⚽ A Whole New Ball Game ⚽

22:12Josh Widdicombe:No, Arsenal looked really good. Man City looked a bit shit. Well, the only other thing I want to say about the Community Shield, Rob, because we do need to discuss it, is... What impact is it having in the community? In real terms. Let's talk. Is it sponsored by the community in the same way Milk sponsored the cup? Guys, I think as the community, as the head of the group that represents the community, we really need to make the most of this like Milk did. because look in your fridge there's milk there's milk it worked um can we talk about how much enzo maresca looks like pep guardiola yeah it's not it's not okay i don't think i don't i think that's got to be a reason you don't employ him because it's weird also he was there as an assistant for years looking exactly like him and now he's just sort of taken over it's it's too creepy it's like a kind of Netflix documentary where someone takes on someone else's identity and replaces them and they've murdered them.

23:10But also it reminds the players of the, like, the best manager of all time they had.

23:15Josh Widdicombe:I wrote something interesting about Maresca. Yeah. Because I didn't realise he's a super, super intense guy. So everything's really intense. Loads of, they get homework over international breaks. No. Yeah. Like what? Like watch these videos and learn about these players and all that kind of stuff. God, it's painful, isn't it? and he's got a rule that when they, I mean, didn't come into play yesterday, but when they score, the captain's not allowed to celebrate. He has to go straight to Maresca and be briefed on the tactics after the goal. Right, so I saw this actually. Arsenal scored and I was like, oh, wicked, it was a good goal.

23:52Sun's out, beating Man City two or three nil. It cut to Arteta. I thought he might be celebrating. He's just shouting at David Rea, the goalkeeper. Yeah. Who's got grey hair, but talking to hair.

24:03Josh Widdicombe:i've not seen his new hair i love footballers hair yeah it's so good one of my favorite footballers hair things was during a lockdown when they'd all obviously got the haircut and they were pretending they'd done it themselves terrible fades by their or terrible fades by their partners oh my word yeah he's got a lovely he's got a lovely he's got a ponytail with the bit out the bottom oh i said to lou as well lou would you listen to the football if we did football in hell would you listen to it she went yeah but i'd sort of need updates on the people i liked I was like so she wants to know what's happening with Jude Bellingham Jude Bellingham is at Real Madrid who have got a fascinating season coming up because they've been taken over by Jose Mourinho has been reappointed as manager great documentary hasn't done anything for 15 years of no 10 years 10 years the documentary about him is amazing even if you're not a massive football fan he is a completely nuts he is mental they just have you have to be that insane to like that intense to start that because it consumes your whole life oh being a manager why are you coming for jokes why are you coming for jokes look josh it's a long career is there times you go on a panel show and you're not you know chelsea 2014 50 you know well i know i know but he is quite a nasty piece of work yeah he doesn't come across well in it does he not oh I will watch it then can I recommend another football documentary for fuck Michael can we have a quick look right we've just conceded I'm going to the Captain Michael I'm the Captain Michael's manager we need to have a quick chat about whatever we've just done Michael we need to have a catch up here because this bloke has not watched a Mourinho documentary how has he not seen that I watched The Bus have you watched the bus of course you did because it was about the 90s no it wasn't about 2010 jose marino's still 60 16 years ago tell that's jose marino mate he hasn't won a trophy in 10 years yeah but he is the real madrid manager yeah well and yes so jude bellingham's at real madrid we're going to keep our eyes on real madrid because i think it's going to absolutely go off do you want to know what's happening with the nigerian goalkeeper she fancied from the world cup yeah he can't help you on that loop and greelish greelish played for man city off the bench yeah okay yeah but i think he's i thought he's going to everton but i think he's still at man city do let us know your favorite football circuits all the time because that's the kind of thing we're more interested 100 yeah i don't care if you could update us on the nigerian goalkeeper that'd be great one thing i want to get from this uh podcast is the complete banning of any mention of xg in football forever now xg is this mass bollocks that was invented by suits to try and get some sort of control of the game i spoke to an xg expert basically xg is a mathematical equation that a footballer might score or a team might score and it's complete bollocks because none of the data incorporates the human element of if someone slept well family problems at home, what they're eating, what they're drinking, none of that is involved.

27:15It's actually positioning on a pitch and it's fucking bullshit. And I want to get rid of it. And also, I want to start playing football where there's a big long ball, massive blow cup top, esky, heads it down for Owen. That's what I want back in football. I don't want passing.

27:29Josh Widdicombe:You did say, I asked, how's the community shield and you said there's too much passing? Oh, fucking passing. It's boring, isn't it, passing? I love passing. I love passing. You love passing? Well, I... How do you know you've watched football in 25 years? I have. I watched the World Cup final. It was pure passing. Just Spain passing forward and back. I watched the World Cup final. I'm a big athletics fan. I watched 100 metres every four years. And I love rugby. I saw the Johnny Wilkinson game where he kicked it in to win. The World Cup final. I watched, I'd say, 70 % of the World Cup and there was a lot of passing.

28:07There was less passing in the World Cup than Premier League, I think. Yeah.

28:10Josh Widdicombe:In the early months. It's because they're not as well drilled in the World Cup, are they? They haven't had the time on the pitch. That's what I like, though. I like a little bit of, you know, error. Yeah, I think the World Cup's better than the Premier League because it's A, more even, because you can't buy your way into having a good team. You're always going to have a shit player. You buy the ref, so. You buy the ref, you know what I'm saying? Oh, here we go. Here we go. Do you know what? I do understand that quite like, you know, the European Super League. Yeah. Right. Don't mind it. Can I be honest?

28:40Josh Widdicombe:God. I want to lead the charge for the European Super League. Is that a little bit to people, to football fans? Can I justify it? Go on. So this is where there's a new league beyond the Premier League that has about six teams from the Premier League in it every week. So it basically creates another level. Here's my idea. Here's my idea. Right? Listen to this theory on the European Super League. A, there's loads of European leagues which are basically pointless because one team's much better than the rest. Germany, France England England's probably the most competitive isn't it? Scotland, there's only two teams that can win it even last year, Spain there's only two teams that can win it etc, right?

29:24Josh Widdicombe:I love it when someone says etc, you seem so pleased with yourself, I can't think of another one I've done all my examples I think that's enough but if not here's a bit of etc for you probably Ajax but I don't follow it this is where Michael tells us I haven't won the league in 52 years you remember yeah right the best games always the Champions League games Bayern Munich versus PSG last year etc etc etc right I'd have a European Super League of 20 teams I'd have a European Super League Division 2 of 20 teams and then they get relegated back into their national leagues that's the issue relegation from the national leagues then the premier league will be more exciting because it yeah it would start about brighton yeah and below but they're playing for the chance to get the european super league and then everyone wins their leagues and they have a little playoff and then maybe the best four teams go up and the other team worst four teams relegate down and it so it just becomes a more of a pyramid i'm not saying a breakaway league.

30:35Josh Widdicombe:No, you needed just another pyramid. Another total pyramid. A total pyramid. Because with the proposal a few years ago, there was no relegation, was there? And it was top and running. It would work. If you can get relegated and promoted, I'm in. Yeah. And bear in mind this. Say they announce it at the start of this season and they go, the five teams from the Premier League that would have made the Champions League are going to be the founding members of the European Super League. how good that season will be because there is so much at stake. Yes. And also you're basically the last ever proper Premier League champions.

31:14Josh Widdicombe:Okay. I think it's going to be hard to convince the whole footballing world this. Why? It means that Bromley could one day end up in the European Super League. Et cetera. Et cetera. Well, let's see if it happens. We'll get rid of it. If there's any issues stress test wise with my theory, but I think it works. The other thing... Oh, so the other things we wanted to say, do you want to do predictions? And fantasy... We need to talk about fantasy league teams. Yeah. Let's go through our predictions. Should we check in with Michael, see how he likes his structure? Yeah, yeah. What do you think of it so far, Michael?

31:53He said to be linear. Can I be honest with you, Josh?

31:55Josh Widdicombe:I don't know what that means. No. We did Mourinho, and then we did the European Super League, and then we did back to Arsenal. Is that linear? We kept it contained. Yeah. In hindsight, it was a terrible note to give. Would you like an update on the Nigerian goalkeeper? Because I did already have this information. Oh, as far as I could get caught, Michael. He was spotted last month on a date with Cardi B, the American rapper Cardi B. Oh! But they were spotted flirting at Paris Fashion Week and then the week after. The week after they were on a date in Italy, in Venice, apparently. So I don't know what's happened in the subsequent weeks since then, but that's the latest Nigerian goalkeeper update.

32:35Josh Widdicombe:Can I get an update on a different goalkeeper from the World Cup? You know, the Cape Verde goalkeeper that got loads and loads of Instagram followers after they drew Spain. Have his numbers dropped off as people realise that they're a bit annoyed they're now following him or has he maintained? He currently has 29.3 million followers. I don't know what that was prior to the World Cup or at the end of the World Cup. I think though we do need to try and, i mean we've been both diagnosed with adhd um we haven't been diagnosed well no but like by listeners now at that moment there josh we'd barely finished asking michael to check his follow account before you try to start talking about something else yeah sorry i'm i'm as guilty as it is you like i'm not this is not me but i think yeah yeah we've got to learn to breathe excited.

33:26Josh Widdicombe:I know. What else do you want to talk about? Right. I'm going to run you through the league, the Premier League, 20 teams. I want a very quick description of how you think it will go for them. Right. Okay. Cool. Yeah. This is our predictions. Right. Okay. We'll play you back to this at the end of the season. Right. Okay. They're in alphabetical order currently, division wise. So Arsenal are still top by default. Arsenal. Champions. Aston Villa. load of shit players because they haven't got their finances sorted Bournemouth Bournemouth like 5th or 6th probably Brentford same Brighton same actually I call them the mid table B's absolutely zero interest in them unless they've got a player I want to buy they just sort of float about being annoyingly good and you think for fuck's sake we've got Bournemouth away this is hard work why?

34:22they should be shite Their stadium's little. But all of a sudden, they're like, fuck me. There's a midfielder in the middle. He's like, prime Xavi. And now I'm shitting myself and trying to Google who he is. Chelsea. I think they'll do well, actually. Champions League. Xavi Alonso. Coventry. Oh, fingers crossed they stay up. Love the club. Palace. I think they're going to struggle. I think they'll just survive. Everton. Mid-table. Moyes, I think, might have a fight this season. Fulham. Fulham. are they still there completely forgot are they in the league Ipswich Ipswich I predict lots of shots of Ed Sheeran in the crowd they'll get relegated Leeds Leeds are they back as well is it bad I don't know who's in the league I could know what you do now yeah I do I think they'll stay up Liverpool I think they're going to be a bit of a shower of shit actually I think the manager's good I think it'll be good next season but they'll struggle this season Man City I think they're going to struggle this season Man United I think they're going to struggle as well because they've got I think they're going to have a complete meltdown this year because Carrick I don't think has got the experience to do well with them and they only played about four games last year they got knocked out of everything do you know what I mean?

35:44Newcastle I'm good at father side if I play once a month Newcastle I think they're going to do quite well I think everyone's expecting them to do badly I think they might sneak Europe because they're quite good defensively Forest Forest mid-table Sunderland is this interesting but Sunderland are they still in the league? Spurs they did quite well Spurs I think they're going to be annoyingly good I think they might get Champions League Spurs but who knows there's our predictions for the season there's our predictions yeah

36:12Josh Widdicombe:there you go I don't even know what I said no but I think Arsenal win the league as well Michael yeah I think Arsenal will walk the league can I ask for a few slightly more manageable quick predictions from you guys. That work in an edit, that don't just involve me, tell me, tell me, tell me. Top scorer in the Premier League for each of you? Erling Haaland? That's the right answer, isn't it? Yeah, I think so. Well, it's a bit, yeah, I think Haaland, Haaland will score a lot, but I don't know, I think they might concede a lot. Who's going to win the FA Cup? How do I know that? Just guess. No one knows.

36:46Josh Widdicombe:How do I know? it's a misprediction I don't know Chelsea yeah Chelsea oh I'll go different Man United Man United he's so panicky Man United who is going to win the Champions League oh oh that's more fun Arsenal I can't see PSG winning it three years in a row I don't know what what does that mean that should be an advantage winning it too but they're the best team so I'll go PSG and then who's going to get relegated from the Premier League the three that came up always Hull Ipswich Hull Ipswich Coventry a Leeds a Leeds hang on who Leeds who came up Hull Ipswich Coventry I thought Leeds were Leeds did it last year Leeds stayed up Leeds did it last year I didn't even know they were in the league I mean Leeds stayed up Hull Ipswich Coventry came up I think Coventry stay up I think Hull Ipswich and Leeds go down this is like when Huddersfield was in the league that was hard to deal with psychologically I can't go out for Sunday lunch Huddersfield Fulham are on fucking hell Rob let us know the most boring team that's ever been in the Premier League that you didn't notice were there Huddersfield for me the problem with this is you're going to get loads of tribal fans I am having a go actually we are having a go I went to Huddersfield to film and I've got put in a hotel that I found out was actually a nightingale COVID hospital.

38:21Josh Widdicombe:I've got a friend who's a Huddersfield fan and I was in Yorkshire when they were at home. I think I was gigging. So I said, let's go. Nil-nil. Absolutely dreadful game. He then said, do you want to come to the playoff final? Huddersfield v. Sheffield United. Yeah, why not? Second bite of the cherry. Nil-nil after 90 minutes. Nil-nil after extra time. First five penalties missed. It was unbelievable. It went to the goalkeepers on the penalties, though. So exciting. So are you picking Huddersfield as a team you don't like? No, I quite like their stadium, the Alfred McAlpine Stadium. I like that.

38:56Josh Widdicombe:It's a good stadium. Yeah. Right. What else do we need to do, Michael, in this preview? We've set up fantasy Premier League teams. Yes. Now, Josh, what's your thought on fantasy Premier League teams? Do you normally have one? No, I used to have them when I had an office job. I finished 4 ,000th one year is that good? I don't know what reaction you want

39:24I've got absolutely no idea what to say out of how many you've got to say out of

39:30Josh Widdicombe:well how many do it Michael? 10 million? how long ago was this? about 2005, 2006 something like that far less impressive but still impressive but if you'd have done that in the last 3 or 4 years that would have been an incredible yeah but i gave up i'm it meant too much to me rob and it was ruining games it ruins games i'll constantly be sat i don't give away you know trade secrets i'll be sat at 5 p.m on a friday with alex brooker while we're doing the last leg rehearsal and he'll be worrying about whether he should triple captain harland and i just think this and then he's wanting man city to win even though he's not I just don't like that it's counterintuitive to the way I enjoy football so I stopped well cool because we set up teams and we're going to follow it oh what you like it do you no I don't I'm just sort of you know like just a welcome to the feature we do every week that we both absolutely detest I used to love it but like I say I loved it when I worked in an office job now I don't want to say people that work in office jobs aren't working 100 % but I definitely wasn't when I worked an office job and I love fantasy football because it used to feel two or three hours a day where I was distracted from a job I absolutely hated.

40:45So I'd say it's quite handy for that, but it's quite hard when you're doing it off the phone and you've got the kids and stuff like that. But I have picked a team this year, but I can't be bothered to change it. So I've just picked my team. I'm not going to change all season and see how I get on. Do you want to hear about my team? Yeah. And how have you picked your team, by the way?

41:07Josh Widdicombe:Do you want me to tell you how I picked my team, Rob? Go on. or should i do mine first you do yours and i'll tell you i'll pick my team okay so my team is called bobby's blonde babes all blondies you're right here we go bang on the money now harland it's quite a difficult it's quite hard to yeah yeah to get a full team of blondies yeah yeah and spend the money so i've spent near enough all of it in gold well harland up top yeah Jokerez he's a bit dusty brown I'll give you that Walter Marday you know the big German bloke Newcastle guy he gets quite blonde in the middle Bergvau right Odegaard yeah of course now I've got Joel Linton in here but he dyes his hair yeah yeah but I suppose it counts Foden because he dyed his hair no I don't know whether I've dyed that one You find me another.

42:10You've got some good players. Braithwaite in defence. Van Heck. Blonde. Rhys James, because he dyed his hair blonde once. Fucking hell, this is a stretch, isn't it? But also as well, I thought it would be good to have Joel Linton and Rhys James in, because otherwise it looks quite like a far right team. And I don't mean I've essentially created, you know, I've picked the team Hitler would have picked. Yeah, yeah, of course. And in goal, Kellerer. And on the bench, I've got Leno, blonde, DeLitt, bit blonde, Smith Rowe, blonde, and then Lewis Hall, blonde. Yeah. Good team. It's a good team. But if anyone's got any suggestions where I could get rid of Joel Linton and Foden and Rhys James for actual blonde people.

42:52Josh Widdicombe:I'm glad you added Foden to that. Yeah. I think Reform have got some suggestions. Well, Rupert Logue gave us advice on the team from his time in Southampton. He's used to running a club. it's the subs so that's my team and we're gonna set up a league aren't we um yeah we're gonna set up a league which you can all join the league has been set up the league has been set up do you want the code well i don't but yeah yeah oh yeah i do i need to join it don't i yeah yeah yeah well also there'll be a link and the code will be in the episode description oh great great for those who want it right now is 1 a 5 f c 7 1 a 5 f c 7 and all of the letters are lowercase okay so i've got a headache immediately.

43:35Right, hang on. Let's do that afterwards. No, no, we'll join this now. Say that again. Join league.

43:42Josh Widdicombe:1A5 FC7. Now, if you're listening, Lou, because you want us an update on the Nigerian goalkeeper, don't panic. We'll not be reading out numbered codes to join fantasy leagues every week. Now, I'm in the league. I'm in the league. I don't know how to join the league. Footballing and parenting hell. Bobby's, babes. The Manchester United. Can I not see your team? No, you can't until it starts. until it starts, yeah. What's the code, Michael? 1A5FC7. Just focus. Again, if you'd listened to him, you'd have had the code. 1A5FC7. FC7. There we go. Joined it. I've joined it. Now, how funny or sad would it be if no one else joined?

44:22Oh, my God. That would be embarrassing. That would be so embarrassing. But it would be sort of quite fun if that happened also as well, wouldn't it? Just us three going, oh. talking about our kids in the football

44:36Josh Widdicombe:should we um should we just phase this out make it shorter every week right now took me through your team who have you got so it's called I prefer champ man right are you gonna be changing your players and stuff I want to see how I get on and I maybe change it as I go I said oh no it's not called I'm fucking hell Rob what's it was called he didn't save my title so it's just I changed it to I prefer a champ man but obviously I've done that wrong so it's just called Josh's team Josh's team done by his PA put together by his agent because he's busy well you say that I thought you know what I'm going to game the system here I went on to Google Gemini please tell me the best squad to pick for fantasy football league oh you put them all in came to 103 million so it fucked it up right so you have some money left no it had come to 103 million i was like you've overspent by three million pounds it said i was sorry for my mistake how about this i looked some of the players had been relegated over the summer they weren't even in this league they couldn't i think ai might be shit it's shit i couldn't believe it i was like i have to like tell it offline like i'm talking to my kid yeah so i had to pick my own team but it was, I've got the classic spine, the big three.

46:03Raya. No. Well, he's been the best goalkeeper of most clean sheets the last three years. Yeah, well, I haven't got the classic spine. Okay.

46:12Josh Widdicombe:The tailbone's missing. The tailbone's missing. My goalie is Verbruggen. Who's he? Brighton. Right, okay. Back three, Gabriel, Pedro Porro and Shaw. Yeah. Midfield. Aaron Rodgers, who I love. not Aaron Rodgers what's he called Aaron Rodgers he's a fucking American footballer Morgan Ribs Morgan Gibbs Morgan Rodgers he's Aaron Rodgers that's my fancy American football team Bernardo Bernardo Silva fucking hell Bernardo football Bernardo Bernardo right okay Slobber Schly and Gross do you know what's difficult searching Gross because I don't know how to make that fucking symbol on my keyboard. Well, how do you fucking get schlobberschly?

47:02I don't. If you can't get gross.

47:05Josh Widdicombe:Gael Pedro, Haaland, and then Namicha. I just chose someone who was the right fee. Price. Price. And then I've just got some of the cheapest, I've just got all the cheapest players on the bench. I've got Dubravka. It's a Spurs reserve goalie. Yeah. A guy called Thomas who plays for Brighton. I thought Dubravka was Newcastle. What? I thought Dubravka was Newcastle. He's at Spurs now. Okay. And then Slater and Egan from Hull. Sorry, are they two new EastEnders characters? I don't know who the fuck they are. Two twin boys turned up from up north to live in the square. That's my bet. I haven't got much depth on the bench, I'll be honest.

47:44I might just have David Ryer. I'm just going to put David Ryer in. Oh, that's a shame. Well, they have ruined it then, haven't I?

47:51Josh Widdicombe:Without giving it away, Michael, because you can reveal your team on the day, because I don't want people, because your team's going to be good. how similar is it to my team and Rob's team? It's very different to Rob's team. Yeah, okay. I would say there are four or five players that overlap between yours and mine, Josh. What? I just picked a load of popular ones. I thought everyone would have them. Right. So, shall we... The fixtures on the first weekend, Rob. Yeah. What are you most excited about? Who have Arsenal got? Do you want me to tell you anything about the fixtures? Coventry. Coventry is a good first game Friday night.

48:24I'm going to be away for the weekend. so I'm going to have to watch it in a pub. And I'm also going to have to record, because this is going to, basically we're going to record this Monday morning after the games to talk about what's happened. And it's going to go out Monday night. We're actually, I've got to record this away on holiday on a Sunday night at 10 30 PM to make sure it's topical.

48:46Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. So we're really going for it on this. So we've got Arsenal versus Coventry. Do we care about the whole list of games? No, we don't. No, fuck it off then. Wickham are at home to Plymouth. That's big. So let's do the ones that matter to us. So Arsenal got Coventry. I think Hull v Man U might be fun. What's the problem he got? I don't know. Newcastle-Liverpool on the Sunday, Rob. Newcastle v Liverpool. Here we go. That's a fixture. That's the fixture for the Sunday. There we go. That's the big one. I think it's an Areola guy. He's good, but he's going to need a season. Yeah. There we go. So what were you going to say about him?

49:26Didn't really have anything. You just thought you'd just... Are you worried a little bit about having anything to say about currently? Because I think you love football, but all you will want to do is talk about the past. I was worried my analysis of him wasn't good enough. Irioli? Yeah. I think he's a really good manager, but I think they've got a lot of problems at Liverpool. I don't think he's ripped enough.

49:49Josh Widdicombe:Do you know every manager these days... Pudgy managers, yeah. Pudgy managers, you just don't get them anymore. It would worry me if I was a Liverpool fan. I do think if you spend your entire time at a training facility where there is personalized cooks that are paid to make sure that it's nutritious meals, you are surrounded by gym equipment and PTs and you wear gym clothes all day, how are you still not ripped? I'm not body shaming him. I'm just saying it doesn't strike me as a modern manager. I haven't seen, I haven't, when was the last Poggi manager to win a major trophy? Top level managers are normally ripped.

50:25Yeah, I agree. Yeah, that'd be a great one. Well, Big Ang won the Europa League.

50:30Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, Big Ang won the Europa League. Yeah, but does that count? Not really. Also, he's made it his thing. Well, it is a proper trophy, but not now that. It didn't even make it into Michael's predictions. Michael didn't say who's going to win the Europa League. It's harder to win the FA Cup. It's arguably harder to win the League Cup than the Europa League. Yeah. we didn't go with the Carabao prediction but frankly who cares right Man City always win that as a matter of course right Josh I love this I hope I've thoroughly enjoyed myself I hope that's given you a taste of how our analysis is going to guide you through the season we'll be back next Monday yes every Monday with our recap of the football at the weekend follow us on socials at footballinghow email us if you've got anything you want to say at footballinghealthpodcasts at gmail.com.

51:17Josh Widdicombe:And we'll see you next week. Bye.

51:29Josh Widdicombe:This episode is brought to you by ChatGPT. Hey, it's Bill Simmons from the Bill Simmons Podcast. Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? It's the new way to use ChatGPT for bigger multi-step projects. And when you need more than just answers, Give ChatGPT work access to your apps and files, and it can create real work documents like spreadsheets, slides, and structured reports. Get started at ChatGPT.com by selecting work mode available on Plus and Pro plans.