S12 EP25: Who don't you like?

19:07Josh Widdicombe:Well he sounds like guitarist Johnny Buckland Johnny Buckland, yep Obviously the singer Yeah Chris Martin Chris Martin I don't know the bass player actually Guy something He's called Guy something But anyway They seem like sweet guys, Coldplay I've got nothing against them Yeah, no Seem like good guys Yeah so we went to the school concert that's fine, that was fun, really fun but I hadn't brought a snack so afterwards there was tea and cake I stole some cake for my children from the adults cake section people kept calling me on it while I was carrying cake in a napkin so you wanted to give your daughter a snack after school, do you always turn up with a snack after school?

19:48really? every time? and if you don't have one there's trouble? yeah which is insane because we live 50 yards from the school but it's almost become a little bit of a thing so what kind of snacks you're dealing with here

20:00Josh Widdicombe:well they don't show me the best light i'd love to say cucumber you can't turn up a whole cucumber into school no so what kind of snacks you're doing yeah your pond bears yeah your mini cheds yeah throw the ball in that area and you hit something okay chocolate chocolate bar maybe they've got quite into these madeleines that you get from, do you know what a madeleine is? Yeah, those little cakes. Like a small sponge cake. Yeah. Your kids are really white, aren't they? White? Yeah. What do you mean? Just proper Coke Counties white, beige food. What do you mean? Oh, sorry, I forgot you're serving jerk chicken to your kids when you meet them at the gate.

20:38I've turned up a couple of samosas. Eat out, Hoff. No, but it's very, very beige

20:45Josh Widdicombe:kind of. You've got one of those huge paella things outside the school salt vinegar crisps that's beige no that's spicy oh right yeah they'll have salt and vinegar crisps they'll have salt and vinegar crisps okay okay i'm just saying but just saying madeleine palm bear mini cheds yeah it's one very yeah i'm sorry they're not having faux like your children but a couple of bowel bottles i've got some hoppers according to Sri Lankan stuff at the moment. Do you know what Michael told me? Michael, the producer? Yeah. Go on. Michael went down a wormhole on what? Is it called Reddit, Michael? A Reddit wormhole on what?

21:23Josh Widdicombe:I read a full string about how we hate each other. Me and you hate each other? Who reckons we hate each other? Michael's like, I went down a Reddit wormhole and they were talking about how much you two hate each other. Basically, they think the show's coming to an end soon. They think it's coming to an end? They're predicting that it will be over by the summer based on how you guys speak to each other. Honestly.

21:52Do we sound like we don't like each other? Do you like me? Yeah, I love you. I love you too. I thought I enjoyed this. Yeah. It's a little bit also as well, you know, and I don't want to go into the numbers too heavy, but for me to quit this, you'd have to spit in my face at least three times a record.

22:08Josh Widdicombe:just from an economics point. Honestly, if you're on that Reddit thread, I can tell you 10 TV shows that haven't been stopped by people hating each other.

22:22No, there's no hatred at all. No. I quite enjoy it. Yeah, I do.

22:28Josh Widdicombe:But there we go. Oh, this is interesting. I got sent. Sunspell sent me a couple of T-shirts. Oh, yeah, I got some pants. Saying thanks for talking about the... I've been slagging their pants off. There's no such thing as bad PR. So they sent you the pants. They sent me the T-shirts. I love the clothes. Was it through the same person? Faye? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. I think she was speaking to them about something else. Yeah. So they sent me some tops, but I love the clothes. I just can't get involved in the pants. Yeah, I love the clothes and the pants. Too heavy knit for me. I love the clothes and the pants.

22:58As discussed. So what else is it saying on Reddit? They all love, all the internet ones love Josh more than me. That's what I've noticed. I wouldn't go that far. I wouldn't.

23:11Josh Widdicombe:Can you phone Lou now? Yeah. Put her on speakerphone and say we can't go on holiday because I think it's looking bad with the Reddit community. Right, I see what she says about that. While I do my belt back up. Yeah. I'll do that.

23:31Oh, no. I'll ask her how the kids are and I can talk about parenting as well. What's she doing? I think she's dropping the dogs off at the kennels because we're going on holiday tomorrow.

23:46Josh Widdicombe:Sorry, not Kennels, the hotel. So, my son was ill. Yeah. My daughter did a concert. Sorry, you're talking about your kids, are you sure? Because according to Reddit, we don't. Fucking losers. Look, I don't want to talk too heavily on this because I'm in a bit of a mental ed space. but these people that go online to discuss us, how little have they got on in their life? What would have to happen to my workload for me to go, do you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to join a forum to slag off two people I haven't met because they may be arguing a bit more than I'd like them to be. Yummy.

24:26Josh Widdicombe:Anyway, yeah, so...

24:31Josh Widdicombe:Is that what you want, Reddit? You want the truth?

24:39Josh Widdicombe:So, parenting-wise, parenting-wise, it's the last week of the term. Yes, Easter break. So we're having a little bit of break after this so we can see our children over Easter. Michael, is he going on holiday? Is he? Yeah, he is. Where are you going, Michael? I'm off to New York. New York? Fucking hell. Changes the record. Wait till Reddit here about that. Too right. A single, not a single, but a childless man going to New York in his spare time after working hard. You should be ashamed of your privilege, mate. Coming from the Isle of Wight to London with nothing, not a pen in your pocket, and then building yourself to a point where you can go on holiday, you should be ashamed of yourself, you little fucking worm.

25:20So cancel that holiday and fucking get your life into perspective. It's good that I don't get affected by online comments. That's why I don't read them.

25:28Josh Widdicombe:I don't read anything online. and it's worse when people then say stuff to you. Because there is a potential you go back and go. Because they presume you have read it. Has Lou got in touch? No, she hasn't run back, actually. Anyway, so while my daughter was in a concert, so one of my daughters plays a guitar. Yeah, there was a guitar ensemble at this concert. We saw her about a year ago playing a guitar. She did Songbird by Liam Gallagher Oasis, right? Yeah. And it was really good, fine. I've not seen her. She does lessons at school. I've not seen her play the guitar at home once. Yeah. Saw her last week Did a Taylor Swift song She's like Johnny Marr Really good Really good Wow But like Much better Like remarkably better And I was like Because I thought She goes to lessons She never practices I assumed she'd just be At the same level Yeah yeah yeah For the next five years Because it's an hour a week It's an hour a week And then you just do that And then that's fine It's fine It's a bit of fun She's got really really good I've never had her practice But I'm just sort of Letting her get on with it What did she sing?

26:24No she played

26:24Josh Widdicombe:Oh what did she play sorry Elizabeth Taylor Oh yeah She played along to that. Elizabeth Taylor. That one. And then my other daughter. I love that song. She sung. Elizabeth Taylor. A whole new world. But they made her sing it with an American accent. Oh, wow. Yeah. She was like. Was it a solo? She did it with another girl, but they did solo part. They sort of did a verse each and then did a chorus together at the end. So they were doing that. They do like a grandparent. They do grandparents' concerts, which is quite nice. I love the concerts. Yeah, it's great, isn't it? I love the concerts. I'd cry a lot though Do you?

26:58Josh Widdicombe:Yeah I'd try and not cry They were really going for it And they loved it I think my daughter Who's eight Is still not Got that Feeling that Maybe if you were Ten or eleven They're a bit more self conscious At the concert Yes My daughter was And her class Were really going for it During Mamma Mia And during Sky Full of Stars And Firework I mean it was It was some mega hits She wasn't going for it fully then No she was really going for it But what I mean is the kids that are a bit older, you've got the feeling they weren't as comfortable with all the actions and stuff that was happening. Do you know what I mean?

27:35Josh Widdicombe:And you're like, oh, God, yeah, this is when you get to the age where... You get self-conscious. You get self-conscious. Well, I find it's a weird thing. One, they're a bit too shy to do it, and then all of a sudden, overnight, they're like... And giving it hardcore, and then they get embarrassed. But you don't want to let them feel embarrassed with that 13-er. Because I see kids about 13, where they're like they get they get treated like adults like no no let me kids yeah but that's actually i feel like we're you're a bit you've still obviously got a slightly younger one but i feel like with an eight-year-old and a ten-year-old i'm in a little bit of the eye of the storm where it's calm right down we've had the first wave of the tornado we're in the eye of someone it's obviously busy but quite easy really yeah because they make their own breakfast they get their own bags packed and stuff like that they can run their own baths and that kind of thing and then it'll be a bit of a busier second storm when the teenage years hit so i'm just enjoying this moment and going back to your question because you did interrupt me i read it i like holidays with rides because sometimes i feel like if i go on a beach holiday i sit around the pool or on the beach and the kids are in the pool or the sea together playing sometimes i make friends or they'll go can we go to the kids club for an hour because there's an event on and I don't feel like I'm on holiday near them whereas when you go to rides in a theme park you're doing it with them like mates well can I recommend my favourite type of holiday black and shine skiing skit my friend and yours your favourite my favourite so has that gone into your favourite type of holiday I just feel myself when I'm on the slopes when I'm chopping up the powder when I'm cutting down the Alps or the Dolomites I just feel like at one with nature I spoke to you for an hour about this but the first 40 minutes you hated it so I still don't read it so you do like skiing?

29:25Josh Widdicombe:I can't wait for next year have you booked? yeah and you're looking forward to that I can't wait that'll be me is that you? there'll be people who go was that him? but he went so fast we couldn't see are you going to go to the same place? and are you going to get the bus to the bigger slopes now or are you going to stay on the training one? I'd happily just go down that slope all the time. I don't think that's a ski holiday. No. Well, there is this feeling. I remember having a discussion with Rod Gilbert. We were talking about, I was much earlier days and I was on tour, one of my first tours. And he was like, how are you finding the gigs?

30:03Josh Widdicombe:And I was like, to be honest, at that stage, I was like, I'm not that nervous. and he was like, ah, you've got used to the rooms. You need to play bigger rooms. Oh, yeah. You've got used to this. And I haven't got to that point with the ski slope. Do you know what I mean? But there will come a point. There comes a point with everything where when you get too comfy, it becomes boring. Yes. And that's when you start snapping at each other and Reddit kicks in. And that's when the show ends. That's when the show ends. Well, it's not. No. But it can go on for years after that. Well, I'm really enjoying it and more people are listening.

30:35I don't want to... I don't want to throw stats

30:37Josh Widdicombe:in people's faces. I don't want to undermine the Reddit guys, but it's kind of the best it's ever been. Yeah, exactly. Which is frustrating for us because we hate each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. But we... Good news, bad news, Rob. Good news, the viewers are up, listeners are up. But it just means you're going to have to work with that twat for longer. Come see, come sir. Come see, come sir. How is Rob and Rom going? Best it's ever been. Best it's ever been. The most we've ever hate each other. Exactly. I don't hate anyone. Oh, you do. Especially anyone that earns me money. What's that?

31:16Josh Widdicombe:Not only when you work with, but you do. Yeah, I know. I could list some people. Who do I hate? Who do you hate? Okay. You could bleep them. Could I give a genre of person? Yeah, but don't say a race.

31:30I'll take genre.

31:35Josh Widdicombe:Overly interfering TV producers. yes correct huge genre yeah that's why I said that when I got the award last night it was entertainment performance yeah as opposed to the show I've got I've had that exact award have you the RTS last leg yeah I'd share it as well I said it's great when you win this one because for performance which means I don't have to thank any producers and then I just held the silence for ages but then I went actually thanks very much Bill but Bill is brilliant Bill's a brilliant Bill right no i did say that and i think but bill wrighton's an amazing producer yeah too late tv producer is that anything though isn't it he's related to one of the klaxons yes that's his brother this episode is brought to you by experian the uk's most trusted credit score josh everyone's got those moments in parenthood where you feel like you finally made it oh nothing beats the feeling rob of when you finally make one of those big financial decisions that you've always dreamt of can i go yeah i bought a brand new car with a roof box yes because you are middle-aged and you know what i had to do open the door of the car and stand on that little bottom bit so i could reach the top of the roof box of course you did rob and i bought that because i was a parent and i was going to go camping and did you once there we go hated it yeah who knew the wind was going to be a problem who knew the wind was going to be a problem i felt like a real grown-up buying an adult suv car that had space in the boot for a buggy.

33:02A double buggy at that.

33:03Josh Widdicombe:The first time I got on the property ladder and we got a mortgage on a small house. First time buyer. First time buyer. And then we moved into that house from a furnished property that was a rental. And we realised we didn't have any furniture. And you bought a lovely massive shell. And you were the little snout. But you're so happy at that point. And you have pizza. Order a pizza and sit on the floor. Oh yeah. Trying to get the telly going. Not even on a bracket. Oh, mate. That's fun. Oh, so good. So much possibilities. One of the best moments of moving house, we bought a house and then we moved in.

33:39Same situation. I was trying to get the football on the telly because there was a fun Sunday game on at about four o 'clock. And I'd done it and finally the game come on. And as the game come on, the doorbell rang. And then the pizza roll had arrived at that moment. And I sat down on my camping chair that I was using for the second time. And I thought, this is life. Yeah, that felt good. a car with a roof box and then owning my own house. And the first step in all those big financial moments is the Experian credit score.

34:05Josh Widdicombe:Correct. If you're looking to move, if you're looking to get a box on your car, if you're looking to get a car to put a box on, if you're getting to get a mobile phone contract, even Experian can help you improve your credit score. Because when you better your score, you better your story. Download the free Experian app and better your story today. Experian is a credit broker, not a lender.

34:29Josh Widdicombe:We're over halfway through the year now. No, we're not. The school year. All right. Which is how I work. Okay. I still work in school years. Okay. So halfway through the school. I've always worked in school. This is the problem. Stop bending to Reddit by trying to make the year about school so you're a parent. But this is what happened, right? Yeah. So school years up to 18. Yeah. Then I went to uni, so you're still working on school years. Yeah. And then I worked for one year at Waterstones. And then I worked for one year. Yeah. So don't skim over that. Waterstones is just normal year. But I worked September to September.

35:02Josh Widdicombe:Because I started when I left uni, and then I worked for a year. So I was still working in a school year situation. Okay. I'll give you that on a technicality, but you just worked in a normal job for a year. Then I started doing comedy, right? Yeah. A few years later. So I had a few years of normal years. I started doing comedy. And suddenly, people are talking about Edinburgh, which is the end of the year, apparently, in August. so you're back onto fucking school years again. No, no. You're really pushing this. So we are over halfway through the year. Right, okay, so you want me to agree that you've just been living school years?

35:38Yeah, all my life. Right, okay. Apart from the year of Waterstones, your whole comedy career.

35:43Josh Widdicombe:No, no, the early bits of your comedy career when you've got Edinburgh as your... Is that the beginning of the year? No, because you've got to have the show ready for Edinburgh. Yeah, so you're doing pre-season until the season kicks off in August. Yeah, but then the season finishes The whole point of the school year is no one goes to school in August and that's when you do most of your work If it was a school year, you'd have August off No, but the point is it starts in September, like the school year What starts in September? No, it doesn't, everyone has a month off then because they've worked hard or don't do anything I didn't, that's why I'm bloody sat here That's why I've got to where I am while everyone else was sitting around in September I was stamping over them to get to the fucking top FHM stand-up hero I was like do you know what I was in September

36:33Josh Widdicombe:So we're halfway through the year So we're halfway through We're over halfway through the year It's just going too quickly for me Yeah but you've done a lot When did you move out? I have been thinking this Rob Should we quit this? I shouldn't say no Please don't I've been thinking I could just do this and not do anything else. Just podcast? But I don't want to do that. But there's part of me, when I get in the car to, no disrespect, Nottingham on Saturday, which was lovely. Someone said they were going to bring a baby. I said, okay. They didn't bring the baby. What's going on, though, for you at the moment?

37:14When did you move house? September?

37:16Josh Widdicombe:September, start of the school year. Of course. That's the new start. Because that's who you are. Of course you moved in September. Exactly. So between now and September, you've had, well, since September and now, you've had so much mental stuff going on. You've moved cities. Done a tour. Done a tour, moved cities, done loads of last leg. We've had terrible timing started recording this in person in London. Yeah, I know. Wild. So it's like you've had a lot on. Yeah. And then when the tour, I think, don't make any major decisions. Oh, no, I'm not going to do it. The tour ends in May. But what feels difficult, right, is you go, I'm going to, let me be honest, I'm going to Birmingham to do an awards.

38:03Josh Widdicombe:I'm doing the Vision Express Awards in Birmingham. Okay.

38:11Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, okay. When's that? This Sunday. This Sunday night? Yeah, I know. I know. It's not party time, is it? Well, it is at the Vision Express Awards. look Rob full disclosure in my last two shows I've had two separate routines about glasses I'm very confident I'm going to rip this rip this to shreds I've got did I tell you my really funny idea for a sitcom episode about glasses no I wrote it in a pilot for something that we never made up doing was it about my dad a character about my dad who's sort of a bit like in it a bit like my dad a little bit yeah I'll just say simple at times but well meaning right and he was trying to fix his glasses arm and as he was doing he was gluing it yeah he got you super cool and he got his fingers stuck on the arm that's funny right and then his wife came in my mom and with date going like Dave you've got to go and do this you've got to do that and he goes yeah well no actually I should do this I do that and then was basically using his because he gestured with the glass and it made him look intelligent yeah yeah and then she was like all right then Dave you don't have to do it and then she walked out of the room he just went oh so the whole episode was him walking around and he was basically getting all his own way and dominating.

39:18Oh, that's really nice. Good little bit of a sitcom. Good in Seinfeld. Yeah, great little bit. Kirby enthusiasm. That's the only bit I've got on glasses.

39:27Josh Widdicombe:We do all this work, Rob. Yes, well, you're being honest. And it takes us away from our family. Well, that's the problem, is the travel. Is the travel. And you go, when I left this morning, my daughter was gutted. Yeah. She's still in school. She's still in school. When are you back then? You left this morning early. I'm back at 2am on Friday. 2am. Okay. She'll be in bed. Because I've got Bexhill tonight. why is it funny when you say a plate i've got south end tomorrow bexing tonight south end tomorrow last leg on friday and then your home saturday yeah no friday night are you working saturday sunday i am we're going to a farm on saturday oh nice our friends have got a farm yeah going to their house oh their farm their farm their farm house and then i've got cheltenham in the evening okay that's where that weekend suffers then i come back yeah but cheltenham's actually quite near exit so that's ideal yeah yeah so and then i come back and then sunday so my daughter goes to an art class yeah i wonder what your take on this is go on they occasionally do a family day where all the family go and do the art together so we're doing that on the sunday that's fun i'd be into that that's a bit of me i'm quite nervy about that that's because you think you're good at art no i don't and you want to don't want to look like you're bad at it and you want to be good and you want someone to say, well done, Josh, that's great.

40:46Josh Widdicombe:No, I don't. It's not that, actually. It's the thought of being in a room with other parents. Oh, that's what's stressing you out? Yeah. But you just focus on the art. I know, I'm looking forward to it. And then in the evening, I'm going to Birmingham for the Vision Express Awards. Oh, fucking hell, mate. No wonder you're a little bit confused about workload. It's interesting. So you're doing this now? Are you gigging tonight? Yeah, Bexhill, Delaware, Pavilion. So Bexhill tonight, Southend tomorrow, Last Egg Friday, Farming the Day, Cheltenham Art class in the day Vision Express Vision Express in Birmingham Yeah And then Monday Take my car in for its MOT Should we do small business?

41:24Yeah Here's small business Rob Beckett New young comedian With his show Giraffe It's going to be on Sky One 9pm You fucking 3rd of April

41:32Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what They're right on Reddit You hate me He hates me Right here we go Hi Rob, Josh and Michael Absolutely love the pod I love a shout out For a small business who I work for. Studio Black Coffee is a coffee roastery based in Bolton who supply coffee to creative spaces such as Doc 10 in Media City. The founders, Toby and Callum, both in their 20s, met at uni in Salford, Salford, Salford, isn't it? And both went to work in the film and TV industry after graduating. After a few years, they both noticed a coffee on set and in shared workspaces was bad. So in December 25, they started roasting coffee in their spare room with one goal in mind to create exceptional coffee for the creative minds of the world.

42:15One year on, Studio Black has moved to a bigger space in Bolton and are close to completing the renovation of their second coffee van. So far, we have served coffee on set for Netflix, the Postcode Lottery, Hollyoaks and more. I wonder if Tom Allen's had one on the Postcode Lottery set. Oh, he might have had a sip on a bit of a long black. Fred Siriacs. We also sell bags of coffee and merchandise online, Offer monthly subscriptions to anyone who wants to drink great coffee at home. We also do an amazing decaf, Josh. Ooh, count me in. Finally, 1 % of profits goes back to the film and TV charity, which supports physical, mental and financial support for those in the creative industry.

42:52Stay sexy and relatable. And if you ever want some delicious coffee at your next show, give us a shout. Gobble, gobble. All the best, Tom. That's Studio Black Coffee.

43:01Josh Widdicombe:Good morning, Rob, Josh and Michael. I'd love to give my husband's business Eduplay Creations UK a small shout out if possible. He worked incredibly hard on it and deserves for it to pay off. Eduplay designs and handcrafts, outdoor play and learning equipment for children. Things like mud kitchens, sensory tables and outdoor play setups that encourage kids to get outside, get messy and burn off some energy. Alongside working with schools and nurseries we also create bespoke pieces for families at home including SEND friendly designs. Many of our products are adapted to be more accessible and inclusive, not exclusive, supporting children with additional needs through sensory play and hands-on learning.

43:41Josh Widdicombe:For example, we've just completed a project at our local SENS school creating accessible planters for children using wheelchairs so everyone can be involved in the outdoor learning. Everything is made to order here in Kent and built to survive both kids and British weather. You can find us on Instagram at EduPlayCreationsUK. that's edu like the Arsenal player edu play creations plural UK our website is eduplaycreationsuk.com thank you so much for everything you do stay sexy and relatable from Freya thanks Freya good luck with it all right thank fuck I don't have to see you again for a while bye oh I love you I like this it's fun enjoy this what a load of fucking shit don't go don't go to Bexhill come back what a fucking waste Thank God he's gone.

44:32Wanker. Wanker. Shuffling around with his little fucking cup of fucking drink.

44:42Anyone want to host this for me? Michael, get in the seat.

44:55Josh Widdicombe:Hello, Parenting Hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes. It's Josh Widdickam here.

45:03Josh Widdicombe:I have got a new podcast, Josh Whittacombe's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it, I'm about 85 % sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics.

45:41Josh Widdicombe:See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realised Milli Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr Blobby. When Ghostwatch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real. When a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from U2, and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in The Fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are, and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history.

46:18Josh Widdicombe:Stiffnecks will learn, loosenecks will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday, perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcasts now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whittacombe, available everywhere from the 1st of January.