S13 EP11: Other podcast beef

0:00Josh Widdicombe:Hey, parents. How do you make smarter choices for your kids' college today? That's where Sally can help. With Sally, you can find scholarships, funding options, tools, and guidance all in one place. And if you need a loan, Sally has options for different families and different situations. College is only worth it if you do it right. So don't just help your kid go. Help them go smarter. Sally.com slash go parents. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it.

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1:26Josh Widdicombe:Kids account for ages 6 to 15 requires a parent or guardian account. UK residents, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Jules, can you say Rob? Rob. Can you say Beckett? Mother. And can you say Josh? Josh. Can you say Widdicum? Widdicum. Can you say stay sexy? and relatable don't nod can you say relatable close enough good boy Boppet there we go I feel about playing a voice note of a child saying to me stay sexy well he barely did if that helps oh no I think that this is my 18 month old Julian having a go at Julian are you? no I'm not I'm saying I think it's fine for an 18 month old to say that she's not going to go what does sexy mean i've been listening since the beginning and you've always made me laugh out loud even if i don't get any of the football references well i've got good news for you rebecca they are a thing of the past reflecting on it now i probably shouldn't have told my toddler that you were sexy but it's done now becky 422 months from reading reading reading so rob how's life life's good i'm in a uh rotisserie chicken competition with tom allen talk to me so we have a real passion for rotisserie chicken okay can you tell me what rotisserie chicken is just specifically as a that's from uh kicked cooked on a spit yeah so the ones that are on a spit that moves around slowly and it's normally got very salty peppery crispy skin and how are you so how do you do that at home a rotisserie chicken well that's the thing we love we love in lou's favorite restaurant is restaurant in spain called camp adres that has it i always love it i was all over the master poulé in france when we were there of course you and tom davis loved master poulé and when i went to spain on holiday we used to get rotisserie chickens from the market with chips and he loved the same on holiday loves it and he's got a thing for his barbecue we've got the same barbecue but i haven't got one yet but a spit called a joe tisserie whatever it's called that goes round and it cooks a chicken.

3:51So he cooks a rotisserie chicken with chips and salad. And the game is who can do the best rotisserie chips and salad. Yeah. And we went to their house, Tom and Alfie's house last night to have it. Did you score it? How does it work? We don't score. I think maybe it felt a bit harsh to be in someone's garden eating a chicken to give it a rating out of 10. Yeah. I'd say, though, the flavor of Tom's was delicious. the meat was succulent and beautifully cooked but even he would admit this the skin on certain parts it was a little bit charred oh oh taste was still there but it was a little bit charred so salad was it was lettuce and tomatoes the presenter of cooking with the stars surely he's not open the vent a bit too much so the flame got too big oh no anyway oh no guess where the veg was from little his garden his garden we were eating farm to plate so they call it can be and what's um and what's the um what what veg was it so we had um lettuce and then tomatoes and basil from his garden and then the potatoes get this right yeah we arrived at his house we're supposed to be there at half four but we got delayed so got there at five now tom and alphie I wouldn't say that should affect it too much.

5:13That's only half an hour. Brilliant hosts, I'd say there's sometimes a little bit of weight between arrival and eating that I'm aware of now to the point where before I left the house, I had too many pots of Philadelphia, some breadsticks and two yogurts. Okay. And, you know, the weight so much that sometimes the chicken gets charred. Well, no, the chicken had already been cooked. The delay was, and it was very sweet of Tom, he'd grown potatoes in a pot and he wanted the kids to pick them and then prepare them and cook them for tea yeah nice but if you do arrive at someone's house and you want food and you and you think oh when's dinner if you're picking the potatoes you're gonna eat in your head you're like we're looking at a slight delay here yeah do you get up potatoes we're digging the potatoes and washing them soaking them chopping them cooking but it was absolutely delicious so they're going to come to ours and we're going to do a chicken salad and chips in a what is a very middle class kind of yeah but i like it with me doing it well i think pre-september time but i haven't got a rotisserie and you going to where you can get what you've got time well i've got time but i don't know if i want to do the barbecue one that he did because i feel like i'm copying

6:29Josh Widdicombe:him it does feel like you need to do something different doesn't it it does feel it's not just like here's my version of the same thing exactly so we are gonna do nando's no there are a tip well i've got to do some research but at the moment i'm staring down the barrel of barrel of buying a countertop rotisserie chicken machine off amazon but i looked at the reviews and it said like it's 120 volt like it's american so the voltage is all off so i i need i need i need basically i need to buy something that can like how are you going to mix it up with the potatoes and the salad or the chips and the salad i think he did his own potatoes in the air fryer i think i'm gonna have to just fry them like proper home cooked fried chip chips yeah so that's what i'm gonna do and then salad i think really it's hard the salad because he's really won by growing it yeah you know what i mean what was in his salad basil lettuce and tomato yeah and olive oil and And it was nice, very fresh, delicious.

7:31But, you know, it's more the chips in the chicken is the key. Exactly. The salads. So I'm going to do proper chips, like own cooked, triple cooked chips. But I've got to buy a rotisserie machine. Anyway, that's what I've been up to. How about you? Oh, wow. That was mental. That was eight minutes on rotisserie chickens. I know, but I enjoyed it.

7:49Josh Widdicombe:I enjoyed it. I don't think I've been up to anything like that. I can talk about anything forever to a certain level of, you know, Okay, Michael, give us a subject. Let's see how long we can do on it. I would like the topic to be the Academy Awards. The Oscars? The Oscars, otherwise known as the Academy Awards. Where were you for the slap? In bed, because I think people that get up for the Oscars are pathetic. Me too. Now, don't turn it to heart, Michael, you little fucking film nerd, but it is. What about people that stay up for it? Heart, legends, big dogs. I thought it was actually a fake skit, because I saw it early in the morning.

8:27I didn't think it was, I couldn't believe it was real

8:30Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, I know It was, looking back It was so mental That that happened Do you want to win one? No You could play a young Woody Allen You don't look like him, you've just got the same vibe

8:49I can still talk about Oscars or should we get back to our lives? Let's get back to our lives Let's get back to our lives Oh, I've got an update for you Josh You know, your son really wanted the Lego magazine. Yeah. They do do one. You have to sign up and they send you one. You have to sign up. How do you sign up? So I've got a link here. Oh, send it over. Okay. I'll send it on email. Okay. Reply. I've never, do you know what? I don't send emails on a computer. Everything I do is on a phone. Is it? I don't do it. Is it? Yeah, blood. There we go. I've sent it to you on email. Oh, thank you. And they send you a quarterly magazine.

9:27Josh Widdicombe:thank you to christine thank you christine so should we do some emails because we have not got much to say if that's safe isn't it sad that bradley cooper didn't win one and he learned how to be a conductor did he not win an academy award no no i don't find it sad i think it's pathetic people care pathetically proved i could continually talking about the oscars but right i've got what's this really about go on hi rob and josh i had to write in the second i heard you introduce the feature because it immediately reminded me of something that happened on a family holiday in kefalonia a couple of years ago we put one of those medium-sized boat trips that takes you from the marina over to a nearby island stopping every so often so everyone can jump off for a swim there are about 30 people on board so not packed in like sardines but close enough that everyone was aware of everyone else.

10:21It was me, my husband and our 10-month-old son and stepdad. We ended up sitting next to a lovely older couple who were traveling with the woman's sister. Naturally, they were fussing over our adorable son and in return showed us endless photos of their equally adorable grandson. We spent the whole trip chatting and getting on brilliantly. Then we reached the final stop. The crew was a bit shorthanded and asked my husband if he mind helping out by jumping off the side of the boat with the tow rope and tying it to a nearby rock hang on that's not helping out that's doing the job yeah anyway he happily obliged but somehow managed to create the biggest splashback known to mankind a massive wave come crashing back over the side of the boat and absolutely drenched the lovely couple we've been chatting to all afternoon my stepdad and i immediately started laughing assuming everyone would see the funny side instead.

11:11So sorry, has the husband jumped into the water? To tie a rope around something. I feel like I don't want to cast aspersions on the husband. I feel like he's probably trying to be one of the lads already on the trip. And he's sort of, oh, I'll do that for you if you want, mate. I can't believe they've just sprung that on something. It's dangerous, isn't it? I don't know. It's wild. Tying a tow rope to a rock. How do you even tie it to a... There must be a little... There's something on there for purchase. Just slip off, wouldn't it? You can't tie anything around a wet rock. I don't know. Anyway, he jumped in to tie out the tire.

11:47All treading water. Yeah, these guys, no one would ever ask me to do that. No. Say, I didn't go, get Josh to jump in. Immediately, Sarge drowning. I'm allergic to salt water. Anyway, he jumped in, splashed back, got the couple wet. Other family don't like it, right? The other couple completely lost it. They started screaming that their clothes had been ruined and most bizarrely repeatedly shouting, what a stupid idiot, what a stupid man, about my husband. Wow. The very same man they'd been laughing and joking with moments earlier. That is wild. Who had quite obviously done it completely by accident.

12:28Also as well, you're on a boat in Kefalonia. It's hot. You're going to dry. Yeah. They didn't calm down for the rest of the trip. they complained to the crew over and over that their clothes were ruined because they weren't meant to get wet. Which did make us wonder why they chose that particular outfit for a boat trip on the water. I don't think you need to add on the water there. No. No one goes on a boat trip on the land. True, true. We did tell them to calm it down, but otherwise spent the rest of the journey sitting there in complete disbelief at the spectacular overreaction. So, Rob and Josh, what was this really about?

13:01That is odd. What's that really about, Josh? I just can't break it down.

13:05Josh Widdicombe:Well, they've just got personal problems, haven't they? Well, is there some sort of humiliation shame? Well, the husband's surely the humiliated one. He's just belly flopped into the water trying to tie a rope to a rock. Well, yeah, but not for them because I feel like they've been, everyone's laughing. There's some sort of deep-rooted trauma where they were embarrassed at school and everyone pointed at laughing and they feel like they've been transported back. Do you know, and Michael will remember this because he was with me, actually. i was in france we went to the euro 2024 was it 2024 no euro 2016 even blimey yeah so this is eight years ago no we went to three games we went to northern ireland v germany we're not supposed to be talking about football so no but sorry anyway so you did football's inside we're in a fan park yeah sorry still not allowed and a guy it was it was wet you're in a park in france yeah and there was a guy who may or may not have been an england football fan doesn't matter not on this part and he was on some wet decking you know how um how slippy wet decking can get absolutely yeah mad stood on his own and he slipped over and everyone laughed and a group of people nearby kind of that kind of thing yeah yeah i mean if you're going to be a football fan park that you you have to expect that kind of reaction they'll be on anything and he got up and he was like right who wants to fight no yeah go on then who wants because he couldn't process at all he didn't have the emotional ability to process the embarrassment of what just happened to him oh right it must be exhausting being like that i know and you know what it is funny if someone slips on beer that they've carried it's really difficult isn't it if you trip because you you know it's funny you have to see the funny side so you can't be angry but the problem is a you might be in pain and b if you make too much of seeing the funny side you look like you're trying too hard to see the funny side there is a balance of like keep doing it also but you can't have you can't get the purchase to stand up never mind have a fight no exactly have you ever seen People fight on slippy floor with water on it.

15:39No, I wouldn't. It's so funny. Yeah, I'd love to. I'll send you some links. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. You remember that, Michael? Lego Cup.

15:47Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, I remember it well. Is that a fair description? Well, I think also some of the people, he sort of started a mini brawl in the end. The police and security guards had to get involved. But I think some of the people he ended up fighting were part of his group. Yeah. He turned on them and he just couldn't deal with it. It was such an amazing example of toxic masculinity and emotional immaturity. But that must have been building up all week. He might be getting banter for something else and he's just had enough. Yeah, well, maybe. Because I've seen that before in groups of lads where they've just had enough and they're just trying to fight someone.

16:18It's not a place to be in you want to be in, is it, Rob? It's not a place... I've seen a stag do once where they would put toilet roll into the back of your jean pocket or your shorts. Not for me. And then set fire to it.

16:29Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, no. Do you know what? And I was a fan of Jackass. but when you'd watch the film and all the program which was always enjoyable but they'd like come up behind someone with a razor like a and just shave your head off shave your hair off and i just thought being hanging out with them must be absolutely awful just terrifying yeah but the just to be constantly on your nerves the whole time must be absolutely awful yeah and i think it was i don't think it's turned out well for most of them no exactly i am jackass 3d and you're not gonna like this michael as a film buff jackass 3d greatest cinema experience in the history of film when they shoot the dildo in slow-mo with 3d glasses on i couldn't believe that was allowed to happen i'm not sure it's funnier than a dildo being shot out at slow motion in 3d well according to you no no let's get to getting alpha by an in-law then because this sounds getting alpha by an in-law let's do that okay do you want to do it josh hello josh rob and michael In the early 80s, my dad was a 20-something army officer when he met my mum, who was then a nurse.

17:52Josh Widdicombe:Meeting your future father-in-law is nerve-wracking at the best of times. My granddad, however, wasn't your average father-in-law. He was in the SAS. Not long after they met, my granddad invited my dad onto a military base for what he described as a friendly game of special forces. Hide and seek. The aim being to avoid being found by the SAS. Right, okay. So like, celebrity haunted. My dad agreed, and the game began. Half an hour passed, then an hour, two hours, four, six, eight hours. He was soaked to the bone, hiding the pouring rain, but by this point he convinced himself he was doing brilliantly.

18:31Josh Widdicombe:After around ten hours of hiding in the rain, my dad thought, I must have won this, so he came out of hiding, marched into the military base bar, acting all Billy Big Bollocks, and proudly declared his victory over one of the world's elite special forces. My granddad looked up in his broad northern accent in front of a packed room full of Britain's hardest men, said, Mark, we found you after 30 seconds. I told the lads to leave you there. Turns out the whole thing was a future son-in-law initiation. Horrible, awful, not here for it. Your granddad is or was a twat. A really hard, strong twat. That's horrible.

19:12Josh Widdicombe:Sadly, I never got to meet my granddad, but by all accounts, he was a lovely man with a wicked sense of humour. This story always makes me laugh. Take care all anon. Nah, not for me. I probably wouldn't get to the point where you, um, I wouldn't go along to the SAS finding me. I wouldn't go along to it. And also like, what, after maybe an hour, 10 hours, what kick are you getting from that? Have you been a tangible? Is that too harsh about a granddad? Because I'll say I didn't mean it, but I did mean it.

19:47I did mean that, I'm afraid. Sorry about that. I know he's your granddad, but, you know. I, Rob, and Dewey Skin Josh. This is interesting. Josh, what's on your arm? Have you got a stain on your arm? That? Yeah. Yeah, I've got a stain on it. So it's not wet? That's just a discoloration? Yeah. Oh. Oh, I know what that is, Rob.

20:11Josh Widdicombe:Go on. I know what that is. Okay. What is it? That's from Paris. I think I wore this when we were doing that thing with baby oil. Oh, yes. It's baby oil stains. Yeah. That was fun, that. Shame you have to stop and start filming the show. Well, here we go. But, yeah. So now you're checking into hotel rooms alone with baby oil stains. She knew me, the woman on the reception, this time. She was like, oh, you're in room 703 this time. This time. God. You're going to be doing some days in this hotel, aren't you? Hi, Robin. Dewey Skin Josh. I've been listening to this. This is kids obsessed with something weird.

20:50Josh Widdicombe:Pod, since COVID days, first time writing in. On your 30th of the 6th, 26th ep, you said to write in with strange interests your kids are into. My eight-year-old son has been obsessed with English Heritage's blue plaques for over a year now. Nice. he first learned about them in school found one on our road and soon began a full-time hobby he loves coming home from school to my computer to go on english heritage's website and look for new plaques he knows plaque locations by heart and if in conversation you mention a street or place he can chime in there's a plaque there and he'll say the name we now go plaque hunting around central london bloomsbury hampstead marylebone and even my friends and family send me blue plaque photos when you see one so is it all around the country or just london blue plaque is it everywhere well they're obviously mainly centered in london aren't they but i think they're probably all around the country yeah the creepier side of the story is that he likes to make up plaques for himself or me and will tell us a year of birth and death not sure i enjoy him guessing when i may die oh this i think this is quite a good little um you Is there still more there?

22:02Josh Widdicombe:At least we'll learn random historical figures thanks to his interest. Now we need to find a way to monetize his interest and his amazing memory skills. Keep it sexy and relatable. Love to hear from more parents. With SEN and autistic kids, there's a lot of us and it would be lovely to have more mainstream visibility. Priscilla, 474 months and Sebastian, 8 years old. Well, let's rename this section in honor of that. Not strange or weird hobbies. What about niche? niche or what's something a bit more a nicer word for that special interests niche niche niche interests i don't know it's not catchy is it no um michael you think of one yeah that'll be fine i i think that's quite fun though if you've got a plaque on your road if there's someone on your road there's a there's a plaque near your house one who is it and two what impact does that have on the local area so do you get a load of random tourists that come to visit and take a photo is there no interest or you know is there any english is there any english heritage plaques because i don't exeter there should be one in bromley for the david bowie house there should we should but there isn't exeter's got 20 what you got oh my god one was for a pigeon A pigeon?

23:22Josh Widdicombe:Mary the Pigeon. 82 Longbrook Street, commemorating Cecil Brewer and his homing pigeon, Mary, who was awarded the Dickon Medal for bravery during World War II. It's not a pigeon. Well, it's him and his pigeon. Oh, it's a shame. Bromley's a shame. H.G. Wells. Yeah, big deal. At 47 High Street, Bromley, in brackets, now Primark.

23:50This one. Benjamin Waterhouse Hawkins. Yeah. Recognises the creator of the Crystal Palace dinosaur sculptures. Oh, yeah. That's an easy, isn't it? Yeah. What have you got to do to get one?

24:01Josh Widdicombe:I know. They are quite weak, aren't they? Well, yeah. If there's anyone that is near you, and if it has weird tourists or people turn up, let us know. Like this guy. Sir Thomas Bodley. I mean, maybe this is a bigger deal than I understand. It's not my world. W.G. Grace is in Bromley. Fair enough. He's a big cricketer. Yeah. Go on, what was that? What have you got there? This guy commemorating the 1545 birth of the scholar and diplomat who founded the Bodian Library in Oxford. Who gives a flying F?

24:34Josh Widdicombe:There's a plaque for the last people in England to be executed for witchcraft in Exeter. Oh, is it? To be fair, in Devon we were executing for witchcraft until the late 80s. Yeah.

24:51Josh Widdicombe:etc.

24:55This episode is brought to you by Two Clothing.

24:58Josh Widdicombe:The new school term is right around the corner, meaning it's nearly time to face the nightmare. Is it a nightmare, Rob? It is. It is school uniform. What's the biggest frustration for you uniform-wise? There's games and there's PE, and they are different kits. My problem is, Josh, the shoes, the insole of the shoe seems to perish. I feel like that is an overlooked part of the shoe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then they'll say, my shoes are uncomfortable. I'm like, well, they still fit. And then they show me the insole and it's an absolute mess. Do you find that kids grow slightly too much in a year for just one uniform?

25:35Josh Widdicombe:But by the time you're getting to like May, you're like, we can't go new blazer now. I'm willing to restart in September. Yeah. Kids should grow exactly a size a year. Do you know what I mean? That's what they need to do. Josh, kids are always going to put their uniform through the ringer. All you can do is get them clothes that can keep up. Exactly, Rob. Two school uniforms really perform. There's white polos that stay white and permanently pleated pennies to speed up laundry day. Plus trousers, reinforced knees and white shirts that stay white and feel new. Wash after wash. What is even better is the value.

26:11Josh Widdicombe:With uniforms starting from just three pounds, Rob. Three pounds. Get ahead of the school shop this year. Shop 2 school uniform and footwear at 2.co.uk and in selected Sainsbury stores.

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27:19weird food confessions josh yeah as an adult i like to eat bubbles it started as a child but i love a sneaky mouthful still when i run a bath oh yeah that is awful louise from north because we said there were people hiding behind oh as a kid but we want to hear about still doing