BONUS: Premier League PREDICTIONS Show EP. 12

0:00Welcome to a new episode of Pitchside with me, Reeve, Thea Baker and Tom Garrett. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap that button right now for new episodes every week? And if you want more Pitchside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where you can find us by typing in Pitchside. Let's get into it. Right, Luke, come on, we're recording. Hurry up. Yeah, he's rolling, he's ready.

0:31Welcome back to the greatest show on earth! I know you missed us. I know you want us. I know you want ya. I know you want me. You know I want ya. Whoa, whoa, press Santa to speak. No, honestly, don't. You don't want to. No, no, we'll, honestly, mate, you don't want to fucking, please, we'll do it later, mate. Honestly, he's fucking weird him. Fucking weird. Is it you? Yeah. Is it the villain? No, don't say his fucking name. By the way, the person out there, the villain, has set up his own TikTok account, fucking flag it down right now. Everyone needs to report that because he's a dangerous man.

1:14He's in my bathroom. It's not fucking funny, man. He's a dangerous individual. I'll have you know. What's been new with you? You good? You missed football? I haven't really missed anything. No? What's the show again? I can't remember what we're doing here. What is it? Is it a prediction show? Should we talk about last? When was these games? The eighth? the note.

1:39Right, so let's have a recap of the last predictions. We had a first game of Spurs-Man United, which thankfully, Spurs ended up getting, conceding in the very, very last kick of the game. Because you would have got a correct score there. Yeah, I can't actually remember what I predicted on the score. What the fuck? Did you hear that? That was weird. Lewis got that wrong. I got that right because I had a 1-1 draw, which meant I took a 1-0 lead going into the three o 'clocks. Yeah, it was a very nerve-wracking time because I really wanted to... Fucking boss. I don't know. That was... I think it's upstairs or next door.

2:22Fucking tell them to be quiet upstairs. Yeah, Everton won against Fulham, 2-0. Yeah, what did I say for that? You went for a 2-2, I went for a 2-1, which means I went 2-0 up. Yeah, that's a decent scoreline for you though Yeah, so I was looking to 2-0 Lee They're going into West Ham Burnley Again, we both predicted a West Ham win What was the final score? It was 3-2 to West Ham Big mighty 3-2, they're back In that game, we both went for a player to watch Which you won, so you get a point from that And that's a good technical thing Wilson! Wilson! You can only pick them once a season I hear voices in my head They talk to me They shag my ass They come in me They come in me Yeah

3:14Then Sunderland Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland Arsenal Yeah, that was do what? We've got a bit of stick on this one I told you so I fucking told you so Because I'm the fucking Sunderland man 2-1 to Arsenal you went for I went for a 1-1 draw, so I got the draw. So that means it's 4-1 to me. However, things started to take a little change, didn't they, Tom? We both golden resulted the Chelsea Wolves game. And Wolves are fucking useless! Can't score against that fucking shit team. Popping up the table. Which means Lewis got a golden result 3-0 to Sunday's game. Lewis predicted a Villa win they won 4-0 I went for a draw so I got that wrong because that's 8-6 to Lewis and then Fionnus got so many goals Newcastle got battered at Brentford 3-1 we both got that wrong because I went for a draw you went for shockingly a Newcastle win can I say one thing's changed about me now I think we're getting relegated I think we're going to win the league I mean no what the fuck win the league then get relegated We're going to win the Champions League, but we're going to get relegated.

4:31I have no idea what that was. I need to stop that. And then Forrest leads. I got the score just wrong, but I got the... Wait, what am I on about? I don't know. You went for a draw, I went for a 2-1 win. Forrest won 2-0, which means it was 8-7. Going in to the Palace Brighton game. Huge game. Huge! Fuck. What? Forrest was 3-1? Why does it say 2-0? Oh. Wait, wait, wait. No, no. Hold the fucking short Hold the fucking short Don't you dare cut this out You what? You made a mistake I'm getting them

5:12You'll be limping for a week Sorry that creepy uncle Allegedly So Palace Brighton 0-0 We both went for home wins That also Oh yeah it was So So that made the score I don't even know at this point Anyway, City 3, Liverpool 0 I went for a home win, you went for a draw Which made it 8-8 G'day But because Callum Wilson got 7 points on FPL And Jared Bowen got 2 I lost Yes! He lost!

5:46Ah,

5:55what is that? Fucking hell I've got a fucking Got a bug in my Tom lost All thanks to The brand new Rule of The FPL points With the chosen player Of the week So Tom You're going to have to Fucking hold that I can't fucking speak It's doing me fucking head Isn't that It's next door It's fucking chipping That recording Right yeah Yeah so wait Now the overall score For the series so far This season is drum roll please

6:32get your hands on my phone it is 6.45 so ladies and gentlemen we all know what time it is for it's time to spin the wheel would you like to do the honours or do I yeah you go ahead Oh, he's a sucker.

7:03The good-looking hand. The lucky hand. Oh, he's broke again. No, don't worry. Just leave it. No, it's fine. Watch. It's all part of it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. The suspense is like... Don't, don't. It's like never seen before. Suspense. Just leave it. It's going to balance out. Don't worry. Don't worry, big dog. Don't worry. Oh, oh yeah, almost. Go on. Go on. Oh, with her? Is that it? Oh, you cheeky bitch. Oh, one more. One more. Please, one more. It's a text saying I love you. I've already done it. I'm supposed to get rid of it. Yeah, fucking... You have to do next laps. What is it? Three? I don't know how hard to do the next lap.

7:49Okay, Tom. Be nice. I don't know how hard to do it. So I don't the problem is I want to be nice, but I don't have a reference point call power Straighten out straight out big dog. Oh You was that bad wasn't noise. I didn't feel like that was hard

8:11Calm it down. Oh that was shit. I hit your fucking shoulder first It's not too bad. I wish I'd go back baby Okay so that is that done We have caught up I hope you've got a drink ready I know a lot of people are sat at work right now Slacking off listening to this show on Friday morning As they should by the way In which case Fucking beast mode But What? Not on this show Oh shit no not that What do we say? We say Come in my ass Come in my ass daddy Yeah Everyone Right boys are we ready to come? Ready for the next week? We're here Ready? he's asleep will your ass sore yeah that's good oh we're fucking we're good to that right boys well I guess I think we're all ready to go then let me do the bloody lame ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh ahhhh I can't.

9:20I can't. Shit! I didn't know.

9:31Oh my God. His idea was this.

9:43Right then. First game of the weekend. We've got a fucking nut. I'm covered in chocolate. You fucking screw off me. Fucking.

9:58Oh, God. This might be this one. This might be it. Right, shall we go a half-twelve kickoff? Finally! Half-twelve! Thank you, Jesus!

10:14Right, shall we go? fucking do you want to clean the cake off yeah I've got a bit a little bit I'm fucking covered I'm filthy right boys I'll see you at the end of the episode

10:34right what are we doing well we've got a fucking we've got a fucking Westland and going all the way up the fucking north because they're fucking going away to little old I fucking love lake pie and fucking Well it's not West Ham No it's Chelsea Fucking Chelsea No they're away too They're at home No they're not Chelsea are away Are your glasses working Admiral Fucking Wallace and Gromit Why are you doing a West Ham voice for that You fucking you look mental Right first game I fucking lost clearly as I mean I don't feel like the loser right now to be honest but I will say I'm going to go with a Chelsea 2-1 away win no that's pretty decent more of that Desmond 2-2-1 a classic favourite on the show what are you doing you're fine you know I've got chocolate on my hand no you haven't oh shit oh you've got a little Lewis you've got a little bit there oh that's embarrassing there yeah gone What you going for then, son?

11:45Right, I'm going to go with I think Burnley, you're pretty shit mode, right? But Chelsea, you're pretty unpredictable mode. I'm going to go with Desmond I'm going to go with Desmond 3-0, Chelsea. Hmm. Oh, you bastard. Next stop! You fucking You fucking You fucking You fucking slice your fucking net you Have a bit of cherry You You You fucking You fucking No no you're doing it again Tommy you're doing it again Get out of it Fucking hell It's not cool doing that. You scare me. It's not fucking funny anymore. You fucking fucking. I've been sat on fucking shit. Fucking hell. What is this? What are we doing?

12:56Fuck's sake. We got fucking West Ham. What is that? It's the Harry Redknapp Derby. Fucking. I ain't a fucking wheeler and dealer, you. At home It's the cherries The cherry on the turnips Oh you Oh you naughty cherry We're fucking naughty And there's about 15 of us I'll pop your cherry Right should you go first You fucking freak Sorry Fucking hell Don't talk about Admiral like that I'm going to say It's a hard one West Ham are on The back on the right track But Bournemouth They got Semenyo and Smenor is Is that two players? Smenor Everybody say Smenor Smenor Let me hear you say Smenor Smenor Fuck off Santa Claus Leave him alone and press the button I'm fucking sick of you I'm not pressing the fucking button What score?

13:55I'm saying Desmond 2-0 Bournemouth Oh

14:05Shakaran Shakaron Shakaron Shakaron

14:13Shakaron I'm going to go for You're going to smudge this on your chair No 2-1 West Ham Okay No 2-1 Bournemouth Sorry I meant 2-1 Bournemouth Whoa whoa whoa Hey Slip of the tongue Slip of the tongue Slip it in my ass Class right Well next up We have the Oh god It's the fucking It's the It's the most embarrassing game in the Premier League.

14:41Almost as emotive as that. We've got Brian against Brentford. The bees. The bees against the seagulls. Fucking hell. There'll be about four people at the game. Do you know a fact about the bees? If a bee died, all the bees died today, we'd die tomorrow. That's not true. Very true. What?

15:05Booyah! Booyah! Fuck off! Leave him alone! Sorry. Press it. We're not pressing the button. I know what happens. Is it me to go first? Don't press, no. You don't know, I know what he says. He's the foul-mouthed rat. Put the mic up then, we'll see what he says. Daddy, get your finger out my bum. Oh, he does it. He actually does it.

15:35What do you think all this came from? Dirty bastard. Dirty bastard. Right, is it me to go first? Brighton, Brentford. It's got draw written all over it. What's it? Written all over it. All around the world. I'm going to go for... Desmond, 1-1. Desmond, 1-1. Fucking hell, you're going balls to the walls, my G. Um, hmm. Brighton Brentford Brentford have tricked the team I assume not Do you know what's funny Right I reckon This is exactly how Lewis would look When he was like Six and seven Eating You know Kids who always Had food around their mouth That is 100 % him I mean you've only got A little bit I've got food on me Yeah it's just a bit Right in here Where Just on your lip Fuck me Yeah it's gone Sorry We're like 20 minutes in here Sorry I didn't want to embarrass you I'm going to fucking What's your what's your prediction?

16:30Do you know this is a prediction show? Hi. I'm going to say the score is

16:382-2. Desmond 2-2. Mmm. You're going for an actual Desmond? Yeah, I think Desmond 2-2. No, sorry. Cleopatra 2-2. I think they're very well matched. People are going to get seriously fucking hurt. Why? You know who I am? Next stop! Fucking Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland, Sunderland! They're going away. To the cottage. Because we're Fulham. And we love the ballet. Are you going to fucking concentrate? Or what the fuck are you reading? This book's fucking mental. 2-1 Sunderland. What the fuck is sung the black cats, man? Fucking YA! You should read that.

17:30I'm going to say... Sunderland vs. Full Ham, eh? My mum watched me play! My dad watched me play!

17:46Right, prediction. Shit, sorry. It doesn't even stick, it's just on my hands. I'm going to say... It's going to be...

17:57I'm going to say 1-1 I'm going to say 1-1 I mean So Sunderland are now on three points for the season Oh two They're on two points I was right last week No you weren't You had Arsenal to win I was almost right No you weren't I was really close You weren't right though You were wrong Wrong Wrong You were wrong The fucking fucking Sunderland man going to fucking throw them The fucking fucking Ryan Bobbyman that's not how I fucking talk fucking Wilson is that how I fucking run man that's not how I talk fucking that's not how fucking Granny Jackman Will make him stop because that's getting cut mate Will can understand everything I'm saying because he's actually from Sunderland and he knows that's how people from Sunderland speak and that's how you speak because you're from Sunderland next up oh you need why because it's Forest Liverpool Forest oh shit I thought it was the Wolves no Wolves are after

19:01fucking curse curse it is we're from fucking Liverpool and we're at home aren't we we're at home we're at fucking home at Anfield to the Sherwood boys yeah we're gonna we're gonna go out there and we're gonna fucking score some set pieces cause you know what it is you just gotta get the ball in the onion bag All this tiki-taka rubbish Passing it side to side Goalkeepers out from the back It's a load of shite We're going to go out there Get to Anfield It's going to be a tough game But we're going to get a goal Liverpool Forest I'm going to go for a 2-0 Liverpool win Or is it It was me to go first wasn't it Or was it you Might have been you I think it's you Who the fuck cares at this point man Right mate Fucking hell mate It's going to be a hard game It's alright We've done that bit So I've gone 2-0 Liverpool Oh Cleopatra 2-0 Forest have a goal in them and Liverpool are looking pretty lacklustre I'm going to say do you know what Liverpool will concede but they should win I'm going to say Desmond 2-1 Liverpool oh sorry Cleopatra 2-1 Liverpool how does that even make sense Cleopatra oh everyone says Cleopatra 2-1 I've never heard that in my life you're a fucking you're a fucking weird man don't even start with me you're a strange boy in the corner fuck off sonny you fucking prick.

20:21Leave him alone. He doesn't do anything for me. We got the Eagles. Eagles. Eagles. Eagles. Eagles. And they're fucking going straight up the fucking motorway, ain't they? From fucking South London. Straight up the fucking motorway. All the way to the fucking custard bowl.

20:44Oh!

21:07Right, shoot it first, mate. Wolves Palace. Dingle bastards. Prop, prop, prop it up the table. Prop, prop, prop it up the table. Prop it up the table. You have to always be wary of the Wolverines, especially when it gets to this time of year with full moons. Yeah. But in terms of football and ability, they aren't very, very good. No, they stink, don't they? They're absolutely dog waiter. I think I'm going to go... They are going to win a game at some point. Are they? No. 2-0 Palace, please, Reverend. See, I think... It's Rob Edwards' first game. Nice. Oh, shit, yeah. You've already said it, mate.

21:44I'm going to go 1-1. No. That's better. 2-1 Palace. Sorry, one lot. I think we need to order some more Fjotin, please, Will. This one's, you know. Son of the time is all mine, all mine. Son of the time is all mine, all mine.

22:10We're on the ball. I can't see. We're on the ball. No. I can. Where's my glasses, guys? I've lost my glasses. Oh, here they are. Sorry. Fucking hell, it's covered in cake I can't see a fucking thing Oh my god

22:30Oh shit What the fuck Oh my god Fucking take his trust Fucking Newcastle, Tiggland City City Fucking mad for it Mad for it I'm fucking mad for it you f***ing hell. I've got chocolate in my nose. No you haven't. Oh sorry my bad. And then again SETTA! We used to do that. Oh we like boats. We sailed the seas and built the boats. We're fighting for one fucking one fucking one fucking