LOVE EXPERT Stephan Speaks: 7 Ways You are Blocking Yourself From Meeting Your Soulmate (Change Your Patterns to Find the ONE)

23:20That's very different from a woman saying to me, like, for example, well, you could do this and you could become this. And it's like, okay, no, he has to want that. He has to have that vision. It's a great distinction. You see? And I think that's where people, you know, get tripped up and end up in a situation where... And to your point, the key is ask yourself as a woman, are you going to be okay if this man never changes? Because you're placing a bet. All right? There's no guarantee you're going to win this bet. Are you going to be okay if this man never changes? If not, I would suggest because here's another angle we can look at.

23:56Her presence, her love gave you confidence. But did that have to be given within the context of a girlfriend-boyfriend relationship? No, it could have been. Exactly. So, if a woman really believes in a man but she knows if this man doesn't change, I'm going to be really upset, all right? And I'm going to feel cheated. Then all we're saying is maybe don't cross romantic lines yet. Let that man know. Because I'll tell you this, if he has it in him and he has a desire for that woman and that woman said to him, listen, I think you can make a great partner. I would love to be with you, but I need you to get to a more stable place first.

24:31If he's serious, that's his motivation right there. That will get him because as long as he knows, oh, I can get the woman of my dreams, with a woman I love, if I put into work, okay, I'm going to do that. But by getting with him while in the process, for a lot of men, they only do to acquire. And if they already acquired, then what am I going to do anything for? Why do I need to go work and all this extra stuff or try to do more to make more money when I'm getting fed, I'm getting sex, I have a roof over my head? For a lot of men, that is enough. There's only a smaller segment of men who you can give them all those things and it doesn't matter.

25:10They have to do more. It's just who they are. So that has to be acknowledged and recognized when a woman is going to determine if she's going to actually engage in that kind of a dynamic. I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there. And even if you don't love tea, if you love refreshing, rejuvenating, refueling sodas that are good for you, listen to this. Radhi and I poured our hearts into creating Juni sparkling tea with adaptogens for you because we believe in nurturing your body and with every sip, you'll experience calmness of mind, a refreshing vitality, and a burst of brightness to your day.

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26:30So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. I feel like right now in dating, men have a bad reputation. Men get a lot of blame. Is it fair? It is unfair, completely unfair. One of the big problems that exists is that a lot of women are not being told accurate stories of other women's dating experiences. Now, that isn't to say there aren't genuinely bad men out there, bad experiences and all that. But what they fail to understand is that whether it be their friends, their family, whoever, when she goes on that date or she's in that relationship and things go wrong, she may leave out parts of what she did to contribute to the problem.

27:28And so, you're hearing this very one-sided view of the situation which is going to almost always paint the man in the negative light. And so, the woman starts to develop this very negative perception of men based off all these story she's being fed. Then you add the internet, right? And the internet is built off of sensationalism and people coming up with all kinds of craziness to make the opposite gender look bad. So, whether it's men talking about women or women talking about or the same gender talking down on their gender, whatever it is, they're trying to hype up negative stories. So, even though these negative stories exist, we don't always realize they're not so much the majority.

28:09They could be the minority, they're just being pushed a lot more. And so, yeah, it does create this very unfair, this unfair view of men. And I think there's, again, a little bit on both sides, to be honest with you. Talk to me about how do those negative stories actually affect us? Because I think we don't think about that sometimes in terms of if every time you're talking to someone, it's like, oh, yeah, this just happened. Oh, yeah, yeah, same thing happened to my friend. Oh, yeah, same thing happened to that friend. And like you said, we don't have the full data. It's not always happened to us.

28:37And then it spreads. But what does that psychologically and even, emotionally do to our own mind and brain and heart? Well, I think it's just human nature to where we take our negative experiences and we project it onto that demographic of whoever it's attached to. So it's like if someone gets robbed by a certain demographic of people, they may start to develop a fear towards those people. Even though it was one isolated incident, they now become cautious to them. So, in dating when you start to experience or hear all these negative things towards men let's say, well you're naturally going to become more defensive, more negative and then what you don't realize is you create these self-fulfilling prophecies because you go into the dating experience bracing for negativity or projecting it, not realizing you're creating it, okay.

29:29And so, what also makes it worse and it hit me when you were asking the question is that, and again, I don't want women to feel like I'm just saying like women don't take any responsibility or anything like that because there's plenty of women who do. However, it is more likely when a woman goes to her friends and family to tell them that this relationship fell apart. They're going to say, you know, you're better than that. He doesn't deserve you. Those type of things to build her up, make her feel good, not really pointing out where she may have gotten things wrong. The man goes to his friends and other people about the relationship that fell apart.

30:03Man, you were stupid anyway. You should have done this. Like they're going to come down on him regardless. And whether he likes it or not, he's going to have to accept some level of personal accountability. Well, that also now shapes how they approach the next dating situation. Now, unfortunately, I do think that there are some men who when they run to the internet and they hear women bad, women bad, women bad, they become blind to their own flaws. but I think you can make the argument that women have an audience of uplifters more than men do and that will now skew how people view the opposite sex and now those negative stories are only going to have even more of an impact because if I'm being told as a woman I'm great, nothing's wrong with me these men are horrible, right?

30:52And there's nothing for me to do different so then anything that goes wrong will always be viewed through the lens of men are just horrible people. Like, you're never going to think, well, wait a minute, maybe there was something missing from this story or maybe she could have handled things differently. No, you're going to jump right to they're bad because that's what you're being told over and over again. And then it's being solidified by some of your own personal experiences, but you may not realize what's contributing to those experiences even coming about. Yeah, that's a really interesting way to look at it because there was a Facebook group and I forget what it's called now, but it's basically for, I think it's called, Are We Dating the Same Man?

31:34And it's been built because there are so many women who are experiencing men dating them at the same time, even though he's saying he's exclusive with one. So I had this happen to someone that I know recently and she was seeing this guy for like six months and then they were, or three months, sorry, they were seeing each other for three months. they were getting a bit closer it was long distance he'd come out to see her and she was about to go and see him so she messaged him and said hey i'm coming out i just want to make sure that we're taking in the right direction because she's buying a flight she's coming over she's investing in the relationship and this guy who messaged her every day just ghosted her so she went on to this facebook group and she wrote about it a few days later when she was like wait a minute this guy's not getting back to me i've lost the flight ticket not in a great place and then this other woman messaged back and was like hey let's connect offline so then she shared her story this guy supposedly is married he's then been dating this other girl who just found out that he's married saying he was going to get divorced and now he was dating the person that i know and so i think when you hear a story like that it's no surprise that that spreads because that's a fascinating juicy story and it's heartbreaking for the people that are actually invested and involved in it and i think that empathy even when i heard that story i was so heartbroken but we have to remember that isn't the majority exactly it does exist and it's really sad and if it's happened to you i'm so sorry like i feel like that that could be the worst thing to go through but it isn't the majority and we have to be careful about how we amplify the minority experience exactly and i think what we're not realizing as a society is that the reality is we base our perceptions of the opposite sex on what I call the desirables, all right?

33:24That top 20 % of men or women who get the most attention, who have the most opportunities. And it kind of goes back to that belief of how great power can corrupt, all right? So, even the good, nice guy, if he now becomes a man who has all kinds of beautiful women coming after him, he has all this access. Not all, but there are many who will start to fall into behaviors that they wouldn't have before who will start to become more of a womanizer, who will start to enjoy all this access that they have, right? And the reality is that when we hear these stories, this is not a story of the average man who just wants a relationship, looking for love, is genuine.

34:06Maybe he doesn't get all the attention, maybe he's not the most desirable guy, but he's a good guy. But that's not where we're going to put our attention. And it's the same thing with women. When you hear men on the internet say, women just want money, women just want money. Now, granted, women value financial stability in men most, okay? And I think that most men should strive from some level of stability. However, there are tons of women dating broke men, all right? There are tons of women who that is not their number one priority, it's a desire, but they want to be loved, they want quality time, they want these other things.

34:40But again, if it's not being said by the audience that the men fixate so much on, they don't hear those voices. They just focus on the women who, again, and I'm using the word desirables not because I'm determining what's desirable. I'm just laying out the people who get the most attention, who tend to get more attention. For whatever reason, right or wrong, that's what happens in life. And so we got to realize that they do not represent the majority. And we have to ask ourselves sometimes, are we focusing too much on the wrong group of people when we're trying to come to an understanding of the opposite sex.

35:18For sure. When people are dating, what are some of the things to look out for when you're thinking about long-term success? Because I think the challenge people are having now is like someone will love a bum them for three months. Everything's moving amazing. It's getting really intense. Like dates are great. Hanging out's great. The intimacy is great. And then all of a sudden it's like one person kind of checks out and goes, hey, I don't think this is working for me. We're moving too fast. hey we should slow this down hey i think i think we rushed into it and then you're like wait a minute i i thought we were gonna get married right i thought this was going somewhere what are we meant to do what are people meant to do in those first three six twelve months if you had to give markers to kind of slow it down because i think we all want to fall in love fast but it doesn't seem to ever work healthily that way or it doesn't work often healthily that way well i Before I get into what we should do with those markers, I always say this, love bombing is only when it's a one-sided thing.

36:18So, basically two people meet, one person is showing them with all this love and attention and going hard. And for the other person, it's not them saying, oh, I'm in love with them. It's them saying this feels so good. I'm enjoying this. Let me keep this going, you see. But if you both, and let's use a different example where you can have two people meet and they both feel this intense connection immediately. They are both feeling strongly about each other. To me, that's not a love bomb, all right? That's just a connection that two people are embracing a lot quicker than maybe some others would, all right?

36:53Yeah, good distinction. So now, if those two people moved quote-unquote fast by society standards, I don't have a problem with that. As long as they do their due diligence, which is part of what we got to do within those times, marker times. but there's nothing wrong. Like I knew a couple, they came to one of my events, they got married I think in like three, four months and they said, they watched one of my videos and family and friends were like, oh, this is stupid, this is wrong but they heard me explain it and they're like this was them, this applied to them. They felt a connection, they were on the same page and what people have to understand is one couple's three months is not the same as the next couple's three months.

37:29So, one couple in their three months may have been talking every single day, spending time multiple times a week, asking all these questions, diving deep to each other, meeting each other's families. They've done so much due diligence, they don't need years more to figure this out. The next couple, they talk here and there, they see each other once a week, every little week, they're very busy. And so, the moments together feel great, but they really haven't spent enough time diving deep into each other. So, we have to remember that. But as far as what we should be doing is we should be trying to learn as much about the person as quickly as possible.

38:11I think too many times we have an approach of like going with the flow type of deal. For sure. All right? And we'll just figure it out as we go along. And in reality, there's a part of it that doesn't want to rock the boat. Because again, we're enjoying the companionship. If you're having sex, you're enjoying the sex. There's different benefits here that you don't want to let go of. so you're purposely or subconsciously not asking questions you know might be a problem, all right. Yes, so true. And so now, when things blow up a year later, you never know some... No, you wouldn't ask the questions that need to be asked.

38:45The quicker you can put those questions out there, the quicker you can expose and I use the word expose not in a negative way but in a way of gaining clarity. Yes, revealing who this person is and what we have with each other, okay. But I also think that it always starts with we have to be honest about how we feel. Too many people are choosing their partner based off of do they love me rather than do I love them. Okay. And if you don't truly love them, if you're not in love with them, nothing else matters. Because if you think it's going to be safe for you to pick them because they love you. So, when you have that scenario where you said, all right, things are going real fast.

39:27Let's paint it. Man love bombs the woman. he's going hard and let's just say he's really infatuated with this woman. So, to him he believes I'm into this woman. To her she doesn't really she's not into him like that but man he's a nice guy this feels so good. All right, I'm going to go along with it. Six months, eight months past whatever he pulls back. This is not always the case but in many cases he pulls back because he finally wakes up and realizes dang I'm doing all this for this woman but she's not really into me. and it may not be him coming to that realization first, it might be a friend or family members like, no, do you see how she moves?

40:05I noticed you do this, but she doesn't do this for you and now he starts to think like, man, wait a minute, she really, she's not coming at me the way I come at her but in that moment, let's say he tries to pull away. Well, she's enjoying this attention so much, she doesn't want to lose it whether she's in love with him or not and her fear of losing it now tricks her into thinking, I'm in love with this man. So, now she fights to keep him and then now he feels okay, validated. She's trying. They move forward but the reality was they were never both truly in love with each other. He was infatuated and she was just enjoying how it felt.

40:41And they reached a point where she was afraid to lose this and of course, whether you're a man or a woman who's the one going hard, you don't want to feel like all your time was wasted. You don't want to feel like you were wrong. So, if they give you anything to hold on to, you're going to run with it. For sure. And next thing you know, you're married with kids and you're like, well, what happened? What happened was you two were never truly in love with each other. Yeah. So, in those three months, six months, whatever, do your due diligence and really be honest with yourself about how you feel about this person because if you don't have it in you, trust and believe whatever they think they're having for you is not true love.

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42:07Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. And the only thing I could think about was, who's going to take care of my family? You have to go out there and build your support system. You got to build your team. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered and start listening.

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43:09yeah and and even for the person who does the love bombing to realize that no one will ever be able to match you like because and you wanting them to match you isn't even fair because it was already above and beyond what a normal person would do yeah and so even when you're sitting there and you're going like oh well they're not doing the same thing back for me or whatever it's like, yeah, no surprise. It's only three months. And like, how are you expecting someone to reciprocate in that way in three months? And I think for me, you know what, you hit the nail on the head. Like I've been looking at, I can't relate to in dating anymore because I'm not dating, but I was looking at a new business opportunity and I was meeting a potential new business partner and it was the same exact thing.

43:55I felt a good connection. So did they. We were really excited to get going. Then I spoke to some good advisors that I have in my life and they're like, have you asked these questions? And I was like, nah, but it just feels good. I haven't asked these questions. They're like, well, you should ask those questions. And the whole reason I didn't want to ask those questions is because I thought it would ruin the connection. But it was so funny. I sat down last week, asked the questions and actually the questions made me feel more confident, but there were more questions I realized I hadn't asked. So now I followed up with those questions.

44:23And that's what I've realized. If you are scared of asking questions because you're scared that they will weaken the relationship, it's actually the other way around. If you ask the right questions and it's the right relationship, it will strengthen the relationship. You'll actually come closer. And so asking the right questions isn't about ruining a good thing. It's about making sure it's an actually good thing. And I've been feeling in business all this in the last couple of weeks It's been my life. So you've really opened my eyes to that right now, that just how much we're so in our head about trying to save something that doesn't even exist yet.

44:58Exactly, exactly. And like you said, if it's going to scare them away, then you saved yourself the time because it was going to be a bad situation. So never fear it. We just have to get out of our own perception of what we think we want or what's good or what's bad. It's like, no, just if it's not there, it's not there. And that means something better will come along. Yeah. Is the cliche, if he wanted to, he would, true? It is absolutely false. I hate that. It is one of the many I hate. And here's the reason why I hate it. It can be true. So, okay, if we look at human beings as when we're younger and we haven't experienced any trauma, disappointment, all these things, then I think something like that can be true.

45:46So think about like two kids in high school, right? and the boy's never experienced love. He falls before some woman. There's nothing that will pretty much stop him in many cases from going after that woman, pursuing all these things. But the reality is that as human beings, we go through life experiences that make us cautious, that make us fearful, that cause us to doubt, right? And so now it can create a level of hesitation, unwillingness to cross certain lines. So yes, a man could love a woman. He could be willing, but you have to find out what may be the blockage. So, to me, I will apply that saying if a woman has let it be known to that man what she needs from him, okay?

46:30So, if for example, two people start dating and she's really big on communication, right? So, she wants to hear from him every single day, okay? He's calling every few days, right? And some girlfriend says to her, well, if he wanted to, he would. And she runs with that and cuts him off because, well, clearly he must not be serious. But what you didn't know was the last girl he dated when he called her every day, she felt like he was smothering her. So, now he's scared to call every day because he doesn't know what you want. He doesn't want to come off needy or overbearing or whatever. So, he's trying to play it cool.

47:05It has nothing to do with his desire or willingness. It has everything to do with him trying to navigate this situation because of what he's either been advised or been through or whatever. So, that's why the key is if that same woman says to him, listen, I'm not hearing from you as much as I want to. If you're going to date me, I need to have constant, you know, consistent communication. We need to talk every single day. Now, if he's really serious about her, he'll call her every day. You give him the green light, he's going to do it, you see. And if he's not serious about her, then he will probably come up with excuses.

47:36He'll dance around it, whatever the case may be. But now you can run with that statement because it's been made clear to him. But there's so many underlying things going on and so many reasons, especially when you consider the advice being given on the internet nowadays, all right? Like there is literally advice that tells people ignore someone if you want them more or want them to want you more, okay? Like literally, when you understand what people are being fed, then you start to realize it's not as simple as if they want to, they would. No, talk to them first. And then I always say the way to determine how serious someone is about you is not in seeing what they do on their own, is seeing how they handle your expression of concerns and feelings, all right?

48:19Okay. That's what's going to show you not just how serious they are about you, but how mature they are. And they're emotionally ready to be in a relationship. Because someone who cannot hear you out is not ready for a real relationship, all right? But if they can sit, talk to you, listen, not dismiss, and now make positive changes, all right, then it's all good. Yeah, but I find that's the thing, going back to your third point, I find that's the thing that's so hard today because that requires healing. To be able to hear someone out, to be able to listen to someone's concerns and challenges and how they feel and to actually validate it without invalidating yourself.

48:59Right. I think that's why we struggle so much, because if someone's saying something like if you were saying to me, like, hey, Jay, like, you know, I don't like the way that, you know, your friends speak to me when they're around. if I hear that I start defending my friends because I'm like what are you talking about my friends are amazing they're the best they're the greatest now I've invalidated you to validate myself because we think validation means I invalidate you I validate myself or if I validate you then I'm invalidating myself maturity is oh I could validate you and also stand true to who I am that's a healed individual and so I can agree with you and I can also share my perspective but I find that if we're looking for that off the bat, don't you feel like that portion of people is really small?

49:44It is. But this is the unfortunate, harsh reality. Because that portion is so small and because we overlook those types of issues, well, that's why we have so much unhealthy relationships. That's why we have such a high divorce rate. And I always tell people, people love to harbor on the divorce rate as an argument not to get married. And I'm like, hold up. If we could quantify the breakup rate, it would probably make the divorce rate look like child's play, all right? People break up way more and so much trauma, so much hurt happens in the boyfriend-girlfriend relationship dynamic. So, the reality is that yes, if we took this approach that said someone needs to be emotionally mature before we can enter in a relationship with them, relationships will plummet.

50:31There will be a lot less relationships. However, two things would happen from that. There would be more healthy relationships and people would start to realize this is an unacceptable trait that they're carrying with them. If people are experiencing where they can be dismissive, they cannot learn to be emotionally in tune and mature and intelligent enough to how to handle someone's feelings and concerns, well, they will never understand the need to fix that, all right? And it's the same, it's that same issue. Like literally, I was just coaching a married couple who they're going through it right now.

51:05And one of the big issues is they're both very dismissive of each other when they're expressing their concerns, all right. So, it's like yeah, you can look past this if you want but you're going to pay a price. Is that price worth it? And most do not survive that. At some point you're going to have to learn it anyway, right. So, I just think yeah, I think it'd be best and I understand and I'm speaking idealistically. Realistically, most people are going to overlook this issue. Most people are going to give a pass, right. But I think even if you're going to give a pass to a certain extent, it needs to be discussed.

51:40It needs to be understood. And to your point, I love that you said because I literally just did a video on my men's channel about how to communicate with a woman more effectively. And one of the things I expressed was how, listen, in that situation where she says, I don't like the way your friends speak to me. You can still say, I understand that's how you feel. I don't see it that way, but let me try to understand why you feel that way. You see what I'm saying? So I'm going to meet you where you are. I'm going to acknowledge your feelings. I'm still going to express my view is different than yours.

52:11But let's see if we can come to an understanding of this. That in itself would eliminate so many arguments. Totally. All right? Totally, yeah. So much conflict just by doing that. So I do think that men and women, everyone needs to understand we need to strive for that at the very least. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Because that's what that unhealed, immature version of us does. It just wants us to stay in the zone of I'm right, you're wrong, it's my way, you're always not working out, and we got to do it this way. And I think the other thing that's really blocking a lot of people, and I ask you this, not because I'm trying to give a question that I think a lot of people ask, but actually, no, it is.

52:53I think this is an important question because I think a lot of people have a type, going back to your desirables, that they're looking for. Is that helping or hurting them when they're dating? So, there's nothing wrong with a type to a certain extent as long as you're not so married to that type to where there's no flexibility outside of that, all right. But I do think that at the end of the day and this may sound bad to some people but this is just the reality of it. The more desirable you are the more it becomes even necessary for you to have a type. So, the analogy I like to give is let's just say someone's applying at a job at Walmart and that's no shade to Walmart or anyone who works at a Walmart, right?

53:34But the reality is that to be a cashier at Walmart comes with less requirements, right? And not many people are all lining up to go work at Walmart. So, Walmart might get five applicants, right? They can sit down with each applicant, they can be more flexible and see who fits the job. If Google is hiring for a six-figure or seven-figure position, they're going to have thousands of applicants, right? There's going to be a greater level of requirement. There has to be at this position. And now, they can't sit down with every person. They're going to have to weed them out. And once upon a time, how do they do that?

54:08They would eliminate you by the color of your resume, the font on your resume. Forget your qualifications, okay. Just the mere presentation because they had to, they had to weed it down to a certain segment and then from there choose who's going to be best. So, in dating and relationships there's nothing wrong with honing in on your audience that you want to pull from. However, I think that... Not I think, I know that connection can transcend our type, okay? And I believe the key is always being open to connection in whatever package it comes. Now, I want people to understand when I say whatever package, it doesn't mean you won't be attracted to them, all right?

54:48It doesn't mean you're going to be disgusted by them any kind of way. It just means that plenty of people, if not everyone, even when having a type have found someone outside that box that they found attractive, all right? that they may even feel drawn to. You have to be open and flexible in that way, all right? And I think for me, it's less about having such a strict type, but more so fundamental principles. Like I think attraction is important, all right? Communication is important. There's a level of... If you're into energy or you can pick up on people's energy, that's going to be important.

55:21And to me, those are foundational things. It's less about what they got to be this tall or they have to have this type of job. but there are some core traits that there's nothing wrong with that. So, I do think for those that the type is working against it's because they might be too strict, there's no flexibility and they're also not understanding are you the type that the type wants, okay? So, you can want your type all you want, that's fine, right? Nothing wrong with that but are you really tapping into the type of partner they would want? And it's not even... Are you willing and both can you sustain that?

55:58All right? Because there's a lot of people trying to present a certain kind of way to get this type of individual and they may get them, but they can't keep it up. I'm going to give one example. And again, it's never shade to any gender when I use them as an example, but let's say there's a man who wants this ridiculously beautiful woman, right? Who is accustomed to the high life, all right? And having all kinds of men shower her with gifts and money. and he knows one, he don't have money like that and two, he does not have the desire to keep up that lifestyle. But he's so infatuated with this woman, he goes and he pulls out all the stops, fancy dinners, gifts, all these things and he gets her.

56:38But then after a few months, the real him comes out and now he doesn't want to go to the nice restaurant. He doesn't want to take the nice trip. He thinks that bag is way too expensive. And now she's pissed off because it's like, wait a minute, You sold me on this. And to him it's, oh, you're ungrateful. No, you tricked her. You tricked her and you tricked yourself. Because you were so fixated on this type and this person, but you never questioned, can you really be that? Are you really that? And can you keep that going for the rest of your life? And if you can't, all right, go to a different type, a different type of, you know, person, whatever, that fits who you are.

57:17And it goes back to really understanding who you are, accepting it, and embracing the type of people who fit that individual. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer. I first found out about my cancer at the age of 45. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence.

57:58In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health. Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered and start listening. So, your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive, right? But if they aren't connected to other agents, or your data, or your existing workflows, how productive can they really make your teams? Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company to change how you do business.

58:39Let's create smarter business, IBM.

58:46For sure. And that's such a great example because it's a simple one, but it actually applies to all the deeper things too. Anything you're infatuated by in another person and you pretend to be there, whether it's you're interested in a specific sport, you're interested in hanging around those places, you're interested in their business. Like you said, you're tricking yourself. And so many people are doing that. And a lot of these are tricks and you even called out some of them. I think there's so much bad advice right now. There's so many of these kind of myths that are just floating about. and one of the big ones is I want to get your take on this should the person you're dating or seeing feel jealous when you get attention?

59:23Is that a sign of love? My instinct is to say no 100 % no Yeah, I'm with you I think to be honest with you there's a level of insecurity there alright now don't get me wrong I do think when we love someone there may be at least some part of us right that's going to have an eye open to all this attention you're getting. I think that's natural. But to be bothered by it usually speaks to you not having a sureness in yourself, all right? And in the relationship. And in the relationship, exactly. And that's such a key. So, I want to give a quick story because I think this lines up perfectly. I once had a man, he came to me, he was having a problem in his marriage.

1:00:04And his issue was his wife had this male best friend who she was showing all this attention to, okay? And he was like, they would be arguing about this friend and she just doesn't want to let go of this friend and all these things. And I said, well, listen. trying to argue against her friend when she's saying it's platonic, there's nothing there, you have nothing to worry about, is a very difficult battle. Let me ask you, what's the quality of the relationship? And he's like, oh, it's not that great. We got some issues. I said, okay, before we worry about this friend, let's focus on solidifying the relationship, all right?

1:00:39Let's make that strong. Let's make that good. And then see what happens. He hit me up, I want to say like three, four months later, he said, man, your advice worked perfectly. Oh, I love that. By him shifting his focus to the relationship quality and fixing everything in there, the issue with the friend completely disappeared. She naturally was not showing the friend anymore attention like she was anymore. Just everything fell into place. So, going back to your point about jealousy, yes, I feel people aren't being honest with themselves that they do not feel secure in their relationship for various reasons.

1:01:14And this attention that your partner is getting is a threat to you. It is a threat that well, what if they like it so much they take someone up on their offer, all right? But if you really felt good about yourself in this relationship, you're just not going to worry about it. And I think also it goes to a level of I'm going to use the word evolving in life and understanding that you cannot control everything. So, to me, I just feel like and I have a feeling you're probably the same exact way. I'm not going to be worried about this attention again because at the end of the day, if you're going to do something wrong, you're going to do it wrong.

1:01:46Me trying to police you it's a waste of my energy, it is too stressful, I don't want that life, all right. Do your thing. Now, if you do something you're not supposed to do, you will pay a consequence, I will let you go. But I'm not going to sit here and check on this and watch this or you can't go here. Man, do what makes you happy, enjoy yourself and I want you to live in your truth. I don't want to suppress you in any kind of way. And I'm going to bring this up and I'm just going to say this is a theory, I'm not saying I'm accurate but it's something for everyone to think about. So, talking about attention, I do think that in most cases, the dynamic is usually the woman getting a ton of attention and the man not knowing how to handle that.

1:02:30And there are a lot of men on the internet who like they go in on these women who oh, you're always wanting this attention, you're posting here. There was even celebrities once that talked about something like that and they went in on her. Anyways, I have this theory or this question, I was like, what if attention for women is like sexual desire for men? And what I mean by that is you'll hear men make the argument of well I can have sex with these different women and it's nothing. It doesn't mean anything to me but they just enjoy the sex. They would never leave the woman they love all these things and I'm not advocating for any cheating or anything.

1:03:04I'm just explaining this dynamic. Yes. Well that's how a lot of women view attention. She may enjoy attention but she has no plan on entertaining any of those men. she will go back to her man but she still likes to get a compliment she likes to go out and hear people say oh you look good today oh my gosh that dress is nice but it's not because like she's this bad person it just might be an inner desire and again there's going to be different scales of that desire there's going to be some women who don't want attention at all they don't like it right but there's going to be others who love it and I think sometimes we demonize these things and it goes back to understanding and respecting the differences between the genders and between individuals, okay?

1:03:51And you, I think for a man or for a woman, if you're dealing with that person, what's important is to understand why they enjoy the attention. Where does that come from? Does it come from an inadequacy? Does it come from you not giving them attention? Are they starving at home? So, now they have to go outside to get it, right? Or is it someone who just, they feed off of that stuff. They love it. But again, it doesn't make them a bad person. But to go back to your question, I don't think you have to be jealous of someone to love them. I can love you to death and not get jealous, you know, because again, I'm not worried about it.

1:04:29But I do think when we do get a little bit jealous, that's also like, it's just normal. Yeah, it's normal. Yeah, I feel like the discomfort is natural. When it gets to jealousy and you're kind of ruining the relationship you have and now checking up and policing, as you said, that starts to become unhealthy. And then ultimately, if it's leading to an internal insecurity between you and yourself, I mean, it can spiral out of control. And I think sometimes we almost want the other person to feel jealous. That's what I was trying to get at. It's like this feeling of like, oh, they don't get jealous when I get attention.

1:05:00It's like, well, it goes back to what you were saying. We're just trying to play games. Like if it's coming from that place, of course, am I uncomfortable when it happens? Of course I am. If you love someone, you like someone, of course. But I don't want to make my partner have to feel jealous when I'm feeling that way? Like that, to try and keep them entertained and try and keep them interested. But that goes back to the point, if you are looking to make them jealous, is it because you're not getting what you need in this relationship in general? Probably, yeah. You see what I'm saying? Like, something is probably missing where now, because a lot of people will do things to just get a reaction out of their partner.

1:05:34For sure. And it's because they want to see that you care. Yes. And if I have to see that you care, that means you're not showing me in other ways or at least I'm not feeling it in other ways that you care. There's a disconnect there. So, rather than jumping to the whole make them jealous because that's a dangerous game to play because what people don't realize is yes, you may have succeeded in making them jealous but you may have also planted a seed of insecurity. And now they have to worry. Do you really want someone else's attention in time? Are you entertaining someone else? And so now, you got this initial great feeling of their jealousy but what's the backlash that comes from it later on?

1:06:14You see what I'm saying? What have you created? So, to me you got to go to the... It's always about getting to the real root of the issue. Why are we behaving in this way? Why are we trying to make this happen? Now, I think there's some couples where they just playfully do these things it's not that serious to them, right? And that's fine but you just want to make sure this is not coming from an unhealthy place because you're going to create a more unhealthy situation. One thing I love about your advice is that you're constantly encouraging people to have deeper communication. You keep saying, hey, but you got to understand why you feel that way and where that comes from and how that person processes it.

1:06:52And you, in all of your work, your amazing books, your YouTube channel, you're always talking about communication. How do you communicate with someone who doesn't like to communicate? Because there are so many people I know that if their partner asks them this kind of question, their partner will be like, I don't really think about that stuff. Or I don't really know. Or just go quiet. I've heard this from so many people. I'm sure you see it all the time. How do you communicate with someone who doesn't want to communicate? Well, my initial response is going to be you don't communicate with them at all.

1:07:26You let them go. Let's say you've already gone too deep. Yeah, and we know it's not always that simple. And this is part of the problem of not understanding ourselves coming into it. Because the reality is that levels of communication or what each person needs is going to differ, right? Some people need a lot of communication, some not much. And so, when you're dealing with someone who cannot communicate, I do think you have to ask yourself one, if this is not going to change, are you going to be okay? And also, which types of discussions are we unable to have? So, for example, if a woman or man wants to be able to have like political discussions with their partner, right?

1:08:09And their partner doesn't want to engage in that type of stuff. To me, that's not worth leaving them for. Now, of course, everyone's different. And if it's going to bother you to the point where it's going to affect your ability to show up in this relationship the way that you need to, then you still should walk away regardless of what it means to me or how I view it or anyone else views it. However, I do think one of the things we're missing in many relationships is understanding how we can supplement certain things, right? So, you know how they say it takes a village to raise a child? I think it takes a village to have successful marriages and relationships.

1:08:42Because okay, maybe... And again, I'm just going to use the women as an example. Let's say you had something stressful happen to you today. You want to call your husband, right? But he's busy right now and he's busy a lot. And that can be very frustrating. Okay, well, maybe you can supplement it by talking to your mom first or your female friend. That way you can get all your frustration now. You can vent, he can do his thing. and then when he has more time later, you can do a quick recap. And now that works for everybody. You see what I'm saying? But the problem is for some people when your partner is your whole world and you don't have any outlets, this creates a lot of frustration and conflict.

1:09:20So, I do think that's one when we consider the whole communication issue. But if we're having issues with discussing our relationship problems, things that need to be addressed, That's it, yeah. That is, it's hard for me to give any kind of work around that because if we can't discuss it, how can we fix it? You see? And so, of course, I'm all for, you know, trying to understand what this person's hesitancy is, why they struggle in this way. Because a lot of times, it's not as simple as, well, they just don't communicate. Totally. There's something going on. Maybe they feel like you're not going to listen to what they have to say.

1:10:00They're used to being dismissed. it's like I have to throw out there I love women but women swear they're the greatest communicators and a lot of times they're not okay and they don't realize how in that moment because they're so women are so in tune with how they feel and they're so immersed in it that it's easy for them to become blind to how it's impacting someone else or how someone else is feeling in that same exact moment. See, when she's calm and cool, she probably can pick up on things easy, right. But when she's passionate, when she's feeling strongly about something, whatever, or she's frustrated, that blocks a lot.

1:10:39And so, a lot of women don't realize in their discussions with their partners how negative they were, how dismissive they were, all these things. And the dude shuts down. And so, going forward, he doesn't want to talk about anything because to him it's pointless. This isn't going to go anywhere. This is going to be you saying how you feel. You're not going to listen to how I feel. what's the point? It reminds me of how a lot of men don't want to go to counseling because they view counseling as a one-sided affair. The woman's going to say all the bad things that he does and when he tries to express himself it's going to be used against him.

1:11:10So, he's like what's the point? So, as a woman or a man because it can happen to both sides you have to start with am I creating an environment for healthy communication, period. All right, because if you're not any attempts to pull out of them more communication is not going to work. Yeah. All right? So, start with checking yourself, checking your energy, checking your tone, how are you approaching things? I also think for people who are struggling to communicate, consider doing it via letters, right? Some people struggle to talk, but maybe if they can just write it down on their own time, it's going to be so much easier for them.

1:11:50And then we can discuss the letters verbally, right? but start with the writing. And I think the writing is good even for those who can communicate verbally because it's so easy for us to get distracted, for people to deflect, for things to get just go off track in a verbal conversation. But in a letter where you get to sit down and make sure everything comes out, you're checking your tone, like it's just a more full experience. And then for the person, when we listen, we tend to listen to rebuttal. When we read, we read to process Okay? So it's a very different approach That we take mentally So now it's easier for your partner To understand and take in what you gotta say When they can read it And they can read it over and over And they can fixate on one part Okay, this might be what you mean And now we can discuss it and dive deeper I think that would unlock A lot of people's communication issues right there That's a great answer And also when you're forced to write You don't say that much stuff that you don't mean Yeah Right when you have to write something down consciously Chances are you're going to word it Exactly You're not in the heat of the moment Yeah because you're trying to explain it And you don't just write it down in the same way And as I was hearing you speak I was just thinking There's something I really want women to know That you might be the first person In that man's life That's actually asked him What's going on That's true And so you may have to invite him to that conversation more than one time.

1:13:23You may have to make space for his emotions and feelings more than one time. And if every time you ask him, it's more of a demand and a stress and a force and a push, then actually it's just going to make him quieter and quieter and quieter. But if every time it's an understanding and it's space and it's open, then there may be a chance. Because I feel like, you know, for most men, they were never asked about their emotions or feelings. There wasn't a space that they naturally just opened up and hey if someone's not opened up for 25 30 35 years it's going to be hard for them to just come out with it because you asked a great question exactly and so it's not that you're wrong or it reflects badly on your relationship i just think a lot of men just haven't been given the opportunity to be there absolutely and and the reality is for some man, certain things we just are not emotionally invested in or attached to in the way that she might be.

1:14:20And so, to her it's like, well, you should feel something about this. And like, no, I really don't. I don't see this any kind of way. I just want to go on with my day. And he may genuinely mean that. And so, again, it goes back to respecting the differences between the genders. We do not process the same. We do not feel the same a lot of times, right? So, that's going to lead to different levels of expression because there's not as much to express in certain situations. And it's just like, again, you got to make sure you can be okay with that. It's not even a right or wrong thing in many cases.

1:14:54It's just a, okay, does that work for you or no? And if it doesn't, it's going to cause a problem. All right, then maybe we are in the wrong relationship. But if otherwise, all right, then we can still work past this. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. This week on a very special episode of Health Discovered, we're taking a closer look at a condition that affects hundreds of thousands of men each year, prostate cancer.

1:15:31I first found out about my cancer on my birthday at the age of 45. I found out my cancer has spread to my pelvic bone. And from there, life just changed. About one in eight men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer during their lifetime. And the risk increases with age. Anything with cancer, you just think death sentence. And the only thing I could think about was, who's going to take care of my family? You have to go out there and build your support system. You got to build your team. In this episode, we'll explore the science behind detection, along with the practical steps men can take to protect their health.

1:16:13Listen to Health Discovered on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app, search Health Discovered and start listening.

1:16:27If you're waiting for your AI to turn into ROI

1:16:33and wondering how long you have to wait, maybe you need to do more than wait. Any business can use AI. IBM helps you use AI to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business, IBM.

1:16:54Yeah, for sure. I'm really glad we went there because I think that's blocking so many people in that space. I feel like one of the big things that we talked about last time and I wanted to talk about a bit differently this time is breakups because I feel like there's still this feeling that people have and they can't not where if someone breaks up with you, it breaks your world. you take it completely personally and it makes you lose faith in love. So someone not only broke up with you they broke your faith in love and now you don't believe love exists. What are the natural feelings and emotions we all have to go through in a breakup that you can't avoid?

1:17:39Well, one thing I want to point out before I get to that is this. I think we have to start with understanding love is not relationship. We're conflating those two things and it's creating all kinds of issues and confusion, all right? Like you'll hear people say, well, everyone deserves to be loved. Okay, they can be loved by their mother, by their friends, by society, whoever. That doesn't mean you qualify for a relationship and someone can love you or you can love someone. But if certain things aren't in place to have a successful relationship, it still won't work. So, we have to understand that a breakup doesn't automatically mean someone doesn't love you nor does someone want to be in a relationship with you mean that they love you.

1:18:20Because a man or woman who wants to use you could want to be in a relationship with you, could want to marry you, it has nothing to do with love. It's two separate things, all right. Now, with that understood, what we have to understand when we're going through a breakup is one, all is not lost. Like we got to start there. Because it's so easy to feel like our whole world is now crumbling before our eyes, we're devastated how are we going to get past and it's like listen all is not lost. There's been billions of people who have gone through a breakup and who have survived but who all felt like in that moment they don't know how they're going to continue, okay.

1:19:00We have to remember this is just a moment. Life is about moments, all right. If you let the moment get the best of you it can throw everything off. When you can conquer that moment you're on the right track you can keep moving forward in a good direction. So, keep that in perspective but of course, that's hard to do when you're still going through the breakup. I also think going back to the point that I made is stop questioning if they love you, okay. Because that I think is what weighs on some people the most. It's like I gave them all this time and all these years and they didn't even love me.

1:19:35It's like no, no, no, no. They could have still loved you but there's another issue that exists here. And what people... This goes back to unfortunately, I understand because I'm a coach and I've spoken to thousands of people and I've seen millions of situations how much different issues play into why people do what they do, okay? But everyone is so used to the very surface level perspective of, well, okay, if for example, if this person breaks up and they jump into a new relationship where clearly they never loved you. That's not true. Some people do that because they love you so much and they can't deal with the pain and they figure I need someone to distract me from this.

1:20:17So, they don't love the new person, okay. Now, granted, could it be the other way around that they never loved you? That is possible, that is possible. But it isn't always what you think it is, all right. So, trying to dwell on and question if they love me, it's not healthy because one, we cannot prove or disprove it, okay. They can claim it, we just have to accept whatever is being presented to us. Because at the end of the day, what evidence can you bring forth that says guaranteed this was love or not love? But two, you just don't, you can't rely on what you're seeing and experiencing to answer that question.

1:20:53And the question is less about do they love you? And the better question to ask yourself is are we best for each other right now? Because even if there's love, if we're not best for each other right now, this is probably a blessing in disguise, all right? And most breakups, if not all are a blessing in disguise. We just can't see where the blessing is in that moment. The blessing could simply be for some people, not all, that the relationship is needed certain things addressed and you guys will be able to come back together and make it better than ever. The blessing might be this was never the person for you.

1:21:28And had they not broken up with you, you'd have never walked away from them. Like I've said to people, and this may sound bad, but this is just real. I've said at my shows before, some of you needed to be cheated on. because if you weren't, you would have never left that relationship. But you always knew it was an unhealthy relationship. It was toxic way before the cheating occurred. But you were in denial of that and were trying to hold on to something that wasn't best for you. And you needed something strong enough to break you free from that situation. So, it's a blessing as much as it hurt in that moment.

1:22:03The other thing we have to... You mentioned it and I think it's very important for you to understand is stop internalizing the whole thing, all right? Because again, even in situations where people break up with us and they hurt us, and let's say we can't point to anything wrong, right? That was done. We don't know what they're battling. Like we... It's the whole hurt people hurt people, okay? It's not really about us. There's something within them. So, I recently had a situation where a woman is devastated because a man broke up with her because his family would not accept her. They did something that they weren't supposed to do early on in the process that goes against the family's beliefs.

1:22:44And even though this man loves her, he wanted to marry her, but the family was like, they'll disown him if he goes forward with it. So, in something like that, again, she has all these questions running through her head, she's internalizing and it's like, no, but there's something at play here that even he can't... Well, I'm not going to say he can't control because he can choose to not let his family... Yeah, exactly. but that's not as easy as oh, if you love someone you'll do. No, it's not that simple unfortunately, right? So, there's just so much more at play. So, going back to the question of the emotions we go through during the breakup, the main thing is I believe we do have to give ourselves a moment to grieve.

1:23:24It's normal, it's okay. And in grieving it's about releasing, all right? So, if you need to cry, cry, right? If you're angry, let yourself be angry. flush out detox all those emotions but then we have to pick a deadline like I'm a believer in I don't give myself any more than three days all right three days to grieve whatever it is whatever disappointment hurt after three days get back on my feet get to work and go through my healing process all right for some people it might be seven days for somebody else might be two whatever the case may be you have to give yourself a structure of all right I'm not going to dwell in this I'm going to start working past this in a healthy way.

1:24:05Because again, too many people focus on the whole get under someone to get over someone which is completely unhealthy and bad, okay? And all these other methods of trying to move forward that are only keeping them stuck emotionally but they're moving forward on the surface, all right? So, there's a lot of people who've moved on to other relationships, even marriages but never overcame it emotionally. And they do not realize how that is still playing a part, not only in who you choose to be with, but in how you show up in that relationship. For sure, man. For sure, yeah. It's such a... When I'm listening to you speak, I'm just thinking like there are so many people carrying someone else's baggage into a new relationship and not allowing the new person to be the person they are.

1:25:02And you realize it's your old baggage that's blocking this one. And their old baggage that's blocking this one. And then you may lose that one. In that, do you believe that there's right person, wrong time? Absolutely. I'm 100 % believer in that. I know a lot of people argue against it, but I have so many stories of people who, let's say, met in college, right? And something went wrong. and then 10, 15 years later reunite. And maybe even in between that time married someone else or other relationships or whatever. And now they're back together and it's the best relationship ever. Again, it goes back to people understanding love is one thing, relationship is another.

1:25:44So, you can experience connection, you can experience real love. But if that person still has things they need to heal from, it is very likely going to derail the situation. All right. If they are not ready, maybe they haven't gotten themselves together in certain ways that they can feel more secure about themselves. That's going to derail the situation. People need to evolve. It's not as simple as, oh, we love each other, everything's supposed to work perfectly. That's not life. That's not real life. I would love for it to be that way, it's just not. And so, a lot of people don't accept the fact that...

1:26:16And I'm a very spiritual person, so I believe in praying about everything. And I believe one of the mistakes people make is that for those who are believers, they don't pray and talk to God about if they should move forward or if they should be with this person. And they don't realize that sometimes we can be presented with something so that we can see that it's there, but it doesn't mean it's time for us to have it yet. It's almost like sometimes you can be presented with an opportunity business-wise. And you may feel like, yeah, I'm ready for it. Let's do it. Boom, boom, boom. But you're not really prepared.

1:26:46Now, if you went from a spiritual place and understood and let God, your spirit guide you, it would tell you, no, slow down. Don't do it just yet, but think about it like the person who they win the lottery, they win millions of dollars, they've been hoping for this all their life and they blow through that million in a few months or their whole life is ruined. Why? It was not time for them to have that kind of money. They did not learn the lessons they need to learn. They were not prepared for that level of financial freedom or whatever, access. And the same thing happens in relationships. People aren't ready for that level of vulnerability.

1:27:24They're not ready for that level of responsibility. You know, perfect example is like if a woman finds her first love in high school or man or woman, but I'll say this happens a lot to women where she's head over heels over this guy. But this is a young man who has not developed at all emotionally. Chances are he's going to mess up and this situation is going to fall apart. And those who have survived, not all but many who have survived finding love that young, they either one, just dealt with all the bumps and stayed together or they had that village around them to help them get through these situations, to teach them.

1:28:06He had guidance, she had guidance that allowed them to have love and make it work at such a young age. So when you hear about back in the days people marrying younger, yet they had community. That made a huge difference. But now you have people essentially on an island being young trying to make a relationship work and it's like, yo, like we're asking too much. Some people get lucky, but the majority won't survive that. And I'm using a high school example, but that can happen as grown adults. People can be 30, 40, 50 years old, older. And certain things have stunted their emotional growth and they're still not truly ready for that level of commitment.

1:28:46So, yeah, but again, that doesn't mean they're the wrong person. Okay, because the person is about the character. It's about the traits that fit together, right? That can be in harmony with each other. But they still have to develop certain aspects that will allow a relationship to thrive. Which is why some people, I feel the need to say it's kind of hitting my spirit. You'll have these situations where they can be great friends, but they can't be in a relationship, right? And for some of those people, it's a matter of when they tried to be in a relationship, they were not emotionally ready for that.

1:29:24And there was conflict in how we handled that. But who they are as people, it's like this, right? So that's why the friendship continues. And now, I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but I'm going to say it, for at least some of these people, that's their true love. For sure. But because everything went wrong the first go-round, they're too afraid to leave the friendship box. So now it's like, nah, let's just be friends. That's where we operate best, right? But in reality, no, you guys just need to evolve emotionally and heal, and you will actually be able to come back together for some people.

1:30:02Not all, because I don't want every friend person right now thinking that's their situation. Now you're treating because only it's 50%. It always wanted that too, so yeah. You know, but it happens a lot. I love that. Stefan, I've got one last question for you, and it applies to both, so it'll be two answers. Okay. if there's a man and a woman listening right now, and both of them are feeling insecure about dating, unconfident about relationships, they've had a bit of rough luck, they're trying to do the work on themselves, be aware, accept who they are, they're doing the healing, but they're in a tough place, what would you say to them?

1:30:43Just keep pushing forward. Like, don't get discouraged. you know everything is a process it's like even trying to become successful the majority if not every successful person that I know has a story of having to go through the grind and having moments where we want to quit we want to give up we're like this is not working anymore I can't keep doing this but we we trusted whether it be our spirit our passion whatever kept pushing and eventually the breakthrough happens and then boom we're never we're successful the rest of our lives as long as we keep working, we're successful. And so, with dating and relationships, I believe it's the same thing.

1:31:21People want love to be this very pop it in the microwave and everything's ready and it's like, no, it's a process and you may have to meet several people. And I say meet, I'm not saying you have to get romantically involved with everybody, but you got to come across some situations, you got to learn, you have to grow. And even when you're doing all the right things, don't think it's not working. It reminds me of working out. You can work out for months, do all the right things, look at yourself in the mirror and be like, there's no progress. Why? Because all you're looking at is your stomach. And you're like, well, my stomach hasn't gone down the way I want.

1:31:57But what you're failing to look at is your arms are more cut, you got more muscles in your legs, your stamina's up. What you're doing is working. You're just looking at the one final result to validate the work. So understand that in this process, you are growing. It is working. Things are developing. But yes, the relationship result may take a little bit longer. And it's kind of going back to that fitness example. What they tell you is when you're losing fat, sometimes it'll lose everywhere and then the stomach will be the last place. And then when it finally hits the stomach, it comes off like crazy.

1:32:33So, it's the same thing. You might be seeing all these other things improve first and you're not seeing the relationship. You're not seeing the relationship. But then when it finally hits, it's great. It's amazing. So, just keep pushing forward, keep doing what you need to do, continue to be open to whatever you need to improve upon. Never get in the mindset of, well, I'm great and the world is just ridiculous. It's like, no, no, no, no. What can I continue to do better? What can I tweak? What adjustments can I make? Because sometimes it is a matter of a small adjustment that will make a huge difference.

1:33:08And I think as long as you keep an open mind and you don't view not having the result right now as a defeat, right? You understand this is a process. You will get to your destination at some point. Well said. As Stefan speaks. Thank you always, Stefan. I appreciate these conversations with you. You always have like this ability to just pull things apart, to really look at them for what they are. I really appreciate you, man. And the way you think about things is so refreshing and all encompassing. And I hope everyone who's been listening or watching, I hope you have better fortune from a deeper place because of the advice that Stefan shared today.

1:33:47And please make sure you subscribe to Stefan's YouTube channel. Check out his books. If you're someone who loves reading and listening, audio books too. Yeah, absolutely. And Stefan, is there anywhere else you'd like people to find you right now? Anything you've got going on? Just go to my site, Stefan's Speech Shop or my YouTube, you know, check me out. hopefully I can connect with more and more people and just help as many people as possible. Find love and find just a better overall life. It's not just about relationship, or at least it starts relationship with self, you know, and getting that right and everything else falling in place.

1:34:19Well, for me, self and God. Absolutely. Well, I'm excited to have you back. Thank you, man. You always have an open invite. My pleasure. Thank you, my friend. Thank you. Thank you. If you love this episode, you're going to love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get over your ex and find true love in your relationships. People should be compassionate to themselves, but extend that compassion to your future self because truly extending your compassion to your future self is doing something that gives him or her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut.

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