Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Tools For Navigating Grief That Will Bring You Comfort When Nothing Else Can Ft. Kate Cassidy & Taylor Hill

26:53And then I realized, wait, I can have both. this is shocking and terrible and hurtful and I'm going to celebrate her life and I'm going to think of the good times and I'm going to try and think of all the great memories that'll bring a smile to my face. So it was no longer a but. And once I changed but to and, I didn't have to choose which one I was going to do both and move through life with the shock and the trauma and the stress and the beauty of her life, the beauty of how she lived, the energy of what she gave. So I was moving with all energies. And it was only until I shifted because I was definitely in the, but this happened.

27:36So I don't know how I could ever smile again, but this happened and it was so tragic. And then as soon as I said, this happened and it's tragic and I'm going to think positively. I'm going to think constructively. You know, my dad always used to say to me, girl, keep your mind right. Keep your mind right. Crucify your mind every day. You got to keep your mind right. And so that really helped me, you know, and that my friend T.D. Jakes had called me and he said, I understand you're angry. Of course, it's normal to be angry and all the things you're feeling. But I have a question for you. Do you want your focus to be on her last five minutes?

28:20Or are you going to focus on the 81 years that she lived? And it's your choice. And you have to choose every day. Which one are you going to focus on? You're going to give him five minutes, the five minutes and the trauma, or are you going to focus on the 81 years? And I remember through all my tears, the 81 years, the 81 years. And it was, but it was beautiful because he helped me shift. And I had to go to that every day. It wasn't like he said it one day. But every day and every time it was very challenging for me, Jay, and every time I did want to quit. And there were days where I didn't stop all the time, but sometimes you have to push pause in life.

29:00And there were days where I would lay in the bed and just lay there and be still and think or not think and just lay there. But I still decided to focus on her 81 years and to focus on what I loved about her and to focus on her contributions to life and society and other people and how she made people feel. So powerful. That shift for me was, you know, I was like that I can, that's something I'd like to remind myself every day with the people that I've lost. Like that, that really felt like a real gift, that gem of advice and insight. Thank you. Nicole teaches us that grief is the proof that you love deeply And that forgiveness isn't about denying what happened It's about refusing to let tragedy harden your heart It's about finding a way to keep love at the center of your healing And choosing to cherish the positive When our next guest Karan Johar learned that his father was diagnosed with cancer He suddenly realized how much had been left unsaid between them They began having conversations about life, death and love Connections they had never dared to have before So many people who lose a loved one Report wishing for just one more conversation One more beat to tell them something important Before it's too late And while we can't always control when goodbyes come Karan's story is a reminder Of the healing that comes from honesty And why we shouldn't wait to say what matters most Can your life stop?

30:32No, you have to move on. Nothing is worse than losing a loved one. But you eventually have to come to terms with the fact that it's happened. That's why there's a full stop. Because the next sentence has to begin. So it only can start when that full stop is registered and then you move on. I look at life like that. Whatever goes wrong is going to go wrong. Nothing is going to be constantly happy. Nothing is going to be constantly sad. It's the way you have to kind of just understand life. And maybe because as a child, I had such a rough patch. I think I kind of armored myself for me to feel the way I do today about anything.

31:08Who have you lost that that full stop was hard to? My father. He passed away much earlier than I ever imagined when he was in his early 70s. And very healthy, on his feet, active man, no vices. he just one day had a fourth stage tumor in his esophagus, which we found out much later when it was in its fourth stage. And that went into full-blown cancer. And he passed from the time of the diagnosis to the point of him passing away was 10 months. I'm a realist. I'm not an optimist or a pessimist. I'm a realist. So I went to the oncologist and we were surprisingly filming Kalhonaho, which is about a man dying.

31:52and it is about a man dying. We were in New York and I went to my oncologist and said, look, my father, you know, and like, tell me, give me the heart fact. And he said, look, it doesn't look good. And I was like, okay, now I know this, that I know it doesn't look good and we'll do everything in our capacity medically to kind of, you know, but I said, I don't want to see him in pain. And actually, oddly, the five days that he had a tough time were the five days of his chemotherapy. Those were the tough days, the subsequent days to the chemotherapy. But actually, those 10 other months, besides those five days, gave me so much time that I could spend with him that I had conversations I never thought I would.

32:29We discussed my childhood. We discussed his early years. We discussed his achievements, his failures, his regrets, his joys. I have complete closure with my relationship with my father because I have no unanswered questions. because in those 10 months, I wasn't running around like a headless chicken trying to keep him alive. I had accepted that he may go. And in those months, I lived in the moment with him. And I was able to have all those conversations that I would have loved to have had with him earlier, but I didn't. But those 10 months gave me that. And I even told my mom, I was like, talk to him, speak to him.

33:08But she was finding it very tough to accept the situation. So she couldn't. And that's why she still doesn't have closure. 20 years have passed since he passed away and she still has not been able to deal with his passing away and she's 82 years old today. Whereas I actually have complete closure because I had every conversation I could have dreamt of having with a parent I did. And that's why I always tell people like, communicate today because there may not be a tomorrow. Tell them today, anything. You have a problem, you have resentment issues, you have parental trauma, you got to speak today.

33:43because today communication is the resolve, is the aid you're looking for, is the solution to every problem. We don't talk specifically, I think in our parenting structure in India, we have respect and respect sometimes equals distance. And that respect should not give you distance in a relationship. Respect should also be a close component of love. It should actually give you the ability to communicate to your parent. Just because you respect your father and mother doesn't mean you can't say, what you want. Parents are not always correct. It's not that they are saying the right thing to you all the time.

34:18They are carrying the baggage of their parents and they put that baggage onto you and you may not need it or you shouldn't have it. And you have to kind of have an open line of channel and you can still be respectful. Never not be respectful because that's something that our tradition teaches us, our culture teaches us. But please, I always tell people, keep an open channel of communication with your parent because they may not always be correct. They may not always be right. They may not be right. Advice or value system may not be good for you. And you have to sometimes question it. Yeah, for sure.

34:53Was there a specific question you asked or a conversation you remember fondly from that time? As you said, you had every conversation, you asked every question. Is there one that stands out? I asked him whether he has any regrets, you know, and he spoke to me widely about like his relationship with his parents and his siblings and you know what he thought he did wrong as even career wise and how he thought he was taken for a ride but he didn't act on it at the right time we lost a lot of money because some of his indiscretions and you know he spoke about that openly he also spoke about the fact that like sometimes he has he has things he wants to tell my mom but he doesn't say it because he doesn't want to hurt or upset her and he says I wish I had then he tells me he told me like you know I wish I would have spent more time with you you would have been, I wish I had incorporated sport in your life.

35:42It would have given you a sense of much more like, because I believe sport is not just for physical health. It's also gives you, it trains your mind very differently. And he said, I didn't spend enough active time with you because I was so busy working. So he told me a lot about his regrets and his thoughts at that time. And I think it really helped him as well. I think it kind of gave him so much closure. And I think those conversations are very dear to me. And then he wrote an 11 page letter to me which I didn't know existed was given to me post him passing away where he wrote all the business or the accounts and it was a technical letter of everything about like this is the account these are the these are my like the businesses that we've you don't owe money to anyone it's all done this is where the bank account etc detail mutual deposits funds like whatever the investments were at that time he gave me like and handwritten handwritten it was written by him in hand and then he wrote people you can trust people you can't trust Things you should never do.

36:39Like he just, it became my Bible. And I've literally, I think 90 % of it is what I followed. And he wrote me an 11 page letter. That's unbelievable. Had he ever written you a letter before? Never. He knew he was going. Yeah, of course. So he wrote me that. And it wasn't an emotional letter. It was a practical, thoughtful, business-minded, future-based letter. It was all about me, how to manage the funds, what we have, what we don't have, who owes him money. And he said, but never ask them. till they come to you. Because, you know, it was all given in good faith. And he said, we don't know anyone, so if anyone comes and asks, it's not true.

37:16And he gave me every single detail that me who was not business minded, had zero business acumen, needed that 11 pager that I followed as my Bible to kind of forge forward at that time. Wow, what a beautiful gift to leave someone. That's so powerful. I've never heard that before. I've never heard someone leaving Their child a practical, thoughtful I mean the idea of who to trust and who not to trust He never wrote anything that I love you I will always say none of that That was said already It was none of that It was not a hallmark letter You know It was a business letter That's unbelievable Thank you for sharing that Karan's reflections remind us that Grief isn't just about mourning what we lose It's also about cherishing the moments we still have the best time to say what you feel is always now.

38:06Don't wait until tomorrow to express what matters today.

38:19On this week's episode of The Next Chapter, I, D.D. Jakes, get to sit down with Oprah Winfrey, a media mogul, philanthropist, and global trailblazer. My life, although it may look like an anomaly, it has only been possible because I was obedient to the call. This episode dives deep into how Oprah turned pain into purpose and what it really means to evolve with everybody watching. Every decision I have ever made has come from sitting with the Spirit and asking God, what would you have me do first? Whether you're rebuilding, reimagining, or just trying to hold it together, this one will speak directly to you.

39:10Listen to the next chapter on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast episodes drop weekly. Hey, I'm Kelly, and some of you may know me as Laura Winslow. And I'm Thelma, also known as Aunt Rachel. If those names ring a bell, then you probably are familiar with the show that we were both on back in the 90s called Family Matters. Kelly and I have done a lot of things and played a lot of roles over the years, but both of us are just so proud to have been part of Family Matters. Did you know that we were one of the longest running sitcoms with a black cast? When we were making the show, there were so many moments filled with joy and laughter and cut up that I will never forget.

39:50Oh, girl, you got that right. The look that you all give me is so black. All Black people know about the look. On each episode of Welcome to the Family, we'll share personal reflections about making the show. Yeah, we'll even bring in part of the cast and some other special guests to join in the fun and spill some tea. Listen to Welcome to the Family with Thelma and Kelly on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey there, Dr. Jesse Mills here. I'm the director of the men's clinic at UCLA Health. And I want to tell you about my new podcast called The Mailroom.

40:27And I'm Jordan, the show's producer. And like a lot of guys, I haven't been to the doctor in many years. I'll be asking the questions we probably should be asking, but aren't. Because guys usually don't go to the doctor unless a piece of their face is hanging off or they've broken a bone. Depends which bone. Well, that's true. Every week we're breaking down the unique world of men's health. From testosterone and fitness to diets and fertility. And things that happen in the bedroom. You mean sleep? Yeah, something like that, Jordan. We'll talk science without the jargon and get you real answers to the stuff you actually wonder about.

41:01It's going to be fun, whether you're 27, 97, or somewhere in between. Men's Health is about more than six packs and supplements. It's about energy, confidence, and connection. We don't just want you to live longer. We want you to live better. So check out the mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.

41:32Grief isn't only about who we lose, but also what we lose. A pet, a pregnancy, a future. For Taylor Hill, it came in many forms. The heartbreak of miscarriage and the loss of her beloved dog, Tate. These kinds of losses are often minimized or dismissed, Even though between 10 and 20 % of known pregnancies end in miscarriage Many women report that their grief is not validated or supported by others Taylor speaks candidly about how isolating these losses can feel But also about the importance of allowing yourself to mourn them fully No matter what anyone else says Let's take a look I was saying to you that I've had multiple friends in the last 2-3 years who've all experienced a miscarriage.

42:22And I talk to them and I'll hear from them. And I see so much just stress, overwhelm, pressure, self-degradation, like, you know, just negative self-talk. Like, it's one of the hardest things to go through, even if everyone goes through it, as you say. Oh, not everyone, but so many people go through it. It doesn't make it any easier. And often actually, like you said, it makes you so lonely that you don't want to talk to anyone about it. Yeah. And it's not comforting to know other people have gone through it. And I wonder in that lonely phase, like what was it that did help you? And even when your friend went through it, what allowed you to be there for each other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy?

43:14I needed to be alone. um i needed to like i needed to feel it i needed to sit in it i didn't want to talk about it um because i didn't want people want to be there for you and that's really special and that's really helpful but i didn't want people to be there for me yet i wasn't ready for people to be like oh i'm so sorry or you know because people don't know what to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss. Sometimes I don't know what to say either. I have no idea how to react to some things still. Having experienced my own version of grief, how do you be there for somebody? It's a difficult thing.

44:07I didn't know what I needed from people. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk to me about it or say things to me because I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. Um, and the way that I think I told people that were really, really close to me, really, my husband obviously knew because it happened to him too. Um, and my two best friends new and the way that I feel like they were there for me because they didn't know what to say. They didn't say anything. They were there for me physically. They held me. They let me cry.

44:58I just sat there and I cried and said nothing. And they just held my hand and were like, just sat there with me and like, let me cry. They didn't ask me questions. They didn't ask me how I felt. They didn't ask. They didn't say anything to me. They didn't say, everything happens for a reason. Don't worry. You'll feel one day. They didn't go into that. I think because they know me so well, they probably knew that I didn't want to hear that yet. They just were there and they listened when I was ready to talk. And then because I wasn't ready, they just let me emote and they just let me cry and they cried and I could tell because I was hurt they were hurt you know my my when I finally got to my husband and we were together he just held me we both cried and he just held me and you know I held him too because I think that's another thing is another layer on top of it is even though it physically happened to me and emotionally was something that I experienced.

46:08It was an individual experience to myself emotionally. It's a loss that happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he would be having a child. So we were both grieving something. We were both grieving the loss of this. We were both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief and then immediately anger because we felt guilt and, you know what I mean? It's just, it's relentless, these emotions, when it's fresh, you know, you feel literally every single one that's on the rainbow of all the colors. We felt all of them. And I think when it was the very beginning, I think for me it was just people holding me, you know, just being in the space with me.

46:58They didn't have to say anything if they didn't know what to say, you know?

47:06And when we did sort of start talking about it, we first started saying, this sucks. I can't believe this is happening. If I was feeling angry, then they would be angry with me. If I was sad, then they were sad with me. um so it was amazing they were amazing at being there for me in those ways and you know I think it is difficult to know what to say and how to be there for someone but I think following them and how they're reacting is also really good like taking the cue from how they're responding is a good way to respond back to someone and you know checking in you know my my friends that knew who checked in with me, how are you feeling today?

48:00And then if I didn't want to talk about it, they were like, okay, let me know when you are ready. Yeah, we're here. So just they were checking in, making sure. And then my best friend, who experienced this as well, she continues to check in with me. This is three years later, and we still talk about it. Oh, my gosh. Can you believe it? you would have a three-year-old. I'm like, I know. And it's just, we get to have these moments together of we would both have a three-year-old right now. And we think about that and we deal with that and we grieve that and we grieve the loss of that potential and that direction and life, that thread that didn't happen in this path.

48:48So female friendships are incredible and they're And I think it's really important for women to have women in their life that they can go to and they can talk to about these things, because we can relate to each other in other ways that I think, you know, I couldn't get from my husband. And being able to go to her was so special and really helpful. So I just, I think also have patience with yourself. And if you know someone who's going through that, have patience with them because it's a roller coaster. And, you know, she was my friend. She was going through this too. And I was feeling emotions.

49:35And I was feeling heartbroken because I know, because she was heartbroken. So I was feeling emotions as well. And I just have to be patient because it's happening to her. So at her pace, at her time, when she's ready, when she wants to hear, when she wants to talk about it, we can. And we both kind of just, we both shared that understanding with each other. Let's talk about the grief of losing a friend, because that's really what this is, a really dear friend. Walk me through those nine years and the amazing relationship you built with Tate. Yeah. Tate, oh, my angel. I got Tate when I was 18. So it was really kind of in the mix of all this, my life changing, you know, I, I booked the Victoria's Secret fashion show not very long after I, I came into my life and we went, we walked through life together for nine years and he was my best friend and oh gosh it's so hard to put it into words because it's um it's so it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship with an animal and it sounds I hope I don't sound crazy maybe I'm gonna sound a little crazy but like I just feel like the love that you know dogs and animals in general have for humans is so unconditional you know and they have no judgment they don't want anything from you but your love back and it's so pure and it's so innocent it's almost childlike in a way you know when I I can only imagine you know when you hold a newborn baby for the first time that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that can't even talk yet and is just a part of you.

51:33It's really special to have such a deep connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except for also the unconditional love. So to have Tate come into my life at that time was so special just because so much was changing. I was growing up. I was becoming a young woman from a girl to a woman. and he was there for that. And, you know, I was traveling all the time and I was away from family and I just had this little tiny innocent soul with me that just always looked at me like, you're the best and I love you. And Tate taught me so much. I mean, he taught me, you know, responsibility, caring for something other than myself, you know, taking care of him, you know, pouring love into him and making sure that he was good and, you know, even well behaved and training him and doing all those things is, is showing him an act of love and making sure that he's a confident, comfortable dog.

52:36He, he could be in any scenario and he was the best boy. And I think he also kind of knew that I was just kind of out there winging it a bit. And he was like, oh God, this girl, this girl has no idea what she's doing. So I'm going to have to be a good boy now. And he just, I really sometimes feel like he did teach himself how to just be everywhere with me all the time. And I think that he was meant for me and he was meant to be in my life. And I think that we were sort of made for each other and we belonged to each other. And, you know, he was, he was so, it sounds crazy to say this about a dog, but he was so emotional.

53:13Like his eyes were so human. He could look at me and I knew what he was saying or what he was thinking, or I felt that he could feel what I was thinking or what I was feeling. And I definitely think that he also taught me a lot about, you know, emotion and, you know, being, you know, what's that saying, you know, be the person your dog thinks you are. They think you're great. You know, they're like, I love you no matter what. Yes, mom. Yes. So that's the energy they give you, right? It's like, oh, you're the best. And it's just like, am I the best? But to have something, you know, this little creature just look at you and think you're the best.

53:57It kind of makes you want to be the best, right? You know, constantly trying to grow and be better and change. And, you know, nobody's perfect and no one will ever be perfect. And we're always learning and we're always growing and we're always changing, but having something to do that for and having some someone to do that with is, is really, it's different, you know, like it's more intentional, right? So trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best is, it's a different motivation. So he definitely was there for me through, you know, so much of my life and so much of my life changing. I think from, you know, 18 to 27 are pretty formative years.

54:41I'm not a doctor, but someone told me once that your brain stops developing at 25 or something. So, you know, he was there. Oh, sorry, I hit the mic. I talked with my hands. He was there from when I had an undeveloped brain to a developed brain, you know, he kind of just saw me through. And he was just the best. I mean, the love of my life. I mean, my soulmate, really, because he just knew, you know, and I've never had a connection with any anyone like that that I've had with Tate. So I'm just I'm really grateful that he was in my life. He's the inspiration behind me even wanting to start a pet company just because I love him so much.

55:26And I know other people have felt that before. People who've had, you know, what I like to call a soul dog. They know what I'm talking about. you know, they know that feeling. And when I shared that I lost Tate, people who, who, you know, been on my journey with me and been maybe following me for a bit know the day I got him and maybe saw, saw him on my Instagram all the time. I mean, he was probably in every single picture on my Instagram for nine years. So I feel like people felt like they knew him. And when I said, when I, you know, shared that he was sick, and then when I ultimately shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount of support and, you know, messages that I got and also shared experiences that I received from I lost my soul dog 10 years ago.

56:10And I still think about them every single day. It made me feel, it made me feel less alone and less maybe kind of strange for feeling this way about a dog because I, you know, you get both, you get, I got amazing, overwhelming comments that were just overwhelmingly positive. I mean, just, you know, I know what you've, what you're going through. I went through this, you know, just remember he's always with you. You know, I got messages like that, that touched me so deeply and positively. And I just felt so grateful that I got those messages. But then of course you get the flip side where people don't understand.

56:46They're like, oh, it's a dog. What's the big deal? You know? Oh, it's a dog. Move on. I'll never move on from Tate's death, my grief will change for sure. My perspective of his death will change. And it has even since I lost him. It's devastating and it's heartbreaking. And to anyone who's felt that, I know what that feels like. And don't let anybody rush you. you know, some people don't understand that it's just because this is a dog and, you know, not a person. It doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same amount of time and space and energy you would give to grieving anything else. So I would just say, you know, take your time and you're not alone.

57:40And it's, it's not a fun thing to go through at all. So, I think I'll always miss Tate you know I don't see how I can't you know and I think to say to get over something is such a harsh way of saying it because I'll probably never get over it I'll never really get over losing Tate I can heal from it and I can find you know peace with it but those are two completely different things getting over it how do you get over that? It's not an object in my way. He's a part of me and he's no longer here. So yeah, I definitely think losing a pet is tough and losing one that you have such a deep, strong connection with that's been with you for so many things with no expectation from you other than just they want to be there with you is that's a tough loss and a tough thing to to um work through so thank you for sharing that what today shows us is that grief doesn't end it evolves and during the holidays that evolution can become more visible the people we love continue to live on in the memories we return to the traditions we carry forward and the quiet ways they still guide us.

59:04Kate showed us that healing often happens in the smallest moments. Nicole reminded us that forgiveness can be a form of freedom. Karan shared why the most important words should never wait. And Taylor affirmed that every kind of loss deserves to be honored, even when the world expects us to be okay. If this season feels heavy for you, there's nothing wrong with you. Grief is universal and so is love. And it's love that allows us to keep going, to keep remembering and that carries us forward even when they're no longer here. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my interview with Dr. Julie Smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace difficult feelings.

59:47You've just got to be motivated every day. And if you're not, then what are you doing? And actually, humans don't work that way. Motivation, you have to treat it like any other emotion. Some days it will be there, some days it won't. What up, y 'all? It's your boy, Kev On Stage. I want to tell you about my new podcast called Not My Best Moment, where I talk to artists, athletes, entertainers, creators, friends, people I admire who had massive success about their massive failures. What did they mess up on? What is their heartbreak? And what did they learn from it? I got judged horribly. The judges were like, you're trash.

1:00:21I don't know how you got on the show. Check out Not My Best Moment with me, Kev, on stage on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Jonathan Goldstein, and on the new season of Heavyweight... And so I pointed the gun at him and said, this isn't a joke. A man who robbed a bank when he was 14 years old. And a centenarian rediscovers a love lost 80 years ago. How can a 101-year-old woman fall in love again? Listen to Heavyweight on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What happens when Reese Witherspoon calls up the king of thrillers, Harlan Coben, and says, let's write a book together?

1:01:06I was asking him basically to let me into his secret thriller writing world. This week, Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club goes live from Apple Soho in New York City for the ultimate storytelling mashup. Reese Witherspoon and Harlan Coben on their new thriller, Gone Before Goodbye. You think you're going to read for 10 minutes and next thing you know, it's four in the morning. Get the story behind the season's most addictive read already in New York Times bestseller. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.

1:01:44Guaranteed human.