Stop Draining Your Energy In 2025: These 3 Habits Will Save You So Much Time!

0:00This is an iHeart Podcast.

0:31Maybe you need to do more than wait. Any business can use AI. IBM helps you use AI to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business, IBM.

0:50Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey, we came to play? Did you tip your tiara to a Creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day? Or see what life's like under the tree of life? Did you? If you could. Would you? When we come through, it's true magic. Because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort. Nothing has changed. We haven't got better. We haven't improved. we're not smarter, we're not wiser, we just think we are. I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. This is going to help us because we're going to get 52 minutes back a day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, invest into our lives.

1:54Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. It has been such a brilliant start to the year. I am loving seeing how engaged you are, how connected you are, how many episodes you're listening to, how many you're sharing with your community. It's incredible to see your dedication to personal growth and self-improvement in 2025. Thank you for showing up for yourself. Thank you for showing up here for your future and your success this year. Now, we've talked a lot about setting up your goals, setting up your blueprint, understanding how to visualize, but I have to share with you something that can make all the difference.

2:40This week's episode could actually be the difference maker between achieving your goals and just missing out on them. One of the biggest reasons a lot of us miss out on our goals is because we're draining energy. We're losing energy. We're wasting energy. This episode is all about how you can stop draining your energy in 2025 and how these three habits will save you so much time. If you want 2025 to be a year you attract greatness, this episode is for you. If you want 2025 to be a year you have good energy in your life, this episode is for you. If you want 2025 to be a year your friendships deepen, this episode is for you.

3:39Think about it for a moment. You can drink as much water as you want, but if it's not clean, it won't have the desired impact. And sometimes in our life, we can be doing all the habits, we can be doing all the tracking, we can try and develop all the mindsets. But if our energy isn't clean, if our energy isn't detoxed, it all loses value. I'm sure you've experienced that before, where when your energy is fuzzy, it seems like you don't have any clarity. You don't know where you're going, you don't know how you're going to get there. And sometimes even if you have lots of uncertainty, if your energy is clear and clean, you actually have everything right in front of you.

4:26You know what the next move is. You know what the next step is. That's what I want for you this year. Now, imagine if I told you, you could get 52 minutes of your day back right now. Think about that for a second Imagine if I told you you could get 52 minutes of your day back right now What would you do with it? Would you read a book? Start a passion project? Maybe work on your side hustle? Spend more quality time with friends? Sleep early? One thing I know for sure is that you would use it to do something meaningful to you but the majority of us don't even believe we have enough time. If I told you to take 52 minutes out for something, you'd say, Jay, I don't have it.

5:19I don't even know where to find it. I want to, but I don't know where it is. Well, guess what? Studies show we spend 52 minutes a day talking about, gossiping about, speaking about other people. 52 minutes Whether it's harmless or hurtful It is stealing time away from our lives It's also draining our energy and wasting our time Stop spending time with people Who only talk about other people And stop being one of those people Who only talks about other people Whether it's on the phone Whether it's messaging whether it's in person we waste 52 minutes a day doing this one thing the first way to stop draining your energy in 2025 is stop spending time with people who only talk about other people and stop being one of those people who only talks about other people now here's the thing Talking about other people feels good in the short term, but ultimately drains our energy because it often involves focusing on negative information about others.

6:44This continues to strengthen our negativity bias, which means we become better at seeing what's wrong with something than what's right. We become better at seeing what's bad rather than what's good And we become better at seeing what's not working rather than what is And guess what? That seeps into our own positive relationships, career opportunities and lives So many of us are wiring ourselves to only focus on the negative Have you noticed how it's actually not that difficult to spot something wrong with something? I'm sure you've seen an Instagram caption and spotted a spelling mistake or a grammar mistake Maybe you saw someone post something on the stories And they'd made a mistake with the year that they'd posted Our minds are hardwired to spot what's wrong with something Now while that can be a really useful skill It can be really important to protect us in life and it is valuable, it becomes really hard for you to create something beautiful, create something brilliant with that mindset.

7:56Because whenever you have a good idea, you'll always find what's wrong with it. Whenever you have a good plan, you'll always find its failure and weakness. And by the way, whenever your friends share their ideas or their inspiration, you'll be the first to shoot them down. So many of us don't realize how negativity creeps and seeps into our lives through gossip, through talking badly about other people. And here's the reality. Talking about others can also lead to feelings of guilt and anxiety. We think, what if that person finds out? What if they hear what I said about them? I didn't really mean it.

8:38Maybe I just said it in the moment. I know that they're not all bad. How will they feel? How will that affect my relationship? And then we wonder, what will the person I've been gossiping with think about me? Wait a minute, will they gossip about me with other people? Wait a minute, what will they say about me to that person? There is so much guilt and anxiety, worry and frustration that comes from this same experience. And I want us to become wiser to how much time we waste in this regard. Now, we do it and other people do it because it makes us feel better We talk about other people because it makes us feel better But how can you truly feel better about yourself by talking badly about someone else?

9:32That's a fairly low bar We believe we're doing well because someone else is doing poorly Our marriage must be going great because someone's getting divorced Our career must be going well because someone else is getting fired Our health must be good because someone else is getting sick It creates a very low standard of success for ourselves And creates a negative feeling towards others Not to mention it gives us a false sense of security Our relationship isn't actually getting stronger We just feel it is Our career isn't actually going in the right direction We just think it is Our health isn't actually improving We don't actually know much about it This superiority complex creates fractures in our self-image and connection with others It misleads us towards a better view of ourselves And an unhealthy view of others Which isn't actually based on reality This is what's most worrying when you're in a deep relationship with someone who talks negatively about others You walk away feeling falsely better about yourself You haven't actually changed anything You haven't actually improved anything You haven't actually built a healthy positive mindset in any way yet you're walking away having negative lower feelings towards someone else and guess what that person doesn't even know it it drains our energy because it fools us into believing that we're on the right path that we're on the right track that we're moving in the right direction when the reality is nothing has changed nothing has changed we haven't got better we haven't improved.

11:29We're not smarter. We're not wiser. We just think we are. I know that this is a harsh reality, but it's going to help us. This is going to help us because we're going to get 52 minutes back a day to invest into our dreams, invest into our goals, invest into our lives. Now, what are some of the ways that talking about other people drains us, even beyond just that 52 minutes. The first is people with a superiority complex often come across as condescending or dismissive. And this can make others feel inferior, leading them to pull away, disengage, or avoid interaction. Over time, this erodes trust and intimacy in relationships.

12:20Even if we don't know it, we start to develop this perceived arrogance, right? People feel it from us. They feel it from our energy. And if you're not feeling it, you're feeling it from someone else. You all have a friend that they talk negatively about each other and then you start to recognize that they come across arrogant and it disconnects us from them. So it drains our energy because we're now spending our time evaluating someone else's arrogance. It also leads to a lack of connection. Healthy relationships require mutual respect, understanding and vulnerability When one person feels above the other, it becomes difficult to form true connections The person with the superiority complex may fail to see others as equals Limiting the depth of their interactions So when you're talking to someone who has this, who talks negatively about others you actually can't even connect with them that well now every moment you spend with them you feel disconnected from them you feel disconnected from what they're talking about and now you're trying to manage it i know what it feels like right when someone talks badly about someone to you you now don't know where to jump in you don't know whether to join in you're now wondering what they think of you when you don't do that all of this is a waste of time and energy I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special with all you tea lovers out there.

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14:43Even better, Juni has zero sugar and only five calories per can. We believe in nurturing and energizing your body while enjoying a truly delicious and refreshing drink. So visit drinkjuni.com today to elevate your wellness journey and use code ONPURPOSE to receive 15 % off your first order. That's drinkjuni.com and make sure you use the code ONPURPOSE. another reason that this drains our energy is that it inhibits effective communication what happens is we start to become dismissive of other people's opinions people who start to feel this superiority tend to believe they know best or that their perspective is the only valid one this creates a communication barrier because others feel unheard dismissed or invalidated now you may not be the person making other people feel this way but you might start to feel this way with a person who talks in this way it's now affecting your relationship with them which is affecting your relationship with the people you're talking about it also can create a sense of defensiveness right i'm sure you've got a friend where you're like hey let's not talk about that person hey let's not do that and then they get defensive they may even say like oh stop trying to act like a good person.

16:07Stop trying to act like a holy person. You've got challenges too. And now it starts to create tension and friction there as well. One of my biggest concerns about how talking to people who talk about a lot of other people decreases our energy and drains our energy is that it creates a lack of empathy. This is a huge one that I want you to take in. so many of us don't realize that whatever experience you can't empathize with, you might have to experience it. I have noticed this time and time again, where when I've not been able to empathize with someone's experience that I've not experienced, life brings that experience into my life for me to experience it.

17:00All of a sudden, I can fully empathize with them. I was talking about this with a friend the other day because we were speaking about someone in our life who had been diagnosed with a particular condition. And so many of our friends just couldn't understand. So many of our friends just couldn't understand why they were so stressed about it. The results came okay. The surgery went well. And I said, you have no idea of that trauma that that person's carrying now. That worry, that anxiety that comes with it. It's not just about the diagnosis. It's about the interpretation that comes with it. And what I've realized is everyone has a challenge in their life that no one tries to understand apart from themselves.

17:50And therefore, when someone we know is going through something we don't understand, don't judge it. Empathize with it. But when we talk about other people, like, can you believe it? They're overreacting to this. Can you believe it? Their life is so easy. Can you believe it? They have so much money. Why are they worried about this? Can you believe it that they already have children? Why should they be upset if they've had a miscarriage? Like, these are really the things people say. it's really sad that we lose our ability to empathize with others when we talk about them without them being in the room don't say something about someone that you wouldn't say when they're not in the room if you wouldn't say something with someone being able to listen to your conversation don't say it about them when they're not in that conversation and the truth is sometimes we think oh i would say this to someone maybe you would but you wouldn't in that tone you wouldn't in that way you wouldn't with that energy you wouldn't say it to them with that kind of take it would be said with more sensitivity it would be said with more empathy it would be said in a much more conscious loving thoughtful way think about that before you talk about anyone else because that drains our energy and it drains the purity that you have within you.

19:18When we lose our compassion, we judge ourselves harsher. When we lose our empathy, we experience things that force us to be empathetic. Think about that extremely deeply. another reason why talking about others with other people creates a superiority complex and drains our energy is that it actually hides our deep-seated feelings of inadequacy or insecurity so rather than us saying yeah you know what i'm really struggling with that i want to be better than that, I want to do better than that, we actually hide how we really feel beneath all of that. So when we're saying that, oh, can you believe it that so-and-so's husband didn't take them on a vacation?

20:09Can you believe it that so-and-so's partner didn't turn up to their birthday party? Whatever it is, we're actually triggered by that because there's some truth in it for our own life. We're feeling inadequate in our relationship. We're feeling insecure in our career. But instead of addressing that, instead of really getting to the root of that, instead of being cognizant of that, we hide away beneath feelings about other people. We hide away just thinking, oh, well, everything's okay for us. But the truth is there's a part of us that's really yearning for seeking that validation. Instead of letting this insecurity be hidden away, it can become so powerful when we acknowledge it and say, you know what, I'm actually going to work on this part of my life.

21:01You know what, I'm going to take accountability and responsibility for this in my life. So how do we do that? The first thing we need to do is become aware. Aware of when we talk negatively about other people, aware of who we do it with. I'm sure you'll find a pattern. We generally talk about other people with the same people and we talk about them negatively in the same areas. So the first thing is to become aware. Who do we talk about? Who do we talk about them with? Right? That's the first step. Who do we talk about and who do we talk about them with? and start connecting with how it's draining your energy.

21:50Start becoming conscious of how it's draining your energy. We have to become really aware of how we feel drained after those conversations, during those conversations. Maybe you get off a call and you realize you've been on that call for 52 minutes and you go, wow, I could have done something with that. Maybe you get off that call and you feel dirty and a bit filthy talking about that person. Maybe you get off that call and you feel guilty. Maybe you get off that call and you actually just feel bad about yourself. And then that leads to low self-esteem, which loses motivation and moving on. First, become aware of who you talk about and who you talk about them with.

22:29The second thing I want you to become aware of is what does this show about you? What area of your life are you not addressing and becoming aware of because you're talking about other people's problems? Often when we're talking about other people's marriage problems, it's because we want to address something in our own marriage. When we spend our time talking negatively about other people's career challenges, it's because we want to address something in our workplace. This is the second step. Once you become aware, address what it is that you're feeling insecure about, that you're feeling anxious about?

23:16Where is it in your life that talking about someone else is making you feel better because you're not taking responsibility to actually do better, to be better? Because I promise you, as soon as you do, you will see your life change. Become so fixated on focusing on yourself that you don't have time to talk about anyone else. If you're building your home, if you're designing your home, if you're improving your career, you won't have time to talk about others. If you have time to talk about others, it is simply stealing time away from talking about what's most important to you. Think about that.

24:00And the third step is take action. Take action on transforming your life. Take action on developing that habit. Take action on improving your relationship. Take action on focusing on your career because that is the antidote. The antidote to stop talking to other people about other people is to start taking action in your own life. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. I'm Radhi Divalukia and I'm the host of a really good cry podcast and I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Uri.

24:46Logan is a dating expert, a behavioral scientist, a best-selling author and someone who is seriously changing the way we think about love and dating. In our conversation we talk all things dating that Logan has studied and tested from what to put in your dating profile, the pictures you should and shouldn't be using, to the conversation starters that actually work and the huge no-nos that people probably do not realize are reducing their chances of success on apps. Whether you're single, dating, or just trying to be more intentional in love, Logan offers the kind of clarity we all need. Relationships do require work and the best relationships are people who really work on them together.

25:22They're so focused on if I find the perfect person, then I'll have the perfect relationship instead of understanding really that they can choose someone great and then build that relationship together. They don't need to keep searching for perfection. Listen to A Really Good Cry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. The second habit that will help you to stop draining energy in 2025 is stop spending time with people who give unsolicited views, opinions and feedback and stop giving it. Imagine this for a second. You're updating a friend, a family member or a colleague about a challenge or experience you're going through.

26:04Now, without you even requesting it, they suddenly launch into a full thesis and masterclass on what you need to change, what you need to improve, why you're going through it, what you need to start eating, stop eating, start working out, don't do anymore. You didn't ask for it. You didn't encourage it either. You are just opening your heart. It can be so discouraging. I'm sure you've felt that before, where someone gives you unsolicited thoughts and views about your new hairstyle, about your new career, about the vacation you're taking, it can be so, so disheartening. Now, think about how often you do that as well.

26:47Be honest with yourself. It might be so subtle, right? It might be so subtle that you do it too. But think about that for a second. How often do we give unsolicited opinions, views and feedback? And how often are we around people who give it to us and do we drain energy thinking about it? There's something known as the social exchange theory According to social exchange theory, relationships are based on a balance of give and take Where both parties feel respected in value Offering unsolicited feedback can create an imbalance Where the person receiving the feedback Feels criticized, undervalued or even dominated This can weaken the relationship over time You're either on the receiving end of that Or you're giving it to other people And it drains our energy Because so often we give this feedback to others Then we talk about why they haven't changed Then we wonder why we wasted time giving them the advice And all of that was a waste of time Now the truth is it can be well-intentioned.

27:55You may truly have solved your gut issues by drinking celery juice. It may have worked for you. You may have truly solved your focus issues by working out every day. Your intentions may be beautiful and wonderful but before giving someone unsolicited feedback, ask them, would you like to know what I did to help me? Would you be open to hearing about what was helpful. These two simple questions let that person give you permission and that permission has an incredible psychological impact on them. A study by Van Vienen and D. Drew in 2001 found that unsolicited feedback can lead to feelings of resentment and distrust.

28:42People are more likely to feel that the feedback giver is overstepping boundaries or being judgmental, which can damage interpersonal rapport and mutual respect. You may not even want to do that, but you may actually be draining a relationship of the goodwill that you've created. And studies have shown that when individuals are given feedback they didn't ask for, it can lead to a decrease in intrinsic motivation. When people feel like their actions are being externally regulated rather than self-motivated, their intrinsic desire to perform the task diminishes. So not only are you limiting their ability to change, you're also limiting your own ability to change if you're not qualifying someone else's advice.

29:30And in a very extreme sense, there's a cumulative effect of criticism. Repeated exposure to unsolicited feedback, particularly if it is critical, can lead to feelings of helplessness or learned helplessness. This can also lead to exhaustion. Some of us are so exhausted hearing from people who are giving us unsolicited views and feedback that we are drained of energy. Please create a distance, a boundary and a barrier from this energy. You don't deserve it and it also becomes extremely, extremely difficult for you to continue to tolerate it. If you're someone who's struggling around a group of people, please feel free to set boundaries, set barriers, and distance yourself.

30:19And the third and final habit is stop spending time with people who only talk about themselves and stop talking just about yourself. It's so important that we spend time with people who are curious about us and we are curious about others. we feel drained when we're constantly just hearing about someone else's stresses pains and problems and we kind of do it because we want to people please we want to be good we want to be nice we want to be seen as nice but actually encouraging them to get help encouraging them to spread their support introducing them to great insights podcasts places to turn to can make a huge difference i really believe these three habits will help you reclaim your energy in 2025, stop draining your energy and start protecting it.

31:08Wish you all the best. I'm so excited for this year and our continued journey of growth together. And I can't wait for you to listen to the next episode. Remember there are new episodes every Monday and every Friday. Every Monday we have a new guest session and every Friday we have a new workshop. make sure to tune in and remember we have six years of episodes available for you to go back and listen to thanks for being a part of on purpose i appreciate you remember i'm forever in your corner and always rooting for you if you love this episode you'll enjoy my interview with dr julie smith on unblocking negative emotions and how to embrace difficult feelings you've just got to be motivated every day and if you're not then what are you doing and and actually humans don't work that way.

31:56Motivation, you have to treat it like any other emotion. Some days it will be there, some days it won't. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter, park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. I'm Radhi Devlukia and I'm the host of a Really Good Cry podcast and I have the opportunity to talk to Logan Ury. If you're out there trying to date right now, being ghosted on Hinge or want to create a dating profile that gives you a solid chance of matching with someone you actually want to go on a date with, then this episode with Hinge's Director of Relationship Science, Logan Uri, is definitely for you.

32:35Relationships do require work. The best relationships are people who really work on them together. Listen to A Really Good Cry on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart Podcast.