In short
The hosts discuss the highs and lows of summer holidays for parents—especially the lack of “decompression time,” the need for routine, and the chaos of day-to-day logistics (dentist trips, sleepovers, kids’ slang, and family outings). They also trade ideas for future segments and share personal anecdotes from the last week.
Guests
No guests appear in this episode. It’s just the hosts: Maya (voice intro/caller), Josh Widdicombe, and Rob Beckett (plus mentions of Lou, their wives/partners, but not as guests).
Key claims
Summer holidays are more exhausting than touring because parents get no personal downtime; kids need separation/routine; parents struggle with kids’ slang and online safety; “temporary permanent” fixes and internet challenges make good recurring content.
Notable examples
Devon Air Ambulance helicopter visit; Wingham Zoo (fed lemurs); Centre Parks hot dog/fish mishap; strict dentist logistics (9am appointment); “Show Josh the World Wide Web” featuring Mike Parry cinnamon/limoncello-style internet clips; DHL van visit; beach day with bodyboarding.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Struggles of Summer Holidays
2:16 to 4:31
Rob and Josh discuss the challenges of parenting during the summer holidays.
“Can't say the word taskmaster without thinking about taskmaster, can you?”
Parenting Dynamics and Voice Notes
4:32 to 7:14
The hosts explore voice notes from their kids' mother and their parenting roles.
“Or maybe Michael could edit up the seven minute voice note.”
The Exhaustion of Parenting
7:15 to 9:46
Josh shares his exhaustion from parenting during the summer and the lack of personal time.
“What's been the day trips or where you've been going?”
Summer Holiday Activities
9:47 to 12:11
Discussion on various outings and activities done during the summer holidays.
“It's a place We fed lemurs Nice You ever fed a lemur?”
Social Media and Internet Moments
12:12 to 14:00
The hosts discuss engaging internet moments and share ideas for show content.
“where you've done something temporary, but you've had it for three years.”
Homemade Limoncello Taste Test
14:00 to 16:06
Rob shares his experience tasting his homemade limoncello while discussing its strength and comparing it to a friend's.
“It's the guy, the bald guy with the blue turquoise shirt.”
Homemade Limoncello Taste Test
16:09 to 17:06
Rob shares his experience tasting his homemade limoncello while discussing its strength and comparing it to a friend's.
“I'll be honest, I try, but they might as well be speaking a different language.”
Parenting Challenges with Kids
17:48 to 21:00
Josh discusses the challenges of parenting, including dealing with kids' sarcasm and the logistics of dentist appointments.
“Right, I had to lay down the law with the kids though, Josh.”
Navigating Kids' Independence
21:00 to 23:32
Rob talks about his daughter's first sleepover and the challenges of allowing kids more independence.
“So I said, do you want to – I didn't want to say, do you want to come golf with me?”
Experiences at the Dentist
23:32 to 26:44
Rob shares a positive experience at a children's dentist while discussing his family's dental visits and the kids' reactions.
“So another, they just said a man bought them the food and then they came home with it.”
Show all 24 chapters
Humorous Dental Anecdotes
26:44 to 28:00
Rob and Josh share funny stories and experiences related to dental appointments and their childhood memories.
“go and get a big bucket nice to hear him not say anything for 20 minutes am I right?”
Discussion on Michael Flatley
28:00 to 29:05
The hosts discuss the physical condition of Michael Flatley and his legacy.
“Well, actually, there's a podiatrist called Michael Patrick Flatley.”
Rob's Love for Irish Music
29:05 to 30:00
Rob shares his love for Irish music during flights and its emotional connection to home.
“So Christian Moore's like an Irish sort of like...”
The Impact of Music on Mood
30:00 to 31:29
Rob explains how music like 'Rabbit Rabbit' helps him cope with annoying chatty drivers.
“If I'm annoyed, if I have a driver on a long production that I have to say one every day, and if they're a bit chatty and annoying, I'll say, could you put Rabbit Rabbit on?”
Parenting Fatigue and Routine
31:29 to 32:54
The hosts discuss the challenges of parenting fatigue and the need for routine.
“You didn't mention the seven-minute voice note.”
Rob's Work and Lifestyle Changes
32:54 to 36:21
Rob talks about his current work situation, his love for golf, and a potential semi-retirement.
“Went to the chiropractor, smelled of curry.”
Rob's Work and Lifestyle Changes
36:24 to 36:55
Rob talks about his current work situation, his love for golf, and a potential semi-retirement.
“No, yeah, any big golf brands out there that want to sponsor the YouTube channel so that I'm not losing money on it, then I'll do it.”
Rob's Work and Lifestyle Changes
37:12 to 37:45
Rob talks about his current work situation, his love for golf, and a potential semi-retirement.
“From athletic to athletic-ish, Sierra's got it.”
Rob's Work and Lifestyle Changes
37:49 to 38:16
Rob talks about his current work situation, his love for golf, and a potential semi-retirement.
“But choosing a snack you and your kids can both get behind doesn't have to be.”
Reflections on the Summer Holidays
38:16 to 42:03
The hosts reflect on their experiences and challenges during the summer holidays.
“You were living on an industrial estate outside Coventry.”
Navigating the Summer Holidays
42:03 to 45:00
Rob and Josh discuss the challenges and joys of summer holidays with their kids.
“I reckon a week ago, me and Rose were like, we've nailed this summer holiday.”
Navigating the Summer Holidays
45:10 to 46:40
Rob and Josh discuss the challenges and joys of summer holidays with their kids.
“Rob, talk to me about how Vistaprint can help you with your small business.”
Small Business Shoutouts
46:41 to 48:13
Listeners share their small businesses including educational tools and cooking classes.
“I've spent our careers working with children who want to tell adults what school is really like for them, but often don't have the words.”
Small Business Shoutouts
48:21 to 49:57
Listeners share their small businesses including educational tools and cooking classes.
“Josh, get some sleep, find some you time.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Josh Widdicombe:Hey, parents. How do you make smarter choices for your kids' college today? That's where Sally can help. With Sally, you can find scholarships, funding options, tools, and guidance all in one place. And if you need a loan, Sally has options for different families and different situations. College is only worth it if you do it right. So don't just help your kid go. Help them go smarter. Sally.com slash go parents. Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. It was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it.
0:49Josh Widdicombe:Tonight, we feast. An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, may apply. This episode is presented by Tui. You've got to love a family holiday, Josh. Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob? But do you know what the problem with holidays is? You don't get enough of them. That's the problem. Exactly. So you need to make the most of your holiday, which is why Tui gives you more. So that's got to be easy booking for incredible destinations with amazing hotels that offer all the things you love. Perfect beaches, mouth-watering food, on-site splash parks, wellness centres, swim-up suites and fun stuff for the kids.
1:26And now you can get even more by joining the brand new Tui Smiles Reward Club for free.
1:31Josh Widdicombe:We're talking members-only deals, personalised rewards from Tui and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and discover the Tui Smiles Reward Club at tui.co.uk. Atoll and Abta protected. Hello, you're listening to Parents in Hell with... Maya, can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. No, Rob Beckett. Thought it was a lot. Rob Beckett. Beckett. Oh, leave it out. Well done. Can you say, have a good show? Have a good show. I thought the Beckett was fine. Aye, that mum's a hard taskmaster.
2:20Josh Widdicombe:Can't say the word taskmaster without thinking about taskmaster, can you? I can. I didn't think of it until you said it. Didn't it? Because now after I got cheated out of the victory of the champions of champions. Oh, there we go. With the propometer that didn't work, I've sort of buried it in a very sort of grown up way actually. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've taken the moral high ground. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. A hundred percent, yeah. Hello, you wonderful humans. I'd like to put myself forward for the oldest recorded introduction. This is Maya three years ago. I couldn't remember where I saved it and just found it now My is 6.5 years old I've been listening to your podcast from the very beginning When are your live shows coming back?
3:00Josh Widdicombe:Oh, give us a break Amanda So busy We're going to do them Saturday night Just about midnight when Strictly finishes We're going to do a midnight show And then Josh can go straight back in the studio Sunday for the results Exactly, thank you for making me smile all these years Amanda From Rutland Rutland Sounds like everyone just shags It does doesn't it Rob You can't hear Rutland Well we both thought the same thing there So there we go Are you alright Josh you sound tired We did choose 8am We did choose 8am You're away You've got kids in the house Kids in the house Can I ask a question Why do you record next to a hallway When there's bedrooms Because the wifi's Not strong enough upstairs in the bedroom.
3:50Josh Widdicombe:South West. We've got a seven minute voice memo from Lou. Oh my God. Seven minutes. So I thought, I've listened to it. Yeah. You know, it's good stuff. Do you want to give me the highlights and then put the full message at the end? I listened to it two weeks ago when I got it, Rob. I've only just remembered this morning. We've got recorded for a couple of weeks because of summer holidays. I've got loads to go through. I've basically... Are you just moving on from Lou? No, no, no. I was going to say, I don't, I've been, now I don't want to, you know, tempt another voice note out of Lou, but I've been the default parent for the last sort of 10 days because Lou's been working.
4:31I've not been working. I've been taking the reins of the kids. So I've got so much to talk about. So much has gone on. But I don't know where to start. We've got the seven minute voice note. Are you okay?
4:43Josh Widdicombe:Or maybe Michael could edit up the seven minute voice note. We could listen to the seven minute voice note and Michael could put in fast forwards so that it's like three minutes when we record, when it is up. That's a nice tease. We're recording again on Monday. If you send it to me, Josh, I'll compress it and we can do a little sort of stop, start like real time response from seven minutes is a bit unyieldy. If you've got a lot to say today already, we'll tease it for Monday. Just a warning, Michael, you may be getting a voice note yourself if you edit her. Yes. That is actually difficult, isn't it?
5:18Josh Widdicombe:Because if someone's giving their response to something, for the person who's getting the response to be in charge of the edit, that feels incredibly... So we have three men that do a podcast about parenting, where most of the time it's our wives that are doing the parenting. Wow. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't try and backtrack now. No, but I'm saying that is the truth of it. and now we've slightly, well, I sound like I've probably slagged off Lou. She's quite rightly responded with a right to reply. Now, my male producer is now - It's about the hair extensions and the car in the - Oh, right.
5:57Okay. Yeah. Well, I tell you what, Michael can edit that. We'll put it on the next week. Is that a good plan, Michael?
6:02Josh Widdicombe:I think Lou should just be grateful for the platform, to be honest. She should know her place. Yeah. Why don't you just edit one up of her sounding mental, Michael? just like you know just random words of just yeah um okay let's do that for next time then that'll be easier because i think we've got a lot to unpack here are you i've i've i think i've got a cold but i don't like saying that because i don't believe in colds all right okay i think you're either fine or got the flu yeah i don't know if i've just invented that because i'm self-employed what do you mean because you can't take time off yes when i was in office i could really get behind a cold yeah of course i can oh i've got a bit of a cold actually and you can start going on a bit bunged up and a bit like blam and i've got a bit of a cold bit of a bit of a nasty cold actually so i shouldn't go in but when you're self-employed you just sort of go well i haven't got a cold just drive to berwick upon tweed drove to crew and back once on a thursday night to do a gig in a union so tired i put pepper armies in my eyes to wake me up that is bleak isn't it chilly ones because i thought i won't go out of sleep if they hurt it's so far you drive it's so mad how far we drive you sound like you're dying are you all right i'm just tired i'm just tired i'm just dipping for the line you know i'm coming around the final bend and my legs have gone do you know what i mean just in time for strictly the amount of people that have said to me oh it's good to have a rest before you're busy autumn you're like are you fucking insane summer holidays yeah i'm really i'm really i'm really gonna be knackered with my my busy autumn of working two days a week compared to having summer holidays where you're you're parenting for seven days a week are you not sleeping or is it what's tiring you out what's because i feel a bit tired but i'm having fun i'm loving the summer holidays i'm enjoying it but i'm tired yeah it's just because you just get no time to yourself that's what's tiring so what so you're not having any decompression time for old joshy dubs i think that's probably what it is isn't it i reckon i've worked for five days excluding podcasts i reckon i've worked for two days three days in eight weeks because when you work and you get time to yourself in the car or in the dressing room exactly so just having no moment yourself for nearly two months it's it's mad because actually you feel sound more depleted than after your tour oh it's so much more tiring than your tour of course it is because your tour rob you're working 90 minutes a day and you're doing stuff like sitting around looking at your phone backstage for two hours yeah and saying yeah i need to i need to de-stress before the show when Really, all you're doing is being lazy as fuck and looking at your phone.
8:58Just a bit of a Josh type. What have you been doing? What's been the day trips or where you've been going?
9:04Josh Widdicombe:Oh, actually, we had a lovely day at Devon Air Ambulance where my son got to see the helicopter. So you went to Devon Air Ambulance as the trip was there? Because I talked about how much he likes helicopters. Devon Air Ambulance was like, would he like to come and see our helicopter? Of course. Oh, yes, please. I'm just knackered. I'm just really tired. That's the truth of the matter. What time did you get up? Was it early start this morning? Well, yeah, because I was doing this, I got up at seven. You sound so sad. I'm just knackered. I'm just knackered. And I've had a great summer. Actually, this has been like until the last maybe week or two, this has been the easiest summer holiday we've had.
9:44Josh Widdicombe:But the kids need time away from each other, definitely. Are they crashing? Yeah, of course. because they I think I'm quite lucky ours are all ours don't you don't want to sound like you know people have kids that don't five and eight ten five and eight yours are five and eight want very different things do you know what I mean yes they want to watch they want to watch different things on the TV or they want to play a different game or all those kind of things so you're constantly kind of dealing with that but it's I'm just I'm ready to go back to work no we definitely need a bit of routine our kids go to bed so late now though they're getting off about eight in the morning but then go to bed at ten yeah exactly it's that as well it's the fact that you're just all bedtime is there is there any parents who towards the end of august kids are going to bed at a reasonable time well no it's because i think it's well i think everyone needs a bit of routine and then it for it to start back again but i've been um i've been doing a lot of um Try me to go through what I've been up to Yeah Went to Wingham Zoo for the day out Oh yeah Is that a place?
10:52It's a place We fed lemurs Nice You ever fed a lemur? Which one's a lemur? It looks like a monkey But a bit like a meerkat monkey
11:02Josh Widdicombe:I don't think I fed a lemur, no From Madagascar That doesn't help No, the film Oh right, fine Yeah, yeah, yeah That makes more sense I thought that was a deep cut of knowledge I'm from Madagascar, King Savick or other. Yeah, I've not found a lemur. You saw an orangutan? Do you like that? I do like an orangutan. Every Rich Way But Loose. That was the film. There we go. You seen that? Now we're back. Here we go. We've got his brain on nostalgia. We're bringing him back. Clive. Or is it Clyde? Clyde, I think. My daughter's a pescatarian now. Oh, yeah. How's that going? She had a hot dog at Centre Parks because she forgot.
11:39And then she ate the inside of a filet of fish. Well, that's all right. Because we had to go for a drive for it. yes that's good good start why did she only eat the inside uh because well she like the bum i thought she liked the bum oh right josh i've got a couple of ideas for the show i don't know if we
11:54Josh Widdicombe:need format points we've gone six and a half years without it no no no but little bits not not a thing to just but like things that other people to join in with okay oh yeah right so one is temporary permanent in the house so you know like temporary temporary permanent i want to call it where you've done something temporary, but you've had it for three years. Like the Eiffel Tower. Yeah, like the Eiffel Tower. Right. So for example, the dogs kept on going upstairs in our house, even when we told them no. So I got a barbecue three years ago and I used the massive cardboard box as a stair gate and it's still there.
12:35Yeah. Do you like this? That's good. Is this good? And also it's quite handy when people come around with little kids. I've said it's on the, we've decorated it. It's on the WhatsApp group. We're decorating.
12:44Josh Widdicombe:It's a real admission that is not changing, isn't it? Yeah. I think let's double down on it. So we've got, if anyone's got to think that was, you know, like corners that are a bit spiky with kids. Could you go, oh my God, they're going to bang their head and you put a bit of Blu-Tac on it. It's there for 10 years. Temporary permanent fixes. And the other one I thought, Josh, is we loved, well, I loved watching you watch the Mike Parry, um, Cinnamon Challenge. Yeah, I've watched it again since. It's so good. I don't think you've really experienced the internet. So what videos would you suggest?
13:19I think I want to do a new feature that everyone can suggest for Show Josh the Internet. Show Josh the World Wide Web.
13:28Josh Widdicombe:Because I'm not a fan of the internet. Well, that's a lie because I've spent a lot of time on it. I've probably spent more time on it. You're a fan of moments of the internet. Well, Mike Parry is, I'd say, one of the best things I've seen on the internet. well, there's loads of them. Yeah. You're just scratching the surface with Parry. Have you ever seen a man tasted his own limoncello? That doesn't sound like I've seen. Michael, have you ever seen it? Yes, it's a Hall of Famer. If you like Cinnamon Challenge with Parry, this is definitely in your wheelhouse. Right, let me find it. I'm going to do it.
14:00It's the guy, the bald guy with the blue turquoise shirt.
14:03Josh Widdicombe:He looks a bit like Nuno thingy. So, party people, it is nearly 10 to 7 in the evening in the UK, depending on where you're watching this. It's Friday night, Friday night. I'm about to sample for the first time my homemade limoncello. Now, I haven't tried this yet, so I'm a little bit nervous. Never tried, never made it before. But I figured it was as good as time as ever to try it. Can I just stop and say, we're over halfway. There's only about 20 seconds left. No, I'm not complaining. I'm saying, I can't believe that nothing's happened yet. What he's done is, it's a brilliant setup. He's so excited.
14:44He looks very middle class and in control of his life and chilled. That kind of man, if he said, I've got homemade limoncello, you'd believe him. You'd buy a bottle of it off him at a market, wouldn't you? There you go.
15:00Josh Widdicombe:Fucking hell.
15:05Josh Widdicombe:Bit strong. I think I might need a little bit more sugar syrup in there. Don't. Yeah, that was good. That was good. There we go. It's not as good as Mike Parry. It's not as good as Mike Parry. Mike Parry's elite because... Yeah, the problem is Mike Parry's so good for so low. Do you know what I mean? And he's come in so arrogant. So you're getting the schadenfreude comeuppance. Yeah. I enjoyed that though. Thank you. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it. Any more. We'll call that Show Josh the World Wide Web. Yeah. And then Michael can put a little 56k modem jingle in there. Oh, Michael's going to have to do some fucking work.
15:45He's got to edit Lou's voice note. He's got to try and find the 56k modem. Oh, my God, Michael.
15:50Josh Widdicombe:You're going to be as tired as I am doing some holidays. I don't think that's possible. No. It's not.
16:01I've had a great time, actually.
16:06This episode is brought to you by Tesco Mobile. Josh, how are you with the kids' slang? Oh, mate, I try.
16:14Josh Widdicombe:I'll be honest, I try, but they might as well be speaking a different language. I don't know what she ate means, and I do worry about it. And when you hear something like, oh, we cooked? Well, I presume, you know, was it on an induction hop? That's what I'm thinking. We can't be alone, though, Josh. Loads of parents out there feel like they can't understand half of the words their kids use. The thing is, that can also mean a lot of us don't always understand what's going on in our kids' online lives. Exactly. It might not always feel easy, but sitting down with your kids and asking them what something like RIS means can open up important conversations about their online lives, Rob.
16:51Josh Widdicombe:Those chats help us keep up as parents, which helps us keep them safe online. So if you're feeling stuck about having the online safety chat, visit the Tesco Mobile Online Safety Hub, where they have plenty of tips and resources for keeping you and your family safe online. From athletic stuff like a full court pickup game, swish, to athletic stuff like a half mile stroll. Get those steps in. Head to Sierra or Sierra.com for the brands you want at the prices that let you do it all. From athletic to athletic, Sierra's got it. Hey friends, Olivia from Oli. Between new routines and the ultimate group project known as parenting, you need science-backed solutions that work with your life.
17:28Josh Widdicombe:That's where Oli comes in. Start your mornings off right with Maltese made to support nutrition and immune health. Choose from our lineup of gut-supporting probiotics. And we've got occasional sleep support to help the whole fam chase their big dreams. Head back to class with the number one gummy supplement brand. Stock up on ollie.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease.
17:54Right, I had to lay down the law with the kids though, Josh. They were giving it. They're getting a bit sarky. so yeah Lou was um Lou was out somewhere I don't know which it was so I had to get him up to go dentist but the dentist was booked at 9am oh that's an early dentist if I like an early dentist because you're you have to you have to drive a bit of a distance to the dentist to the equestrian center no um no the dentist it's a bit of fun yeah 20 minutes you need them out the house at
18:25Josh Widdicombe:8.30 really. Yeah. So I go, so it's 7.30. I say, one of them's awake and I go, look, we're leaving at 8.30. You've got an hour. She's like, what? What? I was like, what? Why? Like that. Because we've got dentists at nine. She went, what kind of man books a dentist at 9am in a summer? She's not wrong. Holiday. I was like, now I'm just getting hammered by them. I've got dressed for golf. And you booked it, just to check. I booked it. Yeah. I got dressed for golf the other day. And obviously, when it's hot, you need thin golf materials at the most forgiving. So I had a white top on that was very thin.
19:04Of course, you know, Alan Shearer. And a little bit sticky on the body. And I had a white socks and a pair of blue shorts with loads of Adidas logos on. They looked like polka dot and a bright white top. And I walked in and my eldest, at least 10, looked at me and she went, what are you doing? you look absolutely ridiculous I can see the hair from your nipples through your top, what are you doing oh my word this is horrendous and anyway so
19:37Josh Widdicombe:what did you say I said yeah you've got a, well one I'm dressed for golf two it's hot so I need a t-shirt that breathes but three, yeah fair enough it's too thin too white and you can see all my body you're right i should change it's not a good top for golf okay and i actually took one of them golf because what like yesterday oh my god this is so scattergun here i'll get back to the dentist my daughter last night you know i don't think you need to worry about that rob okay my daughter that doesn't like sleepovers who did one at school i'm gonna sneeze yeah my cold yeah right i haven't got as they don't exist uh i'm gonna go see if you're just going off to wipe out my shorts change them later um well don't worry don't worry they're covered in logos that'll blend it yeah polka dot um she so the one that was nervous of sleepovers that did a school one is a first sleepover for a friend's birthday last night right huge dropped her off at two o 'clock very nervous but i was trying to help her for it and no one's called yet so i assume she did it and made it through still walking home she's she's still crying at the bus stop for midnight but yeah so no one's message so i but i didn't sleep well because i was i was i basically i turned my phone on loud in case the parent wanted to ring yeah but i realized if you have your phone on loud i am getting 3 000 notifications the weather's telling me it's gonna rain with a ding i've got a thing from like you've got to turn your notifications off i tried josh it's so hard it's a deal one by one what would dr marta say what would dr marta say she said don't do it it takes really long time but i should do it now anyway so yeah didn't sleep very well she's at the thingy so i'm at the door i said what do you want to do today and she was i don't know really and we only had two hours because we had to go somewhere.
21:34So I said, do you want to – I didn't want to say, do you want to come golf with me? I said, do you want to go for a ride in a golf cart? Here we go. A little golf buggy. While I play golf around the 18 holes. No, no, no, I didn't say that. So she came with me. She sat in the passenger seat and I drove around a golf course. She loved it and I hit a few balls. Did you play golf? Yeah. I just took her to the golf club and she sat in the passenger seat
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22:01Josh Widdicombe:and I just drove around. She loved it. Your transformation into Jimmy Tarbuck is just at such speed, it's unbelievable. It's great. Honestly, I have got... I think you're a performer who was born 40 years too late. Yeah, and some people when they've seen my material agree. No, honestly, yeah, I do. I love... You, Tarby, Brucey, Ronnie Corbett. Can you imagine me rubbing shoulders? Les Dawson's come up, man. Dawson, you all right? Yeah, I'd love to be mates with Ronnie Corbett. Imagine playing golf with Ronnie Corbett. Why do you have to dress like a wanker at golf? Do you worry about the clothes at golf?
22:41Josh Widdicombe:Don't know. Oh, God, you scared me. You snuck in. Oh, my word. You've made pancakes. Well done. Do you want to bring one in? Is that right? Thank you. So my 10-year-old said, can I make pancakes? Fucking hell. Fucking hell. She stormed out there, didn't she? Yeah, she did. But I didn't know she snuck in. No, she's quieter at opening than closing a door, isn't she? So she wanted to make pancakes this morning, but I was like, well, I'm not going to finish till nine. And she went, can I make you on my own? And I went, yeah, but no watching iPad while you're cooking it. So I let her do the hob on her own at 10.
23:16Is that allowed? Probably should have supervised it.
23:19Josh Widdicombe:Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. I was running a market store at 30. My daughter and her friend went to the shop yesterday. On their own. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Okay. Took my card. And it was, unfortunately, it was one of the ones where, you know, like every 10 goes, you have to put in your pin. Oh, no. Killer. Yeah. So another, they just said a man bought them the food and then they came home with it. Oh, okay. Didn't really know what to do about that. Well, if you was in there, you saw two kids, you'd go, I'll get it for you. Because they're probably feeling embarrassed. Of course. This is funny. We were out last night.
23:55I will get back to Dennis. We were out last night. I was having some food and my daughter didn't really like the dessert. Can I get a chocolate bar for dessert? I went, yeah, all right. We walked to the shop. As she got to the shop, like 10 foot away, the light went off. I went, oh, is it shutting? I went, nah, it's quarter to 10. It shuts at 10. I'll be fine. And literally, as she got to the doorway, the electric shutters came down. Literally, like, cut her nose off. So, dentist. Dentist. Went to a dentist. so they didn't love the experience. So we went to a new dentist and I will recommend this dentist.
24:29I paid, this is not a freebie, but there's a guy, Luke, who's the dentist there. It's Royal Wolf Dental and he's got one in Bromley and he's got one in, I think, Canary Wolf. And he was so good with kids. The best, he was like, chatted to them friendly and did it all very calmly because I think obviously kids can get nervous, but he did a brilliant job. So if you do need a dentist, especially for kids and adults, he does mine. Yeah, it's funny though, because I've got a little chip in my tooth.
24:57Josh Widdicombe:It's not the main headline there, is it, though? Oh, how dare you? Come on, then. Okay, we're doing that. So I've got a little chip that I had to get filled in. So were you at the dentist as well? Were all three of you dentists doing? I went the week before, then I brought them in because one of them was a little bit nervous, but he sat with them, spoke to them. Yeah, and anyway, so he's really kind, lovely guy. So if you've got kids that need to go, Dennis, go and see Luke at Royal Wolf. But they didn't want to leave the house. So they were going, oh, I haven't got time. Shouting at me. And I just went, I'm going to say this once.
25:32I put on a really stern voice. We are leaving because my other one didn't wake up to eight o 'clock. I went, we are leaving in half an hour. All I need you to do is get dressed, brush your teeth, have something to eat and then leave. And we're doing that. Quite a lot. Okay. Yeah, it was quite a lot. and I should have really booked it for 9am. But I prefer a morning dentist because then you go in clean teeth, raring to go. I've never thought about that. Because I don't want to go bust my mouth. Every time I go to the dentist,
26:02Josh Widdicombe:I think, fuck me, this is a tough gig for you. Like, it's a horrible gig, isn't it? People's mouths. Well, I think the dentist, you've really got to want to be a dentist to be a good dentist. You've really got to want to be a dentist. But I think if you don't, 100 % really want to be a dentist and you get sort of talked into if you're from a family of dentists or that'll be a good profession. You can't look in someone's mouth every day if you don't have a passion for mouths. Like not just someone's, probably 12 mouths a day. And also as well, I'm probably one of the best mouths they're going to get all day.
26:37Exactly. It's big, it's wide open. Well, no, I'm just saying, I'm very good at my...
26:42Josh Widdicombe:Also, it's an anecdote. Yeah, you do a few jokes. Yes, you need a filling. How was it nearly filling? Oh, you know. go and get a big bucket nice to hear him not say anything for 20 minutes am I right? Well that's the thing I do but he did say to me because I've got a little chip there that they fill in how do you chip it? a guy called Tom Abba in a nightclub in probably when was I at uni so that's 22 years ago he had a bottle of one pound bottle of Foster's in Barbar's Canterbury and he went like that in the air with it hit me in the mouth chipped it Oh, Jesus. So they fill it in and then he was like, yeah, you could put a little like thing.
27:23And then the filling in comes out, does it? Yeah. Over time it wears away because it's only a little, it's only a tiny one. So he was like, what I can do is just rather than fill it in, just like shave the front two. So they're like flat and match the rest. I was like, I can't be messy with the teeth. No. You have a blank called surgery or Michael Flatley. Do you know what I mean? No. Well, you probably have to.
27:47Josh Widdicombe:I bet he's had ankle surgery by now. Okay, I'm going back in. Ankle surgery, Michael Flatley. I bet Michael Flatley is in severe pain. Not... Well, actually, there's a podiatrist called Michael Patrick Flatley. He had to put the Patrick in, didn't he? You can't be a foot doctor and be called Michael Flatley.
28:14Here we go.
28:16Josh Widdicombe:No, it's not coming up. I don't know if Michael Flackley has had ankle surgery. Michael Flackley has suffered extensive chronic physical damage. Yeah, it's going to happen, isn't it? It's going to happen. It's happening in an athlete. A severe tear of the right calf, Rob, is the closest we've got to ankle. They're never fully healed alongside a persistent broken or fractured bone in his right foot. Oh, Flackley. Oh, my God. Is he still going? Not judging by this. extensive chronic physical damage of spine joints and muscles do you know you know i do sometimes because i love the i love the irish i love ireland i love the irish i love the whole vibe yeah when i'm traveling home i think the word you're looking forward is the crack i love the crack you know you love the crack when i'm traveling home yeah from somewhere on a long flight and i want to like get a bit you watch river dogs like no i listen to christy moore and pretend I'm Irish.
29:12Right, okay, this is weird. So Christian Moore's like an Irish sort of like...
29:16Josh Widdicombe:Sorry, why do you do this on a long flight? Well, because I feel like all the music is really like sort of a love letter to Ireland and Irish culture and family. You've got no Irish in you, have you? Just to check. Absolutely zero. Absolutely zero. So I've got no Irish on me. Welsh is Welsh. And Welsh. So why do you do that on a long flight? I don't understand what it's got to do with... Because it feels like when you're coming home from like working and like you've been away for a few weeks. Oh, right, I see. I was working with an Irish guy, Warren, in Malaysia, and he put me on it, and I was like, I could do it.
29:45You can't listen to Chas and Dave chilling out. You know, Chas and Dave's a night out song, really. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. You're getting pumped up with Chas and Dave.
29:53Josh Widdicombe:Do you listen to Chas and Dave? Not religiously, but I will have a little bit now and again. This is a trick I do sometimes. If I'm annoyed, if I have a driver on a long production that I have to say one every day, and if they're a bit chatty and annoying, I'll say, could you put Rabbit Rabbit on? Yeah. Do you? Yeah, so I'll put other songs on. So do you mind if I play some music and I'll sing along to it and then I'll put Rabbit on, then I'll get to sing, you don't stop talking, why don't you give it a rest? And it's really liberating because I've got what I'm feeling out at them without having the awkward conversation.
30:33Yeah.
30:34Josh Widdicombe:What are the other songs you sing? What's that? you've got other songs on you sing that's the main how much do you give it when you're in the back of the car singing along windows down you don't stop singing you got more rabbit and sainsbury's if someone saw you driving past singing chas and dave they'd go fucking out jesus christ i saw rob beckett earlier you're not going to believe what he was doing Yeah, no, I do believe that. Yeah, it's exactly. You don't put the Wurzels on. I don't put the Wurzels on, no. No, no, no. I put headphones in if I want to listen to music. I don't want to share it with the driver that's talking too much to me.
31:19Well, no, but, oh, Lou's ringing me. Can I quickly take it? One second. Hello? Hello, you all right? I'm just on the podcast. Is everything okay? Is it? Yeah. All right, no worries. All right, love you. Bye.
31:32Josh Widdicombe:Bye-bye. You didn't mention the seven-minute voice note. Oh, yeah, not chatting out, are you? Now you're giving it the fucking big beans on her voice. No, she's gone. Lou's gone. No, she never rings me. Well, she's not for me, but I'm the only ringer. Where was she? I'm more of a ringer of her. She's a texter. Where is she at? 8.50 in the morning on a Friday. She's outgrafting, isn't she, old Pankhurst, giving it fucking full beans up in the big smoke where old silly bollocks is back home. Rick Moranis over here, grafting away. That's a bit harsh, actually. What was Rick Moranis? Oh, actually, it's not our show.
32:04Rick Moranis, Moranis, the guy from Honey, I front the kids. Oh, yeah, he quit. He quit when his partner sadly died, wife and his mother of his kids died. He quit and just became dad. Yeah, good on him. I'm loving it, though, Josh. I love being home. You're ready to retire. I think I get a different energy from parenting.
32:20Josh Widdicombe:Well, I've been having a great time, but I've just hit a wall. Keep saying it, mate. Tell your fucking face and your body. You've seen what a good mood I've been in on the podcast all summer. but today I've just gone through the wall today you're a bit tired I think as well you do a lot of holidays with other people's kids I've noticed which I think for me I find more tiring than just my own because you're never having to make decisions for a big group you're just going right us for I find this I find this a lot easier fucking hell I wouldn't want to chat to you about a million well i was fucked before i got it i'm i've i'm just i'm ready for some actual routine i'm ready you need routine more than me you like routine i don't like routine no i like the like lou always goes oh put that in but i'm like no do you know what it is rob i yeah do you know when you were um during lockdown you were going a bit mad because you couldn't do stand up yeah I feel like that with general like work like writing stuff doing stuff that's I need to be doing some stuff for myself like that right and I've literally I feel a bit like you're going another day at the beach is that is that my main complaint I know it is but it's like do you know I'm just ready to do some stuff where I'm a bit like this is tricky and I want to try and do it do you know what I mean yeah yeah for me I'm really enjoying what I'm doing but I'd quite like to do it without children in the house do you know what I mean like I used to be a quiet in the house but I think I'm retired I'm semi-retired someone said to me the other day because we're doing the football podcast blimey Rob said he wanted to do less and he's now doing that it's an hour I know it's an hour I do an extra hour a week I could squeeze it in I know think how many hours I look at my phone we have had like a 28 minute meeting about that podcast we've banged out three hours already but I know that's how I like to work but yeah I could just I genuinely think I could just go and play golf every single day and then pop out and do a couple of gigs I'm flying in I think you should do this I love no routine because you're constantly well that is a routine you're constantly what no routine I had an impromptu curry last night.
34:42I had an impromptu curry. Yeah, nice. Went to the chiropractor, smelled of curry. I went, Lou, do you want to go for a curry? Should we ring Tom and Alfie, see if they want to come for a curry? They had a fucking curry on a Thursday. That's how I live in my life, mate. Oh, yeah, they came, yeah, had a quick curry. Where were your kids? One was at a sleepover. The other one came, out till 10. She's 10 years old.
35:02Josh Widdicombe:Nice. Loved it. Would you ever go into semi-retirement? Like I know we talk about it The whole time But we are probably a month away From you doing an episode About how you've taken on too much No genuinely Actually what have you got this autumn? Nothing I think I have semi-retired I don't know if I've been cancelled What have you got coming up? Because you haven't got Robin Romesh Because you've done that No done that This autumn I've got You haven't got gigs I'm even calming down the goal for YouTube Why? I just want to play golf on my own. Yeah. No, to be fair, the golfing, essentially, it's doing really well, but it's a lot.
35:46I thought YouTubing would be a piece of piss. No. It's harder than doing stand-up because in stand-up, you've got to learn one thing, which is quite scary, and just do that. But with YouTube, you've got to learn how to edit, I know, or find editors that can do it, or people that can film it you might work with, locations, blah, blah, blah. And it's costing me money, but if there's any big sponsors out there that just want to sponsor my channel, get in touch. I can't be bothered to go out and hunt it.
36:14Josh Widdicombe:Can't like someone like Dunlop or someone who's involved in golf. Who's involved in golf? Yeah, well, if I got a time machine back to 1983 when they were still involved in golf. Who makes golf clubs? I tell you what, I'd fucking love to be sponsored by Dunlop. No, yeah, any big golf brands out there that want to sponsor the YouTube channel so that I'm not losing money on it, then I'll do it. But at the moment, so I've got this podcast, football podcast, Occasional golf If I get a big sponsor That's it Can I just say On the YouTube thing It's also It's a commitment Because you're having To keep doing it Do you know what I mean Yeah And you've got to keep Momentum up and build So I've really enjoyed it I've loved it But I've In order to carry on Doing that I need to make sure That I don't mind Not earning from it But I can't be losing Money from it Do you know what I mean Yeah yeah From athletic stuff Like a full court Pick up game Swish To athletic stuff Like a half mile stroll.
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37:37Josh Widdicombe:Stock up on Ollie.com today. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. This episode is brought to you by Welch's Fruit Snacks. Back to school season can be tough on parents. But choosing a snack you and your kids can both get behind doesn't have to be. Stock up on Welch's Fruit Snacks, made with whole fruit, and now made with no artificial dyes. it's a snack kids already love and one you can feel good about giving them go back to school with Welch's Fruit Snacks now made with no artificial dyes
38:16but I'm doing I've got gigs I've got some a few stand-up gigs coming up in autumn only a handful no that's it yeah what are you doing it's like I'm clinging on to your coattails mate I've got you I've got Romesh I'm basically fucking slipping into the BBC backwards
38:31Josh Widdicombe:Because this time last year, you were a husk of a man. Do you know what I mean? You were living on an industrial estate outside Coventry. Yes. Seemingly gigging in Coventry three or four times a week. Indefinitely. Like some sort of community service order. Forcing yourself to live in a kind of go between a Cineworld and a Nando's in the middle of outside of a motorway, outside of an M6 toll road. And it looked like you were never going to, you know, see your family. And now I tell them what you're doing. You're just playing golf. I'm buffer. I'm king of the buffer. I'm buffer boy. It's wild. Have you got anything for 2027?
39:16Um, no. This is incredible. You've done it. So I'm out. I've got out. I'm not one of them gangsters. I've got out.
39:25Josh Widdicombe:I've gone straight. They'll call you in for one last job and you'll be killed. No, to be fair, next week I'm doing, I've got a pilot. I'm doing two days of work next week for a pilot for a year. I've got bits of PR to do, but no big, big things to do. So, at the moment, my stuff might come in. What's the PR for Rob? Do a little shout out. Tempting Fortune on your screen soon. When's that out? You've already done that. That's the beauty of Rob Beckett. You've done all these things. If that comes back, Traitor's done that. Traitor's done that. If Tempting Fortune comes back, I might have to go away again next year for a couple of weeks.
40:03But yeah, so I'm just trying to create buffer and work out what it is I'm doing.
40:08Josh Widdicombe:Is there a chance you're going to get really good at golf? Yeah, I'll be out in a, do you know what? I nearly broke 100. I'll be out in 10 minutes and then we'll eat together. So is that good? So I've got 103 has been my best score. I've got a birdie. I've got a birdie. Oh, wow. On a par four or a par three. Well, a par four. So I tell you what, I tell you what's been happening for golf is the ground's really hard, so I think it's flattered me. Because of the drought. Oh, because it's bouncing far. So I hit a ball the other day so hard, and it bounced so far. It bounced on concrete, then on the hard ground.
40:44It went past the green, 300 yards. Wow. Thank you.
40:48Josh Widdicombe:Why did it bounce on concrete, Rob? That sounds like a bad shot. No shot's a bad shot. It's just a shot with character.
40:59Josh Widdicombe:This has cheered me right up I'm living a bit of a buffer free lifestyle No, full buffer Michael buffer, I'm king of the buffer Wow, you've done it Me and Lou are going to the boxing on Saturday You and who? Me and Lou are going to the boxing This week, I've been golf Monday Monday, Wednesday and Thursday I can't believe you got to treat Lou by taking her to one of her favourite things, the boxing Well, to be fair I got him, she I always normally invite my mates that like boxing but I said she said next time you go boxing let me know I'd like to come but I think we're going to be quite close to the ring and I think she might find it too intense because she's Lou's family a very sort of cultured and middle class you know like got a big sort of hamper full of theatre programs in the living room stuff like that and this is working class Lou had never been to a betting shop or had fried chicken until she met me and now you take it to the betting shop every Friday, don't you?
41:58Josh Widdicombe:Yeah. Put on your accumulator for the weekend if you want to. It's two quid. Pick eight fixtures. Buy me some hot wings for the change. Do you know what? It was good. I reckon a week ago, me and Rose were like, we've nailed this summer holiday. And now, you know when you're just like. Well, it's the last week. Everyone's at their limit. Totally normal. I totally fucked. Sorry to the listeners. Don't worry about it. I'm fine. They're fine. It's just your reality Would you like to In the last five minutes Sort of Give it full beans Like pretend we just started I have been You've got Oh you've done the full beans already I thought the last ten minutes Has been pretty heavy beans You have been I'd say heavy beans But sort of I'd say reactive beans But if you wanted to come in full beans With something you've got Oh we had a DHL van come round That was fun Because you know My son's into DHL Yeah They got in touch with us And said Would you like him would you like a DHL van to visit?
42:54Josh Widdicombe:Absolutely. And he can have a look around the DHL van. So he had the fucking time of his life. And then they gave him a parcel full of DHL toys. I'll be honest. Oh my, can you imagine being five and that happening? I know. Well, I suppose to most people it would be like, why, sorry, what, a DHL van? I'm not interested. But yeah, it was incredible. No, but it's to him if he loves that. Yeah. Yeah. He's had a great, he's had a great, We've been doing all these things, Rob I'm just tired I'm just really tired Yeah, it must be exhausted Having a van coming to your house No, but do you know what I mean?
43:31Josh Widdicombe:I'm not joking The beach is our work, though What's your set up for the beach? We've done all of it Right, you're going to the beach for the day Talk me through what you're doing there I fell asleep on the beach, Rob I just passed out flat on the beach That's fine While everyone was around me That's relaxing I'm fucked I'm absolutely fucked What's your set up for the beach? If you're going to the beach Just you four You're going to the beach What are you packing? How are you getting there? My daughter just loves bodyboarding So she's straight in with the bodyboard With her mate They're bodyboarding all the time My son doesn't like the beach No He's more your cut of the jib so he's constantly wanting to go to the cafe or try and talk us into buying something from the shop.
44:22Josh Widdicombe:Right. Yeah. And then so you're moving around with him. You can't, but once he gets a bit older, he'll be bodyboarding, do you reckon? He'll be bodyboarding. Of course he will be. He'll be on his belly. He'll be on his belly. Yeah. So it's all been lovely, but I am just on the ropes, crumbling. So when are they back at school next week? Next week? No. What day? The Monday after. No. You've got another full week. Yeah. I'll be back next week. It's been so long. It's been so long. It's fucking mental. Small business?
45:04Josh Widdicombe:Now it's time for Small Business Shoutout, brought to you by Vistaprint, your expert print partner to help you bring your ideas to life. Rob, talk to me about how Vistaprint can help you with your small business. Here's an idea. First of all, I hate badly printed merch. Right. You know, when you go somewhere, you're going to see a new band or something, you want their merch, and it's ruined in one go in the washing machine. It's heartbreaking. The mug when the image goes. The mug when you think, I can't dry clean this. Not dry clean it. I can't dry clean it. I don't know how dry cleaning works.
45:37Josh Widdicombe:Sure, you've got to give it a bit of a word. I've never understood it. I've never understood it, Rob. I never am going to. I'm never going to look into it. Imagine you're starting a new dry cleaning business. You've got some merch. Yeah. You want it printed well because that mug... Sorry, you're a dry cleaning business doing your own merch for the dry cleaning business. Exactly. Fair enough. It's a popular dry cleaning business. Yeah, and what is the new band doing? Pressing trousers in the interval. Exactly, yeah. Do you know what I love? What? A branded T-shirt for a small business. Yeah. So, building firms.
46:05Yeah. We had a building firm and they came and they've all got the matching polo shirts. with the matching logo, and they all look clean, they all look smart, and at that point, I don't care what they're doing to my foundations. I trust the polo. Exactly. Trust the polo. It looks different,
46:20Josh Widdicombe:so they look like a professional outfit. Because they're wearing a professional outfit. Exactly. Okay, Rob, I'll go first. Hi, Rob and Josh. I'm a long-time listener. Fellow parent of six-year-old twins. Twins! And an educational psychologist. So I thought, I chanced my arm with a small business shout-out. Go for it. Consider it chanced. Alongside my friend and colleague, we've created My School Experience Cards. I've spent our careers working with children who want to tell adults what school is really like for them, but often don't have the words. The cards help children, especially those with autism, ADHD, anxiety or other special educational needs, share what they enjoy at school, what they find difficult and most importantly, what helps them.
47:04Josh Widdicombe:Lots of parents complete the cards with their child before meetings with school, make it much easier to share their child's views and the strategies that make the biggest difference. If Parenting Health listeners think they could help their family, we'd love to offer 20%. Whoa. That's a big one. With the code PH20 at www.myschoolexperiencecards.com. Thanks so much for supporting small businesses for making us laugh every week. Best wishes, Rachel. Thank you, Rachel. Thank you, Rachel. That'd be great. And also, as well, now people can see the small business shout-outs on our Instagram. Yes. Wanted to give a small bit of a shout out for my lovely friend, Georgia's Cookery Classes, based in Liverpool.
47:43Mother Dough Culinary runs cookery classes for children aged 2 to 17. Taught by qualified professional chefs using fresh ingredients, real knives and real hobs to give children amazing skills. Really good. The things they cook each week are amazing and delicious. It's also great for helping children discover to try new foods. Instagram at Mother Dough Culinary. Thank you so much. This is an amazing thing you do for people. Hannah.
48:09Josh Widdicombe:Vistaprint.co.uk. Print your possible. To get 15 % off your first Vistaprint order, visit Vistaprint.co.uk and use the code PoundingHell15. Right, that was a small business. Josh, get some sleep, find some you time. What do you say to Rose? I'll have the kids for the day, you have them for the next day, and we both have solo days to chill. I just want to go back to work. I just want to do some work. I just want to sit at my computer and actually remember that I've got, that I'm gainfully employed. You are gainfully employed. I know, but I just need to use my computer. You're at your computer. You're working.
48:46You're unloading. You're podcasting, babe. Yeah, too right. Too right, babe. You're creating a WAV file for people to enjoy. Right. See you next time.
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49:30Josh Widdicombe:Offer valid August 27th through September 16th. USLAC store online for details. Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS. Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. namaste visit 1-800-CONTACTS.COM today to save on your first order 1-800-CONTACTS
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The end of the summer holiday is approaching and it's safe to say it's taken a different toll on Rob and Josh as they approach the final hurdle....
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