The REAL Reason You Feel Behind (It’s Not What You Think!) Use THIS Simple Reset to Make Confident Decisions

0:00This is an iHeart Podcast. Guaranteed Human.

0:31to the mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows. Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanka Wally. And I'm Hari Kondabolu. It's a new year, and on the podcast Health Stuff, we're resetting the way we talk about our health. Which means being honest about what we know, what we don't know, and how messy it can all be. I like to sleep in late and sleep early. Is there a chronotype for that, or am I just depressed? Health Stuff is about learning, laughing and feeling a little less alone. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. What if mind control is real?

1:09If you could control the behavior of anybody around you, what kind of life would you have? Can you hypnotically persuade someone to buy a car? When you look at your car, you're going to become overwhelmed with such good feelings. Can you hypnotize someone into sleeping with you? I gave her some suggestions to be sexually aroused. Can you get someone to join your cult? NLP was used on me to access my subconscious. Mind Games, a new podcast exploring NLP, aka neurolinguistic programming. Is it a self-help miracle, a shady hypnosis scam, or both? Listen to Mind Games on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

1:47I always felt stuck, behind, and late until I did this. If you're starting this year already feeling behind, you are not alone. And more importantly, you are not behind. Let me tell you a fact most people don't know. Studies show that nearly 7 out of 10 adults feel behind on their life timeline. Behind in love, behind in their career, behind financially, behind where they should be by now. And here's the twist. Everyone is comparing themselves to everyone else. and everyone thinks they're losing. People fascinate me. The married people envy the single people. The single people envy the married people.

2:34People with careers envy people who are entrepreneurs. People who are entrepreneurs envy the people with stability. No one feels ahead. Everyone feels behind. How many of you listening right now feel like you're behind in one of these areas? You're starting the year and you're already thinking, look at that person, they got promoted last year. Look at that person, they're making a difference. Look at that person, they've got their job. Look at that person, they've got a few more followers than me. Today, I want to show you, number one, why you feel behind psychologically and culturally. Number two, why your timeline is not late, statistically and scientifically.

3:17And number three, how to stop letting comparison ruin your year. I also want to give you the steps to rebuild confidence, momentum, and purpose all in this episode. This episode might be one of the most important ones you hear all year. Let's begin. Let's talk about the truth about why you feel behind. There are three main reasons we feel behind, and none of them are your fault. Reason number one, we compare our insides to other people's outsides. There's something called the highlight bias You see people's weddings, promotions, vacations, homes, milestones But you never see their breakdowns, their failures, their doubts, their setbacks or their insecurities Statistically, people overestimate how happy others are and underestimate how happy they are You're comparing your confusion to someone else's filter No wonder you feel behind.

4:22Stop comparing yourself to others. You don't know the battles they hide or the bridges they had to burn to get there. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your timeline is custom made. Theirs was never designed to fit you. Stop comparing yourself to others. Success looks different on everyone and so does the struggle. Stop comparing yourself to others. Your progress is happening quietly, internally, in ways no photo or post can capture. And stop comparing yourself to others. You're not here to match anyone. You're here to become the person only you can be. So the reason we compare ourselves is because we don't know enough context.

5:12If you only see someone's post and assume you know them, you know nothing. If you only see someone's tweet and assume you know them, you know nothing. If you only see someone's status update and think you know them, you know nothing. When you envy someone, you have to learn to study them. When you study someone, you get context. And when you get context, you realize you're more likely in the same place or even better off. Robin Roberts famously said, if everyone throw their problems into a pile, they'd immediately grab theirs back. We compare the worst of our lives to the best of everyone else's.

5:55Of course you feel behind. When if you were actually able to get to know people deeply, this is one of the reasons why having a shallow understanding of lots of people is so harmful. Because when you have a shallow understanding of everyone, you think everyone's doing better. When you have a deeper understanding of everyone, you recognize you're all kind of going through the same thing. Reason number two, you were sold a timeline that doesn't exist. Graduate by 22, career by 25, married by 30, kids by 35, successful by 37, fulfilled by 40. This timeline was invented in the 1950s and hasn't been real for decades.

6:35Today, the average age of marriage is the highest it's been in history. Most people change careers three to seven times. People find their purpose in their 30s, 50s, even 60s. The average age of a successful entrepreneur is not 21, it's 45. You are not late. The timeline you're comparing yourself to is outdated. You're not late. You might be moving slower because you've had more to carry, not because you're doing something wrong. You're not late. Half the people you think are ahead of you just feel as confused inside. You're not late. You're taking a real path, not the imaginary one you thought you'd be on at 18.

7:23You're not late. You're building your life while figuring yourself out. And that takes time for everyone. See, this idea that there was a perfect time to have kids, a perfect time to get married, a perfect time to win at life isn't real. Everyone's timeline is absolutely different. And when we try to live our life based on what the people around us are doing, think about how life would go for a second. if you did everything at the time everyone around you did it, how would that feel? That means you'd have to rush getting married to someone you don't love because you hadn't found them yet. You had to rush having children because everyone else was having them and you felt behind.

8:08If you do things that you don't want to do just because you feel behind, you will never be happy in your life because decisions should be made when you're happy, when you're ready, when you're peaceful, when you're content, when you're excited, not when you're scared or anxious or nervous. Reason number three is our brain is wired for falling behind anxiety. Neuroscientists found that humans experience something called temporal comparison stress. We don't just compare ourselves to other people. We compare ourselves to the person we thought we'd be by now. Think about that for a second. You don't just feel behind because of other people.

8:55You feel behind because of the pressure you put on yourself. We feel behind not because life is wrong, but because our expectations were unrealistic. We feel behind because we thought we'd be in this position by now. And everything else is just a reminder of our inadequacy. But remember, when you made that timeline, you didn't really know that much. How many of us at 18 thought we knew when we were getting married? How many of us at 25 thought we knew when we'd have kids? How many of us at 15 thought we knew when we'd be successful? But what was that based on? It wasn't based on reality. It was just an imaginary, made-up version of what we thought life was going to be like.

9:39Here's the truth. No one predicts their life accurately. Not one single person. Your plan wasn't wrong. it just didn't account for the fact that you're human, right? Your plan wasn't weak. It's just that you didn't realize there was so much more to life. Your plan wasn't slow or unorganized. It was just you learned so much more about yourself moving forward. Maybe you knew exactly what you wanted to be at 18, but then when you actually became it and you did that job, you realized there was nothing like what you wanted. There's nothing wrong with that. You didn't make a mistake. You didn't go off track.

10:21You actually just discovered what that passion felt like in reality. I grew up in my teens thinking I may want to be a graphic designer or an art director. I loved it. I never actually did that for work. I use it a lot as a hobby. I never actually did it for work but I think if I would have, I would have figured out quite quickly that that wasn't me. I ended up becoming a consultant. That was definitely not me. But if I sit there and I go, wow, and I was there at this point, I was 26 years old, I was a consultant, it wasn't what I wanted to do, and if I thought to myself, I messed up, I'm behind, what can I do now?

10:58I'll never be here today. I'm here with you today because at 28, I decided to move in the direction of what I cared about. And you can too.

11:17Hi, I'm Dr. Priyanka Wally. And I'm Hari Kondabolu. It's a new year, and on the podcast Health Stuff, we're resetting the way we talk about our health. Which means being honest about what we know, what we don't know, and how messy it can all be. I like to sleep in late and sleep early. Is there a chronotype for that, or am I just depressed? We talk to experts who share real experiences and insight. You just really need to find where it is that you can have an impact in your own life and just start doing that. We break down the topics you want to know more about. Sleep, stress, mental health, and how the world around us affects our overall health.

11:56We talk about all the ways to keep your body and mind, inside and out, healthy. We human beings, all we want is connection. We just want to connect with each other. Health stuff is about learning, laughing, and feeling a little less alone. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hey there, this is Dr. Jesse Mills, director of the men's clinic at UCLA Health and host of the Mailroom Podcast. Each January, guys everywhere make the same resolutions. Get stronger, work harder, fix what's broken. But what if the real work isn't physical at all? To kick off the new year, I sat down with Dr.

12:34Steve Poulter, a psychologist with over 30 years experience, helping men unpack shame, anxiety, and emotional pain they were never taught to name. In a powerful two-part conversation, we discuss why men aren't emotionally bulletproof, why shame hides in plain sight, and how real strength comes from listening to yourself and to others. Guys who are toxic, they're immature, or they've got something they just haven't resolved. Once that gets resolved, then there comes empathy and some compassion. If you want this to be the year you stop powering through pain and start understanding what's underneath, listen to The Mailroom on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your favorite shows.

13:32yourself and what you want. I'm Hope Woodard, host of the Boy Sober podcast, and each week this month we're looking at love from every angle. I don't know how to tell my partner like what I want in bed. The thing about romantic fiction I would say more than any other genre of culture is that it's always put women first. My marriage stopped making sense. The connection started to feel off. The behavior started to feel different. This February, get in touch with yourself by listening to Boy That's B-O-Y-S-O-B-E-R. I'm like, I would love to not hate the man I'm sleeping with. I don't know what that's about.

14:09Listen to Boy Sober on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

14:28Let me give you some real evidence. Most people arrive later than you think. Research shows that the average person finds career clarity in their mid-30s. The average person hits financial stability in their late 30s to mid 40s. Creative breakthroughs often happen around age 40 to 50. Emotional maturity peaks around 45 to 55. If anything, you might be ahead of the schedule, but you're definitely not behind. The evidence shows that just because we hear a couple of stories of a 21-year-old billionaire and a 30-year-old who's really mature and a 35-year-old who saved the planet, we start measuring ourselves against these 1 % or even less than, not recognizing the majority of people are in exactly the same space we are.

15:22Here's some more evidence. Life satisfaction has a U-shape. Studies across 130 countries show a consistent pattern. Life satisfaction dips in your 20s and 30s than it rises in your 40s, 50s, and 60s. Meaning feeling lost now isn't a flaw. It's universal. It's part of the human curve. And the reason why I say that is because your 20s and 30s are also when you put so much pressure on yourself. You care more about what people think. You think you should be somewhere else. You care more about what other people are doing. As you start to lose that as you get older, it just has less of a hold and control over you.

16:03But if we were able to step back and go I want to put positive pressure on myself But not break myself It's almost like being in the gym and lifting weights You want to lift enough to challenge yourself and push yourself But not to hurt yourself Sometimes the pressure we put on our mind Is hurting us, not helping us And here's even some more evidence Late bloomers are more common than the early ones Oprah got her show at 32 Vera Wang became a designer at 40 Toni Morrison published her first book at 39 Ray Kroc franchised McDonald's at 52 Success is not early Success is aligned You're not behind, you're unfolding If all of those people just felt they were behind the whole time They wouldn't have been present enough to capture the opportunity at that time Your goal is not to think about whether you're ahead or behind.

17:01And here's the scary thing. Here's actually the biggest mistake we make. If you believe you're ahead, it means you'll fall behind one day. And if you feel you're behind, you'll always want to be ahead, but then scared that someone else will get ahead. It's a slippery slope to think that everything is a ranking system. It is a slippery slope to live that way, to think that you're ahead or behind. Because then you'll feel worse when you're behind, you'll feel insecure when you're at the top. If people feel that life is a race, you'll feel insecure and anxious at the top, and you'll feel depressed and disappointed at the bottom.

17:41When you realize that life is not a race, it is simply your path, you don't feel the insecurity of being number one, and you don't feel the depression of being lost. You recognize you are where you're meant to be, doing what you're supposed to do. Because we have to recognize that feeling behind can be dangerous. When you believe you're behind, you do three things. Number one, you rush decisions you should take slowly. Wrong jobs, wrong relationships, wrong priorities. Number two, you quit things too early. You assume slow progress means wrong direction. Number three, you stop enjoying the life you actually have.

18:24You live inside imaginary pressure instead of real possibility. Feeling behind doesn't speed you up. It steals your peace and sabotages your progress. So what do we do? How do you stop feeling behind? Here are the practical frameworks that actually work. Framework number one, compare less, connect more. Don't ask where are they compared to me? Ask, where am I compared to yesterday? Your only real competition is the person you were 24 hours ago. This is one of the best mindsets I could possibly give you. Only measure yourself based on how you're growing compared to where you want to be and who you are.

19:10Stop living your life thinking about where everyone else is or what you thought you'd be at 15 and now you're 30 years old, have you grown since yesterday? Have you grown since last week? Are you taking the steps to do that? That's where your focus should be. Framework number two, rewrite your timeline. Take a piece of paper and write, my life is not late, it's layered. And now ask yourself, what did I survive? What did I learn? What did I build internally that no one can see. When I lived as a monk for three years, it wasn't available to everyone else. Everyone thought I was behind. Everyone thought I was lost.

19:55Everyone around me moved forward. But I was making real internal progress that no one else could see. That was progress. It was invisible but real. And most of your growth happens before anyone sees the results. So just because everyone can't see what you're doing, it doesn't mean that it's not valuable. And not everything that is valuable can be seen. And not everything that is seen is valuable. Just because you can see what someone's doing and the success they're having, that doesn't mean they're ahead because you could be growing underground and you're about to grow. I met so many people when I first started creating content who are far ahead of me in followers, far ahead.

20:40And they didn't take me seriously because they didn't think that I would take it seriously. I wanted to collaborate with them. I wanted to work with them, but they didn't want to do that with me because I wasn't big enough. Not realizing that if we think we're bigger or better or ahead or behind, we'll never grow. Framework number three, identify your season. You're not behind, your inner season. Are you in a season of healing? Are you in a season of rebuilding, learning, transitioning, resting, experimenting? You can't compare your season one to someone else's season seven. Also, all of these cycles have a different pace.

21:24Healing has a different pace to transitioning. Transitioning has a different pace to performing. Performing has a different pace to growing, learning, building. Which season are you in? Get really clear about what 2026 is about for you. Is 2026 about healing? Because then that's going to look very different to someone who's building. I've had years when we have been planting seeds and I won't see the success of that in this year. I'll only see it in the year after. Is my year a failure because I didn't see it? Definitely not. Framework number four, define progress as consistency, not speed. If you take one step every day this year, you'll be 365 steps ahead by next January.

22:16That's transformation, quiet and consistence. Progress is a direction, not a deadline. So let's talk about speed. Let's say for one month, you're at a speed 10 out of 10. but for the rest of the year, you're at a zero out of 10. Guess what? You were at five out of 10 for the whole year. But if you were just a consistent six or seven, you're already beating the speed of one month at 10 out of 10. Consistency beats speed if you'll eventually run out of speed. If you'll run out of speed and run out of steam, consistency is always going to win. Framework number five, ask the question that changes everything.

22:55Instead of asking, why am I behind? ask, what is this season preparing me for? The answer will change the way you see your timeline. You have to reframe it. You have to look at it from a different angle. There have been so many years where everyone else could think I haven't achieved anything and I'm not moving forward, but we're planting the seeds for next year. There are times in my life where I thought I was falling behind, But now I realize I was actually falling into place I want to share with you the five practical steps to take this year Number one, make a this is my season statement Define where you are and own it Don't worry about anyone else's season, what season are you in?

23:45Number two, remove three social media accounts that trigger comparison Protect your mind If you keep comparing yourself to everyone, you will always feel behind It is not your fault, it's how we're wired Number three, set one goal for 90 days, not the year Shorter cycles equals more wins, more progress Number four, track actions, not outcomes We often think the outcome decides whether we did something right Let me give you an example Let's say you work really hard on something And the result goes badly Were you wrong? Because let's say you didn't work hard at all and the result went well, were you right?

24:27We have to focus on our action, not just the outcome. Because if you did everything right and you continue to do that, you will get the right outcome. But if you rely on chance or hope or luck, you can't make that impactful. Outcomes belong to time. Actions belong to you. And this one, celebrate invisible progress. I was giving a talk at my company's holiday party recently And I shared this with them I shared that I recognize all the things That they do that I see But more importantly I want to honor all the things that I don't see I believe there is so much invisible work that you do That I do, that we all do That is never seen And it's your job to try and celebrate it for yourself Your internal transformation will always come before external results Always Let me leave you with this You are not behind You're learning lessons now that others will have to learn later You're not behind You're doing your best in a life that hasn't always been easy You're not behind Everyone's figuring things out privately While pretending they're ahead You're not behind You're just on a timeline No one has ever lived before Stop punishing yourself For not being where you thought you'd be Start appreciating yourself For not giving up Because one year from now You won't be behind You'll just be grateful That you got started Your path is not delayed It's deliberate And this is your year To walk it with confidence I'm wishing you all the best for the year ahead Remember I'm forever in your corner And always rooting for you If you love this podcast You'll love my episode with Lewis Hamilton Lewis and I talk about Why you should stop chasing society's definition of success And how to be more intentional with your goals You don't want to miss it It's not about being perfect It's about just every day one step at a time Trying to be better, trying to do more I'm learning a lot about myself I had to break myself down in order to be able to be better.

26:45You can scroll the headlines all day and still feel empty. I'm Ben Higgins, and If You Can Hear Me is where culture meets the soul. Honest conversations about identity, loss, purpose, peace, faith, and everything in between. Celebrities, thinkers, everyday people, some have answers. Most are still figuring it out. And if you've ever felt like there has to be more to the story, this show is for you. Listen to If You Can Hear Me on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Black history lives in our stories, our culture, and the conversations we still have in today.

27:22This Black History Month, the podcast I Didn't Know, Maybe You Didn't Either, digs into the moments, perspectives, and experiences that don't always make the textbook. Let me tell you about Garrett Morgan. Bruh had to pretend he didn't even exist just to sell his own invention. Listen to I Didn't Know, Maybe You Didn't Either from the Black Effect Podcast Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or simply wherever you get your podcasts. I didn't know. What is something you've had to unlearn about love? That it's earned. That I was unworthy of love. That it needs to be forever for it to count.

28:01February is the month of love. Whether you're in a relationship, casually dating, or proudly single, it's a great time to reflect on yourself and what you want. I'm Hope Woodard, host of the Boy Sober podcast, and each week we're looking at love from every angle. Listen to Boy Sober. That's B-O-Y-S-O-B-E-R on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.