⚽ El Snapico: Jose Mourinho and the Real Madrid printer ⚽

19:36Josh Widdicombe:Oh, yeah. How am I doing? Well, it's logged me out and I don't know what my login is. Michael, how are we all doing? You log in. I haven't got that much internet. How much? So when they get to a ground. Go. so when i was uh at argal vexer when i was sat behind neil warnock did i tell you i was in front of the two plymouth guys with ipads that were talking about tactics and stats and looking at stuff on ipads no go on and it was really fascinating to hear what are they saying they had a coach that they were radioing to so they weren't radioing directly to tom cleverly no they were Tom Cleverley what it just makes me laugh at Tom Cleverley's your coach what they've doing yeah we've worked it out basically what we need them to do they can't do because they're shitting in league one so just sort of lump it up there and hope for the best we're third in league one yeah fair enough but it does when you get to a ground do you think you have like a setup where you've got all your computers and you've got you know 100 % a printer in Mourinho's team's bag 100 % a printer and because also they print out teams and stuff like that they can put up in the dressing room yeah and also you want to print out you know and one of my favourite things managers do and I hope I hope it is real put that on the dressing room wall put those quotes on the dressing room wall yes I love it if I was that manager I'd be doing that all the time do you know what do you know they used to like overly water the pitch or turn the heating up in the dressing room as old school tactics I think new tactics should be give the away team a shit internet connection.

21:11Like go, oh yeah, you can have the Wi-Fi. Yeah, don't worry. And it's like crap. Yeah, you've got to plug it in. It's a 56K modem. Just stick that in. You'll be all right, mate. You're not allowed to go in it after six when it's free. Because otherwise, why give them five unless they're travelling with their own G, their own 5G?

21:27Josh Widdicombe:How does it work? Because they've got those players that have got things on, right, that are constantly feeding. I couldn't. Those little bras. It's too much. How can you concentrate playing in the Premier League with a crop top on that tight? It looks horribly uncomfortable. I think I'd rather have my dick out. I honestly do. Look, because as a heavy chested man, OK? Yeah, but you wouldn't be if you were playing at the Premier League. Yeah, I know I wouldn't be. But even, I think, I just feel like I've got a bra on and it's really, I can't get, my confidence is through the floor. Well, I'd get, I tell you the problem I'd get because I've got a concave chest.

22:02Yeah, how did you get that? Have you always had that? I've always had that, yeah. It looks like a big punch from a superhero.

22:07Josh Widdicombe:I was run over by a steamroller in Thailand. The bra would go over the concave. So anything attached to the centre of my chest... Would just bounce around. Bouncing around, yeah. I don't know where they attach their reader. I've got a similar problem, but I've got a concave of my own making from lager, where my tits have got bigger. So there's a nice gap. Why do they need a bra? Because... Can't they just pop it in their sock or something? like when i go on tv i have a we have a bigger thing i know they're going they're doing more movement i don't know i saw you on strictly mate those hips are getting thrown around that left winger you don't have your pack on your tips you don't have to wear a bra yeah also as well i'm trying to make us not look like old men here but the problem's not wearing a bra no no no no an incredibly tight bit of elastic around your chest while you're doing sport yeah exactly but they monitor how far they've run and if they're tired if they should come off because i think it's all done on an equation that's why when i and i do know what i think it is used by managers and coaches as a bit of what it's not my they sort of go okay let's adopt this system so that when they sub someone they've got something to blame which is the equation so that when they go why do you take them off go well i had to because it said his he was in the stress zone yeah whatever it tells you do you watch cricket you don't watch cricket rob are you aware this there's no stress zone in cricket but no well this is the exact opposite sometimes when you're watching like the hundred or something not like a test but like someone who's fielding will be mic'd up with an earpiece in and they'll interview them as they're fielding as they're fielding it's the exact opposite so they'll be like in an actual game not a charity during the game they'll be interviewing and then it'll be like you know oh you'd be fielding they wouldn't be like the wicket keeper or the slip no they'd be a third man or whatever and they'd go how do you think it's going and they'd be like well we just you know those early wickets were good and we're just trying to keep them the run rate down and then they kind of stop because the ball would come and then they'd go and so actually you know i think the change of bowler will help or whatever i'd love that in football that'd be great wouldn't it i quite like ref cam it's like blair witch oh it's so weird ref cam isn't it i love ref cam i want to see it during the during the half time that's when i want to see ref cam oh imagine all sat there with those little sandwiches gun we did well didn't we we did really i mean i don't like ref bashing but to want to be a ref it's like wanting to be a politician there's got to be something wrong with you some sort of thing happened to you where now you crave power and responsibility and nothing will hold you back from being in charge clattenberg what about clattenberg Are you aware of...

24:48I work with him on Gladiators. Of course you have, yeah. He's got a tattoo, hasn't he, of... He strikes me of, I'm one of the boys, and you're like, no, you're not. You're a ref.

24:58Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what I should ask? You know I'm pals with Darren Cairn. Who? He was Howard Webb's assistant. So these are all your new showbiz mates now you're on Strictly? oh you've changed falling out of the met bar with darren can rob robbing shoulders falling out of the pgmol canteen with howard can what's his name sorry he comes to see me on tour he's a he's a josh willick and mega fan lovely he is the guy that does the he sits with the pundits on match the day okay yeah like talks to them and just basically lies and backs up all his mates whilst the pundits lie and back up all their mates. Here we go.

25:44I think Michael Carrick needs more time. I think the ref made a really good decision. Stop wanking each other for us and tell us the truth. You big green screen bastards.

25:52Josh Widdicombe:You big green screen. You're all tired and sad in Manchester. You've been there 14 hours. Can we get on to Michael Carrick? Again, let's save the Spurs bashing until later on because it is hilarious. Yeah, we need to get Bill on the phone. Arsenal lost as well, so, you know, fair. Did we go too early when we decided Arsenal were going to win the league the Friday night of the first weekend? Absolutely not. Everyone has a bad day at the office. Brighton are a good side. But apparently Arsenal were dog shit. Absolute dog shit. What do you think of those Brighton shirts? I like them. It's nice. I like an anniversary shirt.

26:26Why don't you get one for Rose? It is our anniversary today.

26:29Josh Widdicombe:Is it? Yeah. Seven years. What are you going to get? We're going for dinner tonight. No. Have you bought anything? Well, can I be honest? It's been quite a stressful week for both of us, which we'll cover in Parenting Hell. I got her a card, but I forgot to write in it. And she forgot to get me a card. Fucking hell. Well, yeah, there's a lot that's gone on this week, isn't it? That's like the story of two people in an old people's home at 87. We'll cover it in Parenting Hell. We'll cover it in Parenting Hell. Right, so what are we talking about? Can I say where I think I am with Michael Carrick?

27:03What are we talking about? Darren Cannes for a little bit.

27:04Josh Widdicombe:You're just friends with him. Yeah, but we've moved into Michael Carrick. No, but if we ever need to talk to a ref, I've got Darren Cairn on Speed, Dal. I didn't watch any football on Sunday. I watched Tottenham on Saturday. I watched Manchester United v. Fulham second half. I avoided match of the day because, so this is my problem with football, right? Yeah. When Arsenal win, I'll watch match of the day. Yeah, of course. If Tottenham and Man United or Chelsea lose, I'll watch match of the day. If Arsenal lose and then Man City and teams that I don't like win, I just don't watch match of the day.

27:35Josh Widdicombe:I can't believe people that watch highlights of games that didn't go the way they wanted. Oh, it's insane. I don't know. Yeah, we lost it. Let's just forget about it and move on. You might as well, you know, read a bad review. Do you know what I mean? Of yourself. Yeah. I don't know where that's come from in my head. We'll cover that in Perrin today. We'll cover that in Perrin today, yeah. Let's go back to Michael Carrick. Let's go back to Michael Carrick. A man who, to be fair, is getting the press I imagined I'd get. Michael Carrick would be going, this is unbelievable. Oh, good, this is gone.

28:06Let's have a look at the league then. So Michael Cag, apparently they were terrible and then got really lucky with a win. Is that right?

28:13Josh Widdicombe:Gary Neville said the 15 minutes before Fulham scored was the worst he's seen Manchester United play since he started supporting them at the age of five. I mean, and he's saying that about a mate. Can you imagine if I said, look, I watched Romesh on Weekly Slink. the first five questions were the worst display of quiz mastery I've seen since I was five years from a short room you go what the fuck are you on mate shut up who can't fucking leave me alone you nutcase what is wrong with you you're insane I know it's football it's quiz it's work but I'm your mate well this is my theory well i don't know this they're not mates i think what's clear is that gary neville was definitely closer to only gonna soul scale than michael carrick i think i think that is coming out i'm not saying they're not mates but he's not got i think with soul scar they were like really close weren't they so that's like me having the guy Ed Gamble.

29:21Yeah, exactly. I know him, but he's not, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:24Josh Widdicombe:How much did they cross over, Michael? Was Neville in that, I don't think he was, he wasn't in that team that won the Champions League in 2009, was he? No. No. So that's the team I imagine Carrick being in. He's not won the Champions League twice. Neville did win the Champions League twice. He was in that team. Fuck! What? Respect. Take that back. Good play, yeah. Fair play, too. Well done, Genev. Carrick, how was it? Is it bad? This is my thing with Carrick. And I've realised, this is the third time I've lived this. I did it with Solskjaer and I did it with, what's the Portuguese guy? Ralph Ragnet.

30:01I liked him for a bit. Yeah, I liked him. I liked him. Do you remind me of someone that would pick, your mate's dad that would pick you up from a night out? Yeah. Oh, he's nice, isn't he? I'll get in, boys. Want to go drive for a McDonald's? Yeah, a bit of fun. I invented pressing. What?

30:18Josh Widdicombe:He can't lose this mad bastard. When Man U equalised, and I say this as someone who, I don't like Man U because I grew up and they won everything, right? I've reached that point where I was quite relieved they equalised. Because it drags it out. Because it drags it out. And I had the same with Solskjaer and I had the same with Amarim. I just want them to get the odd win. I don't want them to keep losing because I fear them. I don't want them to sack him. You sort of want lose-draw, lose-draw, lose-draw. so they slip down the table but they're going to stay in to keep the drama going yeah with Deserby the fun could be over too soon I know exactly we need a couple of Spurs wins Michael how are you feeling about Man U?

31:00well I went to that game full of Man U? yeah I went to the game yesterday

31:04Josh Widdicombe:was it the worst 15 minutes of Man U you've ever seen? it was pretty bad like it was we were really really poor not to sort of drift into tactical analysis but come on Give it to me. Well, I was coming back from visiting the in-laws in Birmingham and there was no trains to Euston, so I had to go to Marleybone and I was like, oh, it's full of money. I meant the tactics for the game, not your journey. I thought, this is our tactical analysis. Michael had to go to Marleybone. Sorry, I didn't realise we booked Jonathan Wilson. What's going on here, Michael? Francis Bourgeois. Mate, I don't care about the trains.

31:37Let's talk football. Yeah, I'm going to write a book on inverting Chiltern Railways. Because I've never been to Craven Cottage, I thought, oh, I'll go to the game and then when we chat How about with tomorrow? It's lovely Craven Cottage. Oh, it's lovely. Absolutely beautiful. I've never been actually. Is it good? Yeah, it's great. You're right on the river, like sunset over London. I might support them. I might move there and support them. We were absolutely dreadful. Like just zero ideas. Like we were so poor and so lucky. But I had to sit in the home end because I couldn't get tickets in the way end.

32:06So I was sort of a covert Man United fan. And Fulham don't really have a reputation as a militant club, but I saw three different sets of Manchester United fans be removed from the homestand. One of them was a family with two young kids because they were just not allowed, you're not allowed to be in the home end with the home fans. So I then had to become a covert Fulham fan. So when Man United conceded their own goal, I had to clap my own team. It's great. It's such a weird sensation. It's sort of like muted, like clap and blending.

32:34Josh Widdicombe:Did you localise it? Because I don't think clapping's enough. If I'm a Fulham fan... I stood up when I clapped. You stood up when you... Yeah, because I think if I'm a Fulham fan, We haven't won this season. We've scored against Man United. That would be at least a, come on! Yeah. Come on, you lily whites, or whatever they're called. Show us what you did, Michael. The goal goes in, and then how did you react? I stood up, but I was sort of late standing up because I realised, obviously, it's not my muscle memory to go cheer for the opposing team. And I just clapped and sort of nodded approvingly.

33:07And then when Manchester United scored an incredibly lucky goal, I just shook my head sort of performatively.

33:12Josh Widdicombe:oh god terrible but was that part of that was you thinking oh god you can live that because you're like actually that's bad for manchester united the football club that we scored there because that's another three weeks of this i was on that meta i was sort of living i was in survival mode i was just trying to not get kicked out of the game no one's an actual fulham fan are they they're just rich people that live nearby aren't they it was 100 that richard osman isn't it well it was richard osman and lily allen are the famous fulham fans a lot of egyptians um a lot of sort of um What, because of Muhammad al-Fayr?

33:43Well, that's what I wondered. I didn't chat to them because I didn't want to expose myself. No. But around me, it was that there were a lot of Egyptians. How do you know they're Egyptian? Because I speak Egyptian. Do you? No.

33:56Josh Widdicombe:How did you know they're Egyptian? The way they walked up the stairs.

34:03Wow, they really do. Yeah.

34:07Josh Widdicombe:Blimey. I thought it was just a song. that's why Mo Salah was always running because if you broke into a wall

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35:45Josh Widdicombe:Rob, we've got to phone Bill, haven't we? Yeah, I've got. So basically. People love Bill, the Tottenham fan. Okay, so Tottenham lost 3-2. They scored their first time in the Premier League, but they'd given up the game by then, Villa. But let's ring Bill. Because I keep thinking, oh, the international. What do you think about this, Michael? Everyone sort of says, oh, the international break's coming. in that'll be good because then they can get a handle on the team but then i'd sort of think what does that mean you can't know because they're all away they've all left to go and play for in some cases in a better team with a better manager yeah so that's not going to help is it to go back to a worse team with a worse manager they're all in a situation where you haven't really got control of them so they could quite easily be like texting each other going this guy's a fucking child like do you know i mean there's no way you've lost control someone like mickey van der ven who i I think it's a brilliant player.

36:33He's definitely going to want to leave at some point if this 17th position keeps going. There'll be all his teammates in his ear and his agent can meet up with him and organise, like, here's a plan to get out.

36:43Josh Widdicombe:If you think of the Man U team, that he's going to, you know, turn around during the international break, presumably Lamens, he's off, right? He's got Luke Shaw, he can stay. Or is he in the England squad? Maguire's staying. Beyond that, Martinez will be at Argentina. All those midfielders are playing for their countries. Those three attackers are playing for their countries. You've literally got Harry Maguire. Oh, God, and he's aggy. He's getting aggy in his old age, isn't he? You know, it used to be a bit of a laugh when he played for England. Now he's right, angry boy. He's always kicking off.

37:17I just sort of think as well, no one needs the international break at this stage. I don't want to see international football anymore. Not for a good six months. And the players, you don't want to get injured. Just start the season. Anyway, let's ring Bill. What do you think is Tottenham? He must be waiting for this. He must be waiting for this. I think we need to buy Bill a proper mic. Yeah, we need to get him so you can ask him questions as well. I think he might duck out this one. He was in a really low place when I messaged him on Saturday. He's just looking at his phone. Hello? Hello, Bill.

37:49It's Rob and Josh. Hiya. Hi, Rob. And Josh. How are you? Can you tell him, can you just boost him by saying, we're getting incredible feedback. Bill, people love you on this, by the way. People love you as a person. They love your laugh. They love your positivity. You've got good knowledge about football when you said that Arsenal players run more, stuff like that, which I'm not taking a piss, actually does happen.

38:13Josh Widdicombe:Rob's agent messaged us to say how good Bill was. So if he's looking for representation... We can get you a mic if you want and you can just ring him properly. Right, I have my feeling about Spurs, yeah? Yeah, basically, come on. it's it's as bad as it's i mean the only bit worse for my memory is 2.8 games remember then harry redknapp came in and we were was that juan ramos left yeah we won the carling cup oh yeah he got 2.8 games and we were bottom and we're we're we're rock bottom now are you bottom of the league now no you're not are you the thing is with this right yeah and you know this it's a a bit of where it's like, oh my God, I'm worried now.

38:59It's just in us. They're bottom. You're bottom in the league. They're bottom. They're bottom, yeah. Because Fulham Drew. Because Fulham Drew. Yeah, we are rock bottom. We have no one's worst team. Coventry won as well. Yeah. So we, we're the worst team in the league. We spent over 300 million pounds. That's what, that's, do you know what, I'll say something, which I know you said, you would like me because of my positivity. But the worry is, is there's so many people people usually you know when your team's not doing well yeah your your fans i mean no problem we need a new strike it's a striker it's the manager or it's the left back they know the problem most people go like what where do we go from here most people are just going i don't know what i don't know what the problem is now because it used to be our owners didn't spend any money we've spent loads of money you know it's like bill it's a bit worse but it's like you know like when someone's ill a lot and they can't work out what it is and then it takes two years of different doctors and and it comes back and it's basically like lyme disease when you've been bitten by a tick and they've actually then they've got to work backwards from that to work out what's gone on it feels like it's you can't really diagnose what it is what would happen is they'd

40:09Josh Widdicombe:go if you went to the doctor in that situation have you made any big lifestyle changes in the last couple of years is it the ground is it the ground bill i watched an interview with robert green um on because my algorithm is such and he said he loved going to the emirates because it was so nice and so you've got the nicest ground so is it a joy for teams to come no no no because it's really it is a good ground i'll tell you a story once right and i think oh i don't know maybe but we do you know what there's something we've done this year we've actually made the away dressing room worse so basically both dressing rooms were really nice would you put some of your players in there

40:55that's that's joke of the day

41:00fucking my moose you're saying it we ain't got to play him have we well look we made that worse but then there was this one it is a really nice game do you know I remember one time I was at this game we were 2-0 it was Wolves we were 2-0 down at half time and so then I and I was like I can't go back out I don't want to go in there so then I went to the brewery in the pizzeria and it was really nice I was actually I was like that was a far better top footballing experience I was like and it was actually it was a really nice and yet

41:31Josh Widdicombe:maybe Can I ask about can I just ask about making the away dressing room worse because we were discussing we were literally discussing teams doing that earlier what does he mean they've made the away dressing room worse and does he think the away team gets a printer what have they done to make the away dressing room worse, Bill? Google it. I can't explain it, really. It's just sort of like a bit more basic. You know, the modern ones are really nice. Yeah. Loves of room. They've taken... You know, you've just made it really basic. Like, I think they put like a... I always remember, like, you always put a table in the middle of the room.

42:01That's bad for, like... Is it? Bad for teams. I don't know why a table in the middle of the room is bad for teams, but I think that is bad for talking to people. Yeah. When there's a table in the middle. Oh, right. So you're bottom of the league so you've put a table in the middle of the away dressing room. and do you reckon that well this is a side point because Mourinho was printing off pictures do you reckon they have a printer in there or do you reckon they bring their own printer do you know Rob the thing is yeah right you know we're in a I don't know you know I don't know if Josh knows this but we're in a group called NBA yeah basically and it's this thing where usually when your team's not doing very well so it's me and Bill with Jack Shalaka one of the other producers on Rob and Romesh when he started and Romesh it's us four two Tottenham to Arsenal yeah but for years it was our safe place where like you could just we basically went and did one where we went and we fell in love with basketball didn't we and so when your team's not doing very well you sort of like start following the basketball and the worst thing about this at the minute Rob is that the basketball season has not even started yet that's how early we're bad we do that it's usually around you know we can turn to it like it starts in October we're bottom before October well you've got three weeks Bill you've got three weeks international break.

43:15Unfortunately for you and Jack, when me and Ramesh meet you for dinner in a couple of weeks, it will still be the break and you'll still be bottom of the league. But where do you go from here? To any Spurs fan, it needs to... I said that. That was my point, Rob. Where do we go from here? Nobody knows. Nobody knows. Is he a winner or what his next fixture is? We've got Man United away. Man United away. Oh, El Sacchio. The actual El Sacchio. Oh, that is so good. And then they've got Coventry. Come on now. If you lose to Coventry, De Zerbe goes, I think. Yeah, 100%. We don't lose to Coventry. I think get rid of Deserby and get Emery.

43:45He's not going to do that. He'll go to a club that's got money. Rob, I know this is so bad to say. You do see this with Cundey and you know how I talk about it. I know a fan said this, but we've got to scratch the pochage just to get over it. You can't get Poch back. I feel like I'm talking to a mate in a nightclub trying to get with his ex because he's having no luck. You cannot go back. Poch is not the man anymore. He had that moment. It's gone. Yeah, but we need to just do it. rate? Do you know our rate, Bill? Honestly, I think you need a little bit of heart. You need to get the fans back on side.

44:18Ryan Mason.

44:21Josh Widdicombe:And just go from there. With David Plink. Yeah. Could I just say Michael's done some research. So just weeks ago, it was reported that the dressing room's luxury molten brown toiletries had been removed. Lovely. See? There you go. So does he think that's going to make a difference? So they stink like shit and they're beating you. I smell bad I smell bad Buendua Smelt like dog shit That whips it in top corner You've got to sort Pink Scout He's shit innit Do you know what's worse I'm watching like Juve highlights Pat Matassar's like Bossing the midfield At Juve And also Who's that centre back Brighton Is it a centre back That you've got rid of Yeah He's better than Van Hecht Best player in the league He's winning man Of the match every week Oh dear Best player in the league We sold We sold We sold The good ones We bought we spent 300 million on worse players right I don't want to feel like this is a part of any positivity Bill would be great but Josh have you got a final question for Bill before I let him go back to yeah this Malton Brown thing famously players are holding wash bags when they get off the yeah they're not using the Malton Brown no also Malton Brown sounds like a panic buy in the we've got Malton Brown at left back that's fine with 50 million he's just loaded he's injured he's injured he had a slip for the shower.

45:40We'll speak to him in three weeks. Any parting words for Tottenham fans out there? Um, well, it will get better because the only way is up from the bottom. Of course. Can I ask one last question? What's the lowest points tally ever? Derby, isn't it? Come on. We're not doing a Derby. It's Derby.

46:00Josh Widdicombe:I've got a friend who's a West Ham fan and he's having the time of his life because they're winning games, they're scoring goals. does part of him think it would be really joyful to just go down and then come back up having scored, got 100 points? Sure, it's such a... So, DC, he's a Southampton fan. He said that his happiest he's been as a Southampton fan was when they were in the Championship because they're winning every week at the top of the league. With a hat on a Mac and a pair of sunglasses and a newspaper in front of him. Having to snoop about. I think that's a really good point because the West Ham fans I think actually you ask Tom is Tom enjoying it?

46:44Big Tom yeah Big Tom is he enjoying it? that's what you should find out whether he's enjoying because I think that there's moments where you're they can't be any worse than what you're going through can it? no they drew a mill didn't they?

46:56Josh Widdicombe:well I tell you I'll give you an example of this Bill Plymouth I think they were top last week they're doing what? I had a terrible time when Plymouth were in the championship and we get every week you're playing billionaires we're third in league one and i'm having the time of my life josh is having the time of his life at plymouth in league one we won at blackpool we would never have won if we were playing southampton he's strictly just reading the back pages bill i hope it gets better for you

47:27alright I like that you like that yeah Bill's enough for that laugh was never going to end right Bill we'll speak to you soon mate thanks international break you've got time to get the squad together you'll be fine yeah rest up have you booked the cafe in Egypt to watch Marmoushi's first goal yet no he's out there he's an annex at the minute I was thinking I was going to go over in October but I mean I can't go there for a nil-nil. No. He needs to find a bit of before going to Cairo for a cafe.

47:56Josh Widdicombe:If he does, can he report back about their walking, Rob? No. Cheers, Bill. See you later. Cheers. Bye-bye. Oh, that was funny. We need a system where Josh can talk to Bill. I quite like it because what I can do, I realise that I can slightly slam him when he won't hear it. Yeah. His laugh's amazing. He just loves life. Oh, poor bloke. That was horrible. He'll have an agent by the next three weeks' time when we speak to him. When Tottenham conceded the first two goals, I actually like, I know it's funny, but it was the first time I felt this isn't actually funny anymore. There's people in that stadium.

48:32There's families who are absolutely distraught. But Villa needed it. Villa needed it, right? Yeah, yeah, they needed it. So Tottenham are bottom of the league because Fulham got a point.

48:40Josh Widdicombe:It's a shame Fulham didn't win because then Tottenham would be bottom of the league not just on goal difference. I know. Tottenham v Man U, I cannot wait. What day is that on? That is on October the 10th. Fuck, it's ages away, isn't it? What time? It's movie week. It's show two, Rob. It's the first elimination of Strictly. It's at 5.30. So is there a Strictly this week? Yeah, show one. It's not that long. It's not that far. No, it's the low. Whoa, it's show three. Yeah. It's show three. Jeez. Yeah, because it's three weeks away. Yeah. So what time is that, a 5.30 game? It's a 5.30 on October the 10th.

49:18Oh, yes, please. Oh, come on. I'm putting that in my diary. Yeah, you're going to love that. Feet up. Watch that. Watch you on Strictly. What a fucking night. Oh my word. I'm going to get a pizza. Because whatever happens, that's a great game. If they both draw, they're shit.

49:31Josh Widdicombe:What do you want to happen in that game? I want Man United to win because I'm finding the Tottenham bottom of the league thing really funny. And I want to... I don't believe Man U will get good if they beat Tottenham. No, and I want the Carrick thing to drag on. Yeah. So I think a Man United win will be funnier. Can we end by asking Michael? Yeah. If he thinks. Do you want to talk about any of the other games? No. Me neither. Go on, Michael. Are you hoping, man, you lose games now? Or do you believe Carrick can turn it around? Well, I've been very clear about my feelings on Carrick. He shouldn't have got the job in the first place.

50:09I would rather they sacked him now and replaced him, which won't happen. I think it's too embarrassing and about turn. So I would like us to lose as many games as possible, as quickly as possible to replace Michael Carrick. because he's not and has never been the solution. Strong words there from Michael.

50:25Josh Widdicombe:And we're going to end, Rob, with some massive bastards. Oh, we've got some massive bastards? Yeah. Give me your massive bastards. Hi, guys. Love both shows. Shout out for massive bastards. Ricardo Santos, Sheffield Wednesday and Cape Verde centre-half, absolute unit, six foot five inch, Ed, Sheffield Wednesday fan. Love it, Ryan. I'd have to look at him. Oh, he's a big old lumpy is. You having him? I am. Yeah, he's got some big old shoulders on him. It's hard. You sort of need, it's hard to Google them. You need to see them running around the pitch. But yeah, I think he's definitely in that territory.

50:58Shoulders on him.

50:59Josh Widdicombe:This one's got a bit of explanation, right? Hi, Rob Josh Michael. I'm a Peterborough fan and thought I'd throw a player into the ring. I'm not sure if this is allowed, but I think it's too good not to ask. As Exodus Gio Hagan retired in 2024. How do you spell his name? Exodus, as in the Bob Marley song. G-O-G-E-O-H-A-G-H-O-N. Say how big is he? Oh my God, he's got a massive head. Yeah, he is an absolute massive bastard. Right, he retired in 2024, following an illustrious career, playing for 25 teams in 25 years. Try a list of teams, I've got them here. Yeah. Sutton Coalfield, Bromsgrove Rovers, Regich United, Kettering Town, Peterbury United, Rotherham, Shrewsbury, Portvale, Barnet, Darlington, Dagenham and Redford, Mansfield Town, Kidder Minster Harriers, Mansfield Town, Worcester City, Braintree, Solihull Moors, Nunneaton Town, Whitehawks, Stourbridge, Torquay, Nunneaton, Stafford, Nunneaton, Howes Owen, Barwell, Highgate United, Grizzly and Shepshed Dynamo.

52:02Certified massive bastard.

52:03Josh Widdicombe:So we'll induct one massive bastard a week. He's the one. Let me tell you why. Never has a football had so little value placed on his feet and so much on his hands. He could throw the ball into the box, the halfway line. Yes, that is peak massive bastards. You've got a team of massive bastards. The teams he played for would cheer like they had a corner at almost any part of it. Yes, I love him. I fucking love him. He won't be disappointed. Luke, season ticket holder at the Posh for 222 months, aged 390 months. Yes, please. Gio Hagen. I've got, I'm going to watch one of his videos. I don't know how your office is set up.

52:40Josh Widdicombe:Could you plot out, find out where he plays, plot out our two massive bastards on the pitch so we know where they play. There's actually a YouTube compilation. Of his throws? It's Exodus Geohagen, the greatest.

52:55Exodus was the best striker ever managed and judging by his career, I was his manager for the longest time.

53:00Josh Widdicombe:He was a striker. He was a striker, yeah. So he was taking throws from the halfway line. Oh my, and he was six foot five, but the throw-ins are mental. Big X, they call him. Oh my, these throw-ins are unbelievable. send him more you massive bastards or anything you want think we might want to hear if you're aware whether football teams bring print no there's a defender he's a defender massive bastard there he goes huge and we'll continue to do our massive bastards teams what's the longest you've wanted a team to keep winning so they keep their ship manager anything you think would be interesting have you ever been run over by steamroller keep them i didn't even get to watch the andrews towns and then we'll save it for international week also i want to talk about jimmy floyd hasselbank's fitness regime.

53:42I think I'm going to copy him to get ripped. He's trying to lose 10 kilos, so I'm going to do the Hasselbank training. Okay, great. We'll talk about the next time.

53:48Josh Widdicombe:Hasselbank's tip to Sean Wright Phillips on Strictly is don't count. Unbelievable. Is that what he said? Don't count? Don't bother counting. What does that mean in dance? Well, that's the whole thing is counting. He said don't bother counting. Fair enough. See you later. Bye.

54:14I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm. Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

54:36King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

54:46Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light, and slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress, a hoodie slips beneath a blazer, an old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season, you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.

55:39We'll see you next time. Make your move. Order on the Sweetgreen app. Hello. Welcome to Unequal Sequel. Oh, no, no. Hang on. What did I say? We're not doing an episode, Dave. This is an advert. We're trying to tell people about our podcast. We're not introducing them to it. I've still got to mention what the podcast is, right? Well, yeah, but you're not saying hello and welcome to Unequal Sequel. Okay. This is the trailer to Unequal Sequel. Is that better? Yeah, that's better. It's better, isn't it? But for this episode, it's called Unequal Prequel, just to really confuse people. Yeah, we did change the title.

56:13But if you want to listen and you're listening to Parenting Hell now, we've got producer extraordinaire Michael Marden on this week's episode. We do. He's a big film fan. Yeah, well, he's a big film fan. If you're a big fan of Michael, which I'm sure a lot of people listening to this will be, then join us over on Unequal Sequel. You can hear him talk for like an hour about movies. And they do say he's got a sexy voice, so that's a good reason. Yeah, that's a thing. Go and listen to Unequal Sequel wherever you find your podcasts. Bye.