⚽ The Worst Thing To Happen To Football (The Nations League) ⚽

0:10Welcome to Footballing How with... Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. Well done. Good boy. So difficult, isn't it? How are we meant to know that? So is this a footballer's wife that's got in touch or footballer's partner? Is it Liam Ridgewell again? A footballer's partner, I believe, because the lady that sent the email, currently sent the email, has a different surname to this player. Oh, Michael doesn't like the modern woman that likes to keep her surname, does he? Oh, they want to cover your face, you disgusting Andrew Tate bitch. Don't get me started on those cucks that take their wives' name.

0:55You alpha. You mogging us. those hyphen pussies active footballer they sounded a bit older than a footballer do you want a series of clues see if you can get it yeah come that's just a man's voice i've done some deducing there michael is that fair yeah i think everything you've said so far is accurate okay so ex-footballer because they they're not in their 20s so what's the clue So clue number one. I was born on the 7th of May 1974 in Bury St. Edmunds in England. So 52. I played as a defender and I began my career at Chelsea in 1991. It's not Cundey, is it? No. Is it Frank Sinclair? Incorrect.

1:44I'm goal king. Not bad guesses. You want a second clue? Yeah. in 1993 I signed for Blackburn Rovers for a fee of£300 ,000 a defender Graham Lasso incorrect Ian Pearce correct Ian Pearce come on fucking Ian god I'm great brilliant sorry I really regret shall we listen to it again because it'll be obvious now we listen to it that just screams Pearce doesn't it let's have a listen have another listen to Ian Pearce and his wife who hasn't taken his name. Can you say Rob Beckett? Rob Beckett. There it is, obviously. Can you say Josh Widdicombe? Josh Widdicombe. There you go, that's Pearce. That's Ian Pearce all day.

2:35No offence Ian Pearce, can I spot you in the street? Absolutely not. No, but I can get you through Wikipedia. Has she said anything Michael? Has she been emailed in touch or are you in touch with her? Are you tracking these down? on it she's emailed she said dear rob josh and michael here's a voice clip of my partner can you guess who it is a few tiny bits of info managed to play for his best team west ham for six years we this is this is nice we love to listen to both of your podcasts on our long drives up and down the country now watching football not playing it is ian pierce he says he's bang average and you won't even know who he is i know oh that's something he's won a league title with black Yeah, let's be honest, he was bang average, but I do know who he is.

3:16Let's, you know, that's not an insult. He is an absolutely straight down the middle, bang average Premier League player, which makes him better than 99 % of footballers in the world. But let's... More than 99%. Let's be honest with the facts there. Love Ian Pearce, but you know. He was a Premier League winning defender. Yeah, which is an incredible... When Colin Hendry was injured. Yeah. I think he was starting centre-back, wasn't he? Would he be Colin Hendry's partner, default partner, or would that have been Henning Berg? No, his partner emailed in. There you go. That's comedy. David May, maybe.

3:47I'm looking at their Premier League winning team. So, squad. Tim Flowers, right back Tony Gale. Then Jeff Kenner. Yeah, ended up at Plymouth. Tim Sherwood was number four. Colin Hendry, Graham Lassau, Stuart Ripley, Gallagher, Shearer, Mike Newell, Jason Wilcox, Nicky Marker, Bobby Mims. Nicky Marker started at Plymouth. Ryan Witchgard, Chris Sutton, number 16. Robbie Slater, Henningberg, Paul Harford, Mark Atkins. David Batty, Paul Woolhurst, number 25, Ian Pearce. Shane Giffen was on the bench. Say what you will about Kenny Douglas. Not many people say many things about Kenny Douglas. To win the league with that squad is something else.

4:24Ian Pearce. Fucking hell. He's head of recruitment at West Bromwich Albion. Oh, there we go. That's why they're driving up and down the country. What a great job. This is from Sammy, his partner. She says, also, can he be entered into massive bastards? Loving your new pod. I don't think he's massive. He's 6 '3". No, he's not. Let me get him up here. Unless, Rob, she's talking about... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Let's know. Oh, sorry. You've taken something really... Sorry, that's a shame. ...really sweet. I don't know. I'd say he's on the fringes of massive bastard. I don't think Ian Pearce is a massive bastard.

4:56No, he's not far off, but he's close. He's a big bastard. He's a massive bastard if he's living a day-to-day life, but not in a football world. Do you know what I mean? No, not next to Rudder. I don't know. Her black bunny looked like a bit of a massive bastard, to be honest. We interviewed him, Josh, for Quickly Kevin. Oh yeah, years ago. Very, very, very early on. And he didn't come across as a massive bastard, no. Can I add another category to massive bastards? Small bastards, small shits. Little shits. Little shits. Little shits. Dennis Wise. Yeah. Okay, little shits. Any other little shits?

5:24Let us know. Okay. Do you know who turned into a little shit? Bernardo Silva last season. Well, I think he always had it, didn't he, in him? He was a graceful ball player, and then he turned into a little shit in his last year because he got a bit slow. Yeah, but you can be a graceful ball player and a little shit. Like, I'd say. I'd say there's an element of little shit to Paul Scholes. Oh, yeah. Do you know what I mean? Even though he was so incredibly cultured. Or nasty bastard. Bit of a nasty bastard. Paul Scholes, like, God love him, one of the, you know. Yeah. The best players, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

5:56But he had it. He had a little shit in him. He had a little shit in him, yeah. Because his tackles, those little tackles. Yeah, yeah. Dennis Wise was a bit pinchy. So any little shits and massive bastards, send them in. Paul Scholes isn't in the team, but Dennis Wise is. Okay, Rob, it's been a huge week. So many games to talk about. Well, first of all, let's discuss our shirts. Oh, and we're in the Sweden away kit from the World Cup. And you've got on? Malmo. Malmo, is that his third kit or away kit? We don't know. Sponsored by Oatly. We bought them in Sweden. If you want to hear about our trip to Sweden, that'll be covered in Parenting Hill.

6:31Can I ask you a question about football shirts, Rob? Go on. I've got a lot of retro football shirts. well not retro like classic football shirts real i don't buy the re the reissues no i don't like the reissues i don't a couple and i feel it's not and i don't like the fakes either i think fakes are good for kids if they're just growing out of shirts and want that season's kit but i'd rather get it on sale when it's reduced in a season or two than get a fakie so rob i problem with fakies sorry Josh is this if you're getting them from China China now this is I'm going to tread carefully here yeah I don't think the Chinese have to deal with male tits as much as Europeans and Americans okay talk to me about this I've not seen many male Chinese men with tits however I have tits and my tits fall between flabby tits and rock hard massive tits if I go to the gym I can never get rid of the tip so i need a shirt that can deal with it and i do think the chinese market when they're remaking these kits aren't really thinking about tits right okay i think i'd deliver that well i think if i was on news night that would be fine it'd be an odd episode absolutely but you know all of them are aren't they those news sites rory stewart giving the old crane neck in that was so weird if you haven't seen it it's worth looking well he hasn't actually explained it he did a video going oh my kids said don't go on social media because i'm a meme um and the only thing i'm gonna say to that is and then he redoes the lean but the wrong way oh does he yeah so he so like he does it that way doesn't he yeah the thing i don't know how the mirror is getting me and then when he does it on his phone he goes that way but he doesn't explain why i I don't think he knows either.

8:17No, I suppose he's not even going to remember he's done it. Do you know what I mean? Because that's just what he naturally does. I'm going to have a good old listen.

8:27Sorry, go ahead, Josh. Kids, you're talking about kids. So I've signed up to Dad's Seven-Aside football. You're aware of this? Yeah. That's covered in parenting hell. I don't want to wear... I don't understand people who play five a side or seven a side in nice collectible football shirts. I agree. Also, you don't know who's sweated in them before. You're sweated in them. You're washing them. These are, they're like your most expensive clothes. Yeah. You might as well go in a suit. You wouldn't scribble down a shopping list on the Magna Carta. Exactly, Rob. Exactly. Thank you. So what do you wear for those games?

9:06I wear newer shirts of kits I like so I probably I might wear this Sweden kit because it's a new and you're not worried that over time your Sweden kit's gonna in 20 years you're gonna go I wish I hadn't got sweat in that Sweden kit do you know this is my rule and it's hey I've worked myself into this position I wear it once and move on you won't want to move I don't really wear it I don't play football that much for that to be a problem but I don't often repeatedly sweat because when you do that you start to there's also players and i don't want to name names but you can smell them as they walk onto the pitch because if you have a top you've sweated in for years and years michael you must know people like this it gets into the fiber and of the shirt and the shirt starts to create its own personality that you smell before you see the player so i think refreshing what do you wear michael for football very similar to rob in that approach i have made the mistake of if I say bought a 90s footman United football shirt like the black sharp view cam I replaced a year or so ago because I had it when I was a teenager but I've still got that but it's way too small now as a big middle-aged man so I bought that shrunk I've added a little bit around the mid around the middle oh god just all get wider until we're dead yeah but it I was the fits are horrible so it's like wearing wearing the sail of an old sort of um nelson era sailboat they stink like if sweat gets into that whatever that fiber is it's like superglue and you cannot get it out rob's absolutely right i i won't name any names but there are a couple of regular players where that shirt that they wear needs to be retired yeah burnt burnt at the stage well the reason they're wearing it is they're like i don't want to do this to another shirt i might as well what about the idea of not wearing a football shirt topless no of wearing like just a normal i sometimes wear like a gym top yeah that's what i don't always wrong sometimes that's nice do you know what i do a lot in the summer i wear vests or i go topless and just put the bib over me no yeah no yeah with those tits i'm not sure about this yeah it's powerful it's a powerful look i'm a powerful man yeah i'm wearing a top i've got a bib on and i just go topless if i'm sweating i'd Rather just sweat into the bib rather than my clothes.

11:21Would you ever go shirts and skins? Did you do that as a kid? Not without a bib. I need something to hold me down. How tight are you harnessing the bib to keep yourself inside the bib? Depends on how quickly you get to the bib bag because there's some ones that are shrunk in there. There's also some junior size ones. It's always a bit of a laugh if you get that. So it depends how quickly you get to the bib bag and if you get the right bib. Well, sometimes you get given a bib and then you're stuck with it. Worst things people who want to play football, let us know. now we should talk i couldn't give a fuck about the nation's league it's the worst thing to happen to football for you it's worse than the hydration break it's worse than the bigger world cup it's completely don't it's an international friendly stop pretending it matters it doesn't i don't even understand the leagues i don't understand which league we're in so have wales got promoted or have they just got put in an incredibly difficult division i don't even think we should give it any respect at all to talk about it and also it's ruining all like playing four games in a row three weeks this shit lasts for who cares even cole palmer don't care no exactly he'd rather ruin his international career than turn up look i thought about this apart unless you're in a world cup competition do you really care about playing for your country only if you're one of those people that wants to get loads of goals.

12:41Do you know what I mean? Like Harry Kane or Cristiano Ronaldo. Yeah, if you're chasing a record. It's only for people chasing a record. But for like Ben White and Cole Palmer, you just sat on the bench, not playing, but just basically being fluffer to all the other players. Why bother wasting your time? You know, when Morgan Gibbs White got called up, did we discuss this? He left his holiday and he did a, I think we messaged, he did like a TikTok. And you go, the moment he wasn't called up, him and his wife have booked a holiday. Yeah, of course. You've basically got a three-week break. Imagine if in the middle of, you know, your tour, right?

13:14And you don't get paid. You have to donate your money. Well, you still get paid by your club, but you get paid anyway by your club. The clubs should be fucking fuming. You just spent 100 million on a plan. He goes and has to play Chechia away. Yeah. Is it Chechia? Yeah, yeah. Hang on. Fuck this. Have we got four football matches? Yes. So we've lost to Spain. Then we've got Czech, Czech, Czech, Czech. Oh, someone help me. Czech, Czech, Czech, Czech, Czech. Are you checking your mic? We can hear you, Rob. Can you rewind? So is it Czechia now? Czech Republic. And then, so we've got them tomorrow.

13:51Croatia again? We don't need to ever play Croatia. We always play fucking Croatia. Ever again. We've got to play in November. Oh, fuck this. Now I want to march. Can we do a protest? So what's happened? We've got them again in November. There's an international break in November. And what's happening then? we've played croatia again obviously and spain again why we've played croatia i think england and christian sorted we're done we know we're better than them we beat them every time apart from the we they used to beat us now we beat them let's call it a draw and let's just never play each other again i used to enjoy friendlies when it was like colombia because it was like we're always playing we've got to play all these fuckers again in 2028 for the euros we'll be in the same group as croatia we're always in the same group as croatia so what level are we playing at well we've got spain so we must be in the top hopefully we go out we don't have to play any more games no it's a league isn't it yeah but what i don't understand i don't know what happens when you get up who cares it's so painful three weeks is a fucking joke i read like a long story news story about james trafford i'm like i don't why am i doing this nothing matters for a year Essentially, fuck all matters for a year.

15:03At the start of 2028, then in that six months, international football's interested again because they're getting ready for a tournament for the men's game. Can I give you my idea for fixing this for international football? So you remove all of the international breaks from the season for the two years in between tournaments, and then that summer before any tournament, Euros or World Cup, you end the season four or five weeks earlier and you ram all the reduced qualification process in that window so the manager and the player so much longer together it matters it matters in the run-up to the tournament and you've they've got time to actually coach them and instill the tactics and stuff in the teams rather than playing one pointless friendly before a tournament and have it by five days so you've got two shows got four or five weeks with the entire squad qualifying before the tournament even starts So you get more football every two years, but you get no interruption to the domestic seasons.

16:04We've had the World Cup. Then there'd be absolutely zero internationals at all until basically the summer. May 2028? No, 2027. No, no, April 2028. Like roll back. All the weeks you would have lost. Oh, so you're leading into, so it's basically there's qualifications and then the tournament in one massive three-month block. But wait a minute, Michael. Here's the problem. So is everything tracking back? So our season would finish now in April rather than May, and then the season would start in July. It doesn't need to start in July because you're removing the international breaks. So now we would just keep playing Premier League games on the years.

16:43And the other leagues. And the other leagues, obviously. So there's a lot of admin across the world. But if you do that, we don't have this horrible barren spell now where we don't give a shit about football. I think that's too much, Michael. I think that's too much in one block. Could we not do, rather than moving the season basically 2026 right we do like we do nothing now we've finished the world cup in july nothing in 2026 and then in 2027 in june and july we have euros qualification nice yeah and then we haven't affected the league and then so we go right in june and july we do our eight games the problem with your format michael is this printing up the sticker albums because they're not going to know who's qualified i'm willing to take that here but but we can't think about stick my priority is not panini's profits it's actually tops now they've got the deal for both but no i think i think rob's suggestion is good actually i think i think do what i'm suggesting panini right now forget about panini and it's not even panini anymore it's tops they're doing all of it right it will be yes no so there'll be zero internationals from the end of the world cup until a one entire calendar year and then in june july we do the euros qualifiers where for six weeks basically england play all their matches and then six weeks Well, whatever.

17:56It could not come out in three weeks. Three weeks. And then we get all excited going, oh, my God, so we qualify for the Euros. Because I don't even know what's going on with the Euros. Yeah, and then qualifying becomes a concentrated tournament in itself, where it feels like there's a sense of momentum and jeopardy. I mean, we would need to check whether Corinthians big heads are happy with that impact. Yeah, absolutely. And if BP are going to still do the little coins. But they've got a year. They've got a year. Guys, I don't want to be Captain Ally, aren't I? a great bloody feminist, but it is the Women's World Cup in 2027.

18:28Would there be a clash of interests? The floor is yours. You just don't do them at the same time. So cancel all women's football. Okay, Josh, if that's where you want to go, that's fine. No. What I mean is you don't do them at the same time. You do... June Euros Men's, July World Cup Women's. Perfect. You do the Euros Men's straight off the season. So you do second half of May, first half of June. Perfect. it because also you can bring the season in shorter because we're saving on international breaks so you can actually finish at the end of april and they do did do that for qatar and they'll do that for saudi arabia exactly so they're excited for the saudi arabia world cup do you know what it's past your bar i haven't really thought about it this is the first i've heard of it where's the next one is it australia no it's pape spain and portugal morocco yeah and uruguay and argentina of course of course why not why not just as long as infantino's pockets are as full as pass.

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20:01We were worried about content, but we got lucky, Rob. Go on. Manchester City. Well, Manchester City, Man United selling grass, the Rooney documentary, and I went to watch London's City Lionesses, because I support women's football. Of course, you're an ally. But if you don't want me to talk about it, because you hate it, I could not. no i'd be interested in your experience thank you but which we go where should we go first manchester city let's get that sorted we didn't want the malmo home kit because it looked too like man cities didn't it little did we know that somewhere in a courtroom or wherever they do these things in the uk email inbox they were 48 hours from losing all their trophies how pleased are you well i am very happy that it's coming come in i am panicking already that they're going to go really easy on them oh of course they are i think they should go really harsh too i love the drama of them being relegated that is amazing for us and the kind of football you know they can't relegate them this is interesting rob but they can dock them enough points which is worse because then you have to if you're Erling Haaland and you get relegated you can go I'm gonna do a Joanne Luigi Buffon and be a hero and stay for the year of promotion and then I'm back but this way if you're Erling Haaland you go I have to play in the relegation season and the promotion season yes before you're back in and also can I just say for people that are over from Parenting Hill that may not be as into football as we are which for some people think is not very far in that man city who have been super successful pep guardiola harland won loads of trophies won four in a row won the champions league they've basically been um it's been proven that they broke the rules of the premier league by spending too much money and a series of things they shouldn't have done nearly a hundred rules they've been hundred rules which can lead to in the past everton broke some rules and got deducted 10 points but that was like five or six rules this is 114 so they are appealing if they say points deduction of say 80 points which basically means relegation are they allowed to dock them 80 points for two seasons no because they won't be allowed to dock them for the second season because the reason they're not allowed to relegate them yeah is that the football league and the premier league are separate competitions theory could they postpone could they go 80 point deduction then you get promoted then you get 80 points again that would be amazing so they just keep having to come up and go back down look if they don't it will be exciting if they choose an amount of points that is gettable so if if they chose 50 points that makes it exciting that makes it incredibly exciting because they'd need to get about 85 90 points to save themselves from relegation which is doable it would be so exciting now i yeah Yeah, but I think you've got to make it almost not double as the punishment.

22:56Because if Man City, right, get docked 40 points and then get 95 points to stay up, right? The smug arrogance, it almost looks like, well, it don't matter if you break the rules because if you invest that well and have such good players, you can beat them again anyway because we've cheated to get all these great players in. I agree. It would be worse. It needs to be 80 points. That would be worse. Because in a way it goes, you might as well cheat because if you get your team good enough, you can just stay up. I'm going to say something controversial. yeah okay go i'd get rid of financial fair play

23:35now i'm i'm normally this way i think of josh but i'm actually going to say no because it will it just ruins it how boring was it with man sitting there's a reason why it was boring is because they could just buy everyone yeah but we'll just get to the point where everyone can buy everyone because they'll all be bought by billionaires so then everyone's on a level playing field but currently what you've got is the teams that are currently at the top i'm not having elon musk versus jeff bezos in a big fucking who's got the most money wank off using our league as a little play thing they'll be spending 100 million on wank off they'll buy anyone robert great player top scorer in the polish league but um i think you've got this situation where aston villa are having to sell their players because they've overspent right i don't understand why still don't understand why but then they bought about 300 million pounds of a player i'm like hang on i I don't know.

24:21You're creating a problem here. Yeah. I don't really understand it. I just think everyone needs to be on a level playing field. And the only way to do that is to get rid of all the rules, basically. No, I disagree. Unfettered capitalism. You've changed. I know. Used to be right on, dude. No, this is only in football. This is only in football, not in real life. Did you see Rodri? I think Rodri may be thick as shit. Right, okay. Rodri went, well, no, they can't take those trophies away from us because, you know, we were on the field together doing it. You know, money had nothing to do with that.

24:54I was like, money bought you, you silly prick. Also, the whole thing is you just start pulling at this thread and you go, well, the problem is, even if you take away those trophies for that period, after that period, they were still in the position they were in because they'd ever spent in that period. Football heritage. Exactly. Jose Mourinho's quote. Do you know his quote? No. He goes, Fernandinho. Aguero, Kevin De Bruyne, all investments from the past. Yeah. Football heritage. Exactly. Where they play, if they play. Michael, you following me? Yeah, absolutely. Quite a good impression. It was good.

25:36Did you see Tony Pulis complaining that Stoke should have been given the FA Cup for 2021 or 2011 or whatever it was? Good on him. Get that£250 talk sport appearance fee. Give a good old opinion. The Mike Lawrenson. I'll come on and shout some shit for a couple of hundred stick it in the bank well it's fair though they cheated to win that yeah so why should they should get that trophy nothing's been you know they're still appealing they say they've nothing that's not an FA Cup rule is it that's a Premier League rule they broke so maybe they should be allowed to overspend in the FA Cup we've bought you for the FA Cup team yeah if for example they go right FA Cup Premier League you cheated in those seasons so we are taking the FA Cup from you and Stoke get the FA Cup I think if I'm Stoke I order a bus I do a bus parade do you yeah get the trophy you get all the players that played in that season crouch you in the front with a big cigar let's go why not enjoy it would Arsenal win any leagues from this I don't think so I think Man United would Michael this is a Michael question let's bring Michael in I can tell you this Rob because my friend who's a Man U fan bought a bottle of champagne on Friday because he said because they get two and Liverpool get one so theoretically it makes Manchester United the most successful team in England again oh wow this is great is that true Michael yeah I'd read something similar I mean I would like to see them stripped of their trophies because it's funny yes I don't know that I could bask in the glory of being the biggest team in England if that's how it's happened would you go to a parade yeah just because it's funny I think they should all do parades really i think the point of this podcast is most of our views on footballer what would be the funniest thing to happen and it's peter crouch on a parade in stoke yeah and i think every team if that happens should do their parade at the same time on the same day so it sort of becomes like some huge um like victorian world's fair for football 100 % would man you do two laps for both that and then halfway between like any players that left after the first title have to leave the bus for the second lap.

27:44You know what it means though, Michael? Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has won the Premier League and so has Brendan Rodgers. Oh no, we can't have that. I like the first bit. I don't like the second bit. I love the idea of all the players, like Chris Stark and up there doing a live podcast with Peter Crouch on the Stoke bus. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. Here we go. The full list of trophies that could be stripped. This goes back to 2012. So Ferguson would get another trophy. So the Aguero moment goes, doesn't it? Yep. And there'd be another trophy to Mourinho. What, a league? Yeah. So Fergie would win another one for Man United.

28:19The 2018 title would go to United after Jose's side finished second. I think Jose should have been given longer at Man United. But in hindsight. Brendan Rodgers might have got one. That was the slip season. And then Stoke would get an FA Cup. And the League Cup, I think there'd be about 25 winners, wouldn't it? Yeah. Sunderland would get one. Gus Poirier

28:42Jurgen Klopp would get another League Cup Arsenal get a League Cup yes and a Community Shield are we still listening? I'd get rid of the Community Shield Chelsea would get a Community Shield they can have that one keep that Chelsea doing a Community Shield parade I think it's a great idea I'm up for it I think they need to withdraw all the stuff after it as well because you can't invest Football Heritage yeah totally Like... But then you've got to draw a line somewhere. Like, you can't go on forever. Well, I don't want to, you know, but two years ago, right, we got knocked out of the FA Cup in the fourth round by Man City.

29:18Now, would they have done that? Right, let's not get that out of cover. We're not replaying the whole FA Cup season, so Plymouth can get knocked out this game after. I think we rightfully should have got to the fifth round. Okay, well, let's do this. Let's do Stoke Plymouth FA Cup final. We'll squeeze it in after the Nations League game. Yeah, okay, great. It is funny, though, isn't it? And I find it difficult to get seriously angry about it. I just find the whole thing hilarious. And I think the perfect situation really is, I know this sounds, is that they get relegated, but they get to keep their trophies because there'll always be arguments over the trophies.

30:00What I want is the whole thing to remain an argument between fans forever. Asterix FC, that's what they'll be. Yeah, that's what I want. Have you seen the Wayne Rooney documentary? No, I don't know how you have time to watch documentaries about the home life of all the fucking... Well, I'm not currently presenting the biggest show on TV, Josh. That's why. You're about to go into the biggest show on TV. Already done it, mate. Pre-recorded. Oh, yeah. Don't worry about that. No, I've got plenty of time at the moment. I'm not doing much. So tell me about At Home with the Roonies. Or Meet the Roonies.

30:28I'd say there's not a lot going on. The jeopardy's very low. Yeah. You know, or Will... That is the thing with documentaries about happily married couples with millions of pounds. There's not a huge amount of jeopardy. Oh, God, will my acting be okay in this Paddy Power advert? I'm up probably, yeah. I think you'll be fine, Kaleem. Oh, my God. Will the Primark range sell? Yeah. Have you seen Primark? Yeah. People will literally buy anything. Yeah. And if it doesn't, who cares? One was, oh, Wayne's got to do the punditry at the FA Cup final. If it goes well, he might be arsed to do matches of the day.

31:07It's Wayne Rooney. He could literally sit there and shit out of his mouth and he'd get the gig. So, like, you watch it. Sorry, when is it from? Is this from when he was starting up at the BBC? I can't, I don't know. I think it might have been, like, ages ago. Anyway, he goes, one, two things stood out. They're going to, like, a Scottish hotel for a weekend away. Colleen's driving. so she picks him up and she's a bit annoyed because he's decided to play golf on the morning of their weekend away yeah that doesn't feel ideal she gets her at 12 he makes her wait he's quite annoyed because she's decided to bring a series of cameras to their weekend away i think he's keen he's got nothing else going on and um anyway so she arrives at 12 to pick him up he sits in the clubhouse for two hours drinking and makes her wait outside what yeah and she's He's like, oh, God, you know, he's made me wait.

31:55And Lou's just like, just fucking drive off. And I'm like, this is mental, right? I just go in and go, what the fuck are you doing? Or Lou, if I was that, Lou would just walk in and go, what are you doing? I'm going, are you coming or not? And she'd just piss off. Then he tells a story about when they flew on holiday to Miami on Virgin and they've got, like, business class beds sitting next to each other. Anyway, him and Colleen are having a little laugh. And he tells this story, he goes, yeah, I've come back from the toilet and then I rolled over and I, you know, I lent down and gave Kalina a kiss and give her a little boob a squeeze.

32:25And I'm like, okay, it's a wild story. Like you're saying in a documentary on camera. And then he goes, and then I looked up, it was the wrong woman. Oh my fucking... And then him and Kalina just like pissing themselves laughing. I'm like, I don't think that's all right. I don't think that's all a funny story. Then I'm like... That's sexual assault. Well, yeah, let's talk. Yeah, yeah, it is actually. It's accidental sexual assault, but it's still... yeah he's still not okay but then i'm like fair enough though it's quite a funny story but you don't need to add the grab a boob in no just say i leant down and gave her a hug then i realized it was the wrong woman like yeah don't put those details in if like not on camera anyway but it's quite it's one of those ones like the owens did you like them i i've got a lot of time for wayne rooney i think he's a really i really like i've got a lot of time for gilleen rooney how would you compare them to the owens who would you rather room with uh for if you were in the world cup 20 2006 squad who are you rooming with i mean i'd probably rooney yeah they're very different to the owens i mean the owens look a little bit like every day they've got ready for a tatler photo shoot the rooney's don't look like that no well clean is always very well turned out but rooney doesn't he's just like a bit like me he's just always in a tracksuit laying about yeah hoping to not have to go out.

33:41Yeah. But they're really likeable, really nice. It's quite a good documentary. Isn't his son good at football? Yeah, they're all, and they box, they make the kids fight in the downstairs little gym. Do they? There's not much going on in it yet. But you're going to stick with it? Yeah. You know, me and Lou like it. I'm a bit of reality. When he was doing that thing at the golf club, did you think this is actually reflecting quite well on me? The situation Lou's got is when she sees things like this or hears stories from her friends or people about things that husbands have done that aren't they assholes.