Kim Kardashian ON: How to Deal with Challenging Times in Parenting & Learning to Love Again

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27:20Visit applegiftcard.apple.com to learn more and gift with purpose today. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. If you're listening right now and feeling that pull to grow in your career or make a bigger impact, Walden is designed exactly for that. For over 50 years, they've helped working adults get the W. with the knowledge, confidence and real skills to create meaningful change. What makes Walden stand out is how flexible it is. With Walden's tempo learning, you're in control. No set weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules, just a pace that actually fits your life. And everything you learn is practical.

28:01You're working through real-world scenarios that prepare you to make a positive difference in your community and beyond. You're also guided by faculty who've lived the work themselves, scholars and practitioners with real experience this is the kind of opportunity that reminds you it's never too late to go after what you want if you've been waiting for the right moment this is it head to waldenu.edu and take that first step walden university set a course for change certified to operate by chev and i think you can also tell so much about a person that has really longstanding relationships. That's stability.

28:42When I look to hire people, I look at their previous jobs and how long they've had those relationships for. And think about it. If there's someone that's bouncing from job to job, obviously there could be other situations that come into place, but I value people that have these longstanding relationships with people, whether it's their employer or family. And that's super important to me to have all my friends have really important relationships in their life. This episode is brought to you by Eight Sleep. I once had an old mattress that wasn't the best. It was so uncomfortable. I swear I woke up feeling more tired than when I went to bed.

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30:32It even tracks my sleep patterns and can be integrated into my smart home system. I've never experienced sleep like this. Invest in the rest you deserve with the 8sleep pod. Go to 8sleep.com forward slash purpose for exclusive Memorial Day savings on the pod cover through June 6th. Stay cool this summer with 8sleep, now shipping within the USA Canada, the UK, select countries in the EU and Australia. I think that says a lot about you and the family because I wonder what it takes to hold on to a relationship like that when you're on a rocket ship, right? I feel like all of us deal with shifts in our life, transitions and family and friends that we want to hold on to, but it gets harder and harder, especially when there's success, when there's envy, when there's competition.

31:22And sometimes it's not because someone doesn't love you, it doesn't care about you. It's so natural in the world we live in. And so what does it really take? Because I think this will help a lot of people. What does it actually take to hold on to someone you love and continue with all the noise and all the challenges and all the stress that comes with it? What does it actually take? Because it's tough. But then there's those friends that you don't have to talk to every day. I mean, thank God for group chats where you can chime in and heart something really quick, you know? But like your real best friends will also support you.

31:53And it takes, but it's, it takes that mutual respect because what my friends are doing, if they have something that's important to them, it's just as important for me to show up for them as it is for them to show up for me. I might have a more colorful life and a bigger event that I'm asking them to show up to, but it doesn't mean that theirs isn't just as important. So I think just having that mutual respect, treating people with respect is just a given. I truly think someone is such a solid person when they have really grounded relationships, grounded in love and, and relationships can be different things.

32:31You know, sometimes you have your group of girlfriends that you love to go on vacation with. And then sometimes you have, you know, your other friends that you work really well with. Every relationship can be different. If you have just a mutual respect around the, across the board. That's, I think the number one thing. Yeah. It takes two. Yeah. It takes two. That's the point. It's, you're not going to be able to create it or falsely hold onto it. Someone who doesn't want to give you that respect. It's not going to happen. Yeah. You talked about earlier about parenting and you brought it up a few times that I wonder how you view - You don't have kids, do you?

33:04Not yet. Not yet. Okay. We'll have this conversation again when you do. Yes, absolutely. That's what I'm asking. That's what I'm asking parenting questions. What was your vision like for what you thought parenting was going to be like versus what it actually is? Everyone says the days are long and the years are short. And that couldn't be like a more true statement. So like when you're in it, I mean, especially when they're babies and you're feeding and you're, there's madness going on. It's like full madness. It's the best chaos though. like my mornings, you have no idea what's going on. It's like, I always have to do one of my daughter's hair and it has to be perfect and it has to be a certain way.

33:48And then this one needs me to put his shoes on and that they all need you. And they all, it's like full crazy madness, cooking, running around. Like it's, it's wild. That's why I need my workout in the morning just to like prepare for the two hours of craziness. I'd say parenting is the thing that has taught me the most about myself. It has been the most challenging thing. There are nights I cry myself to sleep, like what just happened, you know, with all the moods and the personalities and sometimes they're fighting and there's no one there. Like it's, it's me to play good cop and bad cop. So like that is definitely a challenge when, you know, something I'm working on is being a little bit firmer, you know, there's nothing that can prepare you.

34:35Anyone, any person that says, oh, we're waiting to have X amount of money in the bank. Oh, we're waiting to have a home before we have kids. Oh, I'm waiting for this job to come in before we have kids. I don't care how long you wait. I don't care what you're waiting for. You are never prepared, but you will figure it out and it will make you so proud of yourself that you figured it out and that you got through the day. And sometimes it's nights where it's just, we are going hour by hour to see if we're going to survive night by night. If a tantrum comes in, oh my God, your life is completely upside down, but it teaches you so much more about yourself than I think anyone, any parent could have ever anticipated.

35:28I mean, there is nights when you don't wash your hair for days as a mom and you have spit up all over you and you're wearing the same pajamas, you know, and there's just nothing that can prepare you for this experience. It is the most challenging, rewarding job on this planet. When was the moment when you were looking into your baby's faces and said, I want to run away. I need to hide for a night every night. I'm just kidding. No, no. Yeah. No, thank you. It's, I mean, it's honest. I think there's a, there's a little bit of truth in that feeling that a lot of parents have. What's, what's the hardest when you've been looking, when you look into their faces and you had one of these moments where you were learning these lessons, what was the hardest lesson you had to learn about yourself that made you go, whoa, I didn't, I didn't see that before.

36:19If it wasn't for that kid, I wouldn't have seen that. Yeah. It happens all the time. I always think everything in life comes our way to really teach us something. And it's a really hard task when you have four kids and you know, they all want to be put to bed at the same time by the same person. And they all want to do it individually. and have that experience. And no one wants to wait. And I'm locked in a room with kids banging outside of the door because they want me to put them to bed. And I'm like, I can't cut myself in four pieces. So we're going to have to schedule this out. And we're coming up with a schedule and none of them want to listen to the schedule.

36:56And then they all start crying. And that's like a typical night, you know? And so I like sit them outside of my one daughter's door and I'm like, I'll pick you up next. We're doing this for 15 minutes and they can't be patient. And they're banging on the door. Come on, it's been five minutes. It's like those nights are every single night, big school projects, big things that are happening and they don't understand that I work or I have a school schedule too, or stuff kids will never understand. So I think it's just those nights when you can't divide yourself and you have to just work with what we have and try to bribe two of them to get put to bed at the same time.

37:38You know, I think unless you're like so much respect to parents, so much respect to people also that aren't parents that want to live their free life, enjoy it while you can. I was at Easter on Palm Springs and I looked at my mom's house and she had her table set for all of her kids, all of her grandkids, and we're all staying in her house. And I was like, it's, it's a forever thing. It's not like, Hey, okay, you're 18 and you're on your own. It's a forever thing. And we're in our forties and we're still coming at her and fighting and asking my mom to resolve everything. And I look at her and I'm like, how did you do it?

38:20I personally can't wait for my kids to get a little bit older. Everyone like is so afraid of the teenage phase. I'm so excited for it. Play this back for me when they're teenagers and all probably, but I see the relationship I have with my mom and I knew the relationship I had with my dad and how comfortable we were talking to them about all of our problems and all of our friend stuff and all of the drama and all of the high school stuff. And even the stuff I talked to my mom about now and how open I am about life and relationships and how close we are, even if we didn't get it as a kid, I can look at her now and say, I get it as a mom now, Now, as an adult now, I know why you made those decisions.

39:03And I love having that relationship. And that is why I wanted to have four kids. I saw my mom, you know, and my dad had four together before she had my two little sisters. And I loved the big family. And I always knew I wanted to have four kids. And I just love so much our relationship with her and my grandma. And I just can't wait to have that with my kids. I can't wait till they're old enough to understand so much that I can never explain to them now that they'll get one day and we can laugh about it. That's so beautiful. Yeah. You reminded me of a beautiful old saying that says, the day you realize your parents were right, your kids are telling you that you're wrong.

39:47So true. Yeah. And it's like that idea of just your, when you're a little boy, you like adore your mom. At least I did up until like 13 years old. Then you become a teenager and you think you're too cool for your mom. Yeah. And then in my 20s. You're always back. Yeah. I have like contracts with my sons. I'm like, you're never going to leave me. We always have to be besties. You're never going to be too cool for me. And they always say yes. Yeah. I'm like, you can live with me in your 20s, your 30s, never move out. They said, okay. They've signed the contract. Yeah. Yeah. And they have no idea.

40:17They'll breach it. Yeah. It'll be okay. Yeah. You won't sue them. Yeah. But I wonder how in your position, like, you know, what you just described is what so many people go through. And like you said, it's so hard for them to experience that. But when you're explaining things like the paparazzi or like you're saying that when you're in Japan, like you didn't have that experience. And that was so nice for the kids. Like, how do you walk them through the nuances of the life that you lead? And I'm guessing a lot of their friends also have similar lives, but I'm sure they have some friends who don't have parents like yourselves.

40:49And so how do you help them reconcile? Or what are the kind of things that you talk about with them? Or what can they understand at this age? And what are you like, well, that's just going to have to wait? I'll talk to my kids about anything they want to ask me about. I am so open and honest with my kids. I think that's the only way to be. And it could be things that they might not understand. And I'll wait to find the appropriate time to talk about it. I think they grew up seeing the cameras. And they grew up seeing that even as babies. you know, we'd walk out and there'd be paparazzi. So it's not really something that they acknowledge a lot, but you know, my daughter's really vocal.

41:28She'll tell them when she doesn't want them around and to leave her alone and to stop. And I love that they use their little voices, but they also have such a normal life and such a different life away from all of that too. And that's why I love that my sisters and I all had babies at the same time so they can be with each other and have these experiences together. Absolutely. When I'm, you know, there's all the words that come out from you are like togetherness, loyalty. It's incredible to see it in family. But I think what you've then done, which when I saw you do this, it really moved me when I saw you kind of move into that direction of justice reform and using your voice and training to be a lawyer to make these changes in the world out there.

42:12Because I find that, you know there's there's a natural sense of survival as a family but then when you start taking into account the survival of others there's an extension of love and you know what goes out to the world and yeah I think it was really special to see that this podcast is called on purpose for a reason because I think everyone's searching for their purpose would you say that that was a expression of purpose or absolutely I mean I think that's one of those moments like by chance I happen to be looking on social media and seeing a case that I just didn't understand. And I'm always a really curious person.

42:50So I'll never let something go if it's weighing on my heart to not at least try to figure out how it happened. I've always been really interested in crime stuff and solving things and figuring things out. So when I saw a case of a woman that just didn't make sense to me, I was really curious and I sent this little video that popped up on my Twitter to attorneys that I knew really well that could answer questions for me. And then when it seemed like I couldn't just sit there, it was really weighing on my heart when I felt like it was so unfair. I didn't know that there was like thousands of cases that were so unfair.

43:30I just thought, oh, wow, like I have to help this person. And then when I was successful in doing that on my journey, I realized like, wait, there's so many more people like this. Like I can't not do something. And I think that that also goes with whatever's meant to come to you at your own pace for your own learning levels is what's meant to be because that came to me. I wasn't like searching for that. And that changed my life and it changed who I am. I just can't sit around and see this happen to other people that aren't deserving of their freedom. I think just everyone's on their own path and things will come to you when you need to be like elevated to that growth level.

44:18And I'm really grateful for those experiences because I definitely think that that's my purpose. what internal changes did you see in yourself that that maybe you didn't see before when you started doing this work like what what did you have to grapple with internally was there anything that you had to break through inside yeah what were those things i would say i always felt like i was a compassionate person and a caring person and i always cared about people's feelings but my level of empathy was at a completely different level when I started. I might have been way more judgmental. And I would think that someone that was behind bars, especially for a really lengthy or a serious crime, that they probably were absolutely guilty.

45:05I had no compassion. I was just really judgmental. And then when I started to hear about these cases and people's backstories and their histories and realized that so many people really didn't have the opportunities to be better and didn't know better. It really changed my whole life. And like my level of empathy is just so different than what it was years ago. And I think that's why I fight so hard for people to get second chances because people make really bad choices and really bad mistakes, some way, way worse than other people. But if you're never given the chance to change, that's really sad.

45:51Especially if you make a really bad decision as a teenager, and then you're in your forties and you're given no shot to change when you really already maybe have so much, it was really important to me to express that and help people that have made those changes. And I love how I'm assuming that when you do something like that in the outside space, it kind of applies to your whole life where all of a sudden you're so right that I think we all, not even people behind bars, I think we all judge people all the time. And when you're almost doing it in such an extreme way and raising your empathy in such an extreme environment, you can now extend that and express that to so many more people because you've had to do it in a way where you were like, oh, definitely that person deserves it.

46:37And all of a sudden you start realizing maybe they didn't deserve that. And so maybe we don't deserve this. I think, you know. But in all levels of life of judgment. I used to judge people and like their relationships and how people lived their lives. And now I'm like, whatever makes you happy, why should we judge? Who are we to say how people should live their lives? My judgment is just, I don't know if it comes with age or experience or just going through so many things. but just be happy. You know, isn't that what life is about? Experiences, making people feel heard and seen and appreciated and just having gratitude for the things in life that we're so blessed to have and work for.

47:22And if we're surrounded by the people we love, we are, that's real success. Yeah. You know? I agree. And I feel that a lot of people start getting better at that with the judgment outside. But one of the things that people struggle to deal with the most is the judgment in their head. And I wonder, do you find that you ever catch yourself judging yourself and being hard on yourself and being heavy and harsh on yourself? You've been able to give that up. I'll be like competitive with myself. I think I'm a really competitive person, but I'm pretty, I'm pretty easy on myself. Wow. That's incredible.

48:00I was always like really calm, really easygoing. That's a real achievement. Yeah. And I'm sure you see people judging themselves all the time. Yeah. I was grabbing some coffees for my team a couple of months back or something. And I remember like I was paying the cashier and she gave me the change and I was grabbing the change and walking off and she was like, wait, wait, wait, I'm so stupid. I'm so stupid. I got the change wrong. And I was like, I didn't even notice. And I looked and I was like, oh, okay. Like I was like, you're not stupid. Like easy mistake. and you can see the look on her face.

48:31Like she was judging herself so harshly for something so small. And I guess when you see people judge themselves, then how do you respond to that? Or how do you support them? Honestly, I really haven't experienced that much. That's fantastic. That's amazing. And I love hearing that because I think it is so true that you can curate and create a community around you that has similar values. And then almost you don't even - a lot of like determination and a lot of like creativity, a lot of hard work. Like if I were to go on vacation with my girlfriends, we'd all be getting up probably at 6am, all want to go on a workout.

49:14I don't think there's that one girl that would be like, I'm sleeping till 10 and I'm not working out, you know? So I think that obviously everyone around you is different and has different personalities, but I think a lot of my core friends are really like-minded. Yeah. And sometimes that positive peer pressure can be really healthy too. Like even if you have that one friend who's struggling, as soon as you're added to that group, you see them elevate. I've seen that with so many of my friends that even if there's one person who's struggling with something, as soon as they're in that pack, all of a sudden you start to see them break through their ceiling and it changes for them.

49:50Yeah. I think something that I've learned maybe the hard way because I feel like I'm at a really good place now where the people in my life, I feel really solid. I think this is the first time in my life, obviously I've had really long relationships with my girlfriends and friends since elementary school, but something I learned is that you cannot help people that don't want the help and don't, you can't force your beliefs and project that on someone that thinks something totally different. And it's okay to have those different views. That's why the world goes round, you know? But if you don't align in the same values and morals and things at your core, then it's okay to realize that this life is so short and you should go and find the people that do align with what you really believe in.

50:47And I think sometimes there's so much going on that you can be blinded by so many other things that if you don't stop and think about what someone's true values and morals are and how they want to live their life, so much other things are going on. So I don't blame people that don't really stop and think about those things. I mean, those are some of the lessons that I would teach my kids when they're looking for friends and partners and relationships. yeah you can't really force things upon other people you can't expect them to be where you're at at your level and sometimes that could really coexist really well but then sometimes it really can't you have to let go of the idea of molding people into what you want think about if there's something about yourself that you really want to change the expectations of going into something and thinking you're going to get a different result or thinking you have the power to change someone is so selfish and so crazy.

51:49And everyone does it. And everyone has to learn on their own. And that's something that I've always like sat back, helped friends, given them advice, but never really pushed because even if I were to say, hey, don't walk down that path, trust me, I've been there, you don't want to go there. And they say, okay. and they follow you and they go on a different path, they'll never learn that lesson. They have no clue what I'm talking about. You know, I could say parenting stuff to you all day long. With all due respect, you have no clue until you've been through it. I welcome people's journeys and their lessons and I'll always be there to the people that I love to help them through that, but they gotta go through that in order to grow on their own.

52:34What's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that you're trying to pass on to the kids? I think just how she makes people feel really heard and welcomed. She really is the most warm, welcoming person. And it's just like her overall, it seems superficial, but it's not like her party planning skills. It's not even that. It's just the welcomingness of, I don't even know if these are words I'm saying, but like just her ability to be so warm and to make everyone feel like they were invited here. I'm going to create this like special Easter dinner with like the things on the table, you know, that she had when we were growing up at my dad's house.

53:14Like she just has all this like really special nostalgic stuff around all the time and always tries to make everyone feel so special, but with like a gathering. Having the right people in your corner to support you is a great form of self-care. Just like the friend who shows up to a housewarming party when you get that dream home. celebrates your big promotion or goes with you on a walk to clear your mind State Farm is there to help you feel supported they have different coverage options whether it be for your home, car, motorcycle, boat or even RV with a State Farm agent you know someone is there to help protect what's important and with so many coverage options it's nice knowing you have help finding what fits for you so you can continue to celebrate all of life's biggest milestones Go online at statefarm.com or use the award-winning app to get help from one of their local agents.

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54:16Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. If you're listening right now and feeling that pull to grow in your career or make a bigger impact, Walden is designed exactly for that. For over 50 years, they've helped working adults get the W. with the knowledge, confidence and real skills to create meaningful change. What makes Walden stand out is how flexible it is. With Walden's tempo learning, you're in control. No set weekly deadlines, no rigid schedules, just a pace that actually fits your life. And everything you learn is practical. You're working through real-world scenarios that prepare you to make a positive difference in your community and beyond.

54:58You're also guided by faculty who've lived the work themselves, scholars and practitioners with real experience this is the kind of opportunity that reminds you it's never too late to go after what you want if you've been waiting for the right moment this is it head to waldenu.edu and take that first step walden university set a course for change certified to operate by chev so that everyone feels comfortable and can hang around like she just loves people in her space and loves to create these memories. And I think that we all got that from her and we will all, if I can just pass that on to my kids, just the experiences that we have as a family, whether we're just sitting in our pajamas and hanging out, we make the time to be together.

55:48And I hope that my kids want to make the time to be together when they grow up with their cousins and their aunts and just the whole family. I'm sure they will. Yeah, I think they will too. Yeah. I think you've managed to hold onto it in your entire generation. And so they see that. I think kids mirror so much of what they see around them. And I remember when I met my wife, her grandma is her favorite human on the planet. And it's really interesting how when someone you love, you know who their favorite human is, you automatically start loving them. And I wasn't really close to my grandparents, but I'm closer to Raleigh's grandma than I am to my own grandparents because you see your love for the person that you love.

56:31And so I think when your kids see the love that you have for your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and uncles and parents. Now, if only all my kids can love their siblings, that would be amazing. They're in a fighting phase. Yeah. And you guys went through that phase, I'm sure. We went through too, yeah. Oh my God. It's still going on. The fist fight. Yeah, it's still going on. Never ending. That's never going to stop. Kim, I feel like you travel so much. You have so many businesses. You're now going to be on a TV show, like another TV show. I mean, you've got so much things happening in your life.

57:03And I'm sure there's moments where whether the kids say something or don't, I know a lot of people in my life feel a lot of mom guilt. Yeah. And moms carry it with them. Have you experienced that with your friends, your family? Absolutely. Mom guilt is probably the hardest thing. I think that you have to also separate though and understand that you need your own bit of sanity. So you have to do what makes you happy. You have to, if working for me, I love working. So that makes me happy. Anytime I think something's really hard, I dive into work and, or if there's challenges, like I love to dive into my work and that's like a bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going.

57:45but I think, you know, I have chats with my girlfriends when our kids are having tantrums and there could be things going on that we don't even know about. And you feel like you're the worst mom if something's going on and you can't fix it. You have no idea how to change it. Your kids are fighting, whatever it is. And my friends and I will text each other and be like in tears, literally locking ourselves in the room, like away from a kid having a tantrum when that's not what you should do. You should go and lean into them. And, but sometimes it's so overwhelming. That was probably the only time I'd be hard on myself is, am I a good mom?

58:30I try to do everything. And I think how to balance work with that is when you're home being really present. Kids, all they want is time. They just want your time. Yeah. You can give them all these amazing big experiences and they'll remember them and they're great, but they'll always remember you being present. And I think that's just the most important thing in all of your relationships. Think about what a kid wants. A kid just wants your time. So why wouldn't everyone else? You have to kind of treat everyone like that if you want these like meaningful relationships in your life and you have to be present and it's okay to feel like you are not a hundred percent at being the best mom.

59:17I say this all the time. We, there's no manual. They do not come with a manual. Everyone's doing the best that they can. And I just feel so lucky that I have a good group of girlfriends and all of our kids are experiencing different things from, I mean, imagine all the things that they, a divorce, everything that they have to go through, we're okay. They will be okay. And they will feel the love and support. And that's all you can do. It'll be okay. And I'm sure that's hard for you because you were saying that you're so competitive with yourself. You want to be the best at everything. But I feel like being the best mom must be the hardest thing to ever live up to.

59:56Absolutely. And I'm very confident. So every year I write each one of my kids about a four or five page letter about on their birthday about what the year was like, who their friends are, silly words they're saying, their favorite foods, all the silly things that they do. And a little journey of what the year is like. And it's so fun to see from the first year, now, you know, one of them almost 10 years old and just to, I know that they'll appreciate this. I know that they'll appreciate everything that they might have thought I was being a little harsh on, me protecting them, I know that they'll get it because I got it with my mom and I know they'll get it with me.

1:00:40You've reminded me of something beautiful that I want to share that, so my mom and dad were both immigrants in London, which is where I was born and raised. And both my parents worked ever since I was a kid. And so I'd get dropped to daycare, get picked up in the evening. But what I remember is something you said, my mom would come and pick me up. And I still remember the look on her face when she'd pick me up. She'd have this big smile. She'd give me the biggest hug. She'd take me home. And we'd sit down together while she was cooking and we'd just talk to each other. And it's almost like I never had a lot of time with my parents growing up, but I felt so much presence.

1:01:13And I honestly believe today that I have so much love to give because my mom infused me with love. Like my mom just like, you know, bathed me in so much love. Totally. That it's so easy for me to be loving because I've always had infinite amounts of it from my mom. That's the best. Yeah. I couldn't imagine. I love on my kids so hard. They are so annoyed with me and I love it. What I find genuinely inspiring about you and the way you think and focus is that you want to be this incredible mom, but you also want to show the kids what a passionate purpose driven person looks like. And I think we forget that that's also parenting.

1:01:54Like Like I'm not a parent, but I can honestly say it that when I saw my mom working late at night and waking up early in the morning, I look back at my mom and I think my mom is a superwoman. Yeah. And I look back at that as inspiration. I hope my kids think that of me one day. They will. They will because they'll see that. And I think same with my dad. Like I saw my dad and how much he had to work. Yeah. And there was something powerful about that. I think I always like to show them like I drop my kids off at school and then I have two or three hours of law school. So I got to go. I'm on time because I have my school and they have been on the journey with me.

1:02:30They saw me take the bar exam. They saw me open my results and not pass multiple times. They saw me open up the results and pass. And I was crying and they felt my hard work and it paid off. I want to show them that finding a passion and working to me is something I love to do. And there's so much joy in that for me. And I want them to feel that positive experience. And I encourage that from them. Like I want to just show them as many positive experiences as I can and show them that, you know, you can work hard and you can love it. And I just try to live my life and be a good example for them.

1:03:13I think it comes through. And I do believe that like when I look back at my parents, all I can do is appreciate my mom. Like all I can do. I hope they do. Sometimes they tell me I'm the meanest mom in the world because I won't buy them Roblox every day. You know, it's like, I'm like, it's okay. I can be the meanest mom in the world. Yeah. You know, I think that's what moms do. Moms are willing to be anything their kids need them to be, even if it's that for a short period of time. Yeah. Yeah. Kim, you've been so gracious and kind with your time today. We end every On Purpose episode with a final five.

1:03:44The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever received or heard? Something that I've learned about time is just that we never have enough of time. So really be present and make the most of your relationships because we're not here very long and we have one life. Was there a moment that made you realize that or something that happened that made you realize that? I mean, I think when you lose a parent, you're always really mindful of time. And my mom talks about it all the time. I think she's like probably the one thing in life she's scared about, you know, and keeps her up at night sometimes.

1:04:25So just making sure that you make the most of everything because it'll go by so fast. Second question, what is the worst life advice you've ever received or heard? I think maybe the worst advice could be almost too much advice or too many opinions. If you really trust your gut and you do what you want to do, and if you're in your bubble, and when the world gets to that little piece of your bubble and there can be so many opinions, I think sometimes all of the conflicting advice can just be bad advice. that even if you're supposed to make your mistake and maybe do what you want to do with any bad piece of advice, that's still a part of your journey.

1:05:13So sometimes just do what you want to do and not take in all of the advice is really healthy. I think that's great. And don't ask for it in the first place. Yeah, I know. We all have that one friend who messages like 25 people with the same question. Totally. Yeah, definitely. Good answer. All right, question number three. If tomorrow, not wishing there's no intentions, no energy towards this, but if tomorrow you had to restart, what would you do? If tomorrow everything went away and you had to restart, what would you do business-wise? Like, how would that shift? I think I would probably be a lawyer and just focus on that and go to law school and focus on being an attorney full-time.

1:05:56Because? I just think the feeling of being able to help people is really powerful and necessary. And I would just focus on that. That's such a heartfelt answer. I love that. That's beautiful. I'm glad I asked you. I was like, yeah, I just feel like it's really interesting. I was having a conversation last night with a mutual friends of ours, Scooter Braun and we were together last night and we were talking about this idea about how we often think that our experiences make us who we are? Or is it that you are just going to be who you are anyway, because that's who you were meant to be? I think it's both.

1:06:35Yeah. Think about it. You can be the most talented person, but if you don't have that determination and drive, then what will become of it? You know, it's not just going to magically happen because you're talented. Of course. So I think so much of it is the effort and what you do with that and figuring that out and who you are and what you want to put out in the world. I guess my point is that I think you have that energy of wanting to be the best, of wanting to do things really well, of wanting to do things with that quality. And whatever you ended up doing with it, it would have been that. And it is that already.

1:07:11And I think in life, you have to, no matter, even if this isn't the job that you want, no matter what it is that you're doing, you have to be fully your best. You have to put in 200%. You have no idea who's paying attention. you're at that place exactly where you're supposed to be at that time. There's nothing worse than someone that doesn't want to give it their all, no matter what it is. And it could be, that's like, you know, business advice that I heard that always stuck with me and always was, even when I was working at a clothing store, I was so happy to be there. Organizing. I did my absolute best that I could, selling everything and steaming everything and hanging everything.

1:07:55And I think those experiences just show you what you want to do in your life, show other people really what you're made of. I'm just like a, I'm a really competitive person. So no matter what it is that I'm doing, I want to be the best at that. I want to learn everything about it. And I'm just a super curious person. Beautiful. Question number four, since we've been talking about values. what's something that you used to value that you no longer feel you value anymore definitely material designer things i used to value i mean

1:08:35stuff i live in an area where there would be fires a lot and there was probably four times we had to fully pack up the house everything out houses catching on fire property caught on fire like really close to losing everything. First time packed up my entire shoe and bag closet. And a lot of them, cause they were memory stuff from my dad, stuff in high school, but all designer stuff. Also videos, photos, whatever, digitized everything, put everything important somewhere else. Second pack up the designer stuff, but leave some, leave some of the clothes. You know, I don't really need all the clothes, but I packed a hotel for months, bags and every designer thing that I had had to come.

1:09:20Third time, leave all the bags and shoes. I don't, I don't need them. We got all the, we got all the photos. We got all the, my little blankie when I was little, you know, the kid stuff. Fourth time, leave everything. Me and my babies. That's all I need. You know, I have all my photos digitized. I have everything digital. We got our passports. We're good. Yeah. And that like evolution of like, they had to go in and get all my designer stuff or I'm not leaving my house. You know, it's going to catch on fire. And now I'm like, nothing is worth it. Nothing is important. And I think that comes from life experiences, scary experiences, things shaking you to your core to make you realize that nothing is important.

1:10:11You can't, I know everyone says this, but like you can't take it with you. None of it is important. Yeah. There's a beautiful Islamic proverb that says, detachment doesn't mean that you own nothing. It means that nothing owns you. And I feel so often we become owned by our dreams, our desires, our pursuits, our things. It doesn't mean that we have to give them all away or we don't have those things. It's just if and when we have to let go. Totally. are we willing are we able to let totally even with work stuff i mean it doesn't just have to be the material things like you said like your dreams and it's okay to be able to let go but work so hard to like the opposites are okay contradicting yourself a little bit in those ways yeah you know it's like in in relationships you can love a person miss a person so much but still have the wisdom to know they're not your person and you're better off not together.

1:11:14That like opposite connection with everything, I think is really important to have that awareness in everything in life, relationships, material things, all of that. Yeah. I officiated a wedding a few years ago and someone came up to me from the audience and and said to me, Jay, I realized from what you were saying that they'd just gone through a breakup recently. And they were saying, Jay, I realized that I love that person, but we didn't like each other anymore. And it was that essence of like, there'll always be that deep love for each other. Yeah. But we just don't. Like family, you know, like you love people and, And, but it's okay to, to feel a protection of a person, but then also protecting yourself and realizing when you have to and when it's time and it's okay to feel all of the opposite emotions.

1:12:12You know, I think as long as you're really well aware and go through the motions and feel things and don't hold things in, it's so important. whether it's breakups, deaths. I've always been really clear headed and gone through the feelings, gone through the emotions more in those relationships, more in those lifelong relationships that you hope for. And then also be okay and calm and realizing I've always been someone like, okay, my dad died. Why is this happening? What was his purpose here? And how are we going to grow and learn from this experience? And I always said that right when he passed.

1:13:00And I felt it and super emotional about it and cry all the time when great things happen that I wish he was here. But also I had a wisdom at a younger age to understand that this is a a part of our journey and a part of our like evolution. And this happens. And this is why you have to hold on to relationships even more precious, but don't let things destroy you at the same time. If that makes sense. Yeah, it does make sense. I can tell just from your energy. Like I just want everyone to know who's listening and watching. Often people can say something, but the time I've spent with you, even today, I can tell from your energy that you are content and you are at peace.

1:13:43and you are, I can feel that just, yeah, peace. Like that's what I'm with you. I sense peace. And I think doing an interview with someone just, it's a different environment that you, I remember when I interviewed Kobe Bryant and I almost felt like time stood still and his word that I saw with his energy was gravity. Like I just felt like everything was just, and then when I'm sitting with you, I'm feeling peace. And a lot of the time people try to find people when they're not at peace, hoping that someone else will put their pieces back together. You are at peace. Do you ever feel like you want to be in love again?

1:14:19Do you long for that? Or are you so at peace that that isn't a consideration? I think I'll always be a hopeless romantic and always want to be in love and definitely love sharing my life with someone and love creating a life with someone. I definitely will take my time and I think there's so many factors especially when you have kids and being mindful of people that enter in your life and if I can look at everything that I did wrong and try to not make the same mistakes and really take my time I think it just has to be different for me. You know, it's obviously such a hard place to be in because how do you go back?

1:15:07Who do you, you know, it's like, so there's so many factors, but I'll always believe in love and I'll always want that. And I think that's such a magical part of life, but I think I'm so comfortable taking my time to not rush it. There's so much going on that I'm not lonely. And I think that that is really important. And I believe, like I always believe, you know, and I think that, um, whatever's meant to be, will be. Fifth and final question of the whole interview. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Take your time. That's a good one. Just second chances and fairness.

1:15:57I think it could be something as simple as just whether it's in our system or judgment in life, just making sure that everyone had like a basic human right to what's fair, I think would change a lot in the system, would change a lot in life and a law for everyone to be kind. It's that simple. You think about like, all I want to do is raise kind, thoughtful, grateful, mindful human beings. Kim, thank you for being so open, so honest, so generous with your time. Everyone has been listening and watching. I hope you tag us both on Instagram, on TikTok, wherever you share your insights that you gained.

1:16:45I'd love to see what you took away from this podcast. I'd love to share that with both of us. Thank you for listening to On Purpose. I'll see you again next week. And Kim, thank you so much again for this energy of yours today and being so present with us. Thank you for having me. Thank you. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion. My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that.

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