S12 EP50: My daughter broke her arm

20:32Josh Widdicombe:It's a Saturday, yeah. She's a lot more ill than not ill, though, isn't she, Beryl? Friday, yeah. Let's be honest. She's pissing on your clothes. She's always got to have her kidneys flushed or whatever it is. Well, her kidneys flush isn't that she's ill. It's keeping her not ill. Well, exactly. But then, you know, how much do you do that for? You know what I'm saying? Well, just the rest of her life. Yeah, absolutely.

20:56Josh Widdicombe:We've got pet insurance, Rob. is free fair enough we are i'll be honest my friends i won't name them but we are in absolute profit with beryl are you the kind of person that when if when or if beryl passes yeah fingers crossed no um she won't ever die would you phone in sick from work or not do a record no you won't be that kind of person no i'm not that guy so friday me and you do a pilot in the blazing heat for 11 hours. That was fun though. I enjoyed that. It was really fun. But then I've got to get back from Canterbury to Exeter. My car. Can we explain what, we're probably not allowed to explain what it is.

21:36Well, it's been in the papers. So basically the pilot is me and Joshua arrive. I arrived in Canterbury about 8 a.m. I think you were there the night before. Yeah, I'd had a call. Stayed overnight. And then we, basically in the morning, us and some other famous people get these giant balls, like inflatable balls, and we have to get them from one part of Canterbury to another. The idea of the show is you move around the country, go to different places, and you have to move it around and there's loads of little games. It's like a Saturday night fun family TV show. Very slapstick, very silly. And it was exhausting.

22:09We did 16 ,000 steps pushing this ball around and running around and it was 30 degrees. And by the end of it, I had sweat marks where it was all white around my tits and back where the salt would come out of my body. It was mental. And I couldn't walk for two days after. But it was fun to do, but it was exhausting.

22:24Josh Widdicombe:Anyway, my car doesn't make it through because of a fire on the M25. So we finished at 7 o 'clock, did we? 6 o 'clock? Yeah. I got back at 11.30. Rob, I did something bad on the train. What did you do on the train? I was so fucked. I was so tired. And there was no one near me in my carriage. Yeah. And I was on single seat with a single seat opposite. Table? Table. But just singles. No one near me in the carriage. Yeah. Facing forward? I always face backwards. That's insane. I've told you I've always faced backwards. Yeah, I know. It's so funny. We are absolute chalk and cheese. I can only go forward.

23:07We've discussed this. Carry on. I know. That's not just on a train. That's in life. Empty carriage, you've chose single seat backwards. Yeah. Arguably the worst seat. On an empty carriage, you might go forward with two seats. No, no, no.

23:19Josh Widdicombe:Because it's not a single seat with a seat in front of you. It's a single seat with a facing seat. seat. Yeah, but what I'm saying is on a completely empty carriage, you might roll the dice and take a four-seater. Then someone might sit on the four with me if it feels that. No, but that would be insane. If you're in there on your own, you can go four-seater table, and then if someone else comes in, they can go single-seat. If they come on the four-seat, also as well, if they do come on the four-seat, there's nothing wrong with you going, this is mental, I'm going single, what's wrong with you?

23:44And then shifting.

23:46Josh Widdicombe:So I did something bad. I went shoes off, feet up on the opposite seat. Socks on or off? Socks on. I think socks off, unacceptable. Socks on, due to the level of tiredness, I'm going to let you off this time. Good, good, good, good, good. And you took your shoes off, that's fine. Yeah. But your socks must have stunk. Oh, my God. I genuinely, I don't know what you look like, because we didn't see each other much due to the format. I genuinely couldn't have gone into public looking how I looked. I looked, I'd been rescued from the street. Yeah, it was. But I'd gone missing for two days. It was insane.

24:23Josh Widdicombe:It was disgusting. I was so tired. I was so tired. And the next day, get straight up. Beryl's gone missing. Oh. Then we'd go around a friend's house. And then, do you know what I did, Rob? I watched some of the rugby. Oh, no. Oh, you're going to be a Chiefs fan soon, aren't you? It was the Chiefs. Go Chiefs. No, I'm not a Chiefs fan. You've got loads of rugby, posh rugby mates. No, I haven't really. Who are your friends? Who's your friends? This is the weird thing about where I live. It's the one negative. People talk about rugby. Like it's a sport. Like it's an equivalent of football. It's meant to.

25:04I'd have to just go, shut up, everyone.

25:07Josh Widdicombe:I've never heard this before, but you'll go, are you enjoying the World Cup? Oh, I'm more of a rugby person. So what? Conversation end. It's like saying, do you like the Beatles? No, I'm more into S Club 7. Yeah, I'm like DJ Otzi. Yeah. What is fucking going on? How do you know these people? These are just everyone. Loads of people are into rugby. It's mad. So are these people now? Because the Chiefs are huge, Rob. No, they're not. Well, not in the wider world, but they're one of the best teams. So I'm cursed with living in a city. Yeah. They're essentially like. Your son or daughter might play rugby.

25:50No, they're not going to. I don't think it's going to suit your daughter. She's struggling with a cartwheel. Don't need a Joe Marla type running at her. So the Exeter Chiefs are on their Instagram now. They're the big clubbing. So was it a big game, though? Was it a final of something?

26:08Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, it was the final of the rugby. Right. The premiership final. And these new school friends? Yeah, because it was like, well, we're just going around for the kids. Now, this is when the old East London crew perk up. Sure, it's cooler. But would you want to sit in a cool room talking to someone about rugby, watching rugby? Or be sweating your tits off watching football in a pub in Hackney? I know what I'd pick. We did go, we then did watch the football, Holland versus Sweden. Sorry, Netherlands versus Sweden. How does one watch rugby? Well, I ask a lot of questions.

26:44I think I've, you know what? I don't mind rugby league. I've always been put off by rugby. One, because I prefer football. Yeah, two, because it's posh. Two, I can't work out what's going on because a lot of it's a big bundle. And three, I've got the working class chip on my shoulder. It's for posh people. Yeah, I've got that chip on my shoulder. Especially rugby union.

27:01Josh Widdicombe:Even though I'm not really working, I'm not working class. No, but you are a lot less posh and middle or upper class and people think you've just got no accent like me and you are quite intelligent. So people just assume you're from a rich, posh family. but actually you're from a you know rough little scuzzy farm lot aren't you really deep down no I'm not from a rough little scuzzy farm lot but I went to a a solid comprehensive school although we did play rugby and I found that awful you're just like one of the dingles deep down you know you give it large large one but you're you know you're sat there little Zach Dingle whatever his name is Cain Dingle Cain Dingle Josh Dingle but I hated rugby and I still don't like it yeah no The rugby's hard going.

27:43Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, so then it's so hot by this point. Beryl's gone. We get back. We find her, but she's not very well. We're going to have to take her to the vets. Are we going to take her to the vets? Let's give it another day. Next day, Fluffball comes in. Right. She's panting like a dog. Is she a dog? She's not a dog. How's Dean during all this? Dean's fine. Dean's fine. Google Fluff, we Google Pat panting like a dog. Cat panting like a dog. Take her straight to A &E. Right. That's really bad. That's really bad. Give her a biscuit, take her for a walk. Sorry, I'm sorry. Is she all right? Please don't tell me Fluffball's dead.

28:27Josh Widdicombe:Not now, after what all I've said. No, she's not. I have to take her in. They're like, she's got a heart murmur. Oh, what? Is that genetic or is it just for the day? I don't know. Oh, you don't need another. Why do you all have ill cats? They put her in an oxygen chamber. Fucking hell, what is that? What? How does oxygen help your heart? That's for your lungs, isn't it? Because she's panting. They put her in an oxygen tank. Right, to calm her breathing down because her heart's shit. Yeah. They say, come back later. We're going to do some tests. Then later on, they're like, this heart murmur's gone.

29:05Josh Widdicombe:We've done a scan of the heart. We can't find anything wrong with it. But we've got a heart specialist on Tuesday. Bring her back in. Oh, brilliant. Yeah, 500 quid, even though the heart member's gone. Don't worry, mate. Pet insurance. If anyone's got any shares in a pet insurance company or the industry, take them out now because the Whittacombs, absolute sick notes. Everyone's ill. Oh, get this. By the way, it's Father's Day at this point. Oh, God. And you're at the vets? I'm at the vets. I haven't had, you know, it's not a classic Father's Day. Oh, so I get to the vets, right? I don't want to be graphic about this, Rob.

29:44Josh Widdicombe:Go on. But when Fluffball got ill, I was about to have a shit. So I'm desperate. So you're desperate. So you're absolutely desperate. So basically, you're about to have a shit. The cat's panting, and then you rush, and you need to. You can't have a shit at the vets, can you? I'm like, have you got a toilet? Because I'm waiting. They're like, yes, outside. Also, vets are small. Everyone's in there looking at Josh Widdicombe. Well, no, it's Sunday because it's an emergency. There's no one else there. Oh, that's okay. Oh, that's worse because they'll know it's you. It's round the back. It's round the back.

30:15All the staff will know you dropped a dirty.

30:16Josh Widdicombe:No. Because there's no one else to blame it on. They've got their own staff toilets. They'll know. If Josh Widdicombe came to my vets and he went, I'm going to the toilet, and he was gone ages, I'd go in there, come back out and tell everyone, He's out of shit. But it's totally natural. It's totally natural, but it's quite funny. If you worked in a vet and a famous person off the TV, look, you're the host of Strictly now. Imagine you're on a vet. It's back in the day. Bruce Forsyth's coming on his own. Goes to the toilet for 10 minutes, comes back, absolutely reeks. You're telling everyone Bruce is there.

30:50I don't reek. Come on, mate.

30:52Josh Widdicombe:Well, the good news, Rob, is the toilet is outside. So the toilet is... So dingle. You are so dingle now. Round the back of the vet, right? Right. You know those kind of buildings you get backstage at festivals, those kind of toilets? Right, okay, yeah. So like a little cabin? Yeah, she says it might be locked. I go around the back. It's an outside sort of festival toilet. I know, I don't know why. Okay, sweet. I go around the back. It's locked. It's behind a padlocked gate. I have to come back through. She's like, okay, I'll come out and undo the padlock for you. All right. I'm like, this is degrading.

31:30It is, especially when you're desperate.

31:32Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. And is Fluffball still panting in a cat carriage? She's in an oxygen chamber. I'm waiting to be told where they can go home. The staff will have to get in that oxygen chamber once you're finished.

31:46We've worked it out. No heart murmur, but you've got to stop having a shit near the cats. They can't cope.

31:50Josh Widdicombe:There's no window on the toilet, Rob. Yeah. I go in. Oh, by the way, my phone's about to die as well, so I've left it charging behind the desk in the vets. I go in, there's no light switch. It's totally dark.

32:08Josh Widdicombe:I look outside, I look inside, there's absolutely no light switch. I move around. It's not, I'm like, well, I can't go back in for a third time and say there's no light in the toilet. Yeah. And I haven't got my phone to create a light. Oh, so it's pitch black. Pitch black shit. Right. Pitch black. Okay. Like total darkness. Yeah, because it's one of them cabin things. There's no windows. There's no windows. It's just total darkness. This is Father's Day. But what I would say is you can work out where it all is if you're in there. Yeah, yeah. Of course. The only way to double check you've fully cleaned is sniff, but I'd say roll the dice, finish it off when you get home.

32:51Josh Widdicombe:Then I finish it off, flush, stand up, and the light comes on. Unbelievable moment.

33:00Josh Widdicombe:For some reason, finally I've activated the movement-sensored light. Okay. So then I go back in. Fluffball's got to stay in. So then they phone us later. Fluffball's fine. They said, I can't explain what's happened. Her heart murmur's gone. It just would never happen normally like this. Okay. I want a bit more info. Well, that's why we're returning to the heart specialist Tuesday. Yeah, makes sense. So take her into the heart specialist yesterday. Everything's totally fine. No one can explain what the panting was. But they think it's probably the hot weather. Right. So who introduced the heart murmur thing?

33:45Josh Widdicombe:No, there was a heart murmur. But they think it's probably related to the hot weather. So panting can create a heart murmur. Right. I think she basically had a panic attack because of the heat. Oh, my God. Even your... What's that? Are they getting it off you?

34:02You can't have a cat having a panic attack. I've never seen a cat panic.

34:07Josh Widdicombe:Oh, by the way, we've also got cluster flies. So get this. You are so dingle. What are cluster flies? We've basically got one room downstairs. Yeah. What do you mean? Because of the building work. Yeah. Right. Okay. Yeah. We've just got one. Oh, God, cluster flies. Horrendous. Yeah, one sitting room. That's all we've got downstairs, and that gets cluster flies. Oh, no. How do you get rid of cluster flies? Well, it turns out you open the window and they go. Oh. So how many are we talking? 50. 50 flies? No, maybe 30. So what? Oh, I think I've had a cluster fly in my house, but only one. No, that's a fly.

34:54Josh Widdicombe:Okay.

34:58So they're only called cluster flies if they're loaded together?

35:00Josh Widdicombe:Because that's the cluster bit, yeah. Yeah, that does make sense, actually. They lay their eggs in the window. Oh, and then you open the window and they go out? They lay their eggs in the window in winter or whatever, and then when it's hot, they all hatch at the same time, and suddenly you've got flossing flies everywhere. So you just open the window and they all go? Yeah, we didn't know that for a day. We couldn't open the window. What do you mean you didn't know that? Well, we did know that, but we didn't. We couldn't open our window, so we had to get the building. What do you mean you couldn't open your window?

35:27Josh Widdicombe:We didn't know how to open the window because it was locked. You know, when a window's locked, we've never opened the window, have we? I'm still sleeping on the floor, by the way. Like, this is not Father's Day. I mean, I had a terrible sleep. You know, when it stalks, you get the storm where you were? No. We got this horrendous storm. Like, I got woken up by the rain and then the thunder and lightning. So my daughter came into my room, the eldest one. Dad, I'm scared, I'm scared. I'll drop me to lie with you for a bit. She went, yeah, all right. So she doesn't like anyone sleeping with her or she's very good at going to bed on her own.

36:00So I'm desperate to go to sleep. So I get into her bed and I just go to sleep. And she's just talking to me because she's scared and doesn't want to go to sleep. So I'm like, fine. So I just chat to her. Then the storm stops after about an hour. She goes, right, can you go out now? I'm like, what? Can you get out now? I want to go to sleep. She doesn't want to end up. I'm like, all right. So I get out. Go to get in my bed. The younger one's got in my bed. So then I end up getting in the younger one's bed. Right. then at six in the morning i get woken up because my daughter goes well the youngest goes can you get out now i need to get dressed so she gets me out then i'll go and get back in my bed for 10 minutes before i get up for the day i'm like this is not this isn't living when does it stop so why

36:43Josh Widdicombe:are you still on the floor we're having the other bedrooms done right yeah and so we've only got one bedroom on one sitting room got yeah that's phase two phase one will end phase one ends at the end of July and then we've got 75 % of the house and the last 20 we're currently living in the 25 % of the house that is phase two right okay that is face so and you're all this work can be done before strictly starts um probably not no okay do you know what though at least you're realistic now yeah so what when's the when will you get in a bed when you when you when will you get to go when phase one ends end of July perfect so just another another five weeks Yeah.

37:25Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Do you feel all right? Enough energy? Have you got a mattress now yet? No. Why haven't you got a mattress? This is because, why not? Just a comfy mattress. Because I'm busy. I'm so busy. Can't you take a mattress out of the other room? Yeah, probably. I just never get around to it. Right, okay. So what are you sleeping on? A futon? Yeah. This isn't okay, Josh. No wonder you're tired. I'm not tired. No? Actually, I'm fine energy-wise. Yeah. I think your life could be better. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I agree. I agree, Rob. I totally agree. Yeah. Why don't you do that and set a bit of time to just take a mattress out of your daughter or son's room?

38:08Because what's she sleeping on? The futon with you?

38:12Josh Widdicombe:No, she's got a mattress. So she's got a mattress? Yeah. You haven't got a mattress? No. Go and get a mattress. I know. I just... Or just order a cheap one for the next five weeks. Yeah, maybe we will. Maybe we will. You're not going to, are you? No. Oh, this is the other thing. What was the food ton? Have you got a fucking... I've got a holiday booked and she's got a broken arm and the holiday's all about the pool. Oh, no. Bless her. It's just... And you're just like, that's just going to be... It's going to be so hot and sweaty. So hot and sweaty. You know. Oh, do you know what she's got into?

38:44Josh Widdicombe:Minecraft. Ah. Yeah, my daughter's like that. Yeah. It's good, isn't it? It's better than Roblox. I don't like Roblox. Because it's like educational. They're like building stuff and stuff. Yeah, but sort your privacy out. There's always a P don't lurk in. Well, she just sits here on her own. She's got this educate. Oh, yeah. My friend, his 12-year-old came home and said, have you heard the news? Keir Starmer's banned the internet. He's gone now anyway. He's gone now anyway. Andy Burnham might reverse it. How do you feel about the social media ban? Into it, I think, well, me, I'm absolutely addicted to my social media apps.

39:23So is Lou. We're setting a terrible example for the children. If anything, they're setting a better example for us. Adults need to do something about it. I think in years to go, people look back at photos of everyone with their neck all bent up, with their arm bent up, looking at their phone for hours and hours, like we look at photos of people on the tube smoking. I think it's absolutely awful for your mental health and your happiness. I've actively got to sort that out but I think it's a really good idea obviously you can just go people will get round it and get VPNs but then you know when I was 12 people would pay older kids to buy them cigarettes there's always a way around

39:58Josh Widdicombe:you might as well not ban anything because you might as well go well people will get round it with murder because they'll manage to they'll manage to commit a murder without any evidence and it's not allowed it's against the rules actually the murder it's about what it fucking does to your brain about this endless scroll about this how i feel when i go on social media versus how i feel after i've left and how it tends to social social circles people liking comments not liking you're liking all those things i think that's more toxic than this oh we're just protecting them for that reason can't we just put can't we just do normal social media but with with tight controls on pedos it's not about that no it's more i think your child are probably more at risk of bad mental health and sort of peer group problems than immediate pedo but obviously is that but i think i think it's um i think it's a really good thing i think i feel a bit bad for certain parts of youtube like if it's quite a a good creator that's the heart's in the right place and all that but it's like there's so much but they're keeping youtube kids right yeah so i think it forces creators and youtube to be a bit more strict and disciplined with with content of stuff as opposed to just see what i can get away with but like when they got my daughters have been on like the reels and stuff and or the youtube shorts you just get they it just drags you into a horrible stuff you didn't even search for in the first place so i um yeah i think it's a really good thing the ban yeah so so that is our viewpoint next on the agenda jeremy doku the belgian football he his wife is pregnant and he said he's going to leave camp if the wife goes into labour.

41:43I think, yeah, definitely.

41:45Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, of course. Do that. Tell you who probably wouldn't think that, Tom Brady, because he takes sport too seriously. You've really gone out for Tom Brady, haven't you? Well, I just found him unbearable. But you hate American things as well. Do you know what? I don't hate American things. I like a lot of American bands. Fair enough. Who's your favourite American band? LCD Sound System. Are they American? Yeah, they're from New York. We do need to talk about Michael's hotel room in America. Oh, my God, yeah. Oh, no, I was going to talk to you about... Go on. I'll save these for the next one, Rob.

42:18Josh Widdicombe:Do you want to hear about Paddington the musical? Yes. Or do you want to hear about my daughter getting into the World Cup? Or do you want to hear about me getting a wallet?

42:33Well, you get a... Here's another one.

42:35Josh Widdicombe:And these are all trails for next time. Yeah. I've had a session with a running coach. Okay. Well, first pick for that would be you getting a wallet. But I think because it's World Cup fever, maybe you don't get in the World Cup. I can raise you a couple of things that I've got here. I've got a horrible man of Victoria Station. Yes, please. I can give you that now quickly if you want. Just walk along. Bloke shouts at me. oh Rob Lacey's up midnight on a Saturday oh Rob you alright hello you alright bit drunk fair enough he's a bit loud but whatever he's shocked to see me sounding like hello mate you alright you live in Portsmouth I went no no I don't live in Portsmouth I'm going back to Brombley of course I fucking don't live in Portsmouth Victoria Station goes to so many different places yes but I think what I'm learning about people is that people are very much in their own world and everything revolves around them which is understandable but just assumes if he's going there from that station then so am i and i'd argue even if i was born in portsmouth i probably wouldn't live in portsmouth no shade on portsmouth but there are lots of other places in the world and also terrible for logistics if you're trying to be a comedian so i go no i'm not in portsmouth he went oh okay they're walking along he goes can you settle an argument between me and my girlfriend and his girlfriend sort of walking with him but two steps away sort of not enjoying this interaction i'll go oh do i have to there's a bit like it's quite awkward to settle and you know oh also we're just like walking i'm like we're in motion i went oh do i do i have to i don't want to get involved in you know you know domestics and he went well yeah basically she's a oh my god and like in front of her and i I just, I didn't laugh.

44:25I think he thought I was going to laugh. So I didn't laugh. And I just said, that's just not a nice thing to say. Yeah. But like deadly serious like that. Yeah. It felt awkward to do, but also felt awkward. What did she react? She said, yes, you are right. It is a horrible thing to say. Jesus, well. I went left, they went right.

44:47Josh Widdicombe:Fucking hell. Did it look like they were having a really big argument and they hated each other? It looked like he was a drunk idiot. Yeah. She, long-suffering girlfriend, probably close to tapping out of the relationship, or they've maybe got a couple of kids. But she was at least going to get back to Portsmouth first. Yes, but she was a bit more switched on and looked more sober. I imagine he wanted to go and do something that she thought wasn't the right thing to do and was more sober and measured and mature, and he was throwing his toys out the pram. But if that was my daughter and I saw that interaction, I would say leave them.

45:29I've never in my life, I've been absolutely paralytic, drunk. I've never said anything close to as awful as that. Not just to my wife or Lou, like, well, she's my wife, but not even like in private, never mind to a complete stranger in front of everyone at a platform in Victoria. And I was like, that is awful. That's why I'm not going to sort of laugh at all. Because sometimes you sort of go, oh, no. I was like, no, that is just awful. Your call has been forwarded to voicemail. Hi, this is Zoe Deutsch.

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47:27Josh Widdicombe:If they are listening, I'd love to hear. He's not listening. He is. Even if he's got kids, he don't care about this. No. He's absolutely not interested in anyone other than himself. Leave him. If you're listening, leave him. Right. If you are listening or if this gets back to you, leave him or email him and tell us why you're staying. We'll keep anonymous, but we'll give you advice and we'll guide you through it. We're here to help. Now, two more quick things. One, I've got a wallet. Two, Michael's been in the worst hotel room on earth. So I've got a wallet, Rob. Go on. I've had to go back to the wallet age.

48:04Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, why is that? I thought I was never going to have a wallet again. Yeah. But you have debit cards. Also, you've got your Exeter Chiefs membership card. So anyway, I've had to go back to having a wallet because I keep – because even though I've got Apple Pay, occasionally you need your debit card. And then I don't know where it is. Yes. And then it's – yeah. So when do you need your debit card? Like if you're buying something over the phone or online? If you need cash. Yeah. Or if sometimes like – yeah, if you just need the number on your debit card for some reason or whatever. I'm struggling to get into this story because you're sort of explaining what everyone already knows.

48:47I know, but I thought... You're the anomaly, not like... I thought I'd left the wallet generation.

48:51Josh Widdicombe:Now I've had to re-embrace having a wallet. Which is weird because actually... Because I'd lost my debit card. So I got my debit cards. Right. Which has been a nightmare because obviously you have to go a week without debit cards. Yeah. Get them back, put them in a wallet. So you've got a wallet now? Yeah, put my wallet in my pocket. Is it a material one with Velcro and Umbro written on it? No, it's not. It's leather. Yeah, so what else is in your wallet? My... What else is in my wallet? My driving licence? Yeah, it's a good place to keep it all. Exactly. So there it is, right? There is also, Josh, a phone case that Lou's got that's leather.

49:30Yeah, I know. That he's got a little thing at the back and a little clip, and it doesn't make it much bigger, and it has space for free cards.

49:37Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, maybe I should do that. Because this is what happened, Rob. I went to do the school pick-up. I'm going to keep my wallet in my pocket. You know, this is the new mate. It's like someone explaining like breathing. Is this the worst anecdote of all time? No, it's not worse. It's so funny that for you this is such an... But most people do just pick up their wallet when they go out. Yeah. Anyway, so let's get back into it. You've got your wallet in your pocket. Going to school pick-up. Yeah. Walking home with my daughter. What's that on the pavement? Your wallet. My wallet. From the way when you walked in?

50:12Josh Widdicombe:I don't know how. I'd already lost my wallet. I'd already dropped it on the floor. So this is why people have man bags now. Yeah, I know. Because wallets are too bulky in your pocket, aren't they? I know. It's too much. And they stick to your phone when you take your phone out. So they just flip out of your wallet, out of your pocket, because they're a kind of sticky leather. What about a... But then I think if you've got a card thing, that would be even smaller and then you'd lose that as well. So you need maybe a bigger wallet, a man bag, or a phone case that you can put some – how many cards are in your wallet?

50:43One debit card.

50:43Josh Widdicombe:The big three. Two debit cards and a driving licence. Solo joint driving licence. Personal business driving licence. Sorry. Personal business driving licence. Yeah, I think you need to get a phone case that has three slidey slots in because – I do. But I like my phone case because it helps me find my phone. Right, and what about your key to get in? I've got keys. You've just got a set of keys? I've got a set of keys. I've got a big one. Is it the Chubb? And then I've got a Yale. And there's attached to a beeper. Well, you don't have to give... Well, I don't think that's... I don't mind. No, I just don't know if people want to hear about every key that's on it.

51:22But you've just got a set of keys.

51:24Josh Widdicombe:Two keys. Chubb and Yale. And it's got a beeper that is meant to help me find them if I lose them, but I've never managed to activate it. Sure. I've got a wallet that I put my door key in. That feels like too much of a gamble to me. Right, okay. But then there's only one thing, yeah, because you could lose it all. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. Well, let's say you get on with it. Yeah, I will. Well, I'm thinking now I'm just going to keep my wallet in a drawer. Why? So you just know where it is if you need it. So I know where the stuff is if I need it, but I don't take it out and about. So if you go to an event and you've got your tickets on your phone and you need ID, like sometimes you need ID to collect your tickets or get into a game or something.

52:04You just have to make sure you've got, you, you took your,

52:07Josh Widdicombe:it wouldn't be the first time that I've had to Google myself to show people who I am. What to get in somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to be doing that. No, but sometimes desperate times lead to desperate measures from a desperate man, from a desperate man. Um, should we do a small business? Yeah. And we'll do Michael's hotel room next time. Oh yeah. Yeah. We'll put that picture up and explain the sketch. Let us know if you've had a hotel room. Oh, photos of worse hotel rooms. Great. Your one had no window. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Let's do a small business shout-out. Hey, I've been listening from day one.

52:41I reckon one of your first ever listeners. I would love a shout-out for my good friend Marguerite's gelato business, Villaggio Gelato. She makes it all herself from Italian recipes passed down through generations. generations. Bellagio Gelato is based in Winchburg, Scotland. How's that? Scotland, Winchburg. Edinburgh. Edinburgh. So it might be Winchbra. It's Burg at the end. W-I-N-C-H-B-U-R-G-H. Edinburgh. Edinburgh. Winchburg. Scotland. However, she has now started churn your own kits. All you need is your own ice cream machine. Each kit includes... Oh, Lucius bought an ice cream machine, actually.

53:24The kit includes all the dry ingredients ready weighed for convenience, a list of fresh ingredients to add, and easy step-by-step instructions to help you create our delicious, authentic gelato at home using your own ice cream machine. The kits are available for delivery across the UK. Her website is villagiogelato.shop. that's v-i-l-l-a g-g-i-o and then gelato j g-e-l-a-t-o god my i don't know it's so hard being dissecting instagram is villaggio gelato um never stop the podcast you guys are brilliant

54:01Josh Widdicombe:thanks angela there we go there we go small business shout out there you go is you holding air time to find a small business. I know, because it was open and then it closed. Oh, Josh. Like most small businesses. Am I right? Oh, there we go. There we go. Do you know, you'll like this, Rob. You'll like this one. You'll like this one because it's in Little Hampton, West Sussex, which is from your beloved London Victoria. You live in Little Hampton, don't you? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, I always go there. Put on the way to Portsmouth. Hello, hello, hello, Rob and Josh. i've got the most delicious small business shout out cat burglar donuts in little hampton west sussex a vegan donuts delivered now i know what you're thinking vegan bog off but as an avid meat scoffer i'd go as far as to give these as to say these give crispy cream a run for their money owned by emma you can find them in the local markets but can order them online at www.catburglardoeco.co.uk.

55:06Josh Widdicombe:Is that right? Yeah, if you say it. It is. catburglardoeco.co.uk or check them out on Instagram at catburglardoeco. They can also do giant donuts for weddings and parties. If having seven siblings didn't already scare me off having children, then this podcast definitely has. Yours sincerely, Kira in Littlehampton. Josh, I'll speak to you soon. I enjoyed this. Love a little catch. It was pleasant. It was pleasant. Enjoy the Arctic temperatures in Exeter? I know. I might have to go and put a jumper on. Right. See you next week. Oh, a quick shout out to Sumo Donuts and Curry Smugglers, two Canterbury-based companies that gave us some freebies and snacks when we were out doing that pilot last week.

55:50So big up to them. There we go. Bye.

55:58Josh Widdicombe:Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for$15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three month plan equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra. Default terms at mintmobile.com.