In short
Parenting Hell episode with comedian Alan Davies discussing modern parenting realities, fame’s impact on his childhood and adulthood, and how he’s processed past trauma through writing while raising his kids. He also talks about family life around sports, phones/internet safety, and taking teenagers to major events like Taylor Swift at Wembley.
Guest backgrounds
Alan Davies is a British comedian and actor best known for Jonathan Creek. He has written Just Ignore Him and White Male Stand Up, which draw on his childhood experiences, including abuse, and were developed through a creative writing course at Goldsmiths.
Key claims
Alan says his decade-long career gap (2001–2011) was a “mistake” tied to mental health and finances, and that writing helped him face the past and become a calmer parent. He claims his kids haven’t read his books yet, but they’re aware of his history through growing up and online information.
Notable examples
Alan describes being heckled at The Comedy Store (including “perm” jokes), using season tickets to get kids into Arsenal/football matches, strict phone rules for a 10-year-old, and the logistical chaos of leaving Wembley after Taylor Swift. He also recounts anonymous readers contacting him after his abuse-focused book.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOListener Introduction and Parenting Woes
0:47 to 1:14
A listener shares their experience and compliments the hosts.
“Did you know Lululemon's iconic Flow Eye bra also comes in tank top styles and even a dress?”
Listener Introduction and Parenting Woes
1:41 to 2:27
A listener shares their experience and compliments the hosts.
“Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.”
Discussion of Names and Their Meanings
2:27 to 4:36
Rob and Josh discuss the names Rafferty and Saxon, and their implications.
“episodes for long car journeys, especially from Liverpool to Ripon to visit Rafi's grandparents.”
Rob's South Africa Experience
4:36 to 8:42
Rob shares his experience of flying alone to South Africa at a young age.
“How long was the plane from South Africa?”
Humorous Anecdotes and Christmas Preparations
8:42 to 10:55
Rob and Josh share funny anecdotes and talk about Christmas preparations.
“Did you used to watch How Do They Do That?”
Alan Davies' Tour and Career Reflections
11:46 to 14:00
Alan discusses his current tour and reflects on his career decisions.
“I'm back on tour, I was in Folkestone on Saturday night And it was great Last night out before the tour starts was it?”
The Comedy Store Experience
14:00 to 16:42
Alan shares his memories of performing at the Comedy Store and the challenges that came with sudden fame.
“and it turned out to be just a tsunami of quite well-intended interruptions.”
The Writing Journey
16:42 to 17:50
Discussion about Alan's writing process and how it impacted his life and career.
“you know, or what the consequences might be.”
Parenting Reflections
17:50 to 20:36
Alan discusses the influence of his upbringing on his parenting style and family dynamics.
“1-800-CONTACTS No, so what I was going to say is I literally bought this.”
Fame and Family Life
20:36 to 22:44
Exploration of how fame has affected Alan's relationship with his children and how he balances work and family.
“They know you, Josh, because they've met you, of course.”
Show all 27 chapters
The Impact of Abuse
22:44 to 28:01
Alan opens up about his past experiences with abuse and how it shaped his writing and personal relationships.
“Sit down with Katie at the end of a day.”
Navigating Family Conversations About Abuse
28:01 to 30:50
Learn how Alan Davies discusses sensitive topics with his children.
“Oh, God, there are all sorts of weird little things, I mean, including where I was born and what my kids were called.”
The Impact of Google on Kids
30:51 to 34:28
Explore how searching online affects children's perceptions and privacy.
“I thought you were going to say that there was a kid touring or something.”
Sporting Events and Parenting Dynamics
34:29 to 37:00
Discover the challenges of attending sports events with children.
“And he's good at it too, which really helps.”
Sporting Events and Parenting Dynamics
37:16 to 40:35
Discover the challenges of attending sports events with children.
“just no one would know who he was well it's difficult to explain that to a child who doesn't know who Steve Davis is imagine being excited about seeing coloured balls That's it.”
Sporting Events and Parenting Dynamics
40:38 to 41:18
Discover the challenges of attending sports events with children.
“Listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling?”
The Reality of Pre-Match Parenting
41:19 to 42:00
Understand the logistics of taking kids to football matches.
“I'm not a pre-match drinker, so that doesn't come into it, but what usually happens is Katie will come and collect them.”
Family and Football: Balancing Interests
42:00 to 43:51
Exploring the dynamics of family life and shared interests in football.
“You're normally in the pub driven this bit.”
Navigating Teenage Relationships
43:51 to 45:53
Discussing the challenges of maintaining relationships with teenagers.
Concert Experiences with Kids
45:53 to 47:50
Sharing stories about attending concerts with children and the challenges involved.
“So I took her to a couple of them but now she wants to go.”
Wembley Stadium Challenges
47:50 to 49:59
Discussing the logistical challenges of attending large events at Wembley.
“And then I thought, well, this is going to be hellish getting to the tube.”
Celebrity Encounters and Parenting
49:59 to 52:06
Reflections on how to handle celebrity encounters in front of children.
“Very impressive, quite like that sort of more indie style of music.”
Returning to Stand-Up Comedy
52:06 to 54:24
Alan Davies discusses his return to stand-up comedy after a decade.
“She says, there's any way you can get me on QI.”
Authenticity in Stand-Up Comedy
54:24 to 56:04
The importance of authenticity and personal experiences in modern stand-up.
“but you've never really spoken about the abuse on stage, have you?”
Alan Davies Reflects on His Career and Audience
56:04 to 57:26
Alan shares his experience connecting with his audience over the years.
“audience and there's a lot of gray hairs in the audience and i know that they are going through all kinds of experiences not dissimilar you know life's ups and downs isn't it so they've come with me.”
Parenting Insights: Alan's Wife and Orthodontics
57:26 to 59:15
Alan discusses his wife's dedication to their children's dental care and its costs.
“Well, no one had anything to do, so I was quite happy to come on.”
Reflections on Alan's Books and Life Journey
59:15 to 1:00:31
The hosts reflect on Alan's books and the inspiration behind his journey.
“You know, that episode of The Simpsons where they do the book of British teeth.”
Transcript
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1:20Alan Davies:Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Widdicombe. Welcome to Parenting Hell, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So to make ourselves and hopefully you feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping. Or hopefully how they're not coping. And we'll also be hearing from you, the listener, with your tips, advice and of course tales of parenting woe. Because let's be honest, there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.
1:53Alan Davies:Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Rafferty, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Good boy. There we go. Lovely stuff. Hello, this is my son Rafferty's attempt at saying your names. I particularly like how much Widdicombe sounds like Wigglebum. Rafi was 23 months at the time of this recording, but it took me a few months in bracket six to send it. I love the podcast and usually save up episodes for long car journeys, especially from Liverpool to Ripon to visit Rafi's grandparents. Thanks for having all the laugh. And can I also say Josh and my brother Tim are clones of each other in every way.
2:40Poor old Tim. Loads of love and thanks for being so sexy and relatable. Lucy in Liverpool, originally from York.
2:48Alan Davies:Rippin. Rippin in York. Rafferty. I like Rafferty, but I struggle with Raffi. Raff. It's a hard name to shorten, isn't it? I like Rafferty. I think one of the great Plymouth Argyle players was called Billy Rafferty. There you go. Yeah, but there's a first name, Raffi. I thought it was short for Raphael. I didn't know what it was short for. I think I'd go Ralph to shorten for Raffi. Ralph. Well, there we go. anything's allowed anything's allowed there's a kid there's a people in my front row and I was talking about their kids I went what's your kid's called they went Saxon and Siena and I went and I was like I was a bit of a thought I went tell you what Siena dodged a bullet there didn't she she was going to be called Viking we used to have a Plymouth to bring it back to Plymouth had a player called Saxon Early recently Saxon Early Saxon Early Saxon Early That's why I say to Lou on a mini break, Saxon early tonight before we go out.
3:49Alan Davies:So we're not too tired and drunk later. Now, what I said on the gig as well, I quite like the name Saxon and Sax for short. But then the second kid, I think you've got to go a bit out there as well. Sienna's too normal. Yeah. Because if you go Saxon and maybe like, you know, Saoirse or whatever. Is Sienna one of those names where there's one famous person with that name, so you instantly think of that? Sienna Miller? yeah but not anymore i don't think she's that known anymore she's she was she's not been as as in the public eye at the moment i like i like both names i feel like they clash together doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like it no saxon and saoirse but saxon and sienna it's like oh so why did you do one normal name and then one day like are you wacky or not because also if you do i get if you do the youngest of a bit more out there name yeah i get that because you built your confidence up through the first name it's when you go wacky first and then the second's normally like have you lost your bottle here what are you are you different or not have you got personality exactly exactly rob anyway um anyway um anyway shall we talk about me going to south africa on my own we've never covered it i don't think we probably covered it so we didn't promise it you got taken to south africa by your nan for a few weeks yeah and then she dropped you at the airport to just go home alone yes but it was how old were you i'd have been 10 and did you have a chaperone on the plane or just yeah the the plane staff they do that they they kind of i don't know if they still do but it was like agreed with the plane start that it was like a it's a service i suppose do you know what i mean so is there someone in the airport with you that is looking after you until you get on the plane memory of that i'm literally no memory of i can't believe that i had to get to the gate that would that would be insane maybe it's the same way as you know when you go if you're in a wheelchair you get taken with like the accessibility either and they'll they make sure you're all at the right place i must have been handed over to ba did your nan put you in a wheelchair and tell them that you couldn't walk oh yeah yeah that was that was the other thing yeah so there must have been people at the airport that were in charge of getting but then it's like surely they've got you've got to be a bit like cb cb cb check what's the word to make sure you're not okay though i don't know in 1994 you didn't have CB checks, did you?
6:07I don't know. It was the worst time, Rob. And you just sat on the plane.
6:11Alan Davies:What did you do for 12? Did you watch telly? Was there a telly or did you read? How long was the plane from South Africa? 12 hours. No, it can't be. It was overnight. Yeah, so it's like a long one. So you're just going to bed alone on a plane at 10? I would have been in economy as well. I was in economy. That's scarier than... That's scarier than day. It felt totally normal. I would shit my pants if I was on a plane overnight. Would you? Yeah. I used to cry on sleepovers. I hated sleepovers. Yeah, but I wasn't a pussy. Also, you can't ring your mum to go home. You're in the air. Exactly, yeah.
6:50Alan Davies:You're going home. You're on the way home. I want to go home. You're going. Where are you going? You're going home. You don't remember it wasn't bad. It was just... No, it was just... I just don't remember. I remember them in the morning. the one thing because obviously the thing that you remember is always like not shame but like even small amounts of shame of the thing i remember them saying i'll go and brush your teeth before you get off the plane oh you know you feel bad you haven't done it i don't know i didn't have my toothbrush oh because do you take your toothbrush on a plane no no so i just went i remember going to the toilet and just standing there yeah in the toilet and then coming out and saying I brush my teeth.
7:32Sometimes I take them for a long, long one.
7:33Alan Davies:If I'm going to Australia, I'd pack one. Yeah, yeah. But if it was just a normal, even America for eight hours, I wouldn't pack a two. No, exactly. Normally they have them if you ask, don't they? If you ask politely as a child. I mean, you're 10. Can you get one from the posh seats? I'm 10. I'm 10. Yes, so it was totally, it was a non-event, Rob. Really? And then I read Matthew Perry's book and it was the defining moment of his life. that he got taken from Canada to America. And he talks about how that was totally traumatic for him. What, without his parents? Yeah. Do you think maybe it's subconsciously traumatic for you?
8:14No, I'm trying. I'm trying to find some drama, but there's just none there. Really, there's no drama. It's absolutely fine. Have you? Do write in. Have you been put on a plane at a young age and did it make any difference to your life? And did you get sent out? How does it work? Was there a chaperone? How does it work? Yeah, in the mid-90s, how does it work? There we go. How does it work now? How does it work now? Just how does it work with Josh and Rob? How the fuck does it work? Did you used to watch How Do They Do That? No, what's that? Des Lynam. Oh, it's fucking brilliant. Fucking love that show.
8:51So Des Lynam and someone else would host it. And they'd just tell you how things worked. so they'd be they'd do loads of different ones and they'd be really random so it'd be like how does air traffic control work followed by how does the sewage system work followed by computers how's the internet gonna work it was called how do they do that how how do they deliver your post in one day from glasgow to london how do they get a letter to the right address des linem was he a normal tv presenter that ended up on match of the day
9:25Alan Davies:No, this was his spin-off. Wow, what a way to spin. Yeah. What a way to spin. Too right, too right. Josh, I've got a funny name for you that someone sent in. Go on. Hello, you slags. I went to a school with a girl called Hannah Partridge. That's all right. It seemed normal enough until the festives even began, and she would constantly be bombarded with chants of Hannah Partridge in a pear tree. Oh, Hannah Partridge in a pear tree. That's really good. Hannah Partridge in a pear tree. You know it's coming as well.
9:57Alan Davies:Hannah Partridge yeah oh god that is that is absolutely brilliant Hannah Partridge in a pear tree how was it like because you don't see it until that happens you can't blame the parents can you imagine that like excitement in the school assembly as everyone turns to Hannah oh my god and just says Hannah Partridge in a pear tree oh my god I love singing that song yeah is it your favourite do you like Five Gold Rings bit Five Gold yeah I do yeah yeah I really do like shouting it. Yeah. Four chattel does three French hens, two calling birds. Hannah Partridge in a pear tree. Thank you for the pod.
10:35Got it in my way for Christmas.
10:38Alan Davies:Thank you for the pod. Been listening since, I love Christmas, since day one. Fucking so good. And we had our son, Corey, on October 2020. So it's been a good guy to remember nobody knows what they are doing. Keep it sexy and relatable. When are you getting the tree this year, Rob? Trees going up mid-November. I'm wondering when we're going to go to Magic Christmas on the radio. You're going to need new decorations for your home. I know, Rob. Well, we've brought them with us. You've got space for a big, big tree. Are you going to get a real one or a fake one? Oh, real. Love the smell. Yeah, but I think you get a big...
11:10No, we're getting a real.
11:11Alan Davies:No, but a big, big fake one and then get more than one. Yeah, more than one real one. No. No, but the big, big one, you won't be able to move it on your own. Right. You need to get a big, big bump that's fake. Rob, I lift. No, Rose lifts. Rob, I lift. What do you lift? Trees. What's your bench press record? Don't know. 50? 50 what? KGs. That's pretty good. I don't know. I don't know. I have to guess my bench press record. Shall we bring the guest on? Yeah, go on then. Here's the guest. Welcome back to Alan Davis. Alan, you're back again, we've had you before So many years ago, so many years ago
11:56Rob Beckett:So many years ago, I think it was during Covid When you had a legitimate excuse for doing this Yes, as opposed to a contractual obligation Yeah, but it's good that all three of us are contractually obliged to make it work again Very happy to
12:11Alan Davies:How are you Alan, good? You're back on tour aren't you?
12:14Rob Beckett:I'm back on tour, I was in Folkestone on Saturday night And it was great Last night out before the tour starts was it? Just let your hair down No, I was actually performing in the Leescliff Hall, which I'm sure you're both familiar with. You go in the dressing room and you look out the window and it feels like you're in the sea. The English Channel is outside your window. And then you go the other direction and there's about 1 ,000 people sitting there and they were great. This is your first tour in a decade. First tour in a decade. And I have been gigging, but I haven't been touring. Yeah. Because you had a big gap before then, didn't you, as well?
12:46Rob Beckett:I had a gap between 2001 and 2011. and that was a mistake, that gap. What was that mistake? That was a career mistake, a mental health mistake, a financial mistake. I shouldn't have taken that massive decade-long sabbatical. Why did you? Could I just say at this stage, Rob is planning a decade-long sabbatical. Yeah, that's really panicked me, the sabbatical.
13:17Alan Davies:Fuck you kids, let's talk about the sabbatical.
13:20Rob Beckett:forget about kids no it's good to have breaks it's definitely good to have time away from it it's not good to not keep your hand in you've got to do a gig every two or three months oh so you did absolutely nothing
13:33Alan Davies:because mine comes from the touring not from the odd appearance and was that we will come to your book I'm halfway through it you've just got the job on Jonathan Craig don't tell me how that goes Josh I've not read that bit of the book yet I don't know how it's going to go. So from 2001 to 2011, did you have kids at that point, Alan?
13:53Rob Beckett:Good question. My first child, Susie, was born in 2009. Right. I mean, part of the reason was I did some gigs and people were getting a bit overexcited about me being on television and I didn't really have any new material and I thought I could just wing it, you know, like the old days. and it turned out to be just a tsunami of quite well-intended interruptions. Yeah. This was late night at the Comedy Store, so you're sort of asking for it, really, aren't you? People have had a drink and whatever. Abbey National related, am I right? A little bit of Abbey National stuff, a little bit of people shouting out that I'd had a perm.
14:30Rob Beckett:For the record, lads, I've never had a perm, but it seemed like a funny joke to make in an advert to suggest that I had had a perm. and being with the Abbey National was beneficial for my hair. It made banking so stress-free. And it was quite a funny advert. And John Lloyd at the end shouted out, perm, off camera, and I react badly. Why was that John Lloyd? That was John Lloyd's voice. And then I got on in the comedy store and half the people were going, perm, perm. And they were asking me if I'd shag Caroline Quentin and really nice, polite inquiries like that. During the gig? During the gig.
15:06Rob Beckett:For the record, lads, no, that's not true. But thanks, Alan, because both of us were thinking, can we ask? I was hoping Rob would do the dirty work, but you've done it for me, Alan.
15:20Alan Davies:Yeah, pre-emptive. So it was basically avoided all the heckles and the attention, because, you know, you're super famous now, because I say fame's a bit like the stock market. It goes up and crashes and comes back again. So it's like that must have been peak, peak for you, where, like, it was non-stop.
15:34Rob Beckett:Well, also, in those days, I mean, it's hard to sort of remember it, really, but there was no internet, right? So there's no internet. There's none of this stuff. There's no YouTube. There's just telly. And so if you want to amuse yourself, as you remember in the 90s, you had to turn the telly on. And if what was on was on, that's what you watched, right? Unless you could add 50 quid to spend on buying a video. Yeah. And so if you're in the Abbey National ads, as I was, then you're on in halftime in Coronation Street and Emmerdale, and they're getting 15 to 20 million viewers each. And Blind Date on the weekend, that's another 15 million people have seen you.
16:10Rob Beckett:And they've been forced to watch you because there's nothing else. And they don't even like that. They don't like it. They think, who's this git? Get off, get out of the way. You can't pause live TV in those days. Yeah. Fame was a different kettle of fish. The numbers were much higher. Jonathan Crete was 12 million viewers, you know.
16:27Alan Davies:Bloody hell.
16:28Rob Beckett:It went overnight. it went from just having a bit of a laugh and enjoying doing stand-up to this life-changing, you kind of cashed in your anonymity without really anyone from HR talking you through how that's going to feel, you know, or what the consequences might be. I'm reading the book and it's absolutely brilliant. It couldn't be, I mean, Alan, it couldn't be more for me if you made it 1 ,000 pages long. I'll send you all the bits that I cut out. if you could button this material on Patreon or whatever it's so good right it's brilliant it's honest you write so well like it's not just a book by a comedian it's a proper book I'm lapping this up say some more things oh I've got some stuff
17:16Alan Davies:the book previously you went on a creative writing course is that right so you could do the story in the book it's not just you know You've thrown your hat in the ring. You've actually put the academic time in. Is that correct, Mr Davies?
17:31Rob Beckett:Well, that is correct, Mr Beckett.
17:35Alan Davies:I've never called you that, have you? Never in my life, no. I've never been caught. No, Beckett, you f***. Spank me that. Honestly, if I walk around the streets where I live, I Beckett, you f***, that's it. Rob is the 2025 version of the Abbey National advert, basically. later.
18:20Rob Beckett:That's the science of WOW. Colgate Optic White.
Read the full transcript
18:49to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS No, so what I was going to say is I literally bought this. I started reading it on Saturday. I've tried to fit in some parenting, but I've been reading the book. Normally, Alan, I'll read about 20 pages for this, these interviews, but I'm loving it.
19:07Alan Davies:In full transparency, I've chat GPT'd what's in it, but I have ordered it. It's full transparency. Chat GPT's got me covered. I bought it in Kings Lynn Waterstones. So if you see a... Here we go. arriving by one o 'clock today so three hours late alan davis book and shane warne's book there you go spoiler we're not interviewing shane warne
19:32i've got some bad news rob that interview's been canned i didn't realize until reading it in my head because i had witnessed this and maybe because i was a fan of comedy like i was really interested in all the comedians i knew who you were before jonathan creek in my head you're a much bigger deal before Jonathan Creek, but actually reading the book, it's a mad change in your life, right? Because you are a kind of, you're a bubbling onto TV a bit kind of comedian.
20:00Rob Beckett:I've done a couple of I Got News for You. I've done a Clive James and a Des O 'Connor. These are the slots you could do in those days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're 10, 12 million viewers. You can be spotted. You've done The Last Resort. Jonathan Ross. So you did Jonathan Ross. I've done Jonathan Ross and I've done a bits and pieces. but no Jonathan Crete was definitely a big change I suppose we should mention your kids are they a coming to see you on tour and b do you want them to read your book how old are they now sorry Alan they're 15 14 and 10 right no they haven't read the books although the books when I say the books well I'm talking about Just Ignore Him which I wrote was five years ago and White Male Stand Up the new book which is I sort of think as part two it kind of follows on in a lot of ways I wrote them for them yeah because I think there's a lot of stuff that went on when I was a child particularly with my father there's a whole abuse story which is a large part of just ignore him but then following into white male stand-up where I become a stand-up comedian and I start working and carrying that childhood with me instead of as I previously thought being able to leave it behind as if the past was somewhere else and you could head to the future you know now realize that yeah well it's not gonna have any impact on who I am and also what sort of a parent I am what sort of a parent I am to my kids and what I didn't want was my father kind of acting on my children through me I wanted to try as much as I could to prevent that happening and I was very aware that the kind of person that I became after my childhood was going to have some sort of negative impact on them and on my marriage and trying to sort those things out and organize them and go through really kind of turning around and facing the past and trying to deal with it and trying to turn it into something yeah and both of the books really you've kind of learned about yourself as you write can see yourself in a different way you realize a lot of your memories are inaccurate or blurred and being able to kind of organize your thoughts and your feelings and your emotions and katie my wife's read both the books as I was writing them and they're very helpful I think for her as well so I think they've been profoundly beneficial I hope for my own family and the kids I'm sure will read them when they're older my stand-up I think they would be appalled they really like David O'Doherty and I think that shows outstanding taste they're big fans of you Rob they're big fans of you because they love you and Romesh being absolute dickheads with people and doing stupid things.
22:36Rob Beckett:But they love it, you know. They know you, Josh, because they've met you, of course. They've met me. And so they like comedians and they like comedy. We never watch QI. Can you imagine? Sit down with Katie at the end of a day. What should we watch? And it goes, dun-dun-dun. Dun-dun-dun. And there's footstools gone through the screen before that's coming on.
22:58Alan Davies:I can't watch myself back at all. I've been sat there with the kids watching myself with absolute dread. Oh, my God. They're not doing that with you then on QI. Jesus. No. Jonathan Creek, though, it must be like watching a different person for them.
23:09Rob Beckett:It is. And I think that's one of the things I talk about in the book is the person that I was on stage, particularly when I was a younger stand-up, the person I was off stage, two very different people. And it's quite a facade you're putting on. Yeah. And I wasn't really, you know, tackling the issues in my comedy. I was just trying to think of anything that was funny, talking a lot about my cats, you know. Yeah, which is a shame because you're talking to two comedians that are dealing with big issues in their stand-up. So we find it a shame when you just get these people that go on and do rubbish observational stuff about day-to-day life.
23:42Alan Davies:All the journalists that keep coming to my shows with their notebooks and people weeping really put me off my flow. He tells another story about his dad and mum.
23:56Alan Davies:So you didn't take that break because you had kids at that point. and it was more like the effect of the fame and you wanted a bit of distance from the crowd. Writing these books and having your kids, has it impacted the way you've parented then, as opposed to sort of confronting what's happened in the past and understanding it, but like sort of day-to-day kind of stuff? Are you working less or are you having more deep conversations with them? How do you reckon it's manifested?
24:15Rob Beckett:Hopefully I'm less cross. There's less outbursts and general kind of snappiness and a few less hangovers and previously well-trodden paths towards coping strategies It's not so good when you're a parent as hell, when you're living on your own and you can snore until 2pm. Yeah. I can't do that anymore. But when I was off stand-up, Katie and I met in 2005, and by 2006 I didn't want to do anything anymore. This is how I sorted out my work-life balance, was I stopped working. Then I found the balance was really good. And we went to Thailand for a month, you know, and that sort of thing. We had a really nice year and we got married and still wasn't really mad for working.
25:02Rob Beckett:I was slightly put off. I did a couple of drama series for ITV, which were very long hours, and they paid me a lot of money, but it meant I had to be in every single scene. I felt like death warmed up about halfway through. And I didn't really know what I wanted to do. So also all the time when I was thinking about maybe doing some writing or something, my childhood stories were always in my head. And so by the time when I did what you were talking about, Rob, when I went to Goldsmiths College and did a creative writing course. See, I never really thought from that that I would write a book from it.
25:33Rob Beckett:I thought, but I did want to try and get into what was bothering me, which was really my father mainly, and be able to write about that. And I submitted a bit of writing on that course. When you submit something towards your master's, you have to do so anonymously. You put a student number on it. They don't know who's written it when they're marking it, in other words. and that's when I first wrote about my father and that that piece of writing became a chapter called hands which is in just ignore him and then I started to the feedback was very positive and I realized that these people were going to help me with it that they were going to read my stuff they're going to be supportive my tutor is a guy called Ardushir Vakil is known as Ardushir wonderful man and he said to me you seem to be trying to do your best writing you seem to be reconstructing these sentences and paragraphs and and it doesn't sound like you and you've been a comedian for 30 years you've got a voice that you speak with and you use why not try and use that voice in your writing you know keep it closer to you and that was good advice and then he said to me write the stuff that makes you cry right as if no one's going to read it yeah and so i did and that was quite harrowing and now the book's upset a lot of people yeah yeah i mean i've not
26:46Alan Davies:read your new one but just ignore it is very full-on isn't it obviously you know you talk about sort of abuse in a sort of throwaway term and it was incredibly horrendous what happened to you I think that's something you can all agree and you know everyone in their family I find looks forward and goes well how can I change the way I was parented to my kids and it can range from what happened to you just to oh my dad was a bit snappy on a Saturday sometimes and I don't want to be doing that to my kids but I think it's a theme everyone wants to follow is where they reflect on their childhood and then want to change things going forward but this is like to do this is so I think impressive and I think you talk about it in quite a casual way but it's quite remarkable that you're doing in such a public forum and I think I read that you had loads of people coming up to you anonymously saying that they had similar experiences but have been never been able to talk about it or communicate.
27:32Rob Beckett:Rob it happened to me this morning I was walking the dog and this guy I saw a guy jogging I thought he looks familiar and it was a parent from my daughter's primary school and his daughter was in her class they were friends and he'd come to a book event i did last week and he said that his wife had had similar experiences and she'd read the book and got a lot out of it and that sort of thing has happened quite a lot and it means a lot to me it means a lot to me that people are finding it beneficial and helpful and maybe opening up a little bit to their own family and friends or therapists or whoever they choose to talk to of go but still at the same time because i'm a comedian i still want to say yeah that's lovely but did you like any of the funny bits
28:23Rob Beckett:i mean i'll put some jokes in once you've sort of wiped away you've used up a box of tissues yeah yeah it was really funny as well though wasn't it is it the funniest book you've ever read about abuse i wouldn't be surprised i don't know if you do this with your own books but if you go on that amazon amazon have so many different charts yeah i was number one in child abuse biographies for a quite long time you know you could be in the comedy television chart the actors biography chart i was in the opera singers chart for a while i don't know what the algorithm did there must be an opera call just ignoring or something i don't know and so have you spoken to your kids about it do you mind me also any of these just say fuck off i don't want to answer that we can move on to other stuff in a minute a bit more light no but the weird thing is of course the kids are goo here and i don't have any control over wikipedia i'm in fact i'm banned from my own wikipedia page for trying to correct factual inaccuracies really they're very against that on wikipedia no you may not correct this factual inaccuracy even though it's about you what was In fact, he was trying to correct.
29:30Rob Beckett:Oh, God, there are all sorts of weird little things, I mean, including where I was born and what my kids were called. But someone has seen career things as well. You've got a lovely picture on Wikipedia. Have I? It's really, it's blocked. Yeah, yeah, sorry. You're in a 1982 World Cup England shirt with the colours across. Yes, yes. It looks like you're in a knock-off version of one of them. You're having a lovely time. That was from us making podcasts with two, there's a really good podcast called Bantam's Banter. Oh, yeah, Tom and Dom. I know those guys. We do podcasts in the World Cup.
30:02Alan Davies:They always come to my shows in York. They are Yorkshire lads.
30:05Rob Beckett:That was from 2014. So that's as recent as Wikipedia are prepared to go with photographs. So the kids are Googling you now. Well, the youngest one Googles himself, and he's already been annoyed because he's found a website that's got his birthday wrong. You Google that age nine, and I said, this is a good life lesson for you. Never, ever, ever Google yourself. Just don't ever do that. It always ends in tears. My daughter turned 16 in December and they asked me a little bit and they've spoken to me a little bit because they became aware that we didn't see my dad at all for the last six years of his life and they had to say something.
30:44Alan Davies:It's awkward because it's not very often that it's also laid out in a book somewhere that they can find online at a younger age. You know what I mean? It's sort of more...
30:51Rob Beckett:I'm just a little bit conscious that... Oh, yeah, Sharon McLean is here. is he's got the Hoover going. I thought you were going to say that there was a kid touring or something. You do try to talk about that. Kids have just written in the background reading a book about... I'm just going to... I'll be back in a minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No worries.
31:11Alan Davies:There's a peak Alan Davis background. You can see the Arsenal shirt in the background. I know. Whose do you think it is? Ian Wright? Long sleeve. That looks like a... Who'd wear long sleeve? Merce? I don't know if Bird Camp War J... That might be a Bird Camp long sleeve. I don't think Birdkamp or JVC. We're trying to work out if that is an ex-player's Arsenal shirt behind you you've got framed or just one from a certain season.
31:32Rob Beckett:That is the 98 double season and it's all the players' autographs. I didn't realise they were still with JVC at that point. I thought I was in a Birdkamp one. Yeah. So your daughter I've met was so nice to my daughter when we went to the cricket. We went to the 100. They love the 100. They loved The 100. Mick Jagger turned up. It was something else. Yeah, but they weren't excited about Mick Jagger. They were excited about there was a lad there who's in Harry Potter. Oh, yeah.
32:04Alan Davies:I forget his name. That's a black spot in my cultural knowledge is Harry Potter. I've never read it. I've never watched it. I haven't read those. I've seen most of the films because the kids watch them.
32:12Rob Beckett:Yeah. Malfoy, is he the boy? Draco Malfoy? It wasn't Draco. Blonde one? Maybe it was. Three blokes. I remember Harry Potter characters. Anyway, they saw him and they immediately thought, Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's Harry Potter. We've got to get a photo. And then he left. Oh, no, we didn't get a photo. We didn't get a photo. Listen, calm down. Mick Jagger's there.
32:34Do you take your kids to a lot of things, Alan? Do you enjoy the perks of those kind of things?
32:40Rob Beckett:Well, I don't get that many, honestly. I got that opportunity because of my friendship with Stephen Fry, which I maintain largely by text message about the cricket. We only really contact about cricket or he loves watching the darts and the snooker as well. Yeah. I think if Fred Truman was still doing indoor league, we'd be actually addicts, the pair of us. Oh, my God. They should bring that back. Becky, you'd be great for indoor league. What's indoor league? Oh, my God, you'd love it. Indoor league was hosted by Fred Truman, Fiery Fred, the Yorkshire Fast Bowler, very dour, and it was basically pub games.
33:14Yeah.
33:15Rob Beckett:Darts and they'd have skittles. And that was it. It was indoor, and they would say, I'll sit there at the end of every... I feel like I should be hosting that, never mind watching it.
33:24Alan Davies:That's got to be written all over, isn't it? Rob Beckett's Indoor League. It's more face than Stone Island badge, Rob Beckett.
33:31Rob Beckett:No, what we'd do, we'd set up a pub, and then you'd be a comedy character outside with a kind of whelk stool. Yes. Yes. Harry Enfield would have done that. And we'd see the contestants outside getting a pint of cockles or something and then chatting to you. Yes. The other thing I used to do, do you remember this, Josh? They used to do arm wrestling, didn't they, on that? Oh, yeah. I'd love to. Well, I've only watched clips. It was before. So I've watched clips because they featured it in Fantasy Football League. And then since, I've gone back and watched it on YouTube. And it's, Rob, everything is brown.
34:03Every different type of, like, it just looks, it's incredible.
34:07Alan Davies:Anyway. Taking your kids to stuff. So you took them cricket. Did they come to the football with you as well? Were they into sport? Because obviously you love sport and watching.
34:13Rob Beckett:My two boys, we went to see Arsenal-Manchester City yesterday and my two boys came to that. And how is that going, taking your boys to the football? Do they like it? The youngest one is absolutely mad for it. And he's mad for cricket as well. And he plays cricket and he loves it. And he's good at it too, which really helps. He can actually bowl. He bowls me out all the time. The other day he got me out, LBW caught behind and bowled in three successive balls. And each one he celebrates like Dennis Lilley in the ashes. And I love to see him doing that, and he hasn't got a phone yet. How old is he?
34:49Rob Beckett:He's 10. Yeah. He thinks he's going to get a phone when he goes to secondary school because that's what his older siblings got. But now Katie's discovered that you can now get them a phone that has messages, photos, and maps on it and no internet. He's dreading the day he's going to get one of these things. He doesn't want to be protected. he wants to be exposed to the internet wants to be as vulnerable as possible yeah our feeling is that the older two children just fell through some gap between the invention of the internet and the realization yeah kids could be groomed on there and they're so vulnerable and it's so dangerous and there was this kind of wild west period which is exactly when my teenagers have grown up in and now that there seems to be some legislation being mooted and some changes made and you know at least now you have to prove you're 18 if you want to watch Pornhub I mean that seems like that seems like the minimum that's happened yeah
35:55Alan Davies:but I think that because they're trying to say now that it's more the social media apps is more the problem than having an actual phone because like messaging but then there is the whatsapp groups and the bullying in schools and all that so it's like you're right in the middle of all that with your teenagers and a 10 year old how across checking their messages are you with the
36:14Rob Beckett:older ones do you do that or just leave them to it's very very difficult you hope that the school's all over it telling them all the time about the dangers the parents are constantly at them get off your phone get off your phone you can't have it in your bedroom this is our rule in our house But, you know, if you are being bullied, it's in your pocket. You know, never mind dreading going to school. You're dreading to walk to school when you turn your phone on. Oh, God. It's just modern parenting, isn't it? Katie and I didn't have it. They cannot understand. My tenure literally cannot understand that I did not have a PS5 as a kid.
36:45Rob Beckett:That makes no sense to him at all. He's like, what did you do? I remember my parents talking about getting a television when they were kids for the first time, and I was like, this is fucking wild. like they didn't have a TV and that's now what we are
37:01Alan Davies:it might explain why they're all completely fucking mental that generation
37:08Alan Davies:in Foxwatch, Coronation Street and Alan in an avi-assi-a-suit
37:11Rob Beckett:well it's very hard to explain to them that if it wasn't for colour television no one would know who Steve Davis is just no one would know who he was well it's difficult to explain that to a child who doesn't know who Steve Davis is
37:24Alan Davies:imagine being excited about seeing coloured balls
37:26Rob Beckett:That's it. Oh, my God. You can see the different colours. Look at this. Quick. I remember us getting a colour telly. And I can remember the excitement of being able to watch the British Grand Prix on the television and know which the cars were. You couldn't tell the difference between the cars before. And then all they were were high-speed cigarette packets. You know, there was a B &H and a Rothmans and a Marlborough. Yeah. A Peter Stiver suit car flying around. The John Players. They were all cigarette packets. And what year would you have got a colour TV? Mid-70s. would it be? Mid-70s. But you still had to get up and go across the room to change the channel.
38:00Actually, the other day I was saying, I remember when we got a remote control for our TV and my dad making a thing of, this is it, isn't it? People are now too lazy to walk to their television to change the channel. This is what humanity has come to. It's there. And we're not willing to walk to that.
38:22Rob Beckett:Yeah. But I mean, that literally was true because sometimes you would just stick with the programme because nobody could be arsed to go and turn around. Basically, you were either a BBC house or an ITV house. You either watched Blue Peter or you watched Magpie. You didn't watch both channels. No. Jesus.
38:40Alan Davies:It's mad, isn't it, in that one generation how much it's changed. Yeah, and so it's very difficult to foresee what the next decade will be. When you take the kids to the football, obviously you've got your season tickets with your mates that you've had for years. So the difficulty is when your kids get older, you can't just magic up two seats next to you in that section. And then sometimes when they're young, you have to go to the awful family stand, which everyone hates to go to, just screaming kids and chaos. How do you get them in then? Or what's, you just wait when there's a gap with your mates or have you moved?
39:10Rob Beckett:Well, I've got six season tickets. Oh, so you own all six of those? I own six season tickets. And then next to us, there's another five tickets that are owned by friends. And so people use my tickets. And so you can just transfer them. You just transfer the water. Right, okay. So if two of your friends had to be delivered the bad news that they've been replaced with a younger model. A younger Mipho baby. One of the people who did have one of my season tickets for a while was Romish Ranganathan, and he would have a season ticket for a while. He never went. He came three times in about four seasons.
39:45Rob Beckett:So we haven't heard from him on the WhatsApp group for years since he made his last million. I don't know what's happened to him. I don't know what's happened to that bloke. That one's always spare. Is he still paying for it? No. I do it on a game-by-game basis. But when we moved to the Emirates, I bought these bonds, which entitle you to a ticket. That was how I got those tickets. And so that's what we do. It does mean, if we're playing Manchester City, they'll have to break the bad news on the WhatsApp group. Sorry if the kids want to come. And now, as they're getting older, they want to come all the time.
40:19Alan Davies:They'll have boyfriends and girlfriends. They want to bring their partners now. You make Keith Dover just say.
40:25Rob Beckett:He'll put a message up and say, I'll fall on my sword. He goes, he doesn't mean that. He's furious.
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41:04Alan Davies:How about a creamy mocha frappuccino drink? Or a sweet vanilla? Smooth caramel, maybe. Or white chocolate mocha. Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries. And do you like to take them to the pub with you beforehand and stuff? and does it change how you behave?
41:23Rob Beckett:I'm not a pre-match drinker, so that doesn't come into it, but what usually happens is Katie will come and collect them. So we have to leave about a minute before the end and then run to get to where she's waiting so she can get them in the car and get out of there before the traffic. If you get it wrong by about three minutes, you'll be stuck on Holloway Road for an hour. And you're in a huge doghouse while you're sat in the pub drinking. and she's in the car. Once she came to pick them up and I wanted to go home as well, so I got in the car and then we went out onto Holloway Road and then I was sitting there going, is this what you do every time?
41:55Rob Beckett:This can't go on. This isn't terrible. She goes, this is what it is like every time I pick them up. You're normally in the pub driven this bit. I said, well, okay, understood. So you're one of those people that leaves earlier. Yeah, we had to leave early. We're playing Manchester City. You scored. We've just scored. We saw the goal. Then there's another three or four minutes of high octane football when we're desperately trying to get another goal while the Manchester City players are lying down feigning injury all over the pitch Donna Rum has taken half an hour over every goal kit everyone's going mad or Donna Summer as we've been called in the public we snuck out 30 seconds before full time which is enough to leg it to the car have you missed anything yet?
42:39have you missed a goal? we did miss a goal last season
42:41Rob Beckett:we missed a goal and was it an important one? no it wasn't but it will happen Yeah, it will happen. But then they'll be old enough soon, you can just let them walk off themselves.
42:50Alan Davies:Go and meet your mum. I'm 10. You've got a phone now, off you go. Has that given you like, I'd say 80 % of the chats between me, my dad and my brother are still now Plymouth Argyle or Premier League related. Has it given you, do you like having that kind of shared interest with your kids? Or has it meant that you're now just talking about football all the time? Once they get to teenage, it's hard to talk to them about really anything.
43:18Rob Beckett:They turn into different people and they're separating from you, which is good. We like to bring them back for meals. I like to have holidays with them. We like being with them. We spend a lot of time together and we want them to get on. We want them to be friends when we're gone. We want them to be close. We want them to have good relationships. And we like them, luckily. We like our kids. and they're good fun and they're funny together and we like being with them yeah that's not always easy they possibly think that we don't like them because we do bollock them all the time so it is hard to remember that you know i mean the other day my 15 year old daughter fainted which is she hasn't done before and we we understand it's quite a common thing at that kind of age it kind of changes in the body going on and anyway were you there i wasn't there i was away and when I left the house I was doing a book event in Devon and then going up to start my stand-up tour so I was away for a couple of nights and I remember when I left the house I had a feeling from her that something wasn't right she looked very pale she hadn't been well she'd had sinusitis and been a bit unwell and it did remind me of when she was very little yeah and I thought there was something about her that was saying I don't really want my dad to go away for two nights which is something that she's not going to voice as a 15 year old she's taller than me right you know she's much taller than her mum she looms over her mum you know but she's about the same height as me when I was 14 year old's taller than me he's six foot tall now Jesus so it's strange you know knowing that they still need they need a cuddle you know they need they're so vulnerable but they want independence at the same time they still want that it's a very strange mixture of things sometimes she'll sit next to me at the dinner and she'll just put her head on my shoulder and she's still because when she was one we had the first two children were very close together they were only 18 months apart and when Katie was doing a lot of breastfeeding with Bobby who's our second one and being with him a lot he was in the bed basically I was with Susie for that whole year when she was one little kickers Jimbury a 10 o 'clock club at Ivory Fields just everything swimming lessons the only way i could get her to sleep was if she was on top of me so i spent many hours unable to move her for fear of waking her up and i had a very close bond with her when we were growing up and so i've really felt that little hint of something i thought something's not right and she didn't want me to go away and it's a very strange thing because on the other hand we're constantly joking about her and now she's a woman she's gonna go and she went i get her tickets for concerts.
45:58Rob Beckett:She loves concerts. So I took her to a couple of them but now she wants to go. She wants to go by herself. She doesn't want me there. She went to Billie Eilish by herself. You sat outside the O2 in a car, kind of. Waiting for her to leave a minute before the end. She knows exactly what to do at the O2. The O2, you've got to know which escalator you're going down. You've got to go in the right direction and you have got to run for that underground station because if you leave it Two minutes equals 2 ,000 people in the queue.
46:31Alan Davies:The Wembley Stadium is the worst. When we went to watch Oasis, my mates were so pissed. We turned up and we couldn't find our entrance to the... We was in like a Royal Box. Not a box, but like that area. We walked round the stadium, what a full loop. And we were so confused. We had another pint and another loop.
46:50Rob Beckett:What did you go to watch with there, Alan? I've been to see... Well, we all went to see Taylor Swift at Wembley. Yeah. Do you enjoy that? Well, it's the second time I've seen Taylor Swift, and I thought the first one was better. This one was so long. It was so long. So long. Katie took the boys out before the end. Yeah. And I said to her, my advice to you here is leave. Okay. She's done Shake It Off. She's done two and a half hours now. It's not going to get any better than this. And it doesn't. It doesn't rise to a crescendo. It just goes on for three hours. She starts off at a very high standard of pop music and maintains that eight, nine out of ten standard for three hours.
47:30Rob Beckett:So there's no climax. There's no finale. Get out. Get out. Get to Wembley's Park.
47:36Alan Davies:There's so many good ones. You're not waiting for one big one.
47:39Rob Beckett:Of course, Susie has learned all the words to all the songs, knows the set list, and is going to sing the lot and fill most of it on her phone and then ran out of battery and filled my phone up with it as well. And then I thought, well, this is going to be hellish getting to the tube. We'll just wait 20 minutes. So then we watched about 500 people sweep all the debris off the pitch into overturned bins at the end of the pitch. That was amazing to watch. For me, that was a highlight. But what an operation this is. This woman is creating a lot of jobs for a lot of people. She is an industry and fair play to her, right?
48:16Rob Beckett:And then so they filled all these bins. We watched that for 20 minutes. We went in. We had a bit of food in this kind of buffet, the remnants of the buffet because we were in one of those boxes. Of course, an absolute arm and a leg. Right, we'll go now. We went outside and there's still a massive queue at the shoe. It still took 45 minutes to get to the platform. We've waited for the crowd to clear.
48:39Alan Davies:No one thought this through with Wembley. No one thought it through. If it makes you feel better, when I went to boxing with my dad and he can't walk that great, so like, well, he can, but not for a long time. I've got a car parking space in the red car park right so anyway we do that we wait we eat a little thing we sit down we have another drink leave it an hour and a half so we come out at like half 11 at night it's still rammed of people we go to the car park and no one's moved from the car park I mean what's going on they went oh no car park shut till 1am 1am you're not allowed to leave do you know what I do and I stand by it and I'm going to do it again for a race I'm not going to do it again for a race this uh because i'm going for a wedding i drive and i book a parking space in someone's driveway 20 minute walk from wembley brilliant i think it's the way forward
49:26Rob Beckett:it is the way forward well i used to do when arsenal played at wembley in the champions league with this big mistake it turned out because i couldn't win any of the matches but they sold a lot of tickets but i had a motorbike then oh yeah i would go on that was this during your 10-year breakdown by any chance this is in the 90s and then you go around the north circular You're at breakneck speed with speed camera lights flashing at you, confident in the knowledge that none of them have got any filming because they used to have to actual filming them. They used to have to take them to the chemist, those things, to convict anyone.
49:58Rob Beckett:But I saw, yeah, Taylor Swift, Olivia Rodrigo, who I'd never heard of. Oh, how is that? She's brilliant. She's like Avril Lavigne. Yeah. Very impressive, quite like that sort of more indie style of music. So, I mean, I'm absolutely ancient. I'm sitting there, I'm looking around at other dads. Just looking at one another. How are you getting on? Is there a nod? Do you know, like a nod between like beetle drivers? Like, oh yeah, you're right. It's more a sort of collective puffing out of the cheeks. There's more kind of... Yeah, yeah, yeah.
50:30Alan Davies:Especially when they're older. So when they're like 15 and 16, and say if you take them with a mate, you're just near them as they're having a night out with their mate because they don't want to sing the song to you. So you just sort of stood there as like a minder almost as they have this evening.
50:43Rob Beckett:Everyone else is on their feet yelling and screaming, and you're sitting down. Do you do research? Do you think in the days leading up, I'm going to do Olivia Rodrigo's big albums on Spotify, or do you just go in totally blind? Pretty blind. I'll listen to one or two. I'll tell you what happened. We were out on Hampstead Eve with the dog, and Susie saw Olivia Rodrigo and her boyfriend. Fucking hell. And they were having an ice cream and doing some selfies, is probably creating content for their 85 million followers. And she's, oh, my God, it's Olivia Rodrigo. That is a mad spot, to be fair. That is incredible to see Olivia Rodrigo.
51:24Rob Beckett:She spotted her from 100 yards. To me, in case, she's just like any 21-year-old girl on the heave with her boyfriend having an ice cream. I couldn't see anything about them that was... And so Francis is the nine-year-old. He was going, why don't you go and say hello? You should go and say hello. and to Susie's credit, I am not going to bother her. I'm going to leave her alone. I've given them one thing as a parent is, if you recognise someone, leave them the fuck alone. Just leave people alone, all right? They don't want to speak to you, I guarantee it. And then Olivia Rodrigo came up to you and said, I love Jonathan Craig.
52:05Rob Beckett:Absolutely love it. She says, there's any way you can get me on QI.
52:13Alan Davies:how are you with when people wanted to have photos and when you had little kids you know because that's what i find really challenging when like you haven't spending that much time with the kids you know it's family time and then also you're tired and you're stressed because the kids are kicking off and then people want to come and say hello in the past have you had a bit of a sort of short tempo with that would you say in front of the kids i try not to but i just lean
52:33Rob Beckett:into a bit of sarcasm but i mean really when fran who's the youngest when he was he used to like being on my shoulders. That was his favourite place to be until he got too heavy for that. So if he's on your shoulders and they're saying, can I have a photo? And you're saying. There's going to be two legs in the photo. I said, can you see? I've got my kid on one. And they went, yeah, I know. I said, well, no, you can't. Or they said, I know you're with your family, but do you mind? And, you know, sometimes you can sort of work it in to your day out. But I did. Someone got short shrift at Legoland only last week.
53:15Alan Davies:my achilles deal is when i'm with the kids and i'm like holding them or comforting them or i've got my top off on holiday and they go could i have a selfie and i'm like please don't take a photo of my tits i don't even like being in the house with them out never mind it's just
53:28Rob Beckett:so hot but it's been a long time for me you know being on television in the late 90s and 2000s Those days, there was quite a lot, but not so many camera phones. Cameras. Yeah, of course, yeah. Listen, especially if people want to speak to me about my book or want to say, you know, give people the benefit of the doubt and try not to be too grumpy. Of course. If I can help. I don't care what you talk from the book.
53:54Alan Davies:Yeah, your dad did what? He's on my shoulders and I want to go on the dragon ride, okay? It's my day off. How is it like being back on tour, Alan? Is it nice being back on tour after a decade?
54:06Rob Beckett:Being on stage, I enjoy, you know, I could do without. Yeah. Or a bit in between, but no one likes the commuting, do they? The response has been good. That's the thing. Weaving in some bits and pieces from the book, which are quite more difficult to do comedy about, but.
54:21Alan Davies:Oh, so are you speaking about that on stage for the first, because you've written about it, but you've never really spoken about the abuse on stage, have you? No.
54:28Rob Beckett:In fact, talked about anything but, you know, gone as far away from it as possible, or talk about my dad in a way that's just for comic purposes, as if, you know, dads, what are they like? You know, that kind of tone. Some of your observational stuff that doesn't quite hit the whole room. This sort of feeling that if I was a cake, I'm not showing all the ingredients, you know. I'm presenting a different... Yeah, yeah. I didn't know how that would go. I didn't know if I'd be able to work that in or how, you know, this kind of more truthful, more serious-minded approach to creating material but still wanted to be as funny as I ever was.
55:04Rob Beckett:So I went to the Edinburgh Festival in August and did a couple of weeks and the response was very, very good. And I have got some hilarious stuff about erectile dysfunction that's arguably some of my finest material. So I'm able to pad the show with very funny routines I'm enjoying doing but at the same time feel like it's not totally trivial, skin deep.
55:26Alan Davies:No, but I think that's the evolution of what stand-up has become really. People now see so much of everyone on TV and on social media. I think you've got to give that authentic version of yourself. And if they feel like you're holding back or not being honest with them, they will sort of roll their eyes at it slightly. So I think that's the way all of stand-up's gone. I think you can't really get away with just sort of glossing over stuff, I don't think, really. Oh, I'm managing to.
55:50Rob Beckett:Yeah, that's possibly true. And also, but I do think if you always have been going on about yourself, which is my comedy is just my life my family my kid you know and you get and i'm 60 next year i've had a lot of years gigging and i'm more able to talk about those things and i'm looking at my audience and there's a lot of gray hairs in the audience and i know that they are going through all kinds of experiences not dissimilar you know life's ups and downs isn't it so they've come with me. I was signing books after the show the other night and quite a few people were saying, we saw you here 10 years ago.
56:31Rob Beckett:One person said, when are you coming back? I said, all right, you get the point, right? It takes me 10 years to come up.
56:38Alan Davies:I've got the dates here. You are in Northampton, London, Wimbledon Theatre, Birmingham, Sheffield, Nottingham, Ipswich, Stockton, York, Cardiff, Lincoln, Stoke-on-Trent, Cambridge, Oxford, Swindon, Woking, London, Warrington, Southend-on-Sea, Guildford, Manchester, Brighton, Southampton, Exmouth, Eastbourne, Australia as well. Canterbury. You're fucking hammering Australia and Canterbury as well. Torrensville. Where the fuck's that? That's a couple of places I'm going to in Australia that I have not been to before. St Kilda. That sounds like some sort of like offshore banking, doesn't it? St Kilda.
57:11Alan Davies:That's Melbourne, really. Sandy Bay. Therall. I'm doing Therall. Amazing. That'd be great. Yeah. A lot of gigs. Let's do the final question. Let's do the final question. We didn't have this last time we were on, Alan. You were one of our first ever guests, weren't you, I think? I think I was. I remember something about a wall in your garden. Well, no one had anything to do, so I was quite happy to come on. When are you coming back? Um, no. Five years. It's got a much more relentless hit ratio for this podcast than a tour. You'll be promoting your next tour on your fourth appearance on this podcast in 2035.
57:43You two will have retired. I'll be going through my 2001, 2011 phase.
57:49Alan Davies:We're going to have the kids. Well, one's 22 and I've not spoken to them for two months. How are you?
57:56He's traveling somewhere. I'm sorry, I've got a really bad nose today. What's wrong with your nose? I've got a head cold. I'm just really blocked up. Alan, what one thing does your wife do as a parent that blows you away and you think is incredible and you just like to give a nice thanks for that and combine that with what one thing does she do that you haven't mentioned but it does annoy you about her parenting.
58:21Rob Beckett:Well, it's almost the same thing, which is she's extremely attentive to their teeth. To their teeth? There's a lot of dentistry. They're looking after overlapping teeth and wonky teeth and teeth. One of them had a tooth that wasn't coming down properly and was going sideways and that was going to be a problem. And getting all that stuff sorted out is absolutely her department. and I'm full of admiration for that because there were problems ahead that have been sorted. The flip side of that is that a lot of work at the orthodontist costs an unbelievable amount of money.
59:02Rob Beckett:So if there's one thing I could change, it would be how much that costs. In her parenting, you would change the price of orthodontic treatment. The price of orthodontic treatment. That's what comes to mind. He's had to go back out on tour after 10 years to play for the orthodontist. The kid's got immaculate teeth. You know, that episode of The Simpsons where they do the book of British teeth. Oh, yeah. No, not in our family.
59:26Alan Davies:Thank you so much, Alan. Thanks. Good luck with the book and the rest of the tour. Both books are out now. You've done three books, actually, haven't you?
59:32Rob Beckett:Yeah, there's another one from 2009 that no one read. Some of it's not bad. There's too much football in it. That's what put people off. I should have done a separate football book. Yeah. Well, 10 years. See you in 10 years for that one. We'll talk to you about that then. Thank you, Alan Davis. It's always a joy. And Michael said it was May 2020. Wow. So it's over five years. Alan Davis. Love Alan Davis. Yeah, his first book. I'm going to go back and read it. I was a bit nervous about reading it because I thought it might be too bleak.
1:00:01Alan Davies:I read it and it was a very difficult read, but it's so well written. But I'm looking forward to reading this next one where it's not all about the abuse. It's more what came next. It's about the one thing worse than that, which is stand-up comedy. Well, no, I think it gives a bit of inspiration that you can go through that horrible thing and then manage to create something of your life. And then in the third stage, be reflective enough to understand that what drove that success also made him a little bit unhappy as well. So then he did all that to help his kids. What a guy. What a guy. You know what?
1:00:34Alan Davies:That was quite interesting. Oh. Whatever the fucking music is. Yeah, fucking hell. He gives a shit anymore. No one's listened to this podcast by this point. See you Tuesday. Bye.
From the publisher
Joining us this episode to discuss the highs and lows of parenting (and life) is the brilliant actor, presenter, author and comedian - Alan Davies.
Alan's new book 'White Male Stand-Up' is available now.
His new stand-up comedy tour 'Think Ahead' starts Autum 2025.
Dates and ticekt info can be found HERE
Parenting Hell is a Spotify Podcast, available everywhere every Tuesday and Friday. Please subscribe and leave a rating and review you filthy street dogs...
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