S13 EP9: In Loving Memory of Beryl the Cat - R.I.P. xxx

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2:06Hello, you're listening to Parenting Hell with... Okay, Anya, say Josh Widdicombe. Good girl. Good girl. And say Rob Beckett.

2:17Josh Widdicombe:there we go anya yes 41 months so nearly four uh three and a half who cares i've listened from the beginning when our daughter india was 14 months old you're my all-time favorite podcast i rarely miss an episode really anya is your stereotypical second born and definitely lives life in her own quirky funny and often feral way she's been a late talker it's working hard on pronunciation so i wanted to send in her attempt at saying your names oh my phone fucking locked jesus wept for god's sake you got a nice heartfelt bit about a late talking child that's now finally talking on this woman's favorite podcast she regularly listens to not all the time it's not really really misses an episode why there's only two a week how busy are you yeah it's like two hours how many hours in a week it's the 24 times seven it's the guest steps she's going oh god who cares she's been a late talker and is working hard on pronunciation so i wanted to send her attempt at saying your names to make parents of other late talkers feel a bit better please never stop making the pod as i need it in my life forever though you don't listen to it all the time lots of love pip 476 months from stockport well done i was a late talker i had to go to speech therapy look at me now shut up exactly made a career out of it josh i feel pumped up and excited and sexy well you look it thanks for the listeners we've just recorded our first ever episode of footballing hell that's available where we should explain rob are we are we like we're like the rest is but the difference is that we host all the different versions of it Yeah, so it's like the rest is, but we...

4:08Josh Widdicombe:If Alistair Cavill and Maurice Stewart owns in every different subject, but the rest is. So most people get to a point, if they've got something successful, what they then do is try to earn money by not being there and having to do it and have a sort of income that doesn't involve them directly. Not us. We're on the front line. Everything's bloody hell to us, right, guys? Exactly. Get ready for food hell. Well, basically, we speak about football a lot in the Parenting Hell episodes. And some listeners don't like that. And it's off topic about parenting, blah, blah, blah. We love football. We love chatting about football.

4:40So we thought, why don't we just do a recap episode every Monday of what's happened at the weekend? And that way we won't talk about football on this show. And in the footballing episode, we don't talk about our kids, our family life, what we've been up to. It's just football. So it's funny. I think if you like this, you'll like that.

4:58Josh Widdicombe:It's very similar vibe. It's a mess. it's us it's there's no tactical analysis there's no expert thing it's just a mess of us talking really we spoke a lot about haircuts we did and a man you've never seen bald in a way that i've never seen someone go bald that way anyway let's not go with wrong ground but if you like if you know anyone that likes football that maybe isn't into parenting but you think would like it send them it's on this feed every monday yeah so that's what we've been doing but now we're back doing parenting hell how you've been what's going on talk to me because i don't know anything about your week because we just spoke about football exactly rob well it's perfect it's perfect i'm just now so lasered in on parenting but yeah yeah of course i'm not gonna get dragged into wires you know but i but guy osaka got cornrows now and looks faster exactly no exactly go away Give it to me.

5:54Josh Widdicombe:What's happening? What's up? Actually, let's start with some fun stuff. Have it hanging. Because I haven't got fun stuff. So you start with some fun stuff, Rob. Okay. I feel like now I've got some sort of hostage survivor who's on Jonathan Ross, and I've got to squeeze in at the end and do some banter. But not a problem. I'm here. No, that's fine. We watched Free Willy. Well, it actually isn't fun. We watched Free Willy the other day. Everyone cried. Not as fun as I thought it was going to be. I know a nice film. You like animals, don't you? This is cute. Apps. The kids were in apps. It's horrific, Free Willy.

6:26I don't think I've seen Free Willy. Oh, my God. I mean, the most we laughed was the kids laughing at the fact that a willy was being freed. Yeah, of course. Yeah. So we did a few jokes. Cock escape. Stuff like that. Yeah. Unleash the dick. I did them in my head. I didn't say that out loud to the kids. All right. Okay. I was going to say, you know, you'll take any audience, won't you?

6:47Josh Widdicombe:I say willy a lot. So we watched that. It's weird that they called it free will. It's because it's not like you go, oh, that's a weird little coincidence that makes it innuendo. They've made that decision. Yeah. It's like calling the killer whale Richard, but then they call it Dick. Yeah. You know, it's so many other words. Also. Willie isn't big in America, is it? Do people say Willie in America? Oh, right. Is that right? I don't know. We're just focusing on parenting. Well, can I ask another question about free Willie? um yeah because i haven't seen it obviously it was a huge film when i was growing up i just didn't really get around to seeing it or whatever the bit where the whale jumps over him that's the poster yeah is that not the end when he's freeing willie yeah i think i actually had to tell the kids that i mean also like it's very rare that a film will use as a poster the end well i think is because if you don't know he gets freed or not it's the darkest most horrendous two hours of your life where basically you've got a child that's living on the street because his mom's abandoned him he goes into a foster home with two people that really love him but he just can't take the love then he goes to clean off the graffiti he did because his mates are all smoking and moving to california and he's only about 12 and then basically he finds out his mom's never coming backs who has an argument with his foster family then the whale um won't perform be for the for the person that owns the whale so he decides to try and kill the whale to get the insurance money and then he eventually trains the whale spoiler alert by the way if you're just tuning in he eventually trains the whale but the kid the kid yep because they connect because basically the whale's been taken from his mom the other kid's been taken from his mom crying all the time my kids are crying and then willie basically learns they have fun does those of tricks also really sad bent over dorsal fin which i explained to my kid you're only getting captivity then basically he trains him to do tricks and then he can't do the tricks in front of all the crowds because he gets scared and it's too loud so he tries to attack everyone through the glass cage observation deck so then what the owner does he tries to empty the tank to drown the whale so then there's this horrible race against time to try and get a whale on the back of a truck into the sea then they go up for some reason though they leave the aquarium thing and then drive uphill and their tree's fallen down two things there fuck me what you what the chance is you're moving away on a tree's falling down second of all why go uphill if you're trying to get to the sea good point thank you anyway then they get him into the sea but then there's the boats that are trying to capture him and then the kids are crying the bloke from reservoir dogs punches someone who's Michael Marsden, he's in it.

9:34Oh, yeah. And then basically the whale, in the worst bit of CGI I've ever seen, jumps over what is an unjumpable bit of rock. At no point in the children. And that's the end. Yep.

9:47Josh Widdicombe:And that's the clip, the one clip everyone's seen. Yeah, of him with his hand. That's mental. And then the kids are upset because the dorsal film doesn't go fully erect once they're in the sea. Oh, God. Because they expected it, like, just because he's in the sea. And then we're having to explain about why people have, I'm Googling how many orcas are still in captivity, and luckily they're not doing it anymore, but it's only the ones that have been born in it. Then they went, what happened to Willie? Actually, the whale in it got released into the wild, but then died of pneumonia because he couldn't deal with it, and swam from Iceland to Norway trying to find humans because it's only used to keep it.

10:23Oh, my God. Anyway, we had popcorn and had a great time. Holy sholi. Yeah, so it's quite an intense feel-free, Willie. It wasn't cool runnings. In my head, I thought it was going to be cool runnings, but it weren't.

10:38Josh Widdicombe:So we did that. Do you know what? It's the perfect setup for some sad news. Would you know, Rob? Do you want to do sad news now or later? Should we just get it done? Because it genuinely is upsetting. I know. I don't know how to deal with this because you are very upset. Do you know what? I feel like Zoe Ball and Joe Wiley would absolutely nail this They're very good at dealing with sensitive big topics I think we are in a different way but I have to be careful with how I tread because I'm quite good at blocking off all emotion in order to just deal with life So we lost, not lost, that's the wrong word for a casual, Beryl has died sadly, which was incredibly upsetting mainly for me and Rose I'll be honest My daughter was very upset.

11:26Josh Widdicombe:But kids get over it incredibly fast. Well, Beryl's been in your life a lot longer. 11 years. 11 years. That's quite young for a cat, though, isn't it? Yeah, I know. But then bear in mind, she's been cheating death since 2022 with her kidney situation. Yeah, she's been managing that. She's absolutely taken the cat insurance to the cleaners. If he was famous, you'd say, after a long battle with kidney disease. Yeah. Beryl's cast. she just passed away like overnight so that's a nice thing oh who found the cat no the builder adrian no not adrian no that'll be the next one adrian's passed away god all these characters all these characters have gone it's like eastenders you get so many of them they do have to sort of go at some point agent's all right i don't say adrian's gonna pass i couldn't believe that upset i was we did i didn't even care about cats when we got you do get no you love cat you said you love their piss did i obviously you're gonna be sad i was incredibly upset i actually a couple of hours later to get a train to london and then i was on the platform of exitst david's i had to go into the toilet because i was crying oh fucking hell just went into the toilet cubicle and sobbed oh but i suppose you're having to say stoic and sort of strong in front of the kids and oh god it was awful and there's something about an animal dying where if a human dies you know which is obviously much worse just to you know put that first true but it depends on i'm not sort of it depends on the relationship if you yeah there's a lot more questions when human dies about what was my relationship like with them should i've seen them more you know plus there's all that stuff back on yourself of like oh my god you know time's passing you don't get that with a cat it's literally purely about feeling incredibly sad that that cat won't be there anymore that's all that but yeah oh what do you um if it's too soon for this question no Once the cat's passed and you've found the cat and then you're sad.

13:47Josh Widdicombe:Because the previous one you took to the vet, you see. So I phoned the vet. Yeah. And they said, oh, we've got this really nice man whose job is pet cremation. So he comes and gets to the vet. A wild job, to be fair. Yeah, insane. Yeah. So he came and got Beryl. He's just on a tight schedule and can't bother to do humans. They're just a smaller. I've only got a little oven. I've got an air fryer. sorry that's bad that's bad sorry well i told you what happened with eddie didn't i when i'm sure i've said this that they said do you want to pay this for creation or do you want to pay a bit extra for her to go through on her own so like well obviously i want to go through on her own i don't want the ashes of a load of cats what's the price difference well not not huge i'm telling you if you're down the vets and you're on a budget and you're the only one that knows and it's under quid less i think there's a lot of people people out there that'll go yeah stick it through just give me a portion heartless bastards well no but i'm just saying you could because no one else would need to know well let us know if you let us know oh no if you made that decision and why yeah and if you're the only one that knows and i know we're in a cost of living crisis etc well is that how much was it to create a cat i don't know because i'd gone i was crying at exitst david's by the time the guy turned up so the guy just basically comes how quickly sorry what how quickly does he come to get the cat okay um he arrived at lunchtime right so then do you just leave Beryl in the same position?

15:30Yeah. Sleeping. I kind of, oh, God. It depends where they pass, though, because if it's, like, in their bed by, like, you know, wherever they normally sleep. But if it's, like, on the stairs. Yeah, no, luckily it was. You'd normally sort of step it over.

15:44Josh Widdicombe:No, it was in a room. So is this too heartless? I can't judge this. I don't know how to sleep. We don't tend to go. You know Joe Wiley. No, I'm not very good. I'm sort of, I do quite like efficiency and details. Yeah, that's fine. So it was incredibly sad. Yeah. We're getting her ashes brought back in. She's got the same urn as Eddie, her sister, so they can go next to each other. So you have them out on the side? Yeah. Cool. That's not... What? No, I just didn't think about having, like... I don't think I'd want anyone, any animal or persons, I think I'd bury or scatter on a walk that they liked if they were a dog or...

16:22Josh Widdicombe:No, you want them to be there, part of the family. No, I'm not even having like me mum and dad's on there. No, well, that's weirder, I think. That's weirder. I'll take them down the strip in Benidorm and just lay it down for them.

16:37No, but I think it's – you don't want ashes. Well, I don't know. I didn't know people had – I thought people had ashes on the side until they buried them or scattered them. But you've just got them on the side like a knick-knack. No, I'm not having a go. I just didn't know what people do. Yeah, we have.

16:51Josh Widdicombe:We have got Eddie on the side like a knick-knack. Eddie on the side like a knick-knack. And that's fine. I didn't know if people did that. I just thought you buried it. Let us know. Let us know. Yeah. I just thought buried or scattered. But ashes definitely go ashes because you don't want to bury a little. Stuffed. No. But yeah, genuinely, I'm still not really over it. Well, you're not going to be straight away. I know this sounds mad, but I'm struggling to connect with the other two cats. I feel a bit, I feel it brings up. A bit guilty. I feel resentful of them. Jesus.

17:30Well, how's Fluffboy had a brain scan, didn't it?

17:33Josh Widdicombe:No, I've got to take it for a brain scan on Friday. Right. Her legs are back to normal, though. Oh, are they? But I tell you what, I just... I will always go back to that Charlie Brooker article I read that said he could never have a dog because he knows it would hurt him so much when it died. Do you think... How do I work this? you're obviously two have passed. One's having a brain scan. You're at the Vets a lot. Do you think there's anything to do with you?

18:03Either bad luck or a sign or the way you're dealing with them. No, I don't. I'm throwing the ball in the air.

18:11Josh Widdicombe:No. Fair enough. Fair enough. No. I don't. I refuse to. Oh, well, I'm very sorry about that. That is hard. It is very sad. It's good to express that emotion. and be sad and open rather than getting drunk or trying to... Well, it's a really good thing to feel sad because it means that you can actually do the pat. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Of course. It'd be weird if you didn't feel sad. You will feel sad and get upset. And it's a presence. It's an energy in the house that's been there for 11 years. It hasn't happened. I know. I know. Oh, fuck. Did you have much death in your life growing up as a child?

18:48I was the first death I was affected by was so like my great grandma died but didn't really know

18:56Josh Widdicombe:her right it was more like a you didn't go to the funeral it was more like a piece of news uh I remember going up I was too small so we went up and my dad went to the funeral and I kind of someone stayed behind with the kids that were I don't know how old I had been 10 or something My gran, who I was very close to, died when I was 20, 22, 23. That was quite extreme. I've only had really two people in my life die that were really extreme experiences. What about you? Right. So I had quite a lot of funerals and grief young. So I don't know if I'm a little bit more used to it. That figures. Yeah. So I went, so.

19:43so by the time I was 22, I've probably been to about eight or nine funerals from the age of 11 upwards. Yeah. Quite a lot on it. That's quite mad. And there were some real tragic ones in there as well. Really mad. Like not like really some real tragic ones, not just old people as well. How do I put this?

20:01Josh Widdicombe:Do you think it's you?

20:13Josh Widdicombe:I don't think it can help.

20:17Josh Widdicombe:Has your kind of kiss of death element slowed down over the last 20 years? I feel like Chelsea. I've had a steady presence. Those are the big ears. I'm still in and around the silverware. Right, okay. I'm not running away with it. But no, I think I went to a lot of – I had a lot of funerals growing up as a teenager. and as a young adult so hey yeah it's part of life isn't it and it's difficult and that's why pets are quite good for kids because i think it does help yeah that do you don't have kids do you have pets as a kid yeah but i wasn't really into them and actually they didn't die until um we had a dog and a cat and they basically saw me off to university i think anyway let's talk about something uh something less sad the eclipse did you watch the eclipse we loved the eclipse What a load of shit.

21:13Josh Widdicombe:Knew that was coming. Couldn't get on board with it. Didn't even go that dark. Just was a bit easy. Look, a big cloud. Did you get the glasses? No, of course not. I just looked at it for a bit. That's your mistake, Rob. I borrowed someone's glasses because where I was, it was happening. I was working. I was filming on a golf course for a course. I was interviewing Moses Atalma, a British boxer. He's going to probably end up being the youngest British world heavyweight champion of all time when he fights at the end of the month. Okay. It's Filip Hergovic. Okay. Anyway, I was interviewing him. So you were interviewing him on a golf course during the eclipse?

21:47Josh Widdicombe:Yes. And he just sort of looked like the moon normally. Yeah. But it was quite fun. I enjoyed it. Yeah, yeah. We went down to Exmouth. I think Spain looked quite good. I thought it was better on the telly. Look, look. 1999, Rob. It was a complete eclipse in the south. It was mega in the southwest in 1999. Yes, because nothing else is happening. How dare you? Come on. We were the centre. Do you remember the 1999 one? You'd have been about 15. I was 13. Not really, no. I think I was in a crematorium again. Getting your bloody loyalty card stamped. One free burial for Rob Beckett. I was in an itchy George Asda black suit that was sparking under the armpits because of the cheap material.

22:33I remember buying a suit for a funeral at George Asda. I got the cheapest one. I remember the friction was outrageous. I thought I could light a match here. I mean, there'll be an Andy Burnham emergency tweet about my armpits and crotch. It's not in a wildfire.

22:54Evening. Buyer's remorse. Buy a new car? I'll be moving in. Let's get started.

23:00Josh Widdicombe:Sorry, I think there's been a mistake. I bought it from Carvana. You what? Yeah, great price. I even have seven days to love it or return it. So there's no... No, no buyer's remorse. More like buyer's rejoice. I guess I'll let myself out. Congratulations. I mean it. Buyer's rejoice. Buy your car today on Carvana. Limitations and exclusions may apply. See our seven-day return policy at Carvana.com.

23:26But yeah, I didn't mind it, but I wasn't really set up for it. If you're on a beach next to it with the kids in the glasses, I imagine there's all hippies around you and stuff. Well, there wasn't any of that. Clapping and cheering.

23:35Josh Widdicombe:There wasn't any of that, but we all had a lovely time. you know whatever I don't mind it, I'm like yeah cool have a look at it, we've got the glasses it's like a different thing that's happening this afternoon but like, there's a man on the news crying, I was like grow up pathetic I wouldn't be an eclipse chaser do you know what I mean? it's like once in a generation, I saw it when I was 13 I'm 40, there'll be a couple more no it's 2090 2090's the next one? I should make that, what is it now? you'd be with modern medicine I'll be front row for it and I'll tell you what I'll be sat there sucking on the work not with your fucking family history of death Rob it would just be me again just watching them all go past into his 107th funeral just sat there another one's gone some point they're going to have to look at him aren't they why is he wearing sunglasses he's wearing sunglasses to a funeral no mate it's the eclipse I'm doing a double up anyway see how the eclipse goes might be a triple up if someone looks at it for too long.