S13 EP12: Andy Parsons

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1:26Kids account for ages 6 to 15 requires a parent or guardian account. UK residents, T's and C's apply. Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Holly. Can you say Rob? Mum. Bucket. Bucket. Bucket. Can you say Josh? Guys. With Dickham. Bucket. Good girl. Good girl. Oh, there we go. Camilla says, dear Rob, Josh and Michael, please find an audio introduction from my child, Holly Renton, for your podcast. Clip details. Is Renton the surname? Well, yes, it is the surname. Yeah, it's not the name of the Ewan McGregor, I want to say, character in... Holly Renton. Renton. Renton is the main character in Trainspotting.

2:21Am I right? Yeah. I think so. Clip details, colon. Name, colon, Holly Renton. Age, 19 months. Location, North Morton, Oxfordshire. This is an efficient email. This is a posh kid. The mum's called Camilla. Listener, since the beginning during lockdown and childlessness, we now have our farm-loving daughter, Holly, who was thankfully born on a due date, the 8th of December, 2024, and not too close to Christmas. My husband often gets told how Josh Whittacombe says this and Rob Beckett says this. loved seeing Rob at the London Palladium when leaving Holly with her grandparents for the first time. Sorry Josh, your tickets were all sold out so we sadly missed you.

3:02Best regards, Camilla Renton. Then she's put her mobile number. Shall I give her a call? Shall we?

3:12She's ringing women called Camilla. Be careful with Camillas.

3:19It's been forwarded to voicemail. Oh, lucky Camilla.

3:27Should we do a message? Yeah. Hi, Camilla. It's Josh Whittacombe. And Rob Beckett. We just read out your email and you'd left your mobile number, so we thought it'd be fun to call you, but you didn't pick up. And now we've got to bring on Andy Parsons, because he's the guest in this episode. So thank you for your support. Good luck with everything. Bye. Welcome, Andy Parsons. Andy Parsons welcome to the show thank you very much we were just talking about the southwest of England we were we were catching up because I've not seen each other for a little while yeah the pre-show Cornwall catch-up yeah do you know what's really weird about that because I've never went to Cornwall I think only once as a kid never go as an adult you guys were chatting away I literally knew no words you said flambards something else We had a whole section on Mock the Week about Traigo Mills.

4:19Of course. I've heard that. I still don't really know what it is. It's a southwest institution. Are you from Cornwall? So I was born in Dorset and we moved down to Cornwall. So I had a few years in Cornwall. And then secondary education in Devon. So I've pretty much done. I've got just Somerset to go, really. And then I can tickle boxes. Are you a football fan, Andy? Well, you see, Torquay United is the one that's closest to where I grew up. Secondary education. So that was the one that I used to pop along to. occasionally usually only when there was something special happening if i'm absolutely honest yeah so we sold a shop to mania and so went along to the benefit for that and various other bits and pieces and then of course you start you do soccer am or you get invited on to talk sport and what have you and then they're always keen what's your football club what do you want to talk about so then i always had to check out exactly how talkie united were doing every time i came on you know remember the name of the dog you basically got them a bit of extra time oh yeah you're aware of What dog?

5:15A dog called Bryn. I think they needed a bit of extra time and he bit somebody. They were trying to take a corner and got a bit close. Bit the player and they got a bit of extra time because of the injury and stuff like that. They scored in the extra time and stayed up. Now the people who took over the club recently were called the Bryn Consortium, named after the dog that bit the player. Is that a fact you know or did you panic Google that thinking Josh might ask about football that is a fact that he's locked in there having used on talk sport on more than one occasion

5:51all that and he's really because we spent so much time together not the week but it was always sideways of a desk seeing you front on waist down it's quite a picture i've got a memory though the week of you on the far the far one once on the other side because you were sometimes you were often on my side always as far away as possible yeah but they wouldn't put you next to me you see because there's always a gap yeah no they that was the way it worked was I was next to Dara keeping trying to read his notes yeah never quite possible what I've noticed first time I did Mark the Week was how ripped you are and how ripped you still are you're very muscular lean and strong looking that's a lovely start isn't it I just never had you sort of like in that I'd never really thought about it you'd snuck into my dress room you got a little glimpse when you'd stand up for the end bit I always think what a great posture if only I could work the cheeks in the same way so but you grew up in the southwest live in London you've lived in London years now have you moved down after university and was in highbury for years and years and years right next to the ground and then got myself a little flat there in the end and just as they moved to the Emirates which is basically the end of my road yeah um I sold up to you know find some trees and various other bits and pieces moved down south west near the river and I was very grateful because I'd just completed the contracts and it was the first game of the season and I had loads of Arsenal supporters pissing in my front garden and I thought this is the time to move, I've timed this absolutely fantastic Well just before it opened How many kids you got?

7:26Two What ages? 15 and 8 That's a gap that's a big gap yeah big gap mainly well there's a couple of reasons but mainly because we found the first one extremely tricky right yeah very tricky and so it's a long time until we got around to having the second one and only then really because everybody says that they say oh second one so much easier than the first and arguably it is the trouble is you've still got the first one yes and then obviously you're willing to believe that the third one would be easier than the second one but you know it's not as easy as not having the third one but you're you're now about the gap that you left last time yeah yeah well often if you've got people have got three kids and they had one around the first we had the first one their sort of third one is around our sort of second one as it were yeah so we just basically missed out in the one you missed out the middle one but the reason uh we partly we did that is my wife was doing a phd and she had to just interrupt it for the first kid and then she didn't want to have to interrupt it again because she'd found it really hard to get back to her studies and the phd took longer than she was expecting it to take what's the phd in now it's something to do with epidemiology um i couldn't tell you it's a very niche uh aspect of hiv i couldn't tell you exactly what it was yeah but it was supposed to take her five years yeah and in the end i think it took her closer to seven so yeah that's so blimey that's a seven years dedicated to that yes that's a tough seven years just focusing on hiv yeah well Now, obviously, COVID was terrible for many, many reasons and many, many people, including our profession.

9:08But for her, it was the first time that people actually understood what an epidemiologist was. Of course. Brilliant, yeah. And she was there in her element. So I was having to look after probably a two-year-old and an eight-year-old at the time. Yeah. Yeah, she was there trying to solve COVID. So 15. Yeah. And eight, did you say? Yes. Boys and girls? Yeah, so we've got one of each, we've got a boy and then a girl. So yeah, there's one of those that you go, well that's, you know. Full set. Well, often you find people don't they, got two boys or two girls and they think, oh, we will have the third because, you know, the chances are.

9:42And then they get three of each and they go, oh, I should have stuck with the two. Are you contemplating a third? No, absolutely not. We did originally, I think, before we'd had kids, we talked about possibly having three, because my wife's got three and I'm part of a two and it just gives you a slightly different dynamic if you're falling out with one of your siblings it's quite nice you can make up with that one sort of it just seemed to be a slightly nicer dynamic i'm from five and i can confirm it's diminishing returns yes okay and i love it and that's not my idea i'm fourth in the list yeah yeah so you you would have not had you yeah skip one and how are you finding at the moment it's definitely got better i've got a friend who loves being a parent and he said to me when just before I had my first kid and he goes it's wonderful, it's the most wonderful thing and it just gets better and better and arguably it does get better and better but it starts from a really low ebb but we're now in hopefully quite a nice place everybody's saying that the 15 year old will go feral fairly shortly they said I'll go feral at 13 and he didn't and he said well 14 will be the absolute outside he'll go feral up for hasn't so uh maybe he's just a nice teenager it may be it may be considered a great job but he's a great guy well yeah it may may not be too much to do with us maybe just it's worked out all right that's what you hope isn't it that's yeah because i think eight my youngest is eight and i think seven eight is that turning point where it's really much easier from four because on a plane you can give them an ipad but then eight really less sort of making their own breakfast doing a bit of toast you were very restrained giving them only at four you definitely see flights going to you and there's 18 months old there and they can't we didn't really do it that much did you change much of what you did with you know it wasn't a giant gap but there's a bit of a worry i think we obviously did the what is it those classes that you go to the nct yeah that's it that's the ones um i managed one out of the six i think but my wife was quite keen to go along and so i went you know i think it was largely gigs it wasn't sort of just laziness i think yeah that's what you was working yeah yeah um and uh and then for the second one we did absolutely all read no books did nothing just thought well the first one worked out all right you know and then that's how it is isn't it you just more relaxed about the whole thing you've you've done one so yeah it's a lot easier and what's it like with that kind of age gap because you get a 15 i you know your kids are closer than mine in terms of age and that almost makes them the same generation but there i think there's a nice thing where one can almost be like the senior one but they're not competing as much maybe it's absolutely joyous at the moment because we've got a built-in babysitter now yeah for the first time so that's that's working absolutely great so you would do that you'd go we're going to go out for dinner yeah we're still not absolutely confident of going away anywhere too far but certainly nip down cinema or the pub and uh yeah no it was about 15 16 sort of fine and i don't know what the rule there's no rules we did check it out aged 11 what the rules no rules at all it's very much discretion no no you can it must be some rules no no the the rule is that you obviously you can't neglect them but yes neglect is debatable there's no set rule that you up until 12 or whatever you know you can't do anything but then 12 is fine.

13:08It depends on you. It also depends on the kid at 12. It all depends on the definition of neglect. It's along those lines anyway. I can't wait to see you on Newsnight. We thought it would be absolutely fine. We were in Tenerife and they were in. Sorry, what could go wrong? It would be neglectful to deprive my poor wife of a holiday after all she did in lockdown exactly so what would your contact be your kids got your 15 year old's got a phone and he could phone you yeah yeah yeah sounds good doesn't it yeah nice times to look forward to yeah so that i mean how much authorities he got over the eight-year-old uh they're actually much better when we're not there okay you know not that we spawn through the camera and work out you know exactly what's going on but by all accounts where you know he never seems to have any of the problems with our daughter that we sometimes yeah you know sometimes she'll play us up at bedtime whatever and she always seems to be very good for him I don't know what it is what he bribes her with or whatever but they they always seem to it was so far all of that you know touching a bit of whatever's important but yes it's all worked out very nicely so far he would argue that um it's actually tougher uh because he he's been prevented from doing some things if she was a closer age range we can do more together we think it actually works quite nicely often because it means that we can separate them and one do one thing and one do the other yes for his birthday recently this is this is when it's starting to get good went to twickenham for the prem final that's what he wanted to do for his birthday uh exeter well he's he's an exeter chief supporter is he yeah yeah so he he got his little exeter finger out and getting all of that and his little exeter hat oh just just and fingers at the end.

14:51It was a moment about midway through the second half where they took the lead and it was all looking good and then a couple of tries towards the end and it ran away with it. So we were actually looking at Sandy Park every time we go down the M5, see Sandy Park the Exeter Chiefs Grand from the M5 and so we're going to have a little pilgrimage today for the first time. Why does this support Exeter? Because of where you're from? Yeah, so he said, what's the local side? And I said then I had a friend who used to do PR for the Exeter Chiefs when they were just sort of getting into the premp. And you're 15 year old then, does that mean he's just done his mocks or something?

15:22Well, he's done his mock mocks. What was that? Never, never. Mocks was like doing February marks, didn't you? And then you had two months to actually cram because you realised you hadn't done enough work in your mocks. Now, his school, state school, so he's just finished year 10, in February they did mock mocks. Did they? They actually did them a year earlier. The mock in the mocks? Your mock of the week is mock in the mocks. and so they you know I guess you have less of a panic because you realize in year 10 that you've actually not done any work right yes the idea is you can spread out that workload I don't think it's work for him no I think it just it's like oh look I've still got a year I still have to do it that was February he's done it he's done it in February and then he's doing some mocks now no so they have given him stuff over the holidays to do that okay yeah you know it's supposed to which is I'm pretty certain I never did um and so yeah we basically we wait until February of next year and then that was that was the panic uh generally exams in february now so the mock exams he'll have the mock exams in february so the mock mocks in february 26th and the mocks in february 27 and has he enjoyed scores is he played rugby as well as he's just really got into his rugby he started getting to his football as well he for ages he couldn't give a about any team sports He loved his skiing, he loved climbing, he loved karate.

16:46I had no interest in team sports. Are you sporty Andy? Well I love the team sports so I was always trying to get him into rugby, cricket, football and he had no interest and then gradually we got him, they did that little ECB for the cricket. They give you a little pack with a little batting and stuff like that. My daughter's went to join a cricket club where he's subsidised. something like that yeah they get a little top and so i took him along did that and he got to get run out at the oval and give joe root a little high five oh wow and there was a proud moment for dad there's my son at the oval whatever couldn't give a you know like the fireworks but that was about it you know just not cricket's a hard sell to a kid though i think yeah some kids are really into it but he wasn't and still isn't really yeah but yeah it might come you know he took ages for the rugby and he's now really into that so what about your daughter what's she into Was she doing clubs and stuff?

17:40Yeah, well, she's dancing, really. Loves dancing around, so, yeah. Spotify Studios, you know, she loves her. Can we play my playlist? Oh, she's into that. Yeah, yeah. Has she ruined your algorithm on your Spotify, though? Yeah, yeah. Because now I'm getting all whatever she might. But the thing is, she's got very eclectic taste, so she basically, anything we're playing, she suddenly gets into. Oh, okay. So you go through her playlist, and there is a little bit of Taylor Swift in there, but there is also some Nirvana, you know, I had a bit of Iron Maiden. Oh, yeah? Yeah, my wife looks a bit of metal, so there's quite a lot of...

18:12And then there's quite a lot of in-between sort of, you know, Arctic monkey sort of stuff and stuff like that. So, yeah, she's with a very different sort of playlist. I've got a separate... I've got... I don't... You know, company man or whatever, Rob, but I've got a family login for Spotify. I thought I had that. Did you? I don't know what the... I can't do the admin. I've got the... I was going to say, surely you... It's the same the other day. I couldn't find the football, because... We don't get free Spotify, Andy. No, it's free Spotify. No, I don't get free. I thought... Have you asked about this?

18:40But yeah, I can't. Maybe I just need to set up another one. Yeah, so my daughter's got her own one. When she listens to an audio book on Spotify now, and I'm listening in the car, I'm listening to Harry Potter, because I tried to put my music on, and I need another account. But what's really frustrating is when you're listening to yours, and then somebody changes it downstairs. Yes. Yes, that's infuriating. And then you change it back, and then they change it, and you're not sure whether it's the reception, or whether it's somebody else pissing around with it. Yeah, exactly, because you don't think...

19:05So are you getting that? um i've had that but now you haven't because you've got a family account i've got a family account right i've got an account i've got an account my daughter's got an account i think we've got a family account but you've all got your separate little part of that yes yes yes yeah i think there's too many things as in like family like not just that but like because it's like that's great if that's your only one but then you've got one for the tv yeah it says so many things separate netflixes yeah yeah well if you think everybody complaining about the bbc license fee and then now you think everybody's you know either got their netflix or their apple tv or disney plus or whatever paramount yes it goes on and on yeah and you know and then all the apps and they will make you download them before you can get your ticket so you want to go to a gig now and they've all got separate little apps that they would yes go off to wimbledon don't get me started on ringo oh yeah you've got a real no let's get let's get you started i hate the fact that the only way to pay for parking is having a phone yeah it's so annoying I don't mind if it was just one tap now yeah there's different parking apps by there just just park and the thing about the west country is they're not allowed to give them pay by phone is one i wanted to talk is it Kingston hospital there's definitely yeah i think it's Kingston hospital one i've never heard of that's the one exit hospital or something yeah yeah i have an apcoa guy at the station yeah apcoa yeah And then there's Ringo App Car.

20:26It's impossible. And then there's a car park in Cornwall, which is pay on your phone. But landline. But no coverage. So it says no coverage? No, there's no coverage in the car park. Because it's Cornwall. You have to go for a little walk to try and pay for your parking. No, that's not acceptable. It's not right, is it? You can't have a parking situation where there's no... They need to put a little mask. And what's even worse is a lot of them now have got cameras. So you drive in... You can't get reception, so then you drive out, and then they charge you and often fine you, because they're often private operations.

21:02You can't even contact the county council. I went into a car park to eat fish and chips in Margate in the middle of winter, right? A thousand empty spaces. No fuckers go in there, right? I sit there. It's not even a sign. Eat my chips, drove out, 60 quid fine. I didn't even know you had to pay. And that was you sort of being a bit, you know, crafty in the sense that you didn't wait and then argue it, because then it goes up to 120. I didn't argue. I just took my medicine. Who argues it? Who's going to win? My dad argued it. You're never going to win. My dad went into a car park in Totnes. You'll know Totnes.

21:34I do. And he got the app out. He's born in 1950, so what's he? He's in his 70s. Yeah. Gets the app out. You know it flags the nearest car parks. There's two car parks next to each other. He clicks on the one. It's flagged him as in the other one. Yeah, because of the location. He's bought a ticket for the adjacent car park. Yeah. and it and he gets fined yeah because they'll have different ones for different sides of the station it was like it's for the market so it's like it was like one on one side of the road one on the other yeah it's a bloody night and then he challenged it oh tell me he challenged it did he win well he challenged it they wouldn't accept it do you know what he did he went to the totnest times and said i've got a story for you and they made it the front page story and was he using your name no no no and once once he got the press involved they backed down really crumbled because they do that in petswood little town there live there's like five different parking areas in this like one minute distance of walking right that should just be ringo petswood it shouldn't be five different roads and stretches with five different five yeah five different codes yeah anyway my wife challenged one she then she put in she's doing a bit quickly or whatever and put in the wrong registration number because we've got a zero and she put in an oh you know wrong and then she had all the proof that was she paid for it said look you know why would I deliberately pay at the same time for one that's just a slight difference and they did let her off but it was one of those where you you have to you go for the you know I could have to play double here but you know that's the problem I don't want to get all the dice that's exactly the same happened to me where we put it was the number plate we put in a three instead of a two everything was exactly the same Honda that car that location and I was like I know the warden's gone around like I'm gonna get him here yeah yeah well to be fair to the warden probably they put it in exactly and then they go there's nothing there's no matches so it may not I've got them and be them.

23:35Many computers are the problem. Do your kids have social media? I'm just trying to do it all. Couldn't link back to kids. No, that's beautiful. But no, not really at the moment. The 15 year old, he's got his WhatsApp and he seems happy with that at the moment. And he's only two years away from driving himself. Then you get a babysitter and a cab. Well, yes. I didn't pass my test until I was 20. In Devon? you have three you have three guys in devon what's that next bit of it well you have to pass in devon because you have to get everywhere oh because you oh it's really important to pass yeah bloody penning roundabout i tell you the first time i did it at the penning roundabout mine the bloke who was testing me got out at the roundabout he said uh he said i'm walking back to the test center because you know the test yeah yeah just around the corner by the right race ground yeah he left me at the roundabout that was the first thing you got to and he got out it wasn't the first No, it was towards the end, but he didn't like my driving so much at the roundabout.

24:34He got out of the car. I heard you realised it was going badly. I was 17 at the time, yeah, yeah. Wow. It destroyed my confidence for at least. What's Penning Roundabout? It's at the end. As you're going down, so you do M5 all the way down to Exeter, and then it finishes, and you go, I think it's the A38, might be. It is, yeah. It's such an old-man conversation with all of us. And then just as you get into Newton Abbot, towards Penning Roundabout. You know the sad thing is, I think I've Googled this before when you brought it up. Yeah. It looks like a Tardy Shams a laser. Yeah. It's a triumph.

25:06It's got three lanes. It's a three lane roundabout. That's mental. And the first time I did my test, there was a bomb scare in Sainsbury's, so they closed Penning roundabout and I thought I'm in, but then I failed elsewhere. But yeah, it's a tough roundabout. But now it's bypassed because it goes straight through the toolkit. Oh, actually, so I'm on the wrong roundabout. this one is I think the pen may be no more this is the pen roundabout no it is there it is there still no this is the pen roundabout Indonesia right yeah that's the one so where's the pen in roundabout Newt and Abba I think you'd be fair Newt and Abba so did you take your test in Newt and Abba I went all the way to Malaysia to take the test I've got more of a chance it's difficult to get tests over here isn't it these days oh that's mental are you going to teach him are you going to get in the car well it actually when I passed it was my dad we did it in my mum's car save a bit of money and yeah It was all grand.

25:58I mean, he wasn't the most relaxed driving instructor. No, I couldn't do that. He could see his little foot going every time. He thought I should be on the break. But yeah, we got free, so it was great. If the guy gets out of your car, then you're a non-registered driver. Yeah, so I had to wait there for my instructor to walk from the centre. Oh, my God. Yeah, walk from the centre and pick me up. I think to my credit, when he got out, I said, do I take it that means I haven't passed? I still wanted to check that you knew. You're so good, I don't need to do the rest of the test, I'm walking back.

26:35So when your instructor gets there, that's a tough one. I had a friend, he genuinely, he walked out into the car, said hello to the instructor, and drove into the wall of the test centre, and that was it, and he even made it out of the test centre. Oh, God. Two pillars, and they were quite close together, and took out one of the pillars. Sonny and Abbott. No, it wasn't. it was uh he was down in southampton but yeah andy do you still uh on tour because you've got a big tour coming up yeah still use your own your own car and get the tour manager to drive your car i do yeah yeah because i can't remember he said i had a tour manager said when i go vander barson's i use his car yeah no that's i think they're actually using it more and more the the agency because it's uh because i think well they're using your car so what cars not not my car but they'd you're welcome to obviously get a nice mileage you know so uh but um yeah because i think after covid did the the insurance prices go up or something they were fun it was much more economically viable so why do you use your car well it actually works quite nicely because it you know obviously they the tour manager comes to me and then they pick up the car and then just take you off you're off And then drop your back Get in their car Yeah

27:45This episode is brought to you By Hollyoaks On Channel 4 Which we can't discuss Without bringing up Mr Rob Beckett's Performance on the show Tell me about it Rob I played Sunshine Is that the guy That helped Warren Fox Escape prison in 2024 Yes it is So basically We did it for Rob and Romesh Stunt drinks I did a stunt Honestly Rob When I was a teenager The thought of being in Hollyoaks. That was different level. You have lived that experience, Rob. You've got, when you're next on tour, you've got to go in. It's amazing. Hollyoaks is one of the great British institutions, isn't it, Rob? Now, Josh, I don't want to be too sort of arrogant, but I thought it would be impossible for them to top my storyline.

28:27I don't think they can do it, Rob. I don't think they can do it. I'm going to stop you there. They're really going for it this summer. You've got a wild Dee Dee Hutchinson storyline where she falls deeper into substance abuse and then get sent to rehab by her very concerned dad, Tony. Plus legendary Cindy Cunningham's back and causing chaos already, falling out with her niece, Beth, over a shock surrogacy secret reveal. That's just a taste of all the chaos, drama and shocking revelations. Hollyoaks always delivers. Get involved. You won't regret it. Also, do you know what? What? Sunshine didn't die.

28:57I can always come back. Stream new episodes of Hollyoaks every Monday to Wednesday on Channel 4. This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. For 125 years, Nordstrom has been part of your story. The stylist who found the perfect outfit for your big interview. The first pair of walking shoes for your one-year-old. The tomato soup you shared with your sister at the cafe. These are the moments that make Nordstrom, Nordstrom. Big or small, we're here for all of it. Celebrating 125 years with new moments still add. Discover it all in Nordstrom stores and at Nordstrom.com. The perfect lunch combo. That first bite of your favorite sub, followed by ice cold Pepsi.

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30:01so your tour is called please well this is a good question yeah i saw your talk there's a asterisk word well so it's please and it's a hashtag at symbol exclamation mark dollar sign off to mars yeah so please bleep off to mark how are you dealing with that in promotion so obviously on here I can say it's please fuck off to Mars to the audience I'll go please fuck off to Mars on the BBC and promoting it it's a bit complex what you've just read out so we often go please four asterisks off to Mars and then people just basically what about would you ever just bring it down a bit to piss off to Mars yeah well we you know please push off to Mars sometimes on BBC we go through the various possibilities Yeah.

30:50Because I've had someone, if you're on a Radio 4 interview or a local BBC radio station, they're really panicking. It looks like there's been cookies, you know, cookies. I've not enabled cookies, and there's a thing. But it's please fuck off to Mars, basically. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you can't put that on a poster. Because they say, oh, well, you've got this slightly tricky title, and then you go, oh, it's all right, we can talk about the title. The title is, and you can just sort of hear them dropping something. As you're about to mention. But you know what? It's good, because normally, you've got a title that doesn't mean, not you, one, has a title that often doesn't mean anything to do with the show and they'll say why did you choose that title you've never really got a good answer but you have got a talking point title yeah well he we do talk about people going off tomorrow so it does actually you know it does what it says and the mad thing is that although i've got the the end actually i've done you know we go off uh the autumn section of the tour but they're now talking because the theaters are so busy these days and everybody wants to tour is that they're now talking about the tour at the end of next year so i've now got to come up with a new title for a show you're gonna go back on the road straight away well it's not straight away but you need to have it i need to have the title because they want to book it in because they're everybody's all booking years in advance now so alan carl's booked up into 2028 or something yeah yeah yeah oh my word so you've given up touring is that right No.

32:10No. No. It was a rumour that you... No, that's just what people thought from the performances. No, I said I'm going to do less. Oh, OK. Somebody said that you're not drinking on tour now. I don't drink. Don't drink. Yeah. But that's a very different thing to touring. Not touring. Yeah. What's the point in touring if you don't drink? We're old school. He came to drink and tour. He drank for a little bit, gave up the drinking, now he tours. Yeah. I've just finished a tour in May. I'm having... I think I'll be back in two years. Yeah. That's what I need. A year off, a year to write it, and back. So with the change of the...

32:45Because it used to be that you'd start, let's say, February time, wouldn't you? And you'd have a little DVD at the end of it, Christmas time. That was before our time DVD. Oh, we didn't get the DVD. How many DVDs did you have? Four. I did four. But it's turned into the special now, isn't it? But the special can go out at any point. If a special aren't bought for$18.99 each. So you did four DVDs. Four DVDs, yeah. Do you have them in your house? I've actually only got three of them I think because they wanted to chop a few bits up at various points for social media and it turned out I only actually had three of my own DVDs when I thought of them but yeah we did off the curb the agency did manage to supply the extra ones you didn't even have a copy of it, what were they called?

33:30so here we go, Britain's Got Idiots was the first one then it was Gruntled was the second one then it was um slacktivist yes slacktivist and then we had uh live and unleashed but naturally cautious good title there you go really nice do you would you ever know if your son has watched these um he's definitely seen bits because he he's got various mates who follow me on instagram and stuff like that and then they they then show him right do they follow you yeah no separate to him or because it's like oh yeah i think it's very much you know it's like yeah it's because obviously there's occasionally there's a joke about him not billed as him but you know it's like i mean my son said this or if there were like four dvds of your mate's dad at school you're gonna watch them aren't you yeah i mean and then wind them up over exactly exactly that yeah i mean you guys popular with 15 year old boys yeah i mean are your kids over they're over they're being talked about every week twice a week well they are my kids are deeply unimpressed by what I do I think not deeply but they're under well I think I think they're under work they're not excited I don't think they're bothered but I think as they get older they may get annoyed with certain things to talk about but what I try and do I think Josh is the same as much as we're talking about a wife and kids I'm talking about my experiences have been a dad as a dad yeah of them and things I've done as opposed to she did this the other day isn't that stupid you know i mean like now they're older as well so it's a bit of a balance but i'm sure we'll find a face a bit of a genius thing the the way you guys you know you managed to talk about the kids as a way of actually having to not deal with the kids it's stunning there was i struggling during lockdown listening to you guys working about slacking while lou and rose are looking after the kids we're chatting about doing with it really i've got your tour dates here andy can i ask one more talk question yes because your tour you know you are a satirical topical comedian you are one of our best satirical comedians how much do you have to change it over because these are added dates due to popular demand spring you've done yeah you've then added an autumn leg yeah we've got a new prime minister presumably loving loving that yeah are you changing oh yeah no you know we you know the i mean you're talking to the man who who's a 2019 tour show was healing the nation that got interrupted by a COVID pandemic.

36:02So rewriting, I'm all over rewriting. Do you enjoy it because it gives you something extra or is it a little bit of a roll in your eyes? I get bored with anybody who does three months acting the same play each day exactly the same you know it's not for me I much prefer it being able to throw something new in whether it's the venue whether it's you know what's happened in the news or what have you so delighted with that and as we all know from various uh comics who go ah isn't it terrible i mean i remember the classic was margaret thatcher wasn't it where people going i i hate her because she's died and i can no longer do the jokes and the jokes i can't do are and then they do exactly the jokes anyway and it's the same with people who do jokes about a film and i hated it when it came out in the cinema then it comes out on dvd now it's on netflix and they can still do exactly the same So will you be scrapping your Keir Starmer stuff?