Stavros Halkias, The Clippers Go To Jail, Mt Rushmore Duel, CFB Week 1 + Fyre Fest

29:11PFT Commenter:Got it. Will you be doing both at the same time? Probably. Love that. What? Nims is really living the best life. He really is. Yeah. You are. The idea that you can just be like, all right, see you guys. See you Monday. I'm not going to leave my house. Going to watch all the football. Yeah, no. It's the best. I've thought about it. I wouldn't trade lives with anyone. Anyone? No. It's so good. I just make memes. What about Scooter Braun? Yeah. All right. Him. You're a world champion, too. And a world champion. You're a world champion. And a softball champion. And a New York Times bestselling author.

29:49Yeah. Got a lot going for me. Yeah. Summer memes.

29:53PFT Commenter:Summer memes. All right. Any other stories before we do our Mount Rushmore duel? Dajon Love, the only follow-up I had was, now I understand why he was wearing the cap the whole time. Oh, yeah. His forehead is very large. It looks like Mars Attacks. He's got a big forehead. Yeah. There's some other stuff coming out. The brands are now onto the case. And I think these are all real things. I don't think that they're viral advertisements. But Cameo said that Dejan Love hit them up to see if maybe they'd want him. I think that one might have been fake. But it would be funny if he did hit him up. And then I saw that there was a DM between him and David Busters asking if he could have an entire David Busters location.

30:32because he, as an NFL player, was coming in with a couple of his friends. Love that. With the understanding that that's what NFL players do. It's like, hey, I play football professionally, so I'm going to need your entire restroom.

30:44PFT Commenter:Close it all. Oh, we just pulled up. CJ Stroud will not be signing extension with the Texans before the season begins. Houston offered Stroud a contract exceeding$50 million annually, but he's betting on himself to hopefully reach near$60 million. I feel like that's not enough of a difference to bet on yourself. That's quite a bet that he's making. That's like 50 and 60. Would you bet? If I gave you$50 million, Big Cat, would you be willing to put it on the line and say, I'm going to bet that CJ Stroud gets a bigger contract than he's already been offered at the end of the season? No. I don't think I'd be willing to make that bet.

31:20PFT Commenter:I wouldn't make that bet. I would not make that bet. Good for him for getting offered that much money. That's cool. Yeah. Summer of CJ Stroud. Florio had a report this is why I love Florio this is why he's the best report that Kyler Murray has been arriving at Vikings facility on time every day but then he further went on to explain that he's been arriving exactly on time not a moment sooner and he's been the first one to leave so he's been just clocking and clocking out not even 15 minutes that's progress if I'm yeah Kyler Murray, I guess they'd like him to stay, like be the first in and last out.

32:00PFT Commenter:Yeah. But I mean, I feel like every team has three different guys that are first in and last out. Yeah. At the same time. Kyler knows exactly who he is. The 2012 Patriots where they had Tom Brady, Amendola, Welker, and Julian Edelman, and Danny Woodhead. No one left. Like they probably carpooled because they could all be first in and last out together. Speaking of that, did you see the King State Kings for Ernie Adams? Oh, yeah. Yeah. So that was from Ryan Paganetti, who's awesome. His Twitter account, everyone should go follow it. We got to have him on. But yeah, he did a deep dive. Why don't you explain it, Hank?

32:35PFT Commenter:Because it is quite something. It's like from 2002 to 2019, the Patriots, when opposing teams were kicking a field goal, like looking at the video board, they would put up a feed of the game mirrored, basically. So reversed. So if the flags, if you're the kicker and you're looking at the flags on the top of the field goal post, they were going right. Directly behind that was a video of the same flags going left. And also the same. So you'd see four uprights. Yeah. Now, this is actually exactly what I tried to tell Brandon that Oklahoma, was it Nebraska? No, Illinois, what they should do. And then Brandon interrupted me very rudely and said, why the hell are we talking about Jumbotron?

33:19Yeah. He did say it like that. The only jumbo I care about, jumbo shrimp. Deep fried. Bray Walker. Like, great idea. Maybe he could have heard it first in part of my take if Brandon shut his fat mouth.

33:31PFT Commenter:And it's not. So this was not illegal. This was just doing everything they can. I think someone crunched the stats, and it was like a 5 % change in kicking accuracy, which, guess what? If you get a 5 % change, that could swing a game. Good boost. It's pretty crazy. Yeah. Did you feel pride when you saw that? Yeah. I mean, that's Belichick at his best. What you love to see, those are the good old days. That's Belichick at his absolute best. I'm sure they'll be back, eh? Yeah. Aren't you in the good old days? The Belichick Ernie Adams were. But now it's new. Good new days. We're in the good new days.

34:05Good new days. Good new days.

34:07PFT Commenter:Yes. All right. Let's get to the Mount Rushmore duel. Should we do it? Yeah. All right. Let's do it. Okay. It is time for our Mount Rushmore duel. It's brought to you by Reese's. There's something for everyone when it comes to Reese's. We love Reese's. They got the Reese's peanut butter cups, the ones with the Oreos, incredible peanut butter and jelly, marshmallow, Reese's sticks, Reese's animal crackers, just everything. Anything you're looking for, Reese's is the 1-1 pick in all Mount Rushmore drafts. It is the goat candy. We love Reese's. Something for everyone. It is the New York Knicks of candies.

34:49PFT Commenter:That's what Reese's does. Reese's, the official candy partner of Barstool Sports. Go get Reese's wherever you shop. We love Reese's. And so we should have just done a Reese's draft because you could literally do it, and it would be the easiest draft ever. You could pick everything. They have every type of candy. All right, Zach's talking a lot in there. I think he's nervous. We are ready for the duel. It is Mount Rushmore duel time. It is Zach versus Hank. Hank versus Zach. Loser gets skunked by a real skunk. Is one of the punishments we had discussed. We've discussed a lot. We have discussed that.

35:31Yeah, it was that. We discussed becoming Dejan Love. Yeah. For a different team. Maybe making a hip-hop country album.

35:40PFT Commenter:Yeah, there's a lot on the table. But we're going to do so. How the duel is going to work? they do not know what the Mount Rushmore topics are. It's all off the top of the head. How much time are we going to give you guys? How much time do you think you need? 30, 60 seconds? I would like memes as Mike on. Okay, memes, Mike on. Okay, why? Just in case. Oh, you think there might be some shenanigans? You never know. Oh, that's totally fair. I actually agree with that 100%. 60 seconds each? Is that not enough? 90 seconds? Yeah, I think 90 seconds to two minutes might be good. All right, well, we tried to pick topics that you can think about stuff off the top of your head.

36:19PFT Commenter:And so there's going to be three polls. We'll put them out, what, consecutive every half hour or something, and then it's just best of three. I think that's what we did last year. Right, Memes? We're doing some of the show in the morning. By the time we record the rest of the show in the afternoon, it should be done. What? The polls should be out. Didn't we do the polls? We did the polls in real time. Yeah, we did the polls in real time last year. Oh, really? Yeah. Is that what we're doing? Yeah, that's what we did. Okay. I kind of like that. Yeah. Okay. So we'll find out. So when you get to Fyre Fest, you'll find out.

36:49PFT Commenter:Yeah. I don't remember us doing that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was like instant. Yeah. Okay. Instant pulls. So I'll just do it one every half hour. Yeah. And then we'll find out. Okay. Okay. All right. You guys ready for your first Mount Rushmore? Yes, sir. All right. Who's going first? I think Zach. Zach is going first. I went first. Okay. We would like to hear. You have 90 seconds. We would like to hear the Mount Rushmore of guys' names. My mic is on. Mic is on. 90 seconds to discuss between us guys. Guys' names. Mount Rushmore. It's going to be really hard not to just verbalize my names that I'm thinking about right now.

37:29But we wanted to start.

37:31PFT Commenter:We wanted to ease them into something that, like, these guys know guys. Yeah. Right? They know guys' names. If there's one thing they know, it's dudes' names. It's also very subjective, open-ended Mount Rushmore that could be very funny because it's like, who's to say? A lot of names out there. A lot of names to go through. Just think of any names. Hank is doodling. He's got a heart next to a couple of them. How many names have... Oh, he's writing Hank and then other guys' last names on his paper. Okay. Signature. Zach, how is Zach doing? By the way, what are we going to do for our... Smart move by Hank taking the headphones off.

38:05PFT Commenter:Hank has taken the headphones off. The mic is still on. Yeah, but we're monitoring. All right, well, Memes PFT and I, we should discuss real quick while we let the timer go down. What is the second one we want to do? Is it the one that we were thinking of? I think it's WLTWO. Yeah. And then the third, should it be the one we were talking about or should it be the one that I just... I think it's the one that we're talking about. That one I want to hear. Yeah, yeah, okay. All right, perfect. I want to hear where they go with it. Okay Agreed A couple more seconds We should use We should use Zach's alarm clock as the timer Mm-hmm You got 10 seconds 10 seconds 10 seconds Zach has just started writing Oh, no And Time I mean, I guess There's you can keep writing.

39:05PFT Commenter:It's just you have to make a pick when your pick's up. Yep. Okay. Mount Rushmore of guys' names. Zach, you're up first. We talking first and last? No. What? It's guys' names. It's guys' names. Yeah. All right, I got you. First pick for me is going to be Devontae. Okay. Okay. All right. Good pick. Okay. Okay. Tank? I'm going to go with Guy. Oh, okay.

39:44And Jalen.

39:46PFT Commenter:Oh, good pick. All right. These are good picks. I'm going to go with Muhammad. Okay. Yeah. Probably the most popular name, I think. So many guys named Muhammad. I think it's the most popular name. Per capita, it's maybe the number one. So you're going with more guys named that way, not just – okay. You're going for the amount of people. On that specific pick, I like the volume pick. Okay. I think Hank was doing that maybe with Jalen too. Yeah, Jalen's not a bad pick. All right, you have another one? Zach. Oh, next pick, I'm going to go with Drew. I love this foul rush. short it's so silly pick now it's a good pick i guess true not not andrew just just drew yeah just drew yeah was your andrew if he's in trouble by his mom or somebody you know drew drew yeah what's your thought process behind drew cool name yeah okay all right good pick yeah good this is tickling me a lot okay hank hank also like looks so deathly serious it's like you just gotta say a guy's name.

40:55PFT Commenter:He's worried. I just don't know how to. So you have so far Jalen and Guy. We're gonna go William. Okay. William. You want it written as William. Will. You want Will. Yeah. Okay. I like that. I actually like that change a lot. I think that was a very smart change for the graphic. And Tiger. You wanna go Bill. Oh, Tiger. Kind of a nickname. Mm-hmm. But yeah. Good pick. It's too late. Yeah. It's off the piece. Okay. I like Will. Will's great value in the third round. Will's great. Yeah. Actually, usually Will's that I know are undrafted. Mm-hmm. I'm going to a Richard. Richard. Mmm. Strong. Yep. All right.

41:43PFT Commenter:What else do you guys have on that list? I thought we were going to maybe get some more traditional like a - Eric, Zach, Max, Caleb, Drake. I wanted to do Drake, but that's why I didn't want to give myself away, but I think Tiger probably did anyway. Dan, Dave, John, Jack, Mark. Jack is a big miss in my mind. Jack is a strong guy's name. I didn't realize that Jack is a nickname for John. Yeah. Yeah. Lil Wayne, Ross, Scotty, Tiger, Marcus. Marcus. Okay. I've heard names of everyone in this room except Shane and Connor. Can we get clarification on a couple spellings? Yeah, sure. Will is W-I-L-L.

42:23How do you want Devante spelled? There's a few different ways you can go about it. We'll go with what you got right there. Okay, and how would you like Jalen, Hank? J-A-L-E-N.

42:31PFT Commenter:That's smart. That was smart. Yeah, I thought there would be more like... I think like... Frank. Frank's a good one. Tom. Zach, Meme said that you waited until the last five seconds to start writing down names. What was the thought process there? There was a confliction in my head if it was just first name, or were we doing first and last. Like, for my first one-one, I did have Tom Cruise, but Tom Cruise is a guy, not a name. Tom is a good one. Tom Cruise is a solid name. Yeah, I agree with that. Topher? Joe? Joseph? Joseph's good. Joseph's a good one. Yeah, I should have some biblical. Biblical names always are just strong.

43:10PFT Commenter:Elijah? Maybe not. No, that would have – I don't know if Elijah would have played. Drew is very funny. I don't know why. It's true Ezekiel I don't know if that would play Hey who knows Jesus Jesus would have been a banger Yeah Jesus Tim Big mess My mic's on by the way And Zach is talking Yeah out loud Okay That's good You talk into the mic Alright you guys feel good about that? Cause we're about to go to the second mile rush I don't think either one of them feels good about it No If I'm reading their body language Both are terrified No Alright PFT You wanna say what the second mile rush war is?

43:46Yeah absolutely The second Mount Rushmore is going to be the worst lines to wait in.

43:52PFT Commenter:The worst lines to wait in. The worst lines to wait in. I am going to set the timer. I'm going to give you guys a minute and a half. Worst lines to wait in. Okay, boys, the timer is up. Are we ready? Yeah. This is the Mount Rushmore of worst lines to wait in. There's a lot of them. A lot of them. I can't think of many good ones. No. And so, Hank, you go first, right? Yep. DMV. Great pick. That's got to be 1-1. Got to be. Got to be. Because it goes out of order, too. Yeah. Yeah, that's bullshit. It is. It sucks. Great pick. Zach. We go with the restroom. Restroom, okay. I think that's kind of chalk 1-2, right?

44:37Yeah, that's really good.

44:38PFT Commenter:I mean, when you have to piss and you have to wait in line, that is the most infuriating feeling in the world. Another great pick. Yeah. Next, I'm going to go with Chipotle line. Okay. Okay. And why? Because I've just been 30 deep in the Chipotle line every time. Okay. And you want to eat, and you can't eat, and it's right in front of you, and you can't get there. You want to get to the register as quickly as possible, and you're just doing small talk with people you don't know. See all the food right in front of you? Yeah. And it's the worst when someone three ahead of you is ordering for five people.

45:08Oh, yeah. They got a birthday party or after school.

45:11PFT Commenter:Oh, yeah. I'm going to do a burrito. Then I'm going to do a burrito bowl. I'm going to do tacos. What was that face I saw? At first I was like, they're normally pretty quick and then what Big Cat just said They just keep putting tortillas in the machine You guys ever get caught awkwardly right at the door too? So you're the guy, you're in line but you're in the way of the front door You kind of have to maybe hold the door open but maybe not That's brutal I'm going to go airport security I thought that was going to go second Chipotle though And bar Yeah. Line to get in or line to get to the bar?

45:46Line to get in.

45:47PFT Commenter:Strong three pick. I'm going to say right now, Zach needs a Hail Mary. Strong. Because that was... Hank, you're crushing this one. Thank you. Good pick, Hank. But Chipotle. Chipotle. That's a little annoying. I'm going to go Amusement Park. Yep. Good pick. Good pick. Yeah. Yeah, I go Fast Pass. And then I'm going to go... Gas station during a hurricane. Yep. Nothing worse. All right, should we go to the next Mount Rushmore? You want to do your last pick? You don't even have to. Sure, we'll go concession stand. Okay, that's good. I mean, Zach, tell me about your experience waiting in line to get gas during a hurricane.

46:29It's just 50 cars backed up, and you're thinking, are they going to run out of gas? Do they got gas? You know, they're jacking up the prices. You're sitting in the car, impending doom storm, maybe death coming, but you're like, we got to get gas for the house, gas for the car. Natural disaster is terrifying, so you're scared in line. You don't know if you're going to make it home. Then you're home.

46:49PFT Commenter:Yeah. Okay, good. Okay. Good. I feel like maybe movie concession stand. I guess you did concession stand. Was that everything? I was thinking like a sports bar. I was thinking about line to get a drink at the bar. That's a bad line, too. Yeah. Although that one you feel like. That one's going to go sideways. You're kind of like. You feel like you have more control over that one. You can, yeah. Yeah, you can cut just by having good eye contact and good motion awareness. Line to get into the plane. That one kind of sucks, too. Like border. Bad line. Yeah, but it's like everyone's taking off at the same time.

47:26PFT Commenter:Yeah. Yeah. Okay, good Mount Rushmore, Hank. Thank you. Zach, Chipotle, we needed some people stuck in a Chipotle line. I guess the poles will go out during lunch, so you need everyone who's literally looking at it while in a chipotle line there's ups and downs of a duel you know yeah i would even say like the line to vote in general sucks yeah customer service lines you're like number yeah hundred then just never goes down autograph line you feel like a loser yeah uh uh autograph or picture line at a porn convention's got it to suck yeah hospital yeah that one sucks last guy in like a Lily Phillips gangbang.

48:10Yeah. But you're probably making small talk with the guys around you at that point. Yeah, it's tough, though. You're like, hey, horny, too? Same. Have a lot in common. Yeah.

48:21PFT Commenter:All right. Last one. Zach, what do you think? I think it's 1-1. How do you think it's going? Yeah. You can go anyway. Tiger was a bad pick. That was a great draft by Hank. Tiger was a bad pick. Okay. Here is the last one. The last one is the Mount Rushmore. Tigers aren't even a name. Of dumb things you think. You guys got it? The problem is Hank's still thinking about Tiger. Yeah, Tiger's not even a name is what he said. The Tiger's inside his head right now. Zach got Muhammad in the second round. I think all-time number one name. Okay, they're thinking about it. Dumb things you think. But Zach got Chipotle.

49:02Yeah, Chipotle is so fucking... I imagine gas station during a hurricane would actually suck. It sucks. You've done it? Yeah, Hurricane Sandy. Dang. Tough. Might be a little limiting.

49:15PFT Commenter:Oh, this whole time I was thinking actual in the convenience store portion of the gas station. I wasn't realizing it was actually... No, no. Lines down the road. It really is brutal. Yeah. But that one... That's a... You got to live in a certain part of the country to understand that one. Yeah, it's niche. Very niche. But important for Florida. Florida comes out for... If you get out to vote in Florida, Zach, you could be cooking. Yep. It's the number one state for determining elections. Hmm. I can't wait to hear what they say about this. Okay. Zach is four strong right now. He's four strong Alright Can't see Hank's list But he is writing You got this boys Maybe give him an extra 30 seconds Yeah give him an extra 30 seconds I haven't even set a timer so We're good Zach's brain is humming though Oh confirmed humming?

50:23Humming I see it

50:24PFT Commenter:Confirmed humming He's thinking hard. Is he writing, though? I mean, this should be a layup for Zach. You can't wait to write. He's got dumb thoughts all the time, right? Although I can't get over the sock on the baseball bat. It's a fucking cheap. Smart move. So fucking smart, Zach. Really so smart.

50:49Zach kind of does have a cheat code in this, but...

50:51PFT Commenter:Well, no, Hank has some dumb thoughts, too. Yeah, don't get it twisted. That's why we thought this was the perfect one. Remember, Hank sometimes just thinks about Joe Rogan interviewing him about how his day went. Yeah. There's dumb thoughts going around in this room right now. Yeah. All right. That was time. Do you guys need a little more time? You got it? You feel good? You first, Hank, or me first? Me first. Okay. All right. Okay, Hank, you're up. This is the Mount Rushmore. No, no, no. It's Zach first. Yep. you literally just went first DSB you're right first thought popped in my head I'm gonna go with are those real good pick I'm not any good at telling I'm so really bad so bad yeah the dumb thought I have is I just assume they're all real yeah because they're just all boobs I would never think anything nefarious that's where I feel dumb sneaky about boobs like oh yeah those are boobs so real I will go with I'm going to win all my bets yeah really dumb thought

52:08and I'm going to get in shape wait okay when I think that it's not dumb but yeah

52:19PFT Commenter:good pick no that's a really dumb thought that I think all the time Those are daily thoughts. I'm actually about to bet every game this weekend, think I'm going to win them all, and then Monday I've already decided is when I'm going to start my journey to get in shape. I'm not joking. Those two things are about. Someone made a compilation of us talking about this on the show. What? Just getting in shape? I would like to see that. It's like, meanwhile. It's different. This is different this time. I'm going to go with could I jump over this? Okay. Yes. And then I'm going to go with

53:03PFT Commenter:I like could I jump over this? Did I lock my door? Okay. All right. What do you think about? What do you think? Like, could I jump over this? Give me an example. Walking into like the story, you know, the things that block the cars from people committing tragedies. He was like, should I hop this? Or like a couple cases of water on the floor? Should I hop this? Yeah. Because anytime you get in the air, it's dangerous. All right. I'd say Hank's got a pretty strong lead here. I don't know. He literally said two that we think. We'll see. He might say Tiger. Yeah. I'm going to go. Is Tiger a name?

53:38With how are languages invented?

53:41PFT Commenter:That's a good pick. Great pick. I can't pick a lot. Yeah. It makes no fucking sense. and just translations people that can speak multiple languages sign language none of it it hurts my brain to think about and then this one did I already shampoo okay alright okay like in the shower yeah yeah okay it's a dumb thought and when it happens when you have to think about it it's like fuck yeah it is a dumb thought I'm really dumb Yeah. But I think I did. Okay. Good pick. But just in case. I'm going to go with, do we see the same colors? And then I'm going to go with. Do you have another pick? No. No, that was it.

54:31PFT Commenter:Oh, man. What an end about rush war season. What would it have been?

54:38Oh, I don't have another pick. Yep, never mind. No, but what would it have been? Oh, I didn't have one. What do you mean? You were about to say something. You had one. That's the thing. I thought I had to pick another pick. I didn't have another pick. I was really just trying to find another pick right there.

54:50PFT Commenter:You have six written down. Yeah, they're not going to pick. No, you have another pick. Tell us the other pick. Well, this list was... You picked four. I wrote down dumb things you think, and then I just thought of things you think. So my list is not the best dumb things you think. Tell me. What did I forget is on here, or what did I just forget is on here. Did I just step on a crack is on here. Uh-huh. And then how did they meet each other is on here. Huh. And then... Yeah, yeah. Now, you know, look, it's a duel. Only other one I had was How Do Planes Fly? Yeah. How do boats... We'll talk later.

55:26PFT Commenter:Yeah. I mean, aircraft carriers. I think about that for too long. What the fuck? Point and see. Yeah. Good duel. I feel... Do you guys feel good about the duel? Yeah, I think it'll come down to the end. I think you might have gotten them, Hank. You think you got them? I thought I've had them the last two, so... You definitely won one. Yeah. You won the second one. Yeah. Chipotle. I don't know. Chipotle. A lot of people go to Chipotle. I think that's Hanks. The first one, I think, is going to be close. Yep. Very close. Depends on how the Muhammad vote comes out. Yep. I think that is a swing vote.

55:59Yeah. The great mistake here is going pen and paper. I should have went notes app. Yeah. Anytime I'm going pen and paper, I get distracted with the pen.

56:05PFT Commenter:And you were the one who brought the pen and paper out. Yeah, I know. Yeah. What do you mean distracted with the pen? You start doodling, you know? And then now you're not writing down answers. You just start. Yeah. Tough. I knew I shouldn't have used a pen. That sucks. Good duel, Hank. Good duel, Zach. Good duel. Way to be. It's a pleasure. All right. All right. Good job, boys. We'll see how it goes. We'll actually have the results for when we do Firefest. So let's get to our interview with Stavi. We'll get to Stavi the second. He's brought to you by TickPick, the no-nonsense ticket app. Check the calendars.

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59:03PFT Commenter:Okay, we now welcome on a very, very special guest It is our good friend, Stavros Stavi He's in studio What's up, boys? It's great to see you You got a new special coming out on Tuesday on Netflix Very excited for it By the way, congrats on being on the cover of the New York Times bestseller It means a lot This is our way of just... we actually did a accidental genius thing where we put all of our friends on the cover so then when they come on we say hey congrats on being on a new york times bestseller like oh congrats on you oh shit i didn't even want to mention it yeah i just wanted to let you know you're on it you did it it's you i'm grudging you i mean this is this i am flattered to make the cut but you guys having a new york times bestseller is a mark of the decline of society it is the Dumbest thing ever.

59:53You two are barely literate, let alone everybody who works here. It's fucking insane.

59:57PFT Commenter:We've said it multiple times. There's an open parentheses on page eight that never gets closed. That happened in a real book. This is so fucking stupid. On the cover. What even is this? You guys just remembering podcasts? Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey. It's a book of, oh, that one time. Dude, half the book is other people wrote it for us. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We actually, we had our guests that were our most popular guests. write a chapter so then they can say hey hey we're in this book right read these two guys and then on the cover the amount of people that have confused you and ryan rusillo has been stashed interesting we are we have a similar look yeah rusillo would have my hair if he wasn't a coward that's true if he wasn't a fucking shaving coward that's true but yeah no there's a lot of uh we had a bunch of people write other other chapters a lot of pictures you know exactly what expect pad it out yeah it's like you like this is the this is the kind of work that's like to get a c-minus in a community college history paper yeah but because our world sucks dick it's a new york times bestseller that's why i like i was actually like i'd love to read a random pass let's flip can i see the book it flipped away random passage yeah yeah yeah you pick one out this i i'm not joking i was like mentally like struggling when they were like your new york time bestseller i'm I shouldn't be.

1:01:14PFT Commenter:This is bullshit. Okay, here we go. An ode to Jerry O 'Connell. I mean, what the fuck are we doing here, guys? I like Jerry, too, but... Who wrote that? Jerry O 'Connell? By Charlie Barchette. Oh, that was... We had our own fans write chapters. What? What the fuck? So you guys just cut up the middleman and put comments in the book. You put YouTube comments in the video. We gave away a chapter of the book. So, uh, Charlie Barchette, we forgot. Congratulations to Charlie Barchette on being a New York Times bestseller author. What a scam. What a racket. What a fucking racket this is. Can you believe we got away with this shit?

1:01:53This is so funny. All of this is ultimately to funnel money from, like, Deloitte to gambling websites. That's your entire business model. Yep.

1:02:03PFT Commenter:Oh, man. It's so fucking funny. The fact that you opened up to a literal fans chapter. That's such pieces of shit. That is so fucking funny. Some fucking guy who listens. No disrespect, Charlie. I'm sure you're a beautiful guy. The irony is that's probably the most well-written chapter. Oh, absolutely. Oh, absolutely. He's smarter than us. He probably used spellcheck. That's so fucking funny, dude. That's so funny. He was like a little nervous. Like, I don't want to send them, you know, an absolute piece of garbage. Anything you do. So I'm going to have to run this by a proofreader. Yeah, he probably had his mom looking over or something.

1:02:40Something we didn't even do. Respect. That's awesome. Well, congratulations. Yeah. All right. So - I am happy that while literally - The same way with me. This is my second Netflix special. Yeah. Society is down, but we're up. Yeah, right. Everyone who weirdly started a podcast in 2016 - Guys like us, yeah. We have the 2016 podcast Brotherhood where it appears God chose us as his people. Yes. And we keep winning that we don't deserve.

1:03:06PFT Commenter:The history books are going to write what happened to the decline of the Roman Empire, the American Empire. It's like, well, they had guys like Stavi and Big Cat and PFT as cultural leaders. What happened was the summer of 2016, this gorilla got shot. And then, yeah. It all started from the Big Bang. Yeah, people started listening to these fucking guys. Yeah, dude. Then everything fell apart. Absolutely. Watch the special, folks. Even though we don't deserve to be. If you bought the fucking book, you buy a special. Watch the special. It's high art compared to the book. Yeah, I did work harder.

1:03:42I definitely worked hard on the special than you worked on the book. Oh, absolutely.

1:03:45PFT Commenter:Well, we did the book. We crammed. I assume you didn't cram the special in two weeks. Two weeks before. I got to write a joke. By percentages, we did work really, really hard on the book for about, yeah, 14 days nonstop. That's awesome. I respect that. It was like all day, every day doing that. I respect that. I mean, you've been on fire. I was just telling you before. I loved you and Bugonia. Tyres is great Dude Tyres season 3 Everyone go This isn't gonna be Shane Gillis suck up Which we do love Shane But like He can suck Shane He's the man No I mean Shane is the man Like those guys Are so fucking funny And fun to work with And like Yeah that's the beauty of it dude Shane Tyres season 1 Was a web series That Netflix bought For some reason And by the season 3 This was the one Where I was like Oh fuck We're doing a real show The writing The writing Yeah The stunt Just the whole thing looked different.

1:04:38PFT Commenter:And it actually was like, not only that, but it wasn't just a comedy. It pulled at you a little bit. Shane had to do some real acting. Yeah, like acting and drama and like, oh, fuck. I just felt something different than just laughing at these guys being very funny. But you were great in it. Thank you, bro. I appreciate it. A role you were born to play. Yeah. Is it hard? Did you have to method act to become a sex addict? It was hard to be a horny Greek guy kind of giving too much to his career. Yeah. You know what I mean? It was really hard. It was really hard. Yes, I keep getting... And look, I've been playing fat scumbags.

1:05:12I think it's time... I want to... And I got to play, actually, for the first time, a fat cuck entire season three, which was nice. Yeah, that's true. But I'd like to play one more spiritual, you know, like your uncle that shit wasn't going good for him. Yeah. I would love to play like a fat, bald accountant whose wife is fucking, getting fucked on the side. that's my next role because I've played scumbags I'd like to play a sympathetic figure a guy we all feel bad for and then you end up with the hottest or maybe it ends up bad for me maybe I kill myself in my big dramatic turn I saw the Odyssey this summer and I thought like a lot of other people online I was like where are all the Greeks in this movie that is a tough subject for me because it was between me and Tom Holland for Telemachus it's tough I don't usually disclose that Hollywood insider stuff, but we were the last two, and he just edged me out.

1:06:04We needed more Greeks. By the way, I think we do have a cuck of the year. Yeah, we do. Hang on.

1:06:07PFT Commenter:Really? Cuck of the year? Jerry O 'Connell won it for saying that the entirety of his family beat him up for saying one negative thing about Kamala. He said it to Bill Maher. Well, that's no way for the limb of the year to be behaving. Yeah. That would be Jersey Jerry. Oh, Jersey Jerry. I mean, you talk about the fall of civilization. President Biden gave the award to Jersey Jerry last year. Yeah. That sounds about right, actually. Yeah. Okay. Mentally, Biden is Jersey Jerry. And knowing who Jersey Jerry is. It's actually like, it like bums me out that we've lost some things. Like the Rock and Jock, Dan Cortez, like, what was that?

1:06:46PFT Commenter:What was it? Like MTV? Yeah, it was Rock and Jock. Like, I'm mad that we don't have anymore because, like, we would definitely have presidents playing in that. Oh, yeah. You're so fucking right. You know. Pun pass and kick. Yes. That would be a presidential pun pass and kick I would love to see. It's so sick. Because none of these motherfuckers can even, like, take a walk. Yeah. It's crazy. Big guess. It would be like J.D. Vance's stiff arm and Carmen Electra. Yeah, right. I need that. Her bikini top falls off. And, yeah, it's a whole thing. So this is the Cuck of the Year trophy. Okay. Oh, I see.

1:07:12So it's a man on a chair. So in many ways, Jerry, the Jerry's are sort of mirror images of each other. Yeah, they are. Yes. They're very similar. They're interchangeable. Yeah. So this is something to shoot for, Stavi. Maybe next time.

1:07:21PFT Commenter:I'll get there. Yeah. But you, dude, it's been awesome to watch you. Like, I don't want to, I don't want to like totally blow you, but it's, you're like blowing up and you're. I don't know what's happening either. Podcast is awesome. I am as confused as everybody else. You're like, it's so fucking cool to see, man. Thanks, man. Yeah. It is. It is fucking crazy. Like, I don't understand how, I mean, again, just lucky I answered one of Shane's texts four years ago. It was like, hey, we're shooting something. It'll be fun. I was like, all right, fuck it. That changed my life. Yeah. And then just like, you know, I don't understand why like, you know, crowd work clips went viral as fuck for two years, but they did.

1:07:58And then I got to just have big ass Netflix specials. And then the one that really makes no sense is why I got to just act immediately. Yeah. I think some fat actor like God is trying to punish him. I think like I am sort of like, hey, you worked your whole life. You're a Shakespeare trained actor, but you sinned too hard. So we're going to find the dumbest, fattest guy from the worst parts of entertainment, podcasting. And we're going to elevate him to a movie star. I think I'm actually the villain in somebody else's Truman Show. This is the feelings I had about the book.

1:08:30PFT Commenter:Someone spent years and years and years laboring over writing and journalism. And then we just shit out half a book because we didn't write the whole thing. And we're like, oh, yeah. But, yeah. So you are someone out there. It's Paul Thomas Walter. Yeah, yeah. Paul Walter Hauser. That honestly might be true, dude. Yeah. What did he do? He's going to win an Oscar one day. Yeah, he's an actual good actor. You're a good actor. Did you act before any of this? Not really. Dude, Baltimore School for the Arts sixth grade summer twigs program. That was the entirety of my acting. Wait, it was called the summer twigs?

1:09:10PFT Commenter:So you guys were literally an acting bundle of sticks? Yeah, I suppose that's true. And we'll keep it at that. again this is where your friends being illiterate helps us

1:09:24i graduated from the british uh cigarette yeah the british cigarette all a little bunch of twigs um yeah dude it was like the one i've never you know i just kind of was like a guy who was like man it'd be awesome to just be the fat neighbor in a sitcom and it just did kind of happen i'm not the fat neighbor i'm the fat assistant manager at a tire shop yeah that's all dude i all the the the max of my career was always like be the fat guy who pops in seven times you know once every seven scenes yeah to like split his pants you know sit on a whoopee cushion do that kind of stuff so shirt hawaiian shirt exactly so i'm happy to if i could stay here for the rest of my life it would be awesome you you basically like grew up

1:10:06PFT Commenter:and you're like being like if i could just be newman or kevin james kevin james yeah exactly Which way Yeah It's the fucking meme It's like Newman or Kevin James Kevin James was the north star Yeah Not joking Like Oh king of queens dude Yeah I actually have a joke in the special Where I was like I'm mad Because that's not what life is like For fat people Yeah Like it's actually fucked up They showed fat little boys That this is what life becomes Yeah Because it's like no No It's sleep apnea It's back problems No It's not getting hard Because you had too big a sandwich Dude That's what it's actually like To be fat as shit It's the whole It's the whole, like, dad bod, and it's like, women don't actually want dad bod.

1:10:44They want dads who are ripped. Absolutely. That's the difference. That would be the best one, but they'll settle for somebody who looks like shit. Yeah. There's always, like, every fat guy in every TV show, every commercial has just, like, a nine out of ten smoking wife. I know. And he's always complaining about her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My bitch wife won't let me go out and get hammered on a Wednesday.

1:11:04PFT Commenter:It's Seth Rogen and Jason Segel fucked it up, too. Like, all their movies. They got a little sex. That's a great point. Yeah. Seth Rogen started fat and slowly became kind of sexy. And Siegel, too, when he shows his nice fat hog. Yeah. That was a big moment. Forgetting Sarah Marshall with their hanging dong. When the protagonist of an Apatow-produced movie has a nice fat cock and he's not some fat guy with a little dick, that was when it all started coming down for us. Oh, man. But yeah, so the special, where'd you film it? Filmed it in Baltimore at the Lyric. Hell yes. It was, yeah. I was going to say, everything in your life is going well, except that Lamar will never win the big one.

1:11:42Okay, what is this about? Why the fuck are you saying stuff like that? What do you mean? He's winning it this fucking year, dude. Championship loaded. We got Minter. We got the boy Genius back there fucking setting up our defense. Fuck you. What's it like? That's why Caleb's a piece of shit. He's a fucking bust. And I was about to just hit PFT for no reason, but you didn't say anything. Please don't. I was getting worked up, but I'm going to wait. I appreciate that. I was actually going to ask you a more positive question. What it's like having Nate Bargatze as your head coach. He does look like Nate.

1:12:10He does. A lot. Yeah. No, listen. The Ravens, I hope you get your wishes fulfilled this year. Thank you. Is the Super Bowl on your birthday again? It's not. Actually, I don't know. I don't think it is. What about your birthday? February 11th? No. No.

1:12:23PFT Commenter:I think Super Bowl this year is right before. It's like it's Valentine's Day. Yeah, that's basically it. Oh, that's right. Yeah. So I do think you've got a decent chance. A little change of pace. I do feel like Harbaugh moved on pretty quick after you guys. He did. It was the classic, like, the second you get divorced, you get a trophy wife. Like, New York is totally a busted. The Giants are a busted woman with big fake tits. Because it's like, you know, she used to be hot. There's some history there. But it's like, you just, it's kind of like going Bezos, like Bezos' wife. That's what the Giants are.

1:12:55A lot of history, you know. And you're trying to give it a facelift. You know what I mean? That's what part. And I think he will be good for them, honestly. But, you know, it's tough. I think as long as we got Lamar, we got Derrick Henry, and if we can – I mean, look, Matt Abike comes back. That's the thing. Our edges are fucking nice. No, I think you guys should be good. But, like, don't fuck with me, Big Cat, you piece of shit. Because it is one of those things where I'm like, I want – I need Lamar to get everything to click for once.

1:13:21PFT Commenter:Yeah, and you got Max Crosby. All right. We did fine on that, all right? I actually think you did pretty well. We finessed the situation. In a weird way. It was actually a nice spot where it's like, you're like, oh, fuck. Max Crosby's incredible. Of course. You're like, oh, we gave up that for Max Crosby? And then it flipped, and you're like, oh, now we got, okay, so trade Hendrickson. So we just get a guy with no, we're not trading shit? Yeah. Who's not Max Crosby, but still. But he's not, you know, we didn't give anything up. I think you guys are going to be in a better spot because I do think the Harbaugh thing, like, he's a very good coach, but it does get stale at some point.

1:13:57PFT Commenter:I know. Like, you just lose the message. Having someone new, it's going to be similar because it's very, like, Josh Allen and Lamar, similar situations. True. Like, coaches that maybe it got stale and now they got new guys. Like, could it be the thing that propels them? Absolutely. And I think for both of those guys, it did feel a little late. I mean, I love Harbaugh, obviously. But to me, I mean, I will never stop thinking about that year where it was on my birthday because it felt like so perfect. That was such a good team. It was like he goes out, we win, and then it was like we still had Mike.

1:14:29And Mike stays. And it was like I had this entire fairy tale where it's like Harbaugh at the ceremony is like, and here's your next head coach. And he becomes a ceremonial GM. But it was clear Harbaugh wasn't ready to – these guys don't want to hang it up. And again, I think it will be good for the Giants. They need a floor. Yeah, he's the retta for the Giants. They're going to get a little jacked. Exactly. Eventually they'll eat through it. That's the playoffs. They got to get to the playoffs, but get there first. Yeah. Are you a Knicks fan? We were talking about this during the playoffs. I am.

1:15:00Because I thought that you were, and I think Big Cat was like, he's more of a Giannis fan. I think Giannis over everything. Absolutely. So this actually is, I would love to make this case and talk to you guys about it as sports bros, because I think I have an airtight, some of my friends were like making fun of me about being a Knicks fan on this championship run, particularly Joe List, that Boston piece of shit. But I think I moved to New York When Porzingis was drafted 12 or 13 years ago I don't remember when I grew up in Baltimore I'm not going to be a fucking You know this I'm not going to be a Wizards fan You don't believe in the Wiz?

1:15:34No dude Dude the Wiz are back But like I'm not from D.C. This is a trick for PFT

1:15:38PFT Commenter:To have you bring up the Wiz That's a great point That's a great point That is a good point They are looking This is the first time You've had any hope ever In a really long time Exactly Just a little bit of Wizards talk And all of a sudden And everybody's like, whoa, this is way too much. Yeah. But, you know, I'm interested to see what happens. But I could never do that. It would be like being from Chicago and rooting for Milwaukee, essentially. Actually, it would be like someone from Milwaukee rooting for Chicago. It's the smaller city has to get cucked and root for the bigger city. I never wanted to do that.

1:16:08And so when I moved to New York, if Baltimore had a team, I would be the biggest super fan of all time. That makes sense. That's my favorite sport. As much as I love football, basketball is my favorite sport. I would be fucking, I would be Jack Nicholson for Baltimore, right? And you ride for Giannis. And I ride for Giannis.

1:16:24PFT Commenter:So, and do you ride for Giannis' brother the same way? Because that's kind of bullshit if you don't. I do, but, you know. Sounds like you don't. Well, listen, I do because he's always been on the same roster the whole time. Right, I know, but now. Or the Knicks. Didn't one of them get left in Milwaukee? Yeah, I mean. They'll pick him up eventually. So you have to, like, I need you to, like, league pass Bucs games for Fanasis. or whatever his name is. No, dude, honest. Yeah, Thanasie, I don't think it is. Which one is it? Costa, Thanasie, Alex. I don't know. There's four. There's Costa, Thanasie, Alex.

1:16:55I think Thanasie's out now. He's more of a business mind. Okay. A shrewd man. Yeah. I will not say anything bad about a single Dikumbo brother. Nice try, big cat.

1:17:04PFT Commenter:He needs to. I mean, Giannis, this is a big. I feel like this is the next, like, three years. Like, if you're going to win another one, it's got to be now. And listen, I like, I mean, you know, they have such an incredible coach. He can figure like going to Miami is one of those places where you're like, all right. I mean, it was about to be doomsday when it was fucking Boston. I was going to fucking kill myself. Yeah, that would have been tough. I couldn't. It would have canceled out. Yeah, there was no. I would have turned your back on him. I would have had to. Goodfellas give him$1 ,300 and be like, I turn my back on you now.

1:17:35I have to root again. I couldn't. I couldn't. It would be the weirdest thing. It would be like I would see his face and be happy and see his jersey and cry. Like, I think I would have lost my mind. Yeah. Would you have to convince yourself that he wasn't actually Greek? Like, told yourself a tale? Like, actually. Oh, yeah. Who knows? Really kind of Albanian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where his family immigrated to. No, he loves Greece too much. I couldn't do it. It would be hard, but luckily, I didn't have to do it. Guess we'll never know. Guess we'll never know. And Miami, listen, I'll never root for Miami.

1:18:03Like, if they come against the Knicks, I'd root for the Knicks. But, like, I don't like that it's a rival. I would have liked if it was, like, the Timberwolves would have been awesome, for example.

1:18:12PFT Commenter:You need him to go to the Sacramento Kings. No I don't want to be bad But just like somewhere cool You know Anyway But I'm pumped I think that like you know I just want to see what he does Miami's a fun city If I have to get down there And see some games Hey it's not the worst thing In the world Have you talked to him? No Cause hasn't Sam Morrill Talked to him? He was at a benefit He was at a benefit Where he was there And I just missed him I was sick Sam invited me And I was sick that day And did you know He was going to be there? No I had no fucking idea If you were sick And you were going to meet him Like you would have gone right?

1:18:43Would you have gotten him sick? Or would you have felt like, oh shit, maybe I shouldn't meet him. Maybe this would be saving his life by staying home. That's a good point. I probably would have, I don't remember how sick I was. I probably would have masked up. Yeah. Still had the COVID mask laying around. Made sure he would have thought I'm an insane person. Yeah. Because it was also like a gala. I think you had to wear a suit and tie. I would have been up there masked up. Oh, yeah. I would have put it on just to meet him. He would have been like, what the fuck's going on here? Everybody else, I don't give a shit about it.

1:19:11I love you so much. Did you go to Greece this summer? I didn't dude I had to fucking

1:19:16PFT Commenter:How's Greece doing? I heard in Greece They don't have toilets That you can throw toilet paper away in Unfortunately that is true What does that mean? That's just you know Bad post-war infrastructure So You need a little shit basket There's just You need a little shit basket There's just trash in the bathroom Yes With A lid You use a lid And then who throws that out? That's a tough No one knows No one knows No one has the answer to that. Yeah, yeah. I mean, probably your grandmother or mother. That's the flip side of a patriarchal society. Growing up, the firstborn son, I've never had to worry about.

1:19:54Yeah. He takes out the shit papers. You know? They're just gone when I get there. But yes, it's a tough look. That is tough. I mean, I think WNBA players used to play in Russia. It was the same shit. I remember reading an article, and they were like, the one problem with playing overseas is that you can't flush your – Like, I think it was like a Diana Taurasi quote. Yeah. Which is like, somebody has to come and dig. Mysteriously, the shit papers disappear for them, too. That's a big problem. That is one thing America is crushing. Really good. Plumbing.

1:20:21PFT Commenter:Air conditioning and plumbing. Yeah. We fucking kick ass. Yeah. I remember the first. I think it's the same way in parts of Latin America and South America, too. Of course. And you go in there and as an American, you see that sign on the wall and you're like, surely they can't mean. Like, my poop. Not me. Goes right there. My poop? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's major culture shock. It's tough. You know, I think it makes you gritty. It makes you gritty. By the way, it makes you earn every wipe. That's true. Now it's not just an endless black hole you throw your shit paper on. There's limited space.

1:20:56Yeah. You have to be very strategic, and you have to really get the most out of every square.

1:20:59PFT Commenter:I'd have to be like, you know, when you're in college and you never want to take out the trash, so you step on the trash. I'm stepping on the shit paper. On the shit paper. You have your shit boot You put on the shit paper boot And you just press it down I'm not taking it out today Yeah you're just stacking shit paper You fold your shit paper into origami And put it on top Growing up it was just like You flush something And then who knows where it goes That's how you just get rid of stuff You just push that button And it's gone Oh yeah We flushed our goldfish down the Our dead one We did Oh wow Yeah People were upset about that It's like where else is it supposed to go It's like It's in the book It was like nine years ago Oh nine years ago Oh you did I thought you meant your children I thought you were telling a heartwarming anecdote Us adult men We flushed our goldfish that we had make NFL picks for us Down the toilet How could I forget What was the goldfish's name?

1:21:51Larry the 55 % How could I forget Larry? The world's best gambler And then his grave got robbed We buried him in Canton, Ohio at the Hall of Fame He put a tiny little gold jacket On his body He did better than the turtle

1:22:09PFT Commenter:Oh the turtle sucks We rehomed the turtle Rehomed Yeah It turns out that The turtle was getting made We got a turtle named Mr. Pear And then we had Forrest Galante Who's a big like Wildlife guy Outdoorsman on YouTube He came into the office And introduced him to Mr. Pear And he goes You know Mr. Pear is actually That's a female turtle Whoa They have And I was like Well that explains It's record against the spread Yeah It doesn't really watch ball Yeah Mrs. Pear Yeah I could give you like mixed signals on what it was for dinner, where it wants to go eat. My fucking bitch turtle wife won't suck me off.

1:22:46PFT Commenter:I had to actually tell my kids that we didn't have Mr. Pear anymore. They were pretty upset. Oh, no. Yeah. Baby, little kids love turtles. I was just like, listen, she, that bitch sucked at Campbell. Yeah, that whore's the reason you don't have candy this week. That whore's the reason we're light on the Saturday donuts this week. Exactly. There's only four now. All right. So what else is going on? I mean, it's. Dude, the special, really. Please watch the special, everyone. It's good as fuck. I work hard. Is it your favorite one? It's my favorite one. And I did it with Matt Johnson, who he directed Tony.

1:23:20He directed Nirvana, The Band, The Show, Blackberry. Oh, hell yes. He's so fucking funny. Matt's the man. And we did something kind of fun with the special. Like, I don't want to give too much away, but we do like some organic. There's a real interaction. And then we build some interesting stuff in the special around it. Because Matt is so good at finding real people and putting them into his movies and TV shows and stuff. So it's kind of like an interesting... If you're a fan of Matt, which his stuff is so great, you should check it out. And if you just like straight up good-ass stand-up... I worked on this for like three years.

1:23:52I mean, you guys came to the Chicago Theater. Yeah. It's pretty much a better version of that from like a year ago. But I've been touring with this for like three years. So please watch the special, everybody. That's the main thing. But then, you know, after that, there's other shit, I guess.

1:24:05PFT Commenter:Yeah, are you going to, like, because the acting's going so well, your podcast, everything, are you going to stick with, like, comedy? Like, after this one, like, this is a big one. I know, but, like, it's hard. I would imagine. It's doing stand-up comedy has got to be the hardest thing of the three, I would imagine. You know, it's the traveling's the most, but, like, acting's kind of, like, it's not harder. It's just fucking annoying. It's a real job. Okay. Like, other people depend on you. You can't wake up hungover, yell at your Albanian friend to go get you a fucking sausage, egg, and cheese.

1:24:41Yeah. You know what I mean? And also, I'm not a fucking act. I'm a stand-up. Okay. I'm not one of these guys that wants to leave. Okay. Look, I want to be like the fact. I love Adam Sandler, Chris Farley movies, Will Ferrell. I'd love to do a Danny McBride, Eastbound and Down, my favorite show. Obviously, I'd love to keep doing stuff like tires and that kind of thing. But, dude, stand-up is where I belong.

1:25:04PFT Commenter:Because I would liken it to like in sports media where it's like newspaper writers want to be radio guys. Radio guys want to be on TV. Because like TV is like a lot easier to do than write a column every week. For sure. For sure. Like stand up, getting up every night is the biggest grind of all of those. And I mean, yes, it's like ultimately easy compared to real jobs. But compared to other showbiz jobs, it actually is more work. Right. But I just fucking love it. And it is killing me clearly. Like touring destroys you. And I eat like shit. I do drugs, whatever. That was a really nice whatever there.

1:25:38Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do drugs, whatever. And every time I'm on tour, I relapse. I had a year and a half of sobriety. As soon as I got on the road the first day, I was like, let's get fucked up immediately. And I've just been doing that for two years since. So I have some stuff to figure out. But look, man, when I'm acting, I feel like it's like putting a little fucking rat in a tuxedo. You know what I mean? But it's like where I belong is in the mud, podcasting, doing stand-up. Like you motherfuckers too I mean I remember when the ESPN show And it was like fucking heartbreaking I remember it feeling Shane the ESPN show It felt like there were moments where all of us were trying to do it Nick Mullen had his fucking commercial taken away Like all of us kind of tried too fast To do it the regular way And then we realized like We're not meant for this bullshit We're not meant to I don't want to be held to these standards Yeah yeah It felt like we've done a lot of Goodfellas illusions but it was the getting made scene back to back to back where all my friends were getting insane opportunities and immediately getting fired and so i'm like dude i'm lucky that i was the low less talented of that group and it took 10 years for me to get stuff to get like and by the time i was getting mainstream stuff i was like oh this is a bonus but where i belong that's awesome here doing stand-up fucking literally you guys accidentally becoming the best like the reason i'm on the biggest sports show is because my dumb friends accidentally have it i would never try and get on the biggest show of anything you know what i mean like my entire press tour was like i was like i guess i'll go to la and do fucking bad friend i'll just do bad friends then i'll come

1:27:18PFT Commenter:here and do psc stop in chicago then i'll go back i hit up shane and he was like i'm going to notre dame game so i was like all right i guess i'm not doing that show like that's as much i didn't try and reschedule i was just like hey dude are you gonna be around he's like no i was like all right fuck it because I'm just not doing the biggest comedy podcast to promote my special our press store for the book was like going on other barstool shows just shittier versions of your show no we had a meeting and they were like the Canadian version yeah they were like we're thinking maybe you do this like you know a big like Fox hit or CBS and we're like how about we just say it on the number one sports podcast like I think we have our own press at this point we'll just get everybody that wrote a chapter in the book to promote the book yeah exactly yeah that right there makes you the new york times bestseller yeah if everybody who collaborated on this bought a copy that's a million people yeah exactly it takes a village yeah the goodfellas analogy i i think it's kind of like um back in the day the mob tried to you know they tried to go clean right you know certain people would try to get legitimate businesses and if they tried too hard to break in they would get elbowed out because it'd be like this guy's dirty you know he's got this long track record until eventually you wait long enough and they just control some of the businesses now the legit businesses and that's kind of like where the the podcasting class that's a great of 2016 i think that's where we're at right now so true it's like well the mob kind of runs everything so just deal well yeah yeah like what are you gonna do like yeah like pat mcafee has the most power at espn i know he has so much power he thinks he can do music you can't fuck with us anymore that's when you know someone is lost it's like roman emperor successful yeah because he's like oh i'm actually good at i'm gonna just do the songs jelly roll doesn't want to do whatever jelly roll threw away i'll go ahead and take a crack at him yeah love to do the show pat anytime no it's like it's either that or like the the the nerd who starts doing like brazilian jiu-jitsu it's like i could actually get in a real fight jacked yeah yeah like like when jonah hill was like i could i could i could fuck any of you up Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:29:24PFT Commenter:That's tough. Nah, dude, I don't think so. I love Jonah 2, and it's like we need to get back to what's beautiful about being. Even if you're not fat anymore, in your soul, being a fat guy is good. Yeah. You know what I mean? Stop trying to be. I don't want. We shouldn't be leading with violence. Right. When you've been a fat icon, even as skinny, it needs to be about having the good times rolling. Yeah, it needs to be about making fun of yourself. Absolutely. That's how you make friends. And you can make fun of your friends, too, but you have to ultimately not be too serious about yourself. But yeah, dude, that's how I feel where I'm like, stand up is what I'll do forever podcast.

1:29:57And then like, listen, I'm not going to stop them from putting me in movies. But I'm not going to say no. Thank you.

1:30:02PFT Commenter:That is the best feeling. Like we talked about it when we were going back in like the 10 years of like having that realization. Like, I don't need the other things. You think you need them because that's what everyone tells you. And then you realize, wait, I don't need ESPN. I don't need a TV show. We're having a pretty good time here. This is insane. You have a fucking full call. I mean, when you guys come to New York, you've got to come to the new office. I was honestly inspired by the fact that you guys just made a hilarious place to hang out. It's technically your job. I did the same thing in New York.

1:30:33I was trying to get myself a nice -

1:30:35PFT Commenter:What did you get set up? Because the problem with New York is you just don't have the square footage. Yeah, I mean, compared to this, it's - Yeah, but what did you get? I just got a real office. We have a studio. I got myself a little Big Buck Hunter. Got myself a 100-inch television. Hell yeah. You know what I mean? Like a couch that reclines. like the amount of hang space versus and like there's like a desk in the wall like pushed up against the wall but all the like video games and the fucking vintage pornography that gets yes that's number one you know what i mean i've got to get up on your uncrustables game though that's yes pretty culturally it's beautiful what you're doing uncrustables wise i mean yeah it is great the problem is like every time you go you walk past that fridge you think to yourself why not give myself a little treat yeah a little boost not a snack yeah not a treat a boost a boost For the work of boost.

1:31:23Literally, that's how I started. I was like, let me get one. Who am I kidding? I got to start it with the fucking uncrusted. I feel my blood sugar might be a little bit low. This will be good for me to have this.

1:31:32PFT Commenter:But it is. Yeah, I mean, I think I was telling my wife, and she was like, what are you? In 20 years, I was like, yeah, I'd love to have a bar or pizza place, a place in the back that I could just hang with my friends. And she's like, you literally have that now. there's no front to it but you have that you literally do that every day no but i'm with you it needs to be an operating business yeah i'm so with you like because that's the next level like owning a failing business as you're like hang as your living room as my hangout spot like in the back and just have have just like a like i walked by like a knights of columbus the other day and i was like i just i think i just want to be there absolutely working i want to work the fryer at a diner yeah like i want to work a blacktop i would love if i had a fucking diner and nobody came in but my friends yeah awesome but also not work it that much no i work one shift every four months yeah like chop come out chop some onions and be like i'm gonna go play cards in the back exactly exactly i would basically what i'm saying is when i want when i get so fucking high that i i'm non-verbal and i have a sandwich in my head that i can't like uh you know communicate i want to go back there and create it myself you know what i mean like i want to deep fry the tenders i want to i want to you know put bacon in the breading you know what i mean like i when i can't say it that's what i want yeah i want a full kitchen at my disposal to to make my fat dreams come true yes it's actually not the craziest thing to think that we would put in at some point like a drive-thru window here yeah at the office and just hire somebody that's just like yeah selling subs out the side i mean yes you should just have you should have a food truck that that's somebody that works like in-house yeah that's what you fucking i mean chef donnie kind of is that yeah that's true but i think we need to make it like formal yeah and make or a tire shop just hang out yeah that's yeah that's not bad that's exactly it like i just we basically have created a tire shop without any tires yeah have you uh by working on the show have you unknowingly like picked up all the tips and tricks about working at a tire shop like all the ways they get you i have no idea no no we do no real research it's it's in a real tire shop and we are just it's funny because we're surrounded by functioning tire shops like it's like uh steve's dad's shop is still my office is his father's real office yeah on the show so we're around it but no i'm having i'm all my time when we're not uh acting as eating uncrustables that's the you know the crafty i go buck wild on Throw Reese's Cup in the, like, oh my God.

1:34:03Oh, you haven't. Smash it under the Uncrustable?

1:34:05PFT Commenter:Should we have, all right, Zach, you know what? Let's get to this point because they, please. We have a Reese's Lounge here that you have to check in. Are you fucking kidding me? We have a literal candy shop in our office. Oh my God. You got the Reese's fucking sponsorship? We have a Reese's Lounge. I'm so jealous. Stop. It has everything that Reese's does upstairs. I'm so jealous, dude. You got a fast break? Yeah. The fast break. Oh yeah, dude. The cake five, the fast break. Yeah. I mean, we were joking about it the other day, but like. When you were six years old, you're like, someday I want to be sponsored by Reese's.

1:34:34PFT Commenter:Yeah. That came true. Oh, my God. That's beautiful. We do have all the ingredients here to make an Uncrustable with a Reese's. Yeah. We'll get back to Stavi in a second. But Stavros is brought to you by our friends at Lucy. Lucy Breakers. I got them right here in my pocket. The Lucy Breakers are intense, long-lasting flavor that actually satisfies. Bite and burst tech. Bite down to pop the capsule for a satisfying click and a rush of fresh flavor. Breakers flavors are built to stay vivid from start to finish. Apple turns icy. Berry gets a blast of citrus. And mint gets even more minty, creating a refreshing flavor experience that lasts longer and stays more interesting than ordinary pouches.

1:35:21PFT Commenter:Lucy's the only pouch that delivers long-lasting, on-demand flavor. Get 20 % off your first order when you buy online at Lucy.co slash PMT with code PMT. And here comes a fine print. Warning, this product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Go get Lucy's today. Lucy.co slash PMT. Code PMT. Lucy.co slash PMT. Now back to Stavi. All right, so Zach, so Stavi just met Zach for the first time. I know, but listen, in person. But like America, I've been enchanted by Zach's offbeat charm. Yes. Yes. So Stavi in the kitchen, he was like, what has changed around here? And Zach has been tasked with giving him an update.

1:36:04PFT Commenter:And then we'll maybe talk about maybe an update. I'd love an update. I have an update of my own. Yes. Yes. But I would love a general update because I literally think the last time I was here, I think Zach might have started like the week after. I just missed him. It was like April of last year. Yes. Okay. So, you know, I've loved the clips. I've loved, again, falling in love with those husky eyes. Oh, my God. You know, it seems like, again, that seems like someone gave, that was a gift from the gods. Yes. Caribbean blue. It's beautiful. By the way, Zach, our bad not having you, we were literally like at your house yesterday.

1:36:41PFT Commenter:We haven't talked to you. Oh, yeah. You guys were like down the street like 20 minutes. Yeah, we should have had you come with us. One of my friends was bartending there yesterday, ran into a bunch of guys. We went to Zach's backyard and didn't bring them. That's fucking hilarious. When he landed, I was like, wait, isn't this where Zach's from? Whoops. Should have brought them. Oh, when he went to Florida. Yeah, we went to Florida. That's so fucking funny, dude. We just didn't bring them. All right, Zach, ready? Yes, sir. First built-in point I have on here is that we built a Yugg Station for speed-pounding beers.

1:37:11Ooh, I love that. And how much use does it get? I think it's been retired. There's Ivy grown over it. Yeah. It's been bad spots.

1:37:17PFT Commenter:So Dana Beers wanted a Yugg Station where he could, it looks like an actual gas pump, but it delivers you beer. Conceptually, I love it. Yes. Conceptually, it made a lot of sense when he brought it to me. And so I was like, yes, of course, let's do it. I want you to be happy. He has not used it like ever. That's a shame. Yeah. It sits right there. That's a real shame. Yeah. But it is a good idea. Yugg Station. Great idea. Well, the only thing, the only, it hasn't, he's done probably like 15 episodes. the only thing that i i made a mandatory because i gave him like a decent budget to create this i said that when you do a yug station episode so it's essentially him just having a guest they chug a beer and that's the that's the episode i said you have to also put it on spotify so there is a podcast oh nice it's like 90 of the podcast version has just ads and then it's like hey we got stabby here all right ready set go go and then they're like all right that was it it's a Great podcast.

1:38:14That's an awesome podcast. All right. Nice. I love that. Okay. Hank has become left-handed. Yep.

1:38:19PFT Commenter:Really? So he switched, yeah. Interesting. He switched his golf. Oh, wow. Isn't he a little late for that? Not entirely because he still sometimes drives right-handed, putt right-handed. Uh-huh. But yeah, he calls himself a full-time left. He's a lefty now. Yes. Well, the thing is - That's how it starts. Yeah. Listen, sometimes even though you're wearing khakis and a button-down, you got to put on a little lipstick. You know what I mean? That's the first step to becoming who you really are. That feels nice. It's the first step. Saying you're a lefty is the first step to actually becoming a lefty.

1:38:46Putting on a pair of heels after a long day of work. That's step one. The crazy part was he has been a lefty his whole life. Really? And then for some reason he decided he would golf righty, and that's just how he always golfed. And then he thought to himself, I need to go back to the old me. But he got good at righty, and then he switched at lefty, and now he's worse at lefty. It has been nice tracking. Again, here's what I know. I've been tracking Hank's misery. yeah that's been really nice because it's been a terrible year it's been it's just and it's not really about i feel bad frank because he is really he's the sin eater for every boston sports fan basically on this show and just he it's just him there's a couple avatars where you're like i'm glad you're fucking sad yeah because boston has had it so nice and the fact that it was i know that skipping ahead maybe i'm sorry i don't want to i don't want to you know spoil anything But the fact that the Knicks championship was his birthday is maybe the most beautiful.

1:39:42As a fan of the show, just a beautiful moment.

1:39:45PFT Commenter:He was so upset. And he lost Liv. Yeah. Liv Golf is gone. Yeah. Biggest Liv head we know. That's embarrassing. To care about Liv is already the loss. But to be sad is even worse. Well, I don't know if you heard last week he went down to the last ever Liv event. And he said they treated him like royalty. Because they didn't realize we've been mocking Liv all along. They were like, this is Hank. He does so much for us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy fuck. They tried to introduce him to Dustin Johnson. And they're like, hey, this is the guy that he's on part of my take. He talks about Liv all the time. Dustin was like, what?

1:40:20And just walked away. Dustin Johnson doesn't care about Liv. Like, so good. Hank cared so much more about Liv than the actual golfers who were on the tour. Yeah, who'd get it for an insane paycheck.

1:40:30PFT Commenter:$500 million. I was like, yeah, I can. Oh, that's the number for me not to have principles. You know what I mean? Exactly. They got to figure it out. And I get to wear shorts? Yeah. Fuck yeah, I'm in. All right, next. Max has been married four times. Four times? Max got married four times, yeah. Max got married this summer. He got married this summer. It was a long process. Indian wedding? Is his wife? No. Is it that kind of thing? No. He got married. He had to go to Philly three separate times to be like, oh now we gotta go get the license now we gotta go get the he wanted to have a Philly marriage?

1:41:06PFT Commenter:yeah he had a destination wedding so they got the actual they had a destination wedding outside of America so they had to like fill out all the paperwork he also had two bachelor parties now did we force him to have one of them? yes but it was like three separate marriages two bachelor parties and now he's on a two week sex vacation right now oh so he's probably getting ahead right now right this second He's in Italy right now. That's awesome. He's been listening to this show. That makes me feel good knowing that my boy's getting sucked off. Yeah. In Italy? Yeah. Belly full of linguine. Get it?

1:41:40Your dick sucked by the love of your life? Could be worse. Should we call?

1:41:44PFT Commenter:Here, I'll dial his number. You just ask him. Sure. All right, hold on. I'll hand you the phone. Let's see if he's getting fucked right now. One thing that he is doing is listening to part of my take, which I assure you I would not be doing if I were on an Italian sex vacation. Of course not. Hello. Hey, Max, just wondering if you're getting head right now. What? Are you getting head on a veranda in Tuscany right now? Who is this? It's your buddy Stav, Max. We were just talking about what I've missed. And I was like, where's Max? And they were like, he's in Italy on a sex vacation. And then I started dreaming about how wonderful that would be.

1:42:25So I was just wondering, I was seeing if you maybe had some tiramisu on your lips and maybe also a little pussy juice in your beard. That's all. That's all I was asking. But hey, man.

1:42:35PFT Commenter:I actually, no, no, no. No, no. All right. I'm not. I swear. I am laying on my bed. Oh, okay. All right. So we're getting there. Yeah. All right. All right. Well, listen, enjoy, my friend. Okay. Congratulations. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh. What time is it over there? It's like 7 p.m. So he's prehaz. Oh, okay. I see. He's settling into some head. This might be before dinner. And giving, by the way. Yeah. Come on. The Italians are passionate. Yeah. All right. Next up. There's been some great memorabilia pickups. A couple notable ones. FSU COVID banner at half court. Awesome. Taylor Swift chair in the YAC studio.

1:43:15Oh, wow. I would love to.

1:43:17PFT Commenter:Yeah. Wait. Oh, it's in the. Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to when I do the YAC sit in the Taylor Swift chair. I bought the chair that Taylor Swift sat in for game three of the Knicks versus Cleveland. Which was in Cleveland. Yeah. And then came to the Knicks. That pissed me off. Yeah. You can't be. Listen, and with the Haim sisters who are fucking L.A., I was like, come on, guys. You can't be rooting for the Cavs and then immediately come with Etsy-level girl pun t-shirts. That was a little much for me. I also thought she took the best pun by far, and that was kind of fucked up. Oh, I don't remember. Stevie Nicks.

1:43:52It was her and... Stevie Nicks is good. Yeah. She also gave one. It was her and Mariska Hargitay. Both have Stevie Nicks. Yeah. Listen, I'm not... I don't want any beef on the eve of the special coming out. She's a very talented artist. Yeah, that's a bad idea. Okay, I take it back. Actually, it was good that she did that. Yeah. Please. You love the chair. I love the chair. I will sit in the chair. I love you. She did a great job. Don't attack me pre-special. Please, Swifties. Did you think... No, you know what? Fuck that. I have to be a man of principle. I did not like that. And it's okay for me to say that.

1:44:21And please don't attack me. But also watch the special. Please watch the special. Did you think to yourself like, maybe, maybe I'll get an invite to the wedding? No. How many people would have to be invited for me to get the invite? It seemed like a lot. I had some, I had like a crazy amount of friends that were there. Yes. I mean, it was really, I mean, Santino was there. Yep. You know, Tommy Alter, the guy who knows everyone on earth. Yep. and no one is exactly sure what his job is or what he's ever contributed to society. Is Tommy in the CIA? I'm just thinking about it right now. The way that he runs our fantasy football league, yes.

1:44:55100%. He's like, hey, do you guys want Tommy's massage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would not put him past that motherfucker. Send me just real quick a copy of your fingerprints. Also, we got Tim Robinson in the fantasy football league this year. Let's go, boys. That is, yeah, I did not think I was getting an invite. Actually, you know what? I'm actually mad at you motherfuckers. Maybe I'm mad at memes. Because one time where they got engaged, you re-ran the video I did right after we lost. And it made it look like, remember when I was like, fuck, fuck Travis Kelsey. Fuck. I was going off because it was the day after what we've been talking about, this interview.

1:45:33One of the darkest hours of my life was being at the AFC Championship in the building watching them win. And I came back, like I always do, I'm an open book. And I come on. I face the lashing. I never hide. I'm always depressed. It was a very commendable performance. And whoever posted it, the day they got engaged, which I never would come at it with that. The day they got engaged, it looked like I was that mad at them for getting married. I was celebrating them at that point. And now I've become an enemy of the... Now look, again, am I mad at the Kelsey brothers for coming into podcasting? Of course.

1:46:12As we've said, this is for the rats. Yes. This is the sewer of entertainment. You shouldn't get to be Taylor Swift's husband, a handsome athlete, your brother's an all-pro Super Bowl winner with a beautiful family. Stay out of podcasting, you cocksuckers. This is for us. But I would never have admonished them at that level on their engagement day. So I don't know if it was memes, if it was somebody else. It was memes. Fuck you, memes. Yeah, that was my fault.

1:46:36PFT Commenter:I remember that. That clip is so funny. Yes, we got a bunch of memorabilia. Your foot is on the Boise State blue turf. Oh, the car, the turf? This is a real blue turf from Boise? Yeah. From the fucking Statue of Liberty proposed to your bitch right after winning? Yeah. This turf? This is the turf. Wow. Yeah. That's awesome. All right. We also have a trough from the Bills Stadium. Piss trough? Yeah. Awesome. Fully functional. Awesome. So please use it. Sign it. I will. Yeah. We've gotten a little bit of a kick on weird memorabilia. And fill me in on the ice cream. I know, Zach, that's your area of expertise.

1:47:11I love that you guys are creaming up here What kind of mixes are we using? Do we get into any custards? What flavors? So Jacob Owen and I do man the ice cream Big Cat's Saucer ice cream machine So we got vanilla chocolate and swirl Two flavors and then twist As far as the mix goes, Stabi We run a 10 % milk fat So it is a custard coming out the pipes I love it See, I didn't even have to ask for a custard It already comes standard around here Correct I love how the fuck you guys get down Dude, it's

1:47:39PFT Commenter:This is aspirational But also awesome. I'll just have three ice cream cones a day. No, I'm about to hit that up. I'm just going to take ice cream with Pepto-Bismol in a second. When you're like, I just need it. I know my stomach can't handle this, but my man said he's working at 10 % milk fat. You're telling me I'm not going to have a cone of custard on my way to the fucking airport? They need to make a Pepto-syrup when it comes to a squeeze bottle as a topic. They need it sweet and savory. For wings.

1:48:16Give me garlic parm get garlic parm Pepto. It would also be great if you crush up like Zantac and that's in the ranch. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:48:26PFT Commenter:They should do it for everything. We should get like a Pepto nicotine patch. Ooh, I love that. Imagine just walking around and you're like, oh, this is my Pepto patch. Oh, I don't have to shit right now. As long as I have this patch on, I can eat as much chili as I want and no diarrhea. Can I get some of those nachos with the Prilo cheese? Dude, I've been thinking about this. The foods that evil companies are going to create to beat Ozempic. Dorito. Like chips. The chips, the ice creams, the whatever, you know, fast food. Burgers, fries. Oh, it's going to be incredible, dude. They're going to taste so good.

1:48:59I can't wait. I'm so excited. I can't wait for the Ozempic busters. Yeah. They're in the lab right now. They're in the lab trying to beat it. Make us fatter than ever. Remember when Cam Newton like his team the Panthers give up a touchdown he's on the sidelines and he just nods his head yeah that's what yeah that's what that's what the food scientists said yeah yeah took that personal

1:49:21PFT Commenter:okay yeah ice cream machines change I love that I love that and they've done a great job of operating it and keeping it they know everything about it I respect that so much and in a different life I think I would love to serve with you at the ice cream station yeah any day you want to pick up a shift. Yeah. All right. What else you got? There was a hot dog rescue mission from the ceiling. Oh, yeah. Catch of a lifetime. Yeah, that was good. Yeah, excellent. That was fun. Excellent. David, we got a hot dog stuck in the ceiling. Interesting. Yeah, it's pretty much all you need to know. And how did that happen?

1:49:50PFT Commenter:It was like a tennis racket. Someone. OK, we took a free throw. Yeah. On tennis racket, launched a hot dog into the air ducts. That's pretty sick. It stopped the office for an entire day trying to get this hot dog out of the ceiling. The air was fucking Flavored We're basically running Scooby Doo Episodes here I love that The Breaking Bad episode With the fly Yeah That was Yes yes yes The hot dog Following the hot dog Give me your top three Zach Give me Give me The last The final The best three remaining Best remaining Max got married again We Okay Barstool started Call of Duty team And A little bias there On your behalf Seems like you care about that Way more than most people I wouldn't put that in the top three That you and your friends started playing Call of Duty together But it's nice You got your heart on your sleeve And Big M.P.F.T.

1:50:47Wrote a book And then rewrote a book And then the book came out And then it's number one Respect I love that That's a beautiful Yeah, that's about right To me, I was like We got Zach We got to He's been a lightning rod really really started up it's it's like when they add a cute little kid to a failing sitcom 10 years in but it actually works you know what i mean like he's poochie from from the simpsons but if

1:51:12PFT Commenter:it was awesome if poochie was awesome yeah yeah yeah yeah i also liked that zach just summarized our entire year and if you're like hey can you actually just make that one line it's like we eat a lot of ice cream that's all that we've done that's beautiful that was the most impassioned one and that's the one I cared about the most as well. That and again, Hank, and as a result, all of Boston's misery has been awesome. Lefty Hank. Has been awesome to watch, yeah. Okay, so what's your update for Seth? So I actually have just been, I'm getting to check in with all my friends I haven't seen in a while.

1:51:41I was just in the Bad Friends studio and there's a palpable energy buzzing throughout the whole place.

1:51:46PFT Commenter:You just started chugging water. I'm so nervous. I just, you know, I don't know if you guys know what's going on, but it felt, I wasn't privy to what was going on. Everyone was kind of whispering, but it felt like love was in the air. If I was over there, it was me, Bobby, me, Bobby, Santino, all the production staff, and they were kind of discussing a member of the crew was really excited about something, but I couldn't really pick up. Does that kind of jive with anything you guys know? Because I know, wasn't Santino in here recently? Yeah, we were talking about it the other day with Zach, and Zach, you watch the show all the time.

1:52:23He's a big fan. This comes out next. So I recorded it a couple days ago. It will come out after this. Yeah, yeah. But we didn't talk about it on air. It was more. See, that's the thing. It wasn't about. It didn't feel like it was about. It's not for content. Content. It felt like deeper than that. We'll cut all this. We can cut all of this. But I'm just saying something was going on there. I would make a trip. If I was a member of this crew, I would maybe start looking at Airbnbs in Los Angeles. That's all I'm saying. Maybe take a trip. Do you guys have anything you need somebody to cover in LA?

1:52:53so we can figure out something. Definitely. I was just thinking about the Chargers. Yeah. Or the Chargers. Check out SoFi. Oh, let's, you know what? Bolt up.

1:53:03PFT Commenter:Maybe go, let's get boots on the ground for this Clippers situation. Oh, we need some investigative. Pablo Torrey who? Zach. Yeah. Zach's going to find out. Yeah, Zach, I need you to go out there and come back with a report that says everything is fine. And the Clippers did nothing wrong. I can do that. yeah i do think i would love to see and listen you're reporting you might get hungry you know you might need to grab something to eat and i'm scared this kid is a sweet kid i wouldn't trust him in the big city of la alone you might need a chaperone you might need somebody who we'll check with santino or bobby lee and if they're busy maybe they know somebody yeah because i think all you were saying before the only people you know in la that could possibly help it's like Andrew Bobby and then whoever they know yeah I don't know anybody else and they're busy guys they're busy so it's probably not gonna be them but I'm sure they have like I don't know someone who's like somewhere between a family member and a staff employee which seems like a weird type of person yeah but I'm sure one of them has someone that's sort of like a niece and an assistant or something at the same time so yeah I don't know again I'm just speculating I'm just spitballing But it feels like to me, let's start with Zach needs to do a little investigative reporting.

1:54:19Yes. Yeah. He needs to put on his fucking his Sherlock Holmes hat and go find us Uncle Dennis. Yeah. Go find us the locations of Uncle Dennis. I can't put these boots on the ground, boys.

1:54:30PFT Commenter:You're ready to go. Zach's got a girlfriend now. Oh, really? Yeah. Her name's Rudy on Bad Friends. Oh, that makes so much sense. All right. That's beautiful, man. Yeah. It was buzzing. The energy was real I love it We're just a couple guys Speculating right now You know Just a couple guys Speculating I'm just I'm reporting to you What I felt in the room Right At Bad Friends Studio I was judged there And I'm sure you could report What you feel in the room Right now Back to them as well I could Through the glass Yes It's palpable You can feel it I'm actually smelling Zach's pheromones Through the glass That sweat Yeah But I'm picking it up That's exactly right That's nervous energy Yeah but Zach That's what If a woman were to smell this Watch out Yeah All I'm saying is You'd have to hose this fucking pleather couch down.

1:55:15If I were of the female persuasion right now, I'm smelling what I'm smelling coming through the plexiglass. Oh, boy. Meem's going to have to burn that hoodie. His fucking girlfriend's going to ovulate as soon as she smells it. She smells Zach's fucking pheromones. Zach, you got this, man.

1:55:31PFT Commenter:Zach, would you be interested in that? Oh, yeah. I'm willing to cover any story for the show. I love that. What a good guy. What a good guy. I love that. All right, Zach, do you have a question for Stavi? Roback.com R-H-O-B-A-C-K.com Promo code TAKE 20 % off your first purchase Q-Zips, polos, hoodies, joggers, shorts Roback.com Promo code TAKE So you mentioned a little earlier in the show That you do have a special comment on Netflix soon How do you go What's the back and forth When it comes to like Maybe companies being like You can't Have they tried to tell you Not to put anything in And how does that discourse go What leg Like where do you draw the line on like No I gotta still be me And then still kind of cooperate With what's going on Yeah sure I don't think that's happening at all anymore.

1:56:12I think that's a completely overdone... In fact, clearly, Netflix has bought into... Like I said, they've come to the internet. They put Kill Tony specials on Netflix now, right? There's no... I think the idea that cancel culture exists at all is completely fake. I think the most successful people say kind of fucked up stuff. And I'll just say in my personal... Like working with Netflix, they've been like shockingly cool. Like there have been stuff where I'm like, here we go. They're going to fight me on, you know, this joke where I said a public assassination was good, for example. And they didn't.

1:56:50You know what I mean? Like and they've been they've watched it at every like level and they've been actually so fucking cool to work with. And so, yeah, I would say in general, Zach, I think that stuff's way overblown. And I think most of it was just complaining, to be honest. and be like look at the people who've complained about that they also happen to have hundreds of millions of dollars right for the most part right and now of course a lot of shitty comedians who want to say slurs can't do it right but that's because they're bad at comedy and or don't have a fan base or whatever so and not that i'm saying that's that's what i want to do but i do like i could say pretty much they've kind of let me get away with anything and i think like if anything what's been harder is the it's kind of flipped where now the internet i don't know if you guys feel this i feel more censored like youtube and instagram now they're trying to become cable tv yeah you can't say fuck you can't say shit you can't show tits bobbling you can't show a simulated cock get hard these are all problems i had during a recent mission impossible spoof trailer that i posted uh where where i was breaking into the cia because the government had made it illegal to look at titties and so i did a spoof i spent a lot of money on like a mission impossible spoof which makes no sense yeah you can't even tell it's a stand-up i realized i was like wait we don't make it clear this is for stand-up what are we selling i just spent like twenty thousand dollars making a video for fun anyway i love i love mission possible so much but i do think like censorship has gotten kind of weird from like the internet and algorithms now kind of controlling us and i prefer to your question where it was like someone you could talk to because you could have a conversation but now all these tech dickheads are like oh it's the algorithm but you just fucking made the algorithm you're too much of a coward to answer for it so that's that's my uh roundabout answer there zach zach's question remind me of something growing up we had like iconic stand-up specials yes that like stand out in the canon of like stand-up bigger and blacker you know what i mean like dave chapelle's first two specials louis hilarious all that kind of stuff right so chewed up since the elephant in the room anyway keep going i would say like are there is there anything in the last like 15 20 years that we can say like this is a legendary stand-up special or is it it might just be that we're too too close to it that we won't know for a while but like yeah i was just thinking is are there any iconic stand-up specials that stick out that's a that's a fucking great question i i do think unfortunately like it's lost a little of its of its like mystique until now by the way until now uncle stop uncle stop bringing it back i mean dude honestly i i hired a real i got an actual film director to do it like we shot at the lyric which is a uh it's a 2500 seater so it's this beautiful expensive like i spent a lot of fuck and i broke my arm and had to postpone it so i had to like pay for certain shit twice so i am trying hard to do a because i love those classic stand-up specials but sometimes i do worry that it's just moved culture has just moved on it's the monoculture isn't there anymore and like it's like you can't be like everyone has seen this thing totally totally there's no like appointment viewing anymore there's no like eddie murphy's raw there's no richard pryor specials there's no i mean even like we were saying chris rock like like chappelle and i think when chappelle first came back he had the attention yeah and those were very talked about but i do think they were good his first specials back were good but i don't think they exactly matched the absolute legendary stuff he did you know uh in dc you know you know coming up or whatever um and and i think i think that was the last time people were paying attention to that level with chappelle when he first came back but that's a i don't think so pft because i think the way people take in comedy now is just so there's just specials were special because you never saw stand right you like maybe saw it live right but there was no fucking tiktoks there was no you didn't hear fucking dickheads like me talking eight hours a week yeah for free so it just it was like if everything we do between clips specials youtube podcasts was all in one release over that happened every four years it makes sense why people gave more of a fuck like it does make me sad that i think a lot of people are just gonna watch my special the way they watch like this podcast yeah it'll be on their phone between shit whereas you know i would like for there to be a separation between a special and day-to-day stuff but you also just be real that's just not how people take in media now yeah no it's true

2:01:15PFT Commenter:there is there's like putting out a podcast three times a week i'm like oh yeah people are just watching it and then it's just gone forever and you don't want that to happen for something that is you know a lot more work was put into a special than just doing like hey this is just wednesday in the middle of August. Totally, totally. But, you know, whatever, man. If people enjoy it, it's funny. And sometimes we just have to do it for us. Yeah. Right? Like, even that Mission Impossible thing, it's like, it didn't make sense. But you know what? The way you motherfuckers get to buy an ice cream machine, it's like, how about I use some of the Netflix budget to pretend I'm Tom Cruise?

2:01:47Yeah. You know what I mean? Fuck yeah. That's just fun to do. Yeah, no. And so why not? If you're going to make it and be a dumbass, do dumb shit so the dumbasses that didn't make it could be like, at least somebody's doing it like me. Spend your money on the dumbest shit I don't know what investing is I went into a harness with a bad back Because I wanted to pretend I was Ethan Hunt Sometimes I find myself I do stuff just because 13 year old me would have wanted me To spend the money I bought a double neck guitar When I was 13 this would kick ass Is it a V? No it's not the flying V I thought about that It's the SG double neck Got an El Camino Because when I was 13 I was like That's the car.

2:02:27Sometimes it's good. It's good for your mentals.

2:02:29PFT Commenter:No, and it's also like, I mean, let's not be realistic here. Like all three of us have been successful and made money that we never imagined to make. What would, like, would you want me to talk about like, oh yeah, I put, I invested my money and now it's making money. Or be like, hey, he bought a trough from the bills that he pisses in now. By the way, I'd like to say for the record, I have never invested anything. I just have a bunch of money. Do you just have a bunch of money and I buy dumb shit? Do you have a savings account? I have a savings account. Okay. Recently, I got two or three different bank accounts.

2:03:00It all used to be in like one checking account until so recently. Is it high interest at least? You got - I think so. That sounds like maybe not. Whatever, man. Who gives a fuck? I think it's nice to not know what to do with money. Yeah. It does give you a - If you ever get caught or in trouble with the IRS, be like, listen, I really just put my money there. Sorry, man. That's all. It stayed there. No idea. All my money is tied up in Dave and Buster's gift cards right now. Uncle Sam ain't got to know about those.

2:03:32PFT Commenter:All right, last thing. So everyone, please do watch the special on Netflix. Out Tuesday, September 8th. Prediction for the Ravens season. You know what? Give us... Yes. Obviously, Super Bowl. We're winning the Super Bowl. Of course, we're in the Super Bowl. No, but let's go realistic. I'm not going to hold you to it. Like, it's... I think we get 11 wins. Okay. Yeah. And I think we're winning the Super Bowl. Oh, you are? Yes. Okay. What the fuck? You don't think you're winning the Super Bowl? No, I think the... I don't know. The Bears defense sucks. If you, at this moment, right before the season, don't think your team is winning the Super Bowl, you're a fucking piece of shit.

2:04:10This is the moment where Hope springs eternal Yeah I actually do think we're in this We're going to have to score 70 points Well you're not because you suck But we will because we're awesome But that's how everyone should think And right now of course it's fucking awesome I do think Minter's going to be fucking great I do think like you know Just give us Give Lamar another shot He's so good I've said it a bunch of times He's cool Peyton Manning to me where it's like he will just keep giving him shots. He's awesome. It's going to fucking happen. And so I think Peyton Manning won his first Super Bowl,

2:04:45PFT Commenter:like right around the age of Lamar and Josh Allen right now. Yeah, exactly. I think it's I think I think like, again, Lamar is due. You don't have to lump him in with inferior talents. OK, Lamar is the best in the fucking league. And I do think like we have an if your team is a contender and you don't think at this this date right now, early September, you're going to win. Why even fucking? No, I think I actually thought the Bears were going to win the Super Bowl before free agency. And then we didn't do anything for the defensive line. And I was like, well, fuck, that didn't get better. That's true.

2:05:18That's yeah. Would you rather that Patrick Mahomes wins another Super Bowl or Josh Allen gets one? Oh, good question. I'm not a hater. Josh Allen. Absolutely. I think, like, first of all, Buffalo, I respect that fan base. I think Josh Allen's awesome. But I do think and again, it's a team game. That's the other thing. It's like everybody gets on these quarterbacks. But, you know, did our defense historically done that well for Lamar? Not really. He gets all the – in the playoffs, everyone shits on him. And absolutely, he's made a couple mistakes here and there. But, you know, I could see I'd be happy for Josh if it happened.

2:05:52If it's not us, I'd be happy for the Bills. I appreciate that answer. I'm just saying the danger that you run into is the previous generation had their Dan Marino. that now everybody says, like, Dan Marino, and everyone instantly thinks they don't think about how awesome he was. It's just like, oh, yeah, he never won anything. But they do. But he does go hand in hand with how awesome he is. It does? It does. That's true. But now, like, Lamar and Josh are both kind of protected because they both kind of have had their hopes and dreams killed by the big bad wolf, Patrick Mahomes. Then if there's just one of those guys left, then that's the guy that really kind of has to wear that.

2:06:28But it's a long – We've got a lot of time. Lamar's whole career. We have a long time. You can't let yourself. I'm not going to let my life be dictated by fucking Stephen A. Smith style narratives. You know what I mean? Smart. Lamar is so fucking awesome. He will win. But if he doesn't win, he has given me. Lamar is right now giving my life more enjoyment than a Super Bowl winning quarterback has given other teams. Right. I have had more positive moments overall, and I will in my life, than even one great Super Bowl run that comes out of nowhere. Like the Nick Foles Super Bowl run, for example.

2:07:04Nick Foles, yeah, that was an insane thing, and fuck the Patriots, that was awesome. It will live on forever. But over time, Lamar has given me more joy than Nick Foles has given Philadelphia Eagles fans. Truly, I really believe that, and we have to stop being rings only. That is not me getting ahead of him never winning. He is going to win. I'm telling that to you guys. I'm telling that to you guys because these are the kinds of things you're going to have to know. No, I agree with what you're saying.

2:07:29PFT Commenter:I always say that you got to, the ride, if you can't enjoy the ride, what's the point? It's getting your dick sucked by Calypso. Yeah. You know what I mean? I've been getting my dick sucked by Calypso a lot. You've been eating Lotus for the last time here. I've been eating Lotus. That's fine. Lotus is awesome. I don't fucking need to get home. Not everybody gets home. Robert Pattinson might fuck my wife. I don't care. I'm having Lotus and eating fucking getting pussy from Calypso. Yeah. But no, the moments. It's like the Bears beat the Packers in the playoffs last year. I was at the game. I floated out of that stadium.

2:07:58PFT Commenter:And I'm like, oh, first time. Act like you've been there. It's like, no, dude. You have to celebrate these moments. I haven't been there before. That's the thing. I don't want to act like, why the fuck should I have decorum as a fan? Yeah. I'm here. I'm fucked up. I've eaten 40 buffalo wings. I'm making everyone in my life around me is mad at me. I'm going to enjoy this Sunday. Yes. You know what I mean? Like, what the fuck? Your description of what is failure, that's pretty much what Giannis said. Exactly. Well, he was a pussy for that. No, he wasn't. Fuck you. Shut the fuck up. God, I'm glad the Bulls will never be good again.

2:08:32Ever. I think it's never, ever. Sometimes it's good to lose and not win. Yeah. Giannis. A little more interesting. He's a champion. He's a fucking finals MVP. Had one of the most incredible ceiling performances and plays in NBA history and conquered his demons. How many fucking free throws did he hit on that clinching game? So I don't hear a fucking bad word about Giannis Adetokounmpo. Thank you very much. But I also think...

2:08:55PFT Commenter:Also throws his poop toilet paper in his trash can. I got a hunch the places in Athens that Giannis is, they got real plumbing. I got a hunch he's graduated to real plumbing. There's a couple buildings that they tell... They don't tell most people about. Giannis knows about it. I don't think that body is equipped. Like, there's no trash can in Greece that can handle that. People would be like Robbing it like the Travis Kelsey Taylor Swift trash outside of his team Grabbing the office's poop toilet paper They're like oh fuck Andrew Santino's Napkin this sucks Oh man Alright Stavi you're the best Always great catching up with you man We love having you on Come back come to Stavi's world Come to the new studio Please hit me up Thank you boys Uncle Stav on Netflix September 8th.

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2:11:18PFT Commenter:Okay, let's wrap up. We've got Firefest of the Week, and we also have Breaking Moose.

2:11:28Zach brought up the Sydney Sweeney dress during Breaking Moose. Breaking Moose.

2:11:33PFT Commenter:A lot of milk thoughts. Breaking Moose. henry lockwood in a clean sweep has defeated defeated zach in the mount rushmore duel uh hank congratulations there will be no punishment for you zach there will be a punishment for you we still haven't decided it i actually was thinking about it pft and this is hank i would have done the same punishment for you i think zach should have to fly to a city and take a random girl out on a date that sounds yeah maybe like a uh what city's been in the news a lot today oh the clippers so where they play la yeah yeah i deserve to get punished there's a bad showing today hank absolutely boat raised me dude that was so bad was it what were the actual final clean because i thought maybe you had names names i thought names you had a chance the Mohammed crew didn't show up.

2:12:25Mohammed crew was not there for you, Zach.

2:12:29PFT Commenter:Brutal. In the Mount Rushmore of dumb things you think, Hank won 57%. In the Mount Rushmore of worst lines to wait in, Hank won 79.9%, which we predicted that. And then Mount Rushmore names, Hank won 68.2%. Pretty convincing sweep. Yeah. Do you have a - Oh, Zach. What? That's not how you spell Devontae.

2:13:01PFT Commenter:You approved that spelling. Yeah, I'm never here. I probably won't be a guy who tries to get at somebody else's spelling. I just let it roll. Okay. All right. That might have cost you a percentage. You still would have lost. Yeah, I still would have got absolutely shit pumped. Do you remember Zach approved that? Well, here's the bad part about it. He approved DEV from the guy that does the best A's in the business. Yeah. you could have turned down one of shane's a's yeah tiger being on there and still winning by an overwhelming majority is very funny feels good uh i do it does feel bad you know because me and zach were partners this year oh yeah that's true that was actually fitting you guys were the worst team but i i if i'm not going to do the date obviously but if zach if the punishment ends up being some type of stream or something i will i will commit to half all right i'm looking at Zach's Mount Rushmore here.

2:13:52It's got right in the middle, Muhammad and Drew. Zach, nobody's ever drew Muhammad and gotten away with it. Oh, Zach. Way to be in the Coliseum today, Hank. You're a hell of an opponent. Yeah. Do you have any message out there for either the haters that said Hank couldn't do it or maybe the people that have supported Hank throughout the last couple shows? No, I mean, the haters were right. It's become clear to me I'm not great at Mount Rushmore, but we didn't come in last. That's the goal. It's not about coming in first. It's about not coming in last. So we accomplished our goal, and now we've got time to reboot and get in the lab and continue with this momentum going into next year.

2:14:36I'm going to be the freshest next year. Why the freshest? Because I'm going to be the most... No, the opposite of the freshest. You guys are going to be the least rusty.

2:14:46PFT Commenter:Okay, but you're not going to be fresh. You mean maybe worn out from a long postseason? Yeah. No, at least rusty. I've been taking care of my body for three weeks now, and you're just getting to the offseason. Right, so I'll be tuned up, ready to go. Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen. It's going to take you a few Melrosemores to get warmed up. Got it. Got it. We'll come up with some different shit for next year. I had a couple ideas today. Yeah. I also got a bunch of really good submissions today when I asked online. So, well, Zach, maybe farm my mentions for that. I can do that. Yes, sir.

2:15:21PFT Commenter:There's a lot that we can save for next year. Wanted to do the Mount Rushmore tricks, but I think that would have been tough for you guys off the top of your head. When you go to a massage place by... I might be on there. Absolutely okie doke. 1080. Yeah. Ooh, that's a good one. Statue of Liberty. 1080. Got your nose. Fumbleruski. Yeah. Gosh, your nose is a good one. Rabbit out of a hat. Yeah. Flea flicker. O's just in general. Yeah. You got some on your shirt? Oh. I almost fell for that right now. Yeah, that was a good one. Shoes untied. Hank, your fire fest. Yeah, this is a Wednesday. We talked about the grudge match.

2:16:08I put Big Cat, Whitney, and Dave on my hot seat. Three versus three scramble.

2:16:14PFT Commenter:You're pretty confident. I was confident. I was trying to just drum it up. I was confident, but I was trying to promote the grudge because there wasn't really a grudge otherwise. No, it was very weird to have a grudge match against two of my best friends. Speak for yourself. Yeah, so I was just trying to get some chatter going, get some tension rising, thinking it was going to be a close match. I switched to lefty thinking, and this was like the perfect time. I was like, by the time, end of the summer, I should be in a good spot. lefty that was the goal going into it yesterday i had the chance to prove it uh a chance to get an auto invite to the invitational next year and if we lost i'm not in for 10 years and and we just got boat raced i played horrible it was it was a bad showing we missed i think we missed on five holes we missed putts that were less than 10 feet i think all three of us i think we missed nine in a row uh seven foot putts yeah so it was it was it was bad uh i was in a bad place last night i've woken up and just realized it's not that serious and life moves on but it was good i was i was i was down bad you're down bad you're down really bad i have a question for you hank yeah what do you say to the haters that are saying that they were right right about what just you sucking at golf I don't think I've seen you play golf I've seen you play golf you don't suck yeah but on camera I'm horrible that's just like there's four or five years straight of evidence of that where it's like I play much worse than I can play or have played off camera that's something I gotta deal with and I also think it's probably true that I should be better at golf for how much golf I play I don't even I wish I could defend that fact but we've gotten and for you know the first few months i'm like i just started playing lefty but like i've now played enough rounds practice enough like i should be i should have advanced more than i have so it's like that that's true that's just something i gotta i gotta so the haters are right you could say yeah i don't know it's okay sometimes it's like hey guess what haters you got it right yeah but this isn't the doubters it's not the end of the story no it's It's not the end of the story.

2:18:28It's the end of the beginning. Motivation, yeah. Start a championship DVD.

2:18:31PFT Commenter:You have 10 years to get good enough to be an Invitational. It's the end of one chapter. I still think that we should appeal Dave's no invite to the Invitational for 10 years. And as a lefty, you're banned. But as a righty, who's to say? Yeah, that's a different person. Right. But also, the thing that I realized, too, which is, based on how I played yesterday, Like if I had played an invitational and did that, I would be 20. That would be much worse than losing, you know, the grudge match. And that's what would have happened. Yeah. In the grudge match, it was very funny because going back and watching it, only two balls got pulled out of a cup for the entire game.

2:19:12And one was a long chip in by Whitney. I think Whit made another putt or somebody made another putt. Maybe it was Dave. But only two times did the ball go into the hole. the putts that we missed we should have made at least two of them gotta make two out of those three

2:19:26PFT Commenter:the one that you guys all missed the exact same way that was where it was like because I kept on saying it's tricky pin locations as much as there's a grudge match people will be shocked to hear this I didn't have any animosity towards the team we were playing and I kept on saying when we get to the cart like Dave kept on saying hey the match is over the match is over I was like, no, no, they're going to make a putt. They're going to make a putt. And Dave just kept saying, no, they're not. They suck. And he turned out to be correct on that day. Letting down Coach Gruden, too, is probably the worst part.

2:20:01There's no one that you want to perform for better, kind of step up in a big moment and show you can be someone and to just time and time again not do that. And he's a lot older than us, and we were relying on him so much. That hurt the most. PFT. Yeah. I've let down before. I let down again. Like, Coach Gruden. He's old. That hurts. It does hurt. And watching, it's very mean that we've just had a replay of all the missed putts cycling this entire time. We've talked about it. I thought it was one. At one point, I thought it was like the same putt replay. I was like, no, these are different holes.

2:20:32It was also 135 degrees. There are a couple of very funny missed putts where the ball, it's going in, and then it almost like develops a mind. It puts a juke move on the hole. It goes, whoop.

2:20:43PFT Commenter:Yeah. Shout out to Streamsong, though. Unbelievable. unbelievable course unbelievable spot crazy county florida yeah again sorry zach probably should have taken you no literally in your house my uh my buddy served hank a beer yesterday and he said or a drink yesterday and he said uh there's nothing behind those eyes oh oh that was after yeah that was before we that was before we got on the flight yeah i was i was i was that was down bad yeah that's bad spot it's okay we we move on we turn the page thanks he'll be so bad In the car to the plate, he goes, I got to reevaluate everything. Yeah. That's true.

2:21:21PFT Commenter:I was like, hey, it's okay. He's like, I have to reevaluate everything. I was having a full-blown identity crisis because I played bad golf. Yeah. And then I kind of woke up today. I was like, just chill out. That was an overreaction. Yeah. We played bad golf on camera. Yeah. So what? Yeah. We build. We all suck. That's the thing. No, Whitney's so good. Oh, no, Whitney's obviously awesome. Whitney's nasty. Yeah, yeah. Hank Gruden was good, too. We just gave him nothing. Fun day, though. Grudge match. It was fun. Can't wait for grudge match 2.0. I don't know. I don't think Dave's going to be involved in grudge match, too.

2:21:51PFT Commenter:No, probably not. I think it's called grudge match because now afterwards, we have a grudge. Now we have to settle it. Yeah. Against the game of golf. Yeah. Okay. We should invent some sort of scoring system where, Hank, you don't compete against anybody. You just compete against whatever the score should be on the golf course. Yeah, you log it and try to get better. You try to beat that. Yeah. Grudge. Fine. Tomorrow. you gotta get back on that horse one thing about Hank you can't be thinking about getting bucked one bad golf outing it's not gonna stop him from golfing he's gonna get back on that horse yeah that's the only way only way out is through I gotta conquer my demons Batman okay similar it's basically Hank and I had a shared fire fest this week which is getting beaten golf on camera and it's not fun no but we ran through that it's uh it it was more of a mental game because you just start thinking you start doing the math and you say it's not over yet well it's not over yet the rules also made it impossible for it to ever end i think there was one point where we were you were up five with six or up six with five to go and it wasn't over i think we were up i think we're up five with three to go and it wasn't yeah yeah i was like what the fuck is happening we were up seven with four to go at one point and then up five with three to go i was like this we're just never getting out of this it quite literally could have been it would have been the biggest comeback in the history of golf yeah because nobody else has ever been down seven with five holes four to go yeah and then pulled that off uh so yeah it was you know missed opportunity but again hank it's it's one round there's always more golf yeah always more always more golf yeah uh but yeah that's that's pretty much it the other fire fest was from last week where um it was right after we recorded the show that I engaged in violence against a co-worker.

2:23:39And I'd like to apologize to said co-worker for that. We moved on as a friend. We shook hands. But every man has a line that you can't cross. My line is two eggs. If you throw one egg at me, I'll turn the cheek. And communist. The communist is fine. We can talk shit. Yeah. So you are? If you throw one egg at me, I will turn my cheek. If you throw two eggs, I've run out of cheeks to turn. Commies.

2:24:04PFT Commenter:I was so we're talking about Camp Barstool PFT bodying Rico. Great, great push. I went to Saratoga right after and Dave asked me, he was like, was that was that real anger? I said, here's the thing. The camera saw two eggs. What the camera didn't see was three nights of Rico snoring, sleep talking, farting, not saying that like we disliked him, but it will push a man to their edge. I said, we're basically like POWs in that cabin with him. By day three, you're seeing shit, and you don't know what's going on. Rico got fragged. Yeah. No, it was more like the egg all over my legs. And so the second egg, there was anger behind it, yes, but only in those two seconds.

2:24:53I kind of blacked out. I didn't even think about it as I was running up to him. Some people online were like, cheap shot because Rico turned his back. I think that you there's no such thing as a cheap shot if you throw two eggs at somebody and then you turn around coward move by Rico to turn around. I would say that people could say I would never say that, but we're riders. I just I blacked out and then I hit the guy and then now we're friends. Shout out Lugs. It was a pretty good hit. If I don't if I do say so much. It was nice. The human body craves contact and I haven't hit a guy like that since I retired from rugby in 2015.

2:25:28It feels good. Yeah. Yeah.

2:25:30PFT Commenter:All right. My Firefest kind of related to the grudge match, which, you know, listen, it was fun going out there. We love DraftKings. We get paid to go golf with our friends. But the one downside of it was we were gone on Wednesday, got back late Wednesday night, and I missed the Pugs winning a championship, which I'm really using this as a vehicle. Memes, Shane, congratulations. What a night. They not only won a championship, but beat Quackenballs on the way there and beat them with a walk-off. Fuck yes, boys. Congrats. I was getting those texts, and I was just like, fuck, man, I wish I had been there because it seemed like the best night.

2:26:14PFT Commenter:Three games. Memes, want to say anything? You're barely walking today. Memes doing a little extra limp in front of me to let me know, like, hey, I played three games of softball last night, which he deserves. Yeah. That's like the fastest I've ran. in the championship game in a while. I left it all out on the field. I love it. The thing about Memes is, Memes moves quickly when he has to. Yeah. Pugs finished, I think, 14-3 in the summer. We had two seasons. 14-3 overall. It's really 14-2. We had to forfeit the semifinals in the spring because there was a million rainouts and it was during vacation week.

2:26:53Ah, yeah, that's right. I think I do have to start asking about about max and big cat yeah sure I wasn't there should we ask just like I don't know you know look look at the look at the salaries look at everything going into

2:27:07PFT Commenter:next year and it's like is this I'm a negative salary because I pay for the league but yeah yeah so you're saying that like if a if a really good team if they won a championship and they had one player that was out and then other players stepped up and like one MVP. Yeah, then they should then get rid of the player that was out. Fair. I'm just as to Gus. Do you start have to start asking questions? It kills me. I wasn't there. If I'm not on the team next year, if I'm not on the team next year, I totally understand. We're all champions, though. Now, I didn't. I didn't play in any losses this year either.

2:27:44True.

2:27:45PFT Commenter:So I think I probably was like eight. No or something. But yeah, that sucked. That sucked. It was. I mean, I played in part one of the summer. I didn't play in part two, but I was like, damn. It looked awesome. I wish I was there. It looked awesome. Three games. Super hot night. Like the boys battling. Congrats to the pugs. Incredible. Incredible season. What was the celebration like? Oh, man. Celebration was good. We just did one round because it was super late. Yeah, it was like 11 o 'clock. I heard you almost passed out in the bar memes. I did. I was wearing two shirts. It was 100 degrees. Jesus memes.

2:28:17Why were you wearing two shirts? The titties and the championship shirt. Still had that on over the Pug shirt. That's cool. Maybe a banner? I feel like you should just, I said this earlier, get just a picture of Pug and hang it in the rafters. Let's get some rings. It was three super competitive games, though. Won the first game by one. We had an hour break in between, so we got to watch the cock and balls. first game we thought we were going to get smoked they were all wearing cutoffs probably take steroids like they they demolished the team before one by 20 we end up walking them off one by one and then championship game we ended up run rolling oh that's the best it was like

2:29:02PFT Commenter:it wasn't even it was a non-competitive championship game so you could like really enjoy it no it was super competitive oh wait until the fourth oh okay yeah their pitcher hit a grand Grand slam, put it up three, like they were going nuts. And then bottom of the inning, we hit a grand slam. Then we started going nuts, and then we rallied from there. Fuck yes. Was there a celebration on the field? Dog pile? Yeah, we were just chanting Ricks. Nice. The strip club in Chicago. We were promised by our coach, Quiggs, that he would take us there. Yeah. If we won championship. I'll pay for it. And did he?

2:29:36He did not. Wow. He said he would just pay for a round. Shane, how'd you play? The whole squad played great. This is probably the oldest I've ever felt. That's the oldest you've ever been. Yeah, well, true. But my body is no longer meant for the triple header and 95-degree heat. I'm really hurting. Bolt up? I'm bolting up still. It sounds like you're less than bolted.

2:30:04PFT Commenter:The break in between games in that heat, that's like your body shuts down. Yeah. And then you have to get loose again. I guess it should be. As much as I had such intense FOMO and was sad I wasn't there, I should probably be a little happy because I think there's a 95 % chance I would have gotten an injury. Right? As the oldest guy on the team by far, I think my body would not have been able to handle that. Probably. There were a lot of injuries. Because when we went to camp, we played three games in a row, and I was sore for a week. That wasn't a break, and also camp wasn't as competitive. In the three games we played, there were probably four hamstring injuries and two other ankle injuries, so you may have dodged a bullet.

2:30:49PFT Commenter:There's nothing better than getting out there with the boys. Nothing. The injuries suck when you get older, but it's still worth it to get out there and have some fun with the guys. War wounds. Yeah. I do wish everyone was there, though. I know. I felt bad. texting afterwards. No, I loved it. I was living vicariously through you guys. It's Jack McCarthy's fault. Yeah, he decided to do the grudge match on a Wednesday knowing we have softball and like I think I think I got home after the first game and I was like I can't show up mid playoffs to like you guys playing that would be weird. So good job.

2:31:26PFT Commenter:Congrats. Pugs Pugs I'm going to get I'm going to get it. I'm going to get a ring and I'll put it in my closet and never wear it because I don't want someone to see me wearing the ring and be like, oh, how'd the championship game go? Oh, well, grudge match. You don't understand. I still think a banner is the way to go. Yeah. It should be celebrated. We should look back on this. Agreed. Zach, finish us off. My firefights is weak. I can't say that. You know he doesn't like that. My bad. He's about to walk out. Zach, you want to do a happy ending on the show? I got you. My purpose this week is just that I mentally crumbled in this duel today.

2:32:07And not only the duel, really just as soon as we went 1v1v1 Mount Rushmore season.

2:32:11PFT Commenter:You were so bad, dude. It was disgusting. If you guys decide that you will have me for next season, in this offseason, I'm going to have to just get to it. Yeah. How would you get to it? Just top fours. Just ripping top fours. Daily top four. Just get the zone. Zach, I don't want to throw out any maybe malfeasance that was going on with the polls, but I do think the ADWLs wanted to see a duel, and you might not have, like retroactively, Monday and Wednesday, you might not have had your strongest effort either. I mean, it was just... Close line. Yeah. As soon as we hit 1v1v1, mental midget. Yeah.

2:32:49And my decisive making powers are not very strong. I had better picks on the list some rounds, and I just over and over again picked a worse or worse is not a word, a bad pick. It sounds like you almost need a partner to help you with these things.

2:33:04PFT Commenter:I think next year we at least have a decent idea of teams. If we did teams right now that were fair, it would probably be you and Max, Zach and Max, probably PFT and memes and me and Hank, and that would be fair. So we can at least start from a fair point. I'm worried I still have bad picks in me. I would think I may go home this weekend and just dump them all out. Just brainstorm all the bad picks out. Can you tweet those, please? So don't tweet what the Rushmore is. Just the picks. Just tweet all your bad picks. I can do that. With no context. I got to get them out of here. Just a whole list of all your bad picks, no context to what they go to.

2:33:40PFT Commenter:And we'll guess. Actually, you know what? Let's do this on Tuesday's show. I actually think it would be funny if people sent you the Mount Rushmore's that they want you to do, and you do just custom Mount Rushmore's for people publicly and show how bad your picks can be, like rapid-fire ones. But I want – so, by the way, I think everyone knows we've been doing this schedule forever, but next week there's a show Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday because we have Memorial Day. We're going to do a lot of college – or Labor Day. We're going to do a lot of college football on Tuesday. Wednesday, we'll get ready for NFL Friday, regular NFL preview for week one.

2:34:15PFT Commenter:Zach, so do what PFT said, But also, before you have people, because that will happen on Friday when people will hear this. Before Friday, I want you to make a list of all your bad picks. And then when we tape on Monday night, you'll read us the bad picks. We'll have to guess where they go to, what Mount Rushmore they go to. And these picks are on the future, so it could be good picks. Yeah, probably not. I'll just throw it out there. Yeah, just make a list of like 30 picks, and we'll decide what the Mount Rushmore is. Okay, so for one, do 30. Give us one bad pick right now.

2:34:51Yeah, elephantitis. Okay. Mount Rushmore of things that you don't want to get. Yes. Good pick, though, right? Yeah.

2:35:00PFT Commenter:Kind of. I think that's a disease. Does anyone even get that? Yeah. You have to be in a tough country. But yeah, you don't want it. Actually, no. Knowing how bad Zach is, it would have been the Mount Rushmore of Tituses. So Mark would have gone one And then Zach would have gone elephant Titus That's good One's global, one's not Mark Titus, yeah, he's pretty global Yeah, I was talking Mark Mount Rushmore of Titus Derma You would have fucked that up One more Another Titus? No, another pick Bad pick We'll go with Scream 3 Okay, Mount Rushmore of Jerry O 'Connell movies? Yes Okay Okay. That's really the only thing that movies.

2:35:47Mount Rushmore of trilogies? No one watched it. Yes. Okay. Oh, wait. So which topic were you doing when you said Scream 3? I had Jerry on the brain, but we can pivot to trilogies if it's a better pick for trilogies. That's good. I got to start patting stats. Already showing improvement. Willing to change.

2:36:06PFT Commenter:Mount Rushmore of verbs and numbers. What's on the Mount Rushmore of numbers 0 through 100 But you can only pick one of them 10 And then 7 99 55 Which one's your pick? I'm going to go with 55 I'll go 3 5 99 I'll go 8 15 I don't think Jerry O 'Connell's in Scream 3 Oh really? What's he in? I think he's in the first screen That's why you burn the bad picks Scream 2 Scream 2

2:36:51PFT Commenter:23 Jordan So it was my Mount Rushmore It was verbs and numbers So like the first pick would have been Jump 23 Then he would have gone with Scream 3 wait what the mount rushmore what zach just did yeah he did that was the mount rushmore he did scream three okay yeah yeah see what i'm saying that would be the mount rushmore verbs verbs combined with numbers got it said scream through blink 182 yeah right that would have been a good one yeah yeah exactly actually.

2:37:55PFT Commenter:Self-confetti. 39. Danny Woodhead. Anyone? Anyone. Shout out to Danny Woodhead. He was actually watching the Grungeman match yesterday. Fuck yeah. Probably very... He'll probably never come on the show again after he saw how bad we were in golf. I forgot about that. We let him down to him. We've got to get him on the show again. Yeah.

2:38:34what do we got

2:38:37PFT Commenter:72 no one no one happy labor day to all the moms out there and happy birthday to Montez Sweat happy birthday to Mike Piazza not gay per his press conference that he called happy birthday to Beyonce and Anthony Weiner. Happy birthday to Bubba. Liam. Big Bubba. Happy birthday, buddy. Happy birthday to Mac Jones. Happy birthday to Lance Stevenson. And happy birthday to my good friend, and I'll be celebrating with him on Saturday. Jack Daniel. Love you guys.

2:39:25Thank you.

2:39:56Thank you.

2:40:31Thank you.

2:40:57Thank you.