S12 EP41: Imagine This

19:12Josh Widdicombe:Did you have a milkman? Yeah, milkman. But milkman, I don't even know if we had paper around. We didn't have a paper around. Anyway, sorry. Let me carry on. So anyway, so this scandal involves the Avon lady and the football pools man. Respectable enough on the surface, she with her catalogues of perfumes and bath sets, he with his weekly rounds collecting slips and hopeful pound notes. They were both married. Both lived just a few doors apart and both seemed to bump into each other rather more often than just coincidence. At the time, most people just raised an eyebrow and carried on. But behind the scenes, the system was inventive.

19:46Yeah. They were used to envelopes for orders, money, scribble notes being passed back and forth. So they took advantage of it. Their own kids and a handful of other children from the estate became unwitting couriers. Oh, there we go. Ferrying sealed envelopes between the two as part of the usual comings and goings. No one thought much of it. It all looked perfectly ordinary. Obviously, this is 70s and 80s where there's no phone mobiles. Of course, of course, Rob. It's all a written message. It was all normal until one day it wasn't. Great. One curious child, nosy little prick as they're known, expecting the usual, maybe a pound note, maybe an order for some bubble bath, decided to have a peek inside the envelope marked from Pools to Avon.

20:32Josh Widdicombe:So why are the Pools and Avon interacting? I think what is happening is they'd get the kids to go, oh, give that letter to number 57. That's their slip for their Pools. Oh, I see. Can you give that to this person? Because that's the receipt. So stuff was getting dropped off all the time, and kids love a little job. So that's what I'm imagining. Yeah, I see it. I get it. Anyway, so one curious child had a peek inside an envelope marked from Pools to Avon. So it's not Nutty Picks, is it? What they found instead was not... Lacy underwear. Not what anyone would call standard correspondence. It was a handwritten poem.

21:09Oh, no. Enthusiastic, unfiltered, and very much not meant for young eyes. Oh, no. Describing one of their recent, rather less than subtle, alfresco rendezvous. Oh, my word. That child, understandably shocked and fascinated in equal measure, did what children do best, told everyone and showed them. The secret didn't stand a chance. Within what felt like minutes, the whole estate knew. The accidental meetings, the suspicious timing of the envelopes, it all clicked into place. what had been quite speculation to turn into full-blown revelation. And the ending, almost as bold as the story itself, not long after the truth came out, both of them left their respective partners and set up home together.

21:50Of course. Scandalous, yes, but in its own strange way, oddly straightforward. The Avon Lady and the Paulsman stopped pretending.

21:57Josh Widdicombe:Such a 70s, 80s story, isn't it? I love it. And the estate got a story it'll be telling for decades. Oh, lovely. They were like little local legends, the Paulsman and the Avon. Also, so gender types. Paul's man, Avon lady. I'm not fucking about with perfumes. So what's Avon? Is that like perfumes and cosmetics? But in a magazine that you order. Right, okay, yeah. The M &M catalogue was a big deal when that used to get delivered to the house. We've got like a neighbourhood magazine. It's great. Oh, have you? Yeah. Saw it when I got home, yeah. Talking about the news. Local resident Josh Whittacombe, new host of Strictly Come Dancing.

22:31Josh Widdicombe:Oh, I'll tell you what. There's like a quiz in it and stuff. Like, why was this person? And it was like, there was one where it was like, why was Nigel Mansell seen at this bus stop in the late 90s? What, in the area? So there's a quiz about the area? Yeah. And it was like, oh, he was looking at one of the schools to see whether his daughter should go there. It was like, incredible. How am I going to know that? Brilliant. That's a good quiz, though, if you want to be aware of the local area. Yeah. How are you finding life in Exeter? You've been there not that much, have you really, recently? No, exactly.

23:02Josh Widdicombe:No, I am here now. This is it. I love it. For a month. Yeah, I've really, really loved life in Exeter. It's going well. I'm looking forward to having the house finished. I bet you are. Because once it's finished, you can start doing it again. Exactly. We can move. We can move further, further away from London. When's it going to be finished? Midsummer, I'd say. Can I give a little prediction? House versus Strictly, I suppose, is the big race. Yeah, what's going to be done first? The first episode is Strictly or the house. I think Strictly wins that. Do you want to bet on it? Yeah, I'll bet you.

23:39If your building work's not done, you've got to give me a shout out in the first episode of Strictly.

23:44Josh Widdicombe:Okay, and if it is done, you've got to come and do the terms and conditions one week. Deal.

23:52Sold to the man in the ballroom.

23:55Josh Widdicombe:In the ballroom. Do you want to do the next one? Do you want me to do it? I can do it. Please keep me anonymous, exclamation mark. I was the manager of a pub and made friends with some of the staff similar to my age. One of my friends was a couple. He was the chef and she worked front of house. She was also my assistant manager. I hope this isn't the guy saying that he's the shagger. By the way, we'll accept emails from the playground shaggers themselves. We've never had that. We'd love to hear it from the horse's mouth, the big horny horse. Particularly if you feel like your story has been told unfairly, feel free to give your side.

24:30And if you did do something mental, say you were Dean, Dean and Dean's dad start shagging Dean's nan, let us know why. How fit we talking?

24:39Josh Widdicombe:Exactly. Now, this chef has a reputation for being a bit of a flirt, but since he met his girlfriend, he's calmed down and seemed happy. So this is the owner of the pub, yeah? No, manager. Manager of the pub. Manager, yeah. He didn't like working the early mornings, but seemingly been swapping his shifts to do so, which was a bit peculiar. It was also noticed that my assistant manager had asked to swap her shifts too. Oh, are they not a couple? No, I don't think they're a couple. I think they're just two staff members. One of my friends was a couple. He was the chef and she was the front of house.

25:10Josh Widdicombe:So they've both been swapping. Front of house? House. House. Not putting two and two together. I just said, fine, yeah, fine. Win-win for me not getting up in the morning to open up. On one particular shift, the chef had gone to get dressed to go on his split shift. And one of my bar staff had gone up the stairs. And she found some love notes in his scrawny handwriting. So we knew they were his. professing his love to someone and that he couldn't wait for them to be able to be out in the open thinking it was all a bit weird the bar staff ran downstairs and showed us meanwhile my assistant manager looking absolutely shell-shocked and was trying to redirect the conversation we put the note down on the side to go and show someone else only to find when we came back it'd gone and nobody could find it at this stage if they're not in relationships it's just two people getting off at work, isn't it?

26:00Josh Widdicombe:Exactly. Fast forward a week later, my friend who worked front of house, who was also the chef's girlfriend. No. So he's going out with the front of house person. Right. The assistant manager, sorry, isn't the front of house person. Right. So there's a front of house person who's the chef's girlfriend. No, no. Right. He was a chef and she worked front of house. She was also my assistant manager. I feel like this has been written by some sort of fucking virgin that's never seen two people get off of each other at work. Am I wrong? Well, let's carry on. past four a week later my friend who i don't understand what's going on can you pick it out my friend who worked front of house who was also the chef's girlfriend approached me saying she had a weird feeling that her boyfriend was out somewhere he shouldn't have been as he didn't appear home for a couple of hours he just said he got caught in traffic i quickly said don't be silly you know if he had to pop into town town could be hectic well two days passed and i had a phone call from my neighbor saying some weird cars had pulled up on my drive and had accessed my house and they wanted to show me the CCTV.

27:01Josh Widdicombe:What's going on? I don't understand what's going on. I don't know. Maybe the chef is shagging someone else isn't his partner at the manager's house. Yeah. Thinking nothing of it, I turned up to my neighbours to check the CCTV to see my assistant manager's car parked out front as she was puppy sitting. To then see the chef's car pull up at my house and waltz in there. They were alone for an hour and a half in my house. Right, okay. Once I got this footage, I was livid. I rang his girlfriend and explained everything. Oh, right. So he's got a girlfriend that doesn't work at the... No, she works there.

27:41She works there as well. At the moment, I feel like I'm trying to explain to my dad how ChatGBT works.

27:45Josh Widdicombe:So, Chef is dating front of house. Woman, assistant manager, also works there. Assistant manager's puppy sitting. He's gone around there to have an affair with the assistant manager. The manager of the pub's house whilst his girlfriend works at the bar. Yeah. Once I got this footage, I was livid. I rang his girlfriend and explained everything. He denied anything ever happened and the couple are still together. Oh. If only my dog could talk. She's the only one who truly knows what happened. Great point. Please keep me anonymous. Keep up the great work. You've been my ride or die podcast since day one.

28:20Josh Widdicombe:I'm a new mum and soon to be having another only 18 months apart. Two under two. What have I done? from anon. There we go. Well, that makes sense. That's why she can't fucking put an email together. It's all over the place. It's all over the place. Great email, though. No, I think we got it in the end. Maybe it's just us not being a bit simple. Yeah. Here we go. Hi, Rob and Josh. Love the podcast. Day one listener, never miss an episode. Bullshit. But I'll take that back if it's true. I absolutely love knowing I'm not the only one who hasn't got a clue what he's doing and just wings it and hopes for the best.

28:50And Sam always seems to work out all right at the end. Is that what they've taken from this podcast?

28:54Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. That's exactly what they've taken from this podcast. Not that, you know, we play these sort of like compromised characters, but actually we're really sort of switched on intelligent and use this chaos as actually a market employer to push our own economic and egotistical goals forward. No, they've not taken that. No, no, fair enough. They've taken the truth. The jig continues. The greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing the world it didn't exist, right? Exactly. The greatest trick the devil ever played was starting a podcast. Anyway, I've got a playground shag a story for you that still lives in my head rent free.

29:33This goes back to when I was in year nine. Our maths block was one long corridor. A mid-lesson, we suddenly heard absolute chaos kicking off outside. Not your usual someone's being pushed into a locker type noise. This was proper commotion. Naturally, the less interested of the class immediately get up and leave, running outside to see what the commotion is. We step out onto the corridor and it's like the Coliseum. Kids everywhere crowding around in a full circle, chanting fight, fight, fight, like we're at a pay-per-view boxing event. You've got one lad commentating like it's match of the day.

30:05Someone else shouting, smash his head in like she's in the UFC. And everyone's absolutely buzzing to see this exclusive event right in the corridor. Oh, my word. And in the middle of all of it, one of our teachers, let's call her Miss Smith. She was actually a maths teacher, but also helped out in PE, which in hindsight makes this whole thing even more fitting. She was already known for being a bit emotionally fragile. I mean, this woman cried in lessons, not like end of term emotional speech crying, just like full on Tuesday afternoon breakdowns. Anyway, she absolutely lost it. She's got the new PE teacher, Mr.

30:38Mallard, backed into a corner outside the canteen and she's absolutely battering him with a blue plastic cricket bat. So Mr. Mallard's getting smashed by Mrs. Smith, full on whacking him like a gangster who's owed money. Teachers eventually pile in to break it up. Miss Smith is in absolute hysterics, sobbing, screaming the words. Mr. Mallard looks completely shell-shocked, like he'd just come out of the trenches, then both of them disappear. A couple of days go by, no sign of either. Rumours start flying. Obviously, when Mr. Mallard comes back, it turns out Miss Smith had been having an affair with him, Not only that, she'd left her husband thinking they were going to ride off in the sunset together.

31:20Romance, passion, a shared love of sports halls. Oh, no. Oh, no. Except Mr. Mallard had other ideas. Oh, Mr. Mallard. Fucking duck-faced prick. He basically told her, yeah, this isn't going to work, and broke things off. To be fair, he was in his 20s, she was in her early 30s, married, and things had clearly escalated way beyond a casual fling. After blowing up her entire life for this bloke, she understandably, but also wildly snapped and went full gladiator of a plastic cricket bat in the middle of school. Oh, God. We never saw Miss Smith again. Oh, no. Mr. Mallard carried on teaching PE like nothing had happened.

31:57The cheek of Mr. Mallard. The cheek of it. Mate, he couldn't do cricket. He'd go, look, I'm going to have to tap out of cricket just from PTSD. Can't hold that blue bat. Pretty much every lad in our PE class used to give him banter about Miss Smith every lesson. and all he'd do was smirk and laugh, not say a word. Everyone I ever told this story to that wasn't there doesn't believe me, but the school we went to had so many stories like this, it actually got knocked down 12 months later, and when we left, it reopened under a completely new name to try and shape the reputation. I still managed to get an education.

32:29What, Mr Mallard had... I think the school was in a bad way, and they basically knocked it down and started again.

32:36Josh Widdicombe:I think at my school you'd have got into trouble for taking the piss out of a PE teacher about the fact he'd had an affair. I think it's the way you're doing it. I don't think my PE teacher would have just laughed it off. But look, so you're Mr. Mallard, okay? Yeah, okay. You're teaching cricket. Tell me how to hold the bat. Okay, so are you left or right-handed? Right-handed, sir. Right-handed. So put your left hand at the top of the bit at the top and then your right hand at the bottom. Keep them closer together than you might naturally think. Mr. Mallard, when I saw Miss Smith using it, she sort of was hitting it over onto you as opposed to under.

33:11Is that how you hit a cricket bat? Why don't you shut up, you little c***?

33:17Josh Widdicombe:Quack, quack.

33:22Mr Mallard.

33:24Josh Widdicombe:Mr Mallard. Well, that's Miss Smith, Mr Mallard. Quack, quack. Quack, quack. Poor Miss Smith. Poor Miss Smith.

33:37Josh Widdicombe:right hi both i've been listening to you since i found out i was pregnant with my first um who is now 18 months old please keep me anonymous as this is about me well we are getting it from the horse's mouth yeah too right when i was around the age of 21 i worked in a pharmacy in a supermarket chain in a small university town outside liverpool Okay, let's guess where that is. What is a small university town outside Liverpool? I don't know really what that means. Shall I Google small university town outside Liverpool? Yeah, with a supermarket that's got a chemist in it. Okay, that's quite a lot to type in.

34:14Josh Widdicombe:This was 2019 when COVID was all the rage. So we hired a delivery driver. Oh, she's so young then, really. Yeah. The most prominent small university town just outside Liverpool is Ormskirk. Right, okay. Ormskirk. Sounds like something sex, isn't it? Do you think? I got Orms Kirk'd last night. I don't know if it does, Rob. I don't know what you and Lou are up to, but I don't think I've ever been Orms Kirk'd. I've fixed a finger up the bum and a slap around the cheeks. Yeah, I've never been Orms Kirk'd. I got Orms Kirk'd last night. Do you want to be Orms Kirk'd? I'd hate to be Orms Kirk'd. No, I'd hate to be Orms Kirk'd.

34:45It'd be awful. Not both at the same time. I'd rather be Orms'd, little break, than Kirk'd. Which bit's Orms and which bit's Kirk'd? Fingers Orms, Kirk'd or slap. So you'd prefer to be Orms? No, I'd refer to be Kirk'd, but if I had to do both, I'd probably do Orms'd first, then followed by Kirk'd. Is it with the same hand, though? Because in which case, I might be Kirk'd before I go Orms'd. No, no, I'd have to request separate hands because the slap would be too near the nose. And as much as I clean it down there, within minutes it goes back to the stench. You cannot keep an arsehole clean for longer than the 30 seconds of air drying it out the shower, and then your body's straight back at producing stench.

35:22And that's everyone's arse. That's not just me. I'm not going to go at you if you've got a smelly arse. That's just, you know, flesh on flesh without much air. That's just science.

35:31Josh Widdicombe:You can change your pants after as many gigs as you want, but you're fighting and losing though. You could have sun spells, under armour or tom falls. You are ourselves going to stink and we're all just hiding it. This was 2019 when COVID was all the rage, so we hired a delivery driver to get prescriptions out to patients. You can't alms, Kirk, with social distancing. So let's rule that out. I was very single at this point. I was told by the hiring manager that they're going to hire a delivery driver for me in the hopes that I wouldn't be very single anymore. What? So they were trying to find a delivery driver that she'd like, okay.

36:02Josh Widdicombe:Flash forward a few weeks and they had hired a new delivery driver and the manager had me teach him the ropes. I will admit that we hit it off like a house on fire. Exchange numbers ready for when he would start delivering. Oh my word. The exchange of numbers led to a lot of late night texts and flirting when back in work. Flash forward a few weeks. next door to the pharmacy was our storage room which we could lock from the inside yes and i had to tidy in there to be able to get stock to bring into the pharmacy the lad had been sent into the room to help me move things around oh yeah i bet he has yeah one thing led to another and we ended up having sex there in the middle of the work day the door was locked no one could come in and there were no cameras bear in mind three paragraphs ago she was talking about the spread of covid she's just like jizz on all everyone's fucking cough medicine getting dished out on their masks

37:00they were getting thrush off their fucking ppu

37:03Josh Widdicombe:after the deed was done yeah i made myself look more presentable and took some things back into the pharmacy and all eyes were on me i was wondering why everyone was looking at me until a few minutes later i heard what i could describe as a noise that made my stomach drop The delivery driver had put his music on low in the room next door whilst he was working. What I didn't realise, that there was a vent in the roof of the storage room that led to the vent in the pharmacy. Oh, so they heard it. The noise travelled very well through, and the wall that we had just had sex on was paper thin. This meant that every single person that was standing in this dispensary, the pharmacy, had just heard me and the delivery driver.

37:47Josh Widdicombe:Oh my God. Having sex the last 15 minutes, fair play. 15 minutes. And this was why they were looking at me like I had three heads. When I realised this, I ran out of the pharmacy. I'm back next door to our delivery driver for a second helping. No, not for a second. I was going to say, it makes sense why it takes so long to get a prescription at the chemist. Next door to our delivery driver to tell him what everyone just heard and that I needed some mold support in the pharmacy. He laughed at me and went back to work. We kept doing the deed the entire time he worked at the pharmacy and a year or so, well, in the thing.

38:26Josh Widdicombe:Oh, no, they must be not doing it in the cupboard yet, but they've just been getting it. And a year or so later after he left, we're still friends to this day and we laugh about what everyone must have heard through the vent that day, anonymous. Love it. Is that a storage shaggers? Storage shaggers. Good on her. But if anyone is in Ormskirk and they know a supermarket with a pharmacy, Just have a little look for some vents. Might be a little, I'll have it up your next big shot. Do you want another one? I'll do it. Yeah, I'll give you another one. That was actually from the Shaggers Mouth. Hello, you sexy, relatable trio.

38:57Please keep me anonymous. My mum is on, I mean, the relatable things really, Michael's having to really carry the relatable stuff where you're the host of Strictly and I've just done traitors. Yeah. It's not your normal dads at the school gates at the moment. But, you know, our careers will sort of fizzle out at some point. It's just everything's momentary, isn't it? Please keep me anonymous. My mum is on the senior leadership team at an inner city secondary school, meaning some of the stories she tells are absolute corkers. However, one particular story that she rang and told me the other day had me thinking of this pod immediately and I had to share.

39:31Here we go. One day, a supply teacher covered a year eight science lesson and one of the girls left sobbing at the beginning of the class, stating she refused to go back in. Thinking it was peer-related or something had happened in a previous lesson, the girl was referred to her head of year, who was the one who ended up feeding it back to my mum. Turns out this girl knew this supplier teacher. This is year eight, by the way. This is worrying. She knew this supplier teacher. Now, this supplier teacher mostly did work as a private tutor and had previously tutored this particular girl and her brother at their house, which the school was fully aware of, as anyone who works in a school has to disclose if they have any prior or existing relationships with any of the children.

40:12However, what had failed to be disclosed was this tutor had been doing a bit more than tutoring. Oh, no. Please don't be a pedo. I can't.

40:21Josh Widdicombe:That doesn't count as playground shaggers, by the way. We don't want those. Yeah. We're not looking for that kind of story. No. He had had an affair with the mum of this girl. Thank God. Yeah. Good on him. Yeah. Good man. Good lad. Good normal bloke.

40:40anyway which resulted in the splitting of her parents oh actually sorry about that we went early on that actually sorry sorry all sorry everyone um this part obviously not been told to the school as flash forward to the present day they now had an inconsolable girl and a very angry dad to deal with oh no who's rightfully fuming his daughter had to be put in a classroom with The man that broke up their family is awful. Yeah. It will not come to be a surprise that the man is no longer one of the supply teachers at the school, and many apologies were made. I think we trivialise that a little bit too much.

41:15It's quite a horrific story on paper. But positive, no pedo. No pedo is always positive. Another broken home. Exactly. Thanks, Anon. Another broken home. Tell you what, Anon should be on a revenue split for this show. The man Anon sent in. Oh, yeah, Anon. What a great guy, Anon. Anon is fucking loose-lipped, Anon. Yeah. What a life he's lived. Loose Anon? Do you know what I love to go to night out with, Anon? The stories Anon's got. Oh, the stories. Great guy. Loose-lipped, bitch.

41:43Josh Widdicombe:Here we go. Around 15 years ago, at the start of September, a day before I started year 11, my dad came home early from work. He was a teacher at a high school I attended. He came back early from the teacher training day to talk to me. He sat me down, told me that he and my mum were getting divorced,

42:12Josh Widdicombe:That's all fine. That's all normal. Fast forward to the springtime.

42:20Josh Widdicombe:Oh, it's not Miss Smith again. Poor old cow. Fuck here now. Cricket batting hand. Sorry, Miss Smith. She was walking back to the staff room with a big bunch of roses. She doesn't learn. She does not learn. Oh, that poor woman. She was trying to get that duck tattoo retouched up and covered up. Mr Mallard for life. She was a teacher that had the reputation of being quite mean, and not many people liked her, so everyone was very shocked, including myself. When school had finished that day, while in the car on the way home, I said to my dad, did you see the roses Miss Smith had today? I wonder who sent them.

42:55Josh Widdicombe:We're shocked someone likes her enough to send them roses. My dad, not being the romantic type at all, said he hadn't seen them, and that was the end of that. Nothing out of the ordinary there. He was a very laid-back man, and he probably genuinely couldn't have given a shit. Or so I thought. A few months went by, and nothing else of note had happened at school when my dad ended up moving out. After he moved out a few weeks later, he admitted those roses were, in fact, from him to Miss Smith. and they were now together. Not Miss Smith. Not Miss Smith. My dad was now dating my geography teacher.

43:32Oh, that's the worst, isn't it? Art or drama you'd take, but fucking geography.

43:37Josh Widdicombe:It's bad enough going to the school your parents work at, let alone them being with another teacher and that teacher being a teacher nobody likes. The gossip went round and eventually everyone got over it and moved on. The following year, in sixth form, I took geography as an A-level subject. Oh, no. And who should the teacher be? Of course, my new step-mom. I think in a school... Yeah, you should not teach your new step-children. I don't think that's a total surprise. Because how many geography teachers are in a school? Three or four. Do you know what I mean? It's not like... Yeah, they're dying off who wants to be a geography teacher.

44:13Josh Widdicombe:Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Least sexy of all the subjects? Least sexy of all the subjects. Geography's up there, isn't it? Biology. Biology's sexy. The sexiest, yeah. I think RE, because there's something quite kind of... Tweet about that. Other world. No, but there's a spark, isn't there? Like an Old Testament-like... When it comes to religion, they don't mind shagging, do they? Exactly. There's a sex to RE, I think. Yeah. A frisson. PE, they're normally sexy. They're sex people. They're sex people. Geography's down the bottom. Music, they're pretty cool. Art, drama, they're a bit funky.

44:46Music, art, they could just, you know. Yeah, they'd probably have a spliff and wank someone off, wouldn't they? French. Oh, my word. Oh, yeah. Sexy, sexy, sexy. Oh, my word.

44:56Josh Widdicombe:Je t 'aime. German teacher, maybe not. Maybe not. And then you get into your geography, your maths, your dusties. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, maths. Yeah, maybe maths, but then it's sort of, at least you get, yeah, geography, I don't know. All the technology's quite unsexy, I'd say. Yeah, IT support, yeah. I don't even know what they do these days. do they do like woodwork and stuff? My daughter's never said she's doing woodwork. I don't know. Woodwork. Got woodwork. Got woodwork today. We have woodwork. Maybe secondary school they do woodwork. Yeah, yeah, we had it in secondary school.

45:31Josh Widdicombe:Not primary. While sitting my exam, there was, much to my delight, a fire alarm. The exam wasn't going well, but this gave me an opportunity to escape. When returning back to the hall, and they said we have an extra half an hour added on, I decided I was going to make a break and leave. Upon leaving, I was greeted by Miss Smith shouting and me to get back in the room. I refused and swiftly made my way to my dad's classroom. He called me later that evening to tell me Miss Smith had called him and broken up with him because she said he had taken my side and couldn't be with him because of this incident.

46:06Oh, Miss Smith can piss off.

46:09Josh Widdicombe:My dad sounded very laid back about the situation, even found it quite funny and said something along the lines of she won't mean it. safe to say his instincts were right and 15 years on they're still together and we do get on very well oh okay well not fuck miss smith uh thank you for keeping me sane while looking after a four-year-old and a feral one-year-old anon there you go your anon if you want to use miss smith for all of your anonymous female teachers i wouldn't uh i wouldn't regret it i feel sorry for miss smith and please send more in playgrounds show because we love them and also imagine this imagine this Imagine this.

46:43Send in your imagine this. And we want your food confessions we mentioned before. Okay. Hi, Rob, Josh and Michael. After a tough start to 2026, we've sadly experienced a miscarriage and both needing some time away from work to process it. God, that was a gear shift I wasn't expecting to do. Yes, that is a gear shift. That was quite the one show there, but I haven't pre-read the script or I've just gone straight in. Sorry if I started that too jolly. Now, Shannon has shown incredible strength through this miscarriage. She's used this time to focus her energy on something positive. and has launched a new business venture, Shannon's Home Cleaning Services.

47:16If you are based in the greater Manchester area and are looking for a reliable, high-quality cleaner, she'd love to hear from you. You can find her on Instagram, at Shannon's Home Cleaning, where you also see the attached price list. Thanks very much for taking the time to read this. Best regards, Luke. There you go. You're a good man, Luke. And Shannon, good luck with your new venture if you're in the greater Manchester area. I mean, if you want to spread out to the greater Liverpool area, There are some stock rooms near Ormskirk that need a good fucking scrub. So maybe you could clear that up as well, Shannon.

47:48Good luck with a new venture.

47:49Josh Widdicombe:Good luck with a new venture, Shannon. Hello, you sexy and relatable trio. I'm an OG listener of the podcast, and I am now a huge fan of Lou. Already well into her audio book, loving it. And though I have a husband like Rob who is completely involved and gets it, I feel validated. Thank you, Lou. Well done, Lou. I'd like to shout out my primary age tutoring business. So many children are now struggling with mainstream setting, whether through an SEND diagnosis or becoming overwhelmed in the classroom. I have 17 years of experience working with children, all sorts of background with a broad range of needs.

48:25Josh Widdicombe:I'm Sheffield based and offer children and family support academically or work on social life skills, tailoring sessions to individual needs available on Monday and Tuesday day, time and evenings through the week. email me at wonderyearstutoring wonderyearstutoring at gmail.com as i am sure i can help your child brilliant work alice thank you guys i just put some socks on and i forget we filmed this is that normal no i like it i like it just put my socks back on because i just got cold thanks for listening guys i enjoyed that thank you bye