BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 11

0:00Welcome to a new episode of Pitchside with me, Reeve, Thea Baker and Tom Garrett. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap that button right now for new episodes every week? And if you want more Pitchside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram where you can find us by typing in Pitchside. Let's get into it. Welcome back to the Greatest Show on Earth! Hey guys! We're back. It's a prediction show. It's a great show in the world. It's not been a great week for you, has it? Oh, you fucking dickhead. I'm forever blowing bubbles. Three bubbles in the air. And they fly so high. Why does he know the words?

0:49They reach the sky. And like my dreams, they fade and die. Fortunes always I do. I've looked everywhere I'm forever blowing bubbles Bringing bubbles in the air Irons! Irons! Irons! Welcome back to the show, people! I'm fucking fuming. Thank you so much for my reverse monogamy, my friend. I'm sorry, by the way. Number one. You're shit. Can I just say one thing? Number one, yeah, I'm shit. What's the chances? What are the fucking chances, man? Pretty hard considering you're shit. Oh my God. That is fucking ridiculous. Number two, how we lost to a fucking team that number one blows bubbles and number two sells popcorn in the concourse and nothing else.

1:48Fucking, what the fuck is that shit? How can you out? It's better than things you blow. Oh, is it? Because I blow you. Are you calling me? Tom has a moldy dick, everyone. He just said he has a moldy dick. It's actually magnificent. Yeah, so I mean, we will get into the actual show and the structure of the show, but obviously you went to the guy on the weekend. How'd you feel? How'd you feel, mate? Really fucking wounded. Do you know what? I don't think I've seen Newcastle win in my last five games there. Isn't it seven months since you've won away from home? Mate, we are shit away from home. It's a long way to travel though, isn't it?

2:20It's fucking shit. Well, unfortunately, thankfully not for me. Mate, by the way, the way ending at West Arm, it's so weird how it's got that massive section and then you have a lower... Yeah, it's terrible. It's fucking shit. It's almost as terrible as your predictions this week. Because it's been another for second week running. It's a Ruben Hammerin. What did Ruben do? Ruben Hammerin. Ah. How do you learn? Did you learn all those words from me? I think I learned it from just Green Street. I just know football songs. I'm a bit of a weirdo like that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. We are fucking shit guys.

2:55It's okay though. It's not going to turn around. It'll all be okay. At least we'll die someday. Hopefully soon. Warm, sweet day. So let's go over the fixtures anyway. The first game of the weekend was... Actually, you took a little advantage. Oh, no, wait, wait, wait. Is this this week? Okay, yeah. Yeah, this is this week. So you took a little advantage straight away because you had Palace to win 2-1. They won 2-0. I had the draw. Yeah. So that makes it 1-0 Lewis. Yeah, I'm in this. And then things got really tasty and I got really happy. And horny. So, so horny. But not as horny as the fucking West Ham game.

3:29I golden resulted 2-0 Arsenal and then you reverse mulliganed me onto a 3-0 Burnley win as well which is quite not ideal if I'm honest I am him so that made it 6-1 6-1 6-1 you can't be that you have too much testosterone in your body to do that you have to go deep you have to go deep alright so that was 6-1 then Overall, I'm actually doing well I'm actually doing well If you think about it How? You reverse mulliganed me on the second one And then this one again, I'm winning Because you said 1-1 And I said 2-0 Well yeah, Fulham beat the Wolverines Who are obviously propping up the table Propping up the table Propping up the table We will be soon too with you That doesn't make sense That did That went, that was bars Yeah, it's obviously Fulham won I went for the draw Luz went for the win 2-0 So that's 6-2 to me Three results out of three for me, technically.

4:286-2. Okay. Then, this was a tasty one, baby, because I really thought I had this. Forest 2, United 2 is the final score, which you actually correctly predicted. Three correct results, one correct scoreline is what I actually predicted. 6-5. It was going great, though. Yeah, and then Brighton beat Leeds 3-0, which we both went for a win. You were kind of unlucky with that. You look so small. Small. You look tiny. It's like sat like this. Tiny Tim. I've lost my flow now. Oh, yeah. So, Brighton won 3-0. We both predicted a win. So, that just scores the same. 7-6. Then, none of us predicted a Chelsea win.

5:09Yeah, because some threes can have faith in Tottenham Hotspur. Yeah, who produced, what, a 0.05 Xtreme in that game? DJ Ed Spence is going off on one as well. Smelly Pants. Smelly Pants. Reminds me when I was a kid. Pooping my pants. Yeah, is that 7-6? Yeah, there was a bit of... See, Van Der Ven and Spence just stormed past. Yeah, and I don't know what... I don't know if DJ Ed had a set on on the evening, but he was full on like... Get off me fucking face. He had a reservation, didn't he? China White. What's China White? Like a club. Beast mode. What's the one where everyone gets naked in that?

5:49The box. Oh, the box. We've been there, haven't we? No, I've never been. Oh, I went. I need to go. I went. then we went on to the evening game Liverpool 2 Villa 0 you went for a draw yeah I think that was more of hate Isaac played well though he's injured hasn't he oh yeah forgot he didn't play he's injured for Real Madrid as well what he's probably getting better foot mob scores on the bench oh burn mate we don't we don't sorry yeah we don't do agendas on that on this show we just have fun alright obviously I got that I got 2-1 which I was unlucky with Villa hit the post but So, 8-6 going into Sunday, and boy, oh boy, was it a Sunday fun day.

6:32Because, obviously, Lewis, he woke up on Sunday morning and he thought, oh, fucking God, I'm not going to try to do the accent because you sound like a degenerate hobo. But, you know one thing about me right now that looks like a horrible. Yeah, true. Definitely not the patchy chest hair. Anyway, you woke up that fine Sunday morning and thought, Do you know what? You live near West Ham. It's not even that far. Yeah, I could get a kid down there. I don't have to travel all the way down from Newcastle, even though you're not from Newcastle, so you don't have to travel down there for any of that.

7:01And you were like getting sunny as well. The sun was shining. Yeah, it was a lovely, lovely day. You were thinking, you know, the fucking Geordie boys. Had a little pipe before. Yeah, the Geordie boys are on the fucking beers all day, weren't you? You were just on the beers. Yeah, it was just non-stop. All day. Oh, oh, oh. I can't get enough. Oh, oh, oh. You have a beer. It was just non-stop beers. And obviously, I had the result. You had the golden result in this, and I had. I was praying. I was just thinking, look, hopefully, just hopefully, Newcastle, look, go 1-0 up, and you're thinking, oh, God.

7:34And then, then the collapse began, because it was fucking pathetic, wasn't it, Lewis? It was probably the shittest game of football I've seen Newcastle play. I thought West Ham were really, really, really good. Really good, really good. We were really good.

7:53I think we were ridiculously shit. And also, just a little quick one. Who's your one to watch this week? I can't remember. Who does it? Stinker and Hooked at halftime. Who was it? No, he was benched. He was just benched because he's got Champions League, brother. Some of us play in the Champions League. Stinker and Hooked at halftime. Anyway, so that correct result put me on to 11-6. And I know what you're thinking. Surely it stops there. surely to God he couldn't get another correct score because he did he fucking did 3-1 City which made it 14 sticks Jesus and then again another stink of you you're predicting Sunderland to lose which Sunderland at the stadium alone that wasn't me that was the lizard man I think you need to just accept They will not lose at home.

8:49I have passed the message on to the lizard man. I'm waiting for him to get back, but he keeps talking in serpent tongue. He keeps... I'm leaving the voicemails, and he picks up and he's like... I'm like, just don't predict them to lose. Sounds like your mother. And then finally, we ended the game week with a 14-6 scoreline to Paolo himself. Where'd you get this top from? Don't you worry, brother. Oh, okay. So, do you want to do the honours? Yeah, well, lads, you know what happens. It's time to spin the wheel! And we've added one on this week. What is it? It's ****. Oh, thank fuck. Let's get it!

9:29What?

9:32Five AFLIX. Oh, you... He has caveman fingers as well. He has chunky fucking caveman fingers. Oh, you fucking... Okay, come here, buddy.

9:48Oh, yeah, everything's going to be okay. No. Oh, actually, yeah. Yeah. Mm. Ah, you fucking cunt! Oh! That's one. That got me with surprise. Ah! Ah! God, it's the anticipation that kills you. Ah! Ah! Fucking hell, five! Oh, thank you! Ah! You fucking nut! That one got it right at the same spot, you brick. Two more. Who wrote five? producer will fuck you okay okay yeah okay thank you ah what more come on come on stop doing a turtle egg oh you punched me you fucking punched me oh that's last week's out of the way that is that done please subscribe remember the prediction show is every It's gonna be weak but I think we know.

10:47Is it that time or no? I don't know what time it is. Remember, we talked. This is off the fucking stream, man. I thought we were done, we just reviewed it. No. Will, you tell him. Yeah? Reeves back there, you know? No? Reeves just looking at me like I'm dead. Let's revict the Premier League, man!

11:10No, this cannot go on like this. Right, it's time to predict the Premier League. Let's do the Premier League, man. One second.

11:26I'm back. Right, fuck me. He's the villain. I need a big season. I mean, I need a big week this week. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, so what's the running score at the minute? 5-5? 5-5. It's even Stevens. Back in sport. It's kind of horny. It is quite a beast. Should we just have a look at the current league table based on our predictions? Is that on here? Shall we have a guess? Okay. Also, I did win the one to watch as well, so it actually ended up 15-6. How about this? I'll read yours and you read mine. Go on then. So, in first, Tom has Spurs, then Liverpool. Not that bad. Not that bad. Then Man City.

11:58Not that bad. Chelsea. Newcastle. Stinker. Yeah. Sixth, Arsenal. Stinker. Seventh, Palace. Not bad. Eighth, Sunderland. Ninth, Everton. Tenth, Man United. Eleventh, Brighton. Bournemouth, Brentford, Burnley. Fulham, Leeds in 16th. 17th, Villa. Fucking hell. 18th Wolves 19th Forest 20th West Ham 17th Villa Jeezy Peeps Yeah because they were doing Really shit on that Plus I fucking hate them So now what Alright let's just Bear that in mind For my table Everybody shit on the villa Because there are a load of shies Everyone knows that Oh no Shit on the villa Shit on the villa Tonight Shit on the villa Wait don't do Don't do that What Do what Oh, yeah, he might appear out of nowhere.

12:44Oh, my God. What's that up my arse? Right, you've got Newcastle top of your league on the maximum points because you're a fucking idiot. Have I actually got them? See, by the way, I'm not doing this on purpose. I genuinely keep thinking we're going to win. It's embarrassing. You've got City second, not bad. Spurs third, not bad yourself. Fourth Arsenal, a bit stinky. Fifth Liverpool, not that bad. Sixth Chelsea. Seventh Villa, under a little bit of a resurgence, but I don't want to speak too much on their name because you know what might happen. Palace, then Everton, United, Wolves in 11th on 12 points.

13:19Propping up the table. Propping up the table.

13:25Brighton, Bournemouth, Forrest, West Ham, Leeds, Brentford, Fulham, Burnley. And... Oh, my God. Is this the worst one yet? You've got Sunderland, bottom of the league with one point. Oh, shit, I thought this was yours, not mine. Oh, yeah, I've got them on... I have them on one point. like one it's not even it's genuinely not even on purpose that you forget when it adds up so let me just quickly look at the actual league table Sunderland are fourth fourth on 18 points yeah but I hit them you just said that about Villa you just said that about Villa you said that about the villains the who never see his name otherwise he appears yeah but mine's not that much of a disparity.

14:12Do you know what? They should be on my point. 17 points is crazy. Yeah, it is. Definitely. It definitely is mental. But also, I would argue it's equally as crazy the fact that they're fourth. Who cares? Let's predict the Premier League, man. Next up. Right, first game of the week. We've got a half 12 again. Woo! 12 o 'clock in my bum. Spurs burst. It's not. It's half 12, but not. Yeah, but I start watching it at 12 because I like to see the build-up. What goes in your bum at 12 and then what goes in your bum at half 12? Am I asking questions you know the answer to? I don't There are fucking spares Spares are at home And fucking off Provence City And then it goes The Trafford Centre We're back We're back Oh no we're not We're back Oh no we're not It's Amberham Ollie's at the wheel Tell me how good does it feel It is a piece of paper Write what you want on there Is that what he said?

15:04I don't know I don't know Wheel Wheel is the Big show! Right then, Spurs-Man United, you're on us considering you're a big fat loser. Oh yeah, we're predicting this. You're a little loser. Spurs versus Man United, very good question, Tom. You have Spurs who have just been handed to by Eddie Howell's army and also Chelsea. What? They got handed to by us. We won them, beat them 2-0. Does he manage West Ham, does he? You fucking cunt. That's not the question. My nipple. I'm going to say 2-1 Spurs We love a 2-1 We fucking love a 2-1 Oh, Jonoff, you'd try Fucking hell Yeah, 2-1's are so, so sexy It just feels right 1-1 Actually Desmond Yeah, 1-1 Oh, Bernie Bernie 1-1 No, Treacle Bernie 1-1 No, Treacle 3-3 Oh, what's 1-1 then?

15:59Bernie Bernie? Yeah Bernie Desmond Bernie 1-1 Or Bernie 2-2 Which one? What? Bernie 1-1 Bernie 1-1. And then Desmond 2-2. Trinkle 3-3. Parlo 1-chop. I don't know what that is. Next up, we've got... I mean, realistically, mate, this is probably the biggest game of the weekend. Yeah, look, he's dead here. Have you heard, though? What? It's good news. What is it? For the Blues. Why? And there's no more time to lose. No, stop. Because we're hard. What? On the trail. Fuck off. And there's no way we're going to fail. So get your coat on, get moving Cos there's no fucking way we're losing So come on, go out, get down to Gunnison Park Woooo!

16:51Everton And the boys in blue Everton Spirit of the blue So get your coat on Get moving There's no fucking way We're losing So come on, come on Get down to Gunnison Park So Everton versus Fulham I'm going to go with And now watch me play You can't do that every week Every week Not every week Not every week Everton were poor Last night in the second half I thought and Fulham played a shitter. I'm going to go with the old classic 2-1, Evan. Oh, Desmond 2-1. Oh, I forgot to say, we're Fulham and we love cheese on the park. Cottage cheese. Cottage trees because it's droopy. Droopy? Yeah, it's got like lumps in it.

17:53It's like that turtle cum. Do you know what droopy means? It's like droopy. Do you mean gloopy? Droopy Droopy He's like First of all He's in that Like a cartoon dog Right then Go on then Follow him away at Everton At the fucking Hill deck 2-2 Treacle 2-2 For me It's not a treacle It's a Desmond Nod Oh next Irons Irons Irons Fucking come on You cunt I want some Pie and mash Now Fuck it Up against Burnley We like Wallace and Gromit. Oh, geez, Gromit. That's all we've really got going for us is Wallace and Gromit. We have an American owner, though. G'day. You see the American owner, he's going along.

18:37He's like, who? What? He's going around the Burnleys. What's his name? Augustus. Tony, isn't it? Augustus. He's going around. He's like, how are you doing? Barner, I'm the owner of your club. No, it's the big fucker. He was the NFL player. Alan Pace. Yeah, what's his name? Alan Pearce It's not him It is It was an old geezer What's his name though? What? What?

19:11Shut the fuck up Your turn to go You've now turned into like Like you're part of the Roman Empire How often do you think about that? Well, the Admiral's not here Shut up and do your prediction The Admiral's not here So the Emperor's came out The Emperor of Cock You wear it deeper Wear it deeper Oh you like it deep How much do you think I can put this hat on? Hopefully it gets stuck Go on then I'm going to have to tell you to score the games though Ah fuck that That hurts me neck I feel like it just pushed me neck into my spine Hurry up So I'm going to say Desmond 2-1 West Ham They were good against us Yeah I think they might have Turned a little bit of a corner I'm going to go 2-0 West Ham Oh my god It's your boys It's your boys Half five on Saturday I tell you what Could this be the game Where Arsenal finally lose Well who do you play?

20:13Oh no they've already lost Lose again Or concede Or whatever Fucking hell Yeah you fucking can't You fucking hell London ain't we Sorry about my friend He's a West Ham fan Fucking can't This is what West Ham fans If you go around You take them to a wedding It's like Yeah he's me mate He supports West Ham You fucking You fucking can't make you Sorry about that He means he likes your dress So it's Sunderland Versus the Oh it's the Gooners The Gooners The Gooners

20:49Arsenal People come up to me And do that now At the game People are going I'm going Gooners Gooners I was like

21:012-1 Arsenal No Sunderland don't lose I can't keep predicting Arsenal not to win Can I Well I didn't last week Whoa You've done that The other way around Anyway I'll go I think Sunderland Gets something I do 1-1

21:22Go on then The producers guessed 3-0 You don't seriously think that Sunderland Is going to lose 3-0 They're fucking class I didn't say 3-0, he put it in I can see it in your beady eyes I'm considering a Sunderland win Oh, he's trying to like Reverse jinx it Well, that would be a great side effect Arsenal are going to lose at some point Yes and the times they lose will be at a more hostile stadium and a better at a trickier place to play against a team with good momentum and that would be Sunderland right now but also it's fucking Sunderland

22:14oh fucking hell like this is hard this I want to go Desmond 2-1, but I don't know which way. Well, it's all right, mate. It's not like we've got fucking four more things to film today.

22:27I'm going to go a Desmond. I'm going Desmond 2-1-2.

22:38Say it. Arsenal. Oh, fucking hell. Every week? Not every week. You pick them to not win every week. I know. I'm really torn. Part of me wants to... Why don't you have some bollocks and do it? That's not going to be him. You do. Well, anyway, we've got... Fucking West London. Can't you see? I thought it was a derby. We fucking used to wear auto glass repair. Auto glass replace. We're the famous fucking blue. And we're at home at Stamford fucking bridge. up against

23:19Wolves

23:26What did you put the wig on? I just thought Wolves are more hairy, aren't they? You should do the wolves, Wolfie Any fucking need? You are Wolfie We're meant to be friends Go on, you go Go Wolfie I've got hairs on you I'm not doing that for them fucking dingle cunts where they're propping up the table. Prop, prop, prop, propping up the table. Prop, prop, prop. I'll see you there. Sat their manager as well, which is fucking hilarious. Hopefully they get Gary O 'Neill back in. That'll be even funnier. Yeah, definitely. Right, is it me to go first? Or is it Lou? I think it's Lewis, isn't it? Yeah, it's me.