S12 EP4: You've Jet-lagged Yourself

23:05Josh Widdicombe:10am, 1pm and 10pm. what is why is it all so long and look also all the people that's so old they haven't got a long left it's all old but they haven't got a long left to stop saying ballet shoes to be fair to ballet shoes i slept through the first half because i was exhausted i'd already done 14 hours in a theater didn't need another three hours a day after oh man it was brilliant if you're no no i don't i don't think anyone involved in ballet shoes is thinking rob beckett's our man for this i saw no one that was like me there it was i felt like a unicorn well you you were the only one in in in in jogging leggings well no actually posy wore a pair of jogging leggings for a dance lesson in the show like posy fossil but the show is amazing if you're into that sort of thing the show's amazing all the set changes are amazing it's really funny really good did you feel good when you woke up well no because the girls kept poking me laughing right and then this woman in front right kept on my daughter had some like sweets no i won't snore but my daughter had some sweets and she couldn't have eaten them any quieter right yeah it's not my fault there was no laughs for about 20 minutes in a serious bit she was eating some instrels and she kept on turning around and looking at like staring out my nine-year-old a 10-year-old so i thought fuck this so next time she turned around i'll like move my head right in front of her and just stared at her until she looked back the other way so i thought she's having a minute mate if you don't want to wear a kid eat sweets don't come to the fucking matinee on a saturday all set of ballet shoes it's about kids yeah it's about anyway so it is an amazing show if you're into that for me i could have done i don't think you can say that rob i don't think you've seen enough to offer a view either way i think that's okay oh you like the second half fair enough fair enough i couldn't comment on the first half because i wasn't conscious my day kicks off with a refreshing Celsius energy drink, then straight to the gym.

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25:53Then where are you? So then we go and have a pizza express. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Then we get the train home, get home about eight o 'clock at night, put the kids to sleep. Then I crash out. Yeah. Now, the next day, I'd have promised the kids we were going to go to Blue Water to see Zootopia, Zootropolis 2, go to Slim Chickens, spend some vouchers.

26:12Josh Widdicombe:Fucking hell, Rob. It's basically another theatre experience. It's cinema. No, but this is what I did now. It's just theatre on a screen. Tell me what, tell me. You've spent so many hours in auditoriums, isn't that? It's 72 hours. I've been kidnapped by the arms. No, so I said to him, I said, look, I went to him, girls, I'm really tired here because like, you're not in trouble. You've not been naughty, but you, you really didn't want me to leave you on Saturday, which meant it sort of disrupted my whole weekend because all the tidying up, the sorting out, the house stuff that I was supposed to be doing on Saturday, I've got to do on Sunday now.

26:56So this isn't a punishment, but the consequence of that is we're not going to go Blue Water now because I haven't got the energy or time to do it. So we're going to have a quiet, chilled day indoors. What time did you get to Blue Water? We didn't do Blue Water. I did take them to Slim Chickens in Bromley at six o 'clock and gave them an Oreo milkshake. So their bedtime was a fucking disaster because they're off their head. I might as well give them a line of coke. Oreo milkshake. Fuck it.

27:22Josh Widdicombe:If I had an Oreo milkshake, it'd be four days before I came down. So, like, loose and away. Anyway, so I'm tired this morning because I'll get him to bed, right? We'll get him to bed. Now, my daughter, my oldest daughter's been a bit unwell. So she comes in. Can I ask about Slim Chickens? Sorry. Yeah, go on. Because I went in there because my son needed the toilet on Saturday. It's literally next to Nando's and next to Slim Chickens. What's the deal? I didn't know I didn't know Slim Chickens was a chain What is a Slim Chickens Is it more of a KFC Or is it more of a Nando's It's more of a KFC Than a Nando's You wouldn't really go there For like a date You sort of like Expensive takeaway Yeah I mean it's like More like KFC So like they do tenders They do chicken wings They do chips They do loads of different dips They're quite keen on the dip And it's quite seasoned It's quite nice It's quite nice to be fair The chicken tenders And the fries were quite nice night some yeah anyway so we do that we go home and then i got with them we get them to bed a bit later than normal about half eight nine yeah at one o 'clock in the morning my no about yeah about half 12 my eldest comes in goes dad can i have a cuddle i don't feel well i'll give her a cuddle and i go do you want to get into bed and lose you want to get in bed with me she went no i'm gonna go back into my own bed she wanted a hug i went okay i'll have a hug she went back to bed then half one my youngest woke up had a nightmare i went you want to get in bed to me she went yeah get in bed with me i thought fine i'll find getting ready me and then about half two i hear crying in the hallway my eldest is up i went what's wrong she went i'm just really i can't sleep i don't feel well and i just felt a bit upset i went fine i went i went the job is getting to bed with her she went yeah so i get into bed with her right so get into bed of her and then i'm trying to go sleep then the youngest comes in he goes i'm scared to the to the oldest's room yeah i went i'm scared because i've had a nightmare i was like yeah i know but she's your old your sister don't feel well so i'm sitting with her for everyone in the double everyone in the double that's what i said we'll get the double and then the the oldest one's opposite going i don't want to i don't want to and then like no because because we normally i normally always the youngest has more nightmares so she normally dictates so it's a bit unfair on the eldest totally i say two is so difficult yeah when you're on your own because different different directions and you're on your own it's so difficult you've basically got to choose and especially because you know all kids are slightly more demanding it's not in a bad way but like need more from you in certain situations in this situation one the one kid that never normally is demanding now i don't feel like she'll be punished because normally she's been all right so i say look to the youngest one you don't need to go to sleep if you're scared sit up and read and you can wait hoping she'd go to sleep anyway so the eldest doesn't really want to go to sleep eventually she goes to sleep at half three I get up, check her the youngest, wide awake.

30:11So I get her, take her back to my room. She goes to sleep after about an hour. Now it's half four. I'm wide awake.

30:17Josh Widdicombe:Is this last night? Yeah. Oh, you could have texted me, Rob. I was up. Yeah, I was up. What did you do?

30:31Josh Widdicombe:Not as bad. So we all went to bed. And you're all sleeping in your bedroom, aren't you? Of course. did you tell you that was rad

30:43Josh Widdicombe:also that's not changing because now this week Rob we're having all the the other bedrooms they're starting to be redone so your bedroom's the only room that's not getting done so you're all in there well not at the moment but there's very little point in trying to force it back for three days he tells himself so get this Rob Rose is going away Wednesday to Friday yeah and I said to her this morning and I was like I can't believe this is my life I was like so what will the sleeping arrangements be my son in the double bed and then still me and my daughter on the floor or will I graduate to the double bed with my son but then you feel bad for the one on the floor so it'll probably be my son having the whole double bed and us two on the floor not with her brother she'd be like oh he moves around too much that's why they have to be can't be next to each other right anyway rob last night so we'll go through my weeks it's fucking mental if we don't have a chance doing this episode it i'll do it the next episode because my week is insane similarly manic right but last night i took her to bed at half eight rose got in bed because rose has been ill so rose got everyone was going to sleep i was like i'll just read my book with a little light on yeah why don't you get a kindle I should get a Kindle and then she

32:12Josh Widdicombe:that's what I need to do buy some more fucking tech that I'll need to charge and then you try to finish a book on 1 % that is so

32:25a book about a self-help book 1 % Panicking

32:29Josh Widdicombe:I need to get this truth about myself I just need to help myself then I do so i do she's like can you cuddle me to sleep next thing i know no my daughter i wish

32:48probably getting elbowed off like what is it fucking elbow yeah um no so um yeah my daughter said hold my hand last night i held it about three seconds it was like so i'm holding a bit of fucking barbecue coal so so basically means me

33:04Josh Widdicombe:put my arm over the top of her like i'm kind of like just some bit of weight on her yeah she's out next thing i know i wake up is midnight because i've fallen asleep i'm i'm at half eight and then i fall back to sleep and then at half three i wake up and i've like i've had seven hours sleep you've jetlagged yourself i've jetlagged myself

33:28Josh Widdicombe:so you've been up since four no i was kind of i just put podcasts on and like drifted in and out for three hours you know that's what i did is it fucking hell what a life i woke up to um comedians comedians sure goes to asking mark simmons if he was happy or not but do you know but when you wake up and you're like oh it's the next one oh i've done a bit of sleep well done like that i do that i listen to i've got a sleep playlist right yeah and then what i do is i put that on and then when i wake up i look at it and it's still playing the songs then what i do is i go back and count how many songs that I don't remember until I get to a song I remember and go oh 43 minutes yeah oh god what a life what a life anyway we were meant to start at nine we've started late because you had an also had a nightmare morning that's not yes it's not a slight that's just um for the reader for the listener sorry or viewer uh giving you a chance to imagine what's about to happen now well yeah so yeah so to be fair I got about half four she went back to sleep and then I was sort couldn't really sleep for about an hour or so fell asleep about six and then i woke up at quarter to seven to have a shower and get ready i was i'll let the kids sleep in for a little bit and i went downstairs got everything ready got the dogs fed all the food out all the finished packing the bags lured set out a lot of it to be fair and lured set out the uniform they needed and then um i'd put the uniform outside their bedroom door yeah and then my youngest wakes up goes where's my where's my uniform i was like it's all the way down the landing I was like, yeah, I put it outside the room.

35:01You're in a fucking sleeping. You've moved bed three times. How the fuck am I supposed to keep up? And they kept going, I'm so tired. And I was like, I've had less sleep than you. And then we got on the school run and then everything, like there was traffic. There's never normally traffic. Oh, God, man. So I was late dropping them off, basically. And they had so many bags and they had swimming and all that. And then I rung Lou and like, because Lou went, oh, how did it go? and I was like, I rung when I was really, I felt bad because I didn't want to make her feel guilty or bad at all. But I basically said what happened.

35:34And then I was like, oh, then I've got to go do the fucking podcast now. I'm tired. Because my insecurities are going, you're too tired now to be funny or do a good job. It's all going to be shit. And then that's when your sort of negative voice can come in. So I was like, and then I texted her back saying, I've had time to eat the coffee now. I feel a bit chipper. So sorry, I didn't want to make you feel bad while you were away. but because she's got an email the school about something for the kids if the school said that they seemed a bit off today I just wanted to let you know that they were awake for like two hours in the night so that you don't think they're upset they're not upset they're just probably a bit tired yeah anyway so so now I'm here and I had a I went to the wild bean cafe and bought myself a bacon and cheese turnover and then you sent me a photo of Gary Barlow ripped and it absolutely ruined me

36:25Josh Widdicombe:do you know what you did you didn't respond with the humor i imagined you were going to respond it absolutely cut the legs away and i'm supposed to be going to do steve cram's fit to 5k after this but i'm probably too tired i won't do it and get some more food and you know what i've got this like the apple watch thing right and it's got that little geezer that and it's good actually it goes like if you run a k it goes you've run 1k keep going mate and that is good but when i've run 1k i don't really need boosted i've sort of done that myself what i need and i don't know if it'll be too invasive is the little ai workout bloke to go don't eat that turnover you fat prick you regret it that's when i need it you know what i think there would be a quite a lot of complaints yes but i think that's that would help me more than the 1k congratulations i'm already i'm already patting myself on the back i need yeah stop well i had i had a dark night of the soul where with chat gpt actually i'll tell you about my week next time rob because it was quite a mental week so i get a thing now yeah because i'm on um antidepressants but i'm on 10 milligrams which isn't that much so i was on 20 but i'm on 10 um and i don't know it's a thing it's totally fine apart from after a period of extreme stress or exhaustion i go back to the original side effect it's like the they're fighting they're having to fight again or something do you know what i mean it doesn't matter how across your mental health you are with like breathing exercise maybe medication whatever your coping mechanisms are to make sure that you're calmer and enjoying life exhaustion and tiredness will always make those symptoms 10 times if you've got a bad knee and you go and you just walk gently everywhere if you go for a 10k run you're gonna feel it yeah so not like rinsing yourself so last week i rinsed myself this morning i felt like i i i get this kind of weird i feel like trippy with it and it's how i used to feel when i first started or whatever i get that about every six months and i go fucking hell last week was mental so i'll tell you about that next time i should say because i forgot to say this last time and my daughter's been on at me okay does she listen no but she's now she's now across the podcast exists yes Yes, mine was quite keen to listen.

38:40Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, she's not keen to listen, but she's invented a Squishmallows app. And she was like, could you just mention my Squishmallows app and see if anyone's willing to make the Squishmallows app? And I'm like, it doesn't quite. What's the idea? Well, she's just designed a Squishmallows app. That's not enough detail. Oh, she's drawn all the home screen and everything. No, no, I don't. Yeah, but I don't know. What's the app? Oh, wow. She actually has drawn it. But I don't know what it means. I'm not having a go at her idea, but what is the app? Well, you can do settings. That's the first thing. You can do games.

39:16Josh Widdicombe:You can make your own Squishmallow. You can feed the Squishmallow. Oh, that's a good idea. Yeah. You can see. Could you log all the ones you've bought and got? Yeah, you can log all the ones you've bought. There's one called Globe. I don't know what that is. And then she's got each screen individually that you click on. She's done this mad job on it. But she was like. That looks amazing. I know. And she was like, do you think someone who listens to your podcast would develop the app? And I was like, well, it doesn't really work like that because I didn't want to say, I think Squishmallows is probably a trademark.

39:44Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, she might have hit some copyright infringement laws. Yeah, she might have hit some copyright infringement laws. Squishmallow want to launch an app with you and your daughter. I didn't want to say to her, but I didn't want to check. Along me and Michael get 10 % each. I've got to check it now. I've got a terrible feeling there's bound to be a Squishmallows app, isn't there? Josh, just show it to her and tell her someone made it. What? Show her the actual Squishmallows? She'll be like, they haven't followed my design. That's the story of my life, mate. But now we're in this situation where she knows the podcast exists.

40:19Josh Widdicombe:Now, she always knew it existed, but she's interested in what it is. Do you know what I mean? And she's like, are you doing parenting how to get day? Rather than are you working? Do you know what I mean? And it's quite an interesting situation. I think for the first time she's interested in what I'm doing as a job. Well, they're old enough now as well for the title of the podcast to be parent in hell implies that it's an absolute nightmare that we hate doing it, which is not an ideal title. I did worry about this for the last five years when I've been losing sleep over it. Yeah, but I think the horse has bolted now.

40:54Josh Widdicombe:Very much has because there's nothing we could do at this point. As long as we are calm, patient and understanding whenever they need help, they'll believe the truth of the situation and not the brand name. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And also, they're not going to remember lockdown, but it was really tough.

41:19Josh Widdicombe:We're leaving today and entering a world of Mickey Mouse waving, princess meeting and greeting. Lightsaber clashing The Twilight Zone Tower of Terror dropping Banshee flying Space Mountain launching Galaxy rewinding Galaxy rewinding Fireworks igniting World of Other Worlds For whatever you love Infinite worlds await at the most magical place on Earth Walt Disney World Resort This episode is brought to you by Peloton Break through the busiest time of year with the brand new Peloton Cross Training Tread Plus, powered by Peloton IQ. With real-time guidance and endless ways to move, you can personalize your workouts and train with confidence, helping you reach your goals in less time.

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42:19Josh Widdicombe:By the way, Rob, I've decided the parents I hate the most Yeah. Right? It's a thing I've noticed parents do, right? Also - The thing you hate the most in parents. It's a thing I just hate the most. No, no, no. I don't hate any parents. You know, parents who constantly tell you that their child was born in July or August so they're the youngest in the year. As if their child's like a hero for putting up with being the youngest in the year. Do you have these parents? Yeah. My mum used to do it all the time with our brother Joe. yeah well he's the youngest in the year but you know the young he's the youngest yeah it's like a fucking year mate we're all seven or eight here and then you get the ones that put them down a year so that they're the oldest in the year that's cheating i do think that that is very understandable when they first start school yeah when they get to 15 yeah exactly i think it's time to knock i think secondary school you knock that on the head yeah the reason he didn't get his promotional work.

43:18Josh Widdicombe:He was born in July. Yeah. Oh, if you're that bothered by it, stop shagging. Yeah. You're the one who loves fucking in October. You dirty Halloween horn dogs. You're the one who's turned on by fireworks. Oh, cobwebs out, knickers down. Let's go. Pop that mask on. Send me back to the witch's cave. Do they live in caves, witches? I don't know where they live actually, witches, but there we go. They sort of just float about on the broomstick, didn't they? Oh, this is what we've done, Rob, as well. Go on. We've converted in the morning to Radio 1. So we've converted to Greg James on Radio 1. Okay.

43:57Josh Widdicombe:From where were you? Grimmie on 6, which is what me and Rose would listen to. Mental for the kids. Yeah. And so this morning. What about Capital? I like Capital. Do you get it down there? Are you taking the fucking piss? No, it's a London show. You've got a slim chickens, mate. No, but he's in Capital London. No, it's national now. Oh, because they've got a Scottish one, haven't they? Capital Scotland. I think because there is a national station. That wasn't me having a go. No, I know, I know. It originally was London, but the money thrown at it, it must be now. Yeah, it's national. It's national.

44:32Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. You're listening to it on DAB though, aren't you? I'm listening to it on DAB, yeah. Not FM. No, no. But yeah, we were like, we're going to do Radio 1 or Capital. Put on Greg James this morning. Fucking hell, it was good. He's great. He's very good at radio. We had Dua Lipa, Ray and Charlie XCX. I was like, this is brilliant. And then have you ever heard the news? No, no, music. And then have you ever heard the news on Radio 1? Is it more fun? Fucking hell, it's like jazz. It's unbelievable. What do you mean? They're just like, they'll just say one thing and then they'll just play a clip and then they'll be like, it was the Golden Globes last night.

45:11Josh Widdicombe:This guy won an award and then they'll just play some Timothee Chalamet. Let's go to the Moss Road in Macclesfield. Guess who bloody beat fucking... These guys. Whomph. Big sound effects. Whomph. It's great. It's fun, isn't it? It's so good. You're like, this is the news. And she likes sound effects. Ruff's in trouble. It's like unbelievable. If your daughter likes those sort of sound effects on the radio, I'll tell you who she liked in Westwood.

45:48Josh Widdicombe:so there's not sound effects but there's like loads of like sound and i'm like how's this newsreader doing it like he's playing stuff all the time well my daughter watches news round at school which i find weird lizo mazimba i don't think it's lizo still is it i don't know but like she used to her old school she'd go we were watching news round i'd be thinking bloody hell really and then at the new school she's like we're watching news round do all schools watch news round or is it just i don't my kids never mentioned it yeah so she's across stuff from news well you have moved back to the 1990s though in exeter do you know i mean you'll be on news round blue peter's still going right yeah of course yeah everywhere we've just heard about these things called apps we've got a design they're coming out next year down here um see um i was gonna say the um I think Radio 2, because we both worked on Radio 2.

46:41I think Radio 2 news is too depressing. Well, because it comes out of nowhere. I get it if you put the news on, but you forget the news is on the radio. And it's like you've got a little bit of wang chum all of a sudden.

46:52Josh Widdicombe:You want to get on Radio 1, they're basically like, here comes Storm, whatever it's called, and then they're like, what? Is there a smash in there? Greg James going, whoa, it's blowing a wind in here. It's brilliant. I love the news on Radio 1. We normally just listen to music. Greg James was charming. He was good. I'm going to give Clapper all a go as well. But crucially, no ads, is there, on Radio 1? Oh, true. I'd say we had a very sombre, miserable, self-indulgent, sad school run today. Everyone just sat there in complete silence staring forward. Yeah.

47:37Josh Widdicombe:that is the one thing though i miss my school run from london is being able to listen to music with my kids that is yeah i love the chat in the car when the vibes higher the school runs fun in the car in the summer january just needs to fuck off it is really pissing me off at the moment january and the fact that i think i say this every year trying to do a new year's resolution in january is sick in the fucking head. Wait until March. It's too cold. You can't even go outside for a fucking run without slipping over and breaking your neck. It's mental. Last week I tried to run in the ice and I had to just stop.

48:12I just had to walk home.

48:14Josh Widdicombe:It's stupid. And it's cold. You're hungry. You want warm food. It's dark really early. The whole country needs to shift New Year's resolutions to March. Yes. Because it's not working, Josh. It's not working in January. Or New Year's resolutions don't work because you're never going to change based on one thing like that, Rob. No, but I think you might if you've got an opportunity. You're not – spring is the time for new. Do you want a bleak image of me running? Yeah, take the top off and jog now. We've got cameras.

48:48Josh Widdicombe:We've got – so we've got a treadmill, right? In your house? Well, no, because we haven't – it's in the garage, right? What's happening with the marble coffee shops? at the marble coffee table. They're still in the garden. Yeah. Are they for the garden? No.

49:11This is why I like doing this. Because in whatever way my life's fucking going to skew with, yours is going another way. Right. And then we sort of even each other out.

49:20Josh Widdicombe:The next episode, right, is going to make you feel so good. Go and make yourself a lovely coffee, right? Yep. Okay. And then come back next Tuesday.

49:32Josh Widdicombe:Okay. And have an absolutely brilliant time. Because we do have to, you know, with our diaries and with WhatsApp with the kids, we have to record a couple in a row sometimes to put out. We'd love to do one like every week, so it's exactly on point. But if we did do that and stretched ourselves any thinner, it would be an hour of both of us crying. So we've got to try and make it as doable as possible. And some people did say, why are you still doing the ones where you catch up from home? And I'd say, look at Rob's morning this morning. This is why we do them from home. Anyway, we've got a treadmill, right?

50:07Josh Widdicombe:Our garage is full of stuff. Yeah. It's not usable garage. It's just like a storage room. No, it's just full of stuff with a treadmill at the front behind some stuff. But you have to open the garage door. Yeah. And then I'm on a treadmill in a garage full of stuff facing out onto the street. which is nice because you're getting a bit of fresh air but not if random people every time people walk past i'm just pounding away on a treadmill in basically a big yellow storage style room so you know it's always bad life's always remember that maybe i need to get a treadmill i haven't really got space for a treadmill no you don't get a treadmill you don't know um Should we do?

50:52Josh Widdicombe:Do you not like your treadmill? I don't mind my treadmill. It's better for the knees. Than outside? Yeah, but, you know. Right, should we do a small business shout-out? Should we do a small business shout-out? I'm looking forward to hearing about your week. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can look forward to it a lot. I'm glad we did a lot of parenting this week, because I should say, next week, I did spend three days away. So there is a lot of London disasters going on. Hey, this is just our life. How mental is it having kids that like, the highlight of my week was not talking about going on the Graham Norton show.

51:27I know. Tell me about the Graham Norton show. Chris Pratt was on again. Already done it with him. So he's a nice guy and funny. But part of me was like, come on, mate. When do I get Al Pacino?

51:36Josh Widdicombe:I had Tina Fey. That was quite exciting. I had Kurt Russell. But I've never had someone like mega, mega. Do you know what I mean? I've never had a Taylor Swift or someone. You what? I'd have to tell you the kids if it was Taylor Swift. I know. I dream of that. That was all good. I don't think Cynthia Erivo is a massive fan of me being a comedian. No. Well, no, because like my job there is to interject and say funny things, but she's very passionate, intense, and committed to the art of being an artist and a creator where I'm literally on there to interject at any point to try and get a laugh. I totally agree.

52:16I'm like, I don't even want to interject here, but it's my job to. You've given Graham Norton a massive cardigan with holes in. I'm a comedian. I'm going to say, I'm sure it'll be lovely when it's finished.

52:26Josh Widdicombe:I'm sorry. What happened? I don't, I don't. She gave Graham Norton, and she was lovely, Cynthia, but I don't think, you know, in an ideal world, I think all the actors would prefer it if there was no comedian there. But all the viewers, I think, quite encourage that. Yeah. Yeah. She had a holy jumper that's from Wicked 2 that she wears, and she got one made for Graham Norton. loads of holes in it and i said it'll be lovely when he's finished yeah of course because and also she was giving it to him you're doing your fucking job in the same way 50 pictures on the asos website yeah i'm here doing a job i'm here doing a job when she answered the parcel of course i'm gonna say it's from all of us i'm here doing dad jokes i'm trying anyway no they're all lovely i heard dawn french and chris pratt lovely but i always feel like when they're talking about this It's like she's doing this theatre play where she's like playing 23 parts.

53:22She's playing Dracula. Chris Pratt's in this movie where it's about AI and shot in a mad way that's on at the IMAX. Dawn French is in this brand new sitcom that's about Parkinson that's written by the child of her writer that wrote Vicar of Dibley. And they're talking about doing Bob's Day with Romesh.

53:44you know it's me job to chip in i'll do a joke i did a joke about blow jobs at the end um jack severetti like that though but that was all right it's good though everyone's nice but it's like a singer right right it was always like it's fun always love doing it always you know because i've got shipping i do feel like i worry that the the actors are like oh him again you're like sorry it's just me job i'm sure i've told you about the time i got booked

54:07Josh Widdicombe:at 2pm on the die.

54:13Josh Widdicombe:Really? Who pulled out? You're going to love it, Rob. Go on. Quentin Tarantino. Tarantino pulled out and you got pulled in. Well, I'd love to see the list of names that said no at that point, Rob. Let's say if Alan Shearer got injured and Newcastle by Mark Bosnich.

54:33Josh Widdicombe:I was on with the rest of the cast of Tarantino's film who had agreed to carry on. Oh, who was that? Kurt Russell. It was, what's that one, the kind of Western-y one? Hateful Eight. So can I say one more thing about Graham Norton? I don't have to show it on the TV show, but when everyone comes out, you're already stood with them all out the back and then Graham introduces you and then they normally get the comedian out first and stick them at the end. And then you have to stand while they all come out. And then like, so I don't know whether to sit down or stand up. So I sit down and obviously you have to be polite and stand up when they come over.

55:03Yeah. And you have to make that decision and you have to sort of kiss them or hold their hand, but you don't want to kiss them and ruin makeup so you have to do like a weird air kiss and you sit down and then when the singer comes over same thing happens where they come over and we're all sat down so you have to stand up again but then it's like i feel like i'm the comedian has to

55:17Josh Widdicombe:make the decision whether they stand up or sit down yes yeah and i never really know what to do i have a similar thing with last leg because we me and alex on the opposite side yeah when the guests come on who obviously we've seen and been talking to yes we just stand up and kind of applaud, but do we go over? Do you know what I mean? You're too far to go over. You're too far to go over. You can't start him moving about, fuck's sake, poor sod. Right. Small business. On the subject of Kurt Russell, he's married to Goldie Hawn. Hi Rob, Josh and Michael. This is for, wait for it. My partner's sister hasn't long come back from having a baby and started her own dog grooming business from home.

55:59Josh Widdicombe:She previously worked another groomer, but has taken the leap of setting up on her own. She's Midlands-based, near Swaddling Coat. Isn't that what you put on a dog when you've groomed a Swaddling Coat? Oh, come on. Yes, please. Let's end the pod there. Two adorable dogs of herself. Please shout out Goldie Grooms. Goldie Horn. Can be found on Facebook. Goldie Grooms, thank you from Connor. Lovely. Go on, Connor. Go on, Goldie Grooms. Hi, Rob and Josh. Please, can I get a shout out for my gym wear brand from Worcestershire? Hello. You can wear it to ballet shoes. I love the pod. As a mum of two under four, I have listened since day dot.

56:40Thank you for the laughs. It makes me feel far less of a parenting failure. I'm a yoga teacher, and after my first baby, I experienced severe postpartum depression. My body felt completely different, heavier, sore, and my knees hurt every time I knelt in yoga. So I tried many different gym leggings but couldn't find anything that actually felt good on my body and supported my knees. So I grabbed my sewing kit and my gym wear and started stitching bra pads into my leggings. Wow. Hello. I could do with a bra pad in me gusset to stop chill blame dick. Can you get working on that please, Hannah? Fast forward a few years and I've created the UK's first, because basically I've got these leggings.

57:19I've got these like under, like sort of long john leggings. Are you wearing pants underneath them? No, so I've got long john leggings, no pants, and then a pair of shorts that have got the inner lining, like swimming trunks, but not swimming trunks, sport ones, running ones that go over. But then sometimes when I'm running, my willy will sort of worm its way out of the hole. Imagine if this was your small business shout-out you've been waiting for for months. So there's only a thin bit of like gym short between my penis and minus one. And because I'm hot, I don't realise that's getting cold because that won't get hot.

57:53Yeah, of course. Sorry. Sorry, Hannah. Are we still in the middle of a business shout-out? Yeah. Yeah, she's just sewn bra pads into her leggings. Fast forward a few years and I've created the UK's first knee padded leggings. Sculpting, discreet and as cushioned as kneeling on three yoga mats. No bra pads needed. The brand has had amazing reviews. I'm so proud. It's helped women feel comfortable getting back into movement. I think I've ruined all her good work talking about my penis.

58:24Josh Widdicombe:No, because you've really drawn attention to a small business shout out. Goldie grooms could have done with me doing 30 seconds about my dick halfway through. Do you groom your penis? No, I don't groom it. You don't ever trim? We've discussed this. Sorry. Michael's currently going mental because he's going, I've got to fucking edit this for video now. And we've overshot. And every 10 minutes is eight hours of my life or something like that. Well, do you know what? Boo-hoo. That's his fucking job. Sorry. Fast forward a few years, I've created the UK's first knee padded leggings, sculpted, discreet, and as cushioned as kneeling on three yoga mats.

59:01No bra pads needed. The brand has had an amazing reviews and I'm so proud it's helped women feel comfortable getting back into movement. The website is padatribe.com or Instagram padatribe. That is P-A-D-A-T-R-I-B-E. Keep being sexy and relatable. Thanks, Hannah. Kiss, kiss, kiss. Josh, see you next week. Michael, sorry for overrunning. Bye.

59:25excuse me can i clear something up and michael can you put this into the podcast tomorrow i've just googled what chillblains is and i do not have chillblains on my penis thank you very much i've just got a little bit of dry skin from the cold weather so let's get that clear okay because i've just googled chillblains and it's disgusting and it's not on my knob thank you

59:48Josh Widdicombe:spring just slid into your dms grab that boho look for that rooftop dinner those sandals that can keep up with you and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up spring's calling ross work your magic

1:00:08Josh Widdicombe:hello parenting hell listeners recognize that voice yes it's josh really come here

1:00:15Josh Widdicombe:I have got a new podcast Josh Whittacombe's Museum of Pop Culture and I'm gonna say it I'm about 85 % sure you're gonna love it here are the reasons why number one I'm confident if you're listening now you don't hate me and possibly think I'm funny number two I'm confident if you're listening now you like podcasts number three I'm confident if you're listening to me and Rob you prefer pop culture to people talking about things let's be honest boring things like history, economics or politics. I know I do and that is why I made this podcast. I wanted a show that tells the stories I love from popular culture in the way other podcasts do for drier topics.

1:00:53Josh Widdicombe:See above. Basically, I wanted a podcast that realised Milli Vanilli were more interesting than Elizabeth I. Join me as I give the definitive, or at least the funniest, takes on Mr Blobby. When Ghostwatch convinced BBC viewers ghosts were real. When a band burned a million pounds for a laugh. The Spice Girls, a truly catastrophic Spider-Man musical with music from U2, and David Hasselhoff, Baywatch, and his part in The Fall of the Berlin Wall. All of them are real, by the way. Either you know what these things are, and you're about to learn far more about them than you ever realised you wanted to, or you don't, and you're about to be introduced to some of the maddest things in modern or ancient history.

1:01:31Josh Widdicombe:Stiffnecks will learn, loosenecks will laugh. New episodes available every Wednesday and Saturday, perfect to fill those gaps between your weekly doses of parenting hell. So go on, you might as well listen, subscribe and follow wherever you get your podcasts now. Museum of Pop Culture with me, Josh Whittacombe. Available everywhere on the 1st of January.