John Edward: Stop Trying to “Move On” After Loss (Use THIS Daily Practice to Make Peace Without the Answers)

23:43So I think we have to look at being careful that people are not just giving philosophy. And that's a big one for me. Like when someone pontificates in a reading And I always watch when somebody will not kind of feel like they're getting information, but then they get something, right? Hypothetically. And then there's a story that's built around it, right? So if you know that the person's past, right? If it's a mother, it's a dad, it's whatever. There's personality traits. There's relationship dynamics that you may want to hear. Your mom wants you to know that she loves you and she's standing with you and it's swirly and it's flowery and it's ornate.

24:27And everyone wants to hear it. Yeah. Generally, yeah. Yeah. They definitely want to hear that. And I'll say that, but I'm going to say it differently. I'm going to be like, just so you know that they're okay and they're coming through from a place of love. Now, I have symbols. If I see pink roses, I know that they want me to express love. If I say pink roses with thorns on it, I know that they want me to express love, but they also want me to say in life they couldn't do it. Can't hold the flowers, right? They're thorny. So I don't like when people give philosophy as information. I don't like when people, you know, go for the low-hanging fruit, who here has the, you know, butterfly connection.

25:02Like all of those types of things. I think you need to be careful about things like that. If they're asking you for any type of, like, questions. Like I was watching something on online one day and the person said in, in order for me to make the connection with you, I need you to tell me the relationship of the person who's passed, the name of the person who's passed, the date that the person's passed and how they passed. And I about levitated out of my chair. I was like, then what are you doing? Right? So if I'm doing a radio show, if I'm doing a call in, I might say to the person, Hey, how can I help you?

25:36Do you have a question? And they may say, I'd like to try to connect my dad. That's it. And then I'm going to say, okay, I may not get your dad, but pay attention to everything that's coming through. And then I feel like my job is to interview who's coming through. Who are you? How did you pass? When did you pass? Any pertinent dates? And then ultimately I'm looking for the why now, right? So at the intersection of you, me and the universe, why now? Why today? And what is that nugget that I have to mine for that I'm going to help them with? That's what I'm looking for in a session, whether I'm in front of people or if I'm in a one-on-one.

26:11How did you, the first time you did this, feel, because you're in that reading yourself at 15 years old, how did you even end up there in the first place? Doing the - The reading that was done on you that you heard that you got the message. So my Italian side of the family, my grandmother, my mom had psychics come to the house all the time. My dad was a New York City police officer, not a fan of the subject matter, made sure that I was never around it growing up. My mom and dad divorced, moved into my grandmother's house, paranormal hub of activity. And for about three years when they would do stuff like that, I used to make fun of the people.

26:44You know, I would, you know, jokingly, I remember one guy that was a card reader that they had. And after like three people came out, the third or fourth person came out and I went, wait, let me guess, you're going to Florida. And the person went, yes, he said, I'm going to Florida. How did you know that? I'm like, because you live in New York. Like New Yorkers go to Florida and Aruba. Like, why is nobody going to Kansas, right? So the reality was I was that person. So when I say I understand skepticism, but after I had that first reading, I went to debunk her. And I went to debunk her because my grandmother came out of the room crying.

27:18She made my grandmother upset. And I was like, what did this woman say to you? Very protective of my grandmother. And she said, no, she told me that Tony was with me. And then I felt bad because I'm like, grandma, you were, Tony was my grandfather, Anthony. I was like, you were introduced as Mrs. Esposito. It's not a big stretch. It's going to be an Anthony or a Tony in your family. No. And to my grandmother's credit, she said, if you don't believe that your grandfather who loved me more than life itself is still with me, that's like a you problem, not a me problem. And then she said, how would she know this?

27:51And then she proceeded to tell me things that apparently were true that I did not know having to do with my grandfather. So I didn't leave it there. Here's what I did. I went to the list of people that were in the room that this woman read before my grandmother to see who could, my name was Lydia Clara, who could Lydia have extrapolated that information from and then given it to the oldest person in the room? None. There was nobody that that woman read before. So then my cousin went, my cousin's 13 years older than I am, but she looked like she was the same age. And she came out and she was like, oh my God.

28:28And I'm like, come on, bro, not you too. And she's like, you have to go. Like you have to go. She's like, I'll pay for you to go. And I looked at my mother, like, could I go? And she said, you can go, but you better treat her with respect. And I said, oh, I'll treat her with respect. I'm just not going to help her like the rest of you. So I went in armed with my like attitude and she said, can I have your high school ring? And I went, sure. I took off my ring and I handed it to her and she went like this, did not look at me and then proceeded to give me information. That kind of sound, honestly sounded batshit crazy.

28:59I mean, she literally said to me, you have highly evolved beings of white and gold light that are ready to work with you. And I'm here to put you on your path. And I, I remember like the way that she said it with such conviction, I'm like, oh, so she's crazy. Like, this is like, this is crazy. So I was like, okay. And then like part two of the reading made sense, but yet it didn't, but it did make sense. So she was two for two. And then the last part was where she just like rocked my world, like flip me upside down. I was like, whoa, like there's no way that she would know this. That set me on my path.

29:31And then from like 1985 to 1987, my readings were just what's happening now, what's coming up for a person. I had no interest in dead people. In 1987, my uncle died. That shifted my perspective. And I always tell people that when you have a perspective shift, that's where lessons come in. If you're open, I was open. And it was the first time I saw what grief does to a family. And then, unfortunately, a year and a half to two years later, my mom was diagnosed with cancer, and then my world was just rocked. And that was a catalyst for me. That was a huge catalyst. And it changed everything because then I was the client.

30:09Is that how you first used the process was for yourself? I think before that. So from 1987 to 1989, when a client came in to see me, I would apologize to them and say, hey, I know you're here because you want to talk about relationship stuff and job stuff and life. I go, but I'm also a medium. I said, I'm going to have to get that out of the way in the beginning. Is that okay? And people would look at me and go like, sure. And then I would do the first part of the reading where whoever's going to come through is going to come through. And then I got into what I thought was the real part, their life, like why they were here and how I can help them.

30:42And then I had this one woman where her dad, he was just loud. And it was going, the session was like 50, 60 % over and there was no letting up. Papa was not stopping. And then I looked at the woman. I remember saying, I am so sorry. I go, but I can't get into other stuff. I said, your dad's like legitimately like not stopping. And I say this often, it was the way she touched my hand. She leaned over and she touched my hand and said, it's okay. It's my dad. And I like looked at her. I was like, so you're okay spending your entire session with me just talking to your dad who's crossed? And she went, yeah.

31:22And that was like my first kind of like, oh, I didn't think people really like had an interest in that. And then I learned why people had an interest in that when my mom passed. So every reading I did for somebody else, I was kind of like doing for myself. It was reinforcing, you know, reading strangers. I was like, okay, well, if their mom was with them, And then my mom was with me. And that's what really helped me with my grief. People always say like, you know, what helped you deal with your grief? I was like doing readings, just seeing the constant reinforcement, the validation, these people's reactions.

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34:47At what point in their grief does someone have to come to really be open to it? Because everyone's going to miss someone they love. Most people are sad when they lose someone that they were close to, especially a mother or father or grandmother or whoever it may be, a best friend. At what point do they really need what you have to offer? Is it because it's been too long and they can't move on? Is it because they really feel that? Because I'm just trying to understand. I've lost people, and this is just who I am. So I'm very at peace with the closest people I've lost in my life. And I feel like I still communicate with them, even not in your way or in any direct way of listening that I'm not a psychic medium at all or don't believe I have those abilities, but I feel a connection to people in my own way.

35:38So I'm at peace with that. So I guess I'm trying to understand what drives someone and at what point do they value and need what you have to offer? I think it depends upon the person. But if I could just say, generally speaking, I don't think anybody needs a reading. and I think that's kind of maybe shocking to hear me say that when this is what I do for a living but I've been saying that since I'm 16 like I don't think anybody needs a reading you know if you need one I think they need an understanding so I've always seen myself as being the teacher or the educator and a reading can support what you believe or know right and that's important but I think if we can get people to be 50 % of the equation when someone passes and you are legit, still communicating with them, you're incorporating them in your lives.

36:28Like I love the movie Coco for that purpose, right? It's like, you're not forgetting the person you're including them. I include my family and friends that have crossed in my daily lives. Like I keep their presence very much with me because I talk about them. That doesn't mean that I'm in channel with them. I'm not having conversations, but I kind of am, right? So what really is social media? When you do social media, people are posting their lives out there for the people that follow them to see it. Your photos, whatever you're doing, you're putting that out there. So you may not send it as a text to someone, but you're putting it out there for those to watch.

37:07We're living our lives and they're watching. So we're like the social media for them. We're like the reality show for them actually but they may or may not like your photo but they may come through to you in a dream they may come through the that song on the radio that scent or smell that dragon fly hummingbird butterfly penny whatever those things are that is your pattern all real by the way but i don't think anybody needs a reading they need an understanding so let's say someone walks in to your space right and they say i've lost my dad my mom you know some a parent how How does that walk me through the process?

37:42Sure. So if I'm doing a one-on-one reading or if I'm standing in front of a crowd of people. Let's do one-on-one, one-on-one. So in a one-on-one session and even in a crowd, nobody's saying anything to me. I'm going to sit with you. I'm going to tell you exactly what I'm seeing, what I'm hearing, what I'm feeling. Sometimes if I'm in person, I'm going to do psychometry where I'm going to ask to hold on to an object of yours so I can tune into you. Just think key, unlock your energy. And I'll make sure that that object is only yours and yours alone and that it's not related to anybody who's passed because I don't want to pick up their energy and read the energy and not make the connection.

38:12And then the first part of what I'm going to do is I'm going to look for where you're at in your life right now. And I may do that with numerology. I may look at your personal year and kind of see what the lesson is because that will give me a framework for you. And then pass that. What does that mean? What's that? So in numerology, there's a lot you can do, right? So every letter has a correlation to a number. And there are certain things that you can do numerologically. When I say you can do an entire chart with numbers, your birth name, your birth date. I have found for me, I like two things.

38:44I like a personal's personal year, which is a yearly vibrational pattern that goes from birthday to birthday and your life path, which is kind of like the number that you are, right? So like I'm a life path nine, which means I'm a life of service. So the life path, you would take your birth date, like the number and add it all across, right? So you take like if - I'm seven. Do you mind saying what's your birthday? 1987. Oh, but you're taking the full - You have to take the month plus the date. Oh, so my month is September, so 09. Right, so that's nine. Then 06, that's 15. And then 1987 is the year I'm born.

39:23I think you were four if I did the math correctly. But I have to - We're just adding them all up? Add everything straight across. Okay, so it's 15, 16, 25, 33, 40, four. Yeah, I'm a four. So you had everything? You keep getting it all together. You're a four. So your life path is one of always laying the foundation, groundwork for the future, working hard, communication and progress. That's who you are. No matter where you go, whether you were a chef, doing what you're doing, or a politician, that's going to be your life path. For me, no matter what I did, I'm going to be a life path nine. For me, part of a life path nine is learning your lessons through letting go and loss.

40:01Perfect for my field, right? Because what I do, I work with people who are dealing with loss. How many life paths are there? Nine. Nine, okay. There's basically nine. And then you can count 11, 22, and 33 as master numbers. Could you tell me what the different ones do? So if someone's a life path, one, two, three. A numerologist could do that better. Right, right, right, got it. It can better. I mean, cursory, like I can give you like, you know, like ones are working on, you know, the independence and it's a life path of individualization. But there's specific people that that's kind of like their specialty.

40:34We'll get one of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what I do like about a personal year in a reading is it gives me like, okay, where are your lessons coming in? So if I know that somebody's going into a life path, I'm sorry, going into a personal year that's a five, that's a big transformational year. Fives are all about change, adaptation and transformation. So that lets me know like, so if I'm reading for somebody and I see that if I see the energy of change, I now know time-wise, it's probably going to be within this window. So I like that. So that'll be the first part of the reading. and then the rest is going to be like who's coming through and then when you say who's coming through are you like closing your eyes are you holding their hand are you holding the object like just walk me through the visual of that the vision would be me on a headset over the phone uh probably doodling on a piece of paper and kind of focusing on what i'm seeing and hearing and feeling and then i do treat it like an interview so if i feel an energy coming in i would say okay this feels to me like an older figure.

41:33Why do I do that? So I'll talk about people being above you to the side and below. Above you just means older. Below you just means younger. And then to your side would be a contemporary. Husband, wife, brother, sister, cousin, friend. So instead of going, I feel a man's energy, I try to place where I'm feeling it. Where do I think they go? And then I want to know what their relationship is. So I want to feel that. Then I want to know any important dates that are connected, any initials or names that are connected. When they give me names, it's their way of telling me who they are, who they're with, or somebody who's here.

42:01And then it's just anchoring myself. And then I like to validate the validations. So I like to give something else that supports that. And the reason why I do that is it gives me the opportunity to build up a trust with who's coming through for when they give me something that the client doesn't understand. So then I know that I've now created some type of control in the environment that any variables that they don't understand, I can trust. How do you stop yourself from predicting, projecting, or connecting in a more logical, rational sense that we all would do? I think there's a little bit in there.

42:34Okay. I think there was a little bit in there where I have to go like, okay, I'm seeing this. This is what it makes me feel like. Right. And then I give that to the person. Like when you're interpreting the rose and the thorns, is that your interpretation? Yes. Or is that something that they get to? Right. So if I teach somebody how to read tarot, right? There's 78 cards in a deck. Before I have them read a book on it, or even the little pamphlet that comes, I want them to sit with that deck and create their own notebook, card by card, and write down what they think that card means. Because when they looked at it, it gave them a feeling.

43:10So they have to pay attention to that before you learn what the cards actually mean. So then you have like kind of a dual - How much self-awareness does that require on their part too? A lot. Yeah, that's the challenge, isn't it? A lot. And getting out of your way. And there have been a lot of moments where you get information and the person says no. but the information doesn't change. Because if you do have that person, and that person is coming through, and the client says no, I'm going to go with what they're showing me. Because what I'm hearing from the person is, no, that's not who I want.

43:44No, I don't have to think about that. But what they don't realize is that sometimes behind the person that they don't want to hear from is the person that they do want to hear from. And in my style, I'm a little bit like a dog with a bone. I don't give it up because I feel like my job is to make sure that I say everything that I'm seeing, hearing, and feeling. Because sometimes the biggest validations happens outside of the reading when they go home, when they talk to their family and they find out, oh yeah, we did have that, but we didn't talk about it. Nobody talked about that. It happens a lot.

44:12Do people often have people turn up in their readings that they don't know? Or is it generally people that you know? Most of the time it's going to be people that you know. Yeah, that would make sense. No, I was just wondering most of the time, but there are moments where like, there are connections that come in and then the person won't know about it until like, they talk to somebody. Like one of my favorite stories is I had a Saturday afternoon reading. It was my last reading of the day. Wonderful woman sat down and I'm bombarding her with information. Like it was very clear to me. And she's like, yeah, I know how this works.

44:46She's like, so, um, I'll go in your waiting room. And then whoever's out there that this is for, we'll let them come in. And I looked at her, I was like, there's nobody in my waiting room. And she's like, well, there has to be. She's like, because none of this is my family. She's like, so, you know, I get what you do. I'm open. This is not for me. And I was like, it's kind of got to be for you. I said, because you're the only one here. And she's like, well, it's not like that. And I said, can I ask you what you do for a living? And she goes, me? She's like, I'm a grief therapist. I was like, okay.

45:19And that's all I said. And she just went, oh my God, you just brought through my last five clients. So she had five clients that she saw that day. I brought through the people that her clients were coming to see. And she looked at me and said, what do I do with this? She's like, because they're not coming to me for mediumship. I was like, you are the psychiatrist or the psychologist. I go, you're going to have to figure out how to do that on your end. I said, but these are the validations that came through. So she wound up working, I believe she wound up working that into a, you know, hey I had this experience are you open to the world of energy is this something that you have ever considered and it wasn't to get me clearly clients because there was no need now the information came through in that way so I like those moments because those are validations that happen after the fact where do you believe these people who have passed on exist because so there's you know I assume there's there's a spiritual or religious version to what happens after death and then there's the material world version of what happens after death.

46:21Like in my tradition, karma and reincarnation are really prominent belief sets in the idea that people are taking birth as, could be animals, could be people, could be, you know, regenerating. Right. And, and there's lots of Eastern. In my belief system as well. Right. Maybe not so much into the, the animals of it, but for the consciousness to keep coming back here to the classroom of life. and that probably is the thing that freaked me out the most when my mom passed because I was 19 and I'm like if I live to be 90 years old when I cross over I want to see her I don't want to get there and have somebody say to me you know you missed her she's in Jersey now that was like a concern for me.

47:01She doesn't look like that anymore from a reincarnation. She's not that energy so I've talked to people who do the reincarnation past life aggression therapy stuff because I was like go to the specialist get the information find the data and um the way they explained it to me is that if the entirety of the consciousness is not necessary to incarnate then you could still make your connection with the over soul the the bigger super consciousness even though there might be multiple lifetimes that that person is still working through i'm like i can work with that that that made me feel um that made me feel confident that i'll see her again you're saying that there's a space between which that person is reincarnated or not is where you're getting them and so if they've already fully reincarnated as a new being you can't no i'm saying that i don't think that we feel i don't believe that we fully reincarnate like in the entirety so like if we take this glass of water the amount of water if this whole thing is consciousness our soul a portion of this might have multiple incarnations at different periods of time simultaneously simultaneously over decades around the globe you know and this is where i say to people do you mean simultaneously i like the multiverse like having multiple versions of the same person or that that consciousness has passed through multiple bodies over that.

48:18Yes. Right. Okay. Fine. Yeah. Yeah. That at different times. Right. So yeah. Eastern traditions would believe that the consciousness is what remains the same. And that same consciousness passes through from the body that looks like me today to whichever body I end up in my next life to whichever body I had in my past life. But it's the same consciousness that has lived in all those bodies, which has had multiple mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters and you've been in the same maybe family tapestry just in different different roles or connections yeah but going back to the like where are they i equate it to the internet when people ask me that question i go where's the internet and they get quiet and i go you can't go there with a physical body but you can access it so you can access this dimension so it's like the internet it's it's an it's dimension that you can access and you can connect with and you can communicate with and to and through.

49:11But often that you're saying that you're not interacting with them in their new form, you're interacting with them at the consciousness level, which has lived all of these forms. Correct. And you're just connecting them to the current person or experience of that. To give it as a different analogy, it's like, if you take a famous actor, you know, that actor has had so many movies and so many different roles, but at the core, they're the actor with different character names and different backstories. That's a great analogy. I like that. That's how I look at it. Yeah, yeah, right. So you're connecting to Tom Cruise from the first Top Gun.

49:44That's exactly the analogy I was thinking in my head. Yeah, yeah. Not Tom Cruise from the recent Top Gun. Cocktail, right. Yeah, or anything else. Yeah. That's interesting to hear. I've never heard it explained that way. And yeah, karma and reincarnation has been something that's always fascinated me. And Ian Stevenson's book, Old Souls, was always a beautiful scientific exploration of it, I felt. And Dr. Brian Weiss, when you look at Many Lives, Many Masters, and all of his materials, he was very influential for me at that point in my life because I needed to know. Because I had a very early experience where I was taking on a cruise as a kid, and Puerto Rico was the first stop.

50:25And walking through old San Juan, I became kind of paralyzed in the middle of one of the streets. And the person I was with kept walking, my aunt, and she came back and she looked at me and she said, what's up? I went, I was here before, but I wasn't John. At 12, I said that. Get that perplexed look like you haven't left New York. What are you talking about? And I was like, no, there's something at the end of this block with birds and nuns. And at the end of the block, there was remnants of a building that had a plaque that said, a miracle happened there. And it was next to something that said, parka de Palomas.

50:59A 12-year-old was like, help? Why do I know this? What does that mean? And for three years, I really suppressed that until I had that reading. And then when I had that reading and that sent me down the spiral of studying, somebody talked about reincarnation. You're raised Catholic. Reincarnation is not an option for you if you're Catholic. That is not something that they discuss in religious CCD. But now here, this book I'm reading is talking about different philosophies and reincarnation is one of them. And right next to that was something called past life recall. And past life recall would be where you had the exact experience that I did, which was you're in a place that you have never, ever been before and you know it.

51:40And add in the phrase, but I wasn't John, just kind of like, was like, oh my God, wow, this, I had that. So I kind of feel like when people do a deep dive into the world of energy or spirituality, they'll have those same awakenings. The important part about it is to keep the ego out of it because the ego gets in the way of your progress. You need a little bit of it to kind of like go like, okay. But soon as the, soon as the ego self and this world marry, the lessons stop. And I think we have to continue to be, I'm 40 years in this year. I'm still a student of the universe. I still want to be better.

52:16I'm still, I'm still evolving into like who I'm supposed to be because I'm still here in this body, which means I'm still learning. For someone who feels like the process feels spooky or we've seen too many exorcist movies or, you know, whatever it is it's like that i think the visual that you have is from movies because you've never seen it the stereotype in real life and so you have this stereotype version of like god you're letting spirits back in and like they're coming to visit you and you know that how much of that is real true how does how does that fit in the world well i think we we have two motivations in life right fear or love so if we're coming from the place of love then we understand that where there's love there's connection that's fine when we're coming from the place of fear that means that we're allowing some religious dogma to get in the way.

53:00When somebody wants to throw the Bible out and start quoting Bible verses and all that kind of stuff, save it. I'm going to be like, I'm not going to do that with you. There's a lot of stuff that's written in the good book where it's just ridiculous and preposterous and people argue over it and bad things happen as a result. So for me, it's energetic based. I feel like I'm painting a portrait of energy and how somebody frames that portrait is their religious upbringing or not. But I see this as being more scientific and energy-based. And that's not scary for me. That's educational. So I feel like I lean into the education.

53:35I lean into the empowerment. I lead into helping to enlighten people on their path, like wherever I'm meeting them. If I'm meeting them here today for the first time, I'm hoping that this is sparking something in them where they're going like, oh, I should meditate. Yes. Yes, you should meditate. Oh, I should learn about my numerology. Yes, that has nothing to do with me. That has to do with them. Multiple books that people can go do. So I feel like part of my job is to raise awareness and teach. And wherever I meet that person, helping them on their journey of grief, that's my job. Yeah, I appreciate what you said at the start, which was this idea of we usually come to this process wanting to check if the person's okay, but it actually becomes about the person who's checking to become healed and grow.

54:20Talk to me about grief and where we almost miss out on the growth or how we don't process it well. We could be here for hours on that one. Let's start with, let's say, somebody who is diagnosed in their terminal, right? Many times families will not tell the person that they're terminal because that would just be too hard for them. The soul knows they're leaving. The consciousness knows it's going to be passing. So now we're just going to what, wait a month, three months, six months until that person leaves the physical world and nothing gets said, nothing gets talked about, nothing's communicated.

54:55And I think we rob that person, that individual, as well as ourselves, the opportunity is to say the things that maybe you want to hear or need to hear or need to say, or they need to say. So I think starting from a place of where does grief really begin? It comes in with the understanding that something's ending, right? So you can grieve the ending of high school. You can grieve the ending of college. You can grieve the ending of your job. There's no death in that. You can grieve the ending of a relationship, the ending of a friendship. So grief is grief in various different ways. But when we're talking about not acknowledging that grief, that's the problem.

55:34So I think we have to start with acknowledging the grief and then expressing it, not suppressing it. So say the things that you need to say to the people while they're here and give them the opportunity to say it back because so many people sit in front of me with that look of, did they know that I love them? I don't know. Did you tell them? Tell them, say the things, have those conversations. If you know somebody's passing and they're not going to be here in 10 years, but you're going to get married in five years, ask them what they want to know about your wedding. Have that conversation. I think it's not morbid or morose or maudlin.

56:09I I think it's healthy to talk about grief. Yeah. And it's almost, have you ever had anyone, almost when you're reading, where they go back and go, yeah, you never told me how much you loved me. Like, can I get, wow. Yeah. Oh, oh my God. Oh yeah. Yes, very much so. Or the release of something, like they're hearing something in the reading. I remember reading for someone, she was 70 years old and her stepdad came through and the message was, it's not your fault. like his passing was not her fault and she had had an argument with him and went to high school and he took his own life and she lived with that for 50 years 60 years however old she was feeling like it was her responsibility her whole life she lived with that so you know that's a that's an extreme example but i think there were a lot of people that just need to have the reinforced understanding, right?

57:05So I want everybody to do it now. Like say the things now so that if you, you know, I have a thing with my kids, right? When they were younger, I would say to them, in case I get abducted by aliens, they would laugh. But then that usually was followed up with a really heavy conversation. So I couched it in a way that they would participate in it. And, you know, I think my son was 12. We were on a walk and he goes, daddy, I get the whole like psychic thing. He goes, but at what age did you become obsessed with alien abduction? And I was like, I'm not. And he's like, you kind of are. And I'm like, no, dude, I'm really not.

57:38Like, why are you saying that? He goes, well, you always say in case I get abducted by aliens. So I laughed. I was like, well, I think you're old enough to understand this. I go, just. I go, I mean, if I'm no longer existing on this dimension, and I'm now existing on a different dimension, I'd want you to know the things that we talked about. He goes, do you mean like in case you died? I went, yes. He goes, well, that's not funny. I go, not meant to be funny. Meant to be a conversation starter. So for your listeners, your viewers, use that phrase. Watch the people's reactions. They'll laugh. But then you're icebreaking.

58:07You're literally kind of setting up the opportunity to have a conversation that might be serious. Yeah. I love that. I really love that. And I think it's so important to be able to normalize some of these conversations because it's so much harder to change afterwards. And I think part of my piece is because I've always lived in a way to say how I feel in the moment and say what I believe and make sure people know how loved they are. And even if they didn't know how to reciprocate or respond to it in the moment, I was always happy to express how I felt because I just never wanted to feel that way.

58:42You want to hear a really kind of cool but somewhat unique thing that happens quite a bit? So I could be reading for somebody and I could bring mom and dad through. I could bring their husband through. I could bring their grandmother through. I could bring their friends through. The moment I bring in their pet, the moment their dog comes up, their cat comes through, that's the moment where they're going to lose it. They're going to absolutely lose it. And sometimes in a really, really big way. and I'll, you know, I'll kind of make a little like joke and be like, wow, look at that. Like all your family right now is going, the dog rates more than I do, right?

59:18But here's the thing. What does that dog do to that person? Unconditional love. That pet shows you unconditional love. It's a reciprocal energy. You love it. It loves you. There's nothing that gets in the way of that. So I use it as a teaching tool when it happens and say, listen, look at what took place. it's about connection. It's about communication. So I always want people to say the things, you know, if you're leaving the house, I don't care. You're in a rush. Let the people that you're leaving know how you feel about them because what if you don't come home? Yeah. What about when people have had really poor experiences with people?

59:53And so they're coming to you because there's trauma. There may have been emotional or other types of abuse. There may have been, people have just had painful experiences with this person, but they love them too. It's messy, right? Like that's what love is. It's not, oh, I loved them. I missed them. It could be complicated. And I imagine if they're coming to you, there's some layers to their love that need to be explored. How do you help them and guide them through this already difficult process, but with the emotions that could come back of like, yeah, you didn't tell me you loved me. I treated you that way because of X or whatever it may be.

1:00:29Like how does that work? What does that look like? So one, again, for people who are listening, I want to establish that everything that comes through is going to come through in pieces and it's not conversational. It'll come across in pieces and I will symbolically interpret what that is. That's number one. Once I go down that path of helping them to understand and establish what's coming through, and I know it's being validated by like the way I validate stuff, it is not always easy when you are hearing from someone who's crossed that was in that exact relationship dynamic. But oftentimes the person that's coming through is coming through to assuage that feeling of guilt or disappointment or anger to help them.

1:01:08The hard part about that is that as the medium, you kind of feel like you now represent that person. So you could feel that coming back at you. So I'm not a therapist and I will say, I don't know if you work with a therapist, but maybe you may want to have a conversation with someone that can help you move through this. Right. So you actually encourage them to meet experts in particular things. Oh God. Yeah. I think a lot of my, a lot of, I mean, I've had, I've had moments where I sit with someone for about five minutes and I'm very clear and I go, do you trust me? And they go, of course I trust you.

1:01:40That's why I'm here. And I'm like, I'm, I'm, I'm supposed to get you someplace else. What you're looking for is not me. And they're like, what do you mean? I'm like, you need to work with an astrologer where you're at. I can't help you. I could read you, but it's not going to help you. And I think it's going to be a waste of your time and money. So how about we save your money and let's just have a chat. And I'll usually spend the time with them anyway. And then I find the astrologer that I think that they're supposed to work with. And I always trust that. Yeah. What do you think grief teaches us about love?

1:02:12Grief is the other side of love. And if I used to work in a hospital and when people would have open heart surgery, they're given the heart pillow that you're supposed to hold on to. So if you cough or sneeze, that you don't affect your scars in the surgery. And I always imagine that heart pillow. One says love and the other side says grief. And I think throughout our lives, we're holding the love side close. But when we lose a person, it flips to grief. And I think honoring our grief, honoring our feelings, not ignoring them, gets us back to the other side of that pillow, which is the other side of grief, and that's love.

1:02:50So I think grief teaches us about love and appreciation and communication. And that's the goal.

1:03:17But what if the real work isn't physical at all? To kick off the new year, I sat down with Dr. Steve Poulter, a psychologist with over 30 years' experience helping men unpack shame, anxiety, and emotional pain they were never taught to name. In a powerful two-part conversation, we discuss why men aren't emotionally bulletproof, why shame hides in plain sight, and how real strength comes from listening to yourself and to others. Guys who are toxic, they're immature, or they've got something they just haven't resolved. Once that gets resolved, then there comes empathy, as in compassion. If you want this to be the year you stop powering through pain and start understanding what's underneath, listen to The Mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.

1:04:32Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanka Wally. start doing that. We break down the topics you want to know more about. Sleep, stress, mental health, and how the world around us affects our overall health. We talk about all the ways to keep your body and mind inside and out healthy. We human beings, all we want is connection. We just want to connect with each other. Health stuff is about learning, laughing, and feeling a little less alone. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A new year doesn't mean erasing who you were. It means honoring what you've survived and choosing how you want to grow.

1:05:10It means giving ourselves permission to feel what we've been holding and knowing that it's okay to ask for help. I'm Mike Dallarocha, host of Sacred Lessons. This podcast is a space for men to talk openly about mental health, grief, relationships, and the patterns we inherit, but don't have to repeat. Here, we slow down. We listen. We learn how vulnerability becomes strength and how healing happens in community, not in isolation. If you're ready to let go of what no longer serves you and step into the year with clarity, compassion, and purpose, Sacred Lessons is your companion on your healing journey.

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1:06:11What do you say to someone who just feels like they'll never experience joy again? I like to validate their feelings and say that you won't feel the kind of joy that you had before, but you can find joy in different ways and take them on that journey with them. So it's not just the absence physically, but that you still have the connection with them. I can never remember, I never remember what it's called, but there's Japanese art where when things get broken, yes. And they put it back together and it's got the golden glue. It actually highlights the cracks. I feel like grief is highlighting the cracks.

1:06:48We put ourselves back together because we have to, but we're never seen the same way again. How could you? My son's middle name is after two boys that have passed, both named Michael. And one of the boys, at least one of the boys, man, he was a firefighter in 9-11, Michael Kiefer. And his mom, when I read for her, she's a powerhouse of a lady, powerhouse of a mom. And she told me a story once and she said, somebody asked her how you doing and she said well there was the me before 9-11 and there's the me after 9-11 no greater phrase can be said because we all have that there's the you before the event and there's the you after the event and i think when you recognize that there's a different version of you now and again that's in every way that you can grieve by the way it's not just death right if you've gone through a divorce there's the you before the divorce there's the you after the divorce if you broke up with a long-term friendship there's the you before that the you after that.

1:07:48How do you navigate life in this new way? Trying to be the old you can't. Doesn't work. Yeah. That validation piece is so important. Huge. Even hearing you just say to someone that, yeah, you won't feel the joy you felt before. In one sense, it's so freeing because we're trying so hard to feel that joy again. And knowing that you won't is, is liberating because it stops you from chasing and pursuing something that isn't going to happen again. But it also could be a free fall. Tell me about that. So when my mom passed the morning that she passed, I had to go long story, but pick up a tuxedo to be in a family wedding that I promised I would, I would do in case she did pass and she passed right before the wedding.

1:08:35So that morning I was like sitting in my car and I looked up at the window of the room that she had just passed in maybe three hours earlier. And my first thought was, nobody's ever going to care what time I come home again. I had no boundaries. And I was like, that's a scary feeling. There was nobody to tell me no. There was nobody to stop me. There was nobody that was going to be like, you shouldn't do that. Because nobody would probably dare at that time. It was a scary feeling. So in life, when you find yourself in a place of questioning something like I did, right? And you could be 36 doing that.

1:09:14You have a feeling that could be like free falling. And that's a scary place. You don't know if there's a net. You don't know if someone's going to catch you. And then with that grief, maybe you stop talking to people and you shut down. Or maybe you start drinking. Or maybe somebody puts on 47 pounds. Whatever the thing is. So it could be a scary thing to recognize that life's never going to be the same. Joy's not going to be there. So how do you work through that? You know, having a reading, not going to fix you. Having an understanding about readings can do, can help give you an understanding of putting one foot in front of the other, knowing that there's a survival of consciousness and that they're still with us.

1:09:55Yeah, we've all heard the cliche time heals all wounds, but sometimes it feels like things get harder as you get further away from them. Yeah, because sometimes it feels like it was a different lifetime. them. Sometimes it feels like it's a book. I had so many amazing experiences with my mom after she passed, and I shared them. There's a whole purple coat story I put in my first book. One of the things that I remember one day was probably maybe seven or eight years after she died, and I was telling the story. I got very good at explaining the details of the story. I knew the beats of the story.

1:10:35I knew how people were going to react to the story. And then the story was over. And I remember not feeling it. And I was like, oh, oh, that's not good. I'm like, this is like a really personal, powerful moment for me. And I think I'm not going to share that for a while. And I stopped telling it. And I remember being at events and people were like, oh my God, can you tell your mom's purple coat story? And I'd be like, you know, I actually, I can't right now. I set a boundary. because I wasn't feeling it anymore. It almost became like flat. And it was too powerful of a story for me. And I needed to own it again.

1:11:13So I think sometimes when you're grieving, we go to places that become superficial. And I think that we have to make sure that we never lose the depth of what that emotion is and that depth of what the person is. and for anybody that's watching this journalize write down your feelings don't forget what it is that you're feeling because you want to make sure that you're you're honoring yourself but you're also honoring them because sometimes we go through these moments of like i'm gonna forget this i'm gonna forget their voice i'm gonna forget that this happened i'm gonna forget write it down yeah my wife was extremely close to our grandmother who passed away a couple of weeks ago oh i'm sorry And she was 91, I think, when she passed away.

1:11:57And she had a beautiful send-off and really special and peaceful. And it's amazing. My wife was by her bedside for four months in hospital and at home, wherever. And my wife had the foresight probably like maybe now like six, seven years ago to interview her grandma. And so she had all this video of asking her questions and stories. And so when she was preparing her speech for the funeral, which was such an emotional thing for her to do, it was filled with all these stories that she had from this video that they would never have known. And yeah, I feel like there's such a need to interview your parents and interview your families before they're not here anymore.

1:12:39I love that. Because there's so many stories your parents haven't told you, even though you think you know them. And I did that. I interviewed my mom maybe a few years back now, maybe five, six years ago, just at a dinner table. We didn't record it. I wanted to record it. But I learned so much about my mom that I would never have known. And it brings you so much closer. And so whether you're an interviewer or not, it's a beautiful thing to do while someone's still here. Shared connection. Yeah. It's a shared connection. Yeah. What do you do when you meet someone who tells you they're stuck in their grief and they're just stuck with processing?

1:13:15I'm sure you hear that a lot. So when I hear someone stuck, I usually try to get them to go work with it. If they're not working with a counselor on some level, and sometimes they'll tell me, oh, I did that, didn't work. And I will remind them that there's multiple counselors. They might not have worked with one, maybe find someone that you do click with. But I will look at trying to get them to have their astrological chart done. Here's why. If they look at their chart, when that person passed, it's like snapshot of like, what was the syllabus you were spiritually supposed to be learning? and I like people to look at that because then it gives it gives a meaning and a context to the pain it's like diagnosing an energetic thing I like that yeah I like I like people to do that and this is where like you know people are like you know he's talking about numerologists he's talking about an astrologer he's talking about I do that a lot I feel like as a as a practitioner yeah for me it's got to be like how do I best serve this client no absolutely I mean I coach people and I'm constantly introducing them to sleep experts and therapists.

1:14:18Right. And, you know, trainers. And you probably know a lot about all of the things that you're sending them to, but it's not what you do. It's not my expertise. Right. And I may not be specifically trained in it. And so it's better that someone else can come in and step in. And I think people need groups of people around them to heal, not one person. And again, going back to the ego point, I don't believe I have any power to heal anyone or be the person who solves all their problems. And often I found a collective is healthier for that person as well. Agreed. I was going to ask you, though, can you talk to us about the difference with real astrology and then your horoscope that the version that has become astrology today?

1:14:59Right. Because I think the challenges, and I ask that question because astrology, again, is a big part of Eastern traditions. And I have not only heard of, but seen incredible things happen through astrology from true astrologers who are not doing, you know, your daily horoscope. Right. Not the pop astrology. Yeah. Not the pop astrology. Again, I have no issue with it. I have no issue with it. Just what's the difference? Because I think when people say go and see an astrologer, it's like, I don't think we even know what that means today. So by, by my definition, it's somebody who's dedicated their lives to understanding and they still are on their journey of deep dive learning, delving into the past to understand the present and maybe what the future looks like.

1:15:41It means having your natal chart looked at, which you would need your birth date, the time and location that you were born. And then if you don't have that time, they can do something called rectification, where you give them events in your life and then they retrofit where they think your planets are. And then they will look at your life and tell you who you are. Now, the control freak in me, when I have a client that I'm going to send to an astrologer, so I have a platform called Evolve Plus, right? So on Evolve Plus, I have various creators that I've worked with that I send my clients to. Certain clients need certain people with their expertise in what they do.

1:16:20So I usually give them a directive. So I look at astrology like an MRI. You don't MRI your entire body most of the time. I mean, you can now, but you normally, you would just, you're going for a specific reason. So I would say, okay, well, if you're an Aries, then you're going to have Saturn in your chart. Maybe go see how Saturn is going to play out for you. So now there's an intro into your chart. But in that specific example, I would say, hey, I lost my person on, you know, December 13th, 2022. What is the lesson? You know, I had a reading with John Edward and he said that I should look at like, what's the lesson I'm supposed to be learning from that?

1:16:57I think the more information we get regarding the lessons we're here to learn can help us to move through whatever the stagnant stuck part of it is. Yeah, that's a better question too, as opposed to what's going on in my life right now. Yes. Which is a bit more broad and open and kind of could be like, yeah, well, right now this planet is making this happen and this, it's more like a weather forecast rather than being specific in like, what lesson am I going to learn right now? What is needed of me right now? I'm also not a fan of the word predictions, right? So like when I'm doing a session or if I see somebody as a practitioner and they kind of predict stuff, I'm more of a projector.

1:17:35I like to say, these are projections from where you are. If you don't like some of this, try to make the changes now so you can adapt that, right? No different than health. Like right now your test results are showing this, your lab results are showing this. If you don't change this, these numbers are going to go up. That can cause this. That's how my brain works. I used to work in a laboratory. So it's like when I'm doing a reading, I'm seeing the energy projections and I'm like, hey, this is the line of probability that you're flying on. You may want to shift this. Or hey, this is awesome. Guess up.

1:18:02Keep going. Yeah. I think that's the language switch that's needed in some of these traditions too. It's because when you think about the conversations you have with your doctors, there's a lot of diagnosing going on. They're the ones you could read the scan. You can't, right? Like if I saw a scan of my spine, I wouldn't know the difference because I'm not trained, but I trust the doctor knows how to do that. Correct. Hopefully. Yeah, hopefully. How do you honor your grief without letting it define you? Living with it. I feel like owning it, living with it, saying the person's name, making sure that you're including them, journalizing.

1:18:40Sometimes people feel like nobody wants to hear me talk about my person anymore. I'm too much. It's too much. It's overwhelming. They're tired of me always bringing him up or her up. Living with that, acknowledging it. writing about it, journalizing about it, and making sure that they're not forgotten because that means that you're not forgetting your connection to them. And then I'll make it about living grief as well. Let's say you had a relation with somebody, a 30-year friendship, or it's a sibling. And all of a sudden you have a falling out with that person. And now there's no contact. That's a painful moment for you.

1:19:18So I ask people to mine for the positivity in that because half of that relationship is positive. It doesn't mean that you'll ever, like I have people that are out of my life. They will not have access to me again. They've, that's not happening. But when I reflect back on my time with them, it's not negative. Like I know that negative things might've brought us to where we're not connected now, but I'm not going to take away my past. I had a great time with you. I had a great time for the time that we were spending together. So I'm not going to be spending negative energy mourning the negative side of it.

1:19:51I get the negative side. I'm going to reminisce about the positive stuff. Yeah, I have a friend who sadly lost, tragically lost their child at like two weeks old and they named it. And that's been a really big part of their grieving is being able to say the name, not forget, not - If anybody's listening to this or for who is listening to this, if you have somebody that you know that's lost a child, please say their name. You're not going to offend the parent. They want that child to matter. It doesn't matter if that child was two days old or 22 years old or 40 years old. They want their child to be remembered.

1:20:32So you're not going to make them sad by saying their name. You're going to make them feel connected and that you're honoring that person. Well, sad. How can someone find peace if they were not with their loved one in their final moments? So COVID taught us that, right? COVID happens and people can't be with their loved ones and friends when they're passing. So what I want everybody to know is that nobody dies alone. When we leave the physical world, nobody passes alone. And you might say that's not true because nobody was there. I mean that people come for us. We have loved ones and friends that are waiting for us that are there.

1:21:08And if you're at someone's deathbed, they may do things where they're having deathbed visions. They may call out to a person. You may sense that yourselves. There's always people that come for us. So if you were not able to be with the person when they transitioned, please know that they were not alone. There's always people, sometimes pets, that come for us. So nobody passes alone. And you could set up a schedule to make sure that grandma is not alone and that everybody's going to be with her. She'll never be alone. That one moment where grandma was alone may be where grandma transitions. And the reason why is people will choose who they want to be with when they pass.

1:21:46And if it's too painful to leave while that person's there, they'll wait till that person's not. So if you were not able to be there, please don't take offense to that. Don't think that you failed them. They may not have been able to pass with you in the room. Because they loved you too much. Because they loved you too much. We can't hold them back. Our grief can't hold them back once they left the physical world. I think we can't hold them back while they're here though. Because if we have that energy of please don't go please don't go please don't go they may not go that's i mean yeah that's so reassuring for so many people who are trying to time that moment perfectly and that's why if you say to somebody it's okay they may transition right after that because you've given them permission you've released them as best as you can yeah well that's the push and pull isn't it when you love someone you don't want them to leave and at the same time you don't want them to be in pain.

1:22:33Correct. And so until you're willing to let go and recognize that that's better for them, there is some energetic force that makes them hold on and stay on as well. So I have a phrase that I use with my kids, but I think it's applicable when it comes to grief as well. I have an aunt that said, you know, she's like, I know you're really close with your kids. She's like, but you got the end of growing up. You're going to have to let them go. And I said, I'll never let them go. You said, I said, I'll never let them go, but I will let them grow and I feel that when it comes to grief we may have to let them go physically but let us grow together until we are able to connect again that's beautiful I feel like when people leave that the way I felt that with my wife's grandmother passing it was so peaceful and she left so much peace because she was this radiant vibrant deeply conscious powerhouse of a woman she left like this, you know, really peaceful, sweet, celebratory energy, which was hard because it wasn't, you know.

1:23:37And a legacy of love for the family to kind of stay connected, right? As a result. Absolutely. She gave the language, she gave the energy, she set the structure. My grandmother, I'm feeling from you, like my own grandmother, you know, the level of any of my cousins watching this right now or listening right now, they're immediately thinking about my grandmother in the same way because she inspired family. She inspired connection and love. Sometimes through guilt, but it still worked. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. How can people connect with people they've lost in their life on a daily basis? You mentioned earlier that you do that.

1:24:16I was talking about how I do that. How do you suggest people do that and keep that person alive in their life? And is that healthy? I think it's healthy. I think it's important. I think telling stories to people that never knew them. Like I never knew my grandfather. I never met him. My grandfather died before I was born. My mom did an amazing job at making him a three-dimensional figure for me. From explaining what he looked like, how he was emotionally, like positive and negative, by the way. Like she just made him a real person that I kind of felt like I knew him. So it would be like if you go see a movie and I'm not going to get a chance to see the movie and you now tell me all about the movie.

1:24:58You gave me the plot. You gave me the characters, the cinematic of it, all of it. And I feel like I've seen the movie now because you did such a good job describing it. Well, I'm happy she did that because she gave me language. And that language is what I had to use with my kids for her. And I will have conversations with my kids legitimately where I'll be like, make sure you tell my grandkids this. And my daughter would be like, you tell your grandkids, meaning like you ain't going anywhere. But the reality is, what if I'm not here? That is a reality. I may not be here when they have kids. So I'm having that conversation with them.

1:25:33Make sure you tell my grandkids this. Make sure that they know about this. So I think having the conversation is important. Communicating with people that you know will never know them or meet them. So that you're keeping this three-dimensional archetype of a personality present. because really what it's to do is keeping a bridge between you and them and doing that. On my Instagram, I think it was April, I was feeling my mom. I was just thinking about her and she's been gone 30 years. And I was like, I want to post a photo. And I posted it. It had nothing to do with birthdays, anniversaries. I was in a moment.

1:26:10I was feeling my mom. I posted a photo of my mom. It was me honoring her. So, you know, I have this like image in my mom, image in my head of my mom being in the afterlife going, look, my son posted a photo of me on earthogram. Look, let's go look, you know, but it's where I'm honoring. I'm keeping that person food. Food is another way that you can honor someone. So with my grandmother, we, we talked about, you know, your wife's grandmother and with my grandmother, I lived with her. She had arthritis. So she used to cook every Sunday for a lot of people. So she'd be like, come help me. So I cooked with her.

1:26:47I didn't know at the time how important that was, like that I had like my grandma's recipes that I could, if I wanted to make at Christmas time, struffula, I can make struffula for the family. Not that I do, but I could if I wanted to, right? So there's a tradition that gets passed down. So what are the legacies? What are the traditions? Food, like music. All of those things are ways to keep them present and allow them to still be part of our lives. Yeah, those are beautiful. Love those. Really helpful for people who are going through it right now. What's your take on keeping things that they owned and physical items?

1:27:26Again, I think that depends on the person. My thing is they don't care. Nobody ever comes through going, you gave away my car, you know, you threw out my clothes, Like they don't care. The value for them is love and connection, not articles, not things. They don't come through when people are fighting over the house. They don't talk about stuff like that. They don't take sides because in the physical world, material things matter. That doesn't matter there. The true, true value of the world energy universe is love and connection, communication. That's what they value. That's what they come through, you know, mostly about.

1:28:03But I think for some people, they're in positions where they can't keep a house, right? So if someone can't keep a house and they know that their, let's say their spouse loved the house, they lived and breathed for the house, for the garden, they put their entire life into that. And now they have to sell the house because they can't afford it. That's devastating on top of the loss. So I've had so many readings where people come through saying, it's okay, you can sell the house, you're not losing me. But that's great to be released of that. But that person still is losing their house. So now they're going to grieve the loss of the relationship and they're going to grieve the loss of the house.

1:28:37So what's the solution? And an example like that, I say, hire a real estate photographer to come in and film your house in that three-dimensional thing so you can always have a walkthrough of the house that you remember. Because you don't have to be in the house in order to feel the house. You could legitimately walk through that house anytime you want. So you find ways to navigate and kind of experience your grief, but to work with it and through it. Yeah. So a question that I have, John, is I feel like for a lot of people, they can become a sort of dependency on a lot of this work and it can start to become somewhat of a crutch.

1:29:15Obviously we all need time to process. We need time, but it can become something that you just fall back on all the time. How do you help someone move on or move through that? Because it can kind of feel self-fulfilling to just sit in this space, try and get affirmation and validation, but not really do the work and apply and move forward. So I think it's a really powerful question. And I think it's really important that people don't look at this work as a crutch. It should be something that is an asset to their way of life and the way of their thinking. So we should never externalize our feelings, whether it be love or grief.

1:29:57We should be internalizing those moments. And I think I was very kind of like, you know, lucky because I was popular like from the beginning of my career. So it was hard to get back in to see me. So I could keep a buffer between people. but before that kind of like happened I would say to people when they would say when can I come back and see you again I'd be like a year, nine months like take some time and they'd be like that's a long time I'm like well yeah but when I used to work at a psychic fair when I first started the same people would show up like every like two or three weeks and they had the same questions and I remember saying to this one woman I'm like can we let some like life happen here I was like because I feel like I should be coming over for dinner now like I feel like we're friends And I don't really feel this is professional.

1:30:46And then I had another client that I jokingly fired her. And I just was like, I cannot read you anymore. And she was like, why? I go, because he is never leaving his wife for you. I was like, I'm not the right person for you. I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear. So I think it's important to set boundaries. So I set boundaries with clients all the time. Like, I'll just be like, you know, you can't come back and see me. if I'm doing a Zoom group and I recognize somebody, I will literally say to them, I can't read you. I've just seen you. I remember you. I don't want to remember you. Your new book kind of took you to different lengths, almost outside of your comfort zone.

1:31:26Yes. To really uncomfortable spaces beyond what you'd usually do. Yes. Talk to me about how Chasing Evil even came about. So Chasing Evil is the 30-year culmination of me assisting an FBI agent now retired on his case work. And he, like multiple other people, did not believe in the subject matter, except he took it to another level. He heard me on radio. I do a lot of radio, live call-ins. He heard me multiple times. And he thought I was a fraud, a grifter, and a con, as he puts it. and he came to me under the guise of a real cold case that he was working and he wanted my assistance. He brought nine items, five of which were pertaining to the case, four of which were control items that had nothing to do with the case.

1:32:17And in the beginning of my meeting with him, I separated the four things that did not belong to the case, got his attention. He had arranged for the woman that was missing, her daughter, to be on standby Why? Because he heard me make connections with people on the radio. So he thought, you know, put me on the phone with the woman. The woman comes through, I solved the case. That didn't happen. But I wound up reading for him and gave him information that was applicable to his life. And then information that when he went home, he had to get validated from his parents, things that he did not know.

1:32:49So his world got a little bit rocked, right? He got the reality of what a reading looks like, the validation and said, can you use your ability to help me? And there was a sense of duty that I kind of had. Now, the ironic part is my dad was a New York City police officer and told me, don't sully my name with this BS that you're doing and never let me find out that you're working with the police. Just don't do that. And I didn't. And by the way, I really didn't have an interest in it. And with great respect with this book and this process, I still don't have an interest in it. It's not where my passion lies.

1:33:23My passion is not into crime solving. My passion is to help everyday people. In the same way that when I did crossing over in TV shows, I hated when they brought celebrities on. Because I didn't want to read celebrities. That's not my thing. Chasing Evil was different. I got pulled in with Bob. And it took me on a journey that I wasn't expecting. It forced me to review that although I had thought I did the work where my dad was concerned, apparently I didn't. and I might have been seeking some patriarchal approval by helping him. And we had some great success working together and there's multiple cases.

1:34:03There's a lot of, a lot of sadness. And I felt again, the word was duty to try to help this man, uh, on his path. I say openly, I didn't solve anything. I do did for him what I do for my clients. I gave him information. He used that information and he solved his cases. And what book would you recommend to my audience who wants to learn about your work from a foundational level and to really dive into it? I have a book called The Infinite Quest. And that book is on a platform that I created called Evolve Plus TV. That's probably where I would send people because Evolve Plus TV is a one-stop destination where you're going to hit all the things that we talked about.

1:34:46You know, we have somebody that does past life regression therapy on there. We have numerologists on there. We have astrologers on there. And they're all people that I work with. I've worked with them, sent clients too. So I kind of brought them together in one spot. And on Evolve Plus, people have the opportunity to set up a profile. We do a ton of live streams. So there's multiple opportunities to interact, evolve, learn, and grow. But the book Infinite Quest is on my channel under books. And then I have an eight-part development workshop that's on there called Project You. and it's all geared towards helping people to do exactly what it is, evolve.

1:35:20So if anyone's feeling very curious after this conversation, they should go to Evolve Plus. Evolve Plus.tv, yep. Amazing. John, thank you so much for your time, your energy, your insight. It's remarkable. It's something, like I said, I'm so curious about. I'm really fascinated by the way you present it. I feel like I've learned so much. Thank you for having me. And yeah, was there anything I didn't ask you that you wish I asked you? No, these are really thought-provoking questions. Okay. Thank you. Good, I'm glad. Well, thank you so much again, honestly. Thank you. And yeah, I look forward to learning so much more.

1:35:51And the book sounds fascinating. So I'm excited for people to dive into it as well because - The feedback has been like off the hook. It's probably the best reviewed book that I've been a part of. I mean, it does. The stories just sound incredible. Thank you. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, thank you. Amazing. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success and the secret to genuinely loving what you do.

1:36:23If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value. That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it. A new year doesn't ask us to become someone new. It invites us back home to ourselves. I'm Mike Della Rocha, host of Sacred Lessons, a space for men to pause, reflect, and heal. This year, we're talking honestly about mental health, relationships, and the patterns we're ready to release. If you're looking for clarity, connection, and healthier ways to show up in your life, Sacred Lessons is here for you.

1:37:03Listen to Sacred Lessons with Mike Della Rocha on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if mind control is real? If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, a.k.a.

1:37:38neurolinguistic programming. Is it a self-help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is Dr. Jesse Mills, host of the Mailroom Podcast. Each January, men promise to get stronger, work harder, and fix what's broken. But what if the real work isn't physical at all? I sat down with psychologist Dr. Steve Poulter to unpack shame, anxiety, and the emotional pain men were never taught how to name. Part of the way through the valley of despair is realizing this has happened, and you have to make a choice whether you're going to stay in it or move forward.

1:38:14Our two-part conversation is available now. Listen to The Mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows. This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed human.