S11 EP22: Back to Parenting

17:08Josh Widdicombe:It's a fair comparison.

17:14If I saw Ben Shepard arguing with someone on a train platform, you'd say? That's absolutely,

17:20Josh Widdicombe:what I'd describe as box office. Yeah, that is, what great anecdote, especially because it's boring. Commutes become boring after a while, you know, same train, same place. I wonder where she was going. I'd love to know. I'm more interested about where she's been, mate. Yeah, if she's a listener, I'd be very surprised because she despises children. Yeah, but maybe that's why she listens. Yeah. So she can say her life's better.

17:44Josh Widdicombe:Tell me about Australia, Rock. I've just seen you apologising for being three minutes late. Got to feed Beryl. Yeah. And I arrived on Friday morning at 7am. I went to meet them at the airport. Yeah. I didn't realise how much I missed them in two weeks until I got to the airport and I bought, like, welcome to australia balloons yeah just before they come out i was like basically bursting into tears with sort of like relief happiness like actual upset that i hadn't really processed because i was just traveling around australia so i arrived and i let them have a two-hour nap in the afternoon of the friday and then woke up and we've been keeping them awake but basically they're like absolutely like love me and then for two hours in the afternoon it's been better today two hours in the afternoon they absolutely hate me lou looks at me like a piece of shit the girls hate me yeah they go here friday so it's monday they're fine now but saturday sunday was hard graft but be the only one that's not jet lagged is you know what i started to feel jet lag by the end i was like catching it and then lu gets so like no rob i just need to go to sleep and then she's like falling asleep on the sofa and i'm trying to wake her up they got over it pretty quick to be fair but like everyone hates everyone how was their flight flight was fine her dad come with her so it's oh yeah what's funny about him though i love him to pieces her dad he's a lovely bloke the most chilled out man.

18:58He has no idea what we're doing any day. Honestly, it's like we've kidnapped him. Why does he need to? He's on a free jolly. He's loving it. He met up with his sister who came out years ago, lives out here. So we met up for them for lunch and stuff, and he went off with her for the afternoon. But then his phone signal, his gift gaff, pay as you go, that runs out of credit, and you can't even buy an Australian add-on. So when he goes out, you cannot contact him. Oh, my God. So he left his sister and then went to Cockatoo Island. And then we didn't see him for five hours. Then he just bowled in at about eight o 'clock.

19:33And he was like, oh, I've got some signal on the 333 bus. No, he's just fucking bowling around on a bus with his phone, like some sort of big ghost from the past.

19:41Josh Widdicombe:Oh, man, that sounds like a great existence. Yeah, he's great, though. But he doesn't really know what's happening every day, but he's loving life. So that's still good. But the girls love bin chickens. Do you know bin chickens from Bluey? These are the ibis birds. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like pigeons over here. They've seen them in real life, haven't they? I saw that on Loose. Yeah, yeah. So they've seen them now, but they're obsessed with them. So when we go to like a, they want to buy like stuff for their spending money. They're like, they don't care about koalas. Don't care about kangaroos.

20:06They want like a bin chicken teddy. There isn't bin chicken merch. It's like trying to buy a fucking pigeon teddy in London. Do you know what I mean? So they're well into that. What are you doing with your days? Are you very active or are you? We just arrived in the Gold Coast. I'm gigging this week at the Gold Coast. But the first day we just went to the beach and chilled out at the hotel. We were staying in Bondi. Next day we went on a powerboat thing, which was amazing. And then we climbed the bridge, which was incredible. But, mate, we get on there and it's for like ages eight plus, right?

20:36We get on there and me and Lou remember doing it. It's like quite an easy walk. But actually when you first get on there, you're basically walking over greats where you can just see the water below you. And then you have to climb these ladders that are like quite hard to climb, like next to the road. and as we was doing it they give you this little cap and then like my youngest her hat blew off because of the wind and the headphones blew off and she's sort of all panicking so then i'm like god then i'm trying to like help her meditate on the bridge and she's like i want to come off i want to come off but you can't come off it's like go ape you know when you're like tied in you have to continue the whole course which is a two-hour walk up a bridge back down again oh my god i know we felt really bad because we sort of forgot and then like she was like and then anyway she calmed the breathing and did it but i thought it was actually a good thing though to be scared by something but then come back from the brink totally and not look totally lose her head and give up good lesson to learn she could do it she just panicked to learn that was good so we've been doing that and um me and lou forgot our anniversary both of us that's nice they arrived on the 17th of october no it must be around 12 is 11 11 they came on 17th and on the 18th we went on this boat thing and we went shopping for la boob we're basically on an international pop mart shopping

21:43Josh Widdicombe:trip trying to find the boo-boos yeah if you get any bring them back rob you could fucking clean up i'll get you some laboos there's not many in exeter no pot mart shops no there is there's like well no there's not i don't think mate i can tell you there's not no but there's like you know the shops that sell that kind of thing but we're libu you have to get them from pot mart i'm afraid it's fucking nightmare do they want laboos then oh i don't know rose is in charge of this shit what you have to do is sign up to the raffle at one point i was in raffles for the one we've got rob that's been in the post for about six weeks and you're like, this isn't in the fucking post.

22:15Well, it'll be a fake one, I imagine. I don't know. Well, you bought it from a reseller. I don't know, Rob.

22:20Josh Widdicombe:I don't know what's going on with this stuff. I'm 400 years old. I mean, I would suggest it's quite handy to be across it for the pod. Yeah. Why don't you text Rose? What is that thing that we've been waiting for in the post? She's just texted me, actually. What she said. How's Rob? Can you hear the kids that are doing the potions right outside your door? Are they not at school? No, it's half term. It's half term? I'm Rob. You forget when you're over here, don't you? Bloody Australia. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to move here, Josh, but Lou don't want to. Well, I don't want to move here, but I want to do a year here.

22:50Josh Widdicombe:First question, obviously I'm interested. How does that affect me? Okay, not much really. I'll probably record... I just mean timings-wise. Okay, okay. Yeah, let's work back from that. I imagine what we'd have to do is I'd have to record the podcast on a Monday afternoon into evening. So probably like what we're doing now. Oh, fine. Yeah, yeah, I do. know what rob i think it's a good idea and i fully support it 8 a.m start for you in the uk potentially do you know what rob do the move i fully go in there i think if you said you're moving to america that would be more problematic for me because you'd have to get up even earlier yeah i think yeah let's not get bogged down on that talk to you about you're a year in australia well how's it going to affect celebrity interviews for our podcast well no that's the thing i couldn't really live here because of my job i need to be in the uk or europe and what will happen is You do a kind of oil rig stuff.

23:40Josh Widdicombe:But then you didn't even... I don't like being away for more than two weeks from the kids. And if I moved to here, basically, Lou doesn't want to, and I'd force her to move here, then I'd go back to the UK. Right, if Lou doesn't want to, I'd say that's more problematic than the fact it'd be difficult to do the one show. Yeah, but I'm a good salesman. You are, yeah. Genuinely, I couldn't live here. But what I would like to do is come out here more in January and February when the kids are older and at uni. But I was intrigued in, why don't we just come out for a year and just do next year of schooling.

24:08My eldest will be in year six, youngest in year four, do a year out here, come back for secondary school.

24:11Josh Widdicombe:Because the other thing you know about that is Bosh. Here we go, he's a good salesman. He's just living Bondi for a year. What an amazing life. His pose is something else. His pose, sorry. I'm trying to get comfy. Are you taking a fur? Yeah, I am taking a fur with that. Can I tell you why I like it here? Oh, yeah, no, I get it. You look, Rob, like you're on holiday. I look great, don't I? You don't need to tell me why you like it here. I can see the sea behind you. The food's good. The weather's good. The people are more relaxed. So could you do, if you did a year. Yeah. Let's talk about the practicalities of this.

24:46Josh Widdicombe:I think kids wise. Yeah. It would be fine because they know they're coming back to their same friends. Yeah. So I don't know how different the educational system is over there, but quite frankly, at that age. From after speaking to a few of them, quite far behind. I've met Adam Eels. Don't worry. no but like i think it's primary school age exactly that's why i think it's a last chance experiences rather than go they haven't learned what an adverb is do you know what i mean like i haven't yet no exactly hasn't held me back i don't think i'm gonna no i think if you were to waste time on that now it would be pointless yeah not for me no i think it's a pipe dream do your life so talk me through what your year's life would be would you be gigging you do this next year I won't be touring.

25:30Yeah. For example, say we come out here next August, right?

25:33Josh Widdicombe:Could I just ask if this is the first, this recording now, which is going out, is the first your agents heard of this? Yes. All right. That was just a bit of fun. Okay, just interesting. One, I couldn't live out here. The main reason I couldn't live out here is because, and don't laugh, but I really would miss the Premier League. Oh. Because when I woke up the other morning, I went to bed at midnight, woke up at 7am and I'd missed Tottenham lose and Liverpool lose. Yeah. And I'm like, this is unfair. I've been cheated from a great weekend of sport for an Arsenal fan, and there's nothing I can do about that.

26:05Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, do you know Max Rushton? Yes. Yeah, we've interviewed him. The talk sport guy who lives in Melbourne. Yeah, so what does he do? Does he just stay up all night? Well, he married an Australian, so he's sort of out there through guilt, I imagine. What does he do for the Premier League? That's his job. I don't know. Charlie Baker would know better, but I think he does different... He'll do shifts like this. He'll be getting up early or going a bit late. So what would you do for a year? I could do this. Oh, you do Rob and Romesh, and all of them will be like Singapore. What would happen is I'd have a meeting with producers, and then with Romesh would go, look, there's some great ideas for like Rob and Romesh versus Australia.

26:39Josh Widdicombe:Oh, yeah, that's it. But then I don't know if Romesh wants to come out for that long. No. I don't think it's doable, but it's a bit of a pipe dream, but I just love the lifestyle of it. And I just think if anyone's like, if you're listening to this and you're like 25 and you've got a job that you can do over it, that's a teacher or electrician, plumber, just move. Don't worry about your friends. You'll make more friends. You know, half the people that came to our wedding, I don't even talk to anymore. Tell you something about... Fuck your friends. Become a plumber, Rob. I don't want to say I've disappeared too far down an AI hole, but that is the job to get now.

27:12Yeah, 100%. Anything that you need a live person in a space to do is, like, you know, stand-up comedy, plumbing. Stand-up comedy, plumbing. No, porn will go, won't it?

27:22Josh Widdicombe:Porn's gone, Rob. Porn's gone. That's my dream over. That's your dream over. So do you think the kids would like it? Well, they'd bang up for it. I said, do you want to come and live here for a year? But also, they would, I think. I think they'd like it. I think a year. I don't think they'd want to move full time. I can't speak to the UK, and it'll just be you and the kids and Lou's dad. What a life. It's me, Lou's dad, and the kids. Him just wandering around. No, but I don't think living here is impossible, really. I think of all the people I know, you're the one that, you've had this before, you're desperate to live in a hot country.

27:53Josh Widdicombe:I think you want, you want, you love it. You need it. You've thought about Spain before. You've thought about Florida. You're now thinking about Australia. I don't think it's possible for you to go on holiday without thinking about moving there. Look, I play football like an Italian number 10. Yeah? Yeah. I drink and eat outside like an Aussie. Right, yeah, yeah. And I fuck like a hot dog. The thing I think about Australia, right, the thing I think about moving to Australia is in a way, I didn't hear what you said. I said I fucked like a hot dog and I don't know what that meant. Yeah, yeah, no, but I like it.

28:25I put a bun on either side of my dick.

28:28Josh Widdicombe:Glad I got my headphones in because the kids are in the next room. Lou's not a Dosaki thing from Tokyo yet. I'm still a bit worried. Well, don't play it to her in the two hours in the afternoon when she hates her. Sorry, go on. So a lot of people move there because the culture's quite similar in a way, but it's hot and relaxed. But it is so far. Yeah. It's that thought of like, I know this sounds weird, if something goes wrong in the UK, my brother's got ill or my dad's got ill or my whatever, it's so far to get home. It's quite a good, you know, how much do you care about that person compared to a two grand flyer?

29:09It's really sad what you're going through, but I don't think we're close enough for me to put my hand in my pocket. So all the best. I'll send some flowers. The time difference is mad. It's not possible really. for the job I've got in the age of the kids. But I do love it. I really do like it over here. But I could be tempted. But Lou doesn't really want it, which is fair enough. Yeah. It is too far away.

29:27Josh Widdicombe:It'd be weird also to try and build a life for a year because how much do you integrate it? I don't know if I'm more shallow or I'm more relaxed in meeting new people. I think I could answer that, yeah. Where Lou's a bit more like, I don't know, like, also as well, I will just make friends and talk to everyone I meet really quickly. Where Lou's a bit like, oh God, I don't have to talk to someone new. Yeah, yeah. that's her personality do you know i mean this weekend we went back to london rob yeah for my daughter's birthday to see our old friends and it is quite weird to go oh yeah there was a place we lived where we were quite close to lots of people emotionally i just sort of think you'll be fine doesn't you'll get used to it yeah i want a bit more like that with things i still was relieved from me like i was in london and i was thinking this is nice because we're around people we feel totally at home with and comfortable with yeah but then i was relieved when we got back once i had called that woman a vile woman it's happy to be back in exeter was you annoyed that she lives in exeter can i be honest when we came out the front of the station then rose was like where did you go i was like oh i went to regard that woman it's a shame she didn't see i reckon she like that yeah well i had to go quite a long distance to reach this woman because i had to go all the way down the platform up a set of stairs and then across the bridge to get to her i'd love to hear this if the woman's listening please send in your side of the story because it could read a lot different these awful children were showered this snobby celeb walked in with do you know who i am energy and let his kids kills havoc in the first class carriage and then his that horrible little child booted me spat at me and pressed the button then he chased me up the stairs i like to press the button that's my treat to myself after a stressful train journey that's my little treat actually yeah i've got to tell you something in the night so my daughter woke up in the night right and they're a bit jet-lagged and i've been tired because i've been traveling a lot right not as tired as them but then my daughter came in and she wanted me to put her back into bed and then i was like okay and i sleep naked so i tried to put on my short i have a pair of like pajama shorts by the bed right and i tried to put them on i put one leg in and they're quite loose and baggy put the other one in and i pulled them up couldn't get them over my knees and i was also like tired and like oh discombobulated she woke me up i sort of like fell over like my ass in the air i'm just like on the floor and i couldn't get i was so tired i couldn't work out the shorts anyway i just gave up on the shorts and just grabbed this towel and put that around me and put it to bed went back the next morning i remembered the night before lu couldn't find any shorts so put my shorts on but tied them up really tight and then slip them off without untying them so i'm trying to get like a fucking 20 whatever six waist pair of shorts on in the middle of the night and falling over it's so degrading so what is the rules around around nudity and children i don't hide my body no also lose daddies in the other room we had like an apartment three bed apartment thing and going at 4am as well didn't he that was awful yeah yeah we shared the shorts but yeah so I didn't want him to come out and go to the toilet and find him naked so that's why I was doing that of course oh this is funny when I was doing the bridge walk thing everyone had to go around in a circle and introduce themselves oh god fuck that I know it was a bit awkward I'm done do you know what that's worse than the bridge you'd leave you scared of heights no just can't do this social interaction it's pathetic I was like oh I'm Rob I've climbed the bridge before but the girls wanted to do it so I'm doing it again I'm Rob from London blah blah blah he went round and Lou was like yeah I'm Lou from London and same as Rob once before but want to do it with the kids then my oldest went I'm and said her name she went I'm and says her name and I like bacon oh dear I had a big party to organize yesterday Rob oh yeah 18 kids in an ice skating ring oh my god that's exactly what we're doing is it my eldest wants to go ice skating her friends has just got 18 oh man it's so many what do you want me to take you through my tips yeah please i think lou's done it anyway you you have to have you have to have parents coming only me and lou on the ice we've all 18 that's mental i think it might be yeah that is going to be untenable yeah that's what i think is gonna happen yeah how good are these skaters well look we're gonna get some penguins they'll shuffle around the edge and i'll be with them and i'm pretty good on the ice rob be very careful on the penguins why because there's rules on the penguins actually i'm just panicking now because i what if a kid comes up bangs their head or something and i'm in charge oh just so you know they're nine though they're nine and ten check your ice rink rules rob why because ours was a maximum of one meter two wearing skates to qualify for a penguin Oh.

34:19Josh Widdicombe:So basically that's about a five or a six-year-old. Oh, fuck that. If I can't skate, I'm penguin in it, mate. Rob, good luck. What do you want to do? Rip the penguin off my hands? No, they have to give you the penguin. I'll get the penguin. Yeah, good luck. Argue your way to 16 penguins. I've argued for more. Is this in Exeter? No, this was in London. How do you Google penguin policy? It's on the website. I read it on the website. When is yours then? Soon? No, we just did it yesterday. Oh, indoor ice skating? Yeah. Ours will be outdoor. Okay. So I think it might be a bit more looser. It'll be more like temporary staff for Christmas.

34:53Josh Widdicombe:Oh, okay, fine. And I'll give them a little wink and a smile and go, you don't mind if I love a couple of these penguins here? If I was you, if I was you, I know you're not, I'd get a few extra parents that you'd like just to help you because that is going to be a... Well, who am I going to fucking get? Torval and Dean? Like, there's just going to be some bloke in a council that can't ice skate either. Yeah, but at least you're spreading. Otherwise, you're going to be going from one kid to another. Oh, God, you're right. They've got a policy. Shit. The ice shrink offers... I can't believe they've all got a penguin policy.

35:21They've all got a penguin policy. The ice shrink offers penguin skate aids for children to use, which can be hired for a small fee. These aids are designed to help skaters with balance and are available for children who are 1.4 tall or under. In skates or out of skates? Oh, it does not say. I think you might be all right there. A height check is available at the event. I bet it is. Do you know what they do in Australia? Right, when I checked into this flight today, yeah, you have to weigh your hand luggage. Have you ever had this? No. Hand luggage can't be more than seven kilograms, right? Right.

35:53I had this wheelie suitcase with a backpack in it and a laptop, and it was like 10 kilograms. Yeah. They were like too heavy. I mean, what if I take the backpack out and have two pieces? She went, yeah, that's all right. So I take the backpack out. Then I weighed the backpack, five kilograms. Yeah. Weighed the wheelie case, five kilograms. She went, yeah, you're all good. Put it back in. Yeah. As soon as shit, I left the thing, put it back in. Of course. What is the point? I know. And also, I think it's unfair because it could be like, there was a little nan checking in. It's all like six stone nan.

36:19Then a fucking six foot three geezer behind. Big John being deported. Yeah, Big John getting deported. What happened? Did he not have a visa for work? He had a tourist visa. Exactly. And he's going there to earn money. Of course deport. That's what has annoyed me a bit. He's been slagging off the... Don't come from my homeland. Here he is. Here he is.

36:39Josh Widdicombe:Are you angry that Ange Postacoglu got sacrificed by Forrest as well? give him a fucking chance. No, that was quite funny, wasn't it though? Poor old Ange. He's quite well respected out here. So, well he was. Good luck with your party. It was bedlam, but we had parents there, so it was fine. It's basically, there's just very different levels of kids. I think a lot of them are going to go around the edge screaming. 18 with two adults is fucking, and how good are you and Lou? I mean, I'm good, but not good enough to keep 16 kids up. Are your kids good? I don't know. You're going to be in a situation where you have to choose which kid to save.

37:15I think there's going to be some that are going to be more in trouble than the others. Yeah. I think what we've got is we've got a couple of mates coming that can be off the ice that can sort of help them on and off and like if they want to go off for a bit. Can't they just go on the ice? My mates were even worse than... Well, that's the thing.

37:30Josh Widdicombe:If I went on the ice, I'm of no help to a child. You didn't go on the ice? Because my son didn't want to go on the ice. Oh, you lucky bastard. I know. I was going to go on the ice with him because he obviously qualifies for a penguin. So that's an indoor ice rink? It was an indoor ice rink. He qualifies for a penguin. I think indoor ice rinks are the saddest places. I'm not shitting on your kid's birthday. No, they loved it. They loved it. Indoor ice rink. I don't even like an outdoor one. Never mind inside. No, I tell you what the bleakest place I was at one recently, and I thought, this is fucking bleak.

37:57Josh Widdicombe:I can't remember what it was. Oh, fuck. Oh, you know who we used to do? Salty Josh. Remember when we used to do Salty Josh? Yeah, well, a woman's got a really good story about that. Oh, yeah. Fucking sea salt. Sea salt and vinegar, huh? Yeah. I was a bit salty to a bloke at the airport, because this stupid hand luggage thing was going on. So I was having to, she was making us weigh all the hand luggage for the kids. There's four of us trying to do it. And we've all got wheelie cases that are like a kilogram over, but they've all got our little backpacks in. So I'm removing all of them, moving stuff so it sort of feels equal so that it goes under seven kilograms.

38:27And then I was like, do it over there. I was like, oh, okay.

38:29Josh Widdicombe:What is, I can't picture seven kilograms. Is that a heavy bag? It's not that heavy. You would definitely, if you were going on an easy jet or BA flight to Spain. You'd have seven kilograms. Easy, probably eight or nine. right so i'm trying to do that to one side right and i've literally i've got my wife and two kids i've got bags everywhere i'm pulling stuff out putting stuff in and this bloke goes where's romesh right i just ignore him because i'm like you've not said my name i'm just gonna pretend i'm not urging and then my daughter like tap went oh dad he's asked where romesh is because she doesn't know that's how she's not thinking he's a wanker i basically made a real thing of moving like the bags a bit monger and i stood up because i was on my knees at this point i said sorry what was that then he went a bit quiet went where's romesh i went pardon and he went where's romesh i went at home and just looked at him for ages because i'm like there's a time and a place mate his response to that should have been surely he's at work yeah but i think at that point i'd say the time for fun had ended it was like a gambling advert when the fun stops i had stopped his fun because he was having fun i wasn't and he was trying to get me involved in the fun and i didn't want to be and not only did i not get involved in the fun i shut all fun down i shut the fun fun and then i see him again there's like a little cafe in the airport and they're like i'm getting it all through still with all the kids trying to get them around and i sit him down he's like oh you can de-stress now i was like pardon what you can de-stress i was like and i went oh right yeah i was like fuck off like it's hard enough trying to get the kids through an airport especially when you're not doing the old 10 kilogram shuffle without a some sort of fucking director's commentary just popping up.

40:08It was like the fucking paperclip. You remember the paperclip? On Word Dog. Need help? Fuck off, mate. You can tell I'm under pressure here. I don't need it. Was you Australian or British? British. I'm less, way less famous over here, so I think a little bit of why I enjoy it is I'm left alone a bit more. I'm hardly doing any selfies. You should try America, Rolf. I try Huddersfield. They don't buy a ticket. Move there. Alex Brooker's in my new house, mate.

40:34Josh Widdicombe:I just want to go more into your, when is your skating party? Because I'm so excited. Oh, fuck this. You two and 18 kids on the ice. It is mental, isn't it? And then what's going to happen, sorry? You're going to get them all off the ice at the same time. And then what's the party? First and foremost, they're 10 years of age. Yeah, of course. These kids have already gone on overnight trips. So they will be doing the shoes themselves. Fine, yeah. And then we will go along to hell. Ice skates are famously easy to do up tight enough that the kid's not going to break their ankle. What did you do there?

41:08What did you do? Were all the parents still there?

41:11Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, we paid for the parents five quid ahead. So 36 parents? No, there was probably about 12 or 13 parents. So about 60 quid to save yourself the stress. So I've got to do my ice skates and get on my knees and do another 18. There's no way a 10-year-old's able to do that. Oh, they've all got two feet as well, have they? Yeah, there's no way a 10-year-old's going to be able to do up their ice skates to the correct level. No, you're absolutely right. Yeah. Oh, shit. I might do it on, what's that thing that we used where you hire people for stuff? TaskRabbit. Yeah. Just need a couple of guys. Imagine the fucking weirdos you'd get applying for that job.

41:48Foot perpidou alert. Here he comes. I'm Nigel, and I have worked at Clark's for 47 years.

41:55Josh Widdicombe:And then you've got to get them all off the ice. Oh, my God. And then so what if one goes down on the ice and gets hurt? Are you going off the ice with them and then it's just Lewin 17? How is that going to work? I don't know what to do. I just get some more parenting, Rob. I might say, do you mind staying to help them get their boots on? Rob, just let the parents come on the ice. They're not going to want to stay. Oh, they're not going to want to. Please stay for a bit. Please help. Who likes ice skating? Who wants to join us? Yeah, someone might like it. I'll tell you, I'll speak to you and come back to you.

42:30Okay. Because at the moment, I don't know what the fucking plan is. But the problem is there is no plan. Yeah. I've got that 18 kids ice skating. It's so weird, isn't it? It's going to be fun, Rob.

42:38Josh Widdicombe:Oh, dear. Oh, so what are you doing with the rest of your day today? So we're going to go for dinner at eight o 'clock. So it's six o 'clock now. They're down by the pool. They're going to come back in a bit to get showered and ready. And then we're going to go out for a bit of dinner. And then we've got loads of fun stuff planned. No wonder you want to move there. Where would you move? The Gold Coast? I don't know. We've only just got here. I do really like Bondi. I love Bondi, but I think it gets a bit too busy. Is that Sydney? Sydney, yeah. I'd probably go to Sydney and stay at Bondi or one of them other sort of beach places.

43:07I couldn't stay in proper Sydney. The lifestyle is incredible. It's so chilled and relaxed and no traffic. Every airport's like 20 minutes to get to from the city centre. It's ridiculous. Anyway, I will definitely spend more time abroad. There's no doubt about that. It's just where you're going to go. it's just where you're gonna go maybe spain maybe australia but i see where the kids end up see where we end up going but i think the i could do a year out here but look i don't think lou would want to no fair enough do a year of my own but i just because what happened is i left up just coming back for work you know what it's like get a big work off i can't not work for a whole year like no just living but could i could i just do the podcast for you and not work for you you could of course do that really relatable the old relatable podcast it's just not one of the relatable guy that's just gone to australia for a year on a fucking whim in that case I think people respect that.

43:55I think they'd love it, hearing how much of a fucking disaster it is when I realise it rains in Australia.

43:59Josh Widdicombe:Because, of course, the other thing is, it wouldn't feel like a holiday for a year. Can you imagine how angry I'd be after Christmas, would it be or not? Desperate to get back. I think loads of people at a level can go a year just kind of pottering. Yeah, maybe I could do podcast pottering, maybe. What, would you come back? Lou would hate me. What, would you come back? Yeah, how would that work? you'd end up gigging very quickly. Do kids need to go to school? They're really holding back my life. If kids didn't need to go to school we'd be doing loads of fucking cool shit because then we could just do a load of gigs.

44:33Lou would have to look after them all day though which is not ideal but it's great for a second book.

44:42Oh thanks for all the pre-orders guys. Please keep ordering it A Life of a Devel parent. Then you might get the Australian Wish if that sells well. There you go. There you go. Send me to Oz. Right, should we do a small business shout-out? Let's do a small business shout-out. I could open a comedy club in Bondi Beach, Josh.

44:56Josh Widdicombe:Don't do that. Okay. It would be so stressful. You dealing with people who are pulling out on the day. That I think are worse than me at comedy. Yeah. Hi, Rob and Josh. Fuck off, mate. I've been listening. I can't imagine how you'd even book a line-up. I'll let me just do it again. Yeah, let me do an hour and a half. I'll just do an hour and a half. Hi, Rob and Josh. I've been listening to your podcast for a while now after searching for something less serious. than all the well-being podcasts. How dare you? Yeah. Our children are 22 and 25, in brackets, off our hands. We are in our third year of Ariatwood Pumpkin Patch, a family-friendly...

45:33Do they fancy coming to ice skating to it with some shoes?

45:36Josh Widdicombe:Ah. If they're that free and easy. Ariatwood Pumpkin Patch, a family-friendly, pick-your-own pumpkin patch based in... Oh, for God's sake, Kent again. Linstead Kent. You wait till I move to Bondi, man. We'd love to be featured on the Parenting Health podcast for a small business shout out. This autumn, our patch offers picker and pumpkins grown on the farm, quirky characters made from upcycled farm materials, which my husband creates himself over the winter. Lots of photos opportunities around the farm, seasonal treats, including pizzas, speciality coffees, and ice cream. It's fun, creative, and outdoor experience for families.

46:09Josh Widdicombe:We'd love to share it with your listeners. Thank you so much for considering us. Can I just say, when you say considering us, we're not weighing them up. They're being polite though, aren't they? They are. No, thank you. But just so you know, if you haven't been chosen, you haven't failed in a kind of... Oh, yeah. It's not because we don't believe in what you've written. It's a complete inadequacy of admin. Yeah. We can be found on Instagram, Facebook and via the website, eriot, E-R-R-I-O-T, woodpumpkins.co.uk. Lovely. Right. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Hope you're both well and gearing up for the summer holidays.

46:44Fuck knows when this was sent in. Who, hell? I'm a long time listener of the pod Childless but very well prepared for future chaos Thanks to you both I work at a small grassroots music venue in Birkenhead Merseyside and hoping for a Small business shout out for our brilliant live Music experience for our little ones Age 0 to 8 and their Grown ups, Mosh Tots Think Pogoing About in Ear Defenders to a mix of Pop bangers, Disney classics and rock Anthems with an interstellar light show to Boot, we're all about rocking out and having fun but there's learning too about different genres about musical participation and with a chance for little ones to join in with the music making we'll have to spread the word to fellow knackered but fun loving mums and dads who still miss the indie nights of their youth you can find us at futureyard.org forward slash mosh little hyphen tots or on instagram facebook great mosh tots that sounds amazing good luck with mosh tots in birkenhead the fucking woolly Josh I'll see you next time mate

47:46Josh Widdicombe:see you next time looking forward to it yeah I'd like to that to the moving in party yeah yeah my new uh my new apartment on Bondi High Street if you could get away from the UK yeah in time to avoid the ice skating party I'd advise it we'll see right see you later mate