I Reached a Major Milestone! 8 Life-Changing Lessons I’ve Learned From Incredible Guests Along the Way

25:19You're also guided by faculty who've lived the work themselves, scholars and practitioners with real experience. This is the kind of opportunity that reminds you it's never too late to go after what you want. If you've been waiting for the right moment This is it. Head to waldenu.edu and take that first step. Walden University. Set a course for change. Certified to operate by Chev. Amazon has everything for everyone on your list. Like my wife, Radhi, who can somehow host 20 people, cook five dishes at once, and still have the energy to rally us all around the table. I'm getting us some new board games, because nothing says holiday chaos like my family, swearing they're not competitive, while Radhi quietly wins every single round.

26:09She even tends to be surprised, which makes it worse. That's what I love about shopping with Amazon. It's not just the gifts, it's the moments they spark. The right board game turns into a story we retell for years. A sweater sneaks into every family photo, decor becomes the backdrop for all the memories. And with Black Friday deals happening right now, I can stock up on everything. Fashion, fitness, toys, electronics, decor, without leaving the house. Because whether you shop early like me or late like most of my family, Amazon makes it easy to find something meaningful. So shop Amazon's Black Friday deals now.

26:49Amazon. Everything for everyone on your list. Get free business internet forever when you add four mobile lines. Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all sizes connected seamlessly with internet advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV and mobile services. Spectrum Business has tailored connectivity solutions and packages built for your business budget. No contracts, no added fees. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas.

27:37When Emma Watson called me to be on the show I was thrilled One insight in our sit down Out of the many that she said That stood out Was her view on building relationships From wholeness, not need In her younger years She might have chosen from uncertainty But now she seeks love from peace And self-knowledge She also spoke about asking the hardest questions Am I really happy? Am I aligned with my values? Questions that push us beyond appearances and towards truth One of the hardest questions You talked about asking yourself difficult questions And I want to ask you something about that But one thing I've said to my wife is If you ever fall out of love with me, please tell me Because I don't want to live a day without love I'm really confident about the fact that I'm worthy of love And that I want to experience love in my life if you ever fall out of me just tell me it's okay because I don't have the desire to stay somewhere for any other reason and it sounds risky saying that in extreme but to me it's a greater risk to have spent 10 extra years with someone and then they tell me I haven't really loved you for the last 5-10 years and then I'm like wait a minute I've lived without love for 10 years of my life and I don't want to be in that place because I've seen people go through that and not be happy and so So it does come with a humility and a openness to have very difficult conversations and not to force something that, oh, it's been going great for 12 years.

29:05It has to. It should do. It must do. And it's like, well, maybe no. Like, yes, if it does, it's great. And it is right now. But why should right now be a prediction for how you feel in 15 years with everything else that's going to change? I think if I knew I really couldn't meet the needs of someone and they couldn't meet my needs, if I really couldn't make them happy and they couldn't make me happy, like forcing them to stay in that situation, surely that like makes love impossible, like negates. So I totally get what you're saying. And my mum said this thing to me, which was like, you want to be with someone because you want them, not because you need them.

29:46And I think maybe another reason why I didn't get married younger is because I think maybe I would have married someone not knowing who I was and I would have needed them, maybe not wanted them. and I think now I have a life that's whole and complete as it is and I would be making a choice from a place of I just want you and I don't need you but I just want you and I don't I don't think I was that woman five years ago yeah I love that and and there's so much so much to be said for attracting from a place of peace because you know what peace feels like and so then anyone or anything that comes into your life and what feeling satisfied feels like satisfied is probably even a better word and that feeling of i know what it feels like to be satisfied and so i now know whether someone makes me more satisfied or less i know what my baseline is if you don't know what your baseline happy is then how do you you've got no idea of knowing what's going on at all and that's not a feeling of being complete or having it all figured out it's like i know what satisfied is a great word it's like i know what it feels like to be at peace with myself or satisfied with myself and now everyone can show me yes where that pendulum swings yes um one thing you said which i which really resonated with me is that you've had to ask yourself so many hard questions to do the work and i wanted to ask you what what's one of the hardest questions you've ever had to ask yourself if you could recall well the first one that comes to mind and then maybe i'll dig for a deeper or different one is like to have to admit to myself or ask myself the question of like you right now have the career and the life that like looks like the dream but are you really happy emma are you really healthy are you really happy like is this really what you want.

31:50And to be at that point and like realize and have to admit to myself that I wasn't and I didn't was one of the scariest things I've ever had to do because, you know, I basically had to ask myself on a daily basis, like I felt like I was crazy and walking away from something without knowing what you're walking towards was not having the answers, but leaving something that the world considered to be of such high value, such a high value kind of moment in my professional life and career. I think that was a real, sitting with that was a real moment of reckoning of like, can you tell yourself the truth?

32:38Can you live with your truth? can you accept the fact that for most other people your truth is pretty confusing and unpalatable that was definitely a hard moment of sitting more recently because I've been being my own partner asking myself are you really living your values things that you preach are you actually aligned and actually looking at some spaces in my life where I was like, shit, no, not at all. I'm actually not doing what I talk about. And I need to like create some sort of urgency or a deadline for that so that I make sure that I'm a person of integrity. I purport to be someone that cares about the world and about the planet and sustainability.

33:29And, you know, there are some things I was doing wasn't enough by my own standards, not by anyone else's, just by my own. Probably not. But what's nice is, is I actually have the time now to be like, okay, what are you to do about it? Like get on with it. And like, but those, those are great. Thank you for those. Those are great questions. Really, really great questions. Emma's bravery and honesty reminds us that real love begins with knowing yourself. When you're complete on your own, you can choose someone because you want them, not because you need them. And just as importantly, fulfillment comes from having the courage to ask hard questions, to walk away from what looks good on the outside if it doesn't feel right on the inside and to realign your life with your deepest values.

34:17Now, it's a given that Madonna is a cultural icon, but what struck me most wasn't her ambition or longevity, it was her devotion to spirituality. Even at the height of fame, the success she felt of void and what sustained her wasn't the limelight but the rituals that gave her peace and purpose from yoga and sanskrit study to kabbalah spirituality became the compass she realized she needed for herself and for her daughter what are your spiritual practices and rituals that have been so supportive and emblematic of your journey that have kept you going at the times, as you said, there were so many times you could give up or things could go wrong, or you kept pushing and they kept you locked.

35:03What were they? What are they? Well, one really important thing is studying, making time every week to sit down and study. I mean, you can study the Bible, you can study the poetry of Kahil Gibran, or you can study the Vedas. And you did that, right? You actually studied differently. traditions on your part. I mean, to be honest, before I discovered Kabbalah, I was looking for answers. Why do you think that was? Why were you looking for answers? Because I had everything that people would assume would give you happiness. I had a successful career. I had fame, fortune, monetary things, physical things, but I wasn't happy.

35:53And I naturally sought out, well, when I was a dancer, I had a roommate. She was a Buddhist and she would get up and chant every day. And so I was very intrigued by that. Like nothing bothered her. You know what I mean? everything bothers me everything bothers me I'm you know I'm a Leo I'm I'm Italian I'm very dramatic um I wouldn't say she was peaceful all the time but I was just struck by her confidence and her um knowingness that everything was happening for a reason she never got upset about things and this is in the beginning of my career when I was living in New York and I was broke and a lot of crazy things happened to me, really scary, traumatic things.

36:42And I would always ask her, her name is Marianne, I would always say, why are you never upset? So I attributed that to her spiritual life, but it didn't speak to me. And then later on I started practicing yoga, Ashtanga yoga, and my teacher Eddie Stern, he still has a... Love Eddie, he's great. You know Eddie? Yeah, I do. Yeah, he's amazing. I got quite caught up in and competitive about like first series, second series, third series. But one thing I noticed is that a lot of people would come into his practice, his studio where he taught and they wouldn't even do the poses. They would just go and sit in front of the statue of Ganesh or light candles or prayer.

37:22And I realized and Eddie pointed it out to me because sometimes I would have injuries. I would or I would be traveling and I couldn't practice yoga. And he'd say, look, are you breathing? and I'd say yes and he said you're practicing yoga so I realized that I was too still too caught up in the physical poses he's like no you don't understand you're missing the whole point the poses are just something that you do to breathe through to calm your nervous system down and to bring you back to your center and that really spoke to me there was a big Like, no, it was a painting on the wall of the yoga studio.

38:04It says desire and detachment. And I said, what does that mean? And he said, well, of course, we want all the beautiful things in life. We want all the pleasures. We want all the happiness. We want it all. There's nothing wrong with that. You can't be attached to it. Because then if you're attached to it and you don't have it, what's going to happen to you? So I studied that for a while. And I studied Sanskrit. great. I had a teacher and, you know, I learned that the vibrations of the letters, you know, had a calming effect on your nervous system and centered you and placed you firmly rooted on the earth.

38:40And all of that made sense to me. But then again, nothing happens by accident, but I was pregnant with my daughter, Lola, my oldest daughter. And I suddenly realized I was living in LA. I I'm going to be responsible for another human being. What am I going to teach her? I'm just, I'm like a meteor, like making my way through the, you know, the, on this planet. Like, you know, I'm, I have great survival instincts. I have a great work ethic. Yes, I'm very ambitious, all of those things. Um, but I was never like, I was just knocking them down. You know what I mean? and not like looking back, like I'm going to be somebody because that's, you know, that's why I came to New York in the first place.

39:28I will never go back to the nobody life I had when I was a child growing up. So I definitely was fueled by an inner drive, but I would not say that I was spiritual or conscious, when I was pregnant, I suddenly realized I knew nothing. And I was a slave or a victim of other people's opinions of me. And I didn't have really, even though it looks like and looks like I was confident, brave, audacious, whatever, you know, I, deep down inside I was not. So I was at a dinner party. While you were pregnant? Yeah. I was at a dinner party at my friend's in LA and there was a woman sitting next to me and I knew her vaguely.

40:28She's a costume designer. She was a costume designer. Her husband's a director. And she said, oh, you should come with me to class. And I said, what class? I'm open to classes, by the way. I love being a student. So what's the class all about? She said, there's a teacher there. It's something called Kabbalah. It's next to a synagogue. And I was like, wait, so he's Jewish? And she said, yeah, but it doesn't have anything to do with being Jewish. It's just a belief system, not a belief system, like a philosophy about life that, you know, you could learn a lot from. And I I said, okay, I'll go. So I did.

41:10And that's how I met my teacher. And I literally would sit in the back of class for years. Mostly men were in the class at the time. But everything that he said seemed to make so much sense to me and gave me courage to be who I am and who I'm meant to be and made me actually think about intention and a real sense of purpose. because my sense of purpose can't just be I want to be rich and famous or I want to be popular or I want to sell a lot of records because none of that lasts. But it wasn't until I went to class that I actually started thinking about those things. So I just kept going and here I am today.

41:54But, you know, motherhood or being a parent is really what made me start asking questions that I most likely I should have asked them sooner, but I didn't because I was just caught up in my self. I love that story for so many reasons. One of them being that my journey to my spirituality had certain similarities in that, not that I was pregnant, so definitely not that one, but I had a friend and friends who were starting to get interested in spirituality and they invited me to hear a monk speak. And I'd seen monks while I was growing up, but I'd never really engaged with one or really understood what they did or meant.

42:36And I'm so glad I said yes to going along. And I was very young. I was 18, 19 years old. I wasn't even seeking. I was open and I was curious. And to be honest, I was doing what everyone else was doing at that time when you were an 18, 19-year-old kid. Experimenting. Experimenting and doing everything else under the sun. But I'm so glad I went because now looking back, I find that after meeting the monks that I met, It gave my life a compass at a very early age that I'm so grateful for because it changed the entire trajectory of my life. I can't imagine what I would have ended up doing in the same way as you did.

43:15And it sounds dramatic, but it's true that without the group of friends that invited me to go along and meet my teachers, who would become my future teachers, I can't imagine what life could be like. And are those teachers still your teachers? Yes, absolutely. Still since that time. So it's been nearly 20 years now. That's meaningful. Yeah, very meaningful. And are your friends that came with you still also studying or practicing? Yes, absolutely. One of those friends was my best man at my wedding, and he studies under the same teachers to this day. Yeah, that's cool. Yeah. What about the test?

43:50The woman who took me to class, no. Okay. No. She doesn't stick with it. Are you still in touch with her at all or not? Yes, I am sometimes. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's amazing to hear that you had this ambition and this drive to become successful. And at the same time, there was this spiritual calling that was almost happening simultaneously. How did you reconcile the two when to the external eye, they could look very opposite? How did you actually see them? Like look weird, you mean? Not weird in the sense of, I think a lot of people assume that spirituality and success don't go together. A lot of people would think that - Those are narrow-minded people.

44:29I mean, you need to be spiritual to be successful. Success is having a spiritual life, period. It's interesting because I had this boyfriend some time ago, and after we broke up, we saw each other years later, and I was telling him about cabal. He's like, oh, yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you grew up as a Catholic. I know how religious your mother was. And I was like, no, no, that's not what it is at all. It's got nothing to do with religion. Everybody has to find the path that speaks to them and resonates with them. But I do think it's important to have one. And I dare say if you didn't have a spiritual path, you wouldn't be as successful as you are today.

45:15I will make that assumption in your work, in your marriage, in your friendships, all your relationships. Honestly, it sounds like a really, like a cliche to your spiritual life, even. It's like the reason, but it's just got a bad rap, you know? You like 100 % can have a spiritual life and be successful. I wouldn't be here if I didn't have one. Madonna's story is a reminder that success without inner grounding can feel empty. True resilience isn't fueled by ambition alone. It comes from a deeper sense of purpose and doing the internal work to find fulfillment. She demonstrates the takeaway that spirituality isn't separate from success.

45:56It's the foundation.

46:07Amazon has everything for everyone on your list. Like my wife Radhi, who can somehow host 20 people, cook 5 dishes at once, and still have the energy to rally us all around the table. I'm getting her some new board games, because nothing says holiday chaos like my family swearing they're not competitive, while Radhi quietly wins every single round. She even tends to be surprised, which makes it worse. That's what I love about shopping with Amazon. It's not just the gifts, it's the moments they spark. The right board game turns into a story we've retell for years. A sweater sneaks into every family photo.

46:47Decor becomes the backdrop for all the memories. And with Black Friday deals happening right now, I can stock up on everything. Fashion, fitness, toys, electronics, decor, without leaving the house. Because whether you shop early like me or late like most of my family, Amazon makes it easy to find something meaningful. So shop Amazon's Black Friday deals now. Amazon, everything for everyone on your list. Get free business internet forever when you add four mobile lines. Spectrum Business keeps businesses of all sizes connected seamlessly with internet advanced Wi-Fi, phone, TV, and mobile services.

47:30Spectrum Business has tailored connectivity solutions and packages built for your business budget. No contracts, no added fees. Visit spectrum.com forward slash free for life to learn how you can get business internet free forever. Restrictions apply. Services not available in all areas. This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given. and Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations. Every time I travel, I find a part of myself I didn't know was missing.

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49:12When Benny Blanco and Selena Gomez sat down with me it was evident that their love wasn't just playful it was mature they shared how they handle conflict take space and return to one another with honesty and respect. Research shows lasting couples aren't those who never argue, but those who keep respect and practice repair. Real love isn't perfection. It's creating a safe space through communication and trust. Sometimes she'll say, this is so funny. Oh boy. No, no, no. She'll do this and it's really cool. She'll go, I'm feeling a little irritated and I think I need like, 25 minutes. And I'll say, okay.

49:54And then I give her her space. And then after like five minutes, she texts me. She's like, hey, will you come back? But it's knowing that, and we have the proper boundaries set with each other. Like, I don't have to be on top of her every second. She doesn't have to be on top of me every second we're together. I just want to know she's in the house so I can say like, hey, I love you. And then go back to what I'm doing. You know what I mean? Because look, we're both highly independent people. Okay. But we're both little mushes who just need to be attached. Yeah. We are so cheesy. It's so fun. Yeah.

50:30But it's like, but I feel like, I think it helps us too, that we're both, you know, on my list, a thing was I wanted someone to be driven and inspired by something. I didn't care if they made any money or anything. I just wanted someone to be so into something that they did every day. And when she comes back from her day and she tells me what she did, I'm like, I'm not sitting there like, yeah, like when you're talking to your mom, you know, when you're talking to your mom and you just say, your mom just keeps talking to you. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Like she comes back and like my eyes light up because I see the enthusiasm.

51:05I see what she did. And I'm like, it inspires me. And I'm like, I got to do more in this way. And it's like, we're in this place where we're inspiring each other and we're so inspired by what the other person's doing and, and she'll help me out. She'll be like, well, what if you did it like this, this, and this? And I'm like, and then she'll say something and I'll be like, well, why don't you handle the situation? Because we have such different personalities that are also the same, but we're the thing that one of us is really good at. The other one maybe lacks a little bit and vice versa. And it's so cool to be able to like workshop, like little conversations or how to handle a situation.

51:45And I just feel so comfortable with her, like that I can say anything and she won't ever say, I don't know. I love the maturity. I mean, hearing you both talk about it. Yes, but let's be clear. We are not the perfect. No, no, no. It's not perfect. We're so silly. No, no, no. But I think the maturity of, and I agree with you. I think that's actually the difference and I'm glad you brought that up. I think there's a big difference between maturity and perfection. Perfection is saying we never have a disagreement. We never have to take space from each other. Which you're not saying, you're saying, hey, I just asked for 25 minutes space.

52:21And then I was like, wait a minute, I need you. And I think there's a maturity in that because it requires maturity from both parts for you to first say, hey, I need space. For you to say, I get it. I respect you. And then for you to have maturity to say, actually, I want you back. And for you to be like, not like, oh, I told you so for you to be like, I'm here for you. Like that, that's not perfection to me. That's maturity. And I think that's, I really want people to get that from it, that you are going to have disagreements. You are going to want space. Like me and Raleigh went through that.

52:51She, at the beginning of our relationship, if we had a disagreement and we were the same, we never, we made a rule that we would never raise our voices at each other because I came from a home where it was not great. She comes from my home where her parents don't raise their voices. But I was just like, I never wanted that in my home. I wanted the energy of my home to be so sacred. And I wanted the energy of the home to always have a space where everyone just walked in and felt like a warm hug. And I was like, we can't argue and then expect that to happen. But it took a long time for us to realize that when she, at the start of our disagreements, she wanted space.

53:25And I used to say to her, well, if you don't want to talk about it right now, that means you don't care about me. and that wasn't true. She just needed space to process. So it took time for us to mature for me to realize, wait a minute, you wanting space is you caring for the relationship. Some people, I get it. They want to talk about it right then. They want to, the one thing that also works for us so much is like, we're not chill people, but we're like, we're not, we're never going to get, I like, I'm not going to yell at anyone in my life. Yeah, same. Yeah. And you know, I came from a home where a lot of that was happening and I saw like at a young age and I was just like, well, like my parents weren't speaking the same language.

54:05Obviously they were speaking the actual same language. They weren't speaking the same language to each other to communicate. And if someone comes at you like hostile right away, the first thing I'm going to do and I know she's going to do is shut down. So you're not getting anything. You know, and I always say this, the guys are so quick to like, they got to win. They got to win the argument. And it's like, what are you doing? What are you winning? Like, you're going to argue with your wife and like make her cry. And then you're like, I won that argument. And then she hates you and resents you.

54:37Like, wait, like don't be an idiot. And it's like, I only - I've been guilty though, to start. Yeah, I don't know. Not of you, sorry. I think for me, I necessarily felt like in other situations of mine, it was, I was very reactive. I think that's why I was alone for five years because I really needed to collect myself. I think in the past, that's why I say to him all the time, and 10 years ago, it's not that I wouldn't have wanted to be with you. I just wouldn't have been in the right headspace. And I don't think that you deserve what I had gone through before. So I've learned a lot of lessons and I've made mistakes And I just want this to be right.

55:27So for me, that was a lesson that I had to learn because I think girls can equally want to be right. That for me, it was really difficult in the past. And he's made it unbelievably easy to the point where if I even get to the point where I'm so frustrated, he's like very quick to understand. I hear you like you're allowed to feel that. And that helped me shift where my mind used to go, which was a little bit of anger. So it was the validation of how you felt in those reactive moments that allowed you to not be reactive. What was it that allowed you? Because I feel like, as Benny was saying earlier, you carry this baggage from all of our relationships into this one.

56:10I respect Benny because he's done nothing but respect me. I, again, trust him. I can tell him anything, even if it's about something that's uncomfortable and maybe you should just talk to your girlfriends. He is that. And that helps calm me down to say, okay, so I'm going through these things because of maybe what I had before or whatever it is. it's not nothing is ever bad like nothing in my life I regret and I'm so so happy for my journey and I'll continue to be it is a lesson that you have to be patient and learn and I just I can never picture myself disrespecting him I think well it's it's also just a different thing because it's like look none of us are perfect like she gets spicy sometimes yeah and when I see something happening.

57:08It's about guiding the missile, not adding a jet pack on top of it with a, with like machine gun artillery. Like I want to make, if I see her getting to a place where I'm like, man, in five minutes from now, this room could explode. I'm never going to let it get to that five minutes from now. I'm going to say, what are all the tools that I know that work for her that I've learned over? Like, I'm not going to exacerbate a situation. I'm going to try to calm it down. Cause why do I want to be in that position where we're both just like upset about something? I don't want to just calm it down and tell her what she wants to hear.

57:44I'm not saying that I'm not saying like to your partner, be like, yes, you're right. You're totally right. Like everything you know, I think you listen and you say like, okay, we're like, sometimes I even I'll say like, let's not let it get there. Let's like, just talk about this. And I do think physical touch is always like a very big way. Like if you're in a conversation with your partner, like it's like sometimes just like a hand helps or just holding their hand while you're telling them or giving them a hug while you're telling them. And if someone's upset, let them talk it out first. And then after they talk it out, be like, okay, well, here's what I think, you know, and you can work through these things together.

58:22Such an easy way. Very constructive. it's not always easy. I can tell you that. And sometimes we just, someone wants to be frustrated and it's like, sometimes she'll tell me that she'll just be like, I know it's going to be okay, but like, I just want to be frustrated in this moment. And, and I'll have to redirect. Cause I'll be like, you know what? You have every right to be in this moment. And she'll say, this is why she said, this is why I want to be frustrated in this moment. She said it the other day about something I can't even remember. And I was just like, oh my God. I was like, yeah. I was like, that makes so much sense.

58:52I was like, I don't agree with the frustration. We'll get there afterwards. And I was like, but I get it. I get it. And it's so cool. And I've never quite had a relationship like with her. And we're the furthest thing from perfect in the world. We're perfect for each other. We're not perfect for everyone else. But I think the thing that's cool is that we've had all these experiences. I've had all my experiences where it wasn't right. And I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to change that the next time, you know, with this person or with that person. And I think that's when you really grow is when you take all your experiences, good or bad.

59:27Like I I'm like her, I take every experience in my life, my past partners, my family, my everything. It's like everything happened for a reason. And I'm not going to sit here and mope about like things that could be better or different. What I'm going to do is I'm going to say, okay, I learned this and now I'm going to put it into practice. Yeah. Yeah. For me, I always, I always said to my wife, do you want me to listen? Do you want me to fix this? Or do you just want me to go through it with you? Because a lot of times - Make it clear for me because - They don't want you to fix it right away.

1:00:00And I'm not saying, I'm saying men or women. Sometimes it's not about fixing. You know, everyone is, you know, I'm such a problem solver and you are too. So it's like your first thing, I know the first thing in your head is like, how can I fix this situation? But sometimes it's not about fixing it right there. Sometimes it's about just like, you know, especially for women who are like strong, like both our partners, they don't have a lot of time to be vulnerable in all the areas of their life. They have the world on their backs. Your wife has, there's so many people that rely on her. There's so many people that rely on her.

1:00:32So sometimes they just want to complain about something and that's okay. That's okay. It's okay. Who else are they going to do it to? They might as well do it. And you, and you just listen. Well, Benny and Selena show us is that love is less about avoiding conflict and more about how you navigate it. Taking space without abandoning each other, listening before fixing, and validating feelings instead of winning the argument, that's what creates trust, respect, and growth. Their story is proof that lasting love isn't built on perfection. It's built on continuing to choose each other. And finally, President Biden.

1:01:07It was the honor of a lifetime to be invited to the White House to interview a sitting president. When I sat with President Biden, our conversation turned to loneliness, grief, and the role of family. He reflected on how small gestures of presence, a call, a visit, simply showing up, can ease the anxiety many young people face today. Think of all the young people today. I think that there's more anxiety and loneliness today than there's been in a long, long time. You know my friend, I appointed Admiral McMarthy. He was telling me about, you know, the percentage of young people today who are feeling lonely, alone.

1:01:54Sometimes it's just touching, just showing up. I used to get my deceased son, Bo, who should be sitting here instead of me, would always say, Dad, you don't have time to make that call. You know, I'd get in a plane and go home and because someone had a serious problem, lost a wife, a daughter. And I said, Dad, you don't have time. When he passed away, the hundreds of people told me how he called. He showed up. He was there. And because of people who showed up for me too, it just really matters. Yeah. You've been through, you mentioned it there, you've been through so much tragic loss in your life.

1:02:33As you just mentioned there, you didn't run for presidency in 2016. Shortly after the loss of your son, you've lost your first wife and daughter in a horrific accident. I can't even begin to understand how someone has the courage to process that much loss and grief, let alone move forward in the way you have. It's truly admirable. How did you begin? I had an overwhelming advantage in the loss, and that was I had a really close family that was there. For example, when my wife and daughter were killed, my first wife and my two boys were very badly injured, a tractor trailer brought side. I was not in the accident.

1:03:19When I got home from the hospital, my sister and husband already gave up their apartment and moved in, helped me raised my kid, my brother, we lived in a suburban area. It was more country than suburban. And there was a little barn, a garage barn. My brother came and he turned the loft of the barn into an apartment for himself. They were there for me all the time. That was a gigantic difference. My best friend in my life and my sister and my brothers. And so I had an enormous advantage. And And I think that when you see people who are going through something tough, it does matter if you reach out.

1:04:00I mean, it does matter. For example, you know, you have a, when you're a senator for all the years, I was in a small state, you know, so many people and people would pass away, you'd show up at the wake of the funeral. No matter what was happening, I learned it early on, people would stop and just come and throw their arms around me. because if they know you know the pain they feel they get some solace in it it's not always easy but it's uh it just matters just to just to reach out let people know you see them how did you allow yourself to receive that help too i feel like as you were mentioning earlier with the loneliness and anxiety that exists a lot of people either struggle to know what to say i think we live in a society where people are like, well, what do I say if they've gone through that?

1:04:49And the opposite end, what you just said, being able to be open enough to actually receive help requires a certain amount of courage and strength as well. Well, I was raising a family for real, an extended family, my grandparents as well, where my dad had an expression, family's the beginning, middle and end. There was a rule in the family growing up, not a joke. We didn't know it at the time. But whenever you wanted to speak to your mother or father, they said, can we, he had a problem. No matter what they were doing, they stopped. No matter what they were doing, they stopped and heard you, listened to you.

1:05:31And I did the same with my children. And they did the same with theirs. Because it's a matter of them knowing that they are the most important thing in your life. if they got a problem you're there to listen i have uh seven grandkids uh four of them all five of them up to talk on the phone you know every day i either text them or call them and as a matter of fact during the campaign they were they were having a i didn't realize they're having an interview uh the the four oldest grandchildren i said and just at the time and they said they call me pop pop calls us every day or texts us every day and i call them the phone rang while they're in the well i i give my word i had no idea they're in there but it's a look i i just think being there is is important and it makes such a difference i think knowing that someone's going to be there for you, just to listen, just to hold you, just to hug you.

1:06:37Yeah. After his own losses, he shared how family and community carried him through. Research confirms it. Social support is one of the strongest predictors of resilience in the face of trauma. What the president reminds us is that helping doesn't require perfect words or solutions. It can simply require presence. to reach out when someone is struggling to show up when it would be easier to stay away and to listen fully so the people we love know they matter because sometimes the greatest gift we can give is simply not letting someone go through it alone these conversations are just a glimpse of what this community has built together over 5 million subscribers On Purpose has always been about learning and growing together thank you for being a part of this community for listening, watching, and carrying these lessons into your own lives.

1:07:31I'm so incredibly grateful and I can't wait for the next 5 million. Thank you. If you enjoyed this podcast, you're going to love my conversation with Michelle Obama, where she opens up on how to stay with your partner when they're changing and the four check-ins you should be doing in your relationship. We also talk about how to deal with relationships when they're under stress. If you're going through something right now with your partner or someone you're seeing, this is the episode for you. No wonder our kids are struggling. We have a new technology and we've just taken it in hook, line and sinker.

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