S11 EP32: Advent Calendar Error

0:28Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing.

0:36Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Hey, Harper, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Whittakin? Josh Whittakin! Very wassup, wasn't it? Was it Harper? Was that Harper 7? Is her name Harper 7, the Beckhams Harper? I think it is. That's mental, isn't it? Is seven a middle name? Well, it's like calling her Harper Zig-a-zig-a. Yeah. Which is something from their career. Yeah, exactly. Oh. Harper, tell me what you want, what you really, really want. Sorry, I'd never realised why it was seven. Yeah. Because that was his number. Yeah, it's like calling your kid like Josh Jr., hashtag is it okay, Widdicombe.

1:21Oh, come on. That is mad. I tell you what, I think since the Royals have calmed down a bit, Now that Andrew's gone and Harry's gone. It's only been two weeks. Yeah, I know. But do you know what I mean, though? There's not much drama at the moment for the papers, is there? It's like the Andrew thing's always sort of ongoing, but he's left now, so you can't really go at the royals as much. And then Harry and Meghan have sort of gone and they're just boringly getting on with it. Yeah. They still do articles, but there's no actual thing happening. Yeah. It almost feels like the Beckhams are the new royals where now their kids are growing up.

1:54I've got an interesting parenting question for you, Rob. Yeah, go on. Because we can't even identify with this, right? Yeah. Even though we are, not to be naff, we are famous, right? Yes. But our kids exist. It would be mental for us to say we wasn't at this stage. Exactly. But some people do do that, don't they? It would be insane. Yeah, well, you know, you could sound famous, but... Well, I've done a bit of telling, so maybe people may notice who I am. Awkwardly curled up, cringing and itching. but i think the situation of the beckham's children yes utterly fascinating and i've been thinking about this this week because i saw a video on i'd followed both beckham's i don't know which one it was of were they doing keep it please or miming but it was of cruise playing a gig now cruise is the front man of a indie band yeah that sound like something that would be played on xfm yeah sorry radio x that's not like a qualitative that's just the genre kind of music yeah yeah yeah and i watched this and my initial thought was i think it's a huge disadvantage for him to be cruise beckham in that kind of role i think if it was a pop star or an actor or something but i don't think the kind of people that want to like that kind of band are going to want it to be fronted by cruise beckham actually while i wouldn't have heard of them at all if he wasn't cruise beck i couldn't work out do you think it's an advantage or a disadvantage yeah again i'm fascinated by him because they are so famous to beckhams worldwide yeah and their kids are so famous yeah and a lot of what is presented on instagram from david victoria beckham they're very much from that era where everything's sort of pr controlled and i never really feel like i'm getting like the real david becker when he wakes up in the morning it'll be like no it's not him going having a fucking nightmare because we've run out of butter no it'll be like oh here's a video of david but like looking immaculate in pajamas and everything's perfect so now that like this is rift and it must be horrible because if it's i don't know what's going on but it seems as if brooklyn beckham doesn't have much to do with his parents anymore yeah that's what i've read i don't know if it's true or not but that rift to happen to any family is horrible but then to have that in the press or because every time anything happens like if for example you had friends and their adult child didn't get on with them and it was like a christening and you was at it you might go to rose oh it's a shame they're not here yeah isn't it that they're not getting on anymore with the family but then imagine it would be all over the mail like brooklyn snubs and even just us talking about it now yeah and we're not i wouldn't describe me and you as we very rarely talk about celebrity stuff we're not hunting down a tabloid clickbait chat so i'm like oh my god like the pressure and then whatever brooklyn does he gets grief for it like he tried to be a chef of photography and even if he was amazing at it no one takes him seriously yeah exactly no one takes them seriously and i get you know world's smallest violin of course because the advantages are huge yeah of course like it's weird isn't it because you go i don't even know whether you could just go well i'm going to become an accountant well like for me the best thing about like because being famous is a double-edged sword where it's definitely i think more favorable to have it than not even though there's disadvantages 100 the double edge is certainly sharper on me i don't know how to continue the analogy but you understand why a million percent and obviously you and that comes with money and opportunity celebrity that's what it brings you most of the time and i would say the way we have it is incredibly positive yeah i totally agree but for brooklyn and cruise beckham that's a different thing yeah but they've grown up the best thing about getting money is when you never had it in the start yeah yeah that's the best thing and the best thing about having opportunity is when you didn't have any opportunity but when you've grown up with unlimited funds unlimited opportunity unlimited access well what's the fun bit of life yeah what's the i've achieved something or that because you know you can earn a bit of money but like i got a way bigger buzz you know walking out on stage to do live at the apollo something i dreamed of doing as a kid than i did when i saw the money from live at the apollo going my bank yeah do you what i mean exactly and i suppose that is why you get so many of these kids of celebrities that have substance abuse problems or feel very rudderless or because it's very difficult to find meaning it's very difficult to find a reason to kind of exist do you know what i mean like we have meaning because of what obviously because of our families but if we were doing nothing with our days or didn't need to do anything with our days yeah we you crave that when you are driving to Stockton.

6:46But the reality is within a week, you'd go, I need something to drive me. But imagine if whatever you did, someone said to you, oh, you're only good at that or get that because of your dad anyway. Yeah, exactly. Say David Beckham's sons and daughters play football, right? They play top level football. They would get told you only got those opportunities because David knew if I was in the industry. And even if they were like brilliant at football, they'd go, oh, well, they're just lucky because they've got his genes. Yeah, but I do think in football at least, I think football's the easiest one because it is meritocratic.

7:20If someone scores a good goal, if you are, Erling Haaland's a bad example because he's much better than his dad. That's the answer, isn't it? Yeah. Just be better than your parents or something. Because I forgot dad was a footballer until you said it just then. And Eddie Hearn's done it well. Eddie Hearn, the son of Barry Hearn, he's sort of done it in his own way. And I suppose there is people, there's like Stella McCartney, or there's like, Stella McCartney is a really good example. I'm struggling to come up with as good a one as that. But like... You're not going to get better in a Beatle, no matter what you do.

7:52No, exactly. And what she's done, obviously, is... Oh, that's easier. Well, Stella McCartney wasn't famous before. The difference between the Beckhams kids and Eddie Hearn or Erling Haaland or Stella McCartney is Stella McCartney, no one knew who she was. She decided to put herself above the power. but the Beckham's kids are we know the fucking Harper's middle name well yeah and they've had no choice about it from birth really because they were always in the papers exactly this is whole generation now coming through and even like the people on TOWIE you know uh Billy and Sam Fares I think they've stopped doing it now because their kids were getting older but then like their children were becoming child stars of their television series yeah but then when they get to 18 they've already become oh you're just famous for being on that show but then they've decided they not had a choice in being on that show because they were eight or five and they would just put on it so it's like well i think it would be blind of us not to say that we are slightly on the verge of this and we've we're having to make decisions like this well that's why i've never put any pictures of them out or ever said their names so that then they get a choice and i try and make sure that I'm doing my best to talk about my experience as a dad.

9:09That's exactly, yeah. Look what my kids have done. Because it'd be really easy just to film them and put it on Instagram. Yeah, yeah. So much easier than me having to do anything. That's the decision I'm trying to make. And it's hard though. And also, in the Beckham's defence, like back in the... How would you ever know that it would grow to this kind of Instagram world? Well, I once... I was once on Bond Street. When would this have been? So how old's Harper now? she's 15 something like that yes this would have been about 13 years ago and victoria beckham walked past but i didn't recognize her because of victoria beckham i saw the back of her head and harper's face and i recognized harper as a two-year-old because i'm not even that into celebrity but i'd seen that face so many times and they grew up in the absolute era of tabloid Yes.

9:59And they were the most famous people beyond beyond Robbie Williams. They were the most famous. But they've maintained it for the last 20, 30 years. It was slightly the era. They were always doomed in that era. Whereas now, if Taylor Swift and what's his name have a kid. Travis. Yeah. Travis Kelsey. I don't think that kid necessarily has to be famous because you're much more in charge of your own. She will be. But then you can manage it if you. Yes. At that level, maybe you can't because, you know, it's easier for us because we're not that level of fame. You don't know who Simon Cowell's kid is.

10:35You don't know who... Yeah, you do. Eric. All right, fine. Give me some more. Do you know Robbie Williams' kids? No. No, you don't. I know he's got kids. How much do you know about Apple Martin? Nothing. I know that he's got a daughter called Apple. Yeah. I just think my way of thing is let the kids decide when they go on it. The other thing about the Beckhams, as opposed to, is they were both famous. So it's not even like you go, I don't know, Simon Cowell's wife isn't famous beyond, I don't even know who it is. Laura. Right, here we go. I think, I don't know. Yeah. But yeah, it's a very difficult, it's a very interesting one.

11:17Did we actually finish the intro of the person, or did we just talk for 10 minutes after they said Harper? Can I just ask one thing as well? Go on. Could you write in with the most famous person whose kid we don't know the name of? Lauren Silverman, Simon Cowell's wife. Oh, there we go. The most famous person. Because even Cillian Murphy, who kept himself very, very private, he took his son on Graham Norton and he watched the show and he was sort of on camera waving because he's like a teenager. It's things like that. He's also like, I want my children to have the opportunity to go to these things and enjoy them.

11:49Do you know what I mean? Because you don't feel like you're ashamed of them and you have to hide them. No, exactly. So if I got to take my daughter, what would be the thing? You know, obviously I've got a videos from like Alan and Jonathan from like, she loves traitors. I've not watched it all yet. Okay.

12:09So I've got a videos from them, but like, say not that this exists, but say there was like a traitors experience and we were invited to it and she could go. I would want to take her. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. If you did arm a celebrity, would you let them be at the end of the bridge to hug you? No, because I think they wouldn't bother. So I'd say, I'd say don't come. No, Rose and the kids will be out there. Yeah, they'd be out there. It's just a bit of a balance, isn't it? It's got to work out what it is. Maybe saying we've called him Brooklyn because we fucked in Brooklyn. Yeah, that's already...

12:41I wouldn't call that soft launch for your kid in the media. They've got very distinctive names as well, which he and Glass Houses, blah, blah, blah. but like they were awkwardly timed the Beckhams in terms of they were just the height of tabloids wanting to know yeah and they were so famous and everything was getting out anyway hey there Rob Josh and Michael this is my almost three-year-old daughter Harper having a go at the intro oh my god that was 15 minutes we didn't even read it out didn't even read it out absolute riffmasters I bet Rachel Migliore from Boynop West Australia originally from Belfast has been sitting here going, you better fucking get back to this.

13:19Oh, boy, you're not. Boy, you're not. Western Australia. Do you know that? No. I've only been to Perth on Western Australia. In my excitement recording, I accidentally pressed stop before praising her. I promise she got a big cheer and a high five. Big shout out to my twin brother, Ben, who got me into the podcast earlier in my pregnancy with Harper. The leap from one to two kids has been huge, but my hubby and I are bluffing our way through it. Thank you so much. I look forward to the episodes each week, and I love when the kids have a car nap so I can drive and listen to the pod. Flipping lovely.

13:49Stay sexy and relatable. Rachel Migliore, Boyn Yop, Western Australia, originally Belfast. Jesus Christ, that's a mouthful, that, isn't it? Rachel Migliore. Migliore from Bingadabori, originally from Belfast. There we go, yes. Are you going to Australia? Possibly. Sign up to the mailing list. Sign up to the mailing list. What's your plan for next year, Josh? Have you got any announcements of things that are going on that you're not allowed to say yet. Yeah, of course I have. And do sign up to my mailing list. What I like is I've been following Romesh's big announcement, right? Yeah. That he's going on tour.

14:23And what I love in the build-up to any comedian, if any comedian says they've got a big announcement coming up, sign up to the mailing list. It's a tour. They do not care enough about a TV show to make you sign up to their mailing list. They don't give a shit about anything else other than mailing list and ticket sales. So that's the giveaway. That is the only reason they want you to sign up for the mailing list. They haven't got a new podcast. They haven't got a new TV show. They haven't got a new radio show. They just... Mailing list equals tour. That is a great hack. Great insight there, Josh.

14:50What's it going to be? Oh, I've got a new show on ITV. So do sign up to my mailing list. Big news coming, guys. If you could sign up to the mailing list. My hamster chip's dead. See you next week. Just dropping news. I had a massive shit earlier. Didn't need to wipe my arse. Sign up to the list. I tell you something. If you are signed up to my mailing list, do sign up. if you live in Australia or the UK. Can you sign up to mine as well, please? Yeah, sign up to Rob's as well. Yeah, and in three years' time, when I announce another tour. Yeah. You won't get too much spam. There's no worries with my mailing list.

15:24You're not getting more than three emails a year.

15:31Could I tell you what's a fun thing about being in Australia, Josh? You'll love this. Yeah. Because all the emails come in overnight. You get it all in one lump, so you can get all your work done quickly when you wake up. Yeah. And you don't realise how many mailing lists you're on until you see it in one go. And then on your phone, you can just press, you know, it says unsubscribe at the top in blue. Yeah, I've been doing it. Oh, my God, it's so good. I feel so powerful. I've got rid of all of my mailing lists, except the ones I want to be on now. I feel incredible. I just thought I've taken ownership of my own life.

16:01I feel so much better for it. And so I get music tickets, because that might help me, and Plymouth Argyle. Yes. How are they doing at the moment? Are you enjoying the updates from those guys? I delete both of those because I live in Exeter so no gigs come here You've got to be in League 2 No we won at the weekend You're still bottom of the league aren't you? No because we beat the team above us so we can't be bottom Oh if you are that's low isn't it? You may go down so would that be fun because you win every week? I don't think May is really strong enough Who's May? You said we may go down Oh I think it's stronger than may go down 16 points but there's quite a lot of people at the bottom with not many points.

16:42If you win one game, you're out the relegation zone. Yeah, that's a huge if. And you lost to Exeter as well and they're shit. They're in nearly the relegation zone. No, I know, I know. We'll be playing them next year in League Two. Sorry, go on, Josh. What was you saying? We were talking about mailing lists. We were talking about mailing lists. Should we do some correspondence? Or did you have something else to say? No, I was just saying, Romesh is off on tour and it's good to give him a bit of promo. Oh, board in school stories. Want one? Yeah. My parents sent me to board in school age seven.

17:09Oh, fucking God. Unsubscribe. Unsubscribe from that. I was the only girl bald during the whole school. What? These serial killer fucking parents that do this kind of shit. Understandably, the school put me in a room on my own. Less understandably, they used the same room during the day as a sick bay for poorly children. Oh, my God. Not only that, they used my bed. Oh, my God. My parents only found out after a neighbour's child came home sick and told his mum that he slept in a bed with a Peter Pan bedsheets. somehow come up in conversation my parents put two and two together and they were horrified and i did get to change schools after that suffice to say my memories of boarding school aren't entirely positive from lee age 460 months there's an element to boarding school child cruelty brutal not just the the concept of it but it's not as palatial as it should be do you know what i mean it feels like the amount of money it costs and it's all for posh but it feels You are like living in a substandard dorm.

18:08And that sort of almost character building that you sleep in a shithole. Yeah, exactly. Or maybe I'm wrong. Was it palatial or not? I don't know. Tell us. Tell us. Shall I have Google Eton boarding school bedrooms? Sounds like a bit of a pedo searching. Is Eton the best? I don't know. It looks like a prison cell. Does it? Yeah, it just looks old and sad. What have you written? Eton College Summer School, is that one? College rooms. It's completely soulless. Oh, they're nicer than I thought. At least they've got their own room. Yeah, but bloody hell, it's weird, isn't it? It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing.

18:40Each to their own, though. That's the old saying goes, each to their own. Unless it's me having to do it, I fucking hate it. Crap advent calendars. Here we go. Hello, Rob and Josh. Have you got yours yet? I've got our kids' ones. I bought myself one from TikTok's shop for eight quid, and it's a football one. And it looks so crap. What do you get? Shall I bring it and open the first one? No, it's not December the 1st. don't approve of this. So I've got it here. I've just sent you. So it's like a terrible low res picture of loads of footballers. Oh, wow. The World Cup in the middle. I'm going to say it now, Rob.

19:15They have not cleared those photos. So really random players. Some retired eight years ago. So why have you bought this? Surely there's a good football advent calendar. Oh, it's just doom scrolling. Honestly, on tour, I scroll and watch so much. I just don't know what to do. I'm just stuck in a hotel room on my own going mad. I've started watching a documentary called Once Upon a Time in Northern Ireland. Oh, my God. It's so bleak. It's something else, isn't it? I watched that in Derry and in Dublin when I was on tour, and I just couldn't believe it. It's so heartbreaking. Do watch it, though, because it is a work of art.

19:47It's incredible, and it's brilliant. But fuck me. All right. So I've opened the first one. I've just smashed through Hakimi's face. Yeah. And it doesn't open properly. Yeah, of course. Because it's terribly designed. It's so deep. It's so deep. It's so deep. And I've got a really... You've got a lint bunny? No, it's a little metal golden boot. Oh. With a fake Adidas boot on it. And what are you meant to do with that? You just put it on the side. It's like a little ornament. Fuck. Let us know if you've got to share our bank calendar on that. Because that is so fake. And actually, I think if the police came in and took this, I'd be arrested for counterfeit goods.

20:27And the back of it is exactly the same as the front. The back of the advent calendar is exactly the same as the front. That is fucking... And they've got a little plastic golden boot. Eight quid. How much are they making on that? It's really badly done. It came up, one of them little TikTok adverts, and then I just clicked on it. And before I knew it, it was getting delivered. Oh, man. It's like two button presses. Eight quid. It's difficult on tour, isn't it? That's the equivalent. I'm basically... I think I've become some sort of social media shopping addict where that's like doing a bumper coke in the toilet.

20:56Yeah, it is. Seen it, why not? Bang. And before I know it, Why have I got all these plastic shit in my house? I know, I do that on eBay. It's terrible. Anyway, so I've opened the 1st of December. It's going to bring me bad luck. Dear Josh and Rob, I don't think you need to worry about bad luck from that advent calendar. There's no way it holds proper luck. I'm a long-time listener from Berlin, Germany, originally from Cheshire, UK. When my daughter was four years old, it was the 30th of November, and due to the treadmill of work deadline sickness and the usual chaos, I'd completely forgotten to buy my daughter's advent calendar.

21:27she was so excited about the 1st of December and opening the first advent door that I just had to find one in time I visited the local supermarket but it sold out of all advent calendars the second supermarket looked promising but alas it only had advent calendars with an assortment of tea bags which was not interesting to a four-year-old or anyone I don't know I think you might want well I've got enough tea bags do you know what I mean I think if you woke up on the other side of the bed you might go oh it's brilliant rob you get red bush red bush on the first then this one's cinnamon it's brilliant i've gone i made a dash to netto and hallelujah i found the chocolate advent calendars in my haste to buy the calendar and make it home i didn't really pay much attention to the box i know what he's done she go on she's got a dog one the next morning i pulled out the advent calendar and handed it to my daughter.

22:24She excitedly opened the first door. Do you want to go again? Cat one. And took a bite into the chocolate. She immediately spat it out and shrieking, yuck, yuck, yuck. As I studied the box, I realised I'd bought. Do you want to go again? I haven't got it right. No. I've got no idea. An advent calendar with schnapps filled chocolate.

22:48each day had a chocolate filled with a flavored schnapps lesson learned to always check the box especially after i collected my daughter from kindergarten that afternoon germany kindergarten and the teacher mentioned that my daughter informed the class that mommy and daddy had given her wine but i don't like a chocolate liqueur i don't like it it just ruins chocolate for me i don't like chocolate liqueur it's shit no one likes it no one in their right mind enjoys that. You need to tell the manager of Berlin Neto. I do need to tell the manager of Berlin Neto. I'll get on the first plane. Get the email up.

23:21Oh, there's a gobble gobble fail. Gobble gobble fail, come on. I work in a restaurant in Newcastle upon time and recently had an I've been there in the last. Have you been there recently, Rob? No. I'm going next week. Recently had an embarrassing parenting hell related moment. A party of two decided to turn into a party of 15. That's not me. I said a few people coming up from down south. I definitely haven't been for a meal with 15 people in Newcastle. A little while later, a family joined the table with a lady and two young kids. And what I absolutely, oh no, absolutely believed was Josh. No.

23:56Oh no. I assumed he was up here on tour.

24:02You've got to check. Just type in Josh Winnick of Newcastle and find the date. I asked the table for any allergies and got a good look at him. I was 100 % sure. Same voice and everything. I asked my colleagues who agreed when I went to deliver the drinks I lent in and announced

24:22announced gobble gobble while raising my eyebrows in the most animated way in a way could I just say of all the context it's almost the best one to mistakenly gobble gobble because it makes a slight bit of sense you're putting food down if you just went up to someone in the street and said gobble gobble That's far worse than giving them drinks. Or around a pool on holiday or in a bar. Gobble, gobble. The response was some unbelievably puzzled faces. Josh's top ganger was absolutely mortified. Complete and utter silence. Then the two little kids burst out laughing, shouting, Mummy, what is she saying?

25:06It was not Josh. Gosh, I've never been so red and simply couldn't explain to my boss why his restaurant manager was making noises to his customer. Keep being sexy and relatable. Live 23 from Geordieland. Oh, Liv. I'm coming up next week. Well, I don't know when this goes out, but I'll be up there 27th of November for three nights. So if you see me... You can gobble, gobble. You can gobble, gobble me. Yeah. Sounds bad. Yeah. At me. At you. Not me. Gobble, gobble me. Gobble, gobble at me. The problem is that the odds are it might not be you still. so she now she's you know what I'm going to do I'm going to go into Pizza Express Newcastle is it Pizza Express was it Pizza Express I thought it said Pizza Express no she hasn't said where it is I'm going to find out where it is and then go there and then when she leans in and goes with her big eyebrows gobble gobble I'm going to go I'm sorry what what's that mean and then she goes you're Rebecca you go no no no and then when at the end she goes how do you want to pay you'll have to go cash because she won't be allowed I'd see your card.

26:08I'd just tap it real quick. Do it on my phone. Tap, tap. Right, what have we got here? Seeing other people on holiday. Okay, I don't remember this. We were talking about not wanting to see other people on holiday. And I actually should say Tom Pacman, who I mentioned, I had got that wrong. It wasn't New York, it was Paris, and he did text me to correct that. So I do apologise. Not interesting for everyone else. in this special segment brought to you by tesco mobile for business we're going to talk to you about the chaos of balancing parenting and running a side hustle like when you're trying to send an email and your kids just video called your mom on your work phone oh yes or you're typing up an invoice don't realize your toddler's eating 10 crayons we've all been there rob yeah absolutely now josh if you had to start and run your own side hustle what would it be i would like rob Oh, it's difficult, isn't it?

27:00Massage therapist? Just let your hands go to work and keep your mouth shut for a bit? I think I have got healing hands, but actually I get quite bored quite easily. So being silent for an hour, I'd struggle with that. Also, I don't really like people. So I think it would have to be something at home. I think I might buy and sell online, Rob. I think I can spot a bargain, repackage it and sell it on at a profit to someone who really wants it. Well, you do still jokes, so that would fit. Well, that's a shame, isn't it? Well, what kind of stuff? Because you can't just do anything, can you? Nostalgic items that I find online.

27:39Garage clearance. Would you go to boot sales and stuff, or would you only do it online? Yes, that's who I'm going to be, Rob. But then you've got a hard, it's a hard negotiation for you, as the bloke off the telly, to get a good deal. No, because they know that I can walk away at any point, because they know I don't need it. Right, okay. I've got a bootstall and I'm selling micro star football heads. Yeah. And I say, I'll give you 6p for them. There's 300 here. Good deal. Cheers. I'll see you later. You are good. So I think I'd be a good kind of Del Boy style side hustler selling nostalgic items.