Brand New Dungeons and Dragons With Timm Woods and Nick Turani

12:10Nick Turani:Noting.

12:11Timm Woods:But I am. So I'm back. You're a human cleric. You're a barbarian. Yeah. Which parent do you share? Ooh. The barbarian side. Absolutely. All right. That's mom or dad? Mom was a barbarian. Yeah, and dad was a human. Yeah, 100%. Did you know your mom was a barbarian? I haven't asked her too many questions. Actually, her name was Barb the Barbarian. Oh. Okay. Yeah, yeah. But were you raised by your dad or your mom? We were raised by wolves. Okay. Why didn't you ever tell us that, Zach? Tradewind. Well, I actually don't know. No, we were, so we were, I was raised by wolves. Zach is a mama's boy. He was raised by Barb the Barbarian.

12:52Timm Woods:You must resent him a lot. A lot. Barb the Barbarian couldn't stand the sight of me.

12:56Nick Turani:And you became the Barbarian. And I became the Barbarian.

12:59Timm Woods:He became the Cleric. You were too loud as a kid. So actually, Barb is not a Barbarian. She's a Cleric. She threw me out. My father is a Barbarian. I never met my father. She threw me out because she's like, this boy is too big. And loud. And loud. And loud. As loud trade wind. And then I was raised by wolves. And Zach doesn't know I exist. but he will. Don't make me go get Barb. Absolutely. Barb the cleric? I'll get her. Yeah, she's not so tough now that she's a cleric. You're underestimating. You come from pussy stock. I come from barbarian. Underestimating cleric. Okay. I'll get Barb right now.

13:38Timm Woods:That's a good storyline. I'll get her.

13:39Nick Turani:This is classic D &D character drama. I'm a fan. I love it.

13:43Timm Woods:I support this.

13:48Yes.

13:50Timm Woods:It's making noise. It's green. Oh Wow Keep this all in Just so we're clear Silent Tradewin has been cucked by the producers The minute he finds out he has a Barbarian half-brother raised by wolves You look like gold dust One of the street performers You say still Good producing by Max though Great producing by Max Took like 25 minutes Good job Max Good job Shane Bolt up. Okay. And I'm Ehrlich, the gnome warlock. I got the body of a Duke. I'm Indiana Duke. That's great. Indiana Jones. Yeah, I'm Indiana Jones, Duke, hanging dong, ready to go. Indiana Jones. Did you know that you were doing the actual Cignetti?

14:45Timm Woods:Yeah, totally. I like that. Thank you, Zach. That was actually Zach's call. Yeah, good call. Is that your tail or your penis? Penis. Oh, that is. That's a huge penis. Whip it out real quick. Let's see it. Respect, bro. Respect. I have two needles. Oh. A needler and a needle. That's almost inconvenient if it's so big. Give yourself an awesome place, Albert. That's how signity rolls. Yeah. That's making me uncomfortable. Yeah.

15:13Nick Turani:Okay. It's this prehensile nature that throws me off. Absolutely. I don't know what that word means. It's flexible. It's flexible. too flexible one might argue uh absolutely but uh obviously our character is making a big return right now especially given that we had defeated at the end of last session a mighty red dragon the dragon of mount speartop we are very much coming off of a win and since we can all agree on how that would make us feel coming off of a win i think everyone's on the same page on that we would all feel a particular way you can feel that way of course that you are victorious from your last adventure, I wanted to make sure that, Zach, we knew that you had been forced to play a level two character last time.

15:56Nick Turani:You are now going to be level six, same as everybody else. That's huge. And if we win the adventure today, we will all be dinging level seven. I haven't leveled this up in a really long time in this campaign, so we will be dinging level seven 100%. Do we get, like, a belt or anything? I mean, you would get more abilities. Oh, I love that. You get all kinds of new abilities that we kind of, like, haven't gotten yet. So coming off of a win, it has been a big adventure, and we are arriving at a major city. Kind of our boat is going to be pulling up at the city of Waterdeep. We haven't done a lot of adventures in cities yet.

16:30Nick Turani:This will be our first adventure. We're in a major metropolis. It's kind of like the huge, sprawling L.A. almost of Faroon is the city of Waterdeep. Each district of the city could be its own city by rights. And even in a big city like this, when we pull up, we should be hailed as heroes. Having slain the dragon last time, having gone on all these other adventures previously, we should be in the top 10 group of heroes in this city, even a big city like this. We should at least be top 100. But we are finding out that as we are arriving in the city of Waterdeep, We have not gotten credit because another group of adventurers has been going around claiming credit for our exploits.

17:19Nick Turani:In this adventure, we are going to be fighting a group of evil adventurers who have been selected by me as your rivals. And they have been going around telling everyone that the dragon we all killed, no problem. We did that. You're welcome. They call themselves the Doom Raiders, which let's just establish not a cool name. We could probably do a lot better, but we haven't ever named our adventuring party yet. I just want to highlight a few names of famous adventuring parties. These are all AWL groups, by the way. And every one of these is in the top 100 adventurers that we should be in. We've got the High Rollers of Bundleton, shout out, the New Dragons, the Wandering Flame, the Regulators, the Worst Boys of San Antonio, Chiz Octobox, the hero.

18:07Nick Turani:He's been waiting for a call out for about three years now. Sorry, Chiz Octobox. The Dick Takers, the Rock Hard Doom Raiders who have been recently promoted to the Rock Hard Doom Raiders that finish. So call out to the Rock Hard Doom Raiders that finish. But all of these adventuring parties have earned their esteem. our adventuring party has been robbed of their glory by these Doom Raiders. Now, while we're cooking on a team name, I will just introduce the Doom Raiders real quick. We have five mighty heroes here, but these are my heroes. First up, we've got Davil Starsong, their bard. So they have an evil bard in this group.

18:46Nick Turani:And Davil Starsong is unfortunately a little bit of a pretty boy. He's an elven bard. Dwarven bards do it for love of the music. This guy is clearly like a pop star, wannabe, celebrity type. And so Davilstar's song, real jerk. We've got Istred Horn, who is the money bags of the operation. She is a cleric, actually. But she's a cleric not of the storm, but a cleric of greed. And so coins are her religion. And she goes around kind of like tricking people into giving her money. Sometimes she'll like get somebody to buy her like a VIP room and then invite a bunch of thugs or something like that. It's all kinds of shenanigans that Doom Raiders are up to.

19:24Nick Turani:They're not well-loved in this city, and so they get up to a lot of mischief. There's Schemo Weirdbottle, who is a gnomish wizard. Schemo Weirdbottle is the spellcaster, the brains of the operation. And as a gnome, he is very much a rival to any other gnomes who try to master magic. Wizards have to study magic the hard way. Just want to highlight warlocks make deals with demons in order to get magic the cheap and easy way. So Wizards have a big bone to pick when it comes to Warlocks, but Warlocks are just kind of like get good. I don't know what to tell you. War enemies. I feel like I already respect this guy.

19:58Nick Turani:Absolutely. 100%. I don't trust you at all. I mean, listen to that name. How can you not? Schemo Weirdbottle. I didn't pick these names also. These are all in D &D, so credit where credit's due. Schemo Weirdbottle, one of my favorite names of all time.

20:09Timm Woods:Yeah, no, Hank feels like he's going to drop us and team up with this guy. He feels that way. You're a Schemo guy? I feel like we should try and get Schemo to our crew. He said he's the brains of the operations. Absolutely. We can cut them at their core.

20:21Nick Turani:Next up, we've got the muscle of the Doom Raider operation. We've got Tashil and Yafira. Tashil and Yafira, a little bit of a muscle mommy, a little bit tough, a little bit like able to swing a sword and wear some good armor. She has a lot of hit points. That's what makes her dangerous. But she's also a member of the City Watch. She is a corrupt member of the City Watch, which means if we go up and just start punching her in the face, even the non-corrupt members of the City Watch are going to be like, I'm sorry, you can't be doing that. We have to like hold the line as it were. So dealing with Tasha and Nafira is going to be a little difficult.

20:52Nick Turani:We have to be strategic in how we deal with it. She looks like she could just scoop me up and toss me around. She certainly could, 100%. Any fighters or paladins in our group would have their work cut out for them dealing with Tasha and Nafira, but that also goes for any barbarians. It's said that she could go toe-to-toe with any one of us. Absolutely, 100%. Maybe you want to team up with her. Absolutely, 100%. And that leads to the fifth final and arguably most dangerous of all the Doom Raiders. This is Ziraj the Hunter. And the dangerous thing about Ziraj is he will usually find you before you find him.

21:30Nick Turani:He's very stealthy. He moves across the rooftops of the city. And most people don't know Ziraj is there until they see Ziraj's target get an arrow right through the chest. He's very much like Lurtz, the guy who kills a certain character, let's just say, in Fellowship of the Ring. and he is a deadly archer. He's also a paladin, which means that Ziraj has the power to smite with his bow, making him extra dangerous. If there's anyone on this team who could one-shot one of us, it would be Ziraj. So we got to watch out for him, unfortunately. He's Barry Pepper from Saving Private Ryan. He's a fixer.

22:07Nick Turani:Absolutely. He's very much a sniper character. Absolutely. Okay. So these guys, they're taking credit for what we did? 100%. They're going around telling everyone you're welcome for us killing that dragon. And people are like, you killed the dragon? They're like, we certainly did. Now, other adventuring parties have gotten their credit stolen by the Doom Raiders, and they have confronted the Doom Raiders even. But anyone who's done that, he's either gone missing or turned up dead. So you can definitely go and try to talk with the Doom Raiders if you want, but it's pretty obvious. They're not just evil adventurers.

22:38Nick Turani:They're like a crime syndicate in this city. They're the crime lords who run things in this city, and they do not play fair. If people try to like confront them about their ill deeds, they end up just disappearing. So the name of this adventure is not go talk to the Doom Raiders and work it out peacefully. The name of this adventure is the Doom Raiders must die. And within this adventure, you're going to have to kill all five of them. And if you start picking them off, I start rolling to see if the other Doom Raiders catch on to what's going on, but we won't have time to rest. So whatever hit points and spell slots we have, We're going to have to get all five Doom Raiders with just those resources.

23:18Nick Turani:All right, so we need a name? We do need a name for our adventuring party. We have never gotten a name for our adventuring party, so this is a big decision is what I got to say. It's a team name. Off the top of my head, maybe same five?

23:29Timm Woods:Same five? All right, so I was thinking, too, we could do a little confusion. We could be the Boom Raiders. Hit them with the double chunk chocolate chip. Yeah, we could be the... What if we throw them off our scent and we're five Chinese women? I like that. I was thinking we also could become five Chinese women. I was thinking we could also throw them off the scent and be like the boy whisperers. Oh, I don't mind that at all. Or something like that where it's like, what do we care about the boy whisperers? I like five Chinese women. Five Chinese boy whisperers? That could work. Yeah, that could work.

24:08Timm Woods:But female. Female boy whisperers. What if it was female Chinese boy whisperers? What if it was six female Chinese boy whisperers? Oh, they'll always be looking for her. And you label one, two, four, five, six. Yeah.

24:22Nick Turani:For three, absolutely. Okay, so what are we?

24:25Timm Woods:That's going to thrive.

24:26Nick Turani:They're not going to have a fucking clue.

24:27Timm Woods:Six female Chinese boy whisperers. I love that. I love that. People hear that name and they go running for the hills. Never.

24:35Nick Turani:A name that instills fear. Absolutely. Six female Chinese boy whisperers. is our adventuring party name.

24:41Timm Woods:FCBW.

24:42Nick Turani:You know, it's almost a stereotypical name. Absolutely. 100%.

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26:39Nick Turani:Now, it's up to us how we want to deal with the Doom Raiders. We can gather them all in one place and spring an ambush. We can eliminate them one by one. What I will warn is individually, the Doom Raiders might be stronger than us. So working as a team might be a good idea. Then again, we can do whatever we want. It's up to us. Question.

26:58Timm Woods:Yeah. How could individually they're better than 1v5?

27:01Nick Turani:Well, no, exactly right. If we're 1v5, if there's one of them and five of us, we'll win that no problem. But if we go one-on-one with them, then we might be in for some more trouble. Okay, so I think... What about two-on-one? Then I'd say the odds are in your favor, probably. They're not that much higher level than you. I think we've got to figure out which one is going to...

27:22Timm Woods:If we take one of them or kill one of them, what's going to alert the other ones the most and what's going to alert the other ones the least? So, Tim, could you just give us a quick rundown, bullet points to five different characters we got here?

27:35Nick Turani:Absolutely, 100%. You've got Davil Starsong. He's the face of the operation. Okay, so we don't want to go for it. Let's forget that. And he, the danger is, has mind control magic. Something you got to keep in mind there about bards. You've got Istrid Horn. She's the money bags. And she, wherever she is, she'll have their money as well. and she otherwise is a healer. So if she links up with the other Doom Raiders, just like our Storm Cleric, she can heal them, making them all very powerful if she's around. You might follow the money.

28:01Timm Woods:But hold on. If they don't have any money, they're going to be like, where's our money?

28:05Nick Turani:Schemo Weird Bottle is the weakest when it comes to hit points because he's a wizard. Wizards don't really have that many hit points or strong defenses. In theory, if we're going to try to one-shot kill one of the Doom Raiders, he's the most likely to go down in a single round of combat. Are you like him? So he'll be the last. Hank don't really love him. Okay. Perfect. So he'll be last.

28:26Timm Woods:Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What's going on with Hank? Hank has been, like, wanting to. Put your penis away first. Yeah. The giant cock is distracting. We're trying to figure this thing out, and you're saying we want to keep Schemo alive? Every time Tim talks about Schemo, Hank's like, he sounds like a good guy. Let's keep him around. We got to trust this dude named Schemo. Bro, we're the female Chinese boy whisperers. Start acting like it. Six of us. Start acting like him. All right, so they don't like him, and he's also the easiest to kill.

28:55Nick Turani:He's the easiest to kill from the standpoint of if you get the jump on him, he has the least hit points. But if he gets a turn, he's smart. And that means he will not, even if he doesn't know he's outnumbered, stick around for a fight. He would much rather use magic to escape. And if he gets the chance, he will go and alert all the other Doom Raiders that they are under attack right now.

29:16Timm Woods:So it's a high-risk, high-reward situation. Thanks, boyfriend. Okay.

29:20Nick Turani:Okay. Now the toughest two are Ziraj and Tashlin. They both have a ton of hit points. Ziraj is particularly hard to find, and will start getting riled up as we pick off the Doom Raiders. That's when he might show up to back them up. Tashlin is hanging out with the City Watch, so we know where she is, but she also has a lot of hit points and will be tough to take down.

29:39Timm Woods:And if you can't kill a cop, you kill a cop, and the whole town's coming for you. Five stars, yeah. That's second to last guy. We got to kill him because he hides in the shadows, so they won't even know he's gone. Yeah, but he just said that if we kill one of the other two, he'll come out of the shadows. You don't want us to kill him. Right. That's why we got to kill him first. How do we find him? He's in the shadows. Everyone look at her abilities.

30:01Nick Turani:Fine, but if you get the jump on him, you eliminate. We should commit a crime.

30:04Timm Woods:So she comes to us. No, but I'm saying, okay, so just hear me out. I think it's down to two. I think we either got to kill Schemo, but the risk is he can run away. And tell everybody. And tell everyone. Or this guy seems like he's never around. So if we kill him, they won't even know that he's dead. But how do we even find them? We can't find them. They're going to tell us how to find them. Everyone look at your skills. See if somebody has something.

30:27Nick Turani:This is a very good point. We would use skills to try to maybe locate people who we don't know where they are. Keep in mind, the Doom Raiders don't know we're coming yet. They know they've ripped off a lot of adventuring parties. If they see heroes, they might get a little worried, but they're not going to be like, that's the guy trying to kill me. So we have time to gather information before. He seems like the biggest loner of the group.

30:46Timm Woods:So if we pick him off And he's one of the hardest to kill So if we kill off one of the hardest to kill Who's a loner They're gonna be like oh where's our fucking sniper dude Aha we killed him first idiots And we were told that we're not gonna have time to heal Right correct How would you draw out a sniper That's what we have to ask Tim for How would you attract a sniper to come try to find him I got an idea We kill someone else first and then he comes to Defend them and then we kill him You want to get sniped in the head bro He said we could one-shot potentially Schemo. Yeah, I don't think we'd go for Schemo.

31:19Timm Woods:One of the other people. What about the girl? What if we get Silent Tradewind naked, cover him in honey, and have him run through the town square? You think the sniper would be? That would make the town watch come get him. But he's sneaky. That would be so abrupt and so naked that it would startle him. Yeah, true, true, true, true. With that much honey. What if we painted a target on Hank's back and had Hank with a bullseye on him? Might be so tanking. If he's bored, he might want to do target practice. Let's put an apple on Hank's head. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Because it's an archer. Yeah. Why don't we do it on Zach's head?

31:52Timm Woods:You know mom didn't love you. That's what she told you. We got different combos from mom. Our group chats look vastly different. She texted you this morning? Different holidays. Did she text you this morning? She did not. I got to love you, son. Have a good day. Have fun catching the Doom Raiders. Be safe. Be safe. Don't let loud trade winds cover you in honey and have you run naked down the street. He always does that. He always does that. Tim, I have a question. These guys, the five that we're going up against, the Doom Raiders, do they have a current mission or a target or an enemy that they're actively looking for?

32:28Nick Turani:Not that we know of, but if you were to look around and ask around, you might be able to find out what they're interested in, what they might be up to right now, potentially. Okay. You as a bard would be uniquely suited for that since you have a persuasion. That would be the skill for gathering information from the locals in Waterdeep.

32:44Timm Woods:I think we've got to figure out what our strategy is going to be. Is it either, one, try to draw them out, or two, try to pick them off one by one without alerting the other ones? I think we've got to try to pick them off. Right? It's the smart move, I think. And then eventually, when we have the numbers on our side, then we can draw out the other ones. I have a third strategy. I agree. I like that second one, I think, better. we could also try to find out who they're currently beefing with and then do a fake alliance with that group and so now we double the size of our team and we can team up against the Doom Raiders or we kill someone in that group and then blame it on the Doom Raiders I love that Hank sorry so yeah we start a war we start a war and let them just fight kill each other but we need to plant evidence on the person we kill So do we find one of the Doom Raiders, take something from them without killing them?

33:41Timm Woods:Oh, I got it. What if we kill one of the rival gangs and cover them in honey, and they'll be like, oh, that must have been Silent Trade Wind. That's what we don't want. That's his calling card. Oh, yeah, that's right. That's what we don't want. Shit. We need to find one of these guys' hangouts. Oh, do we have any money on us? You certainly have money, yeah. What if we kill one of them and put some money on them and be like, I don't know, that wouldn't work. Do we know anything that these guys, the Doom Raiders, carry around? Do they have anything that identifies them?

34:17Nick Turani:Yeah, they've got little amulets and stuff that are unique. Their weapons are unique to them. Bits of their armor would be unique to them, for sure. What about, is there a rival group that has anything of note? There are definitely rival gangs. You definitely already know about one gang called the Xanathar's Guild, who is the local Thieves' Guild of Waterdeep. Apparently, the Doom Raiders have been encroached into their territory. So you do know they have rivals.

34:42Timm Woods:So what's their calling card?

34:46Nick Turani:The Xanathar's Guild, the rivals? It's a circular symbol with ten lines coming off of it, like a ten-pointed star almost.

34:54Timm Woods:Okay, so maybe we kill Schemo and then put that ten thing on him.

35:00Nick Turani:It would make all the Doom Raiders really mad at the Xanathars. Right. Maybe go after them.

35:05Timm Woods:Yeah. We even like trace it in the dirt around them. Right. Because I think we got to kill one of the Doom Raiders. Yeah. And then pin it on the rival Xanathar guys. Yeah. That's a good idea. Not that idea at all. What? I just think if we're going to do it and we do Schemo, it's like all the, they all hate him. So like they're not going to be mad he's dead. They're going to be embarrassed. They're not going to go to war for Schemo. So then who should we kill? The girl. Or do we kill the money guy and rob him of all the money? We mark out Schemo just to do it. Yeah, let's just do it. Start dominance.

35:35Timm Woods:What about the money guy? Because then if we rob him of the money, it's like, well, this was clearly a robbery. We don't want them to think it was robbery. What if we leave him with fake money? We want them to think that it was the rival. We could do the circle thing and then be like, yeah, they robbed him of his money. Because the circle guys, they like money?

35:51Nick Turani:Yes. Sanitar's Guild probably of any target would want to go after the money. What if we hot swap and leave them with fake money and they don't know their money's gone until they go to use it?

35:58Timm Woods:I like the idea of killing Schemo, leaving a calling card behind, pinning it on somebody else, because Schemo seems like an easy target, and we want to get a practice kill under a belt, right? Yeah, we need to chip away. Also, can't one of us morph into a different character?

36:12Nick Turani:That was the druid who is no longer in the group right now.

36:16Timm Woods:God damn it, Max, you fucked up. Okay.

36:19Nick Turani:Yeah, you could always call in Hippo Maximus if you want to.

36:23Timm Woods:I think we kill Schemo. Yeah, I agree. And then we fucking carve into his forehead the circle thingamajig. Yeah, something you'll never be able to take off. Right, right.

36:36Nick Turani:I'll even say that if Max gives the thumbs up, I will let Hippo Maximus come in to do a move. I certainly wanted Hippo Maximus to be able to turn into a positivity rabbit. That is an ability that he would have, so if you wanted to do that, you could.

36:48Timm Woods:I mean, what if we have Hippo Maximus turn into one of the Xanophores guys and then go kill him, Schemo, because then it's the perfect crime. In theory, the Xanathars still - And if Schemo survives, he'd be like, well, it was actually the Xanathars, not the Chinese women. Women. Boy whispers. All six of them. There is six of us now.

37:12Nick Turani:Oh, my God. Fuck. Oh, shit. Absolutely. The secret animal member. Yep. Okay. All right. Do we have a plan? No.

37:19Timm Woods:Okay. They do feel good about stealing our credibility on slaying the other beast. If we ever need to get them together, we could throw a celebration for them. Yeah. Okay, the city would like to celebrate you as triumphant soldiers, and then we just ambush, maybe. Do we even need to kill him? Can we just beast off? Oh, okay. Wait, wait. Zach just said something interesting. Okay, follow along. See if we can follow along here, because I don't even know if I can follow along. Max pretends to be a Xanathor, right? he have him kill schemo and then do the whole thing where he does a circle thing then we take max and we hand him over to the cop lady and we're like we found the guy who killed schemo get the reward yeah and they're like oh thank god and we also got to get justice and then we start picking him off we get we get the cop lady out and then we kill her yeah because we're like here we have your guy come meet us.

38:21Timm Woods:We're going to turn him in, and then we fucking jump him. And that'll be five versus three. Three, yeah. Then we save Max. No, Max can die. It would be an honorable death, Max, but we can save you. We can save you. We can try to save you. We'll do our best. We tried our best. I like that plan. Let's get to five. We've got to find this guy. We're going to find Schemo, and then we'll have Hippo Maximus kill him as a Xanathor.

38:43Nick Turani:I will also point out, it might behoove us to have more than one of us going after Schemo. All together, we can take Schemo down. So Hippo Maximus can be in on that, but alone, I don't know if Hippo Maximus would be able to one-shot Schemo before he escapes. So should we split up and then get back together if one of us finds him? That makes complete sense. We could go around gathering information. In theory, I do have to say anyone with persuasion would be the best at finding out Schemo's location.

39:08Timm Woods:So I'll kill Schemo. I have persuasion. I can take him. All right, so the three of us will go. Wait, Hank, how much persuasion do you have? A lot. But I got strength. Plus a bunch. Plus what? At least two plus. Okay, I'm plus six, so I should probably. So, yeah, you should probably go. Me and PFT. Me and PFT are both two plus persuasion. I don't think that Hank should be alone. Yeah, no, I'll go with you, PFT, and we'll bring Hippo Max. Zach and I will stay with Hank. Perfect. Keep an eye on him. All right, we'll go for Sneeko. And just put a little honey on him. Okay, we can do that. I'm going to pour honey on you, King.

39:42Timm Woods:We do an organic process. Yeah. Okay. It's good stuff. Like farmer's market, like straight from the hive. I like that. Did your mom not tell you that you're allergic to honey? Oh, that's right. She did take me to the doctor's office and did an allergy test. I don't know if she ever scheduled your appointment. She loved you so much.

40:03Nick Turani:Anytime you eat honey, you can just kind of like whatever indigestion you get. Just like heal it, basically. Fucking mama's boy.

40:08Timm Woods:Those home-cooked meals are different. I wouldn't know. Especially around cleric day. I was eating with the fucking wolves. Cleric Day was sick. Get a slide.

40:19Nick Turani:All right, we got a plan. Absolutely. And Wayne, it sounds like you're going to be trying to find Schemo's location. I'm going to go with you.

40:25Timm Woods:Yeah, yeah. So what's up, Hank? Why are you shaking your head? No, nothing. Sorry. Yeah, it feels like there's four of us on the same page. I don't know if Hank had any insight to this adventure beforehand or if he just out of nowhere developed a random love for this one character, Schemo. Yeah, Schemo. Which is probably way weirder. Are you a cop? No. Okay. Do you have a history with Schemo? You might have to. What we should do, PFT, is we should get Schemo on the brink of death and make Hank kill Schemo to prove that he's one of us. Yeah. All right. So who should I talk to in this town?

40:59Nick Turani:There's local taverns you can pop into. There's Town Square. You would be able to market wherever you want to go.

41:05Timm Woods:Are there any football games going on right now?

41:07Nick Turani:There is a Gladiator Arena is the main. There's Charity. Check that out. But there's also a Gladiator Arena.

41:13Timm Woods:Ole Miss might be playing. Absolutely.

41:14Nick Turani:Big matchup? Yeah, big matchup, 100%. At the Champions Arena, you are seeing a big matchup going on right now. Lots of people talking in the crowd. You think you even hear some people talking about the local criminal elements like the Doom Raiders. You could listen in on conversations with persuasion, but you could chat people up with perception. If you want to chat people up, that's persuasion. You're better at that.

41:34Timm Woods:Yeah, I'd like to chat somebody up. Maybe in the tailgate section outside. People are getting loose before the match.

41:40Nick Turani:100%.

41:40Timm Woods:I want to go to the biggest tent that they got there. I want to go in. I want to find the guy that's running that show. And then I want to chat him up.

41:48Nick Turani:Absolutely. 100%. There's like a red bar, a gladiator team. And like a lot of guys painted in red and stuff. So you're absolutely able to go talk to them. 100%. Okay. Roll me a D 20 plus six. I think you said. Plus six. Plus six for persuasion. Let's see how this goes. That's not a good rule. Oh no.

42:06Timm Woods:How do we do on our first role? It's up. Some might say it's the worst that you can do. Is it a natural one on our first roll? Is that right?

42:15Nick Turani:Okay, with a natural one, something bad is going to happen. We have started on an exciting day. We're split up. At the moment, I'm going to say you are alone, at least in this particular tailgate section. Three times as much. Okay, ooh, the dice need to warm up a little bit today. It seems like we're starting a little cold.

42:33Timm Woods:What we're not going to do is we're not going to do our own rolls just to see what we've got. Big Cat made me. I just wanted to see if we had taken Hank instead of you. Fat Tradewind made me.

42:42Nick Turani:Now, Wayne. Did you call me Fat Tradewind?

42:45Timm Woods:What's your loud Tradewind?

42:52Nick Turani:Unfortunately, Wayne, with a natural one, it's worse than you not getting information. These tailgaters have gotten really rowdy, unfortunately. And they start challenging whether you really know about their favorite gladiator. And they go, well, do you know his favorite move? And they start spinning. this sword above their head. And they're really doing the norm reckless attack right now. Do you want with your bonus action to try to talk these guys down? Do you want to try to run out of here? What would you like to do to try to avoid this guy who's about to swing a sword dangerously close to your head?

43:26Timm Woods:Can he do an action where he like says something? Yeah. I'm actually going to see if you can say, are you ready? Like to get a chant going. Damn right. Well, I know maybe I just start going, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

43:43Nick Turani:And then everyone just gets distracted with a chant. I'm going to ask you to roll performance, but with advantage, because everyone outside of this arena is helping go in on this.

43:54Timm Woods:And I got a plus five on performance.

43:56Nick Turani:Plus five, absolutely. Go ahead and roll a d20 plus five, and you will get an extra. Oh, boy. But you have advantage, so that means you roll two times. I rolled a two. I rolled a two. A two. Okay, but you're doing twice as good. Yes. enough. It's getting better. It's getting better. The Kyle Pitts of rolls. Yes. You do get one more roll. That's what advantage means. So that was how your chant was going. They're still bearing down upon you, but now the crowd's joining in. Let's see if the crowd helps. I don't want us to die right away. No way. Yes. 20. Let's go. Absolutely. And as these fans are like closing in on you with the sword, they're almost getting caught up in the chant.

44:39Nick Turani:And all of a sudden from around two different corners, all these tailgaters in face paint come around. They've joined in the chant and they start almost moshing against the guys who are trying to cause a fight with you. You're getting picked up and carried around in this crowd right now. Wayne, you're a star at the moment. And I'd say with a critical hit, what did you want to do with this opportunity? You could now get people to answer your question.

45:01Timm Woods:We're Schemo. Yeah, you could. Yeah, totally. What if I just said like, I want to invite up on stage my very good friend, Schemo. Oh, yeah. Even though you've never met him ever? But to try to draw him out. Yeah, of course. And I've got the crowd going, the energy, like who doesn't want to get up on that stage right then?

45:17Nick Turani:You're right. I'm gonna roll Schemo's die with disadvantage. Hey, can you put your penis away? It's weirding me out a little bit. Interesting. Suddenly, as you try to go, I want my friend Schemo to be here right now. I want him to come out and come up on stage with me. And they're almost like lifting you up onto the field of the Gladiator Arena at this point. You suddenly notice that peeking from around one of the pillars of the stadium in the stands, a little gnomish figure watching very suspiciously right now. Do you wave him over to you?

45:51Timm Woods:You've got to tell him we've got free tickets. You're the winner of the free tickets. Yeah, yeah.

45:57Nick Turani:The free ticket giveaway for the bloodhound.

45:58Timm Woods:Hippo Maximus has the free tickets. Just got to go right around this corner.

46:01Nick Turani:Yeah. Roll me a deception check real quick.

46:04Timm Woods:Okay, deception check.

46:05Nick Turani:Is that D20? D20. It's a four, Tim. Ooh. But I do have... Deception bonus. Plus eight. I was looking for a 15 or higher. Oh, plus eight. And you said what number? Four. Four. I was looking for a 15 or higher. You see Schemo disappear behind the pillar, and just as you think, oh, man, I lost him. He's closer to you and peeking over the seats to look at you, but he won't come up on the stage with you yet. But he's in the stands right now. You have eyes on Schemo at the moment. Now, I'm going to roll him into initiative, see when he's going to go. Okay, noted. So that's one, two, three, four, and then Schemo's going to go.

46:42Nick Turani:We've got more people who get to go before Schemo does. Who would like to go next in that case?

46:48Timm Woods:I think Norm. Well, no, I should save money for when we get Schemo alone, because then I'll just fucking smash his skull.

46:54Nick Turani:At the moment you see him, and I assume you almost signal to anyone else who's there that you can see him, but you're not alone.

46:59Timm Woods:I think we've got to get Hippo Maximus to be like, Like, hey, Schema, we got tickets for you, and you're going to be part of the halftime show. Just come with me.

47:07Nick Turani:He can try a persuasion check, certainly, but Druids aren't famously good at persuasion is what I will say.

47:13Timm Woods:We need Hank.

47:14Nick Turani:We're with Hank.

47:16Timm Woods:Can Hank get over here? Hank, can we certainly... How far away are these guys?

47:19Nick Turani:Yeah, I would say they're all kind of on hand. At this stage in the adventure, you could be, like, whistling and calling over.

47:25Timm Woods:Hank, let's go. Get to work. All right. D20? You're going to tell him that we got to decide what to do.

47:32Nick Turani:Do you have deception, by the way, Hank?

47:34Timm Woods:Of course. You got to tell him we got tickets. I have intimidation. You have intimidation. I have persuasion. Persuasion is probably the better one. Investigation.

47:44Nick Turani:Yeah. You said you have persuasion plus two? Plus three. Plus three. There we go. All right.

47:48Timm Woods:Tell him we got tickets and he's going to be part of the halftime show.

47:51Nick Turani:Okay. Absolutely. Go ahead and roll me a D20 plus three. There's no way that works on anybody. You need a pretty good number on this, is what I will say. Is 20 good? Oh! He's just fine. He looks at you and goes, well, I suppose free tickets, hard to turn that down. Wait a minute, do I know you? And with a critical hit, he doesn't know who you are, and whatever story you tell him right now, he's going to believe. Who are you presenting yourself as, Ehrlich?

48:28Timm Woods:I'm presenting myself as like a high school college friend. Kind of like friend of friend, but we knew each other 15, 20 years ago.

48:36Nick Turani:Wait a minute. Did we go to Blackstaff Academy together? Yeah, yeah. Wait, are you a wizard? I apologize not to insult you, but I got kind of warlock vibes. One of those cheaters, those magical hackers who try to get magic the quick and easy way. I apologize for my assumptions. You're a wizard like myself. But we're both warlocks, actually, right? Oh, he's a wizard, actually. I studied magic. So he views warlocks as being like cheaters almost. But if you tell him you went to Blackstaff Academy, he'll think you're a wizard like him.

49:05Timm Woods:Yep. Had to drop out, but yeah. Apologies. I think I remember you now from classes. Yes. Sing the Blackstaff Academy fight song. We're staff and we're wizards. That was it.

49:21Nick Turani:Yeah.

49:22Timm Woods:All right. You did it.

49:24Nick Turani:In your Hootian codex. Absolutely. You do. He starts to sing the song with you. Yeah, yeah, you know all the words. Impressive, impressive. Well, I'm a little concerned because it seems, and he points at the stage, it seems like there's some people who want to get my attention a little bit. You know, I'm a popular guy. You know that is not true. But he says, I suppose they're just maybe fans of my work. I run a local potion shop here nowadays. I hope things are going just as well for you. It's been quite lucrative, the sort of potions I get involved in. But, you know, it's a business. It's a living.

49:57Nick Turani:How about yourself?

49:59Timm Woods:Can I say I just came from somewhere else? I used to, I worked in potions for a long time, and I'm actually looking for work. Maybe try and, you know, get a job on the inside.

50:07Nick Turani:He kind of smugly says, well, I'm actually looking for more help. I have some very loyal shopkeepers, but there are only two of them right now. And then let's just say I could use ones with a little more skill and proficiency when it comes to potion brewing. I can show you my shop if you like, or we can enjoy the show here. What would you prefer?

50:25Timm Woods:Let's go to the shop. No, I got to convince them for the halftime show, right?

50:29Nick Turani:You can definitely convince them to come up for the halftime show if you want. Let's kill him in the shop. This guy will be alone. He'll be alone in the shop, although he's mentioning he has two shopkeepers as well. But that's a lot less people than are in the stadium right now. So shop.

50:42Timm Woods:Yeah, I think we killed him in the shop.

50:43Nick Turani:All right, take me to the candy shop. Absolutely. He takes you to what is called the City of the Dead District, the Graveyard District of Waterdeep. And because you are a warlock, you know this automatically. I'm alone right now, right? I'm alone. You are walking the streets, so not completely alone, but there's long stretches of time when it's just you and Schemo, for sure, in case there's anything you want to do or say. I got you, bro. It would only be Schemo. I have a bad feeling about that.

51:07Timm Woods:I'm with you. I'm behind you, but I can't be seen.

51:11Nick Turani:Got it. All right. I got you back. It is clear that you know in the city of the Dead District, necromancy is illegal in this city, and there is a very good reason why Schemo would set up a potion shop here. He's selling potions to illegal necromancers, you're pretty sure. And as he brings you into this three-story tower in the ground level, first thing you get is a little illusory ding-a-ling-a-ling goes off. That would have alerted anyone who tried to, let's say, sneak in or anything like that. So you know there's an alarm in his shop, and you see two guys in Plague Doctor masks. One's stirring a potion cauldron, one's assembling potions behind the shop counter, and they go, oh, hey, Schemo, how's it going?

51:47Nick Turani:And lift up their mask. He says, whatever, buzz off, guys. And he's very rude to his employees. but you notice they have little tattoos that they're not trying to hide from you of the winged snake of the Zhentarim, the crime syndicate that the Doom Raiders are a part of. They're in on his criminal schemes with him. So Schemo then leads you up the spiral staircase to the second floor, which is all a workshop. And then he says, I do a lot of my business meetings up here. And he leads you to his bedroom. He said it was for business meetings. He's obviously not trying anything right now, But you do notice two balconies that have glass doors leading out to them.

52:25Nick Turani:They're the only way in or out of this third floor, it seems. So there's windows on the second floor. And you're all alone. You could say, like, hey, let's stay downstairs or let's stay in the workshop. But he's completely alone and not within audio range while he's on the top floor right now. And he says, so let's talk business. Did you want to do anything else in your turner? Like, you've gotten him alone now.

52:46Timm Woods:I'm going to show up. Should I try?

52:50Nick Turani:attack him right now or try to ready? No, I don't want to do that yet.

52:54Timm Woods:I don't want to do that yet. I would like to roll history. I think we try and butter him up as much as we can to get as much information as we need.

53:03Nick Turani:I love that. In fact, that would be a persuasion or history check. You could use history because he's very chatty about history or arcana or you could use persuasion whichever is best for you. I have a lot of persuasion. Yeah, warlocks are usually very charismatic, more charismatic than they are smart. But I have five plus history. Oh, dang. What's Arcana? That's better than I thought, 100%. What's Arcana? Arcana is knowledge of magical stuff, like potion crafting. That's the main thing you would want to talk about. All right, so let's do that, Arcana. I got plus five. D20 plus five, then. 14.

53:37Nick Turani:14 plus five is 19 total. Schemo is going to spill at least two solid pieces of information while you're talking to him. Now, that could be about potions. He would even show you one of his best potions right now. Considering a lot of his potions are not labeled, that might be to your advantage. But you could also ask him for information about the other Doom Raiders. He starts to mention co-workers of his that he has that he doesn't get along with very well. But they're in a different line of business than potions. And he chuckles to himself like he's hinting at the fact that they're criminals.

54:08Nick Turani:You could ask about the Doom Raiders or his potions or whatever you want.

54:11Timm Woods:Let's go Doom Raiders. This guy's going to be dead soon. His potions don't matter.

54:15Nick Turani:Absolutely. He kind of mentions people in his organization who are strong, who are smart. Who did you? Was there anyone you wanted to ask about in particular or just ask for a random piece of information?

54:25Timm Woods:That's not about the girl. What's up with her? Is she single?

54:28Nick Turani:The strong warrior woman or the cleric who's the money bags of the operation? Warrior woman. Warrior woman. Absolutely. He goes, oh, Tashlin. Tashlin's such a meathead. She doesn't think at all. She just has a lot of fun fighting people. You know, sometimes she's a City Watch member. Yes. And in that sense, she has to act respectable. But off hours, she's always slugging it out, drinking with the other soldiers, getting in fights with them occasionally, sometimes hooking up with the other members of the City Watch. She gets her own private bedroom in the barracks, from what I understand. So she's somewhat high ranking.

55:00Nick Turani:But other than that, an easily manipulatable member. That's what I like about her. I get along great with Tashlin because she's easy to trick.

55:09Timm Woods:She's probably got really cool handcuffs, too, right?

55:11Nick Turani:Absolutely. It's true. Yeah, absolutely. Schemo doesn't like that, but he knows that there's guardsmen who do.

55:16Timm Woods:Do you have another question? Does he have another question?

55:19Nick Turani:You certainly do, yes.

55:20Timm Woods:Ask about the fucking guy we can't find. The sniper. Where does he hang out? Okay.

55:27Nick Turani:You could ask about that.

55:28Timm Woods:We don't know where he is. He's going to be the hardest one to find. I don't think he's going to know, but let's ask. You don't think Schemo?

55:34Nick Turani:I guess we can find out. So you ask him about Ziraj in particular. But why would I ask about that?

55:40Timm Woods:You'd be like, who else? You got any cool snipers?

55:45Nick Turani:You ask about cool snipers.

55:47Timm Woods:Yeah, maybe I say, you know, I do potions, but I used to be, like, you know, in the military as a bowman.

55:52Nick Turani:Yeah. Yeah. As soon as you say.

55:54Timm Woods:Where can I go to train?

55:55Nick Turani:Absolutely. He perks up a little bit and goes, well, I know one guy, but you don't want to train with him. He's very, very secretive. And, like, completely gives you an opening to ask about, like, what do you mean? Oh, nice. It turns out when you ask that question, Schemo knows more than the average bear, but he tells you all I really know for sure about where this archer lives is uh well I never see him off the rooftops so I can't say I know exactly where he lives but I would suggest looking around the rooftops of the tallest buildings in the city in fact and he pulls out this map of the city and you see he's circled two locations he points at a clock tower and a tall warehouse and he goes I've whittled it down to where his attacks take place, he must live at one of these two locations.

56:44Nick Turani:That's the best I can give you. So you've got two possible Schemo locations, the clock tower and the warehouse that is by the docks, apparently.

56:53Timm Woods:Are we in Texas? That feels like the two most likely places for people in Texas to hide if they're a sniper. Very possible. Absolutely. Okay. Okay. Should I come in? Yeah.

57:05Nick Turani:In theory, that would have been your whole turn then, Urluck. So good turn. and you got some valuable information.

57:09Timm Woods:Another quick break from Dungeons & Dragons talked to you about Pepsi. Zach, you are finally up. It is our final Pepsi challenge and we're doing it. Thank you to Pepsi for sponsoring Pepsi. Super Bowl 60 spot brings light to a similar phenomenon of discovery and truth. The Pepsi paradox, the idea that when labels and bias disappear, cola drinkers prefer the taste of Pepsi, a phenomenon that blind taste tests have repeatedly proven in the 2025 revival of the Pepsi Challenge. 66 % of participants agreed Pepsi Zero Sugar tastes better than Coca-Cola Zero Sugar. Pepsi wins on taste. Sometimes you have to flip your world upside down to discover what's been right there the entire time.

57:51Timm Woods:Zach, are you ready for the Pepsi Challenge? I'm ready to take a Pepsi Challenge today, Big Cat. Okay, so open it up. I believe what we have here, blind taste test. We got two straws up top, two flavors in the box. Yep. And we're going to decide today, I believe one of the cans is Pepsi Zero Sugar and the other is Coke Zero. Yeah. So we'll give these a pop. Yep.

58:20Timm Woods:Are we going to go in on can A? Okay.

58:29Timm Woods:I like how you chew it. Yeah, that was good. That was good. That was really good. That's how you get all the flavor.

58:39Timm Woods:He's going in for a second sip. Yep. Now he's going back to the first sip. Double sip. And what you got? Now he's going to the second one. He's going to give it a smell, too. He's going to drink both these colas. He's doing a really good job of... Okay. I think I'm going final decision here. Yeah. Can B. Okay, now reveal. All right, let's see here. Can B. Which one are you revealing first? Show us can A first. I'll give you can A first, so... He's not looking. Can A is... Oh, it's Coke Zero Sugar. So you selected B, which is... B, which is... Pepsi Zero Sugar. There you go Good taste There you go Great taste Go out and try Pepsi Zero Sugar today Let your taste decide And that is the Pepsi Challenge Presented by Pepsi And now we're going back to Tim Woods Who would like to go next I think I gotta come in right There's two guys down there They're pussies right

59:42Nick Turani:There are two shopkeepers who seem like pretty weak Ehrlich would have even been able to size up Their low level wizards So they're real easy to one shot kill

59:51Timm Woods:There's also a balcony There's a balcony, so I'm thinking what I got to do is I got to get up there. Fred Warner style. We got to fucking, oh, I could, oh, I could, could I climb? You could climb. Good call, PFT. I'm good at that. I have a giant moth that could take you. Yeah, that's true. Oh, no, or if you want to climb. No, no, I'm cool. We should use the moth like a drone to find the sniper guy. Yeah, yeah.

1:00:13Nick Turani:Keep in mind it's a moth the size of a horse, so it's very noticeable, but it can carry people, which is what's cool about it.

1:00:19Timm Woods:Okay, so let's get up there, moth or climb.

1:00:22Nick Turani:It's your call.

1:00:23Timm Woods:Well, the moth, would I have to use a roll on the moth?

1:00:26Nick Turani:The moth would automatically get you up there, but Schemo would know you're there right away. To be fair, your name is Loud Tradewind. It doesn't sound like you're trying to be stealthy.

1:00:33Timm Woods:So what if we don't go up to the balcony? You go up to the roof above the balcony. And then come down? Yeah. Okay, that's a good call. So let's do that. I think what I want to do is I want to tackle Schemo, carve the thing in his forehead, and then throw him off the balcony to look like so it's very public that he was killed. You know what I mean? Everyone's like, oh, my God, he got thrown off a balcony. Absolutely. And then everyone's like, who did it? Is the balcony high enough to kill him, or are we going to have to? Oh, I'm going to beat him to an inch of his life. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Won't the other four people then get scared?

1:01:06Timm Woods:They might think that he did it himself. No, we're going to carve the Xanathor thing in him. Oh, yeah.

1:01:12Nick Turani:Frame the Xanathars, and they'll direct their attention there. Okay, so I'm up on the roof. This moth silently lands you, Loud Tradewind, onto, formerly Norm, onto the roof of Schemo's three-story tower potion shop. And you can see the balcony right there. Just roll me 1d20, and as long as you roll moderately well, you'll be getting the jump on Schemo. This is a stealth check, but a much augmented one. How do we do it? Three. Three. Now, you have a plus two on this. And the number I was looking for was five or higher. You just barely are getting the jump on schema. This is very much like getting the 50, 50 Jack.

1:01:56Nick Turani:Yes. You just barely got it. Finally, you are landing on the balcony and schema was turning in slow motion in your direction. Like what the fuck? But as you barrel through the wall, you can rage. I'm a rage. And then you get to not one, but two attacks. your first attack can just be wailing on him and i must ask does loud trade wind go reckless oh

1:02:20Timm Woods:yeah you know i will sure not to damage his head we have to carve it yeah that's right i want to

1:02:26Nick Turani:i want to just yeah absolutely schemo lets out a scream as you come barreling through now i'm gonna ask you not to roll twice because you're reckless roll three times because you're reckless

1:02:36Timm Woods:and you're getting surprise the highest of the three highest of the three exactly right 19

1:02:41Nick Turani:Hard to beat that, but let's just see if you get a natty 20.

1:02:45Timm Woods:10. 2.

1:02:47Nick Turani:2, okay. So we'll take the 19 plus whatever is certainly enough. You hit Schemo as hard as you can with your great axe. That is going to be the d12 then. A d12, I believe, plus... Oh, sorry. Norm, use a great sword, not a great axe. It's going to be two d6s. That's even better. You roll the d6 two times and add plus six. one's not great five so six plus six is going to be 12 damage on schemo this is when you are finding out you have just in a single strike taken out exactly one third of schemo's health schemo has 24 left out of his 36 hit points but you get a second attack here's the decision you have to make with your second attack are you going to hit him again or are you going to pick him up and throw him over the edge if i throw him hard enough can i kill him it might be enough from three stories okay you would throw him and deal 3d6 damage the sword would deal two actually sorry it would be 46 for throwing him from this story but if you hit him with the sword it's 2d6 plus six normal to say i think you should attack him again before throwing him okay and then we make

1:04:02Timm Woods:hank throw him off yeah yeah and then we carve the thing in his head yeah yeah okay all right

1:04:06Nick Turani:good call so let's go ahead and roll two times now you've lost the element of surprise but you're still reckless six sorry that's the damage and i'll take that for six but roll me the d20 to see if you hit eight eight roll one more time you have advantage on this nine oh here's the thing norm with a nine plus seven being a 16 that should hit schemo except as you are swinging towards him you see him putting up his hands and when you attack him the first time you had seen mage armor flare up around him but you carved right through that mage armor it was protecting him but not that much he has mage armor still and then also throws up a shield spell the shield spell brings up his armor class to an even 20, meaning that that 16 is not quite a hit.

1:04:59Nick Turani:And he goes bing bong as he kind of dies behind the shield a little bit and starts weaving around and trying to avoid your attack. Can't get me. Can't get me. And you know what he's already starting to do. He starts to wave a hand in front of his face and he's starting to turn invisible before your very eyes. And I am sorry to say that if you can't get to him before he turns invisible he's definitely going to get out of here oh no alert the other doom raider loud trade wind that was your action bonus is a great plan another one of us gets to go and then schemo gets to go right after exactly strongest someone

1:05:37Timm Woods:get in here i'm a paladin but he's invisible he's about about to be he's not there yet is not

1:05:45Nick Turani:invisible yet.

1:05:46Timm Woods:We're outside. We didn't go up on the roof. Yeah, but the horse will get you back up there.

1:05:51Nick Turani:If you roll for your moth, I'll see if your moth can dive down, pick you up, and carry you up there. It would have to roll pretty well, though.

1:05:57Timm Woods:Does the moth have any air-to-ground capabilities? Like, could we put a firebomb on its wings and try to fly over and drop it on the side? Do we just want to burn the whole potion shop down? You would send a message. Send a message, but I don't know what potions are in there. What if it's a huge explosion? Those guys are in there. I'll die. That would kind of kick ass. I think Hank would have wanted it that way. Yeah. Before we die. Okay, maybe not bomb him. Who could burn it down? Maybe not burn the whole thing down. I don't want to kill both these guys. How many exits are there in this place?

1:06:27Timm Woods:Let's just wait outside of the door.

1:06:29Nick Turani:There is a front door.

1:06:30Timm Woods:It's like there's a back door.

1:06:31Nick Turani:And then just...

1:06:32Timm Woods:We'll just stand right in front of it. He can't walk through us. We've got to get him before he gets invisible. Do you guys have any weapons? Are you an archer? I'm not an archer. Could we raid the potion shop? We don't have any... See the invisible... There's no potions that are like, I can now view, you guys can view invisible people.

1:06:48Nick Turani:There is definitely potions. We got some juices in there, right?

1:06:51Timm Woods:If you can find them. Do we feel good about finding, maybe? Or do we still blow it up? Infrared potions. I'm down for whatever you guys want to do. I'll die for this squad. We can't lose two men. We can't do death. I'm the first guy that we should have one shot. You can lose one of us if one of us survives. There's got to be a way we make it out, boys. Everybody. I like that. You can't die. I know. I tell mom. She won't fucking care. Silent trade when you make the decision.

1:07:22Timm Woods:We can't lose any good men this early. We got to figure out an alternative route. So? Do we get you up there with the moth? We could try to roll that. Hands feel hot? Yeah. Can the moth go kamikaze?

1:07:35Nick Turani:Ooh. Crash in through the building.

1:07:37Timm Woods:The moth can attack, yes.

1:07:38Nick Turani:I would give it the same attack.

1:07:39Timm Woods:Why don't you hop on the moth and go moth attack, you attack? that could work if you're a true believer in the mission could the moth just go pick him up what if i gave you a thousand versions if it goes poorly that's a good deal the moth can definitely

1:07:54Nick Turani:dive in there and either attack him or pick him up if you want the moth to dive down and pick you up i would have you roll to see if it can do that in time so should i have the moth grab him and

1:08:03Timm Woods:bring him up in the air yeah oh yeah i like that that's actually really good let's do it yeah okay

1:08:10Nick Turani:absolutely love it off comes diving in like in through the balcony because it's so big uh and i am going to roll for schemo to see how well schemo evades the moth this is a contested roll we're gonna do schemo only got a six your moth would have a plus three on this so roll me a d20 and just get a six or higher a three or higher on the die is gonna get you there 16 16 let's go The moth is able to grab Simo and not only grab him, but grapple him so that he's now having trouble moving his arms and spellcasting. It can fly him out to either, I'd say with that roll, bring him down to the ground where you are or have him hover in the air and you can do whatever you want.

1:08:52Nick Turani:Boys?

1:08:57Nick Turani:You guys got to decide. Let's bring him up high. Absolutely. Ooh. You could then just have him let go. That's a free action. That would also be a great way to draw out the sniper.

1:09:07Timm Woods:Yeah.

1:09:07Nick Turani:The sniper's going to try to shoot that moth out of the air. You're right. Yeah. All right, we will bring him up high. Absolutely. You bring him up high. I'd say at this point, roll to see how far your moth can go in terms of gaining some height. You're definitely at 4d6 damage right now, but let's see if you can get any higher. Yeah. 7. 7. Okay, you're not, I'd say that gets you with a plus 3. That's a 10. One more dice. Roll me five D6s as he drops Schemo from the sky and splat onto the ground. Schemo is not able to reduce that damage at all.

1:09:38Timm Woods:Can I ask a question real quick? To, um, what's your name again? Wayne. Wayne. Yeah. Is that an F-16? No, dude, that's an F-35 too. Come on. Okay. Actually, it's a moth. It's light. Oh, shit. It looks like an F-35 from the body because they only have the one engine and I thought the tail was the engine. Understandable. First roll is a two.

1:10:01Nick Turani:Two, okay. Second roll is a four. Four, all right, we're up to six. Six. Okay, 12. Four. 16. Six. Yes. All right, 22 more damage is going to bring Schemo up to 34 out of 36 damage. He literally has two hit points left. He's about to still turn invisible as he splats on the ground, except that was your moth's turn. you still have your turn greg and you can do two attacks on your turn his shield is still running

1:10:35Timm Woods:all you got to do is hit him once let's go i'm wearing plates carve him carve him we forgot to carve we just well if he dies we can carve him post yeah true true certainly i want to crush

1:10:45Nick Turani:his sternum with my boot yes absolutely you can do you can kill him with just an unarmed strike so just roll me a d20 see if you hit him with your boot 15 15 is enough with your you have at least to plus six on your attack bonus you hit his armor class of 20 no problem you bring your boot down upon his shield crushing through the like bubble of shield magical energy you crush through the mage armor cod piece that was protecting him and then just smush his sternum completely he goes oh no and absolutely passes out unconscious if you carve into his head he will be dead at that point or you could leave him unconscious i guess but you could kill him and carve into your his

1:11:29Timm Woods:head with the final attack if you would like to i'm a bit brutish i worry about my artistry yes

1:11:34Nick Turani:uh roll me a d20 to see how good a job you do carving

1:11:40Timm Woods:it's a 12.

1:11:41Nick Turani:it's 12 i'm gonna say that's enough it is recognizable as the xanathar's guild's symbol and sure enough as you do this with your final attack i'm just gonna roll to see if we notice anybody else on their way okay no no okay one second all right and okay it looks like you're noticing that there is a little bit of a commotion pretty far away in the city it looks like an armored dwarven woman is on her way toward us right now and she hasn't noticed us yet yeah hasn't noticed anything but if we skedaddle right now she'll find the body of schemo with this carving in her head she has several thugs with her as well i looks like three thoughts i feel

1:12:25Timm Woods:like this is perfect we just we we actually wait and we say dude the the farther guys came and they fucking fucked your guy up we're also right in front of a potion shop if we want to get invisibility yeah when her turn is done yeah so he's dead schemo's dead always dead now congratulations

1:12:44Nick Turani:Potions one Doom Raider. Pretty good plan, huh? We're done. Absolutely. Hank, we could not have done that without you. That was a good plan. Mission accomplished. You did a really good job. Now, Silent Trade, Wind, you're up next. That means Schemo would have gone now, but he's dead, so he doesn't get to go. Silent Trade, Wind, you could loot the potion shop just before Istrid Horn gets here, or you could dedicate your turn to doing something else. Up to you.

1:13:08Timm Woods:So we've marked out one. We've got four more boys to whisper. Is that where we're at? Yeah, and I wonder. The only thing I'm wondering is should we stick around and be like, hey, we saw everything. We're happy to give a statement and then have the woman cop bring us in and then we kill her there. That's a good idea. At the station? Yeah. She's a corrupt police officer. They'll all be happy that she's dead. I think that. They're also corrupt. This lady that's coming up, she's going to see the dead guy and she's going to because she loves money, right? Mm-hmm. Correct. She's probably going to go into the store to try to take the money, knowing that the guy's dead.

1:13:45Timm Woods:So maybe we could try to trap her in there. And then blow it up. And then blow it up. And blow it up. And we also get all the potion before she gets there.

1:13:53Nick Turani:She is a follower of the God of Greed. It would be wild if she didn't try to go in and loot. Like, that is a very good point.

1:13:59Timm Woods:Dude, this shop will fucking blow up with one match.

1:14:02Nick Turani:Now, how do we get her to loot? How do we get her into this?

1:14:04Timm Woods:She will.

1:14:05Nick Turani:It seems like she's probably going to do that automatically. It would be a safe bet. Completely understandable. Also, I feel obliged to let you know that you could definitely go in, loot the shop on your own if you wanted, or set yourself up to, in terms of explosions, if what you're trying to do is an explosion, you have two spells. Thunderwave, which is like the Fusarodah in Skyrim, where you blast a bunch of people back, knock a bunch of potions over, or Shatter, which is even bigger, causes a huge explosion that would take out one of the three floors. Put a bomb in there, dude. You're the bomb.

1:14:35Nick Turani:Put a bomb in there. We might have to put a bomb in there. Yeah. Absolutely. We might have to get this potion shop finito out of here. 100%. You are essentially a living bomb. You can cast spells that create bombs, and I'd even say as a bonus action, if you wanted to look around for particularly explosive or flammable potions, you could do that.

1:14:53Timm Woods:I would like to do a quick little potion sweep, you know,

1:14:56Nick Turani:looking for some explosives and maybe some, you know, throwing the satchel for later if we need them. 100 % absolutely. Now, as you enter the potion shop, you're going in at the ground level. Is that right? That is correct. I'm going to ground level. That's where the inventory is at. That's where we make the biggest boom. Bingo. Schemo's employees are still there, and I'm just going to make sure. One of them is like, I thought I heard something upstairs, but not enough that they're going to go bother Schemo. So they say, let us know if we can help you. Looking around the shop right now, go ahead and roll me an investigation or persuasion check, a D20, plus if you have either of those skills.

1:15:32Timm Woods:This is a huge sack.

1:15:35Nick Turani:Okay, we're at a 16 on that. 16, absolutely. Plus, do you have the persuasion skill? Perception.

1:15:41Timm Woods:I am armed with perception on a seven.

1:15:44Nick Turani:You have a plus seven on a perception. Let's go. Absolutely. So 16 plus seven, that's a 23. You're going to find, you can find up to three different big potions, but if you want them all to be explosive potions, I will absolutely allow that. You're finding whole shelves of explosive potions that if you detonate this floor, you are absolutely going to cause a chain reaction. that will bring the whole tower down upon everyone on the first floor.

1:16:13Timm Woods:You think two of the three of these massive potions could knock that out? I'd actually say yes. So you could get one other potion. Okay, boys. So we got two explosion potions that are going to blow this thing down.

1:16:23Nick Turani:Take the whole place out. As long as you cast a shatter spell on this floor. I would like to cast a shatter. Absolutely. Do you want to cast it now or do you want to ready to cast it as soon as Mistred walks in? I would like to ready. Silent Tradewind, are you trying to hide that you are casting this spell so the shopkeepers don't know about it?

1:16:40Timm Woods:Oh, certainly this is a covert spell. That's cool.

1:16:42Nick Turani:Roll me a d20. I'm going to say you have a plus five on this. Since you're Silent Tradewind, I'm giving you stealth.

1:16:48Timm Woods:Okay, we've got a 17 on five.

1:16:50Nick Turani:22 in all absolutely is enough. No one notices, but you're getting a Shatter spell ready behind one of the shelves. Just blow this whole floor the fuck up.

1:17:00Timm Woods:You can pick one more potion. Absolutely. Knock it down, boys. Okay. So we have, look, we're browsing on the shelves. There's an invisibility potion and there's a mind control potion. Which one are we going with?

1:17:12Nick Turani:Literally both of those potions are present here. I love how creative you got. I was literally going to say those same exact two potions. I'm actually kind of spooked out that you knew that those two ones were there. You got a mind control. You got mind reading. You got invisibility. You got sea invisibility. You have a potion of climbing and healing. Those would be the big ones.

1:17:29Timm Woods:What do we think makes the most sense for the inventory? I kind of like mind reading. Mind reading, I think, would do us the most help. Okay, we're going to throw mind reading in the satchel. Absolutely. We're going to blow this down.

1:17:40Nick Turani:A potion of mind reading.

1:17:42Timm Woods:Are you in any danger being in here for the explosion?

1:17:46Nick Turani:You are. We definitely have a little bit of danger. Yeah, absolutely. I don't want that. That's a good point.

1:17:52Timm Woods:We got guys. We got a militia, though. We got guys. If I go out.

1:17:55Nick Turani:Target the potions you want to target, you would not necessarily be able to eat. But you can position yourself, I'd say, near the door So that you're the best able to bolt out of here As soon as the spell goes off Bolt out Absolutely

1:18:06Timm Woods:Listen, hey That is gonna be your role I want you to know that if you die in this I will tell your mother I died honorably? Our mother No, I'll tell her you died like a fucking bitch You screamed really gaily Yeah, you're just a crying little bitch You peed yourself We doing Yeah Can I at least do open casket for mom? I don't know if there will be What are we left of you? Yeah Okay, open-earned? Open-earned.

1:18:34Timm Woods:Don't sneeze. There he is.

1:18:37Nick Turani:Silent Tradewind, as you set up this spell, I'm going to say that Istrid, before her turn even starts, does walk into the shop now at this point. Does not see you getting the spell ready. Walks right past you. I feel like you're in the doorway, kind of like off to the side. And she has three thugs with her. She immediately starts talking with the shopkeepers. Where's Schemo? I got a message from him that something was going on. Apparently Schemo must have gotten off like a quick magical signal to her or something like that. Do you drop your spell right now? She's completely going to be surprised by it.

1:19:08Nick Turani:Do we think it takes her out? What do we think, boys?

1:19:11Timm Woods:I don't want to lose you. Take her out. I'm close to the door, though. I'll fast twitch off the line. Could you just like jump in the air as you cast it and then hopefully the explosion knocks you away? I would like to attempt a diving cast if that's okay.

1:19:23Nick Turani:Absolutely, 100%. So the big, we're going to save for last to see how this works for you. But you're diving and casting. First of all, roll me, if you want, the damage for your shatter spell alone, which is 3d8. But I want to highlight that you have an ability where twice per day, you can just say maximize it. And you don't roll 3d8, you just get 24 damage automatically. Do you want to use your channel divinity now, the wrath of the storm ability, or do you want to save it for another enemy?

1:19:54Timm Woods:Are we late in the day, like mid-afternoon? Is it early? Is a new day going to come up decently soon?

1:19:59Nick Turani:You do think that we won't get a new day until all the Doom Raiders are slain. So until the Doom Raiders are slain, you got this ability two times. Do you want to use it now or no?

1:20:08Timm Woods:Do we believe in the dice or do we want to go just full max? We can use it again. Yeah, you have two full maxes. So should we just guarantee you explosion right here? Sounds like the name of a delicious soda. Yeah, I'll take two full maxes, please. I would like to use one full max on an implosion of this potion shop.

1:20:23Nick Turani:absolutely now is a great time to do it i would say it automatically deals 24 damage that means to everybody in the shop not to yourself the shatter spell doesn't hit you the collapse might hit you though so you set up the shatter spell istrid immediately takes 24 damage but because she let me just make sure actually she gets a saving throw but she gets disadvantage on it uh yes the second one means she fails she takes the full 24 automatically and gets hurtled through the air all the other people in the shop her thugs the motion shopkeepers explode they're dead they had like 11 hit points each so it's just you and istrid now and now i'd like you to roll for each floor that's falling on you guys 3d12 that's 6d12s in all if you please and that's how much extra damage she's getting so far she's halfway dead at 24 damage so we need 24 out of the 312 more Four, yeah.

1:21:23Timm Woods:Okay, we got a six.

1:21:24Nick Turani:Six, okay.

1:21:27Timm Woods:We got a six. We got a two. That's not good, gentlemen.

1:21:31Nick Turani:Uh-oh.

1:21:35Nick Turani:Five. Five, okay. We're up to 13. We're halfway there. Or sorry, yeah, 13. Another six. Okay. Another six, okay. And hot. And a four. Four. All right. Okay. 11 11 there you go 100 it was a little more than 24 that you needed which is why i felt bad with that 11 at the end regular you can just barely confirm the sixes were like sixes he's crushing this absolutely uh you yeah those are d12s unfortunately not great rolls for d12s but it was enough as all the bricks of the shop fall down upon her you see one just clobber her right in the back probably breaking her spine and then the last one falls on her head not crushing it completely but you see blood trickle down and it's going through her armor istrid horn is dead that is two doom raiders down well done absolutely for a single spell slot no less very well done istrid's down schemo is down as well and when that happens i am just gonna roll to see if anyone else would be showing up.

1:22:50Nick Turani:I feel like Hank's not happy that we're showing up. What's the matter, Hank?

1:22:54Timm Woods:What do you mean? You just put a cock ring on, and it's very limp. I'm getting a piss bomb warmed up. Oh, okay. Of course. That's going to come in useful. You're on cut.

1:23:05Nick Turani:All right. Can I ask a question real quick? Does anyone here have a plus six or better in perception? I believe Silent Tradewind does. Anybody else? I got seven. Silent Trade Wind. Oh, and Silent Trade Wind, this all depends on whether you're seeing this, which depends on whether you got out of your own trap or not. Please roll me a d20 to see if you spell cast and jumped out the door at the same time. I got a seven. Seven is not quite going to be enough. So here's the... Actually, am I going to give you advantage? Yeah, I'm going to give you advantage on that one more roll because you almost ready to do this.

1:23:49Nick Turani:six okay that is not enough i'm sorry to say i'm now tallying up oh wait oh unfortunately nine is still not quite enough with bonus i was looking for a 15 or higher so unfortunately you are getting not the full amount but half of the full effect of the collapse the collapsed dealt 36 damaged uh you are going to take 18 damage can i ask how many points do you have normally trade with at the top center of your so i've got uh my arm my health points are 39 39 so you have taken 18 damage and you have 39 normally so you're not halfway down yet but you might need healing at some point but you jump clear and though you took damage you did take down one of the doom raiders and as you do with your perception you automatically look up and i rolled stealth for somebody they beat everyone's perception except yours you see someone on the rooftops disappear and you think you hear a mutter ah damn it i missed tea time oh man and he is late for the tea off but he is absolutely here ziraj is somewhere on the rooftops right now and you you got a glimpse of him he's gone now but at some point ziraj is going to go and so he is an initiative right now that oh is silent trade wind right after your turn goes oh wait no no i need to re-roll that that was the wrong number okay yeah he does not go yet but he's going to

1:25:21Timm Woods:be going at some point we'll get back to dnd in a second and tim woods is brought to you by chevy football season might be over but you know how it goes the minute the big game ends we're already talking about what's next. Free agency, the draft, who's getting paid, who's grinding, because for football guys there is no off-season. That's exactly why football guys choose the Chevy Silverado. Silverado is the truck that shows up every time. Built to haul, tow, take a beating, but it's smart where it counts. It's got modern truck tech that makes life easier. Big screens, available camera views. It helps with towing, helps with parking, and a cabin that feels right.

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1:26:57Timm Woods:Pitching products, drafting reports, analyzing data. Microsoft 365 Copilot is your AI assistant for work built into Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and others. Microsoft 365 apps, you name it, Copilot fully integrates. It helps you quickly write, analyze, create, and summarize. So you can cut through the clutter and clear path to your best work. Learn more at Microsoft.com slash M365 Copilot. It works right with Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and all the other Microsoft 365 apps that you already use. So check it out, Microsoft.com slash M365 Copilot today. And now here is our dear, close, personal, awesome friend, Tim Woods.

1:27:39Timm Woods:He's back.

1:27:40Nick Turani:Wayne, we are back around to you now. What would you like to do on your turn? I'd like to draw out that big, strong, muscular woman.

1:27:48Timm Woods:Ooh, yes.

1:27:49Nick Turani:Strong woman. Now, we did have an inkling that she was at the southern gate of the city, so you could go there, or you could be where everyone else is and just trying to call out to her, but it would almost be easier. Yeah, two chicks. One was like, you know, strong. We took down the money bags of the operation. Like big size. Now we're looking for Tashlin Yafira. Yeah, her. We killed who? We killed Schemo and... Schemo and Istrid Horn. That's right. We killed. Okay, so... She's down. The cop is who? What's her name? This is Tashlin. Tashlin. Is Tashlin the cop? Tashin is the cop. Okay, I thought we killed the cop.

1:28:20Nick Turani:Yeah.

1:28:20Timm Woods:Okay.

1:28:21Nick Turani:Eastrid kind of randomly showed up, not as a member of the same watch, but because she got a message from me telepathically.

1:28:27Timm Woods:Okay, the first guy, Schemo, that we killed, he's still in the street, yeah? Yes, correct.

1:28:31Nick Turani:Okay, all right. Tashin hasn't shown up yet, but if you go get her and are like, there's been a crime, that might be even more plausible. I'd like to disguise self.

1:28:42Timm Woods:I have the level one spell that I can do.

1:28:44Nick Turani:Yes, you can look like anybody you want.

1:28:47Timm Woods:I want to look like a stronger, bigger, hotter woman than Tashlin.

1:28:52Nick Turani:Absolutely.

1:28:53Timm Woods:And I think if she came out and she saw me, she'd be like, whoa. Hello. One. 100%. So I want to, can I disguise myself as a stronger, more powerful, like maybe more muscular thighs? You know, they got that like ripple on them.

1:29:10Nick Turani:Even as you're doing the disguise self spell, you're like, no, add more to the thighs. You keep adding more Mrs. Doubtfire style. You're almost 3D printing this whole disguise that you are working on.

1:29:21Timm Woods:I got a big, strong breastplate, but the nipples are still somehow poking through. The nipples are so hard, they dented. Yeah. Yeah. And I'd like to be Schemo's, like, disguise as Schemo's maybe older sister. Ooh, absolutely. That's very distraught that my brother's in the middle of the street.

1:29:37Nick Turani:100%.

1:29:37Timm Woods:Can someone come help me?

1:29:39Nick Turani:Absolutely. I would like you to please roll a deception check with advantage on Tashlin. Tashlin is going to get a, ooh, you do need to beat a 15 on this. Okay, I have plus eight. You have plus eight, and you have advantage. You get to roll twice.

1:29:57Timm Woods:I rolled a one again.

1:29:58Nick Turani:But you get to roll twice, so we're not going to count that first roll.

1:30:01Timm Woods:Blow twice.

1:30:02Nick Turani:Unless you get another one. Ten. Ten, and plus eight, you said? Yep. That is enough. You needed a 15 or higher. As you see, I'm going to say this is like because she wasn't on her way. You run to the city gate where you know Tashin is. You're like, help, we need help. She comes running over. Do you tell her, don't bring other city watch? Or do you tell her, yeah, fine, bring other city watch? I say, I only trust you. I only trust you. She is going to roll one more time just to see if she believes that or not. Yep. She goes, honestly, I would too. And you can tell that she is, I'm going to say that was her role to avoid being seduced.

1:30:39Nick Turani:She's into it. She is into what you are presenting right now. Getting some pluribus action right now. You think that maybe Cashlyn is swinging in your direction right now. And muscle mommy to muscle mommy. She is down to clown. As she arrives, she goes, oh, shit, Schemo. She's been lost in your eyes right now, looking at your breastplate at the moment. And as she turns, she goes, Schemo's dead. Oh, shit. And she runs over. And she is going to see. With a 19, she goes. but it couldn't be the Xanathar's Guild. The Xanathar's Guild wouldn't do this. This doesn't look like their work, but I mean, who would frame the Xanathar's Guild?

1:31:17Nick Turani:It's gotta be them. I was looking for a 20 for her to see through our disguise. She got a 19. She almost saw through the disguise, but did not. Okay, can I be like, you need to help me? We can solve this together? Absolutely, 100%. She puts a harm on your shoulder. How can I help? Yeah. We're going to solve this crime together, me and you. Do you know anyone that can help us? I know. Roll me a persuasion check on her now as your bonus action to see how much control you'll have over which Doom Raiders she wants to bring in on this. Yeah, she's going to at least bring in one piece of help. I only rolled a three, Tim.

1:31:55Nick Turani:You have advantage on this one, too, because now she's on your side. Do you have any cunnilingus skill? You certainly do. You're a bard. I have sleight of hand. yeah that works yes yes that is sight of hand sight of tongue what's the difference yeah and plus you have persuasion that's a silver tongue right there yeah

1:32:14Timm Woods:that's a 20

1:32:15Nick Turani:there we go absolutely so she literally turns to you and goes well without Schemo I mean he's the first one I would have gotten I could get my bard friend he's really talkative and he can kind of like maybe talk to people and get good information for us I could also get well the fixer the archer I could go get him. And she starts to think about that. She's obviously a little scared of Ziraj.

1:32:38Timm Woods:He more likes to sit in the corner and watch.

1:32:40Nick Turani:Absolutely. She also says, I could probably go get my friend Istrid Horn. She's a powerful healer. Maybe she could do something here. She does not see in the smoking rubble of the tower, the one gauntleted hand sticking out right now. I don't think she knows what's happened in that tower. She just knows Schemo died and his tower collapsed.

1:32:57Timm Woods:Okay, I think I'd like her to bring the bard out. Like, let's get the whole crew out if we can. 100 % I brought back a potion Oh my god Oh no Good good A little poison if we need it I almost said that looked delicious I didn't want to leave the room Absolutely We're in the middle of a fucking battle It's intense Absolutely She's willing to go get all the help that she can The most she could have possibly produced

1:33:22Nick Turani:She's almost like Where do I go to get Ziraj And she doesn't know Ziraj is already here So she runs and gets Davil Starsong She even mentions He hangs out at a tavern Where fighting is not allowed but she can get him out of that tavern if you want her to and bring him here. Would you like her to do that? Just draw him out. Have a big party. You see Davil Starsong showing up. He does not. Oh, sorry. And will he have his retinue with him? He does. He has a bodyguard, a half-orc woman who seems like she is a boxer of some kind and watching his back, but she also seems very dumb. And Davil Starsong moseys up and goes, Oh, the schemo seems like he has fallen on hard times.

1:34:02Nick Turani:right everybody am i right and everyone's just like all right thanks dabble and dabble is absolutely like not upset about schemo's death and he goes oh those xanathar's guild goblins have been up to their work again i suppose i'll need to go talking to the street element as it were what would you like either tashlin or dabble starsong their bard to do keep in mind he has no idea that you're a bard in disguise right now. So we've got two,

1:34:30Timm Woods:we got two ops out in the street right now. Sitting ducks kind of. Yes, very much so. We could try to take two of them out if we work together. We're all like Hank. You didn't say yes. I'm in. Are you sure? Positive. Yeah. I don't care. My guy's dead. Take a sip of my potion guy. No, just to show us that you care. All right.

1:34:51Nick Turani:So how, how do we kill these two guys? Apologies. There is something I did forget to address real quick. Ehrlich and Loud Tradewind, you are both upstairs. Oh, fuck. Oh, no. Zach, what the fuck? That feels like a big knee. I am going to need you guys to just make a roll for me real quick to see if you jump to a nearby rooftop unless you have some other way to get out of here. So I would just like Norm, or sorry, Loud Tradewind. I mean, Ehrlich, you're the one I'm more worried about. You only get one roll on this. Oh, no. D20? D20, bingo. you roll a three erlich i'm sorry to say you have taken the full 36 damage how many hit points do you have normally 45 45 so you have taken 36 damage out of 45 you have nine hit points left the fuck sack raid wind you get to roll twice because you are raging and this is an athletics

1:35:49Timm Woods:check oh good thing you had advantage that was one bad this was bad that was also a one You rolled two ones? So with two ones in a row,

1:35:59Nick Turani:that was the only way he could have gotten this result, which is double damage. Instead of 36, you'd be taking 72. But here's the good news. That would normally be enough to knock you out, except since you're raging, you take half bludgeoning damage from falls and weapons and stuff like that. So it just goes back down to 36 again when you roll the natural one. So let me ask, what are your hit points normally?

1:36:27Timm Woods:So, 59.

1:36:28Nick Turani:Okay, 59. You have taken 36 damage out of 59, right? Good job. I feel like... 23 left.

1:36:35Timm Woods:You just forgot to tell us if we were in the fucking build.

1:36:37Nick Turani:I'm so sorry. Yeah, I did forget to mention that when that explosion goes off, there is a little... Can I drink the potion to get... You certainly can drink healing potions. The problem is that all the potions in the shop are now destroyed. So we don't have any healing potions that I know of.

1:36:50Timm Woods:What if he made his own in the corner?

1:36:52Nick Turani:You could. Try to. Absolutely. 100%. How many points would I get back? Roll me a D20 just to see as you try to drink your own potion. That's a 16. 16. I'll give you one hit point back. Nice. That's not worth it. That's not worth it. Absolutely. It is a little bitter and accurate. If you gave me full life, I would take a sip. Essentially, you take a sip. It's only giving you one back, and you're like, this isn't worth it anymore. I'm sorry to say. You've taken 35 out of your 59 damage. So you're at 24 health left. I'm fine. You're crawling out of the wreckage right now. I've been in worse spots before.

1:37:26Nick Turani:At the moment. And Wayne, that was in theory your turn then. And so you had been convincing the Davil Star song to come out. And now we have two sitting ducks, I believe, is what we were planning just a moment ago before I interrupted.

1:37:40Timm Woods:Yeah. Are the two muscle mommies touching each other right now?

1:37:44Nick Turani:Yeah. She's rubbing her shoulder a lot. Yeah. Because you're the other muscle mommie right now. I'm relaxing a little bit. Yeah. 100%. You can roll me one more persuasion check just to see how this is going right now. See how it's going. 13. 13. Absolutely. And you have a plus what on this? Did you get a 20 or higher? On which one? Persuasion. Six? Okay. With a 19, you think that things are going to go well tonight if you keep things going right now. Like you haven't sealed the deal yet. You're one away from a 20 right now. Putting in work. Yeah. Absolutely. You're putting in work. Absolutely.

1:38:13Nick Turani:And Ehrlich, that is going to bring us to you next. We did discover that while you are really hurt right now, you are not unconscious on your turn. So I apologize. While you are badly injured, you're not dead, luckily, and you can do whatever you would like to. The only healer on our team is our cleric right now.

1:38:33Timm Woods:I think I heard this right, but I heard someone on the roof ran away.

1:38:40Nick Turani:Assuming Loud Tradewind has shared that information with everyone, is that right? Yes.

1:38:46Timm Woods:Certainly, certainly.

1:38:47Nick Turani:Absolutely. Why'd you pause?

1:38:48Timm Woods:You now know that information. Wait, because you're quiet. I was quiet. You're loud, but we'll both share. Sorry, silent. That'll play. I wouldn't share if we were. Yeah, you got the info. Everyone's got the info. Look how hurt I am, bro. All right, so I would like to roll for investigation, because when he was running away, he mentioned something about a tea time. So I'd like to find out some more about that.

1:39:07Nick Turani:Absolutely. 100%. You can roll. Sorry, you said you wanted to roll. Investigation. Investigation.

1:39:13Timm Woods:See what this tea time is all about.

1:39:15Nick Turani:Absolutely, this will be a bonus action.

1:39:17Timm Woods:Can I get the dice, please? Yes. Yes. Loud trade win. All right. D20. It's D10.

1:39:32Timm Woods:That would be a one.

1:39:33Nick Turani:Oh. With a one, I am sorry to say. You don't know where or what Siraju is going to be doing. If he has a golfing spot, then unfortunately it is not one that Ehrlich is aware of. And I will admit, I was doing a Luke Kwan reference that I don't think I landed very well. But he ran a little late. Ziraj always shows up a little bit late to the Doom Raiders.

1:39:57Timm Woods:Can I just see this doesn't count for anything? Roll a d20 again real quick with your other hand. Oh, is he better lefty or righty? 17. Oh, Hank, you're lefty.

1:40:12Nick Turani:So you're looking around. You don't know of any golf courses around. And there must be around Waterdeep. It's a big city, but you don't know where they are. You probably have an handicap limit, and you don't qualify.

1:40:24Timm Woods:Action. I don't know. Let's kill one of these. You certainly can. Absolutely. Let's just kill both of the muscle mommies to be safe.

1:40:34Nick Turani:Okay, so I was going to say. Wait a goddamn second. What do you mean to be safe? You have attacks that hit multiple enemies Sounds like a hate crime actually Can I piss bomb the muscle mommies? You certainly can Alright yeah let's do it Were you Can I ask do you have the spell fireball by any chance?

1:40:53Timm Woods:I don't believe so I do have the eldritch blatch Cast a spell level one Oh fireball I do

1:41:00Nick Turani:So I just want to let you know that fireball would be able to hit Dabble starsong And both muscle mommies as well as Dabble Star Song's bodyguard as well. Just throwing it out there. Let's do that. You certainly can, absolutely. You don't have the ability to spell shape to protect your allies, as it were. RIP Cake the Wizard had that power, but you do not. And so are you including both muscle mommies?

1:41:27Timm Woods:Yeah, yeah.

1:41:29Nick Turani:Okay, absolutely. We're all hurt. I would like you to please roll for me eight. It's a playoff. Everyone's hurt this time of year. And add them up. I'm not hurt. Sorry, eight. Eight of them in all.

1:41:40Timm Woods:Eight D6s.

1:41:41Nick Turani:Eight D6s. Fireball is one of the best spells in the game.

1:41:44Timm Woods:Three. Five. Six. Six. Five. Hot.

1:41:53Nick Turani:19 on the first half. Four. Three. Four. Five. So that's 16 plus the 19 is going to be. Uh, 35 damage. All right. So 35 damage aimed at Davil first. I'm going to roll for him. He is just barely passing the saving. Oh, um, no. Based on your new level or based on your current level, he is just barely failing by one point. The saving throw, he's taking the full 35 damage, but it means that Davil still has exactly seven HP left as that fireball detonates around him. His bodyguard fails the saving throw, explodes. She's dead. Well done. See you, bitch. Then I am going to roll for Tashlin Yafira. Just barely fails the saving throw, takes 35 damage, and is almost halfway dead, but not quite halfway dead, even after 35 damage.

1:42:59Nick Turani:And then I'm going to need our other muscle mommy to please roll me a d20 to see how much damage you are taking.

1:43:04Timm Woods:I've got a delivering cutting words reaction to any action that somebody takes against me. Yes, correct. Can I remind the warlock that I'm an attractive female and I just got an invitation to go play golf instead of him with the guy that just ran away?

1:43:21Nick Turani:I'm going to let you make a persuasion check against him with that cutting words. Roll me a d20 to convince him of that.

1:43:27Timm Woods:Because it would have been him. Yeah.

1:43:29Nick Turani:And I was looking so good. It's a four. Four. I'll let you roll to see if you see through this ruse.

1:43:40One.

1:43:42Nick Turani:And with a one, you do think that this person got your spot in, yeah.

1:43:50Timm Woods:So does that dulls their attack on me?

1:43:53Nick Turani:Yeah, in theory it does, 100%. It would subtract some of the damage that would otherwise be coming your way. I'll just check with that roll. Did that cause you to not fireball the other muscle mommy, or do you think it still did?

1:44:04Timm Woods:I would try and fireball her harder. Harder, absolutely. If she said something like that to me.

1:44:08Nick Turani:You're taking 35 damage, but you can't, or sorry, did you roll your saving throw? But I don't know this is PFT for the record. Yes. I think it's just a muscle mommy. Absolutely. Especially with that one, I would say that checks out. Go ahead and roll me the saving throw first. You could have told me it was you.

1:44:22Timm Woods:You could have told me it was you and I would have not fireballed you, but you instead had to take a shot at me.

1:44:26Nick Turani:Yeah, it's way more fun to do that. Okay. For the record. I had an 18. 18. That is enough. You are going to take half of the 35 damage. So already that's just 17 that you're worried about. But then roll me another D6 and you subtract it by that much more. Six. Six. Absolutely. Oh, sorry. I just realized that the level you're at, it's not a D6. It's a D8. I'll let you take the six, but roll me a D8 just to see if it's any better. This is the D8? This is the D8 right there. Two. Two. We'll take the six. We'll take the six. So with a minus six, you're taking 11 damage, Wayne. Wayne, how many hit points do you have normally?

1:45:07Nick Turani:51. 51. So you're doing okay. You're down to 40 out of 51 right now. And right now, we have wrecked the Doom Raiders. Two of them are dead, and two of them just got Fireballed for full damage. But Tashlin still has a little more than most of her hit points. Dabble is down to just seven left. but both of them are now going to roll into initiative at this point. And that was Ehrlich's turn. So Ehrlich, anything else you wanted to do as a bonus action? Just making sure.

1:45:40Nick Turani:Can I like gritty on muscle mommy? You certainly can 100%. Which one? Both. Absolutely. You're just hitting them with the gritty. Roll me an intimidation check. I think that's what that would be. D6? Mm-hmm.

1:45:58Nick Turani:four okay four uh and you have a plus eight you said on intimidation uh yeah that is just enough that unless i get a nah and i roll me a d20 as long as you don't get a two you are you're okay 12 well you're fine absolutely no one's that scared of the gritty unfortunately but lob another fireball and they will be very upset i am sure but that's your turn erlik that means Ziraj is up now and from the shadows Ziraj is going to aim at one of us and he's hoping it's somebody who isn't aware of his presence or aware of his current location right now exactly that is going to be not Wayne not Ehrlich not loud trade wind but Greg I am sorry to say you have an arrow coming your way unfortunately and it's with advantage because he was successfully stealthed from you That is going to be a 15 plus 7.

1:46:55Nick Turani:Can I ask, what is your armor class, Greg?

1:46:57Timm Woods:My armor class is 20.

1:46:58Nick Turani:Sorry to say, I got a 22 in all, so I am just barely hitting you with a great bow arrow. This is very much just like a ballista bolt hitting you almost. The initial damage is 10 plus 5, which is 15, but then the arrow hits and then charges up and explodes in your chest. Oh, I'm for an additional, uh, just four points of damage, bring you up to 19. And then it bursts into dark flames for three. That is going to be the smite. That's hitting you now for another 10 plus 16. You, and you are the smiter. Now you are the smite. unfortunately this time and that is going to be bringing you up to 35 damage from this single shot.

1:47:52Nick Turani:Can I ask how many hit points do you have normally? I have 52. 52. So you took 35 you have 52 normally.

1:47:58Timm Woods:I think we got to just realize that in order to kill all these people one of us is going to die. I'm hurt. Erlich's hurt. Greg's hurt. We just got to everyone's hurt from friendly fire. Now we just got to accept. Let's just get this job Or a truce. We offer one of us, and then we're cool. What about psychologically? Like, hurt people hurt people. What's wrong with these people? Maybe we can connect with them on a... Let's heal them. Heal them.

1:48:25Nick Turani:Who's up next? It will be loud, Tradewind, in just a moment. However, that was Ziraj's first shot. Come on!

1:48:34Timm Woods:Wait, Tim, can I ask a question about Ziraj? He's shooting us. We now know where he is, right? You do know now where he is.

1:48:40Nick Turani:Absolutely. He has been revealed. All right, good. And he doesn't have the ability to hide his bonus action. Unlike rogues, he's a ranger paladin, so he can't hide. He'll take cover, but he can't hide. However, he is taking a second shot. I once again rolled randomly. Ehrlich. I'm trying to say that with seven hit points left, he feels... Oh, sorry, nine hit points left to be exact. He feels very strongly. He can one-shot you. I must alert you, though. He cannot smite again. He does not have that ability. Oh, this would be a shame if he one-shotted you. He can, but it's a weaker smite. So, yeah.

1:49:11Nick Turani:We all agree this would be a shame if he got one shot.

1:49:13Timm Woods:I hope it doesn't happen.

1:49:14Nick Turani:I'll mourn.

1:49:15Timm Woods:Yep.

1:49:16Nick Turani:Ooh. With a total of a 17, can I ask, what is your armor class, Ehrlich? I think that's still a hit, though. Where does it say that? It's a top center of your very, very top. Oh, 15. 15. I am sorry to say that that is going to be a hit against you. No. Damn it. and without even applying the smite damage he dealt with the bow alone maximum damage 12 plus 5 is 17 now ehrlich you are getting knocked out and not killed but as you go down you have an interesting option you have a spell called hellish rebuke that you only get to use when someone hits you and deals damage to you. So you could turn to him and immediately cause him to burst into flames as he takes you down.

1:50:11Nick Turani:Would you like to do that? That would help these guys? I mean, it would help these guys, yeah. But I'm dying no matter what. I mean, you're going unconscious no matter what, yes. Yeah, I'll do it. Absolutely. I'm imagining you give him the buzzer sound, and as you do, you are 100 % doing the hellish rebuke. He bursts into flames and goes, what the fuck? And he is so surprised. I'm going to roll with disadvantage on his saving throw. Perfect. He fails a saving throw. You get to deal. I believe it goes up to 4d10 damage. Sorry, it's 2d10 at that level. So you're up to 5d10 now, I believe. The d10 is a die we haven't rolled yet.

1:50:52Nick Turani:It looks like this. Kind of like the d8, but a little fatter.

1:50:55Timm Woods:So he's rebuking on the sniper.

1:50:57Nick Turani:On Ziraj the sniper, who we haven't heard it all yet, so that's great news. Is it the one with the zero on it? It's the one with the zero on it. If you get the zero, that's actually the 10, the best roll you could get. Got it. Got it, the 10, okay. And then you get to roll four more times. Gotcha, five. Absolutely. Gotcha, one. One, absolutely.

1:51:19Timm Woods:Very confusing. Gotcha, eight. Eight, okay. Gotcha one.

1:51:27Nick Turani:Okay. So that's all of them then. And that's 25 on the dot on Ziraj. That takes off exactly one third of Ziraj's health. So Ziraj is one third of the way down. Tashin's halfway down. Davos most of the way down. We're almost there. We got all three Doom Raiders now on lockdown. But the problem is they're fighting us as well. Luckily, your fireball took care of all the minions and the collapsed store also took care of some minions. So we haven't had to deal with any of their minions yet.

1:51:58Timm Woods:Is Tashlin getting a little dehydrated because she's losing some fluids?

1:52:02Nick Turani:I would say with that fireball, she's very dehydrated. She needs fluids and she's letting you know that, I would say. Fluids are just kind of pouring out of her. Absolutely. She needs those vital fluids. Absolutely. Am I dead? You are unconscious now, Ehrlich, I'm sorry to say. If someone heals you, you automatically get back up and running. I would, but I don't have to. If we get to your saving throw without you getting healed, you have to make death saves to see if you die. And if someone attacks you while you're on the ground, that will kill you in that case.

1:52:32Timm Woods:We'll get back to D &D in a second. This episode of Part of My Take is brought to you by McDonald's Hot Honey Sauce. Hot Honey Sauce is at McDonald's for a limited time. Your favorite orders just got better with Hot Honey Sauce. Try the Hot Honey Snack Wrap. It'll beat what you thought was your favorite. I personally, you know what I like to do for breakfast? I like to get a sausage, egg, and cheese McMuffin. I like the steak, egg, and cheese bagel. The sausage, egg, and cheese would actually be amazing with some hot honey sauce. Might even get weird. Might even put hot honey on a McGriddle. I think that sounds pretty good, too.

1:53:10Timm Woods:About to dive into the snack wrap right here. The hot honey snack wrap. Got it right here. This is going to be my lunch today. The new hot honey sauce at McDonald's now available at McDonald's for a limited time only. now back to dungeons and dragons uh and that'll bring us to loud trade winds turn okay boys so we got two on the ground that are almost dead we've got the sniper who's got a third of the death i think and if you guys can tell me if this is stupid but i think i should go get on the get on the moth and go fucking try to kill this sniper and if i die i die that's fair you guys like it Because I don't want to be in a spot where we're in a vulnerable position where the sniper can just keep sniping us.

1:53:53Timm Woods:I give you full permission to kamikaze my moth.

1:53:56Nick Turani:Yes. I'm so glad you said that because I was going to roll to see how well the moth was handling you, the barbarian, riding on its back. If you expressly say, hey, be a good moth, this moth is going to reluctantly let the barbarian hop on again. Okay. Carry you up to the rooftop. No check necessary.

1:54:13Timm Woods:All right. So let's go. I want to go. Are you next to Hank? Well, he's on the ground, I think. Oh, are you on the ground? No, I'm on the moth. Oh, okay. I'm going up to the sniper. Hank's unconscious. I'm going all out for the sniper. I want the sniper dead so that you guys can carry on and kill everyone. Hank left the room. Do we want to try to rip him in half? Yeah. Oh, did my moth accidentally stomp on Hank when we were? Roll just to check if it did. You didn't see it.

1:54:41Nick Turani:If you roll really low, we'll say he stomped on it. What is it? It's a D20. D20.

1:54:48Timm Woods:Feed my moth his eyeballs. I really hope that this moth...

1:54:51Nick Turani:The moth is trying to avoid, so if you roll low...

1:54:54Timm Woods:19.

1:54:55Nick Turani:Okay.

1:54:56Timm Woods:It's a good point, though. The moth has nothing to eat. The moth was trying to step. Who's the smallest member of the party? Technically, Ehrlich. Ehrlich being... Okay. A snack. So the moth accidentally just stomped him? Was the moth trying to step on him? The moth is famished.

1:55:13Nick Turani:Yeah, yeah. Absolutely, yes. Ooh, so the moth got a little hungry, it seems. Like the moth might have taken a little bite of Ehrlich. If he does, then that would leave Ehrlich one attack away from dying. Okay.

1:55:25Timm Woods:Let's have the moth eat his penis, but not tell him.

1:55:27Nick Turani:Yeah, absolutely. The moth just takes a bite when he wakes up from unconsciousness. Healing spells notably don't restore limbs. They seal wounds, but they don't restore limbs. So I will just say he doesn't know what's going on right now. Wake up. I also just want to highlight. I think one of my fondest memories from any of our games was the time when Hank was out of the room. And then you made me, because Hank was blind, explain that he had no idea who killed him while you were all giggling. And I had to bully him.

1:55:53Timm Woods:Let's set him up with the muscle mommy and try to give him a fuck. And then he realized he's penisless.

1:55:57Nick Turani:Oh, yeah.

1:55:58Timm Woods:Did it hurt just a little bit? So he pooped himself just a little?

1:56:01Nick Turani:I think just a smidgen. Just in one nug. One little nuggy.

1:56:05Timm Woods:Do you want the good news or the bad news? My name is Ehrlich. Ehrlich, do you want the good news or the bad news? Bad news. I'll do good news first. The good news is I'm on the moth and I'm heading up to the sniper. And the moth is well fed also. That's other good news. Would you like the bad news? Yeah. The moth was pretty hungry and for me to get up to the sniper, he had to have a snack. He ate your penis. It will happen. The whole thing's gone. There you go.

1:56:33Nick Turani:Balls as well? Just checking. No, no. No, he's got the balls. Balls as well. I think he's got sand balls. That's where the nutrients are. So, yeah. You are. The moth is now happily, like, with a little bit of extra dangling out of its mouth, flying up to the rooftop, lands you right next to Ziraj the Hunter, who is very much like getting the arrow ready and being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He does not like being in melee and you are able to jump off the moth with your greatsword and start swinging. Let's go.

1:57:04Timm Woods:Or pushing.

1:57:04Nick Turani:No, let's kill him.

1:57:06Timm Woods:Absolutely. I want you to kill him.

1:57:07Nick Turani:Love it, 100%. Go ahead and roll, assuming you're going reckless. Oh, yeah. Two times, absolutely.

1:57:14Timm Woods:17.

1:57:14Nick Turani:Already a hit, but roll one more time to see if you crit. 13. Absolutely, we'll take that 17 plus seven is gonna be a solid hit on Ziraj. You get 2d6 plus 6 damage.

1:57:29Timm Woods:4. Mm-hmm.

1:57:31Nick Turani:6. Okay, 10 plus 6 damage. 16 more damage on Ziraj is going to bring him up from 25 damage to 41. At 41 out of his 76 health, he is more than halfway dead. Let's go. You have one more attack. Are you swinging your sword again? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, I'm swinging again. So he's pretty sure-footed. It's a good move, honestly. 16. 16 is already a hit. Roll one more time and see if you crit. 11. There we go. 16 plus 7 is going to be a hit. Go ahead and roll another 2d6 plus 6. One shit. Ooh. Five. Five. So 6 plus 6, another 12 damage. It's going to bring him up to 53. He's more than two-thirds of the way dead now, but he is not dead yet.

1:58:16Nick Turani:He drops his bow to the ground, pulls a spear off his back, and points it at you. And tries to drive it through your chest on his turn, but it is not his turn yet. Loud Tradewind, you're locked in melee with him now. This would be Istred Horn's turn. Istred Horn has been crushed under a building, so she's out of initiative now. And Greg is up. Greg with two Gs, what would you like to do? So I am on the ground with the two. There's two living. Correct. Okay. Dabble Starsong the Bard is going to be going soon. And Tashlin Yafira the Mighty Warrior-esque is going to be going right after your turn.

1:58:56Nick Turani:All right.

1:58:56Timm Woods:I would like to bless my allies. Yeah.

1:58:58Nick Turani:Oh, yes. 100%. Now, that would have to be instead of attacking. Are you okay with that? You do have to sacrifice your action in order to do that.

1:59:08Timm Woods:Can I lay my hands on myself to heal first and then bless?

1:59:12Nick Turani:I'd let you do both of those. Actually, I like that as a combo. 100%. Okay. So you can heal, and I'd say is the action you're blessing, the bonus action is you healing yourself 100%. Love it. Okay. Absolutely. Now you get to pick how much you want to heal yourself. How much do you want to give yourself in terms of hit points? You have a pool of, I believe, something like 30 points. Yeah, absolutely. You give yourself all 30, or you give yourself 29, save one hit point to wake someone up, since that's all you need to get someone up from unconscious, or you could split it, go halfway. I'll do 29.

1:59:42Nick Turani:29, absolutely. You give yourself 29 back. That removes almost all of the damage on you. You got 35 points, Greg. So with 29 healing, you're down to like six damage on you. That's all. So we see your wounds re-knit as the light shines down upon you. And then the light extends outward to your allies. You get to pick. Actually, with the spell slots you have, you don't have to pick. You could bless all four of your allies if you wanted.

2:00:08Timm Woods:I want to bless all the boys.

2:00:09Nick Turani:Let's go. All the boys are getting blessed. Can I just ask, you have second level spell slots, right? But not third level spell slots. I do not have third level spell slots. So you can bless up to four people? Wait, wait, wait.

2:00:19Timm Woods:You said bless all the boys. Oh, no. Oh. What's a boy? What is a man? I guess I should ask. Don't put me in this corner. You don't have a penis. But I identify as a male. Okay. Penisless male.

2:00:36Nick Turani:You do have four people you can get. So I suppose the question is there's nothing stopping you from blessing someone who's unconscious and bleeding out, but you could bless any four people that you want, including yourself, if you wish. So I healed myself, and blessing is for attack rolls and saving throws. Which his death saving throws would count for.

2:00:57Timm Woods:Let me bless the penisless man.

2:00:58Nick Turani:It was the blessing, absolutely. So everyone but you is blessed. Everybody but me. Very selfless move, and then you heal yourself to make sure you don't get taken down. Well done. That is a great turn for Greg. Schemo would have gone now But Schemo ain't going Schemo is smushed on the ground However, that does leave Tashlin Yafira Who is getting very upset Right now And looking around for who She wants to target There's one person she obviously does not want to target But she is looking At Loud Tradewind Now Loud Tradewind, there's not Oh sorry, Europe, that's right So she sees you facing off against Ziraj.

2:01:39Nick Turani:That is enough to prompt her into action. She's going to try to climb up to where you are right now. Bring it on, bitch. And ooh, she starts to climb up. She does not make it all the way there, but she doesn't fall either because she's very good at climbing. She's going to try again with her bonus action now to get up the rest of the way. She succeeds. She heaves herself up and goes to verse one. Let's go. Let's do it. She rushes at you just as Ziraj is setting up the pick with his spear. She's running at you with her own greatsword. Greatsword versus greatsword fight. About to happen. But she can't go reckless.

2:02:13Nick Turani:So she just gets the one swing. And she has a plus eight on this. Does a 15 hit your armor class by any chance? That's your armor class at the top there.

2:02:24Timm Woods:Does I have a 15 armor class?

2:02:26Nick Turani:I'm so sorry to say, that's a hit on the dot, unfortunately. All right, that's fine.

2:02:32Timm Woods:Hey, listen, I said I could die here. Right, right.

2:02:34Nick Turani:Her full damage would be 6 plus 8 plus another 5. So that's 14, 19 in all. However, you're raging. You take half damage from this. So 9 more damage against you. Loud Tradewind is going to bring you up to 44 points of damage. I got 14 left. Yeah, hanging in there. Hanging in there. And then she's going to do her second. Oh, what? Against you. and that is gonna be oh and you're reckless i should be giving her advantage on this so she just hit you a second time let me roll each one just again to see if there was any critical hits no critical hit and no critical hit so she hit you a second time but just for regular damage and this is gonna be uh let's see 10 plus 7 17 plus another 5 is 22 that's 11 more damage against to you is going to bring you up to 55.

2:03:33Nick Turani:I got three left, boys.

2:03:35Timm Woods:I got four left.

2:03:36Nick Turani:Absolutely. Four left, 100%. And then Tashlin Yafira is going to use her action surge, which is a fighter ability that gives her one more action. She spins around, and she's going to make a tough decision. She could either make two more attacks, or she could heal herself. She's gotten pretty injured, though. She might prefer to heal herself rather than swing it at you again. So if I roll a three or less on this D6, she's going to heal. In fact, a four or less, she's going to heal herself. On a five or a six, she's going to keep swinging. She's going to heal herself just barely. She does this spin and falls back, and she has a Kylo Ren hitting her own wound like, it's all right, I'm fine.

2:04:22Nick Turani:And she uses her second wind to heal herself. four it's gonna be this much plus oh nine she rolled pretty well plus another six she heals back 15 of her hit points so now tashen has only taken 20 points of damage so she's tougher than ever but you're still standing loud trade wind that's gonna bring us to silent trade wind now silent trade wind what would you like to do uh i'm thinking maybe we heal a squad a little bit No, no, kill.

2:04:50Timm Woods:Let's kill. I think healing up now gives the team more points to finish later. Who's on the ropes on the ground right now?

2:05:01Nick Turani:Right now, Davos Starrsong is up next, and he's only got seven hit points left, and he's down on ground level. Take him out.

2:05:06Timm Woods:Waste him. Take him out. Waste him. Yeah, because then he doesn't get to go. Oh, he's up next. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whisper that boy. Yes. Yeah, shoot that guy. We knew, listen, this life that we chose, we knew there could be casualties. It's your weapon, I can't. So we take him out? Yeah. And then it's our turn again, so maybe we heal more guys. Yeah. Okay.

2:05:30Nick Turani:Absolutely.

2:05:31Timm Woods:Okay. It makes more sense. You got any details on that risk, Tim?

2:05:36Nick Turani:I mean, I would say that healing would keep your teammates up and running, but you can prevent him from getting a whole turn right now. Right. I would also say that Davil Starsong, seeing you menacing him and like potentially approaching him, starts to go, no, no, no, no, no. You, you, you, you want, want, want, to, to, to, help, help me, me. And he's trying to mind control people. So be very careful. If he goes, he might be able to turn the tide against us. Also worth noting, most of your spells affect multiple people. So you'd be really good at hitting all the people up there on the rooftop.

2:06:08Nick Turani:But that would catch Loud Your Tradewind Your brother In the blast as well Similar to Fireball

2:06:14Timm Woods:That's fine You meant that stuff You were saying about mom earlier Dude It's fine She never loved me Did you But what you were saying about her earlier Did you mean that What was I saying Like I'm a mama's boy Because she didn't love me She didn't mean it You think she didn't mean it You are a mama's boy Alright I understand that But just so you know She doesn't give a fuck about me She threw me to the wolves Will she be mad if you kill your brother? She might be happy. She wouldn't want that. She might be happy. She threw me out as a baby. Yeah, she just wanted to make you stronger with the wolves.

2:06:45Timm Woods:You know what I mean? She's trying to toughen you up. Let's just kill your mom. You want to kill mom? Yeah. What does mom do? She threw me to the wolves. As a baby. As a baby. Look how strong you are now. You love the wolves. I only have four left. You want to hang out with the wolves so bad. Send me back with the wolves in heaven. All dogs go to heaven. Mom would have wanted me to heal. No. I'm going to kill you up. You better fucking kill this guy. Mom wanted me to heal. If you don't kill this guy and this guy gets to go in a turn, you might kill all of us. All right, I got a question. So we have the potion that reads the mind, right?

2:07:19Timm Woods:Yes. Can we find out on his next turn if he was going to kill us? If his choice was to kill us?

2:07:25Nick Turani:I will say you don't need the mind-reading potion to know he was going to fight against you. He's going to fight us. All right.

2:07:30Timm Woods:He's going to try to mind-control one of you specifically. That's good info. That's good comms, Tim. I appreciate that. Absolutely. I appreciate that. Yeah, so we'll Kill him We'll kill him to a Wait Just a little bit Kill him No, kill him all the way So he can't go Okay, well So we don't want to lose a guy It's fine Kill this guy Alright, we're gonna heal

2:07:51Nick Turani:Heal

2:07:51Timm Woods:Dude, I've had a terrible life Death would be Would be Like Rescue for me I've wanted to die Does he get to Does he get to hang out With the moth in the afterlife? Yeah, and the wolves Absolutely And me. And my dad, the barbarian.

2:08:08Nick Turani:Incidentally, technically you can do both of these if you do a healing word as your bonus action. And you can heal anybody with a healing word. And then you could use your action to do not one of your more powerful spells, but a spell that still might kill a dabble. Yeah, we're going to do that.

2:08:23Timm Woods:Let me make this easy for you, Mama's boy. If you heal me, I'll fucking kill you. I'm like Lieutenant Dan. I was meant to die out here. So if I heal you I will come for you And you You're not gonna come for mom though right I'm gonna come for mom too I'm gonna kill all of our Alright yeah Alright fine We're gonna attack that guy You're gonna kill Oh my god Your own brother Yeah my own brother He's gonna kill mom I'm gonna kill mom You know what I'm saying I might not die too Family means nothing I'm a survivor I might not die If he was gonna kill mom Honestly like Game aside How old is your mom It says a lot about Zach That he would kill his own brother Yeah Family means nothing to him That is true.

2:09:03Timm Woods:All right, go kill this guy. Silence. I might still survive. Yeah, you can still live. Zach, what does your tattoo say? That's a good point. We got to save Nick. What does it say? No, no. Stop. Zach, what does it say? What does your tattoo say? It just says we got to save the team. No. No. Save the team. No, you've already made your decision. You're killing this guy. I want you to die. My brother's keeper. It does. It does. And now he's about to kill him. But he said he wasn't my brother. He's not going to kill me. He's just not going to save me. That's a very big difference. I would save you, but you said you were going to kill me.

2:09:28Timm Woods:I will. And mom. I don't know if you're built like that to kill me. I will. He's calling you out. I'll save you. I'll kill mom in front of you. All right. You're going to watch mom bleed out. So you're going to kill me, mom, and yourself? Yeah. Yourself first? No. How does that work? Can I use the mind potion on my brother to find out what he's really going to do? Yeah. I don't want to do that. We're just going to save him.

2:09:53Nick Turani:No. Absolutely. If you give him a healing word, just a bonus action, you'll still have your action to do other stuff. But the healing word, I will ask, do you want to burn up just a first level, second level, or third level spell slot? You've used up one second level. That's all. You got plenty of spell slots still. Yeah, we'll just do a slot.

2:10:09Timm Woods:Can I reject it?

2:10:11Nick Turani:Can I kill myself? Technically, no. Technically, he will, you know. I don't think you can, like, if he tries to give you a potion, you can cut your mouth.

2:10:19Timm Woods:Wait, there's no consent?

2:10:21Nick Turani:It's apparently no consent when it comes to healing. No, no. But I did ask I mean yeah And I said no Healing works better if you ask You know what you're doing to him right now But like yeah

2:10:32Timm Woods:There's a word for this It's fucking bullshit It's healing No it's not I don't want to be healed Alright then we won't heal him You won't So I respect my brother's words If he doesn't want to be healed Then we'll attempt to heal him And it won't heal maybe I don't know I don't want to be healed I want you to kill this guy He doesn't mean that Alright so we're going to heal you because you don't respect the family, so we're going to do what you don't want to be done. You're going to get healed.

2:10:57Nick Turani:Got him.

2:10:59Timm Woods:Okay.

2:10:59Nick Turani:Are you doing a first, second, or third level healing spell?

2:11:02Timm Woods:Where's the most?

2:11:03Nick Turani:Most healing would be third level. Well, give him a two. Give him a two. Absolutely. Another second level spell slot. Roll me 2d4.

2:11:12Timm Woods:Trade wind. You're a mid-shaped die. I hope you enjoy watching your mom get gutted like a pig. Well, at least I spend a decent amount of time with her, you know?

2:11:24Nick Turani:Two of the pyramids? Two of the pyramids, bingo. And it'll usually be the number on the bottom or the top, whichever number stays the same when you rotate it. These ones are a little tricky. So this one right here.

2:11:37Four.

2:11:40Nick Turani:Four, nice. Three. Three, so seven plus another three for your wisdom. That's 10 hit points that your brother, Loud Tradewind, is getting back now.

2:11:50Timm Woods:He's still going to die when VG goes.

2:11:55Nick Turani:Now that was your bonus action. Where that could happen. You still have your action to do either a hammer blow with your maul or a sacred flame cantrip against one of your enemies, or you could do something else with your action, but you can't do any of your higher level spells with your action. So sacred flame would take out or help take out some of the guys up top? Either Ziraj up top, Tashlin up top, or Davil right next to you. Davil's going to go next. Dabble goes next, so yeah, we'll attack Dabble if he goes next. Absolutely. If I pass the saving throw, he gets no damage. If I fail it, he'll get 2d8.

2:12:29Nick Turani:He sees this fire coming down from the sky, and for a moment, as the fire is called down, it has the voice of your mother as it says, get away from my boys, and he fails the saving throw. Absolutely. He's like, that's your mom? And as the fire hits him, you get to roll 2d8, but you must get seven or higher to kill Davil Starsong.

2:12:52Timm Woods:First one is a three. First one is a three.

2:12:55Nick Turani:Four or higher on this one. A two. Oh, five more damage is gonna bring Davil down to just two HP yet. If you would, maybe if you had not healed, you could have used a more powerful spell, unfortunately. Shouldn't have healed. Shouldn't have healed. So, unfortunately, Davil's star song is up now. We've got a path. We've got a path. And Davil is going to roll to see who he is going to go after. He sees Greg, but he also knows paladins are particularly good against mind control. He's just going to roll. Ooh, Greg, he seems to really want to go after you. I kind of like that. I hope he kills me. Greg, he sees you.

2:13:34Nick Turani:And, Greg, remind me where are you? You had just been healing yourself and blessing your teammates. I just healed myself with 29. It's 100%. Just reminding myself, would Blessing have interacted with either of those attacks? It would not have. Okay. So when he sees you blessing and healing, he says, You, listen, you don't want, want, want to fight, fight, fight, me, me, me. And as he's getting into your mind, I'm going to need you to roll one saving throw against mind control. 20? Yes, absolutely. It's a seven. Seven. Greg, I am sorry to say you who have been staying out of this sibling rivalry the whole time have suddenly realized we shouldn't be killing the Doom Raiders the Doom Raiders are great Davil's star song, so cool in fact, and let me just see how effective it is in fact, he's charmed you so well he seduced you a little bit he kind of seems like he is a beautiful bard and you kind of are wondering I suppose.

2:14:32Nick Turani:Just his soft lips, what it might be like to rest one finger upon them. And you're getting caught up in this. And he goes, quick, help me, protect me. And sure enough, you find yourself, without even thinking about it, falling in line right next to Dabble Starsong. And the next person to go after him, you will attack. And in fact, you get two attacks. He has you go after Tradewind right now. and the next attack he'll have you save for whoever is trying to go after dabble next. Roll me 1d20 against Silent Trade Wind, please. A 19. That is going to be a hit against Silent Trade Wind. Can you remind me, what is your main weapon that you would be using?

2:15:11Nick Turani:So I would be using a longsword. Longsword, absolutely. Would you be, I'm going to say you're not dropping your shield, you're protecting yourself still. Roll me 1d8. What's your damage say? 1d8 plus 3 probably for the longsword? It is 1d8 plus 3. Absolutely, 100%. Six. Six plus three is gonna be nine damage on Tradewind. Then I'm gonna ask you to please smite Tradewind for another 3d8. You've dealt nine so far. My first smite is five. Against an ally. Five, okay. Two. Two. Oh, fuck. Oh. Does that count? I usually don't count if it falls off the table. That's just my superstition. I'm thinking you'll roll lower than that against your teammate.

2:16:00Nick Turani:Two. Okay, perfect. That worked out. So 18 damage in total against you, Tradewind, is going to be doubling the damage you currently have. You already had 18. You get another 18. You are down to three HP left in that case. Silent Tradewind, I am sorry to say. that was greg's uh preemptive attack that dabble had him do wayne we are back around to you now what would you like to do what does history mean oh history is just like knowledge of history so like blackstaff academy you could have learned more about that school the history of water deep i'd even use history for like knowing where someone's potion shop might be that sort of thing okay um i've got fireball you do have oh my god you have fireball i forgot all about that i have fireball you could nuke the rooftop with a fireball and get both ziraj and tashlin the warrior and the archer uh who still have a lot of hit points left dabbles down to two hit points left but he'd be not within fireball distance okay i would also of course hit uh loud trade wind loud trade who wants

2:17:07Timm Woods:to die i want to die what's erlik up to right now erlik is unconscious yeah remember he's penisless Yeah Can I take a picture of him being unconscious Just to save for a future reference That he fell asleep

2:17:19Nick Turani:Yes, yes You don't have a camera But you can visual Like look at him and stare at him So that in the future When you make illusions appear You can create an illusion Of what he looks like In a 360 rotavision Like complete accuracy Without his genitals

2:17:32Timm Woods:And I'll remind everybody That while he was supposed to be working with us He was actually just asleep 100 % Like a bum It's the middle of the day I know But that's the kind of guy that he is And he's gonna deny it later He's a penis-less napper. Yeah. I think I want to do fireball, and I want to take everybody out. I'm sick of the pussyfooting around here. Thank you. I want to destroy everything and everyone that's in my way.

2:17:56Nick Turani:Absolutely. 100%. If you want to do maximum damage, you can definitely get Ziraj and Tashlin in the same fireball. That would be 8d6 damage. In fact, roll me a d20 just to see if you roll really well on this dabble. might have stumbled in the right direction. 17. 17. I was looking for an 18 or higher to get Davil as well, but you are absolutely getting both Tashlin and Ziraj. You can roll 8d6 against them. And you, and you, 100%. Okay, d6? Yes. I'll roll for his Tashlin. Failed the saving throw just barely. Rolled a two. And so did Ziraj, even though he has a bigger bonus. Yes, 100%. Okay, I just rolled a two.

2:18:40Nick Turani:Two, okay. And that was the first D6, is that right? You get to roll eight of them in all. Six. Okay. Five. Five, okay. Three. Three, so that is 14 for the first half. And then what did you get for the next one?

2:18:57Timm Woods:One.

2:18:58Nick Turani:Okay.

2:19:01Timm Woods:Another one.

2:19:02Nick Turani:Ooh. Five. Ooh, five, okay. Two. Two, okay. Okay, so the second half, you got nine. And for the first half, I must have done my math wrong. Yes, 16. So that is going to be 25 damage against both of them who failed their saving throw. Tashin's back up to 45 damage on her now. Ziraj had, ooh, is this going to be enough against Ziraj? Yes. Ziraj has taken 25. He had 53. He had 76 in all. You have dealt 78 damage to Ziraj. Ziraj the Hunter. Ball's dead. Amazing. Tashlin is more than halfway dead. Davils down to two hit points left. Could I see a roll with advantage? Because you have advantage against these explosions.

2:20:00Nick Turani:Okay. 14. 14. You can roll one more time to see if you do any better. but that should be enough. With a plus two bonus, I believe your spell save DC is 16, so that's literally on the dot, just enough to take half damage, which is good because you don't take half fire damage from rage. So you got it down from 25 to 12 damage, and is that enough to take you down? It's not! You have two HP left by my accounting, yes. So you're down to your last two HP, but you're still standing. So is Tashlin, but Ziraj slips off the roof to his death. Well done.

2:20:39Timm Woods:I'm doing this on purpose, BFT.

2:20:41Nick Turani:Now, Ehrlich, we are back around to your turn, and while you have been injured, you have not been completely killed yet. Roll me 1d20, and if you get a natural 20, you wake up. If you get a 10 or higher, you slip closer to stabilizing, but if you get a 9 or less, you are dead, I am sorry to say. Oh, no. D20? D20.

2:21:10Timm Woods:PFC was... No, we're trying to get Shane to take a picture. I know, I was unconscious for the game. Yeah, it was a bit. Yeah, it was a bit. 18.

2:21:22Nick Turani:18 is so close to waking up. The good news is you are still... Oh, oh, the blessing applies here. Roll me 1D4. And if you can get up to a 20, I'll say this counts. Roll a D4, and as long as you don't get a 1, you're waking up right now, Ehrlich, with one hit point.

2:21:42Timm Woods:Are the D4s the pyramids?

2:21:43Nick Turani:The pyramid, exactly right. You just need to not get the 1, which is whatever number's on top.

2:21:50Timm Woods:You got a 1.

2:21:52Nick Turani:Is it a 1?

2:21:56Nick Turani:I'm very sorry to say that right now you're not waking up, though you are still slightly. Close your eyes again. You blessed all you could bless. And, uh, yeah. Close all my ass. You blessed my ass off. Ehrlich, that'll be your turn. It would be Ziraj's turn, but he got taken out by the fireball. So we're up to Loud Tradewind's turn. Loud Tradewind, what would you like to do? Tashlin is facing off against you now, and she has like 30 hit points left, maybe? Yeah. I'd like to kill my mother. Oh, absolutely. And for just a moment, when the Sacred Flame had been called down, you see a ghostly shape sort of appearing.

2:22:32Nick Turani:And she's only, not talking to you, she's talking to Silent Tradewind over here. You don't have to do this. And she's like, I've just managed to channel enough energy to be here to try to help you out. But the problem is that my life essence is in this illusion. So if anything were to happen to it, I just need to, and you know, if you attack that ghostly image of your mother, it will deal damage to her.

2:22:54Timm Woods:So yeah, I'd like to attack and I'd like to say, hey mom, remember me? I was your first born you fucking bitch

2:23:01Nick Turani:as you turn to jump from the rooftop to like land on the illusory form of your mom Tashlin is like whoa where are you going I thought we were having a fight do you say anything to Tashlin as you jump

2:23:10Timm Woods:out of the fight with her yeah I say to her yeah I'm having a fight the one I've been trying to have since the day I was born roll me an intimidation

2:23:19Nick Turani:check Tashlin goes ooh that's hardcore roll with advantage Tashlin loves this stuff she's eating it up so he'd be dead if it wasn't for the healing

2:23:28Timm Woods:But what did I say to him before he healed me? It is true. I'm going to kill our mom.

2:23:32Nick Turani:I'm going to kill our mom if I survive this. What do I do? Did you not believe him? Roll me two D20s to see if this impresses you. No.

2:23:38Timm Woods:16. No, I didn't. One.

2:23:41Nick Turani:Tasha could have taken an attack of opportunity to get out of melee with her. And she goes, whoa, I want to see how this goes down. And she's like a wrestling fan putting like her arms on her waist like, oh, she's like leaning in putting her arm on her mouth like this is exciting. I would like you to please roll a d20 to jump off the roof. Two. Roll one more time. You have advantage because you're raging. Seven. Seven, but you have like a plus. Where's your sheet? Sorry. You have like a plus. I don't know my piss. Athletics. Did you get a seven? I was looking for a 15 or higher to take no damage.

2:24:12Nick Turani:So you're going to take just one d6. Well, it'll be 2d6, but halved by your rage. So it would have been seven. You take three more points of damage when you stick the land. So I have one d6. um actually oh no you had to hb left you go to attack your mom and you go hey mom remember me your first born bitch you jump off tashley goes whoa this is epic and as you land you land on your foot wrong you twist you stumble forward it turns into a roll and you're just like ba-doom ba-doom like somebody who jumped out of the car type thing just rolling along boom you land at at your mother's feet. Oh, and I'm dying at her feet?

2:24:55Nick Turani:You're unconscious, you are unconscious. Silent trade, I would like you to please roll for your mother. It's falling apart. The higher you roll, the more compassion she has for her firstborn. Oh wow.

2:25:08Timm Woods:The higher you roll, the more compassion she has for the son that just tried to murder her. Yes. Which dice would you like me to roll? Roll me one. Her firstborn.

2:25:20Nick Turani:She's got 11 points of compassion. Okay. She's like on a, she's right in the middle kind of, you see her looking down and she looks back at you and she says, we must heal your brother. And she's extending a hand. Like she can heal as well. Do you encourage her to heal or do you encourage her? No.

2:25:39Timm Woods:Yeah. Everybody's feelings are valid in this situation. You know, you get thrown to the wolves. The wolves definitely didn't teach our older brother. to try to attempt to kill loved ones. But, you know, we have compassion and love for the family. We love ours. We're going to try to heal.

2:25:53Nick Turani:Absolutely. She is going to say, I'm glad that I taught you well. And she puts a hand on your shoulder like you have turned the other cheek and we together will heal your brother. And on your turn, she is going to heal him while you can do other stuff if you want. But great turn for, let's see, Loud Trade Wind. That is going to bring us to Greg next. But Greg, right now, you're defending Davil at the moment. You could roll another saving throw to see if you can try to break free at this point. Fourteen. Fourteen. With your bonus is exactly enough that you would be overcoming for just a moment your instinct to protect Davil Starsong.

2:26:38Nick Turani:But you can't attack him because you have not fully broken free. What would you like to do? Tashin's up on the rooftop. You see this drama happening. I can't attack him. I can attack her? Yes, you could, 100%. Do I have the arm strength to throw my javelin? Yes, you do, 100%. Absolutely. You can throw your javelin. That would be a d20 plus whatever the attack bonus is, probably plus six. It is damage is 1d6 plus three. 1d6 plus three. And what is the attack just before that? d20 plus six six absolutely so we'll add a plus six to this nine you get to throw two javelins a 15 is not enough it pings off her armor unfortunately seven seven is unfortunately miss your heart is not in it dabble starts to be like no she's on on my team our team and you're like getting confused and stuff should i be attacking her but your javelins are missing i'm sorry to say you go back to defending him unfortunately catastrophic turn that will bring us to Tashlin's turn next.

2:27:45Nick Turani:And Tashlin doesn't have anybody to attack up there. So she is going to climb back down. She doesn't make it with her bonus action, but she does make it with the rest of her movement. She's going to see who she's going to go after. She sees Ehrlich unconscious, but I'll roll again just to see if that would be her highest priority or not. Let's see. Nope, nope nope okay um silent trade wind she sees that you have been healing your teammates and stuff i do think that between you and erlik she would be choosing to go after you probably in that case so she is going to charge over to you she is going to attack you two times or at least with the first attack we'll see how that goes oh no with a plus seven on that does a 15 hit your armor class what is your armor class is a 19 ah she misses you it clangs off of your armor and then she hits you with the second one i am sorry to say and that is going to be these uh that's 12 plus another 13 plus 5 is 18 more damage uh silent trade wind that is enough to knock you unconscious i am sorry oh what a shame we're out and so as you fall unconscious that's the end of Tashlin's turn.

2:29:01Nick Turani:Silent Trade Wind, please roll me a d20 to see if you slip closer to death now or come back to life. I roll six. Six, you slip closer to death. Oh, no. Silent Trade Wind. And at this point, Davil's star song is up now and trying to mind control even more people. Ehrlich's unconscious, so not him. uh silent trade wind is also unconscious so not him it would be loud trade wind she oh you're unconscious as well so only be right now she likes you and gregor oh sorry dabble is let me see if dabble's sizing up correctly who you actually are he starts to get suspicious of the other muscle mommy and he says listen i'm gonna need your help too roll me a wisdom saving throw to avoid falling under his control.

2:29:58Nick Turani:And I've also, I've got counter charm. Oh, yes. Okay, do you start playing your counter charm now?

2:30:04Timm Woods:Yeah, yeah.

2:30:05Nick Turani:Roll your saving throw with advantage. And what music or saying are you saying to counter his magic?

2:30:12Timm Woods:Oh. Absolutely. Oh. He's trying, no, listen to me. Listen to me, I need your help. I need you.

2:30:18Nick Turani:He's just rounding him out. Roll two times. You have advantage now. Next to your counter charm with a d20. Bingo. Three. Three. Roll one more time. 19. 19 is enough. And as you start to play the counter charm, Greg, please roll again to break free with advantage on this. 14. 14 is enough, but roll one more time just to see if you critical hit. 19. 19 is definitely enough. You break fully free, both of you, from Davil's charm. And he shrieks now, and he starts getting ready to run. because of the order of operations here. As he's running away, attack of opportunity for Greg, who's right next to him.

2:31:01Nick Turani:Roll me 1d20, Greg, to see if you can take him out as he runs.

2:31:04Timm Woods:19.

2:31:05Nick Turani:19 is enough. He only has two hit points left. I don't need a damage roll. Do you knock out or kill? Davil Starsong. Kill.

2:31:12Timm Woods:I want to kill him.

2:31:13Nick Turani:Kill him. Absolutely. Just lop his head right off. Davil Starsong, the pretty boy of the Doom Raiders, is down now, leaving only Tashlin. the final doom raider well done that brings us around again to wayne let's go boys wayne what would you like to do i just want to get this straight so right now it's just it's me greg and tashlin absolutely i mean it's correct everybody else is unconscious and bleeding out right now now both of you have healing magic left over there's if you say i'm getting the whole team up and i mean you need to deal with tashlin as well as the problem but you can get to your team and save them but you need to do what about what about these guys moms i mean she's still you see her hovering there like oh i don't know what to do here and she can't heal without him as like

2:32:02Timm Woods:a channeling device kind of so everyone is passed out but we can heal you have healing what if we bring back her boys for a price she can only bring back one she has to choose yeah choice absolutely

2:32:15Nick Turani:Yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. So you can heal one and you ask her, who should she, who do you want her to bring back? I would like both trade wins to please roll and whoever gets the higher roll. D20? Is the one she's gonna suggest.

2:32:30Timm Woods:And also she should know that we're going to attack the one that does not get healed. Go ahead. You were born first. I apologize. You were born first. I insist, you were born first. No, go. You were born first. Go. With the wolves. Cool. Two.

2:32:46Nick Turani:Two.

2:32:49Nick Turani:16. 16. And she goes, I'm sorry, I'm just leaving it up to the pure reality of the situation. I think he is the one that you can more easily save. And just roll me a d20 insight check. This is for Wayne right now. Wayne, since you're the conscious one, roll me one d20. If you have the insight skill, you can add that. I bet you fucking love this.

2:33:10Timm Woods:I rolled a 20.

2:33:11Nick Turani:With a 20? Wow. You know with absolute certainty that he had advantage that he didn't even need on that role. She was favoring Sire Tradewind for certain, and he was always going to win it at the end of the day with his advantage. So she says, I think you should heal the cleric, because he'll then be able to heal other people. And she looks over at Loud Tradewind and just shakes her head.

2:33:38Timm Woods:I think I think this is an evil bitch and I think that loud trade win turned out better for not having been raised in her house the wolves taught him well taught him about community taught him about teamwork sacrifice nature, being noble, humility pack above self therefore Therefore, I think the reality is we have to kill the mom. I think she's going to just go on and create more monsters.

2:34:14Nick Turani:Yep. Absolutely. You know that she is vulnerable in this current state. If you attack her, it will hurt her. Like, how vulnerable would she like to join the party that we got going on? You could roll a persuasion check on her for sure.

2:34:24Timm Woods:Do I want to fuck Zach's mom or kill her? What about we both fuck her? Hey, she puts out. Big time. Yeah. But if we impregnate her, our spawn is at risk of being abandoned. Well, we would definitely give that spawn to the wolves. We'd have to. And name him after Loud Trade Win. Loud Trade Win 2. Who comes out of the womb looking just like the original Loud Trade Win. I wouldn't mind Big Cat playing like a boy next game. Yeah. A child. Yeah, so maybe Greg and I play Russian roulette with our sperm, and we see which one gets to impregnate her.

2:35:03Nick Turani:Let's do it. We'll figure it out later.

2:35:05Timm Woods:Each of you make a persuasion check on Mother Trader. I don't want to do this if there's no consent, though.

2:35:12Nick Turani:If you roll well enough, she will give you consent. Okay, okay. If you roll really well, she could be double consent. Double consent. That's pretty well.

2:35:19Timm Woods:A 12, pretty good. She's into it.

2:35:22Nick Turani:14. 14. She's into this a little bit more is what I would say. and you see her kind of nodding along with your suggestion, she is very interested in what you are putting down right now. And if you want her to come in a more physical form, you see her start manifesting and she goes, you know what? Maybe I should hang out here more physically. And as she starts to appear, suddenly from where she has just jumped off the rooftop, Tashlin goes, whoa, whoa, whoa. You guys leaving without me? She's jealous. And I would like you to roll a persuasion check now. No advantage or disadvantage. All one dice roll to see his Tashlin down for this.

2:36:05Nick Turani:Eight. With an eight? You know what? No. One more roll. I had a roll to see how into it she was. She was pretty into it. I did worse, Tim. Oh, no. With the eight, Tashlin says, no, wait a minute. You got to choose her or me. And she raises her sword. And the mother looks back and forth like, I don't know what's going on exactly.

2:36:27Timm Woods:Yeah. I think we got to kill Tashlin, right? We could let her go. No, she's trying to kill us, though. She's got her sword out.

2:36:36Nick Turani:She's like through tears, like, my fellow Doom Raiders, you killed them all.

2:36:40Timm Woods:I did, I did.

2:36:43Nick Turani:I'll kill her, you fuck mom.

2:36:44Timm Woods:Yeah, that sounds good.

2:36:45Nick Turani:Deal. Absolutely. Wayne, you didn't persuade her to go in on a threesome with you, but... Four away, yeah. Absolutely. That's right. Absolutely. Ehrlich would be up next. Ehrlich, just roll me a d20. If you get a critical hit, you're jumping in this fight. As long as you don't get a nine or less, you're not dead.

2:37:10Timm Woods:Locked in.

2:37:14Nick Turani:You got a four. Ehrlich, I'm sorry to say, there is a sudden spurt from out of where his groin was, and he bleeds out at the eyes. loud trade wind please roll me a d20 but even if you get oh uh if you get a one right now you die but that's the only way you die 14 you're actually stabilizing right now you're doing okay but you don't wake up and then greg that brings us to you right before tashin would get to go you have this one turn finisher to deal finisher 30 points of damage to her finisher

2:37:51Timm Woods:can I do compelled duel so she doesn't fight anybody I love it you do compelled duel she'll

2:37:56Nick Turani:roll her saving throw just barely she has to fight you now 100 so she's in a face-off one-on-one fight with you you can attack her two times and if you hit her and smite her twice that is an easy can I sacred weapon a lance um roll me a d20 so you quickly enough it normally costs your whole it's It's a two. That's fine. I'm sorry to say, you know you can either do Sacred Weapon or you can hit her twice. Smite. I'll hit her twice. Absolutely. Roll me 1d20 for your first attack. 13. 13. Just to get it out of the way, that's just barely a hit. Roll the second attack now to see if that one hits.

2:38:29Timm Woods:16.

2:38:29Nick Turani:16. Both of those are hits. Roll me 2d4 plus 6 for both physical hits. Because each one's 1d8 plus 3.

2:38:41Timm Woods:4.

2:38:41Nick Turani:4. Okay. 3. So seven plus six is going to be 13 so far. You just need actually not even 17. You only need 16 more. And if you smite her two times, you get another 6d8. Actually, you would have to do a first and a second level smite. So it'd be 5d8. But I think you can get it. You just need 17 on 5d8 to deal the final.

2:39:09Timm Woods:Let's do 17. Let's try. Let's try. A one. Oh, oh, oh.

2:39:15Nick Turani:A two. You got three left. A four. Ooh. You need 10 on these last two. A one. Oh no, you need it. Not possible. And an eight. And an eight. Oh, she's down to two hit points left. Now you compel duel against her. I did. So she has to keep fighting you now. She looks up at you and goes, I yield. And plants your sword in the ground. Do you accept this surrender or do you instead, with your bonus action, deal the final blow to take her down? We've killed enough today. It's time to create life. Yes. Absolutely. She's one of us now. Then I would like to see one final persuasion check on Mama Tradewind just to see how this goes.

2:40:03Nick Turani:With advantage on this. Seven. Seven is okay, but roll one more time.

2:40:07Timm Woods:But she kept the last name after the husband ran out? Quit doing that.

2:40:11Nick Turani:Six. Six. With a seven, and what's your persuasion bonus? Do you have a plus eight or a plus seven? I have a plus six. Plus six. With a 13, she agrees to go on a date with you, but only if you also save one of her sons, I would say. Now in the meanwhile, let me just see two dice rolls from our paladin real quick to see how Tashlin's feeling about you. A 14. And a nine. Okay, with a 14, plus what's your persuasion bonus?

2:40:46Nick Turani:Plus six. Plus six. That's a dirty 20. Tashlin has mate swapped over to the paladin now, so she's now dating you. You're dating Tradewind's mom, and it's going really well for you, I gotta point it out. I'm gonna say it goes really well for you, too, but only if you heal one of her sons. Do you agree to?

2:41:06Timm Woods:Well, so we're on a date right now? You are on a date. That's a pretty forward topic to be bringing up on the first day. What son do you want me to say? Yeah, I get nervous when I'm on dates. I'd kind of rather just go fly by moth. Absolutely. You know what? I'm going to save one of her sons. I'm going to save one of her sons. But under the condition that the son calls me dad.

2:41:29Nick Turani:Okay. 100%. She agrees. The rest of his life. Yeah.

2:41:32Timm Woods:And for all further adventures.

2:41:33Nick Turani:She goes, I'm sure he'll be okay with it.

2:41:35Timm Woods:All further adventures. I'd like to save loud trade wind. Absolutely

2:41:39Nick Turani:Loud trade when you suddenly find yourself Waking up as a healing word spell Is cast upon you You did not die in time if that's what you were hoping for And as you wake up Your mother informs you that she Helped your teammate save you But now he is My daddy Your stepdad at this point You can call me, I'm a cool stepdad

2:42:01Timm Woods:So we've beaten everyone

2:42:03Nick Turani:And congratulations everyone You have defeated the Doom Raiders You have saved the city for them and restored your reputation and leveled up to level seven. Let's go.

2:42:15Timm Woods:Let's finish with this because I have the rollback question. RHOBAC.com promo code take 20 % off your first purchase. Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts, rollback.com promo code take. Tim, when we see you again this summer, I would like permission to continue the storyline of the Tradewind boys. And I would like to get vengeance in this life or next.

2:42:35Nick Turani:100%. I think this will be a little bit of a custom Tradewind-themed family adventure is what I'm going to be doing for our next one.

2:42:42Timm Woods:And to answer Hank's question about the name, my father, Mr. Tradewind, was actually like the greatest dad ever, but he passed away during childbirth. And then... It was so disgusting to watch. And then Mama Tradewind was... He just didn't like it. Mama Tradewind said that I reminded her too much of the barbarian father, and that's why she cast me out to the wolves. How did your dad leave sperm for Zach? No, we're half brothers, so she remarried, but she kept the name. But she was so disgusted with me because the reason that I am alive, he is dead. So she cast me out to the wolves, remarried, but kept the name Tradewind because she loved the barbarians so much.

2:43:30Timm Woods:so that's the story that makes sense yeah the rich narrative i'm gonna weave into our next adventure and i'm coming for you buddy you killed your father no well he died because of childbirth i'd never do that to my dad your dad's actually a bitch we'll get to him we'll get to him you've never met him he's a bitch absolutely never met him i might have further questions on my email before our next game. Absolutely. His dad, from what I read in the scripture, was actually married to your mom, and then your dad came into town. Then she dumped his dad, married your dad. Your dad died. Then she married.

2:44:11Timm Woods:She went back. She went back. Yeah. And now he's sitting at home, just sitting twiddling his thumbs while your mom is out whoring around. Oh, my God. I believe in bi-positivity. She wants to go on dates. Let her go on dates. She's a grown woman. We'll find out more. Tim, you're the best. thank you you guys are great thank you so much i love this this was like something totally new trying to attack five guys absolutely my team versus your team felt like it would be an appropriate uh way to play today well max attacks five guys like every day around noon

2:44:43Nick Turani:all right we'll see everyone and and that was it for the six female chinese boy whisperers by the way don't can't forget we made our name absolutely

2:44:57Thank you.

2:45:28Thank you.

2:46:00Thank you.

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