S13 EP19: It's Exhausting Having an Opinion

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1:00Josh Widdicombe:Queen Carvania stood haloed by the morning sun. An army hung on her every word. My champions, I have sold my chariot on Carvana. T 'was a lovely SUV, an inexplicably queenly offer. They're even coming to the castle to collect it. Tonight, we feast! An offer you can feast on. Sell your car today on Carvana. Pick up fees, mail, buy. This episode is presented by TUI. Look, you've got to love a family holiday, Josh. Oh, you've got to love it. Who wouldn't love it, Rob? You know what the problem with the holidays is, right? You don't get enough of them. That's the problem. Exactly. So you need to make the most of your holiday, which is why TUI gives you more.

1:44Josh Widdicombe:So that's got to be easy booking for incredible destinations with amazing hotels that offer all the things you love. Perfect beaches. mouth-watering food, on-site splash parks, wellness centres, swim-up suites and fun stuff for the kids. And now you can get even more by joining the brand new TUI Smiles Rewards Club for free. We're talking members-only deals, personalised rewards from TUI and some of their brilliant partners and plenty of chances to win amazing prizes. Love it. Get more from your holiday book now and discover the TUI Smiles Rewards Club at tui.co.uk. Atoll and Abta protected.

2:21Hello, you're listening to Parent in Hell with...

2:25Josh Widdicombe:Luna, can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. And can you say Josh Withercombe? Josh Withercombe. Good job. Good job. Luna. Luna Rose Skilling, aged five, from Stirling in Scotland. She really wants to be in the intro because her big sister, Layla, is in your audiobook. She does Chapter 13, Entertaining Your Child. Stay sexy and relatable. Thanks, John Skilling. There we go. There we go. Job done. One each. One on the pod, one in the book. Oh, wait a minute. John Skilling. Oh, good on John Skilling. Who's John Skilling? The dad. You can see he sent this three times. July the 6th. Monday, July the 6th.

3:10Josh Widdicombe:Monday, the 3rd of August. Monday, the 31st of August. Monday, the 21st of September. Today? Four times, yeah. And Michael's finally bitten. He's been changing his time of sending. His first send was Monday at 8.49pm. Absolute disaster. Couldn't be further from a record. Worst possible time. Then Monday at 3.01pm. Terrible, no. He might as well do it on fucking Saturday night. Yeah. Then Monday at 8.34am. Good try. Solid. He's getting there. And then this morning, 7.34 a.m. Early bird, early skillet catches the worm. The worm, yes. Talking of working the system, I saw a really good documentary on Netflix about these Irish syndicate that bought every single lottery ticket combination to win the jackpot.

4:09Josh Widdicombe:I'd like to watch that documentary. You'd love it. It's great. That sounds good. Does it work out? Do you want a spoiler? yep so um yes it does but they have to share it with three other people so they only get like a third of the main jackpot but because they bought so many others they earned loads of money on the matching four matching fives of course so yeah they did well out of it when did they do it 1992 this is so you josh wow you love it and where's the documentary from uh a couple years ago it's it's on netflix let me find out what it's called but you will love it that is my scene we're currently watching the kylie doc i haven't seen that it's good love a doc love a doc well there's nothing good on tv anymore is there so i thought i might as well go on to the streamers exactly right it's called beat the lotto but it's leaving soon it's leaving last day to watch is the 8th of october so you've got enough time it was done in 2025 what where's it leaving to we're just into the what it's sort of like space junk of content if stuff doesn't get licensed it just floats around in space junk so their theory is we will win the lottery by because the the jackpot is there's a guy that does an equation where essentially it costs 975 000 pounds to buy every ticket yeah and then the jackpot was about 1.5 million because there'd been a few rollovers doesn't feel enough does it because what if two other people win it and you share exactly so basically ultimately i mean spoiler alert fc but um they everyone that was involved in this massive syndicate earned about 40 profit worth it so it was worth it but it could have been massive but it was still because of all the other ones it's still done really well did they have to physically fill them in yes and yeah so it's great and then they had to go around to all the terminals and then the lottery people got wind of it so started shutting down terminals so they couldn't buy the tickets so They only actually spent 700 ,000 because they couldn't get all the tickets done.

6:15Josh Widdicombe:Oh, no. And they still won. So that was a bit more of a lottery. So that's good. Oh, my word. Anyway, how are you doing? I was thinking they could fill them in advance, I suppose. They couldn't have filled them in themselves, though. Yeah, one man did it with his family. It took him 10 months. No. So one man came up with a plan, and then he sold it to these rich people, a few people with spare money, and then he just took a percentage of winnings because he didn't front the money. this is so you this is so me so me so you kind of thing michael would do we'd say what have you been doing this week yeah i could imagine michael going i've worked out a way to play the lottery so that i win and i've done it myself and i've got no one else involved because i don't want to split the cash no i think michael would more likely film the documentary of it of course of course would you have you ever done a big grand plan to get a win over the big guys michael i'm just thinking of the legality of what i can share let's just say yes in a in a past life michael doesn't show his face he's like frank abignel jr he's wandering around 1950s america with little necklaces yeah he's currently on pan am now to new york i can't really remember catch me if you can did he pretend to be a pilot do you know what i'm really enjoying is all this of which is our normal general tangent chat and there's strictly hard calls waiting for us talking about strictly yeah but let's talk about catch me if you can first so tell me about catch me if you can have you ever seen it yeah but i saw it when i was a student so it's 25 years ago yeah yeah that's where all my reference points are from leonardo dicaprio's frank and tom hanks is trying to catch him if he can if he can yeah and so he basically is forging checks and pretending to be a pilot and getting the jump seats all around the world and then paying for stuff and then it's a bit like a computer hacker he ends up working for the people that hunt down con men i love that classic mainly men the uh the poacher has become the gamekeeper the poacher yeah exactly so um yeah that's good um can i do you want me to talk about my week first yeah what do you want to talk about week oh i'm happily talking about your week um in a slightly less show busy saturday yeah i attempted to buy or pick or look at carpets because i'm getting the office done yeah so i've got a room where i'm going to record the podcast in and then another room that's just going to sort of be my room to work from yeah i like carpet does your golf swing yeah i wanted a nice soft squidgy carpet that could be that you could do putting on yeah and then i wanted a harder carpet that isn't going to bounce the sound around like this hard floor does now surely a squidgy carpet is what you need in your podcast room isn't it yeah but it's harder to move like you like furniture around and stuff like that and you know if there's going to be desks in there and chairs and stuff like that so maybe i could but anyway i walked in have you ever been in a carpet shop do you know what i don't think i have it's like a fucking simulation i cannot believe it's real what do you mean it's just carpet everywhere but like i'm talking like 3 000 things i walked in how do you choose a carpet so basically i had a world good saturday because the kids had parties one was over in like windsor ascot way right bloody hell that's a journey journey but it's like friends outside of school but we get on with the parents so it's like a bit of fun as well as just the party yeah and then one was at blue water so lou that's a double up lou lou so basically lou had something to do in the morning i just chilled indoors in the morning with i took the dog's walk chilled indoors in the morning then lou said i'll take one of the kids to the winter one which is like you know three hour round trip essentially i was like cool no i'll do the blue one and she went oh there's a few people going so you might be able to just drop three kids off and then another parent will bring all the kids back went great anyway then lou goes oh you had an absolute winner here one of the other kids mom said oh don't worry i'll take them and bring them back so i had to drop so i was watching the football first half of the football the tottenham villa game yeah then in the half time managed to drop my daughter off and come back to watch the second half of the football and had nothing to do till six o 'clock she went to a carpet shop well yeah because i had to do because lou was like well if you're at home you might as well go and pick the carpet honestly josh i walked in right and i i said to lou let me find the message i said they come up to you and go can i help you sir or are you literally blind walking around i looked lost so they they sort of come over but i didn't want any of it yeah i just couldn't do because i didn't know what i wanted so i texted with lou i'm at the carpet shop and i'm overwhelmed right so i panicked and left because there's just too many cars i couldn't deal with it yeah and then then i um went into the pet shop to look at some dog beds just because it was next door i didn't buy any of them either then i went back in and then i was like can we you help me sir can we help and i and i i literally just went no offense but i just cannot be bothered i just can't do it i just cannot be bothered to engage my brain into having to think about carpets it's a big decision yeah and there's just so many surely you need about five options and then different colors and then so i said this to lou right i've given up at the carpet shop i've just gone home honestly little walks in there there was 3 000 carpets everyone's on me trying to talk to me and sell me shit i just i couldn't do it alone i'm sorry well maybe um in the week we'll pop in i'm saying well you just pick for me i just i just couldn't it's just loads of them everywhere i didn't know where you start what carpet did they have on the floor mate they swear they're all beige they're all the same it's like a hall of mirrors and then lou lou message just stroke them all just stroke them all and work out what you like to feel of i'm like but my fingers never touch carpet if anything i've got to go barefoot and put my feet on them feet off like like a man walking on grass trying to get back in touch with the world yeah i just couldn't i'd tap down i also i don't care crucially i don't care i just don't care and i'll just i'll put out of anything yeah so it's easier just to let lou pick because i don't care and it will annoy her if i pick something shit is she ever going to be here in your office um yeah she'll pop in yeah so so no no she's got yeah so no she's got a like a space about the carpet as much as you she cares about the carpet and i know that really what happens is you're probably the same because like it thinks some people love that like rose's interior designer she loves all that interest in chipping in.

12:55No, I couldn't give a fuck, so I'm just like, well look, I will literally put up with anything. I know if I pick something you don't like, that will annoy you. So just don't involve me. Pick whatever you want. Do you know what you can do, Rob?

13:07Josh Widdicombe:What's that? Keep moving out? Get some samples sent to you. Carpet samples? Yeah, we've got carpet samples everywhere. There's always piles of carpet samples. Send me some samples. But I can't send you some samples. Why not? You've got them. Yeah, but I don't know what you want. go online I don't know what I want either Josh just send me what you've got and I'll pick one of them right in your favourite colours have a look at them and they'll send you little samples and then at home it'll come in a bag in a you know posted yeah can we be allowed ten samples or whatever I don't know that's too many I want four alright four okay choose your four can I have four yeah and then you then you can do you know what I might do can I just put on the phone pick one for me whatever you think's best I mean I must say whatever you think's best 95 % of my life.

13:56Well, we need to pick the child's name.

14:01What do you think's best? I've just given up on having an opinion. It's exhausting having an opinion. Yeah. Especially when you've got a false one. What do you think of this one?

14:09Josh Widdicombe:Couldn't give a shit. I don't know. Yeah, the crucial answer is I don't know. So why should my opinion count as much as someone who thinks they do know? Or someone that's bothered about it. Yeah. I don't know. Anyway, so I've talked like that. Lou's going to have to look over this week.

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15:02Josh Widdicombe:Pink Panther is here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, but just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at Coach.com. The Lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows. Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons?

15:42Josh Widdicombe:Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip.

16:02Josh Widdicombe:Is Lou the kind of person that will go in, sort it, and be done? Yeah, Lou's quite a quick decision maker like me. We're quite impulsive. Yeah. Yeah, get that done. The way I look at it is ultimately your first instinct's probably right, and if you can just get it done in an afternoon... Is there not a smaller carpet shop that you could go to? Whether you're not dealing with 3 ,000 carpets? It was on an industrial set. I think I need to go to a small little independent one and go, look. But I just went in there and there was loads of people there and there was all lovely. You know, if it's an industrial, is it mainly like people that work in the building industry?

16:35No, it was like an industrial set with like the boots and Marks and Spencers and stuff like that. And everyone in there was lovely, but they were coming over to me like, hi, how can I help? And I just, honestly, it was like, I'd rather be dead. than talk out loud about carpets. And that's nothing against carpets in the street. I just can't. What do you think? Like, nothing. I like it a bit soft. What about this one? But they're all the same, aren't they? I like them all a bit soft. I like it soft. He wants a hard carpet. I hate wooden floors. We've got wooden floors that I don't like. I like carpet.

17:07What about a rug? They're just never as squishy as a... And they slip. There's more carpet. I like a pinned down rug, a.k.a. carpet.

17:15Josh Widdicombe:it a rug that reaches the corners i like a rug that reaches the corners that's what i like we we had the school fate we had the school fate oh you was on a stool one you was this saturday well i got there the the head she had commandeered the stool she she was just doing the stool so i didn't have to do it in the end which was ideal so oh what stool was it sweet tombola oh it's a good stool so why did the head do it well she was mucking in but i think this is my theory and i would do it if i was in her position were i a teacher at a school going to the fate i would really want to get a role oh yeah so you're not cornered so you're not free and easy for people to go well i've got you do you think we do too much homework or do you know what i mean or you know are you thinking that because as someone that hosts a podcast you'd prefer to be manned to a stall well to avoid small talk of course let's keep this back on track you want to play the tombola because there's a queue so let's keep this short and snappy because there's refreshers on the line exactly so um i i will you know but then i i got the best of both worlds i volunteered and didn't have to do it because there's a scott there's the the my kids school do like a christmas fate and it's far at night but i fucking hate it do you can't stand it why don't you like it it's just too many people there's shit rides at the fair like the horrible spinny like yeah but they're like spinny like horrible ones like you know ones that have been like they arrive at seven o 'clock and then someone sort of tightens them up and they're on them at eight and i'm like this can't be this is no good i just don't look safe and it makes you feel sick then there's fire not for me feels like a health and safety knife considering that like my kids aren't allowed to wear earrings for PE, but you're allowed to go there, have sparklers, there's a giant fire, they set off fireworks, and you get on giant, massive metal fairground rides that were built 30 minutes ago.

19:15And like, you must take your earrings out for when you run alone for 400 metres.

19:24Josh Widdicombe:Could anyone tell me? Actually don't. I was going to say, get in touch if you have worn earrings during PE and it's gone wrong, but actually that's not what we want to hear. And I tell you what, email in if it's gone right. Yeah. I'll tell you, I saw the other day I thought it was amazing. Keely Hodgkinson. Is it Hodgkinson? Runner. Oh my God, she looks so cool in that. Did you see her new outfit? Yeah. Are you going to get one? Because I think, no, but I just think athletics, they look like right little nerds, didn't they? Yeah. They're tiny little shorts. She looks like a superhero. It was amazing.

19:57Josh Widdicombe:Any long distance runners, there's just nothing on them, is there? They're just like a stick because imagine the amount of calories they're burning each day because they're like sports people long distance runners but they're not muscly sports people well keely's 800 meters that's sort of sprint in it yeah you sprint i couldn't sprint it but you still was sprinting it but she looked great i loved it i felt so cool it felt such an inspiring look to sort of young girls getting into athletics rather than just like shuffling little nerds she looked like she looked incredible have you seen the thing where people run on the treadmill at her speed No, is it good?

20:33Josh Widdicombe:Well, they just can't do it. So there's a treadmill set to the speed that she runs in. There's toxic men, and I can do this. And there's toxic men who last about three seconds. Perfect. Yeah. I'll watch that later. No, she's great, though. She's got great personality, isn't she? She is our number one athlete, probably, isn't she, these days? Our number one athlete. She is Britain's greatest athlete of 2026. What else has been going on, Josh? What do you want to talk about? Strictly. Can we talk about Strictly? Do you want to talk about Strictly? I want to talk about Strictly. I thought it was amazing.

21:01Josh Widdicombe:Thank you for being so kind. Thank you to everyone for being so kind. Genuinely. Someone on my dog walk said to me, didn't your mate Josh do well? Oh, that's numerous occasions. Do you know what? I've had a lot of Rob. Go on. My mum is a long time Strictly fan. She said you were great.

21:21Absolute classic feedback. Oh, that was great.

21:24Josh Widdicombe:Did you enjoy it? Did you enjoy watching it? I know. Did I enjoy watching it is a big question. Did I enjoy doing it? I loved it. Emma and Jojo, a joy it's so joyful do you know someone said to me um so were you trying not to be as like caustic and cutting as you normally are and i was like no i didn't even think about that i was just having a great time do you know what i mean maybe on other shows i'm not having as good a time and i'm taking it out on the topics we're covering no no but i think though look it's the first one it's a launch one yeah the the celebrities are all nervous they don't know who they're dancing with they've not danced yet you can't absolutely rip into them no what's your favorite bit out of it all would you say like what bit was the just the chatting just the joy of the chatting to people and then watching them do their dances and find their partners which was a great way of finding their partners and everyone's always happy in 25 years or whatever it is i've never seen anyone be disappointed it's great it's perfect you put up a lovely instagram someone uh someone put like did anyone find that everyone's just too happy on it and it was yeah strictly yeah they said it felt a a bit OTT and everyone was too happy.

22:32Like they've been paid to dance. I'm like, that's exactly what's happened.

22:35Josh Widdicombe:No, I thought it was brilliant, Josh. You should be really proud. Thank you. Thank you for being so nice. Got lots of nice texts, lots of nice messages. I wasn't nice. I was honest. But now we've got to do it again. For eight loads. For ages. You build up to a moment. Then that again, loads more, please. 13 weeks. You get a win on the first day of the season and then you go, oh, wait a minute. Now we've got to play the football season. It's fine. You're just bedding. Week in, week out. we go again we go again we go again did you want have a watch party with your daughter yeah we had loads of people around couldn't hear a thing it was i would say one of the weirdest days of my life i love the chatting you guys got loads out of all the dancers because obviously there's no dancing properly this week because it's the pairing up one but i thought it was brilliant it was like really funny good chat felt quite it felt really normal and human and chilled and you were talking to people and stuff i think it was good i was watching i was like this is just strictly isn't it and i loved your wandering around dancing singing it looked like josh full beans at a wedding i was having the time of my life i was having the time of my life it was great but you because i know you and you were that's just what you're like should i talk you through the emotions of the weekend because it's a very overwhelming thing to do i'd say it's quite an unnatural 48 hours in a human being's life yeah that's how i'd describe it saturday very excited because i was really enjoyed the thing the record of it and i just wanted everyone to see it but you don't really realize that you've been waiting five months for this yes and then we had loads of people around and then that because we're having the house done rob the internet isn't as strong because the boosters aren't out so you're watching it on the internet no on the tv via iplayer right So you're streaming it on the TV.

24:23Josh Widdicombe:And then iPlayer starts buffering, Rob. Because of the demand. It wouldn't work. No, because I'm internet's bullshit. You've created your own... No, no, no, fuck, no, no, forget that. It's because everyone was trying to watch it on iPlayer. You'd created a buffer situation that you couldn't even access. The man with no buffer is now buffering the nation. The ultimate... You're like Thanos. You've taken everyone else's buffer. So then someone had to attach their phone, tether their phone, not attach it, you know, like to the screen in, in, in the spirit of Josh Whittacom being Josh Whittacom. I know it's the, it's so on brand.

24:57It's so mental. Like even.

24:59Josh Widdicombe:So stressed at that point in my life. You haven't even got a TV with it on. I can't even watch this. So many people here. There was about 20 people in the room. We can't watch it. Do you think it will ever change? My life? No, but yeah, like the way you like, I don't know, but I just sort of, you sort of assume. Should I message Danny? my agent who I'd say is quite a straight down the line sort of efficient, excellent, good operator. But like he isn't really the show busy type agent. He's a bit more business. He's all business. Slow message of us. Say, hey, Dan, do you fancy coming around my house on Tuesday to watch Tempting Fortune together?

25:53if i rung him and asked he'd go um i mean because i would never ask that because i bet i barely

25:59Josh Widdicombe:watch myself back on anything if you'd phoned him and offered to come around to watch the final episode of tempted fortune i think if you did that and he came around how would it be like i think he'd well considering i've never asked him to watch anything with me and i make a point of not really watching anything back. Should we say tonight, by the way, if you're listening? Oh, tonight, yeah, it's tonight. 10, 14, 9pm, Channel 4 tonight. Yeah, I mean, I think you'll find it. See, we've talked about it before, see if you can see. Presumably in this episode you haven't had the shits. No, yeah, well, you got to actually, why don't you watch it?

26:34You can predict when I had the shits and at what point I look a bit thinner. Because there's a point where I think I look the best I've ever looked. It's because I didn't eat for 48 hours.

26:45Josh Widdicombe:and see if you can you know identify the bit where he's stressed because he's been chased by a monkey yeah yeah try and work out monkey stress and stomach problem weight loss I'll give you a clue neither of those things happened in the first step but if you stick with the series you'll start to notice yeah yeah yeah

27:08Josh Widdicombe:Pink Panther us here Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it grab your friends and head to the tabby tour hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists exclusive experiences and personalized products and discover custom playlists on spotify book just for you based on who you are and how you listen live your story with coach learn more at coach.com the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows Their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything, even our music. That hit song named after the color of lemons?

27:48Josh Widdicombe:Not a coincidence. Big Lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years. Think about it. But now, 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda. Now lime comes first. 7up. Flip the sip. Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light And slowly the things you love begin to find each other A jacket meets a dress A hoodie slips beneath a blazer An old cap finds a new scarf Because you don't simply step into the season You create it layer by layer Until it finally feels like fall Find fall your way at Ross

28:38Josh Widdicombe:we slightly mentioned this on footballing hell so it's our anniversary today which is not so oh yeah here's an added stress yeah so it's rose's driving test on friday oh coming up or bin bin okay and she gets an email in the morning yep we've had to move your driving test oh that's not okay when to um about a month or two's time no