Nicky Jam: How to Forgive Yourself From the Past & Free Yourself From Shame and Trauma

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28:10Yeah. What creates the, it sounds like it almost feels like you have that to share today. Like you've come here with this feeling of like, I want people to know that despite the success, despite the arc of my journey from like a lot of pain to finding my genius and flow and the greatness that you've achieved, that you want people to know that I still have human emotions. I still have issues. What would you say are those things that come up now? What are the roots of those what are those no i i i'm gonna be honest with you and i have i've never opened up in any of these shows about this i've been going through alcohol problems these last uh this whole last year it's because for some reason the past came back to me and people have seen this you know and and it affect me in a way that even um i uh i even said i was gonna retire and that's a lie.

29:06I'm not retiring. I will never retire. I even posted a video. I edited a video and I posted it that I was retiring. It was alcohol. You know, I've been battling with this for a couple of years now. I could say one or two years. You know, I can't say I'm an alcoholic because if I say I'm an alcoholic, I'm lying. An alcoholic is a person that sees alcohol and starts shivering and drinks every single day. But I go through my days where I go crazy, five or six days and people have seen this And to be honest with you, I smoke weed today because I'm dealing with the anxiety of not drinking. I've been stopping drinking and all that because of the weed.

29:45The weed been helping me in a way. And people see me smoke and they're like, oh, he went back. Well, weed was never a problem for me. It was perks and cocaine and other stuff. Weed was never a problem for me. So when people start seeing me smoking weed, they were like, oh, he went back again. Oh, they saw me drinking alcohol. He went back again. Reality is I've always been battling with my situation. I've just had good years, seven, eight, nine years. And then I have my struggles again with other stuff. You could say the alcohol, the weed I don't see as a drug. Yeah. That's just the way I see it.

30:29I smoke. It makes me chill. I get hungry sometimes. I eat. I laugh. And it gets my mind off all the negativity and drinking and stuff like that. And I just felt judged by people. Like, you know, like just because I stopped doing the other stuff and I've been clean for so many years and then they see me smoking weed or they see me drinking alcohol. They judge me, but they saw my past. and it's contradicting because it's like, okay, so you see my past, you say you feel bad about my situation, you understand my situation, but then you see me fall in any situation or you see me do anything to deal with my anxiety or my present moment and you judge me.

31:14And, yeah, I do feel a type of way. It pisses me off. I ain't going to be lying. But I can't get mad at the same time because people don't understand. and you can't get mad if people don't understand your situation, you know? But at the same time, can you judge somebody if you don't know their situation? Totally, yeah. Who are we to judge? You know, I judged my mom for so many years until I heard what happened to her in the past. And that's why today I respect my mom and I understand my mom. She had a crazy past. So, you know, I wish I could share it, but out of respect for her, I won't do it.

31:52Absolutely, I respect you. I don't know if I have the green light. Stuff that I did talk about my mom is because I had the green light from her to talk about. But probably one day I come out and do another series. And she gives me the green light to talk about whatever. But I don't think I'll do another series about my life. I think what I did was enough. And in a way, I don't want to be in a box. I feel people box me like this. like the, how do you say this in English? Because I think in Spanish so much. Like a role model. I don't want to be a role model. I appreciate that people see me as a role model, but I'm a human being.

32:39And if I have to be a perfect human being to be a role model, I don't want to be a role model. I want to keep being a human being. I want to be able to fall and get back up again and fall and get back up again and fall and get back up again. I don't want to be boxed as this role model just because people want to see me as a role model. And after I did this series, people see me as this guy that can't fuck up. Why? I'm not an angel. When you go to church, a lot of people say, I don't like going to church because I see shit in church that I don't like. and I see people from church doing things they don't have to do, they're not angels.

33:21They're fighting their battles. You cannot expect them to be perfect, even the pastor. He's going to fuck up. He's a human being. Now, if we in the sky and we with God and there's angels fucking up, I understand. But none of these motherfuckers got wings. They're human beings. People don't understand that. And it's easy to judge people, you know? it's easy to judge people but if you had my money and you had my power and you had my past and you had my career how would you manage it you know you can't say you know how you're going to do it because you never had it before you know hey you're just catching me as I have my midday pick me up I'm sure you've heard about Juni, Radhi and I put all of our love into creating this amazing drink.

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34:56Like what were the two motivations that took you there the first time and now as well? Drugs was part of my family since I was a kid. My uncle died of AIDS because he shot heroin using somebody else's needles. He died in my face. My dad did drugs. My mom did drugs in the house. My uncle did drugs. My other uncle did drugs. Everybody in the house would come to my house to do drugs and I would see that. A whole bunch of zombies in my house. So this started since that. And then when I'm 11 years old, I moved to Puerto Rico and kids in Puerto Rico were doing drugs like nothing in the hood. I'm not saying everybody in Puerto Rico does drugs.

35:41Where I was raised, it was normal to see kids doing drugs. And at 11, I started smoking weed. And from weed, a couple of years after, I went to Coke. What made me do Coke was the first girl that I had. And she left me for another man when I was 14 or 15 years old. She left me because I was a kid and I didn't have a job or nothing like that. And she left me for a man that had a job and had inspiration and had all that, you know, blah, blah, blah.

36:19And my mom abandoned me. So to have another girl abandon me, it affected me in a way so big that I started doing cocaine. And from there, it went from cocaine to heroin, heroin to ecstasy, ecstasy to any type of drug until I got hooked with the perks and codeine. and I was doing perks, 30 perks a day for years. I cleaned myself for years because, you know, I got my shit together and I said I know it was destroying me and it was destroying my body and destroying my mind, destroying my health. But when I had success and I did it all and I was all this money and, you know, it's lonely in the top, for some reason that lifestyle took me back to the past.

37:20And I started going out. I didn't do anything and I was bored and somebody had a thing of champagne and I just took one and I started drinking one. And from there, I went to give me another one and there, give me another one. And then I started traveling and I went to Europe and then the base where I was staying was Amsterdam during the week. And I had a little bar on the front and I started drinking and drinking and drinking and I thought it was something that I could do, you know, while I was touring during the week and then weekends I would perform. Went back to Miami, it wasn't the same. I was still in Amsterdam, even if I was in Miami.

37:59And that's how I got back to it. Where do you go for help? Like when you cleaned the first time and now you're being so open about this challenge that you have right now, like how have you been able to find the right help to support you through that? Myself. Myself and my people, my girl. So my girl would tell me, Nikki, you drink and you sleep for a whole day and I'd be alone. That affected me. I'm like, oh shit, really? I leave you alone for eight hours and shit? And all the shit that I would do that I wouldn't remember. And I'm like, I don't want to be that guy. I don't want to be a guy that does things and don't remember.

38:40So that helped me a lot. People around me see people around me, you know, not liking me being this guy that's drinking. And, you know, I've had fun. I ain't going to lie this whole time. I don't want to make it a sad story. I don't want people to think that I've been like sad and crying. I've had a lot of fun, a lot of fun. But too much fun is not good, you know? Yeah. Too much fun is not good. And if you forget shit and you don't remember shit is bad. And that's why I started smoking because I'm very anxious. If you see me here, I can't stop moving. That's just the way I am. I've been like that since I was a kid.

39:20I've never told this story before, but when I was a kid, I ate paint with lead. They paint the house where I was living with lead, and I used to eat that when I was a kid. So that lead got into my blood. and that lead affected me in a way that it makes me very anxious. My sister had it too.

39:45So all the drugs that I did in the past and all that affected my nervous system. So I'm a very anxious person and I ain't going to lie, the weed helps me a lot. It's been helping me a lot. Probably somebody hears me and is like, you're stupid. You're leaving something for another thing or whatever. I mean, I do whatever I got to do to feel better. And I'd rather smoke than drink. And I'm not doing the perks I used to do in the past with the cocaine, et cetera. And I don't even know why I'm telling you so much shit. I appreciate it. No, man, I think it's, I mean, it's real. It's real. Oh, I'm real.

40:20Yeah, and if anything, it's impressive how aware you are of yourself having had so much trauma, stress, pain, like you're so aware. Like that's what I'm noticing in you. I'm listening to you. I'm like, wow, this person's so aware. You're so open to people in your inner circle being able to share their feedback with you. You said it's lonely at the top, but it seems like you've surrounded yourself with people that can be honest with you and are honest with you. And that's beautiful. You could have good people next to you and still feel lonely. Yeah. It's weird. I don't know how to explain that.

41:00For some reason, you could have good people next to you. I have a good circle of people. I have good friends. I have a good girl. I have beautiful kids. My kids are big now. They're all in college and high school. I'm not the typical guy that calls the family every day and checks on them. I'm the guy that when you call, I'm there. my dad calls me and I'll be there in a second. Anything he needs. My mom as well. My kids as well. Even my friends. Sometimes I just don't want to be next to people, but it's not because I'm a jerk. Because I love my friends. And my friends have been in my family for a long time because I've been on the road so long.

41:42I've been more on the road than in my house. Traveling the world. I've traveled the world. I've done so much around the world that to be in my house It's just something that doesn't happen. But yeah, sometimes you still feel lonely. It's just the traumas, man. The traumas take you there. But I deal with it. I mean, I'm just opening it up to you. I'm not doing it. It's not that I'm like, I've been laughing my whole way here. I have a good time. I make fun of myself. I joke around everywhere I go. I have a lot of fun. But, you know, I'm a human being and that's what I want people to understand. I have my days just like you.

42:26I have my depressions just like you. I have my insecurities just like you. I have my all that shit that people think we don't have because we have money. We have cars. We have all that bullshit that the reality is just nothing. You know, the end of the day, it's just when you're alone in that bed, you know. you're dying in that bed you don't have a ferrari next to you you don't have a whole bunch of girls next to you you don't have a whole bunch of friends next to you it's your family who's there with you you know so i i'm real yeah no walk me through there's there's some things you said to me that i think you know people won't experience once let alone 50 60 times you were saying like nearly been killed like what is that that must be a life altering experience but when you've had it 50, 60 times.

43:15I mean, do you become immune to that? Does that just become normal? Not now. No, not now. Because I left that life a long time ago. But yeah. At that time? At that time, yes, of course. Yeah, I didn't care. Walk me through one of the events that was the worst, like that was the closest. Oh my God. I mean, there's so many things I can't even talk about because it'll think, well, I could almost talk about. I was at this club and I just bought a gun. I bought a gun and for some reason this gun, if you lower the safety, it shoots. Because the gun was, they put it fully automatic in a street way. So I bought this gun.

43:58I went into a club. The way I got into the club with the gun is funny. I put it in my chain and I tucked it in. Security guy touched it. I said it was, you know, it was, it was, uh, if you had like a, like a, how do you call that? Like a rosemary or something like that or a Santa Maria or anything gold. Yeah. They, you can't, they can't touch it cause it's prepared. It's, it's a Puerto Rican thing. And so I got in my gun and I shot the gun inside there and then the. No, I had someone just. No, no. I didn't want to shoot it. I lowered the safety and it shot. so I'm in the club and the big guy from Puerto Rico the one that was I'm not going to say names but the big guy he was there and his right man was there too and they tell him yo Nicky's shooting in the club and the big guy know me the top guy he knew me and he was like oh you know he's Nicky I'll deal with him don't worry about that he's my boy but then I was hiding myself behind this guy because I knew I just shot the roof of the club and I didn't want Nobody knew it was me.

45:05And I had an argument with the guy. And the guy said he was with the top guy. And I said, I don't care you're with the top guy. But he told the top guy, he's like, Nicky said he don't care about you. So his right hand man came to shoot me. And then I shoot my way out. I shot him too.

45:22And they gave me that phone call saying, bro, wherever we get you, it's done. That was a scary moment because I know who this guy was. and he was one of the biggest guys, biggest guys in Puerto Rico. Long story short, the whole music industry helped me not get killed. And I had to pay my way to help the guy because the guy had a, he had a, how do you call this? He had diabetes. So when you get, if you get shot having diabetes for some reason it affects you way more and I had to like pay a lot of money in that moment we didn't make that much money in the industry in the music industry and I got out of that but that's just one of the stories of a whole bunch of stories I could tell you wow man and like you said there's real fear there there's no when a guy like that calls you and tells you he was done it's the you know it's one of the worst things you could hear in your life you know it's just I went through a lot of stuff man And I went through a lot of stuff and I was just a rebel.

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47:55How long were you ever in prison for, for the longest time? Like three years. Three years in one stretch? Yeah. Walk us through what three years in prison looks like, because I feel like, again, most people only see it in the movies and, you know, it's glorified in a TV show. At the beginning, you get all claustrophobic and you feel like you're going to die. I mean, come on. You're used to living in a house, and from living in a house, you're living in four walls. Like this? It's more than this. No, this is huge, bro. No, I mean, from where you are to where I am, and probably a little bit over here, that's it.

48:35That's all you got in the toilet. But the reality of everything, I've always been the soul of the party. So I made these people have fun. I sang for them. I made jokes all day because I'm a joker. I be doing jokes. And people love me. You know, people love me. And they were going to give me six years. And from six years, I came out in three. So I try not to talk too much about that because it was crazy days. But I could tell you that I thought for one moment everything was going to be done when I got into that place. And as soon as I came out, coming inside is not a problem. when you come out and you front everything that you left before you went inside jail.

49:20Just like drugs. You know, you stop doing drugs and then you got to confront yourself with all the things that made you get into drugs. So I don't know. I'm just happy I'm outside. Yeah. No, I'm fascinated because it's such a unique life experience that you know i don't get to speak to someone who's had that experience and then had the other experience that you've had so to me i'm just curious because i feel like we have such a limited understanding of that life experience from the outside in like you have no clue what it looks like to have that experience and i love what you said that it's actually harder when you come out and you've got to see where everything's kind of you got to catch up with life catch up with life and you know you know and then come back and do a comeback and it was worse i came out and it was worse and worse and worse.

50:11And I did more drugs and more drugs. And it was, it came to a moment I looked all messed up because Perks was a drug that will make you eat. So I was a drug addict. I was a big drug addict. You know what I'm saying? I was an overweight drug addict. I would rather be a skinny drug addict. It makes more sense. But I wasn't. I was eating all this shit and, you know, and overweight and just, you know, So embarrassment, embarrassments, embarrassments. So it was just horrible. But, you know, moving to Colombia changed my life. Why did that change your life? Well, the reality is sometimes you have to move.

50:57You know, you can't stay in one place. And they called me for a show in Colombia when I was in my worst moment. And I went over there and I performed. reality I acted like I was my own manager I changed my voice they're like yo can we get uh Nikki Jam for the AT to one moment let me put my manager yes what do you need right now changed my voice and I acted like I was my own manager and um I went to Columbia and I'm thinking over here I'm the worst guy on the list of singers that's going to be in this concert You know, all these kids were popping. They were like killing the game. I haven't been in Columbia for a long time.

51:41So I go over there and I'm over here thinking, damn, I'm singing these old songs. You know, I've been out of the game for so long and not doing well. And, you know, I don't know if I want to go on stage, you know, like I got even nervous and everything. And I'm seeing that all these kids are performing and they saving me for last. and I tell the promoter like bro why are you leaving me for last I mean you got all these kids they killing the game right now they they doing everything perfect like why are you leaving he's like we saving you for last bro because you're the one people want to see you never did a show here when you was really popping so people want to see you so when I got on stage it was standing ovation I mean people were like crazy and it went from that to that same two weeks I I was doing like 15 shows I did.

52:33Cheap, but hey, I made some money and I paid the rent. Went back to Puerto Rico, paid the rent, bought me a car, da, da, da, da. And I'm thinking, what the f*** am I doing here in Puerto Rico? I have this country that loves me so much. I'm working and I feel good over there. So it started from me like staying two weeks, three weeks, to me saying, you know what, I'm moving here. I'm moving to this country. And I was going through a bad moment there. I was going through a really bad moment in Puerto Rico and I went through a lot of embarrassments and stuff like that. So people in Colombia was seeing me as an idol, an icon.

53:18They were like, Nikki, you're an icon. I'm like, icon? What do you mean? I'm broke. An icon? I'm overweight, broke. How are you going to call me an icon? But people, see, when people give you that love and they say you're the best, you believe it. So thanks for the people giving me that love and saying I'm the best. I did believe I was the best until I became the best and I conquered the world. I realized the country had more than 65 million people and it was the YouTube era. And I said, you know what? If I have one number one hit, national hit in this country, I could probably have so many views that I could make other countries want to know why I have so many views.

54:07And it went from having one national hit to five national hits and having 15 million in one song, 20 million in another one, 30 million in another one. And people was like, yo, Nicki's popping. And from there, I went to Chile. From there, I went to Ecuador. From there, I went to here, Europe, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then from there, I did five number one global hits. Did the World Cup. Did movies in Hollywood, et cetera, et cetera. I did everything. And thanks to Colombia. Thanks for the love they gave me. Thanks for the support they gave me. thanks for making me think that I was somebody bigger than I thought I was, you know?

54:54And that's just something that I appreciate so much. And that's why I love the country everywhere I go. And every country I go, I talk about Colombia. I could be in Mexico and I talk about Colombia. I could be in Puerto Rico and I talk about Colombia and I say, hey, if you guys see two Colombias walking around the streets, give them love. Why? Because they took one of yours and they gave them love. That's just the way I see it. That's the way I believe it. You know, if I see somebody from Colombia struggling in my country, if I'm living in Puerto Rico, I'll get them in my house. I'll take care of them because Colombia did it with me.

55:31They gave me love when I needed it. I owe them so much. That's why I always try to, you know, show love and do whatever I could do to help the country, you know? Yeah, I really believe in this idea of having a power place or a purpose place in the world there are certain places that you move to that it feels like the whole universe is conspiring for you to grow and become something yeah columbia is exactly that columbia is that for you and i appreciate that so much you know even if i i wish i wish um i would have went before yeah yeah there's i mean there's a reason why like places become iconic for something like you look at silicon valley and tech or you look at la and entertainment you look at new york and finance you look at you know even i was with my friend in you know we're in this we're in oxford in england and like literally every book that we grew up on whether it was alice in wonderland or lord of the rings was written in that area of oxford of course and so it's like you've got all these hubs in the world where writers creatives artists entrepreneurs gravitate because there's an energetic pull in that place yeah and for you you know colombia sounds like it was that power place that it was it was 100 and i i'm really grateful yeah i can see that for the country and i would always give love and show love to the country yeah until the day i die and i don't mind dying in colombia you know because uh I feel like I'm dying home you know what was it like having that conversation with your mom after you had context of whatever she went through what did it feel like to like approach that because the reason I ask it is I feel like a lot of us judge our parents for not giving us enough for not being there for maybe you know creating our trauma etc how do you then have that conversation to be like, I don't judge you.

57:27Like, this is how I, like, how do you even navigate a conversation like that? My mom is not an easy individual. My mom is very complicated. She's not, she's not, well, you got to understand, my mom was a lady that went, she was a drug addict most of her life, you know. It's not like getting to talk to a typical mom that's going to like, talk to you and say, yes, son, how you doing? and it's a person that literally was raised in the streets. So having a conversation with my mom is not the easiest thing in the world, but I give her the message in a strong way because I have my mom's character. I don't know if that's the right way of saying it.

58:16My sister has my dad's, and my mom is a strong woman and she don't take shit from nobody. and I'm a strong mother. I don't take shit from nobody. That's just the way I am. I've always been like that since I was a kid. I was raised like that and my mom raised me like that and in the small time she was with me, she would tell me in school, she was like, if you go and you fight in school and the kid you was fighting with, he beat up more than you, I'm going to whoop your ass when you get home. Automatically, my mom gave me that. I got to whoop people's asses if I go back home. My mom's going to whoop me and I'm more scared of my mom than the kid in school.

58:58So she made me a tough guy, you know? She made me a tough guy. The conversation was just me being strong to her and telling her, hey, you know what? You did this. You went through this. I understand you. I went through a lot of shit myself. I needed you. Well, you here now and we here. And there's all that matters, you know? and I take care of her. I bought her a house. You know, I give her money monthly. Anything she needs, you know, I take care of her. You know, it's hard because, you know, to have a relationship, she lives in Dominican Republic, she can't travel. You know, I've been fighting for her to have her, you know, a pardon from the United States so she can come back.

59:43She can't have it right now. But I leave everything in God's hands. Do you pray a lot? if I say I pray a lot I'm gonna lie man I have so much it's so funny man I have so much ADD that even if I pray I can lose myself praying so it goes from I don't know if I'm the only one that has that situation I think we all have that I think we all have like but I talk to God yeah I don't pray yeah because praying has a process you know Praying is just not like, yeah, God, I need you to hook me up with this. No, praying is more like you have to first say thank you for everything I have. Ask for other people's blessings and health and all that, and then you talk about yourself.

1:00:43That's the right way of doing it. That's the way the Bible says you should do it. I don't go through all that process Every time I do it sometimes But I talk to God here and there You know I talk to God And I have conversations with God I feel like God is my best friend I know it's not the right way I know I should pray more Oh I mean that sounds beautiful Yeah That sounds like the essence of prayer Yeah I mean I Well me being a guy that knows about the Bible And knows about the word of God I know there's a better way of having a connection with God and a better way of praying. They say that you wake up every morning and you get on your knees and you pray, it's the right way.

1:01:27I wake up noxious in the morning. Now I feel like I'm sick in the morning. I got to eat something first. So if I get on my knees and I start praying and I don't feel good, I don't feel like I'm giving the best. I don't know if I'm – No, I think you're all of us. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I feel like, I mean, can I at least eat a piece of bread or something so I can like really focus on praying the right way? That's brilliant. I mean, look at my past and look at everything I've been through when I'm still here, you know? I feel God has a purpose for me. He has a huge purpose for me. And I feel God loves me the way I am.

1:02:09I mean, I feel if I go to heaven and I'll probably like joke around with God and, you know, playing around with his beard and, you know, just the way I see myself. He made me. He knows the way I am. He knows my essence. He made me. I have respect for God. I love God. And I know the time will come where I would have to like really dedicate myself to God because he has given me so much and I haven't given him what I have to, you know. so I know I owe God a lot you know that's beautiful I'll pay him back I'll pay him back you've had a lot of figures in your life that have been important at different times and of course as you mentioned earlier like Daddy Yankee was in that mixtape time and you know growing you and then of course I believe the relationship didn't go as you know relationships fizzle out and don't always work the same have you found a way to reconcile those relationships as well or are you kind of sometimes like if it didn't work out part ways move on well the only persons who I had situations like that old person was Daddy Yankee and I me and him were better than ever he texted me I think it was yesterday or today he's in church now he's he's he's with God now 100 % and I'm really happy for him and he knows what I've been going through and all that and we've talked before we had conversations and you know me and him are like better than ever now so I can't say forgiveness because he didn't do anything to me.

1:03:42If we could say it was the other way around, he always tried to be the big brother and I always tried to be the wreck. Getting Daddy Yankee out of the situation, any person that I've had a problem with that done something to me, I forgive and I feel better because the forgiveness is not for them, it's for yourself. I feel better. I've had problems. Even here today, I have a friend. He's right here with me and we didn't talk to each other for, I don't know, four years or something like that. We was mad. We had bad situations and now we're joking in the car like nothing happened. I think that's the way it should be.

1:04:19Life is too short, you know, and to hold crushes and be mad and shit and be mad with people. Just go back to people. And they gave me so much in a moment that it's crazy like not to be with them they could up too you know you know people up and sometimes do things that other people will never forgive now i'm gonna tell you this though i forgive but i never forget and with that i'll say everything last year when i went on my world tour something that i was doing throughout the show was I was creating moments of growth, but that would discomfort for people from the audience. I would bring people up and I would guide them and coach them through an uncomfortable situation in their life.

1:05:10So at the end of the show, there was this one moment that we did across the world. So we did it at 40 shows across the world. And I would ask people in the audience if there was someone in their life that they loved, but that they haven't talked to in five ten fifteen years and people had crazy stories there were people who like hadn't talked to their kids for 10 years brothers and sisters who hadn't talked for five years you know people who hadn't talked to their ex for seven years whatever all these stories and i'd invite someone on stage who felt comfortable and i'd coach them through and they'd have to i'd ask them to call that person on stage in front of everyone but not tell them that they're at an event and share how they really felt.

1:05:52And it was amazing, man, to see like out of the 40 phone calls, 20 went to voicemail, but 20 went through to the person. And it wasn't about a happy ending or it wasn't about like a perfect reconnection. It was about what you said, life was too short to carry that weight of I love this person and I haven't said it. Or I used to really appreciate this friend and I, we lost touch. We fell out over nothing or maybe we fell out over something. When you're Reconnecting with people in your life What's been the thing that's Allowed you to have the courage to do that Like you've done it with your mom, you've done it with Daddy Yankee Like where's that coming from?

1:06:27That's just sneaky I only have one friend That I didn't talk to That I had problems with, it's the one I just told you I'm the stupid one That always forgive people When I say stupid it's because That's what people tell me You know, not because I think I'm stupid because I forgive people and I reconnect with them again. I just, I don't care. Yeah. I just don't care. It don't affect me anymore. Like if something affects me in the moment, but I, I don't, it makes me forget. I don't know why. It's just the way I am. I don't stay with that shit here. Probably it makes me a better person. I feel, no, probably it makes me a person, a happier person.

1:07:10I feel that I'm a happier person because of that. I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm not saying I don't go through shit. Yes, I have a whole bunch of situations in life, but I have better quality of life because I forgive. I have no problem with forgiveness. I have no problem with sitting in a car with somebody that f***ed me in the past. I have no problem with that. I don't feel like some people with the ego f*** them up. I'm like, oh, yeah, you think you f***ed me? I'm going to get you, mother f***er. I don't have that situation. If I love you back again, I love you back again. It's just the way I am.

1:07:52And I don't want people to be like me. I just want people to do whatever the fuck you do to make you happy. Whatever makes you happy, just do it. That's what I do. I ain't trying to live the way people tell me to. I'm trying to live the way life, the way I'm happy. That's just the way I am. Does that apply to you as well? Do you think you can forgive yourself easily as well?

1:08:19You know, I've never seen me in a situation where I do not forgive, where I need forgiveness for myself because I've done people, things to people. I've been a good human being to people, you know. Stuff I've done in the streets and stuff like that are to people that are really bad people, you know. So I don't know if I need their forgiveness.

1:08:47But I feel good about me as a human being. I'm happy and I'm proud of myself. I've helped my family. I've helped people in the streets. I've helped my friends. If I buy a motorcycle, we all have motorcycles. If I eat, we all eat. That's just the way I am. The guy in the corner, if he's there, he ain't eating, come eat with me. You know what I'm saying? I like helping people. I enjoy the smiles on people's face when I help them. I'm proud of myself because I'm that human being. If I wasn't that human being, I would be. I'm not a selfish motherfucker. I will never be that guy. I see movies where people help other people and then I cry.

1:09:29Tears like that. My girl's been with me in the same room and she's seen me crying like a girl in movies. Why? Because I'm a good human being. When you a good human being and you see people doing good, you cry. But if you see shit like that and you don't give a fuck, I just think you a piece of shit too. That's just the way I am. Because you don't care. Why would you not care? Why would you see somebody helping somebody else? Don't see that. Why would that not affect you? it affects me in a good way it's like shit I'm proud of myself as a human being I'm proud of who I am I'm proud that I like helping people I'm proud that I'm a real person I'm proud that I'm a person that if I fuck up I'll say I fuck up you know that's just the way I am and I'm not perfect I'll never be perfect and I'll fuck up tomorrow and I'll fall but I'll wake up and I'll clean my shit and I'll keep going you know Parking shouldn't slow you down.

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1:11:54Why did you say you were going to retire when you said today you were like, I would never have done that? And then what has inspired insomnia? What part of your heart and mind is that coming from? Drinking. Drinking makes you say stupid things, makes you get depressed, makes you see everything. Everything closes in. It's not really. And that's what was going on in that situation. And it made me post a thing that I was retiring. Retired? I'm not retiring. Never. Hell no. I will never retire. Music is my life. Music is everything for me. But that's what f***ing alcohol do. It f*** up your judgment.

1:12:34You know what I'm saying? And I've been through that a lot. For some reason, it made me not care in that moment. Once I stopped drinking, I'm like, hell no. I erased that video and everything. But nah, I'm not retiring. You was asking about the album? Yeah, the album. Yeah. What's that been inspired by with this whole new journey you're on right now? Like you said, if you listen to the whole album, Insomnia, all the songs has something to do with the nighttime and me drinking and me partying and me going crazy and me smoking and me, my love lives and stuff like that. So the album has that situation that I've been going through these last years.

1:13:20Music is my art of expression. And I took my time to do this album, and I think it's one of the best albums I've ever done. Everything has the same color. The album cover is amazing. It's really what I've been through. If you see the picture, you would automatically say, okay, I could understand him just seeing his face. The songs from the number one song to the 15th song. And not only that, apart from that, this song, Insomnia, that's the single that's coming out, for me is going to be a global hit because I went hard on this song. It talks about the situation of my drinking and all that, But at the same time, it's a sad song, but it's a happy song.

1:14:19It's crazy. Like, if you listen to it, you will never imagine the way it started. Because it started as a slow, R &B, sad song. And I told my boy, the guy that wrote the song with me, Sneakers are badass, by the way. Thanks, man. I was telling him, yo, the song is badass, but we need an upbeat. We need to make this shit upbeat, man. We need to shit. This song is too good to be just one of the songs in the album, just one of the songs. I was like, hell no, we need to make this shit a motherfucking hit. And I said, let's do merengue. And I was in the bathroom with my girl, and I started around, you know what I'm saying?

1:15:00Singing a song. I did it with my mouth. And I said, I called the producers, like, yo, let's try to do this. And we took it that route. And bro, I think we cooked a mega hit. So I think the album is just me expressing myself of what I've been through these last years. And at the same time, it made good ass music. So I want people to enjoy it. I want people to have fun with this album and sit down and analyze the lyrics. because everything, every song has a little something that tells you about what I've been through and what I've been going through these last years. I noticed something amazing.

1:15:48When you started talking about the album, you went completely still. When I went away? When you started talking about the music, your whole body and everything went completely still. Completely still. If everyone rewinds and just goes back to that, when you were locked in talking about the music and the album. I mean, it's my art, man. It's my art. It's amazing. It's my psychology. My psychology? What? Psychology, yeah. It's my psychology. You know? I feel like it tells my story. It tells my situation. It makes me happy in a way where I could express myself. And we're always misunderstood as artists.

1:16:27And there's no better way to clear the misunderstandings by your art. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. What's something that people don't know about you That you wish they did I don't know I'm so open Yeah that's why I asked I'm so open I tell people the way I am I don't care I speak what I think It's really hard What's something people misunderstand about you That you'd like to clarify It could be my situations in my relationships A lot of people see me jumping around From relationship to relationship Well not jumping around But let's say I've had a lot of relationships that haven't worked. And for some reason, people think that I'm just unstable.

1:17:11And not necessarily unstable. I just think that sometimes it doesn't work. And it's not easy being an artist and doing what I do and having stable relationships. And if you've seen my past and you see what I've been through, you can't expect me to have the typical picket-white-fence relationship. it's just not the way it works. I didn't have that in my house, so why should I have that now? I'm always on the road, and it's just really hard. It's not like I'm a picky guy. I don't care, and I just throw away girls like nothing. But I don't care about that. At the end of the day, people will never understand you 100%.

1:17:52For sure. And you can't try to make people understand you. You don't need to. You know, I envy old people when they're 60 years old, 70 years old. They don't give a ****. They don't care. They wake up in the morning, they take pills, they eat, they want to sleep. They don't stress about anything. But in your age, in my age, we're always like, ah, **** life, I got to make money. You know what I'm saying? Like, I want to be them. I want to not give a ****. I want to not care. I want to just enjoy life, enjoy my friends, enjoy my family, enjoy my girl. Enjoy my fans, whoever are my fans. Because there's fans and there's people that are not your fans that are just talking shit.

1:18:40Fans don't talk shit. Real fans are there with you. No matter what you go through. If you're up, you're down, you're fat, you're skinny. Dead or alive. They're fans. So shout out to my real fans. I love you, mother f***er, to death. For sure, for sure. How hard was the gastric bypass surgery you went through? Was it very physically challenging? Was it stressful? It was stressful when I was in bed before the surgery. But after that, man, it was awesome. I enjoyed it. I'll do it again. I enjoyed it a lot, you know. And it helped me a lot. A lot of stuff was messing up my stomach, like food. that I was eating.

1:19:26Now I don't have that situation. Wow. You know, I feel better, better health, play basketball like I'm 20 years old. I'm good. You know, I feel good. I enjoy it a lot. It helped me a lot. Yeah. A lot of food that I couldn't eat before I could eat now, you know, healthy food. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, it was a hard process after because, you know, you're just drinking liquids and shit. But once you can start eating the, you know. How long do you have to be on liquids for? I think it's like two weeks. Oh, wow. Just liquids for two weeks. Just liquids in two weeks. It's not easy. That's not easy. I've been eating popsicles.

1:20:03I was eating popsicles the whole time. I was like, pop, pop, pop. Popsicles. Nicky, it's been such a joy getting to know you, man. And I appreciate the honesty, the vulnerability. And it's impressive to just see how aware you are of everything going on when you've been through so much. You've had some incredible life experience. and to be standing where you are with being, having the ability to look in a mirror and be able to see yourself and your challenges. It's really special, man. So I commend you and I respect you for that. I appreciate you. And at the end of the day, there's this therapy for me too, you know?

1:20:38So I appreciate you. Sometimes we need it. Of course. I think probably most of the times we need it. So for me, having you, you know, making me talk, all of this makes me live a lot better and have a better day today. So I appreciate you so much. I hope that all the people enjoy the show and enjoy what we talk today and learn from what they hear and see it as a constructive way and not a negative way. Because sometimes people, they try to see things the negative way. But like I said, I've learned this. More stupid is the stupid that argues with the stupid. I don't argue with stupid people anymore I just I ain't trying to be stupid anymore They say it like that So I just sit back, enjoy life And keep going Yeah, for sure We end every interview with a fast five Which means you have to answer every question In one word to one sentence maximum So you can have one word to one sentence For each question So I'll ask you a fast five It's a lightning round So I can answer with one word?

1:21:49Or one sentence You can give me one full sentence, but no more than that. The first question is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Live life. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Don't live in Colombia. Did someone say that to you? Yeah. That's funny. How many times did you hear that? A lot. Okay. And they said I was stupid. I was like, literally like, I was going to mess up my career and look what it gave me. Question number three Your funniest memory Or the silliest memory you have You can give more than one sentence Oh I have a funny story The way I threw you So I'm at this club She's laughing so it's good This is a good story I'm at this club right This happened in It's a kind of long story though Yeah yeah tell us Yeah yeah go for it Yeah so I'm at this club right I'm at a VIP party.

1:22:49There's some girls there and stuff like that. And this big, strong guy was ripped like this. He had so many muscles. He looked like a bodybuilder or something like that. He's like, yo, I want to go into the VIP. And I didn't really want him to come in because I knew he was problems. You know what I'm saying? So I'm like, yo, I don't know. I don't work here. Talk to the bouncers. and he looks at me, he's like, I'm going to destroy you. I'm like, what the fuck you said? He said, I'm going to destroy you. I'm like, shit. I'm like, what? And I punched him. Boom. And he goes, this is the best you have?

1:23:31I'm like, yeah. I'm like, it didn't hurt. So he punched me really hard. Boom. And he punches me really hard. And then he takes me against the wall, my neck like that. And he's hitting me. And I'm calling my boys. And my boys are not looking at me. And I had a watch in that moment. Big, heavy watch. And I take the watch and I hit him in the head with the watch. And he still doesn't let go of me. He has blood coming out. And then the bouncers pick him up. The bouncers take him. And then when the bouncers take him, I go like, see, you don't mess with me. And then they let him go. I'm like, yo, get him again.

1:24:09Get him again. They pick him up. And then we get into this limo, right? We get to the limo. And imagine how old this story is. I'm in a limo. I'm telling my boys like, yo, bro, you guys didn't help me. This guy f*** me up. And then out of nowhere, they throw a bottle at the limo. And then the little Mexican dude's like, hey, this guy wants some problem, let's say. And I'm like, yo, yo, yo, yo, you don't understand. This guy is not a human being. Do not stop. I hit him with everything. Watches, everything. It's not a human being. And he wanted to stop. He wanted to fight with the guy, but I knew the guy was a Hulk, you know what I'm saying?

1:24:47So they take me to the hotel, you know what I'm saying? I'm all hurt and shit. I'm in the bed. And then out of nowhere, I hear the door going boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And I hear, I'm going to destroy you. And I started, I'm trying to do what I do to you, man. I'm screaming and all that. Then it was my boys. They were making fun of me. They were making fun of me, man. But the story doesn't end there. Years go by. Years go by. I'm talking about, I don't know, probably like 10 years. I don't know, 12 years. I'm at Gran Canarias where I had this situation. And guess who I found next to me?

1:25:29This guy comes to me strong. Not that strong at that time. And he's like, you know who I am. And I'm like, nah, man, it's like, I'm that guy from that club. You had a problem. I'm like, oh, you're the destroying guy. And he's like, oh, yeah, yeah. It's like, I'm sorry. I just want to say I'm sorry. You know, the steroids was messing with me, and I got messed up. And I just want to say that if you never need security, you have me, and blah, blah, blah. And then he became my friend. And now he's outside. It's just security. No, I wish the story was that cool, but no. That's just one of the stories of 100 stories I could tell you.

1:26:09That's a good story. I have so many stories. That was a good pick. I like that. That was a great story. It was worth it. I loved it. Question number four, what chapter title would you give this phase of your life? If it was a chapter in your book, what would this chapter title be called? Insomnia. Nice. And question number five, it's the question we ask to every guest who's ever been on the show. Final question. if you could create one rule or one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be? Everybody give yourselves a hug that would be my rule I like that Everybody give yourselves a hug that would just be my rule because I think the world needs a hug this world is going crazy and every day is going more crazy and this shit is making it more crazy I'm sorry Steve Jobs we need a hug I love it Nicky Jam everyone Insomnia is out now September 6th Nicky this was such a such a joy I've laughed I've been reflecting with you I feel like I've been in your pain with you I'm so grateful that you just open up one of the realest people I've ever met so raw so open I appreciate you so much so vulnerable I'm grateful man I hope I get to spend more time with you so you will looking forward to it if you ever go to Miami hit me up I will let you know now I promise I won't drink You can drink, man.

1:27:31You can do whatever you like. I'm joking, man. I'm joking. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you, man. All right, my friend. If this is the year that you're trying to get creative, you're trying to build more, I need you to listen to this episode with Rick Rubin on how to break into your most creative self, how to use unconventional methods that lead to success, and the secret to genuinely loving what you do. If you're trying to find your passion and your lane, Rick Rubin's episode is the one for you. Just because I like it, that doesn't give it any value. Like, as an artist, if you like it, that's all of the value.

1:28:05That's the success comes when you say, I like this enough for other people to see it. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50%, and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. The day begins at the Chase Sapphire Lounge by the club at Boston Logan Airport. You get the clam chowder. In San Diego, it's tostadas. New York, espresso martini. It's 10 a.m. Why not? It's the quiet before your next flight, the shower that resets your day, the menu that lets you know where you are.

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