S10 EP41: Sports Day Ends Badly

20:28He can go and attend, though, considering what he went through. So well done, Matt.

20:31Josh Widdicombe:I don't think he does use them as well, though. But anyway, he could if he wanted, just to be clear. Anyway, so we're going down Friday afternoon. Yeah. Yeah, so Friday morning, my son's got a concert as well, like for Hackney Schools. So we go to that. It's a double up. Right. So we get up Friday, take my daughter in, then go to the concert. Yeah. The concert, very, very nice experience, but huge queues, overruns. We then go home. Too many people. Too many people. But, you know, ready ourselves for Glastonbury, really. What's your kid doing in it? Singing? Singing in 600 kids singing. It's a lovely event.

21:07Josh Widdicombe:I'd say 12 songs is too many, but that's just me. But he loved it. We'll go home. We've got an hour's turnaround to get ready for Glastonbury. So are you going straight after Sports Day? Straight after Sports Day. And you're getting driven down there or are you driving? No, I'm getting the train. Getting the train? Because if you're leaving London at 4pm on a Friday. No, yeah, I'm not criticising. So then where do you get off at to get the train down there? Oh, that's a bit harsh, mate. No. So then how do you get from the station? You get off at Castle Kerry and there's a shuttle bus. So you get a shuttle bus?

21:36You, Josh Willigan, from the satellite?

21:38Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Okay. Mine are the people. And then where does the shuttle bus drop you? Gate A. And then how far is it from gate A to where you're going? Gate C. Yeah. It is a 300-yard walk. That's fine. Yeah. And then you're at your accommodation? Then you're at the accommodation, which is right next to a gate, because we were in posh camping. Nice. I make no bones about that. We had a sauna on Sunday morning. Well, I wish that's where you took me the first last time we fucking went. Yeah, I don't. I know. Don't. The carnival crew. I fucking don't. You can't take, and I'm going to use the third person here, Rob Beckett to sleep near anyone that juggles.

22:13That is rule one of me. Unless the only thing they're juggling is parenting tasks. We're still busy working life. If I see a white man with dreads juggling, I turn around and leave wherever I am because that place isn't for me. It isn't for me. And to be honest, Rob, it isn't for me either. Well, because people say Glasserie is like a city, yeah? Yeah. Did I just go to the wrong bit? Yes. Have I gone to Paris and just stood under the Eiffel Tower and moaned?

22:38Josh Widdicombe:No, no, because that would imply that you were in a popular area. Where does Nick Grimshaw go? Where does Nick Grimshaw go? He looks nice and clean. So basically, then we go to the sports day with the wheelies. So why are there so many Liverpudlians there? I don't know. I saw a BBC News story about why there's so many Liverpudlians there. They've got little things that they love, Scousers. that Mother's Day and Father's Day in Liverpool is like times 10. Do you know about this? No, I didn't know that. It's a real big thing. Is it? Yeah. And as we in all different cities in Swansea, there's a day where, Beaujolais Day, where the wine's ready.

23:10It's like a French day, like party day. And everyone in Swansea gets dresses up in like three-piece suits and like dresses up. They're going to Royal Ascot and then go down the ice street and get fucked up in all by one.

23:22Josh Widdicombe:Well, this is a great texting. what is your local thing that happens in your city that happens nowhere else ridport new year's eve they'll do fancy dress yeah they do that in court so in cornwall corsand which is a huge i don't know if it still is popular but that used to be fancy dress and they'd all go down to um in tour point the ferry lanes which is the area the cars would queue up for the ferry to devon that's where the big party would happen we have a ferry to devon there's a river between cornwall and devon so you can either go over the bridge or get a ferry did not know that yeah okay um yeah let's send in your weird it's not completely revered but if you're outside so if you're in plymouth and you need to go to cornwall it's bridge or ferry okay fair enough yeah sorry carry on you've got an hour's turn around hours turn around so then we get to the sports day with our wheelie suitcase yeah right because we're now the kind of people that take a wheelie suitcase to glastonbury my kind of people where was this josh and rose i needed you three years ago.

24:24I know, I know, sorry. That was before you were sober, wasn't it? No, that was the first

24:28Josh Widdicombe:sober last week. Was you sober? That was your first sober year? Yeah. 2003. 2023. So then, the next thing I did with my life was we went to Sports Day. Sports Day was lovely. So, we've got a train to catch though, Rob, and Sports Day is overrunning. Oh. It's all overrunning, isn't it? My son's at nursery in the school. Yeah. And my daughter's in the nearby park during the sports day yeah okay and rose's mum who's 80 fair play to her yeah in this boiling hot day yeah has got to take them home from the sports day she's got to do a double sort of separate pickup so i go i'll go and get my son i'll bring him to the sports day perfect big mistake because what we should have done is gone oh when the sports day ends take my daughter back to the school and then you can order your cab from there yeah and you've got plenty of time instead your son have stayed in school for a bit longer then yeah yeah he could have been there till six oh right yeah you've had a hell yeah that was a huge mistake because now we've got my son who's pissed off at being at the sports day and can see an ice cream van in the park yeah we can't go and get him an ice cream because that you can't turn up at a sports day of 80 kids or whatever it is with a child with an ice cream when none of them are allowed an ice cream i would okay i would just go he's not involved in this you crack on when you're running he's having a fucking ice cream the other thing with the ice cream rob is we've already ordered the taxi by the time he spots the ice cream van he can't take an ice cream into the taxi again so now we're back to no you can't so then the taxi shows up but the sports day's still going oh my god we need to go you've got taxi running ticking over the meaner.

26:10Josh Widdicombe:Well, it's so difficult to get a taxi in Hackney that you have to order it. What, in London? Honestly, in this area of Hackney is a black spot for ordering a black cab.

26:23I thought the point of being in the city was, you just go, hey, I'm going home, like Bridget Jones. You just stumble onto the street.

26:29Josh Widdicombe:Totally agree. I'm out. But also, Rose's mum doesn't have the black cab apps. We do. So we have to order it for her. We have to be there. We have to get her to the cab. before we can get our own black cab. Which is hard to book. Which is hard to book, particularly when you've already used one of your apps to book the other black cab. Do you not use Uber, but is that just because black cabs are quicker because they've got the bus lanes? Black cabs are better for kids because Uber's a bit dodgy putting your kids in the back of an Uber. Especially on their own. Especially on their own. Before you go across the bridge.

26:56Josh Widdicombe:Exactly. So we basically have to pull my daughter out of the sports day before the results are announced. Oh, that's bad. It's bad, but what else? there's a literally there's a cab running yeah and my mother-in-law doesn't know where this cab is so she didn't find out she won her lost well she knew her results it was the team the team red team green team okay with that no i think you correctly rightly so rob i think she's in the right here yeah oh she's 100 % in the right i'm not defending but we were in and we were going to miss our train and we couldn't obviously your day is more important than your chance no no but We couldn't leave an 80-year-old...

27:37Josh Widdicombe:Your schedule's a warm-up. We couldn't leave an 80-year-old woman with two kids unable to find her taxi. Yeah. Because you've got a later train. No, we couldn't because we'd already paid for the train. We could have, but it would have cost us hundreds and hundreds of pounds. Yeah. So you can put a price on childhood trauma. Yes, you can. And that price was some great gifts from Glastonbury. But also, in the panic of the situation, you don't know who... Do you know what I mean? No, I know. It was so much stress and pressure. you've got this massive wheelie suitcase behind you you've got this massive wheelie suitcase, it's boiling hot also you're thinking you can't communicate this but there's other parents that haven't even fucking shown up for this yes yeah true but then you're, at least you let her do the thing but she wants to celebrate with her friends and see if she's won or not doesn't she that's the kicker yeah of course it was an awful situation Rob it was an absolutely awful situation because you've also got two black cabs sitting there who've arrived, get this, at different sites of the park, which we've put as the pin.

28:37Josh Widdicombe:So you've got to take them to one black cab and then go to the other end of the park to your black cab. So how did you end it with your daughter then getting her in the cab? It was awful. It was just fucking awful. And my son's screaming because we're going and he's obsessed with Rose at the moment. Yeah. The whole thing was like a total shitstorm. Yeah, I do find that it's weird. They go for a phase of like, when they're really, really little, you can sort of leave and they're completely oblivious and they're a shit. Then they go for a stage where they don't care and they love going, yeah, mum and daddy are going to work and spend time with nanny and granddad.

29:10And then sometimes they're like, please don't leave. But when they're old, it's weird, they go through phases.

29:15Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. My daughter's far less going away now, but my son wants Rose to put him to bed. That's the truth of the matter. And where are you sleeping at the moment? Are you still on the floor? No, we're in our bed, but my son does come in maybe two nights a week. And gets in with you? And I just go into his bed. Because last night he came in and I thought, I'm going to see how this goes. And he moves around so much. He just, within 30 seconds, he'd put his legs over the top of my head. I opened my eyes and I could literally just see a foot over my eye. And I was like, fuck this. I'm getting out of here.

29:48Josh Widdicombe:I'm getting out of here. That is horrible though. Oh, it was so stressful. Because you're trying to do the right thing and you're just panicking. How much longer of sports day was there? Five minutes or whatever. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. You're trying to make decisions on the hoof and then they go wrong. And what we should have done is left him at school. But by that point, it's too late because then... Because then if he was just at school, then the nan could go, well, I'll just wait for this to finish and then I'll take her to the school. Do you know what? We're trying our best. You're always trying your best.

30:18Josh Widdicombe:Well, yeah, because you're like, I'll be easy if I just grab him from there. But that was the problem. And you fuck up. And then you're like, people just fuck up under pressure. Yeah, well, my daughter was like scared in the night. of the dark and all that. And then I was just like, I was so jet lagged inside, I just wasn't making sense. I think I was making her more scared. I was like, yeah, well, don't worry. It's too dark. And I was like, oh, do you want to come downstairs and see it's okay in the dark? And then I was just down the 10 downstairs in the dark and she was more scared. But I think I've read a thing somewhere where Billy Connolly got his kids not to be scared of the dark by like walking around in the dark and showing them there was actually nothing there.

30:53But I tried that just fucking a red one. Yeah, totally. I'm still scared of the dark. How do you get your kids not to be scared of the dark and going to bed? If anyone could get any tips, greatly appreciate it.

31:04Josh Widdicombe:I don't know. Because it is scary. Because the truth is, the dark... If I made you walk home, you live in the countryside. Yeah. If your taxi, for some reason, broke down and you had to walk the last mile in the dark, I think you would be a bit scared. Yeah. Because it's the unknown. You're scared of the unknown and you can't see. I would say a bedroom is quite known now. Yeah, yeah. But what I mean is, you can't see if someone stood behind you. But yeah, because she said to me as well, well, she went, I'm scared of the dark. She was like, and mummy's scared of the dark and she's 38. I went, no, she's not scared of the dark.

31:36She doesn't like the dark, but she can cope with the dark.

31:39Josh Widdicombe:Can I talk to you about the traffic in Hackney Raw? Please don't. I'm so fucking angry about it every morning. Is there not a tube you can get from there to... Sorry, is this our route or Rose's mum's route? So Rose's mum's route, our route was taxi to Liverpool Street, then Elizabeth line to Paddington. Right, okay. Yeah, but obviously we were cutting it fine because we were trying to fit everything in. Peace and love don't come easy. Peace and love don't come easy. Look at the bloody state of the bloody world. Anyway, they've closed two of the three routes between Victoria Park and going into town.

32:17Well, I think Victoria Park might be the most used phrase on this podcast. So they've closed Grove Road, which is the road down the middle of the park.

32:26Josh Widdicombe:Have all the festivals stopped at the park now? Oh, no, in between festivals. All right. We've had Lido Festival, which was Massive Attack on Charlie XCX. Yeah. And then All Points East starts in the end of August. Oh, okay. Which is the Maccabees and Ray and people like that. Have you got the park back or is it still boarded up? The park's back. So you've got the park's fully back and then in a few weeks they'll put the boards up again. They're different festivals, so presumably they don't share boards. Seems like they could go off on boards. Well, yes, I suppose it does, doesn't it? But I don't want them to just leave them up for the four weeks in between.

32:59Josh Widdicombe:Fair enough. So anyway, you can't drive down the middle of the park now. So that's one of the routes closed. And then last week they closed Graham Road. I'm sure you know it. Josh, I don't know any of these roads. Imagine you've got three roads and they close the two side roads, so only the middle one is available. Right, okay. That's been all shut. So real life, actually, how's it impacting you? I put into my sat-nav the 1.6-mile drive to school, 41 minutes. Lovely. There we go. Normally takes you? 15 to 20. So it's quite a long school route anyway, though, isn't it, your school drop at the moment?

33:37Mine's like 20 minutes from the countryside. Yeah, exactly. And you're in London, aren't you? Yeah. And it's quite slow. Is it quicker on the bus?

33:48Josh Widdicombe:No. No. Because it's the same traffic. But no bus lane. But no bus lane. Fair enough. That is the quickest it will be. There's literally no quicker way of doing it. And when does that end? Do you know? I don't know because they haven't told us. Well, there's a road where it's been closed for a month. And so Roadworks near me, Thames Water, right? Digging up the road. And they're basically moving along this main connecting road that we need to use to get to school and life and train stations. Guess how long they're going to be there for? Six months. No. What? More? Yeah. A year? More? No. Yeah.

34:22What, on the same road? Yeah, the same road, but they're basically just... So the traffic light, it's the same traffic light problem, but where you stop, it basically just moves down the road. So it's the same traffic... There's an argument, I'm just going to say it, that they should just dig up the whole road at once. There is an argument for that, but what they've decided to do is move it down. So it's the same traffic jam. Yeah, it just moved slowly, creeping down the road. It can put between nothing, if it's not a rush hour period, it's just the middle of the day. Yeah. It can put nothing, I'd say at least a minute, a minute on your journey or up to 20, okay?

34:56Yeah. And so guess how long that's going to be there for? Two years. More? No.

35:01Josh Widdicombe:What's wrong with it? Is this providing you water? It's providing me anger. There we go. I don't know what they're doing. Two and a half years. Two and a half years. That's fucking mental. Well, when I drove past it, you know, it always says weeks. Yeah. Work commutes here on the so date for X amount of weeks. I drove past. I was like, fucking, I can't do the maths, Lou. How many weeks? Does that say over 100? Those guys that are working, probably the same guys. Two and a half year job. And also they do, on some bits where they had the traffic lights on a roundabout, so it was a bit more complicated.

35:37There was a man's job. It just sat there with a button and he was in charge of the traffic lights.

35:42Josh Widdicombe:Oh, my word. To increase the flow. Oh, my God. And by the way, on that, that red light that doesn't change on Sundays is still problematic. Now, for any new listeners to the pod, Josh, probably about a year ago, discovered a traffic light that doesn't work near his house. On Sundays. On Sundays. People are still jumping on a Sunday. Are you still jumping on a Sunday? Just Sundays, it doesn't work. Just Sundays, it doesn't work. There's a fault, but they haven't done anything about it. Because he was reporting it on a Sunday. Yeah, exactly. You, here. Exactly. Listen to the fucking show. Oh, Jesus Christ.

36:16Anyway, it's been a stressful period. I don't know if everyone's feeling a bit stressed. It's like the heat has been very hot. And I find as well, the routine of them being in school is disrupted by a million different things. You've got sports days. You've got end of school performances. Like all the clubs do one. So if they're in like choir, there's a choir show. If they're learning an instrument, there's an instrument show. Then on top of that, there's a few school trips. I don't know if your daughter's done any school trips. She had sports day.

36:43Josh Widdicombe:Tomorrow we're doing the Wizard of Oz. We're going to watch her in The Wizard of Oz. And then on Thursday, they're going to the zoo. And then the following Tuesday, we've got the end of year picnic. So, yeah, so the kids are quite, I think they're a bit tired and aggy, the kids. There's only the last couple of weeks of holidays, of term until the holidays. Yeah. And I don't think anyone's sleeping properly when it's bright like this. It's an end of year feeling. So my daughter's now also got into this thing, which I used to do as a kid. She wakes up first. So when I get up, she's just gone downstairs to watch TV.

37:20Josh Widdicombe:Right. Fair enough. Yeah. Fair enough. Very Joshua looking at that. But. As a kid. Yeah, she's watching her own TV. I'd be watching like Trans World Sport or whatever in those days or Cavaddy or whatever. But she's watching like whatever, something about a unicorn or a narwhal or whatever they're fucking called. Spiky whale. Spiky whale. What are they? Spiky shark? I don't know what it is. I don't know. A manatee. The fuck is that? Yeah. But it means that she's knocking out a lot of TV before we've even woken up. Do you know what I mean? And I think it's affecting her mood in the mornings. But what am I going to do?

37:52Josh Widdicombe:Am I realistically going to get up to stop at watching TV? Well, I can accept affected mood in the morning. It's affected mood in the afternoon. So I don't let them have iPads like late afternoon. Right. Because it sends them doolally. So this is what happened on Saturday. Because on Saturday I didn't sleep at all, basically. I was up till like four in the morning because I couldn't sleep because of the jet lag. and then I fell asleep at like quarter past four, half four. And then I was so out of it. My eldest coming, can I have my iPad? And I didn't even know what time it was. I was like, yeah, go on then.

38:21It was like six. And then the other one come in and then I fell asleep, woke up, it was quarter to 10. They were just like on their iPads in their bedrooms. I went downstairs and it was just, it's like the Mary Celeste that made their own breakfast. There's all stuff out. And I was like, where's this come from? I've not done this, but my daughter had made her own bagel that had cereal and they were just existing. I felt like a sort of terrible parent that was strung out on meds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was just lying in bed, and I was just like, I'm sorry if you've done your breakfast. I'm still on Indonesian time.

38:53Got a squirrel in the bird feeder. He's doing me about 10 quid a week on bird feed, nicking all the fucking stuff. I got them into Chas and Dave, which is quite fun, the kids. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, they like it because they said they sound like me. Oh, that's nice. Would you take them to see them? No, because one's dead. Really? Yeah. Oh, that's a shame. I can't remember which one. It's a shame I love chatting today. I've always went to see him. Me and Lou tried to get him for our wedding. Did you? Yeah. Oh, I bet that was expensive.

39:20Trying to be a bit more mindful of things you buy? For you and your family? Well, when it comes to laundry, choose All Free Clear. 100 % free from dyes and perfumes. All Free Clear uses only essential ingredients that tackle tough stains and odors. And it's gentle on the skin. It's a powerful clean you can feel good about. So go on, pick up a bottle of All Free Clear for your next laundry day.

39:49Josh Widdicombe:Oh, we did the school for eight on Saturday. How was that? I did the cake store. Nice. Yeah, I said I'm willing to help out, but I will refuse to do the coconut shire again. It was too painful. Why was that pain? What was the problem with coconut shire? It was boiling hot that year. There was no shade. And children kept saying they'd put a token in the bucket when I didn't feel they had. but I couldn't challenge them on it. You need to. These little shits need talking to. These little shits need some rules. You're basically, suddenly, you're a sporting referee as opposed to someone that's just selling cakes.

40:21It's a much more difficult job. It's good feedback, actually. Yeah, selling cakes is like, that's how much it is. You've got the money or you ain't.

40:28Josh Widdicombe:You're bringing joy. Whereas when you're doing the coconut show, you're essentially, you're blocking them having a coconut. Are people making cakes or people shop-bought cakes that they're selling? Shout out to Ellie, head of the Parents Network. Made most of the cakes and she does an incredible job on that. Oh, right. So they're all homemade. I think so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What price point are we looking at for a cake? Two tokens. Tokens a quid. So two quid a cake. What kind of cakes is Ellie looking at? Full range. Gosh. Name a cake. It's all there. And she's head of the Parent Network as well.

41:00And she's got five kids. You chat in breeze, bruv.

41:09Now, no offence to Ellie. What the fuck's wrong with these people? She is. And this is me talking in awe. I'm not having a go at Ellie. I respect Ellie, but how on earth? Five kids. So she's got a baby, five kids, and she's still cooking all the cakes. She's doing all the cakes to relax. What does she have to do as part of the Parents Network? Like, is she organising all the stuff all year?

41:28Josh Widdicombe:Coffee mornings, quiz nights, you know, all that kind of. Have you got any feedback? All that kind of stuff. And I suppose all her kids are going through that school. Well, the baby's not there yet, obviously. Yeah, I know, but that's what I'm saying. She's spanning a real... She's really putting a mark on that score over the next sort of 10 to 12 years. Yeah. Jesus, good on her. Good on her. Honestly, the thought of me doing that, what would have to happen in my life? So who's the head of the Parents Association? Rob Beckett. Okay. And he's made all the cakes, has he? Yes, he has. And he's cashing up all the tokens at the end and writing it in his book.

42:05Josh Widdicombe:And he's got two kids. One of us is leaving. And he's had another three kids. sorry there's a lot about ellie ellie i hope you don't mind just talking about she's a hero she's a hero so there's two questions here what makes someone like this right that seemingly is on top of everything okay this is the vibe i'm getting off ellie she's on top of everything is she or is this is the public facing image and back home it's absolute chaos i don't think it would be possible to have because if it was like that you just go do you know what i'm going to step back from the parents network yeah yeah of course no one's pressuring you to be in the parents network so she must enjoy it so how do you become this person well because rob look at it like this go on it is and we're to a lot of people rob we're overly involved in our children right do you know what i mean to a lot of yeah particularly men of a certain age they would find our involvement in parenting mind-blowing so it's just a passion thing isn't it in the way that some Some people.

43:06Josh Widdicombe:I don't think they find the time just to sit at home and slag everyone off. Do you know what I mean? I know. Well, you know, Rob, when some people see our tour dates and they go, how the hell are you existing like that? Money. I get paid to do it. I love it. To come along. Don't get me wrong. If I weren't getting paid, I'd still gig. Would I do five a week? Probably not. No, fair enough. Probably have one and put my feet up. I find people often say to me, and they'll say it to Romesh a lot, won't they? and you know people of our generation often people of the generation above i find will make snidey little comments yeah naming no names but i have had it said to me about how much work we do what with the kids or comedy work comedy work so like i'm working too much yeah from other parents or other comedians other comedians right yeah and i think i really love my work and so when you get offered something you go i want to do that i'm not going yeah yes of course i want to travel to yeah but josh i've had time when i'm not touring like this year's mentor and i couldn't possibly take on any more sort of school parents association activities but during lockdown where i what i did nothing apart from talk to you once a week yeah there was no work that was almost 80 months of no work apart from this and no point did i think i might get involved in the old quiz night no no Rob, what I'm saying is for us, people don't understand why we do so much work.

44:38Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. And it's because we enjoy it. This is Ellie's ultimate passion. She loves it. She loves kids. She loves the school. She loves the community. She loves all of that. Right, yeah. And so it's no different from people going, why the fuck are you doing so many nights at the Palladium? Can't you just do four? Because I was joking, obviously you need money, but I do love the gigs. Why are Oasis doing so many gigs? Well, that's a different point. That is the money. But like people say about Taylor Swift, why are you bothering doing all these tour dates? You don't need the money. Yeah. But she fucking loves it.

45:14Josh Widdicombe:It's just you do the things you, if you find something that you absolutely love. Ellie, let us know. And any other people that run the Parents Association, what are you getting out of it? Talk me through the buzz. Because it's being part of a community. No, no, don't speak for women. Some men run it, Rob. No, they don't. They get bullied into it by their wives.

45:38I've seen them at the bar on firework night. Having to sell warm cider for eight quid. They don't want to be there.

45:49Josh Widdicombe:Rob, let's have an email before we go. Give me an email. And I've got a really good small business shout out. Switzerland. Oh, yes. We've had a lot of negative comments about Switzerland. so we're trying to look for a bit of balance, aren't we? You didn't enjoy your time in Switzerland. I think I found them a little bit stiff, a little bit angry, and a little bit love of order. It's been throughout the inbox. We will come to it more as the days go on. Let's just chip away at the amount of emails we've got. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Life in Switzerland is like joining a society where rule one is follow all the rules.

46:20Josh Widdicombe:Rule two is follow them silently. And rule three is don't screw up your recycling. re the school drop-off debate so this was that kids go to school and their parents aren't allowed to take them to school no even from five they have to leave your house and get to school their own it's not just a plus that driving your kids to school is basically banned it's an absolute game changer my three all go to different schools and they get themselves there and back by foot by bike train slay whatever i'm presuming slay is a joke the school grounds are never locked up even if the buildings are so they meet up with mates whatever make their own plans and crucially piss off out the house without having us having to organize it we've got no family nearby so this bit of freedom is pure gold and so far they always came back usually because they know where their food comes from like most expats here i originally thought letting your kids walk to school alone was on par with neglect now i think uk school drop-offs are an elaborate punishment ritual raising kids here means that we were they were skiing before they could spell use public transport alone by six and have civic pride baked in it from kindergarten the school system actually values apprenticeships no one really cares who's got a university degree and my kids will happily correct me in three languages if i'm even two minutes late arrogant maybe but capable human beings will certainly want to move out at 18 and be able to afford it by themselves definitely keep it relatable well that last bit wasn't relatable but not too sexy john from cling now now to be fair that all sounds brilliant that was brilliant from john if it is the case and that's all amazing then why are they all such miserable bastards when they're adults then there you go Rob where do the rules come from if that's all free and easy and loose and get on the school and do that and you know what I mean or do they get to 18 and if they're a laugh they move out well I was at my friend's house the other day Rob and they live two roads away from their school and their nine year old was just finishing school and he said oh I should go and get her in a minute although to be honest if I don't she'll just walk home the freedom when he said it was incredible.

48:41Josh Widdicombe:Is this in London? Devon. Devon, that's different, yeah. Yeah. And you did go, that is mad not to have your day dictated like that. Do you know what? It is what it is. I do think it's good for kids to get to school to and from themselves, but... I mean, it'd be impossible. It'd be impossible where you live. Yeah. Could you write in if you live in rural Switzerland? This is all well and good if you live in a city. All Switzerland's rural, isn't it? Well, yeah. But, like, if you live in the middle of nowhere, Are you allowed to, or is your child having to kind of... In a snowstorm, just wander about it.

49:14Josh Widdicombe:What's the distance children are expected to cover on their own? Also, other school runs in other countries as well. Let us know if it's different elsewhere. Yeah. In America, I have to go through metal detectors. Yeah, God. Small business? You go first, because I've lost the letter that accompanied this. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Please could you give a small business shout-out to my husband's brand, Ruler of London. Here we go, Josh. This is for us. It's a clothing brand for men under 5 '10". Oh! Quality essentials like tees, polos and sweatshirts actually cut to fit. You've mentioned on the podcast the height of the average man is just under 5 '10", so this isn't exactly niche.

49:52He started it out of frustration, years of ordering clothes online from the high street and then always turn up too long or just look wrong.

49:58Josh Widdicombe:I've never, and I mean this, not had to turn up a pair of jeans. I'm yet to buy a pair of jeans that I haven't had. why say turn up get turned up taken up everything is designed to look best on six foot models if you're under five foot ten you can finally buy clothes that fit straight out of the box he started it when i was pregnant with our first son just with t-shirts now we've got two boys under three and the range has grown bit by bit alongside full-time jobs i'm so proud of him the feedback has been brilliant loads of shorter men finally finding clothes they look good in he just needs more people to know it exists most of our evenings are now spent packing up orders whilst taking it to resettle at least one of the boys so life feels a bit mad at the moment we're both long-time listeners and love the podcast thanks for keeping me going through the broken nights the instagram is ruler of london and website ruler of london.com there you go thanks so much clemmy northerner living in london 403 months there we go there we go hello from falmouth cornwall i design illustrated journals and i've got them here rob because i can't remember how i received this but almost always these ones are like left at a theater when we get them aren't they so thank you for this it's a lovely baby memory book so this is a lovely hardback baby memory book that works for all families no mention of pregnancy mom or dad just thoughtfully worded prompts that you work whether you're an expectant couple same-sex parents or adopting full of unique illustrations that help track milestones plus quirky memories e.g.

51:28Josh Widdicombe:bathroom disasters you can also add a personal touch with foiled text on the front cover little one makes the perfect pre-baby gift it is a lovely book my newest book is a creative journal which is great entertainment for older kids it is filled with playful drawing and writing activities to spark their imagination and keep a record of any adventures they have had in a fun and unique way find everything at lila journals or lila journals it's l-i-double-l-a journals.com there's a code there's a 20 off code hell 20 me and my mom and sister have been laughing along since lockdown days thank you for brightening our walks gardening sessions and train journeys safe sexy and relatable ellie and uh she says please help these two books find a home and i will they are absolutely beautiful things thank you ellie and thank you to everyone that keeps supporting our small businesses.

52:19Cheers, guys. We'll see you next time. I'll try and get some sleep. You go to bed. Oh, God, I can't. I've got a man coming with a robot lawnmower to install. You get one of those robot lawnmowers? Yeah. I can't wait to hear about that. I think it might be a disaster.