S12 EP21: What is this life?

19:04Josh Widdicombe:So it was a lovely gig, but I'll be honest, when I got to Birmingham New Street and I still had a three-hour train, I was thinking, what am I doing? So you had to fly to Birmingham? It flew back to Birmingham. Oh, and then you had to get a train from Birmingham. There's no Exeter to Douglas. There's no Exeter to Douglas. Exeter to Douglas doesn't exist. Exeter to Douglas on a Sunday morning, just you on the flight. Yeah.

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20:33Josh Widdicombe:Oh man, and that flight on an airline I've never even heard of.

20:42Logan Air?

20:43Josh Widdicombe:Logan Air. Was it Logan? It was Logan Air. I remember my first Logan Air. They gave us a tonnock tea cake, which was very pleasant. It was a very nice flight, but you're just like, this is wild. I didn't know Logan Air existed. It's Scottish, but I've never known it to fly to Scotland. When people have flown to Scotland, they normally don't do a Logan Air. So I don't know where else it's going because these are two places that aren't Scotland. So why has every seat got tartan on it? I've done a lot of Logan Air flights, but the first one, I was like, what the fuck is this? Why have you done a lot of Logan Air?

21:22Where have you been? I go to Aldi and it looks like a plane. Yeah. Yeah. That looks like a brand, but it's been tweaked, but it's very Scottish, but they're great. They're lovely.

21:31Josh Widdicombe:Where have you been on Logan Air? So normally Logan Air. It sounds like a local radio station. I've been on Logan Air from like Glasgow up to like Inverness or, you know, up to the Highlands when you're doing gigs. Cause there'll be planes that go to the islands. Is it Shetlands? I don't know. But yeah, they're good Loganair, but yeah, the first time you get on Loganair, you're like, you live in Exeter and you're doing Loganair. Did you go from Birmingham the first time? No, no, no, no. I had last leg the night before. See, last leg. And then I stayed at Heathrow. And then you're like, the flights are half two.

22:09Josh Widdicombe:So you're like, oh, fuck it. Half two in the afternoon? Yeah.

22:15Josh Widdicombe:How did you keep going at Heathrow? I went to the gym. And then I did that bleak thing. I had to check out at 11. Turned up. And it was like, you can't even check into the fucking flight for another hour. I was early to check in for my flight, my Logan Air flight to the Isle of Man. And you can't miss a flight to the Isle of Man because there's not enough for the next one. No, exactly. But it takes over the whole weekend, doesn't it? It was just my whole weekend. And were they up for it? Were they appreciative of the effort you made? Oh, a lovely, great audience. It's a great theatre. I really enjoyed it.

22:48Did you say a wish over the ferry bridge? You what? You have to say a wish when you go over the ferry bridge. If you don't, the cab driver will tear you off. And in my case, reverse back.

22:58Josh Widdicombe:Oh, right. That didn't happen to me. Yeah, that happened to me. Yeah, we got there. There was no taxis because this is the other thing. The Logan Air flight took off early because we were all on. It was just like, oh, we can take off. So we took off half an hour early. Half an hour. We got on them. We got there 45 minutes before we were menu. Yeah. But then there was no cabs because no one thought a flight was coming in. oh so yeah right because i normally will get there for when it arrives because they know they know gig was lovely and then you are at the end of the day sat in your room watching one hit wonders at the bbc on bbc2 using a sky remote that you last used to play beehive bedlam in like 2003 thinking what is this life what am I doing next time you should do a matinee and then you can make the most no you can't do a matinee because you land at half four is there no morning flight no I think this is why I didn't do Isle of Man you can't even go well let's go double bubble it, make it worth it.

24:11Josh Widdicombe:You could do maybe a 10am the next day because the next flight isn't until 12.15 or something. What time was the first flight out of Isle of Man? We got the 12.15. Oh no, you want to be home by then? Exactly.

24:29Josh Widdicombe:I don't know what to do. I was just, it was the gig was lovely, but the journey there and back was a bit where it was like, this is what people imagine. But it's a lot more like. This is what people imagine touring is like. Do you know what I mean? Actually, it's very normal and easy and you get home most nights. As long as you can't say rat on stage or they boo you. I said the mainland and they booed me, but it was all fun. What do you have to say instead of that? The other island. The other island, yeah. because that other island also has the first flight out of it at midday. Yeah. Yeah.

25:13I've really got no time for people that boo when you say the mainland because let's face facts and I'm going to put all the – I may not be allowed in all the other isles, but Isle of Wight, Isle of Man, line them up, you're just a little fucking island. And that's why you're special because it's small. Everyone knows each other. It's a close-knit community. but the benefits of that means there's no flights and you're attached to a mainland okay let's just call it what it is it's the main bit of land i think that's fine in the same way that i'll tell you what i'll come and do more gigs if what so the other so what are we supposed to call it the other aisle if we if the mainland's called the other aisle the other do we call it the other

25:58Josh Widdicombe:The island and the other island, I suppose. But it's an isle. The island and the isle. Well, I don't know the difference between the island and an isle. No. Neither do I. No. But, yeah, there we go. That was good, didn't you? Have a nice weekend. And you've been off this week. Good weekend, Rob. Oh, I filmed myself on the train again. Oh, how did that go? So we haven't talked about the first one. Thank you to everyone who tuned in. It went really well. We were right. Because we said that it'd be, like, we were talking about what people watch, and loads of people have been loving it. Yeah, people did love it, Rob.

26:33Josh Widdicombe:The guy behind me who appeared in it. Of the first video? Of the first video. Yeah. He tapped me on the shoulder about 20 minutes later. Yeah. And said, my girlfriend's just got in touch with me. People have seen me on your video.

26:56Josh Widdicombe:Was he happy about that? He wasn't sad about it. He was pleased about it. I'd say he's quite happy about it. It's quite a pleasant thing to do, actually, Rob. I think it means you can't look at your phone. Yeah, it gives you a little break. You're live streaming. I hope it's not counting as screen time, because that's unfair if it counts as screen timing. I think I mentioned Jim Skin before. You mentioned him to me in passing, and it sounds like he's kind of self-Truman-ing show himself. Yeah, he's playing a slight character, but he's quite a nice guy and quite positive. He just films himself the whole time?

27:30With his brother, yeah, and he goes into Costa and gets a coffee, two cups, bit of ice, don't burn the bean. And then he sort of recharges his aura and then drops a shoulder to dance every now and again. Do you know what? And is this going on all the time? Yeah, he's smashing it. It's one of the most popular streamers on kick.

27:46Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, no, fine. But how many hours a day is he doing? He got pressed at an MMA event. Yeah, a lot of hours. I don't know what that means. Yeah, some have started on him. But it's young people say pressed. I listened to Romesh interviewing Louis Theroux. Yes. Because I'm a big fan of both of them. Yeah, great guys. Great guys. I prefer one to the other, but let's not focus on that, right? I'm sure you do. Depends really because one brings you more money. Yeah. On a personal level. Personal level, great guys. couldn't really criticize either of them but i'd say i'm closer to romesh yeah fair fair i'd say i like i like both of them a lot i know romesh better and consequently i prefer louis i say both really hard to read doesn't affect me i just talk at them you know what else been going on anything else any other kids stuff so beryl's been bringing in mice oh god i didn't think that so this is the interesting thing rob yeah she's never brought in mice ever okay so we thought well there's been building work going on and stuff so maybe she's you know maybe so there may be some mice there might be mice around you know what i mean quite easily why would there be mice around if there's building one because they're disturbing because there's like outside there's holes and stuff so they can get yeah yeah so we were like oh maybe they're just coming in and then the other cats are getting them because barrels has never been bloodthirsty and then they normally play with them they're not like eating the organs They are.

29:22They're half a corpse of a mouse. No, well, my cat's never eaten them. They just catch them and play with them. They kill them eventually from like through battering them, but they're not eating it. But do you think she's like going, right, I've got these youngsters coming through. I've got to try and look cool and trendy.

29:37Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, I think so, because then she brought in a fucking robin. A robin? That's hard. That's an hard catch. Oh, not a robin. I know. And you're like, well, she is catching the mice then. Or is it just because you had no wildlife in your little sort of astroturf patch in London? But it's quite possibly that, apart from urban foxes, we had absolutely no wildlife. You mean she's not going to catch one of them? No, exactly. But you're in the country now, more wildlife, bigger garden, more space. Yeah. It's exciting for Beryl. She's really stretching her paws. And how old is Beryl? Because she's not old.

30:11She's just got bad kidneys, isn't she? Ten. She could go for another ten years.

30:15Josh Widdicombe:She could go for another ten years. Fingers crossed, eh? Fingers crossed. How are the kittens getting on? They're good. are they outside yet no because they've got to be vaccinated and then oh are they girls or boys girls so they've got to be spayed oh that's a bit of a tricky one that and it's not just a little bollock off it's like internal internal internal not tied poor little bastards poor little pussies so that's going on um and then it's kind of been all right parenting how's the weather you got your legs out is it warm at home i went running rob i've got a i've got a running watch now you went running and then you went from straight from running to the chair uh i had another meeting actually first so you've not you've been running and you've not showered and you're wearing the shower after this gonna shower after this so you're just sitting in your own sweaty have you changed your top no because i thought it would provide a talking point do you so right i don't want to keep getting dog was what was your top wet when you come back from running.

31:17Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, of course, but I'm only doing this, then I'm going to go for a shower. You're in the chair. You're on a soft cushion chair. The back of my top wasn't wet. So you didn't have a sweaty back, just pits in the front? No, just this little triangle. You know, the classic front. I haven't got a sweaty arse and back like you. Maybe you're not pushing yourself hard enough on this run you do. I just did 466 cows, thank you very much, according to my watch. Oh, calories, right. You're going to go on Strava. No, I'm not going to go on Strava because I hate people on Strava. Because it's for myself, this.

31:50Yeah, you don't like to tell people apart from bring it up on here and be on the front cover of Runner's World. You really keep your running to yourself, don't you? It's a private meditative thing. No one could go online and find anything about you and running. It's your little secret.

32:06Josh Widdicombe:I don't like to go on about it. You don't like to go on about it. I hate that you've dragged this out of me. Yeah, sorry to sort of peel back the layers and finally get to the core of you. I'm a reluctant kind of secret runner when it comes to it. Are you going to do the cover of Runner's World? No, no. How's Couch to Cram going? Well, Cram was going great. I got to my week eight, which was 28 minutes running nonstop, but I've been out here and there's nowhere to run outside. Is there not a treadmill? There is a treadmill. I can't express to you how hot it is here. It's like humid and a thousand degrees.

32:44And I'm weird. I have done, I've run for half an hour and 40 minutes on the treadmill last week, but I'm really struggling. It's like killing me, but I don't know if it's the heat or what, because it's air conned in there, but I'm just so hot. I'm just getting rashes. I basically get prickly heat all day because we're out in the sun and you're like, I'm so sweaty and it's disgusting. And there's like the makeup team. I've got to run over and like mop me down. It's just, it's so awful. and then I have to try and stand in front of like a fan and like wipe my body with tissue. What do you mean by a fan?

33:17So I'm just a parent in hell fan. I brought her out. She sits there, asks me questions. She's paid for the tissues, hasn't she? She's paid for the tissues. No, just a normal fan. That's funny though. I've been called, basically it's really weird. So the hotel I'm in is a bit like, it's a really nice hotel, but it's a bit like a hotel you'd have like a sort of like like it's a couple's holiday and it's really weird. I'm like the only bloke on his own there working. You wouldn't go there to work normally unless you're doing like a TV show thing. And I'm going to have breakfast and they call you by your first name or your surname.

33:50It's a Chinese thing. So it's Rob. Yeah. Mr. Rob or Mr. Josh. But then the, uh, they, they, they've started calling me Mr. Govinda. What?

34:01Josh Widdicombe:Sorry. Sorry. I've just gone because I've said my room number and they go Mr Govinda I've gone yeah I'm quite enjoying being called Mr Govinda and I've worked it out it's my room obviously but the production I think someone at the production company is called Govinda something I do actually know their name I've met them but I don't want to say their surname if they don't want to be mentioned but it's their first name and the so I think where they book the room It's on the booking. So I'm wandering around, and I said to this Malaysian crew. Is there not like 20 rooms under the name Govinda? That guy must every morning be saying Mr.

34:43Josh Widdicombe:Govinda to every single member of crew, right? Mr. Govinda? No, no, no. So, like, I'm in a different hotel to the crew. Oh. They kept me separate. Yeah. And I tell you what, I'm drinking quite a lot, though. Oh, yeah. Okay, Rob. I sort of stopped drinking. I finished work at, like, 5, 6. I've got nothing to do. Nowhere to go. so you're on your own in a hotel well i drunk yeah but then i've been meeting up with other people going for a drink now because i thought i can't keep drinking alone the crew no because i'm just yeah the crew and i've been sat in a hotel on my own at six just for i'll have it but it's red hot and an ice cold tiger beer do you want one of them yeah i do and then like the geyser mr govinda another one i'm like yes please so i'm just smashing them back and um also as well i'm like well rob's not drinking a lot mr govinda is do you know what is this mr govinda has got a hell of a tan hasn't he but then i said why are they calling me because then i was like well govinda's got a surname so like on the booking i'm i'd assume i'd say mr beckett or mr whatever and then i said to the malaysian crew and i said why are they calling me mr govinda or mr rob if they get it right and they went um well it's a chinese thing where in china your surname's first and then it's your name so in china you'll be widdekombe josh so they'd call you Mr.

35:58You know, Mr. Whittaker. And I went, yeah, I went, yeah. But like, surely they're not, they're not thinking I'm a Chinese white man called Mr. Govinda. Surely they must know that I'm, I'm not rolling with the Chinese surname, first name thing.

36:13Josh Widdicombe:I mean, you, you're barely a white man looking at this picture. I don't think I'm that proud. Anyway. So yeah, I'm Mr. Govinda and I go in and I have the same omelette every morning. And then go to work. stuff it's good it's really it's really nice job actually everyone's really lovely it's absolutely perfect it's just being away from the kids is difficult so yeah so how are you staying in touch um facetiming on the school run because facetiming around 3 45 p.m which is quite good because most of the work's been like we're doing early shoots and stuff's getting done and by about four ish we're winding down because you start losing light so i've been chatting to the kids in the car um on like thing and i've been doing a thing called an animal a day where because it's difficult because when you're away you facetime but like i facetime at weekends that's when they have their ipads and it's like they're just on like minecraft or roblox and i'm in the corner like going oh what you up to and they're like totally obsessed with the ipad and i don't want to be like what do you how was school and all that shit so um i've been finding animals i've been sending videos of animals every day because we're in the jungle there's loads of mad like mad animals that's been quite good because they've got monkeys here and that um when are you doing celebs go dating about this time so then this is i'm recording this which is 10 11 a.m for you which is 7 p.m here so you're off a few tigers after this well no actually this is how much the drinking's got um i i said oh i can't wait for monday tuesday wednesday because i've got parent it nil celebs go date and i won't be drinking will i because i've been eating it like an 18 to 30s honestly i had four tigers the other night and then we ordered a fucking sweating rob

38:01i've not been hung over because i've been having like four beers i go to bed at 10 and i sleep there's no one in the house and there's no one in i'm on my own so it's just like no one waking me up air-conditioned room i'm having like eight nine hours sleep it's mental fucking and then and then i wake up in the morning and go and have breakfast is done for me i just I'm getting picked up and driven everywhere. It's ridiculous. Lou is just absolutely suffering hardcore. And Mr. Govinda's out here having the time of his life. The other night, I had a shot the other night.

38:32Josh Widdicombe:I haven't had a shot in about 10 years. Oh, wow. Well, you had your book week, Lou. Now it's payback time. Now it's payback. I'm off to the fucking jungle. Guess what I had a shot of? Tequila. No, it's the name of it. Wet pussy. Oh, no, that's a shame. It's one of those places where they've got like drinks that are offensive names that, you know, Asian countries think are funny for Western people. And they are.

39:01Who doesn't want to order three wet pussies? Well, exactly. So I had a wet pussy and then there was another one.

39:07Josh Widdicombe:What is a wet pussy? No, dare I ask.

39:13What's in a wet pussy? From a rug and don't have a shower. um no a wet pussy is like peach snaps and some vodka stuff it's like a little show it wasn't that strong and then there was like but it's like it was like wet pussy and there was like other things and then one was like one of the drinks was called a red-headed slut oh my mental name isn't it like baby guinness red-headed slut so yeah i've been doing that and it's um it's such a small island just sort of like um you know and then we got to fly back to the other island Malaysia not the mainland but yeah it's been fun everyone's really nice when I'm back I'm back I'm back now when this goes out I'm back but I land the day after Mother's Day which is a killer I couldn't get back for Mother's Day so I think Lou's going to see her mum and I've got to send some flowers it's difficult on Mother's Day isn't it because obviously you've got your own mother

40:08Josh Widdicombe:fucking balloons Rob tell you what you should do Rob if you think those flowers mean a lot, it's go and pick them up from the shop because, you know, that's what. Exactly. I am in a sticky situation where I'm going to have to, well, I'm going to have to get Lou some flowers, but it's weird when it's Mother's Day, because you've got your own actual mum, then you've got your kid's mum. And I'm like, well, actually, this ain't my mum. You're the mum of my kids, but you ain't my mum. If Lou was your mum, then there'd be bigger questions to ask. Yeah, of course, but huge. No wonder I've absconded. Also, so the other day, Josh, in this room, I had to go topless to do my voiceover.

40:41Yeah, right. I sat there in my past in voiceover.

40:44Josh Widdicombe:Getting your excuses before the discipline. It's not great because he's trying to Malaysia to do his let's go dating voiceover topless. So yeah, I've got... I don't know if your mum's this direct. Do you have the camera on? Do you need the camera off? I turn the camera off. I went, look, I'm turning the camera off because I'm going topless. Because my mum messaged me about three weeks ago and was like, oh, yeah, don't worry too much about Mother's Day. I just want some cash for some clothes, really, or some vouchers for Marks and Spencers. I don't know if your mum sends in a request for cash two weeks before Mother's Day.

41:15Josh Widdicombe:My mum's not into Mother's Day, which is a relief. So you don't have to do anything? I'd do a text. Yeah, but you've still got a sense of flowers, or she'd be angry. No, she doesn't give a fuck, Rob. She wouldn't want the flowers. She's got a huge garden full of flowers. She wouldn't want a bunch of flowers. She wouldn't want flowers. Okay, so you just text her Happy Mother's Day, no card. Happy Mother's Day. yeah no we my family were never big birthday mother's day valentine's day father's day did that exist in those days yeah but i don't think my mom's that into it but i think she's quite into the opportunity for a transfer of cash she knows what she's doing your mom i really love the sentiment of mother's day and just people appreciating all the hard work she just wanted it via Bax or does she want it?

42:00Josh Widdicombe:Does she want it? Yeah. Well, I can't go and buy a fucking voucher in Langkawi. What about Rose? What are you doing for her Mother's Day? Well, we're going to London, Rob. Oh, London. The big slug. Up to the London. We're going up to the London. With the kids or just you? I've got Last Leg on Friday. Right, you'll be there. Yeah, the edgy clips form the last leg oh yeah the content boys the content boys the viral girls the viral hounds the last leg yeah yeah get on a politician rinse them bang clicks it's great it's a funny joke if you haven't seen it it's on instagram on everywhere he said she supports the disabled uh movement by being an arms fair in saudi arabia so funny you can't go on last leg when there's like World War 3 kicking off and you last week you were posted about arms fairs can you I know wild wild we're leaving today and entering a world of Mickey Mouse waving princess meeting and greeting lightsaber clashing the twilight zone tower of terror dropping banshee flying space mountain launching galaxy rewinding galaxy rewinding fireworks igniting world of other worlds for whatever you love.

43:27Josh Widdicombe:Infinite worlds await at the most magical place on earth. Walt Disney World Resort. This episode is brought to you by Peloton. Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus. Powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence. Helping you reach your goals in less time. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push, and go. Explore the new Peloton cross-training Tread Plus at onepeloton.com. And then the week before, we were talking about legalizing drugs with the Green Party. Do you know what?

44:07Josh Widdicombe:It turns out, Rob. Yeah. These comedians, people want to hear from politicians who knew. Well, they want to see politicians be mugged off, don't they? Or was he getting mugged off, the green geezer? I made a little fun joke. So you're doing last leg and then Rose and the kids are coming up. It's my daughter's friend from London. It's her birthday. Yeah. And she, so we said we'd go to it. Nice. And it does mean though that we're going to a swimming pool in London on Mother's Day. Yeah. I mean, because it's just a kid's party. It's quite a weird call, isn't it? It's quite a weird call. My daughter's going to love it.

44:43Josh Widdicombe:We're going to see some of her friends. Yeah, it's fun. You're already up there. It's a train journey. Are you coming back Sunday? Yeah. I'm also tying in with a lovely trip to Aylesbury on Saturday night. So are they coming up Saturday? They're coming up Friday. They're coming up Friday with you? No. I'm coming up Thursday. You're coming up Thursday. They're coming up Friday, staying in London for a few nights, and you're going to nip to Aylesbury one night, come back, swimming pool, back home. A new week starts. Oh, Rob. It's hard for you. You need to find a day where you can chill. how's monday of the tour yeah i think leg one of the tour when it's like it's just so the momentum is like this is the tour this is the tour this is it all then you do two months off and then the gigs are good but i'm really struggling with the travel this time the travel's the worst bit like getting like that's why i didn't mind the travel the first time because i hadn't toured in three four years yeah it's like oh yeah i'll stay in a hotel and i'll go out in chester and have a look round and fun but like now you're like maybe i just want to be at home at the weekend i love i felt the same i love the gig the on stage the gig's brilliant it's just that you know you just spend the weekend with your kids yeah that's that is it that is the issue but then people don't want to go and see comedy on a monday and tuesday or do that do you know what when you buy a ticket to see a comedian on a Saturday night, he should just have a think about his poor little kids.

46:24His poor little kids in a lovely house that the ticket's paid for.

46:30What's he going to say? I was going to ask you, sorry. I can't remember what I was going to say.

46:34Josh Widdicombe:I'm just a bit fucked by the weekend, to be honest. I'm in a bad mood because of the Isle of Man. The Isle of Man. That's why I didn't do the Isle of Man on this tour. I just couldn't make it work with the flights. it's too much I loved that gig and I'd like to do it again but I can't be spending nearly 36 hours when you can do a gig in Ellsbury like back and forth in about four hours so that's one for you Logan Air any chance you could put on a Josh Widdickon special the ball is in your court Logan Air what time is the last plane out of Valaman man, you could go back that night. I don't know.

47:16Josh Widdicombe:I think they just go in the middle of the day or something. You can't even go in early to then, because what you could do is you could go in and do like a three o 'clock matinee flying that day. But they're written.

47:29Josh Widdicombe:And do you know what? They were like, oh, do you want to cover for Romesh on Radio 2? I was like, yeah, great. Right. Perfect. Because my flight is at 2.40. Yeah. So I'll do, I've got this dead time between the last leg of my flight. It's not a dead time. to sleep, relax, and, you know, get a handle on your stress. I'm in a fucking – I opened my curtains, right, in this hotel in Heathrow. Yeah. I was like, oh, I got here at night, so I don't know what the view is. I imagine it's – you know, I imagine it's going to be shit. Or the runway, maybe. Yeah. Dream scenario, I can see some planes. Worst case scenario, it's at least a road.

48:10Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what it was? What? I was literally opened it. I was about three yards from the breakfast room. I was just looking. Inside? I was inside. There was a man having breakfast about six or seven yards from me. Not the same level. Same level.

48:36Josh Widdicombe:What the fuck am I meant to do with my life?

48:47Josh Widdicombe:It's just like, this is madness. So why couldn't you do the radio? Because the flight was too early. It was like 20, it was like just too tight. So you're like, how is this flight at the wrong time for everything? Like, this is the worst flight ever. Oh, gosh.

49:15Josh Widdicombe:anyway see you in three years when I've forgotten and then they've it goes on an email with a hundred other shows yeah always a good gig at the Isle of Man then you remember yeah they're nice people yeah oh Jesus right so that's why I'm in a bad mood yeah that way it's killed your weekend didn't it should we do to be honest I should have known there wasn't a netball fixture and I should have just gone and bought the fucking balloons from town but there we go. Oh now you feel bad because you haven't got the balloons. What are you doing the rest of the day? I'm going to get my daughter's done a picture for Rose that I'm going to get framed.

49:53Josh Widdicombe:Oh that's nice. Have I left it to the last minute? I'll leave you to decide. I mean in your defence and defence of the balloons. You've seen the other man all weekend. You don't have much chance. I know. Well I wasn't here. And then I'm taking my kids into town after this and we're going to buy some things. Are they not at school? When they finish school, we're going to go into town. Is she away then at the moment? Rosie's back at seven. Imagine being in a Heathrow airport, having a ball deck and looking for an open window and going, is that Josh Whittaker on his bed watching telly? Trying to play bamboozle with the remote control he stole from the Isle of Man.

50:35Fucking hell.

50:37Josh Widdicombe:Tell you what, Full credit to Sky. I didn't realise how much they've improved their operating system until I went to that hotel. So is it still on the old one? How does that still exist? Why does that not have been up? You had to click down, and then it wouldn't go down. You know on the new one, you don't even realise it does this. It scans down. It was like page by page, like teletext. Is it the same TV guide, home screen, or is it that blue one with just the boxes? It was the blue one with the boxes, like the old one. Oh, my God. So it just looked like lines, rows and numbers. Hi, Rob, Josh, and Mysterious Michael.

51:11Josh Widdicombe:Also, why is Match of the Day not on when there's an FA Cup weekend? I was so excited to get back to my room for that. I was just like, oh, fuck my fucking life. I thought the BBC had the FA Cup, don't they? I don't know if they did. I think it's all on TNT now, isn't it? Oh, fuck you, TNT. Well, that's changed its name, isn't it? Discovery app, HBO. Oh, God. Anything else you want to get off your chest before I do this? I'm just a bit sad today. Oh, Josh. you can have a fun day with the kids i'm not gonna get that money back on the balloons no am i would you get around to it have you well at the moment you're not washing so i'd prioritize that i'm going for a shower after this okay well let's do this hi rob josh michael i've been a listener since my first daughter arrived in 2021 and i'm deeply grateful for the last last year i was made redundant while on maternity leave with my second so that was my chance to launch the business I've been dreaming about since becoming a mum.

52:07Early Days Hampers, spelt D-A-Z-E. We sell gift hampers for new parents that are actually useful. Think water bottles, soothing teas, dry shampoo, and nightlights for those 3M nappy changes. All the postpartum essentials everyone forgets. And we've just launched Double Days, our first couple's hamper. So both partners get a bit of TLC during that newborn fog. We deliver anywhere in the UK. So if you want to help someone you love survived the newborn haze head to early days hampers.co.uk that's d-a-z-e or follow us at early days hampers as a thank you to the parenting health family listeners can use code hell 10 in capitals h-e-l-l-10 for 10 off their first hamper and delivery is included huge thanks in advance sabrina from west berkshire not kent berkshire not berkshire sorry west berkshire

53:01Josh Widdicombe:I've got I tidied up my office Rob yeah um and I found three separate ones that they've given me that people have given me on tour so I'm gonna I've got a bit of a bank of them so I do apologize to people who've sent them in via email over the next couple of weeks leave them on your little table next to your dirty tea bag I've left them on my little table um so number one this is from Emily uh I listen to Parenting Hell every week thanks so much for the laughs and honesty since being a parent i've never been more overstimulated or tired but it's great having tiny people i wondered if i might be able to ask for a cheeky small business shout out i'm an illustrator and maker based in harrogates lovely north yorkshire i didn't do harrogate i make dog collars and leads as well as having a range of dog tug toys i do agility and flyball training with my dogs whippets are great flyball dogs if rob ever fancies giving it a go ever done isn't it?

53:59Yes, I've done fly ball when I did Robin Rommish versus Crufts. It was actually very good at it, Alfredric.

54:04Josh Widdicombe:There we go. Best wishes, Emily. P.S. Totally forgot to say, I sometimes offer personalized pet portraits and blankets too. Listeners can use Parenting Hell for 20 % off accessories. At Emily Ong, O-N-G, illustration. At Emily Ong, illustration. I'm best known for my personalized pet blankets and family portraits, but I also take on commissions and commercial work too. Follow me on Instagram, emilyong.co.uk. Lovely. Right. I enjoyed that, Josh. I'm sorry. I didn't enjoy it. I was an absolute nod. Don't beat yourself up about the weekend. I'm in such a bad mood. You're busy. You're working so hard.

54:43Just try and forget about what's happened now and just focus on a fun day with the kids when they finish school. You're going to get that photo framed, buy some stuff for Rose, and you've got a lovely birthday tomorrow for Rose and then a nice weekend.

54:55Josh Widdicombe:Thank you, Rob. All you've got is Owlsbury. Owlsbury's an easy gig. It's really close to London. The kids are going to love being in a hotel. So you're going to love it. They're going to be there. You can mess about. And then Sunday will be fun. It's going to be great. Seeing your friends. And then you just get the train home together. It's an adventure for the kids. They'll love it. It's going to be a great weekend. All weekend you'll be with them. They'll be in bed when you're in Ellsbury. Right. Just don't want to be away, Rob. And I'm sorry because I know you're away far more than me. Yeah, that's fine though.

55:18It's like I hate going away. I'm better once this happens, but it's fine. Look, I can't moan. Mr. Covinda's going to head out now for an ice cold beer and on the hunt for a couple of wet pussies. Enjoy your wet pussies, Rob. See you next week.

55:39Josh Widdicombe:Hello, Parenting Hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whittacombe here.

55:47Josh Widdicombe:I have got a new podcast, Josh Whittacombe's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it, I'm about 85 % sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do. And that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics.

56:25Josh Widdicombe:See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realised Milli Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr Blobby. When Ghostwatch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real. When a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from U2. and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in The Fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history.

57:03Josh Widdicombe:Stiffnecks will learn, loosenecks will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday, perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of Parenting Hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe, and follow wherever you get your podcasts now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whittacombe. Available everywhere on the 1st of January.