S12 EP17: Josh has a caffeinated tea by mistake

8:47Rob Beckett:It's not a good line. It's cycle wankers. No, it's all right. Oh, that's, oh, thank God you told me that bit of wit. Exactly. So I said, oh, do you? You call them that, do you? And I went, the mask was off. I said, well, 2 ,000 people haven't paid to hear what you call them. have they so why don't you shut up and let me finish here we go yeah yeah and then i said i don't need a peloton i could do it on my own which is a bit of cycling funter yeah yeah nice anyway sorry carry on mask masks off you're doing dinner last night yeah so the mask came off

9:19Josh Widdicombe:well no the mask was on doing dinner last night okay with the family totally totally we've still we've got the cooker from the people before rob yeah yeah when you say a cooker is it like a gas hob or an oven all in one it's induction hobs yeah and you press like you press

9:44Rob Beckett:down on the glass it's fucking shit we have induction but i think once you once you learn how to use it it's fine what do you what do you press what do i press i've got like a clear bit of like it's a clear glass i hate it and it's got a little like on button you just press that like

10:03Josh Widdicombe:like touch screen yeah yeah you have to force the glass basically if you put the wrong pan on it it closes down so we had to get new pans um also if something from the side like gets on it it's on the side so it's part of the side where you're cutting yeah and say like a plate or something

10:23Rob Beckett:went on it it would just shut down yeah but i don't think that's a bad feature that if you put

10:27Josh Widdicombe:a plate on a hot hob no but the problem is because it's almost set into the fucking side it's an infinity cooker yeah it's almost like what well why are you pretending there's not a cooker here do you know what i mean like anyway get this yesterday we're cooking and just nothing's working but the the numbers are on six out of nine and you're like well there's no heat there's no heat when they're on nine they're on i can see they're on it's not one of those situations where carrot has turned it off right yeah and then we're like oh right it says de what does de mean Oh, let me try and guess. Deactivated.

11:11No.

11:13Josh Widdicombe:No. It had gone into demonstration mode.

11:23Rob Beckett:So you change it all, but no heat comes out.

11:26Josh Widdicombe:So it just shows you what it would look like if it was cooking.

11:29Rob Beckett:Okay. How do you need that? You don't. No. No, I've never been anywhere where they demonstrate it working. And you definitely don't need to show that once you've bought it and it's in your house ever.

11:41Josh Widdicombe:No, surely if you wanted a demonstration, you'd want to see it cook as well.

11:46Rob Beckett:Yeah. Don't sit in the car and go, now imagine it moving. Yeah. That's your test drive.

11:52Josh Widdicombe:So do you know how you turn off demonstration mode? Cut the electric to it for 10 minutes. No. This is fucking mental.

12:04Rob Beckett:it's so good we've got the internet now though or you would have just had to get

12:07Josh Widdicombe:but you're just like how is this living this is not the future is it a cheap one there's a melee

12:20Josh Widdicombe:which is the one fucking thing that's written on it

12:27Josh Widdicombe:just totally black apart from the word melee oh is that are you going to replace that yeah so if anyone wants a cooker that goes into demonstration mode well you've not sold it well i don't know how we'd even get rid of it because it's part of the fucking side it comes with a load of black marble as well that's attached to it

12:46Rob Beckett:so anyone wants a kitchen side of a cooker that does demonstrations attached you can have it Josh, I want to talk about skiing Yes, so let me tell you about skiing This is the big juicy topic

12:56Josh Widdicombe:This is what everyone's been looking forward to Yes Oh, can I just add one more thing on the demonstration mode? Yes, go, yep Rose's business partner went to Italy with her laptop Yeah She doesn't know how, but it went into Italian

13:13Josh Widdicombe:And then stayed in Italian when she got home Every time she searches on Google it'll give her the Italian results. So say you're searching for a shoe shop or whatever, it would give you a shoe shop in Milan. And she went to Apple and they said, we've never seen this before. We don't know what's happening. Yeah.

13:30Rob Beckett:Really? Yeah. So what's she, she's just Italian now. Any ideas? Do, do help. Email lockdownparenting at dot T. Yeah. I'd say, I'll fuck that up. Shit. Right. So I went to Italy, Rob. So you went skiing in Italy and you, so you. I hadn't engaged in the holiday. No, because you've had loads of time off. All you did was last leg the Friday night, flew to Italy on the Saturday, did meetings for the last leg whilst you were away, then flew back Thursday to do last leg Friday. Yeah. I haven't really engaged with this holiday at all, full disclosure. Yeah. Oh, so it's Rose's, it's her thing she's pushing more than you, isn't it?

14:10Rob Beckett:She loves skiing. She loves skiing. She'll take the lead. She hasn't been for 16 years. She hasn't been for 16 years. But then we've been together for 14. Did she have any refresher lessons, or did she just know skiing well enough to do it? She just knew skiing well enough to do it. Oh, that's impressive, isn't it?

14:26Josh Widdicombe:It's very much a riding a bike scenario, Rob. Can you ride a bike? Yeah, of course I can, yeah. Well, no. It does feel on brand that I wouldn't be able to ride a bike.

14:36Rob Beckett:Yeah, like you tried once, and you was allergic to the rubber on the handlebars, and you had to stop. Like just loads of pseudo-crim all over your palms. um that's an unicycle actually because of the hands oh i was in cambridge and i saw a unicycle

14:55Josh Widdicombe:locked up on a fucking you know those bike racks yeah a unicycle no one's stealing your fucking unicycle mate well hopefully someone does and then you don't have to have a unicycle anymore Exactly. Anyway, so we flew out. Yeah. Lovely, lovely flight at like midday. God, to fly somewhere and not have to get up at 4 a.m. I know. It's wild.

15:20Rob Beckett:Making the most of the day is the worst thing you can decide to do.

15:25Josh Widdicombe:Because you get there at like three and you're like, all right, now I've got to just try and push through.

15:30Rob Beckett:I've jet lagged myself for an hour. Yeah, no, I agree to that. Sometimes some destinations don't have it, but if you can get a later flight, it's a dream. Oh, my God. Because we got there. How far is it? Where you went? How far is it from the airport? Because obviously, it's not like most airports are by cities. You've got to get to the mountains.

15:48Josh Widdicombe:I thought I'd really not engaged in the holiday, Rob. Yeah. Because I told everyone we were going to Italy. And then we flew to Innsbruck, which is in Austria.

15:58Josh Widdicombe:At what point did you go to Rose? Are we going to the right place? Well, I did wonder, but I thought, oh, God, this is embarrassing. Because I've told everyone we're going to Italy and we're going to Austria. But then we just drove to Italy. Yeah. We got caught in the worst traffic, like literally stationary for an hour and a half. No. And how long would the drive normally be? Hour and a half. So it was about three hours to drive. Yeah, because hour and a half's fine, really, isn't it? But yeah. Yeah. So we got there at about half nine in the evening. Right. But to be honest, I'd do that flight again and get there at seven, and it'd be great.

16:37Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, and then you'd just have a bit of dinner and go to bed. Exactly, exactly. Where'd you fly from? Gatswick.

16:44Rob Beckett:So you were doing last night. So did Rose have to come up the day before and stay in the hotel the night before? Yeah. Or drive up in the morning? Can I just say, Rob? Go on.

16:54Josh Widdicombe:I know this isn't the theme of the podcast, but holidays are so much easier with a four and eight year old this was the easiest holiday yeah in terms of travel in terms of any of that like the flights were in the flights always used to be like you and just never sat you were just doing something doing something doing something I mean, they were just like being on a flight now.

17:24Rob Beckett:Yeah. That's why we say it, Joe. I say it more than you. Don't bother with a holiday until the youngest is four.

17:31Josh Widdicombe:It's a different world. Yeah, but poor old what's she called? Poor old Kathleen from Dunfermline. Her 11-year-old isn't going to get to go on holiday until she's 15.

17:42Rob Beckett:Well, she should have stopped fucking after 12 years then, didn't she? Yeah, well, true, true. Preach. Well, no, it is unfortunate, but yeah, I can't change the truth.

17:52Josh Widdicombe:You can't change the truth, no. So that was so easy. Next morning, skiing, Rob.

17:58Rob Beckett:Have you been skiing? I've been skiing, yeah. I've had a couple of lessons. I did a comedy festival thing. First time I went, quite enjoyed it, really liked it. Second time I went, I went off with a group and they were a bit mean and took me on a slope I couldn't do and I had an awful experience and I hurt my leg and then haven't been back since.

18:15Josh Widdicombe:Well, also, Rob, I've got bad news for you. Go on. I know someone is listening to this. Yeah. Who is looking to go skiing with their family. Okay. And that is your wife. Oh, she'd been in the DMs, in the WhatsApps. Saying, how was skiing? Because I'm looking to, I'm thinking we should be going. Okay. I said, listen to the podcast. Always thinking about listeners.

18:40Rob Beckett:Exactly. And I said numbers and numbers at the end of the day. Talking of numbers, can I say thank you to, can I say thank you to everyone that bought Lou's book? Oh, yeah. She smashed it. Sunday Times. Number two in the Sunday Times. She was 145 of number one.

18:53Josh Widdicombe:I know. So close. Do you know what? I'm glad you've brought that up, Rob. Yeah. Because when she put it on Instagram, I sent her a congratulations message and I deleted writing only 104 because I thought, don't focus on the negative. I know. But it says everything about me and you

19:10Rob Beckett:that both of us clocked. She clocked as well, to be fair. Well, it's still amazing, but when you're that close. Oh, yeah, of course. But no, yeah, thank you so much. And everyone being so supportive and stuff. We've got a lovely community here at Parenting Health. So thank you very much. Yeah, thank you.

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20:26Josh Widdicombe:So Lou's listening to this. So morning one, Rob. Yeah. Fuck me. 9 a.m. skiing lesson. I can't remember which way the clocks go. It doesn't matter for this story? Well, just that we had to get up incredibly early for this ski. Yeah, so what time was you up? Well, seven, but we'd only got in at... It could be six. It could have been six and we'd only got in to bed at 11 or whatever. Yeah. How's morale on the first wake up? I'm excited. Yeah. Rose isn't doing the skiing lesson. Remember, it's me, my son and my daughter. And Rose is just going up the mountain on her own? No, she's coming to watch.

21:02Josh Widdicombe:Okay. Because they want her there. So actually... She might as well have done the lesson. Well, the first thing I would say, Rob, the worries we had about the lesson and the three of us, that wasn't the problem you had identified all of the wrong problems with this holiday

21:21Rob Beckett:but there were problems but they weren't the ones because I thought the kids might be getting on better if they were with another group of kids and you could get your own lessons but it was fine the three of you

21:33Josh Widdicombe:so we get there lovely oh my god have you ever put on the room you put on the ski stuff is so hot

21:45Rob Beckett:because i know you on reflection i forget how hot you get and in skiing it's weird because the temperature changes quite a lot and you go in and out a lot so you need to it's all about layers

21:56Josh Widdicombe:you're like why are you making the first room either side of skiing hot like this should be the level i don't care if i'm slightly cold when i get in the room before i get in my ski stuff i'd

22:09Rob Beckett:rather that yeah but your body temperature's not right josh you run up you run at a higher

22:14Josh Widdicombe:temperature than most people oh i was so frustrated with it and then the ski boots were so tight i honestly when putting it on i was like i think i might break my ankle here i can't get this on it's so stressful getting dressed in it so awful and then you've got to carry these skis, which have got these sharp edges, a ski fell on my son's face that was on a locker. Is he all right? I'm laughing. Before he'd even got out on the slope, he had a cut on his nose.

22:54Josh Widdicombe:I'll be late at this point. I can't get my fucking boots on. because like day one you're like oh where's the ski thing oh we got to do this we got our breakfast before and then we kind of i can't walk in these boots because you've got no ankle

23:18Rob Beckett:it's awful you know what i knew this is what the episode was gonna be and i've been so excited for that I was worried I was going to open up. It's everything I wanted it to be and more. You just experiencing it.

23:32Josh Widdicombe:So I couldn't walk. Are you carrying all the kids' stuff as well? Yeah, of course. Well, Rose is carrying some, I'm carrying some, but they're not going to carry their own fucking skis, are they? He's four and he's bleeding. You know, that's life, isn't it? And then I get there and then you have to get the ski. It's not life really, is it?

23:48Rob Beckett:You've flown to a mountain to make him go up a mountain. No, what I mean is kids not carrying stuff is life. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not carrying them. yeah yeah you can't say to him that's just life he goes well no it's not dad because in our house in exit i've not i haven't got a cut nose when i'm not freezing or too hot

24:02Josh Widdicombe:yeah um and then we get to the route the the the kind of slope so it's a beginner slope yeah there's that you go up on a little it's called the magic carpet it's like a have you been on one of these it's like the walking elevator in an airport but

24:20Rob Beckett:on an angle. I can worry about going up. Like the opposite of the radio. You've really not got your head around the concept of a mountain, have you? You've so far called it a room and upstairs. Going upstairs of the mountain.

24:35Josh Widdicombe:So we start, Rob. My daughter, who's eight, is a complete natural, right? Oh, that's good. That's not to brag. Yeah. She's not going to make it in the skiing world. but she can just do it. Yeah, and she's enjoying it and not scared. My son hates it. Okay. Because, let's be honest, he's four.

25:01Rob Beckett:Yeah, four is young, I think. I think eight is good age.

25:04Josh Widdicombe:I'm going to say it. There's kids on that slope that are two and a half, three. It's mental. I know, and they just go down on their own.

25:10Rob Beckett:It's insane. But he's like, fuck this.

25:15Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. He hates it. Is he like a mini version of you a bit? Yeah. He doesn't like to go out. So he's been at home for Friday, Saturday. Yeah. And then Sunday, we were like, let's go out. And he's like, I just want to be in the house. Yeah. And you're like, he just doesn't want to ever leave the house. And it's always been the case. When we used to go to friends' houses, he used to bring us our shoes to make us go home. Like, he just doesn't ever want to go out.

25:47Rob Beckett:He liked the part, though, didn't he? Or was that just...

25:49Josh Widdicombe:no I'd kind of get them out that was more you that was more your thing wasn't it

25:53Rob Beckett:in London

25:55Josh Widdicombe:it was all a bit cramped so you needed to get out the house

25:58Rob Beckett:but now you've got a bigger house you can play and set stuff up and you've got a garden exactly it was all sluggy wasn't it your garden

26:05Josh Widdicombe:oh my god yeah fucking hell

26:07Rob Beckett:you forgot about the slug infestation

26:09Josh Widdicombe:yeah so the other thing is Rob I hate it

26:16Josh Widdicombe:I fucking hate it

26:23Rob Beckett:I just it's I think knowing you Josh you like a nice bit of cosy warm cup of tea sit and chat with people who do nice things you're not an up and down what's wrong with reading a fucking book yeah and you hate faff you hate clothes and stuff on you and cold and all

26:44Josh Widdicombe:and I I'm watching the people on the next slope, which is the fast slope. Yeah. So what is that? The fast,

26:53Rob Beckett:like a black one, a red one,

26:54Josh Widdicombe:a blue one. As in, that's the one. So there's a small magic carpet, as they call it, the elevator. And then there's the entry level one. But then there's one where you go up on a, like a stand up. Is it called a button lift? Where you go up, it's called a button lift. I know that. And it's 50 meters down. And Rose said, it's like a green yellow style run it's like the first hill you do before you go on an actual run well it is an actual run it's people going right but only about short what are they doing yes yeah yeah i'm looking at them going i'm not even learning a skill i want do you know like yeah why like i don't want to be that person because if you're learning to do something and

27:40Rob Beckett:you look well once i like this i get to do that and you look at that slope and go i don't want to

27:44Josh Widdicombe:do that if you want to play the piano and you're like i can't make my fingers do this but i really want to play the piano it makes total sense but if you're stood there going i can't make a pizza slice with my fucking skis for love nor money because my hips don't move enough so you're not very good at it i can't get my hips to make the pizza slice okay and this guy who's lovely is just repeatedly telling me to make the pizza slice are you aware of the pizza slice yeah so that's

28:15Rob Beckett:the snowplow yeah yeah so it's called snowplow i think but it's like this looking like a pizza

28:21Josh Widdicombe:slice yeah and because there's three of us so every time i get up i have a break because the other two have got to run so that's the problem with booking three is actually you get only a

28:32Rob Beckett:third of the skiing yeah we're not all going down together he's teaching what is one person teaching three people separately yeah yeah so your son hates it do you if your son it's an hour and a

28:44Josh Widdicombe:half he lasts about i think 50 minutes on the first day and he's like i don't want to do any

28:49Rob Beckett:more of this if he loved it would you feel more compelled to do it so that you were part of the gang going down the same for example give me this scenario say they were 10 and 8 right and he's loving it like as much as your daughter did and the natural and rose is like brilliant and they're all like would you feel compelled to like really knuckle down after the first lesson yeah i was

29:11Josh Widdicombe:talking to rose about it so i'll come back to how bad the first lesson went but let's skip to that and i was like i just don't like it yeah and then rose was like well if we went on skiing holidays we'd just go skiing and then you could just sit at the chalet and yeah see you at the end yeah enjoy read a book and look at the scenery and i was like well that sounds fucking amazing

29:36Josh Widdicombe:that's not that's not a bad thing yeah it's good that you can have that chat you know no one's

29:41Rob Beckett:being made to feel guilty or no no no that kind of thing because i was on this slope right so this

29:47Josh Widdicombe:is your first lesson having failed to do the pizza just stood at the top and like you'd be going up the magic carpet and do you know what it reminded me of rob do you remember in edinburgh right yeah the best bit was just after a show because it was the furthest away you were from having to do another fucking show

30:17Josh Widdicombe:because i hate we both hated edinburgh right yeah it is so grueling so what would you what

30:22Rob Beckett:is your equivalent of just at the end of the show when i was on the magic carpet i was thinking

30:28Josh Widdicombe:i've got two full runs until i have to do this again i've got five ten minutes when i just don't have to think about how much i hate this oh it reminded me so much i haven't even thought about this of every pe lesson where i was in i've told you this before i've known that i was either in the bottom or the top there was but it was it was seeded the what was it called like bottom and top pe yeah and i was mid-level so each year i'd kind of be either promoted or relegated yeah and when i was in the top group my life was awful because i was playing rugby with the rugby team yeah playing football with the football team etc when i was in the bottom group it was fucking great because there was a kid who couldn't finish 100 meters like it was i felt like a god but like it reminded me of that or like my friends that would go mountain biking and i feel like i had to go and i hated it or like climbing trees i used to hate climbing trees anything that felt dangerous and

31:31Rob Beckett:scary as a kid you got peer pressured into doing it yeah it all came flooding back to me on the

31:37Josh Widdicombe:set did you get upset i did feel really upset yeah i didn't cry but i felt really sad and depressed and every time you do a run you think surely to fucking god that is it and then he'd be like back up and you're like what i didn't have my watch on so i had no idea of the time so you take it off to ski i thought so yeah which i didn't need to because i didn't fall over once

32:03Rob Beckett:oh that's good so do you think though josh so there's two ways of looking at this right one where you just don't like skiing and you're never going to be into it you're not bothered draw a line under it you don't like skin or two you were doing that i know we joke in quite a in busy period of work so for me if i'm learning a new skill i or doing something i find testing i need to be a bit calmer and relaxed before i approach it even roller coasters i can do now if i went straight from work to a roller coaster it'll be too much i'd be overwhelmed but if i've had a couple of days off before there's more of a chance of me enjoying it no it was that i'm not

32:39Josh Widdicombe:a thrill seeker it's as simple as i was like i don't want but anyway i was i was like i hate this is the opposite of what i like to do yeah so anyway we finished we finally finished day one and you don't do the apres ski now anymore either i don't do the fucking apres ski um and then it was a great place i like if you want your family to go skiing for the first time what was good is it had like a swimming pool outdoor swimming pool in the mountains and it had like uh farm animals and it had like an incredible i mean like water slides and all this kind of stuff so it we ski in the morning in the afternoon we do other stuff and it wasn't like it wasn't all

33:22Rob Beckett:wrapped well yeah because i think if you love skiing then you just all you want to do is ski

33:25Josh Widdicombe:if like there's people in the group it's like a good place for a family skiing learning holiday so i was like well i'll do it tomorrow and see how it goes yeah my son hated it again we just didn't do it after the second day he was just like i don't know this but to be fair to him he's already said when i'm five if we go back then i'll be able to yeah you could do that every year

33:52Rob Beckett:and then rose and your daughter can go skiing and you guys can hang out at the hotel and then do a If he gets older. Get ready for the twist, Rob.

33:59Josh Widdicombe:Day two. Yeah. I start and I can suddenly do the pizza. Oh, I haven't finished the worst thing about day one. Well, go on. So Rose has gone with my son. So it's just me and my daughter. I just couldn't get my boots off, Rob. They were too tight. What, at the end of the day? At the end of the day. At the end of the lesson. I was in the hot room having had the worst time ever and I couldn't get my boots off. And I had to go and walk into the bit where you hire your skis to ask them. Oh, to do it for you? Yeah. And then when I got in there, I looked down and there was a buckle that I hadn't seen that had been across the whole time.

34:45Josh Widdicombe:That's why I couldn't get them on either.

34:48Rob Beckett:I've got a theory about this. I spoke to Sean Walter about this, where comedians, basically, their entire life, you're basically chosen by the universe and your entire life's a humiliation or a series of embarrassing events or funny situations. And then it's not that we spend all day thinking of them. It just happens to us. And then we deliver the highlights for 20 minutes at a comedy club that night.

35:09Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, it is that really, isn't it? You're just floating around over this madness.

35:15Rob Beckett:That's a sitcom, that scene.

35:17Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, it was awful.

35:18Rob Beckett:so then we get laughing and they're all big and strong and got like european accents like oh the english boy's here oh yeah can you take my boots off please mate yeah so by number two day two i

35:30Josh Widdicombe:think you know sometimes with learning just overnight things just settle in like i used to find that when i was uh doing guitar and i couldn't play something i'd try and try and try and fail sleep and then i could just play it the next day it's almost like you need to go away from it

35:44Rob Beckett:Yeah, 100%. So let me show you a video of me on day two, Rob. Am I going to be underwhelmed by this? But I've got to pretend it's impressive, like when you're showing me some dancing. No, it's shit. It's total shit. All right. I didn't know. I wanted to double check what you was expecting from me.

36:00Josh Widdicombe:No, no, no. Let me tell you now. It's total dog shit.

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37:33Rob Beckett:I've lost it. I've got my phone nicked coming out of a train station. So I lost loads of messages. Pickpocketed. Oh, Rob. It was so degrading. I felt so weird was going on. And then my headphones just went because the Bluetooth was too far. And then I did that thing where you tap every pocket. I even took my hat off and looked at me at just out of desperation. Where was it, Rob? Coming out of Oxford Circus. Oh. I just had a pair of jogging bombs I never normally wear, and I was rushed and harassed. It was raining. I had a big bag because I was going to the Palladium, and then I just put it in my pocket, and then I think they follow you coming out of the tube because you use your phone to buzz.

38:12Rob Beckett:And then as you put it in your pocket, I think they take it out of your pocket.

38:15Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, of course, because your trousers are exactly what they're looking for. Exactly. My backy little pants. My daughter's the first one. Then it's the guy, and then it's me.

38:26Rob Beckett:Can we post this online? Of course. So that's your daughter in the bright trousers. Yeah. And that's you behind. And that's you on day two. Yeah. I hate it when they make you do it without the sticks.

38:40Josh Widdicombe:Well, I've never got to the point with the sticks. You've never had the sticks yet? There you go. You've done it. Yeah. So that's the level I reached on day two. In two days? But I've got a taste of it by this point, Rob.

38:53Rob Beckett:So I'm confused. so that video you sent we're gonna have to put up and is that a slope you're on yeah okay

39:04i'd say what's less than the hill

39:09Rob Beckett:well a flat well no there's some there's a middle between a kind of gradient grassy knoll yeah yeah snowy knoll but no you're doing it there though yeah so that's yeah i've got the Pizza. I've got the steering. Well, the worst part is he's going backwards telling you what to do

39:25Josh Widdicombe:as you're trying to go forwards. So then it's just me and my daughter. But the problem is my daughter's much better than me, Rob. So you're holding her back. Day three, she gets promoted to the main slope. Without you? No. I obviously have to go. So I'm promoted before I would have been promoted so that she's not just going down this boring slope all the time. Yeah. So on day three, I move to the main slope. And have you got a video of that? No, but I can't tell you. How long did it take for you to get down the main slope? So long. Because I had to keep saying we're going to have to stop because the pain in my hips is too much.

40:08Josh Widdicombe:How long would it take Rose to do it? Oh, it's 50 metres down.

40:19Josh Widdicombe:I'm sure you could Google it.

40:20Rob Beckett:That's not the main slope. So you've not done a run. It's just a slightly steeper slope. No, it's a proper slope, Rob. Let me... No, but what I'm talking about, a run is... A run is like... It takes you like four or five minutes to come down the side of the mountain. Oh, it was taking me 20 minutes. 50 metres? 20 minutes? It can't. You're going left to right. That's like a minute for two metres.

40:44Josh Widdicombe:I know, Rob, but... Excuse me, mate. You've seen the speed I was going. My daughter's off gallivanting ahead. She was able to go down that main slope on her own. Yeah.

40:54Rob Beckett:Anyway, I'm the best. When I say main slope, is it just one big slope that you're zigzagging down or you're going round corners and round stuff? No, no, no, no, no. It's one big slope. It's still a training slope. Yes, I suppose. A bit like a drier ski slope you'd have.

41:12Josh Widdicombe:Much bigger than that. So Rose said it's a green or a yellow. What does that mean?

41:19Rob Beckett:the easiest you can get if it's a proper run but yeah it's like a little training this will give you the idea Rob right can you send that to me what we're dealing with we might have to do a two part of this skiing episode right here you go I don't have any of the terminology well you called it upstairs at one point so I'll have to agree about it so you just sent me a video oh here we go this is it Is it with the little boy? With the little boy going down it? Yeah. Oh, okay, yeah. So you've got to go up in a chairlift to get to the top.

41:52Josh Widdicombe:You've got to go up in a chairlift to get to the top. It's a proper...

41:55Rob Beckett:Yeah, so it's like the entry-level first slope.

41:57Josh Widdicombe:It's your entry-level first proper slope.

41:59Rob Beckett:Yeah. And how long would it take Rose to get down it? It took you 20 minutes. It looks like two minutes? No, three or four probably.

42:07Josh Widdicombe:It is steep enough that you couldn't go... You are doing that thing where you go in and out. Yeah. But my hips were hurting so much. Yeah. Anyway, I went to sleep. Day four, final lesson, Rob. Yeah. I woke up and I was incredible. What, skiing? Yeah. I just suddenly could do it. Well, you just loosened the hips up. Yeah, I was just stood up and I was just skiing. We went over a couple of big jump mountain. You did a jump? Well, we didn't do a jump. You know those like lumps in the ground, like where you have to go? and I was, I went from pizza to French fries, skis next to each other. Yeah. So you weren't breaking the whole time.

42:49Josh Widdicombe:That's good. I wasn't breaking the whole time. Just skiing. Yeah. So by day four,

42:56Rob Beckett:This is so adorable, Josh.

42:57Josh Widdicombe:I loved it. Oh, really? Genuinely? Genuinely. I was gutted when it was over. That's what a story. What a story of hope. I know. I couldn't believe it had happened.

43:09Rob Beckett:Did your son get into it anymore or was he just a little bit over it?

43:11Josh Widdicombe:No, he just wanted to do it after day two. Fair enough. So you just take it next year.

43:14Rob Beckett:Oh, that's good. We rebooked.

43:17Josh Widdicombe:We rebooked on day four because we'd had such a good holiday. It's a real rollercoaster of you, isn't it? Are you excited for it? Can't wait. Maybe I'll go to Milton Keynes and use the dome. Yeah. Here's an interesting thing about the resort, Rob. Yeah. What do you make of this? you get a set table in the restaurant for all of your meals so you're on the same table every time if it's a good table i'm into it well that's what we didn't like initially because it wasn't a good

43:52Rob Beckett:table because it wasn't a great table it was like a medium table you're sat again this isn't the worst one by the kitchen door but it's not the best one with a view exactly yeah and you're like and now we're stuck here all week did you request a different one yeah but it never happened but

44:05Josh Widdicombe:But then, actually, if they do move you,

44:10Rob Beckett:then the people that are on your medium table that were at the good table were like, well, they got our table.

44:14Josh Widdicombe:Well, I thought someone might leave, but obviously it was half term, so then no one was going to fucking leave in the middle of half term. That would be insane. But what was quite interesting about it, Rob, we thought that she's shit. Apart from you that left on Thursday. Yeah.

44:28Rob Beckett:The amount of people who were like, you're leaving on Thursday. Did Rose come with you on Thursday as well? Or did she stay out for a bit longer? We all went back. We all went back. That's great, though. You've got a little taste of it. Now you can book it out properly next time.

44:40Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, and I loved having the table in the same place every day, Rob. You liked it. You liked that. I liked it. I absolutely loved it because you knew where you were with it. I felt safe. I felt like you didn't have to decide on your table every day. It felt comfortable, and I'd do it again.

44:56Rob Beckett:Can I tell you what I think is going to happen after this episode? What? You're going to be getting diagnosed by the old internet psychologists for a number of things. I was bored off.

45:07Rob Beckett:And I don't know what they're going to diagnose you as, but I can feel some coming in the comments. A skier.

45:16Rob Beckett:You've been diagnosed as a skier.

45:18Josh Widdicombe:As a skier. I'll admit the other thing, Rob, and you have this as well. It's Arctic Divergent. Arctic Divergent. The other thing I need to, I think is worth discussing, because I'd say both of us have been in this position. I prickled some of the posher people it's tough yeah and the way our lives have gone we find ourselves in these positions where we're like am I everything I hate yeah because they're now in a

45:46Rob Beckett:world of people used to despise but they're sort of around you I struggle with this I don't mind posh people at all really because you can't choose how you've been brought up I can't deal and it's normally middle-aged men that use their skill at skiing as in some all of a sudden new currency now at the top of the mountain and they're swaggering around with their big dick like their John Wayne just because they learned to ski at eight because their parents are rich. And now I'm learning at 40 and they're quite patronizing. Yes. You know, did anyone ask you how the powder was? No one asked me how the powder was, no.

46:22Rob Beckett:I draw the line of that. If anyone says to me the words powder at skiing, and I will say to him, I'm going to stop you there. You seem like a nice guy. We can't be friends anymore. That's my rule. Nice to meet you. See you later.

46:35Josh Widdicombe:Well, there was a lot of people where I thought, I think you're making your kids ski against their will here. Was that you and Rose? No, because we let our son not ski. But they were in the situation we were in. They were forcing it on them. And they were forcing their kids through because they think you should be able to ski. And I was like, this is fucking mental. No, let the kid decide. And then there was one parent, you know, when you're like, what the fuck are you doing with your life? You are an awful person. Is this worth reporting? Yeah, absolutely. Other parent wankers. Other parent wankers.

47:08Josh Widdicombe:Live report from the source. His kids were doing what every kid does, which was just delaying a bit as he was trying to get somewhere and they wanted to go on the swing one more time or something. And he shouted out to himself, but they all heard,

47:23Rob Beckett:i hate being a parent oh my god it's what it was wild because some people actually do though don't i know you shouldn't be saying that but some people do hate it it's awful for the kid locked

47:36Josh Widdicombe:in i was just like fucking hell mate what an awful thing to say what was it what kind of vibe was he oh just self-involved posh wanker i suppose nothing wrong with being posh self-involved wanker look if you don't enjoy being a parent don't take them skiing no actually that's the real test i should also say the ones that were forcing their kids to do it right it didn't strike me that they were the ones who've kind of come from generational wealth of skiing it struck me from observing them they were the ones who were like i've made my i've got myself into this position and now I'm going to force my kids to drag themselves through skiing like I did to make my business work.

48:23Josh Widdicombe:Because I want you to go to Eton. If you can't ski there,

48:25Rob Beckett:you'll be nothing.

48:26Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, exactly. And I need to prove a point because my teacher said I was going to amount to nothing and now my child can ski.

48:32Rob Beckett:And I've dragged myself up to be a partner in this business. If my kids can't ski, I'm going to be the wrong one. Exactly. Yeah. So anyway. Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it. We definitely want to go next year. I would recommend it to you.

48:45Josh Widdicombe:so what we would do differently I would definitely do one on one lessons that was brilliant yeah when it was just one on yeah I'd do one on one rather than one on three because if my son hadn't quit I don't know what would have happened because our levels were so different because he couldn't because he was four and she was eight

49:02Rob Beckett:my concern was I felt when I learned I couldn't have learned with my kids because I needed 100 % attention on what I was doing what I would do Rob is I would get your kids

49:13Josh Widdicombe:a two-on-one and get yourself and Lou a two-on-one. Here we go. What about the lessons?

49:19Rob Beckett:Here we go. Yeah, no, I think Lou probably would be all right, but I think Lou would need like half an hour refresher and I might need a little bit more of an hour and then we'll slowly work up with the kids, so that's the plan. Did you want to leave when you left or like could you have done longer?

49:35Josh Widdicombe:Well, you saw what happened to my hair in the fucking... People keep saying that you store your stress in your hair. I think it was when Monica goes to Hawaii and her hair goes weird.

49:47Rob Beckett:Oh, yeah, your hair went all soft, didn't it, and floppy like a boy band.

49:50Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, my hair went all soft and floppy like a boy band. Like the good water.

49:54Rob Beckett:I think it was the altitude. No. That's not our altitude. It's got to be moisture. Something happened to my hair and it went weird.

50:03Josh Widdicombe:Soft water.

50:04Rob Beckett:It must be the soft water or whatever.

50:05Josh Widdicombe:Because that's coming straight from the mountain. Also, it's under a hat all day. So it just came out of a hat like that. so maybe it's did you dry it

50:12Rob Beckett:before you left the house

50:13Josh Widdicombe:yeah of course no you don't why did you say of course you always leave the house of wet air I know but I didn't care what my hair looked like on the slopes because I was under a

50:21Rob Beckett:yeah no that yeah but when I said did you leave did you dry your hair before you left she went yeah of course but then you don't normally yeah fine

50:27Josh Widdicombe:it's fair of me to ask that yeah totally fair yeah so

50:31Rob Beckett:I'm glad you had a good time

50:33Josh Widdicombe:yeah very nice and I'd recommend it and I look forward to your report on it shall we do small business Let's do small business. Hello, I'm a mum to a three-year-old who binged listening whilst pregnant. I always listen to new episodes whilst I'm at the workshop here in North Wales. And I'd really appreciate a little shout out for my handmade colourful silver, copper and enamel jewellery. www.laurawyn.com. That's L-O-R-A-W-Y-N.com. A discount code for listeners, Parenting10. Mother's Day is coming. you might find a unique and colourful gift. Thank you, Diorlok, Laura Wynne. Here we go. I'm sorry about my pronunciation of the Welsh for thank you there.

51:19Rob Beckett:Also, just forgot to mention my football shirt today. Margate Away shirt with a Libertine sponsor. Oh, yeah, lovely. I thought you'd appreciate that. Well, we've had one of them all. Maber, Margate, Libertines, pink and blue. There you go. There we go, lovely. Small business. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a long time listener and a big fan of the podcast. Thanks for the laughs during those newborn days. And now as a mom of a six year old, I started my business after being made redundant whilst on maternity leave and during the sleepless nights and learning how to be a mom. I thought it was a great idea to start a business.

51:51Rob Beckett:Anyway, six years on both my small business and baby are growing and I would love a small business shout out. I run Corinne Alexander, a British made homeware brand making playful food inspired homeware. Think tea towels, aprons and art prints, all featuring my hand-drawn illustrations. Everything's made in Britain in small batches and designed to add a bit of personality and color to people's homes. You can find me on Instagram at caillustrations or at corinnealexander.co.uk. that's c-o-r-i-n-n-e alexander.co.uk I would love to offer listeners 10 % off with the code HELL10 in capitals H-E-L-L and then 1-0 also want to say thank you for choosing to support small businesses it means a lot to us as we juggle lots of tasks like parents do best wishes Corinne there we go Josh well I'm glad your skin odyssey was a success

52:44Josh Widdicombe:yeah I it was a hell of a journey but you've got to stick with these things You've got to stick with these things.

52:50Rob Beckett:And how cold was it? Was it nice up there, or was it getting a bit overwhelmingly chilly on the slopes? No, it was lovely. It was absolutely lovely.

52:56Josh Widdicombe:I had nothing to compare it to, so it seemed it was good. Okay, good. Well, yeah, you didn't feel too cold. That's great. No, I felt lovely. We went sledging in the afternoon. I'd highly recommend. You just, you know what? Believe the hype.

53:11Rob Beckett:Believe that. Yeah, but I didn't think that was going to be your review when you first started talking about it. No, well, that's how I drag in the listeners and keep them there and then twist and turn. Well, sometimes I think everyone panics first time when they do something new and then they calm down. Well, I hated it, yeah.

53:26Josh Widdicombe:It really brought back some deep, deep buried trauma. And I'm good to bury that back down again.

53:32Rob Beckett:Did you work it through it, do you think, or did you just bury it and ploughed on?

53:35Josh Widdicombe:Oh, no, as soon as I could do the pizza slice, I buried it right back down again.

53:40Rob Beckett:I'm king of the world. I'm top of the bottom of the set here. No problems. See you next week, bye. Bye.

54:13Rob Beckett:star of the show. Visit Great Britain. To discover more, go to tripadvisor.com slash Great Britain.

54:24Josh Widdicombe:Hello, Parenting Hell listeners. Recognize that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whittacombe here.

54:32Josh Widdicombe:I have got a new podcast, Josh Whittacombe's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it, I'm about 85 % sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics, or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics.

55:10Josh Widdicombe:See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realised Milli Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr Blobby. When Ghostwatch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real. When a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from U2 and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in The Fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history.

55:48Josh Widdicombe:Stiffnecks will learn, loose necks will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday, perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcasts now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whittacombe, available everywhere from the 1st of January. you