S10 EP42: Mel Giedroyc

22:20They want the life-size Stonehenge to be dropped in on stage, but then they get the dimensions wrong and they do it in inches rather than metres or whatever. And a tiny Stonehenge comes down as they sing Stonehenge. And a huge moment of the film. It's so good. I went to see Tap live at Wembley. This was a good few years back. They were absolutely brilliant because, you know, they're actually... What does that mean?

22:39Josh Widdicombe:Is it just a music show or is it like... Yeah, I mean, they love, they love, those guys actually love playing the songs. I mean, they're brilliant songs. I think, but they did a really good gag. So they played Stonehenge and rather than doing the very, very small gag of the Stonehenge being lowered down, they opened the back doors of Wembley Arena and there was an enormous Stonehenge that they couldn't get through the doors. Oh, that's so funny. It was so good. It became part of the whole, you know, the whole concert. What distance to go for a joke? Do you know what I mean? Like what a kind of thing to go, let's build something that's so big, it can't get in the doors and that's going to be it.

23:22Oh, it was so good. So you could see them through the back trying to get this thing in. And then I think they eventually did. They put it, they had to get it on its side. And there were sort of five technicians coming in to help. Oh, wow. I mean, oh my God, you're so right about that. You know, just doing anything, anything for the gag. It was so good. It was so good.

23:42Josh Widdicombe:And when you say your close mates, was Sue Perkins in this band? Right. Perkins. My next question off that is, it's quite a weird question. I've never really asked this before of a person we've interviewed. But how involved is Sue Perkins in the upbringing of your children? Oh, my God. So she is the official godmother of my eldest. And she's sort of the unofficial godmother of my youngest as well. They absolutely adore her. So what's the official unofficial difference? Official in that we had a christening and it was full, you know, Catholic church. Renounce God. Renounce God. No, no, no, renounce the devil.

24:19Josh Widdicombe:Renounce God, renounce the devil, sorry. Renounce the devil, Josh. Renounce the devil. You know, the full dippage, all that stuff. Oh, yeah. So that was young Perk. She was there, part of that, which was lovely. And then unofficial just means basically my youngest. I mean, she just absolutely adores her. Have you not renounced the devil with your youngest? We did, but Sue Perkins was not the godmother. Not because she was the great girl. Oh, I see. It was the lodger at the time. It was... It was Ricky. It was Ricky. I'm happy to... Hard hat on. Can't take any chances with a font. I know. Cup of tea before he starts.

24:54So good. He's currently... He looks like he is mixing some paint. That's good. Good lad. Good lad. He's hunched over. Good day for a bit of painting. Going to stay dry. Nice and warm heat wave. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. It's very hot out there, actually. I hope he's got his sun cream on. Yeah. The doors will go white. It'll turn red. No, he looks okay. That's good. That's one worry less for today.

25:17Josh Widdicombe:That's good. And so when your kids are back in this for these few days, how much are you doing stuff with them? How much is it just like they're just using the house as a base? Yeah. Because if it was me in that situation, is it difficult not to be too enthused when they're back? And trying to get them to do stuff. No, it's all good, actually. When they left home to go to university, I stopped cooking. I just thought, oh, thank the Lord that that is over. I'd completely stopped cooking. So my youngest, God bless her, has already taken an inventory of the fridge, which is shite. There's nothing in it.

25:53And she said, right, mum, I'm going to the supermarket. She's quite bossy. So she's doing that today, which is great. Oh, my God. That is unreal. Isn't that lovely? And does she like to cook? Is she a good cook? No, she absolutely hates it and she's terrible. So, no, that's me. No, she's not terrible at all. She does certain things really, really well. She makes excellent brownies, so I'm sure that will be featuring quite heavily in the menus. Yeah, but you're not a sort of cooking family where everyone would cook together and make big meals and stuff like that. Yeah, I mean, my husband's actually the cook of the family.

26:26He's blooming good. He just kind of looks around and says, okay, there's a little bit of za 'atar, whatever. There's some fennel. There's some blooming vodka. Just what he's found in the River Brent. Oh, you wouldn't believe the stuff he finds in the riverbank, guys Honestly You would not believe Most of it is in our house Oh, what's the best thing he's found? Rather amazing, actually There's a lot of votive offerings Kind of religious offerings From people who, you know, give stuff to the river Really? Yeah, quite a lot of underwear Really dodge old underwear

27:05Josh Widdicombe:Don't forget they're giving it to the river Well, did you hear that? You've got a pair of my pants Oh, my God. Josh. Why have you got Josh's pants? Yeah, Josh, from Would I Lie to You? I had a pair of boxer shorts as my item. Yes. They were like, I'd had them for 12 years. Oh, I was good with them. Yeah, yeah, it was like they were really old. And you went home with them, Mel. Yes, I did. Do you know what I did with them, Josh? No, that's what I was going to ask. I put them in the wormery. It's just over there. The wormery is just over there. Don't ask me how it works. My husband set it up. this whole place is full of sort of contraptions like that.

27:40What's the wormery? So it's a big black plastic kind of bin, essentially, full of worms, put stuff in, and then you turn the tap and you get fertilizer out the other end. It is rather ingenious. Oh, wow. I put the boxes in there. You put the boxes in there? Yeah, absolutely. Worms will eat anything. And then we put a pair of his cords in thinking, hilarity, they're never going to get through those. We looked a couple of months later, just a zip. wow and you get the worms online body in there i mean you could you could that would be a lovely

28:13Josh Widdicombe:twee murder richard osmond could write about that's good in a way so middle class isn't it but i tell you what the ruddy fertilizer is awesome it's done wonders for the garden yeah yeah yeah it's amazing it's like a sort of tarry you know thick tar colored liquid and it's all obviously totally natural does it go to the color of the clothes or does the color disappear once they've yeah the color disappears i mean that would be that would be nice no it's a ruddy good thing got the water butt over there which is collecting all the non-existent rainwater so we can water the garden with that what's ricky doing now are you living a country life mel well we're very much in the burbs i mean we're sheer burbs i was born in the burbs and i've ended up in the burbs did you come into london at all when i was a kid no no no i mean not for day trips i mean did you live in london before moving to the burp like was there a port in the middle of yeah yeah yeah so i lived on the harrow road for many years which was epic really loved the it's sort of at the very end of labrick grove top top top end yeah west london that's fun when you're young though isn't it like you know and you're going out and about but oh it's But she was in Ireland.

29:25Do you miss her? Where did they go to uni, the kids? So the eldest went to Queen's in Belfast. She's a musician, so she's ended... That's a hard empty nest, that is. I know. A flight away. You know what I mean? I know. If they're just going to a London uni or something or Midlands uni, and it's a couple of hours in a car, was that difficult? Well, do you know, it is. It's having the Irish Sea between us. It's really, really weird. And I sort of feel that she wanted to get quite far away from us, which is totally fine. totally totally understandable and then the younger one so sweet she goes well you know floss has you know obviously gone far far away for uni and i think it's only right that i do the same my heart slightly slightly shattered i was thinking oh what are you thinking holland or you know blooming what what are you thinking and she said birmingham

30:18so sweet she had no idea where Birmingham was I think she thought she thought it was sort of north of Glasgow or something so yeah anyway that was a bit easier did you visit a lot well I've got to say I went to Belfast a lot because it is just such a great city do you know it guys yeah it's wonderful oh my god I you know you couldn't keep me away from the place it was so so great we absolutely and Birmingham Birmingham similarly never really knew it never really knew it properly never knew it properly I'd done the old gig with Perks there back in the day but it was always just like drop in for the night and then you go home you know but to get to know it was was a joy it's really really cool place actually city centre Birmingham's like a bit nothingy because it's just a city centre but if you get to all the different towns and little villages around the edge it's lovely yeah I tell you what a canal walk along the old um canals of Birmingham is

31:12Josh Widdicombe:It's a lot more miles of canal than Venice. Has it? It has. Has it? Did you just know that, Josh? Did you just look that up? It hasn't really got the sun or the pizza, has it? No. That's the problem, isn't it? I went on a canal boat holiday there when I was a child, Mel, so that's why I know that. Oh, did you? Did you go to Bourneville, you know, home of the chalk? I don't think we did. Yeah, I've never done that. Apparently it's really good. Isn't that Cadbury's world as well? I think it is Cadbury's, isn't it? Is that the same place? That's the same place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this Cadbury's home Bourneville?

31:40Josh Widdicombe:Probably. I don't even know if Bourneville chocolate still exists. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's my favourite dark choc. It's my favourite go-to. Is it? And listen. It's 2025 now. Yeah, I know. And actually, I seem to remember it was either Paul Hollywood or Mary Berry on Bake Off who absolutely said, always use Bourneville. Choc. Did they? Yeah. Wow, okay. So not so much going into the whole sort of 80 % blooming greens and blacks or that nonsense. Just go for Bourneville. it's a beautiful chalk I love Bourneville well it's owned by Cadbury oh is it okay if you go to Cadbury World I imagine there's some Bourneville knocking about yeah I wouldn't want to muck around with the very very milky stuff it's too too sweet really too milky for you yeah no not good are you milky guys or are you I'm a bit of a milky boy yeah I don't mind either really I eat dark chocolate as a kind of make feel better about myself yeah you don't like it though do you Josh I don't enjoy it you'd love a milky way wouldn't you but you just don't want the looks if I could sit I don't have a fucking crunchy in the evening, I would.

32:42Josh Widdicombe:But I can't look myself in the mirror if I do. Exactly. You've got to just put those shoulders down and join the Milky Boy Club. Do you know when I was a kid, when I was blonde, I was like a little blonde kid, I used to fucking hate the Milky Bar kid. Did you? Because I thought, that should be me. I was so jealous of the Milky Bar. An ego as a bubber. I know. Maybe, you know, if we interview a psychologist, we should dig into how much my whole life is a revenge on the Milky Bar kid. The Milky Bar Kid was a lot for me as well growing up. But then I was fat and overweight and then I'd go, oh, the Milky Bars are in me.

33:15To get a laugh.

33:16Josh Widdicombe:Oh, Rob. And that's where your defence system started. Oh, no. I've just thrown myself under the Milky Bar Kid's horse. Do you know what, though? I wonder, Josh, I wonder what has become of him now and if life ended up the way he wanted it to. It may have done. Do you know what I mean? Peek too soon. Peek too soon. There must have been a few of them. There'll be loads of them. Do you think? There is loads, because the first one came out, like, in black and white, wasn't it? Oh, was it? Yeah. And with the little glasses, with the little glasses. 1961, and there's been 10 of them. No. Would I watch a documentary on all 10 Milky Bar kids?

33:50Josh Widdicombe:Yes, I fucking would. Oh, yes. Same, same, same. Do you guys remember Caramac? Were you around for Caramac? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I imagine, if you're a Bourneville fan, that's right over your alley, isn't it, Mel? Right over your pipe. I don't know about Caramac, actually. Is it chocolate? Yeah, I don't know. Probably not. It's a bit claggy, isn't it, the caramac? Yeah. I'm in a deep dive of Milky Bar Kid. Right, Rob, you did have a parenting question before I chipped in with saying I was jealous of the Milky Bar Kid. There's a couple of them that are balding with brown hair and I've felt quite good about that.

34:20Oh. Do you know what I mean? The whole thing was long blonde there. Are they all alive, Rob? Probably not. It really frightens me. The first one was 1961.

34:29Josh Widdicombe:Those horses won't be. Those horses will be gone. Oh. What are the horses? They used to have a horse because he was a cowboy, didn't they? Oh, my God. I'd completely... That's why Rob said I fell under his horse, and I laughed, not knowing why. That's the thing with Rob Beckett. The rhythm's enough to carry you a lot of the time. Exactly. Exactly. I really love. I could say anything, you know. Just on the news, Apple News now. What's that? Over half of Greg Wallace's accusations. No, no, no. Let's not go. No, maybe not everything. Are your kids impressed by your career? Not remotely. No. No. Absolutely.

35:05Are they aware of it? Not remotely. There's a lot of stuff, to be honest, I just do without telling anyone. Would they be aware of Light Lunch? At least I love your show, the lunch show with Sue. You'd have been a kid. You'd have been a kid. We were young, but I remember it just being so funny and there was nothing funny on in the day. It was so serious. It was like, oh, my God, life can be fun. It doesn't have to be in a suit and the news and this is daytime. It was great. I'm so happy to hear this, gang, honestly. Yeah, it was great. We had a right royal laugh doing that show, I tell you. You could feel it watching it.

35:38How did you end up doing it?

35:40Josh Widdicombe:Doing like a daytime TV show because you're two comedians. Here's the thing. Sorry, settle in, gang. It's a really dull, flipping, showbiz anecdote. I'm anchored in. I've got 71 % Bourneville here. I'm ready to go. Just why not do another task while I embark on this story? If you've got anything, any admin you need to do, just settle down. We'll record an advert. but this is the headphones in the English water part of the pod. No, literally get involved with something else because I'm about to go back in time and tell you how we came to do Light Lunch. I'm up for this. So good. So we're back in the naughty 90s.

36:17Woof, weren't they naughty? They were a very, very naughty decade. So we're sort of 97. Perks and I have been doing Edinburgh Festival for a good few years. We have no money. I mean, like, no, nothing. Were you being naughty in the 90s then, or were you sort of like the sensible children on the edge?

36:36Josh Widdicombe:This is another thing from Would I Lie to You. She snogged the runner on Light Lunch, and that runner was Dermot O 'Leary. Hang on. Oh, man. Here we are. Wow. Come on. I'm in full now. Come on. Now, can I just say he was the audience coordinator? Oh, OK. I don't think it's great to say you snogged the runner in the 90s. He was the audience coordinator. Sorry. And I think people literally came to see the show because obviously we had a live audience in the show. I think people came for him, not for us. He still is. Very fit. He's a sexy guy, isn't he? Oh, he was great. And he was so good with the audience.

37:13We got returners. You know, they keep coming back because of Derm. You know, they absolutely loved him and he was brilliant. He had 20 minutes with them usually and he was hilarious and brilliant.

37:22Josh Widdicombe:He had 20 minutes with you, eh? Josh. Sorry. Sorry. No, listen, it was the 90s. There was a lot going down. I would say the most... Heavy lunch. Heavy lunch. Light lunch, heavy pettit. The most memorable of all of the lunches, this was absolutely marvellous. We had three puppeteers with their puppets for lunch. So it was like having six guests around the table. We had Keith Harris and Orville. Keith Orville. Keith Orville and Harris. He thought Bill and Harris. Who got a bit naughty with Sue, Orville did. No. Yes. That's a shame. Nipping at the body. Yes, Harris via Orville, he got a bit naughty 90s.

38:06Of course, you forget it's a hand in there, don't you? It's a strange grey area, isn't it?

38:10Josh Widdicombe:It's not a grey area, it's a hand in a big get-off-my-tip. No, no, but what I mean is they'd get away with it by claiming it was a grey area. Exactly. Josh currently hides some hand puppets in his drawer. Then we had Roger DeCorsi with Nookie Bear, who they used to work a bit of blue material. They were sort of a little bit late night. And then we had Corbett plus Sooty, Matthew Corbett. There's no area with Sooty. Well, Sooty doesn't speak. No, of course. And I had a very strong sensation. I think it's okay to say this. I'm not going to get cancelled or anything. But I had a strong sensation that Roger DeCorsi didn't like Matthew Corbett very much because he felt that Corbett's puppeteering was not the full deck.

38:52Oh, because he wasn't doing the ventriloquism. Sooty was just squeaking. So there was real animosity around the table. He doesn't even squeak.

38:58Josh Widdicombe:He just whispers, Sooty. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he squeaked, didn't he? No, sweeps, squeaks. Sooty whispers and Sue speaks. Thank you, Josh. Oh, wow. Is that the rhyme? No, I just... Oh, did you just invent that? Thank you. So anyway, DeCorsi and Corbett, I mean, there is a frosty bloody atmosphere around the table. Harris is in the middle of it. This is my kind of anecdote. This is great. I can't wait to go to YouTube deep dive on this. Trying to get, you know, all over Perks' grill. And he's really going for Perks, mainly Perks, or is it because that was nearest? No, she was the honey trap, mate.

39:32I was just the fly kind of buzzing around the edge rather desperately. They blooming loved Perks, all of them, all of them. Right, was she a bit of a honey pin-up then back in the day? Totes. That was her thing, okay. Totes. Anyway, sorry, the voice is going very high. But back to how it all started. Let's buckle up. Sorry, of course. Let's buckle up. So we're in the mid-90s, the naughty 90s. We haven't got a bean. I've borrowed like a grand off my brother. God bless him. Perks has borrowed off her dad. We've borrowed off our agent.

40:00Josh Widdicombe:Oh, that's a dangerous game to get in, isn't it? Can you believe it? We had to. We absolutely had to. We'd done a few Edinburgh's and I remember going into Perks' bedroom and sitting on the bed and just bursting into tears. I'm sorry. I'm laughing. Right, there's the niece. She's borrowed a tent. What are you borrowing the tent for? Oh, good Lord. What's she borrowing a tent for? She's pulling it out in the garden and she's trying to work out how to do it. How old's the niece? She's 23. I think she's volunteering at some festival or other. Right. Are the pegs there, love? She won't have enough pegs.

40:43Classic. She'll get there. There won't be enough pegs. So that ground's too hard. You're not going to get it in a garden. Oh, man. Not a ground of the garden. She's there putting it together. That's okay. That's quite sweet on a Monday morning, isn't it? I know. It's lovely, isn't it? It's very cute. Oh, that's bent. That's bent. It's bent! No, they've got a bent pole. Anyway. Anyway, back to the naughty night. So we've got no money. I'm sitting on the end of Perks' bed, basically in floods of tears. In Edinburgh? No, this is in North London. And it was quite, we're sort of laughing, crying, you know, that thing.

41:16hysterical laughing slash crying. We just think we've got to give up. We can't do this. And I said, mate, we've got to go and get jobs. We've got to get jobs. I can't do this anymore. So all that's going on. How old are you at this point now? Oh, God, sort of 27. You've gone quite a long way. 28, 27, 28. Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, blow us down. The agent gets in touch very soon after that occasion. and she says, look, there's an audition. It's for a new daytime show on Channel 4 and I've said, yes, you're going to go for it. And we were like, excuse us. We are bloody edgy stand-up comics. You know, we're kind of vanguard, kind of post-feminist.

42:04You're Chappelle and Jim Jefferies, you two rolled up in one.

42:07Josh Widdicombe:Were you hanging around with people that were like... Nobody. Nobody. Josh you know us really well we were bumbling about like flipping idiots I mean yeah we got on with everybody we weren't in some sort of you weren't in a cool guy no cool cleat no not remotely so she basically said she was really bossy and also we owed her money so she said you are going to this audition so she basically frog marched us into the audition and they were auditioning blooming every ruddy double act under the sun I mean, the real randos. We just thought we were a little bit rock and roll, actually. We just thought, well, Jeff, this, we're not going to do the gig anyway.

42:49So let's just really tit about. That freedom's what got it for you. Well, listen, gang, thanks for listening, because there was no ruddy punchline to that anecdote. No, but it's interesting because like... It's not, Josh, bless you, but it's not that interesting.

43:03Josh Widdicombe:Because Jack Dee had a very similar thing, right? Oh, did he? Where he decided to quit comedy and he had to fulfil his gig. and because he was so pissed off at fulfilling his gigs, he did them in a really monotone, downbeat way and suddenly it started working. Because he genuinely didn't want to be there. When you don't want to do it, there's a freedom to it. A bit like you on this podcast, Mel. You don't want to be here. You've been brilliant. You've got freedom. You're playing with a ball at your feet, with your head up in the air, looking for the parcel, looking for the goal. You don't care.

43:31Josh Widdicombe:Me and Rob don't want to be here. We're having a wonderful time. None of us have to be here. If we had to be here, it'd be shit. Mel, what we do need to do is talk about the present day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because you have taken over from Kathy Bird. She hasn't died. Don't worry, people. The way you reacted there. If she had, it would be apt for the podcast. Yeah. Isn't she remarkable, guys? Yeah, so this National Treasure legend, you've stole her job. I know. I was so chuffed because, well, actually, she's writing her autobiography, which is going to be out. Oh, wow. Yeah, exactly. You're not here to promote that, Mel.

44:05Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. but it's going to be an amazing read when is it out though

44:09Josh Widdicombe:because I would like to read that yeah I guess it'll be out next year so she's got Head Down she's doing that and she'd done Where There's Will Is Awake the podcast that she did so brilliantly it's a great podcast it's a great podcast we've both been on it it's really good now one of you wanted to die in a five a side football game is that right? yeah was that you Rob? yeah Rob oh god in a sort of heroic way yeah no scoring a goal scoring lovely and screaming fuck you and then have a heart attack because part of it was you have to choose where you died and I thought if I died there rather than at home then the sort of the random group of ten that we'd got to play that week would sort out the ambulance and the body rather than my family.

44:48Josh Widdicombe:Tim Key sorting out the body? I sometimes play with the school dad. I think it would be quite funny though to have Tim Key and Daniel Kitson carrying me out to an ambulance. Can you imagine? And Josh, you wanted to go in sort of strange circumstances, sort of Richard Osman-y circumstances, sort of slightly. Is that what I said? Yeah, I would like to die in a mystery. I would like, you know, I'd like to die with people thinking that I'd maybe not died, how it's been reported. All that suspicious circumstances. Suspicious circumstances. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, basically, Burke's done a runner and very lovelily, she passed the baton on to me.

45:26Yeah, you definitely didn't take the job. She stood down. And did you get the call from her? She'd given it her blessing, which was really lovely. No, I didn't get a call from her. But I didn't get a call. I was informed by, you know, three people away from her that she gave it the blessing. But she's so sweet. She sent a really lovely text just saying, you know, you're going to love it and it's going to be great. She's such a lovely one.

45:52Josh Widdicombe:We've reached the point in podcast. What? Where we've reached the point, not in this podcast, but in the world of podcast, where now they're being passed on to the next presenters. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think that might be the first podcast to kind of properly be handed over. Relaunched like Top Gear. Yeah, to be relaunched like Top Gear. Who's going to do it when you want to pass the bat on, guys? Oh, they won't even be born, Mel, by now. Really? How long are you going to do this for? We need people who have just had kids, so it's whoever's sort of virile at the time. We are going to squeeze this lemon dry, Mel.

46:27Josh Widdicombe:Don't worry about that. Like, Kathy Burke's made a bloody rob for her own back. She could knock one out in the morning and write a thousand words in the afternoon. Lazy. That's what I think of it. We do too. We could knock out a book together. Yeah. Come on, Burke. There is so much more juice to the lemon, though, guys, isn't there? Exactly. That's the thing with parenting. We picked a good subject. It's amazing. It's an absolute content farm just being produced every morning at home. Yeah. Well, it's like death, you know. It's similar to Kathy and my podcast. You know, death is all around us.

46:57Inevitable. It's inevitable. It's something that we all have in common, you know, so it is. It's a very good format.

47:03Josh Widdicombe:And do your children listen to it? No. Of course they don't. I don't even think they know that I'm doing it, guys, honestly. Do you talk to them about death? Like, to tie the two topics together. Yeah. Great segue here. Great segue. Would we have asked this question if you weren't plugging your podcast? Probably not. You know, in the current situation, great question. Crack on. Why not combine them? I'm on your side, Josh. I think it's really, really important to hang on a second. Ricky is getting involved with putting up the tent. That's not what we're saying. That's not what you're talking about, Mel.

47:36Josh Widdicombe:You don't want to be paying hourly. I know. Telling about the time he used to play music festivals. Mel, can I ask you, paying him by the hour or by the job? I don't even know.

47:48Josh Widdicombe:I don't even. I mean, paying by the job is the way to go, isn't it? Surely. Yeah, well, it is if he's putting up a tent and having a cup of tea. Oh, God, he and the old man are chatting. That's not good. That's going to go on for 20 minutes. Ben's telling him an anecdote, probably something river-esque. Why is he not down the river now? Well, exactly. He was this morning, to be fair. He'll be back in it again. He'll be waiting. The niece seems to have disappeared into the one-person tent. So are they working over the summer, the kids? Are they just in between unis and stuff? So youngest, she did it last year.

48:20She's working up at the Edinburgh Festival, which is lovely.

48:23Josh Widdicombe:Does that bring back good or bad memories? Oh, it's so great. So what happens is she gets herself set up. One of her best mates is at uni there so she can stay in her flat, which is brilliant. So she'll get herself set up there. She works long hours, as you can imagine. What does she do there? Flyer or sales tickets? So she's in the assembly venue. And last year she was on audience management, which she loved. Absolutely bloody loved. Is that taking tickets and stuff? Getting audiences in, getting them out. taken after a could-have-been-dad, Dermot O 'Leary there. Coordinated audiences. Oh, God.

48:57It's strange how the universe works, isn't it? Oh, my God, that's so weird. She'll be wading a river in the afternoon to make it fair, in the morning. She will be coordinating. She'll be ushering, coordinating. And I'm going to go for – I did a 48-hour full-on drive-by last year, and I'm going to do the same this year. And it was so fun.

49:18Josh Widdicombe:Did you talk to your daughter and go, that's where I did this, that's where I did that, and was she interested? That's where I didn't sell any tickets, that's when I burst into tears. I lost thousands of pounds just over there. Yes, that's where we performed regularly to one person. Yeah, I got into debt to an agent over there before I did lunch times. She found some really, really good shows, actually, and often she couldn't come with me because she was working, but there was some hilarious wrestling show. Did you check that out? I wasn't there last year, so I've not been there for years. You're not going to drive by this year?

49:49No, it's miles away and it's during the summer holidays, Mel. I'm still too close to it. For you, there's a nostalgia, but for me, it still brings back to bad memories. But I'm sure when I'm older, I'll go back, but not yet. Do you know what? I've got the urge to possibly, yeah. Oh, no. She's doing a solo show.

50:05Josh Widdicombe:She's doing a solo show. I've got the urge, gang. My daughter's taking the tickets. She's on stage. Yeah. Are you going to do it? You and Perculator or are you on your own? Well, listen, she's going on tour, I think, next year with the show that she took to Edinburgh last year. so I sort of figure you know I've got to she's raised the bar she's not going to give you half now if she's doing it on her own that's the thing isn't it you're going to have to do your own thing get your own 100 % she'll just be like hang on I'm getting to keep all this money as well as the podcast is this the announcement that you are going going back on stage I don't know I feel now the kids are older I'm doing a musical in the autumn which will be great down at the Bristol Old Vic it's going to be absolutely marvellous homegrown comedy British musical so good so fun are you singing i'm doing a little bit of singing i've got a lesson this afternoon actually and i haven't yet learned the song which is worrying because she gave me like two weeks to learn it still haven't done it oh god anyway we'll sort that out after lunch that'll be okay so i've got a real little yen to possibly try and scrabble together a 55 minita so i've got this theory right okay when you have kids basically it's exhausting yeah and it's batting down the hatches and then obviously it slowly gets easier as they get older you get bigger problems emotionally but you know the actual physical grind of a baby and a toddler yeah it subsides there's this sort of like 50 year old plus depending on when you had kids second wind oh man but manifest and it sort of can be termed you know the classic midlife crisis for the a man that gets a sports car but i think it's just you've got more time and energy to go what is it i want to do yeah it's amazing it is a solo show now do you know what you should do mel Do you know what you should do?

51:48Josh Widdicombe:There's a comedy club, which now everyone does, called Always Be Comedy, where you can go and do 10 minutes. It's really friendly. It's in Kennington. Yeah, it's the perfect place. It's the perfect place. Try 10 minutes material. Go there. You know James Gill. Yes, I love James. He runs it. Yeah, he runs it. Go and put yourself down for 10 minutes. They won't announce you. And then you see whether you fancy it.

52:14the thing is gang I mean I I'm in awe of you lot who can just tell really really good gags I'm gonna have to go about it in a different way because so can I tell how I how I do it right and you may think I'm shit at stand-up or whatever and I think you're similar to me in the way you present and the way you do stuff but it's scary and it feels mental but if you just trust the process and don't get in your head about it yeah just bullet points of funny stories you want to tell or funny things you think are funny and go on and say whatever it may be say you had a funny story about ricky painting the whatever and there was a funny interaction a funny line okay just go on and tell that story to them and tell them that you're going to tell them these stories and go through the bullet points and just tell it and then you will naturally find the laughs as you

52:58Josh Widdicombe:connect with the audience and get that energy don't sweat like i have to but you know you meet someone it's like you're doing with us now you've sat down and you've been hilarious and engaging and really interesting for the whole time. Thanks, team. I think I've been a bit, well, you know about that. No, 100%, but you are naturally doing it. You've not planned what you're going to say, have you? No, not remotely. Sorry, I'll just tick that off. But go on and do 10 minutes. I'll blow smoke up my arse to tick off. No, no, no, but just talk to them. No, bless you. And you will naturally find moments that they get a laugh and then you just repeat that process.

53:28But just look at it as you're going to go out and chat to them to see if there's anything that can be funny. Okay, we'll give it a go. I sort of think costumes maybe. No, too much. Maybe, yeah, costumes as well. Well, just do costumes and puns. Costumes and puns, do you know what I'm saying? But that's a lot of hard work, costumes and puns, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, thanks. No, that's really lovely, guys. And you're absolutely right. James Gill will get you on for 10 minutes. No, James Gill, he's absolutely gorgeous and he does all the warm-up. I won't go that far. Don't look at it.

53:53I've got to write an hour comedy show and I'm a stand-up comedian. Everyone's going to come. And I've got tickets on sale and I've got to do a tour. Just go into a room and be funny for 10 minutes. Okay. Which you can do. Don't tell your children you're going to do it. No, absolutely bloody no way, Jose. Are they academic or into more theatre-y stuff and performers? So the older one is, she's a musician. She plays, just pointing to the bass guitar and cello. So that's her thing. She's great. Really good. She did music at uni. She read Anthropologie and she's in a few bands over there. So she loves that.

54:30And I think that's probably going to be the way that she goes. and the younger one, well, she read drama at uni. She's not going to listen to this, so I can say this. But if she wanted to, she could do the old comedy, definitely. Right. But I don't, I hate the idea. Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Don't pigeonhole yourself. There's loads of things you can do. Yeah, and being that sort of slightly deluded parent who just thinks their children are just brilliant. Do you know what I mean? And, oh, God, she's the funniest. I really don't want to, A, pressurise her in any way. actually the best thing is to totally keep away to be honest if she wants to do it she'll find it and she'll do it in her own way and she is proper like she's back foot very dry you know I'm real naughty 90s kind of hey all right kids hey come on gang you know all that stuff yes exact patch up whereas

55:28she's got she's got proper you know comedy i don't know she's great no look i'm being the bloody trumpeting mum now and i don't want to do that i don't want to do that can i ask your advice on this and we had some friends around in the garden the other day having a barbecue and then my daughter said um dad can i play the song i learned at school to people in the garden so now i don't want to be like everyone sit down and listen to my daughter but then i don't want to say to her no don't do that that's showing you know i just went yeah okay if you want to like that and trying oh can you can you tell them i'm doing it i was like okay and then everyone was all spread out so i basically just found those six people around the garden table and i said i would like to play a song would you like to hear it and i was oh yeah that'd be great and then she just sat down and just strummed a few bits so that's a song and i went and we were like well done and then she sort of wandered off but yeah but i was like you don't want to be the person that goes everyone sit down and it's like a pa system of you going to do a concert and you try and enjoy your afternoon but then you don't want to be like no don't do that hide away your yes you know performing it's a difficult balance it is it's really difficult isn't it because we all know that uh historically children of sort of people who perform have often you know found it quite sort of tricky haven't they in many ways through life you know what i'm saying yeah and i really are i just i don't want any of that for the kids but as you say if they've got it in them They've got to bloody do it, haven't they?

56:53Also, you know, if you are a performer and you are like a show off deep down, essentially is what we are, whether we want to agree to that or not. It must be genetic as well as learn. There's no deep down. There's no deep down. Massively, honestly. There's no deep in with any of us. It's really about us on the surface. No, do you know what's going to happen? Cut to my daughter. Actually, she's there. I've got to be, no, she can't hear me. My daughter, sort of three years' time, doing an Edinburgh show and me scraping in on it. That's what's going to happen. And then you could double act it up with a...

57:26Me scraping in, but... Perko's gone. Perko's gone. She's gone solo. She's gone electric. But nobody being remotely interested in me at all, but me in the background going, hey, honk, honk.

57:37Josh Widdicombe:You could warm up. You could do the audience. You could bring the audience in, Mel. Full circle. Full circle. I'll coordinate. You could be the audience coordinator on this morning for Dermot. I'm bloody good actually at organising people with a walkie talkie. I really am. I get very into that. Right, we've got it. She'll do the Edinburgh show. I'll do a bit of ushering, a bit of ushing, a bit of sort of, you know, chatting. No, no, I'm not going to chat to the audience like as a performance, but just as they come in. And then I'll be very, very quiet and let her take centre stage. My plan is to sort of let them crack on with any of that kind of stuff.

58:09Say, for example, it is performance. They want to sing and play guitar or whatever and they do that. and just be very like, yeah, do it when you want it, very low-key, non-pushy parent. But if they get to like 20 and they go, right, I've been offered a record contract and I'm going for this, I'm going to double down and be with her all the time, being an absolute horrible, hard bastard manager.

58:28Josh Widdicombe:You're going to Denise Welch it, Rob. You are going to be the Denise Welch of your generation. Yeah. Just like an iron curtain around her and just wander around because I know what all these scummy sort of industry media people are like and I'm just going to wander around and being so horrible and difficult to deal with that then she doesn't get taken advantage of. And I'd love that. Twan Janaragado, fuck you, fuck you. She's doing this, she's doing that. Don't care what they need to say. Fuck, I know how this works, you little robbing bastard. You're just a mouthpiece. Fuck off. Give me the proper boss.

58:56Now, where's the contract? There's no contract. There is a fucking contract. Let me read the contract, you twat. You're going to be Jamie Spears, Rob.

59:03Josh Widdicombe:She is Spears. She is Spears. No, but looking after her. Oh, that's what Jamie thinks he's doing. That's what Jamie said, to be fair. Oh, no, I'm Jamie Spears. You're Spears, mate. I've already said to my eldest, you know, the musical one, because she's writing a lot of her own stuff now and, you know, she's doing lots of gigs and stuff. I've said, I want to be your van driver. I want to be in the van. I will not say a word. You can put me in any costume that you want. I will drive you round because in that way, as you said, Rob, I can sort of keep an eye and actually be quite fun, wouldn't it?

59:40Yeah, loads of fun. No, I wouldn't be there, but I do think, like, I think if they do start going into that world, if you've got experience in it and you've learned from mistakes and stuff, you want a ton of support, but then you've got to leave them to learn their own mistakes. I know. It's a very tricky balance, isn't it? I know. Well, my mum, she put it really well, actually. She was full of wisdom, me old mum, and she said, you've got to have your kids on a very, very, very long piece of elastic, but very occasionally give it a little tweak. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? And it's such a good sort of, I love that image.

1:00:14And we all want the best for them, don't we? They're the reason that I get up in the morning, frankly. I absolutely adore the bones of them. They are flipping pesky, hilarious, and just have given me more. I've got a bloody cul-de-sac now. My hair has actually started falling out. I've got a massive cul-de-sac in the hairline with the stress of these two. But it's worth every second, isn't it?

1:00:40Josh Widdicombe:well Mel if you haven't written everything today you've beautifully tied it up it's gone full circle hasn't it well quite like that I quite like that final question Mel what is the one thing that your partner does apart from dredging the Brent uh that is blows your mind as a as a father that you think that is why I'm with him that that is incredible and what is the one so many irritation that you have with his parenting that you haven't brought up were he to listen Okay. This would be a good chance for him to... Yeah, a few things to say. I would say it really... I'm looking at him actually now over the glasses, slightly Al Pacino.

1:01:16Have you noticed Al Pacino now? That's all he does with his acting is just do that. Over the glasses. I love the way you're looking at your husband when you think about what you like and dislike about him. It's great. I know, because I can see him moving. He's cleaning his gloves. He's cleaning the river gloves. I can see he's dunking them into the... Whatever he dunks them into. Great prime suspect for an husband book, isn't it? This Wade and Worma guy. Yeah. I'm looking over at him. He's an absolute ledge, I have to say. Do you know what really bugs me about his parenting style? Yeah. He's so bloody good at it.

1:01:45That's what I'm going to say. Yeah, he is. I am the one who is fun, fun, fun, and then loses it so badly. Like massive raspberry red face, just like that. He is so cool as a cuke. he does things for them like okay here's an example so youngest is saved up and she's going off with some uni mates on a bit of a holiday jaunt end of this week they need to be at luton at 4 20 in the morning i know so who is going to drive them all not me absolutely not not in a thousand years and i really grumpily said well they can go the night before and camp out or something he's he's gonna drive them he's gonna get up at two oh he's weak he's weak he's weak he's one of them josh i'll be doing that i know absolutely nailed on oh my god but they're just so kind he's the one that has his phone on all night in case there's a i don't phone straight off earplugs in earplugs in mask on just my kip is sacred if anyone impinges yeah i did the night feeds and all that all that jazz but now if anyone impinges it's a right hook firmly into the face but he's just like i don't know he's so good with stuff like that any negatives he does go on a bit sometimes if he's explaining if he's explaining if he's explaining something i mean and we all adore him for explaining but it's like oh god he'll read like the manual for something but without the manual, if you know what I mean.

1:03:28Whereas he could just go, turn it on and then do the thing and put the plug in or whatever. It's a whole half hour. You have to check the clock. He goes on a bit. I think that is the best term for being in a long-term relationship is when someone goes on a bit. Oh, God. Not too much, but just that's enough of that. And I feel bad for saying that because literally 90 % of it is utterly gripping, interesting, marvellous and important. but it's that 10 % you just think I've got to, oh God, I need to open a window or I need to go and I need to, I need to go and do something else. Do you know what I mean?

1:04:05I feel bad about saying that. And to be honest, that's a very minor thing, isn't it? It's not like there's, you know, he's not doing anything terrible. No, that's great. Mel, thank you so much. Oh, love you guys.

1:04:16Josh Widdicombe:There's a will, there's a wake available everywhere. It's available on all good podcasts where you get your podcast. That's what people say. Yes. Where is that anyway? I don't even know. No, exactly. Apple. Spotify. Yeah. Right. Cheers, Mel.

1:04:31Josh Widdicombe:Mel Gedroich. The energy. I love the energy. She's just got funny bones. I'd love to be her neighbour. Oh, yeah. Imagine living next door to Mel Gedroich and she's out there. Ricky's painting. She's got her glasses halfway down her nose looking at seeing her coming round. She's fucking, she's great entertainment. She's the real deal. I'll see you on Tuesday, Rob. Bye. Bye.

1:04:54Love comedy? Love gossip? You're in luck! Check out the Always Be Comedy podcast where you'll find top tier chats with the likes of Stephen Merchant, Romesh Ranganathan,

1:05:06Josh Widdicombe:Maisie Adam, Rose Matafeo, Josh Whitticombe, Stuart Lee, and many more. That's the Always Be Comedy podcast with Tim Lewis and me, James Gill, available everywhere you get podcasts. Bye.