S11 EP28: Josh gets trapped in a school...

17:58zero brain capacity for new i'll be doing the show that i know works thank you very much are we doing the jokes i'm confident in in the order that i'm confident in i'm confident in the

18:07Josh Widdicombe:lap stuff. You'll get people at the tour going, do the lap bit! Do the lap one! Give it a run out tonight. Give it a run out tonight, Rob. I'll do it. Can I take it? I'll do it tonight. I'm gigging tonight. Can I do the lap stuff? It would be a giggy shift for me, though, that. It would be. Have you ever noticed? Yeah. I don't think I could make the lap stuff work now. I think you could. You've got to believe in yourself, Josh. Yeah, I've got to believe it. I don't today. No.

18:37sleep, feeling fatigued? Ask your doctor about ZepBound, Terzepatite, the first and only FDA approved prescription medicine for moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea, OSA, and adults with obesity. ZepBound is a prescription medicine used with a reduced calorie diet and increased physical activity to help adults with moderate to severe obstructive sleep apnea, OSA, and obesity to improve their OSA. ZetBound is approved as a 2.5, 5, 7.5, 10, 12.5, or 15 milligram injection. ZetBound contains terzepatide and should not be used with other terzepatide-containing products or any GLP-1 receptor agonist medicines.

19:16It is not known if ZetBound is safe and effective for use in children. Don't share needles or pins or reuse needles. Don't take if allergic to it or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer or if you've had multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Tell your doctor if you get a lump or swelling in your neck. Stop ZipBound and call your doctor if you have severe stomach pain or a serious allergic reaction. Severe side effects may include inflamed pancreas or gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes before scheduled procedures with anesthesia.

19:45If you're nursing, pregnant, plan to be, or taking birth control pills. Taking ZipBound with a sulfonylurea or insulin may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and worsen kidney problems.

19:58Josh Widdicombe:Talk to your doctor. Call 1-800-545-5979 or visit setbound.lily.com. Study and play. Come together on a Windows 11 PC. And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the Unreal College Deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs. Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox Game Pass Ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn more at windows.com slash student offer. While supplies last, ends June 30th. Terms at aka.ms slash college PC. You can't reason with the sun. Trust us, we've tried. This summer, it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute.

20:43Columbia's OmniShade technology is engineered to protect you from the sun's harsh rays that can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless, but so is our gear. Level up your summer at Columbia.com to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion. You're welcome. Columbia. Engineered for whatever.

21:07I was fucking miserable when I woke up this morning. All the kids are miserable. Lou was the only one holding the morale together. It's just horrible and it's dark and cold. I just want to be at home, Rob. I just want to do the school run. But then as soon as you start doing that, you'll get the up with that. I know.

21:21Josh Widdicombe:Life is all about green on the other side, isn't it? But I definitely do think sometimes you go, you know, doing the jobs easier and all the life school stuff. But I'm telling you now, the school run is easier than doing the Buxton, Scunthorpe, Newcastle, Stockton, Sunday through to Tuesday live show. That is a tough schedule. They've been good gigs, but it's the travel and it's the... Yes, you've got to move hotels every night, basically. Oh, no, are you in this one? I'm doing Newcastle two nights in a row and Newcastle tomorrow night and then I'm coming home after Stockton. right got you yeah look at that josh is that a naked man on a playing card yes cult card just found it on my desk so why have you got that um we bought a pack when me and my mates went traveling about 20 years ago then we've played a game for the last 20 years where people hide it in each other's belongings on nights out or when we meet up which um as really like we went on a stag do we put in someone's passport so when they gave the passport in there's a naked person however i do feel like in the last 20 years that's gone from a bit of fun to now someone could report that for sort of sexual harassment well yes no but if you gave that to someone at the park if someone slipped that in your passport and you open your passport oh yeah that's true pervert man and then you don't you haven't even done it yeah and also you can't really hide it in people's houses because if a child finds this man with his completely shaven erect penis as he leans on a couch.

22:43Is that a wrap? A queue of hearts. I'd say it's well on its way. I would say I'll stick this on Instagram. It's facing downwards. Do you know they...

22:50Josh Widdicombe:That is the last throw the dice of the semi, I'd call that. Before full lob on. Do you know they used to check it by the... Is it... What is it? The Isle of Mull or something? No, it's called the Urethra. So there's a bit of the UK. Urethra, frankly. No, it's not the Isle of Mull. Oh, maybe it is. Yeah. Google the Isle of Mull, Rob. Yeah. Yep. And they used to use the Isle of Mole, that bit coming off it, as the line to judge on TV because you're not allowed to show an erection. You are allowed to show a non-erection. Yeah. I think they used to use the Isle of Mole to... Oh, but it's curved upwards.

23:29Well, that's too far. Oh, so if it looks like that, if it looks like the Isle of Mole, then it can't go on telly. It can't go on telly. Right.

23:37Josh Widdicombe:It's really curved, though. Yeah, it's too hard. I'd say it's too high. I think the line needs to be lower. Yeah, because that looks like it's a Rex, but it's got a kink at the helmet. Did they used to use the Isle of Mull? Was it Florida? It looks like a knob, doesn't it? To judge... Oh, God, this is going to help, not help. Erections on TV. I mean, I think Jack Cheap E.T. might even tap out that one. Mull of Kintyre. Yeah, it can't be the Mull of Kintyre. The question you're referring to likely involves the Mull of Kintyre. Let's have a look at the Mull of Kintyre. Oh, it looks like a penis.

24:09Yeah, it's very low. That's very low. So is that saying, oh, maybe that's saying just any type of... Any type of elevation. Any type of elevation is non-flaccid. So that's what that is. Yeah, that makes sense.

24:22Josh Widdicombe:That's a lot more acceptable than the Isle of Mal. If the guy I just showed you on the King of Hearts is the last throw of the... What did I call it? The last throw of the flaccid or something like that. The last throw of the semi. That is definitely the first... He's not getting on TV. He's lost the Muller of Kintyre test, I think. That's one second past 12, that is, that Muller of Kintyre cock. Right, so I got trapped in school, Rob. So I got to the hockey match, and there was no one there, and I'd been sent to the wrong hockey pitch. Oh, but same right school. Right school, but currently I haven't seen anyone.

24:58Josh Widdicombe:I'm just a weird man walking around a school. Yes. That I don't know. Yeah. and then I can hear hockey coming from the other side of the road and further on down but I'm blocked off so I've got to walk all the way back down to the car park right okay and I'm late and I'm worried because I've tried because I've got to pick up my son right so I've said I might have to leave early and my daughter's mortified so I've then put my son in after school club did she want to come back with you or go back on the bus with her schoolmates she wants to come back with me right um but also i think a lot of the parents i think one of the good things they like about hockey is they get to leave early with you know like they don't have to go back to the school and then go home because one of the reasons you didn't want to live in east under was like it took you a long time to get everywhere now where you are this is the first journey i've had to do for school yeah no no no i'm not don't get defensive no what i'm saying is that but what's weird about like some of that extra is this is what we found when we went a bit further out is that like the the the journeys everywhere else is further because it's more spread out because they're in the countryside they don't mind they're like a 40 minute drive somewhere because they're used to it yeah but do you know what it is it's because the drive isn't stressful yes it's yeah it's country lanes and so when you drive for half an hour i've just got my screen time through why does it do that i hate i don't want to know my fucking screen what is it well it was one no i just got it through on my computer and it was 1.1 hours that's good it's really low only on my computer oh god what about your phone oh i don't know where i watched a documentary on my phone last night surely that shouldn't count that's that's helping your mind yeah but you're on the screen i know but it was about carlos the jackal well what happens if i have talk sport playing on my on youtube as i know the dishwasher that's the problem right Rob what what about what about I don't think it should be counting sat nav like that's not mental my eyes are on the road yeah like dude don't be counting sat nav you can't be throwing that back at me if I've got a long journey that's not my I'm not enjoying screen time well call it wind screen time wind screen time lovely there you go get that in the set for tonight?

27:17I've got a lot of set up, but don't worry. It's a great pilot. It's a lot of journey, isn't it? Screen time. Screen time. You've got a Samsung, have you? Okay. I don't know what that means. I don't know if they do it on that, but they must do.

27:31Josh Widdicombe:Anyway, I got trapped in the school. On that thing you say about the journeys. Yeah. I don't think the phrase a slower. Did you, when you move to the country get a lot of faster and slower pace of life chat thrown at you uh no not really because we're not we're not what's weird about where we live is we are basically you live in the country well we know it's not really we are still technically london and like if you drive five minutes one way it's like basically just being in suburbs it's just proper suburbia and like edge of london living yeah but where we live is you only drive like five ten minutes and it feels like the middle of nowhere so that's what we like is that when you're at home there's nothing going on and it is a bit more chilled and quiet but then you can get to everything but it's not like proper chilled countryside because i've got a lot of a lot of people from london they'll say are you enjoying the slower pace of life and i just don't think the i just don't think that's a term that is such a weird term like i think it says that's a london centric sort of arrogance where nothing else is happening anywhere else yeah i think what it actually is is an easier pace of life everything everything in the country is easier yes and everything in london is a challenge agreed and that if that is faster pace of life i think it feels slower because to get to work feels like oh my god this is a real gonna be a real effort and take a long time yeah well also it's difficult for you though to answer that question because you still live in a mental touring life at the moment it's not until the tour finishes and you get into a bit of a groove of being in Exeter.

29:12But you're not really reaping the benefits of it yet because you're like... No, I just don't understand the slower pace of life thing.

29:20Josh Widdicombe:I think you're right. I think it is a London thing going, oh, nothing happens outside London. No, no, it is a bit calmer in the shop. So, I mean, it is a bit slower. If you go out to Devon and stuff, like going into a pub's a bit more chilled. It's not like busy London. Yeah, but I find everything's quicker because you're not queuing. You're not in traffic. you're not on an escalator you just go to the shop you get it done bosh actually it's a faster pace of life Rob fair enough yeah anyway I was stuck in a school I can only take your view of it you're there yeah I was stuck in a school I'm stuck in a school I'm still stuck in a school still stuck in a school 30 minutes in we're nearly getting the first bullet point done fucking hell in your defence I did flash your naked man's penis on a playing card for no reason I mean we I think we've both got to take the hit that we have diverted.

30:10Josh Widdicombe:I know that either of us are... Not a diversion, there'll be more screen time on the Saturday. I even drew attention to my screen time. So, I was then... I had to go all the way back and I was late. So I started running, which in hindsight feels like a mistake. Yeah. Because I was running, now running through a school... On your own. On my own that I shouldn't have been in. In a slower pace of life. In a slower pace of life. Anyway, luckily, I was running on one side of the hedge because I was looking if there was a way I could climb through the hedge to get onto the road. Oh, God. I know. Because you were that desperate to get there.

30:51Josh Widdicombe:Well, because my daughter was so paranoid about me not being at the end. I was worried if she started the match and I wasn't at the sideline, it would be really bad. Yes, because you know that they're going, where's Dad, where's Dad? Especially at a new alien school. Oh, God, the panic. Anyway, another parent from the other side of the hedge goes, are you looking for the hockey match? You should have gone, no. No. So did they get you through the hedge? He helped me vault over a huge gate by holding my hand. Oh, do you know this man? Well, he's one of the other parents. I didn't, yeah. But he's one of your school.

31:30Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Big man? Big man. Bigger than you? Was he bigger than you? most people are having to hold the hand of a bigger man I passed in my stuff and then I like had to jump what what stuff I had a bag I can't remember what the bag was just like a a plastic bag like a bag for life and you are living

31:58Josh Widdicombe:and then i stood on top of the the fence straight gate and as i was landing i've gone fucking i've got to have him have i forever now panic runner panic talking man anyway we helped me vault over the fence and we we arrived and they were fucking nowhere near starting oh that's good though it was good but i was a little bit like oh that was that was incredibly stressful and then rob this is the problem with my touring go on i used to be at the previous school in london i used to be incredibly across the mental load right sure so and and what would rose back you up on that who would have a hundred percent You were across the school stuff in London.

32:46Josh Widdicombe:Both of us were, but if I was left, if Rose was away, I wouldn't be like, is it swimming today? And would it be 50-50 completely? Would she still be a bit more across it than you? I don't know. You'd have to ask her, but I think we were both completely across it. So we were both able to do it. So I don't think there was a point when I was like, I don't know whether there's a club today. Okay. Yeah, because Lou is 100 % across it. at the moment with my touring schedule well that's the problem i've got no i know nothing since i moved i've been on tour and so my approach to the mental like i feel so lost with the new school yeah it makes me feel like i'm you know when you're like i used to take pride in the facts and now it feels like i'm a fucking victorian dad who doesn't know anything about well it doesn't you don't feel like that you are i am you don't know anything no i don't and it stresses me out and then Rose was away.

33:43Josh Widdicombe:And so I had to. Here we go. So it's good to have an old favourite back. Yeah, yeah. Play the hits. Where was she? She was in London working. Right. For a night. So I was doing, you know, the morning run. Yeah. It all went fine. Yeah. Did their drinks. Did their bags. Did their uniforms. Did their breakfast. Yeah. Got them in. And then it transpires, Rob, that they have a snack in a lunchbox in their bag. Yeah, I thought that was a given. They didn't have that in their last school. No, no. And so my son had opened up his lunchbox to crusts from the day before.

34:30But almost like an angry parent going, I've gave you that to eat, and you will eat it.

34:35Josh Widdicombe:Well, look at this. He ate it because he thought that was his snack.

34:41Josh Widdicombe:They've opened up his crusts and his crusts. 24-hour old crusts. Fucking hell, it's a weird one today. They've given me some really old crusts. Well, I struggle with keeping up with the water bottle situation. It always seems like my kids have got a new water bottle that they take, and I filled it up and didn't put the lid on properly. All of it leaked in my daughter's bag, and I got an email from the teacher. Oh, God. Oh, God. That's the first time I've done a water bottle this term. Oh, Rob. I know. It's bad, isn't it? because we're not, so my Monday. We're just normal men. We're trying. We're not just normal men.

35:16But I will be more across it once I'm not on tour. It's just very hard at the moment.

35:20Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, exactly. Oh, I'm sorry. Last Monday we had Parenting Hell. Last Monday was so stressful. So first thing in the morning, are you disgusted? I had a doctor taking blood for a, we had that last week, didn't we, we discussed that? Doctor taking blood? I had a doctor doing tests for life insurance. So he came around at 9am. I don't think we spoke about that. All right, well, that happened. So he came around at 9am before the podcast at 10am? Wow. Doctor at 9, Joe Wiley at 10. Doctor at 10. Joe Wiley at 10. So can you worry about me taking the bloods, please? Yeah. But Joe Wiley at 10. I've got to speak to Joe Wiley about having four kids.

35:56I told you that my premium went up when they weighed me. Did it?

36:00Josh Widdicombe:Oh, no, Rob. I've got a, yeah. How did they? What, literally? at that point they had your premium and by the moment you stepped on it kind of went up on it well no so the um if you are going to get life insurance what i'd say is make sure you do it when you're like don't do it straight after christmas or a holiday do it when you've been working out because basically they gave me a price and then when the nurse came around to do like bloods and smoke and do the weight she did and then um also as well when you get on the scales like obviously you're fully dressed i can't like strip down to my pants to get on the scales yeah Yeah.

36:34I was so close.

36:35Josh Widdicombe:You should have said to Aviva or whoever it was, what muscle weighs more than fat, mate? Well, I still didn't know how to cancel my Viva one, so I've just stopped the direct debit. I've done that before. I don't know if that's against the rule. I don't know if the police are going to come, but I literally cannot find on their website a number to ring or a place to cancel it. So fucking hell, drawbridge up, come for me. Come for you. Well, what are they going to do? Kill me? They're not going to come for you. They're just never going to pay out if you do get ill. Exactly, yeah. So it's win-win.

37:05It's just annoying though, because I feel like I wish I'd died a bit, you know, because I paid all that money and then didn't die. It feels like I've made the money.

37:11Josh Widdicombe:It's like Barrel's made her money back from Pet Plan by having this kidney problem. We're absolutely in profit. So I did Parenting Hell, come off the call, Rose is the hamster's ill. Oh, God, what's wrong with the hamster? We're in end-of-life situation here with the hamster. It's been a couple of years, hasn't it? yeah maybe that's the good thing about hamsters though isn't it not really it's quite bleak yeah but it's nice you only get a couple of years you're not tied to a hamster for like 22 years yeah yeah but I don't think you're tied to a well no but like you know cleaning it out and doing all the happening oh right yeah is she going to want another one straight after no no exactly perfect two years done yeah yeah we're in a horse area these days Rob which we need to discuss she's got into horses oh hmm here we go Here we go.

38:03Here we go. Absolute money pit. Well, it is what it is. The good thing, though, is in Devon in Exeter, there's probably not much of a horse riding scene, so you'll be fine.

38:11Josh Widdicombe:Exactly, exactly. No, she wanted a horse riding lesson for her birthday. Yeah. She went on it. She absolutely loved it. So, is what it is. Hamsters out, horse in. Hamsters out, horse in. Same cage. Are you going to get horse? No. You will? Well, yeah, I'm not ruling it out in the long term, but I think I'd need more than one lesson before I went and invested in a horse. I can hear Rose now. Well, the thing is we're paying this amount for the lessons. If we have our own, then at least, you know, she can ride it for free whenever she wants. Oh God, I don't know how it works. Why having a horse? You what?

38:45Josh Widdicombe:Well, no, no. But what I mean is you'd need a lot of lessons in your bag by that point, wouldn't you? Yeah. To justify the horse. Because you've got to get a paddock, haven't you? Yeah. You can't put it in the garden. Yeah. Yeah. You'd have to have it somewhere, but then you'd have to go and check on it. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You don't need that in your diary. It's not happening. So what's happening? So what do you do with Benil Hamster? So vet, right? So we booked the vet because he's previously, did I tell you previously Benil where he's walking in circles? No. They've got a will, though. They love that, don't they?

39:20Josh Widdicombe:So yesterday, not yesterday, last month, he was basically veering to the left at all times, like a kind of... A car that needs to be realigned. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I took him to the vet. He said, ear infection, take these things. Sorry. Yeah, I know. But he has got a massive bollock, which is probably cancer. Oh, Jesus Christ. So then. Is that what's dragging him to the left? He got ill again. After a month, I was like, I'll just take him to the same vet. They can only do 2.45. We've got parents evening at 3.20. I come off parenting hell at 1. I'm like, I'm desperate to do some exercise. So I go for a run.

40:03Josh Widdicombe:Classic me, Rob, halfway around. I've never needed a shit more in my life.

40:17Josh Widdicombe:And it's that thing where running's running down by the river, but I'm not going to do it.

40:25Josh Widdicombe:But I'm not going to. and like running's making it worse if anything yeah but look i need to get home quickly so it's a really difficult call isn't it on whether to run or not yeah when the irony is that like you um your hamster's running in circles now you are needing a massive shit with a massive just about make it go to toilet i've got five minutes to eat my lunch and then i have to get straight in the car take the hamster to the vet get to the vet what your life has no buffer no you never ever to run i know i know but like like even this morning to be fair to be fair the vets that was my buffer no it's not your buffer the buffer should be nothing no that's what i mean is the vet the vet an emergency vet appointment oh i into your buffer that was i was meant to finish parenting hell at midday and then have uh three hours 20 to myself before parents evening before parents evening yeah okay fair enough but i do think you are you will always schedule the least amount of buffer yeah but i don't know but a quarter to a nine for nine o 'clock recording when you're in a hotel room that's because i overslept because i but that's a good buffer you see about the buffer yeah i can but i didn't want to set my alarm for half seven so so that i could have some porridge buffer when i was getting sleep a half one yeah no i'm just saying that you you live without buffer i do you are on the line in out right non-stop fair enough just so but this wasn't my fault then i had to go to the vet take the hamster to the vet um and then i i thought i'm not going to make it back for parents evening but actually just about make it back i'm three minutes late for parents evening.

42:14Josh Widdicombe:And is that the one where Rose got lost? No, this is the replacement one. Which actually allowed me... Yeah, because she missed it. She was at the school, but got so lost at the school, she missed the appointment at the school. What looked like a closed school.

42:34That would really annoy me. Not like if I was Rose. I wouldn't be annoyed with Rose. The fact she'd made the effort to get to the school. with rain and she's in the school and it's raining and then misses the appointment and

42:44Josh Widdicombe:has to reschedule it yeah that is annoying yeah very annoying um parents evening pick up the kids i could just see everyone's walking in that night wet just saying to you well no i wasn't there obviously because i wasn't even there oh just otherwise i'm going to parents evening what have you what have you done child care wise while you're down there because obviously my mom or Rose's mum. Right. Your mum's a bit closer now. My dad actually that night. Right. Oh, so that's quite handy. My dad came down so that Rose could fail to go to parents' evening. Brilliant. And how far are they from you now, your parents?

43:19Josh Widdicombe:40 minutes, but they love it. Oh, that's good. That's fine though. I mean, oh, that's good. Um, so anyway, then I go to, uh, then after basically after parents' evening, have a shower, get changed go to talkie to do a tour show um and then go to bed and that's my that is that is a pure day of no buffer rob yeah that is absolute michael bruce buffer it's so but i wasn't expecting the hamster to to absolutely but i i do i would say that you are you you you don't allow yourself much time for today i'm pure buffer today in the um i've got nothing after this until Newcastle. Perfect. There you go. That's good, isn't it?

44:05Josh Widdicombe:I'm going to go back to bed. Pure buff. Buff yourself. Pure buffer. Anyway, Rob, how has your parenting been? My parenting been? Oh, we went to, what have we been up to? We went to, oh, I've got to tell this before. I was on, I'll talk about some parenting in a minute, but I've got to tell this. It's really funny. Actually, I'll tell you about parenting first, and I'll tell you that after. We went to Mamma Mia, the party at the O2 yesterday. Right, so what's that? Right, it's the most overwhelming experience. In the arena? So it's not in the arena. It's in a purpose-built theatre that's inside the arena next to the Indigo O2.

44:40Fucking hell, ABBA can't stop building purpose-built events around London. What's their fucking problem? So what it is, is a purpose-built theatre, but it's built like a giant Greek restaurant.

44:53Josh Widdicombe:Like the Fawlty Towers experience. Similar. And the setup is you go in and sit down and you have like a three course meal and there's like booze and stuff like that. The food actually is really good. It's all Greek food. I thought normally with the kids. Yes, we went with the kids. Normally the food's quite crap at those places, but they love Mamma Mia. I thought it'd be a fun thing to do. So you go in three course meal and then there's like three acts of performance. So one after the starter, then you have main, then another act and then another act. And the first two acts is basically it's a story of they're trying to put on an Abish performance in the Greek restaurant.

45:27And there's a Greek owner with his English wife and then the Greek nan. And they were arguing about why have we got to do a Mamma Mia show? Can't we have a Greek? And there's loads of music in it. And then there's a love story like in normal Mamma Mia, the film and all this. And then basically it is just full of mainly middle-aged to old-age women getting on it and dancing and singing. And how did you feel aroused? No, no, I definitely didn't feel aroused. Very much Mull and Kintyre rather than Isle of Mull. Oh, barely. What's the opposite that Mull and Kintyre has gone backwards in? Darfur Tunnel.

46:12So, no, I didn't feel aroused to answer your initial question. um no so i was a bit like i'm sure what was going on but it's really well acted really well sung so it's just really fun and then i would suggest with kids doing matinee um and they've really got to be in mamma mia but it's definitely more aimed at like sort of hen do's and like birthdays and stuff like that but yeah it was really good and the kids loved it the waiters when they're bringing the food are they like part of it so yeah so no there's just normal waiting staff but then there's also singers and stuff that are dressed as waiters but they're not they're singing and they're dancing and like and there's like a chef that walks around and stuff like that and like but you like but they're really like they're really like in character so like at one point i nearly said you got any like white bread rolls for the kids they're not really into the old focaccia stuff you know like yeah yeah um and stuff so yeah that's we did that and that was

47:01Josh Widdicombe:really good how did they respond to that did they do it in character or did they no i didn't ask that i nearly did i just allowed them to sort of do their thing but it's really funny and the kids were like a bit like overwhelmed and stuff but um but that's great that was really good so enjoy That's nice. That's nice. That was a nice wholesome thing. And then we went, ended up afterwards in the O2 going to this like bar and doing a karaoke room. Oh my God. And the kids just went mental in there and just singing Taylor Swift for like an hour. I mean, Lou and our friends and their kids were in there and we just sat there like drinking wine and beer, watching them sing for an hour.

47:31It's actually a great way to get on it with kids.

47:33Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. You just sit in a karaoke room, they're singing for a couple of hours and you just sit there getting drunk, singing along. Yeah. That's good. That was good. That's nice. so was there anything on at the o2 like oh lord was on but this was we went at like the 12 o 'clock show in the mamma mia thing and then that finished at like half three four but you can stay in there and get drunk and dance i would say for you that's not for me no but i'm just saying like your daughter would love it but the um you will but you're a lamb to the slaughter for the selfie yeah i can imagine that is i was thinking as you're saying drunk mums is an absolute lovely but it was like I was dancing with my daughter during the show and like people coming over for selfies.

48:15I'm like, I'm watching the show and I'm dancing with my daughter. Can I, stuff like that. So I had to duck out a song early to get out. Oh, that's nice.

48:27The show was, it was brilliant. I definitely recommend that. They loved that. So that was good. We did that. I'd went on a 40th at the weekend. I mean, it was a very, I mean, we're old. the birthday boy took a bottle of Pepto-Bismol with him. I don't know what that is. He had hiccups for 72 hours. Oh my God. Some sort of acid reflux. Right. So he had to have Pepto-Bismol. It's really... I did feel like, you know when people go, what's the luck telling Fulton? I felt fine about it. It's only when you see all your mates and one's like hiccuping his way through Pepto-Bismol. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Rennies have been chucked around like they're pills in the 90s.

49:05Josh Widdicombe:Was it a full weekend? So Friday and Saturday night, but it was quite a chilled one. I went to Dill and I had good food, had a few drinks, messed up. Oh, you've hit middle age. But it was very middle age, but quite – got all of bed by midnight and had a good seven, eight hours sleep. So that was nice. Oh, very nice. But not very rock and roll. Yeah, that's nice. And then – where was I? Well, I was in Manchester last week and I finished gigging at – well, I finished – it was a TV show, actually. I finished it at 11, stayed over in Manchester because the next day I was in Leicester. So I stayed at a hotel in Manchester.

49:34The next day I got driven when I got checked out of the hotel midday, driven to Leicester, but then I'm in Leicester at two o 'clock. Yeah. So what do you do? Check into your hotel? No hotel. I'm driving home that night. Oh, my word. You know the answer. Cinema? Yeah. Industrial estate. Nando's followed by cinema. God, Rob, your life. I know. That should be fun, but on your own it is so depressing.

49:58Josh Widdicombe:Can't you just go to a cinema in the town just to make it a bit less bleak? Well, no, because it's hard with parking. and then also, I know it sounds worse, but in town, I'll get bothered loads more. We're on an industrial estate midweek. I can be a big bot incognito. Oh, God, Rob. So I went and watched The Running Man. I don't know what that is. The remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger film. Oh, right. You know The Running Man where basically sit in the future and you basically go on the run and get chased down by people. If you make it long enough, your family get loads of money. Right. Or you get killed.

50:28So I've bought a ticket to The Running Man. I'm alone. I've got some popcorn in one hand. So who's driven you? Are they not coming to the cinema? No. I'm meeting my tour manager later on at the venue. I got driven by a guy at the TV. The TV company got me a car to Leicester. Yeah, fine. So he dropped me off at the industrial estate. You didn't fancy inviting him to the running man? The taxi driver. Yeah. The driving man. No.

50:53Josh Widdicombe:I thought that might be a bit weird. Anyway. Do you know what, mate? It's been a lovely journey. Do you fancy coming to the running man and then a Nandoz? I know. Just because I'm a bit lonely. It was quite chatty, but I was so tired. I just didn't want to talk for two hours. You chatted through The Running Man. So anyway, I get the ticket for The Running Man. I walk up, and, you know, when you walk up, they go, what are you going to see? And how many people are at The Running Man at 2 p.m. on a Tuesday? Absolutely no one. About three people in the cinema. But at this point, there's no one in the cinema apart from the man taking my ticket, right?

51:27Yeah. Now, I'm going to see The Running Man, and the man taking my ticket is in a wheelchair. Yeah. and he says, what film are you here to see? Yeah, bit of fun. And he knows what I'm going to say. Yeah. He's smiling because he's enjoying the awkwardness for me. Yeah, fine. And I'm like, right, I know how this plays out. I say, The Running Man, he gives me a quip, a little funny line back. Do you know what? Fair enough. And do you know what?

51:52Josh Widdicombe:But I know he's ready for it. I can see it. I bet all his fucking Christmas came at once when he saw The Running Man have been re-released. Yeah, he's going to absolutely rip it all day with jokes and people feeling uncomfortable. And I give him a ticket and he goes, what are you going to say? I go, the running man. And he goes, well, it's certainly not me. Oh, good on him. Good on him. What did you say? I went, that is absolutely excellent. Super. And we had a bit of a laugh. Yeah. And then he was in, I've never seen it before, but actually I think it's amazing. Do you think he's worked that up over the weeks?

52:25He's done work. He must have done work in progresses. is and that is well it's certainly not it's a lovely little line isn't it i mean it's tight and it's and he can set it up by going what are you here to see yeah because the first time the

52:37Josh Widdicombe:first time someone's come to see that he's like it's been a bit back here he's gone they've got the running man he's gone oh well i i'm not as good at running as you or something that's not a film for me yeah yeah yeah that's not right it just sounds like i'm slacking off the film Yeah. So he's nailed it. I might have butchered him, but whatever he said made me laugh out loud. But also he had one of his wheelchairs where like it was at, he was at eye level. So, you know, he was higher up. So it was like the wheels were the same height, but there's like a little bit between the seat and the base.

53:08Josh Widdicombe:Like a tennis umpire. Yeah. So about not as high as that. That would be mental. I thought I'd go for the Richard Osman one, actually. No, so he's basically at like five foot, by maybe six foot or five foot 11 at height and I level. And I've never seen it before. It's basically just like a little mechanism that just increases the height of the seat. And I was like, I've never seen a chair like that before. And I was like, what's it all about? When I'll base it, it's a bit more money, but like, I just feel like when you're lower, you don't get, you sort of don't get looked at properly. People don't speak to you.

53:37You're not seen. And I was like, how much more was it? And he was like, it was like something like about 1200 quid that, that wheelchair rather than a cheaper. And I was like, what an amazing thing, because it is true. Sometimes you're lower. You are, you're just not in amongst it. So anyway, we were chatting about that and I thought that's a really good idea, stuff like that. And then we was having a bit of a laugh. And then I felt like I built up a bit of rapport. And then you missed the running man because you were chatting so well. No, because I went, is the running, is it open yet, the screen?

54:00And I went, let me have a look. And then he was looking for ages because he could not find it. I went, fucking hell, mate, you're not even the reading man. Oh, here we go. Here we go. And then he went, I'm not bringing much, am I? And I was like, this is lovely. let's fuck the film off I found a friend I think I'm lonely I think I'm lonely

54:24Josh Widdicombe:oh Rob that is bleak how was the running man shit bit shit just a bit weird it was sort of half serious half like trying to make a joke of itself but also still being serious yeah yeah you know that one on a stag do when someone's having a bit of a laugh but then you you strike a nerve and then they go all serious like a teacher that you don't know where you are with yeah that's how it felt yeah but Did you have Nando's on your own? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. On my own, yeah. In a booth in the corner facing the wall. Oh, yeah. That's nice. Good old way. The best way, I find. Just watching TikTok?

54:53Yeah. No, actually, I was watching the Chris Eubank Jr. and Senior BBC documentary. I'd just watched the Caroline Flack documentary and watched the rest of Mobland.

55:05Josh Widdicombe:Oh, there we go. There we go. It's a nice life, isn't it? It's a nice life on the road. Well, yeah. No, it is. It is very pleasant. But when you do it a lot, you get lonely. I'm ready for Christmas. I'm ready for Christmas. So is it fucking the 17th of November? Not far off, though. Well, no, exactly. But I've got a lot of work before Christmas to get through. And that is... You'll be all right. It feels like a distance. It feels like a distance. Yeah, but don't worry about the end. Just enjoy the process of it all. So all you've got to do now, forget about the gig later. You're in a hotel room resting, relaxing.

55:40I'm going to lie down. probably masturbating.

55:42Josh Widdicombe:I'm going to listen to an audio book. I'm too unwild. You don't want to audio books, do you? It depends which it is. Just download your ID, mate. Get back on the site. Right, should you do small business? I've paid, I've paid$7.99 for a Jilly Cooper on Audible. I'm not fucking wasting that money.

56:01Oh dear. Right. I've got a small business. This is the one I've actually been to as well here. Oh, here we go. This is Sea Scrub Sauna. Now, when we were down in Dill, we went to this in Margate, a bit of a last-minute booking. For the 40th? Yeah, for the 40th, basically.

56:15Josh Widdicombe:You went for a sauna? Fuck it, hell. Times have changed in Rob Beckett's life, haven't they? It's on the beach in Margate, where basically you get – there's a sauna and there's plunges. I love a sauna. I had a sauna yesterday. And bucket – not bucket, sorry, barrels with cold water, and then you can run in the sea. Anyways, here it is. So I said I'd give them a shout-out. So we went and we really enjoyed it. Nice, nice. It was started out by our cousins, Luke and Robin, who went travelling in their 20s. It was on the new Norwegian fjords, braving icy swims and floating saunas that gave me the idea to bring back Scandinavian sauna culture back to Kent coast with the British seaside twist.

56:50Our saunas are all about hot meets cold. You can roast in wood-fired sauna. It's done in sea views, then plunge into cold water whiskey barrels or the actual English channel. There's hot tubs, fires. Yeah, there's a nice fire there as well. It's genuinely incredible for resetting your mind and body. We've got sites in Margate, Whitstable, Faversham with Folkestone rumoured to be coming soon. And for parents listening, kids over five can join private sessions. So you can hire out a whole. So if you went with another couple.

57:19Josh Widdicombe:I don't think you can say about yourself that you're rumored to be doing Folkestone. Yeah, that they're rumored. There's rumors that I'm setting up a business in Folkestone. There's rumors that Rob Beckett's going to do a show in Luster next week. Yeah. So if they're over five, they can join private sessions because you can hire out the whole sauna yourself. And over 12 can join social sessions with adult supervision. We also do family social sessions on Sundays at Winstable, specifically with families with kids over five. So you can make it a proper family wellness day. Oh, God. Ofgus sessions.

57:52What's that? Decongestion. You can decongestion sessions. Full moon events. They do alcohol slushies as well in the bar if you want one of them. Oh, my word. Yeah, so the full moon events as well. Check us out on seascrubsauna.co.uk or on Instagram at seascrubsauna. It was really good. I'm actually booked in again to go and take a look. Are you?

58:14Josh Widdicombe:Oh, yeah. That feels more the pace you'd imagine from a sauna rather than a lad's 40th. Well, it was not a lad's 40th. He's on, like, Rennie's. One of them's really... Yeah, pathetic. What a couple of... It took him two hours to drink a pint at lunch on the second day. Oh, God. Anyway, where did it all go? That's seascrubsauna. Have a look on Instagram. um it's really good we loved it and especially it's a great miserable day and then like once we went in there it sort of like woke us up a bit it was good good morning josh and rob and michael long-time listener first-time caller i want to give a small business shout out to my amazing friend charlotte who is the founder of charlotte elizabeth color over the past two years while raising her beautiful daughter otty and her husband harley oh with her husband harley not raising her husband, Harley.

59:02Josh Widdicombe:Oh, with her husband, Harley, often away with the army, Charlotte's... That fucking puts our complaints in there. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but he's probably in Cyprus on a jolly. See how he does the old scum-thought-buxton-Newcastle-Stockton quad. Charlotte somehow juggled full-time work and found the passion to start her own colour analysis and wardrobe styling business. She helps people discover the colours that make them look and feel amazing, boosting confidence and simplifying wardrobes to save space, time, and money. And now she's taken the bold leap to go full-time with it. I am in awe of her bravery and drive.

59:40Josh Widdicombe:She's a total inspiration. For mums, if you're wondering where your style went or secretly dreaming of wearing color but stuck in the black leggings loop, Charlotte is exactly who you need to boost your confidence and give you that direction. For husbands, take note. This is the best present she does at gift vouchers. Rob and Josh, that includes you. You can find her at Charlotte Elizabeth Color, spelt the British way, with O-U-R. The British way. The British way. I hope it's okay to shout out someone else's business, yes. But I know she wouldn't do it for herself. Cheers to the last. Stay sexy and relatable from Rosie Wild.

1:00:20Josh Widdicombe:Thank you very much. Good luck. Josh, I'll see you next week. Oh, if we make it. What? Might die. Okay. Don't. Please don't. Please don't. Well, no, it's a friend, but also, yeah. I mean, I'd say you'll get a peak of numbers for one week when you do the tribute episode, but then it'll fall off. The tribute episode?

1:00:44I'll get Michael to knock up a best off. Right, bye.