S12 EP40: Josh is the new co-host of Strictly Come Dancing!!

17:40Good idea, actually. Don't worry about the comments. He's not even looking. If there are any negative comments, I'm sure it'll be all absolutely fine because most people on the internet take new information pretty well and they're really happy with change at all times. The embrace change. The embrace change. That's the thing about the internet. They love change.

17:59Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Oh, man. I had to go and get a suit. Nice. Is that the one you wore for the photo shoot? Yeah. I think you might need more than one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I thought, let's deal with the photo shoot. Let's deal with that. One game at a time.

18:15Josh Widdicombe:You know, it's all like the first step. I don't want to be over presumptive, Rob, but I bought 10 series worth. I don't want to jump to it. So how many episodes is it in total? Because it's Saturday, Sunday. Saturday, Sunday, but there's 13 weeks, but the first week's only one and the last week's only one. Right. But then there's also the Christmas one. Say 25 episodes. And do you have to have a different suit in every one or you can switch it out a bit? No, I think you can accessorise. 250 suits you need. I bought 250 suits. Walk into next and go, I need 250 suits. Yeah. Can I have that in every colour, please?

18:50Josh Widdicombe:All 250 colours. and can I have the trousers some 30 inch some 32 just in case I've had a big Christmas yeah yeah because let's be honest 10 years is going to take its toll on me also it's got to be a big fucking Christmas that by September you're still trying to lose the weight by the way yesterday when we arrived at the photo shoot I did realise that I look like I am a weird looking guy little guy I get that we all are comedians yeah No, that's fine. I'd say you've got a certain charm. Yeah. Me, you, Rob Ramesh, you know. I'd say if anyone, no, I think, don't take this the wrong way. No, I'm going to take it the right way.

19:33If me and Rob Ramesh walked down the street and there was other people that looked a bit like us, you might go, was that Rob Ramesh or was that Rob Ramesh? People know if they've seen you. Yeah. You've got a distinctive look and I think it's pretty sexy. Thank you, Rob. Thank you. Lean body, strong jaw, curly hair, big eyes.

19:48Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what happened, Rob? When I got to the photo shoot, I did. Do you want to high five, by the way? You've had your hand up there for ages. I've read somewhere. I do that sometimes where it's like. Like you're unlocked. If you're on the, what was it? If you're neurodivergent, sometimes just having your arm in the air is really comforting. Yeah. But there's suspicions that we are, but I don't think it's true, do you? Yeah, let's not get that. Is this the last thing I need this week?

20:16Josh Widdicombe:Got enough on my plate. Sorry, I cut you off from the hand thing. I did realise that when I turned up at the photo shoot that I have been cast as two of the most striking looking people on British television. Yeah, it's a tough, they are models. They're both model looks, model heights, model builds. And I'd say you are a normal man. It doesn't feel like it next to them.

20:47Josh Widdicombe:It's horrible, isn't it, when you're next to people? please welcome the run to the litter it's absolutely I worked with Maya Jammer recently oh yeah yeah yeah and you're just like we can't be the same species you Jerry Hall and Maya Jammer lined up

21:07me rubbish Jerry Hall, Maya Jammer, Miranda Hart all in a line, welcome to the human race

21:16Josh Widdicombe:bloody hell bloody hell It is weird, isn't it, what our lives have become? Because, you know, we did just start out as stand-ups driving around, and we are now like BBC One, you're doing traitors, I'm doing this, you know, you've won about 700 BAFTAs. You don't even turn up anymore and win BAFTAs. You can't win BAFTAs because you're doing another show that wins BAFTAs at the same time.

21:51it is definitely yeah when you sort of look back it's a sort of mental um life journey

21:57Josh Widdicombe:it is so weird and but yeah it's just like incredible and you're just like do you know what like i think this is a fair thing to say obviously when this opportunity came up initially to just have the meeting i thought i really like my life would i want to throw it into flux do you Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Because it's a big fit. It's a defining thing that you're suddenly doing. Yeah. But I just thought, what an incredible thing to experience. Do you know what I mean? Josh, you're perfect for it. You absolutely love it. Your kids are an age that they adore it. You're going to be so good at it because you've done, what, 12 years of live TV.

22:37You don't understand how accustomed and professional you are in that kind of pressure, where it's very overwhelming. You've already got that under your belt. You know how to be funny in short snippets around a big sort of structured show. You're perfect for the job. You're going to be brilliant at it. Oh, thank you, Rob. And you can build your life around it now. You know, you've got that autumn. Then you've got, I think I suggest maybe once a week you ring me and I tell you what jobs not to do, you know, before you end up on some stupid other podcast or TV show. Maybe we could have a, just ring me up and go, don't do that.

23:10Don't do that. Don't do that.

23:11Josh Widdicombe:They said on Good Morning Britain in the intro. They said, will he be quitting Parenting Hell for Strictly? I was like, mate, if you knew how little time Parenting Hell takes up in my life. If you said to me, Rob, I'm really sorry, due to working, you know, two days a week in London now. Due to working two days a week in London for autumn. I'm going to have to quit. I'm going to have to quit a podcast. That I give 12 hours a month to.

23:45Josh Widdicombe:that'll be wild thank you all for your support um in advance i'm genuinely so excited i can't wait yeah there's nothing you need to do apart from turn up and be yourself on it every and the lengths i will go to to book emma willis for our podcast i really this really is above and beyond but i'm willing to do this so she feels she has to come on i've got a feeling we're gonna have a lot of strictly celebrities on here all i'm saying is he hasn't got kids but i'd love to hear craig revel horde's view on other people's kids shall i get um jerry hall on here yes in a heartbeat she's amazing i'd love to get jerry all on richard grant we'll do that oh yeah here we go do a swap shop ross kemp yes love ross kemp there we go everyone was lovely really good really enjoyed it oh great well enjoy meeting the people it's quite hard work i want to get michael sheen back on oh rob the web we lead the web we weave the web we weave the web we weave the life we lead the web the webs we weave yeah but you know what thank you to everyone it's nice that it's now out in the open because i have felt a bit like um you're lying to people you're a liar but also you're doing that lie where they think you're lying but you you are lying but you have to keep lying sorry did you do traitors as well did i blink and you were no it's a bit like that's showbiz everyone's fucking lying and smiling but it was like you know and would i lie to you when it's obviously max lying he knows he's lying everyone knows he's lying but he has to go through with the lie it felt like that it felt like that yeah but that was a bit of fun because you can't announce it's a bit of fun what are you doing tonight so tonight so it's just been announced um tonight i am doing nothing i'm staying in i'm not spending a night away from my family for a month now which feels insanely brilliant josh finally back on the bedroom floor back on the bedroom i can't wait i am i am the host i've strictly come dancing and tonight i'm sleeping on the bedroom co-host i'm sleeping on the bedroom floor again yeah i think you've got some confirmed money coming in for the autumn now.

25:53Treat yourself to a little floor mattress. Treat myself to a floor mattress. Sum up to enjoy the benefits of being the co-host of The Biggest Show on Telly. Get yourself some silk pyjamas and a floor mattress. Well, Rob, tell me about parenting. Parenting. So I've had a bit of time at home with the kiddos, which has been lovely because before Traitors, I was absolutely slammed. A few things I want to go through. Yeah. So on the way back from Traitors, my bag was overweight, right, for the flight.

26:21Josh Widdicombe:Sorry, but it wasn't on the way there. What had you taken from traitors, Rod? What's Jerry Hall giving you? I cut you out of a lot of emotional baggage.

26:34No, and I was like, I've always been, right, I think it's my upbringing where there wasn't a lot of money growing up. It's like, your bag cannot be overweight where you're weighing it. I'm like, oh, my God, you can't be overweight. Anyway, so I get there, and it was one kilogram overweight. and they went, it's overweight, you're going to be charged. And I was like, oh my God, I've done it, you idiot. You know, it's sort of beating myself up. And they went, oh, it's going to be 12 pounds. And you thought, what have I been doing? For 40 years. I've been running around thinking, I'm like taking stuff out and putting shoes in my backpack to carry on a plane for 12 hours.

27:10Yeah. And it's 12 quid. And I'm like, what? I've got to rebalance my approach to this. 12 quid though. So why did it go over them?

27:20Josh Widdicombe:What have you added? Oh, no. So basically, you have so many outfits up there. Oh, but they get taken up before you. So then the outfits all got mixed up where two bags were going to come down in a van, but I packed one bag to come back, but I overpacked it. Can I ask a question about the outfits on Traders? I don't think this is a giveaway behind the scenes. Well, I wore crotchless trousers at the round table. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Have a look at those two round tables. Yeah, have a look at that. Yeah. Yeah. banish this banish this do you wear your favorite outfits at the start yeah because you think well i'm unlikely to get to the end so i'll just save the rubbish ones or do you save them because you want to look good at the end so this was a discussion i had where basically you pick what you want to wear i went for like four or five decent ones to start with yeah saved a few for the end yeah so the middle is that the middle it's an iffy outfits in the middle i reckon episode six to eight is everyone's worst clothes.

28:20Okay, that's good. So keep an eye out for that.

28:24Josh Widdicombe:It's like the worst routine of your tour. It's basically... I'm not saying I was in episode... I'm not giving anything on what it is. But watch all the traitors. Episode six to eight. That is people's clothes they like the least. Whoever's in there at that point, whether it's me or someone else, that is their worst clothes. Don't banish me in this. Please don't banish me in this.

28:48um anyway right so some parents are parenting um so it was my daughters my eight-year-olds first ever sleepover they do a thing at school which is like the year three sleepover where all the kids do like games in the day like team building games then they watch a film and then they put all the gym mats on the floor you send them in with their like sleeping bags and a yoga mat similar to my bed yeah pretty much and then they all have a sleepover together and it's like the whole class year do it and then they get a little certificate and then you pick them up on the saturday morning at 8am amazing so great thing my eldest did it loved it youngest is not a fan of sleepovers never really done a sleepover before she gets she tried and didn't like it i used to hate them i

29:29Josh Widdicombe:didn't do a sleepover so i was about 13 i used to find them stressful i used it wasn't i didn't like the difference i didn't like that you know you do them but i i never looked forward to them like my daughter does. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So she, and like, she still wakes up in the night quite a lot and comes in to us and she was really worried about it, bless her. And we were going, don't worry, you know, you'll love it. You'll be really fun. You'll be exciting. And she was getting all worked up. And then, bless her, she said to me, do you know what I'm best at, Daddy? When watch, when I'm the best at worrying.

30:00And I was like, oh God. Oh no. And I'm like, oh God. And I was, and then I was like saying, well, yeah, you only, I went. You need to meet Josh Whittacombe.

30:13I don't think you are. There's a guy I chat to a couple of times a week.

30:17Josh Widdicombe:Who's about to enter four months of the most worry in the history of the world. Yeah, but he'll be all right. He's got a big break. And I'm going to go for his diary once a week to make sure he's not doing some useless podcast for someone else for no money. Anyway, so I was chatting to him. So we kept on saying it'll be fun, it'll be exciting. And then me and Lou were like, no, actually, we need to reframe this. because we say, look, I said to her as well, like, yeah, you are good at worrying because you've got an amazing imagination, the same way as you're incredible at writing stories. And she's really good at writing stories and writes all the time.

30:47The same way you're incredible at writing stories is the same way why you're so good at worrying because your imagination is so brilliant. Yeah, yeah. You write brilliant stories, but also it can be brilliant in a negative way where you imagine things that could go wrong because you've got a great imagination.

31:01Josh Widdicombe:That's excellent parenting, Rob. That's excellent parenting, can I just say. Thank you. Thank you. So it's a balance where you can't have one without the other. I've got a massive drive and energy and enthusiasm. However, I get overexcited, agree to too much, leads to burnout. That'll always be a problem with my personality. And so I was saying, yeah, so you feel worried and stuff like that, but that's, you know, because you're imagination. And then I went, look, you'll have fun at the sleepover. It'll be exciting. You'll love it. Don't worry. And she went, don't keep saying that to me because I'm worrying.

31:29It's not going to be exciting. I'm not going to have fun. And I was like, right, well, this isn't working. and I thought, well, rather than try and convince her otherwise, I said, look, I'm going to talk to you about sleepover, but not say the words fun, exciting, or worry. Yeah. Yeah, and we'll talk about that. So she was getting a bit combative because we were only saying the same things to her. Me and Lou decided to go down this route where I said, I said, do you want to do the sleepover at school? She said, yes. I went, are you sure? She went, yes, I want to do it. I went, do you want to do sleepovers at your friend's house?

31:57She went, yes, I want to do that. I don't want to be scared. I went, okay, well, if you want to do sleepovers at your friend's house, you've got to do this sleepover. So I'm not going to tell you it's fun. I'm not going to tell you it's exciting. I'm not going to tell you not to worry. I'm going to tell you this is a challenge that you can decide to accept or not. So if you want to do more sleepovers, you've got to beat this challenge. And I know you can do it. You know you can do it. But it's going to be difficult. Here we go. This is like Mikel Arteta. And at times you're going to be, you might be sad.

32:25There's some swelling strings under this, Michael. North London forever. Whatever. So I said, so it may be scary. You may be worried. It may not be fun. And that's okay because it's a challenge. And sometimes if you want to achieve something and you want to achieve the sleepover, you've got to push yourself and it'd be hard. You know, when I wanted to be a comedian, I'd go and do gigs, but no one would laugh. And it would be difficult and a challenge and not very nice. But I knew that I was getting better and it will help me become a better comedian. And this is going to help you do sleepovers and you want to do it.

32:59just kept on saying to her I know you can do it and I was going I can't and I this little saying it's really some motivational speaker called Eric Thomas who I don't always agree with because it can be a bit toxic hustle mentality but he says I I think it's a really good phrase for when it's something that you have to do but you you have a danger of falling too far into it and over beasting yourself but he's like I can I will I must so I kept on saying to her I can I will I must remember that if you're up night late you want to do this I can I will must and she went in and she was all nervous and then she went i'm not going to do the club at the end where you get my other daughter because i'll get upset if i see you and okay you don't need to do that yeah and that was the friday picked up my daughter she was there she'd come out and give me a big hug and i said you can do this i believe in you and then i went i can i will she went i must and i was like all right anyway sent her off and then that night me and lou were in fucking bits because we're like is this the right thing are we forcing every two seconds was there a discussion with the school as to what would happen if we said to the school she's very worried and about it and nervous and they went look they all are but it's always the same they're in it together they'll come out feeling 10 feet tall we're not going to let her go we'll help her through it and there's always a teacher awake to talk to them if they need to anyway so we dropped her off and then i woke up at like 4 a.m like lou was really worried and we had a couple of glasses of wine and then we're like oh maybe not too much wine in case we have to drive and get her you know yeah so and then i I woke up at 4am and just like couldn't, you know, um, sleep, desperate to pick her up at eight.

34:27I got there at like quarter past seven too early, like trying to peek through the window of the hall to see if my dog was like crying and screaming. Anyway, I got there, queued up. She came out and her face, her shoulders were back, this pride in her face. She came out, jumped into my arms and it was the best hug ever. She was toe tight and she was going, I did it. I did it. I did it. and it was like celebrating honestly i celebrated more in that moment like and seeing her achieve that than i have you know anything to do with my job or a gig i've done or bafta and awards and all that shit that i was like oh my god it was like and it was so exhilarating to sort of assist her as much as we could and just by reframing it gave it allowed her to accept her feelings of worry but give her a different purpose as opposed to the only purpose being trying to convince yourself you don't feel the way you do yes does that make sense yes totally that is such a good point and so it's amazing the morale in the beckett house you've got to allow

35:29Josh Widdicombe:those feelings right you can't be going no you don't feel nervous because if you do feel nervous you do feel nervous do you know what i mean yeah you've got to let those feelings happen yeah so So it's always that balance though, because if your kid says, I'm scared, I don't want to do it. Part of me goes, oh, you don't have to come here. Let's go cinema and have a treat night. But all you're doing there is almost saying to them, yeah, you are too worried to do it. Also, she wants to do it. She does want to do it. If she said she didn't want to do it. Do you think she would now do one at her mate's house?

36:00So what we're doing now is it's really helped us with sort of reframing stuff as challenges. So like I said to her about roller coasters for me, my challenge was to do roller coasters with you girls. because they used to scare me, but I wanted to do them. So the process is challenging. So now her next challenge, and we've got her a toy. She's into this Moira Elizabeth YouTuber. Because we're doing family YouTube time now, where they pick a YouTuber they like, and then they watch it in the front room while we're about, rather than them being on their iPad just scrolling reels.

36:31Josh Widdicombe:So what's Moira Elizabeth do? Oh, she has squishies and doll's houses that she repaints and repairs, and she's quite fun and entertaining. Yeah, nice. She's quite a good one, to be fair. Because, yeah, so she got a teddy for that, for doing the challenge. And then my other daughter is scared of crabs. Have I told you about the crab situation? No, you should give me a thousand guesses. You could have given me a thousand guesses where that was going. I'd say crabs doesn't come up as much as sleepovers in the child's life. More avoidable. When she was two, we went on holiday and we're going crab hunting.

37:04And you know hermit crabs can just crawl on your hands. Yeah. I think the lady that worked at the kids club didn't really, I think she might have been called up last minute. It was like, find crabs and let the kids hold them. But it just means hermit crabs. Because she found just a normal crab and said like, who wants to hold it? And I'm going, well, it must be fine then. Because the lady that lives in this country that works on this beach would know. And basically just put a crab in my daughter's hand and it immediately attacked her. Oh my God. And pinched her. So she hates crabs. So her next challenge is to hold a live crab.

37:36Oh my word. Well, how are you going to do that? Go to the fishmongers. Yeah, and get one that's tied up and get her to hold a crab. Oh, my word. I know, but it might be a bit intense, but that's the new thing we're doing in our house is challenges. What's Lou's challenge? I think Lou's challenge at the moment is to try to recover some sanity after her husband hasn't been present for about fucking eight months. That's Lou's challenge, and she's doing really well at it.

37:59Josh Widdicombe:And in terms of us discussing our second half of our year, right? Yes. I'm pretty, pretty empty in a good way. I think this might be the first period in parenting our history. Yeah. Where I don't think I'm going to be living a buffer-free lifestyle. Josh, you've just agreed to do four months of hosting, co-hosting, Strictly Come Dancing. I know, but that's, yeah. But that's, yeah. But in the week, are you not working in the week? Well, I'm doing this. yeah and then what about your museum of oh yeah I'm doing that we're rack and stacking them so they'll be done by the end of June yeah that's fine and last leg so I'm doing that yeah on Friday night that's from home the live show?

38:47Josh Widdicombe:no no no the Zoom that'll be in London on the Friday and then you do Shrittly on the Saturday and Sunday and then back here to do this on Monday with some London record dates yeah so you know it's up and down a massive gap of no work Between now and September, haven't you? Yeah. Yeah. So you'll be well-read. You'll be raring to go then. I'll be raring to go. I'll be ready. I'll be ready. And I've got so little for the summer holidays, and I'm like, do you know what? I'm just going to parent for the summer holidays. It's going to be brilliant. Properly do that. Just say no to everything. Yeah. Because you've got to hit Strictly, refresh, because by the end of it, you'll be exhausted.

39:29Josh Widdicombe:I'll be cha-cha-charring my way to bed, mate.

39:37Josh Widdicombe:Do you want some other bit serves up into me? Yes, big time. Oh, we have my son's birthday, by the way. Oh, do you want to do that? He's five. Because mine's about window wipers and McDonald's drive-thru. Well, let me tell you this, and then we'll finish on window wipers and McDonald's drive-thru, because that sounds fun. Oh, and I want to do a new correspondence thing called food confessions. Okay, great. You go ahead first, and then we'll do that. Well, it's not a huge amount. We did his birthday. Went really well. He was just so into it. What did he do for it again? Well, no, we've got his birthday party coming on this Saturday, so it will have happened at the time.

40:09Josh Widdicombe:Oh, lovely. And you're Zooming in for that, yeah? We are doing Digger World. I can't wait. Digger World! Or is it Digger Land? Whatever it is. It's the big place for the diggers. It's the diggers, the main cell, not the area of the land. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Sorry, is it just a land? No, no, no. I want a world of diggers, actually. I want a world of diggers, please. I can't remember which one it is. So we've got that on Saturday, and that's going to be a lot of fun. but he's just he's obsessed with transport so it's a transport themed party he loves trains yeah planes it's like you love trains i love trains i don't know i wouldn't say i love planes no no no i think trains are nice if a nice train journey is lovely if it's if it's done but when those ones to edinburgh where you're sat on the floor yeah they're not ideal no but you know what here's an unpopular view i love the great i love great western whenever i get in a great Western, I'm like, oh, this is lovely.

41:01Josh Widdicombe:It is. It is absolutely lovely and they're great staff and I have a lovely time. But anyway, he's five. Very exciting. It's basically though, Rob, we haven't got a kitchen at the moment. So it's... It's been quite intense. Sorry, sorry. Has Michael remixed this from an episode from last year? Josh has got a massive workload and no kitchen. I haven't got a massive workload. I've got the week off. He's got the week off, sorry. Yeah, so I've got no kitchen. So you're done now? You've got nothing tomorrow? No, I haven't got anything tomorrow. Nice. Tell me about the McDonald's drive-thru. Yeah, so right.

41:39Basically, because my daughter loves hot chocolate, right? So I thought, oh, what would be nice is... No. I believe in miracles. You can't move that. Did you get them along? Is that hot chocolate? Yeah. so I went early to the McDonald's drive-thru to get a hot chocolate for her to give her when she came out of doing her sleepover yeah

42:04Josh Widdicombe:but obviously we've established you had to wait 45 minutes that's getting the skin on it yeah it's so hot you've got hours has you got that hot chocolate cream no no cream just a hot chocolate okay cool so I went for the drive-thru pull up to the drive-thru voice goes are you ordering on the McDonald's app I went no i'm at the drive-thru i'm not i weren't trying to be funny i was like yeah what in the inception is going on here yeah also i'm driving so when could i look at the app and i'm physically in the drive for me to use the app you ordered i'm at the drive-thru i know can i order with you and then it just spammed me out and then he he didn't really find it as funny as i found it And then I went through.

42:56And then when I got the hot chocolate, and this blew my mind, Josh, she went, sweet and all sugar? And I went, with an hot chocolate? She went, yeah. I went, people don't do they? And she went, they do. And I thought, you greedy fat fucks. I'm not even going to say no offence. Full offence intended. If you are putting sugar in a hot chocolate, yeah, You need to wobble your head and have a fucking good, hard look in a mirror and sort your shit out now. That's mental.

43:32Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what? It sounds good though, doesn't it? Too much, Josh. Definitely too much for you. You can't have caffeine. No, I know. You're not putting sugar. I find hot chocolate a bit much for my taste. Me too. Put sugar in it? Yeah. Come on. There's a small Leon on Tottenham Court Road. Okay. Well, it sounds like you're being a bit disrespectful to Leon, actually. I go there. If I'm doing radio, I'll go there and get my breakfast. Are you doing any more radio? I think Romesh is going on holiday. See you back in there. I think I'm back in there. Yeah. I don't want to be giving out Romesh's travel details.

44:11Well, yeah, you don't want people to know he's not at home. No.

44:20That home buddy. Was it home bird? Yeah. it's basically agro what's the opposite of agrophobia that's what romesh has got i mean again what how can i talk i'm with him most of the time anyway you're with him even when he does traitors you're fucking with him and then you're having a go at other people

44:37Josh Widdicombe:but it's absolutely wild i know i'm a hypocrite i think me you and romesh can't be having a go each other for our workload and it's consistent that we whichever two are talking they'll hold the other one out to dry as an insane workload I've just remembered that we've got that idea for a TV show penciled as a pilot that may go to series I know Rob

45:10Josh Widdicombe:I'm fully aware of that what was I saying so oh you're criticising people for No, the Leon, the small Leon. Oh, sorry. And it's got like, I must be busy. I suppose I am in there at 8am on a Saturday morning. But there's no one in there. There's someone behind the desk. But you have to go in and key into the screen while she watches you. Key into the screen what you want. I know this is an old... You're not older at the counter anymore. But you're encouraged to use the screen. Yeah. And then, anyway, anyway. It's neither here nor there. It's neither here nor there. Right, I've got food confessions because I was messaging my mates about this.

45:56Yeah. Sometimes if I'm really hungry and I'm a bit of a comfort eater, I've been doing things I think are unacceptable, but I think if we all share them, then the shame can go away and then we can stop doing it. Yeah. I've recently been getting – you know when the butter's gone in the tub a little bit, it's down to the – it's around the edge rather than in the middle. Right, yeah, yeah. I've been getting breadsticks. Yeah. So wiping it around the edge to get the butter on. Yeah. And then just dunking it in grated cheese. Oh my word. That sounds good. Yeah, but you can't live like that. I'm not saying it's not good, but you cannot continue to live like that.

46:32Josh Widdicombe:Well, obviously I've had the clean bill of health on my heart. My heart is absolutely perfect. Well, you've got some wiggle room to do that if you wanted to. I've got some wiggle room to do that. But no, because my cholesterol is high. Yeah, so don't do that. No, I won't be doing that. That does sound good though, Rob. It is, but it's disgusting. So have you got a bag of grated cheese from the supermarket? You've got a bag of grated cheese because my daughter has that a lot on beans and toast. I've got loads of breadsticks and the kids like it. And sometimes if I need an immediate, I'm doing that.

46:57And I'm thinking, what are you doing in your life? How can you moan about putting on weight? That is so good. I'm not even using a knife. I'm wiping the stick on the butter and dunking it into communal cheese. That's disgusting. Because I can't accept to get it all. If I get it all out on the kitchen side, I'm eating it.

47:14Josh Widdicombe:if i'm dunking at the fridge i'm sorry yeah can i ask where the geography of this is i'm all at the fridge taking the breadsticks to the fridge i'm taking one breadstick to the fridge standing in front of the fridge opening the bar dunking it i'm eating it facing the fridge with the door open so no one can see i shut the fridge go and sit down and think i'm gonna go and get another breadstick and repeat yeah if i had it on the kitchen counter i'd accept this is unacceptable this is too much well i'm sort of in denial eating that thinking it's not affecting my calorie intake because I didn't leave the fridge.

47:44I'm still looking at that point. You're still looking. I'm still looking. I'm not eating.

47:48Josh Widdicombe:I do want to hear other people's ones of them because I don't know if I have something like that that I do because I would just, what do I do? I've got another one if you want. Go on. Yeah, go on. Basically, I'll sometimes have a little treat bowl of cereal after dinner that's like, you know, healthy dessert, and it might be some sort of like protein cereal, but then with some crunchy nut cornflake chucked in, which is unacceptably delicious. yeah yeah load of milk and then i what i'll do is get the spoon scoop up a load of nutella and stick that in the fucking cereal oh my word rob move it around a bit and i'm starting eating that i used to if we ever had double cream in the fridge i used to get uh crunched cornflakes with milk and then i'd pour double cream on top there we go there we go what should we call this do you know what confessions no i don't know whether that's uh gonna fly i don't know we'll be able to get the top level sponsorship for that feature.

48:41Josh Widdicombe:Okay, well, let's... Fat Fuck Confessions brought to you by NatWest.

48:48Josh Widdicombe:Michael going into meetings at Spotify. We think we could get a marquee sponsor for our Fat Fuck Confessions feature. Fat Fuck Confessions brought to you by BetterHelp. Yeah. Well, mate, okay, well, suggest a name for it and send in your confessions. Do you know what? The cheek of you having a go at people for having sugar in their hot chocolate. I've never said I'm not a hypocrite. You've never said no. I'm still Arteta. Having a go at people with sugar in their hot chocolate and me for my workload is the absolute unbelievable. I'm still Arteta out. Of course you are. You're still not doing the traitors.

49:27Let's do some small business shout outs. Small business shout outs. Dear Rob, Josh and Michael, please can I promote my... I went in quick so I could get the short one at the top. Did you see what I did there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Please can I promote my new small business, Nile Terracotta. We are a mixed heritage family who import garden pots and decorative vases from the River Nile to the UK. Oh, wow, great. Our pots are lovingly handmade by skilled potters in Egypt, traditionally fired for days at high temperatures and then carefully imported to the south coast of England. Durable, frost-proof and beautifully crafted.

50:04Each pot is one of a kind. You can see and purchase our full range at Garden Sage in Henfield, Sussex or online at nileterracotta.com. We deliver anywhere in the UK. Oh, Parenting Health listeners can enjoy 10 % off shopping online using the code PARENT10. I'd hope they deliver anywhere in the UK

50:26Josh Widdicombe:because if they've got it all the way from Egypt and then they refuse to deliver to Wales. We don't go Benfleet, I'm afraid. You'll have to collect from the solid hole. This is currently our side hustle, but we're working hard to make it our main hustle so we can have a better quality of life for our three boys and go on as many holidays as you guys. Fair play. Absolutely. Absolutely. Target. Yeah, I'll be honest. I'm living my dream here. Pairing in Hell is my favourite podcast and I've listened since the beginning. Thank you both for the laughs and solidarity. You really have no idea how much it helps.

50:58Oh, thank you. Good luck with Niall Terracotta. Yeah. Look at that. They're nice, aren't they?

51:03Josh Widdicombe:They're beautiful pots. Hello, you pair of comedy geniuses and Michael. Could you please give a shout out to our small family business, Flourishing Feet, run by myself and my wife in Sleaford, Lincolnshire. Sleaford? I mean, talk about a place that will forever be associated now with the band, the Sleaford Mods, and the surrounding towns and villages. We're a mobile foot health service, helping people in their own homes with corns verrucas oh man i could do with this ingrown toenails calluses hard skin diabetic foot care general foot health um we've built the business around family life or juggling kids self-employment the usual chaos so your podcast keeps us laughing through the driving paperwork and long days find us on facebook by searching flourishing feet if you need any foot care in the lincolnshire area i would recommend that because that I would love a mobile.

51:57Josh Widdicombe:I would love a mobile flourish of my feet. That is from Mount Tanami. Is Bristol near you? Not really. I went to a great shropodist there that got that bit of glass out my foot. Oh yeah, of course you did. Podiatrist, whatever they are. I don't know. Apologies to the foot doctors out there. Apologies. You're a foot doctor almost, aren't you? Footwork doctor. Yeah, of course. Josh, congratulations. You're going to be absolutely brilliant. Have some time off. Look after your mental health. Look after your family and enjoy it and relax. You've got ages to sort that out. Don't stress. I'm not going to.

52:32Josh Widdicombe:I'm not going to. I'm going to have a lovely cup of tea. Go for it. Decaf. With sugar. Bye.