S12 EP32: Hal Cruttenden

26:31Josh Widdicombe:I've got a friend who's on the dating apps. and they're in their 40s. It's a different person to the person I mentioned before, just in case anyone's jigsawing. It's so nice that you've got lots of friends broken up or breaking up because that's going to help you when it happens. That's the eerie, yeah, exactly. Why Josh? Why not me? Do you think I'm all right? I don't know. There's just something about this. I just think Josh. Well, this is something I won't indulge in. She said... Who's she? The cat's mother? It's nude central. Oh, no, your friend that's dating. Oh, really? Yeah. There's just nudes flying about all over the shop.

27:06Is she going for younger men?

27:07Josh Widdicombe:No, I don't think so. I don't know. I haven't asked, actually. There's no... No, I didn't come across any of that. The moment the nudes came up, I just got hot and left the room. So how soon after the divorce... Because it was obviously more of a shock for you than for your ex. So how quickly were you back doing that kind of stuff? And did you go in too... Because I imagine what old is, I'll go in too early and then just be really upset on a date and then realise it's too soon. No, exactly. I did. Well, I went in too soon, but it was still like seven or eight months after we'd broken up. But I should have waited three years.

27:42I mean, I'm beginning to now settle into... I'm in a relationship that is still quite short-lived, but is feeling very, very serious. So you've got a partner, a girlfriend? Is it a girlfriend now? Yes, I mean, we're very far off. Would you use the word girlfriend? What can you do when you're 50? I don't know. I don't know what you say. You say partner, don't you? If I say partner, obviously people assume I'm gay a lot of times. I don't assume it's a man. So I usually get that. Sad Fat Ponce was one I got. I nearly called my tour show Sad Fat Ponce. Ponce is such an old fashioned word. I know, I love it.

28:19But Sad Fat Ponce, I went, it's perfect. Isn't it? It's because online I tend to do a little bit of politics, so I wind up the wrong people. You don't really do politics on stage that much, do you? I always do a bit in my show. I'm trying to do politics and keep everybody in the room, and that's quite hard. So I tend to do a prepared thing.

28:38Josh Widdicombe:Because I imagine, you know, your audience are a kind of... There's a lot of kind of Lib Dem Tories there. There, yes, there are quite a few. Are Lib Dems still going? I've got to earn from for ages. They're coming back as the Tories. No, I'm not having a go. I don't mind the Lib Dems. You remind me hugely of a friend of mine who's always been a Lib Dem. Are you a Lib Dem? Oh, you're a West Country as well. Sorry, we don't want to expose your politics. No, no, no, it's fine. He's fine. I'm on my last leg. I've got your dates here, Hal. So you didn't call the tour Sad Fat Ponds. No. You called it Condition Out But Can't Take It.

29:11Yeah. It's really meant to be Hal Cruttened and Condition Out But Can't Take It. But they put these colons in and everybody calls it Condition Out But Can't Take It. But it really should be Hal Cruttened and Condition Out But Can't Take It. Yeah, yeah. Condition Out But Can't Take It. Because it is quite true about me that I am... I say this when we do the show. I don't know if you're quite... I'm surprisingly hard. i'm getting harder as a comic i think you saw me in my nicest years yeah i think you were a lot

29:31Josh Widdicombe:more sensitive back in the day on the server yeah you you were but also you're you're quite down on yourself that's your humor so like when you say that people having go at you online i don't think it's are you jumping in before when people have a go at how crutton it's nothing compared to what's going on in your head exactly exactly you can't hurt me as much as i'm hurting myself and that's the Gronk up there in his ex head. It's why it's easy to come back though, isn't it? It's why it's easy to come back. What did some guy say? Someone said to me the other day going, this was dodgy. And I kind of talked him out of it because he went, you and me, let's, he just came, I just, I put this video out that he hated.

30:09He went, we need to meet, sort this out. I want to see the state of your face after I've finished with you and all the rest. And I went, and I wrote, is this a date? What shall I wear? And he was quite funny because he wrote a gum shield. But then I went, And I did say, and I meant it in quite a minute, and I actually ended up sort of talking down a bit, because I said, if you do believe that everything should be solved through physical violence, then you're going to really enjoy prison after you've beaten me up. Then he went, I wouldn't bother with you. You're not worth it. And I went, oh, my God, he really did think about it.

30:39It was really weird. Yeah, I might go to prison. Because I always say that to audiences, if anything gets nasty, I will press charges.

30:48I'm not ready to fight. Well, bear that in mind, because you're on tour with Condition Out, but can't take it. It's Wyndon, Peterborough, York, Southend-on-Sea, London, Leicester Square Theatre. Great venue, that is. And this, the Corn Exchange, all the way through till June. Honestly, you're one of the best live acts, so if you live near there, go and see how.

31:10Josh Widdicombe:This episode is brought to you by Tesco Mobile. Now, we've all heard it takes a village to raise a child. Yes. These days, a lot of that village is found on your phone, isn't it, Rob? Absolutely. Some people say having your phone is so imperative because you can connect with your children, you can message them, you can track where they are. For me, you're out with your mates. It's been a long meal. Your kids are bored. Give them your phone. Let them go on roadblocks. All I'm saying is they're going to have a good hour. You're going to have a good hour. Do you know what I like, Rob? If I'm ground down by the tiredness of maybe an ill child or something, I just need to talk to someone who has been through it and understands what I've gone through and while I'm lying there with my child going to sleep on the bed I can't just phone my mate but I can text them I can put it in a WhatsApp group of dads and mums and suddenly you feel less alone or you can listen to a podcast on your phone and maybe tune in to something like Parent in Hell with Rob Beckett and Josh Wooden exactly, exactly do you know what?

32:06or maybe you want tips, right?

32:09Josh Widdicombe:yeah we've all got friends whose children have been through the same stuff as us I've been constantly texting them to say, oh, this is happening. Give us some advice. Give me some advice. Because that is how a lot of our communication is done these days. And it's incredibly useful to have that at the touch of a thumb. Whether you need a quick chat, advice, or just back up, every parent out there knows having a network of family and friends just to call or text away is a lifesaver. That's why Tesco Mobile is happy to be your second most important network. Tesco Mobile, it pays to be connected. Search Why Tesco Mobile to find out more.

32:46So do the kids, have they seen your shows about the divorce? Because obviously they're comfortable with it and they, you know. They sort of, do you know what? It's a harder thing to hear your dad joking about it when it's your life. Yes, and obviously they're going to protect their mum. And it can't be like a sledgehammer show about it. And are they splitting their time between you and the mum as well then? Or is it more at yours because of the location? It's slightly more at mine because of the location. But they will see their mum. Yeah, they'll see their mum lots and, you know, they'll do lots with their mum.

33:13But they are, yeah, this show I was more worried about because I checked, but I check everything with them. I go, I'm going to do this, what about this joke, what about this joke? Do you check it with your ex? I did for the first show, not for the second. I thought, time's passed, you don't need to know what I'm going to do. But my kids... And has she come? No. No, no, no. And she wouldn't have come to either. This is the thing, you try and be as honest as possible. and when your kids are watching it they're old enough to be able to you know that they can take a certain amount they can hear a little bit of stuff so but you're trying to time it so this one I was very aware they didn't see it till London I did Edinburgh and they weren't free they were away in Edinburgh and then they didn't see it in London in November and that was incredible relief like they just they were there and went yeah that's that's fine that's nice because I do couch it I'd couch everything in a way that this is it is a 50-50 thing I'm obviously an idiot I'm not easy to live with i know i'm incredibly lovable and you think i would be but but you know it is it is difficult living with us and living with me and um and also but but also i will still make fun of my ex i'll still make fun of the fact the way i was left and i'll still you know so so and she's still with the guy she's still with the guy and they're you know when stuff happens with your daughters where it's like graduation or a big event like you know the weddings and engaging that going forward are you happy to sort of be there as you know with them and it's there's no sort of is it still a bit tricky yeah it's just I haven't seen him no because he was someone I knew for quite a long time ago but no more details but I haven't seen him since all this happened but he wouldn't be at the graduations but me and my ex we always got on great we always did and we always got on great she's very funny as long as you can be there for them yeah she's an immensely funny really entertaining woman I think there's that thing of you you have to go through like your rage of being left or the way you've been left and remember that this is someone You know, I think people, you're almost slagging yourself off when you go, I was an idiot, why did I marry this person and now it's ended up terribly.

35:10Just remember why you loved them and why they were great. Give yourself that respect. Go, it wasn't a bad decision. My kids, Martha said to me, never regret your marriage, Dad, because that would be regretting us. And I said, yeah, but I could have had better kids with someone else. Which is the worst bit of parenting I've ever done. Funny, though. She did laugh, she did laugh. Yeah, but you should know. But with that.

35:33Josh Widdicombe:Right, so has it got to a point where you're like, that was a period of my life now that was just a... Yeah. Like, oh, that... The second act. Because I know it sounds... But I don't kind of see it like this thing where you go, oh, if a relationship fails, everything about it was bad. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Surely there's part of you that goes, well, that worked for 20 years. It created two kids that I'm really immensely proud of. I still get on with her. I still have respect for her. That's kind of amazing and quite rare right to see it in that way Yeah, but it's sort of like you have to because when you're younger and have shorter relations you do tend to go Well, that was wrong.

36:11Was it where you've been together two years? Whereas this is all three is maybe your longer relationships before you get married and then you're with someone for every 20 years You can't just go I've wasted the night my life, you know, which I haven't because it was it was a really interesting space That's the thing I found about getting older There is that thing of and it's very Zen and Buddhist or whatever But the terrible things that happen are just so interesting the way you turn out the way the way you hear the way I come through them the way you grow from them the way you learn the sort of person I am is so different to the person I was ten years ago who couldn't share I couldn't talk about my marriage because I'm a man who didn't even though a problem to my marriage didn't feel That I could even let good friends know because I felt like my best friend was my wife Yeah, I've got a big thing on this that women tend not to see their husband totally as their best friend they often have another great best friend who they really do share stuff with.

37:03Men often don't share the details of their marriage. Yeah. And it leaves you so alone when things go wrong and things aren't going well. So I've learnt, there's a comic called Paddy Ledex and my friend Al Barry, actually. And we're trying to have more female-type relationships where we share everything and go, because I think men can be really sort of cut off. and that's when we get divorced it's why we handle it so badly so often men fall apart and they and they don't deal with it um but i've just i have found this is such an interesting chapter and my relationship with my kids is almost definitely better than it would have been if i'd stayed in my marriage because the just the intensity of being just with them just that one on one time and my ex was clever about this because she used to do a thing where she said she used to have like a mummy and daddy day where we'd take one kid and we'd have what just one one One of our daughters would just be with one of us and one with the other.

37:55I think that's quite important because we double up a lot and it's unfair on them because it's just them two. We've had a one-on-one time. I think it's really important. Yeah. And you really get to, you know, you just get more intense time with them. I find now because I'm by myself most, you know, most of the time that I have just a much more intense relationship with my daughters. So it is fabulous.

38:15Josh Widdicombe:How was it? Because if you've got, you know, a lot of the people I've known, I don't know that many, but, you know, a lot of the people I've known who've gone through relationship breakups when they've got kids, they've all got kids that are maybe under 10. Yeah. And so that's a whole thing that is like, how are we going to navigate this? How are we going to, you know, who looks after when? You know, how are we going to communicate? All of these, you know, we all know. And also finances as well when they're young, young. and they're not older than they're adults. How did you discuss that with your ex?

38:49Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what I mean? Because you're going, okay, so we've now got to tell our daughters who are older, but it's not going to affect them, but it is going to affect... How did you navigate that? Because it's not the one that people think about generally when they think about kids of divorce, if you know what I mean. Well, they don't think about how you navigate it telling older kids. Older kids, yeah. But I was thinking about something that was one of the most intense, really weird moments. I don't know where my head was at. because I was definitely, my ex was definitely primary carer. She cut down on work.

39:18You both in some situation. Default parent, we call it. You're secondary carer. But you have those days, but you do have that time when you're sort of, you know. And I had a real, when she first told me we were breaking up, I'd had about two hours sleep and they were at Newcastle and Leeds at uni. And I went to see the youngest who'd only been at Newcastle like a week, see Grace. But I remember that day and I was listening to a song on repeat and I was a little bit mad. understandably because i said yeah i said to my ex did she tell you that full story at that point no no just that we're breaking up yeah so i just thought was it a bolt from the blue it was no there was sort of a year of knowing things were possibly dodgy i was i was hanging on a bit i was doing a bit of hanging on uh i'll never do that again don't hang on guys i hope you're getting this is like it should be like this is good enough so there's people listening just from the cold yeah just you've you i think you've been together such a long time and also i'm someone who has quite low self-esteem and so I tend to communicate that to someone I've got to stop doing this in my next relationships well hopefully I'm not doing the one I'm in and someone just ends up going yeah you are a bit rubbish and they kind of you've told them so much you're rubbish that you get pulled down as well so I was sort of going yeah this is all sort of falling apart and I was sitting on the train going I know this sounds stupid my kids were 21 and 19 but I sort of thought is this going to destroy my relationship with my kids is somehow because their mum is their person who's been always there i've been away admittedly as comics were around for a lot of school pickup we're around for a lot of hour and we a lot of the nature of your job you're the breadwinner and i thought am i gonna lose them and they that was the worst and best day it was right after and i said i said to my ex dawn i said i'll tell them because they'll worry about me because i'm the one being left yes i want to go as well they'll hear it from me so i went up and i told grace um and in new car she was um so you traveled up especially yes i took the train to Newcastle told Grace she was it was awful she was delayed in a lecture she was doing her first second week it was so heartbreaking we just sat and cried in this Costa but then she immediately said honestly she's very funny Grace about the second or third thing Grace said was going well first of all Grace when I went Grace I've got something to tell you and she went to the worst she thought mum's died mum's ill so she was like and I said oh god I'm so sorry no we're divorcing oh you're just divorcing but the second or third thing she said was which did make me laugh so much was like you're going to be fine you'll find another woman or a man and she was amazing and then we walked around and we went back to her dorm and she was very emotional and I was as well and it was because Grace is how long has she been at uni by this point?

41:59she'd been at uni a week also that's the other thing look out for that time youngest uni that's when that's when it's time to go oh how I don't know I know with this I had an absolute

42:09Josh Widdicombe:shocker I one of my friends she's her parents divorced about the same time as you in terms of her life and um she said yeah uh she's the youngest of two and she said yeah they divorced just after um I went to uni and I said oh was it one of the ones where they held on so that so that so as soon as you left they could then just go through with it and she went oh god I hadn't thought of it like that before oh yeah bye then oh no yeah see you soon and she's never spoken to you soon so then you got the train from Newcastle so I got so then I did that did with great and just just saying lovely because they're both artists uh like their mum yeah and they're both and they're both going we can help you decorate your new house and they start to say positive things and then well they started to say things that were so um just so uplifting because because they were saying we're going to be in your life yeah doing whatever you're doing and you just suddenly and i thought why did i ever think that and then i went to see martha and was it like were you knocking out both convos in a day yes yes yes i was like when i doubled gigs so i was leaving grace but then dawn my my ex-wife was going up to grace to spend night there to talk to her as well.

43:25And then Martha was at Leeds and I went to see Martha. She's left you but now following you around the country. She's following me. Talks to the kids going, don't believe anything he says. It's lies. She's up going in her fucking head. Let me get my side in. It's like question time where the government the Prime Minister always gets the last comment. And I go, yeah, damn. But then I went to see Martha and then Martha was was, had been at uni three years, she had a boyfriend at uni, Grace didn't have her boyfriend at uni with her, so I was feeling Martha was going, and Martha was just lovely, we went and got pissed, I went and got three or four pints, and she was so, and I just remember this vision of me bursting into tears over things, and she would run round and sort of throw her arms around me, I went, I'm not, because I'm sad, I'm so proud of the way you're taking all this, because they were so, God, I am actually getting emotional.

44:16Oh, that's an amazing moment, it was relief, you were feeling relief. Yeah, but it was just so that thing of going it's going to be fine it's going to be okay and I did I think you realise what you mean that you do mean masses to people so yes I knew I was going I didn't have enough sleep last night and I've never cried on a podcast

44:39Josh Widdicombe:you need to get on the Stephen Bartlett podcast you'd absolutely rip it what they do with that trailer do you have done James O 'Brien's podcast? no did he make you cry? no I didn't But I really, and I can't believe I've cried on this one. Well, I didn't really cry. We lull you in. No, we, yeah. Your eyes are glassy. Watch the videos on Spotify. It really is worth it. No, but it's just relieved that feeling of, you know, in that moment you think, oh my God, they just, you know, don't you say you've got a lot of self-esteem anyway and you're a bit insecure and then your wife's leaving you and you think, well, the kids are just going to go and her because girls go to their mum and all that.

45:10But then that moment where they just put their arms around you and you said, it's okay. Yeah. It's going to be okay. I did far too much, I must admit, when I'd say to people going, dads aren't that important. of feeling dads aren't that important. And actually, dads are hugely important. To my daughters, they were, you know, it was, well, I do my stuff, I do my best. And I do, you know, but I mean, when I say low self-esteem, I do get on a stage and talk in front of crowds into a mic. It's low, high self-esteem. No, but that's the reason why you're up there, Al.

45:4025 years and he's not done the job.

45:44Josh Widdicombe:Oh, God. But it sounds like it's made your relationship with your kids stronger then yeah it really has much greater honesty much greater chat oh god they're just amazing you're still working as hard as you was or you calm down slightly now that they're grown up i am well because i'm divorced i'm working just as hard as i did i do work quite hard yeah i don't know if it's the medication or what's gone on or your your age you you're much you're still how you're still incredibly funny and got an amazing energy and a charisma, but it's like a slightly mellowed sort of focus version. I was a bit worried when you turned up.

46:19Oh, really?

46:20Josh Widdicombe:I was like, oh. This must be why I'm so sexy. I actually think you are sexier. I wouldn't say sexy. Sexier. Can I ask on that then? Have you had to bring... You live with your kids... Condoms to date? No. Have you had to bring anyone back with your daughters there? Yes. They're lovely about it. They've met... They leave immediately? Do you text ahead and go, I'm bringing back I say someone's staying tonight There might be noise for one to two minutes

46:54But they are so Delightful to people

46:57Josh Widdicombe:So are you having breakfast with your daughters And a and other And quite often they'll come back and we'll sit and chat They are so lovely, because it probably could be intimidating And I've met some people's kids Who are a bit like, hi, hi So you've done it the other way Mine are so sweet. That's another thing that breaks my heart. I'll cry again now. Because I see the look on their face as I introduce them. They're like, hi. And they want everything to work. They are just... Maybe they're terrified that they're going to end up somehow looking after this broken man if he doesn't get paired off with someone.

47:27I don't think it's that. I don't think it's that. I think it's that they, you know, they just want to see everybody happy and everything fine. And I do, I so appreciate that, the way they are so nice. I mean, I'm not bringing back reams of women, but I've brought back... They came on holiday with a woman I was dating. I dated a woman for quite a long time. And they came on holiday with it, and they're just gorgeous. And I find that, because I always say to them, you're fine with this. Because I find it hard to watch my parent with someone else. But they never, they don't have any sort of issues with, you know, oh, you're taking my dad away.

48:03Josh Widdicombe:And would you be doing stuff like, you know, it's 7pm and you're going on a date and you're like, do I look to your daughters? should I wear this shirt? I do do that. I am terrible. They do. But I also do, I'm also a little bit too, I mean, I do make fun of them. Yeah. I go, here's your new mummy and things and they go, shut up. No, I don't, sorry, introduce someone like that. No, no, I don't. I will be flat. I will go, is she lovely? Don't you think? And I do tend to, to talk to them about. Have they ever gone? I didn't like that one. I'm glad that one's over. No, no, they've never, they're really careful.

48:37So what kind of woman are you, you know, you found a partner now but like we do you look for when you were first on a dating app someone that's very like you or somebody's very calm and chill to sort of balance that out what was well to tell the truth i've been doing a lot of if they like me that's what happened if they like me then that's the woman i i mean honestly i was just terribly you like me i can't believe you like me because you've been you know you're in a marriage so long you're confident you don't think about people did not flirt with me when I was married as I was talking to a PR about this when I was I'm not good at flirting I went I said I said I look at people um I said we were talking about comics who mess about um I've never heard rumors about YouTube by the way so no done um I just want to say that's under lock and key yeah yeah and people are NDA'd up to the fucking

49:25Josh Widdicombe:eyeballs and only you knows the passcode of course it's Josh oh he's fucking all day long he's like a fucking street dog with a rod on but we could wrap this up and meet someone in the Spotify blogs in five minutes. We don't even wrap up. But that thing, you're so, you're very rude. You're very gutter. Yay! I like a bit of blue.

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50:59All these comics, and we were talking about people who mess around and beautiful footballers, great looking guys who go off and sleep around. And I went, I don't get approached. I don't get the offers. I mean, I'm pleased I've been faithful to my wife. But I'm not saying... It's never been tested. I wasn't having women throwing themselves at me. And she went, you don't put it out there. You don't put it out there, apparently. So that's what you're losing.

51:23Josh Widdicombe:And so are you putting it out there at the moment? Well, I think as soon as I put it out there... Is this what's happening now? No, I'm not putting it... No, because I'm with someone. You're not going to catch a fish unless you get your maggot out. Yeah, exactly. Oh, God, that's a great saying. But a bit blue as well. Yeah, a bit blue. He does gutter. I do gutter. I can do gutter. I can do highbrow as well if you want. No, you can't. I don't think I can. But, yeah, so I think that thing of being single... I mean, I did... I must admit, I think I was in my first show... You can't play Mozart without getting your cello out.

51:52Exactly. Is that highbrow? That's nice. That's lovely. Really long. He sat there thinking of things. But that thing of being out there as I'm a divorced comic, I'm a single man. And people do approach you. So the first woman I dated saw me at a gig and her friend sent her phone number back. And she didn't even know. This friend went, I think she's perfect for you. I'm with this. It was an open air gig about six years ago. And that's how we... Was it Stephen Grant's gig in Brighton? It wasn't, no. It was up in Cumbria or something. And then... You do blue as well. Cumbria yeah sorry

52:29Josh Widdicombe:he's disappointed in you Rob he is I am sorry how no you're doing sorry no it's lovely you're doing something I'm not that good at so I'm quite impressed exactly and we've all got a little moment in the show I don't do the wordplay stuff so well you know but that's you do it so well yeah I think an hour and a half of that would be tough to listen to but you get the longer stories you get more but bit of nuance bit of emotion I need your shouts, come. But other relationships, I mean, I have been out with people because I've met on dating apps, but also sometimes through just chatting on Instagram.

53:04And I do get pally. And so you do get chatting with people who's also divorced. And you do want to chat. You don't go, so what's it like for you being divorced? What's it like for you? And then you get chatting, and then three months later you go, do you want to meet? Well, you might be near them anyway because you're travelling around the country with these people.

53:17Josh Widdicombe:So when you meet the people, there's obviously a thing with you where you didn't have the first time when you were dating. which is that you're googleable people know loads about you people can read about you know everything you've done and also your divorce yeah yeah they can um yes i don't god i don't think about that that's why that's why they seem to glaze over when i tell them my life story because they already know it yeah because if you went on a date with someone that was had a wikipedia you'd read it you'd be mental not to i've dated a comic oh yeah and it does make me laugh and i do understand but it was someone who went, let's keep this quiet.

53:59And then a year later, dated another comic, and it was all over their social media. Oh, wow.

54:06Josh Widdicombe:And so it feels like you've reached a really nice point with it all. Well, yeah, but I still cried in a podcast talking about... But you cried in a good way. Do you know what? I've been crying a lot recently. Can I talk about crying to make Hal feel better? Basically, I think if you cry or get emotional about things, you're connected to how you're feeling. Yeah, I agree. What a weird angle I'm at, sorry. If it never comes, you're blocking it. And you're an emotional person. I'm a very emotional person. Yeah. To the point where I'm so emotional that I cry a lot. Like, if I'm driving along and I hear a song or I think of something and a feeling that I feel, I feel it properly.

54:43And then my eyes, you know, well up. Yeah. A tear comes out. I wipe it. Then I get on with my day and I feel so much better during the day rather than putting blinkers on and ploughing on. so never apologise for it. It's brilliant that you can do that and you're comfortable and it makes you regulate yourself. But having said that, are we, should we, would we not be better comics if we could crush everything? Because comedy for me is about crushing those feelings and making a joke out of it and diminishing it. So are we getting less funny the more we're crying? No, you're getting more funny. You're getting more funny.

55:09But I would take less funny and more content. I don't know.

55:17You two are so much more mature than me. I'm very... No, you're not. No, you are.

55:22Josh Widdicombe:So we usually end with the same question but it feels like we can't really do that one this time. It's up to how he wants to do it or not. The question is, what is the thing about your partner? I mean, you could do it about your ex or your new partner. Or your children, who you live with. Or you could do it with your children. But basically, it's like... Your daughter who's listening to this. Or maybe about her. But yeah, so basically, what is it your partner does parenting-wise that makes you think, oh, they're amazing, I'm so happy we've got children with them and what's the thing that frustrates you the most about them, parenting?

55:49but obviously you may not want to do that about your ex but you have brought up these kids together Yeah, I could do that I think she'll be fine Yeah, I could do that I don't know for other reasons In the spirit of saying, you know, it's not a wasted 20 years you've got these beautiful children out of it So, you know She is As I said, I do jokes about the fact that I did too many jokes about my wife as well I did talk about my wife a lot You did?

56:12Josh Widdicombe:You used to talk about your wife a lot? Literally, I mean I had a joke about it where she stood in front of me going stop making jokes about me you're listening to me and me going listen I'm trying to get it all down because she was she is a very funny very entertaining very lovable person and I think that that warmth that she had was massive for the kids she gave all that and she that warmth that she had was exceptional it's what drew me to her I met I literally met her we got married five months after meeting and you know I used to have that joke about that going people say you just know we just knew she was pregnant but But we did meet and go, yes.

56:50And I met because I went, your warmth makes me go, I want to have kids with you. And so I think that's what she had that was amazing. And, oh, the thing that annoyed me about her, and I know this is a thing with loads of couples, and we did used to do this. This is not like a major thing. But I was with parents that had, my parents had a complete united front when it came to the kids. And I really believe in that. And I don't know if it's right or not, but I would go right isn't that right and my wife would go no I think you're wrong and I'd never she's don't let the seven year old doubt me don't let the seven year old doubt me so that was my biggest thing I would say that we weren't she would be she was very honest and she was honest with the kids and very emotional but sometimes not always a united front yeah exactly so I think that for me was a really important thing but I think that's probably just the way I was brought up do you know as well I think that's amazing because you know some people might want to answer that question and stuff but you're so I've dealt with it so well and so in a mature way.

57:47I think it's lovely for your kids to hear you talk about your ex like that because, you know, for them, you are still the two most important people in their lives that are still there for them. And then they're supporting your future, but you can't erase that 20 years of the amazing times you had.

58:02Josh Widdicombe:Also, I'd far rather be a child of a couple that have made divorce work than a couple that are together and it's not really good. Do you know what I mean? Can I do one other advert for Stay Together? Just, oh yeah, yeah. Oh, sorry, no, what were you going to say? Not that I'm saying that's what your relationship was, but what I mean is we all know these couples where you go, I don't think this staying together thing is creating the image that you think it is. I was trying to think about this the other day. I have certain people I know and certain old, this happens with old couples, we might have grandparents like this, where they hated each other and then one dies and they become an angel.

58:37And the person goes, they were such an angel. And I know a lot of people do that. And I think that's the great thing about staying together when you hate each other is there's someone there to constantly make you feel right, but they're always wrong. So just if you are in a miserable relationship, there is still that option. It wouldn't have been right for me, I don't think, but there was still that option because I was just always wrong. But that option of going, I kind of hate you, but I like having you around because you're a counterpoint and make me feel better about myself. Just thought I'd do an advert there.

59:05And I think it's important for you guys who are in long marriages. And I also feel bad because I know I feel like I've always ended Josh's marriage. I feel like he's on his way. and I've rubbished his son he's only four he's going to be brilliant no he's great well it's too late Al this genuinely has been so funny one of my favourites and so inspiring for anyone that's going through similar things I know you put yourself down but the way you talk about it but also Xmas you're doing it brilliantly good choice of tour venue oh yes thank you I'm really looking forward to it yeah so don't you keep going mate when does this come out before when does this come out I'm not sure when it comes Michael end of Xmas probably oh oh Xmas done I really enjoyed Xmas it was lovely Josh wasn't there I just saw Hal's heart sink in real time Hal it's been brilliant you're such a

59:49Josh Widdicombe:great comedian thank you guys everyone go and see you but not in Exmouth on the next tour on the next tour yes follow him on his social me you're great on Instagram yes look out for my next tour in a couple of years sad fat ponce it's got to be called that you heard it here first cheers Hal thanks mate cheers Hal Crotenden Love that. Such a good episode. I'm really happy for Hal, because obviously he's had a very difficult few years challenging, but he's come through it really well. I don't know if I said to him, I don't know if it was his medication, or he's just matured, or what's happened, but he seems in a much chilled, mellow place, but still well fun and still himself, and still his personality, but just in a bit of a more focused way.

1:00:34Go and see him on tour, Rob. So funny live. And also he was joking about being self-obsessed.

1:00:39Josh Widdicombe:Like bang, bang, bang with the punchlines. Yeah, it's non-stop. It's brilliant.

1:00:50Josh Widdicombe:Hello, Parenting Hell listeners. Recognise that voice? Yes, it's Josh Whedicom here.

1:00:58Josh Widdicombe:I have got a new podcast. Josh Whedicom's Museum of Pop Culture. And I'm going to say it. I'm about 85 % sure you're going to love it. Here are the reasons why. Number one, I'm confident if you're listening now, you don't hate me and possibly think I'm funny. Number two, I'm confident if you're listening now, you like podcasts. Number three, I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob, you prefer pop culture to people talking about things, let's be honest, boring things, like history, economics, or politics. I know I do, and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics, see above.

1:01:36Josh Widdicombe:Basically, I wanted a podcast that realised Milli Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr Blobby. When Ghostwatch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real. When a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from U2. And David Hasselhoff, Baywatch and his part in the fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history.

1:02:14Josh Widdicombe:Stiff necks will learn, loose necks will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday, perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe, and follow wherever you get your podcasts now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whittacombe, available everywhere on the 1st of January.