Taylor Hill: How to Navigate Emotional Challenges & Ways to Practice Gratitude in Lifes’ Unexpected Hard Times

30:33You know, do what you need to do and for you and your body. And when I was training for that, I did what I needed to do for my body. So I can get into that. I did a lot of like HIIT cardio training. So I had a personal trainer who's amazing. Christina, she's near and dear to my heart. She's so intelligent. She has, you know, a nutrition background as well. So she was making sure that I was eating the amount of food I should be eating for the exercise that I was doing. And so we sort of did like a mix of things. It was weightlifting. I love weightlifting. It's really fun. And I also, I'm a crazy person.

31:11Like I love exercise. I love fitness. I like working out. It's like, it's really, it's good for my mental health. When I work out, I work out because I want to do it for my mind, not for how my body looks. So, but for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show, obviously I was training for a reason. So I did care about, you know, muscle definition and all that fun stuff. So we did like, you know, weight training, weightlifting, you know, it would be like interval, like we would, you know, sprint on a treadmill and then hold a plank kind of stuff like that. And I really liked that type of workout because it was, it was, you know, high energy and going from one thing to the next thing.

31:48And it was challenging and it kind of sort of reminded me of maybe my gymnastics background and the sports I'd done before where they're a little bit more dynamic and you're moving around a lot. Um, and then, you know, for diet, I would eat pretty healthy. Just, um, I would eat like, I would make sure I was gluten free though, just because I think sometimes gluten can respond in your body in a negative way. So some, I know some people are gluten-free around the VS show, be gluten-free for about a month, no alcohol for about a month and a half or so leading up to the show day, just because alcohol is never going to help you if you're trying to like, you know, gain muscle weight.

32:25So that was my sort of goal was muscle, not never managing or washing my weight. It was more just about, you know, making sure I was eating lean proteins. I had like protein shakes in the morning. I would have a gluten-free bagel. I would have eggs, vegetables. I ate chicken breast, I ate sweet potato, I ate sushi rice, fish. I ate all kinds of things like that and making sure that it was enough based off of what the kind of exercise I was doing. So the trainer that would work with me on my fitness routine, she also worked with me on the food I was consuming. Hey, you need to make sure you're consuming.

33:02Before you see me, you need to eat this amount. And then we come and we're going to work out and we're going to do this and then you go home and you have this protein shake so we know you're getting the right nutrients that you need to fuel your body so yeah hopefully very yeah that was very in depth i love it yeah no and i asked taylor i genuinely asked because i i do think it's an interesting thing around the discipline and that's why i asked it from that perspective because to me the discipline the work ethic the you know the focus and and i'm so happy that it was a healthy journey for you and i think we're taking into account the fact that it may not be a healthy journey for everyone and yeah we recognize that that it can cause challenges for others yeah and i mean i know that time too it was difficult for so many for women watching and i know like the expectation that was put on women to look a certain way to i never want to feel like maybe i was a part of it and perpetuating that just because of the way it was being presented maybe that i was just like i was just happy to be there again I'm just like, well, I'm so excited to get to be here.

34:02But I know what it meant to society. I know what people perceived it as for sure. So I do take that into account. And I know it's a lot. And I hope people can maybe listen to me and my perspective and know like, I was trying to be, I was really healthy in the way that I was trying to do this and go about this. And I never want to like perpetuate that somebody should do something or, you know, work out a certain way to look like a Victoria's Secret model because, you know, it's, that's not fair. And not everybody looks like, needs to look like that. That's not what's beautiful. You know, beauty is so much more than what people were trying to make us believe it was at that time.

34:39So just wanted to put that out there. No, I'm glad you clarified that. I actually think you made a really interesting point though. I think what's interesting, for example, like I love watching basketball. i am i have nowhere near the physique of any basketball player on the planet there's no one my size who plays basketball in high physique whatever else it may be and if you saw i don't play basketball but if i was to try and play basketball when i was younger i was great at a three-pointer because i didn't need to like beat anyone or whatever but it's i would never be expected to do what someone does on the court it's really interesting how the industry is then projected onto people thinking they have to be that whereas i can watch basketball knowing i never have to be that yeah and i think that's the part which is so interesting that it's almost like a interesting pressure that if it becomes about beauty yeah it it sets an unfair standard but if it's about sports like you just said in one sense you were training yourself like an athlete yeah but we know we i know i can't be tom brady or i know i can't be lebron james me neither yeah yeah and I'm okay about that.

35:42I also can't be Adriana Lima because that woman was amazing. And Giselle, I mean, they trained so much harder than even me. I did my best, but I did what I knew I was comfortable and able and capable of doing, but they're them and they're their own person and they train in their own way. And I did it my way too. Yeah, no, no, no. And I hope anyone who's listening, the reason why I wanted to open up that conversation is because it's also interesting to hear from someone who just loves what they do is excited about it and then naturally there's this bigger thing going on uh in society and culture and industry and it's like you might just be doing your thing and not know at a time when you know you don't realize it how did you feel about when it stopped and now of course we know it's coming back yeah the plan is to be more inclusive i'm really glad that it's coming back in a different way and from a different lens and a different perspective because i think you know i'm i'm so happy i still work with Victoria's Secret and I'm, you know, I've been a part of the brand for 10 years and I've seen the shift that they've made and the changes that they're trying to make.

36:47And it's, to me, it's a little relaxing, you know, a bit of a breath of fresh air because now I'm at a different phase in my life where, you know, maybe I don't want to work out like that anymore. You know what I mean? When I was younger and, you know, it was exciting to do so then sure I could definitely I was, let's do this. But, you know, 10 years later, and also I haven't done that show in how many years now? How long has it been since the last one, you know? So five years, maybe, maybe four, maybe more. I don't know. You know, I feel when it comes back, I am excited that it's going to be so, so different, but also I hope that we can still maintain some of the fun, some of the glamour, some of the beauty, because I think reclaiming it for ourselves as women is really important because, you know, if you want to feel sexy and you want to be sexy, I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but you want to do it for yourself, not for, and not for the objectification of what men want, you know?

37:52So, and I think that's the difference now. And I think, you know, that's definitely the goal with the Victoria's Secret fashion show coming back is to make sure that women are doing it. You know, we're comfortable. They asked me, you know, what wings would you want to wear? And are you excited about doing this? And, you know, what do you want to see when the show comes back? And I really appreciate that. You know, I value that they're asking how I feel and, you know, what I would like to see as a woman doing it as a woman who's done it before and, you know, we'll probably do it again. So I'm just I'm excited that it's going to be very different.

38:27And I hope that it can be perceived in a way that's, you know, not setting an unrealistic beauty standard, because that's what it 100 % what it was. And, you know, maybe I was, maybe some of that, like expectation was put on me, but I didn't realize it at the time, because I was so young, you know, I didn't, you don't, again, you don't know what you don't know. And now that I'm 28, you know, 10 years later from my first show, it, if I look back on my first show, it's kind of like, I'm sure so many women who were at that show felt such an intense pressure to look a certain way and work out a certain way.

39:01And that's probably why some people had an unhealthy relationship with it. And maybe just the timing of my age and where I was at and where my headspace was at, I got really lucky that I didn't feel any of those things, but that doesn't mean it still wasn't happening for other people. And that doesn't mean that it didn't make society or other women watching it feel that way so like you know i just i hope that well said yeah there's definitely both they could both sit with sit with me so yeah everyone who's listening or watching i can definitely i definitely hear what you're saying and i can see how much of a it's such a complicated it's so complex layered topic when it's personal but collective and it's hard to kind of verbalize and talk about something because it is very complex.

39:45So how do I put that into words? But I do see both. And it's weird. Two things can be true at the same time. You know what I mean? Sometimes emotions are parallel and they're really just happening. One's happening here and one is also happening. And you're going on the same path and you're going to the same place and you're feeling two different things at the exact same time. So I look back on it and I have new emotions that sit alongside the old ones and the joy and like the wow that I felt there. But then I can see how everything happened and I can see the heaviness and I can understand, like, I see where maybe by me talking so positively about it makes other people feel a negative way.

40:22Like I, I would never want to make somebody feel like that. So I have to acknowledge that and be like, okay, I, I know, I see now we like, we've, we were in, like we were in the early 2000s, we were in this bubble of this thing and it popped and now we can see clearly and I see it. So I get it. But you know, also, if I'm going to talk about my personal experience while I was in it, it was, I did have a great time. And I, I personally went about it. And what I feel like was as healthy as I could possibly be, like, trust me, I was eating, I was working out, I was doing, I was doing all the things like I should be doing to make sure that I'm not, you know, being unhealthy and having like a negative thing that was happening in my mind and my body.

41:02So. Well, I really appreciate that kind of the way you've presented that, because I think there's so much truth to it. And I think if anything, it helps us become more aware of, hey, let's try and be aware of bubbles. But by the nature of a bubble, you're not aware of it until it pops. And so when it pops, then we all become aware of it. And then all of a sudden, so it's almost like we've got to give, we've got to give ourselves grace. We've got to give others grace. We've got to give everyone time and space to kind of understand and grow and rise together. Yeah. Because, and this doesn't just apply to the beauty industry or the modeling industry.

41:39This applies to so many industries across the world where I think there's a need for collective grace on both sides and then rising together. And I love, and I completely agree with you. I think you're allowed to have your own experience. I almost think about it sometimes to do with entrepreneurship too. Like a lot of people will be like, entrepreneurship is really tough. It's really hard work. And there's the hustle culture of you have to work 18 hours a day and you have to do this and you have to do that and i always say to people like if i'm completely honest for the first two years of my career three years of my career i did work 18 hours a day and i'm really happy i did like it was amazing and i'm really grateful and yes some parts of it were unhealthy but it allowed me to get to where i wanted to get to in order to put things in place to be more healthy and that's my personal experience of it and that's not right or wrong or the best way or the worst way it's just how it's worked for me uh and and you could look at that and be like oh well 18 hours is a hustle culture and there's no balance and i'm like but it's it's each of us have got to find what's comfortable and natural for us and you're allowed to have your own experience and also recognize that there's negatives within it yeah because you you know you're working those 18 hour days and when you realize well maybe i shouldn't be doing that or you have maybe this realization of maybe I should have more balance in my life.

42:57Maybe I should do this. Oh, okay. Like then you can maybe fix it and grow from it and change and not do that anymore. But it doesn't mean that when you were doing it, you were, you know, having a terrible time. Maybe you were having fun and you were just excited that you get to do this work and all that stuff. And then you can look back on and be like, whoa, I was actually some more overwhelmed than I thought I was. Oh, okay. Like that's, I, that's what that was. Cause sometimes you feel these things and some new emotions that you've never felt before and you can't pinpoint what it is exactly until you hear somebody else say it or there's a new topic of discussion where people are like do you guys ever feel this and then you're like I do feel that what is that and then you discover oh it's burnout yes oh see there was never a word for it before that's what that is so it's just like acknowledging and recognizing something and then being like okay well we're not going to do that anymore but I did do it so you know we're not going to do that yeah it's so true I mean I think about that when i was young i used to have certain um physical sensations or experiences in my in my heart space in my chest space and i would go to the doctors i would tell my mom and we'd go get checked out the doctors had no clue they were like you're absolutely fine yeah and now i look back i'm like oh i had anxiety oh i had panic attacks i had no idea and no one in my no one ever used that language i saw multiple doctors no one ever said it to me and so i just moved on with life and got on with it and it became better at dealing with it and now i look back and i'm like oh now there's a word for it and now we can label it and talk about it but i didn't know then and there's been definitely times in my life where i've been in denial that i've been in stress or burnout and then i look back and i'm like oh now i can notice it yeah at that time i just needed to push through or whatever it may be but i've been talking about this and talking about relate relevant emotional experiences uh i was talking about my friend earlier and you were talking to me about the experience you went through you shared this on social media you talked about the loss of tate and the grief you've experienced which is what's led to tate and taylor which is this incredible new platform and company that's supporting so many people walk i want to talk about what you've built and the passion and the purpose behind it but let's talk about the grief of losing a friend uh because that's really what this is a really dear friend uh walk me through those nine years and the amazing relationship you built with Tate.

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46:07Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey, we came to play? Did you tip your tiara to a Creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day? Or see what life's like under the tree of life? Did you? If you could. Would you? When we come through, it's true magic. Because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort. Tate. Oh, my angel. I got Tate when I was 18. so it was really kind of in the mix of all this my life changing you know I I booked the Victoria Secret fashion show not very long after I I came into my life and we went we walked through life together for nine years and he was my best friend and oh gosh it's so hard to put it into words because it's such a unique thing to have a deep relationship with an animal.

47:14And it sounds, I hope I don't sound crazy. Maybe I'm going to sound a little crazy. But I just feel like the love that dogs and animals in general have for humans is so unconditional. And they have no judgment. They don't want anything from you but your love back. And it's so pure and it's so innocent. It's almost childlike in a way. You know, when I can only imagine, you know, when you hold a newborn baby for the first time, that immediate connection that you feel to this thing that can't even talk yet and is just a part of you. It's really special to have such a deep connection to something that literally wants nothing from you except for also the like unconditional love.

48:06So to have Tate come into my life at that time was so special just because so much was changing. You know, I was growing up, I was, you know, becoming a young woman from a girl to a woman. And he was there for that. And, you know, I was traveling all the time and I was away from family. And I just had this little tiny innocent soul with me that just always looked at me like, you're the best and I love you. And Tate taught me so much. I mean, he taught me, you know, responsibility, caring for something other than myself, you know, taking care of him, you know, pouring love into him and making sure that he was good and, you know, even well behaved and training him and doing all those things is showing him an act of love and making sure that he's a confident, comfortable dog.

48:58He could be in any scenario and he was the best boy. And I think he also kind of knew that I was just kind of out there winging it a bit. And he was like, oh God, this girl, this girl has no idea what she's doing. So I'm going to have to be a good boy now. And he just, I really sometimes feel like he did teach himself how to just be everywhere with me all the time. And I think that he was meant for me and he was meant to be in my life. And I think that we were sort of made for each other and we belonged to each other. And, you know, he was, he was so, it sounds crazy to say this about a dog, but he was so emotional.

49:34Like his eyes were so human. He could look at me and I knew what he was saying or what he was thinking, or I felt that he could feel what I was thinking or what I was feeling. and I definitely think that he also taught me a lot about you know emotion and you know being you know what's that saying you know be the person your dog thinks you are they think you're great you know they're like I love you no matter what yes mom yes so that's the energy they give you right it's like oh you're the best and it's just like am I the best but to have something, you know, this little creature just look at you and think you're the best.

50:18It kind of makes you want to be the best, right? You know, constantly trying to grow and be better and change. And, you know, nobody's perfect and no one will ever be perfect. And we're always learning and we're always growing and we're always changing. But having something to do that for and having someone to do that with is really, it's different, you know, like it's more intentional, right? So trying to be better because Tate thinks I'm the best is, it's a different motivation. So he definitely was there for me through, you know, so much of my life and so much of my life changing. I think from, you know, 18 to 27 are pretty formative years.

51:02I don't, I'm not a doctor, but I, someone told me once that your brain stops developing at 25 or something. So, you know, He was there. Oh, sorry. I hit the mic. I talked with my hands. He was there. He was there from when I had an undeveloped brain to a developed brain. You know, he kind of just saw me through. And he was he was just the best. I mean, the love of my life. I mean, my soulmate, really, because he just knew, you know, and I've never had a connection with any anyone like that that I've had with Tate. So I'm just I'm really grateful. that he was in my life. He's the inspiration behind me even wanting to start a pet company just because I love him so much.

51:48And I know other people have felt that before people who've had, you know, what I like to call a soul dog. They know what I'm talking about. You know, they know that feeling. And when I shared that I lost Tate, people who've, who'd, you know, been on my journey with me and been maybe following me for a bit know the day I got him and maybe saw, saw him on my Instagram all the time. I mean, he was probably in every single picture on my Instagram for nine years. So I feel like people felt like they knew him. And when I said, when I, you know, shared that he was sick, and then when I ultimately shared that he had passed, the overwhelming amount of support and, you know, messages that I got, and also shared experiences that I received from I lost my soul dog 10 years ago, and I still think about them every single day, it made me feel, it made me feel less alone and less maybe kind of strange for feeling this way about a dog because I, you know, you get both, you get, I got amazing, overwhelming comments that were just overwhelmingly positive.

52:49I mean, just, you know, I know what you've, what you're going through. I went through this, you know, just remember he's always with you. You know, I got messages like that, that touched me so deeply and positively. And I just felt so grateful that I got those messages. But then of course you get the flip side where people don't understand. They're like, oh, it's a dog. What's the big deal? You know? Oh, it's a dog. Move on. I'll never move on from Tate's death. My grief will change for sure. My perspective of his death will change. And it has even since I lost him, you know, I, it's, it's devastating and it's heartbreaking.

53:32And, you know, to anyone who's felt that, I know that feels like, and don't let anybody rush you. You know, some people don't understand that it's just because this is a dog and, you know, not a person. It doesn't mean that they don't deserve the same amount of time and space and energy you would give to grieving anything else. So I would just say, you know, take your time and you're not alone. And it's, it's not a fun thing to go through at all. So I think I'll always miss Tate, you know, I don't see how I can't, you know, and I think to say to get over something is such a harsh way of saying it because I'll probably never get over it.

54:22I'll never really get over losing Tate. I can heal from it and I can find, you know, peace with it. But those are two completely different things, getting over it. How do you get over that? You know, it does, it's not something that it's not a object in my way. It's, he's a part of me and he's no longer here. So yeah, I definitely think losing a pet is, is tough and, you know, losing one that you have such a deep, strong connection with, that's been with you for so many things with no expectation from you, other than just, they want to be there with you is, that's a tough loss and a tough thing to, to work through.

55:06So. Thank you for sharing that. I mean, I, like I was saying to you, I've had two friends recently who've both lost pets that they were dogs that they were close to for many, many years. And I've been talking to them. And when this opportunity came up to talk to you, I was thinking about you and then thinking about them. And I can't wait to share this conversation with them because it's I don't think there's anyone who has a pet that they're deeply close to that sees it as a loss that's different of any kind. and why would you when that person has been there with you through all these experiences walk us through like what is it like when you get that call or you have that meeting with the vet or the doctor that goes this is the condition that tate has and please tell us a bit about the condition and that experience because i feel like to me when i think about grief and loss it's like that point in the journey is so pivotal to everything that comes after it because it's like the first time it really hits you that this may not last yeah and also it can dictate your your journey and how you're grieving why you're grieving so tate was diagnosed with t-cell lymphoma and you know he was acting strangely probably less than a month before his diagnosis it was little things, very subtle things and almost things that were already kind of things that he had been doing before, but they were just a little bit more frequent or a little bit more extreme.

56:38And I was like, well, that's really weird. So Tate had a very sensitive stomach. He would always sometimes, I don't want to say the word throw up, but sorry guys, if you're triggered by that. He would throw up his food sometimes and he like, it didn't always like sit well with him. And he, He had like, you know, already had like digestion problems from when he was a puppy. But probably a couple of weeks before his cancer diagnosis, he was still throwing up food. He was like drinking water excessively, like drinking a lot of water. Like he seemed very, very thirsty. And then when I ultimately was like, OK, something is really, really wrong.

57:18It was incontinence. So he was peeing in the bed at night, which was he never did that. He was such a good boy. I was like, he would never do this intentionally. So I took him to the doctor and I was like, something is wrong. He's, you know, it's not strange or abnormal that he's throwing up his food, but it's strange that he threw up water yesterday and it's strange that he peed in the bed. And I don't think that those are normal things. So, you know, they're doing blood tests. His calcium levels are off. I don't remember in what way, just because honestly, it's all a bit of a blur because it's, it was a very emotional time.

57:54So, but I do remember his calcium levels. There was something wrong there. So they did another test that was a bit more of a deep dive into that. They were like, okay, yeah, this is a problem. We should probably do an x-ray. So, you know, that was a week ago. So now it's a week later and, you know, getting these appointments and like seeing the doctors, you know, it's just sometimes not always easy. even in dogs, even, you know, in, in veterinary circumstances, it's weirdly sometimes similar to human doctors, you know, it's just getting these appointments and getting in to see it's like, well, something is wrong.

58:27Can we just do this now? Why are we sitting here and waiting? He doesn't feel good. So we go in for the x-ray and, you know, sure enough, they, they find a mass in his shoulder and his lymph node near her shoulder. And they're like, okay, well, we think it's lymphoma. So, you know, you need to take him to an oncologist. And, you know, these are the oncologists that we recommend. I'm calling every hospital in New York that I possibly can to see, you know, who can I take him to right away. Everyone was, you know, this was maybe May. Everyone was like, our next appointment isn't until June 16th. Our next appointment isn't until July 16th.

59:07I'm like, okay, well, my dog was just diagnosed with cancer or what they think to be is cancer. I can't imagine that he can wait until June or July. And I don't really know what to do next. So he starts getting worse. And he's not eating anymore. And he has no appetite. And he can't keep even water down. So my husband actually takes him to the vet. I'm out of town when this is happening. And she says he's in a really bad state. He's severely dehydrated. You need to take him to the emergency room right now. and they'll check him into the ICU and then maybe then he'll be seen by an oncologist. And I was like, why didn't you tell me that before?

59:50Oh my God, I would have done that a week ago, even though he wasn't in a state of emergency. He has, we think he has cancer. We think he has T cell, T cell lymphoma. That's very aggressive. So we, um, we, my husband takes him to the emergency room. And sure enough, they do. They check him into the ICU. He's, you know, very severely dehydrated. He's very weak. He hasn't eaten in like two days. And he's on a wait list to see an oncologist that day. And while remembering all this is hard, because I wasn't in town, this was happening. And I get these calls that Tate's in the emergency room, Tate's in the ICU.

1:00:31I'm not there. I'm petrified. I'm going to lose him. I'm not going to be there.

1:00:40And he's seen by the oncologist. They do all the tests. They do all the scans. Yes, he does have T-cell lymphoma. It's throughout his entire body. He has multiple, you know, masses on multiple lymph nodes. And he definitely doesn't have much, much more time left. So I get home as soon as I can. I'm in the ICU with him. And, you know, all this is happening days before our wedding, actually. I was in the hospital with him on a Monday and on Thursday I was meant to fly back home to Colorado to get married and I'm in New York in the hospital in the ICU with Tate and you know I'm looking at him and I'm asking him like if you if you need to go please let me know like I will let you go you know like I don't want to make him do anything that he doesn't want to do because sometimes I feel like when you're dealing with a sick animal, we can be quite selfish and I want him to be there and I want him to be okay.

1:01:49And I want him to be at my wedding and all these things that I want. But what about him? He doesn't feel good. He's sick. He's in the hospital. So Tate was at the animal medical center in New York, the Schwarzman animal medical center. And a lot of what we do at Tate and Taylor is I have a whole cancer, like a fuck cancer merch collection line where a hundred percent of the profit that we make goes back to a fund that they have at the Animal Medical Center called the Buddy Fund. And what the Buddy Fund does is help subsidize the cost or cover the cost in total of chemotherapy and cancer treatments and pets.

1:02:28It's an incredible program and it's an incredible hospital. And a part of my journey and story with Tate, so much of it has to do with the amazing, the oncology department at the Animal Medical Center is amazing. They're the largest nonprofit hospital in the world. And they, they're, they have so many amazing programs there. They're teaching hospital. So it's a really, it's a great place. Tate was in the best hands when he was there. And while, even though I was going through something quite emotional and a turbulent time of, is he going to make it to one of the special, most special days of my life and, or is he not?

1:03:05I, I had an amazing doctor there. She was so supportive. She was about to get married. She was, you know, getting married a week after me. So she was, I can't, I have a dog. And she was like, I can't, she's like, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. I mean, she's, she's like, I can't imagine what you're feeling right now. You know, getting married, your dog in the hospital, this is your baby. And you know, you're, he might not be there. So the, the team that the oncology team was so amazing with Tate and with me, they did everything in their power. They're like, well, we think we should start, you know, the CHOP protocol, which is what he started.

1:03:42And, um, he started responding to it really positively. So I, I'm, you know, that was a small segue cut back to, you know, I'm looking at Tate. I'm like, please tell me, like, do you want to fight this? Like, are you going to stick it out? I, you don't have to do that. You don't have to come. I know I want you to, but I need to do what's best for you. And after I, you know, said this to him, he it's, you know, he's going into have a feeding tube put in because he's not eating and he's about to start the TROP protocol. They want to make sure he has nutrients in his body. So they put a feeding tube in so that they can start giving, administering, you know, nutrients to him and immediately flipped.

1:04:23He went from looking like he was on death's doorstep to Tate. He was wagging his tail. He was energetic. He was, you know, doing it. He was him. I was like, it was the next day. And this was Wednesday. I'm supposed to leave Thursday for the wedding. I was, my mind was blown. I was like, Oh my God, I can't believe it. I was like, Tate, are you lying to me right now? What are you doing? What is this? All of a sudden, he knew. He knew he wanted to be there. I asked him, I was like, what do you need? What do you want? They put the feeding tube in. They're administering his first dose of the CHOP protocol.

1:05:01And he's able to get some nutrients in his body. He's a different dog. I'm like, OK, this dog wants to fight this for me. He wants to pull through right now. So he does make it to the wedding. It was an amazing, beautiful experience to be able to share that with him because literally every person who he's ever loved and who has ever loved Tate was there. And they got to say goodbye to him, you know, as not to sound morbid, but it is. It's in a way sort of cancer and dogs is it's not curable. They don't live much longer than maybe a year. you know sometimes in some cases too like it's different you know you they treat dogs to live the best quality of life that they can for the rest of their lives until they get to a point where it's okay well it's it's their time so it was a way for people to say goodbye to him because we knew he wouldn't be around for much longer we didn't know how much longer but it wasn't going to be much longer um and it was really special you know my my best friend from my childhood somewhere I've known since I was five years old.

1:06:12He was, what did I call him? Oh, my man of honor. And he walked him down the aisle and it was really special. And, you know, people were crying and everyone was hugging Tate and kissing Tate. And just, it was so special for me to be able to see and feel the love for him, knowing what he had gone through and what we were going through. And it felt like, it truly felt like a miracle that he made it there and that he was there that day. um so then you know we get back to New York and he's you know he's on maybe number two or three of his doses um it's a 16 week process and we were probably only on like week two and so because he had T cell lymphoma it's a it's very aggressive and it adapts in the body really quickly and you know, since Tate had tumors throughout his entire body, we didn't know how he was would respond to it.

1:07:11He was nine years old. So he was older, but he wasn't old, old, I guess. So the doctors were like, well, we're not really sure he's nine. It's old, but he's still energetic. He's still quite youthful. Like we're going to kind of play it by ear and see how this goes. And then it was, we were, We were in New York for maybe about a week, 10 days or so, and he started to get really, really bad again, really bad. We take him back to the emergency room. He's back in the ICU, and they're doing all the blood work and the tests and checking on him. And the cancer in his body had adapted to the chemotherapy treatments and it was attacking his kidneys now.

1:08:01And essentially, you know, his doctor said if he doesn't pass from the cancer, he'll pass from kidney failure. So right now we're in a position where there's not much more we can do and he's not comfortable. He's in a lot of pain. He's very sick. She said, it's completely up to you and I can't tell you what to do. All I can tell you is where he's at, what the health, the condition of his health right now is not good. So, you know, we ultimately have to come to the decision to let Tate go because I don't want him to live like that. That's so selfish, you know, I think to try to keep treating him when he's, yeah, he's not, he shouldn't, he shouldn't be, you know?

1:08:51So, um, we were able to, um, make an appointment with a doctor that, that does humane euthanization in home so that Tate could be with me, my husband, and we were in our home together and we got to hold him. And, you know, he didn't have to go back to the hospital because going there was, it was a scary thing for him. I could tell it was stressful because that's where they would take him away from me. And I knew he wanted to be with me. He was very attached to me. So I didn't want to have to take him back there. I didn't want him to have to pass in that environment, not to speak negative. It wasn't a negative space at all.

1:09:32It was actually very happy. It was a very beautiful space. The doctors were amazing there. And it was, it was both. It was tough because it was what we were going through was so difficult, but But they were so amazing. They were so positive. Their energy was so great. So it wasn't that it was a dark, scary place. It was just I wanted him to feel as comfortable as possible. And I know that by him walking in there, he would be like, oh, no. I'm in this place again. They're going to take me away from you, mom. So I didn't want to bring him back there and have to, you know, his last moments be in a place where he didn't know what was going to happen to him.

1:10:08So we did it at home. and it was really special that I got to hold him and, you know, comfort him and be with him. That was the most important thing to me. I was like, I absolutely have to be there. Like, I have to be there. And I think he knew that. And I think he wanted me to be there and he waited so that we could do, we could do it together and we could be together.

1:10:41And it's a tough thing, you know, like having to, you know, witness someone die is not fun.

1:10:54Especially him, you know, for me, he was everything to me. and um just based off of that experience that I have with him I know so many people probably have felt that way have been in a similar situation and I know it's it's really hard going through that so I'm grateful for the way that everything happened with me with Tate um it's so crazy they know like they know they're these spiritual beings I think animals are more spiritual than us they have so much more they have different types of consciousness I think than people do he knew what I needed and he knew what how I needed him to go And he really did that for me.

1:11:50And it was really, even though it was really tough, it was really also beautiful at the same time to be able to hold him in his last moments. And he was there for me for every single moment. I got to be there for him in this moment. He didn't feel fear. He didn't feel pain. he was I held him in my arms and I was you know we were just I got to hold him so he was very I know he was comfortable and I I felt that with him and I that's why I wanted to be there so I just could make sure that he felt nothing but comfort and no pain and just happiness and love He could feel my love. So that's sort of the story of Tate and his illness and his cancer and sort of what we went through.

1:12:45And treating cancer is so expensive, even with insurance. And, you know, part of why the Buddy Fund is something that we're so passionate about and why I feel like I want Tate & Taylor as a brand to be really cause driven and have an initiative and have a purpose and have a reason behind it is because of, you know, what I went through with Tate. I started building Tate and Taylor with him, not knowing that any of this would happen. And then before we even got to launch and start the company publicly, I lost him and it shifted sort of a lot of the drive and some of the purpose that we have. and having to decide between having a financial burden and being in a place where you may or may not be able to financially care for your pet and those last precious moments, the ones that even I know I got to have with Tate, those last few weeks with him were the best weeks ever in my memory of my life with him because he got to come to my wedding.

1:13:52He was back to himself for a little bit. These like special little things and times that we shared together, they were so important in how I was able to heal going forward once I did lose him. So I think being able to help support people who are going through this with their pets and go through cancer and, you know, that journey and that path and what that looks like is something I really have such a passion for and something I really want to be able to help. because I went through all of this with him and I know what that feels like and I know what that pain is and what how what that weight feels like and what the grief feels like how can I be there for other people and how can I help other people who are going through this so they they never have to think about that um and that's why we picked the buddy fund just because of the experience that I had with Tate at AMC and so many people I know so many people who've who've had that experience.

1:14:47And, you know, I, um, spoke with Tate's oncologist, Dr. Rachel Lordall and, um, you know, we posted it on the Tate and Taylor Instagram. And I got a couple of comments that were like, I love Dr. Rachel. She was there for me with, with my, um, with my dog and, you know, she's amazing. And so people feel, people feel it from them, from that place. And that fund is so impactful because when you're going through something like that, to have to worry about whether or not you can afford care and whether or not you can even get those extra that extra time and just see how they're even going to respond to treatment I mean I can't even I don't even want to nobody wants to have to go there and make that decision so I got so much support when I lost Tate and I just want to do everything I can to support others because I know other people go through this and there are people in that position and it breaks my heart to even think that somebody would have to go through.

1:15:45Yeah. I just, I can't, it's hard to, um, to verbalize that pain. And I, cause I, I can, I can so clearly visualize what that feeling could be and having to make that decision. And, um, I got to make it when I did with tape and I'm, um, I'm so grateful that I, I, I was able to do that. And I just want to be able to, to share, to like give that back give that time give it to others like how can i help give people more time with their soulmates i guess taylor thank you so much for opening up so intimately about that journey and i remember seeing the beautiful and amazing pictures and memories you shared with on social media and but to hear the the actual journey behind it just thank you so much for being so open and giving and i'm very confident that i mean i i haven't lost a pet or a dog and i don't know what that feels like but even just sitting here listening to you i know that anyone who has or anyone who may do so in the future will have this to turn to as a way of connecting with than to humanize their experience and also validate their experience of how deeply they love yeah this friend in their life and i wanted to ask you what would you two questions what would you for anyone who is grieving the loss of a pet friend a dog like what would you want them to know about the grieving process and the second question is if someone has a friend or family member that's going through it what would you like them to know in order to offer help or support to that person i would say if you're going through if you're going through this loss and you're you know coping with this type of grief i think patience just be patient with yourself feel it you know grief is like an ocean sometimes it's relentless sometimes it's calm sometimes the waves are huge and crashing.

1:17:57Sometimes it's completely still and beautiful and peaceful and you're able to just float. So wherever you're at, whatever your ocean is doing, just feel it because one moment it'll feel really calm and you'll feel a sense of perspective, maybe a sense of peace, and then there'll be a memory or you'll be in a situation where it brings something back up and then the waves come crashing in and you know that's okay sometimes you know I'm I'm almost a year uh to the day that I lost hate and I'm not fully healed yet and I think that's going to take maybe a couple more years to even feel like I can say I'm healed from that um I don't think I can ever I don't think anyone ever necessarily moves on and I think if they hear the words move on don't take that let that roll right off you because they're that's not what maybe they mean to move on you may you may never move on but to heal is different you know to heal a wound that so it no longer opens is a different thing and I would say to make sure that you're doing the steps and taking care of yourself in the way you need to to heal because it is a wound you know how would you go about if you broke your arm, you know, you would go to the doctor, you would, you know, set it in a cast, you would do all these steps to make sure your arm could work again.

1:19:24So I think that losing someone is sort of, it's, it's a wound. It's in, it's an internal wound. It's some, it's a part, it's, it breaks something in our spirit. So it's not something you can see, but it's something that needs addressing. It's something that needs help. It needs time, you know however you need to do that and whatever your process looks like to deal with healing just and if you don't know how to do that I think talking to someone I think anyone it doesn't even have to be a therapist you know because I know a lot of people like to say go to therapy well some people don't have access to therapy yet and that's okay but talking about it you know if there's someone you can relate to if you can find anyone in your life who will listen and help help you grieve and talk through it with you, writing about it, talking to yourself about it if you prefer writing or journaling.

1:20:22I think there's a couple of different ways to get started in terms of, well, I don't even know how to heal. What does that mean, Taylor? Where do I start? What's the process look like? It's different for everyone, but I think knowledge is power and learning. If you don't know where to start, you can talk to someone and maybe ask a couple of questions or ask yourself questions or write things out and start really small and start there. And then hopefully, you know, you can start growing on that and, and expanding on, okay, well, I, this is what it means to heal. This is, this is my process. This is how I'm going to do this.

1:20:56And, you know, find the tools that work for you and, or create the tools that work for you. Who knows it's different for everybody. It's different for everybody. So however that looks like to you, that feels like to you, as long as you're doing what you need to do to ultimately heal from it, I think that's a really great place to start is just to start thinking about it from there. Don't worry about moving on or getting over it or if the emotions are stronger sometimes than others, they can be really unexpected. It hits you like a wave some days and that's okay. Feel it, sit there, write about it, think about it.

1:21:36I mean, if you want to ignore it for a little bit, you can, but you know, make sure you're always coming back to it and acknowledging it and addressing it. And then you can sort of like, let it go and be like, okay, I see you. I hear you. I feel you. We're going to acknowledge that emotion and then we can let it go. And then I think that's like, those are really good ways to kind of start. Parking shouldn't slow you down. ParkWiz gives every driver a shortcut. Book ahead, Save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block. Park smarter. Park faster. ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park.

1:22:12So your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive, right? But if they aren't connected to other agents or your data or your existing workflows, how productive can they really make your teams? Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company to change how you do business. Let's create smarter business. IBM.

1:22:41Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey, we came to play? Did you tip your tiara to a Creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day? Or see what life's like under the tree of light? Did you? If you could. Would you? When we come through, it's true magic. Because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort. Hewing. Thank you for sharing that. And I loved what you were saying about people discovering their own tools, discovering their own way, not feeling like there has to be a set formula. and and even listening to this conversation and i do think i've been encouraging a lot of my friends to reach out to other people who've gone through similar experiences because not that your healing will look the same but that it feels necessary to sit with other people who you feel see you hear you understand you and my friend told me something beautiful about grief that i don't think i'll ever forget they said to me that grief is like a stone and you carry it in your pocket and you'll always notice it you'll feel it you know it's there but as time goes on you get stronger and so as you get stronger it's not that the stone goes away it's just that it gets lighter and so it's lighter to carry but it doesn't mean it's going away you didn't move on you didn't have to get over it it doesn't disappear it doesn't get smaller it stays the same you just get stronger so the stone gets lighter yeah and i and i really appreciated that idea around grief because it sat true with me that it didn't have to go away i didn't have to let go of it i didn't have to forget about it and that it would always be there but just as i grow and as i strengthen and as i become more resilient it becomes lighter and doesn't weigh on me in the same way as the heavy feeling of grief can in the beginning yeah and so yeah thank you i mean it sounds like you know you shared with me before that there was something you wanted to share with our community here that you hadn't shared before and when you mentioned it to me there's something beautiful you said and it was this idea of how tate has actually been with you through another loss in your life and that's a journey that you haven't shared before could you walk us through how tate was your best friend through that journey too so about three years ago um i had a miscarriage and i've i've never spoken about it before, except for obviously to people in my life and, you know, my family knows and my close friends know.

1:25:52And I've shared it with, you know, some people. And I do think, you know, talking about it is an important thing. But, you know, I've never publicly spoken about it or said that I went through that. And, you know, I kind of made the decision that I, since I'm, you know, talking about Tate and I'm, you know, starting this business based off of the love that we have for each other and how I want to be there for people. He was there for me in so many ways. And how can I, you know, share that without sharing something that I went through that he was there for me for. And in grieving his loss, I'm grieving the shared experiences we've had and learning how to cope with something without him when he was there for me through that time in my life.

1:26:43It was a really strange circumstance under which I had my miscarriage. I had an IUD. I had it for about three years. So obviously, I wasn't actively trying to get pregnant. I didn't want to get pregnant at all. I was, you know, engaged to my husband and, you know, we were not planning on starting a family probably for, you know, for a while. So I wasn't in the headspace at all to, to be pregnant. Um, and you know, I'm not really sure how it happens because I don't, I don't know how that works. I'm not a doctor and I, I didn't understand it. And sometimes I still don't understand it. Um, because you know, I'm pretty sure I could be wrong on this.

1:27:32I probably should have looked it up before I came in here so I could say exactly, but, um, it's a really small percentage, like a small chance of getting pregnant on an IUD. It's like less than 1 % or something like that, which is still, you know, still a chance. Like it can still happen, of course, but you, it's some crazy things happen to someone in there. It's like, that'll never happen to me. it happened to me, I got pregnant on an IUD and I, I was shocked and I was sad. I didn't want to be pregnant. I wasn't ready to be pregnant. I didn't understand what it meant to be pregnant with an IUD.

1:28:08I didn't know what that meant. I didn't know what my journey with this pregnancy would look like. I was so scared. I was terrified. Um, and also it was, um, still during COVID. so my husband was in he wasn't able to be with me he was in London and um he wasn't you know kind of not allowed to travel into the U.S. so I I found he was with me in the beginning of um COVID and the pandemic but because he's British you know he was on an ESTA and they were getting people out on tourist visas so his exception to fly out was because so he didn't overstay his ESTA because that's the last thing we wanted.

1:28:47We were, you know, planning on getting married, like we can't get marks on, you know, all that stuff. So, um, he left the country because he had to. And so then we were separated and we were no longer able to be together. I don't, I don't think I saw him for maybe another couple of months after that. So, um, he, he wasn't with me when I found out I was pregnant. And, um, that was really hard for both of us because all you want to do when you're going through something like that, as shocking and unexpected as it was for the both of us is to be there with each other. You know, I know he wanted more than anything in the world to hold my hand, like, tell me it's going to be okay.

1:29:30Like, hold me. And, you know, that's all I wanted too. And I couldn't be with him. And, um, Tate was with me though. You know, he was, we were together and I'm so grateful that I, I had him physically to be there with me physically. You know, my husband was there for me in every way that he possibly could be, but I had the physical connection that, that holding that comforting, you know, that's something that you need in that space. I, it was breaking both of our hearts that we didn't have that, you know, couldn't do that. And I think it both gave us like comfort knowing that I had Tate with me for that.

1:30:08You know, I had to go to my doctor's appointments alone. I, you know, went in to make sure that I didn't have what's called an ectopic pregnancy, which is when the embryo attaches itself in the fallopian tube. My pregnancy was in my uterus, so it was viable. It was technically healthy, but the circumstances in the environment on which I conceived was a bit of a turbulent environment. So, you know, my doctor said, we don't really know what's going to happen here because, you know, you conceived in an environment where your body is telling you you shouldn't be pregnant because of the IUD, because of the hormones the IUD is putting into your body.

1:30:51And also if we remove it, then, you know, we're changing again the environment on which you conceived. So, you know, it's, we don't know 50 50 of whether or not you're gonna, you know, carry this out. So it was really just a waiting game to see if it would stick or not. And I was given a couple of markers of, you know, come back at about six and a half weeks, and we can do an internal ultrasound and, you know, check everything out and see how it's going. so you know I'm I'm waiting another week or so I go back in they do the internal ultrasound they're able to like hear a heartbeat um and you know at this point I'm like oh my gosh like I what is happening to me this is so crazy I'm going through all these things I have a photo I have the picture you know of the ultrasound like that's so great it was like this big you know what I mean and um so I'm at a place in my life where okay maybe I wasn't planning to get pregnant and I wasn't I wasn't ultimately excited about it at first I was scared not excited I was shocked I was confused I I was feeling fear I wasn't feeling joy but at the same time I'm gonna marry this person I'm in love with this person I want to have a family with this person I'm 20, was I 25?

1:32:24Or was I 24? I think I was 25. I'm 25. That's still young. But you know, it's, I feel somewhat ready if I was to have a child. Okay, so I'm going to start getting in the head space now of I think I'm gonna, if this pregnancy sticks around, like I'm gonna have a child. Okay. Oh, gosh. So it's like, I'm coming to so many different so many terms of acceptance here, where I'm just like, okay, but I can't get too excited because we don't know what's going to happen. I have to pass all of these milestones to make sure if this is going to be a healthy pregnancy or not. Um, so I get to about roughly nine weeks and, you know, she's like, okay, well, we're getting closer.

1:33:04She, you know, she's optimistic that this could be happening. You know, usually it's about 12 to 14 weeks when you start telling people. Um, Um, so I'm like, oh my God, it's getting closer. Like maybe this is going to happen. Um, and I'm starting to accept that this is going to happen. Um, it's still really early though. So of course, not too excited. I'm not at that, that check mark yet. And then, um, I start spotting, but it was, it was like, um, it wasn't bright red. It wasn't blood yet. And so then the doctor was like, well, that's normal. Well, sometimes that happens. You know, there is spotting with pregnancy.

1:33:45It's just your body adjusting. So, oh, we'll just keep an eye on it. And about a week goes by and then I start seeing what looks like fresh blood. And that's this, you know, that's what she told me to look out for. And that's like kind of the early signs of what ultimately will be a miscarriage. So that starts happening. And, you know, I'm alone in my house. And, you know, at least I have Tate with me. And I call my husband and, you know, I'm just devastated because I know that this is about to happen to me. And we're both crying. And he's, I could just tell he was so heartbroken that he couldn't be there.

1:34:33I think that was really painful for him too you know for both of us and I've never spoken about it either so like to this extent so I um I have with my family so this is also new for me to to do this it's like reprocessing again um I'm going through the physical reaction of having the miscarriage. Um, and it, it takes some time, like, you know, it's happening while it's happening. It doesn't just like happen and then it's done. Like it, it's, it takes a long time. It's, it can be painful. It feels like a period cramps, but like your worst period cramps you've ever had. Um, and you know, ultimately it passes and I have to make all these doctors, doctors appointments.

1:35:22I, um, I have to, you know, make sure everything's okay and make sure I'm healthy and all of that. So, you know, right after dealing with, with this loss, you have to click into this mode of, I have to do all these things and I have to make sure I do this and I do that. And logistics of getting to the doctor and like making sure and checking and making sure it was clean and everything that needed to pass past. Um, so, you know, I kind of went into take care of it mode. And I just remember feeling so confused because it was really just like a roller coaster of emotion of, I didn't, I didn't even know I, I didn't even want this.

1:36:11I wasn't expecting this. I, I wasn't planning on having a child. I was doing to the best of my ability. you know, the IUD is one of the best forms of birth control, one of the most efficient forms of birth control. And, you know, I, I was very confused. I was like, why is this happening? Um, this is so wild. I can't believe, I can't believe this. Um, I, I didn't, I didn't want to necessarily be pregnant. Um, and then, okay, I make past a couple of checkpoints and I'm starting to feel a little like, oh gosh, this is going to happen. I'm starting to process emotions of coming to terms with this.

1:36:53Like you do get excited. I wasn't allowing myself to get fully excited or to like be too optimistic about it. I tried to stay as neutral as I possibly could, but it's difficult. You know, you can't, you can't control some of these things. I mean, these, this is what I'm feeling. So, you know, I, I was like, okay, well, oh my gosh, like, is this happening? Like, whoa. So then there's a little bit of excitement and then, you know, some joy because like I want a family. I'm excited to have children. And then I lose the pregnancy. It was early still like when I lost it. So I wasn't luckily fully in the headspace of, oh my God, this is 100 % happening.

1:37:38So in terms of the timeline, I am really grateful that I hadn't fully come to terms with it yet. But I was still really confused because I was like, whoa, processing this emotion of feeling like I don't even want this. Maybe this is happening and feeling some excitement and maybe some joy and then loss. It was so strange and it was just all the things. You know, it was really just two things can be true at once kind of a thing where you feel these emotions that are one is honestly, even with some time and some space now and some perspective relief. Wow, the timing wasn't right. You know, everything happens for a reason.

1:38:22I wasn't ready to be a mother. I wasn't ready to have a child. I'm absolutely devastated. I'm not a mother and I don't have a child well that makes no sense how can you feel both of those things I don't know they both sit once it's on this side of my brain and once it's on this side of the brain and they fight with each other and I don't and it took me a really long time to understand how to deal with that I don't know how to talk about this how do I make this make sense and I think in terms of you know miscarriages sometimes they don't make sense none of it doesn't make any sense and I think a lot of women go through that I think it's something like one in three women experience miscarriage so and and some women multiple and some women who've never had one like myself you know when I first got pregnant it's like this you have this sort of we don't you don't know that that's a possibility right so it's it's like oh it can be really exciting and I think a lot of women when they get pregnant for the first time feel excited and optimistic and hopeful and oh my god I'm gonna have a child right away so the blow of a miscarriage is so devastating wait a minute what I didn't what what happened I thought I was having a child all everyone has a baby how do people have babies like this is crazy how is this happening um to to be pregnant is such a complicated thing it's so wild the fact that we can even get pregnant you know um and I think it it really helped me feel less alone knowing that it was something that was quite common um and that a lot of women do go through it.

1:40:11But then something that I felt that was difficult to hear in the very beginning, that being said, when I did very first lose my pregnancy, it was like, well, don't worry. This happens to a lot of people. You're not alone. It was like, I didn't want to hear that. I didn't want to hear this happens all the time. Like, you know, I was so upset. I was like, what do you mean? So, so I shouldn't feel upset that this happened to me because it happens to a lot of people. So I'm trying, I'm sorry, I'm trying to articulate and it's a very difficult thing to articulate specifically because I think it is very intricate and it's, it can be very difficult and complicated to speak about something like that.

1:40:56So because there's so many powerful, really, you know, strong emotions that are happening in your physical body and in your emotional self as well. So I was always torn with, they're trying to help me by saying this, but it didn't help me to hear that. So if I'm saying that now, three years later, I do have perspective and it did eventually become helpful to hear. I'm not alone. One in three women have have miscarriages. This happens to people. It's going to be okay. If someone's listening and they're not ready to hear that. I feel that I've been there like no, this sucks. It sucks that one in three women go through it.

1:41:38It sucks that it's something that we have to deal with. Sometimes you need to hear that, you know, so I've, I've been in a place and I've been in positions where I needed to feel both. like I'm mad I'm confused why is this happening to me why is my body doing this I felt a sense of failure I felt a sense of betrayal of my own body of my own self I felt like and I wanted to feel those things I didn't want to hear well it happens to one in three women I'm like oh I'm mad at myself like it's okay it's okay to be mad at yourself you don't have to get over it right away and accept that it happens to one in three women.

1:42:16So wherever you're at in your journey of dealing with these emotions and processing, I felt those things. I've been angry. I felt confused. I felt relief. I felt pain. And none of it made any sense. I was like, what how do I how do I deal with this um and again you know it's it goes back to sort of something similar and when I lost Tate I just sort of started talking to people I spoke to one of my best friends in the whole world and I with the day it happened I just sobbed to her and she held me you know and you know she experienced this loss as well not shortly after me and I think that when I knew she was going through what I had been through and she held me and I held her and we were talking about it with each other I think that's when I got to a place when I was starting ready to hear this happens to one in three women and then I wanted to learn about it more and understand the technical reasons why this happens.

1:43:30And, you know, it's not my fault. My body didn't fail me. You know, it wasn't a viable pregnancy. It wasn't healthy. It wasn't meant to happen. I don't, I'll never really know why it happened. It could be a multitude of things. I got pregnant on an IUD, you know, that's probably number one reason why it didn't come come to fruition. So, you know, I did have some things to ground me in my grief of, okay, well, this happened because of this reason. Some women don't get that answer and they don't know why. And maybe it happens to them a lot later in their pregnancies. And there's so many different levels and variations of what it means to have a miscarriage and so many different variables and versions of what a miscarriage looks like and what a miscarriage feels like to those people.

1:44:19all I can say is my own personal experience and all the things I was feeling during that time and know that you know three years later I have so much more perspective and I've given myself so much time to heal from that and it no longer feels like an open gaping wound it feels like a scar. It's definitely still with me. There's a mark there. It happened to me. It's more of a, you know, another mark on my spirit maybe, but I have perspective from it. I have healing from it. I really feel like I gave myself a lot of time to feel everything I know I needed to feel for myself. And I think it's important for other women to hear from others what that it's something that we go through.

1:45:21And I didn't know if I would ever publicly talk about it, but I, you know, I lost Tate and I'm talking about grief and he was such a huge part of my journey and my life. And he helped me deal with grief and he's been a huge part of, you know, my mental health and being there for me. And I think there's something there with, you know, having that connection to an animal and mental health and what they can do for our mental health. I mean, there's therapy dogs for a reason and horse therapy. And there's a reason why people connect to animals so strongly. And there's something there and there's something that's healing and being around them, you know.

1:45:58And he was such a huge part of that healing. And in losing him, it did hurt me in that area, that previous injury in my spirit that I had. from the miscarriage. It was someone that was with me so closely and so deeply for something so difficult is no longer here. I can no longer hold him and, you know, feel comforted from the wave of emotions that maybe come back from having this, having the miscarriage. So, you know, it's, it's all connected and, you know, sometimes it, it can be painful and it can be hurtful. And even though it's a, it is a scar on, on me now and it's what I feel heals and I feel optimistic and I've, I've grown a lot from it.

1:46:47And, you know, I do feel like I've kind of come out on the other side of going through that. It's still a tender spot. You know what I mean? It's like, if it's poked, it kind of hurts. It's like, wow, that, that was, that's from that, you know, you know, I can only, I have never, I've never broken a bone crazy enough as it is. So I can imagine it's maybe similar to if you break a bone in your body, it still hurts maybe later in life and you feel aches and pains and all of these things. So it's an injury that I feel like my spirit's endured and it's still there, but I really worked through it and worked through healing.

1:47:21And I think there's a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of if you're going through that. It takes time. And who knows, maybe now, I maybe I think I'm healed and I'm maybe fully not I don't know I I feel confident and comfortable enough to speak about it so maybe that's a layer and a step towards like towards healing maybe we're never fully done healing and and and growing from things I mean we're never done growing we grow forever never never until the day we die so it might evolve and it might change going forward and, you know, it might continue and shift. And I can maybe look back on where I'm at today and think I still had some work to do and I wasn't aware of it yet.

1:48:05So, you know, we'll kind of, we'll see where it goes, but, you know, kind of where I'm at now is this is the headspace that I'm in. I feel, um, comfortable and, you know, confident enough to sort of talk about it and talk about, you know, what happened and share it and hope that others can maybe connect with it and feel not alone. I know it can feel isolating, especially if there's no one in your life that's been through it and you don't feel like you have somebody to connect to. So hopefully it just helps. And I feel like that's kind of why I wanted to share that was just because the many layers of grief and in my loss, I've felt lost before and I lost someone that went through that loss with me.

1:48:52So I kind of just wanted to touch on both of those things just because I know they can be it's something that a lot of people go through losing a pet losing a loved one and then obviously you know losing a pregnancy and going through a miscarriage and so thank you for the courage and bravery to share that with us here today for the first time publicly beyond friends and family and when I was listening to you Taylor I was just thinking like i appreciate just the level of complexity and layers that you're willing to kind of look at this from whether it's personally others everyone i mean i was saying to you that i've had multiple friends in the last two to three years who've all experienced a uh miscarriage and i talk to them and i'll hear from them and i see so much just stress overwhelm pressure um self-degradation like you know just um negative self-talk like there's it's it's it's one of the hardest things to go through even if everyone goes through as you say oh not everyone but so many people go through it it doesn't make it any easier and often actually like you said it makes you so lonely that you don't want to talk to anyone about it yeah and it's it's not comforting to know other people have gone through it and i wonder in that lonely phase like what was it that did help you and even when your friend went through it what allowed you to be there for each other in a way that was comforting and helpful rather than felt uncomfortable and unhealthy i needed to be alone um i need to like i needed to feel it i needed to sit in it i didn't want to talk about it um because i didn't want people want to be there for you and that's really special and that's really helpful but i didn't want people to be there for me yet i wasn't ready for people to be like oh i'm so sorry or you know because people don't know what to say sometimes when it comes to grief or loss, sometimes I don't know what to say either.

1:51:08I have no idea on how to react to some things still. Having experienced my own version of grief, how do you be there for somebody? It's a difficult thing. I didn't know what I needed from people. I didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be alone. I didn't want anyone to know because I didn't want people to talk to me about it or say things to me because I just wasn't ready to hear it yet. And the way that I think I told people that were really, really close to me, really, my husband obviously knew because it happened to him too. And my two best friends knew. and the way that I feel like they were there for me because they didn't know what to say.

1:52:08They didn't say anything. They were there for me physically. They held me. They let me cry. I just sat there and I cried and said nothing. And they just held my hand and were like, just sat there with me and like let me cry. They didn't ask me questions. They didn't ask me how I felt. They didn't ask... They didn't say anything to me. Like they didn't say everything happens for a reason. Don't worry. Like you'll feel one day. They didn't go into that. I think because they know me so well, they probably knew that I didn't want to hear that yet. They just were there and they listened when I was ready to talk.

1:52:53And then because I wasn't ready, they just let me emote and they just let me cry. and they cried and I could tell because I was hurt. They were hurt. You know, my, my, when I finally got to my husband and we were together, he just held me. We both cried and he just held me. And, you know, I held him too, because I think that's another thing is another layer on top of it is even though it physically happened to me and emotionally was something that I experienced, It was an individual experience to myself emotionally. It's a loss that happened to him as well. He also thought potentially he would be having a child.

1:53:38So we were both grieving something. We were both grieving the loss of this. We were both feeling this weird sense of relief at the same time and then immediately guilty because we felt relief and then immediately anger because we felt guilt. And you know what I mean? it's just, it's relentless. These emotions, when it's fresh, you know, you feel literally every single one that's on the rainbow of all the colors we felt, we felt all of them. And I think when it's, when it was the very beginning, I think for me, it was just holding people, people holding me, you know, being in, just being in the space with me.

1:54:17They didn't have to say anything if they didn't know what to say, you know? And I, When we did sort of start talking about it, we first started saying, this sucks. I can't believe this is happening. You know, it was, if I was feeling angry, then they would be angry with me. If I was sad, then they were sad with me. Um, so it was amazing. They were amazing at being there for me in those ways. And, you know, I think it is difficult to know what to say and how to be there for someone. But I think following them and how they're reacting is also really good. Like taking the cue from how they're responding is a good way to respond back to someone.

1:55:12and, you know, checking in, you know, my, my friends that knew checked in with me, how are you feeling today? You know? And then if I didn't want to talk about, they were like, okay, let me know when you are ready, you know? So just, you know, they were checking in, you know, making sure. And then, you know, my, my best friend, she, who she experienced this as well, she continues to check in with me. This is three years later and we still talk about it. Oh my gosh, can you believe it? You would have a three-year-old. I'm like, I know. And it's just, we get to have these moments together of we would both have a three-year-old right now.

1:55:55And we think about that and we deal with that and we grieve that and we grieve the loss of that potential and that direction and life, you know, that thread that didn't happen in this path. So female friendships are incredible and they're beautiful. And I think it's really important for women to have women in their life that they can, they can go to and they can talk to about these things because we can relate to each other in other ways that I think, you know, I couldn't get from my husband and being able to go to her was so special and really helpful. So I just, I think also have patience with, with yourself.

1:56:37And if you know someone who's going through that, have patience with them because it's a roller coaster. And, you know, she was my, my friend, And she was going through this too. And I was feeling emotions and I was feeling heartbroken because I know, because she was heartbroken. So I was feeling emotions as well. And I just have to be patient because it's happening to her. So at her pace, at her time, when she's ready, when she wants to hear, when she wants to talk about it, we can. and we both kind of just we both shared that understanding with each other something powerful really powerful that you said was i wasn't ready for someone to be there for me yet and i think that's such a really remarkable insight as i was listening to you i was thinking often when we see people who are struggling because their struggle causes us discomfort we want to solve it for them and so if i'm speaking to a friend who's like oh you know my friend's going through this or my partner's going through this and they're spiraling and we're so uncomfortable with their discomfort that we want to fix it to relieve our own discomfort not realizing that that person may need to feel and experience all of it yeah and and to let it all out in their own way and i love what you just said of i just wasn't ready for someone to be there for me yet and i think that's a great note for all of us to ask ourselves like am i ready for someone to be there for me yet and if i'm trying to help someone are they truly ready for me to be there for them yeah and one of the things that i've seen in and you mentioned as well when we were talking this idea about how there's so much pressure also on the couple so there's you're both individually dealing with loss and grief but then there's like a dynamic that you go through with each other yeah because you're both at different spaces of healing you're both at different timelines the waves come differently it's affected both of you but then you're both trying to be there for each other like it's quite a unique relation uh it's quite a unique situation walk us through how you navigated that overwhelming pressure and feeling together as well and what did it take to to reconnect and i mean i don't even think it's finding normalcy it's like evolving but what does that look like parking shouldn't slow you down park whiz gives every driver a shortcut Book ahead, save up to 50 % and skip the hassle of circling the block.

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2:00:03Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey, we came to play? Did you tip your tiara to a Creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day? Or see what life's like under the tree of light? Did you? If you could. Would you? When we come through, it's true magic. Because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort. I mean, my husband is so kind. He's so, he's very, he's very gentle. He's very, he's very understanding. He knows I'm an emotional person. and he knows I feel things deeply, like heavily, and he knows that I was distraught.

2:00:59He could see that I was... And I'm even, I'm even feeling it now, you know, just all these different things all at the same time and he's a supportive partner partner. me. And I think what was really helpful for us was, you know, I think he had a really great understanding and he's, he was so wonderful during those times for me. He, I think for him, he understood, okay, this is something that he's like, okay, I'm, I'm feeling, I also can't speak for him, obviously, because this, these, this, this is his, these are his feelings and his journey as well. So I'm, as I'm saying this, it's more just like collectively what, you know, we both went through.

2:01:58It was the shared experience that I'm, I'm touching on, um, and things that he did say and express to me. So, you know, I felt that he had a really great understanding of, you know, equal, the equal amount of heartbreak of loss, you know, he was feeling that too. And we got we had a shared experience in that. And I think he also had a really great understanding of this is physically happening to her, as well as it is emotionally happening to her. He knew it would take me longer to gain perspective, to start my healing process, to, you know, be able to adjust or, you know, process my emotions just because I think, you know, he said to me, you know, whatever I feel like I'm feeling, I know you're feeling it tenfolds.

2:02:52I know what you're going through is a physical reaction in your body of change. And then the change of becoming pregnant, the change of losing that pregnancy, the, the emotional change from all of those things. So for us, it was really helpful that he was super understanding and you know he's really great at navigating emotion as well um and I think it was helpful for me when he talked about it with me when he would say things like today is the day it happened and he's reminding me and he's the one talking about it it makes me feel less alone that he remembers it, that he still carries it with him.

2:03:44Because sometimes, you know, just because we've had some time and we've had some distance, I know I carry this with me forever. You know, I know I will because this happened to me in more ways than one. And I worry sometimes, you know, or I did that, well, maybe he won't feel that way. Like maybe he'll move on faster. maybe he'll forget about it maybe all these things and and then you feel sad and you know different emotions around that and like I know that that can be really complicated in a dynamic of loss of they're moving on oh they're forgetting about this they're not talking about this anymore so for me what was really helpful is because I know that he went through this too I love that he checks in with me I love that he talks about it with me I love that he also says things like can you believe we would maybe have had a three-year-old oh my god you think about that too it made me feel so seen like so heard and that he sees me all the time you know he sees when people we've been married for almost a year now so he sees when people make comments like oh when you guys gonna have kids or are you thinking about having kids and And people ask, you know, it's a harmless question.

2:05:07And I understand why people ask it. And it's, I'm not angry that people ask that question. I think it's part of society. You know, people want to talk about it. You know, people are excited about having, starting families. If we want to start a family, which we do. And we've spoken with our friends that we would want to have a family one day. So I understand why they're asking us those questions. But not everybody knows that I went through this. And at that time, I mean, now maybe everybody will know I went through this. but I wasn't ready for everybody to know that I was going through this and I had to deal with those questions internally.

2:05:40And, um, it was painful to hear those questions. You know, people would make comments because a lot of my friends had babies during COVID and everyone was like, Oh, you know, everyone had all these babies, you know, during COVID and everyone was getting pregnant and I did, and I was pregnant and I didn't have a baby. So I would hear comments like that. I would hear things like that. Oh, also people assume that maybe I have had a kid and they just don't know yet. Oh, did you have a kid? Were you one of those girls during COVID that had a kid? And I'm like, oh God, I know what you mean when you're saying that, but you have no idea.

2:06:17No, I'm not. I guess I'm not. So he would sort of see me and like see that I was dealing with that internally and trying to process socializing and, you know, navigating these comments because it's nobody's fault that they're asking it. You know, it's, it's just normal. It's just life. Right. So I have to, I do have to grow from this. I have to be able to handle this. I have to be able to talk about this again. I do have to be able to be okay. And I, I wasn't always okay. And I think he saw that I wasn't always okay. And I could tell that he was hurt when I was hurt. I could tell that he, he was feeling what I was feeling, you know, and I also shared it with him too, because people can't read your mind.

2:07:06You know, this is my partner. This is my life partner. Um, this is a person that I decided that I want to spend life with and do life with. So I have to do life with them. Right. So I have to make a point to share today. I'm feeling extra bad because it's the week of my miscarriage. It's the anniversary week. I'm not going to feel good this week. You know, I say that I express that he cannot read my mind. He has no idea what I'm feeling unless I'm saying it. So, you know, I, it's a two way street, um, that I share with him and that he sees me and he understands me. So, and he does, he's really great at understanding how I emote, you know, my tells, my, you know, physical things that maybe I do where he's like, she's nervous.

2:07:57She's upset. I could tell she's holding back tears right now. He helps remove me from said situation, you know, so learning each other and sharing with each other and he knows those things and he's been able to learn those things because I've shared them with him and I've shown him and told him and vice versa. He's shared with me and told me and shown me, how I can care and love and be there for him. So I think just for a couple in this scenario, however you're dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or a child, because I know people conceive in many different ways. And there's a lot of stress in starting a family on multiple different types of relationships and partners and spouses and how you're going about it and how you're dealing with and what you're going through and, you know, what you're doing with each other and how your journey with that is unique to you, to both of your situations.

2:08:56And the way that you guys communicate with each other is important and learning each other and asking for something is there's nothing wrong with asking for something and then they're able to adjust and do that for you. So I feel like that's something that I've learned as well is being open and making sure I'm sharing. And, you know, he's really great at just innately because we've known each other and we're, we're, we love each other. He's, he's good at, you know, knowing and figuring out those little things that I do for himself and just seeing me. But also I've shared a lot with him and he listens and he adapts and he changes from those things for me and does those things for me.

2:09:38So, um, I think that communication is probably the number one most important thing and also the most difficult thing. I know communicating is so difficult. How do you be vulnerable? How do you share these things? Am I ready to talk about this? Do I want to say this? And, you know, I don't know. I think just say it and ask for it and communicate it because, again, you know, they may have no idea that that's even going on in your head and they have something completely different going on in their head. Yeah, no, it's so true. And I appreciate you sharing that because I think a lot of people are both dealing with the grief and then they're dealing with the loss of the relationship they had and the one they thought they were going to have when they had a child together as well.

2:10:26And so communication's at the core and the heart of all of that because it's so multilayered and so complex. taylor as as i was listening to you and i asked this question very sensitively and i ask it in order to hopefully help people who are listening as well like where where how do you refine the confidence to want to think about a family again and try again because i and i ask it very sincerely and sensitively thinking about people listening who are like i don't think i can ever try again because it was so painful and that's generally a human reaction to pain if it was so painful i can't go there again yet i have this desire to have a family like how how for you do you know when you're ready to think about it again even or open up to the idea i know i want one i i don't think i've i don't think i'm there yet i haven't i don't know actually if i've confronted that for myself you know i don't think i've i've gone there where one day i'm gonna be trying to have a family and you know maybe that stick is going to stay pregnant is it going to bring back all these emotions and how am I going to deal with that again gosh I have no idea because you know I'm not there yet I'm still not ready for a child and I'm and I'm not ready to think about it and I'm not ready to start having a family and I don't know when that is and you know a lot of people who've had children are like you'll never know the timing's never right all this stuff and everyone's journey is different and that I have no plan.

2:12:03I have no timeline of when I'm going to start a family, when I'm going to do that, how I'm going to do it. I don't know. And I also have no idea what I'm about to confront when I start trying again. You know, is it going to be really easy? Am I going to, is it going to be fine? Did this scenario happen to me simply because of the IUD or, well, I experienced this again because, you know, a pregnancy is, is a new organism in your body. It's like a technically, I don't know, it's, I could only, I think of it maybe as almost like a bacteria that's like, it's introducing like a new thing inside of your body.

2:12:39And a miscarriage is a rejection of that, your body being like, that shouldn't be here. What is this? This is new. And sometimes it takes time to adjust, your body has to be like, oh, that's what that is. So maybe it takes a couple of tries and, you know, that's why your body's doing that. I don't know why my body did that. Probably the IUD most likely if doctors are listening, they'll probably be like, oh, it's the IUD. That's why I was like, okay, okay, fine. That's why. But, um, I guess I'll sort of, I, maybe I'll be able to speak on that more when I'm in the headspace of actively trying or if, and when I do have a child, like to be able to touch on that again.

2:13:17But I think I'm nervous. You know, I do have fears about getting to that stage in my life. And I'm worried about what I'm going to start feeling when I am pregnant again. I want to enjoy the process. I want to be, you know, excited. I want to feel all of those things. But unfortunately, because of what I went through, I know that in the beginning, I won't. I'll feel fear. I'm going to be afraid. I know I'm going to be scared. I know I'm going to have like anxiety about it until who knows when, maybe the entire pregnancy. I don't know. But, um, I know I've been through this before. I, I know I can handle this.

2:13:57I'm stronger because of this. If it happens to me again, I'm going to be okay. Um, you know, look at how far I've come look at what I how I handled this like what we went through like I have confidence in that at least but I I also I have no idea what that is going to look like for me until I start doing that or until it happens so you know I would I I would say for me well how I can rationalize it is I'm stronger because of this. I've handled, I've been through this, this thing, and I've, I've dealt with something that was really difficult for me personally to, to go through. And I came out the other side, whether or not I'm fully done yet, we don't know.

2:14:50We'll, we'll figure it out when we get there. But right now, all I can say is I feel confident that I'll, I know I'm going to be okay no matter what. I'm going to be okay. I can get through anything. I can do this. I have a great support in my husband, in my family, in my friends. They were all there for me. They showed their love and support. I was there for me. I was there for myself. I showed up, you know, so I know I can show up for myself. I know I can be there. I know I can pick myself back up again and start walking and make those steps towards healing again. So we're resilient as people as as humans and having faith in our resilience and in our strength and in our ability to find healing and find growth i think we forget and we doubt ourselves sometimes that we can do that we can do we can get through that thank you for such an honest answer i feel like i feel like a lot of people will be able to resonate and connect with that this idea of i don't know we'll see when i get there don't even if i'm ready to answer that question and i think i think people listening to that will feel a sense of relief because i think that naturally again like you said when when you go through it you have to get into tactical mode of how do we make sure it's done and clean and everything's okay and then we get into okay how do i start and it's you almost don't give yourself that space so thank you so much for giving everyone space by even having that answer it's it's really beautiful and powerful to hear taylor you've been so uh gracious and kind with your time today with your energy with your soul like i really feel like you've let us in which is so kind i really hope you feel we've honored tate uh and given a chance for you to express your love for tate and also uh honored your experiences and you know i feel like with your your whole career and everything it's almost like i find that you know when you've been modeling from such a young age and you've been in the public eye like so much of your career becomes about um your looks your age your you know those things become big and as you transform and evolve as a human too as you're starting you know tate and taylor and you're starting a company or you've started a company that's doing all this incredible purposeful work and you've built a content platform and a platform where people can find amazing products amazing services amazing partnerships for their pets and their dogs and everything else like walk us through how you see that evolution for yourself of coming from an industry in a space that is defined by these external things of looks and age and fitness and everything and then finding your path through that now yeah i think you know they really play such a big role with each other i think why i even wanted to start tate and taylor and start a business and be in the pet space obviously i have a huge passion for animals and dogs.

2:17:45Like this is so much more to me than just a company. I'm doing this because this is absolutely 100 % like the thing I love most in the world is my dog Tate and my dog Salem I have now too. And they're just so incredible and amazing. And they change, they've changed my life in so many ways. And even Salem now has impacted my life in so many different ways than Tate did. And I'm so excited about the journey and the life that I'm going to live with him and the things he's about to teach me and show me. And I don't think I would even be able to know how to do that and build something with intention and purpose if I hadn't had my career before.

2:18:24You know, I started modeling when I was 14. I don't have a traditional education in that sense, but I've learned so much from my job and from working at a young age and traveling the world and having so many experiences, I feel like I learned by doing and, you know, by being able to see how things work and, you know, people producing fashion collections and watching them make the clothes on me to walking in the fashion show and seeing how things are done is really interesting and being a part of a photo shoot and all the different areas and everyone has a different job and seeing how it all comes together and how everybody works and all the puzzle pieces kind of like, you know, as I'm sure you know, it's just like, it's interesting.

2:19:13And there's a lot of different layers to what goes into something like a photo shoot or, you know, a campaign or a video or a movie or, you know, a fashion show. And it was really fun and exciting for me to witness and see those things and do those things. And, you know, I think modeling has been, it is a lot about, it is about physically what I look like, 100%. Like I'm a model, because of how I look. I know that. So it's an interesting thing to go from, you know, I'm here because of how I look, but also I feel like after a certain extent, I'm still here because of who I am and I'm still here and people continue hopefully to work with me because we have fun together and we build relationships and they get to know me.

2:20:01And it becomes more than just this, you know, surface transaction of she looks a certain way. She fits the bill physically of what we're looking for. So we're going to book her. I think after 14 years, you know, you start knowing people and establishing relationships and becoming friends with people in the industry. And then people want to work with you because they like you. They like hanging out with you. It's like a lot of industries. You know what I mean? The more you are in it, the more you do it, the more friends you make, the more connections you feel like you have with people and the less it becomes about how you look and it becomes a lot about who you are actually.

2:20:36Like the, the, my interpretation of my career in modeling, I feel like it's been with people that I enjoy working with and I get to work with them again and again and again. And I love that. I love that. I now know so many people in the industry and every time I get a call sheet, not every time, but I get these call sheets and I see who's going to be on set and I'm like, Oh my God, I haven't seen this person in, you know, however many years. And I'm so excited to work with them again and do that. So to me, it's, maybe it starts off that way and modeling is about the way that I look and how I physically am.

2:21:10But then I think it becomes a lot deeper than that. So, you know, people establishing those connections with me as like taught me how to grow and, you know, and change and just they've taught me so much about life and different backgrounds and different people and different things. So, you know, I learned so much from it and I've grown so much from it. And, you know, wanting to start my own business, I feel like I'm able to do that because of everything that I've done in my modeling career. And I really just, I see them so much a part of each other. And I want to be in the pet space and have this business because it's something that I also love to do.

2:21:54Like I love my job. I love modeling and I really believe in pursuing things that you love to do. And, you know, maybe I won't be a model forever. I have no idea because it's, um, it's not a very consistent lifestyle as much as I love it. I'm, you never know. I, you know, I just got a text message today that I'm going to Paris on Thursday. So, you know, maybe if, when I do start trying to have a family and if I have a family and my family is growing and growing and growing or you know I have all these hopes and dreams to have a big family it'll be more difficult to do my modeling career to the extent that I'm doing it now and I also love dogs and I love my dog and I love you know animals and I love that people love their animals and I wanted to create something that I wish existed with my life and my journey and path with Tate.

2:22:50And I'm creating something that I really want and need with Salem, my, my new dog now that I rescued. And because we're going through so many different things and I'm so excited to, you know, have, be able to build on the experience I've had from modeling and apply it to what I'm doing now with Tate and Taylor and build something with purpose, build something with, you know, meaning something that I'm passionate about doing something that I love. It's, it's my lifestyle. It's, you know, I'm that crazy dog lady that every time I see a dog on the street, I'm like, hello, how are you? Nice to meet you.

2:23:27What's your name? I just, I love dogs and I love animals in general too. So I really think that dogs are connectors and I've met a lot of people and had so many amazing, interesting conversations because of our dogs. If you're out walking your dog and people stop you, oh my God, what kind of dog is that? Oh my God, he's so beautiful. Is, you know, are they a boy or are they a girl? What's their name? And the next thing you know, you're having a full blown conversation with the complete and total stranger. But I feel like I'm in a safe space. You know, it's, it's really interesting. And I, as a shy, I started out really shy and kind of an introverted person having Tate, everybody loved him.

2:24:06People were like, oh my God, that's the cutest dog I've ever seen. And I, I had to open up, I had to have conversations with people and he helped me do that. And he helped me connect with people. And, you know, someone that, um, works with me on Tate and Taylor, I met through Tate in my building, you know, because we had like a doggy play date group chat in the building and she invited us and, you know, our dogs were playing and we connected and now she's helping me, you know, build, um, um, Bill Tate and Taylor. So I love dogs. I think that there's, they're just amazing and, and they're connectors.

2:24:39And it's something that I, I love so much and find so much joy in and hope that people, you know, receive that and see that and, um, are excited about it because, you know, I'm really passionate about how I take care of my dog and the, the love I want to give him. I want to give, give him the best life possible because they're not with us forever is, you know, I know very well and I want to cherish every single second I possibly can with them. And I know so many pet people and people who have pets want that as well. And, you know, there's definitely a lack of community, I think, in the pet industry.

2:25:18There is community, but there's not like a place. I feel like there wasn't a place to go for information, to connect to other people. And I really hope to build that and grow Tate & Taylor into something where people feel like, this is happening to me and I don't know what to do. Maybe we can help you figure that out. So that's sort of the intention in doing what we're doing. You know, we have the online store, we're like curating products, we're looking for amazing founders and brands and people who are doing innovative things in the pet space with whether that's treats that are with really great, great quality.

2:25:51We have women owned businesses. I love the idea of supporting women and, you know, young cool entrepreneurs doing really interesting things and maybe helping do that together and giving them a space and a platform to showcase and talk about their product and why it's great and and why it's different and you know help them sort of just like share what they're doing with the world because there's so many passionate you know entrepreneurs out there who are starting these companies in the pet space and they're so dedicated and they have just as much passion and love as I do for their dogs. And, and they've gone through something completely different than maybe I've gone through with Tate, you know, so it's really interesting to be able to speak with businesses and speak with, you know, founders about why they started their company, what their goal and what their mission, their drive is, why they're doing what they're doing, you know, challenges they've faced as women in the industry, as, you know, just an entrepreneur, being an entrepreneur in general.

2:26:50There's, there's so many things that, you know, we're, we would, we want to touch on in, in that space that I think there's just, I felt like it wasn't there when I was going through that with Tate, you know, and I really want to create that for people and, and bring people together and have it be fun and, you know, really easy and exciting, you know, to care and like find cool products and great and things that work that, that, you know we like for our pets so yeah that's a really powerful hard stop no it's a really powerful intention and powerful mission and it's it's so clear and evident and I feel like you're going to revolutionize the pet space it's it's it's obvious that your your drive and passion is true and a couple of lessons I took away just listening to you one was this idea I think we live in a world where when we discover something we're passionate about we like to discount our past experience and make it seem like oh now i've found it whatever i did before was kind of like it was there but now i found it what i love hearing about from you and i definitely resonate with what you said it's like actually every stage of your career unlocks the opportunity the ability the ideas the resources the connectivity to do the next thing and i think if anyone out there is right now you're listening and you're going i hate my job i hate where i am i don't like what i'm doing i promise you there's some skill or some lesson or some person or some contact that you met through that that could help you build the next part of yourself and overall your your business and your venture in this direction you've gone in is truly a journey of pain to purpose of passion to purpose of using your platform for a purpose and i think that it's such a beautiful example that so many of us no matter what our pains are what our stresses are what our challenges are that we can transform them into an offering to help other people who are going through the same thing yeah yeah building a brand with um with intention i think and with a purpose to give back and help i think is really important and something that especially in the pet space i felt was lacking because there's so many areas I would love to tap into out, you know, just beyond the cancer funding and maybe even cancer research and getting into that and understanding why and how and, you know, and as well as rescue, you know, we work with rescue organizations and my Salem, my dog Salem is a rescue and that's an experience that he's been teaching me about and something that I want to make a change and make an impact in.

2:29:29I think for me with Tate and Taylor, the most important thing about this business is using it to make an impact and do good things with it and use it to help people and help others and help dogs, you know, help people who have dogs or, you know, hopefully animals, pets in general. We'll get there one day. If you have an iguana, great. Maybe we'll be able to help you with that. I don't know. who knows where it's going to go that's what's so exciting it's so new and it's so fresh and right now we're dogs right now so I'm obviously talking about dogs because that's what we are doing currently I do have the hope and the optimism and the intention to want to do as much as I possibly can but you know I'm going to focus on one thing and then we can start growing from there and building on top of that.

2:30:19So, um, in the pet space, there's just so much that I want to do and so much I want to accomplish. And I want to be able to build something that, that helps most importantly, and that does give back. And that does have a drive and does have a cause because there is a drive and there is a cause and there is a reason behind everything that I'm doing. And it's Tate, it's dedicated to him. It's dedicated to everything he taught me, the love I know he has for me, the love I have for him. And it's for everyone who's ever felt that way about a dog or a pet in their life. It's a dedication to that. It's a dedication to that feeling and knowing you want to take care of something.

2:30:59You love something so deeply. So do we. We know that feeling. We understand that. And we want to make something and build something with you that is impactful and meaningful and helpful and connective. And hopefully we can, you know, build a great community and and have incredible resources for people so you know we're this is just the beginning of our of our journey with with it and i'm really really excited about it so well congratulations taylor and we end every episode of on purpose with a fast five which have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum i talk a lot before we might have noticed from that.

2:31:38So Taylor Hill, these are your final five. Question one is what is the best advice you've ever heard or received? Best advice is do what you love and the rest will come. My dad told me that. Great answer. All right. Question number two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received? Maybe if you ignore it, it'll go away or something. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, that's absolutely not true. Good answer. Question number three, what's the first thing you do every morning and the last thing you do every night? Well, I'm really not a morning person. So first thing in the morning, I'm like, why am I awake?

2:32:15What's that alarm? Why, what's happening? I'm very disoriented first thing in the morning. Um, and I think I drink coffee. I need, I need to have a cup of coffee. I'm not a morning person. And then at night I love snuggling with my dog, kissing Salem. And in the past I you know kissing Tate having our good night cuddles um you know with if I'm at home with my husband this is more than one sentence I've already failed you know saying good night and you know having time like you know our connection with with him yeah uh question number four what's something you learned lately something a skill that you picked up a lesson that you learned recently?

2:33:03Not that recent, but lately I've been learning how to cook and doing it better. Cool. Cooking more and being better at it, but that's taken time. Nice. It does take time. Fifth and final question. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would it be? Always grow, you know, always change, like be, be willing to grow and change. I don't know how to apply that as a law but i think growth is so important and you know acknowledging past mistakes and growing and changing from them is really important something i'm still learning and trying to do but i think if we can all work on that and do that maybe the world could be a better place absolutely well said taylor hill everyone taylor thank you so much for sharing your heart your soul your uh beautiful experiences thank you for being so open and honest with our community and everyone who's been listening and watching, I know that this will have affected you.

2:33:59I know you have friends and family who have been through some of these experiences that Taylor shared with us. Please pass this episode on to them. Maybe even sit and listen to it with them and hold them through it. I would love for you to use this episode as a way of having some of those uncomfortable, difficult conversations. And of course, check out Tate and Taylor. I can't wait for you to give your dogs all the love that they deserve. And I want to say a big thank you again to Taylor for her presence, love and energy. Thank you very much. I'm happy to have been here. Thank you. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenner on setting boundaries to increase happiness and healing your inner child.

2:34:38You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am. Why does anything else matter? This episode of On Purpose is brought to you by Chase Sapphire Reserve. I believe that travel is one of the greatest gifts that we've ever been given. And Chase Sapphire Reserve has been my gateway to the world's most captivating destinations. When I use my Chase Sapphire Reserve card, I get eight times the points on all the purchases I make through Chase Travel.

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2:35:53ParkWiz. Download the ParkWiz app today and save every time you park. Have you ever brought your magic to Walt Disney World like, hey, we came to play? Did you tip your tiara to a Creole princess or get goofy officially? Step up like a boss and save the day? Or see what life's like under the tree of life? Did you? If you could. Would you? When we come through, it's true magic. Because we came to play. Bring the magic at Walt Disney World Resort. This is an iHeart Podcast.