S10 EP43: Instagram vs. Reality

19:04Josh Widdicombe:Go on. Did I say this on it? I got advertised. It looked like a Game Boy. Do you know what I love about you? You're like me when you get carried away online. I order stuff late at night. I caught myself, luckily. But it had every game from every console from the 90s. For about£4. Yeah, for about 80 quid. For every game that ever existed when I was a kid on a Game Boy. And I was like, this looks good. Every game I ever wanted. Yeah. I always think there must be one of these products that actually works. And then the other cheeky bastards nick the idea and pump it out. It can't. Basically, the general consensus in the chat rooms was too good to be true.

19:47Maybe it's not. Maybe it's just... Yeah. I don't know. You influenced me the other day, Josh, which is... Yeah. Tell the audience what you bought. Is this our least relatable episode ever? I think it might be. No, it's just a nerdy purchase. You've not gone out and bought fucking three Rolexes. I love the way you think this might be unrelatable. It's such a relatable, nerdy little buy. I love it.

20:08Josh Widdicombe:I've got it here in my hand, actually, because it was on the shelf above me. It's a fully boxed Loras Italia 90 watch. £70 on eBay, 7-0. It'll hold its worth. It'll hold its worth. It's a nice watch. It's a collectible watch. 35 years old, classic watch. I've opened the box. Oh, God, it's fell out. And then I saw that and I was jealous. I won't be wearing it at night. Don't worry about that. But then I can't buy the same. I didn't know they did official World Cup watches. I ordered Oh no World Cup 1998 France Snickers watch It's got the Snickers logo on it What a couple of losers Well Rob I haven't told you this So I then got a taste For Italia 90 merch So I wrote Italia 90 merchandise Into eBay And I was searching around I think this is relatable Everyone's got like a guilty Little shame purchase What do you buy On eBay Not like drunk purchase, but like, what have you started collecting?

21:06Or what are you looking at a lot, trying to build the courage to get, but you've got to try and get the okay from your partner or wife. You know what I mean? Because if I, you know, I don't need a World Cup 98 Snickers watch. No, no. But I want it and I've got it coming tomorrow. Exactly. I bet you can't fucking wait. Hopefully I'll be in and Lou doesn't see it.

21:26Josh Widdicombe:So I've ordered, I paid£10 plus£2.90 postage I'm packing for this. Yeah, Josh, I don't know what you think. I think it's unrelatable about spending£12 on yourself one week. No, no, no, no, exactly. We need to delve into that. Yeah, it's quite weird that he was like, £12, is that okay? Don't want to be unrelatable. It's a Gino Janelli. Do you remember Gino Janelli? He's quite comfortable talking about being invited to Wimbledon, but he spent£12. Do you remember Gino Janelli, Rob? Gino Janelli? No, is he a disgraced Italian chef? No, it's an ice cream brand. I've ordered a Gino Janelli and Iceland World Cup wall chart from Italia 90.

22:02Josh Widdicombe:unfilled in. Oh my God. Are you going to frame it? Of course I fucking am, Rob. Oh, I like that. Gino Gianelli Wallchuk. This is good stuff. It's called a Gino Gianelli World Cup action poster. And it's Iceland as well. Yeah, it's a cross promotion. Oh my God, it's amazing. Yeah. Shit. So World Cup 90, your fate, but 98 is my one that gives me the most joy. A point I got ahead of myself, Rob, and I thought maybe I'll start an Italian 90 museum in about 30 years when I've got everything. That's genuinely one of my retirement bucket lists. So you and I are going to end up in an Italia 90 eBay bidding war.

22:37Josh Widdicombe:Oh, no. I think you need to join forces. Yeah, exactly. I think we do. He's got the wall chart and the watch. What have you got, Michael? I've got so much stuff. I've got about 100 of those Italia 90 drinking glasses that you would get from the petrol stations. You could save the tokens and get them. I've got every piece of sort of original chow Italia 90 mascot, including the dancing one. How do you feel about the Cinelli? Ginelli. I'm immediately going to Google that. God, what three sad pricks. Great name for a podcast. We haven't got to the end of the fucking... So then the fucking Squishmallow shows up.

23:16Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. The watermelon Squishmallow. Legendary director Ridley Scott returns in IMAX. It's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear. Out there. Kill or be killed. Jacob Elordi. There are people out there. They need our help. Josh Brolin. Shoot first and inquire afterwards. Margaret Qualley. Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up! The Dog Stars, directed by Ridley Scott. Now playing in theatres. Rated R, under 17, not a minute without parent. It's so fucking big. It's insane, Rob. Oh, what, the John Lewis one? So it didn't go medium? No. Look at the size of this. I don't know what you're going to show me.

23:59Josh Widdicombe:is a photo of my son with a squishmallow. There it is. Jesus Christ. He's so big. What is that? That is the size of... But he's taking it into school. I'd say that's the size of Dwayne the Rock Johnson's stomach and chest. Yeah, it's like a beanbag, basically, but it's squishy. That is bigger than your son. Yeah. And you've got two of them. No, just for him, I think. My daughter wants one. I think she's going to buy one. Is that because he had a hole in his one? Yeah. Also, Rose, when the John Lewis thing happened, Rose was out and about Yeah And she said I've just walked past a shop That sells Squishmallows And I'll be honest I've just bought them Two Squishmallows Because I love them Oh so she bought another two It's mental Guess what What They were unofficial again She fucked up Oh she got done in person She got done in person Oh Rose They were Thai T-Y So they're not unofficial They're the Thai version Thai version of the Not Thai as in Thailand No as in In T-Y Yeah T-Y Fucking hell so a house full of squishmallows but it does feel like it's almost like the moment's passed a bit I think already yeah well my kids had a little squishmallow phase we had a few TYs knocking about and now they love jelly cats that's the one right if they were to pick a teddy but how pricey they are but jelly cats is the one they go for yeah what they save their money for or if I'm feeling weak I'll use it as a bargaining tool at the weekend I don't mind feeling weak so my kids have you seen that little cut on my nose I'm going to send you some photos what happened to me I've not seen some of my friends for ages.

25:27We had a little barbecue. It wasn't a barbecue. We just had some drinks in the garden. I tell you what's good. If you're ever having drinks in the garden and people around, if you've got a local ice cream person, when they come to your house, get their number. And then if there's like 20 of you in a garden, you just say to them, look, there's 20 of us in a garden. We all want an ice cream. You drive around. They'll just come to you. That is good, Rob. It's such a great tip.

25:47Josh Widdicombe:When I was at Manchester University, the rumour was that the ice cream van that used to come to the halls was selling drugs. Oh, yeah, I think they do. Do write in if that's true. Rob, is this unprofessional? The third test match is so evenly poised, and it's just the third morning. Can I just check the score? Yeah, that is really unprofessional. Oh, my God, we've taken two more fucking wickets. Unbelievable. Oh, my God, I wish I was watching it. I fucking wish I was watching that. Anyway, carry on. No worries.

26:19Let's carry on having a laugh, even though I know you want to be somewhere else. Oh, my God, Rob. Rob, what the fuck happened to you? So we had this slide thing.

26:26Josh Widdicombe:Rob. Yeah. These photos of you, they look like evidence in a trial.

26:35Well, that's me with my robot lawnmower. We can talk about that later. Look at that photo. I thought it was the best photo of me of all time. Oh, wow.

26:42Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Sorry. Yeah. This is a slideshow. What's the one in the middle where you're flying down an inflatable? What the fuck is going on with it? We hide an inflatable for the garden. I've got questions about the robot lawnmower as well. Right, we'll talk about that afterwards, okay? Also, I found out me with gadgets gives Lou the ick. Yeah, yeah. Because I've got a bird feeder with a camera on it, now I've got a robot lawnmower, and I tell people about it. When I tell people about it, Lou's vagina literally seals shut. Robot vagina. It's actually waterproof, absolutely sealed up to the max. I heard something interesting about driverless cars, but we'll come back to that.

27:17So we've got an inflatable for the kids to play on, right? Because my friends come around, they've got loads of kids. Basically, I went down it on my bum, and it's got quite a steep slide thing on it, yeah? And I went on it on my bum and barefoot. Wicket! Oh, Josh, no one cares about cricket at all. What is it? The third day of a test match. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Who's playing? England and India. Who gives a fuck? It's such a shit sport. There's about three teams that play. Exactly. So if we beat these, we're the best. That's how life works, Josh. That's how life works. Anyway, so I've got this slide.

27:50I went down at barefoot on my bum and I've sort of got a bit of a friction burn on my heels. So we gave the kids these blankets to go on, right? So I'm in the garden. My daughter goes, I'll come down the side of me. She went, you've got to go first and put your hands in here. I was like, oh, okay. Because they'd been going down head first. But basically I put my hands in it and went down head first. But I should have had my hands out to break my foot when I didn't. So I just basically went down and my face and nose got dragged along the slide. So my glasses come down and cut my nose. My nose is all red at the end.

28:20like an alcoholic. You know, like alcoholics get big red noses from a friction burn. Yeah. And then I tried to style it out and everyone's like, oh my God, your face is bleeding, Rob. Your face is bleeding. And it's so, I don't know if you get this as an adult when you hurt yourself. It's more embarrassing explaining it. Oh my God, it is a red old nose. I was like, oh God, that hurts. Yes, there's a video of it. Oh my God. I cut my nose and face. Where's the video? I've sent them to you as well. Oh, here's the video.

28:45Josh Widdicombe:Oh, fucking hell, you really face plant. I know. And then your daughter follows down while you're lying there. My face! My face! My whole face, man. My face! Oh, it was horrible. And then I got a bit of tissue and I'm bleeding everywhere. Then I'd have to have a plaster on my nose. Have you had any gigs or anything since? No, it's actually yesterday that happened. So luckily it's calmed down a little bit. Lou put some Elizabeth Arden on my nose. Oh, yeah. Eight hour cream. Sort me right out. Big up, Elizabeth. Can I ask you about your robot lawnmower? Lou, turn off now if you want to ever have sex again.

29:16Josh Widdicombe:I've got a robot lawnmower mate so the picture of you with your robot lawnmower yeah which says not city boy but certainly man from town moves to country I think the title for this photo should be the death of British farming

29:38it's Del Boy literally Del Boy trying to serve

29:40Josh Widdicombe:what I presumed right is that your robot lawnmower yeah was being used for the lawn, right? But from what I can tell, you've just shoved it in a field and you're the other side of a fence. I know you've got a field, but shouldn't you be grazing the field? No, no, I'm robot lawnmower in the field, mate. Or shouldn't you be making it into hay? Like, isn't the point of a field? I'm not going to go in there and fucking eat it. What do you mean graze in the field? I ain't got any animals. I can't graze a field with no animals. Oh, fields are animals. So you've just got a lawn... You're treating a field like a lawn.

30:09No, I'm just keeping it down to get rid of all the... Yeah. I am. We want it to be usable. What for? Have a party in there. Have a party in there? You've been around us. No, basically it was full of nettles and stuff like that. So we basically cut it all out. So we're using it just to keep it down and grass in there. But we're going to plant wildflower and all that. But at the moment, we just had to do that to get... It was thick, full of brambles and nettles, and it was unusable. So we basically had that taken out, and we're putting loads of grass seed in there. So we're growing grass in there, but we're just getting it level to kill off the nettles and stuff.

30:43The other option is a ride-on lawnmower. I don't have the time or energy to do that, and they're well expensive. How do you program a robot lawnmower, then? No idea. The guys from Moa Magic came down to do it. And does it get in all the corners? I've paid for this, by the way. I've not got a free lawnmower. No. If anyone's interested, it's a Momotion lawnmower. I've paid for it. Is that a stutter, or is that...? It's called Momotion. Yeah. I think it's Chinese. And then the guys from Moa Magic...

31:07Josh Widdicombe:They've got all your bloody info now, haven't they? They've mapped my garden. The Chinese government currently knows what the Robbeck is failing to make good use of his field. Moe and Magic, I got it. They went, can we have a small business shout out? I went, yeah, mate, give me a fucking week to see if it still works. And I will. I'm not going to start bigging you up. Let it run for a month. I'm obsessed with it. It's got a little camera on it. And I can... I sent it in the other day because it was too hot. Right, Lewis, right. And I go in there at night and turn it over and get the grass out of its blades.

31:32And fuck it. And fuck it.

31:42do it feel a bit invasive like flipping it on its back and look at his undercarriage without asking do you know what i mean coming on its rotor blades so he's out and about the moment actually i can check on him on my app how much work does it have to do doesn't it just do once a week i'll send it out monday wednesday fridays at 10 a.m it gets the weekend off yeah basically because what it does is it cuts you have to make it leave cuts a tiny amount off so you don't have to like change it just cuts it in it lands back on the grass so but if you send it out often it keeps the grass healthy by cutting it.

32:10This is what turns Lou off. This is priming. Lou, speed up this bit. Basically, it cuts a tiny bit off every time it goes out so it stays on top of it.

32:18Josh Widdicombe:So the grass has never got that awkward thing like when you go into school after a haircut. It's like a footballer. They're getting their hair cut quite regularly. Yeah, exactly. So he's out and about at the moment though. Yeah. He's been struggling to get back into his little charging dock of late. So I've got to keep an eye on that. Where does he live? I've been bringing the old mower magic boys up. But they've been really good actually installing it all. So they are really nice guys. When he finishes for the day, do you have to put him in his little house? No, he goes back himself. How does he find it?

32:44It's all bloody navigation, mate. But isn't he in a field? Where does he live? He's got a little docking station in the corner of the field.

32:50Josh Widdicombe:What about your garden? Why is he not doing your garden? What's that? Why is he mowing a field? I've never heard of anyone mowing a field. Well, no, it's just because it's a paddock. I've never heard of anyone mowing a paddock. No, we just want to keep it down and off. It comes too big and it's not usable for anything. you couldn't put anything in it we might want to get some chickens or some animals and stuff we'll have to pen it off but the rest of it was just and I couldn't keep on top of it and obviously daughters are going to get horses we're both fully aware not getting horses I don't want I don't want some fucking local farmer's goat in there for a week do you know what I mean I've got this all and then once it's down and we've sorted out what we're doing then I can put that into the garden-y bit yeah I'm a farmer now with my little robot it's the future I know it's coming you can leave it to grow a bit longer fair enough fair enough How are you feeling about the start of the summer holidays, Rob?

33:39I can't wait, to be honest. I'm not working as much. I'm calming down a little bit. I'll be honest with you. I'm half tapped out already for summer. Yeah. I'm ready for not having to get up and do the school run. Obviously, I'll be driven mad by it by the end of the summer. But yeah, I'm looking forward to some time with the kids and then being off, to be honest. Unfortunately, because of my job, I can take the time off in the summer. But I've worked non-stop the first part of this year.

34:00Josh Widdicombe:You told me something when we saw you. I think it is a relatable concern for people who have work colleagues that you've mistakenly overlapped your holiday in the same location as Romesh for three days. Yeah. That's a real pickle because it's... Well, so, yeah, me and Romesh have probably spent over this first six months of this year, and I've been with him probably for 10 days a month nonstop, 24-7. Yeah. We've booked a holiday, and I did recommend this place to him originally, so I should take first dibs. we have found out that they're going away for a week we're going away for 10 days but our holidays overlap by three days because theirs is the the tight week and yours is the tight week but with three days at the front presumably yeah so they're there first and then we arrive and there's a three day lap crossover now Ramesh went to me like this isn't Ramesh he plays hardball he was like such a difficult situation it is isn't it because someone you work with and he was like we're not having any meals together I was like I know we're not I don't want any so we've agreed no dinners or breakfast us together separate but we may have a lunch together so he did negotiate you negotiated him up to a lunch thing is this is how it's going to work josh how close are you no i don't mean as people i mean because i said to him well what are we doing around the pool there's no point doing like an arbitrary gap also what is going on you're turning up at wimbledon when i'm there i'm the crossover guy but this is what's gonna happen josh i can predict this now yeah he gives it all the big also our kids so won't play with each other because there's such a massive age gap right because of the race thing oh sorry no because my children are racist yeah that's why yeah yeah there's massive gap there's teenage boys and young girls yeah there's no crossover whatsoever but this is how it's gonna work i know he's gonna be all relaxed because he's been at like a nice relaxed resort for a bit and also his his holiday is very different to yours because he's got teenage boys what the fuck's he doing with his time he's fully relaxed he's going to be by that point and I know him better than he knows himself he's going to be bored and he's going to be well rested and he's going to be full of energy and then I'm going to turn up and do you know what I am Josh I'm going to fucking laugh do you think he's going to want to go on the mega lash he's going to be all over me like a rash but he's going to be playing all oh no he's going to be right up my pipe wanting a drink should we go for a walk should we do this should we do that I know what he's like go for a walk I reckon we'll be in the gym together we'll be getting drunk together and he won't be able to keep his hands off What's Lou's view?

36:23I respect Lou so much on a day. She will not fucking move off that sun lounger, whoever turns up, right? Sometimes we go away on holiday with people and they're like, I was thinking about going out for a day trip to the local whatever. And Lou will go, no, thank you.

36:37Josh Widdicombe:Rose would rather go home than go on a day trip. Yes, save it. When we were last on holiday. Yeah. And the kids wanted to go on the pedalo. Yeah. In the sea. Yeah. the four of us. Rose had a face like thunder for the whole experience. And this is quite, and me and Lou talk about this a lot, and Lou has made a conscious effort to not be like this. Sometimes dads are seen as more fun on holidays, right? And there's that great bluey episode. Not just on holiday. Yeah, but that bluey episode where like, oh yeah, dads are being fun in the pool, but the mum traditionally may have facilitated the fun by making sure everyone's got sun cream toys.

37:17But to become the fun guy, you've got to take a shift in the pool. and I do see from the pool edge, dads take more of the hit with the more heavy duty horseplay in the pool than mums. And I think if you're fine with the tag of not as much fun by the pool, that's fine. But you can't then complain about the tag of not much fun by the pool by not being fun in the pool.

37:38Josh Widdicombe:Or the tag of not as much fun on the sun lounge on the beach while I take the kids up to the pool. Oh, so not even around the pool is Rose. She doesn't like that pool. She prefers the beach. But the kids don't like the beach. At the moment, the kids are pool kids. So my kids are pool kids, but they're getting into beach. Right, yeah. And we'll become beach kids, I think. So she's not even at the pool to watch the fun. But then if Rose is happy with you being the fun one and her not being the fun one, then that's fine. Yeah. But then you can't go like, oh, why is it always Dad seen as the fun one?

38:08Josh Widdicombe:Well, she doesn't do that, to be fair. She goes, I just want to stare at the sea. Fair enough. She does this thing all day. She can just lie there. No book or music. With no stimulus. Wow. I know. Lou pretends to read books on holiday. Yeah, yeah. I'd say a week's holiday will read five books, allegedly. I think it's bollocks. She's not fully reading. She has a right to reply on this. I'm sure she'll come on. Slag me off about something. Legendary director Ridley Scott returns in IMAX. It's no surprise how fast civilization can disappear. Go! Out there. Kill or be killed. Jacob Elordi. There are people out there.

38:47They need our help. Josh Brolin. Shoot first and inquire afterwards. Margaret Qualley. Okay, tough guy. And Guy Pearce. Arm up! The Dog Stars, directed by Ridley Scott. Now playing in theatres. Rated R, under 17, out of middle without parent.

39:02Josh Widdicombe:India have scored a few more runs. Couldn't give less of a fuck. Do you not love your country? What's that? Do I not love my country? I don't know if I do, actually. Oh, I don't really. I'm a man of the world. Yeah. Mainly based in Bromley. a citizen of earth and bromley i'm a citizen of the universe but basically everything's done through bromley in the local train stations and so do you think romesh will come on strong yeah it'll come on strong i think what that is i can a little just lay by the sun lounger at least on the sun lounger just chilling and would they be adjacent sun loungers how close are your rooms i don't know i don't know these assuming it's a resort if you're going to the same place are you in the same bit of the resort?

39:44I don't know that, to be honest. I don't know where our rooms are. I don't know if there's different pools that they'll go to. What I may do is to enable a bit of distance, but not in an awkward way, is go, we might stay down the more shallower end because our kids are younger. Yeah. But actually they could deal with the deep, but it just takes the steam out of the situation.

40:01Josh Widdicombe:It'd be quite weird if you are a different guest there. In the same way Louis Theroux found it quite odd that he bumped into both of us and neither of us knew we were there. Yes. It would be quite odd. But there must be loads of people listening that have got holiday, especially with school parents. Well, I remember when we went to Cornwall when I was a kid, just for like a few days. Yeah. To like, it's actually the place now, which is like the poshest bit of Cornwall where David Cameron goes, but it wasn't then. It's like this surf beach called Polzeth. Yeah. And I remember finding out that my friends from the village, their family happened to be going at the same time.

40:39Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. and I remember being delighted and I remember my dad being fucking gutted and I didn't understand it. So if anyone's had any good stories or bad stories, because actually we went on holiday and there was a girl from my eldest daughter's school year and the parents are lovely and they all got on well and it was quite nice, but sometimes it can be problematic. Well, I've had it with cities. we went to New York and he listens to this actually Tom Pacman oh Tom Pacman yeah he used to work at our comedy agency and he does comedy promoting over there I think he's now moved to New York but at that time we both lived in London and then we were both in New York on holiday at the same time and we met up and I was thinking that's ridiculous this is a bit odd isn't it because we don't meet up in London that's so stupid why did you meet up?

41:33Josh Widdicombe:why are we using our holiday? I mean, it's a bit like you're a Romesh. Why are you meeting up? You've got to meet up at a resort. It's weird not to, but in New York, you could definitely swerve each other. Well, I'm interested to see how it plays out with you and Romesh. Well, I'm sure it'll be fine. It'll be great. He'll be all over me, like a rash. Do you know what we'll do for next week's? I'll get him to record a little voice note as it's what his views are and what his plans are for it. Yeah. Do you know what's quite interesting, though, is because whenever I do go away, people sometimes talk about the podcast, but they will go, where's Romesh?

42:03Because obviously we're normally in places and they see us in vision together, me and you and Mort Audio. And they'll say to me, where's Romesh? And now I can go, he's on the beach. Yeah, he's over there. He's 100 yards away.

42:13Josh Widdicombe:And that's really going to confuse them. They'll think I'm joking. Do you know what? I'll record this to him now, Rob. To send. You're right, Rom. We're just recording the podcast and we're discussing about the fact that your holiday is overlapping with Rob's. And he says, while you say that you don't want to see him, he thinks that you'll be absolutely thirsty for his company because you'll be bored of your holiday and excited to see him and you want to go for walks and drinks with him. Do you believe that to be true? That's a great question. Anyway, Rob, on the driverless lawnmowers. Yes, go on.

42:46Josh Widdicombe:Do you want one? I watched an interview. For your AstroTurf. On Instagram. Your depressing London Victorian slum AstroTurf. It's not AstroTurf anymore. It's stoned. It's cobbled. Is it? Yeah. I thought you had Astro. No, that's gone. Okay. Yeah. Sorry, apologies. It's all right. It's all right. I watched a thing about driverless cars, Rob. Okay, go on. Talk to me. A video came up on my Instagram of, you know, Malcolm Gladwell? Yes, the writer who I love, but once said, it's harder to make someone cry than it is to make them laugh, which is bollocks. So he doesn't like comedy. Just watch Comic Relief and tally up how many laughs to cry as you get.

43:22Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, he's not impressed with comedy because anyone can make someone laugh, whereas making them cry is more difficult. Oh, shut up. Fuck off. I bet you're a fucking laugh. You fucking do it then. You top the podcast charts with basically blathering on about fuck all. Rachel Reeves just sat down at work and was crying. No one laughs in the chamber. Anyway. By the way, that was topical at the time of recording. Yeah, yeah. So don't come for me if this goes out in three weeks. Exactly. Exactly. We don't know. We don't know. I can only be topical at the time I'm being topical, right? What about bloody Theresa May's dancing, eh?

43:52What about... God, do you reckon that cabbage will outlast the old little lettuce, whatever it is?

43:57Josh Widdicombe:Or trussie. He said driverless cars aren't going to work, Rob. And the reason is... Yeah. You know those ones in LA? What are they called? Waymoos or whatever they're called. What are they called? Dunno. Dunno. If you walk near one, it'll stop, right? Yeah. He said the reason people say they won't work is they're not good enough. They're too good because they stop if anyone goes near them. Yeah. So you can't be killed by one, right? Yeah. So the problem is once all cars are driverless, no one's got any fear crossing the road. People are just going to walk out in front of things knowing they're not going to get it.

44:30Do you suggest that they put on a bit of a thing where the robot can make a decision and go, well, it's not technically my fault because they've jumped out, so I'm just going to carry on. Yeah, the highway boat. And then that's when Terminator starts.

44:40Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, yeah, exactly. No, I'm not suggesting that. That's what you're suggesting. You probably know it. You're on the back of a motorbike with Sarah Connor. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, that's exactly what. And it's a driverless motorbike. I think it depends. They'll work in places that are new, but imagine sending a driverless car down to Cornwall in those lanes. it's too much well there'd be too many branches coming out it would think a branch was just a tall person just stop still yeah just stop because there'd be like a branch in the road or whatever anyway shall we do a couple of emails Rob before we go let's do some emails I think that's a good idea give me some emails oh Switzerland Rob Switzerland we're back on the Switzerland hype again are we yeah well it's very topical the Euros is going on at the time of recording yes of course the women's Euros in Switzerland hello Josh and Rob we've been living in Zurich in Switzerland for five years and listening to both since then.

45:28Josh Widdicombe:I bet they didn't expect us to start talking about Switzerland. What a full circle. Here are my top five positives about living in Switzerland. They probably went, why don't you put Rob and Josh on it? Remind us off of the UK and while we're moving to Switzerland. Little did they know, five years later, we'll be moaning about Switzerland. Exactly. Okay. Because we wanted positives. There was a lot of negatives backing up my negative experience. This is a positive. Okay. If you want a doctor's appointment, I can email. Yes, email in the morning and I'll be seen in the afternoon. Yeah, that is incredible.

45:55Josh Widdicombe:Unbelievable. Well done. That's great. Repeat prescription similarly can just be emailed to me the same day. I like it. Yeah. I have a farm shop that sells Wagyu beef steaks near me, and it operates on an honesty basis. The Swiss are trustworthy, and they put their trust in you rather than assume the worst. That's a problem with change. I don't want to get involved in an honesty box. I want to be able to just pay and not go, fucking hell, I've got 20. Are they euro or are they Swiss francs? They're Swiss francs, aren't they? so I'd say that's a medium also we've got farm shops in the UK I don't think that's a difference there's honesty boxes for egg boxes and farms that's a neutral I'd say yeah classic Switzerland neutral if you want to light a fire in the woods which happens all the time yeah I'm always doing that sorry if you pause that there I'm just going to go and put my fire out in the woods I've left it on in a park on the beach then you are free to do so you're trusted to be safe and put it out And if you don't, then of course you will be fined.

46:55Josh Widdicombe:But with kids going for walks, creating a fire and cooking a sausage on a stick is a fantastic experience. So you can build a fire in the woods, Rob. Is that one of your problems with the UK? I wouldn't say that's cropping up a lot that I'm walking through the woods going, fucking hell, I wish I could build a fire and have enough sausage right now. Yeah. But you can get a dog's appointment for potential burns that you've got from creating a fire in the woods. Number four, quality of food is probably the best in the world. I'm going to beg to differ in what I ate. I've never heard that. It is expensive, but then farmers get a fair price for their produce.

47:25Josh Widdicombe:We're eating much healthier food with less preservatives, fillers and hormones. I'd say the best food I've ever had in Australia. Pound for pound, veggies and meat is the freshest and the best. It was bad for vegetarians when I went through the middle of Australia. I'm not talking about the middle, I'm talking about the edge. Middle of Australia is a law unto itself. I'm not going there for a fucking steak and chips. Get yourself on a beach. And money. The minimum wage in Zurich is£22 per hour, which is£48 ,000 per annum. And if you lose your job, Job Seekers Allowance will pay 70 % to 80 % of your salary.

48:01Josh Widdicombe:This is capped, however, but capped at£136 ,000 a year. That's good. If you would like my top 25 negatives, then let me know, Ben. They've been scratching around forever, though. Yeah. Fair enough. Fair enough. Every country's different. We have got more on Switzerland, but we'll drip them out. So let's have the longest time in years doing a school run. Oh, yes, please. This is parents who've done a school run for the most amount of consecutive years because of the spacing of their children. I think my dad might win the award for the longest school run service. I'm the second of four children.

48:37Our current age is a 51, 40, 17, and 12.

48:42Josh Widdicombe:Oh, my God. So my parents had my brother in 1973 when they were in their 20s. That's an 11-year gap between my brother and me. And because I went to primary school in South London in the 90s, I was known for having old parents in their 40s. My mum sadly died when I was a teenager. My dad remarried my lovely stepmother when I was 22. They had two younger sisters. The youngest will finish school in 2033 when my dad is 83. By which time he will have done school runs spanning seven different decades from the 1970s to the 2030s. Wow. He's also a brilliant grandpa to my seven-year-old daughter and to add insult to injury, I often rope him into doing the school run too.

49:28Josh Widdicombe:No, you can't do that too. He picks up my sister at 3.15, then drives to get my daughter at 3.30. So the auntie and the niece are in the car? Yeah, that is mad. I've been listening since lockdown. I've got tickets to see Rob on Valentine's Day next year, which gives me eight months to find a date. Oh. To take to the gig. Wish me luck. Martha from Lewisham. Lewisham. I knew it was South East London when there's an auntie and a niece in the car. The auntie's younger than the niece. Rob, it's been a lovely day. Lovely. Should we do a small business shout out? Yeah. India are 112 for eight. Could not give a fuck.

50:02Violets, a coffee and flower shop.

50:06Josh Widdicombe:Do you want to tell me the score of the cricket? No, it was not topical anyway. They're 112 for eight. It's lunch. Who India are? Yeah, they need... That's shit, innit? Yeah, they need 185 to win. It's on a knife edge. On a knife edge. Now, Violet, coffee and flour shop that sells cakes and paninis. It has live music and a bar pending in the next few weeks. Please come and visit us. It is violetsct11.com, Instagram, Violet CT11, Facebook, Violet CT11. Now, I'll be honest with you, this has been sent by my mum, her friend Mel's coffee shop, and that's all she's been given. I'm going to have to Google it myself.

50:48It's in Ramsgate. Oh, lovely Ramsgate. Coffee and flower shop in Ramsgate called Violets. Pop in. You might see my mum in there. Yeah, little treat. Violets in Ramsgate. Get yourself down there for a coffee and a flower shop.

50:59Josh Widdicombe:Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the podcast. I've listened for a few years despite having no children. Your voices keep me company when I'm running. I'd like to shout out my partner's window cleaning business, window cleaner near me he services homes across north wales and you can see an instant free quote online by visiting www.windowcleanernearme.co.uk i can't believe that was still available he's an early adopter he's recently expanded and taken on his first employee so this shout out will be hugely appreciated keep being great thank you georgia from lanifid lanifid i just don't go for anymore. It's too hard.

51:35Josh Widdicombe:Just spell it out loud. In North Wales. Please try and pronounce this. I just did. How do you spell it? Double L. Yeah, always. A-N. Yeah. E-double F. Yeah. Y-double D. Lambda-fifu. Lambda-fifu. Yeah. Lambda-fifu. Goodbye. Bye.