In short
Pitchside bonus episode: Premier League predictions show EP. 13. Hosts: Reeve, Thea Baker, Tom Garrett (plus recurring “Admiral”/“Oracle” references and a chaotic “villain/Santa” bit). They recap prior results (e.g., Burnley 0-2 Chelsea, Bournemouth win vs Brighton/Brentford 2-1, Liverpool 3-0 Forest, Fulham beating Sunderland, Leeds losing to Villa, Arsenal 4-1 Spurs, Man United vs Everton not yet played at recording).
Key claims
Man City will beat Leeds 3-0 or 4-0; Chelsea will beat Arsenal 2-1; Everton will beat Newcastle 2-1; Spurs vs Fulham ends 1-1 or 2-1 Fulham; Aston Villa vs Wolves ends 3-0 Villa or 1-0 Wolves; Forrest vs Brighton ends 1-1 or 3-1 Forrest; Chelsea vs Arsenal is a “London derby” and “league leaders” matchup.
Notable examples
“golden result” Man City; “player to watch” Erling Haaland; other player to watch mentioned Harvey Barnes.
Guests
none—no real guest interviews; only recurring characters/props (Santa/villain) and the hosts themselves.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOConstructive Feedback
0:19 to 1:00
The hosts discuss past feedback and their intention to improve the show.
“Welcome back to what once was the greatest show on earth.”
Reviewing Recent Matches
1:00 to 2:30
The hosts analyze recent football match results and their predictions.
“We're going to run through the results anyway.”
Fulham vs Sunderland Discussion
2:30 to 4:00
The hosts debate the Fulham vs Sunderland match outcome and past predictions.
“Are we sure we want to do the show like this?”
Liverpool vs Nottingham Forest Analysis
4:00 to 6:40
The hosts react to Liverpool's unexpected loss against Nottingham Forest.
“it's a double game week for us due to multiple...”
Predicting Upcoming Matches
6:40 to 8:20
The hosts begin their predictions for the upcoming Premier League matches.
“The first game, we've got Brentford all the way from West London.”
Analyzing Brentford vs Burnley
8:20 to 10:00
Hosts provide their predictions for the Brentford vs Burnley match.
“Right, Brentford Burnley, give me a score, you specky donut.”
Man City vs Leeds Expectations
10:00 to 11:40
The hosts predict the outcome of the Man City vs Leeds match.
“We have the chat at centre and you have the fucking.”
Sunderland vs Bournemouth Predictions
11:40 to 13:20
The hosts make their predictions for the Sunderland vs Bournemouth game.
“Man City Desmond 3-0 Thank you I'd like to reverse Mulligan that please Oh you're a fucking dickhead What's that mean I do?”
Everton's Upcoming Challenge
13:20 to 14:00
The hosts discuss Everton's chances in their next match against Newcastle.
“It's a long fucking journey for all 14 of us.”
Everton vs. Newcastle Prediction
14:00 to 15:00
The hosts discuss the upcoming match between Everton and Newcastle, sharing their predictions and banter.
“That's a long, that's not that long of a journey, but we've got, Come in bum army.”
Show all 23 chapters
Spurs vs. Fulham Banter
15:01 to 17:55
The hosts engage in lighthearted banter while predicting the outcome of the Spurs vs. Fulham match.
“I'm going to get fucking mad in a minute.”
Palace vs. Manchester United Predictions
17:56 to 19:16
Discussion on the match between Crystal Palace and Manchester United, showcasing differing opinions.
“I met a guy called Gabriel once in London Tell me more Where?”
Aston Villa vs. Wolves Analysis
19:17 to 24:31
The hosts analyze the upcoming match between Aston Villa and Wolverhampton Wolves, with humorous commentary.
“You know you don't have to room when you come over there What's your name oh my god he's turning to spider-man Come on, sit down, we need to do the rest.”
Nottingham Forest vs. Brighton Predictions
24:32 to 26:30
A lively discussion about the match between Nottingham Forest and Brighton, with playful interactions.
“Next up, we've got a big game of City Ground.”
West Ham vs. Liverpool Predictions
26:31 to 28:00
The hosts give their predictions for the West Ham vs. Liverpool match, concluding the prediction segment.
“You fucking You You fucking You fucking You fucking Stop it!”
Chelsea vs Arsenal Predictions
28:00 to 32:36
The hosts make bold predictions about the Chelsea vs Arsenal match, discussing their expectations and previous performances.
“Because we're fucking naughty Chelsea cunts.”
Game Week 14 Kickoff
32:36 to 34:06
The hosts introduce Game Week 14 predictions, setting the tone for a lively discussion amidst playful banter.
“It's in the same episode Yeah we're doing another one I don't know if I have this is only halfway through is it going in the same episode?”
Predictions for Upcoming Matches
34:06 to 42:00
The hosts continue with predictions for various Premier League matches, including Everton, Newcastle, and Arsenal.
“And there's going to be at least 20 of us here.”
Brighton vs Villa Predictions
42:00 to 44:10
The hosts discuss their predictions for the Brighton vs Aston Villa match, sharing humorous banter and score expectations.
“And they're at home to a team I like to call slurs.”
Burnley vs Palace Matchup
44:10 to 45:32
The hosts predict the Burnley vs Crystal Palace game, with lively interactions and playful commentary on team performances.
“The fucking E, what are you doing over here?”
Leeds vs Chelsea Insights
45:32 to 46:42
Discussion of the Leeds vs Chelsea match, including player performances and expectations for the game.
“I think Chelsea are going to continue the march.”
Liverpool vs Man United Predictions
46:42 to 49:17
The hosts share their predictions for the Liverpool vs Manchester United game while engaging in humorous banter about player performances.
“Ah, that's what you're going for, you fucker.”
Final Thoughts and Player Picks
49:17 to 50:42
The hosts wrap up the episode with final predictions and player picks, encouraging audience interaction and commenting.
“Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Welcome to a new episode of Pitchside with me, Reeve, Thea Baker and Tom Garrett. If you haven't already hit follow, why not tap that button right now for new episodes every week? And if you want more Pitchside, catch us on YouTube, TikTok and Instagram, where you can find us by typing in Pitchside. Let's get into it. Welcome back to what once was the greatest show on earth. No, this is still the greatest show on earth. No, no, no, it was. We're listening to constructive feedback, Tom. and we have learned that shouting and making mountain noises isn't funny. I mean, I disagree but we are here to please you guys so we will be completely normal throughout this entire episode and we're going to go back to how this production show started.
0:48Stop it. Stop it. We're just going to clarify what we're going to be doing today because we're filming this on Monday. Man United haven't played Everton so there's going to be no winner this week. There's going to be no loser this week. We're going to run through the results anyway. So Burnley, Burnley-Chelsea was 2-0. Yeah, Burnley-Chelsea was 2-0. We both said a Chelsea win, so it's just a point each. Yeah, that was good going. Good job, Tom. Stop. Stop. I'm not doing that today. Fucking stinks. The cherries took on the amours. Sorry, fuck. boys there's going to be a blending over period you fucking no we're in rehab that was a draw we both have a Bournemouth win so no points Brighton came up against Brentford that was a 2-1 home win we both have a draw in that as well so at the minute this is quite a boring thing to go with the boring episode I mean well more ground it's not boring people have said we've taken it too far and we're just being silly now and it's not even a prediction show so we're talking about the football because that's what people want, apparently.
1:59I fucking hate the people. I hate them. Why would you say that? What did I say? Fulham. Beat Sunderland. Happy about that, mate? My dad watched me play! Yeah, I was happy about that. Sunderland had a shocker. Oh, shock. Oh, shock. I predicted it correct. No, you didn't. I did. I said they'd lose. You said 1-1. The Admiral said 1-1. I said they'd lose. it's fine no one got that right either then I golden resulted Liverpool to beat Forrest
2:38obviously Forrest won 3-0 yeah that was a great result by Forrest no one saw that coming I said 2-1 for that so we both wronged that but I obviously wasted a golden result and then Lewis congratulations you got 2-0 versus Palace you tried to talk me out of that result and I was actually correct in what I said I didn't try to talk you. You're trying to talk me out of it? Out of anything? The Admiral. The Wolverine. I don't remember it. It was the Wolverine. That was a good time. But, again. Yeah. We, sensible. Tom, can we talk? Are we sure we want to do the show like this? Because I want to fucking shoot myself.
3:12Yeah, we're doing it like this, mate. Because people, that's what they want. I've just seen Santa. What's he said this week? He's really quiet today. I skipped, go on. Let's have a little push. No, we don't talk to him. We've seen what fucking happened last time. We're not going to talk to him. We just push the button. I don't want... Do it, sugar babes, and push that button. Go on. Let's just hear it. Hello. We love the theatre. Oh. That's weird. Who? Oh. I think that's a nice message. Tom, I get the urge that I want to punch him. I get the urge I want to fucking punch his head in. Why would you want to do that?
3:49Look at him. He's a... When you... Are you screwed, or what's going on? Anyway, on to Sunday's games. And just before we get on to the predictions, it's a double game week for us due to multiple... We're not going to be here over Christmas, so we're trying to get the games in. Leeds lost at home to Villa, which I actually got bang on. I went for a 2-1 Villa win, which led... You also went for a Villa win, so again, this was... They're back. They really are back. Top four now. I got the points of that. We both went for Arsenal win. They obviously batted Spurs 4-1. Well done to the Gooners. The Gooners.
4:31Tom Dorns. And obviously, tonight's game, we don't know the outcome, but we do. Because Man United are going to win 1-0, as I predicted. But what I will say is, as it stands, because our players to watch were Isaac and Eketike. That wasn't very good from either of us. Tom! Eketike got one point, Isaac got two. So I technically get the point for that. But you're 8-7 up. Yeah.
4:59But, obviously, there's no forfeit this week.
5:12So, without further ado,
5:22let's predict the Premier League. Fuck that! Let me get it from your legs!
5:40Oh, fucking hell! Oh, fucking hell! Oh, shit! Oh, fucking hell! Stop it! Oh, God, keep it going! Oh, my God. I'm not through with you, big boy Bend all that No No
6:07Oh, my fucking glasses are broken You fucking pervert They were already broke Are you okay, Santa? He's fine Right then, so there was no actual loser this week. Oh, it's wet. Has the villain been here? Don't say his fucking name! So there's no loser, but you were leading. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to let you go first. Okay, what are we doing again? We're predicting the Premier League, man. Okay, that's going to be someone. Right, what's the first game, Tom? The first game, we've got Brentford all the way from West London. it's in West London
6:55right so we've got Ben Brentford taking on Burnley this is the Saturday 3 o 'clock game but obviously brace yourself because we've got a double game week to get through alright bud who's that meant to be is that a real cigar where'd you get that from you know I blaze I'm a captain Tom I'll see you in a bit
7:21I think So Brent versus Burnley Who? Brent versus Burnley It's the Buzzy B The B
7:36Up against Burnley Fucking Burnley They don't really have much going for them There's fuck all there Actually... Oh, that you actually look like a fucking resident? Uh-uh. Oh!
8:01Oh! It's Roy Cropper!
8:07You get off my farm, you fucking ! That's not Burnley. Hey, off camera. That's fucking not Burnley. What is it? I'm doing that the wrong way around. You're doing a London accent. Yeah, you're doing a fucking... What do they sound like? Wallace and Gromit. Jeez, please. Right, give us a score. Shut your bitch mouth. Fuck up, you fucking bitch.
8:33What's he ever done to you? Trespassed your farm. He's chatting shit. He touches everything. Did he get on Terminal Farm? He's been on there. He's touched it all. all. I've seen it. Right, Brentford Burnley, give me a score, you specky donut. These glasses aren't real, so I can't see. I'm going to say, Brentford Burnley, it's got to be a 2-0, a Desmond 2-0 to... The Buzzy Bees? The Buzzy Bees, yeah. Really? Mm-hmm. No reckon? I think it's going to be... Give me... Give me 3-1, Brentford.
9:17Do you want a bottle? I've got one for you. It's an opener.
9:23How to open or not? It's cherry-flavoured my favourite. It's nice, it's got a fluid inside. Shut the fuck up! Will, I'm going to fucking murder you! I'm going to fucking murder you! You sound like the fucking boring virgins in the fucking comments! Jesus! Sick of you, sick of this fucking building, sick of everything. Is he real? Fucking Stuart Little. Do you know why they call him Stuart Little? You know. Next up. Oh, it's a big game at the Etihad. The tasty one at the fucking Etihad, innit? It's the fucking Manzetti. We have the chat at centre and you have the fucking. No, it's London again.
10:06Are you doing it again? Shit, what do they sound like? You're just winning it. What do they sound like?
10:15Okay Tamоре
10:33mmm Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun Oh mate, oh my fucking shirt's creased
10:35So we got Man City taking on You wanna lick it? Oh, you need to stop, you need to stop Oh Tom, you didn't fucking tell me me Oh for fuck's sake Fucking shirt's creased all over, I was looking like a scrub
10:56You had me looking like a dickhead. I'm sat here with creases all over me shirt. Sorry, mate. I thought you were coming for the rugged look today. Sorry. Right, what are we doing? No, you piss me off now. We've done this show for fucking five weeks. You're pissing me off. Put your boots back on. They're taking on Leeds. Fucking... What? What? Not like... Yorkshire! Yorkshire! Yorkshire! Man City leads. I think it's going to be... We wave the Yorkshire flag for all the men and women. We love sport and we are Yorkshire.
11:37Prediction. Three. It's me first. Oh. I'm going to go 4-0. It's Man City. 4-0? You bad boy. I'm going to say 3-0. Man City Desmond 3-0 Thank you I'd like to reverse Mulligan that please Oh you're a fucking dickhead What's that mean I do? 3-0 fucking lead 3-0 lead That's what I wanted anyways I played you like a fiddle son Oh you'll be playing Something else Oh fucking hell Hang on
12:17It's the cherries It's the cherries Why have you put that on? Hold on I just took my hat off I think you got the wrong game That's how my hair looks I think you've actually got the wrong game Oh shit Yeah I need Oh my god my hat You could have told me Fucking keep it down You could have told me I look like an idiot Mate they make so much noise up there Shut the fuck up It's a serious show I'm trying here. I'm really fucking trying
12:54Sunderland Bournemouth go
13:04Go I think it's gonna be 2-1 Bournemouth Good boy Good boy
13:17Sutherland. Sutherland, it's a long journey for more, I thought. For the Buzzy Bees. Oh, no, they're not the Buzzy Bees. It's the cherries. It's a long fucking journey for all 14 of us. They could have come on a fucking skateboard. 2-2. Desmond. Desmond 2-2. It's Cleopatra 2-1. What? My favourite shot.
13:43It's Everton! Everton! We're from Merseyside. We've got a brand new stadium. We love Jack Grealish. He has sexy calves.
13:56What are you doing? No, off my, what are you doing?
14:12Oh. That's a long, that's not that long of a journey, but we've got,
14:20Come in bum army. I come in peace. Come in bum army. I come in peace. Was that what they sing man? They fucking...
14:30Oh God.
14:34Oh God. Right then, pack it in now because you look like fucking Kevin and Perry. Everton Newcastle Come on You never win away from home Ever Yeah but now Everton But Tom I can tell you something I think something I think something Magical Is happening You're back We're gonna win Yeah we are so fucking back We beat the mighty man city When you said we wouldn't Keep going And now we're gonna beat off The mighty Everton Keep going We beat off every person we see Keep going Including Tom Garrett Slowly disgusting I think we're gonna win to treacle 2-1 you don't believe that why don't I believe that why don't I believe that I was right about Man City yeah because you were at home can you just stay still we're trying to do a prediction show sorry stop pissing about sorry we've been over this sorry we're not we're not no longer doing the childish shouty bullshit Do the scores and fuck off Oum.
15:43Okay. Everton 2-1. You're going... Who's fucking shouting? I'll tell you something. I'm going to get fucking mad in a minute. And you don't want to see me when I get angry. Next up! Do you know what it is, Lewis? What is it? What is it? It's a fucking London derby. Oh, the cottages. It's the fucking cottages up against Spurs. Spurs, Spurs. I have a special blend of my own cheese. For you. Oh, gosh. It's Spurs. It is fabulous.
16:32So we've got fucking Spurs taking on. the cottages.
16:44Ew, are Spurs the biggest cooks in the league? I think Spurs might be the biggest cooks in the league. Nah, it's got to be the cottages. Nah, because Spurs just love getting dicked in the arse. Mate, they eat prosciutto, whatever it's called. Prosciutto? No. Prosciutto's nice. Do you know Spurs don't sell beer or food at the cottage? What do they do? They sell pancetta. and IPAs what's a pancetta don't know it sounds fancy sounds fancy doesn't it right Spurs Fulham but Dan watch me play no it's me who's first who cares who really gives a fuck about this show it's absolutely on first oh look Santa's face has survived fucking hell that's actually impressive that it stays like that can we get a close up on Santa's head has his head got so much smaller?
17:38Right. You're alive. Shush. He was talking to me. Spurs Fulham.
Read the full transcript
17:472-1 Fulham. I think it's going to be a treacle 1-1. Who asked you anything? I thought it was what I was supposed to do. No. Yeah, 1-1 for me, boys. And girls. If you're a girl watching this. You've gone for a Gabriel 1-1? Gabriel 1-1. I met a guy called Gabriel once in London Tell me more Where? Up an alley? No An alley was involved in the interaction It was an alley to Australia My back alley Next one up we have The Squawking Eagles Gaggenauld of them Who are they up against? The traffic centre That's Scouse Do it again Trafford Centre do it again Trafford Centre no still what do they sound like like Ginge oh I'm Ginge okay he's not Shrek fucking hell Palace United you to go first tell me Palace United Man United aren't very good I'm gonna say Palace are pushing for Champions League at this point so I think it could be also Man United are better than you Better than Yao.
19:05Yao, I can Yao. Fucking fake Midlands Brummie twat. I think it's going to be a 2-1 Palace win. This has got 1-1 written all over its tits.
19:24What are you doing? Next up. Oh, fuck. Oh, fucker. It's the... Derby. Can that go in? Oh, how can that not go in? It's the battle of... Okay, the... Derby. Can't go in. It's the... Derby. Yeah, that can't go in either time. I'm fucking out. The... Who can't even...
19:59Against the dirty...
20:04A pair of them. This weekend.
20:14Flames.
20:20And families.
20:32You don't threaten my land on Garrett. My what?
20:51You know you don't have to room when you come over there
20:59What's your name oh my god he's turning to spider-man Come on, sit down, we need to do the rest. Get your fucking, get away from me.
21:16Okay, you know who's next, right? What the fuck is going on? Do you know who they're playing? I'm not. Have a look who they're playing. I can't fucking see. You're going to need to take off. Oh my God. It's fucking... Look who they're playing Oh shit Okay then So it's the fucking dingle fuckers Taking the short trip Over to
21:51I'm the villain
22:00Oh, God. Sit down, you fat.
22:08That is peak male performance right there. Oh, no. Oh, no. No. Why have you got pants on? Why have you got pants on? The villain wears pants. The villain wears a thong. Why has the villain got a thong gone?
22:33It's his kryptonite. The villain wears a thong. The villain wears a thong.
22:47Oh, God. Why was I outside? Why was I outside? You don't want to know mate. But I think the villain might be done. Was he here? Mate, he wears thongs. The villain wears thongs. Why did you just check? Why did you just have a look at yourself? I haven't got a thong on. Okay, yeah, alright, alright. Is he gone? Yeah, he's gone. Right, we've got Villa against the Dingles. Who's first? Go on, you go first. Wolf. Was he here as well? Apparently. Someone touch me. Aston Villa versus Wolves. He actually might be gone for good. Who? You know who. Oh, the villain won't return. That was so embarrassing for him, honestly.
23:34If I was the villain, I'd never throw my face again after that. You mog him? Oh, he got... You mog him. Good, good, good. Good mog him. Mate, he was wearing a thong. Was he? Yeah. Was he off of aerodynamics? No. Well, he's defending him. I think it's easier penetration. What is he... Oh, God.
23:52Right, come on. He's a sexual being. I'm going to say 3-0 to Aston Villa. God, this is like picking if I want my mum or dad to die.
24:07Bulls have a good record against Villa, though. Yeah, it's a hard one to call, to be fair. But at the end of the day, they're fucking shit. Yeah, it's sort of anyone's game, I guess. What did you say? I don't remember. I'm going to go... 1-0 Wolves. That's kind of a Desmond, Tom secretly supports Wolves scoreline. Next up, we've got a big game of City Ground. Duncan Forrest taking on Brighton and I of Albion.
24:51hold me ah fuck I'm an angry man and he's Sean Dyche and I am obviously the Brighton manager
25:04so I think Brighton would have a great game and we think we can go out and do really well he's German he's German or something like that Austrian one of them well this is what they wear he's one of them yeah guys so I think we're going to play a good game out there and I hope all the best.
25:21I think Forrest it's a tough game at home this. Brighton they're tricky but we're going to draw 1-1. Thank you. And I'm the Brighton manager and I think we'll do have a good game and anyone is going to get it. I think it's going to be Cleopatra Cleopatra Can't fucking see What do you need to see To do a prediction It's Forrest Brighton At the city grand What do you need to look at What do you need to see here What do you mean Forrest are playing Brighton That's it Yeah What do you think the score's gonna be Why can't I see then What do you need to see To make a prediction Come here If you ever talk to me like that again in front of a fucking crowd and cameras, I'm gonna take you outside and fucking beat the shit out of you.
26:20Fucking get it together now. Your breath steams some shit. Sort that out ASAP. Oi, sort that out now.
26:313-1.
26:35You fucking You You fucking You fucking You fucking Stop it! West Hamer taking on Liverpool SIDAM!
27:03Tom, if you don't fucking pack it in, I'm going to eye in you out.
27:13Up against Liverpool.
27:19Who are they playing? Are you sure? I can't see. What do you mean? Who's playing who? What do you mean? No, don't. Okay, I know who's playing. You're to go first. You're a bit tight there, big boy. Who? Grace. Grace, thank you. Everyone, by the way, can I give a round of applause for Grace on the show, guys? Thank you very much. First guest.
27:53Go on then, West Ham, Liverpool. Talk to me. Italian fireplace. Talk to me. 3-0 West Ham. Lock that in now. Lock it in. Oi. You said 3-0 West Ham. Surely, surely. Surely not. What the fuck's happened? It's going to be 2-1 Liverpool. Oh, my God. Do you know what's next? Yeah. What? Chelsea, Arsenal. Oh, my God.
28:27The fucking London Derby! Oh, I have a pie of peas. I have liquor in my ass. You fucking... No, no, no, no. You're not doing liquor? It's North London. It's North London.
28:50Because we're fucking naughty Chelsea cunts. Against. So naughty. they're not German that do it again oh how did they oh my god this is not fucking real you better hope you never need a job ever it's fine no
29:23close anyway Chelsea at home to the league leaders, the gooners. Oh shit. Where's the cock at?
29:59Yeah, I fancy... I think Chelsea are actually going to do this. Fuck it. Let's make the Premier League. The Premier League is quite interesting. I fancy a home win. Chelsea are going to win 2-1. Lou?
30:16Oh, motherfucker. Was the villain here? No, no, no. I mean, I've walked up like this before and it was the villain. Is it sore? It's not wet this time. Is it sore? It's not work this time. You haven't got... No all good in the mouth. I know the taste of the villain when I hear it. What? You know the taste when you hear him? Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Right. Chelsea-Arsenal, what do you think?
30:47Chelsea-Arsenal. Chelsea-Arsenal. It's a close game, to be fair. They're going back-to-back London derbies. And Chelsea are going to be the closest competition. They're second, aren't they? Yeah, so... So... Look at me when you talk to me. It depends. Not like that. You have to stop. Okay, sorry. Go on, carry on. Carry on. Get... Oh, for fuck's sake.
31:27I think it's going to be This might be the last week You ever see this show Why? Because I can't handle Sexual tension What's sexual about What's happening right now? You're fucking Stuff like that you say It's fucking weird Go on I think it's going to be 2-1 to who? If you have hair, that would work. It does work, watch.
31:54Oh! I'm going to come. 2-1 to Chelsea. I've already said that. Reverse Mulligan, I'll take 2-1 Chelsea. Oh, for fuck's sake. I feel like a slippery eel.
32:16Slay Queen
32:21Do the truffle shuffle
32:29Right They were Premier League predictions With the Admiral And the Oracle Tom you're wrong We've got to do it again Again? It's in the same episode Yeah we're doing another one I don't know if I have this is only halfway through is it going in the same episode? yeah Jesus may I believe me Lord? right then it's time for game week 14 let's predict the Premier League man calmness we will not fall into the trap Tom I just want to adjust things no no no before we go crazy but before Tom let me talk to you seriously ha boo ya
33:11Tom, no, seriously. Look at you. We said we'd be normal. You've got to wear a bandana on of an England flag. You're topless with scarves on.
33:50so honestly like let's just behave now because we're getting carried away seriously like look at tommy look like a fucking idiot you sat on your top off you got bandanas on there's glitter all over the place can we just like we're not gonna get taken seriously and picked up by sky sports if we're acting like this it's good news for the blues and there's no more time to lose because we're hot tom are you not on the trail and there's no way we're gonna fail so get your coat on get moving there's no fucking way we're losing so come on Go on, get down to Gerson Park
34:34Everton Everton Everton
34:41Everton Everton The spirit of the blues Come on I killed him I killed him
34:58Bournemouth, Everton. I fancy... I've got to bat my toffees here. I fancy one one. Oh, it's the cherry cherries. We're the cherries. Cherry on my niple. And there's going to be at least 20 of us here. I have a cherry. You can suck if you like. Oh. Oh. Nobody wants to shuck that boy. And I'll bring my friend. Wait, who's who? He doesn't tell any secrets. It's Santa's head. It fell off again. We'll fix it. All right, come on then Paul. What do you think? Take care of Santa. Oh, we're there. His fucking beard came off. Oh, he's going to look silly. How are people going to know he's Santa without that?
35:39Don't worry. Give him Santa's hair as well. Come on, lads. Shut the fuck up, Will. We're doing it normal. I don't know what more he wants. It's fucking... This is the normal way. Have your dickhead. Wax on. Wax off. Bournemouth Everton. The cherries. It's the cherries in my bum. Bournemouth is Everton. Not again. I'm going to say it's nil-nil. That's the first one ever. Woo!
36:20Oh my golly aunt. We've got the cottagers. They love cheese. They love the theatre. And they love grapes all over Battersea Park. Oh.
36:36Take it on fucking Madflet City. At the Craven Cottage mate. I'm watching play. My dad saw me play. My dad made me come. He was the best. All right, Santa. I was a boy who lived on a farm. I was a man who was a boy. Is this a real song? Is that a real song? What? All right, anyway, normal show. What the fuck have you got on your face? Have I got chocolate on again? No, you're just taking the piss again. I'm not. Mate, we're doing it fucking serious. Fuck off. I can't see.
37:25Dobby. Dobby needs his glasses. Dobby needs his glasses. Somebody's put a finger up my bum. Master, don't fuck Dobby again. His arse is already too sore. Not the cum sock. Master give Dobby a cum song
37:562-1 City Yeah that's not a bad score to be fair I think Man City are going to bounce back From what we did at Newcastle Where we did one over Yeah but this is the second game after this though Don't forget we've already done a game week I know it seems like an eternity Alright Santa He's speaking to me Yeah, it's weird, it's like goo I'm going to say it is Cleopatra Tutu How's that bouncing back? Who said that? The Admiral, where is the Admiral actually? I prefer the Admiral, he's better with his scorelines I don't know what happened to him Oh, fucking hell Santa, he's not even wearing his hat Oh, next up I never knew...
38:43Whoa. Santa, that's not okay. Calm down, boy. Santa. Hey. We don't... Hey. Everyone's the same. Cheeky. Everyone's the same. Cheeky. That's bad from Santa. Bet you didn't know that. Bet you didn't know that. That was a reference to having a cock on your head, guys. Oh, this is a big one, big boy. Are you going to be going to this game? Sorry, Admiral here. What the fuck's happened? Is that Specky Dwee been doing the scores again? I don't understand what's the issue The set looks the same Has a specky dwee been doing the scores? I don't know what you're on about I don't even know where I am Newcastle, Newcastle, Newcastle We're back, we are back baby What?
39:29I got 21 seconds to go I got 21 seconds to flow Let me know, let me in the studio I got 21 seconds before I got to go Did you see me on the video? Oh no Did you see me on the video? Oh no Spurs are losing it don't they yeah I mean it's an easy home win for us 21 seconds 21 seconds
39:53wrong game
39:57it's your go I'm going to say it's a 3-0 to the men in black and white it doesn't matter if you're black or white the men in black and white It don't... Woohoo! The lights! Do the lights! He's dead! He's finally dead! Yes! I'm going to go with... 2-0, Newcastle. Next up, we've got... Sometimes, we have to go to Brentford. But not this week, because we're at home! You fucking hear me? I'm actually fucking English. It's all an act. No one said Arteta's going to be here. Stop abusing animals, mate. It's not fucking on. It's not on. My mate Wynn, I met him at the farm. Hey, I'm not. No, no, no. I'm not the one abusing him, Arteta is.
40:57Arteta's sexually abused Wynn, apparently. It's a rumour. It's a vicious rumour. I thought that was Arteta. I thought, sorry, that's my bad. I thought Arteta was here. There's no one happened. Arsenal, Brentford Let's fucking go guys I think it's going to be 2-0 Arsenal Boring I didn't touch the dog It was the rabbit of the frog Harry Potter The Gooners Give us a score Sorry, what? Who's playing? Arsenal, Brentford Oh, it's a Buzzy B's It's a Buzzy B's From the G-Tech
41:36There's at least 13 of us And we're naughty
41:503-1 Arsenal You think the gooners are going to You think they're going to kiss you Oh next shot we've got the fake Albion at the Amex. And they're at home to a team I like to call slurs. Names. Bad things. You don't say those bad words. You don't hear those bad words because they get bleeped. But they're taking the long trip down to the coast. Brighton. They'll be taking on.
42:32That's a villa, isn't it? Yeah, villa I'm a... You alright?
42:42Brighton Villa, what do you think, mate? Um, I don't... Have you ever predicted an Aspen Villa store before? I don't think you've ever... I feel like it always... You've never done a Villa game, weirdly Wait I don't want to tell you why and how but are we cute? Look, all I'm going to say is He's wearing a thong! If you know, you know. I think you need to shut the fuck up!
43:19You got something on your shoulder?
43:25Think of the rabbits. No! No! Get your hands off me! Sit down, boy.
43:37Your score. Talk to me. Italian fireplace right now with a bit of macaroni and cheese and a sprinkle of cum. Sprinkle of cum.
43:54I think it's going to be a 2-2. Oh, I like that. Little Desmond. Little Desmond. No, it's a Nelson Mandela, isn't it? It's a Nelson. Francis Coughlin. Yeah, yeah. Francis Coughlin. I'm going to go with... I'm going to go with... 1-1. 1-1. Oh, fucking hell. We're going to go to Turf Moor next. because we've got Burnley taking on.
44:21The fucking E, what are you doing over here? Don't tell him anything you can.
44:29Burnley Palace, me to go first. I'm going to go with, I'm going to say Palace are going to get back-to-back 2-0 away wins. 2-0 to the Eagles, please. Actually, 2-0, I'm keeping it. Well, after our one last week with Palace. Let him talk. I want to hear what you've done to him. Nothing. Hmm. Come on. I'm going to say Burnley, Wallace and Gromit versus the Eagles. Today. Today? Today's a lovely day. 2-1 Palace. Prop, prop, prop, propping up the table. Prop, prop, prop, propping up the table. The Dingles at the Custard Bowl, half seven. Around Christmas time, it's going to be a chilly one. And they're taking on Sean Dyche's forest.
45:24What are you doing? It is... Sherwood Forest. 2-0 to the forest. Save the trees and the climate. Okay, I'm going to go... I'm going to go 1-0 Forest. A little cheeky away win. Oh, next up we've got Leeds Chelsea. Oh, Patrick Bamford. Fuck my... What's the voice sound like? Patrick Bamford. Sounds like Theo. My name's Patrick Bamford. I love donuts.
45:57I can yell. Leeds Chelsea. I think Chelsea are going to continue the march. That's a crazy hand position to be in. Jesus. Because I think blue is the colour and blue will be the colour and this will be Daniel Falk's last game in charge. Daniel Falk. I think. Daniel Fark for Leeds United oh you you liked it 2-0 Chelsea the sexual beings aren't they the Germans yeah yeah you did live there and you went to the brothel all the time didn't you do you remember that yes score I'm gonna say fucking hell why does it take four hours to say he's score I prefer the admiral oh shit sorry thank you 3-0 Chelsea thank you oh what are you going to do about this one mate let him appeal
46:53yeah I don't know which one which way you're going to what do you want to happen in this I want something to lose would you take Isaac scoring a hat trick I don't think I would can they just lose anyway No, either Isaac scores a hat trick and suddenly lose or suddenly win. Oh, yeah, Isaac hat trick. Ah, that's what you're going for, you fucker. You big fat fucker. Sorry. 1-0 Liverpool. You look like a Victorian wife. Like that. Why? Fucking Catherine of Aragon. I'm going to go with... Aragog! Aragog! 2-1 Liverpool. And next on, it is the Trafford Centre. Oh, we've got Ginger and fucking the Bo Boys and Manchester.
47:48Fucking H. Fucking H. How many twos can a two to the one? I'm a rap song, yes I want. Is that blue? What was that? One for the money and the free rides is two for the ladder to the night all rise. All rise. Oh God. Right. Man United, West Ham let's get this done and dusted 2-1 Man United for me please so for this week we're going to do just one golden result and one player to watch over all the games make it tasty but the forfeit we're going to do an extra hard forfeit because we've missed one this week and it's a double game week so you're fucking welcome I would have made an effort on me predictions if I knew we were doing that not now it's a good job you didn't make the predictions I do the Admiral did it Oh did he Right Has he done a good job Man United West Ham Come on Man United West Ham West Ham on some good form These days Oh mate
48:51Two
48:57Today Two two Hey Tom You've gone for a Nelson Hey Tom
49:08Right. My golden result is going to be Man City, please. Get home to Leeds. Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds, Leeds. Am I playing to watch? I haven't used him yet. Give me Erling Haaland, please. I'm here to win. Did we go to the result? You haven't done a golden result? Newcastle. Oh, Jesus. Are you going to pick them every week? Not every week. Every week? Every week. Okay, who's your player to watch?
49:44It's Harvey Barnes. You can't just pick a Newcastle player every week. Not every week. Every week. Right, so there we go, guys. As you can see, I'm pretty tired after that. This takes a lot out of me. So all you dweebs in the comments moaning about, oh, they take it too far, they've been too loud, this and that. Do you know what? Go and boil your head and fuck off. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, I'll see you soon. Make sure you like and subscribe and let us know in the comments your predictions. And also, hashtag Where's the villain? What's his fucking name? You made it to the end! Well done you!
50:26And if you haven't already hit the follow button, why not? Tap it right now for new episodes every week. And if you want to see more Pitchside, you can catch us on YouTube, TikTok, and Instagram by typing in Pitchside.
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