LIZZO EXCLUSIVE: “Releasing The Weight Has Affected People” The Real Transformation Story She’s Never Shared Before

23:45when I say I've had the name Love and Real Life since September, October, 2023. And I didn't write the record Love and Real Life until maybe like February, 2024, because I had a very specific experience and I'd love to share it. I want to talk about it as much as I can. And I never like repeating stories because I just feel like everyone's different. And I'm like, let me give you something different, but this story was so life-changing. I told you, when I was in Japan, I was doing the best I can, but there was a huge scandal I was dealing with a lot. When I touched down in Los Angeles, it didn't hit me how deeply affected I was because I had been trying to be happy for everyone else.

24:34I had had my best friend was there with her kids, and I was trying to be happy for everybody. I was like, and I'm in Japan, I should be happy. So I was like, be happy. I got in LA. I had my first panic attack ever. I was in the car coming home from the airport. And I was like, something's wrong with my chest. I was like, okay. And I've dealt with anxiety for years, but this felt different. And I was like, okay, something's going on with my chest. And I was like, okay, do your anxiety protocol. And anxiety protocol wasn't working. Like breathing and the circular breath. And I was like, no, something is pressing on my chest.

25:08And I had this thought. I was just like, everybody hates me. Everybody hates me for something that isn't true. But at the end of the day, because of the position I'm in, everybody hates me and there's nothing you can do about it. And I was like, okay. I got into the house. I could barely walk. And I like collapsed by my bed and was like, oh, shit. I couldn't breathe. And I was like, and I was by the bed and I couldn't breathe. And something was pressing on my chest. And from then on, I had been in a state of depression because I didn't know how to fix it. I was so, and I'm not trying to make nobody feel bad for me, but man.

25:52And, whew, baby, I was dark and I was scared of people. I was like, you can't trust anyone. You can't love anyone. I don't want to talk to nobody, you know, because there was like a lot going on where like people were getting weird phone calls from people. And there was like weird like stuff going on that I had never experienced before. Because I was like, this is wild. This is a whole nother level of my job that I've never experienced. And so I was scared. And I was like, I'm going to go to this concert because I really wanted to go to the concert. And I was like terrified to go. I was like, I know I'm going to walk out and somebody's going to look at me and be like.

26:36And, you know, I was just like, and there's nothing you can do about it. But I went anyway. And, man, when I say it was the opposite. it. I walked out and I just seen so many people look at me and they were like, Lizzo, they were like, oh my God. They were like, come be here. I love you. I love you. And it was just people in a crowd and I was hugging them and they was hugging me. And I'm telling you, like people were, they were like, yes, yes. They were just like, it felt like me cheering me on being like, you did it. You know, you got over your fear. You got outside. You can trust people again.

27:13And you can love people. People do love you. You're okay. And you know what? There's something you can do about it. And you did it. You stepped outside. And I was like, this is the only thing that's real. You can't get this kind of love on the internet. You can't. You absolutely can't. And I thought I could for years, years, because I built my platform on the validation of sharing myself and being myself with the internet and being embraced and being shown love. And I was like, this is love. No, love is in real life. And I felt it from not, I won't even say they're fans of my music, just people.

27:54Oh, it was the most life-saving thing. And I was like, I have to name my album Love in Real Life because I know I'm not the only person. I know I'm not the only person who sits on their phone and creates a version of themselves or is told by the world who they are and starts to believe it, even if it's not really who you are. You're like, maybe I am not good enough. Maybe I'm not pretty. Maybe I'm not cool. And it's like, no, this is a lie. This may be a reflection of some things and some real things do happen on here. And I love the internet. I'm a child of the internet. I get down with social media.

28:33But I also know that if your only sense of self and your only form of validation is coming from social media or coming from your phone or coming from a text back or coming from a dating app, it's not going to fill you up like being in the real world and building community with people and getting over your fear of it because it is scary. And so I've held that title and I was like, I wrote like four love in real lives until I finally settled on the party stadium version. I said, why is this one so lit? Like I wrote these deep emotional ones and then I wrote this one and I was like, well, that's Lizzo.

29:09And I think that was when I just realized, oh, this is who I am. I go through this really, really tough shit, man. And it's fine because I have learned to use my alchemy and turn it into gold and turn it into meaningfulness and like acts of rebellious joy that people can use in the world. And I'm cool with it. That's my mission. Yeah. I love that. I love that. One of of the things that I think you talked about there, which is so powerful is you go through something really difficult. On the other side of it, there's this love in real life. But in between, there's the depression, the darkness, the isolation, the worry, the fear.

29:50And we all go through that. We all experience at some point in our life, we're almost feeling like we have to hide. We feel like you said, I don't know who to trust, who to love. Will people accept me? How did you go through that? Like what was that timeline like? Like what did it look like when you woke up? What did you do that helped? What did you, who supported you? How did it look? Man. Because that's hard. I inadvertently set a lot of boundaries at that time. And it was more like defenses because I was so afraid of people that even the people that I was close to, I just, I set up these boundaries and I, and I disappeared into myself.

30:32I'm not even going to sit up here and lie and be like, I handled it perfectly. I didn't. I didn't. It was very messy. And I was hurt by people that I loved. And I hurt people that I loved at the time. And I'm talking about the depression period. I'm not talking about me as a boss. I'm not talking about work. No, I'm talking about October 2023. to now. And I fought really, really hard for myself. And sometimes when you fight, it get real messy. I was scrapping. I was fighting for my life. There was times when it was like, you want to die? Okay, well, just die. Nobody will care. And I was like, Like, oh, I'm talking to myself like that?

31:31When did this happen? I'm like, love yourself. I'm like, stay positive. I'm like, no, you have to live. You have to live for your mommy. You have to live for me. And it was like, no, bitch, you want to die? Die. Like, this is the time to do it because everyone will hate you and nobody cares. And I think that defensiveness isolated me really bad. But there's something about isolation that turns into solitude, that turns into introspection, that turns into I am sitting alone with myself and I can finally see her. I was covered up by so much that I couldn't see myself. I was blinded by, you know, all these people in my space telling me who I am.

32:19I was blinded by my career, standing on stage and 20 ,000 people saying, I love you. You're amazing. I'm like, okay, thank you. Like, I got to push through. And I was never alone. I was never alone. Even when I was at home, I'd be like, you want to come over? Let me throw something. Let me throw a pool party. Let me have people come over and drink wine. Like, maybe it was a fear of being alone with myself. Maybe it was a lack of self-awareness. But in that isolation, where I think my defensiveness had pushed off and pushed away the people I love the most, I pushed them all away. I got to sit with this person and I saw the things that other people saw sometimes that aren't the coolest or the nicest or that I'm the most proud of.

33:14I'm like, you're moody. You're uncomfortable. comfortable. You forgot who you are. You forgot why you're here. And I think that during that time, I embraced that part of myself. It's like, okay, you're moody, be in a mood, but what do you need to do to make yourself feel better in that mood? And what can you do to protect yourself in that mood and protect others? Sit by yourself, bitch, read a book, learn how to finally consistently meditate, exercise, get some fresh air, get in the sun. And it was like, I forced myself to do that shit. That shit is not easy. I didn't want to exercise at first.

33:57Hell no. But I got one, got that cardio machine. And I was like, I never regret moving my body. I never regret it. I started, it's an anxiety technique. It's like you focus on your senses. Like, what can I smell? What can I taste? What can I see? What can I feel? And I started doing that, not intentionally. I'm not a genius when it comes to this shit. I just started doing it. I was like, what are you eating? What are you putting in your body? You're putting things in your body that's making you sick. You know, what are you doing on a daily basis? You're bed rotting and that's fine sometimes, but also when you're always doing it, your body doesn't move.

34:35You know, what are you looking at? What are you watching on TV? I had to throw my phone away. I'm about to throw my phone away. I'm like, oh God, it writes itself. I threw my phone away. I did not look at it. I told my team, I said, anything I need to post or anything I want to post, you post it for me. I don't want to look at that shit no more. And that was hard too because I love the internet, but it's doing a lot of things that are hard

35:04to finally be like, this is who I am And I need to become, I need to love her and I need to make her the best version of myself. Because guess what? Even after all this shit, even after looking at this aspect of myself that I was like, wow, that's not my favorite part of myself. You know, after all the things I've been through, all the relationships that have come and gone in my life, I still deserve it. I really do. And it's all I have. And it's all I motherf***ing got. Sorry for cussing. is all I got. Yeah. Because what are you going to sit up and you're going to beat yourself up for the rest of your life about anything that could have happened or any misunderstanding or any, you know what I'm saying?

35:50Well, you're going to have a miserable life. Do you want a miserable life? I sat and had to ask myself that. I'm like, do you want to be miserable? Do you want to feel bad? Or do you want to get back to doing what you do? And I was like, damn it, I got to do what I do. I got to. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality and a burst of brightness to your day.

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37:16So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. whatever we've been through everyone's been through a feeling like that where they've just gone yeah i just i don't think i can do it anymore i don't think i can do it again and and one thing you said there and i know we were talking about steve jobs earlier steve jobs always talked about how there's such a need to disconnect from the outer noise to hear your inner voice and so you can't really hear your inner voice unless the outer noise and when you're talking about throwing your phone away and disconnecting and sometimes when we're pushing away the outer noise we might not do it in the most graceful way.

38:04Yeah. Because we've realized that tension between like, oh, but I was used to that noise being my voice. Yes. And now that noise isn't what I want to hear. And now I actually have to find my voice. Now I actually have to like discover it again. I have to like figure out what it's even saying and what it sounds like, right? That's where you had to go through that process. That's hard because it's such, it can feel so lonely. And it can feel so isolating, as you said. As you're dealing with that and you're kind of tipping your toe back into doing what you love, and you go out and you have that moment that you said, like, love in real life.

38:42And I love the way you explained that. I'm glad you told that story. When I hear you, I feel the same way. It's like, when you go out in the real world, people aren't shouting that stuff that they shout on the internet. No. No one's commenting the thing that you heard in the comment section. You're not hearing that when you're out and about. You're seeing real people have real reactions And there's this look in their eyes That we all feel and the energy How did it feel after that day? Was it from that day you were like Alright now I feel more confident Or do you still go back and forth sometimes?

39:11Hell nah I'm not even there now Like even you being like Oh my gosh My wife is such a huge fan And we've wanted you on the show for a while I was like really? Like I don't It's true I don't believe it fully And I don't feel it fully And I don't know what that is Maybe it's from like, you know, I was like a kind of a nerdy kid in high school and I was especially middle school. And I was like, you know, teased in middle school real bad. And like maybe it's that like I'm not cool mentality that like never goes away because those are such formative years. So please be nice to people in high school because it really shapes your whole life.

39:49It made me cool. It made me a diamond. But I still struggle with believing love and believing I am worthy of love and believing that I am loved. I think that those are motifs that are definitely still difficult for me and I can throw little tantrums about, but that's on me. I need to sit back. Honestly, putting it all out here, I'll be on the internet sometimes talking noise and it's my insecurities. And I own that. I want to be more careful with that because of the position that I'm in now, the responsibility I have now in the state of the internet now. I can't just be projecting my insecurities on the internet.

40:34I think there is a more responsible way to do it to where people understand me more and that people know where I'm coming from and I can make it more of a personal thing instead of these blanket statements and because it sounds like it's coming from a place of anger but it's really not but it's just coming from these insecure moments that I have sometimes where I feel like man I feel like misunderstood and I feel like people don't get me and I feel like people don't see me and I'm like how do I express myself in a way where you get me and you feel me and you see me and like I want you to know and I'm working on it.

41:08So before you would say it and now you're reflecting. Um, yes. Before I would say it, when I say before, I mean like a couple of weeks ago. I'm still, I'm, man, I'm human, man. I am. I'm really in this thing. Human flesh and blood is so wild. But like, I think that I'm also human enough to admit where I could be better. and those are the places where I could be better. I was in that giant sound bowl banging that thing because it kept me from going on Twitch. It kept me from going on Blue Sky or going on, you know what I'm saying, TikTok and just, because that's not the place for it anymore. I think there's enough going on in the world.

41:49There's enough to be outraged about. There's enough pain circulating on the internet. I don't need to share my pain. I need to share my joy. I need to share my love. I'm a very blessed person. I get to make music for a living. I have people who love me. I have people who've never met me who love me because of the music that I make. And I get to travel all over the world and connect with those people and touch those people. I can support my family financially. As a fat Black woman who was born in Detroit and raised in Houston, Texas, the odds were stacked against me and I beat the odds and I'm here and I'm surviving and thriving in this world, I am grateful.

42:28And I think that my position is to always show that gratitude. I want to live in a constant state of gratitude and I want to emit that. And I want to just really show the world love at all times. They don't need no more darkness. There's enough darkness in the world. It don't need to come from somebody like me. If I get insecure sometimes, call your mama. call your mama you know what i'm saying like girl so that's that's where i'm growing as a person and i'm and i'm proud of the person i'm becoming yeah well liz i was gonna say i think it's your music but it's also because you mean something to people you know like you've done like when i think about my wife and what i was sharing with you earlier it's because you mean something to her when i was talking about helena my producer it's because you mean something to her like I think you mean something to people it's beyond just they love your music for sure but you mean something to people and I think that that's why like you said when we were at school it was all about whether you were cool and whether you were trendy and whether you were you know the girl or guy or whatever it was but it's almost like it's even beyond that yeah you mean something it's beyond being cool and relevant I think that's where like a lot of my points of depression were coming from because I had been so fearlessly myself for years.

43:56The person that you saw was the person that you got. That was really me. And that is really me. The issues that I spoke about, I really care about. The issues I stood up for, I really want to see change in. It really matters to me. The platforms that I give people, that's real. All of that is real. And I think what I learned about fame is even if that's really me, it just becomes kind of like a fictional story that it's a character, it's a brand, it's a thing that now doesn't belong to you anymore. And when it got changed, that was what really my sense of self. Cause I was like, well now the person that you know the world is saying I am that's not even me and that's shadow work I was like that's like some shadow self that was created out of me not being precautious and careful and protecting myself but I think that it really depresses me to feel like it's not me anymore.

45:06Whoever Lizzo is to the world is not really even me. And that disconnect is depressing. And I think the only remedy to that is continuing to be myself. That's the only time. I just have to continue to be me and people will see me for who I am. But I think for a long time, I was really depressed about like, oh damn, like now there's this like fake character now. There's like this like, and, and, and, you know, I can't blame or judge people for believing it, for believing that's who I am. I can't because I will be in the same position, you know? So I take the fact that I mean something to people very seriously.

45:58I take it to heart. And it's why I have moved the way that I have moved my entire career. And it's why when things happened, I would speak on it. I would take accountability. It's why I did those things because I know that. And I think when it was out of my control and someone else could tell a story about me that wasn't true and people believed it, it crushed me because I know that I mean something to people. And it's why I'm careful to this day. I'm never going to stop being careful. If anything, I'm more careful now. I can't just let any author into my life who can make me a villain. I can't do that anymore because I am the author and I'm taking back my narrative by continuing to tell my story from me.

46:45And thank you for giving me the opportunity to do that. No, of course. I think everyone deserves that. Everyone needs that. And I think it's also hard when the things that you stand for are the same things that you're being scrutinized for, right? It's like, that's, that's what's so hard about it. It's like when you stand for inclusivity and empowerment, being questioned for those same things is, is like so painful and it kind of like dismantles your whole identity even for yourself. Yeah. So I can imagine that's really hard. And that's why I think everyone needs an opportunity and a platform to be able to do that.

47:18But it feels like, strangely, like, it's this thing now where it's like, okay, if I stand up for inclusivity, it's invalidated. If I stand up for Black women, it's invalidated. If I stand up for body positivity and fatness and stand up against fatphobia, it's invalidated because of that. And I was like, wow, that's convenient. Like, these are the things I truly believe in. I'm not about to just pick up some new causes because it's the thing to do. I was a political and very vocal activist artist before it was the trend, before teams were telling artists to speak up. Like, I was just doing it because I wanted to.

47:58It's an uncomfortable position to be in right now because I also know I have a responsibility to, like I said, only bring love. And I think me speaking on certain things, or even if I feel like I'm advocating for something, it's kind of creating more hate and chaos than what I intended. So it's just like, sometimes you just got to shut the shut up. And that's hard too, because you really care about it, right? I think that's the challenge. It's like, you keep doing something because you really care about it. That's why you started in the first place. But then sometimes you're like, well, maybe it'd be smarter for me to not comment on it because it's safer.

48:35And not just safer for me, but safer for the public. I don't want to create divisiveness. I really don't. There's enough discourse. There's enough division. And I think that me doing something that I thought was for a good cause or from the goodness of my heart, if it's taken and creates negative discourse where people are going back and forth, I won't say nothing. I won't say nothing at all. Don't worry about me. You don't got to worry about me at all. Don't you worry, honey. And before you would have, that wouldn't have been your reaction, right? Before? No, because I feel like there was no opposition.

49:15I feel like when I spoke up, the only opposition was the opposition to the cause. I think now when I speak up for something, there's opposition to me. It's like, ah, bad messenger. Good, right message, bad messenger. And I'm like, oh, you know what? Valid. Absolutely valid. As a famous person or a celebrity right now, this is what I signed up for. And I'm like, so I'm not complaining. I can't complain. Do it. I'm going to just be quiet because I understand that it's creating more confusion than solution. And I'm a solutionary. I'm a solutionary. I like to bring solutions. I like to only speak up if I know it's going to help in some way.

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50:45Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered, and start listening. I like that. Solutionary. Yeah. Solutions, not confusion. That is definitely, I like that. And that's a great way for all of us to think about stuff. Yeah. In our own personal life, whether it's public or not, it's like, is me speaking creating more confusion? Or is it actually getting us more clarity? Is it actually pushing us in the right direction? Have you felt, you were saying like, obviously, when you go through something like this, you've got to become more careful about, you were saying you don't want someone else to become an author of your journey.

51:19It's like picking the people that are close to you becomes harder and harder and harder. Has that been like a real focus for you in surrounding yourself with the right frequency and vibration? And how do you do that? I don't have any new people in my life anymore. And I'm very careful about, and honestly, a lot of relationships that I had are gone. And it's not like bad, it's just like, I just, I stopped chasing. because I, how do I say this? How do I say this? I see the good in everyone. And I have seen the good in some really kind of like broken people who have been, have done harmful things, but I always see the potential.

52:10I always see the good. And it's like, it's like that inner child in me that's like, oh my gosh, I can help them, but they are good. And I think that when they would do harmful things to me, I had a sense of forgiveness and understanding. And I would be like, I know that's not you. And so I would chase and pursue that relationship. And I'm not talking about romance. I'm talking about people I worked with. I'm talking about friends who were also people I worked with. I was like, I was hiring my best friends, you know? And I would kind of see past it. And meanwhile, I was allowing something potentially nefarious or not good for me into my space, right?

52:54So I realized, and I think people all over the world, when you put up a boundary that protects yourself and you stop chasing the people who continually hurt you, you'll find that pretty soon they'll be gone. And you'll be like, wait a minute, I was keeping this afloat the whole time? It was me? And so when I isolated, a lot of people just sailed away. And I opened my eyes and was like, who's left? And the people that are left are, you know, my best friend who I've known since like fourth grade. You know what I'm saying? And I love her and I cherish her. My boyfriend, you know, and I'm just like, wow, this is cool.

53:52I don't need to pursue anything or anyone anymore. I'm full. And I think that comes from that isolation. And I think it comes from appreciating the people that you have. And from like a business perspective, when you're friends with somebody and you hire them, it's just like it gets the power dynamic. It's up the relationship. It's up the social structure of the relationship. And it's something that, you know, I wanted to do when I was younger. I was like, yeah, it puts money in my friend's pockets. Like, let's go. Let's turn up. Let's see the world. And it was, you know, something I loved. but then I also realize it's not fair to them to be their boss and their friend and that will help keep things just clean yeah I just want and like I said simple solutions I don't want no more confusion ever again I want my friends to be my friends and I want my employees to be my employees yeah this is this is so real and I appreciate how like real you're being about it and how direct it is because I do think that it's, A, it's glorified to be like, we should be like a family and everything should be really close.

55:02And I think that's like idealized, it's glorified. Like, that's what people talk about. And I think recently, a lot of people have been talking about how teams should not actually operate as families. They should operate as teams, like teams, like a sports team. There's a coach, there's players. The way they operate is like, there's camaraderie, there's collaboration, but there's an energy of like, no, we're playing here to win. That's the goal of a team is to win. The goal of a family is not to win. The goal of a family is to just be safe. And wait a minute, but we're at work to win and do stuff.

55:31We have results and targets. Families don't have targets. Families don't have results. Families don't have goals. The goal of a family is just to stay together. And you can see how it plays on our minds. And I've had that too. Like I used to think that teams should be family too. And there's a family energy And I'm like, that's great. But it's like, there's just a different value system to a team and a family. And I think there's so much to be said for this that you only learn by going through it. You don't know this when you start. Like I think about how much I've had to learn moving into this space for myself, doing this for the last 10 years.

56:05It's like, I didn't know. I've never built a team before. And just because I'm good at one thing doesn't mean I know everything about everything. And I think there's a lot of pressure on artists, creators musicians to know about everything yeah when your talent is kind of like here right yes it's like your talent is music and creation artistry and storytelling and so you make everything music and creation artistry and you're like oh this should be a creative space and this should be lax and everyone's like no man this is a well-oiled machine if lizzo is the brand that's a company. You know what I mean?

56:40It's like everybody has their role and it's just like, know your role and stay in your lane. That's something that I've learned. I don't know. I'm not out of it, man. I'm still learning what's coming next, but I'm so grateful to God because this experience, and I'm not just talking about the scandal. I'm talking about the last two years of my life, the last all of this, and has prepared me for, I think, something so incredible that I needed to be ready for, that I needed to be this way for. You know what I mean? because I was holding on to a lot of toxicity. I really was because that's just the kind of like, and I'm not even talking about toxicity within myself.

57:34I mean, like toxic systems and structures and people. I held on to them because I was just like, I'm a Taurus, you know, I'm very loyal. I'm just like, till the wheels fall off. And it's like, man, let go and flow. And I think that I had to learn that, Like God tried to show me this so many ways. It was like, knock me over the head. I was like, yeah, but that person was just mean. Knock me over the head. Yeah, but that was just a misunderstanding. Knock me over the head. It was like, yeah, wake up. Wake up. Let go. You know, when you can't let go, you hold on to things that weigh you down. And I'm not even trying to talk bad about nobody because I feel like people needed to let me go too.

58:20Honestly, there are some relationships and dynamics that I know that like I was keeping them back from greatness. Do you know what I mean? Or not even less greatness, keeping them back from just like living. You know what I mean? Living for themselves. And it's not my job to think about that. But I will say it's not just a one-way street. I'm not sitting up here being the victim and being like, I had to do this for me. It's like, no, man, it's mutual. There's somebody out there whose story is like, yeah, I had to let go. And now I'm flowing and things are coming to me that are meant for me. You know, I'm not just holding on to this situation that's starting to whoop my ass.

58:55You know, I'm aware of that. Yeah. So it sounds like this was the headspace from which the music was created. Absolutely. Like all of this. Yeah. I was so angry. I was like so, like, I was so angry from like October to January. I just have a lot of angry songs. And I was like, get it out. Talk your shit. I had some songs that were very like, that are very dark, you know, and I left them on the album because I was like, I just think that people deserve to know. And like, it's songs about loss. Like, I lost my dog, Puka, 20 years. You know, she was like a grandma to me, you know, and that was really hard.

59:33I wrote a song for her and I have like songs about like just friendships that ended that really hurt me. And I was like, leave it. You know, I had this one song I wrote and like I hadn't slept in like 48 hours. And it was like during one of the worst like mental breakdowns I've ever had in my life. Like I had the studio scheduled the next day and I hadn't slept. And I was like tear stained face and like musty clothes. I was like, I'm going to go to the studio. I'm going to go. And I went and I wrote this incredible song and I'm like, leave it. Leave it. You know, you owe yourself that. You don't always have to write perfect, polished pop hits.

1:00:15You can have songs about your real experience that you didn't go in and edit on this album. But then I wrote Love and Real Life in like February. And I was like, huh. I was like, this feels good. This feels familiar. And I started to realize my purpose. My purpose, like I said, is to turn this pain into champagne and help other people through it. I can't just sit and be sad for 12, 15 songs. I got to give people something to step to, something to march to, something to perk themselves back up. I didn't do it because I forced myself to. I did it because that was just the place I was at now. I had written so many sad songs So many mad songs So many wrong songs That like I could finally focus on What's right and what feeds my soul And so some of those songs made it onto the album Some of them didn't Some of them were just A lot of them didn't A lot of them I'm like Like you'll never hear this one Never hear the light of day But you still had to make it to let go of that emotion That feeling There was a part of it that allowed you to shed Certain things you were carrying And that's one thing I will tell any artist it's like make the song it's not like once you record it it's gonna go on the radio tomorrow it's not gonna be on dsps at midnight write the song say the lyrics say the weird thing people desperately want to hear the weird thing and then write another song and if you you know what i'm saying like that's part of the how do i describe this i always say like there's some sort of stream of creation going always and ideas like are coming out like fish it's so wild and so you're always kind of like when when you sit down and cast your net to create whether it's painting whether it's writing whether it's music whatever dance you cast that line and whatever that fish is you catch that fish you pull it out and that's it you gotta pull the fish out you can't be like I caught the fish, but I can't say that.

1:02:23Or I caught the fish, but I don't like this genre of music. I can't make a classical twerk song. Yes, you can. Make the classical twerk song, pull the fish out, and go fishing again. Cast your line again. You know what I'm saying? What do they say? It's full of fish, plenty fish in the sea.

1:02:42I love what you said about how creativity is a stream. And that's why the word stream is actually so beautiful. because you're right that we're all pulling from the universe of moments of creativity and mixed with our experience. It's almost like one layer is the stream of creativity in the universe and the other is the experience of real life of what we're going through. And great art is made when those two things are moving in parallel and you're able to like connect the dots between the two. And it seems like that's what you've been trying to stream and channel and put it together. How has your view on love changed through this process?

1:03:16Like when you look at the word love now. I'm such a better lover now. I worked really hard and I can't remember. It was like 2017. I was really deep in it and I had like candles and I was reading books and I was trying to understand what it means to be an unconditional lover because love with conditions hurt really bad. really bad. And I was like, please, I want to learn how to be an unconditional lover. And once I had all the crystals and all the candles and all the prayer and all the reading, and I was like, I get it. I get unconditional love. I realized that actually, as a human being, I'm incapable of unconditional love.

1:04:03We are. I think on a spirit level, vibrationally, we are unconditional love. And I think that is why it's hard to try to be an unconditional lover because it's not something that you can actively do. You just are. But when you tap back into your flesh, that's when the conditions come right back in. And I found that when I choose to love and flow, that is the most unconditional part. When I love on a material level, that's when the conditions start to come in and it gets painful and it gets petty and it gets weird. But every time I forget, because we're going to forget, we are human beings. We step back into the flesh every morning when we wake up.

1:04:46I have to go back to the flow. And I remind myself, I'm like, well, how would you feel if they did that to you? What would you think? And I go, oh. And I empathize and I understand. And it's so much easier for me now to accept. Because I think love is acceptance. You know what I mean? One of my favorite phrases to tell myself and others is like, I love and accept you for who you are. I love and accept you for who you are. And sometimes when people piss me off, I go, I love and accept them for who they are. I love and accept them. I have to remind myself that I do on a very soul level, on a vibrational level, I love them and accept them for who they are.

1:05:26Once I get into the material of it, ah, you f***ed up my day, or why would you say that to me? Or why would you do this to me? It starts to get real conditional and painful and pain body and hateful and drama and mess. I don't want no drama and I don't want no mess. I really don't anymore. And honestly, I was addicted to it for a long time. Oh my God. I love reality TV. I loved hearing gossip about other, I would be like, oh my God, what happened? What happened? Oh my God. Like I was very spunky. You know what I mean? And I realize, oh, that's like, you know, I see something online. I'm like, I go down the rabbit hole.

1:06:04I'm like, but what happened? I want to know that drama. And it's like, girl, that is lowering your vibration. And like, I hate to even say lowering vibration because people don't think it's woo-woo. It's like, I'm literally lowering my waking state by doing that. You're lowering yourself. And then you start to attract drama. Oh my God. When you are what you eat, when you eat drama, you attract motherfucking drama. So well said. I was so addicted to it. And I think like now I'm a better lover and what I understand about love is love is like there's no drama. It's like calm water. It's like peaceful water because love is a flow state.

1:06:46Yeah. You're at your best. You love at your best when you're just flowing. Don't try to understand it. Don't try to make it make sense and don't try to like find problems with it. Just like love them. You know, and be loved. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year.

1:07:27Prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer on my birthday at the age of 45. Found out my cancer has spread to my pelvic bone. And from there, life just changed. About one in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during their lifetime. And the risk increases with age. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. And the only thing I could think about was, who's going to take care of my family? You have to go out there and build your support system. You got to build your team. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health.

1:08:11Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered, and start listening.

1:08:22Yeah, I love that flesh to flow. That's really good. Because it's so good. I love what you're saying because I think about this often where we're all like, be kinder to everyone. And then the next thing you need is someone's comment section, which is like, why does her voice sound like that? What's up with her hair today? Like, what's up with his? You know, and I'm like, wait a minute. Didn't we all just say we needed to be kinder to each other and kinder to ourselves? And we'll be like, oh no, mental health is the most important thing in society right now. You look at a comment section, all of a sudden, and someone's mental health is being absolutely destroyed for things they can't even control.

1:08:58Things that you don't even know why their voice sounds like that or why their weight's like that or why their health's like that. You just have no context. And it's so fascinating to me that you see this complete quarrel and hypocrisy of constant, like just everything we're saying, we're finding it hard to live. Like it's hard to see in real life. Like what you just said, like we all love reading about gossip about someone else's life, someone else's dating scenario. but then if your friends are gossiping about your life you're like can you believe it they're spreading rumors about me and it's so interesting right it's like it's and I think about it all the time because as soon as you think you're free of it if you're like oh no I never gossip about anyone or whatever and you just got to take a beat and take a look at how you spoke about someone yesterday and so we're constantly like you said we're all human we're constantly trying to propagate and preach the right thing to do but we're all struggling in reality with actually doing it when it's hard.

1:09:51We are as kind to others as we are to ourselves. I'm learning that. I'm learning the people who say the meanest things to me and about me are going through it. They struggling too. How are you going to be nice to me and say something nice about me when you talk down about yourself? And I don't even mean like people who have low self-esteem. I'm talking like, oh, stupid. Why did I do that? I'm so stupid. Or like, oh, I look bad. Like, I don't like how I look like, oh, I hate myself. Like it's little things like that, that you say over and over and over and over and your body's like bet, you know?

1:10:26And that's why I'm so, man, I'm telling you, self-love can save the world because it starts with you. Self-love could make this world a better loving place. Because when you're kind, you notice the people who are kind to themselves and love themselves, they just, you're like, oh, I like being around. You're so kind. You're so nice. It's like, why are you so nice to me? It's like, because I'm nice to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's real. But when I'm hard on myself and when I'm striving for perfection and when I'm beating myself up and when I'm doing the most, I can't control how I treat other people or how I look at other people or what I think about other people.

1:11:07When I'm in the trenches, the trenches are surrounding me. Now that I'm kinder to myself, and that doesn't even mean like, ooh, I put on lotion every day and self-care. I mean like, man, like the way I look at the world, the way I view the world, the way I view myself through the lens of the world is kinder. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, for sure. And I think if everyone was a little kinder to themselves, I think we'd have less and less of the negativity in the world. I agree. I think that's a beautiful way to put it. It's that projection of our own insecurity and pain and the conversation that's happening in our mind is going outward as well.

1:11:43And I feel like it's harder, like we were talking about earlier, when you mean something to people, because I feel like when you then change, people feel like they're losing a friend, right? It's like when you transform, then people feel like, oh, but you used to be the girl that watched the reality TV and talked about it. Now you don't, like I'm losing you. Oh, you used to be the person who didn't do that And didn't do that And now you are Like I feel like I'm losing you Have you ever felt that way before? Like as you're transforming As you're growing As you're becoming the person you want to be That people can often also feel like You're leaving them behind People feel like they're grieving a friend Yes Yes I would say We could talk about my personal life Because On a personal level I do feel like There's just people who like Our relationship just grew apart Because we just don't even relate On the same things anymore You know I know a lot of people be like, oh, I grew out of that.

1:12:37It's not really you grew out of it. You just grew apart from it. And that's fine. But I would say on my public relationship, I'm very careful about what's happening with me right now. Like I have been on an intentional weight release journey and I put it on the internet. I posted about it like maybe a year and a half ago. And I was like very clear that this time it's intentional. I've always been very like work athletic online. I work out, you know, I'm always like, you know, eating and showing how I eat and like always trying to like eat healthy. And I remember once I started becoming famous, like 2018, 2019, I was, and I was like a big girl.

1:13:21And I was like, it's going to be on me to show the world that big girls can also be healthy. Big girls can also have stamina. Big girls can also be loved. Big girls can also be sexy, et cetera, et cetera. All the things that I stood for. And I told people that I was going on an intentional weight release journey because I wanted to be transparent in that way. Because I do feel like I have a relationship with the public where it's like, I am their friend and And it is relatable. You know what I mean? It is relatable to struggle with your body. So I put it out there. And I think over the last year and a half, as I've been doing it, my body has been changing very slowly.

1:14:04But I don't think people were paying attention. I would show different things like, oh, I showed my workouts. Or I'd show what I eat in a day. Or I would say, I started off the year by being like, hey, new year, new me trends don't have to be toxic. Please be careful when you're posting about your January fitness goals because it can be very fat phobic. Like I was still very like anti-fat phobia on this entire journey. But I think that, you know, we got to remember everybody not seeing your shit all the time. Everybody not seeing every video you post. Everybody's not privy to what you're going through.

1:14:36They're not with you every day. So when I pop out on a red carpet or when a video suddenly goes viral and my body's different, it appears like it was overnight. It appears sudden. And I think that was shocking to a lot of people because now the headline is Lizzo Skinny, which is a far cry from the truth because I'm not. I'm not. And even in my original video, I was like, when I reach my weight release goal, I'm not going to be considered thin by any means, by any metric, by any BMI. I will still get trolled and talked about and the fat jokes will still be there, but I'll be happy. And I said that because I meant it.

1:15:17And here I am. And I was like, how did y 'all, how are y 'all, how, where's the disconnect? But I think the disconnect is communication. Yeah, yeah. That's such a good point. I've been so transparent. So if anyone wanted to look at my paper trail, it's there. But I also know that they're not going to, and my responsibility as someone who has this relationship with the public and they have it with me is to continue. I'm not going to stop and get defensive and be like, God, I did for a second. I was like, I'm not skinny. Why are y 'all saying that? And that kind of baffled me because it's just like, if y 'all knew how much I weighed, if y 'all knew what my body really looked like, and I was like, oh, just show them what your body looks like.

1:15:57Just be real about it. Just be real about the body dysmorphia that you're experiencing now, that you have released some weight that's kind of new to you, like, you know, that is also like, it's strangely inverse, like show them, just show them your journey more, just continue to do it instead of being angry and defensive about it. Be real about it because that's what your friend loves about you. And that's what you love about your friend, that you can be real. You know, I'm still in it because this is all very new. Like, I think it's now just starting to be like a point of conversation and discourse.

1:16:33And I think my responsibility with that is to make sure that it's still me. Oh, that's beautiful. That's beautiful the way you explained that. I love, first of all, I really appreciate the empathy that you have in the fact that everyone's not seeing everything. So it feels like overnight. It feels like a shock. And the fact that you even have the foresight to even think through that shows just how aware you are. But at the same time, I really appreciate how you're using the word weight release and not loss. Yeah. And talk to us about that because I think that's really important. It's such an interesting reframe and such an important reframe.

1:17:04Because the weight that is no longer on me is not just fat or physical. I released so much to get to this point. And I think people can see that. And I don't want to describe anything as loss. I'm not experiencing any loss. I've actually gained so much. I've gained a sense of self. I gained a lifestyle that I actually really love. And I'm like, I can maintain this. I've gained new perspectives on nutrition and the science behind cardio or weightlifting. It's exciting to me. That's that Virgo moon. I'm like, this is interesting. I love science. But yeah, I just think that people aren't going to understand this right now, but it's the most body positive way to experience what I'm going through.

1:17:59I don't want to use any negative terms. Weight loss is like, girl, I lost weight. And it's so funny because my man, he's so funny. He was the one who kind of brought it to my attention at first. Because at first I was like, oh my gosh, I lost five pounds. He was like, where did it go? I was like, what? And I was mad at him. I was like, why would he say that? But he's like, where did it go? You know, I was like, oh, interesting. You know, it's like, I don't think I want to lose anything. I think I want to win. I think I want to gain. And I think that like, I want to be very intentional with the words that come out of my mouth because there's young people who are watching me and they're experiencing, you know, what I'm putting into the world and they're applying it to their own experience and their own life, just like I did when I was a kid.

1:18:46You know, I saw how the media treated people who gained and lost weight and how that affected my brain chemistry and how it made me. I'm still not perfect. Like, you know, I'll still mess up when I'm talking about things or I'll still have some toxic, you know, diet culture things that come in my brain. I just swat it away like a fly. I'm like, no, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. You know what I mean? Like, this is your body. You only get one of these. Enjoy her and let her enjoy you. So I just want to be very careful with my words and intentional. Yeah. And it's not for me. Because if this was all for me, you know, I take this being a public figure very by heart.

1:19:27But if we was sitting alone and we was drinking tequila, I'd be like, well. But it's like, no, like, be careful with your words because it could affect somebody in ways you don't even know. Even me releasing the weight has affected people. And I take that seriously. I take that responsibility. and so because of that i want to transmute it into something that makes those people feel comfortable you know and feel like okay less less afraid of it you know what i mean and understand it more lizo it has been an absolute joy talking to you oh my god you are easy to talk to you're so much fun i can tell that you've sat with everything you're saying for so long yeah when i'm listening to you i can hear the reflection in your voice i can hear the like yeah the weight in what you're saying for yourself and for others.

1:20:13And I really respect that because that's actually the hardest part. The hardest part is sitting in no man's land or no person's land and just figuring it out. And I can tell that you've spent so much time there reflecting, doing the inner work, pushing, healing, questioning, taking responsibility, doing the shadow. Like that's, that's hard. And I just want to acknowledge that because I, I see you for that. I feel it in your words i i hear it it's very evident to me that you're someone who's really working on that yeah that is the hardest work on the planet to do on an individual level like don't nobody want to sit around thinking about how they f***ed up you know because then you'll just beat yourself up but i did it anyways and i was like i'm going to beat myself up until i end up becoming the best version of myself.

1:21:06And it was really hard. And I only share it because I know that someone else might be going through it. Like go through it. Don't try to like stop the journey. You know, you do have to sit and reflect. You do have a, you are, you are the only person in control of you. You know what I mean? And you have to take responsibility for that. And I think that like, it feels good because then no one else can control your story. No one else can control your joy. I am the author. of my story. I love it. We end every episode with a final five. These questions have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum each.

1:21:45So, Lizzo, these are your final five. I'm very bad at this, by the way. Okay. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received?

1:21:57Know who you are and whose you are. Ooh, I love that. I've never heard that before. That's beautiful. All right. Question number two. what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? F*** it, bitch, crash out. Who said that to you? Me. You said it to yourself? Oh my God, that's funny, that's funny. Question number three, this new music, this new album, what is this chapter of your life called? Freedom. I feel very free. And that's what people feel when they listen to Love in Real Life I sure hope so because that's what I put in it That's beautiful Question number four What's the first thing you do every morning and the last thing you do every night?

1:22:44Wow The first thing I do every morning when I open my eyes is I have a wave of gratitude It's happened every morning since January 2020 I woke up and I had a wave of gratitude that almost brings me to tears I've never cried for like all of my life And then in 2020, I just start crying all the time. And then the last thing I do, I think—this is going to sound like I'm lying. I'm so corny. But I—and it's only because I have anxiety. I think about every person. I think about my family. I think about the family members who aren't here. I think about my dog, Puka, my dad. And I send—so corny. I know this doesn't sound real.

1:23:28It sounds like I'm only saying this because I talked to you. But I literally, I send like, there's like these weird color points that come out of me in my mind. And they always go to a different person every time. It's like a different color to a different person. And I think about them. I sent green to my brother. And I sent like orange to my sister. And I sent red to my man. And I sent violet and white to my father. And I sent blue to my mother. And it was just, it was so strange. But I think about them and I say, oh my gosh, I just pray over them real quick. I'm like, I pray. I actually don't even pray that they're okay.

1:24:03I thank God they're okay. I know you said one word, but I go, thank you. This is a beautiful answer. I'm like, thank you for making sure that my family and all my loved ones are safe and healthy. I swear. Because I have to, it's the only way I can go to sleep. That's beautiful. I believe you. I believe that was very in depth. Too specific to make it up. Yeah, that was way too specific to make it up on the spot. That was amazing. Fifth and final question we ask is to every guest who's ever been on the show. The question is, if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

1:24:35Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Actually, I just heard about this. I forget the name of the law. But it's if you, like, think about the world and you're not in it yet. And you don't know how you're going to be born. You don't know, you know, what color you're going to be born, what country you're going to be born in. And you don't, it's a lottery. How would you design that world, not knowing how you would be born in it so that everybody can live happily? And that's how, that's how you move through the world. That is so good. I love that. I've never heard that before. That's it. That's such a good answer.

1:25:14Design this world, build this world, live in this world as if you don't know what privileges you'll be owed. You don't know how you are going to come into it, what cultures you're going to be a part of so that everyone can benefit and everyone can live happily and freely how would you design it i love that is amazing we never had that answer yeah that is a brilliant brilliant and the t is it's the way god designed it but you know we came in here we added our biases we put our biases up in this bitch listen you are so much fun you are such a bright spark and such a brilliant soul like honestly your energy is infectious thank you and i want to thank you for trusting me which is being so open, so vulnerable, so thoughtful in everything you shared.

1:25:56And I know that anyone who listens to this episode is going to feel inspired in their own personal journey. I hopefully feel a lot more closer to you and I can't wait for them to listen to this new album. I cannot wait. And love in real life. I hope everyone goes, listens. Still Bad is already my favorite. I'm loving it. So thank you so much for being here. So grateful. Genuinely grateful to have spent this time with you. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you. Thank you for the platform. I don't take any of this for granted. So thank you. Me neither. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.

1:26:35My fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of. The more that I face my fears, the more that I feel I'm gaining strength, I'm gaining wisdom, and I just want to keep doing that. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. I'm Radhi Devlukia and I'm the host of a Really Good Cry podcast and I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Uri. If you're out there trying to date right now, being ghosted on Hinge or want to create a dating profile that gives you a solid chance of matching with someone you actually want to go on a date with, then this episode with Hinge's director of relationship science, Logan Ury, is definitely for you.

1:27:23Relationships do require work. The best relationships are people who really work on them together. Listen to A Really Good Cry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.