Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)

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2:05Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point. But where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting? The number one health and wellness podcast. Jay Shetty. Jay Shetty. The one, the only Jay Shetty. Welcome back to On Purpose. Today we're talking about something that impacts every decision we make, our confidence and self-worth. We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe over time life's challenges have made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth.

2:48Confidence isn't something you're just born with. It's something you build. And self-worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success It's about how you see yourself at your core In this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best minds To help you quiet self-doubt, recognize your true value And step into the confidence that's already in you Because when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes So often when we're searching for confidence and self-worth it's easy to feel pressured, to try every new trend or practice, as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves.

3:30But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works for you. Kendall Jenner knows that pressure all too well. Having spent most of her life in the public eye, she's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries, and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation, she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and true to herself. Let's get into it. Had had a lot of people coming to me telling me about meditation and how it changed their life and therapy and so many different things. And I was a bit overwhelmed because I was like, oh my God, what of this is going to suit me?

4:12I think it's a very personal experience. I think everybody has a very different version of all of that stuff. And so it was a little overwhelming. So I think I really just took the time to be off for a second. It was even the little things. It was like being able to go to my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able to go to before because I was working a lot. I love hearing that because I think it is those simple things like, you know, giving yourself that space, whatever it is that you needed to do when you needed it. And like you said, sometimes it's like, that's when all the subscribe buttons come up in front of you.

4:44And it's like, try this and try this. And it's like, well, no, no, no. Let me just take my time. It was also now that I think about it. Yeah. 23. I'm 26. I've had my horse for. So around that time is when I bought the horse that I have now, who is my like I jump her and I like how I have two other horses, but they're like retired. So I don't really ride them the same way I ride her. So yeah, I guess it was around that time, too, that I was like, I'm going to do this because I love this. And like, I want to get back into it. And this is what I've loved my whole life. So, so it was around that time that I feel like all of that started happening and I bought my horse and I like started taking more time for things that made me really happy.

5:24Yeah. What I, what I'm noticing in you and observing, or at least from just these, no, in a good way, in a good way. I was just saying, it's like, it feels like no matter what's happening in your orbit, there's this pillar of belief that it's important to be happy. Yeah. Like, you know, that's like this core center belief in your life where it's like, it's important to be happy. It's important to be happy. That has to be the goal. For sure. And, you know, it's not always easy. We live in such an interesting industry and in such an interesting time with social media that it can be very hard sometimes.

6:03You can fall victim to so many things that don't serve you and that don't make you happy. if your happiness depends on the actions of others you know you're at mercy of things that you can't control and that's never where i want to be so i always want to live in like me and my therapist talk about like my higher goddess my higher self like i always want to live there knowing that you know when i'm there you can't take that away from me that that's mine and no matter what you can disagree with me you can agree with me that's not going my i'm not changing i'm not shifting i'm here i'm in my higher goddess so i kind of i always live by like keep holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it and though i fall victim to it at times of course we as we all probably do absolutely i um i strive every day to live in that place so what what are some of the qualities of your higher goddess so that that kind of uh avatar like She's awesome.

7:07Like I said, I don't love a pity party. I also like, you know, sometimes it feels weird to like say good things about yourself, but I've also learned a lot about talking to myself and a lot about looking in the mirror and being like, you're great. You're gorgeous. You're amazing. You're loyal. You're positive. You're so many, like, I love words of affirmation. I love just sitting there and reassuring myself of who I am because that's another thing for me. You know, There's so many false narratives about me, about all of us, I'm sure. So many people think they have you figured out when they don't even know the half of it.

7:46So sitting there and being like, you get frustrated sometimes. It could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you or hearing something that someone's saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am and that's all why does anything else matter and my friends know who I am and my family knows who I am my dog knows who I am my horse knows who I am like why does any of everything else is just noise I I do this exercise I don't think I've shared this before but I do this exercise with some of my clients where we'll go on a walk and we'll be on a hike wherever we are and I'll ask them what they think a piece of you know maybe there's a little leaf or maybe there's some a flower or something that looks a little unique on the path and i'll say what do you think that feels like and what do you think it would feel like if you picked it up in your hand and they'll be like oh it looks really rough and like it might scratch me and like it looks like a bit you know like uneven or whatever and it looks kind of hard and strong and then i'll ask them to pick it up and nine times out of ten it's completely different like they'll pick it up and it'll just dissolve in their hands or they'll turn it over and the color's really soft and sorry the shape the shape's really soft and the color's totally different on the other side and i do that exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are yeah today i've got to meet you and and obviously we're spending a lot of deep intimate vulnerable time together so you learn faster about someone but if someone only follows someone on social media or only sees someone at an event or only sees one interview it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone right and i think and i want to say this because i really think we all feel it i don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way if you had to choose one word that had to be you for the rest of your life i don't think anyone wants that i think we all know that we're messy and complex and different of course but we like to put someone else in a box whoever that may be because it's easier then to live life and say okay well that's persons a b right you know so there's this beautiful piece of wisdom that i always share from charles horton cooley and he wrote this in 1890 i think it was which just shows how true this has been for such a long time and obviously long before that as well and he said the challenge today is i'm not what i think i am i'm not what you think i am i am what i think you think i am and we'll let that blow everyone's mind it gives me chills every time i say it yeah charles hilton cooley said the challenge today is i'm not what i think i am i'm not what you think i am i am what i think you think i am and what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves so if i think you think I'm smart then I allow myself to feel smart right it's like we need that validation or if I think you think I'm not smart then I feel hurt yeah and and the challenge is I don't know what you're thinking at all especially outside in the world and so I find that what you're saying around like well what do I think about myself like how do I feel about myself how do the people that actually know me feel about me I think that's really empowering there are times in life when we feel disconnected from ourselves, as if we've lost our sense of who we are.

11:14It can happen after a big life change, the grind of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies. She found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took a leap, one that felt scary but ultimately led her back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self-worth. I feel like my first solo trip was when I was like, it was right after I did a stint of like really heavy, emotionally demanding movies.

12:03um I think give me shelter was the last one of that um and I came home and I like genuinely did not know who Vanessa was I had like gotten so off on becoming this other person and like genuinely changed my mindset the way that I looked I put on like 20 pounds cut off all my hair Like all the things that made me me were not there anymore. And I was like, I need to do something because I'm like scared because I don't know who I am. And I was like, OK, we're going to go on a yoga retreat. My my publicist at the time was like, there's this retreat they're doing at the Four Seasons. It was like a practice.

12:52And I was like, OK, I'm just going to like go on my own because that scares me. and I was very much in that place of like do the things that scare you because you will evolve like you're forced to um and I was like you know like a yoga retreat in Hawaii like that gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii um but also like have something to do and like know that I'll be around people because like filming as well as an adult like when I hit 18 I would go off to film things all the time and I would be on my own. And so like, if I wanted to go to dinner, like a lot of times I would just go by myself and like bring a book.

13:30And I, I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking around, like kind of trying to like lock eyes and engage with anyone. Preferably would sit at the bar. So I could like talk to the bartender. Cause like, I love, I love people. Like I love, I love just like talking to people. Yeah. But you start using a different part of your brain when you do that like you start using a different part of your energy where it's like oh i'm gonna see if i can make something out of nothing yeah that's a mindset that you lose as we get older that's because most of your life is surrounded by the same people same work people same life people and so like when you're like oh i'm trying to talk to the bartender i'm trying to lock even the idea of locking eyes with someone random oh my gosh yeah but it's my favorite thing i literally will like be driving and like will like turn and just like look at people if I'm stopping a red light and like try to like dance with people the other day this guy was like listening to a song we had our windows down he had his windows down and me and my girlfriend were just like body rolling like just like locking eyes trying to make this person laugh like it's I love that but the trip the yoga retreat in Hawaii ended up just being like so freeing because I was just like okay like I'm here on my own like I'm just gonna like talk to people that I connect with and like go from there and like genuinely forced me to stay as present as possible because I was engaging with people I know nothing about I feel like that's the thing I love about talking to people that you don't know like you're forced to be present because it's like if you're actually trying to engage which not everybody does but then those are the people you don't need to engage with um but when you find people who you can like it's you sit you're so present because you're actually listening yeah i couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there and even if you don't love tea if you love refreshing rejuvenating refueling sodas that are good for you listen to this radhi and i poured our hearts into creating juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.

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16:37That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point, but where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting? Claudia Oshry, comedian, podcast host, and social media personality gets candid about her journey with self-image and how love played a role in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear her story. Like, what would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have, doesn't want to go on a Zen pic because they're scared or whatever it may be, but like, what would you say with them?

17:18So I feel like people don't like my answer because when I was like struggling with my self-image, I feel like I'm going to cry now, Sorry. So much of my confidence, I would say, like, all of it came from the fact that I had a husband or a boyfriend at the time, fiancé, who loved me so much. And he thought I was, like, the greatest thing. And so if he thought it, and look at him, like, I just, I love him so much. And so he thinks I'm so great. Like, that's not that you should get your confidence from a man, whatever. But, like, I did. Just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I think is so great, that gave me a lot of confidence.

17:53Like he thought I was the best. He thought I was the smartest. He thought I was the prettiest. So like I was because his opinion is the only one that matters. But also like I look at him and I think of him as like so charming, attractive. Like who wouldn't want to marry him? And he likes me? Like, oh my God, I must be like the greatest thing ever. And I really feel like so much of my confidence. And it's so funny because he says that he gets confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that it's a two-way street. But having a relationship that I felt really solid about, but also somebody who just loved me so much, really, um, it just made me believe, like, what he was saying.

18:27Do you know what I mean? What's interesting to me is just so much of how, whether it's body shaming we do to ourselves or that society does to us, how so much of it is built up around aesthetics and visuals and how health and vitality are actually not based on simply visuals. No, but I will say visually at the time, like, if you were to just compare me visually now and me visually then, like, I was very unhealthy. Like, I had a lot of random medical issues that, like, a 25-year-old girl shouldn't be having. So I agree with you that, like, a lot of times we judge people's health based on their weight, and that's not the case for everyone.

19:05But to be clear, like, it was the case for me. Like, I was not healthy. I did not walk to work. Like, I was really, like, living a very inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was 1 ,000 % the case for me. Yeah, and now what's the new schedule? Oh, bitch. Well, now I'm pregnant. So like, it's kind of reverted back. But so not pregnancy wise. I just really like lead my day with little pockets of activity. I think that like, going to meetings, going to work, like I'm always being like, okay, I'll walk. I worked out like before I got pregnant, I worked out like, you know, three to five times a week.

19:40I would spend my weekends like doing things that I enjoy whilst being active like going for walks in the park with Ben just like making sure that I wasn't rotting in bed as much as I can I'm capable of because I'm capable of a great deal of rotting and then with meals that's really where I probably struggled the most but just just trying to be a little bit more well-rounded I feel like I eat like a six-year-old and so I do like I eat rice and chicken fingers and so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken, you know? Thinking a little bit more, but it's hard because I'm such a picky eater that, you know, I'm not going to be making bronzino on the weekends with like a tapenade, you know?

20:19That's never going to happen. I don't even know what tapenade is. And then, I mean, as I'm hearing you speak, I'm just like, is there a, a lot of people talk about this right now, like this idea of when you become pregnant, is there like a loss of the life you had like is there a feeling of like wait a minute just a few moments ago a few months ago I was I would say I don't feel I really I mean I've been married for a hundred years and we decided to wait to have kids and I think that because we made that choice I am now not spending my pregnancy and you know hopefully the next year or two mourning a life I feel like I lived life to the fullest.

21:01And I really, really waited till I was ready. So the only thing I feel like I'm mourning is my body. Like that, nobody talks enough about like what it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every single day. But no, I don't, I don't feel sad about like a life left behind. I feel like I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything I wanted to do. And when I turned 30 over the summer, I was like, you know what? I'm done.

21:33Like I really feel, and that's what I'm so happy about because yeah, I like see my friends with kids and I'm like, oh, I do wish I had like, you know, joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start the next chapter. We often think about self-care as something external, our skincare routine, our diet or exercise. But what about caring for our soul? How do we create rituals that nurture not just our body, but our peace of mind and self-worth. To share her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy-winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate for soul care, Alicia opens up about her struggles with anxiety, how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others.

22:19Listen to this. I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing out of this body. And you can, you can kind of disconnect from it. Yeah. Disconnect from it. And so I wanted to ask you, how has your relationship changed with your skin? That was something that brought you anxiety to feeling more confident in your skin? I mean, it was forever. It was literally forever that I really struggled with my skin. And, you know, you're a teenager and you have hormones and you get it and it's cool. And then all of a sudden I was like 18 and then I was 23 and then I was 28 and then I was 30 and then I was like 35.

23:05And I'm like, whoa, when does this thing stop? Like when? I thought like 16, 18, 21 maybe. Why is it continuing? And it was really hard to, especially to be in spaces where you would present yourself and you would feel just so self-conscious. I just felt so self-conscious. And I'm like, but there's a big bump right here. And then most people are like, I don't even see the damn bump, but I see the bump right here and it's huge. And it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable. You want to know why, too. You want to know what's the matter. Is something wrong? Why am I thought?

23:47What can I do to help this? And so that definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in the music world when I was 18. And so that was right kind of at the precipice. And then the stress of the whole universe of music was just so much. And I was trying my best to play it cool. I'm like, I can handle it. I can do it. But it was stressful. It was a whole new world. I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders and try to, you know, kind of like be calm or cool while doing it. And it was tricky in my skin. I learned that my body reacts to stress. Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts to stress.

24:31Many of our personal bodies do this, which is obviously why even many dis-eases come to us from stress because physically it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which is why it is so important for us to figure out like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin and you're yourself and these type of things. And so, of course, I didn't know what that was for a long time, but I realized that it was these relationships I was attracting and it was the, you know, the level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no space for me to reflect or to sleep or to be with my friends and, you know, do those, have those outlets that do give you a sense of, of calm.

25:25And so my skin was so reactive that I said one day to myself, if I one day I'm going to make something that fixes this, this, I'm going to do something about this because I know I'm not the only one. And I realized as I began to live and experience so many different parts of my life, motherhood and raising young kids and finding time for yourself and getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me in real life, I realized that you really have to take care of your soul. Like you have to take care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care really came from all of these understandings and all of these realisings that no one's going to do it for me.

26:17Like, no, as much as I really, really wish someone would stand up and be like, you, you're not good for her. Get out of here. That thing, you, you need to stop. No, I have to be the judge of that. And therefore, I have to find my way to the understanding of how do I hear myself to know what is good and what is not or what is real or what is true. And so there were many things that brought me to that place. Some of them were meditations that brought me there and really brought me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No, I know six friends said this.

26:53or I know that very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think said this, but what do you think? And that became the practice of soul care and also these ideas of ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted to journaling and I have a very difficult time. As a kid, I had a difficult time expressing my truth. And I realized that when I would journal or do this stream of consciousness, I could actually just release it. I could let it go. And if I'm not good at doing that to someone else because I didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself.

27:34And so these practices of how do you kind of like depend on yourself to find your own grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that thing to fix that thing, became this key soul care. And the idea was, to me, it's a philosophy. It's a way of life. It's a lifestyle. To me, the beauty industry or skincare industry, just like the music industry, all of it is kind of creating how to live within the chaos. And so how do we do it? Nobody teaches us normally. It's a blessing if someone does, but normally it's not. So finding these ways through affirmations, through the idea of really connecting to yourself and using the affirmations on every bottle because the idea is you wash your face, you do that every day with the golden cleanser.

28:29You can also think about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many times we're over here, over there, back there, over there. How can you just be right here with yourself right now? And so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient rituals and where skin meets soul and soul care because we have air care, hair care, nail care, body care, home care, but we never had soul care. Why? So I wanted to start it. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park.

29:10This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer at the age of 45. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered and start listening.

30:11probably do not realize are reducing their chances of success on apps. Whether you're single, dating, or just trying to be more intentional in love, Logan offers the kind of clarity we all need. Relationships do require work and the best relationships are people who really work on them together. They're so focused on if I find the perfect person, then I'll have the perfect relationship instead of understanding really that they can choose someone great and then build that relationship together. They don't need to keep searching for perfection. Listen to a really good cry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.