused because I was like, I was engaging with everything. I was responding to everything. I did everything everyone wanted me to do. So the math wasn't mathing my like tennis mind of like, I worked hard, I'm doing well. And I got fired. If I didn't get fired, I wouldn't have a Netflix special. I also would probably not be in a healthy marriage. And I also would probably not feel like myself. So also when I got fired, I laugh, but, um, Ooh, I got a fire in me.

31:47And I think it goes back to that rebirth thing. I realized the one thing I can control that I'm so proud of myself is that I can handle adversity. The stuff I went through with tennis it was I went through some bad stuff like yips like Simone Biles type stuff not to that level obviously but I will bounce back and I don't care what people try to do to me or what happens to me the cream will rise like I'm kind of annoying we're like I'm all about justice and I want everything to be in the right place and for everyone to be treated right that's not life but you're not a victim you have to again have the perspective of like just because I failed just because I got fired.

32:30That doesn't have to define you. So I kind of got this silly idea where I was like, okay, I got fired from reality TV show and didn't feel like I was shown to be who I was authentically. What if I became like the biggest comedian I could be? Which again, not a normal thought someone should have, but that's, I always think big. Like that's how I've always thought. I really like put the head down and was so motivated by the firing. Like I wouldn't be here if I wasn't fired. And it wasn't like these people. It was like, I hear you. I see you. Let's find a new outlet. Even I remember after tennis, when I just discovered comedy, I felt like a horse that was like walking around lost.

33:16And then finally they put me in my lane and I was like, I found my lane. So I just wanted to find my lane and then I could go. And finding your lane is very fun because you're just like self-exploratory. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.

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34:38So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. How does Bravo tell you that you're fired? Over Zoom. Really? Well, it was during COVID. I think it was kind of like you're not coming back and I think it's hard because with a lot of people your whole thing is about your story which is like the ebbs and flows of evolving and bravo's very like we'll break you down we'll build you back up so i they kind of were like and this is the end for you so then it was like really in my court to be no pun intended but to be like where do i take this from here and i learned a lot about like production reality and unscripted stuff that definitely helped me like do fun stuff and will help me do fun stuff later in my career wow yeah and how many people on this zoom i think it was me and two people okay yeah yeah so it's quite intimate yeah yeah yeah it was and it's also you're getting fired for like being you so it was pretty hurtful did you cry yeah yeah yeah for sure and also you felt like you lost all the friends who the show was about it basically was like no one wants to be friends with you anymore looking back it was such a blessing and people kept telling that to me they were like you're so lucky this is for a reason and don't you hate that when you're going it's the worst when you're in there yes this is for a reason and i'm like i need to make money like i lost both my jobs like i was on a talk show too and i was just like i have nothing and i have a guy who i'm engaged to who in my head was like why would he want to be with me when i'm a failure because whenever i used to win and do well people loved me more so this was a really like pivotal moment of like i had to love myself and believe in myself because like no one was going to fix it.

36:32Yeah. What's the difference between self-confidence and self-worth? And how did you work on the latter? I think I realized that my power is how I deal with adversity. It's not avoiding adversity. And I think for people who deal with that in relationships, I realized like when you marry someone, you're dating someone, you're dealing with their life, which is full of ups and downs. So when someone's with you, it's not about being perfect and an easygoing and cool girl. Like that's what I wanted to be. But like, realistically, I just got fired and you're finding someone who's going to be with you through the highs and lows and no one's life is perfect.

37:09And no one's relationship is going to be perfect. Who's going to be in the trenches with you? And like, I found my person to be in the trenches with me. How did you stop yourself from letting any bitterness or revenge mindset creep in? I do want to say I fully do have a revenge mindset, but my revenge is never to hurt people. They're already hurt. They're hurting you. Obviously, they're hurt if they try to hurt you. It's like the classic quote, but like you being mad at them is just like you adding venom to yourself. And they clearly don't give a f*** about you because they hurt you. I realized that people's hate towards me was because they saw something in me and I almost took it as a compliment.

37:52it honestly getting fired is there's some star power to it like there's a and I'm not telling everyone you know get fired because you'll find your purpose but it's like I listened I wasn't like trying to undo the past I was like I can't change what happened I can only change going forward I think great athletes are like that like you make a mistake and instead of harping on the mistake that's not going to help you in this next point yeah and I dealt with a lot of depression a lot of you know questioning why why why me I wasn't just like completely you know strong out of it but I do think I have a lot of gratitude now I even like I went to some like hotel recently and someone was complaining about like how the hotel sucked or whatever something happened and I was like I remember when no one would have even booked me to be able to stay at this hotel to perform.

38:45So the lows actually have given me the mindset for success. But also the right seeds planted in those lows, because in one sense, that's what I was getting at, that if you had planted it out of this bitterness, I'm going to show you, you'll realize how great I am when you do it from that perspective, which is natural, by the way. I'm not even judging anyone who has that intention. It's just that if that's the seed you plant, then even if you make it to that hotel or make it to that podium or make it to a Netflix special you will never go sleep happy like it's just not possible yeah that's what I meant by like they never liked you they're not gonna like you um like everyone's dealing with their shit but I do have to say I don't forgive people I'm not gonna be friends like I learn from situations but I also feel like my particular situation like I was on a show about friends getting drunk and starting fights with each other and I wasn't fitting in and people kind of turned on me and I I was like, that's actually a compliment that like you weren't thriving in that environment.

39:45The friends that I've been able to make recently, like I found the most smart, powerful, inspiring people like Allie Reisman. Has she been on this pod? You have to have her on. She's an incredible gymnast who was like the captain of the Olympic team. Was like, hey, I love your special. I'd love to get coffee. and I was sitting there talking to this girl feeling so like lucky that I can even like understand how her brain works and be connecting with her. Again, you go back and you're like, thank God I got kicked out of where I didn't belong. Yeah, you reminded me of a commencement speech that Federer just gave and he was talking about - Okay, I love that.

40:23He was talking about how he's only won 80 % of games in his career and he's only won just over 50 % of points in those games. Yes. And so he was like, I have to get so used to losing a point. I always say as a tennis player to win 6-4, 6-4, you lose 40 % of the points. And it's, and I do think that tennis mentality helped me. Like when something bad would happen, I'd be like, yeah, that's part of the ride. And I also do love storytelling. That's why like this pod is so fun for me. I love when bad things happen. Cause I am that person that's like, I can't wait to go on a podcast one day and be like, I was fired and sad.

41:02And then I rose from the ashes. And I do think people connect with me because they see like, okay, if she can do it, I can do it. And that's what I want people to feel because it really is just your mentality. When you get up in the morning, you're just like, I'm not going to let that past pain define me. When you're putting it into comedy, where's all the content coming from, the storytelling? telling? Well, the funny thing about comedy is I definitely never wanted to be a standup comedian. And I think it was a blessing in a way that like I very have my own distinct voice and way I am on stage.

41:39Like I wasn't ever trying to copy anyone else. I didn't even think I was going to get a Netflix special. So when I did, I was kind of just like, cool. And then I've been joking. I was like, what do you do next? Do another Netflix special? Like how many Netflix specials does a person need? but it's been an interesting moment creatively because with a stand-up after you do your hour the material's burned they call it so unlike a singer who can like you write a great hit and you can do it forever my hit is like my great hit I love my like gun joke or my queef joke I can't do that anymore so now I'm doing these new material shows where it's basically like watching your favorite athlete start as a beginner so I'm literally on stage being like cankles, are cankles funny?

42:23do we like cankles? and I've had some insecurities being like, this is difficult. I went from a tried and tested like hour that I know every single moment what will happen and the laughs I'll get to being just like feeling naked on stage. And my husband has been inspiring because he's like, you don't even know like the special is going to be better than the last one. So I think with comedy, I like that it keeps me on my toes. I don't feel completely like I got this all the time. And I think it keeps me motivated because I feel so I'm constantly learning about myself and challenging myself. Last week, I even I went on stage just with a bunch of papers, which I've never done before.

43:02And just was like, let's see what happens. So, look, maybe I'm sick in the head as we're talking it out and I'm saying it out loud. But I like to put myself in uncomfortable positions and see how I can get out of it. I think that's what crowd work is, which is something that I've taken accustomed to. I actually think it's the only mindset. Like if you know what you're going to do every month, you'll end up living the same year again and again and again. And part of me is jealous of those people. I do have to say there are maybe some like neurotypical people that are like, I want to just like, I want to go to work.

43:39I want to enjoy my friends. I want to go home. And I'm so thankful for this life. And I'm envious of those people. Like I wish that. Are you actually? Well, I think that they actually are fulfilled. And then there's people like me who need some crazy shit to like feel alive all the time. And I definitely am neurodivergent. Like I'm realizing now, like I do think I have ADHD in like a powerful way. Like when I'm doing a joke, I could like know what crowd work I'm going to do next. And I'm also going to do a callback to this joke. Like I have a bazillion tabs open in my head and I need constant dopamine hits.

44:13but it's it's made me a creative and and a performer so I think like both ways of life like you know you see a kid and you're like this kid is happy chilling and you see a kid that's just running around being chaotic and you're like they're just different vibes totally totally yeah and I feel like everyone's needing to balance out by doing the other yes someone who lives crazy a crazy life like you can find more joy from relationships and the simple things and someone who's living a more, as you called it, a neurotypical life also needs to find new goals and things to grow towards because both end up feeling out of balance and out of sync.

44:50Are you good at vacationing? I really enjoy it. I wouldn't say I'm good at it in the sense of I don't like I could go years and probably did in the beginning and then I got a bit better at it and then probably got bad at it again. I'm okay at it, I'd say. I've recently like this summer after the special, I was like, take some time. and like you're you wake up and you're like what are we doing oh i'm good at that oh i'm good at that once i'm there i'm good once you're there you're good i have i find with vacationing or like giving yourself breaks especially as an entrepreneur because it's always like when you're not working you're just not like making money or whatever you'll be like okay let's relax and then takes you like four days to relax then you're finally relaxed and it's like we got to go back home and you're like oh no so yeah i'm really lucky i can like lock into any mode that i'm in immediately.

45:37Well, you meditate more than me. Correct. But finding the time to get away, that's what I was thinking. I was like, you have to prioritize that. I'm not, I'm okay at that. Like sometimes I'm good at planning it out. Sometimes I'm not, I'm good at starting my year off. Right. Like I always make sure that I start my year off in India, back at the monastery, taking time out. And I've done that every year religiously for the past seven years or whatever it is, maybe even more now. And that to me is like, I'm good at doing that. I heard that Dua Dua Lipa always takes July and August off. I also could have started a rumor there, but I heard that.

46:08And I was like, Dua Lipa is always crushing it. And part of me loved that. Not maybe it's like European or something. But I'm realizing in this life that no one's going to make you take a break. And you actually have to have the self-love, even if you think you don't need it, to be like, you do need to have balance. And I'm a workaholic and I love the highs of it. but I've also been working on like also when you're relaxing like don't be mean to yourself don't spend the whole day relaxing being like you should have gone to Pilates so it's you yeah creating the right narrative in your head of like that you're in the right space at the right time is kind of what I've been working on yeah now that you've started a crazy rumor about Dua Lipa now you're interested you're like okay no it's good to ask you what's the craziest rumor you've ever heard about yourself I mean honestly the biggest rumors were like stuff that would happen on reality TV because like there would be scenes where the back of my head would say something to someone and I was like that was not what the response was so it was like living with like moments that just didn't happen that you had to kind of just like own I didn't really own it I would be like no it didn't happen everyone's like shut up stupid but I think my support system has been really great and I only took it for granted or I just I have very small support systems so I never thought that I was like special in any way but now I'm realizing like it really is quality over quantity like I always have that one best friend my mom and my dad my brother and my husband maybe a couple other friends depending on the time and I thought like you're kind of a lonely bitch.

47:50But then these people are so special that I can call at any time and they get me so well that I'm realizing more like, oh, they got me through that. Like I could not have done it alone. Yeah. My poor mom, the calls she has to take. Oh, that's so wonderful to hear though. And it's interesting, isn't it? Because I think as things grow also, you realize the different values of your community as well. As you get older, you realize the value that they play in different you go through more you go through more and so you rely on them for more things like when you're a kid maybe they helped you move to college or maybe they you know it's things like that whereas when you grow up you're like no I just called you and cried and I remember for me it was like my mom saying something I was going through a tough time and I don't really call my mom for advice I never have yeah she's always been loving and supportive it's very guy of you like my brother will call my mom like once a month and I call I'm that guy.

48:41I'm calling her, I'm like, I'm eating chicken nuggets. Yeah, exactly. That's my wife. Like my wife would call her mom like six times a day. And I never, I literally call my mom once a month. And I remember my mom just like once, like we were on a call and I didn't tell her things were hard, but obviously she's my mom. She can sense that things were hard. This was like seven, eight years ago. And she just said like one of the most motivational things to me ever. And she never does that. So like, I'm not used to that from her. And it was about me and about something in my past. I'll tell you off camera later.

49:09And it was just one of those things that I was like, no way. Like, I didn't even know we had that relationship. Or you just gave me like a really big gift in my, I was just turning 30 maybe, like at that time. And I couldn't believe that she said that to me then. And so I would never have realized that if I wasn't going through that point in my life. Yes. And she didn't sense it. So I didn't see the value my mom could offer me. It's so funny how heavy a mom's words could be. So heavy. Like I remember I was in tennis craziness and I called my mom and I just was like just dark. And my mom was like, you're not being yourself.

49:46And I was like, what do you even mean? And she's like, you're a lighthearted, funny, silly, like goofy girl. Like that's who Hannah is. Like I don't know who this is right now. But I'm just, you know, trying to figure out who I am as an 18-year-old. and looking back I'm like she's so right that I was turning into someone I wasn't because I was just forcing things I also think with friendships and relationships in your 30s you start being like I don't have time to force things and also why would I force anything like me and you for example like I feel like if I was like I need Jay to like me and like was obsessed with like connecting with you who knows if that would have worked but like we naturally hit it off and we have a friendship where like, I feel like sometimes people will be like, if I ask them to get coffee and I do this, I live my life kind of like put your energy out there and the right energies will come back.

50:40Three authentic relationships are better than thousands of people that you're like, they wouldn't be there for me when I need to bury a body. Yeah, I'm still trying to get you to like this. I was trying. I do message you. No, I do think there's vibes. There's good vibes. Yeah, no, for sure. And I couldn't agree with you more. There isn't, I think tactics and hacks and things like that get you very, don't get you very far with humans. Like they work on things, they work on tools, they work on strategy and projects and things like that, but they don't really work well with people. I also find with dating, I used to be like, if I construct the perfect text message, he's going to realize that I'm cool.

51:26I was so into, I'd get nervous and be like if I say this or like I wasn't funny enough and looking back you're like the emoji or not emoji did not change like it's funny because my husband he met me when I was in the middle of this like insane reality tv time which arguably like I was crying more than I've ever cried before like that's not what it's like being with me I'm I have other issues but crying was not a thing so it's talk about like someone loving you at your worst it's almost like he saw me as like an open wound and he loved me through that so I joke now I'm like first date get in a fight like like start crying tell him all your trauma and like if he can't with it be on to the next one why are we pretending to be perfect for three years and then realizing you hate them I really thought that like if I was perfect perfect things would happen to me and that's just not the game so we've talked so much about like your confidence in these spaces how do you apply to your love life like what was that like in relationship and dating were you as analytical were you able to make sense of stuff or in that area were you like oh my god it's so funny how everything's so similar I was like tennis were like even when I was like could not hit a serve I had this confidence that I could still win and I did win a lot but like I always I joke like I always think everyone loves me like I'm I'll have friends I'll walk into a room like I have reverse bi dysmorphia like I think everyone's attracted to me.

52:54But I just had this confidence that no matter what was going on, like that I'll fall in love and I'll have the most amazing relationship and everyone's attracted to me and wants to be with me. And that was just what I put into the world. But I also had an ego with it where like, I realized that I would go after emotionally unavailable guys because I wasn't ready. I was like, no one's rejecting me. Like no one's rejecting me. And I'd go after like really good looking men who I didn't respect emotionally so that if it didn't work out, I'd be like, he's stupid. Like, obviously I didn't like him or like they wouldn't make me laugh or like I liked having hot men around me.

53:32And it is kind of I always like male dominated spaces. I'm wearing a tie right now, but I kind of like I thought it was powerful to be like a girl that like could date a lot of hot guys. It's like I didn't want to be fully seen either. and I finally like my husband is a guy who very good looking but I really respect emotionally and he sees me and he calls me out on stuff and is okay with all the things that come with me and it was like scary and vulnerable but it also felt really safe because I think it was with the right person. I have been in relationships where I felt confident like this guy on paper is like everything someone would want.

54:19Like girls probably look and go like, oh yeah, he's great. But I didn't feel like myself. And I'm proud of myself. I got out of a relationship when I was younger that like other people were like, why would you leave that guy? Because when I was alone at night, I didn't feel like I was able to be myself with him. And I got out of it. And I realized your partner, if they're not an asset, I don't mean it like we have to make everything great and life happy. No, if they're not enhancing and supporting you and who you are, there's no reason to be in a relationship. Yeah. Someone said something kind of powerful that the person you're with directly reflects how much you love yourself.

54:58even though I was like dating and confident I wasn't like really putting myself out there fully because I didn't know if someone really saw me they would be scary if they didn't love me so I was like well I don't love them I don't need them but I honestly think having a bad relationship that hurts your mental health is so nice because bear with me you start realizing I don't want to be in a relationship is to be in a relationship. It's too risky. If someone is bringing me down, like I'd really, really rather be single 100 % of the time. So once I got in that mentality, like in my late 20s, when the right guy finally came, I knew it because I wasn't just dating to date.

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57:05Yeah, I feel like so many of the people I know right now are just struggling with dating. Like, I'm sure you have loads of single friends too. Yeah. You were just like, Jay, can you introduce me to someone? Or I don't know how to meet someone. I'm on all the apps. I'm doing this. I'm doing that. And it feels like it's just the wild, wild west for people. Like it's so hard. I know. At least that's how it seems. My advice, I really do joke about it that like first date, if you go back to his apartment, like hide his remote and see what his true character is. Like, cause I really feel, especially in LA, everyone's hot.

57:38And I'm like, I could get along with a hot person for months before I like realize what's going on. And I think life is so short. It's like, you can convince yourself that so many people are great for you, but like stop lying to yourself and immediately just be like do you feel like yourself with them and is it someone that you want to sit on the couch with for hours let's stop with the instagram bullshit let's stop with how it looks aesthetically and find someone that's good for your soul yeah because your relationship is like a mirror where like it's a voice that you have to listen to for the rest of your life make sure that voice is someone you want to talk to and like they create the vibe of your life yeah i love quitting i love getting out of stuff if you're not with the right person like there is a right person there get out yeah no but i think you're so right that the halo effect so strong like we can stay with someone off of like the tiniest thing like people will stay in a relationship because someone's hot because someone makes lots of money because someone's really good at one thing yes and it's so easy to do that because the halo effect is so powerful you were saying in a very sincere way like do you want to listen to their voice for the rest to your life.

58:48And I was just thinking of someone going to me, I really liked the sound of his voice. And it's like, you're just attracted to the sound of someone's voice, but not really the content of what they're saying or who they are and what you're talking about, someone's soul. And it's, it's so hard for our brains to detach from that, which is pleasurable to that, which is actually meaningful. I loved having a crush. I would make it up. He would just have to show like a little bit. And I was like, I love this. I wanted to wake up with that high of like, is he going to text me? And then you finally like meet him and you're like, Oh my God, this is not it it took me a while I would really just be like as long as he's tall I could figure this out and then I remember feeling like I was signing my soul to the devil I was like you deserve better and I do think like you love yourself the person you're with is showing how much you love yourself you deserve the best also as someone who's just got married like I do have to say when you're growing up you're like who's my soulmate who's my soulmate and not to be a Debbie downer I believe there are soulmates I don't think at all that there's one person I really think of marriage as like a best friend in that it's very similar to friendships you know when you meet someone like I'll meet a girl and immediately I'm like where the fuck has this bitch been all my life she's amazing I'm obsessed with her and you'll have a couple of those kind of relationships in your life and that's how I feel with men as well romantic relationships so it's like the person I'm with right now, he's so right for me.

1:00:10He's amazing. I do think there's other people in the world that potentially I could have married and had that I haven't met. So it's like you create your own adventure and you find the person that's right for you in that moment. People will be mad like, why did I marry this guy? And I'm like, maybe he was right for you in 1997 or whenever it happened. And he was perfect for you in that time. So stop putting so much pressure on this like one insane thing it's like no it's it's vibes and it's like finding your best friend yeah and you'll have a lot of beautiful relationships in your life what were some of the surprising challenges that came up in marriage that maybe you didn't expect i do have to say my husband has a joke he's a comedian too he actually has a really good bit about mindfulness that i feel like you would like i'll send it to you but yeah please do yeah it's just about how mindfulness he jokes about back then it was just like watching precipitation go down she's like you can't even sit and take a shit without like scrolling like mindfulness used to just be existing i butchered that bit but it's about that you're now doing his bit i'm doing his bit but he he has this joke about marriage how he'll tell people like we don't spend a lot of time together because i'm on the road a lot he's on the road and how people like 35 and under like oh that must be really hard but that people 35 and over like you guys are gonna make it so like we never get into that like roommate roommate situation where you start feeling like, oh, this is just a roommate that I have that lives with me.

1:01:36It stays kind of exciting because we don't have that routine. Our careers are very kind of crazy and we're really good at communicating. I think the funny thing about marriage is that dating is a lot of chasing. There's a lot of like, are we going to get engaged? Are we going to get married? What is this going to be? And then you become it. It reminds me of life where like, if you don't love the journey, there's no point to it and you realize like oh this isn't about getting the ring like this is just about finding someone I want to be with with him it's like we're married we're not I'm not playing any more games the games are over and I liked kind of being like what's gonna happen and there's no game playing that's your person yeah I remember reading a study that talked about how what we really get addicted to at the beginning of a relationship is stress and excitement.

1:02:32Yes. So the excitement of, I just texted them, the stress of, will they text me back? Yes, you get addicted. The excitement of like, I just told all my friends about this guy, the stress of, I don't know if he's talking about me to his friends. Yeah. And so that keeps you, it's what you're saying, the game keeps you going. And then all of a sudden, when you actually end up with someone, then it's just peaceful. And then everyone goes, wait a minute, there's no excitement anymore. It's like, no, no, no, you were just addicted to stress. Yes. And I do have to say the peacefulness of marriage has been really nice for me in terms of like dating actually was really time consuming and stressful.

1:03:02So I feel like I'm able to focus more on my career and being myself. I used to like not be able to enjoy friends sometimes because I'm sitting there thinking about a guy. We're at dinner and I'm just like, I don't really care about this because like so-and-so hasn't texted me back. Where now I have this like comfort of like I have my person who's my sidekick and there for me. and I can actually be myself more, which has been really nice. When I was single, I was boy crazy and I was like putting it on a pedestal. So I've done that and been that. And I think once you realize you just, you don't want to force it.

1:03:36My ultimate dating tip is that do the things you love and it'll attract people who will love you. Where I tell people like, I know this is corny, but like, if you like volleyball, join a volleyball league. You can't just like sit around hoping, like be you and they will come. Yeah, yeah. The baseball field, as they say. If you build it, they will come. For men, I think it's similar. Like all the most successful men that I've spoken to have all said that their success came when they committed to one woman. Yeah. And then they actually had time and energy to build everything else. That is exhausting.

1:04:10Rather than the exhaustion of thinking that it was cool to date multiple women or have affairs or whatever they thought it was when they were growing up. The stress that, again, they're addicted to. Exactly. But I do have to say, to be a little positive, my parents have a really beautiful relationship and like they still like they flirt they love each other they make each other laugh and in my relationship like I still my friend makes fun of me but like I still get butterflies with him like I do have it it's not you know we're two years in it's early but I found someone who keeps me like excited yeah so that's possible it's not like oh you meet someone and then you're just like yay we're bored no like I found someone who he definitely is emotionally like we say like our love language is laughter yeah so we're making fun of each other and it's like we're constantly playing the game of how can we make each other laugh absolutely yeah we we banter all day me and my wife it's so important when we're around you guys have a really fun yeah yeah yeah laughter is our love language for sure too it has to be we always feel like when we're around new people or new couples they're like do you have issues with each other i'm like no no no this is just this is who we are like we're constantly bantering and that's that's our way of showing love to each other and it works for us and i'm i can also get really emotional like when radi's traveling whatever i'll literally be like there's no light in the house like i'm just like i get fully like i'm like no the house feels different like it's not the same because i'm so used to just walking back there seeing her giving her a hug whatever it is even in in the work day and then when she's traveling i'm like no where is she but i love the idea of missing her it works yes yes i was gonna say it makes you not take for granted them being there when you wake up yeah and we also are very good at communicating like we'll be on the phone like all day even if it's just like a two-minute call to be like this thing happened to me yeah it's just natural and i joke like be with some your relationship is a conversation you have for the rest of your life like do you want to have it i saw like a random probably a tiktok about how the person you marry is the person that's going to be with you when like your parents pass away like who do you want to be with you in those hard times it's not who do you want to be in the wedding photo with you mic drop yeah that's real no that's so real that's the realest thing ever it's and then I wish I wish more people would internalize that because that is exactly what it is and having and I have a friend who was with this partner through the loss of her mom recently and it was the hardest thing for her and he was he was the best partner I think she could have had during that time and she needed him and I realized I needed my husband during my hard time and I also think that trauma bonding is real obviously trauma bonding can be bad but like I think we are so much powerful of a couple because early on we were dealing with so much adversity that now when something happens like we're so easily able to handle it um so when bad things happen to you when you're in a relationship, it's actually gonna show you if you're in the right relationship, which is awesome.

1:07:10Yeah. I wanted to pivot slightly because I feel like you pointed out your tie earlier and I think this is a great outfit. Thank you. We have to talk about it. But, you know, I feel like your whole career from day one, it's been operating in a male dominant, like even, I mean, this article headline was, so this one 15 years ago, New York Times, she plays with boys and rivals don't like it. Yeah, it's crazy title. And it's like, that's crazy, right? And it's like 15 years ago, even now, like comedy is definitely more male dominated, has been. And I think it's a really interesting thing because I've been speaking to a lot of my male friends recently, either married or have girlfriends, long term relationships.

1:07:48And a lot of the women they're with feel really scared about pivoting careers, feel scared about changing their identity, about how they're perceived in their small community of friends. And these aren't people who are saying, I want to be really famous or I want to be really rich. it's just people thinking like, maybe I don't want to be a doctor and maybe I do want to do this. So maybe I do want to be a yoga instructor or maybe I do want to do fitness or whatever it is. It's people making just genuine choices. And it's funny because when I'll talk to my guy friends about it, they've all done it.

1:08:17And it feels really easy for a guy to like somewhat change his perception and identity. Whereas for women, it feels a bit harder. If you had to say something to them, what would you say to women who are feeling like it's hard? Two things. One, And I do think that women do have, like, they have the biological clock in their head where they're like, okay, if I switch this and then I have kids at this time and then I'll be behind. Like, they're dealing with, like, that kind of stuff. I do have to do a shout out to my parents. I think I was raised a very, not if it's unique, but I was raised very, like, genderless.

1:08:51Like, I wore whatever clothes I wanted to wear. My dad really treated me, I wouldn't even say like a boy, just like, I was never said I was pretty. It was about like being hardworking. And I think growing up as I got older and people started to be like, you're a girl, you're not allowed to do that. I was like, that's hilarious. And I'm going to show you that that's not true. And I think even like wearing the tie, I joked that like, it makes me feel people are like listening to me more. Like I could say things I don't know about and people are like, she sounds like she knows what she's talking about.

1:09:23and I love playing with the gender roles because I think they're socially constructed in a way but I also do realize now that I'm 33 and some male comics, their careers are popping off like mine where I'm like, if I want to have a kid, I have to do it in the next couple of years. How is that going to affect my trajectory where they cannot have, they don't give a f*** about that and I'm used to being like, there's no difference between me and you but then I realized like, oh shit, there is differences but I like to be in terms of like my feminism people get confused thinking that feminists are like men and women are equal we're not we're very different in so many beautiful ways and like we want equal opportunities but we're going to go about it our own way so it's finding like what is your superpower as a woman and I do think with women this is good women love to be over prepared and overqualified for things before we do it.

1:10:23I'm working on this new bit about like, I see a lot of men are pilots because no woman would just wake up and be like, I could fly a plane. Like she would have to be like so good at flying planes to finally be like, can I fly a plane? And then I joke, like if women flew planes, we'd literally be lost all the time and like need snacks and stuff like that. But anyway, there's, it's multifaceted. So I think with women, stop waiting to be like over prepared to do something good advice and I think so many men will just be like a little bit confident and be like I'll figure it out where women like even a job interviews I feel like men will be like I'll figure it out where girls will be have to be so over prepared to even go into the interview like even when I was like a sports reporter for a second I had to show that I knew sports so well to even get in the same room where like a dude they just assume he knows it because it's like sports.

1:11:18So for girls, I'd say, do things you're not qualified for. I was not qualified to get a Netflix special, but I did it. If you looked at my resume, you'd say that girl should not have a Netflix special, but I did. And it was top five on Netflix. So I think for the girls, don't wait till you're overqualified, challenge yourself, and you gain confidence when you're able to do something you didn't know you could do. that's great advice I love that and you're spot on I remember looking at the studies a few years ago and it literally said that if a guy looks at an application and he can do four out of ten things he'll apply and if a girl looks at it and she can do eight out of ten things she won't apply I literally have chills yeah I have chills because that is so true and women are so competent but I guess they like there's like a safety thing with it I do have to say something about experience they did a study somewhere I swear this wasn't from TikTok but a study about like doctors and how some new doctors were actually better than doctors who had like 40 years of experience because they were actually like fresher more open-minded more up-to-date and just how like just because someone has more experience with you doesn't necessarily make them better than you had something yeah my advice for like job interviews is I would go in and be like I don't have the years experience you want, but these are all the ideas I have of what I'm going to do.

1:12:39So don't wait till you're overqualified. Like do things you're underqualified for and see what you're capable of. So needed. That's great advice. I love that. I love that. Hannah, if your younger self was to look at you now, if you were to go meet her and she saw you having the Netflix special or doing what you're doing today, touring, what do you think she'd say? She wouldn't imagine it, but I feel like she'd be like, that's awesome. I do think there was a time when I was like 24 and I was like in sales or something. And when my cousins said like he was going to move to LA to be an actor. And I remember getting like a guttural jealousy that I was like not expecting.

1:13:20And looking back, I was like, why are you jealous that your cousins move in LA to do acting? That's insane. You don't even want to be an actress. But deep, deep down I did. and I like didn't admit it to myself because it's like a lot to admit that you want to be a performer or want your dreams it's scary to say what dreams you want for anyone who's feeling like a jealousy towards something that's the universe telling you you want to do it yeah and it's crazy that years later now like I'm getting into acting and I tried so hard to fight it but the universe was like you're not doing that you're not doing that until I got in this lane I'd like to say even though I've never surfed.

1:14:00It's like surfing where like when you find the right wave, it's going to feel easier and you're going to love it. It's going to be fun. So like find your wave. That jealousy point is so clear. I feel like we're living at a time where it's so scary to share your dreams with someone else because you're scared it might remind them that they're not chasing theirs. And you're scared that they may react and tell you not to chase it because they don't believe in you. And the truth is they never had the strength to even give themselves the worth to chase theirs. And then at the same time, you're scared of hearing it because it might remind you of the doubt you already have in your own abilities and the fears you already have and the insecurities you have that it's not possible for you.

1:14:41And it creates a really messy situation in society, I feel, because you have less people wanting to chase their dreams, less people rooting for them, and less people admitting what their dreams are. And that feels like a really bad place to live where dreams are becoming buried deeper and deeper and deeper inside someone's soul and you know never get seen yes and so if someone's feeling that and they're feeling that jealousy which you so beautifully said could be a sign or a signal that that's what you want to do what would you say is the first three steps someone should take if they think they have a crazy dream they may never have done it before they don't really get it but they they feel that deep inside of them.

1:15:19It's always been there. I was always obsessed with successful people. Like I'd look at like Rihanna and I'm like, what is different about her than other people? And it, when you strip it down, it always starts with, she tried like 80 % of it is being like, I want to be this and I'm going to do it. And then I like to literally sit down and like say something crazy. Like, okay, I want to get a Netflix special. Then I literally go backwards of all the things you have to do to get there. Okay, to get a Netflix special, you'd have to perform in front of someone at Netflix. How do you do that? You'd have to be selling out theaters.

1:15:54How do you do that? You'd have to get JFL. How do you get JFL? You'd have to go in the clubs. How do you get in the clubs? You'd have to start writing. How do you start writing by doing it tomorrow? So then it's like you literally have the path and it starts so small. And I think so many people don't want to go through the whole path. And then when you think about it, it's like you just have to go do it. it's actually a lot less overwhelming when you think I just have to write tomorrow than be like, I have to get a Netflix special in two years. But realistically, I got a Netflix special in like five years of comedy, plus COVID, which is crazy.

1:16:28But it's because that wasn't the plan. It was just I wanted to be myself and have fun doing comedy. Yeah, it's so funny. Seven years ago, I had a production company reach out to me from LA. They'd seen my first ever video that had gone viral and they loved it and they'd reached out and said we want to build a tv show around you and so I was like I couldn't believe it because I just started creating content and yeah had a viral video and I thought that was cool enough as it was anyway I like flew to LA on my own dime I didn't have a lot of money then sat down had meetings went back and forth worked on creative on top of my day job came back to pitch it again on my own dime like I was trying to figure out how I was going to do it we pitched it and no one wanted the show but I built loads of great relationships and so I built all these great relationships at streamers production companies became really good friends with some of them but no one liked the show idea that we had and it's and it's so funny because I always look at that and I go I'm so glad that an idea that I didn't fully own that wasn't fully mine got rejected because then I built this even though at the time you probably were like I didn't make it yeah at the time it was just like it felt like everything was going not everything was going wrong but that that was the big moment and I fumbled it somehow yeah yeah and like right it was like i felt like i fumbled yeah you just felt like you just dropped the ball yeah you were like that was my moment and that's it when life has like so many moments i one of my favorite things to tell people is especially like video creation people will be like what if i told you the 15th video you post is going to go viral how quickly would you post the next video yeah i kind of am obsessed with the gritty work it was this concept I think like with tennis, people would say like, when are you practicing when people aren't watching?

1:18:11Are you practicing in the rain? Like that type of like sports stuff. So I feel like, yeah, people will go and do the flashy stuff. But I think I get ahead because I'm doing this boring stuff that people don't want to do. So when you realize like, oh, someone got a Netflix special because they did the little tedious things that are actually anyone could do. It's just people don't want to do it. so it's like put your head down and like you can accomplish anything well said hannah it's been such a joy talking to you honestly i'm having so much fun i love this is actually like the shit i love talking about i mean i'm like we have to do this again i feel like a um motivational speaker but just through like queef jokes but like i actually feel connected to you because i love through my jokes like inspiring people to see the world differently even though it's not that serious at all.

1:19:00But I do love like motivating and I love coaching and I love making people inspired in some way. Yeah. Well, I think everything you shared today has been super powerful and I know my community is going to love it. You bring it out of me. Oh no, I love it. You brought it. You brought it. We, we end every episode with a final five, a fast five that we asked to all guests. So Hannah Bernard, these are your fast five. Question number one, what is the best advice you ever heard or received? Oh, I like this quote that says, even when it's raining, the hoop is always there. not to give like more sports quote but it's basically like you're not seeing it but like you're actually okay and the world is your oyster you just are there's a cloud right now yeah i love that uh second question what is the worst advice you ever heard or received probably people who just think they know better than you about your own life and like telling you based on their own experiences when you're completely different to be like i wouldn't do that if i were you Well, you're not me, so.

1:19:58Question number three, what is something you think people don't know about you? People probably would not be surprised they heard, but I'm like really messy. Like I have trouble keeping the home. Like, okay. And I, but I lean into it and I'll be like, I'm a creative. But like some of my friends are so organized and I'm so jealous of them. But like, I will always go to edit a video before like putting the dishes away. And then I will never put the dishes away. So I'm kind of like, don't have my shit together in the home. I love it. Question number, wait, what star side are you? Leo, sun, Virgo moon, but clearly just about work and Scorpio rising.

1:20:38Okay. Oh, wow. You know all of it. Wow. All right. Question number four, apart from your astrologer, was it that you DMed? Who's the last person you DMed? It's probably Paige, my co-host, because after the show, we see all these like funny videos from the shows and I'll send it to her and be like, that was funny. That was cute. So we're just like enjoying when we get home, looking at all the stories. I love that. And question number five, we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? I think children should have more mental health in schools.

1:21:13Like, I think it should be a law that kids should learn, start learning more about like happiness, mindfulness, meditation. Like, I don't know why that wouldn't be in the curriculum when that's like the most important thing to having a happy life. Mental health by Hannah Burnett. Yeah, mental health. I love it. Get the kids, start them young. I love it. Everyone go and watch We Ride at Dawn right now. And if you don't follow Hannah already, make sure you follow her across Instagram, TikTok, and all of social media. Hannah, I'm so excited for us to continue our friendship. Yes, thank you for having me.

1:21:46Honestly, you are so much fun to talk to if you ever want to just - I might have to open for you in one of your live oh oh my gosh i would love oh my god i would love that you're so kind people would be like okay you're so kind oh my gosh that's an honor i love that that's such a kind offer that's so sweet i'm gonna take you off on that we'll see if your your team allows it it's up to helena she'll definitely allow it uh had a burner everyone as you can tell not only hilariously funny got so many great insights thoughts wisdom i mean you can drop the mic today thank you i'm retiring amazing and uh i really hope we get to hear you do more tennis commentary more sport commentary like yeah all of it yeah i'm excited yeah i'm excited to see it i think i work for uspn yeah i love it uh anna verna thank you so much thank you so grateful if you love this episode you're going to love my conversation with matthew hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships people should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that compassion to your future self.

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