S11 EP9: Back to school!!!

0:00For adults with Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms, every choice matters. Tremphaya offers self-injection or intravenous infusion from the start. Tremphaya is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks, followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks. If your doctor decides that you can self-inject Tremphaya, proper training is required. Tremphaya is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active Crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis. Serious allergic reactions, increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them, and liver problems may occur.

0:40Before treatment, get checked for infections and tuberculosis. Tell your doctor if you have an infection, flu-like symptoms, or need a vaccine. Explore what's possible. Ask your doctor about Tremphaya today. Call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit Tremfierradio.com. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast! An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may apply.

1:30Hey parents, how do you make smarter choices for your kids' college today? That's where Sally can help. With Sally, you can find scholarships, funding options, tools, and guidance all in one place. And if you need a loan, Sally has options for different families and different situations. College is only worth it if you do it right. So don't just help your kid go, help them go smarter. sally.com slash go parents.

2:01Hello, I'm Rob Beckett. And I'm Josh Whittacombe. Welcome to Parenting Hill, the show in which Josh and I discuss what it's really like to be a parent, which I would say can be a little tricky. So, to make ourselves, and hopefully you, feel better about the trials and tribulations of modern day parenting, each week we'll be chatting to a famous parent about how they're coping or hopefully how they're not coping and we'll also be hearing from you the listener with your tips advice and of course tales of parenting woe because let's be honest there are plenty of times when none of us know what we're doing hello you're listening to parenting hell with florence can you say rob Beckett.

2:41Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. That's it. Nora, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Rob Jacob. Josh Widdicombe. Rob Josh Jacob. There we go. This is my four-year-old Florence and two-year-old Nora saying your names. Florence was a lockdown baby so I've enjoyed your podcast since the early days need to eat your episode to have me chuckling down the m6 which one's the m6 during my commute to the office like up to manchester oh yeah just to add that i hadn't noticed before nora was born but good lordy does josh react to things with fucking nora a lot yeah that is true i do say fucking nora yeah you do abby 444 months from northwich cheshire north rich cheers guys how are you josh knackered very busy very busy period very busy period summer holidays over though kids back to school talk to me summer yeah you talk to me i'll talk to you you want to talk to me or should i talk to you it's a big festival my daughter's first festival oh because your son was recovering from tonsillitis tonsil removal have i talked about this i have haven't i yeah but you said that he wasn't going but how is he feeling now he's totally fine now he had a period where it was hurting, but we kind of cow pollen neurofiended through it.

4:03He had very bad breath for a bit. But wasn't out of the house for a bit in case he got infections, is that right? No, it wasn't so much that, actually. They don't really do that anymore. It was more... You said he had to stay. He couldn't be with other kids or something. No, that's what we'd read beforehand. But actually, when we went to the appointment, they were like, it's not like a keep him in thing, but he will want to stay in because he'll be fucked. Yeah, going to some of that big feast was too much, too much. We had a great time. We had a great time. Did she and your daughter? We had a brilliant time, actually.

4:31Genuinely loved it. Proper family festival. Yeah. We did a lot of rides. Or like Funfair one. The Helter Skelter. Yep. Did the Dodgerums. Did the Big Wheel. Has she been to an actual theme park yet? Yeah, she didn't love it. She doesn't love rides, but her friend we were with loves rides. Right. So we had a good time. We saw the music's a bit lost on her. Do you know what I mean? I mean, a seven-year-old doesn't want to stand and watch a band. No, I don't even really want to stand and watch a band ever. Unless it's like a band she fucking loves. Even then, I don't want to stand. She doesn't want to watch Faithless.

5:07I think I'd go to festivals more if they did seating. Yeah. Which theme park did you take her to? Legoland. Legoland. And she didn't like the rides? We did the fucking... Do you remember a few years ago when I threw up after going on a waltz? Yeah, but we believe the guy was waltzing you too hard. This time was even harder. It was mental. Oh, really? But do you think you're getting an extra kick because you're Josh Willicombe? I don't know. Because if I was a waltzer man and I saw Adam Hills. I genuinely felt myself like whiplash back when he spun us. And I was shouting. I was doing that sign you do on your neck.

5:44Oh, well, like cut it off. Cut it off. Because my daughter was going, I'm not enjoying this. And it went on forever. And I was like, stop it. You're asking for faster. I know. On the law of the waltzer, that's speed it up. I spoke to someone else who had a small kid. I was like, fucking hell, don't go on the waltzers. She said, oh, yeah, we went on. We just said to them, we've got small kids, don't spin us. And they didn't. See, I actually think, and I'm scared of rides deep down mainly. Yeah. I prefer going on a big, fast, smooth roller coaster, a newer one, than a waltzer any day of the week.

6:18I'd rather be safely taken around at G-forces by a machine. I'd rather go upside down. A bloke who's kind of walking around just randomly spinning you as fast as he can. Because it must spin off. There's got to be a way if you do it too far it just spins off. It can't. I fucking hated the dodgums. I hate dodgums. I hate dodgums. In my head, maybe this says a lot about me. God. Why don't we all just drive around clockwise? There's one prick who's going the opposite direction. It's not about hitting into other people. No, and it hurts so much. It's so horrible. And when your steering goes and you're just like going backwards and spinning, it's so awful.

6:58And then your daughter's like, Daddy, it's hurting. It's like bang, bang, bang. Yeah. It's awful. Anyway, we had a lovely time. We watched some children's entertainment. We watched Oti Mabusi do a dance lesson thing. You know, all of that kind of stuff. We're going again next year. We loved it so much. She loved it. You weren't completely on your own. You went with other friends, did you? Two grown-ups, two kids. Right. Okay. Oh, that's nice. Your little gang. Yeah. It was great. Really enjoyed it. I lost my keys again in Cornwall. When did you lose them last time? Do you remember when I found them in the fishing net?

7:30Yeah. You need a place to put your keys. Well, this time I completely lost my car keys. Right. And I think they must have been binned or something. They never showed up. We had to get our neighbour to send our spare car key down through the post so that we could drive home. Oh, really? I now bought an air tag for my keys. Oh, that's good. Yeah, so I can do fine my car keys whenever. On my tour car, which is a new car that I've leased for the tour, a very fancy new one, I've got an app that I can drive my car with. I've got the BMW app, which means – so I left my wallet and car keys at a golf clubhouse the other day.

8:11Fucking hell, there we go. This is the most unrelatable story in history. You left your BMW keys. It's fucking Chelsefield Lakes. It's just a normal driving range with Trackman. I'm not a fucking way wolf. All right, I left it in the fucking bar, yeah. But I didn't realise because then I got in my car. And when I got in my car, I'm pretty good. I never forget stuff. I was like, I'm missing something. And then as I had that feeling, I saw this geezer come up to me. And I recognised him. It was my mate, Grant, who used to live down my street when I was a kid. And I started chatting to him. He's a firefighter now.

8:45He's based at Soho. He says it's quality. He used to be in Craven now, blah, blah, blah. And anyway, that was nice. I see him drove off and I was like, I still feel like I forgot something. And then when I parked up 20 minutes away, I was like, I've parked it. I've got nothing. What do you mean? Because I drove 20 minutes because I can drive the car with my phone. Oh my God. All I had was my phone. Then I realised I'd left it there, but I rang up and they'd left it. They'd left it behind the bar for me. Well, that's the problem with Apple Pay or whatever the equivalents are on Samsung's and...

9:13Google Pay? Google Pay. Is that it means I never know where my debit card is when I actually do need it because I never need my debit card. The moment I actually have to get cash out of a cash point. I take my wallet with me, but having my wallet with me now feels a bit like when your mum used to take, you know, like print off the balding card from. Yeah, if I saw someone with a wallet now, I think fucking hell old timer. Come on, mate. But there are moments when you need it. There are, there are. You're trying to buy football shirts at 3am because you can't sleep and they need a little security code.

9:43I've got an update for you, Rob. Go on. On Milburn. Oh, the band Milburn that I liked, yeah. Yeah, I got a message. I still do like. Do you? Yeah. Yeah, well, I've got good news. Yeah. One of our listeners messaged me. Yeah. Joe Carnell from Milburn is my daughter's history teacher. What? Yeah. Old school, new school. No, no, this isn't me. Sorry. Sorry. Someone's messaged in and said. Joe Carnell from Milburn is my daughter's history teacher. She asked him to sign her book at the end of last term in case he gets famous. Joe Carnell. Joe Carnell's a history teacher. Because there were two brothers.

10:22There was Joe Carnell and Louis Carnell. Carnell, Carnell. Look at that. And now he's a history teacher. Now he's a history teacher. That's mad, isn't it? They've got to have a job, Rob. You're not Milburn. Well, they did a reunion tour recently. Well, during the summer holidays. Oh, they reunited in 2016. Oh, my God, recently. That's 10 years ago. Double check those with the school holidays, Rob. They will be during the school holidays. April 2016, yeah. There you go, Easter holidays. They did the O2 Academy Sheffield to celebrate 10 years since the release of Well, Well, Well. And they announced an autumn tour.

10:50Does the singles record yet? Band released their third album in 2017. There you go. Well, if they're back, they'll do another reunion show. Do well, well, well in full. I'll be there. I just need to finish telling you about my keys. Oh, yeah, go on. I then got my air tag. And then the next day, so we had people around on Sunday, on Monday, during the whole move nightmare, which is covered in upcoming episodes. We've got a special Josh Widdicombe house move episode coming out soon. During that, I couldn't find my car keys again. and I was like, this is awful. I can't find my car keys. I can't believe this.

11:22And they were nowhere to be seen. And I thought, it's all right. They're attached to an air tag. I can play the sound. Yeah. Couldn't connect. I was like, this is fucking mental. You can get really cheap air tags that do the same job that aren't Apple ones if you need them. Yeah, that's what I've got, yeah. But that's not the point, yeah. Oh, is that why it didn't work? Rose put it on the WhatsApp group with the people who'd been there the day before where I was fitting my air tags. Yeah. Said, oh, Josh has managed to lose the keys and the air tags aren't working. and john had been here was like oh have you have you not had them since we left i was like rose like no he's like i put them in the bread bin to test your air tags to see whether you'd find them he put my keys in the bread bin so in cornwall no in london because i they'd come around on friday sunday when the air tags had arrived and you were still in your house in london fitting them in onto the keys as they were there yeah and then he thought it'd be a bit of fun to put them in the bread bin so we can find them yeah we can find them but why didn't they connect because the fucking bread bins metal so it's do you know what's good for that microwave yeah exactly you've been there if we hadn't texted him we'd have never found those keys and i'd be going absolutely no you had a bit of bread and then found them because we were moving so we wouldn't have yeah but i haven't been in that bread bin since and they were right down the bottom you wouldn't have found them till you moved yeah exactly we'd have found them in exit when we were unpacking the bread bin.

12:43Or when they were packing the movers, my God. We found some, your car keys, Rui. I know, Rob. Tell me about your summer holidays. Summer holidays. We had quite a lot of time at home and then we went away for like the last week of August, which was lovely because it's sort of by that time you're getting a bit. Oh, did you see Romesh? Yes, I saw Romesh. How much did you see Romesh? So we saw Romesh. We arrived on the Thursday. Then we had lunch with them on the Friday. Kids were just grown-ups. And kids. But the only thing is, the kids, they are very much teenage boys, and our girls are very much seven or nine girls.

13:17Yeah, yeah, there's not a huge crossover. So we had lunch with them, that was nice, and then they went back to their, well, Romesh had a slightly more impressive accommodation than us. Oh, yeah, there we go. That featured its own pool. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So we didn't see them as much round the pool, the communal pool. He still hasn't found out. they've cancelled League of Their Own, has he? Well, you're aware that they've cancelled League of Their Own. You've got the private pool. Okay, fair enough. Each of their own. Each of their own. One last private pool. But in his defence, though, because he's got three kids.

13:50There's no defence needed. No, no, I'm just saying, though, you don't realise how much more difficult hotel accommodation is when there's three. And especially when they're like, because their eldest is like 16. He's up bigger than Romesh. Just that massive bloke. Like Romesh's security guard there. So we had lunch with him, then they went back to their pool, and then we saw them Saturday. Then we met up with him on Saturday to watch the Arsenal game. I'm not sure whether, with the private pool, whether you'd feel like you're on holiday enough. I'd want it to be separate enough from the hotel room, if that makes sense.

14:20Yeah, well, there was other people with younger children that said they'd paid for a private pool, but the kids wanted to play in the big pool of all the other kids. Yeah. So that they were absolutely livid that they'd spent money on that pool and the kids didn't want to play in it. So, yeah, we saw him on the Saturday, I saw them for a bit because we went on jet skis and they went on jet skis after us. Oh, my God. How was the jet skis? Absolutely fucking horrendous. Have you ever been on a jet ski? No, of course not. Fucking Nora. Right. Are you driving it? I'm driving it, mate. The seven-year-old on my back, or nine-year-old on my back.

14:52I was like, oh, I'll do it. Lou's done jet skis before. Now, Lou's a little bit, I would say, not a confident driver. Like, doesn't like driving the big car. Will always drive a little car. Doesn't like the lanes near where we live, blah, blah, blah. I was like, I'll do a jet ski. I used to have a motorbike. like a little Vespa thing. So I'm like, yeah, sort of the same thing, isn't it? Going straight in the line. It must be so bumpy, right? I just forgot about waves. Yeah, yeah. I've got my own little ship on the waves. And then the wind comes, the current changes, the waves, then wankers in big boats come past you.

15:22You've got to jump over that police academy. Remember that? Oh, yeah, yeah. I literally, honestly, it was so embarrassing, Josh. We did an hour of it, right? I literally couldn't go in a straight line, right? I'm doing it and I'm in and out. I'm in and I'm wiggling back. You did an hour? Yeah. That's too long. Way too long, right? But actually it was good because after 25 minutes of hell, I sort of got it. And how confident were you with your speed? Josh, this thing went up to 60 miles an hour. What? Yeah. Lou was hammering it. I'm going in and out, in and out. I can't really do it. Bless my daughter.

15:57She's like, this is so much fun. I was like, all right. I'm like, well, I'm not doing it right. And then anyway, so I'm doing it. But Lou's hammering it. At one point, Lou and the instructor were so far away, I couldn't see them. I was like Del Boy, you know, and he went, eventually I got it. And I was like, I came off, right? And I've got a whooping thing that tracks my fitness. When you say Lou and the instructor were so far away, you couldn't see them. Are you suspecting something there? No. I mean, fair play. If anyone could get off of each other on a jet ski, good luck to you. I could barely sit on it straight.

16:22Then I'll go forward. Right now, get up to 15 % off Select Storage Solutions. Put heavy-duty HDX totes to good use, protecting what's important to you. The solid, impact-resistant design prevents cracking, and the clear base and sides make items easy to find even when the totes are stacked. Find select shelving and tote storage up to 15 % off at the Home Depot to organize every room in your home, from your garage to your attic. Visit homedepot.com, how doers get more done. Hey, Chicago, class it up with Crocs. You know back to school is coming in fast. So why wait to find your new fave footwear?

17:04Step into a local croc store and step into your new look. Try it. Style it. Make it yours. Because the right pair doesn't just show up. It shows off. First day fits, handled. Walk out ready for whatever's next. Visit your nearest croc store today. So on my whoop thing, right, sometimes I'll go and do weights. And it may not be like a heavy session at the gym, but I've lifted weights for 40 minutes and it will say burn 100 calories right yeah I was gripping on so tight to this jet ski and tensing every muscle in my body it said I'd done a 450 calorie functional fitness workout maybe that's your thing Rob's on the jet ski diet okay you go and do an hour on a jet ski oh it was so difficult anyway but then after after half an hour we sort of got it and then it was really nice and at the end I could go the full speed and my daughter was so sweet though she was going i'm having the time of my life and i was like oh i'm sorry i can't really do it properly i can't go as fast as mummy i was occasionally getting it right but then the wave would come and 60 miles an hour so at one point i got my confidence up and i went should i just go as fast as it goes to my daughter she went yeah i did it honestly i thought i was going to the moon i fucking went over this wave launch and then i landed bang landed down and i was like oh i slowed down she went i can't lose it's funny because you're rubbish and it's wibbly or it's fun because you're fast.

18:30You can do both. But I was so funny though because I was so trying to be calm. My heart rate was, I was getting so anxious and stressed at the start. I wouldn't be able to do that. It was so difficult. I just really underestimated how hard it was. But basically, you've got to like keep the bit that you turn fixed in one position to counteract the wave and the wind. Oh, is it trying to knock you off? Yeah, and don't oversteer it, basically. These tips are of no use to me, Rob, because I'm never doing it. Oh, it's hard, man. and there was jellyfish everywhere. At the end though, we saw dolphins and it was amazing.

19:01So it was amazing. I'm glad we did it. And Romesh took over. Then he had to go afterwards, just by chance that they booked the session after us. But yeah, so we met up, so that was really nice. That must have been weird for the people. I suppose they don't know who either of you are, do they? No, they couldn't care. I mean, honestly, dream job, dream body. The six foot two Spanish guy that runs jet skis on a result. What's her life? They're just, oh my God. It wasn't the instructor Lou was interested in. No, it's just a jet ski and she just loves jet ski. She kept wanting to go down. What's the rules on doing a number two in the hotel room in your family?

19:34I don't think we've ever had rules on it. An unspoken sort of silent grunters that just pop in and out when they need to do it. Well, the kids don't give a shit. Obviously. If the kids do, you're not like, oh, come on. No, but I've been given a lifetime ban from shitting in hotel rooms while my children. Have you? I'm having to walk to the lobby. What, and shit in the lobby? Oh, the lobby toilet. What kind of dirty protest? rest no oh so romesh gets a swimming pool does he well this is what i think yeah early one out next to the reception desk i just don't know if this was a thing that like dads it feels like are getting sent they were awful though they're proper you know what my son has a couple of times yeah walked into the toilet after i've been for number two and gone it stinks in here he's four he's not gonna go i'm gonna have to put a ban on hotel run shit No, but my daughter's nine and she's like walked in and honestly, the smell of it, I thought she was going to get knocked over.

20:26How do you feel about if they're in there, the sounds? Mate, I'll shit anywhere, any place, any time. No problem. Okay. I've just got no qualms. You wouldn't put music on? Nah. No? I'm having a shit. Yeah. You know, that's it. You know what I mean? I've had a shit in a nightclub. Yeah, I've had a shit in a nightclub. I think though, because I grew up, I've got four brothers. We lived in a three bedroom house. My eldest two brothers had sort of moved out by the time I was a little bit older. But I remember, like, being in the shower, and my dad would just come in and have a shit in the toilet because we only had one toilet and one bathroom.

21:01And it was just absolute shit. Everyone was shitting everywhere. Yeah. I think once I was doing a poo and someone pissed through with a gap in my legs. You ever done that? Yeah. No. No. I can't picture it. I didn't like it. No, I've certainly thought that it's possible. Yeah, just use a sink. You don't want to be using a sink. Oh, God, the sink. It's horrible. But it's one toilet of seven people. Oh, God. Sorry, it's a problem if you're having your breakfast or whatever you do. So does that mean that you're forever banned? And what about in, like, the family home? Just go down to the lobby. Normally, I'll try and time it so that I have a coffee, have some breakfast, and do it on the way back from breakfast.

21:32It's lovely to know. My daughter, my nine-year-old, ate chicken nugget and chips for lunch and dinner seven nights in a row. Now, is that bad? Parenting? Do I need to take them to the Speakmans? No. And it was the exact same meal, and she just hammered it and then had an ice cream, went to bed, and just like the way a dog eats. Good luck to her. And then one night, because of my young... They quite like steak, but I'm trying to get them to try different things, and I want them to eat protein, right? So they quite like a rotisserie... Oh, my God. Marks and Spencer's in Alpington, the new one. It is the greatest supermarket I've ever been to in my life.

22:07Is this new? Brand new. Tom Allen opened it last week. Rotisserie chickens. Oh, my. I've got a rotisserie chicken from there. If they're opening a Marks and Spencer's in Alpington, I don't think there's even 0.5 of a second where they have a discussion over who's doing the grand opening. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Do you know what, though? Obviously, Tom is the perfect Marks & Spencers ambassador. I'm happy to throw me a hat in the ring for the menswear department. I'd wear those clothes. I don't think the Marks & Spencers brand, what's their phrase? Taste the difference. Is that Marks & Spencers? That's Sainsbury's.

22:38No. Every little helps is Tesco. It's something about being expensive and good, isn't it? I'm saying I'm not expensive or good. I'm saying that your brand isn't, we're posh and we're kind of high quality and kind of, your brand is like, Ree! Fair enough. Do you know what? Fair enough. I wouldn't put you with Marks and Spencers, but what brand would be good for you? Well, maybe I should have a rebrand and I should go posh to try and get some more advertising deals. I think you'd do well for like hula hoops. Fucking hula hoops. I think you'd be good for hula hoops. Do you know what I think I'll get into?

23:14Fast food. If I got slightly in better shape, they'd book me to do more like McDonald's and fast food adverts. Good shape. No, but what they want is someone to be eating at McDonald's that looks in shape but also looks like they're a fat, greedy bastard. Right, yeah, yeah. And I think I can do that. Yeah, yeah. Just a few more jet ski sessions and I'll be there. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Ripped by 40. Time is ticking. Time is ticking for my topless birthday photo. Is it January the 2nd? January the 2nd, 40th birthday. I'm just whatever the body's in I'm just going to do a top off photo okay but I've got to try and get a six I'm never going to get a six pack nine days after Christmas take the photo on December the 15th and keep hold of it what do you want for Christmas nor a virus please just get the last bits out of it oh so you know when we come back we was away when all the old you know the flags being painted on stuff right people using the flags to sort of intimidate a bit you know flags going up on lampposts Union Jacks St George's Crosses I saw one So it really made me laugh.

24:10It was a couple of weeks ago before the flags went up. Someone had put a full bit of paper up, but in pencil, but like rubbed in a few times, had written Starmer, a traitor. So Starmer top line, a middle line, traitor bottom line. And it was all, it had been written in pencil. And look, if you hate Starmer, if you hate conservatives, if you hate liberals, I think everyone's allowed to complain about politicians, right? And if you've got to put a poster up, fine. But the way they did the poster blew my mind. because they'd sketched out with pencil columns, a bit like, you know, how they taught graphic design in like 1972.

24:45They put it all in columns so that it could be centred. So that you could find the centre of the paper, right? And then they hadn't fully rubbed out the fake columns to find the centre and then written Starmer, a traitor. But what I noticed was they'd done about 10, but none had been photocopied because they were all slight little different. And I was like, fuck it, this person must really hate. They're not just printed off 20 bits. This is, they, probably he, has sketched this out. I'm like, okay, fair enough. And I'm like, right, well, if you're going to go to all that effort. Sorry, is the middle section just one letter?

25:19Exactly. If you're going to go to that much effort, surely is a traitor. Is it spelling something downwards as well? No, so it's just literally Starmer and then underneath it in the middle, all centred because they've used the pencil-shaped columns. Yeah, yeah. A, bottom line, traitor. Starmer or traitor. so it's not spelling something m-a-t no i don't even know what that would spell no even if they were doing that it wouldn't it didn't strike i didn't stand out enough no no no exactly it was more the the graphic design from 1982 so then i was like surely it should be is a traitor not stomach a traitor anyway i was like well so fucking what commitment that person where they put this like bollards when you're driving down a road how big was it a4 a4 a4 like a little insert you'd have for your big file at school, you know?