Reneé Rapp ON: How to Break the Patterns of Negative Self Talk & Ways to Stop Using External Judgement to Measure Your Achievement

33:05A couple of them. But I was in this group of friends and we were just like sending it. And it was the first time in my life where I wasn't working. I was fresh out of this relationship. I was just going there. And I think that I had always had to like really like nail myself to the ground. and I had always been just so incredibly nervous. And for the first time, I just like didn't. And I like really let my judgment go when it came to the people that were around me. And we were all out and it was just situation after situation where they were just not trustworthy. And then like the next thing you knew, I was face up like laying down in like a bathroom stall in a hotel bar, just waking up at like five in the morning, like completely alone.

33:59And I woke up and I was like, I was just so confused. And I had like blood on my pants and I was really just like so caught off guard. And I like looked down, I had my phone and my purse and I looked down and I was completely alone in a bathroom stall. And I looked at my phone and it was like five in the morning. I was like, what happened? I was like, I was out at like a party with like my friends. And I had missed two texts from two people that I was with at like 1030 the night before, which was like seven hours had gone by that was like, hey, I guess you left. Like, well, you know, see you when we see you.

34:35And mind you, I was dating somebody in the group at that time. And so I didn't go to this place alone. And I had like a boyfriend or a situation or whatever, somebody that I was at least with that just was nowhere to be found. And so I still have no idea what happened, no clue what happened, but I was drugged and just like missing for like seven hours. And I stopped being friends with those people and stopped doing as much partying as I was and told my parents, told some of my friends and just kind of explained it in like a really matter of fact way. And they were all very concerned. And I didn't really even understand what was happening because again, I didn't recall anything that had happened.

35:25And then a couple of months later, we like really delve into it. And like, I kind of started to like have to like deal with everything that happened and was just crying and so upset and very confused and then resentful of those friends that I was with. But all that to say, then like a year later, we wrote Snow Angel. And I had been saying to Alexander, who I did this whole album with, like, I really want to write a song about this. I recounted the situation so many times. And after like the 10th time of telling like a group of people that you know, through maybe just music sessions that you were like drugged and you have no idea what happened and you were like kind of into drugs at one point but you don't really want to talk about it but you do want to write a song about it and then just being like then you kind of stop wanting to write that song naturally so I was like okay I guess I just won't write anything about this um and then eventually Alexander like came back to me and was like I really want to write that song that you were talking to me about.

36:29And I think you and I should just do it together. And I was like, okay. And then we started writing it and it was just the two of us. And frankly, the whole time we were writing it, I felt nothing, nothing. Like I was explaining all this stuff and I was like, yeah. And you can like reference like the snow is whatever you want to reference it as and things like that. And I felt nothing at all until we like had recorded the song. The whole thing was done. And I played it for a bunch of my friends and my manager and everybody was like, this is insane. But for me, that whole year of my life was inherent resilience because not only was I like fighting through an experience, I have no idea what happened to me.

37:12lost friends, felt like I couldn't go out with anybody and trust anybody, and then was like trying to explain the situation in a way that I understood it, but I didn't really understand it, and then wanted to write a song about it and wanted to write an album about it, but was also afraid to be judged for having something like that happen to me. But it's also like, what did happen? So it was a whole thing. Up until we decided to like name the album Snow Angel and have that be the song, that to me was all resilience because I was just like kind of cold face, like fighting through everything. And I still don't really know how I feel about it.

37:48I just know that I feel weird and very resilient. I'm Radhi Dvlukia and I'm the host of a Really Good Cry podcast. And I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Uri. Logan is a dating expert, a behavioral scientist, a bestselling author, and someone who is seriously changing the way we think about love and dating. In our conversation, we talk all things dating that Logan has studied and tested from what to put in your dating profile, the pictures you should and shouldn't be using to the conversation starters that actually work and the huge no-nos that people probably do not realize are reducing their chances of success on apps.

38:23Whether you're single, dating, or just trying to be more intentional in love, Logan offers the kind of clarity we all need. Relationships do require work and the best relationships are people who really work on them together. They're so focused on, if I find the perfect person, then I'll have the perfect relationship instead of understanding really that they can choose someone great and then build that relationship together. They don't need to keep searching for perfection. Listen to A Really Good Cry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. That's resilient for sure.

38:55Yeah, that's resilient. Yeah, for sure. I mean, have you ever been able to piece anything together from the night or not at all? Like just nothing. That must be so, that's almost like so disconnecting from yourself. Yeah. Very weird. Yeah, no, I have no idea. And I just stopped talking to the group of people. I was like, I don't want to know what you know or don't or what you claim to know or don't know. I just wanted to let it go. Yeah. What made you trust them in the first place that you now look back as a red flag and go, I should have been aware? I really wanted to have fun. I really wanted to have fun.

39:33I had just gone through this breakup and I had just changed a lot of my life and I had just, you know, become visible in like a different way in the career thing. And I just wanted to like party and have a good time. I didn't go to college and I didn't have that experience like to like let loose and just like chill. And these were people that I saw were really partying too much to a point. And I just, I wanted to have fun. And I wanted people who knew none of my friends, who knew nothing about my life, who didn't know my ex, who didn't know two exes ago, who knew nothing about me. And I was just like fresh new into the group.

40:14I don't know. It was just like, it was exciting to have a group of people that just did not care about anything else other than partying because I cared so much about everything else. I wanted that like level of just like escape and not dealing with it. And then I just escaped too far. Yeah. How did they react when you kind of started to disconnect? To be honest, it's like, it wasn't a big deal like it was it was nothing to them to lose a friendship like that it was it wasn't a big deal to them and that's you know whatever I guess the only time that I ever heard like anything was like when I started to like really release music and started getting more attention for it somebody was like hey you know I would love to talk to you about like the time and I'm just like, no, you don't.

41:10No, you don't. No, you don't. And I feel like that person obviously, I mean, you don't just disappear like randomly. You just don't. As far as I'm concerned, I could be way wrong and silly for thinking that. But yeah, it wasn't a big deal to them. It was just nothing. And I've made peace with it to just be like, okay, if that is how you react to something like that happening to me, then you don't value my life, friendship and safety in the way that I would value yours. So it's best we just part ways and then we just never really talked again. That's hard as well to like. Yeah. Yeah. How does that feel to you now?

41:57I trust people really fast. And then when I don't trust someone, I don't trust them. and I think it's very jarring for people around me sometimes but I'm good at letting go very good at letting go and I don't know if that's something that I'm really good at because I've been burned one too many times I mean I would rather be like with my group of friends now and like not be at risk to like be left alone and hurt and have whatever happened happen then like be with those people yeah i think i'm doing like pretty good in my life where i don't really feel like i need that and also the idea of like wanting to party and have fun is not a bad thing yeah but it's like you know it's a it's almost like it's so that wanting to have a great time and your intention is like hey i've got through this breakup i want to party i want to have fun like yeah that doesn't seem like a terrible thing no and and i also i was worried about how my friends and people who were immediate in my life would like view me for then having all this have happened to be like yeah okay so i was out with this group of people x y and z happened whatever i was very scared about how that would look how did they respond they were at the time they were much more worried than i was aware of what was happening because i really just brushed it off and honestly i think i was just in like kind of like a fight or flight thing I'm just like, okay, well, this happens.

43:25Got to move on. To be honest, the next weekend I went to Coachella. Like I was just like, okay, whatever. My friends were very concerned and were really weirded out and were, I guess, talking like amongst each other more so than to me, but were really protective. Did you feel like you had to move on fast in order so that people didn't take it too seriously because you wanted them to be okay with it and you didn't allow yourself to feel it? Yeah. I also really didn't want to know what happened. I didn't want to find out what happened and still yeah nope um and in a way I kind of do because I also am like vengeful to be honest and I like in a way want to know like who let what I you know um but also I was just like okay move on like I don't want anybody to see me sweat in that way because then that would be admitting that something bad actually did happen to me and I've I never had anything specifically like that happened to me before.

44:25And I thought it was a very, like a long shot of an idea. Like that's something you hear about happening to like girls and people out who like get drugged and things like that. And that's not ever something that would happen to me. So I just, I wanted to move past it quickly. It's that denial as well. Absolutely. How has that changed your way of now having fun and being able to go out and being able to trust? Like how has that impacted? I have better friends now yeah I'm very lucky I have good people in my life I also am really I think I'm a more like honest version of myself like if I don't trust someone they will know and odds are they won't really be around me but also like I used to want everybody to be my friend so badly and don't get me wrong I still kind of do but I like I wanted everyone's approval in the worst way when it came to a friend group.

45:21I don't necessarily feel like that anymore. I feel like I got taken advantage of, obviously, a lot in many ways. But now I don't really feel like that happens to me as much. Yeah, it's almost like how far are we willing to go away from ourselves to get someone else's approval? Oh, my God. I would have ran to the ends of the earth. Yeah. Once you made that song, as you were saying, you were trying to put it in and you were trying to get your team finally, Alexander, you said? Yeah, finally like... you know, understood and was listening. And how did it then feel to put that out there in the world?

45:56Then obviously you've talked about it with your family, your friends, and now for everyone to hear it. How did that feel? It was honestly weird for the first couple months because I was like, I, what I wanted was for the song to live on its own and have its own kind of existence without my experience attached to it. so that people could take it in in a way that they weren't listening to the song and feeling like pity for me in a way. I wanted everybody to have their own experience with it. Because, again, this is a very specific song. Sure. I also, however, would find myself like getting so frustrated, like wanting to like talk about it and just like blurt it out before I was like fully like not ready to, But like before I was ready to like actually like make this like, okay, this is a thing.

46:51Now the album is out. It was like a weird back and forth. Because also I'm still very like angry from the situation. As much as I want to like move past it and push past. It would just float between like, I really like nobody knowing what this is about. And also like, I want revenge. Like, you know what I mean? And revenge for me is just like talking about it, I guess. But yeah, it went both ways. I am, however, really, really, really glad that people got to sit with it and take their kind of experiences with it. But it was really interesting seeing people's interpretations of the song because somebody was like, oh, my God.

47:28Yeah, when it's cold outside, it's brutal. And I was like, yeah, girl. I was like, that is amazing that you feel that way. I was like, art really is subjective. Yeah, it was weird for a minute. It was so weird. Have you ever had people reach out to you and tell you about their experiences of similar things happening? Nobody has, and not that I've seen anything, because I don't even feel like it's really suggested incredibly in the song. But unless you like know. You won't know. Yeah, you won't know. But I have, however, had a couple people talk to me about like their own experience with – because these are people who have been through some sort of like drug or alcohol related like thing or what have you and been like, hey, like I really, really like this song for my own reason.

48:17And I've been in and out of XYZ situation and this has been really helpful for me. and there have been a couple times where like obviously I haven't like said anything but like you know when you're talking to somebody and you're like not saying exactly what it is but like you can kind of both tell in each other's eyes that there's like something much deeper happening than what you're both saying it's that kind of like camaraderie and like I see you without like saying it yes absolutely yeah that's which has been really comforting it's sad that you can connect on that or understand each other but at least you feel understood and held in that moment totally thank you for sharing that with us i mean it's like it's just oh yeah it's just i mean you know i think that whenever we go through things go through things where we don't have control and we don't have consciousness even you know what to speak of control it's yeah it's so disconnecting from the self because you were disconnected from a from a period of time from yourself what have been the things today that you feel connect you to yourself like what are the things that you love to do that make you kind of you know smile and laugh and you know bring joy to you i am i love talking to people i love to i'm i'm such a like extroverted introvert i i really like i relating is my favorite thing in the whole world and and whether it's like actually relating or having someone else or myself feel understood, even if it's not necessarily relating.

49:47I love that. I love writing songs. Writing songs is my greatest weapon in this life. It's my favorite thing in the whole wide world. And I also, honestly, the thing that I like love most in my life right now is like I love watching my little brother grow up. That's kind of like a complete segue. That's great. Yeah, he's like, he's only a couple years younger than me, but he's like totally my baby. and so i'm like really trying to like cherish watching him like grow up so yeah again it's like all the like people connections i'm like i love the people in my life very much yeah yeah my my younger sister's like five years younger than me and so i remember like when she was born i remember holding her and she's getting married in oh my god and she's 30 years old 31 now and And it's just like such a, you know, I feel the same way.

50:38Like she's like my baby and my baby's getting married. Like it's a crazy feeling. It's insane. Yeah. Were you like an emotionally, that's kind of an invasive question, I guess. But were you like an emotionally available older sibling? I have a really good relationship with my sister and like she sees me that way as well. And so yeah, definitely. I would say I was. Good. And I would say that as she got older though, I kind of intentionally, I wouldn't say distanced myself, but I intentionally gave her space to build up those skills herself. Okay, that's smart. I'm not doing that with my brother.

51:09Well, you still have time. I'm like, Charles, how do you feel about everything? That's actually very smart. Yeah, I just realized over time where it was like I didn't want her to wake up one day if I wasn't around or whatever it was or even right now I live across the world. Right. The idea that she didn't have the tools and skills herself and I was really trying to help her build those tools and skills herself and I'm really proud that she's been able to do that and it's taken years of doing that but it's almost like I wish it's almost like when you know when you first start riding a bike you have the stabilizers and your parent push the bike yeah and then your parents stop holding onto the bike and you just have to stabilize and maybe fall off and then you put the stabilizer and then they get taken off but it isn't like your parent like pushing you on a bike like when you're 21 years old and so I feel like with mentorship with coaching with anyone that I work with like the goals always like how do they develop the tools themselves oh that's cool well what kind of tools do you think you're you're wanting to pass on or what are the lessons that oh my god because there's only a two-year gap so yeah you're like accelerating your learning oh my god i know i i like i really want god my brother is so much like me in my like worst and best ways i just want him to like not beat himself up so much i went through so granted granted i'm I'm talking about it.

52:28I still absolutely do. I don't, however, to the extent that I used to. I used to beat myself up into bad, bad places. It was tough. Again, I couldn't sit with myself. I couldn't say something that I was proud of because every thought I had would be met with something else I didn't do. And I really want that for him really, really badly because I don't want I don't want anybody to beat themselves up the way that I beat myself up. Jesus Christ. It was exhausting. I can tell you firsthand. It's very exhausting. Nobody else should really have to go through that, I don't think. What age was that? Do you think you were like the harshest critic?

53:10Oh, my God. I mean, I feel like it honestly just started. To be honest, when I started doing music and when I got signed like in June of 2022, my life changed a ton. A ton. because also I was working in an environment with a bunch of people who were choosing to be there and choosing to show up for me and choosing to help support and foster the thing that I wanted so badly. And I felt like I had big support. Like I felt like I had big guns behind me, which was a huge, huge boost of confidence and also made me want to work really hard to prove to everybody that believed in me and was investing time and money, let's be clear, into me that I was worth it.

53:56And I don't know, I just felt really like uplifted. And I hadn't really felt that in a lot of like working situations before. I felt like everybody actually really cared what I had to say for the first time. And I had never felt that specifically in work, never. So it was really nice to have that wow yeah yeah it's it's amazing isn't it it's like we're constantly looking again for that external just kind of oh my god always just make me yeah it's hard and it's always it's we're so programmed that way i write music for a living like i make songs for a living for people to listen to yeah like you know what i mean like in a way that's inherently that and that's not to say that i don't do it for myself at all i absolutely do but like you know yeah i go to a concert to perform not for people to not have fun yeah and not enjoy it yeah what do you think that when you were obviously you didn't you didn't go to college because you were trying to you know get into the industry you were just saying that when you were young you wanted to you know figure out the disney thing or figure out this thing or whatever it may be yes absolutely like imagine you were sitting with 10 year old Renee right now what does she need to hear I similar to have lived with a lot of years of beating myself up I used to just live with this like inherently guilt and regret like the cloud over me like just in a big way and I used to think that like oh I would tell my younger selves to do like this and this and this better or like this and this and this or da da da da.

55:36I am now like really deciding to like not regret any of it. That's not to say that I don't want to hold myself accountable for things that I've done that aren't great or for things that I inevitably will do that are not good or that, you know, don't serve myself or other people. That's a separate conversation. This is more about I'm really so incredibly proud of like such a lively, spunky, monstrous little like 10 year old girl who was so fearless, so fearless. Like I was a rambunctious kid. I was crazy. I was inviting everybody in the neighborhood to my concerts on the fireplace. I was forcing people to come and listen to me sing.

56:15I was screaming for people to pay attention to me. And I'm really, really glad that I did that. And I would just say Like do everything how you feel like you're going to. And when you mess up, just listen to yourself that you've messed up. I would honestly just say like everything she did was great. Happy to be here in, you know, failures and in wins. You've talked about being so self-aware and you can hear it when you're, you know, when I'm talking to you today, I'm like, there's such an awareness of who you are. There's such an awareness of who you are, what you're feeling. at this stage in your life, what are you hoping to unlearn for the future and learn for the future?

56:54If there was one thing you had to unlearn that you've developed and if there was one thing you had to learn, what would you say they are? I would say something that I would like to learn is how to like, I'm so hyper aware of when I do this in situations and I try so hard not to. Whenever someone is talking about something that they've experienced with somebody else, Like if somebody has hurt their feelings, right? Like if my best friend is talking to me about someone who has hurt them or harmed them or done them wrong in the smallest or biggest sense of the word, all I can think in my brain is like, when have I done that in my life?

57:31And just start like spiraling down this, like, I remember when I did that to so-and-so and like, I need to call this person and be like, I am so sorry for what I put you through when we were like four. Like, you know what I mean? And I really would like to not center myself in what somebody else is talking about. And it's not, at least it's not consciously a selfish thing. Like I'm not actively trying to make my friend's grievance about myself. Totally. It's just an automatic. And I hate it. Because then I'm also like, oh my God, no, I'm not as present with like my friend who's being so sweet and vulnerable with me.

58:03And now I'm doing a disservice to her by not, you know, listening to her fully and being so hyper-conscious of like how I've acted or how I could have possibly showed up that way. I really want to unlearn that. I'm trying so hard not to do that. I hate when I do that. Granted, if I just keep beating myself up for it, then I'm going to do it for the rest of my life. And then I'm never going to like give myself grace for it. Something that I want to, well, I guess that's kind of learning and unlearning. And another thing that I want to like learn or unlearn, I need a little more like internal patience.

58:36I need internal patience. I need internal patience and external judgment really quick. Like I really need a lot of internal patience. I also need to like not give people who have hurt me or done me wrong as much slack. Like it's okay to like say that like, no, thank you. I'm good at like being done when I'm done, but it takes me a second. Right. You know, like I think like with that group of friends, Like I should have taken maybe two things that happened before I ended up like face up, you know, before that. Yeah. It doesn't need to get to that extreme. Those are great answers. Yeah. Those are great answers.

59:17How have you, how have you kind of navigated the, the, you know, again, we're talking about change. You've talked about before, like, I think you were struggling with an eating disorder when you were 10. You've talked to obviously about how you've had the, you know, the gray area of your sexuality, like figuring that out. Like how have you got comfortable navigating like the gray? When it comes to like eating disorders, I think at least, and this is not necessarily everyone else's opinion, but how I perceive it myself is eating disorders are something that you are always going to deal with and always going to have, right?

59:53And this is not to compare it to alcoholism because it is in nowhere the same or different or whatever. It's not a comparison, but it is to say that like with alcohol, you can decide to put yourself in situations where there is going to be alcohol there or not, or like you are going to decide whether to drink or not. You are never going to decide whether you can eat or not. You have to, you have to. And again, that is not to like put down or make little of alcoholism or any sort of struggle like that. My dad has been sober my whole life but is an alcoholic. And this is something we talk about constantly and try to better understand each other.

1:00:34It's hard with an eating disorder. That is just constantly going to be around you. You have to eat to survive. So that's a constant gray area for me. I feel like I talk about it every day. So it's always just like, how did I do with it today? Or how am I going to do with it tomorrow? It's like living in a gray area, which is really frustrating because I think to myself a lot, like I would love for this to be gone, but it is just not something that I'm never going to deal with. If I want to continue to be alive, I'm going to be eating and I'm going to have food around me. And that's going to make me feel crazy some days and out of control and insecure and really proud of myself and in full control other days.

1:01:18So there's a gray area with that constantly. when it comes to like sexuality that's a whole other gray area that like at least for me I over the last like six or seven months have become less gray at least right now but I think this is gonna sound so silly but like I try to and granted this is also very easy for me to say because like I am a queer person who like is still at the end of the day like a white woman and is cisgender and like I also am bisexual so like I'm going to be in heteronormative relationships inevitably just based off of being bisexual potentially I think for me it is easy to say but I try to like view like the gray area or times when I'm like struggling for like a label If I don't feel like I'll go through conversations with like my like girlfriend constantly if I'll be like, I actually feel incredibly not bisexual right now.

1:02:21Like and it's it's silly, but there are things we talk about all the time, both of us with each other. And I'm just going to try to view it as like a little pink area. Like it's all good. It's all cool. It's pink. It's good. It's good. Whatever it is. Like if I one day feel like this label or whatever or lack thereof does not suit me, then that's great. And that does not suit me. And I'm very fortunate to be able to make that decision. and have that not affect my life in an incredibly massive way. A lot of other people are not, but I view it as a little pink area. It's just good. I'm trying not to be so angry with myself about it.

1:02:58I struggled to like want a rhyme and a reason and a label and a season to make sense every single day, and I'm just not there. And I don't think a lot of people are, so I think it's fine. yeah like straight people at least as far as i'm concerned don't like wake up every day and i'm like oh my god what level of straight am i today and then if you are one of those people you're likely queer so you know yeah yeah we're so hardwired to be like you have to choose an answer oh yeah i think whether it was school whether it was parents it was like yeah there was always one right answer you had to figure it out there were no other options there was no gray yeah either right or wrong yes and so i think we still live in the right or wrong and so it's really hard to be like well if i don't have the right answer i must have the wrong answer but yeah i know this isn't wrong because it's how i feel so then how do i make it right and it's so confusing and so i love the pink i love the pink yeah this is just a little pink area like i'm just chilling in the pink it's nice i love it renee you've been so vulnerable so gracious so kind with your time today uh i'm so grateful to get to know you today and thank you for letting us into your mind you You know, I really feel when I was sitting with you today, I was like, you really just kind of opened up your mind and let us walk in.

1:04:12And I appreciate that because it's hard to do that. And I felt like you opened up some cupboards and some drawers, you know. But Renee, we end every On Purpose episode with a fast five. These final five have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay. I may ask you to expand and I'll let you know. All right. So Renee, these are your final five or fast five. Question one, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Integrity over everything. Okay, great. Second question, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Oh, just stop trying to care. My God, I used to hear that all the time going on.

1:04:50God. Yeah, you are going to care. I'm like, are you kidding me? Now I care more because I care about not caring. It's ridiculous. Oh, God, that's a good one. We've never had that on the show before. I like that. All right, question number three. what's a part of yourself that you're most deeply trying to love this is very two things for me first first and foremost my mistakes things that i've done that i don't agree with the things that i've done that i'm not proud of i'm trying to like make peace with them i guess is a better word and do better from them and second like honestly is somebody like with incredible incredible you know lengths of difficulty of eating disorders like my like body and like the like skin that i like live in and like my like vessel that i just like operate in very very hard for me so hard for me thank you okay question number four what's something that you think people value but you don't really value keeping it cool all the time oh interesting i'm very pro and and this is just who i am i guess maybe how i was raised or how i work i'm not sure i i love to just like let your emotions get the best of themselves sometimes.

1:06:02I think that's really important. At least it is for me. I'm very, very anti keep it in and deal with it and like try to regulate your emotions. I think that like if you need them to be big in a way, let them be big in a way that feels like safe and careful for like yourself and the people you're around. Because if not, then that's just so stupid i was i was shamed for so many years this is not a short answer i was shamed for so many years of my life for being so hyper emotional and crying so much and like getting angry so fast um and that is something i just i don't value the like being quiet and like the controlling your emotions and keeping things at bay i value like being very true to how you feel whether that's a good feeling or not that's powerful yeah that's and how have you found a way of doing that in a way that it doesn't you said you said a statement you're like to be mindful of like you didn't say mindful but you said to be aware of how it affects yourself and people you love like how do you kind of get that because sometimes like you said an emotion can be so big so big and so real and so visceral but then how do you kind of yeah how have you found a way to do that or at least how are you trying to find a way to do that i have in beating myself up less I'm not like a physical danger to myself um which is great because I used to like get really really really angry and like I would like you know so many people do I don't know like what it is or what it isn't my dad and I have talked about this at length because he said he did the same thing as as as I did as a kid but like I would either like like bang my head against the wall or like like hit my arms or things like that or like tweak out or freak out and the more i've stopped like beating myself up for it and the more i've just been like oh these are just things that i feel and i feel in a really big way and the more i'm around people who allow me to feel in a big way the less i hurt myself the less i like feel the need to like bang my head against the wall i feel like if i'm around somebody who's like oh this is upsetting you that's okay that that's that upsets you.

1:08:13I don't even get to that point. So for me, it's about like the company I keep and the things that people are saying to me. That being said, I also know that like certain people in my life, like my mom, for instance, is the greatest. My mom does not like to see me incredibly upset all the time. And that's not to say she can't deal with me upset, but that is to say that I'm an adult and I know that I don't want to put my mother through turmoil every day by calling her and telling the telling her the 10 things that upset me because she lives 3 000 miles away from me and will panic you know so it's like it's about going to the right people and i go to her of course but like not in a way that is gonna upset her or hurt her day because i you know she's my mama but yeah yeah i think the company you keep is important fifth and final question okay if you could create we asked this to every single guest who's ever been on If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be?

1:09:14What's a law? A law. What is that? Oh, a law. Sorry, my accent. My accent. Yeah, it's like a law. What is a law? No, like folklore. No, no, no. Law. That is the right law. A law. A law. No, no, no. No, say law. I like it. A law. What is one law or law that I would like everybody to follow? I grew up in North Carolina. I grew up in the South. Like I would love like a law where everybody was just like not so hateful. Personally, I would love that. The town that I grew up in, like you drive right out of the neighborhood and that's like a dangerous place for like friends of mine to be in. I would love if we just like maybe weren't like incredibly hateful.

1:09:59That's a good law. Renee Rapp, everyone, Snow Angel. I'm so grateful to have your time and energy. and I know everyone's going to be streaming more and more. And I can't wait to have you back on years from now and to learn more about what you've unlearned, what you've learned, what you've gained, wisdom along the way. And to hear about your brother too. Oh my God, he's the cutest. Thanks. I love it, Renee. Thank you so much. And everyone's been listening or watching. Make sure that you tag Renee and I with the things that stood out to you, the words that came from her that meant something to you.

1:10:27Maybe you've had similar experiences or things you've been through that you want to share back with us. Please do tag both of us across TikTok. Instagram and across any social media platform that you're using to make sure that we see it. Renee, thank you so much again. Thank you. You're the sweetest. Oh my God. Such a sweetheart. Thank you. Such a pleasure. Thank you. Appreciate it. If you love this episode, you'll enjoy my conversation with Megan Trainor on breaking generational trauma and how to be confident from the inside out. My therapist told me stand in the mirror naked for five minutes.

1:10:58It was already tough for me to love my body, but after the C-section scar with all the stretch Now I'm looking at myself like I've been hacked. But day three when I did it, I was like, you know what? Her thighs are cute. This is an iHeart Podcast.