S12 EP34: Josh gets bullied by Romesh

20:39Don't share needles or pens or reuse needles. Don't take if allergic to it. Or if you or someone in your family had medullary thyroid cancer. or if you've had multiple endocrine neoplasia syndrome type 2. Tell your doctor if you get a lump or swelling in your neck. Stop ZEPBound and call your doctor if you have severe stomach pain or a serious allergic reaction. Severe side effects may include inflamed pancreas or gallbladder problems. Tell your doctor if you experience vision changes before scheduled procedures with anesthesia, if you're nursing, pregnant, plant-to-be, or taking birth control pills.

21:11Taking ZEPBound with a sulfonylurea or insulin may cause low blood sugar. Side effects include nausea, diarrhea, and vomiting, which can cause dehydration and worsen kidney problems. Talk to your doctor. Call 1-800-545-5979 or visit zepbounce.lily.com. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips? That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance. With over 19 ,000 local agents, they help you find the coverage that fits your needs. So you can spend less time worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the ride.

21:50Download the State Farm app or go online at statefarm.com. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fruit Snacks. Big news for your kid's lunchbox. Welch's Fruit Snacks are now made without any artificial dyes. A snack parents can feel good about and the same delicious taste kids can't get enough of. All made with no artificial dyes. Try Welch's Fruit Snacks today.

22:21Do you want some correspondence? Yeah. I've listened to the podcast for years, but this is the first time I felt compelled to send an email. Not sure what it says about me, but yes, you can wash a puffer jacket. Oh, here we go. You just need to put it in the dryer on a low heat with a few pairs of balled up socks to redistribute the feathers. What?

22:39Josh Widdicombe:Oh, so they'll hit it as they're going around the dryer. So wash it and then put it in with a few pairs of balled up socks to hit it in the dryer. So wash it without. I've never felt more boring or middle age from Francis, 41 year old. He's also my three. Don't hate it, Francis. Don't hate it. Three children under 10. Here we go. Parents, three children. I don't think three children under 10, I think up to five is when you can keep stop doing that. Three children under 10 is just three children. Yeah. I've got three children. Three children under five spicy. Cause that's a lot to deal with. But generally if you've got three children, I'd say most people have them in a 10 year, in a 10 year age gap.

23:16Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. I've got, I've got children. Yeah. Can we get more parenting wanker stories in please? We love that. Yeah. Yeah. Right. What do you want here, Josh? Seeing people on holiday, simple things you don't understand, Panicking in Paradise. First week of uni fails. Go on, first week of uni fail. Oh, I've got loads of playground shaggers getting ready for the big spesh. University fails. Here we go, first week of uni fails. In my first year at uni, a flatmate of mine dated a girl named Abby who got salmonella in one of the stupidest ways possible. Oh, my word. Bizarrely, she began by cutting up the raw chicken on a run-of-the-mill plate instead of the conventional chopping board.

23:57Yeah. You may be able to see where this is going. She then cooked the chicken, cutting it open to check it was cooked throughout, only to then dump the fully cooked chicken back on the plate where she'd originally cut it up. Oh, the classic. The classic. I hope neither of you had to sleep on a children's bedroom floor last night, Amber. Where did you sleep last night? A grown-up's bedroom floor. A grown-up. But you can do that guilt-free now because there's no rooms for them to go in because they're getting the rooms done.

24:24Josh Widdicombe:Exactly. When we were in halls, we got ants because our kitchen was so awful. Yeah. Every week the cleaners would come round to your house in halls, but if it was too much of a mess, you'd get a sign on the door giving you a warning that you've got 48 hours to clean your house before the cleaners come. I do think that because they do offer that uni, but I do think the cleaners at uni halls don't really do it properly. just to check that it's not being fucked up yeah i don't feel like they're like even when it's tidy and available to clean i think their art's not in it going they're students and they'll ruin it right what other emails we got here we go house party stories hi guys recent listener after having my daughter 10 months ago a teenage house party story you told triggered my memory to a time that still haunts me today yeah my parents took a trip to spain and with my exams coming up i was trusted to dog and house it at 16 years old in exchange for a festival ticket.

25:28Oh, my word. God, that seems a lot. Revision wasn't on the top of my mind, and as soon as their flights were booked, I sent out the invites for a house party. Yes, here we go. The night was going great when I noticed a strange object being passed around in the conservatory. It's a ball. I'd had a few Bacardi breezes at this point and didn't care to investigate. Later on, I noticed my husky was licking this object, so I grabbed it, and to my horror, It was a very large, rampant rabbit dildo. Oh, no. Oh, no. Someone had been in what they thought was my bedroom. Threw some drawers. However, after some inquiries, I discovered it had been taken from my parents' room.

26:06Sorry.

26:08Josh Widdicombe:There's no way that you go, I think this is a 16-year-old's bedroom, and it's a parents' double bed with parents' decor. Well, it depends. If they're rich, they might be rich. She might have had it done up like a grown-up's room now she's 16. Yeah, maybe, maybe. Also, I can't believe she didn't know what the strange object was, even though she'd had two Bacardi Breezers, didn't know it was a fucking dildo. Yeah, right. But it is. The next day, I cleaned the house from top to bottom to ensure my parents would never know the house party occurred. Me and my friends decided to keep the rabbit and put it back in the original finding place to ensure the secret would remain.

26:44I cleaned it with baby wipes. Oh, my God. And to this day, I've never had any interest in a rampant rabbit for myself. Still ever so slightly traumatised, Rachel.

26:57Josh Widdicombe:That's awful, isn't it? So is she completely cold turkey on dildos or just rabbits? No, she's got the cold turkey. That's the one she's got. The gobbler. The gobbler.

27:12Simple things you don't understand. Hello, Slags. Was just listening to the Back to Parenting episode where Josh mentioned he doesn't understand how a plane flies. Stand by. One thing I have always struggled to understand is when you are on a fast-moving vehicle, for example, a train or a plane. Why you don't feel like you're moving?

27:34Josh Widdicombe:No. Why if you jump, don't go backwards? Good point, but no. If you're on a fast-moving vehicle, e.g. a train or plane, and there is a fly buzzing about, if we are moving at 100 miles an hour for example how is that fly not also having to fly 100 miles what i was saying about jumping up why don't you go backwards yeah yeah because it's the same in a car right in a car you don't feel like you're traveling at set you're not being forced back in your seat at 70 miles an hour. It must be something to do with the air locking by having the roof on, right? It's totally gravity, innit? It's not gravity.

28:24Josh Widdicombe:It's got to be something to do with gravity, innit? What do you mean? That's what keeps you down. Yeah, but the fly going at 100 miles an hour is not gravity. Well, Caitlin says, I get it when they are just sitting on the surface of a train. The fly this is. Yeah. But when they are up and about, how are they not just pinned to the back of the train?

28:53I know there'll be a simple scientific explanation.

28:56Josh Widdicombe:It's an interior. Wind resistance. No, it's not wind resistance. There's an internal atmosphere to the train. It's not the same as outside. Are you just telling yourself this because you have to get it so much. It's different atmosphere. Next time you're on a train, throw a ball in the air and see whether it just comes straight down into your hand or see whether it flies over your shoulder. Well, it won't, will it? It will just come down. Try it with an apple so you don't look mental. Yeah, yeah. And it's... Just go down on a pogo stick on a train and see whether the train moves under you. No, because if you...

29:33Yeah, because if the fly was on the wing mirror of a car or a train, Do trains have wing mirrors?

29:41Josh Widdicombe:No, they don't need them, no. They don't need them. They're not coming out. But it's still handy to look down there, wouldn't it? What, behind you? Yeah, just what's happening down there. I suppose so, yeah. For when people are getting on off. Anyway, if the flyer was on that. They might have a wing mirror, actually, for when people are getting on. And it flew up in the air. It would just fly. It wouldn't be able to go the same speed as the train. The question is, if you're on the roof of a train,

30:06Josh Widdicombe:does that happen? Yeah. The fly would go backwards if you're on the... What happens if you're on an open-top bus? So if you're on the top of an open-top bus... Oh, yeah! Or if you're in a saloon, whatever they're called, a sports car, like an open-top car, what's the score there? Could someone write in and explain it to us? Because sometimes when you jolt back onto the forge, you get thrown about on the train, don't you? So it's not like you're not moving at all. Yeah. Michael? How's he going to know? Don't drag him into this 3am fucking bong session we're in. We'll have to find out. We need a new show like How To.

30:51You know, the one with Desmond? Yeah. How'd they do that? I've got another one here from Bowie. Simple things you don't understand. Mirrors. How the fuck do they know where everything is? I don't understand mirrors. How do they work makes me feel sick.

31:08Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Also, when you get a mirror reflecting a mirror, that freaks me right out. Is that what you've got in your bedroom? No. We've just got beds on the floor. Why don't you feel like you're moving on a train or plane? Do you want to know the answer? You don't feel motion. Oh. You don't feel motion. You just feel changes in motion. So go again. so that's why you feel if there's a bump or whatever you feel acceleration and you feel deceleration or time you're tilting but if you're at a constant pace you don't feel it so when a train leaves a station here's a bigger example the earth is always moving a thousand miles per hour rotation and 67 000 miles per hour around the sun but we don't feel it because it's No, that's bollocks.

32:02That's not right. You'd know that. You'd notice that. That's what speed we're moving at. No, but we'd know if it was going that fast, wouldn't we? No. It's too quick. No. So if a fly is flying on a train and the train leaves the station, will the fly jolt back a little bit at the start and then rebalance? Yeah, presumably. But then the train's already moving on a world that's already moving.

32:28Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, but all the stuff within... I don't know.

32:35right do you want another email yeah panicking in paradise yeah hi rob and josh i've been listening to the start and absolutely love the podcast just listen to the new year one where rob described crying on holiday and you ask people to write in if they've done similar in 2024 we took our then six-year-old twins to turkey during the school summer holidays three weeks before departure my husband tore his achilles tendon and had to wear a space boot and use crutches, meaning no driving for the whole summer holidays. The hospital offered to write him a letter so we could cancel the holiday and claim on the insurance, but he decided we should go as the kids were excited.

33:15Obviously, it was difficult for him as it was really hot and he couldn't go into the water, but I also found it tough being solely responsible for two six-year-olds. It was my birthday when we were there and I took the opportunity whilst the kids were having a break from the pool to swim directly out to sea. I then clung to a boy for 15 minutes and sobbed uncontrollably.

33:39As in a floating water boy. Oh God, Joe in Suffolk, I'm so sorry for you. That's a great example though. Whilst occasionally giving thumbs up to passing jet skiers to show I wasn't actually in distress. Oh my God. Bleak times made worse by the guilt of being privileged enough to be able to go on holiday. the old devil cry. Oh, God. As an aside, on the way out, we almost missed... We always missed our flight. A security thought the hand pump thing used to inflate the inner liner of the space boot was a grenade. It wasn't. Thanks for the laughs and sharing the bleaker moments so we all know we aren't alone.

34:19Oh, Joe in Suffolk. Oh, Joe in Suffolk. Oh, 15-minute cry on a boy. Well, there's an argument that if you do become emotional and stuff like that, it means you're actually connecting with the world and how you feel, well, that is actually a positive thing

34:33Josh Widdicombe:as opposed to just ploughing on. You've got to experience them. Otherwise you'll bury them down and that is worse.

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36:18Do you want a hamster in the freezer story? Not really, but go on. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. Just wanted to get in touch to make Josh feel a bit better about having a hamster in the freezer. my daughter's pet hamster died when we were on holiday and my lovely neighbor was coming in to feed him and our cat she thought he looked a bit odd in the morning and sent me a picture of him sleeping in a toilet roll tube i did say to my husband he never sleeps there my friend messaged me later that evening saying how funny he looked and i then asked if she thought he might be dead 20 minutes later she called to say she couldn't stop thinking about it and went around to our house to find he was still in the same toilet roll tube and was in fact dead oh god we weren't sure what to do as we thought my daughter would be very upset and we and might want to bury her pet and give him a send-off as we were not due home for a few days and it was the height of summer we decided it would be best if she wrapped him up and we decided it best to wrap it up in a few freezer bags and pop him in the freezer my daughter was upset at first but seemed to be over it by the time he got back she never asked to bury him or even asked what happened to him the thought telling her he was in the freezer didn't seem like it was going to help matters so i left it for a week and then made a mental note to remember to bury him myself if she didn't say anything else about it well weeks turned into months and every time i went to the freezer i would get a sudden shock as i saw he was still there in my defense our freezer was in the basement and i didn't visit that often it was a whole year later oh my god when i felt finally so guilty i opened the freezer that he went to the top of my to-do list and was buried by me with some flowers.

37:55I panicked. I was not sure of what the hamster burial protocol was. My daughter had never asked what happened to her hamster and luckily her lollies were in a different drawer to the freezer so she never found out my secret. Lauren in Sheffield, the woman that kept a hamster in a freezer for an entire year.

38:12Josh Widdicombe:Oh, God. It's bleak, isn't it? Yeah. Would you take being cryogenically frozen? Personally, wouldn't need it, but we're happy to do that for society if I'm needed. Okay. You know, just like if times are tough and people are a bit down, unfreeze me, I'll come out, Professor Bubbles, do a few shows, do a few podcasts, keep the nation going, then put me back in the freezer. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. That's my kind of approach. A bit like the Spice Girls when there's a national event. Yeah, yeah, of course. Get them out for the Olympics. Would you be frozen? No, I can't be bothered. I don't really want to be in the future.

38:49Josh Widdicombe:I quite like the now. I'll take now rather than waking up in 500 years and everyone's... Yeah, but wouldn't it be exciting to wake up in 500 years just to see it? Yes, it would. Yes. Or terrifying. Yeah, it would be a bit unsettling. Everyone you've ever known dead and not even any ancestors. It would be so far removed, 500 years. Would you take living forever if I offered it to you now?

39:15Yeah, because you could always kill yourself.

39:21Josh Widdicombe:when you're like 600 years in yeah and you go do you know what i've had enough i've gone through another fucking generation of friends they've all died this is mental gonna have to make some new friends but they're 20 and i'm 200 what are you gonna chat about if i live for no let's go back right because that's please live forever what what age am i and does my body change or do i just keep getting older and older and more like can i do you live forever as a 50 year old man um yeah i think i'd probably take that would you yeah can i be 40 yeah you can be 40 so you're frozen now in age i think the first bit's the difficult bit the first bit's the difficult bit which is um all the people currently dying yeah watching your kids accelerate past you If you arrive forever then, you'll just constantly be looking after like, what you do is like your grandkids will just basically become your kids and then their kids will become your kids.

40:22You're just chopping it out, your kids and grandkids, where actually they're like great, great, great, great grandkids. Oh, God, it would be weird, wouldn't it? Anyway, it's not an option. Do you know what? Now you've said that I probably won't do it. Yeah, you're right, actually. So insightful sometimes, this podcast. It would be weird if you lived forever. God, it'd be bloody bonkers, wouldn't it? Imagine that. Bloody hell.

40:52Josh Widdicombe:It would be weird. Any other thoughts on the world you want to share? Clip that up, Michael. Yeah, pop it up. That would spark a debate online. Opinions like that. God, why you always got to be so argumentative and bringing in mad angles? Right, parenting fail. Yep. podcasting fail hello you sexy relatable guys i want to share with you my biggest parenting fail to date alarms haven't existed in our house for many years as our daughter always wakes up at the crack of dawn however one morning this week she overslept which meant in turn i overslept so as i'm rushing around like a headless chicken trying to get everything ready i leave our nine-year-old to get herself dressed and teeth brushed our school run is about an hour round trip so we're racing towards the bus stop.

41:41We see the bus passing us. Great. Not a big problem. I'll be a little late for work, but it just means I have to travel another 10 minutes or so to take her straight to the school. As we pull up in the car park, our daughter leans over to grab her bag. I gasp. Darling, did you forget to put pants on today? The poor thing had forgotten in the rush and had popped on her skirt with no knickers.

42:03Josh Widdicombe:Oh my God. I immediately panicked. If I do the hour round trip back, I'm obviously going to be very late for work slash school. So I did the only thing I could. No, I didn't give her your knickers. That's mental. I pulled out the car park, drove down a country lane, took off my trousers and gave my pants to my nine-year-old. That is mental. That's weird. It's apparent in foul. I essentially sent our child to school in a thong. That is mental. all. Also now. Thongs. Thongs. Let's talk thongs. Can't be comfortable. They can't be comfortable, can they? Why are you doing that to yourself? Especially in a rush.

42:48Put a pair of comfy pants on. Yeah.

42:53Obviously I get it if you're wearing an outfit where you don't want a pant line. If you're wearing like something that's tight or a dress. Maybe it's hot in the summer. It's nice to thong. But the day-to-day thong wearer. I don't think it is nice if it's hot in the summer. Can I come, can like ladies, can you, um, or men? Yeah. Can you let us know thong or no thong and reasons why? Cause I can't see any way why thong is winning over normal pants.

43:18Josh Widdicombe:I want someone to say, I'm where I'm a middle-aged thong wearer. Yeah. It's not even a young, and I, because I think they're the most comfortable. Even for young women, it can't be comfy. Can I? Is anyone wearing them because they're the most comfortable or is it a kind of, this is a bit racy kind of makes you feel yeah or makes you feel or maybe it just feels good your little ass cheek straight on your jeans who knows who knows michael do you wear a thong no we know what he wears really expensive pants because he hasn't got children flying solo as a kid josh yeah when my husband was six he was put on a plane to jamaica by his mum along with his two siblings.

43:59He's six. His dad was waiting for him in Jamaica, where they were to spend the entire summer holiday while his mum worked at home. There were about ten other kids in the same boat on the flight. I don't think you can use the term in the same boat whilst on a plane. It's too confusing.

44:14Josh Widdicombe:Really? In the same boat on the plane. What? Anyway, there were ten other kids in the same position. Unfortunately, unbelievably, the plane was running low on fuel, so I had to make an emergency stopover for three days. What? That is insane. To refuel in the Bahamas. The worst place. How close is the Bahamas to Jamaica? I'm not okay with that area, but it feels like you're close enough to just... Within three days, pop over to pick up your children? Jamaica to Bahamas. I don't know. It's definitely a boat or a plane. It's a five-hour flight. Fuck off. Where's the Bahamas? Where's the Bahamas? They're just to the other side of Cuba.

45:02He reckons an hour and a half flight. If the money's tight, he's got to pay for...

45:07Josh Widdicombe:No, I'm not saying that. I'm saying the plane company. They only need a tiny bit more fuel. Well, anyway, they're in Bahamas for three days. That's special. As if this wasn't terrifying enough for any parent. In 1990, with no mobile phones, or it would seem common sense, BA failed to let either mum or dad know what had happened. What? The plane simply didn't turn up, and for the entire time, my mother-in-law was frantically calling BA to ask where her kids were. That is insane. They needn't have worried. My husband and his siblings, along with the tenant. Well, they didn't need to worry, yeah.

45:39Josh Widdicombe:They did. That's unfair to say. They needn't have worried. Well, they did need. They should have worried, and they did worry, and that's the right thing to worry. We're really ripping apart the English in this, sir. Yeah. We've already had in the same boat on the flight. my husband and his siblings, along with the 10 other kids were put up in a suite of a five-star hotel with only one chaperone to take care of them. Oh my God. What a job. They didn't have any clothes other than those on their backs and have fond memories of dashing into the clear blue sea with their trousers rolled to their knees.

46:13Wow. I mean, like there are, they were going to Jamaica anyway, so it's not like they're getting anything there. They wouldn't get it.

46:20Josh Widdicombe:Exactly. I couldn't believe we got the opportunity to go to the beach ahead of my summer in Jamaica. Who's sending their kids in trousers to Jamaica for the summer? Surely shorts all the way, isn't it? Well, I don't know the cold flight. True. Silly that I am, I always thought that this Hollywood-esque story had been exaggerated or confused in my husband's young mind. But recently he bumped into someone at a friend's house who had been in the same gang of kids and confirmed the whole story. Wow. Love the pod to listen for about three years whilst doing the washing for my four kids that are 2, 5, 11, 20.

46:57Oh, my God. Oh, my word. That's Emily, 521 months, Royston.

47:02Josh Widdicombe:Right. Let's do a small business shout out and then everyone can get on with their days. This is me getting on with my day, Josh. And me, but the listeners, there'll be some people. Okay, and I've got stuff to do here. I've got stuff to do here. Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'd absolutely love to nominate my best friend Jodie's wonderful business Milkly Can you hear that drilling? No I can't Is that in your house? Can you hear it Michael? Will you ever be in a house without building work? I said we'd be finished at half eleven I thought they'd come and check Milkly Club is based in Cheltenham Gloucestershire and is a monthly letterbox friendly subscription designed to support, uplift and truly celebrate breastfeeding mums

47:50I'm struggling to read that. Milkly, male deliveries packed with carefully chosen treats, words of encouragement, and little boosts of self-care, all designed specifically for mums navigating the emotional and often overwhelming breastfeeding journey. It's one of those ideas where you can just feel how much love has gone into every detail. Born out of naptimes, night feeds, and sheds termination, Milkly is her heart-filled passion project, and I couldn't be proud of what Jodie has built. She's created something that fills a gap, offers real support, and makes mums feel less alone at vulnerable times.

48:19If you're able to give Milkly a shout-out, it'll be honestly mean the world. You can find her at milklyclub.com at milklyclub on Instagram. Thank you so, so much. That's from Sophie. Yes, anyone out there breastfeeding and finding it difficult, make sure you reach out to people like this. And also, if you do want to stop breastfeeding, you are allowed. It's your body. Have a bit of formula. Let's not stress ourselves to death.

48:42Josh Widdicombe:Hi, Rob and Josh. Josh, after you both had great experiences with podiatrists for your various foot problems last year, I would love it if you would give my small business a shout out. I set up my own podiatry business called the Highland Foot Clinic in Inverness in 2024. I'll be there in May. And offer a range of foot and ankle services for people in the Highlands. Anything from corns, looking at you, Rob. Are you looking at you, Josh? Foreign objects, looking at you, Rob. To 3D printed insoles. I don't know how 3D printers work. And sports injuries. nothing phases me i've literally seen it all my website is www.highlandfootclinic.co.uk patients can book a blind don't have any kids just love the pod and here for the bans big love amy a pod a pod a podcast we're talking about feet podiat cast um i've you know people go like oh god i don't want to go to the pod podiatrist because i my foot's really gammy and disgusting i bet they love it seeing a proper like man yeah that's what they live for that that's what they want, they don't want just a fucking corn or a bit of glass on your foot.

49:45My perfect little foot.

49:47Josh Widdicombe:My perfect little tootsie. You little trotters. Josh, see you next week. See you next week. It'll be a joy.

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