In short
The episode mixes a PSA and lots of comedy bits. Topic/PSA: Peyronie’s disease (PD)—scar tissue under the penis skin causing curvature or a bump during erection, sometimes with pain during intimacy and effects on mental health (anger, depression, low self-esteem, withdrawal). The cause isn’t always known; it may follow minor/repeated injury. Key claim: PD is treatable; a urology specialist can diagnose and discuss non-surgical options. Notable example: the episode repeatedly frames PD as “more common than you’d think” and urges visiting TalkAboutPD.com.
Guests
No specific guests appear. The hosts are Josh Widdicombe, Rob Beckett, and Michael (plus recurring listener contributions).
Other notable segments/examples
“Imagine this” (listeners describe surreal scenes like a field mouse rocking out to Queen); “Solidarity or Solid Karen” (judging/ignoring a child in danger at the beach); “Playground/workplace shaggers” (a rural Scotland teacher/student-mum story); “Food confessions” (vanilla ice cream on cold garlic bread; trifle/yogurt “spoons”).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VORob's Carvana Experience
0:00 to 0:26
Rob shares a surprisingly smooth experience selling his car.
“Let's talk about Peyronie's disease, or PD.”
Rob's Carvana Experience
0:29 to 1:51
Rob shares a surprisingly smooth experience selling his car.
“That's exactly what a catch would want me to think.”
Fan Mail and Tour Stories
2:00 to 3:07
Rob and Josh discuss encounters with fans during their tour.
“Molly Ruth, aged four, from Boothwells in Midwell.”
Notable People from Bilf Wells
3:07 to 3:39
A humorous discussion about famous individuals from Bilf Wells.
“Just looking at notable people from Bilf Wells.”
Notable People from Other Towns
3:39 to 5:01
Rob and Josh joke about notable figures from their respective towns.
“Yes, played for Everton and the Republic of Ireland in the 80s and early 90s.”
Isle of Wight Famous Figures
5:01 to 6:34
A comedic look at famous individuals from the Isle of Wight.
“Eric Liddle, Scottish sprinter and rugby player.”
School Swimming Lesson Miscommunication
6:34 to 12:39
A funny story about a miscommunication in a school swimming class.
“You're from the Isle of Wight, aren't you?”
Quoting Comedians and Podcast Discussion
12:39 to 14:01
Josh reflects on a quote attributed to him during a comedian's podcast.
Quotes and Misattributions
14:01 to 17:22
The hosts discuss the oddity of misattributed quotes and the implications for their comedic personas.
“And I'm like, what a waste of a fucking quote.”
Quotes and Misattributions
17:25 to 18:50
The hosts discuss the oddity of misattributed quotes and the implications for their comedic personas.
“Are you looking for support in your weight management journey?”
Show all 21 chapters
Correspondence: Imagine This Feature
19:49 to 23:14
The hosts engage with listeners' imaginative scenarios, reacting humorously to submissions.
“Just explain it again for those of us that can't remember.”
Solidarity or Solid Karen
23:15 to 28:06
A new feature where the hosts discuss whether actions in parenting scenarios show solidarity or are overstepping.
“I hope people enjoy it as much as I enjoy doing it.”
Addressing Playground Etiquette
28:06 to 29:16
Explore the nuances of addressing parents about their children's behavior.
“So, yeah, if you've got a better name for that one, let us know.”
Voice Note: Playground Chronicles
29:16 to 30:18
A listener shares a humorous story about a teacher dating and its effects on students.
“Just tuning in for the chat and lose voice notes mostly.”
Embarrassing School Drop-offs
30:18 to 31:36
The hosts discuss the awkwardness of dropping kids off at school and parental embarrassment.
“Absolutely just full of snogging in front of his whole class.”
The Art of Snogging
31:36 to 35:24
A comedic exploration of kissing and its awkwardness in public and private settings.
“So I put on the WhatsApp group, does anyone want this seat?”
Food Confessions: Unusual Treats
35:24 to 37:24
Listeners share quirky food combinations that challenge the norms of culinary conventions.
“This is where I confessed about my breadsticks dipping in butter and dipping it in cheese.”
Notable Figures from Congleton
38:30 to 41:18
The hosts discuss famous individuals from Congleton and humorous listener correspondence.
“No, it's north near Morecambe or somewhere like that, I think.”
Awkward Encounters on Holiday
41:18 to 44:18
Listeners share experiences of running into unexpected people while on holiday.
“Robbie Wright was a British track athlete as well, yeah.”
Traveling in Style: A Comedic Journey
44:19 to 49:22
Rob recounts a humorous travel experience involving business class and unexpected encounters with colleagues.
Small Business Shoutouts
49:23 to 53:01
Listeners promote small businesses, sharing personal stories and encouraging support for their entrepreneurial friends.
“As long as you don't leave the casino complex, you're all right.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Let's talk about Peyronie's disease, or PD. It's not widely talked about, and some men may feel reluctant to bring it up, but it's more common than you'd think. PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis, causing a curve or the bump during an erection that for some men may lead to pain during intimacy and impact mental health. A trusted urology specialist can help diagnose PD and walk you through your options, including non-surgical treatment. Visit TalkAboutPD.com. I sold my car in Carvana last night. Well, that's cool. No, you don't understand. It went perfectly. Real offer, down to the penny.
0:36They're picking it up tomorrow. Nothing went wrong. So, what's the problem? That is the problem. Nothing in my life goes to smoothie. I'm waiting for the catch. Maybe there's no catch. That's exactly what a catch would want me to think. Wow, you need to relax. I need to knock on wood. Do we have wood? Is this table wood? I think it's laminate. Okay, yeah, that's good. That's close enough. Car selling without a catch. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up these may apply. Let's talk about a condition many people haven't heard of. And it turns out it's more common than you'd think. Peyronie's disease, or PD for short.
1:07PD can happen when scar tissue builds up under the skin of the penis. This can cause a curve or the bump during an erection, and for some men, lead to pain during intimacy and may impact mental health. It may also lead to anger and frustration, depression, lower self-esteem, and even withdrawal from sexual activity and physical intimacy. Because of this, some men could feel embarrassed or reluctant to talk about PD. The actual cause of PD isn't always known. In some cases, it may be linked to a minor injury or repeated injuries during sex or other physical activity. The good news is, PD is treatable.
1:43If you notice a curve with a bump, a trusted urology specialist can help diagnose it and walk you through your options, including non-surgical treatment. To learn more about Peyronie's disease, visit talkaboutpd.com. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Awesome. There you go. That's a good one, wasn't it? Yeah. Molly Ruth, aged four, from Boothwells in Midwell. I've been Boothwells. Yeah? They were arguing about a Morrison's being built or something. Did you do a gig there? I think I've done a gig in Bilf Wells.
2:25Yeah, I've done a warm-up gig there, but years ago. Bilf Wells. It's like the bottom of, like, the Brecon Beacons, I think. Yeah, Mid Wales, yeah. Repeating your names as her Mauma Nan leaves to go to see Josh's Not My Cover Tea Talk. Oh, it was a while ago. My mum, Maumum, Mauma, Maumor, Maumor, Maumor, Maumor, has been a long-time fan and tells everyone that will listen about the podcast. We both came to see the Parenting Hell Tour, and mum met Rob Beckett outside his Liverpool tour show, secretly hoping to meet Josh Whittacombe tonight as well. She's an uber keen superfan and has forced me to see...
2:58Tonight? Oh, she's going to your show tonight? It was May the 10th. It was in Cardiff. Do I remember if I met her? I have no idea. Is there a photo of her? No, I don't remember leaving Cardiff. Just looking at notable people from Bilf Wells. Yep. Cesar Jenkins. No. Played for Wales between 1866 and 1941. Yeah. Eight caps. Percy Benzie Avery. No. Grenville Morris. All-time record goalscorer for Nottingham Forest. Yeah. He retired in 1959. David Milwin Duggan. Yeah. Do you know him? No. Hilde Vaughan. Hilde Vaughan. No. Novelist. Kevin Sheedy. Yes, played for Everton and the Republic of Ireland in the 80s and early 90s.
3:52Lolo Williams. No. TV presenter. Alice Hart-Davis. No. Jack Harris. No. That's the notable people. So the one notable person I'd heard of played for Ireland. Where are you from? Where's your town again? Haytor Vale. Haytor, that's your village? Oh, no, it's born in London. But you were brought up in Haytor Vale. Yeah, but you're not going to get anyone from that. how do you spell that h-a-y-t-o-r h-a-r i've literally spelled h-a-y-t-o-r space yeah vale like port vale v-a-l-e what is a vale i think it's like a uh valley presumably hate of that it doesn't i go search islington comes up ilzington ilzington rob what's ilzington it's the a village three miles from hate oil yeah you've got nothing here mate fucking hell It's just like a road, like a road with two houses on.
4:44No, there's at least 10 houses. 10. Let me send you a picture of it. Should I do Bromley, notable people? Yeah, well, I can tell you the notable people from Bromley. I'm actually from Mottingham is where I'm actually from. Okay, that's more like it. That's more like it. There we go. We're the notable people from Mottingham. Notable residents. W.G. Grace. Biggie, cricketer. Eric Liddle, Scottish sprinter and rugby player. No. Christian missionary born in Taijin, China to Scottish missionary parents. Is this you? Dennis Healy. Yeah. Labour shadow chancellor or chancellor? Rob Beckett. Yeah. The photo of me is me shit-faced on drunk history.
5:24Oh, no. God. Sir John Bertram Adams. No. Geoffrey Lawal Balogun. No. Runner. Charles Falkhard. No. No. Fair enough. Dennis Healy's quite a big name. Big, big name. Big dog of the 70s political scene. Yes. I'm going to say it. That's the most boring four minutes of podcasting we've ever done. Your audacity to criticise Stephen Martlow on the last episode.
6:00Like Sheedy, or whatever that fucking player's name was. You know who it was. I can't remember now. I was just thinking. Kevin Sheedy. Yeah, I know Kevin Chidi is. I was just thinking... He was in the Everton team that won the Cup Winners' Cup and the league in the same year. All I'm saying is, is that opinion of it being boring at all influenced by the fact in the last episode that we recorded, and I don't know how it goes out in transmission, we talked about board men and you said you've got absolutely no problem with your headline whatsoever, but you've come in hot after what I thought was quite a kooky little start.
6:35Michael, where are you from? Dan, where are you from? Let's play on New Go. Come on. You're from the Isle of Wight, aren't you? I'm from the Isle of Wight. I was born on the Isle of Wight. No. I was born in Newport, but I grew up in Shanklin. Here we go. So Shanklin. You're going to start getting into this now. Here we go. Here we go. Which do you want? Shanklin or Newport? Which do you feel more energy? I'll put a bit of energy into it this time. Yeah. Well, I can tell you the most famous people from the Isle of Wight. Okay. Wet leg. Who's that? Anthony Minghella, I think is. Oh, that's good.
7:06That's good. Who's he? He's the Academy Award winning director. Oh, just fucking retire from us and go and do a film, Michael. We know you're in a heart's not in it. Just fuck off and make a film, yeah? How do you like that for boring, right? The English Patient he directed. Oh, as respect, actually. Great film. Great film. Wet Leg, obviously a new edition. He's not from there, but he lived there a long time. Bless you. It feels like three old blokes in an old people's home. Arguing, sneezing, shitting. The guy from level 42? Mark King. Yeah, I think he's there. Yeah, he's the main one. Mark King had his thumbs insured for a million pounds.
7:47What was he doing with his thumbs? Because he played bass. He played slap bass. Right. Okay, so do you want me to liven this up then? Dame Ellen MacArthur, Michael? Well, no, come on. Michael tried to stop this and now he's poured petrol. Right, I've got... What are you looking at on your phone now, Josh? Famous people from the Isle of Wight. Right, okay. There's quite a few there in Parkhurst. Lord Tennyson lived there for a long time. Who's in Parkhurst at the moment? Well, they've downgraded it as a security, so there's not really any famous ones there anymore. There's nothing going right for the Isle of Wight anymore.
8:25Right, okay, let's change tact. I've just done a bit of banter on the school WhatsApp group. Oh, no. But by accident, right? So the kids have got a swimming lesson. Well, not lesson, swimming club. and they've been asked to bring in clothes you know about this where you basically wear your pajamas or shorts and t-shirts so you practice getting in and out the water if you fall in in clothes yeah yeah what they've said in the email is uh you've said i've sent them in in divers outfits no no no well no something that's what in a minute i'll tell you what's happened and you guess what i've said okay okay they said during your daughter's monday swimming lesson we'll be moving on to personal survival life saving from the 8th of june so can she been to school um Shorts and a T-shirt that she's happy to wear over a costume in the swimming pool.
9:05She'll need to bring in her costume, goggles, hat and tail still. Best wishes, teacher. And someone said, what kind of shorts and T-shirt should we send? Just cotton or swimming shorts and T-shirt. What does happy to wear mean in this case? My daughter's happy to wear all her clothes but doesn't go swimming in them. I'm sure they won't be comfortable when they're wet. I think this person's overthinking it, Rob. Yeah, I think so. I think maybe she's not realised it's a personal safety. it's not supposed to be like they need extra clothes to swim in the idea is their normal clothes right so i think she's missed miss miss reddit um someone said it's supposed to give them the idea of what it'd be like to fall in by accident and have to save themselves jesus worked jump in to rescue someone else saying they would feel like unless like to panic if it happens um so they might have to practice taking off the extra layers that might hinder them in the water just so normal clothes this is swimming 101 so just normal clothes not special but she doesn't need prescription lenses how much reading are they doing down there to be fair i think the lady's probably in a busy flat was caught the wrong end of the stick and so this nicer lady who's not taking the piss out of podcast has written back spaces so just normal clothes not special swimming shirts or anything i remember doing this at school okay also in defense of the lady i don't think she went to school in england so maybe this isn't the thing they did elsewhere so that's you know fair enough right yeah and someone said i think i'll do cycling shorts and a baggy t-shirt you know just jibbing oh to be fair the lady has gone oh wow that's really cool i'll just send anything in then that's fine so she didn't know that you do this all good then she did say she would more likely be wearing a dress in real life she doesn't have many shorts other than school shorts good point good point maybe put sending a dress um i think we also had to trap in air in wet t-shirt but everyone's just talking about what they did at school now and then someone said i'm gonna send him in this so i said and i regret it now because i've read it back and it was a miscommunication do you want to guess so so were you trying to be funny i was i am being funny just to try and because you know so you've you've come up with like a funny outfit i'm gonna send them in dressed as an elizabethan or whatever Yeah, I'm going to send them in.
11:23Dressed. But at least it's not very me, is it? No. Dressed as, what's very you? What, GK Barry? I'll give you a clue. I'm not saying as, I'm saying in. Dressed in, not lingerie, Rob. No, that would be mental. Did I just tell you? Dressed in a full Arsenal kit. I've got, we're going dungarees and a turtleneck jumper. Bit of fun. Yeah. Bit of fun. And has anyone replied? No. probably won't either oh no actually someone's typing oh exceptional buoyancy tick a bit of fun a bit of back and forth fun but i'm now reading it in reflection i understand that the ladies now understand what they want are you going to reply to exceptional buoyancy nothing how about boys will be buoyancy just reply boys will be buoyancy yeah well at the moment i'm on a it's a school group but i'm probably how many men are on it well there's 67 members i'd say i'd say 70 women and the other 30 men do not speak boys will be buoyancy with three of those emojis where there's a wink with the tongue out absolutely not
12:36it's making me go itchy i never write on there anyway unless i need actual intel yeah i take the piss out of the whatsapp groups really but then i'm absolutely like a desperate thirsty dehydrated man in a desert if i need information on a presentation and someone swoops in i'm not far off not writing on it but i do a bit but i i do try i try and inject humor and i just yeah i got rid of carsey on there the other day actually yeah but is injecting humor into a whatsapp group when you're a comedian a bit tragic it's like someone singing that can sing at a karaoke yeah yeah yeah yeah you know i mean that's the danger in a whatsapp group there's you know you don't want to be that guy who's constantly like trying to pump out laughs you know as you heard in the first four minutes of this pod exactly do you know what i've got into rob oh go on so you and i listen to the comedians comedian podcast yes i do yeah not as much as i used to but um i i it's um no no that's not a dig at it i've been really busy but i do love it when i've got a chance yeah so this is stuart goldsmith the comedian interviewing other comedians right about comedy it's a brilliant podcast if you're into comedy and the work into comedy and also to a certain degree if you like hearing mad people be mad because comedians are mad exactly let's be let's cut to the chase let's cut to the chase let's be honest it's quite handy to listen about stuff to do with the psychology of it and techniques but also it's more fun listening to someone who's an absolute lunatic being absolutely yeah he quoted me and i had to text to my guy i don't think i ever said that what quote it was about well if it was a good quote why don't you just let people think that is what you said because i didn't understand what it meant what the quote yeah he was interviewing sarah pasco on the most recent one excellent episode love sarah pasco and he said i remember josh whitticombe's view on this is he said if a joke reveals a wider truth then it is true and i thought i don't think that sounds like something i'd say yeah but it sounds quite good i would just have not said anything i don't know what it means i know but it feels good if people are quoting you on podcasts as something that's like josh look if someone's quoting you with a quote that sounds really intelligent and worldly and wise without current output fucking cling on to that i thought it's not that's not happening a lot anywhere else i thought it was damaging my brand rob i was just like this this isn't what the kind of stuff i'm putting out into the world there's like a weird ai fake instagram account right about and it was about brothers or something and it's like every year celebrates like brother there's a day where you celebrate brothers and it gets quotes from people who've said stuff about having brothers and then it like got some ai things gone through like my book or in my book i say i had four brothers it was a lot of fun and then i go into stories about my brothers but they just every year quote up rob beckett on brothers I had four brothers.
15:26It was a lot of fun. And I'm like, what a waste of a fucking quote. Like what is, I'm like, what that is mental. And it's not even a quote. It's the start of a bit. It was a lot of fun. And it goes into a whole chapter. Right. But it's just that. And I thought, why quote that? So you said, if a joke reveals a truth. A wider truth. I don't even, I can't even remember it because it doesn't make sense to me. And you're like, yeah. If a joke reveals a wider truth, then it is true. What was you, what wider truth are you trying to i don't think i've ever revealed wider truth you do reveal things that people don't realize they've thought i'd say my truths i reveal are pretty narrow i'd say the way you do comedy is right you find a subject that people are unaware that they've got a fairly strong opinion or experience with in their mind like something that is actually affecting them day to day and they've thought the same thing you find it you highlight it and everyone goes oh yeah that and then a good comedian can do that average comedians can't do that a good comedian really good comedian can do that but then what makes you a great comedian is you will bend them over and slap their ass on every conceivable bit of arse cheek around that subject with nothing left unslapped yeah so backstage afterwards you're absolutely a fully assault that thing that they've just discovered that they've got a connection with them and that you say things that I didn't even know I thought but then I'm like yeah you maybe you are revealing wider truths maybe I'm revealing wider truths I just don't know are you a whistleblower on life I'm a whistleblower on life just lock me up put me in Guantanamo Bay oh dear is Guantanamo Bay still going I couldn't tell you I don't know I'm loathe to google it in case Corporal Michael sends me back to the slammer I'm joking PC podcast to be fair he does have to edit it Are you looking for support in your weight management journey?
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19:45Right, Rob, should we do some correspondence? Yeah, let's do some correspondence. People are loving our new feature. Oh, imagine this. What was that feature? Just explain it again for those of us that can't remember. Michael? Imagine this is when we actually imagine it, wasn't it? Yeah, so someone says a sort of a broad description of a thing. So I think it was like a badger riding a cycle. And then we had to describe in detail what we were picturing, you know, what was it wearing, where was it, the type of bike. Oh, imagine this. I remember it. I always get that. I like that feature. Here we go.
20:24Okay. Hello, Rob and Josh from sunny Walthamstow. Right, let's quickly find the notable people. Thanks for the ace podcast. I seriously need to stop listening while I'm cycling around town. Gritting, giggling and all that guffawing is starting to make me look a little crazy. How are you picturing that? Imagine that. Right. He's got a penny farming. Topless. Cigar. No. Nothing's made me laugh quite as much as imagine this in the recent episode. I feel compelled to send mine in. The scenario is as follows. please imagine okay let me close my eyes a field mouse rocking out to the band queen i like it i don't like i don't mind it i don't mind it yeah you ready i'm ready yeah do you want me to go or do you want to go you can go right so we've got a field mouse that's on our bird feeder a lot so i'm actually looking at it through my phone on the app my work phone right and he's there and all the lights from the house are up behind him and he's got the music just playing for the speaker of the bird feeder and he stood there and he's holding a sunflower seed in his arm with a little yellow jacket on and a white white vest and he's dancing to uh to queen that's that's what i've got that's what you're imagining i'm imagining a cartoon mouse yeah in a field he's the only one in the field but then there's like a stage with queen on in the field brian may's there well freddy's still with us right so he's just watching them is the field mouse in brian may's hair no this field mouse is stood in the field and he stood on his hind legs like a human being in my head on his own on his own just rocking out yeah lovely and actually he's got one arm in the air i can picture that yeah yeah he's definitely got one arm in it michael did you want imagine it or yeah yeah mine was what's funny is how genuinely vivid it is like it really really came to life in my mind it's a good option yeah my mine was he was in his home but his home was like um like anthropomorphized like wind in the willows so it's like an actual house and he was he was listening to queen on you know like his vinyl his record yeah yeah but he was dancing around like um hugh grant in love actually as if everyone was watching and then he turned around and there was like another like a vole or someone that caught him and he's quite embarrassed a little bit of shame in your one there michael imagine that imagine that we just imagined it thanks guys yeah send in your more imagine this is um thanks for the giggles every week um that's from Joe, mum to Daniel.
23:13What a feature. Ben, Tom, Ruben. I hope people enjoy it as much as I enjoy doing it. Yeah. She's got a 22-year-old. You can play at home. Yeah, play at home. 22-year-old, 20-year-old, 19-year-old, 17-year-old. Oh, we've got another one here from Rosa. Got more? Yeah. Imagine this. A pair of talking slippers. She hasn't done anything. She's just literally written, imagine this. She hasn't said, hi, guys. Rosa said, imagine this. A pair of talking slippers on an old man's feet. Yeah, okay. Okay. That's so good. That's a tough one. So in my head, he's in a rocking chair. He's kind of snoozing in a rocking chair.
23:53Yeah, yeah. And he's got the classic tartan slippers that have got the small piece of elastic at the side. You know those ones? Yeah. And they're ripped at the end through overuse, and that's the mouth. And they're talking to each other. And his legs are crossed, and they're talking to each other. Right. So my one is sat on a chair in the corner of someone's front room at Christmas, but it's not where a chair normally is. It's like an extra chair and he's fallen asleep and he's got a Christmas hat on, a cardigan on. He's got a bit of gravy on his belly. Oh, nice. Yeah. He's fully asleep and he's wearing a big pair of novelty football slippers that his kids have got them.
24:29And they've got a little face on and they're just chatting about just, I don't know what they're chatting about, but they're just chatting away. So he's asleep. Love it. Right. Love it. Michael, did you want to do one?
24:43It's three too many. I don't know. It's fun, man. I like it. What have you pictured, Michael? Mine was like, do you remember the old Aardman creature comfort advert? Yeah. It was a sort of kind of a claymation style, a really tired old man face on a slipper. He wasn't saying anything, but he looked like he wasn't long for this world.
25:10he's got the shame of being caught dancing by a vole and now he's got fucking dead man slippers look i'm fine being bold all right guys
25:26apart from the worry about shame and death yeah um thanks michael was that was that the answer to cut you off there was anything else you was imagining or was that that that it was the only the only context is it was sort of um like a sort of early 1980s council house vibe and decor i think probably have asbestos in them yeah yeah gotcha right okay what a feature solidarity or solid karen this was a new feature where if what i i gave you a scenario where someone's child had sun on their face in a car park and i told the nan that was looking after him and i was was that solidarity as a parent or was I being a solid Karen?
26:05Well, we thought it was solidarity. Yes. So we asked just something there. We've had a lot of messages from listeners saying they like the feature, but please can you rename it? Oh. And a lot of these are from people called Karen. Yeah, fair enough. Fair enough. It's not ideal, is it? No, but it's just, you just have to accept that. You know, people called Adolf, they deal with it day to day. You can't help what popular culture has decided for your name. True. Very true. Anyway, send in your suggestions. for new names until we get a better one it's solidarity or solid karen yeah hello you sexy relatable people you recently spoke about rob saving a baby from certain sunburn and it reminded me of an experience i had last summer my wife was away for work so i took our kids to the beach with another couple and their children between us we had four kids in total three of the kids were down by the sea with the other dad while i sat on a wall chatting with the mum as she looked after the baby while we were talking another family arrived and set themselves up right at the top of the beach.
27:02It didn't take long for their roughly five-year-old child to wander down to the sea alone or with no parent in sight. A few moments later, the child hurt themselves and started crying. My friend and I looked up at the parents who had noticed but simply encouraged their child to walk back to them. At that moment, an elderly couple walking past looked at us with obvious disapproval and sarcastically said, I suppose you just let them cry out then, do you? I replied, that's not our kid and she's not even my wife the couple suddenly looked rather sheepish and hurried off presumably in search of the next strangers to judge thanks for all the laughs Pete age 40 so are we judging whether the old couple I think what was happening there is Pete wanted to make that all about him
27:52are we judging the old couple yeah I think I'm only joking so I think are we judging the old couple um i think that is solid karen because yeah because they're not helping and they're not helping and that's not solidarity because you just have to accept that those parents are twats because they're aware of what's going on they're not doing anything about it but yeah but then do they need to go but that's not how you approach the situation is it no if you're trying to help yeah maybe if they got gone to pay oh i don't is that your child over there because there's a child upset over there yeah that's a better way to approach it isn't it so i think we put that in solid karen yeah i think we do as well so the way to do that would be say oh excuse me i don't know if you'd know it's that child's crying over there is that your child yeah pete would go no and then they could go to the other family sorry there's a child crying over there is that your child in the distance the other family yeah and then that's sort of like subtle shaming exactly that's what you want to do is subtle shaming subtle shame by looking like you're helping excuse me but i I don't know if you realize that your child's getting sunburned.
28:57Exactly. You lazy fucking pig. But don't say the second part. No. There you go. So, yeah, if you've got a better name for that one, let us know. But at the moment, it's Solidarity or Solid Karen. So, Karens, get your thinking caps on if you're panicking about that name, okay? Yeah. Oh, we've got loads of playground and workplace shaggers. We'll do a special on that. But to get you excited, my friend sent in a voice note of one. Do you want to hear it? Yeah. Listen to this. Hello, Josh, Robert, Michael. Big fan of the podcast. Don't have any kids. Just tuning in for the chat and lose voice notes mostly.
29:29My playground chakra story. So for context, I grew up in quite rural Scotland. So let's be clear, you know, to give these adults a slight benefit of the doubt. The dating pool was small. Okay. There was probably not a lot of options for them. But basically there was one male teacher in my school called Mr. Simpson. And we used to all talk about how like he had been divorced a few times. James, kind of this mysterious guy sort of vibe. And he basically started going out with this boy in my class called James. He started going out with James' mum. That was a relief. That was too long a pause. That was a relief, wasn't it?
30:09I've never started going out with this boy, James' mum. That was three seconds. That was a three seconds. That was horrible. That was horrible. guy survive and he basically started going out with this boy in my class called james
30:34thanks for your voice no cheers um let's play it's james's mom let's play the rest um and they would walk james to school in the morning and then when we were all queuing to into school, my teacher and James' mum, who was in Mr Simpson's class with me, they would just snog. Absolutely just full of snogging in front of his whole class. Really unacceptable, I'd say. Probably quite traumatic for James. And sometimes she would come back at lunch and they would snog some more. Oh my god! Yep, that's what happens in rural Scotland, I guess, in schools. Wow. Oh, hang on. What's that then? And word on the street is that They got married and they got divorced again.
31:17So he's a player on Mr. Simpson. That is, can you imagine lining up for school? Oh my God. My kids don't even let me have the music too loud when I drop them off. No, of course. If I say bye loudly, they're like, shut up, Dad. Imagine just gobbling off the teacher. I know. My son's just upgraded to a booster seat from a full car seat, right? Yes. So I put on the WhatsApp group, does anyone want this seat? Because we don't need it anymore. Someone takes it. I say, I'll bring it into school. My daughter's like, you just simply can't do that, I'm afraid. It's too embarrassing for you to turn up with that car seat at drop-off.
31:54Yeah, it's mad, isn't it? If you and Lou were doing drop-off... Yeah, we kiss. And you tried to snog her at the school gates, how would that go down? She'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Get off. What are you doing? Do you know what I mean, though? It would... I suppose you wouldn't have any of it. If I was stood there and like a couple. She's barely interested in private.
32:23Kissing is quite funny though, isn't it? It's quite intimate kissing, isn't it? Yeah. It could be actually more intimate than other things. Kissing. Yeah. Because I just find it's quite funny, isn't it? Yeah. It's quite weird, isn't it? It's quite, when you think about kissing, it's fucking weird. You've got so close to someone's face. Yeah. you can't be closer to someone's face than kissing do you like kissing i like kissing it's weird though isn't it but i don't want to do it at the school gates no i'd only do it just to make lou feel awkward and i'd find that funny yeah but i wouldn't actually enjoy kissing do you think she'd push you away because if lou actually doubled down and went kiss me on the school gates and start trying to snog me i'd be like get off you know i mean not now later what What about at the school concert or something?
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33:15At the end? At the end, if you just lent in and tried to snog Lou. No, but I'd kiss her on the cheek or something, but like not snog. I don't know. When's the last time you snogged with tongues, Rose? Probably about 6am this morning. Yeah. She was asleep. Just before you feed Beryl. She was asleep. Morning. I might say that to Lou when she's back. Just say, Lou, we're on the sofa watching a documentary. And I just say, would you like to kiss with tongues? Would you like to French kiss me? Shall we snog? Do you want to snog for a bit?
34:03Just pause the documentary and then say, shall we just have a bit of a snog? Do you want to have a snog for a bit? nothing more I'm not doing that to lead to anything just like proper just snog off like the old days if you just snog separate to anything that further bases let us know if you just will just snog on the sofa and that'll be it and it doesn't doesn't doesn't go any further if you're a couple or like if you were like just but we need information how long you've been if you're married, if you have kids, or you're just snogging on the sofa and nothing else. Or just like you're walking down the street and then you just have a big old snog.
34:45Yeah. Come here. Come here. Oh, dear. Snogging, eh? Whenever I see people in public snogging. It's sort of like if they're young and it's a night out or just like... No, I think they're new to this game. They're new to that mouth. Yeah. That mouth's new to them. But that's such a shame, isn't it? Because it's so much fun. What a snogging. Think about how exciting snogging was back in the day. Yeah, I know. You've just snogged too much. That's the problem. Yeah, my lips have seen too much action. Your lips have... If you've got any more workplace or playground shaggers, please send them in. Oh, food confessions.
35:25Oh, yeah. This is where I confessed about my breadsticks dipping in butter and dipping it in cheese. And then I, in the same episode, called people that have sugar and hot chocolate something like fat slags or something. Here we go. Here are food confessions. Hi, I have vanilla ice cream, the quality stuff with the little bits of vanilla in it. I think they're pods, aren't they? Yeah. Oh, my God. I have it on cold garlic bread. What? I have vanilla ice cream, the quality stuff with the little bits of vanilla on it, on cold garlic bread. Oh, my word. What is cold? Cold garlic bread is that bread that's been cooked and then cooled down.
36:00Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the... I'm presuming that... Imagine this. Frozen. I'm presuming. Imagine this. Go on. I'm imagining if you go to the supermarket, you get the two French stick style loaves that you put in the oven. Do you know what I mean? They're already sliced. And they've been in the oven. And I imagine they've been in the oven and they're now cold. Yes. And she's got one slice and she's putting a piece of... No, it's Sean. It's a he. Vanilla ice cream on it. Sean. He. It's the kind of sick shit a man would do. Yeah. I presumed it was she because I presumed she was pregnant. Trust me, it's one of those you've got to try it before passing judgment.
36:35No, I don't think it is. No. There's loads of stuff that you can just not try and pass judgment. Yeah. Wow, Sean. Fair play, Sean. How did you discover it? Yeah, and also, imagine having that much, you know, lack of shame to tell the whole world. Exactly. Didn't even go anon. But to be fair, we've not tried it. You know, Heston Blumenthal could put it on a menu and charge 20 quid for it.
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38:35okay so notable people from mottingham there is wg grace rob beckett dennis healy geezer river quaggy then michael can just snip that in yeah yeah lovely um hi rob and josh just listened to your latest episode where rob talks about his breadstick cheese treat at the fridge and it made me think of a recent time in our house as a treat we give our boys who are three and six hot chocolate with whipped cream and marshmallows classic that's fine recently my three-year-old saw me squirting cream directly into my mouth from the fridge classic because sometimes it's just what you need unfortunately he now thinks this is a thing and regularly comes to the kitchen asking for a snack he will list off items he would like but now includes just some mouth cream as one of his options as if it's an actual thing mouth cream we've got jelly, we've got yogurt, we've got mouth cream I love the pod and thank you for making us feel normal about the crazy world of parenting, Veronica Veronica, what a name, Veronica the crazy world of parenting the next correspondence comes in a bit sharp go on then hello you slutty legends there you go, it's Heston Blumenthal, second version, he banged it out That's from Tom in Congleton.
39:55That's near you, isn't it, Congleton? No, it's in the north, isn't it? Sounds like you. No, it's north near Morecambe or somewhere like that, I think. Overweight consumer of the electric spinach here. What? What's the electric spinach? An overweight consumer of the electric spinach? He said, hello, you slutty. This is Tom from Congleton. This guy is lively. Hello, you slutty legends. Overweight consumer of the electric spinach here. What is going on? With a fat fuck confession or two. Bloody hell. One, eating a whole trifle like a big yoghurt. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Oh, eating milky bar yoghurts using a white chocolate cookie as an edible spoon.
40:36Oh, my word. Don't you dare fucking judge me. I'm disgusting. Oh, my God. Stay slutty and relatable. Tom from Congleton. Alan Garner, the famous fantasy author. Elizabeth Wollstone. tome elmy and packer it's just people from congleton yeah it's not it's not a great run and robbie brightwell that's the husband of ann packer the british olympic that that's not good enough listen what does he do robbie brightwell he's just listed as the husband of ann packer british olympic athlete that's out of all but he must have done some he won silver in the four by 400 metres in 1984. Oh, no, he was an athlete as well.
41:19Oh, was he? Yeah. Robbie Wright was a British track athlete as well, yeah. He was born in the British Raj, now part of Pakistan, but moved in like a lot of that, weren't there, in that era? There we go. Congleton. Died in Congleton, born in the British Raj, which is Rawalpindi. Do you know what? We really took the piss for the Empire, didn't we? We really did, Rob. Imagine that turning up. What should we call this? The British Raj. Okay, do you reckon we should have a little bit of a fucking meeting before we just agree to that but maybe maybe speak to a couple of the people from here maybe from a few i did no no no british raj will do fucking hell british raj anyway um do you want some more um correspondence yep do you want more food ones or different ones what we got different let's let's move it around seeing other people on holiday oh yeah so hi rob and josh off the back of a recent episode where you were talking about bumping into people you don't want to see on holiday I had to email as I think this one might win about 15 years ago I was 18 and in my first year of uni me and my boyfriend had planned our first big exploring holiday together and we're going and we were going to Asia for Christmas so that 18 15 years ago in the airport I clocked my university tutor who me and my flatmate had already decided was a bit of a monster I explained who it was to my boyfriend and he thought nothing of it.
42:44I then saw her on the flight and panic set in. We made awkward glances, but neither of us said anything. Oh, you've got to say something then. Yeah, you've got to go, oh, hi, you're right. When we got to the airport on the other side, we were meeting our tour guide who would be taking us up part of the Tian Shan. Oh, no. For the first part of our trip, staying in a small tent within a small community to see how the locals lived. When we got to him, he said he was waiting for two others who'd booked the same experience. Oh, no. Oh, no. Yes, it was my uni lecturer and her husband. Oh, no. Cuts were spending the next six hours in a car together, just us four, me having to sit next to them and my boyfriend in the front.
43:28Oh, he's dodged a bullet there. He's dodged a bullet. I always try and get in the front in those situations. Then the next three nights in a tent on top of a mountain together. We obviously had to break the ice, but it was only made more awkward by her thinking I was a different person. Oh, no. I posted about it on our course Facebook group, but got a stern telling off when I got back to uni for posting about her private life. What? And was then known as a girl who went on holiday with her tutor for the whole of the first year. You can't get in trouble with that. That's not her private life. You're living it with her.
44:02True. But then, you know, people have got a right for their private life not to be shared, you know, in public. cut to me reading out my whatsapp groups the trip was a beautiful experience and the thing i remember the most was my teacher it still haunts me to this day thanks for the laugh and non anonymous how scared is she of this person surely 15 years on do you know what i think the thing with that is the people that you don't want to be on holiday with aren't the people you hate they're the people that you have to talk to yeah out of politeness yeah so the worst person to bump into on holiday at your resort would be without naming names but say someone who worked on a tv program that you were on or someone who worked for our agency because they would be like oh for fuck's sake have i told about the time on here michael stop me if you've heard this one before which is we should get that jingle from the smith song um when i went to south africa to do a comedy gig as part of a package show with simon evans and marlon davis right of course basically the offer was a fee accommodation and premium economy flights yeah they'd lost an act last minute so they'd be booking me to do the middle slot yeah and i said i was really busy i've been doing a lot of robin romesh flying about i went i'll do it but for that fee i want to go business class because i'm working before it working on when i get back i need rest and that was my negotiation and because it was last minute they went yep that's fine right so not a problem flying out but i knew everyone else was on premium economy yeah you have told me this you have but i love it tell me again have i told you on the podcast as well yeah okay i don't i don't remember this but go on oh i think i've just told you anyway so okay anyway on the way out there i go straight to the lounge and just hide out because they're in premium not allowed in the lounge yeah and also i'm the middle act so normally the headliner might get business but not the middle act i arrive and then don't see him on the plane get off go for immigration bump into immigration they go oh we didn't see you on the flight rob oh no yeah no i was you know yeah no never mind we're here anyway we go and do the gigs we're there for three days right then forget about it on the way back to the airport i'm being dropped off at the airport with them oh god you suddenly realize i realize that like they're like oh should we go get some food and drink so i go oh i'm just gonna go and get some presents for the kids if i don't see uh in the airport i'll see at the at the gate so sorry you did that before going through security basically i don't do fast pass security yeah of course and you just and when you're checking in you kind of check in slightly so they can't say yeah i just queued up with them in the normal queue and then went through security about the fast but at the moment i'm technically still traveling premium economy because i'm not making any use of the extras yeah but the main thing you want it for is obviously the full fully flat bed of course of course so i go for his career i go right i'm gonna go and get stuff for the kids.
47:00But what I actually do is I go to the lounge. Yeah. Weirdly, Tim Sherwood was there. Oh, yeah. Don't know. He was doing commentary on a football match in South Africa for the Premier League. Anyway, so Sherwood's there. Gilles Leon. He was going, this is a fucking nightmare. David Batty's in economy. He thinks we're travelling together. So I basically leave it and I go, do you know what I'll do is I'm just going to get on the plane last. Because if you're in business, you'll get put on it first, but you get put on it first in front of all the other people waiting to go on. So I go, do you know what?
47:31I'll just spend longer in the lounge and I'll just go in last minute. And also Tim Sherwood's really relaxed. I'm like, I'll go when Sherwood goes. Are you talking to Sherwood? If I walk behind Sherwood, people will go, ask Tim Sherwood. And then I'm hiding. Because I don't know if you've ever been at, I went to the football with Dara O 'Brien recently, the Arsenal Champions League final, walking around the stadium. Normally me and Romesh get lots of abuse, but when you're with him, he's so massive, he's getting pelted. It's like walking alongside a lighthouse. Yeah, yeah, of course. He's getting pelted.
47:55so anyway i get on the i think i've actually nailed this because there's no one at the gate everyone's on right and i get on and obviously the business is at the front of the plane so i don't have to download the rest of the plane so i get to my seat i'm at the back of business and i go brilliant they've not seen me i'm putting all my stuff in the seat like that and then i turn around and the front row of premium economy is simon evans marlon davis and someone else from the promotion all sat there staring at me and they go rob I literally could touch them right and as they go Rob the steward just goes with the curtains and from then on I treated that curtain like it was the Berlin Wall you can't get over it you can't get through it it's just and I just shut down but the timing I put the head up and I went oh my god but to be fair no one got cheated out of it Did you see them when you landed?
48:52No, no. You get off quicker in business. Straight down the side. Gone. Is that the last time you've seen Simon Evans? Potentially, yeah. But that was the one we was at the casino. We went to Cape Town and Johannesburg. But I was saying, like, people were saying South Africa's dangerous. And then it was at this casino complex where you sort of go through a gate and then there's a car park, hotel, swimming pool, casino. And I said, is it dangerous around here? And the guy from South Africa, no, it's not dangerous. You're fine. You'll be good as gold here. I went, all right, it's only certain places that are dangerous.
49:23I went, oh, what places? He went outside. What? He went outside. As long as you don't leave the casino complex, you're all right. I'm not gay, I won't. I mean, I was by the pool. I was there for five days, but every two days there was a big group of like 30 women aged between like 18 and 50 with a couple of like gay guys, like kind of guys. And there was like 30 of them. I was like, what a mental hen do. this one you know just all and that 30 of you come into a casino in and then they went and then another lot come went what the fuck is and then it worked out it's where ba put the cabin crew
50:00great great fun great times one quick one before we do a small business michael or have you got done some more wikipedia stuff yeah one more email and then small business here we go world's oldest helium balloon so josh remember we had that helium balloon yes someone said in it was a i think it was a sesame street balloon and had it since she was born someone's coming with an older balloon i can't remember how old that balloon was was that 25 years or something michael something like that 20 30 years i think that i think that first one might have been older than this one still worth listening to though it's still worth listening to here we go hi rob josh and michael after listening to today's episode i feel compelled to send this the balloon in the photo that they sent in was brought into hospital by my uncle when I was born in August 1990, almost 36 years ago, and was used to announce the birth of my own son 34 years later.
50:52Oh, yes, please. Is this the first multi-generational balloon? This is a family heirloom. It's going to be passed down. Not sure if it will survive to be passed to any grandchildren, but we can only hope, thanks for the laughs. All the best. Ben, again, if you've got any of the world's oldest helium balloons, let us know. Let us know. What kind of metal plastic bastard were they using to trap helium in back in the day? Why exactly? Oh God, my arm's gone. Oh dear. Is that the end of the pod a lot? I think it might be. Should we do small business shout out? Yeah. Let's do small business shout out.
51:26Here we go. Hello, my name's Louisa and I've been listening from the beginning. Makes me feel so good about my parenting. With both my babies being born in lockdown 17 months apart, it was not for the faint hearted. I'd like to shout out my best friends Rose and her small business Plum and Pigeon. She makes beautiful dresses by hand from her studio in Manchester. From sewing the dresses to the social media and website, she does it all. She ships all over the world and can make the dress made to measure, which is great for those nice occasions postpartum when nothing off the rail fits. It would mean the world to her and me if you could give her this mention on the podcast.
52:02I'm so very proud of her and all her designs. She is on Instagram at Plum and Pigeon and her website is PlumandPigeon.com. Thank you, Louisa. I'll give a shout out to you, mate. Good luck, Plum and Pigeon. There we go. Hello, Rob, Josh and Michael. I'm a longtime listener and mum to my son Waldo, who is two. I thought I'd ask for a small business shout out for my business Garland Ceremonies. After listening to your episode with Jamie Lang talking about whether or not to Christmas baby, I offer non-religious baby naming ceremonies in London, the Southeast, and beyond. These are really fun, meaningful and personal occasions where your little one will be the heart of it all.
52:39Your baby doesn't have to be a newborn and you're always welcome to involve older siblings too. For more information, please check out my website, garlandceremonies.com or find me on Instagram at garlandceremonies. Thanks, Mayor Garland from Penj. Penj, South London. South London, South London. What a great idea. That, Rob, is the end of that. I'm going to see you next time, Josh. I'm going to go to bed and listen to the cricket. Enjoy. Yeah. Did you know that WG Grace was from Mottingham? I did, yeah. Thanks.
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