⚽ I don't like teams in blue⚽

15:42I like Fulham.

15:43Josh Widdicombe:Felix White from the Maccabees I like. He's a big Fulham fan. And Lily Allen. Right. Is she a Fulham fan? They've got good celebrity fans. I don't know. I think Lily Allen's a bit on the fence. I don't think she's like... You don't think she's down the cottage? She's not down the cottage. I saw her in Paddington Station the other day. I was thinking about this the other day. You know, you said about Chelsea. Chelsea have got the worst type of fans. They've got the posh ones and then the sort of far right nutters, the angry bald men. I was thinking, do they even have a player that everyone loves?

16:14Like, you know, like. I think Morgan Rodgers. Morgan Rodgers. Yeah, I think people quite like him. But then he started trying to fight Declan Rice yesterday. Yeah, but that's fine. That's fine. But Zola everyone loved. Everyone loved Zola.

16:27Josh Widdicombe:Everyone loved Ruud Hullit. Did they? I think because it was so thrilling when he came. And then he was saying sexy football and everyone was like, this guy is something else. It's so mad, our boring British football coverage, isn't it? Like, rudely goes, sexy football. I'm like, oh, my God, it's so funny. And now, Mika Richards has, like, transformed and revolutionised TV by having a laugh, by just being happy. Just happy. I know. And enjoying football and laughing. I'm like, oh, my God, he's such a breath of fresh air. It's like, what are all those other fuckers doing in their suits sat there like they're at a funeral?

16:59It's a game of football. Oh, we've lost again. No one really cares. You pretending to care this much is the problem. This is what... I listened to TalkSport the other day. There was a bloke on it, and I don't know if he was joking or not. He said, because Tottenham drew nil-nil in Nottingham Forest, away from home, he'd cancelled dinner with his wife that night. Right. How would Lou and Rose respond? Oh, my God. Plymouth have lost. You got Rose. I'm sorry, we're going to have to cancel Byron Burger or whatever. Or Bills. Whatever you've got down in Devon. How effing dare you? Sorry, Bella Italia is going to have to.

17:35How dare you? Look, I know you love Frankie and Benny's roads, but we're going to have to pull the reds. Can I get a table for, I don't know, of course you can. It's absolutely empty.

17:51I think if, if, if I,

17:54Josh Widdicombe:when was the last time I was truly affected? You were affected by England. Yeah, England affects me. But I think that's because everyone's into it. So all the mood around you is like that. So I think it's different. Imagine if you was a football fan, you worked with loads of the same fans. That might be different. This is the difference between club and international. I think it's the same as the difference between your birthday and Christmas, right? Yeah. On your birthday, it's just you that cares. Yeah. So really your birthday is not as good as Christmas because everyone's into it. So everyone is into England or Wales or Scotland or whatever.

18:34Josh Widdicombe:So you get caught up in it. So you get caught up in it, like Christmas. A World Cup is Christmas and Plymouth winning a game is your birthday. Yes. That's what it's like. Even when England went out as World Cup semi-finals, I still finished my dinner. Of course. No, I'm not eating tonight. We're cancelling dinner. So you've made two calls after Spurs drew. and they drew away from home. One to your wife and one to talk sport.

19:06What is wrong with you? And also, she needs to leave him. I agree, totally. I think with Tottenham, we should talk about Tottenham. So Tottenham have lost the first two games and they drew. It's still funny. And it's like... Shall we phone Rhys James? Shall we try Rhys again? I found he was fairly... He was all right about it. I'll try Bill again, but he's quite shy, so I think he knows what I'm doing when I'm trying to ring him. Bill's the producer of Robin Romesh, but a massive Tottenham fan. That goes a lot. But surely you should just accept a nil-nil draw with Tottenham Forest. It's fine. He knows what I'm up to.

19:44Maybe he knows what I'm up to, but also he is producing a show I'm on. You'd think he'd answer. That's twice I've rung him now with no response.

19:52Josh Widdicombe:So how often do you ring? Because remember, you finished it for the series, So what are you going to be phoning about now? We still have to go and do voiceover. I've had some thoughts about the edit, Bill. No, that does happen because sometimes I'm like stripped naked and we have to agree on how many nipples are showing. Yeah. From what number? Hello, Bill. You all right, mate? How are you? Yeah, good. Can you talk? I'm recording football in hell with Josh. He can hear you, but you won't be able to hear Josh, just me. We're just discussing Tottenham, and I'd say you're probably one of the most passionate Tottenham fans I know.

20:23we just wanted to know what's the thought and vibe at Tottenham because for us before the start of the season good manager spent loads of money get them all in what's the thought process at the moment? Do you know what I knew you were going to be ringing me about the fucking Spurs. We can talk about the show if you want how's the edit? No no no do you know what I would say I don't want to be too doom and gloom just yet just yet because the problem you were at the relegations zone on Saturday for four hours can I tell you something I've been looking at right and you might laugh at this you might be just so fucking sad Bill do you know what RXG is against the game and against all the other teams hang up hang up hang up

21:07Josh Widdicombe:on this pre and then this weekend against non-forest we have better XG so it's we are at Thomas Frank when we were Thomas Frank we didn't look like we were going to score we just looked dreadful we just looked like there was no hope but we are creating chances we just need we'll move to score pass the board and we get a goal we just need to convert our chances and that will happen I think honestly Rob this weekend I think we'll batter Everton really it's all going to click yeah then it'll click and then everyone will be like everyone's so keen to jump on us the other thing by the way yeah because you haven't scored I don't know why everyone's coming to Spurs I don't know why you haven't scored a goal you haven't scored a goal and you've lost two Villa haven't scored a goal Rob Villa haven't scored oh but Bill they've sold their squad they've sold everyone no Villa haven't signed and everyone's going for Spurs no one's talking about let's talk about Villa what do you want to say about Villa?

22:09Villa they look dreadful they've signed what was it Mam Mam I shouldn't say what he said yeah if you don't know how to pronounce it Bill I'll just tap out they've signed they've signed A load of players. They look dreadful. It's still early. It's still early. You know what? I said to you yesterday, I want... Hang on, your scenario. Come on, Bill.

22:31Josh Widdicombe:He's shy. You said at one point, he's shy. I don't want to say this. I don't want to say this. Come on, Bill. My only... I think that I'd like potsh back, but not yet. Oh, hang on. So you just said it's all going to click ever. Now you want to sack De Zerbe. Yeah, no, but I still have this thing of like, he's an ex-girlfriend who were like, I think it would have worked better with him. Right. I think he's a better manager for these players. Who's your Steven Schumacher? Yeah, do you know when I watched yesterday's game, right? You against Chelsea. It was so, like, it was, everyone was just running for them.

23:04Do you know what? Another thing, another stat, I mean, I've been looking at so many stats. You run more than everyone else, right? Arsenal run so much. And I was like, we used to run so much for Pogge. And we don't run anymore. And I was like, I want to, I'm like, you guys, it was that bit about 20 minutes into the game. you were just both teams just running running so much that football again where everyone was just fucking running at each other but Bill did you see the XG Arsenal's XG really dropped off from all the running you I do you know what I've seen a stat that you have the least XG against don't you Bill I've never looked at XG in my life it's a load of fucking bollocks you've just bought a load of charlatans are there for the money they're not going to put any effort in.

23:49They just want the dollar and a big move to Real Madrid if it goes well. What's the prediction for the Everton game? Oh, I think we'll win 4-0. Okay. Perfect. I'm not, it's too early to get me depressed. It's honestly, it's, I think, if we don't beat Everton and Villa, Yeah. Or if we don't beat Everton, you can call me. Right, okay. Okay. We'll give you a bell if you lose to Everton. If we don't beat Everton, then I think I'll be pretty low. Anyway, Bill. There were moments yesterday when Chelsea were 1-0 and I said to my son I was like I think maybe you should just support Chelsea because it is pretty shit being Spurs fan but but anyway just look at the XG and Bill next time we're filming Robin Romesh if me and Romesh don't make anyone laugh we'll just show you the expected laughs and then you can put those expected laughs into the edit and before you know it have a BAFTA is that okay?

24:42the X laughs I know the X laughs anyway He's like, cheers, Bill. I'll speak to you later, mate. Cheers. I love Bill. He's so passionate about Tottenham. He knows a lot as well, to be fair. Can we go back on you saying he's shy? Well, Bill, he's a little bit... If he was here now and he saw cameras, he wouldn't want to be in front of them. But he's not shy once you get him going.

25:12Josh Widdicombe:Right, Rob. Can we talk about Arsenal v Chelsea? Yes, let's talk about Arsenal v Chelsea. Did you watch it? Yes, I watched it. I enjoyed it. It was stressful as an Arsenal fan, but it felt like a proper fun game when they're attacking each other. Is Morgan Rodgers my favourite England player now? Is he? I love him. Oh, can I tell you what the lamest thing on earth is? Yeah, go on. Have you seen the clip of... I thought you strictly had that. That's fine.

25:44Josh Widdicombe:Have you seen the clip? of the journalist asking Mikel Arteta about the front three of Chelsea and their nickname. No, I didn't even know Chelsea have got a nickname, front three. So, you know how there's occasionally nicknames for front threes and they're always a bit of a push. I don't want to say Sheeran Sun because it's so long ago, but the SLS is all on. No, but Messi, what was it? Messi, Neymar and Suarez. Suarez, nearly said Saviola. It was MSN, like MSN messaging. Oh, yeah, I don't like that. But yeah, I get it. Yeah. Something that's bad. Yeah. Do you want to have a go at Cole Palmer, Morgan Rogers, and Jao Pedro?

26:22Josh Widdicombe:Michael? PRP? I think it's going to be CPR, right? No, that's much better. CPR. No, I don't know. C-M-J. C-M-C-J-M? No. No? So they take the J from Jao Pedro. Yeah. His first name. The P from Cole Palmer, his second name. J-P-M. J-P-M. J-P-Morgan. So the nicknames J.P. Morgan are named after the business? The journalist was like, they're calling them J.P. Morgan. No one's calling them J.P. Morgan. No one's calling them. Also, it's a bit too favoured in Morgan, isn't it? Also, yeah, you've chosen one person's first name, one person's second name, so that doesn't work. Because it sounds like J.P.

27:04Josh Widdicombe:sounds like J.O. Pedro Morgan. And what did Arteta say? Fuck off, you loser. Well, no, he kind of laughed along and I was like, oh, shit, weirdo. Yeah. Do you know what? X laughs on that. Zero. X laughs. You should have seen the X laughs on that when he was getting it ready in the press box. Just AP Morgan. Well, Gary Neville. I'm going to shock you with some current football opinion. Go on. I'm going to talk about current players here. Gary Neville said to Ian Wright and the other panel that he thinks Arteta would swap Havertz, Eze and Saka for Jal Pedro, Morgan and Palmer. For J.P. Morgan? For J.P.

27:44Morgan. They would swap the E.S.H. The H.E.S. The H.E.S. The H.E.S. Gives me the H.E.S.B.G.B.s. This attack so fierce. The H.E.S.B.G.B.s. He'd swap the H.E.S.B.G.B.s. J.P. Morgan are coming for me with a very watertight contract that you can't wriggle out of. I definitely don't think I'd swap. I think that's a mental... Like, they've had three good games, and you've got a front three that have won the league. I'd swap JP Morgan. You'd take JP Morgan?

28:16Josh Widdicombe:Kai Havertz, he's very like Thomas Muller, isn't he? And I don't really know. He's not an out-and-out striker, but he's so good, Josh. His touch, he just has little flints. I don't care about his touch. I don't care about his touch. No, but you should care about his touch. His little touches sort of set up a couple of big opportunities and the goal. Actually, he did dummy for the winning goal. Yeah, he made the winning goal and he scored. It's a bad week. What's Cole Palmer do? Apart from cover up his balding head. That haircut, mate. He should have done it early. He had the old summer off. Get the wings.

28:51Basically, because what he's got is, he's going there. He's going to look like an old Steve Archibald head. He's got his Lombardo. He's got to act early and accept it. I think that's holding him back.

29:02Josh Widdicombe:Do you know how you get a full head of hair? If you combine Warnock with Cole Palmer, You get either totally bald or full bush. I just think if your job is like, that's why Joe Cole did it right. He just sort of shaved it all off as it got. When are you shaving off if you're a footballer? Well, I think if you're Cole Palmer, it's obviously receding slightly and he's trying to cover it with a sweep over. You can't sweep over. Like, because of the, have you seen the pictures of Bobby Charlton when Bobby Charlton's comb over is gone? I can't. I cannot look at him as a footballing great because he airs too distracting.

29:38I totally agree. I'm just like,

29:40Josh Widdicombe:he's one of the greatest players of England I've ever had. What? I just think if you have to accept what you are and who you are, right. And part of accepting is you can improve it or change, but you need to go, right, I'm going balls. I'm going to do this or whatever. Right. And that's fine. But if you're an artist, like Cole Palmer is, he's not like a functional Scott McTominay athlete type. He's a brilliant, like genius at football. where you can find little gaps and do amazing stuff. If you want to express yourself, you've got to accept yourself and just go, you can't hide your bald head with airspray and bits and bobs.

30:13You can't do it. Should we ask the expert? Should we ask the expert, Michael? Our resident bald expert, Michael, who looks like he's doing... Michael, you have to look, and you're going to hate this, as a beefed up referee's assistant that works in the VAR room.

30:28Josh Widdicombe:I've had a lot worse. I've had a lot worse. so Michael how much would we have to pay to get a Bobby Charlton comb over um how long have I got to have it for for your life you just lived like that for the rest of my life yeah that's just your new haircut Bobby Charlton I'd won at least a million pounds a year in my bank account at the start of every year well but what's the thought process here no one's going oh he's got loads of air no one's you're not fooling anyone no one's gone no one's fallen for it the wig you know the glue wigs I'll let them off on a quick glance oh they've got air Bobby Cholton type hair, the sweeper.

31:02Not just him. I know we're picking on him here, but loads of people out there. No one's looking at that hair and going, he's got lovely long hair. No. He's got loads of hair. He's got a bald hair.

31:10Josh Widdicombe:Is it because he's worried about the coldness on the top of his head? That could be the only explanation. I don't think those strands of hair are making much difference. Do you know what he looks like? It looks like, you know, when a kid needs to tidy their room and they can't be bothered. So they have all the mess on the floor, they just chuck a rug on it. And then goes, look, clean floor. and we all know what you're up to here Would you have would you have more respect for Cole Palmer if he did the Bobby Charlton comb over? Well I just think he's almost doing that now the problem is you do it now and it's incremental where that's sort of sweeping it across but I just think if you're playing football and you're getting hot and sweaty you're going to be worried about your hair you're too self-conscious Yeah Wasn't Bale bald and he covered it with his long hair and curled it round Bale's got a good head of hair hasn't he?

31:53He's got loads of hair but there was rumours that it was balding in the middle but he had so much long round He sort of twisted it around until he could get a...

31:59Josh Widdicombe:He's kind of covered it up in a kind of... I think it might have been a conspiracy theory. Yeah, he covered it up with a bun. No. That's not true. And then he got... That's not true. There's photos where he looks bald. Yeah, look. No, I refuse to believe that. I refuse to believe that. No, I don't know if he's been doctored, but it looks like he covers a bald patch up with loads of hair in the bun. Oh. Gareth, if you're listening, or if you know Gareth, and you want to refuse, it's fine. Let's set the record straight. Yeah, he looks a bit like Rob DeBank. Well, I think it's an important thing to discuss because, let's face it, the majority of our listeners are men of a certain age where bald heads is part of life.

32:38And there's also a very strong listener group of women that potentially might be married to these bald men that aren't dealing with it very well.

32:44Josh Widdicombe:So is that your main take home from the Chelsea-Arsenal game, that Cole Palmer needs to shave his head? And my main takeaway was Chelsea and Xabi Alonso are going to be really, really good. They're a problem. They're a very good attacking team. I like it. They went for it. The defence needs a little bit of work, but also Arsenal are really, really solid. And I think Havertz is great, but I get it why people think he's not a proper striker because he's not really. Are you joining me in coming to quite like Chelsea? If you take away... That they're Chelsea. The history of Chelsea and like Abramovich and some of their fans.

33:18The fans. I love Chabby Alonso. A big fan of Palmer and Morgan Rodgers. Enzo Fernandez has gone, which is a huge boost for like ability. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, so yeah, I think.

33:31Josh Widdicombe:Do you like JP Morgan? I hate the, I like the attacking line. I think it's exciting for the league. Don't like the name. And I love, Cole Palmer's one of my favorite players. I just want to see him with a big old air. I genuinely think once the transplant happens, his career goes up three levels. Can I ask the next question? Go on. I don't think I like teams in blue.

33:56Josh Widdicombe:Okay. So, Inter Milan? They're maybe an exception, but I like their black and white, black and blue stripes. Right, so all blue. So Chelsea, Everton, I love Everton. Chelsea, Everton. I'm a big Everton fan. Do you like Everton? I love Everton. Really? The Toffees? Your beloved Toffees? I had some great players that played for them. I love Moyes. Oh, we got a bit of abuse because, right, so Everton mints have toffee in the middle of them. Right, so that's why they're called the Toffees and not the mints. Yeah. Okay. I'm glad we got that covered, you fucking losers. Must tell them. Why do you care what we think?

34:33Do you know what I mean? Must tell them. Must you? I do love Everton. I don't want to go through a list. Oh, hang on. Bill sent some stats. I'll just tell him to. Sky Sports recorded an XG of 1.12 for Tottenham and 0.72 for Newcastle. They weren't playing Newcastle. That was the first game. And then in the game, it was 1.6 versus 0.6.

34:56Josh Widdicombe:But this doesn't matter. Then he said, Brentford battered us, to be fair. Not going to send you that XG for that. But you can't beat Brentford. Brentford are incredible. Brentford are like so underrated. Yeah, Keith Andrews will be the manager of Spurs for the first six months of next season. Also, he started talking about Thomas Frank. You've had another manager. Igor Tudor turned up. I know. Anyway, I was talking about Man United. I love Everton, Man United. I think Everton are great. Great fans. They've got, I don't want to go through a list. Also Tottenham-wise, they haven't scored a goal.

35:32But Troy Parrott, who they got rid of, striker, scored for Real Batista to beat Real Madrid. And then they've got Vasiljevic. I can't remember how to say his name. Is it Brighton from Tottenham? He scored. And Lancashire is scoring loads in the championship. Oh, that's good. That's good to know. David Moyes. Love David Moyes. Do you like David Moyes? Yeah, I really like David Moyes. I feel a bit like him, a bit like, you know, John Major?

35:58Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. You know how, like, or the same happened with Gordon Brown as well. You know these prime ministers that aren't popular when they're prime minister, but then after a while, people see them as a kind of elder statesman. Well, I think... I feel like David Moyes at Man U, everyone was like, he's shit. But then years later, you're like, oh, David Moyes. He's like a kind of, he's a solid elder statesman of the game. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but also as well, as time's gone on, everyone's realised Man United was the problem, not the managers. Yes, yes. Because he can't have that, whatever's going on within that club as a thing.

36:35Josh Widdicombe:I don't know any other Man U manager that's come out of it since. He's the most successful of the Man U managers post Alex Ferguson. Is he? In terms of after Man U. Mourinho, done fuck all. Right, I'm going to stop you here, Josh. I think they may have done... Well, they both won cups. Oh, who cares about cups? Well, no, but if you said they didn't shit, he won the Europa League. Mourinho. Eric Tenard won the FA Cup. No, I'm happy to call him all shit. No, I don't mean at Man U. I don't mean at Man U. I mean, after leaving Man U... Oh, got you. Who's done well since? David Moyes has done well since.

37:16Josh Widdicombe:Mourinho, it's just gone everywhere, not been very good. Ten Haag, didn't he get sacked after one week somewhere? Yep, I don't know, but yep. I'll listen to a football podcast after this to find out. Ralph Rangnick, might as well be missing. I forgot about little Ralphie. Rude van Nistelrooy? No. No. And then, who's it? Oli Gunnar Solskjaer, he only manages Man U. He doesn't do anything else. Carrick, we're Carrick's in now. And then, we're Ruman Aberin. I watched a bit, I'll tell you what, I watched AC Willown versus Juventus last night. What is wrong with you? Is it 1998? It was 1-1. I missed the last-minute equaliser because I fell asleep.

37:54So a couple of things, because Ruben Amarin was on there, so I was basically wanting Juventus to beat me, Ruben Amarin, because that sounds mean, but I enjoy the soap opera. It's bad because they are people, but if someone's... Yeah. Well, if someone's crap, but they stick to their guns the whole time, I think you're allowed to find it funny. Yeah, I think so. If you continue to go, I only ever play the back five, and then you keep losing, you're like, well, maybe change it. Yeah. I've jumped around a bit I was going to say No way I know Michael's done a lot of away days I would quite like people's advice on going to matches in Europe like for a little lads or football friends trip going to a town or city to watch a game Where would you most like to go?

38:32Well I'm going to Rome with the kids and Lou in the new year around east I don't know when we're going but like That's a away day Yeah so I have booked it so that Roma are playing at home So who's going to go with you? Well, I might just go on my own or the blue and the kids might come. We haven't decided yet. We're going to have to look at the tickets and stuff.

38:50Josh Widdicombe:Are they big Roma fans? I thought your kids supported Lazio. Yeah, but I've promised them they can wear their blue top underneath the Roma shirt just for safety. Another blue team I don't like. I love Lazio's kit. Light blue. You've got to like light blue. I don't mind light blue. You don't like dark blue. You don't like blue kit. I know what you mean. I'm not a big fan of that dark blue. Who else? Rangers? Rangers. I don't like Rangers. Why don't you like Rangers? Because they won the league every year when I was a kid, so I was a natural. Because they were two, yeah. Are you starting to feel sorry for Coventry?

39:21I think they'll turn it around. Hull looked probably the best out of the promoted teams.

39:28Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, but that won't last. They're Hull. We basically spend an hour making enemies on here. I don't mind. I don't mind. You wait till we try selling a tour. But this is my problem with people. Can't shift a ticket. That makes you not like me, right? If someone said to me, if someone said to me, if Plymouth were in the Premier League and someone said, well, they're going to go down because they're Plymouth, I wouldn't go, how dare you? How dare you speak badly of Plymouth Argyle? Because that's, who cares? Let's find out. Who cares? It's entertainment. It's like going, I don't like Ken Barlow. No one cares.

40:08Josh Widdicombe:It's entertainment. Well, how about this then? Have you ever, let's do it. Have you ever boycotted someone because of their football views? No, not you. I mean, the listeners. All right. Oh, sorry. You can email in if you want. Okay. What's the email address? Footballinhellpodcast.gmail.com. Yeah. Is that right, Michael? Yeah, close enough. Well, no, not close enough. We need to know what it is, the email. That's right. Okay. And have you been to a Roma game, Michael? Any advice? I've been to a Lazio game and it was horrible. Oh, okay. I can't vouch for Roma. very very let's call them tasty ultras in the Lazio stand very very very politically charged I'd say yeah they are quite politically charged Lazio and you felt uncomfortable there as a bald white man it must have been intense if you feel under the cosh many years ago on a TV show which I won't name we filmed the VT there and the ultras who saw us filming with a camera we had a small child who was sort of there as a kind of like make a wish style thing, being the presenter, they came over and threatened us to smash the camera up.

41:17Oh, God.

41:18Josh Widdicombe:That's how much they disliked being filming. So when I went back years later, it was... The vibe hadn't really changed. Well, maybe me and my blonde daughters might get carried through the standard at the front. They'll love us. Blonde hair, blue eyes. I'm there. I've got a mask on, scarf. Let's go, lads.

41:42I want to discuss Meet the Owens.

41:47Josh Widdicombe:Oh, my God. So for people that don't know what it is, basically it's like a reality show about Michael Owens and his family. Yeah. I'm treading carefully here because, well, let's put it this way. He who has not made a bad TV show cast the first stone. No, I don't think it's a bad TV show. No. I actually think it's compulsive. It's electric viewing because essentially what you've got is Michael Owen, who got injured. What we forget about Michael Owen was he was for a period one of the most special people in the world. He was so special and adored. And then obviously he got injured and do that.

42:30So I applaud him for having no bitterness, really. He seems very positive and he's moved on and he's obsessed with horses. He's obsessed with his family that he refuses to tell he loves. which is quite a shift. Oh, that is so weird.

42:42Josh Widdicombe:He won't tell his family he loves them. He won't tell his kids he loves them, even though you can tell he loves them. You know, all he does is talk about them and look after them and mess about them. But he's like, he engages in such a strange way. Like, he calls his son a helmet. He's not got tons of banter. So he seems to be on a mission to show that he isn't boring. He's been called boring by a lot of people. and he wants to tell the world he's not boring. And I would say this show is not the best case for the defence. Well, yeah, because he's not boring. Well, he's not boring. The first scene is him hung over and he kind of...

43:25Josh Widdicombe:We're led to believe that him going out and having drinks makes him entertaining. But I'd say that's not what people mean when they say... That's two separate things. No one's going. The problem with Michael Owen is he doesn't get on it enough. Well, so I think, though, I've watched the whole series. I've watched the whole series. I love it. And they actually all get a bit more relaxed around the cameras. I think episode one feels a bit awkward because I think, as you would, if you've got loads of cameras in your house, it's a little bit overwhelming and you've been filmed the whole time. There's an incredible scene with Jamie Carragher in episode one.

44:01Josh Widdicombe:Oh, what he's showing around his stables. Yeah. And Jamie Carragher's never been there. despite them being mates for two and a half decades. He goes, so how long have you had this place? He goes, because he's 23 years.

44:17Imagine, you know, how long we've known each other? 15? Yeah. Imagine in 10 years' time, I discover you've got a stable with 50 horses that cost two million a year to run. And I wasn't even aware of it. Also as well, he lives about 20 minutes away from Owen. You would have passed it by accident, wouldn't you? And pop in for a cup of tea. If I lived half an hour away from you and you had a... You'd pop in, wouldn't you?

44:43Josh Widdicombe:Also, half the horses he's training are owned by other footballers. So you'd think it would have come up. Like, he's like, that one's owned by Owen Hargreaves, who we work with together. So it's never come up. Or is Jamie Carragher just not sitting there going, what the fuck are these two talking about? Anyway, I found it really fascinating. The first episode. I still don't know what to make of him. He's just a bloke. That's fine. No, I find him so fascinating. Do you know what it is? He's constantly positive all the time, which is slightly unsettling. Yes. He's like, what? He's constantly like, that's great, yeah.

45:17You know what I mean? He seems to be really, but he's very competitive as well, which is like.

45:21Josh Widdicombe:But I also, I think when you're making a reality show, maybe it changes after episode one. Yeah. There wasn't much at stake, Rob. the first episode they kept saying stuff like if he doesn't get a winner today in Chester at Chester races then maybe it will be bad financially over the summer but they're not very clear on that to the point where you go I don't think that does affect and then they don't get a winner they have 11 races and they come second in a few basically what happens is there's a point where he doesn't sell a couple of horses that he needs to sell. Then what he does, he goes, yeah, you know, and to supplement the million pound loss this year, I just have to go to work.

46:08And then there's like a montage of him just in Asia doing loads of insane adverts in like China and Japan. Where he's like doing aftershave and then he's doing commentary. This is the problem with it.

46:19Josh Widdicombe:You know, when the Osbournes came along and you were like, the reason this is brilliant is no one imagined they actually lived like this. Yeah. when the owens comes along i go yeah this is exactly how i imagine my clones life this is so he's kind of got he finances his kind of horse empire with adverts in in countries where we don't see the adverts and his daughter is trying to make it in tv presenting after being on love island kel surprise and then like he's got another daughter that's at uni studying sports psychology Yep, could have guessed that. His other daughter's doing dressage. Yep, tick, tick, tick.

46:57And he's got a big house. Big house, teenage sweetheart, met at school, tick, tick, tick, tick.

47:01Josh Widdicombe:So what is this revealing? Do you know what I mean? The only reveal seems to be that Jamie Carragher doesn't know Monkeleon has a stables.

47:13Surely, they're chatting between games, like what you're doing at the weekend. He's like, I've come from the stables. He's got a barber jacket on and wellies.

47:19Josh Widdicombe:Carragher, the moment he hears horse talk, Walks off, goes, not interested. The jeopardy is. He sort of talks about the stables. He says he loves it. Oh, my God, it's my favourite passion. That's what I, as a hobby for most people. And then he goes, but, you know, we may not make any money, so, God, I'm going to have to go to work again. And I'm like, well, yeah, that's everyone's life. Like, people are playing golf. I think that's the problem. But if you're playing golf five days a week, you're playing golf five days a week, right? And you go, I love playing golf, but the problem is, we've just got no money.

47:48So we're going to have to go to work. Yeah. yeah so go to work earn your money and then on your days off play golf and then that's just that's

47:56Josh Widdicombe:called life if you want to do that i know there's a bit where his wife says he's just not got any money coming in anymore so he's got to make the stables work you're like i'm really struggling in to care just don't how about don't buy 10 horses this year you need to save money don't by 10 autos. All right. I can't get emotionally invested in the story about whether my clone can afford to run his stables. Can I get emotionally invested by the story of his incredibly rich daughter trying to make it as a TV presenter? No, I'm struggling with that as well. I'll be honest with you. Fingers crossed she gets that job.

48:35Oh, please. I loved it. I think it would be... The problem is

48:40Josh Widdicombe:they all seem very nice as well. There's no like... They're no like... Fucking hell. This... this wife's an absolute nightmare. Do you know what I mean? There's none of that. There's just, it's the opposite of the real housewives. Yeah, because the reality show is basically, look how mad some people can be. This is, look how normal people are. Here's some really normal people. And the twist is, one of them wants you to not think he's boring.

49:08Josh Widdicombe:And that's the main arc. That's the main arc. And at no point does he show that he's not boring. No. there's a absolute there's a bit in the first episode where he goes they're filming at Chester Racecourse also I know Chester Racecourse isn't an exciting enough place to be doing the first do you know what I mean if you said to me like Michael that's probably the nearest one to his house it's like we're going to film Rob's doing a Rob Beckett reality show what's he doing but he's going to drive to Bromley to do a work in progress and what's he going to do after that he's going to drive home and if Lou's still awake they might watch an episode of offered on a telly but if not probably go to bed and then wake up and do the school run yeah and do you know what he wants to show he's not boring yeah and do you know what he he really wants to make golf work for him but he's shit at it and he's not earning any money from it so he may have to go on tour again and what's Lou like really nice actually she's writing a book oh what does she do?

50:10She sort of just sits and writes all down her office and then gets the kids from school.

50:14Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. And how are the kids doing? Yeah. They're enjoying school and they're doing well. Absolutely fine. Yeah. Really good. Yeah. Sometimes, you know, there's a few problems when we speak to the teachers, that gets resolved. And then every weekend we do a dog walk. I mean, to be fair, we are actually shitting on a parent in hell at the moment.

50:33Josh Widdicombe:Can I just draw attention to the one last bit in the episode one, which I could, which made me want to go, Oh, I'm jealous you've got more to watch, to be honest. When they're in the bar at Chester Racecourse and they're filming, someone goes, are you filming or something? And he goes, yeah, the sound man's a bit of a knobhead or something like that. Yeah. And then it kind of pans around to the sound man. It's like, and then Michael Owen's like, oh, he doesn't get my humour. And you're like, oh, mate. It's very David Brent. It's really David Brent. But like David Brent, he's lovable. I quite like Michael.

51:08Josh Widdicombe:It's hard not to like. He's a nice man who I would say doesn't have the insane weirdness that you need for reality TV. Yes. And they all look perfectly turned out. It's all very calm. Everything's measured. What you want is chaos, really. Yeah, exactly. You want... The other day, for example, I tried to go and get some parcels from the neighbours and I was wearing some sort of like pyjama trousers, a bit too loose fitting. And then I had to pick up the parcels from the neighbours and I put my phone in my pocket, which was quite heavy. Then by the time I'd got back to my door, my trousers and pants had fallen down.

51:44Exactly, exactly. That's not happening to Michael Owen. That's what you want, all pixelated. That's the start of the show, which is why, guys, listen to Parenting Hell. It's an absolute hoot.

51:53Josh Widdicombe:But what you don't want is, and I'm going to say it, two minutes on whether he likes Dairy Lee. Did he do that? How many Dairy Lees do you have on a piece of toast? Has this made the edit? Was that on it? I must have just blanked out. When he's hung over and he's like, oh, do you like this, Derry Lee? Yeah. How many do you have on a piece of toast? It was, what is going on? I wouldn't, to be fair, Josh, if someone said they saw you do a gig and that was part of your crowd work, I wouldn't believe them. Derry Lee? Don't have a tip of with the Primula? Oh, you're posh, Philly, Philadelphia. Laughing cow.

52:31Josh Widdicombe:No, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not referring to you, madam.

52:41Oh God, right. Okay, so see you next week for another installment of Football in Hell. I really enjoy that. I'll try and watch some more Michael Owens. Champions League this week. Multi-screen on TNT Sport. Love a bit of that. So what have we got this week? The Champions League is only Arsenal playing Napoli. Yeah, like Napoli.

52:59Josh Widdicombe:It's basically zero importance due to the new film. Well, this is a problem. This is the problem. This is why we need the European Super League ASAP, Rob. It needs to matter immediately. It needs to matter immediately. Manchester Derby on Sunday. Could I just ask this now? Yeah. Are we Carrick out, Michael? Am I starting Carrick out? No, I think you're jumping on the Carrick out bandwagon. What, has someone already started Carrick out? Well, I didn't want Carrick to get the job full-time anyway, because I think exactly what's going to happen was going to happen, which is we played five games last season.

53:32Josh Widdicombe:we literally played statistically you couldn't have played as few games as we played because we went out first round in every single cup competition the squad isn't deep enough he's not he's not experienced enough we've already started slow it's so funny it's so perfect he will not be there at the end of the season who will be there at the end of the season michael because they like to change from one to the other don't they so they go uh wild european no because he's too similar so it'll go yeah it'll go Carrick now it'll have to go like yeah and then it'll be um Chris Smalling and then it'll be um would you take Pep if he wanted to come oh that's a good question yeah do you know what I would if he said I'll be bringing up my divorce in every team talk yeah cameras in there that's the kind of person who want a reality tv show i think the job is too big for pep i think the job's too the club is so what what are you gonna get fucking god yeah but they're not they're not gonna give him 400 million to spend he can't spend he can't sign a new left back every half a season because he's bored of the recent one why have you not got no money you're the biggest club in the world yeah yeah we've got money we just we just spend it poorly i just think it's a poison chalice where we are a very long way away from you're just dead forever no not for it not forever but i think we came back yeah but We're at that phase just before they appointed, what's his name?

55:02Josh Widdicombe:Julier. We need someone to come in and do what Julier did. That long ago? Yeah, yeah. Because he rebuilt the club behind the scenes, and the reason for the following success is because of what he did. Yeah, yeah. If you speak to the Liverpool people, what Julier did, even though he didn't win much, changed the landscape of that club internally and behind the scenes and allowed then everything that followed. Have we ended with a good point, Michael? I wouldn't go that far. Have we ended with learning something? It's so funny that the only one who knows about football doesn't speak. Football-wise, games at the weekend on TV.

55:37There's Sunderland Arsenal, 8 o 'clock on Saturday night, and Tottenham and Everton at 5.30, just before, so that's good. Then Sunday is Manchester Derby. I went to a very nice barbecue yesterday, Rob. Yeah, okay. As a vegetarian.

55:53Josh Widdicombe:Everyone was lovely. Hello me. and we had a lovely time, but there was zero mention of the football. I didn't know what to do. Oh. I just couldn't believe it. I thought... Did I have it on a screen? Yeah. Now, I would... Is anyone there that you know likes football normally? Well, I don't think so, because I didn't know everyone and I think I was the only football fan. Personally, I'm going... Everton Man United's on should we stick it on and they're going and if they say no I just put it on my phone and have it on silent on the table watch it on your phone yeah just on the table I'm chatting away but anything good happens I pop down here oh man do you think that's acceptable no but I don't care what are they going to do do you see what Rob did he had his phone out with the football on yeah yeah alright then okay alright so your anecdote's better than Arsenal-Chelsea off you go I'm in Come on Come on Your anecdote Better than JP Morgan Up against Gabrielle and Ezra Concer I've known you For ten years Have I ever Repeated a story You've told me Nope But I turn up A smile To make the whole World go round And make it normal Okay So Why don't you Let me have a little Bit of football on And you can talk Your shit What's that Someone's personalised This for his own issues Or I just don't go I'll just Like we No but we socialise In the morning We're Sunday morning Socialising I might say next time, oh, I've got to watch this for the pod.

57:24Yes. See, that's the Joshua Innocent way. Much more, you know, smoother as opposed to me immediately having an argument with someone's wife. What's the worst case scenario is your friend's wife doesn't like you? Oh, yeah.

57:39Josh Widdicombe:Bothered. Bob, I'm friends with a wife. Does she like football? Women do like football. I've got my friend Harriet coming over to watch the Manchester Derby at the weekend. I mean it. I've got female friends, actually. Of course. I love women.

57:56See you later. Bye.