S12 EP5: The kind way is often worse

0:00This episode, Josh, is brought to you by my friend and yours, the Apple Watch. Let's have a look. I've actually got one on. There you go. It's actually mine, that. He loves the product. He loves the product so good he bought it himself. What? The little wheel. It feels like I'm a DJ mixing. Oh, very nice. Now, Josh, have you set yourself any new resolutions? Yes, I have. Yes, I'm trying to get trim again. Like? Trim. Yeah, like when I did Strictly. Do you remember how trim I was then? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your Strictly body. When you did Strictly for a week and a half of the Christmas special. Yeah, exactly.

0:29When I was trim for a week and a half. Well, did you know the thing is about New Year's resolutions, Josh? have you heard about quitter's day no tell me about quitter's day well basically quitter's day is the second friday in january yeah that's when most people give up oh that's a bit sad isn't it it is sad isn't it so what can we do about it apple watch go on tell me a little bad i'm on a fitness journey yeah by the time i'm 40 i want a six-pack you're already 40 yeah i know so i've got a year to go so i've got time yeah yeah fine this little fella's gonna get me there okay tell me how activity rings oh yeah what's that mean tells me what i'm doing i played father's on football the other day i clicked outdoor football they told me how many calories i burnt how much running i was doing oh that's nice it didn't tell me how good my goals were but you know it's a different kind of tech it's got a little trainer i went for a run he goes well done you've done the kilometer that's nice keep going this is your you need that don't you yeah i need it gets lonely very lonely on the road very lonely pounding the pavements did the pavements yeah that is a mind blowing amount of helpful features.

1:26It means you have no excuse not to be fit by the end of 40. Quit quitting of Apple Watch, Josh. Exactly. Search Apple Watch Series 11 to find out more. Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with... Freya, can you say Rob? Look. Beckett. Beckett. Sophia, can you say Josh? Josh. Widdicombe. Widdicombe. Yay! Again! Again! Yeah! do you know what i just i just realized i mean go on what you're in love with me well no i haven't known that for years um imagine if we got married but we had no sex which i think would both be in favor of how do you think that was our marriage am i right i'm sure i could stretch to that let me and what's the bit that i've got to imagine um yeah

2:22oh do you know what it's so much fun going to work and just being funny someone else that's funny isn't it yeah get the people that want to do their own show you know what i mean it's like well i like being near any funny people or at least interviewing them um how do you reckon we'd get on day to day what would we'd go football we'd watch the yeah it'd be nice we'd watch the football i think i'd go out on the piss and you'd stay at home and read yeah i'd struggle with that i struggle when rose's out i i will admit i struggle to go to sleep when rose is not there but then you go you struggle to go to sleep when everyone's there yeah you know no it's not because rose is not there it's when i know someone's coming in especially i think if you're waiting for a woman to come home on like the train or in a taxi i feel I'm not looking forward to that with kids with like teenagers no but I like booking Lou and Uber because then I can track it and I know what's going on yeah so you know she's not going to someone else's house well you can if she wants but as long as she tells me she's there another man's house as long as he doesn't kick her out after they've had sex I'm happy so what you would I need to do this what I was going to say is what's bad is now we've got to remember when that clip's playing out rob we are on camera because what the viewer will have seen is you reading the cbb's thing you wanted to tell me yeah and me moving a tea bag with my fingers from a mug into an old glass of water are you suggesting that over the last five years when you've played these random clips of kids talking we may not be that fully listening and just sort of go oh lovely yeah we might not look like we're listening yeah yeah yeah even though we're listening deeply yeah yeah subconsciously but that's because we've been doing this so long now we can operate at a level that to the to the the new yeah i don't like them paying any attention to that voice now but actually we we are yeah so if you're listening if you're just listening to this as is most people then i think um then we were really listening intently if you're watching then um i hope you enjoyed that maybe give us a rating out of 10 to how much we look like we were listening and we'll try and make sure we improve yeah hi rob josh and michael these are my 23 month old daughters frere and sophia oh that's very nice posh name i have listened to you since i had my first daughter georgia four and a half years ago and you have helped keep me sane after having twin girls nearly two years ago we were told an eight-week scan that our second pregnancy was a singleton pregnancy so imagine our absolute shock when at 12 weeks two babies appeared on the screen at the ultrasound a singleton pregnancy i've never heard that phrase before i think because it's assumed isn't it yeah thank god i was already laying down for the news shout out to all the twins and multiple parents out there who are just taking each day sometimes hour as it comes and really demonstrating the meaning of survival a tip for people expecting twins you'll need some noise cancelling earpods stroke headphones it takes the edge off slightly nearly two years later and we are not over the shock and we've somehow managed to start thriving keep it sexy and relatable uh emma in houghton regis bedfordshire never heard of it in my life no that's been made up i think yeah now josh i was a bit distracted when freya and sophia were talking to apologies for that but i will listen back and really really you always listen and look back don't you like pep guardiola watching the match yeah because obviously after this we'll do a two-hour debrief we'll go through the tapes and pitch some ideas for next week and then we'll go right they're the initial ideas so they're not good enough put them in the bin and we start again now talking about putting stuff in the bin i think this might get deleted by cbb's hq on this um i'd like to say that in general maybe our wives are more of the default parent and do more of the parenting because we've traditionally been the well no but we're at 93 of the parenting what this week or in total in total yeah okay fair enough well cbb's hq have released this um instagram post that's a joke already panicking yeah already panicking um and it says send this to a new dad or dad to be who needs the reminder from looking after your well-being to simple ways to get more involved in parenthood helping out and it says another man holding a baby and says doing chores remembering to look after yourself dealing with well-meaning visitors celebrating the small wins right those little points i find but helping out it's not helping out helping out it's your child wow how's that gone down have you found that on instagram or have you um um it's come up on instagram i think kathryn bryan has shared it and said laugh out loud and then lou lou's my wife lou shared it as well says generally thought this was a joke and lou said repeat after me good promo for lou's book it's not helping out when it's your own child and family they're not helping out they are doing what they should be doing stop praising men for the bare minimum i imagine that'll get deleted soon do you think with this podcast sometimes we get praised for the for what you'd hope would be most man yes sometimes people are like oh it's great to hear two dads who are interested you know who are committed i don't think we're doing anything special i think we're doing what we should be doing but some people will occasionally say to lou oh it's quite funny actually go oh isn't rob good yeah doesn't he do a lot and then that you all will go oh my husband wouldn't do any of that and then lou will say well that's because i didn't marry a dickhead or something like that not to them yeah yeah yeah that's because you know like yeah you know and sometimes she does think she married a dickhead as well yeah i know but i'm very quite a lovable dickhead you are a lovable dickhead i i've worked out the the question by the way i heard someone ask it to someone on the radio and i was like what question well and i was like oh my god i get asked that so often in interviews and it's the most it's the shittiest most pointless question in the history of promo okay go on and i want to know whether you get asked this about robin romesh or about this or about stand up when you started robin romesh did you ever imagine how successful it could be i get asked that all the time about this when you started parenting al i bet you couldn't imagine how successful it would be, could you?

8:52And you're like, no, of course I fucking didn't. But also if I did, what am I meant to say? Yes, because when I did the first pilot, I thought it would run for 14 years. Yeah, exactly. I could sense it. But I heard someone being asked it about a show on the radio on the weekend. And they did the same fucking response I do every time, which is, no, you just couldn't imagine that. Of course, because who does? Anyway, sorry. Now, I'm going to say something that may not paint me in a great light. But when you started Robin Romesh, you did imagine how big it could be. No, but when I started. Of course you imagine it in your wildest dream.

9:32Do you know what I mean? No, not with TV shows. I think with any TV shows or podcasts, it is just a little bit of a lottery. There's some amazing shows that never get picked up that you do and you go, this is brilliant. And the stuff that changes or whatever. And then, you know, commissioners change or the market change, whatever. But when I did stand up, I remember once me and Lou were going to like a premiere of something and I'd just sold out to Amazif Apollo and all this. And it was in a fancy car. And I said to her, God, did you ever believe? I could never believe. I never thought we'd be doing this one day.

10:07And then just, I said that because I felt like that's the thing I should say. But then I reflected on it. I thought, no, I actually did think this was going to happen. Well, exactly. Can I finish in defence of myself? No, but I agree with you. Because when I did stand-up, what we're lucky with is stand-up. It's a very tangible thing that when you're on the circuit, you can hear how many laughs people are getting and how you're going down, and it's easy to compare. And from an early age, I was aware that I'm pretty solid at this. And as I moved up the ranks, I was still getting as big laughs, if not bigger laughs than established people.

10:42And it gets easier. And then I could see a path for me based on other people and their benchmarks to go, no, actually, if I continue at this level and doing what I'm doing I should get to that stage so I think that's a bit more clearer path than like a tv show also to agree with you to agree with you on that right when you start stand-up of course you imagine that because otherwise you wouldn't start stand-up because that is all the stand-up I've consumed is all on television I didn't know comedy clubs existed so it would have been insane I thought you do open mic and then your fame I didn't realize there was the bit in the middle so i wasn't like i want to get to a level of comedy club because i didn't know it existed do you know what i mean you have to you have to have that almost mental self-belief to put up with all the shit gigs to get through but as you do all those gigs you learn that oh actually i'm quite good at this and then you have actual confidence because you've you've seen it in real life in happening kind of yes totally i don't know what we've done there is managed to look incredibly humble but also two of the most arrogant people that have ever lived and you know what i find it that's exhilarating that's the truth of human beings well yeah actually that does bring me on so i've got two i've got quite a bit to talk to you this week let's oh you've got notes i've got notes because i normally write so there's two things basically two major things i wanted to talk cats cat updates cats cats sorry trillby i'm thinking going to get in a hat you think you're going to get a bowl of hat and a cane yeah yeah i just want a thing i think i'm sick of my thing being a little bit nerdy and text like wired headphones i want a thing that takes attention away from me being a bit neurotic yes i'm gonna get it worked for jamira cry will it work for me jamira cry the queen she used to always wear a hat and me yep so the cats situation rob oh they've been introduced beryl fluffball and what's the one called dean tilly tilly so dean great name for a cat it's been really actually no what i'm going to do i'll take you through my week sequentially quick question are they all still alive they're all still alive at the time of recording brilliant yeah although last night beryl we were pet we were talking about vet problems oh god what happened oh is that are we gonna get onto that let's start from the start of the week okay yeah so monday i recorded the first ones of these with you we're doing a bit of catch up here right yeah tuesday so i did a lot of promo last week rob yes for your mr blobby podcast yeah well it's not all mr blobby that was the first we moved on stock economic warmen now um what's next week david hasselhoff from where they brought down the the Berlin Wall.

13:29Did he? You'll have to listen to find out. Right. So, you know, when I was in the last episode, I was saying, do you think you're having a manic episode? I was asking the same question to myself. Yeah. I think I already knew that you were. Yeah. Yeah. So on Tuesday, I did a local radio for an hour and a half. From home? from home in eight minute chunks okay so imagine the same interview at the same interview 12 times just with a different accent just with a different accent trying to also they're dropping in the tour but i never know where i'm going in that region because i've got no idea a where i'm going and which ones correspond to which region of the country and also it's eight minutes bang up bang bang bang it's too much to be across yeah exactly i find local radio accents i don't know it's because of local radio their accent goes up a notch or they do actually talk like that it's quite an intensely strong accent that when you're jumping from scouse to geelty to mid it's hard to jump between the accents yeah so it was intense so i'm having an hour long chat with a schizophrenic that does all accents it is like who does all the accents yes a bit like this um so then i get rose on tuesday rose on sunday has got ill right she's got either on sunday sounds like channel four show rose on sunday yeah that was some more promos doing rose on sunday um so she's either got gastroenteritis or she's had the worst food poisoning on her we thought it was gastroenteritis but no one else gets it throughout the week so on sunday she's ill and friends come around and then so rose just has to stay in the bedroom you're at home with the kids sunday i'm not home with the kids monday we do this rose is just ill tuesday rose is really ill and then i've got to get the train to london because me and you were recording on wednesday yeah you're in london weren't you for three nights so i got the train up tuesday night there's nothing it is a bleak there's no way two ways about it the 7 30 p.m train is bleak as fuck what from exit to london for exit to london just to go straight to your hotel it is just bleak it's hard to romanticize that that that route there's no i don't know what to do for dinner because there's no proper food situation yeah you've got to try and find a way because it's going to be regular to make that a fun thing to save a series or if have you got an ipad to watch on or something yeah books would that be good i decided i was going to uh because i had to stand up gig the next night yeah which we discussed might have been a mistake so you were getting up what tuesday night to record the interview podcast for this all day wednesday and then you went straight from there to a gig wednesday night which we discussed you thought was a mistake i thought was clever yes see how that plays out okay then i get to my hotel just a bit bleak but that's fine go to sleep get up what did you have for dinner and what did you do on the train out of interest for dinner i had a oh it's so bleak there was only a wh smith's open at the station oh god so i had an overnight oats and a protein kefir drink and a bag of snacker jacks yeah that's that is the order of a pregnant woman with cravings it was the best option and then i got on the train this was a mistake if you're feeling kefir is the future it means i'll live up till i'm 200 years old okay brilliant yeah um so then i got on the train and then i thought i should get the stand-up written so that it's ready for tomorrow oh god so you're working on the 730 train yeah that was a mistake writing new stand-up for a show you don't need yet yeah so i get in quite buzzy by this point yeah what tends to happen is january in january is i hit the year too hard rob i did have suspicions a couple of weeks ago when we chatted yeah and then i you get excited for the year that's it i do then you overbook yeah also bear in mind right this is for context i'm looking at my phone a lot to track the chart position of the new podcast oh god bad neck it's just no it's not giving me a bad neck but it's giving me a bad amount of dopamine hit well the problem is josh as you know of any new podcast you'll zoom up the charts it'll make you feel all buzzy and excited about yourself don't worry about that don't worry about that rob don't worry about that i'm getting michael to send me the numbers i'm getting michael to send all right so you're not looking anymore no no no no i'm looking at the charts but i'm also getting michael to send me the the clear data right okay because i've got Do you get the clear data for this one?

18:32No, don't care because I know it's a success. Okay. I did at the start. I'd ask Michael for the clear data. Really? Well, how many listeners have we got? That's the clear data. How many have we got? Michael, have I ever asked a clear data? I don't think so, no. No. We're different people, Rob. Yeah, that's fine. I'm not saying it's wrong. I think it's actually weird that I never have once. That's why I'm not having a go at you. I'm thinking, what the fuck? What the fuck's wrong with me? Yeah. at the beginning i thought i might but yeah um so you're looking a lot of your phone yeah for dopamine i go to sleep in the hotel get up come into town interview prince nazim habid lou

19:14briny from a bake-off as well oh yeah i was doing the lunchtime lunchtime i do a work phone call uh and then briny from bake-off and uh escaped the country in the afternoon she was incredible that also had an energy to it that really i'll be honest i was topping out in terms of manicness by the end of that episode yeah it was quite i think i was being quite disruptive in it and i don't know so was i so this is something that i need to discuss with you rob yeah and then i went and we did some adverts and then i went and swapped some shoes i was feeling quite manic at this point and then i went and did the gig i was nervous for the gig but the gig went well so dopamine back up again dopamine back up again right it's drugs isn't it basically yeah it's drugs and also rob this is a bad thing but the podcast is getting far more listeners than i anticipated so i'm feeling really high because of that okay well that's good you're celebrating your success yeah but i've got a bad relationship with it then i go back to the hotel yeah and suddenly i'm like i feel fucking weird i feel fucking weird what kind of weird i feel so wired like no coffee or anything it wasn't no it wasn't caffeine you just wound yourself up with dopamine i am in a really weird mental space here so what how does that manifest what's that look i tried to read a book and i was like i am not taking any of this in right okay and then you just sat on a bed yeah i sat on a bed and i tried to watch um phil and kirstie's love it or list it right yeah because traitors was on but i'm behind so i couldn't watch it so and obviously you're in a hotel so you've only got live television yeah have you got an ipad uh not on me and i don't enjoy watching on an ipad i just find it too small i'm just yeah i'll just say because i think it would be oh i tell you what you can get you could get fire stick that you can plug into the back of um an illegal one with all your apps not an illegal one that might be quite good then and then you can plug that in then you can just get iPlayer on it and stuff like that because if you're going to be in hotels a lot you're going to need to create the hotel's got to be your sanctuary yeah not your cell no and so I thought I'll have a bath so I looked there's no bath and so then I thought some help yeah Neom do these little room diffusers travel ones and if you find a nice smell and that you have at home with it in your office and then when you take that with you with the scent it will the room will smell like home oh that's nice and then that might calm you down i would say rob yeah all of those kind of things would very much like putting a sticking blaster on a broken leg do you know what i mean it was right okay so this at this stage help but going forward they may be things to introduce when you're calmer but at this point at this point so i lie in bed i think i've got i've got Chris Evans very early the next day.

22:16Oh my God. Yeah. So I'm like, fuck, I need to get up because I've got Chris Evans there. I've got a full day. I start panicking, obviously, Rob. Oh, Josh. And I'm like, so I think, I turn the lights back on. I'm like, I am buzzing. I'm never going to sleep here. Yeah. So I go on to chat GPT. Yeah. I'm like, am I having a manic episode into chat GPT? i think before he was before it responds the answer is yes if you're asking it well it was interesting we had a long chat it was very reassuring yeah and also it does stuff which i needed which is bad i know it's like don't worry i'm here for you and i'm thinking i know you're not real but i need someone to be here to hear that because i feel like i'm the only person on earth who isn't asleep at this moment and it's dark outside and i i feel manic so i managed to chat gpt calm myself down yeah he gave me it talked to me about what i'd done how much dopamine i was getting off my work that day how how that was totally natural i wasn't having a manic episode i just i'd taken too much dopamine on and i was buzzing yes it was quite i found it was quite an It was an intense day's work.

23:32And then to go to the gig was a mistake. It was mental, yeah. And then to do, especially when you've got the radio so early on. What you need to do really is, rather than go for a gig, maybe meet a friend for dinner or coffee. Because rather than going into your room and going mad, meet a friend for dinner. And then by the time you get back to your room, sleepy time. Okay, Nicola, Quizfrage. Homeoffice-Bastadio oder Fahrtkosten? Was bringt uns mehr? Moment, ich check das kurz. Oha, Homeoffice gewinnt. It brings us more than 150 euros a year. Yes, right. But why do you know something? Because VisoSteuer shows the app live.

24:07That's just the app for all cases. Yes, and it answers questions too. 24x7 and without a German. That's just the app that understands us. Payment done. Safe. With VisoSteuer. Now try it out. Try it out.

24:30tense also his studio is now been made to look like the tfi friday studio are you aware of this yeah i saw that i didn't know what was going on there so that's happened it's a bit like saying to your wife in your marital home do you mind if i turn our bedroom into my student halls of residence room i've got a um sylvester stallone cobra poster i can pop up there so it was quite like oh right i'm on a tv show now on the morning you know here we go it's not like radio anymore it's like you are on a live tv show and then i do another podcast and then uh miranda sawyer's talk 90s to me because i thought that's good promo for the podcast yeah absolutely yeah um and then i do you promote in this new podcast like it's you've been cancelled and you've been given one opportunity back into showbiz where well you're also our co-host of one of the biggest ones in the country already the thing is what i did rob it wasn't so much that it was if i'm in london and I'm going to go for it.

25:28And that was a mistake. What, complete exhaustion? That was the mistake I had. Then I did Sean Walsh's Class Cow on podcast, right? Yep. And I'll be honest with you. By this point, I was, I've had to get the tapes of the interview because I was like, I think I was too honest there. So I think this is something we need to come to. Because of this podcast, where we're really honest and we just take the piss and go for each other quite a lot in a fun way, I've become quite a weird guest on other podcasts

26:04I've been like just saying things I would never have said before and just going for people and then they're like what are you doing and I'm thinking this is a podcast mate this is how it works so have you been too harsh to Sean then? no it was actually when I then the next day did ellis james and john robbins podcast i just went i just came in and i was like taking the piss out of producer dave and then i was like having a go at ellis for for the gig we did together and like saying that saying some things he'd said to me that maybe i shouldn't have said on the podcast but that wasn't live they can edit it out but like i was like i saw a photo When did I become Johnny Rotten going on and absolutely smashing up interviews?

26:54Like, Josh, you may be slightly more honest than before, but I don't think you've become Johnny Rotten. No, I haven't become Johnny Rotten. No. I've become Mr. Blobby, if anything. Yeah. Yeah, you are the podcast equivalent of Mr. Blobby coming in and causing chaos. But that's what people want. Yeah. They want you. So that was Wednesday. You came up Tuesday. This is Thursday, I know. I came up Tuesday night. Me and you did Wednesday. Then you gigged Wednesday night. then you woke up and did about four or five podcasts that day and then you went three and then i'd read it and then i had a meeting about what your mental health just you know there's those meetings you've got in with production companies yeah about ideas and stuff like that yeah yeah yeah yeah that industry shit yeah i was quite weird in that meeting weird in the meeting between each thing keep the high going i'm just looking at my phone too much right okay my phone is like this toxic thing where i'm just like constantly like so this podcast because we've gone video now as well there's a lot more comments there's a lot more interaction so that will be weighing on you slightly because we've got you've got that going on as well and then get this i'm gigging again why did you do another gig on thursday because i tried to get out of it on thursday morning and i felt a bit guilty because the response when i tried to get out of it so i i was meant to be doing the six o 'clock and the eight o 'clock i said i'll just do the six o 'clock and then i went from then i went for a pizza with ellis james which was nice he told me some stuff in confidence that i then said on his podcast the next day on the friday yeah so when did you go home off well the next morning i did chris moyles right and then you know when you're in the global building and you're basically toured around the global building yeah yeah and then i'd got a voice memo of chris stark the night before saying jordan north thinks that you don't like him right okay this is the show you don't you like greg james no i like jordan north i like jordan north you can like jordan north and greg james yeah but you can only love one could you for the podcast for the show when you come in for the first link be really nice to me and sean chris said and be horrible to jordan and then will do it as a prank right okay that's stressful he must have heard your reputation of ripping up podcasts so how horrible were you to jordan north i came in spat in his face slapped him took the mic i described chris and sean as the king and queen of breakfast radio yep jordan then said just if you could have the mic near to your mouth for the show and i said to him i know how to use a mic mate and i felt do you feel good i felt who am i is this me it's quite fun isn't it doing that even though it's a prank but and then i just did the whole interview turned towards though to and then halfway through the link i said i'm sorry i can't do this this is awful before children even clocked it no he had clocked it he was living he was he was really upset and i felt bad oh how awesome did it work then or not it did work it did work but the relief when i i was just like god it was awful anyway it was good radio but it was stressful so i go from that that's what you needed I race across to Ellis and John because I've been racing for the last two days.

30:12Yeah. And they're like, you're two hours early. I unchecked. I just raced because I was in a racing mood.

30:21So then you just waited for two hours. Yeah. I went to a cafe and I had like two strong teas, which was a mistake. So I was buzzing. And then you're not allowing yourself to come down, are you? No, I'm not. I'm just on my phone the whole time. Just texting, Instagramming, just like. just you know and you're just like this is mental i can feel i'm mental and i feel like exhausted and wired at the same time can i just say something because it doesn't feel like a positive but the best thing about all of this is you're aware of it i'm aware of it yeah before you would have been in denial and this would have gone on for weeks and weeks and then you would have maybe drunk and then to calm down and then it gets worse so so after ellis and john did you go home no a couple of zoom calls uh our agents i went to our agents to you they're next to ellis and john basically near very near ellis and john so i used their office for a couple of zoom calls and then i got the car to the one show you did the one show you know i thought you'd come up to do the our podcast and then do last leg no you could have fucked up home again that day no because i had like our podcasting and the one show so i filled in the gap two days yeah okay so i did the one show yeah when i got to the one show i thought i got there early right the thing is though josh if anyone's a fan of you at this point they've got no time left to actually listen to the podcast you're promoting because they're still getting through the 93 hours of content you've given the world this week no one no one just let's count up the content you've given you did two out two episodes of this on the monday three episodes of this on the Tuesday on the Wednesday they're not getting that all on the day and then you're giving them Chris Evans Chris Moyles, The One Show Ellis and John, an hour and a half of local radio Jordan North Jordan North no one's listening to all of this no one who's a Josh Whittacombe fan, Perish the Thought is seeking out any of these things why do I say Perish the Thought?

32:23what's so bad about being your fan? oh god I don't know anymore You're great to be a fan of Anyway Yeah We'll do the one show I had a nap before the one show That was like Being passed out I've never slept like it And then I woke up And I had a twirl Oh yeah Did you get a snack in Before as well Very nice Yeah And then I did the one show With Blue Sarah Parrish and Blue They're still all in it Yeah Their 25th anniversary Of All Rise Rob they were all very good it was lovely to see the blue boys never met them before apart from Duncan and then I got the car to the station I'll be honest I had the train booked for 9pm I got there at 10 to 8 I just bought another ticket Rob I just couldn't face it I just thought I'm going to get the earlier train I can't sit at the station for an hour to get a later train keep moving, keep going keep going, keep going and then I got home yeah rose is shit all over the floor vomited on the stairs absolutely yeah rose has been like in such a bad state because she's been looking after the kids and then there's the kittens and then we let the kittens out on the side of the morning oh yeah have the kittens so you let them out into the whole house no half half we've kind of just the downstairs we've boxed them so beryl can still go upstairs beryl's got the upstairs beryl comes down sees them she's known they're there because she can hear them in this room so we introduce them smell of piss and shit that's fine because there's been air that when you were stressed up in london did you think about taking some cat piss to be reassured i wish i'd been you know that scent i suggested for the room maybe you just get a cat to piss in the corner of your hotel i was thinking these kittens are growing up every day and i'm missing it and i feel awful so how are they getting on okay with beryl they're fine beryl then has gone basically upstairs hiding for three days oh dear beryl's also on antibiotics because she's got a need to be she's also an antidepressant she's no well in a way she is because we've got to get these plug things now that let um hormones out that make cats happy do they do human ones for you well i when i got home i got i haven't only looked at my phone over the weekend i've detoxed on my phone i felt much better kittens well done yeah my phone is fucking toxic no it's awful we are addicted to it it's awful anyway do you want to have a quick look at the charts so see where you are don't michael i woke up this morning to some stats from Michael.

35:04He's got it bad as well. Oh, Michael, have you got it bad or has he demanded it, Michael? Have you got it? Michael's sent some unrequested stats this morning. It's number one on popular shows. I mean, what I will say is I'm just pre-empting it now. Pre-empting the breakdown.

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36:27What am I doing with my life? What are you doing with your life? take my phone away from me i think i think what you're what you're doing is do you want me to try and answer that well this is the other thing rob and i'll do it the kind way non-banter way yeah the kind way is often worse no the banter way is sort of just a bit of i think you really get excited about things and love doing things i do all of those things that apart from maybe a couple you really love doing and that is a fun day for you if it's spread out but i think what you're doing is you have so much dad guilt about being away what you try and do is try and make so much most of you being away so that when you come back you know well i had to do that i got it all done in one day i've almost also got the tour ready for next year blah blah blah but actually what am i doing it's too much you've just got to go up to london and you enjoy have been in london enjoy go to the gym have a bit of food and please believe it or not but like i just think you're too much of a grafter and you're trying to put in too much and just i actually forgot i forgot that i got a hotel with a gym rob and um i i went i ran a 5k the morning before we did all those interviews as well which really got me jangling as well you did the 5k that morning yeah because i woke up so early oh yeah but i think yeah i think like if you're doing the one show that's probably enough in it well i'm done now also anyone that likes you already listens to this just tell them on here you're doing it yeah come on i wish you said that last week do you know what it is do you know what it is yeah it's not and i well maybe it's a bit but not as much as it was maybe five ten years ago even three five years ago right yeah it's not about ego as much as it was it used to always obviously in our job a lot of it is about you want to be a success and that's your ego and that's but it's also about if I really enjoy making that podcast like I really enjoy making this podcast and what I love is you get yourself in a position where you can just do something that you really enjoy and you're in control of it and so I was like I'd really like this to be a success for that reason do you know what I mean not in the way where where i'm like i want my book to come out and be number one so that i can say i've got a number one but it's not what do you know what i mean and so then i got caught up in that and then i put all this promo in and then actually this is the worst thing on sunday i felt a bit down and i was like i can't imagine why yeah why do you want all this but can i can i Can I say what my take of it is?

39:11I don't think I can stop you. Well, it's not about the, I don't think it's about, when you say it's not about the ego. No, it is some point about the ego, but it's not in the same way as it used to be, if that makes sense. No, but absolutely not. But what's happened is this new project has dragged you back into that ego vortex. Because like you said, I just want it to be a success. but if you get to make it and you enjoy making it and it's out in the world isn't that a success already well yes but i won't get to keep making it if it's not got any listeners yeah but that's relative if other things are running slightly more than that and slightly less but you still love doing it that'll be enough to keep it going what i want to do though rob is just sit in this room and never leave exeter yes well then stop doing promo yeah well i have okay well i'll do I'm doing Ramesh on February the 6th.

40:03It just turns out. February the 5th. February the 5th. Thanks for telling me. It'll be there. Daylight. Fuck. So anyway, on Sunday, get home. Beryl just basically, she won't eat and she won't come out from under the bed. And then my daughter makes a box with her bed in it. And she sits in that in this box, which has got, I mean, it's very nice. my daughters have decorated it with like v ic very important cat and made a little red carpet for her and stuff but or could be perceived as victim she's been edged out by the two cute ones oh it's awful right so beryl stops eating then she's got her food out with her pill in and then we look around and one of the kittens has eaten the antibacter oh no so then was that killer kitten well straight up charge ep2 and um chat gb here he comes old manic boy's back again what's he got for me now rose texts her friend sometimes it does go back to the history of what you asked it and goes you may be more worried about this kitten eat this pill because you did have a manic episode in that hotel in london this week exactly yeah yeah is there another adult nearby that i can talk to most phones are friends with a vet they say i'll be fine the cat's fine and then uh beryl won't come out and then last year or the whole of yesterday she won't move she's just stationary there and you're like oh my god and then it's like we're told to get this thing she basically won't eat she's on hunger strike oh no because of the stress because the stress is old because the stress of the whole thing and then we're like maybe it's her uti because maybe she's ill and it's impossible for us to know if she's ill or if she's because that's That's how she behaves when she's ill, but it's also how she behaves because the cat is...

41:48Oh, God. Then I wake up at 3.30am, as covered in the last episode. Go downstairs to get my headphones so that I can listen to podcasts to go back to sleep. Beryl's on the landing. Oh. I give her some strokes. She's purring. She's back. Oh, that's good. She's back. And then she's eaten her dreamies this morning. So hopefully Beryl's on the mend. But fuck me. She must be a bit unwell. it's really really stressful introducing a cat to the older cat because you presume the older cat will dominate the young cats yeah actually she's on her last leg she can't dominate nothing she can't even piss properly she's not on her last leg she's got another decade in her she's it's going to be a fucking shit decade isn't it she's all over the gaff she's having a lovely time she just needs if she was a human she needed a new man remarry you've got another 50 years left barrel go for it well how old was the other one that passed away early seven fucking hell that's well early i know sad isn't it so how old's beryl at nine ten ten ten two beryl could go for another ten years yeah and she's already pissing all over you she hasn't she always got bad kidneys was that the other one yes she's got bad kidneys beryl but we've got them that's where she has to get done yeah oh gosh that's why she has to get flushed anyway today i'm doing this and then i'm going up to talk to you all day tomorrow and then what about the rest of the week you're coming home much right after coming home perfect that's better and it's all good the relationship to work is is a constant battle yeah you know what i mean new projects yeah because it's really difficult because i you do something and you do want people to listen to it and that is totally natural and normal because it has to function as a going business concern because if you spend three days a week on something that earns no money yeah if it earns some then you can balance it out but You can't keep going and going to work to earn no money.

43:41Yeah. So there we go. But all in all, it's been a stressful old week. But, you know, we went and got my daughter's riding hat fitted on Sunday. When do you get the horse? We're not getting a horse, Rob. You don't ever get the horse. You always rent the horse. Is that how it works? We're just going for horse lessons at the moment. I'm not trying to wind you up. I don't know how it works. So you go to a stables for lessons and they have a horse that you use. Yeah, yeah, they give you a horse to have lessons on. And does she use the same horse every time? No, like different horses. But she's got her own actual helmet now.

44:15She's got her own helmet. Yeah, so there we go. And you live in Exeter. Yeah, I do live in Exeter. And she's going for horse lessons. Oh, do you know what we did on Saturday night, Rob? What's that? When I'm here... Can I just say something? You will buy a horse. Sorry, what? You're going to buy a horse. Can we also place a bet? I had a bet I thought about today. Yeah. When I was thinking about... bet about you but moving yeah so i owe you on that bet i owe you on that bet um the horse bet i'm unwilling to take on because i think you're probably right now we're making progress but i've got a bet with you i think after the success of bromley yep and after a bit of a break three or four months yep i think you will announce a tour within 12 months of your tour finishing so my tour officially finishes in glasgow in april this year so within 12 months i do you know what i i think you might be right because if i can do it this way and do it on a friday here we go i won't be i'll be i'll be able to do that because i'll only be missing the kids friday nights rather than a week would you just do fridays the plan is potentially for the next tour whilst the kids are still young i'd go back to normal touring when they're um older is to go to a city for Friday and then put one of the shows on sale, either start at the one o 'clock one or start at the eight o 'clock one and work backwards.

45:43So put on eight o 'clock, if that sells out, 4.30, if that sells out, one o 'clock. Would you tour one day a week or would you also do the weekdays? No, one day a week. One day a week. The maddest tour in history. And I love it. That's still three gigs a week, isn't it? Being one day. Yeah. I'm better. The shows are better for it because I'm in the mode. I'm in doing it. I look forward to having a discussion with you, right, in a year when you're going. The thing is, once you're up in Newcastle on the Friday, it makes sense to, on the way back, do Leeds three times on the Saturday. No, it doesn't.

46:16And then it does make sense to do Birmingham on the Sunday. So, do you know what actually makes sense? It actually makes sense. I couldn't even fucking watch Ballet Shoes. Never mind do Ballet Shoes three times. But that'll be the plan. But also, some people are very scripted when they say the exact words each time it sends them mad. I'm not. It's very loose. And I'll put in new bits, change bits, talk to the crowd. Every show is slightly different. If you come to those three shows, you'll have seen quite a lot of different material. Did anyone do all three? I saw a manager. Poor fucking bastard.

46:52He's only on one fee. Physically, he did. I don't think he did it emotionally. No, he weren't. I didn't pay him for one day. I paid him for three shows. Oh, good. good that's yeah the tour manager that would be an absolute nightmare for a tour manager well i've increased the length of his day dramatically what time do you arrive at the venue i got there about 20 past 11 yeah the good news is rob i reckon i'll be announcing a tour um uh within a year of mine finishing because the amount of gigs i'm doing at the moment i'll be ready yeah those those extra gigs that are really sorting you out there yeah do you know what and it's calming me down that's the good thing about it because otherwise i'd be worried about the next tour but now i'm actually calmer yeah because yeah well the other option would be sleeping resting socializing eating well maybe exercising but no i had a pizza express with ellis james i had a pizza express with ellis james oh you can't beat a pizza express can you yeah i love a pizza express it's so good at it on saturday night we went to a light show at the cathedral because uh because there's nothing else to do down there

47:57unbelievable you are you're a piece of work

48:08we went to get my son's haircut on saturday and all i could was this is so easy this is incredible yeah it used to be such an effort when i lived in zone two um um i'm only joking i'm sure that was lovely it was very nice cathedral very on brand for you right here we go josh hi rob and josh love the pod it keeps me smiling and entertained as a full-time mum to five-year-old twins and an 18-month-old oh my god last year i decided sorry last year last to be fair that's pretty easier in your last week yeah last year i decided i was going to do something for myself and started my own small business called Cast A Moment.

48:49So if you could give me a small business shout out, it would be so much appreciated. I specialize in 3D casting hands and feet for kids, dogs, paws, pregnant bellies, couples and families which are then framed or mounted. I offer a mobile service and cover Central Scotland. Castamoment.co.uk Also on Facebook and Instagram, that's castamoment.co.uk. You should do that. Give you a chance to sit down and stay still for a bit. Could I please request a small business shout out from my amazing husband, Dave, and his brother, Duncan? Go on, Dave and Duncan. Dave and Duncan is, of course, the name of David Bowie and his son.

49:29What a boring fact. Who run...

49:35Do you know that they are turning the house David Bowie grew up in, in Bromley, into a english heritage museum visitor attraction when they're making it all 60s like it would have been when he lived there and where was it was it a nice house or is it like it's like a little two three bed terraced song called up place do lane or something it's like a very very nondescript home a great man do you get annoyed at brixton trying to claim him a bit too much yeah it's really annoying yeah because he definitely formative years are where you're from yeah not when you go to 20 you know uh they're a small family business creating beautiful bespoke garden rooms oh this is uh sorry inside out garden rooms down here in ivy bridge devon ivy bridge lovely just outside plymouth they're a small family business creating beautiful bespoke garden rooms perfect for working from home man caves tiki bars hobby spaces you name it Tiki.

50:31Inside Out Tiki. What's that? Like sort of Hawaiian-y sort of like tiki bar. No, thanks. Inside Out Garden Rooms.co.uk. Is that racism towards Hawaiians? No, it's just not. I don't want that in my house. Do you like pineapple on your pizza? I think pineapple on the pizza isn't the big debate that people think it is. I think it's fine. What's your answer? I don't mind it. It's fine. Okay. But you hate Hawaiians. You eat their food. I don't hate Hawaiians. Barack Obama was born in Hawaii. I like him. okay they founded the business from scratch and i'm so proud of how much they've grown i've by talking about the last week become manic again in the last hour i'm so proud of how they've grown it from real craftsmanship quality of build and proper integrity in every design they pour their hearts into every project and mean the world to give them a little boost thanks so much and keep the chaos coming we have absolutely lovely pod love the podcast a loyal listener since day one kirstie inside out gardenrooms.co.uk good luck dave and duncan oh lovely they are nice they are nice i'll spill me drink right josh please try and have some time to yourself i'm feeling much better the weekend has done a lot of good for me and i detox and i'm going to block my phone the moment we finish this podcast done see you next week love you love you too josh yeah we should end like that I don't know it's a nice film a bit weird peace and love peace and love that's no

52:08hello